Chapter Text
Looking back now, Sungchan doesn’t know how he didn’t realize it earlier. It was so obvious: the constant desire to be close, the feeling of warmth whenever he smiled at Sungchan, and the jealousy he felt when someone else had his attention. Now that Sungchan realizes it, he can’t unrealize it. He feels awkward joking around and hugging Shotaro now, knowing that it means so much more to him. The worst part is that Sungchan knows he is hurting Shotaro by pulling away, but he can’t say why.
“Sungchan!” Shotaro called, eagerly waving Sungchan over.
“Yeah?” Sungchan asked, hesitantly making his way over.
“Do you want to get dinner together tonight?” Shotaro asked, looking at Sungchan eagerly.
“Tonight? I already have plans,” Sungchan lied, guilt gnawing at his stomach as Shotaro’s face fell.
“Oh okay,” Shotaro mumbled, disappointment evident.
“Let’s get dinner together some other time,” Sungchan weakly suggested, knowing he had no intention to follow through.
“Yeah,” Shotaro agreed, brightening up a little.
Wanting to end the conversation before he did something to embarrass himself further Sungchan hurried to the other side of the room. Sitting down Sungchan pulled out his phone desperately trying to think of someone to invite to dinner that night.
Sungchan glanced around the restaurant looking for Haechan Spotting him in the back Sungchan made his way over waving as he approached. “Hey Sungchanie, How are you doing?” Haechan enthusiastically greeted, standing up to hug Sungchan.
“I’m doing well. How are you?” Sungchan greeted, giving Haechan a quick hug before sitting down.
“I’m good. I was a little surprised that you invited me. I thought for sure you would be spending your free time with Shotaro,” Haechan teased.
“Oh, I uh wanted to see you,” Sungchan awkwardly laughed, hoping Haechan would drop it.
“Relax Sungchannie, I was just teasing you. Anyway, how was the fancon tour?” Haechan said, sensing Sungchan’s awkwardness and completely changing the subject.
“It was a lot but I really enjoyed it,” Sungchan responded, seizing the chance to avoid talking about Shotaro.
Finishing up his food Haechan placed his chopstick and sighed deeply. “So Sungchan,” Haechan began.
“Yeah?” Sungchan asked, looking up from his soup.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it but I was talking with Shotaro a couple of days ago and he mentioned that you have been acting weird lately,” Haechan delicately said, looking at Sungchan in concern.
“Oh it’s nothing,” Sungchan denied.
“From what Shotaro was saying it doesn’t sound like nothing. I won’t make you but if you want to talk about it I’m here,” Haechan said.
Sungchan hesitated for a moment mentally debating his options before deciding that venting might help. “You promise you won’t tell anyone? Not even the members of NCT?” Sungchan asked.
“Yeah of course. Whatever you say stays between us,” Haechan assured.
“I’m in love with Shotaro and I don’t know what to do,” Sungchan nervously confessed.
“Well uh that’s rough,” Haechan awkwardly said, not expecting Sungchan’s answer.
“I wish I never realized it. Now I feel awkward with hyung and I hate it. I have to keep turning him down because I’m afraid of what I’ll say if I’m alone with him. I just want things to go back to how they were before I realized my feelings,” Sungchan lamented, resting his head in his hands.
“Have you tried talking Shotaro? I doubt he would be upset,” Haechan asked.
“I can’t. What if it makes Shotaro uncomfortable? Saying anything could mess with the group dynamic. Hyung worked so hard to debut and to have a stable career I can’t throw a wrench in that. It’s not fair to him or the other members,” Sungchan cried, tears prickling in his eyes.
“You can’t keep avoiding Shotaro. He has noticed and has been talking to the NCT members asking if we know why you're upset with him. Shotaro really thinks he did something wrong. So while you don’t have to tell him you can’t keep ignoring him,” Haechan responded.
“You’re right,” Sungchan agreed, nodding his head in thought.
Arriving back at the dorm Sungchan made his way straight to Shotaro’s room wanting to talk with him immediately. Standing in front of Shotaro’s room Sungchan took a deep breath before gently knocking on the door. “Come in,” Shotaro called.
“Hey Hyung,” Sungchan greeted, walking through the door.
“Sungchan!” Shotaro exclaimed, sitting up on his bed.
“I wanted to talk to you real quick,” Sungchan said, awkwardly shuffling his feet.
“Of course, Come sit,” Shotaro said, eagerly patting the bed next to him.
“I just want to say sorry. I have been acting like a dick toward you lately and it isn’t okay,” Sungchan apologized.
“I just don’t understand why you have been avoiding me. I thought we were best friends. Did I do something to upset you?” Shotaro asked.
“You did nothing wrong. I just have been going through something personal and need some space,” Sungchan explained.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Shotaro asked, growing concerned.
“No. This is something I have to work through on my own. I hope we can eventually go back to the way things were before but for right now I still need some space,” Sungchan said.
“I still don’t understand why you are only avoiding me. You have no issues with the others. Do you not want to be friends anymore?” Shotaro pressed, his concern slowly morphing into frustration.
“I’m sorry,” Sungchan apologized again, looking at Shotaro guiltily.
“I think you should go,” Shotaro responded, turning away from Sungchan.
Sungchan stood and silently left Shotaro’s room.
Closing the door to his room Sungchan broke down in tears. No matter what he did, everything just kept getting worse.
It seemed that Shotaro had taken Sungchan’s request for space seriously. He no longer invited Sungchan out to eat together or invited him to watch TV. No matter how many times Sungchan told himself that this was for the best and that this was what he asked, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling devastated.
Standing in the middle of the hallway Sungchan watched frozen as Shotaro walked further away from him. He stayed there staring at where Shotaro had been until the feeling of someone slapping him on the back startled him out of his reverie. “So Sungchan, how are you doing?” Haechan cheerfully asked.p
“I’m okay,” Sungchan lied.
“Did you talk to Shotaro in the end?” Haechan asked, oblivious to what happened.
“I did yeah,” Sungchan said.
“So how did it go?” Haechan pressed.
“I couldn’t tell him,” Sungchan answered, not wanting to keep talking about it.
“Oh well. At least you’re still friends,” Haechan said.
“Yeah at least we were friends,” Sungchan whispered.