Work Text:
"Hey, Gran, Grandpa, I'm home, and—"
"Well damn if it isn't Jade!" Grandpa was already at the entryway, spotting Alex and his guest Jade as they made their way inside.
"Jade's here?" Gran's voice sounded from the kitchen. "That's wonderful! Come in, come in!"
"We were about to call you if you didn't show up for dinner," said Grandpa, backing into the living room to allow Jade and Alex more room as they removed their shoes.
"Hey now, Gramps, you know I wouldn't miss steak night!"
"It's all right, your timing couldn't have been more perfect," said Gran, approaching Jade and clasping both her hands. "Jade, we're so glad to have you."
Jade smiled sheepishly. "Alex was pretty insistent that I come."
Grandpa chuckled. "It's about time! Eh, Alex?"
Alex loved his grandparents very much, but if they kept this up, things were going to get a little embarrassing. When is Jade coming over again? Why haven't you invited Jade back for dinner? Have you asked Jade to visit yet? The sentiment was constant and Alex was used to it, but he wouldn't mind if his grandparents could dial it down just a bit now that Jade was around to hear them. The first time she'd been over for dinner, Alex hadn't been bothered about it whatsoever, but by now he was growing self-conscious considering he was pretty sure they knew about his crush. They never outright said anything of the sort, but the way they talked about him and Jade was…suspiciously encouraging. Like they were quietly cheering him on to hurry up and ask her out, or maybe even thought they were already secretly a couple.
Of course, it was technically possible that his grandparents just really enjoyed Jade's company and there wasn't anything deeper to it. Alex could definitely agree that having Jade around was pretty awesome. But if his grandparents were under the impression that he was inviting Jade to dinner tonight as anything more than a family friend, they were going to be disappointed.
At the same time, they might not be entirely wrong.
Just as Gran had indicated, dinner was ready to eat, with several pans of food on the stove wafting slow trails of steam into the kitchen air. As Jade and Gran began to reset the dining table for one more, Alex made his way to the foot of the stairwell. "I'll be right back," he called, and ran upstairs to his bedroom.
He meant to go to the bookcase, but as soon as he stepped through the doorway, he paused, stuck examining the item in his hand. He half-expected it not to be there anymore, but there it was: a paperback novel titled Galactic Detective in bright green, bold lettering.
When Alex first met Jade, she could barely stand to be around him. Yet today, she hadn't hesitated to loan him one of her favorite books from her personal library. It was—what was that word he had learned from Haley the other day?—surreal.
Alex already couldn't believe his luck that Jade had come to consider him a close friend. Her best friend. He wasn't even sure if he'd really earned it, but Yoba, was he more grateful than words could describe. He would never, ever take Jade's friendship for granted.
It was just, this year… Some moments, too many of them, he was nearly convinced there had to be something more between the two of them. That his feelings weren't one-sided. That something about their dynamic had changed, that Jade looked at him differently sometimes.
This had never been truer than at the Flower Dance. For starters, she had looked fucking gorgeous, wearing a flowy white dress and actual flowers in her dark hair. He never got to see her legs bare or her hair untied when she normally spent every hour of her day doing farm work, and now that she was dressed up for once, she'd looked even more beautiful than he could have imagined. But the piece of her outfit that truly made his mouth go dry was the necklace. She was wearing the necklace that he gave her, the one he'd had custom-crafted and had given to her at the Winter Star gift exchange.
Over the past few months, Alex had walked the knife's edge between putting his best foot forward and directly shooting himself in said foot. And while it was an improvement over his previous behavior, it wasn't good enough. He had to do better. Jade deserved better. And now that he was ready to make a move again, the Flower Dance was a perfect chance to prove he could be better. That she meant so much more to him than the way he used to treat her. That he was so much more than the way he used to treat her.
And here she was, wearing his necklace for the entire town to see, like she believed he could be better, too. Like a promise that she would keep all of the past in the past. It emboldened him, a sign of good luck from the heavens.
And accordingly, things were going so damn well. She'd agreed to dance with him, and blushed when he'd told her she was beautiful. She'd allowed him to spin her and hold her close with a hand on her waist. She'd pretended not to care who else he'd danced with, asking in a roundabout way if he was single, and he'd gotten her to admit she was single, too.
He was on a roll. He was killing it. He'd almost forgotten he'd been so worried over making a fool of himself. Finishing that dance, Alex was positive he and Jade were about to take things to a new level.
Only to find out she had left the festival immediately after. And over the next few weeks, she had been weird and distant.
He should have remembered you can be up in the first half and still blow the game.
Haley had told him more than once to ask Jade directly for a yes or no, no more of this guessing bullshit. But he just couldn't do that. Holding in his feelings was driving him absolutely crazy some days, but he still couldn't admit them out loud to Jade. He'd used to have all the confidence in the world around women, but Jade had changed everything. Now Alex wondered if he possessed nothing more than false hope and wishful thinking.
But Jade's book was still in his hand. Solid. No amount of wishful thinking could have put it there. It was real.
And if it was real, then Alex might swear on his life that Jade Parker had almost kissed him thirty minutes ago.
“Hey, before I go, I wanted to ask… do you, uh, do you think I could borrow a book?”
It was the end of their longest-ever workday by far. After taking care of the day's most essential farm tasks first thing in the morning, he and Jade had gone to Zuzu City in Mayor Lewis's truck to empty Jade's storage unit. Jade's brother Lucas was coming home from military deployment, and she didn't want him to have to live on her couch, so she was finally retrieving his belongings. Just the drive alone to Zuzu took four hours one way, and it took more time still to load and unload the truck. Finally, around 6 in the evening, they had finished hauling boxes and furniture to the newly-finished second floor of Jade's farmhouse where Lucas would be staying.
Alex had been sitting for a few weeks on the idea of asking to borrow a book from Jade. Having overcome his nerves and done it, she'd agreed, and they'd begun talking through which book he might borrow. He'd been standing at the bookcase scanning the titles when Jade had leaned into him, reaching above his head to grab a book from the highest shelf while using his body for leverage.
Alex froze. She continued the conversation casually, describing the book to him as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. As if she hadn't just all but pressed her body into his. Alex was listening to her intently, but there was a delay—fuck, she was close—between hearing her words and processing them. She was already handing him the book by the time he understood what she'd just told him.
"Sounds fun," he'd said just in time before the pause became awkward. He wasn't bullshitting. A space-age detective story was probably pretty cool on its own, but what really made it interesting and noteworthy was that Jade liked it. "I'll give it a try. Thank you."
“Sure. And, um, take your time, too, it’s not like I’m going to have time to reread it anytime soon.”
They both fell silent. The air was thick, and it was hard to breathe. She was standing so close, he could almost feel the heat radiating from her skin. And she wasn't pulling away.
Was this a sign? Was she asking him a silent question? He noticed bands of darker color around her pupils like starbursts, and blood rushed in his ears.
What if she was waiting for him to close the distance? Would she kiss him tender and long, or would it be desperate? Was her heart pounding as fast as his? Was she feeling anything like he was feeling right now?
He imagined brushing wisps of her hair aside, cupping her face, waiting for her eyes to flutter closed in a silent yes before slowly drawing their lips together—
And then the weight of the book in his hand reminded him where he stood.
Now in his bedroom, Alex stared down at the novel he still held, the spine well-worn as if it had been read many times over. He flipped open the back, checking the page count. Just over three hundred. The physical size of the paperback was smaller than the length of his hand, and yet it might as well have been heavier than any of the furniture he'd hauled today.
In any universe where he deserved Jade, he wouldn't be so intimidated by the idea of reading one book. Hell, even if Jade was forever out of his league, practicing and improving his reading still mattered to him. His future kids, the ones he'd always known he wanted, deserved a dad who could read them stories without stumbling over the words. Who could help teach them when they themselves learned to read.
(His own dad never did read to him. No matter how much hope Alex used to hold onto that someday he would. That he would decide to stop drinking, and start being the kind of dad Alex desperately wished for.)
Alex was snapped out of his spell by the sound of his grandfather shouting his name from the kitchen. Realizing how much time he'd just wasted lost in thought, he quickly set the book down on his bed. He'd worry about putting it away properly later; right now, Jade and his family were expecting him. He changed into a fresh shirt and hurried back downstairs.
With everyone else waiting on him, Alex rushed to wash up and fill his own plate without pausing to question why Gran was in the guest's chair instead of her usual spot. "Sorry I took a bit long," he apologized, taking his own seat at the table. He realized with a little thrill that this arrangement sat him right next to Jade.
"Ready for grace, Jade?" In the chair across from Alex's, Gran was looking suspiciously pleased, holding Grandpa's hand and presenting the other one to Jade.
"Right—of course." Jade took Gran's hand, and made brief eye contact with Alex as she also took his. Her touch was warm, and Alex's heart raced watching their fingers close around each other's palms.
With all four of them clasping hands, Grandpa led the customary short blessing, ending with, "So let's eat, already!"
Alex's grandparents dove right into asking several questions about his day with Jade, apparently picking up from where they had left off while he was upstairs. Alex bragged about how Jade had filled an entire storage locker by herself last year, while Jade tried to downplay it, insisting she'd had help. Jade went on to describe her appreciation for Alex's heavy lifting assistance, debated with Grandpa over crop rotation schedules, and even opened up a bit about her brother Lucas.
"Evelyn, this cornbread is phenomenal."
Evelyn smiled sweetly. "Why, thank you, Jade! You can absolutely help yourself to seconds."
Alex sprang to his feet and grabbed Jade's plate. "I've got it."
"Alex!" Jade's outcry was muffled by her palm, her mouth full of cornbread. She swallowed. "I haven't even finished my first helping."
Alex looked at the piece she was still holding. "Well… Did you want another one?"
"I'll have seconds of asparagus," said Grandpa, holding his plate out expectantly.
Alex took both plates to the stove. "More asparagus for Grandpa. How about you, Jade? Any cornbread or asparagus?"
Jade rolled her eyes, but he also caught her fighting a smile. "Both, please."
Alex brought their food back to the table, grinning and helping himself to another steak before settling back in his seat. He could get used to this—Jade as part of the family dinner.
Jade as part of the family.
The food was delicious, and more compliments were passed to Gran's cooking as everyone finished their dessert and Jade began stacking their plates.
"You don't have to do that, Jade," Gran protested.
"At least let me take these to the sink."
"That's very sweet of you, but you're our guest. George and I have got this. Go on and let Alex walk you home."
Jade thankfully didn't put up a fight and followed Alex outside, but not before reassuring his grandparents she would be back soon.
Alex's heart tightened knowing how much his grandparents liked Jade. Not that anything could come between him and the way he felt about her, but if anyone's opinion mattered, it was his grandparents'. After his mom died, they were the people who raised him, took care of him, and always wanted the best for him. In a way, his grandparents' approval of Jade made his feelings for her even stronger.
It was still very warm out, but ultimately pleasant compared to the heat of midday. Alex walked at Jade's side, just close enough to be friendly but not close enough to brush their shoulders. His hand itched terribly to reach out for Jade's and hold it again, but he resisted by balling his fists and shoving them in his pockets. So much restraint for such an innocent urge, when he was constantly wanting to do far, far worse than hold her hand.
"Hey, Alex?" Jade's voice was a little more muted than usual. "Thanks again for today…the help moving Lucas's things...your grandparents for dinner…" She cleared her throat.
Alex chuckled. "my grandparents were seriously excited to have you over. And I'm always down to help out a friend. You can ask any time, Jade."
He meant it. He was genuinely happy just spending time with her. Despite how ridiculously far-gone he was for her (and how distracting that was in his daily life), lately, Alex felt like the best version of himself whenever he was around Jade. They'd seen each other at their lowest, and together they'd kept each other afloat. He'd never expected to tell anyone so much about his parents, let alone cry in front of them, but with Jade it hadn't been intimidating or frightening. It had felt...natural. Safe. He was coming to realize just how much he was growing to trust her with the most delicate parts of himself. Like he could share anything with her.
Well, almost anything. He hadn't mentioned the minor detail about being in love with her.
She had to know, right? She had to know, to some extent, how he felt about her. So why not tell her what they both already knew?
The problem was that, in the beginning, he had really blown it. And though he'd realized his mistakes and apologized months ago, it felt like he was still making up for the bad start. For every two steps forward, he took two steps back, like at the Flower Dance when he'd once again pushed too much, too soon. Jade either didn't feel the same way about him, or she wasn't ready yet for anything more than friendship.
Even so, would she ever be? Was it fair to her, now that she had come to genuinely value Alex as a friend, to put this on her? Was it fair to Jade when coming onto her was how he originally pushed her away? Especially if she didn't have feelings for him, if he was reading into things that weren't really there?
If he was reading into things, then why did she almost kiss him?
By the time they reached Bloomington Farm, Alex noticed Jade's pace had slowed, her steps thudding harder than usual under the backdrop of cicada song. It made him want to swoop in and steady her as they climbed the porch steps, but he reminded himself how stubborn she was about accepting help, and that she was doing just fine. Instead, he held the screen door open for her while she unlocked the deadbolt. "Any other projects I can help with tonight?"
Jade snorted. "For once, I'm calling it a fucking day." Her speech was almost slurring, and fuck it was so damned cute. "I don't even know if I'll make it out of these clothes before I fucking pass out."
I could help you change. It was so incredibly stupid that even Alex's big mouth was in no danger of saying it out loud, but the thought crossed his mind all the same. And as long as he was thinking stupid shit, he might as well go for broke: offer to carry Jade to bed, dress her in pajamas, tuck her in, give her a fucking goodnight kiss…
He was better than this. Sure, it was perfectly doable to hold it in and behave when he was around Jade. And yet Alex knew as soon as he turned around to walk home, no longer having to look Jade in the eyes, his mind would replay their day together. Every individual moment when he was distracted from his work by how badly he wanted her, and nevertheless pushed the urges down.
But pushing the urges down didn't make them go away. And as soon as he was alone behind a closed door—or on days when he was worked up badly enough and didn't have time to drop home before practice, the yobadamned locker room was good enough too, apparently—he'd have his dick in his hand.
After saying a final goodnight and making sure Jade had gotten into her house safely, Alex began his walk home.
He didn't make it very far before breaking out into a jog.
Alex's shadow ran ahead of him, impossibly tall in the summer evening sunlight. By the time he made it home, his grandparents had predictably finished cleaning up and were in the living room watching TV. He stuck around in the entryway exactly long enough to announce he was home and remove his shoes, and then he was dashing upstairs.
Alex closed his bedroom door behind him, setting his shoes in the closet, passing his bed where the borrowed book still lay. Finally bringing it to the bookcase, he wondered if this was all a pointless effort. Jade was so much smarter than him. What if he was in way over his head? What if he couldn't keep up with her? Was this a genuine attempt at self-improvement, or was he only doing this to impress her? If he couldn't handle reading one stupid book, didn't that mean Jade would finally understand the extent of his shortcomings? That she was so far beyond his level? Was he doing this to prove to himself that he was capable, that he was worthy? Or did some part of him want to set himself up to fail, to put him back in his place for being foolish enough to hope?
Standing in front of his bookshelf, he was taken back once more to the memory of standing in front of Jade's. When she'd approached him, casually touched him, placed herself impossibly close. Had she been aware of what she was doing, or was she so innocent? He'd felt her breasts against his bicep as she leaned into him. Even though he wasn't looking right at that moment, he still knew exactly how much cleavage her tank top exposed. How far down her sports bra he may have been able to see from that angle, had he simply turned his head.
He wondered what it would feel like if she wasn't wearing one.
Another memory surfaced: Jade bending over inside the storage locker, braid sticking to her neck, shirt riding up her back revealing delicate pale skin untouched by the harsh sun; letting out a small grunt as she lifted another box, turning toward Alex in time for him to see a bead of sweat rolling from her clavicle down her collar where it disappeared between the cleft of her breasts—
(He'd imagined tearing the box from her hands, tossing it aside and yanking her neckline down; imagined licking up that droplet of sweat from right between her tits; imagined her squirming and pulling on his hair, how salty she would taste—)
He took his shirt off, hurled it in the direction of the laundry basket, and laid down on his back, fingers trailing along his abdomen.
He used to stop himself from doing this. He didn't stop himself anymore. For all his self-punishment, for all of his doubts, he saw the way she shuddered when he spoke directly into her ear, the way her breath caught sometimes, her disarmed expressions when they were standing too close.
Curling onto his side, he bit down hard on his left thumb and slid his free hand under his waistband.
(He would read that book. And when he had done that, surely then he'd be ready to ask her.)
(Soon.)