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Maybe it was the warm street lights that's making Donghyuck feel things as he walks just a few steps behind his best friend who's a little too excited for a stroll during the dead hours of the city. He thinks there's something about the way the lights hit Mark’s face that makes the other look more soft and inviting. More lovable. Because if not that, what other explanation does Donghyuck have for the fondness spreading through his chest as he continues to stare at Mark who’s now taking pictures of stray cats on the sidewalk.
It’s just the street lights, Donghyuck repeats to himself when Mark looks back at him with a wide smile. Donghyuck smiles back, small but genuine. “D’you want me to take a picture of you?” he doesn't wait for an answer though, immediately taking out his phone from his pocket and pointing it at Mark’s direction.
Mark's eyes go wide at the sudden action, a nervous laugh falling from his lips. “There’s not much of a scene to capture.” Mark’s head hangs low shyly. Donghyuck disagrees, though he'd never outwardly admit it. Mark makes everything look like a breathtaking view, Donghyuck thinks. To his eyes, Mark is the gorgeous scenery he’d travel across oceans just to see.
“Just smile for the picture.” Donghyuck decides to say instead. The fond smile doesn't leave his lips, sure his face aches just a bit but isn't love and happiness worth that bit of pain? Donghyuck would gladly hurt like this and more if it's for Mark. He also snaps a quick selfie that Mark protests to but smiles for anyway. “They’re memories, you know? You're gonna wanna remember this day when you’re older and your kids ask you about college friends you don't talk to anymore.”
“You don’t plan on sticking around ‘til then?” Mark playfully asks. Donghyuck doesn't notice the faint disappointment laced through his words.
“I’d love to!” Donghyuck smiles wider, he wonders if it's really genuine now. It's a nice thought, he admits, but it's a far cry from reality. Mark would go find a girl to love and start a life he’d know nothing about, all while Donghyuck would be stuck in love with his college roommate and best friend. Even if it's against Donghyuck’s will, he knows he’d eventually distance himself from Mark for the sake of his own heart. “But life can go so many ways, nothing’s certain at all.”
Mark only nods slowly, turning back around to walk again. “I want you to stick around, Donghyuck. That's one thing certain.”
“Ah, well, I don't think your future wife would be happy with you hanging around this bad influence.” Donghyuck tucks his hands on the pockets of hoodie, his chuckle a bit bitter but can still pass as friendly banter.
When Mark halts, Donghyuck does too. He wonders if he said anything wrong to gain such a reaction from Mark who's usually good at keeping his composure. “My future wife?” Mark’s question was faint but the confusion was clear.
“Yeah,” Donghyuck talks slowly. “Is there a problem?”
“Donghyuck,” Mark sighs, cranking his head up to stare at the sky full of stars hiding behind thin foams of clouds. “You think I’m straight?”
It takes just that for Donghyuck to start stumbling over his words. “Well, you-” he tries to find the right words to say. “You only talk to girls when we're at parties, I’ve noticed. I just thought-”
“Never brought any back home though, no?”
“Yeah,” Donghyuck stares at the ground in shame. “Sorry I just assumed.”
Mark only smiles at him, holding his hand out for Donghyuck to take. “Honest mistake.” he squeezes Donghyuck’s hand when it intertwines with his. “But really, I thought you’d have caught up by now.”
“With what?”
“The fact that I got my eyes set on someone. For a while now.” Mark says, brows furrowing when he feels Donghyuck’s grip loosen. Donghyuck wonders how Mark can do all of this with him and still go home to pine for someone else. He thinks it's a bit unfair. But sometimes Donghyuck also thinks he's being a bit unfair. After all, they were friends and everything Mark does for him is out of that friendship. It was all on Donghyuck to put meaning behind it.
Donghyuck tries to hide how he feels with a short, enthusiastic (but shamefully fake) reply. “That’s good, I think. You guys talk?” He digs a deeper hole for himself. He hears Jaemin’s voice in the back of his head nagging him about his tendency to hurt himself for the happiness of others. It's not good for Donghyuck but anything else other than that wouldn't be either.
“All the time. I haven't been brave enough to tell him about how I feel but I’ve been planning to.” Mark tells him with a shy smile. Donghyuck has never seen him like this. So happy and giddy. So in love. In any other instance the happiness would've been contagious but Donghyuck only feels his heart breaking bit by bit. Maybe he's not so much of a good friend if he can't be happy for Mark, he thinks.
“You should. You have just a few months left ‘til you graduate. Gotta take your chance, man.” Donghyuck says. The only good thing about this whole ordeal is that Mark is a year older than him. He won't be seeing Mark much after the other’s graduation and maybe he won't be feeling this much for him either anymore. He’d have to find a different roommate to afford the apartment once Mark moves out but if it meant finally letting go of his unrequited feelings then he doesn't really mind.
Mark hums in consideration. “If it was you,” Donghyuck’s heart skips a beat. “How would you want it to go? The confession, I mean. I wanna make it special for him, you know? I just am not good at this kind of stuff so I wanna ask you, you’re the romantic.”
There’s a moment of silence, Donghyuck contemplates what to answer. “Uh, I think something simple would do that job. Flashy might pressure him but flowers wouldn't hurt. Maybe do it somewhere a little private, if he’s comfortable with that.”
“Is that what you’d like?”
“Sure, everybody would love to receive flowers.”
“What kind?”
“Ah, well, I don’t know who it’s for so I can't answer that for you.” Donghyuck laughs a little bitter. This time, Mark hears it. He feels a bit guilty doing this passive aggressively. But then again, if the guy you like asks you for romantic advice, your reaction wouldn't be too far from Donghyuck’s.
Mark laughs back, pulling at Donghyuck’s hand to keep him closer. “Let's just go with your favorite. You have good taste.”
“I don't think that's a good idea-”
“Come on, Hyuck. You like sunflowers, right? I’ll go with that.” Mark decides. Before Donghyuck could protest, Mark opens the door to their apartment and rushes in, leaving Donghyuck alone outside. Donghyuck didn't even notice they were back home, his mind a little too preoccupied with heartbreak about to come when Mark gets together with someone who isn't him. All with his help. He thinks Jaemin is probably right and Donghyuck will never hear the end of it when he comes running to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment a little bit drunk and crying.
For now, Donghyuck decides to sleep it off. Future him can deal with the heartbreak by drinking and wallowing in the living room of his other friends’ shared apartment. Present him, however, will go back to his room silently and cry just loud enough for the sound to stay within the walls of his room. It isn’t his first time spending his night like this, it's not even his second or third. He's done this enough times before to know that his tears will only stop once he falls asleep and he'll wake up in a few hours dehydrated, feeling slightly uncomfortable. It won't be enough to get him out of bed, but it will be enough to keep him wide awake until the sun rises.
A few hours later, Donghyuck wakes up just in time to hear Mark leave the apartment about an hour before sunrise. He doesn't get out of his bed, only sinking further into his sheets. It was odd for Mark to leave this early but he assumes it has to do something with the boy he's planning to confess to. He won't pry, even if he finds himself reaching for his phone to message the older about it. He ends up just waiting until Mark comes back to leave his bed and do his usual morning routine, though a bit later than usual.
When he comes out of his room to run to the shared bathroom, his eyes meet Mark’s, much to his luck (or the lack thereof). Mark was sitting on the couch, clutching on a bundle of sunflowers. Donghyuck would’ve laughed at the almost constipated look on Mark’s face if he didn’t feel his heart crack at the sight. “You’re planning on confessing today?” he says, voice small. He’s afraid that if it was any louder, it would crack and he’d crumble.
Mark replies with a hum. “Good morning to you too. Yes, if he’d let me talk to him.”
“What are you still doing here? Go on, before those flowers start to droop.”
Mark nods and stands up. Donghyuck had half the mind to stop Mark from leaving the apartment but he only watches. He watches as Mark makes his way to him and holds out the flowers for Donghyuck to take. “Can we talk, Donghyuck?” His eyes are set on the floor shyly but his sincerity reaches Donghyuck, though the other disregards it.
It takes about 30 seconds for Donghyuck to process what Mark had said and its implications. He tries to reason with himself and keep his hopes low; Maybe Mark’s practicing his speech? But he said your name. Maybe he's about to ask permission to bring his about-to-be new boyfriend home. How do you explain the flowers then? Maybe Mark’s just- “Donghyuck? Please let me tell you how I feel.” -really about to confess right now.
“Sorry,” Donghyuck shakes his head. “Sorry, what's happening?”
“I’m trying to tell you I like you.”
Donghyuck almost laughs. Maybe he’s dreaming because there’s no way in hell Mark would do this. This that's always been just part of Donghyuck’s imagination and wishes. But when he digs his nails on his palm deep enough to hurt, he realizes he's not actually dreaming and all of this is real, and he doesn't know what to do. So he says the first thing that comes to his mind. “I haven't brushed my teeth yet.” he says slowly.
Mark laughs a little, albeit confused. “What?”
“I wanna brush my teeth first.” Donghyuck lightly pushes Mark aside. “So I can kiss you properly later.”
And Donghyuck doesn't see it but Mark smiles a little bit wider, the death grip on the flowers loosening. “I’ll wait.” Mark replies breathlessly. God, he’d wait so much more than just a few minutes for Donghyuck.