Work Text:
Piloting the Atlas was Shiro’s greatest accomplishment. He knew that some people said he barely even had a life outside of work anymore, which Shiro couldn’t really deny, but he didn’t see that as a bad thing. He loved his job. He was good at it, and who doesn’t love to do something they're good at? It could be stressful, sure, but what are a couple of close calls with alien monstrosities and strange new molecular compounds when you weighed that risk against the opportunity to explore the universe?
Still, there were some tedious tasks in his job description, mostly in the form of paperwork. Scheduling, in particular, was a nightmare that Shiro loathed but refused to delegate because he wanted to know where everyone was on the Atlas at all times. He was in charge of the crew’s well-being and it was his responsibility to know each and every person aboard, so he arranged schedules himself.
The worst of his paperwork, however, was completing the Garrison’s biannual performance reviews. As captain, it was Shiro’s duty to rate and review each of his direct subordinates. On their own, that handful of officers wasn’t bad, but seeing as those personnel also had their own subordinates who also had to be reviewed, he had to also approve every rating that his officers submitted. It meant a lot of time spent in his office instead of on the bridge, where he really wanted to be so, naturally, Shiro put it off until the week it was due.
When he finally shuffled his schedule around to meet his deadline he started with the officers, looking at rubric that the Garrison had provided to guide him. He spent ten unproductive minutes staring at his datapad before he messaged Commander Holt.
“Shiro,” Sam smiled as his face popped up on the video screen. “Everything alright?”
“Hey, sort of. I’m just...I suck at paperwork, Sam,” he sighed. “I’m trying to do the reviews and these questions are just...they don’t even begin to describe what my officers do on a daily basis.”
“Hmm,” Sam furrowed his brows for a moment. “Well, I suppose when your whole crew is literally the best and brightest Earth has to offer, you don’t really have anything to compare them to.”
“ Exactly ,” Shiro breathed. “And then this rubric is full of things like ‘shows potential to reach the top of his/her field’-like this is the top and they’re all just raising the bar of what the best means for humans every day out here. And look at number eleven; ‘offers solutions that are innovative and deliverable’? I’d have to give a ten out of ten for every person on this ship. I just...I don’t think I can give them all the max raise. The higher-ups just wouldn’t allow me.”
“Shiro,” Sam laughed, “You probably can’t give everyone all tens, but why don’t you start by trying to identify at least one area that each of your officers can work on? Write down the good things too, and just try to find one place for improvement.”
“One thing,” Shiro repeated, sighing at his list of names. “Okay. I’ll try that.”
“Maybe take a few minutes to talk to them all,” Sam suggested. “Ask them what they think they can do to improve themselves.”
“Oh,” Shiro brightened up. “That’s a great idea!”
Sam smiled. “I try.”
“Thank you so much!”
So started the personnel interviews. He began with Veronica McClain and the conversation was only a little awkward. Shiro went over the reason he was conducting the interviews, then through a long list of things that she was great at before he got to the one thing.
“So, I’ve tried to identify one area for each of the officers where there’s room for improvement. I’ve got to admit, this has been the hardest part for me. I can list off the great things you do aboard this ship, but I think there’s one thing that is sort of a strength and a weakness of yours.” Shiro watched her carefully for any sign of hurt as he continued, “I think you’re a bit headstrong. To be honest, I think that’s part of what got you all the way here, and what kept you alive under the Galra rule, but I’ve seen where it can rub people the wrong way too. You push people. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially in a combat situation, but it’s also good to be aware of how your attitude could come across as slightly aggressive under more mundane circumstances.”
Veronica didn’t look put off at all. I’m fact, she was smiling. “Thank you, Captain. I’ll keep that in mind. I can’t really disagree with you. Even my mama says something similar to me, actually. Says I'm too stubborn,” she grinned, and a hint of Lance came through in her features as Shiro blinked at her.
“Thank you. Now, I’ve got to ask you if there’s anything you think I could improve upon for myself?”
Veronica tipped her head slightly, thinking. “Well, you could take a break sometimes. You’ve worked really hard to get here, and you have a great team to support you. You can afford to relax now.”
Shiro sighed. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he nodded. “Thank you.”
Shiro dismissed her and, feeling better about the process now, called in his next officer. Shiro got through most of his list as the day wore on, and when it was time for dinner, he was down to just two left to interview the following day; Iverson and Curtis.
Shiro has purposely left those two for last. Iverson, because it still felt wrong for Shiro to have been promoted past his old teacher, and Curtis, because Shiro didn’t really know what to say to him.
He had watched Curtis out of the corner of his eye the previous day, trying to get an idea of what he could discuss, but when he sat down in his office after lunch and called Iverson in, he was still blank on what to say to Curtis afterward. Shiro swiveled his focus into Iverson for the moment instead.
“Captain,” the man greeted.
“Have a seat, Commander. Official business, I’m afraid,” he added.
“Performance reviews, I’ve heard,” he nodded.
“Exactly,” Shiro smiled, relaxing a little. He went into his explanation of the process, well-rehearsed from the six times he had gone over it the day before.
“Look,” Shiro told him. “You’re a great Commander. You’re great at your job and I have honestly been surprised at how well you’ve adapted to the alien technology and cremates aboard. I seem to remember you struggling to present the correct screen back at the Garrison, but here you’re managing the holographic displays and an engine that basically runs on magic for all I can understand.”
Iverson beamed. “I’ve had some help. I took that self-improvement course about managing technology changes but to be honest most of the help came from your bridge crew. Lieutenants McClain and Montgomery in particular have helped me quite a bit. Sometimes even on their off-duty hours.”
“Oh?”
“You’ve got a great team,” Iverson told him proudly.
“Yes we do. I’ve honestly been finding it almost impossible to rate you all.” Shiro let out a dry laugh. “They gave me a rubric for these reviews but it’s absolutely ridiculous how far beyond the standard Garrison rubric you all are. I’d like to give you all tens across the board, but I don’t think my CO would like that.”
“There’s always room for improvement,” Iverson nodded.
“Exactly. So, I’ve actually been trying to identify one thing that each officer could improve upon. For you, I think we could work on your approachability.”
“That’s fair,” Iverson nodded, stroking his beard.
“I think that half the problem is that you’ve taught most of the crew at the Garrison where you were an authoritarian figure. I don’t think you’re unaware of this. If I’m being perfectly honest, I still don’t feel right giving you a performance review so soon after having been your student, but I really need to do this so you can get a raise,” Shiro shot him an apologetic half-smile.
Iverson laughed. “Well, I thank you for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone because a raise is always appreciated. Look, I know that I can be intimidating. It comes with having been a teacher, like you said, and it comes with the scars and the eyepatch, but also, I don’t think I’ve ever been a particularly gentle or sensitive officer. I was trained to be a drill sergeant. I pushed my students so that they had the skills to keep themselves alive, and sometimes that meant being harsh. Here on the Atlas, it’s a hard habit to break. I haven’t quite adjusted to dealing with fully trained soldiers instead of students and recruits. I’ve been aware of this for some time now, and I’ll definitely keep it in mind.”
Shiro nodded, satisfied. “Thank you. So, I have one last question before you go. Because I’m not just here to tell you to better yourselves, I’m also trying to be a better leader for you. Is there anything I could be doing better as your CO?”
Iverson regarded him for a long moment. “As a CO, you’re doing great, kid. This is uncharted territory, literally, and you’re setting a high bar for the future of interspecies relations and interstellar travel. But between you and I, Shiro? Take a day off and get yourself a boyfriend or something, will you?”
Shiro tipped his head back, letting out a short laugh. “I’ll keep it in mind. A few of the other officers said something similar.” Iverson grinned. “Thanks you for your time. And on your way out, could you please ask Lieutenant Montgomery to come in for a few?”
“Sure thing.”
“Thanks.”
Iverson sidled back out into the corridor and Shiro made a few notes on his file before opening up the last personnel folder. Curtis V. Montgomery was typed across the top of the screen in bold, and a picture was displayed prominently on the left side of his display, just like every other file he had opened. Unlike the others, however, Shiro couldn’t help but notice the proud smile, all straight white teeth and crinkled eyes. He was in his Atlas uniform in the photo, the bright orange of the fabric contrasted against his dark complexion and complemented the crisp blue of his eyes.
Shiro scrolled down past the photo and forced himself to read over Curtis’ record. He didn’t get far and still had absolutely no idea what kind of constructive criticism he could give when Curtis’ voice startled him out of his thoughts.
“Captain,” he greeted.
Shiro’s head shot up but he recovered relatively quickly to wave him inside. “Lieutenant, come in, please.”
Curtis closed the door behind himself and perched at the edge of the chair, looking only a little nervous. Shiro, on the other hand, was a bit of a mess.
“Uh-I’m doing performance evaluations,” he said finally, looking Curtis in the eye, then turning back to the screen. “I’m...a little new to this process, but I’m basically just going through this with each of the officers.” He faltered as he looked back at Curtis’ face. “Uh-so, you’re great at your job,” Shiro blurted.
Curtis blinked. “I-thank you, Sir.”
Shiro had to look away again, and scrolled through the notes he had taken. He started to list off Curtis’ noteworthy accomplishments and his strengths, just like he had done for the others. “That maneuver to boost our signal between the Lazuul nebula and the asteroid belt around theta-83 was genius. You thought that up on the spot in about thirty seconds, and you knew it would have to be precise but that it was do-able. All of engineering was impressed, and trust me, they’re not easy people to impress,” Shiro smiled, and realized that he was looking straight at Curtis again.
“Thank you, Sir.”
Shiro cleared his throat and shifted his eyes. “So, I’m supposed to be identifying an area of improvement for each officer, but I’ve got to be honest, I’m stumped on you. So, I’m asking you because you know yourself better than anyone else on this ship, is there an area that you’d like to work on improving for yourself?”
“Oh, well,” Curtis hesitated a moment. “I’ve...well I can admit that I am not adjusting to life out here as well as some of my colleagues. Uh- I’ve been feeling a little...anxious, I guess, lately. I don’t think it’s affecting my ability to focus on the job yet , but I’m trying to manage it before it reaches that point. I’ve actually booked some time with Counselor Havaak lately. I’ll be continuing sessions with her, and at her suggestion, I’ve recently started attending yoga classes on the observation deck.”
Shiro looked surprised. “We...have yoga?”
Curtis laughed a little, and Shiro felt his face flush. “Yeah, apparently Ensign Kelly was an instructor on Earth and has the observation deck booked five evenings per week. I...I’m not usually so affected by stuff like this, but being up here, away from my family and constantly on-call, never knowing what kind of alien or anomaly we’re going to run into...it has me a bit stressed. It’s not bad , just...hard to sleep sometimes, and I know a sleep-deprived officer is not a productive officer. I think the yoga and everything is helping me already, though.”
“I completely understand,” Shiro told him honestly. “Things out here are unpredictable. I’m glad you’ve taken the initiative already to find an outlet. Kalianna Havaak is a great counselor. And if yoga helps you sleep better, maybe I should give a shot too,” Shiro mused. “Um-that actually brings us the last question. I’d like to know if there’s anything you think I can do better. Is there something I can work on to be a better CO?”
Curtis shook his head after almost no thought. “You’re doing a great job. Try not to get too stressed, though. I...I know it’s probably harder because you’re the Captain, but you deserve some rest too.”
“Thank you, Curtis,” Shiro smiled, maybe a little too softly. “Iverson told me the same, and so did McClain and Holt and, well,“ he sighed. “Pretty much everybody on the bridge.”
“We know you work hard because you care about the team, but don’t forget that the team cares about you too.”
Shiro swallowed hard. Even though most of his officers had told him something similar, it resonated with him in a way that left him unable to breathe for a moment. “I-thanks. Uh-go ahead and let Davies know I’ll be out in about an hour to relieve her, please.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Shiro dismissed him, and sank back into his chair, letting out a long breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.
The thing was, Shiro filled out the reviews as best as he could manage, but he still found himself flipping back to Curtis’ with an uneasy frown. After days of deliberation, and with only one day left to submit his reviews, Shiro went to Counselor Havaak for advice.
“Hello, Kalianna,” he greeted, entering her office and closing the door behind him.
“Captain,” she returned, wam eyes following him as he found the chair across from her.
“Shiro, please,” he told her.
The woman nodded. “Of course. Tea?” Shiro accepted, and she began to fix him a cup while she asked, “So how have you been?”
“Oh, fine,” Shiro said lightly. Then, realizing that she would want to know more, added. “I called Keith a couple of weeks ago, it’s nice to talk to him, you know?”
“That’s good,” she hummed, “You’ve been making an effort to talk to your friends more often?”
“Trying to,” Shiro gave a half-shrug and a smile. She nodded and handed over a cup of steaming hot tea. “It’s nice to talk to someone who I’m not the boss of, you know? And that includes you, of course.” he added quickly, because as a counselor with high enough clearances to deal with the officers, she was also under an entirely different chain of command than Shiro.
Kalianna raised one eyebrow. “Are you finally realizing that you need to be a person sometimes, not just the Captain?”
Shiro sighed, “Right now, I think it’s more of an issue that I’m being too Shiro when I need to be more Captain,” he said, then immediately sipped his tea to shut himself up.
“What happened?” Kalianna asked gently.
Shiro sighed. “I...nothing happened, but I think...I need your advice. And discretion ,” he added with emphasis, “So that I don’t make a mistake and ruin a soldier’s reputation.”
“Well, you’ve certainly got my attention, and you know my rules already. I don’t speak to anyone about what transpires in this room unless you give me explicit written permission or you are a potential harm to yourself or others.”
Shiro sighed again, unable to look her in the eye. “I...I think my opinion may be biased in my officers’ performance reviews.”
She regarded him carefully, “Alright, that’s something we certainly need to address. Why do you say so?”
Shiro sipped his tea again to stall. “You know Lieutenant Montgomery-he told me he comes to see you too-and I know you can’t confirm or deny that-but I...I haven’t submitted my reviews yet because I don’t know if my judgement of him is fair.”
“Are you worried that you’re being to hard or too soft on him?”
Shiro ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. “Both? I mean, I couldn’t think of a fault at first, so I asked him what he thought, but...I think he’s brilliant and I’d give him all tens…except, I-“ Shiro stumbles, struggling, before he blurted out. “He’s an attractive guy, you know? And he’s got a brain and he’s just...he’s such a nice guy. So I think I went harder on him than I should have because I didn’t want to come across like I was showing favoritism. It’s just that he is amazing at his job.”
“ Oh ?” Kalianna smiled wide. “I see.” She didn’t wait for Shiro to respond. “Look, you’ve already done the right thing in coming to me about this. Seeing as how I act double-duty as Counselor and Interpersonal Relations Officer, I can help you fill out the paperwork you need. It can be an embarrassing set of questions, actually, but I need to gauge the level of involvement here so that I can recommend a course of action that will protect not only you, but Lieutenant Montgomery as well. As you’ve already mentioned, we don’t want anyone to cry favoritism. And if they do, I can help protect you both, but I need you to answer honestly and fully, alright?”
“Okay,” Shiro nodded.
Kalianna pulled her tablet out and tapped through screens as she spoke, “Okay, let’s see. Reporter is yourself, Captain Takashi Shirogane, and the subject includes yourself and First Lieutenant Curtis Montgomery…okay, what is the current nature of your relationship?”
Shiro blinked, “There isn’t one. He’s under my command.”
“Okay, but you are amenable to the possibility of a future romantic relationship, is that correct?”
“I-shit,” Shiro sighed. “You just dive right in, don’t you?”
“That’s my job, sorry,” she told him unapologetically.
“Romantic, yes.”
She smiled a little. “And is the Lieutenant aware of your-“
“ No ,” Shiro insisted. “For fuck’s sake, I’m barely aware of it.”
“Noted. So we can comfortably mark ‘No’ for physical, non-platonic or sexual contact?”
“Definitely,” Shiro’s face felt hot and this time he was sure it was visibly red.
“No hand-holding, kissing, touching of any kind?”
Shiro shook his head continuously as she read them off.
“Has the Lieutenant ever done anything to indicate that he may view you as more than his CO?”
“No.”
“And has he ever asked for any special favors?”
“No.”
“Have you ever granted him any special favors that may have been influenced by your feelings?”
“No.”
“Have you had any interactions which may be perceived as overly-friendly?”
Shiro hesitated. “Well, I do call him Curtis sometimes, and I tell him to call me Shiro in certain company, but this is true of all my officers. I’m just more comfortable being called Shiro than Captain.”
“Do you ever show this same familiarity with...let’s say Commander Iverson?”
“Yes.”
“Really?” She looked surprised.
“I call him Mitch in private, and he calls me Shiro,” he shrugged. “The same with Veronica McClain, Sam Holt and all the others.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “Alright, I will make a note, but not on this question. I’ll answer a no here, and put that in a miscellaneous field, alright? It is technically a minor infraction, but I don’t think it merits investigation here. Just be careful about who hears you being over-familiar with your subordinates.”
“Okay,” Shiro agreed.
“Most of these questions are not applicable to you...let’s see. Oh, is there anyone else aboard or enlisted who knows about your feelings toward Lieutenant Montgomery?”
“No,” Shiro shook his head. “God, I hope not.”
She nodded, scrolling through the rest of the form. “Alright, I think I’ve got everything I need. So what I’m going to do is advise you to submit your review of the Lieutenant as is, and I’m going to flag it for review. This is usually random so it’s not like this is a dead giveaway that you’ve come to see me. Two of the other bridge officers and one of the other Commanders aboard will be asked to take a closer look at his evaluation. Their combined reviews and your own will be looked at by your CO who will ultimately determine the outcome of the review.”
“Okay,” Shiro nodded slowly.
“I’ll be sending you this form as soon as we’re finished here, along with my own signature stating that I have advised you to submit the review despite your misgivings. I only ask that you continue to be honest, and please schedule a day to come see me before the next review so that we can re-evaluate your relationship with the Lieutenant. If anything significant should happen in the meantime, also come see me.”
“That’s it?” Shiro asked.
“That’s it. And if you do decide to pursue him, I only wish you good luck. And for the love of god, will you talk to your friends about this?”
“Pursue?” Shiro asked incredulously. “I can’t pursue him, he is my subordinate!”
She tilted her head from side to side. “It’s generally frowned upon for you to make the first move. If you’re interested in each other, it is preferred that the subordinate approaches the higher ranking party first, but after that, it’s less important who makes what moves, at least in the eyes of Command.” She leaned forward, “look, you’re the Captain, but you’re also human. I know you’re not going to pressure him into a relationship or threaten a demerit if he refuses you. So go for it, just keep me informed. I’ll send you a copy of the policy just in case. I don’t usually encourage workplace relationships, but,” she shrugged, “You two might be good for each other, who knows?” Shiro shook his head in disbelief, trying to put into words all of the reasons that dating would be a terrible idea, but Kalianna moved on. “Hey, I know we’re running out of time, but have you tried the yoga class?”
“Yoga,” Shiro blinked. “I...just heard about it.”
“It might be relaxing for you,” she told him gently. “Join Ensign Kelly one evening on the observation deck, won’t you?”
Shiro stared at her. “I...sure?” he told her uncertainly.
“Good. Well, unfortunately our time is up for today, and I’m not sure if we really finished this conversation but at least the paperwork is done. Feel free to make an appointment anytime.”
“Thanks,” he breathed.
She smiled gently and ushered him out. As he shut the door behind him and took the first couple of steps out, he caught sight of Curtis rounding the corner toward him.
“Hey,” Shiro greeted, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.
Curtis hesitated, but smiled. “Captain,” he returned.
“Uh-I was just wondering, when did you say those yoga classes were?”
Curtis seemed to relax. “Every evening except Tuesday and Saturday on the Observation deck at nineteen hundred hours.”
“Great! Thanks, Curtis,” Shiro nodded, mentally racking his brain to come to the realization that it was a Friday. “I’ll see you there tonight, then.”
“See you then,” he beamed, and they both moved on; Shiro to the office to finish his paperwork, and Curtis to Kalianna Havaak’s office.
Shiro did go to yoga, despite his misgivings, and was surprised by the intensity of the workout. He had taken a spot next to Curtis and tried his best to bend and stretch and hold each position without embarrassing himself. They didn’t talk much, just for a few minutes before and after class, but as Shiro left, Curtis shot him a smile that had made him flush and left him feeling giddy.
Shiro continued to go to yoga over the next week, always choosing the same spot near Curtis. He wasn’t quite as nervous around him now, and the small bits of conversation they squeezed in were growing more comfortable.
“I never expected to sweat more in a yoga class than lifting,” Shiro wiped his temples as they wrapped up.
Curtis smiled wryly, eyeing Shiro’s “I don’t know about that. I’m not sure I would survive lifting the weights you probably do,”
“Ah-well, it might take a bit to work up to, but I think you could keep up pretty easily.”
“Yeah?” Curtis laughed, doubtful, as they left the observation deck and started down the corridor.
“I’m at the gym every morning at 0500 hours if you ever feel like joining me.”
Curtis gave a half-shrug. “Maybe. I’m not much of a morning person, to be honest, but a workout may help wake me up.” Shiro beamed. “I’ve already made plans to stay in bed as late as possible on my day off tomorrow, but let me see how much sleep I manage on Monday morning. If I’m awake, I’ll join you.”
“Oh, that’s right, it’s Saturday,” Shiro perked up. Curtis didn’t seem to follow. “It’s pizza night,” he clarified.
“Oh, yeah,” Curtis tilted his chin thoughtfully. “Axca, Veronica, Kinkade and Griffin are coming to my dorm for movies and pizza tonight. You’re welcome to join us.”
“Oh, I-uh-“ Shiro faltered. “It would probably be a little bit weird.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Curtis retracted quickly. “I didn’t mean to overstep.”
“ No ,” Shiro almost grabbed his arm in his panic to reassure Curtis, “I-mean-uh-“ he deflated a little. “I’d love to come hang out with you, trust me, but...most people aboard are a little nervous around me, you know? I want to be sure that your friends can fully relax.”
Curtis furrowed his brows, but nodded slowly. “It has to be hard for you to have friends aboard, huh?”
Shiro grimaced. “I mean, I can’t just have an Ensign call me Shiro. You and the other bridge officers are the only people I can trust to keep work and personal time separate and honestly, I need that.”
Curtis hesitated, “You...you keep in touch with your other friends at least, right?”
“Yeah,” Shiro smiled. “Keith is actually supposed to be near a trade route with communication ability for the next couple of days, so I planned on calling him tonight. He’s going to be out of range for a while after that.”
“It's good that you’ll get to talk to him first,” he smiled. “I saw on the news that the Blades are heading to the Pierousi quadrant?”
“Yeah, it’s where Keith is heading now. It’s a very long trip out, but Keith actually got Lance to go with him so I feel a little more at ease.”
“Oh? I thought they didn’t get along well?”
“Oh, they still bicker constantly, but it’s been getting closer to flirting lately. They’ve always butted heads, but they do care about each other.”
Curtis smiled. “Oh, that’s...kind of cute, actually. Are they together?”
“Oh, god no,” Shiro laughed. “They’re still oblivious. Lance will be flirting with alien girls in the colonies, I’m sure.”
“Oh? Keith won’t say anything?”
Shiro shook his head, “Denial. Complete and total denial. It isn’t even fun to tease them yet. I think they just need time. Lance doesn’t even know, I think Keith is just afraid to say something.”
“Ah,” Curtis hummed, then switched gears. “So Lance dates aliens , huh?” He laughed a little.
“Oh, absolutely. Lance isn’t discouraged by extra arms or tentacles, or aliens twice his height, or mermaids-actually I’m pretty sure he loves the idea of mermaids,” Shiro chuckled, slowing down as they reached the cafeteria. “Personally, I don’t see the appeal.”
“Ah-no, I'd rather my men have legs, thanks,” Curtis agreed. Shiro opened his mouth to reply, then shut it abruptly, and it threw Curtis off a little. “Um-what?”
Shiro hesitated still, “ Men ?” He asked finally.
Curtis blinked. “Yes,” he answered steadily.
“Oh.”
“Is that...an issue?” He sounded confused, more than defensive.
“Of course not!” Shiro assured hurriedly. “No-that would be pretty hypocritical of me,” he added with a laugh that came out like an awkward squeak.
“I remember Adam,” Curtis offered lightly.
“Oh,” Shiro seemed to shake his fluster, overcome instead by curiosity. “That’s right, he must have been teaching by your senior year, right?”
“Yeah, I was tutoring freshmen under his supervision that year.”
“Oh,” Shiro didn’t seem to have anything else to say, and there was a beat of awkward silence as they stood there in the corridor outside the cafeteria. A steady stream of soldiers had been skirting around them, and they had both been oblivious until that moment.
“Sorry,” Curtis blurted, “I didn’t mean to bring up…”
“No, it’s alright,” Shiro said, and only realized as he said it that it was actually true. “I can’t say I ever got any real closure with him, but the times we had were good. It just...it feels like it was decades ago, you know? Things are just so different now. There were no Galra. No aliens at all , actually. Not that we knew of for sure, anyways. I had both of my arms back then” he laughed. “It’s just...surreal to think that it was only a few years ago.”
“Yeah,” a slow smile spread across Curtis’ face, “and you didn’t live on a sentient spaceship. Back then I thought...I don’t know, I thought I’d be working on a base somewhere, doing some bland, ordinary job. Not doing this ,” he laughed a little giddily. “‘Surreal’ is definitely one word you could use.”
“I don’t think you would have ever ended up doing anything just ordinary-oh, shit,” Shiro was cut short as his tablet interrupted with a low melodic beep. “It’s Keith, sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’d better hit the showers anyway. I’ll see you at yoga,” Curtis smiled, giving him a quick one-handed wave as he headed off.
“Hey,” Shiro answered, grinning back at Curtis with a wave. “No, it’s okay, I’m heading back to my quarters now…”
Curtis managed to drag himself out of bed on Monday morning, and Shiro managed to smooth over any awkwardness with a wide, genuine smile when he walked into the gym. He didn’t laugh, or even comment on the fact that Curtis was lifting almost half the weight that Shiro did, and Curtis didn’t comment on the fact that Shiro was lifting all that weight with only one arm, as the prosthesis hovered above him, acting as his own spotter. At the end of the workout, they ran a couple of miles on the treadmills before retiring to the locker room where Curtis purposefully showered in the absolute farthest empty stall from Shiro.
“So,” Veronica cornered Curtis as they left the bridge after their shift was up. “I heard you and the Captain have been close lately.”
Curtis furrowed his brow for only a moment before he managed to smooth it over, but he had a feeling Veronica didn’t miss that. “Is that so? According to who?”
“Well, pretty much anyone who saw you two talking outside the mess hall yesterday is calling you friends, at least, and Ensign Kelly’s yoga class has confirmed that much, but what everyone really wants to know is if you two are dating.” Curtis stared blankly at her, long enough to make her prompt, “ Are you dating?”
“No,” he answered simply.
Veronica raised one eyebrow. “But...you want to?”
Curtis shook his head, “He’s my CO, Veronica.”
She shrugged, then grinned, “That doesn’t mean you can’t want to date him.”
Curtis rolled his eyes. “I think it does .”
Veronica huffed. “Ask Counselor Havaak tomorrow. What’s the harm?”
Curtis shot her a withering look, “My rank, position, reputation, financial stability, my dignity, my dream job-should I go on?”
Veronica let out a low whistle. “Damn, you’ve been thinking about this.”
Curtis shook his head. “There’s nothing to think about,” he told her sternly, as they rounded the corner to the personal quarters. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He slipped into his quarters, let the door slide shut behind him, and let out a groan as he sank down to sit on the edge of his bed. He had been thinking about it-‘it’ being a poor way to lump his developing feelings, the giddiness he was left with after every mundane interaction with Shiro, and, of course, his physical attraction to the Captain. There was plenty to think about.
Curtis grabbed his datapad and checked Counselor Havaak’s appointments. He scheduled a half hour that afternoon, and settled down to try to read a book.
At 15:00, Curtis arrived at Havaak’s door and took a deep, calming breath before he knocked.
“Curtis,” she pulled the door open with a smile. “Come on in, have a seat.”
He did so, and before she could even ask him about his week, Curtis asked, “Can we please go over the regulations pertaining to interpersonal relationships between a CO and subordinate?”
Kalianna, to her credit, took the question in stride. “Sure. Sections 42-A through 43-E can tell you-“
“No,” Curtis cut her off. “Sorry, I’ve already read the rules. Romantic relationships between crew members are generally frowned upon but you may engage in such a relationship after speaking to your superior officer.”
“That’s right,” Kalianna nodded expectantly for him to continue.
“It does not mention anything that might indicate a situation in which there is a relationship between an officer and a direct subordinate,” he added quietly.
“You’re correct. In general, one party or both request a transfer so that there isn’t any conflict.”
“I-“ Curtis stopped, unsure what to say about that. Could he leave the Atlas? “What if it’s not an option?”
“Your subordinate may be able to transfer to be under one of the other Lieutenant’s command and remain aboard the Atlas,” she suggested. “The crew for this ship was chosen carefully and we would hate to lose a great crew member over something sp easily remedied.”
He paused, frozen. “I-I am the subordinate in this situation,” he admitted, “And there is no equivalent officer under which to transfer and remain on the Atlas.”
Kalianna looked him in the eyes for a moment, unblinking as the wheels turned in her head. Curtis knew that he had as good as admitted that he was asking about Shiro, but somehow it was easier not to name him.
“Well, I suppose that satisfies my curiosity, then, doesn’t it? Hm, this is a sticky situation, but...you might have a way forward. There have been a few special cases in which a similar relationship has been allowed. In all of those cases, both parties have been honest and straightforward about the nature of their relationship, and have taken great care to ensure that there is no favoritism-not even the appearance of favoritism.”
“Oh, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Curtis told her wryly. She only raised an eyebrow in question. “He just gave me the worst evaluation I’ve ever received,” he stated miserably. “Luckily, it was flagged for peer review and all of them decided that I deserved a better raise, but I was still able to read through the Captain’s initial scores and comments and...it wasn’t great…” he let out a miserable groan and leaned forward, head in his hands. “This is ridiculous. He thinks I’m awful at my job . There’s no way he’ll ever be interested, he just thinks I’m incompetent!”
Kalianna frowned. “Do you believe that?”
Curtis hesitated. “I don’t know, he seems to think so, though.”
“I would like you to put yourself in the Captain’s shoes. Can you think of any reason why he may have been hard on you, who he seems to be quite close with lately, if the rumors are true?”
Curtis looked up at that. “Rumors?”
“Well, I’ve heard you go to yoga together and have deep conversations outside the mess hall,” she shot him a half-smile. “For the Captain, that’s quite intimate, isn’t it?”
Curtis let out a long breath. “He...he’s trying so hard to make it look like he isn’t favoring me that he’s being ridiculously overcritical?” He mulled over the thought doubtfully. “Or he just thinks that I have the most room for improvement.”
Kalianna sighed. “Have you ever thought that you were anything less than excellent at your job?”
“No,” Curtis answered, then quickly added, “I mean, I don’t think so, but who knows? Maybe I’m just oblivious and overestimating my own abilities…” he hummed in thought for a few moments, in which Kalianna let him have his silence. “Out of curiosity,” he asked slowly, “If I were overly friendly with one of my subordinates, how could I ensure that they were fairly evaluated?”
“Well, I would hope that you would come to me and I would ask you some questions, then flag the performance evaluation for peer review.”
Curtis let out a triumphant huff. “Of course. Not quite a coincidence, then.”
“I am not permitted to-“
“Confirm or deny blah blah blah,” Curtis waved her off with a smile. “Yeah, I know. But there’s a good possibility that the Captain hasn’t actually lost faith in me because I told him about you and our sessions. Because if he had, he wouldn’t have needed to come to you. The chances that I just happened to be selected for peer review are slim...hey,” he caught Kalianna’s eye again. “Hypothetically, if I were a superior officer with a romantic interest in one of my subordinates, would I have to...transfer?”
She sighed. “Typically, one of both parties would voluntarily transfer, or at least the subordinate would transfer to the direct supervision of another officer. In the rare case that these are not feasible or advisable options, exceptions have been made as long as the couple is honest and up front about a relationship. It would also be generally frowned upon for the superior officer to make the first move.”
Curtis took a moment to let that information sink in. “So Shiro wouldn’t be able to do anything unless I do something first,” he let out a long breath. “That...that leaves me in a difficult place, doesn’t it?”
“I suppose it might,” she nodded sympathetically.
“God, what if I’m reading him all wrong? I’d be so embarrassed I’d have to transfer back to Earth anyways!”
“I feel like you’re a smart guy,” Kalianna assured him. “You’ll know.”
Curtis searched her face for any hints, but she remained impassive. “Thanks. I’ll...I’ll keep this conversation in mind.”
She nodded. “If anything does happen, be sure to let me or someone else in the IPRO know right away in order to avoid any unpleasant accusations in the future.”
“Right.” Curtis stood, his mind racing. “Thank you, Counselor.”
As if he hadn’t been aware enough before, Curtis started to mentally catalog his every interaction with the Captain. He started joining Shiro’s morning workouts three days a week, days on which they spent almost all day together between their workout, bridge hours, yoga, and the fact that they had started eating in the mess hall together after yoga.
It was becoming increasingly clear that Curtis needed to talk to him about his crush, for lack of a better or more mature word. Especially considering that they would be reaching their next destination in a few days.
So, as he headed to yoga on a Saturday, Curtis decided that he would have to do it today.
“Hey,” Shiro smiled as Curtis approached and rolled out his mat in the usual spot.
“Hey,” Curtis returned, meeting the Captain’s eye and holding the gaze for a bit longer than was necessary. Shiro, however, was unfazed and only smiled wider and the expression was dazzling enough to make Curtis look away, red-faced.
“So, I...took some advice from Kalianna tonight,” Shiro said quietly.
“Oh?”
“She thinks I need to make use of my Captain’s privileges,” he said, shaking his head. “She had me order dinner in my quarters.”
“Oh,” Curtis blinked. “That’s it?”
Shiro deflated a little. “You...you don’t think that’s a little bit...I don’t know, unfair? No one else can order dinner outside the mess hall.”
“You’re the captain ,” Curtis told him seriously. “You have a lot more responsibilities to deal with than the rest of the crew. You deserve to relax.”
Shiro sighed. “But the kitchen staff-“
“Works maybe an extra five minutes,” Curtis finished. “They won’t be complaining.”
Shiro didn’t seem to agree, but Ensign Kelly started to welcome the class and people started to wander back to their mats and end their conversations, so he let it drop as they came to a seat on their mats and started to fall into the deep, guided breathing that preceded their stretching.
Beside him, Curtis was mentally talking himself in and out of having a discussion with Shiro after class.
It was nearly the end of class, as they were posed with their arms around their knees, chests pressed against their thighs, that the alarms went off.
Shiro jumped to his feet, all of his relaxed calm swept away and replaced with a slight frown and a tight set to his jaw.
“Lieutenant, with me,” he ordered, and Curtis jumped to follow him, abandoning their mats to rush to the bridge.
“Commander, report,” Shiro barked into his comm. Curtis couldn’t hear the voice on the other end, but Shiro answered tersely “On my way.”
Shiro sped up, and they jogged the last few corridors to the Bridge. “Curtis, I want you to contact Coran, Slav and Axca, see if they can identify this thing. And get Coran and Slav to the bridge.”
“Yea, Sir,” Curtis followed him through the doorway and turned to the nearest screen to contact them, not even sparing a glance for whatever was outside the viewscreen until he put the display on screen for the three of them.
“Holy hell,” Curtis breathed. The thing approaching them was massive, a nest of semi-translucent tentacles under a shell-like exterior that was easily quadruple the size of the Atlas, and moving fast.
“Oh,” Coran’s face lit up on the screen. “It’s a Yuwlaiwin. And it’s a baby ,” he added wondrously.
“Is it dangerous?”
“Well, they feed on energy, and while they don’t usually take more energy than can be given, a baby like this may not yet have a sense of when it’s fill has been taken. It could deplete our crystal. If it hasn’t spotted us yet, we should shut down all non-essential systems. Power down so that it doesn't sense a meal.”
“Will it pass by us?”
“Hopefully,” Coran answered brightly. “They sense energy sources, but don’t have any hearing or sight. Low or no energy output is the best way to avoid them.”
Curtis relayed this information to Shiro, who looked skeptical. It was Slav, bursting into the room waving all of his arms that spurred Shiro into action.
“What are you doing? This thing will suck every bit of energy out of this engine if it sees us! We’ll be dead with no life support! We need to hide!”
Shiro made the call. “You heard the man, shut down all nonessential systems. Shields down, weapons down, gravity off, engines off. Leave life support and medbay power only.”
“Yes, Sir,” Curtis heard a voice answer and looked to the officer who sat in what was usually his own chair. He saw the off-shift ensign carry out the direction promptly, but much slower than he would have managed himself. And, he noted, with a sense of contempt, the ensign had skipped the step of warning the ship that gravity was about to be turned off. Curtis hurriedly input the command into the console in front of him instead and heard the warning voice over the din of the bridge only seconds before they all began to float. Curtis held steady to a handle next to his temporary station and turned to watch the creature’s movement.
“It’s like some eldritch vampire,” he heard someone mutter, and silently, Curtis agreed. Then, the bridge went dark. A hush filled the room, and Curtis looked over to the hard set of Shiro’s jaw, illuminated from below by the dim light of his screen, one of only a handful still operational. All they could do was watch the massive thing move, it’s many hair-like tentacles undulating as it propelled itself forward in a meandering path. It was speeding roughly toward them, what might have been an unsteady crawl for the Yuwlaiwin but was hurtling forward at a speed that would have made some of the the human crewmen queasy.
“Oh,” Curtis heard Coran say in awe, as he stepped onto the Bridge and manually closed the unpowered door behind him.
“I can’t tell if it’s coming for us or if we’re just in its path,” Shiro said quietly.
“We must stay as we are,” Slav answered with authority, “this Yuwlaiwin is very young and will not yet have a grasp of object permanence. It will forget we are here if it did notice us.”
Shiro nodded once, tense, but trusting Slav’s input as well as Coran’s answering nod of agreement.
The creature meandered upward, angling slightly away from them, and left the viewscreen entirely. “Hold positions,” Shiro ordered, so they did, hiding their gargantuan ship in plain sight for ten excruciating minutes until finally, a low-power scan found no evidence that it was lingering near. They slowly began to re-power the ship, beginning with lighting, doors and lifts, then finally the engines and artificial gravity.
“I think we’re in the clear,” Shiro finally said, and relinquished the bridge back over to Iverson for the remainder of the off-shift. “Curt-,” he started, before stopping himself abruptly. “ Montgomery ,” Shiro corrected, “You’re relieved.”
“Sir,” he acknowledged, and saluted before following the Captain out into the corridor.
They walked in the same direction, unspeaking, for a minute before Shiro slowed to a stop. “I’m sorry,” he blurted.
Curtis hesitated, confused. “I-? You couldn’t have known that thing was going to attack.”
“I mean-“ Shiro frowned. “For almost calling you by your first name on the bridge.”
“Oh,” he said slowly. “I’m...not really bothered.”
Shiro opened his mouth, then closed it again before he spoke, “I don’t want it to look like...like I give you special privileges.”
Curtis nodded. “Of course. With all due respect, I believe the crew is aware that we talk outside of work now. Apparently there are rumors…”
“Rumors?”
Curtis hesitated only a fraction of a second, because if he didn’t say it now, he would have lost the nerve to tell him at all, “That we’re dating.”
Shiro looked genuinely surprised, either by the rumor itself or the fact that Curtis mentioned it to him so brazenly. “...Oh,” Shiro blinked, and his face began to flush. “I didn’t know-I mean, I hadn’t heard what people were saying…”
Curtis chanced a look directly at Shiro. “It came up while I was talking to Counselor Havaak,” he offered. Then, feeling brave, and after glancing down the corridor to make sure they were alone, he added, “I had stopped to ask her a few questions about the rules around dating between a superior officer and a subordinate, actually…”
“Oh?” Shiro breathed, less confused and more hopeful, and Curtis took that as a positive sign.
“Shiro,” he started, but cut himself off as he heard voices from the next corridor. A glance at the time told him that the mess hall had just closed. “I-“ he frowned, glancing at the crowd rounding the corner. He struggled to get his next words out, “Do you still have dinner waiting in your quarters?”
Shiro blinked in surprise. “I-yeah, I-uh, forgot about it, but it should be there.”
“May I invite myself in?” Curtis asked nervously, afraid to be too presumptuous.
Shiro’s eyes lit up, however, and far from being put off by his forwardness, he ushered Curtis away from the main corridor and the crowd that was forming there. “Here, this is me,” he unlocked the panel to the door labeled ‘Captain’s Quarters’ and stepped aside to let Curtis through.
The moment the door slid shut behind them, Curtis turned to face him, nervous. “I-Counselor Havaak told me that if there’s to be any sort of relationship between an officer and subordinate, that the lower-ranking has to make the first move, or else it could present a...a conflict. A power imbalance…” Curtis met Shiro’s eyes, pushing the words out before he lost the nerve to say them. “So, I’m telling you now. I want to date you, Shiro. If that’s not something you want-“
“It is ,” Shiro cut in, breathlessly.
Curtis felt his pulse pound, his feelings vindicated and his nerves crumbling away. “I…I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to jeopardize your position.”
“And I’ve had those same concerns for you.”
“I’m aware of the risk,” Curtis told him simply, stepping closer.
Shiro inhaled sharply when Curtis’s hand brushed the side of his face, then he practically melted as their lips met. Curtis was seemingly more assertive in his affection than Shiro, who was happy to let Curtis steer him back against the sofa table, but when Curtis started to pull away, Shiro kept this mechanical arm firmly behind Curtis’ back so that he couldn’t move too far.
“Oh,” Curtis breathed. “You are…mmmh-“
Shiro kissed him this time-allowable now that Curtis had first stated his own intent-and even went for a quick grope at Curtis’ waist with his flesh hand, which was returned with an enthusiastic grab at Shiro’s ass.
“God,” Curtis exhaled roughly.
Shiro returned the sentiment with a groan. “You drive me fucking crazy,” he breathed.
“Mmh?” Curtis kissed down Shiro’s jawline, exploring his neck with his lips and running his hand over Shrio’s bicep to feel the muscles he had exhaustingly avoided thinking about since he had started serving onboard the Atlas.
Shiro smirked, “Do you have a thing for muscles?”
“Not usually,” Curtis bit his bottom lip, pulling back a little to look Shiro in the eyes as he told him, boldly, “But for some reason they’re hotter on you .” He ran a hand down Shiro’s pecs to highlight his point, but as he made to pull his hand away, Shiro stopped him with a firm metal hand around Curtis’ wrist and slowly guided him lower. Curtis inhaled sharply as he spread his palm over Shiro’s abs through his shirt, and flat out whined when Shiro guided him up underneath the fabric before letting go. “Do you have a thing for… me having a thing for your muscles?” Curtis quirked an eyebrow.
“I think I’ve just developed it,” Shiro replied breathlessly, as Curtis ran his thumbs up and down Shiro’s abs, then went lower to caress his V-line and hook both thumbs under his waistband. “Yes,” he hissed. “Curtis, fuck -“
“Mmmhmm,” he paused just long enough to tear Shiro’s shirt up over his head. “Maybe we shouldn’t tonight, but…I’m sure we can do something else fun until next time. We’ve been awfully patient until now, haven’t we?”
“Jesus,” Shiro breathed, flustered. Seeing him lose his composure gave Curtis more confidence-enough to push Shiro more firmly against the table behind him and sink to his knees. “Curtis, you-“
“Want to taste you,” Curtis hummed, looking up into Shiro’s eyes to find his enthusiastic permission. He made quick work of Shiro’s fly and shoved his pants down to his knees, just far enough to give Curtis room to lick a stripe up the underside of Shiro’s cock.
“ Fuck -“ Shiro hissed. Curtis gave a few more teasing licks before he sucked the head into his mouth and started to bob his way down. “This is gonna be so embarrassing. ‘M not gonna last-”
“Mm?” Curtis hummed around his mouthful and let off just long enough to say, “I’m in a three year dry spell, Shiro, let’s not try to test our stamina today. Just try to enjoy yourself.”
“O- ooh ,” Shiro groaned as Curtis took him into his mouth. “Okay,” he agreed, breathlessly. “ Fuck , you’re good. You feel so fucking good,” Shiro babbled.
“Yeah?” Curtis looked up at him with a look that reminded Shiro of one he had seen on Curtis’ face many times before-an intensity that was almost smug or arrogant, except that it was well-earned. It was a look of confidence that Shiro had observed when Curtis was in his element on the bridge, when he was executing a particularly tricky maneuver or attack. This was how Curtis looked when his complete and total focus was on a task that he knew he was good at-and Curtis was very good at his job. Almost, in Shiro’s extremely biased opinion, as good as he was at this . And god , was that confidence sexy.
“Curt-“ Shiro groaned, starting to grab at him, “‘M gonna-“
Curtis met his eyes and took him even deeper, resisting Shiro’s attempt to pull away as Curtis swallowed around the tip of his cock, creating a wonderful, nearly painful suction as the muscles in Curtis’ throat worked around him.
“ Fuck ,” Shiro whined, and in the next moment he was gone. Curtis swallowed down the first two spurts of come without pulling off, then retreated only enough to hold Shiro’s twitching cock on his tongue as he caught his breath, panting harshly through his nose. Only after he had swallowed the remaining dribbles of come and made Shiro jerk in oversensitivity did Curtis let him go completely.
Curtis looked up, still struggling to catch his breath and met Shiro’s eyes. Shiro looked absolutely fucked , and it made Curtis acutely aware of his own untouched erection. Shiro was slowly catching his breath as leveled Curtis with a stare that looked dangerously hot. “How do you want me to make you come?” he asked, and Curtis’ dick twitched , thrumming in time with his heartbeat.
“Anything,” Curtis managed to answer back, almost a whisper. “Any way you want.”
Shiro pulled him up to standing and kissed him roughly. “Anything?” he challenged, hands working away on Curti’s belt and tugging his shirt loose as Curtis popped open the pants of his uniform. “I’ve got an awful lot of ideas but I can only choose one.”
“Can try the rest later. Tomorrow, maybe next week…” Curtis groaned as Shiro tugged him out of his clothes and lightly pushed him toward the bed.
“I like the way you think,” Shiro kissed him again. “You’ve been very patient,” he murmured, and palmed Curtis through his underwear, dragging over the wet spot of precome at his tip. “Can you be patient for just a few minutes longer?”
“Yes,” Curtis panted, “Maybe,” he amended with a twinge of uncertainty as Shrio flicked his thumb under the head of his cock at his most sensitive spot. “ Jesus , Shiro,” he groaned.
Shiro looked pleased with himself, pulling back with a smile that was far too soft for what it did to Curtis’ arousal. “Let’s get these off,” Shiro tugged at his remaining clothes. “I want to see all of you.”
Curtis scrambled to help get his own clothes off and let Shrio push him down onto the bed, nude and spread open unselfconsciously in a daze of arousal. Shiro bent over him to kiss him deeply, then dropped down to lick at his cock, taking one long stripe up the underside first, then suckling lightly on the head before he dipped back down and hovered there, just breathing on him for a long moment in which Curtis tried to buck his hips. Shiro’s metal hand on his hip didn’t allow him to move much, but the resistance was almost as alluring as the thought of having Shiro’s mouth back on him.
“Shiro,” Curtis whined. “ Please. ”
Shiro hummed, then swallowed him down in one swift motion and all thoughts of patience were gone. Curtis didn’t last long when Shiro got him messy with spit and started to bob. Curtis watched Shiro’s mouth glisten with spit, open wide around his shaft and groaned, “ Fuck- ”
Shiro looked up at him with satisfaction as he worked, eyes still glazed over a bit from his own orgasm, and Curtis was done. He watched Shiro swallow, then went lax, sinking into the covers and lazily tugging Shiro up to lay beside him and kiss him.
“Let’s take a few minutes, then go eat that captain’s dinner, okay?”
Shiro grinned. “It’s a date.”
“Hey,” Shiro poked his head into the open office door, knocking lightly, “Kalianna. Do you have a moment?”
“Sure,” she looked up from her datapad and found the captain hovering sheepishly in her doorway. “What can I-oh!” she spotted Curtis behind him, and grinned.
“I believe we need to do a little bit of paperwork,” Curtis told her simply.
Her smile absolutely sparkled. “You know, I really have been hoping we could do this soon.”
Curtis laughed a little, grabbing Shiro’s hand lightly as they sat down in front of her desk. “Thanks,” Shiro blushed.
“Of course! Now, are you ready for some ridiculously invasive questions?” Kalianna asked brightly as she pulled up the forms on her datapad. “What is the current nature of your relationship?”