remembering you

by mossmp3

Summary:

“Anya?!” a voice called out as they stepped into the living space from the bedroom. Anya immediately recognised that voice.

 

“Damian?” Anya replied in shock. She had no idea that the person she was supposed to be protecting was her old best friend from school.

 

or

 

Anya works for WISE and has been told that she has to protect an Ostanian politician. No one told her that said politician is her old best friend, Damian Desmond that she hasn't seen since they graduated from Eden College. How do they navigate new and old feelings as they learn to understand just what happened since they saw each other last?

Chapter 1

“Good day, or perhaps good evening Starlight.” The spy’s handler said when she entered the room. “There’s a new mission for you. Agent Twilight suggested to me that we distribute it to you, because of your extensive knowledge of Berlint and its politics from your childhood.”

 

“Do you have the file, Handler?” She asked, immediately being handed a thick manilla folder. She opened it. The mission was named Operation Clover - a protection order.

 

“As you can see, you have been assigned to protect an Ostanian politician. He is involved with peace talks between Westalis and Ostania, the opposition of the failed National Unity Party. We expect your mission to last until the next open government meeting, in twelve days.” Handler explained, taking a sip from the cup of coffee the younger had brought with her.

 

“Hey! Auntie that’s mine!” Agent Starlight called out when she noticed. She cringed as her voice cracked, making it obvious just how young of an agent she was.

 

“Sorry Anya. I really need caffeine today. I’ll make it up to you when I come and visit you with your parents next. I promise.” The woman laughed. Having a niece that worked with her had some perks, who would she be if she didn't exploit them from time to time.

 

Agent Starlight was the daughter of her best agent - Twilight. He partly retired at the end of Operation Strix, a mission that had taken eight years to complete. He had decided to take himself off the field, wanting to remain an agent but keep himself safe to support his then 14 year old daughter and his wife.

 

Twilight became an operational assist, someone to go to for advice, logistics or training. On occasion, he worked with Handler to assign missions. He typically couldn’t interfere with his daughter’s, but when the file passed by his desk, he couldn’t help but persuade his long time friend to assign it to Anya.

 

“I’ll be holding you to that,” Starlight grumbled, before coughing to clear her throat. “Anyway, I see that this protection detail requires me to be in public quite often. Will it require me being undercover this time?”

 

“It will not. Agent Starlight, you will act as Anya Forger. It is rare, but WISE feels that your civilian self will be useful for this mission. You will be using your civilian cover as a hired bodyguard. The diplomat is aware that you are not the same as most protection agents. He is under the impression that you were hired by someone on his political team instead. Just turn up to the hotel tomorrow in your typical uniform and all will be okay.” Handler explained.

 

“I see. I shall take this file with me, and use it to document anything that happens or anything that I see. I don’t expect that we will have time to debrief until the end of my mission. I’ll leave my coffee with you. Tell papa I said hello. See you later, Handler.” Anya said before leaving the hidden office.

 

It had been a while since she had been needed for a protective cover. She tended to work underground: planning missions, filing paperwork, and finalising her training. Having been inducted right out of her final year of Eden College, she had been an agent for four years.

 

Most agents train for three before being put on the field. She passed the physical training in six months, but she wasn’t prepared for the mental workload. It took until recently for her to safely achieve missions alone.

 

Anya preferred the silent work. It was thankless but she was a vital point of contact for field agents. She had made many connections within different branches of WISE, making her confident enough to finish training. Protective details were her most common missions, often being based around old classmates or teachers.

 

It allowed for her civilian cover to stay up to date, preventing any suspicion on her. To the public eye, she was a trained bodyguard with qualifications in paramedicine and martial arts.

 

Anya walked into her home, a small apartment on the edge of the city. It was humble but hers. She had everything she required, including an office for the days where she needed to work from home. It wasn’t always needed for her to go to the headquarters, especially when on a mission. Her bedroom was small but decorated perfectly. She had pictures and posters from her childhood, but it was mostly a modern aesthetic, to fit with being an adult.

 

The spy decided to shower and then go to sleep. She had to wake up at 4 in the morning the next day to prepare for her next job. She was required to meet the diplomat at his hotel at 7 AM sharp, to meet him and his team. She drank a cup of chamomile tea before turning off the lights. She slipped into bed, the air silent.

 

When her alarm sounded, Anya groaned. She always hated waking early. It was a quirk that stayed with her from childhood. She peeled herself from her pillow and stumbled to the kitchen. She made a large cup of coffee, filling it with sugar. She would need all the help she could get to stay awake.

 

After a breakfast of bacon and eggs, she decided to change into her uniform. It was a simple black pantsuit with a white shirt, and a black tie. It was typical of diplomatic bodyguards. She tied her long hair into a sleek ponytail, letting her fringe stay untied. She grabbed her sunglasses from her vanity, as well as her mascara, lip gloss and lucky bracelet.

 

Grabbing her keys, she ran from her apartment to catch the tube that would take her close to the hotel. With it being early morning, no one but the gardener watched as she sprinted through the roads, her heels clacking as she stepped.

 

It was a thirty minute journey from her home to the hotel near the city centre. Anya spent the duration of the tube ride layering her lip gloss and fidgeting with her bracelet. She was nervous. She knew that she would succeed in the mission, but she couldn’t help but worry about the person she was protecting. Last time, she was forced to protect a man that kept hitting on her. Luckily, her job was over after five days.

 

With a straight face, Anya knocked at the door in the hotel that she was directed to visit. A woman in a light pink formal dress answered the door, ushering her in silently.

 

“You must be Forger, our protection while we are in the city. Nice to meet you. I’m Lindsey, the team’s secretary. Mr Desmond will be ready in a moment. Do take a seat, I’ll make you some coffee.” The secretary walked away to make her drink.

 

“Did she say Desmond?” Anya asked herself, as she scanned the room. She was making herself familiar with all entry points, as well as any spaces to hide. She hoped they wouldn’t have to, but diplomats could never be too careful when it came to political conventions.

 

“Anya?!” a voice called out as they stepped into the living space from the bedroom. Anya immediately recognised that voice.

 

“Damian?” Anya replied in shock. She had no idea that the person she was supposed to be protecting was her old best friend from school. No wonder her father had suggested that she took the cover.

 

“What are you doing here, Forger?” Damian asked, immediately regressing back to his teenage self. He was equally as shocked to see the girl he was obsessed with during his childhood.

 

“I’m your protective cover, sir. Did no one tell you?” Anya had to pull herself back to formality, cursing herself for previously reacting in shock when she first saw him.

 

“No! I didn’t even know this was the career you ended up in until Ewen told me! How has it turned out that you of all people would be my bodyguard for the next few weeks?” Damian couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity. Anya? The shrimpy girl from school? Protecting him? Nothing could have prepared him for that.

 

“I am as unaware as you, sir. I wasn’t told that you were my employer. I do apologise for my inconvenience, but I assure you that I am the best in the private sector.” She could barely keep her voice stable. Her brain felt like it was mush, seeing Damian again. In an expensive suit, his hair pristine, the same cologne as from their teenage years.

 

“Nonsense Anya. And stop calling me sir. I’m always Damian to you. It’s good to see you again.” Damian hesitated. He noticed her bracelet, the matching pair to the one hiding behind the cuff of his shirt sleeve. “We should catch up, if there’s any time between my meetings that is. I’ll have to ask Lindsey.”

 

“Sir- Damian, while that would be nice, my job is to ensure your safety during your trip to Berlint. Which reminds me, can I ask where you are based now? I thought you would live in the city forever.” Anya knew that if the man had stayed in Berlint, he would have an entire protective team already. Especially being a politician.

 

“Actually, I am in Berlint. I just don’t usually have a reason for protection. But as this is my political debut from university, the team thought it best for some extra help until the convention is over. I do live further out though, hence my staying in a hotel.” He explained. He did live in Berlint, but in a southern suburb closer to his office. He was needed until the convention in the city centre, for press and charity events.

 

“Miss Forger, your coffee. And today’s itinerary.” Lindsey walked over, passing a warm mug and a detailed file over. Anya thanked the secretary, who pulled Damian aside to discuss the day’s plans. Anya flicked through the folder, noticing that she would be required to stay with them until midnight that night.

 

“I need to take a call. I shall be right outside.” Anya said, stepping out. She called Handler from the phone in the hallway, using her cover as a hired bodyguard.

 

“Yes, this is Anya Forger. I need to talk to someone from accounting. We need to discuss my current detail. It will be impossible for me to follow this itinerary, and go between my home and the hotel daily. With travel and general housekeeping taken into account, I will be on less than five hours sleep a day. With my training, that will be irresponsible.” She explained.

 

“I see. We can grant you a stay at the hotel for the duration of the mission, Starlight. You need to be at the top of your game after all. We have heard wind of a suspected attack later this evening, around 10, so keeping you close shall be useful. Someone will contact you to let you know of your accommodation later today.” With that, the phone was hung up. Anya sighed before walking back into the hotel room.

 

Lindsey sat in an armchair, writing on her copy of the itinerary. Damian was drinking a cup of coffee, leaning against the counter of the kitchenette.

 

“Ah! Miss Forger you’re back. As you will have read, we will be picked up by Damian’s driver in fifteen minutes to be taken into the city for his first publicity event. Are you prepared for today?” Lindsey asked, handing her previously abandoned mug of coffee.

 

“Oh thank you. I am prepared. I have already scouted the location of the first event this morning, having walked past on my way in.” Anya explained, taking a sip of the drink.

 

“Wait. Damian, sir, isn’t that your bracelet?” Lindsey pointed to her wrist, completely forgetting about the notes she was making.

 

“Huh? No, mine is on my wrist. Anya, you still have yours?” Damian asked, grateful that he could finally ask.

 

“Haha. Yeah… You do too?” She nervously laughed. She hadn’t realised someone would have noticed, nor that Damian would have kept his. She kept hers after school because it was a symbol of luck. Damian kept his as a reminder of his best friend that he lost touch with.

 

“You two have matching bracelets? Have I missed something?” The secretary asked, looking between the two.

Chapter 2

Summary:

a glimpse into Anya and Damian's history

“Miss Forger and I went to Eden College together. We were both Imperial Scholars together, as well as best friends.” Damian started, smiling as he recounted the past.

 

“I gave Mr Desmond the matching pair to my bracelet. I made them so we would always have something to remember each other by. For work, I wasn’t allowed to give out any information. My training was confidential and so my life had to be too. I knew that we would fall out of contact, so the bracelet was my way of coping with it as a teenager. Now, I wear mine for luck.” Anya explained, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck. She found it difficult to talk about her training, having found it a difficult part of her life.

 

“I went to Bayan University, and Miss Forger stayed in the city. At the time I was told that she had been scouted for a confidential project. We weren’t allowed to send letters, which would have been our only way to communicate. And since I stayed in Bayan until I graduated last year, we never had a chance to run into each other again.” Damian recounted to his secretary.

 

It was a difficult moment, when Anya and Damian parted on their graduation day. It was as if an invisible string had been cut. Potential futures dissipated from their minds. For the majority of Anya’s training, all she could think about was what could have been. But with the intensity of her career, those thoughts had to be pushed to the back of her mind.

 

“I had come to the understanding that you worked on the outskirts of the city though, Miss Forger. Ewen mentioned that his family had hired you for a private event some weeks ago, to protect a distant family member on their travels. I hadn’t thought that you would work so centrally.” Damian pondered.

 

“I must admit, I tend to stay away from the city where I can. I prefer working away, as there is less chance of being spotted by people that recognise me. But I work where I am directed to work. And since I was hired for your protection, I will work in the city while you are here on business.” Anya explained. It was true, she didn’t like working in the city. But if she was directed to the field, she would work the field.

 

“That clears a good deal of confusion. I do apologise, Ms Forger. I shouldn’t have insinuated anything about the bracelet.” The secretary apologised. Anya just waved her off, much to the amusement of Damian. It seemed that she had kept some of her smaller quirks from when they were at school.

 

“Oh, Sir. The car is outside. We should head downstairs.” Lindsey jumped to her feet when she heard a knock at the door. Anya went over first, making sure it was the expected person.

 

As it was Jeeves, a man that grinned widely when he saw Anya again, the politician, his secretary and the bodyguard all walked down to the car that had been parked in a hidden spot behind the hotel.

 

“I shall sit with Jeeves, you two sit in the back.” Anya directed, wanting to sit somewhere with a clear vision of everywhere around the car. Damian just nodded and slipped into his seat, calmly followed by Lindsey.

 

“Miss Forger, what a surprise. How lovely to see you again.” Jeeves said as he pulled away from the hotel. His eyes echoed the smile in his voice.

 

“You as well, Jeeves. It’s nice to see that you still work with Damian. It’s a shock to see you both again though I must admit.” Anya said, checking her blindspot to ensure there was no one hiding in any of the bushes that they were driving past.

 

“I can imagine. After four years, it is nice to see how you have grown though. Last I remember, the two of you were scrawny children who could barely look at each other without arguing. I’m glad to see you both succeeding in your professions.” The older man said. He would never admit it, but he was also glad to see her in Damian’s life again. The younger had complained incessantly at her absence, never finding someone to replace her spark.

 

Anya smiled at the man’s thoughts. She tried to avoid listening to people’s minds when she could, but sometimes the thoughts slipped by. As the car drove through the streets silently, Anya repetitively scoured their surroundings. Their route to the event had not been published but she couldn’t be too sure.

 

When they arrived at the small event hall, Anya ushered Damian and the secretary inside. Jeeves was to remain with the car. She walked over to another agent, someone she had known from her training.

 

“Good day. Forger with Desmond. I was told to receive my gun from you.” She said, keeping her voice below a whisper. She had been instructed to keep her typical weapons stashed in her home, and to collect a new handgun on the mission. Since she recognised the agent, his hand holding his collar in code, she knew that now was her time.

 

“Hello, Starlight. Switch your blazer for this one. Everything you will need is in there. I have been told a hotel room key is placed in the left pocket lining. You are to not reach out until extraction.” The agent said, handing her a new blazer before walking to his new post.

 

Anya swiftly made her way to meet back up with the politician, scanning the room for anyone out of place. Before the event was to start, the room was only to be occupied by politicians and their local teams. Damian was representing his small office alone, with Lindsey acting as a personal assistant on the trip.

 

“The room is clear. It feels safe to assume that you will be safe during this event. As it is televised, the only people that we expect to join us in this hall will be journalists and camera crews. You will have to remain by my side until your speech though, I do apologise.” Anya explained. The secretary nodded and Damian shrugged.

 

“Sure. It’ll be like the old days, where you refused to leave my side even if I was ill.” Damian laughed softly. Anya had missed that laugh. But she had to shake the thought away, needing to stay focused.

 

“You were my best friend, Sy-on boy. But this time it is my job.” Anya laughed slightly. Her eyes kept scanning the crowd, glad to notice nothing out of place. She took a cup of coffee from Lindsey gratefully, as did Damian. As she was not important for the event, the older woman liked to busy herself with small tasks. When the speech was to begin, she was expected to meet with Jeeves.

 

As people began to trickle in, Anya pulled Damian further to the side. She was not risking having him mingle with someone that she had not had time to observe. He was due on stage soon too, and she couldn’t risk something happening before he made his debut.

 

The man’s speech was quick and simple, introducing himself as a new member of his political party - a contender for local elections. He thanked his team members for the opportunity before explaining his key values and hopes. It was well received, the crowd proudly clapping as he walked off of the stage.

 

“Now we leave. We don’t want to risk you staying here for longer than we should. Lindsey had directed Jeeves of where we are heading next.” Anya said, ushering Damian outside of the hall, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

 

“Do you know where we are going next? Lindsey typically tells me but with the rush this morning, I haven’t seen the itinerary.” Damian asked. He knew that he wasn’t due for a meeting or an event until the afternoon, but he was unsure of where they would be going for the time between.

 

“We are heading to an undisclosed office that I have connections to. There is a catering team there ready, waiting for us. The office has a few rooms, so if you would like privacy there is space to accommodate that.” Anya explained, walking to the car. Damian thanked her for the information before stepping into the car once again.

 

Jeeves drove them all to the office, taking a longer route through backroads as Anya had suggested. It took thirty minutes, but the journey was smooth and had no hiccups. When they arrived, Anya used a password decoded from cipher P to gain access to the building, directing everyone inside to the third floor.

 

“Here is the office. We will be visiting many different locations during your stay, and will not return here. Please ensure that you do not leave anything behind.” Anya said, looking between Damian, Lindsey and Jeeves. She showed them round, pointing out the two separate rooms and the kitchen, as well as the main seating area.

 

“I will be stationed by the door as it is the only way in or out of here. All windows are bullet proof and shatterproof, as well as one way visually. You will be safe here.” Anya finished, before sitting in the seat positioned next to the door.

 

Anya loved this office, it was her favourite that she could be based at. Sometimes, she and other underground agents worked there between assignments. It was a safe place to catch up on paperwork, and gossip. The only thing that they had to think about was that all Berlint agents had access. Unless it had been declared in use for a job, like this occasion.

 

“Can I get you something to eat or drink, Miss Forger?” the secretary asked. Anya thanked her but turned her away. If she had any more caffeine, her heart would explode, and she was still satisfied from her breakfast.

 

“Lindsey, Jeeves, why don’t you two relax. I saw in one of the rooms that there is a television. You two should use this time to take a break. I need to talk to Anya here, anyway.” Damian said to his employees. They nodded and took their drinks to the room, giving each other knowing looks.

 

“Is everything okay Mr Desmond?” Anya asked, raising an eyebrow as he pulled a chair over to sit opposite her.

 

“Anya, please just call me Damian.” He answered with a sense of urgency in his voice. It weirded him out to hear Anya call him anything but Sy-on boy or Damian, even though it had been many years since they had seen each other.

 

“Sorry. My training dictates-” Anya began, being cut off by Damian.

 

“I don’t care about your training. I’m telling you to call me by my name, and since you work for me that should smooth things over with your boss if they complain.” He said, running his hand through his hair as he leant back in the chair.

 

“Okay,” Anya said with a smile, “But what did you need to speak to me for? And in private that you had to kick out Jeeves and Lindsey?”

 

“Oh I just needed to ask you if you wanted to grab dinner with me tomorrow? Technically, you’d be on the clock still, but I would like to take some time to catch up. Just the two of us. I know a place that’s quiet, outside of the city.” He said, hoping that his desperation wasn’t seeping through his words.

 

He had missed Anya dearly when he was at university. For his other friends, Ewen, Emile, Becky and George, he had stayed in contact with them. They spent holidays together, went to each other's graduations, he even went to Ewen’s engagement party. But his mind never wandered from the pink haired girl, wanting to know how she was doing, where she ended up, if she missed him too.

 

“That would be nice, Damian. It has been too long since we spent time alone together. But as you said, I will be on the clock. Unfortunately, I will be until your time in the city centre has ended.” She agreed to the dinner.

 

Her mind was racing. The boy she had spent her younger years obsessed with had invited her to dinner. Not as a date, he would have made it explicit, but she would have time to talk to her old best friend again.

 

“I’ll amend the schedule for tomorrow then. I’ll tell Jeeves where to drive us, and I’ll tell Lindsey that I had some business to attend to and you needed to stay with me. They won’t bat an eye. I'm sure that Lindsey will actually prefer to have the evening off.” Damian said, pulling out the schedule that his secretary had left on one of the couches.

Notes:

this isn't the best chapter but it's needed to develop the story. it gets good soon i swear

please feel free to let me know how you found this chapter! i love getting feedback ^_^

Chapter 3

Summary:

Something happens to Damian, so they have to be relocated. To a place that Anya was expecting the least.

After a successful day, Damian and the team headed back to the hotel that they were staying at. WISE had sent extra security disguised as staff members, due to the whispers of an attack. Damian, Lindsey and Jeeves spent the evening celebrating the success of the day, sharing a single bottle of champagne between them.

 

As the clock struck midnight, Anya was relieved of her position. No attack had occurred and no agents had found evidence of plans. Everyone retired to their respective hotel rooms, Damian staying in the one where they had been celebrating. Somehow, Anya’s room was across the hall from Damian’s. She was glad, happy to know that if anything happened, she would be a split second away.

 

After only an hour of comfortable sleep, Anya was woken up to a loud crash from the room opposite. She threw on her blazer over her sweatpants and loose shirt, knowing that it had the materials needed to take down an offender. She ran through to Damian’s room and found him pinned against the wall by a masked suspect.

 

The suspect held a large, sharp knife against Damian’s neck, with their other hand holding his chest into the wall.

 

“Put him down, or I will shoot.” Anya said clearly, not taking her eyes away from the figure. She could feel a second presence creeping up behind her. In one swift move, she kicked the one behind her, sending them flying into the other wall. The person holding onto Damian flipped him in front of them, still holding the knife against his throat.

 

Anya fired a warning shot, luckily from a gun with a silencer to prevent waking any other patrons. She purposely missed, but the shock of the bullet flying past caused the attacker to drop Damian and run to the side. Anya ran after the attacker, using her skills in hand to hand combat to take them down. After a very simple few minutes, both of the figures had been tied up and left sitting by the door.

 

She called the police, alerting them of the attackers, stating that she was Damian’s bodyguard that had a valid weapons licence who had taken them down. It was only another hour before the attackers were arrested, leaving Damian and Anya alone in silence.

 

“Are you okay?” Anya breathed out, staring at the man that poured himself some scotch.

 

“Sure. You saved me, I didn’t get injured, and I got to see you in action. Want one?” He said, gesturing to the glass.

 

“No thank you, I can’t drink while on the job. We need to move you to a new hotel.” Anya said, pouring herself a glass of water before sitting down, hunching over when she realised she was technically in her night wear.

 

“We do. I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight, to be honest. I’ll cancel my morning meeting. It wasn’t important, just with someone from city hall. Wait, does this mean you need to stay with me tonight now?” Damian asked. He wasn’t wanting to cause Anya more stress than already with just being his bodyguard.

 

“Unfortunately, yes. I will be required to be with you 24/7 now. I had hoped that there wouldn’t have been an attack here, with the work my company had put into preventing it. But these things happen. I do need to change though. I can’t wear this.” Anya said, taking a break to yawn. She was exhausted, but she had the training to last five days without sleep. She would be fine.

 

“Oh. Yes, I hadn’t even noticed. I’ll stay here,” Damian said, settling onto the plush couch.

 

Anya walked out of the room, checking for any potential threats. She changed into her typical uniform, grateful for WISE’s planning ahead and leaving her changes of clothes in the room. She gathered her belongings, before heading back to Damian’s room.

 

She walked in, noticing how the man could barely keep his head up. His eyes were heavy, his hands relaxed as he held up his head.

 

“You should sleep. I’ll be fine waiting here. I need to call my boss and let them know about tonight anyway.” Anya said, pulling over a blanket and handing it to the man that smiled but shook his head in defiance.

 

“No, I’ll stay awake. I’ll sleep when we get to the next hotel. Someone should keep you awake after your phone call anyway.” He explained, motioning her to sit with him on the couch.

 

She walked over, rolling her eyes as he flashed her a cheeky grin, exactly the same as the one he would show her when they were kids.

 

She used the phone next to the couch to call Handler, a second time that day. “Forger here. I am requesting a new hotel. And secondary support.”

 

“Anya? You were instructed to not make contact again. What happened?” Sylvia’s tired voice rang out.

 

“Ma’am, I am with Desmond. There was an attack that was not prevented by those located here. We need to move locations, as soon as possible. Somewhere undocumented like the office from today.” Anya explained, cringing as she heard Handler sigh.

 

“Take him to your place, Starlight. No one is aware of the location, only me and your parents. If you disguise him, you’ll be able to slip through any suspicion. I’ll update the file when I get to the office. Goodnight.” Handler gave the orders and hung up.

 

“WHAT?!” Anya shouted down the phone, to no one on the receiving end. She immediately turned to apologise as she saw Damian jump, whacking himself in the face. She grumbled to herself, cursing her aunt out for being so unfair.

 

“Is everything okay? You look like you’re going to murder someone.” Damian asked, laughing to ease the woman.

 

“I could kill someone,” Anya mumbled. “Sorry! No, everything is fine. I’ve been directed to take you to a safe house. That means that Lindsey and Jeeves will have to go home, cutting their trip short. Company policy.”

 

“Okay…? And that warranted a heart attack from your shout because…?” Damian wanted to know what the big deal was. Sure it would be an inconvenience to lose his two team members for two weeks, but he could manage. If Anya was with him, his schedule and travel would be fine.

 

Anya groaned into her hands, wishing she never agreed to take the job. “Because the safe house is my home. And now I need to figure out a way of disguising you so our cover isn’t blown while we stay there.”

 

“Your home? Why would your boss make you go from a hotel to your home, with your protection detail?” Damian was confused. This wasn’t like anything he had heard of happening before.

 

“Because it is one of the most data protected locations for the company. Only three other people know that is where I live, my neighbours thinking it is my part-time address. And my boss really knows how to push my buttons.” Anya said, contemplating ways to torture her aunt when they next met.

 

“At least it will be safe, then. It’ll be weird going to your home though, and not seeing your parents. Well, going to your home in general.” Damian said, mind racing with thoughts of her home, how it would be laid out, what it would look like.

 

“Whatever you’re expecting of my place, it’s wrong. I basically live at the office when I’m not doing protection details like this. I only spend like ten percent of my time at home. It’s small and fairly empty.” Anya said, wanting to quash any of his high expectations.

 

“I wasn’t expecting anything. Maybe a singular SpyWars poster. Just because of how obsessed you were as a kid. Nothing else.” He said, watching as Anya subconsciously pulled at her hair from stress.

 

“Stop that,” Damian pulled her hand from her hair, instead keeping it in his. “That’s not good for you. I promise, it will be okay. I won’t go through your stuff, I won’t invade your space, I’ll stay out of your hair. It’s only until the convention anyway.”

 

“I trust you, of course I do. I just- No one has ever been to my home. Other than my parents and my boss. No one even has the address. It’s weird to be able to share it with someone after four years.” Damian squeezed her hand to comfort her.

 

“I can’t say that I understand, but I can say that it will be okay. With your skills, everything will go smoothly. And if I need to cancel some meetings so that we can work around your neighbours schedules to avoid suspicion, so be it.” He said, running his thumb over the back of her hand.

 

“Okay. It will be okay. This is fine. We need to make sure your stuff is all packed up so we can leave once Jeeves and Lindsey arrive in a few hours. Once we send them home, we will need to get you to my place before the neighbours leave for work.” Anya explained.

 

For the next few hours, Anya and Damian worked together to pack up all of his stuff. Having expected to stay at the hotel for nearly two weeks, he had three suitcases full of suits and general clothes, a hygiene kit and a bunch of paperwork that he needed for some meetings.

 

When it hit 7 in the morning, Jeeves and Lindsey both entered the hotel room. They were surprised to see Damian looking as if he hadn’t slept, as well as Anya with such a down expression.

 

“Sir, is everything okay?” Lindsey asked. She noted that he looked tired, mentally preparing to cancel his morning meeting.

 

“I have bad news. I was attacked last night so I am being relocated by Anya’s company’s choice. I don’t know where, it's an undisclosed place like that office we visited. You two are being sent home. It isn’t safe enough for you to stay. Anya and I can manage my schedule and transport.” Damian explained, throwing them both an apologetic look.

 

“Sir? You were attacked? Are you okay?” His secretary asked, concerned over him more than having to go home.

 

“I’m fine. Forger helped, the attackers were apprehended and I came out unscathed. But we need to head to the safe house soon, so we are sending you home now.” He replied.

 

“Understood, Mr Desmond. I will take Lindsey home once we are both packed up. Do call me tonight so I can update your team. And your mother.” Jeeves said, shaking Damian’s hand. Damian nodded, saying goodbye to his employees as they stepped out of the hotel room.

 

Anya and Damian dragged his luggage to the main desk, leaving their room keys and checking out. They thanked the clerk for their stay before walking to the nearby tube station. Anya was on high alert, checking everywhere for any suspicious activity.

 

“Anya, you’re the one that looks suspicious. It’ll be fine. Just relax. We’ll be at the apartment soon, without incident.” Damian whispered, squeezing her arm. He had always been good at grounding her when she was stressed.

 

It was a tense journey, but they arrived outside of Anya’s apartment just before anyone stirred from the other people that lived in the complex. Anya unlocked the door, letting Damian enter first, before closing it behind her. She cursed herself for leaving it so messy the previous morning, dirty dishes in the sink and a damp towel in front of the washing machine.

Notes:

and we are finally getting to the good part from here!

how did you find this chapter? and the story so far? please lmk! i love hearing feedback ^_^

Chapter 4

Summary:

They finally reach Anya's apartment. Some old feelings, forgotten memories, are rediscovered.

“I am so sorry for the mess. As you can tell, I wasn’t expecting to have anyone come and visit.” Anya apologised, hurriedly trying to throw the towel into the machine with some other dirty clothes.

 

“Chill out, shrimpy. It’s your home. It’s not supposed to be pristine. It’s so cute. It's very you.” Damian complemented, accidentally letting himself relax into his old persona.

 

“Shrimpy? Are we back in school Sy-on boy? And thank you. I tried my best with what I had to make it somewhere I enjoyed living. It’s good enough for its purpose right now.” Anya laughed, collapsing onto her couch. She could relax here, knowing that no one had seen her nor Damian enter.

 

“Shit sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that. Muscle memory I guess. And it is a really nice apartment. Very suited to you. I like the subtle hints to SpyWars everywhere, like the lampshade.” Damian said.

 

Anya whipped her head over to the man. He had recognised the lampshade? Didn’t he hate that show? How would he recognise it?

 

“I didn’t mind it. I’ve missed people calling me nicknames. I’m sick of ‘Forger’ or my work nickname, which no you can't know. And how on earth did you recognise the lampshade, Mr ‘I hate SpyWars, No I won’t watch it with you’?”

 

Damian chuckled, sitting on the couch next to her. “I started watching it at university. It reminded me of you. It helped when I struggled in my second year with some things. So now I know a lot of the references.”

 

“It reminded you of me?” Anya squeaked, feeling as if she had been transported back to her final year at Eden College where they would mindlessly flirt with each other.

 

“It did. I watched it whenever I missed you, and it became a comfort for the rest of my education.” He said, slowly relaxing enough to begin falling asleep.

 

Anya noticed his exhaustion so showed him to her room. She luckily had everything kept hidden in there, only having a set of pyjamas on the pillow. She told him to rest, bringing his bags into the room. He easily agreed, thanking her.

 

While he slept, Anya cancelled his meeting with city hall. She apologised on his behalf, but they told her that it was okay, having needed to cancel anyway due to scheduling conflicts.

 

She took her time to clean up, mopping the hardwood floors of the living space, finishing the washing up and even hanging her laundry to dry. Anya was grateful to have some time to tidy up. There were many random things dotted around, including her tattered chimera doll that had fallen from the windowsill.

 

She waited for the man to wake up, nearly falling asleep on the couch as she did. When she heard him shuffle around, changing into his relaxed outfit for the day, she jerked awake. She wasn’t used to hearing someone else in her home, so a sense of panic was expected. It took everything in her to not grab the gun hidden in her jacket that was draped over the armchair next to the couch.

 

“Thank you for letting me rest in your room Anya. Your pillows are so soft! That might have been the best sleep of my life.” Damian exclaimed, smiling at the woman tucked under a fluffy blanket.

 

“It’s no issue. I’m glad you had a good nap. Your morning was cancelled, and I checked your schedule - you didn’t have anything booked in this afternoon or this evening. So you can settle here, unpack or whatever.” Anya said, barely concealing her yawn.

 

“That sounds good. Where should I unpack my stuff? I’d assume your closet and side tables are full of your own belongings?” Damian asked, deciding to sit with Anya, stealing some of the blanket from her.

 

“Hey! Just ask, don’t snatch,” Anya joked, rolling her eyes, “But the left half of the closet is empty, same as the left end table. I don’t have enough stuff here. Most of my items are at work, hidden in my lockers or desks. I spend most of my time there so I tend to keep a lot of my stuff there.”

 

“You really do work too hard, Anya. It worries me. But thank you, I’ll unpack later. I’m comfortable now.” He said, furrowing his brows. He knew that she had mentioned not being at home very often, but he thought she was joking. What about her job as a bodyguard required her to be in an office for so long? Bodyguards he knew always worked on jobs, for the same person.

 

“Whatever, Sy-on boy. Make yourself at home, just avoid the office. I’ve got confidential papers about old jobs in there and if they’re compromised I’ll lose my job.” Anya sleepily explained, gesturing to the room that was behind a closed door.

 

“Sure, Anya. I’m going to make coffee. Do you want one?” He offered. The only response he got was a slow nod, and a slight grumble. He found it adorable, the way that she had stayed the very same Anya that he left on Graduation day.

 

When he walked back over with two mugs of coffee, with some sugar and milk, he found Anya knocked out, leaning her head on the arm of the couch. He shook her awake, worrying about her developing a crick in her neck and passed her the mug of coffee.

 

“Thank you. Sorry for falling asleep. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s been a while since I have had to stay awake this long. I’ll have to do some retraining.” She apologised, slowly sipping on her drink. She was cursing herself for not being able to do one of the most basic parts of her job, a task that her papa had trained her for when she first joined WISE.

 

“You should be able to fall asleep. It’s your home, after all. We’re safe here, and I don’t think there’s anything planned until tomorrow morning. Unless you’re still wanting to go on that date?” Damian said, making Anya choke on her drink.

 

“I forgot about that. I don’t think it would be a good idea to leave for food. What if we order in? We can still catch up, but we won’t be at risk here.” Anya suggested, happy to see Damian nod along enthusiastically.

 

“Do you want to nap before dinner? There’s a few hours until then. I don’t mind making myself busy while you do.” Damian offered, placing his empty mug onto the table.

 

“I’ll be okay, but thank you. And there wouldn’t be anything for you to do. But since we’re both here, do you want to watch SpyWars? I have them all on tape.” Anya suggested. Damian agreed, so the woman turned on the television and put the tape on. She started it from the very beginning, before sitting down on the couch, throwing the blanket over herself and Damian once again.

 

At some point during the third episode, Damian felt a weight on his arm. He carefully turned to find Anya having fallen asleep. His heart ached. It reminded him of the time before their final exams in their last year, when he had gone to the Forger residence to help Anya study. He was halfway through explaining a point about acids and bases, when she fell asleep and leant on his shoulder.

 

That moment was the solidifying moment of his love for her. He had a crush on her since they met, but he had repressed it. When that happened, he knew that she was someone he needed in his life. Having it happen again, four years since they had last seen eachother was bittersweet. His feelings hadn’t disappeared, but he no longer knew what she felt of him. If she even felt anything for him.

 

He let her sleep, turning his body carefully to let her sleep on his chest instead. He brought his legs onto the couch and carefully lifted her onto him. He held her in his arms, placing his chin on the top of her head. He wanted her to be comfortable, to sleep after such a busy task of protecting him. And selfishly, he wanted to hold her. He hadn’t for years, and didn’t know if he would again after this opportunity. So he wanted to, just this once.

 

She would never tell anyone, but when Anya woke up in Damian’s arms, with his head on top of hers letting out soft snores, she felt the safest she had since leaving school. She could feel his chest rise as he slowly breathed in and out, smelling his cologne on the shirt she was lying on, feeling his arms holding her protectively. She knew she couldn’t let it happen, couldn’t lead him on, but for a selfish moment, she stayed. She enjoyed the peace.

 

Damian woke up again a few minutes later, having sensed as Anya moved her hair out of her face. “Sorry, I thought you’d be more comfortable sleeping like this.” He apologised, releasing her from his hold.

 

“Don’t apologise. It was nice. Sorry for even falling asleep on you. You should have pushed me awake.” Anya replied, pulling away from him to straighten her hair.

 

“You looked too peaceful. And I fell asleep too, so it’s fine. What even is the time?” Damian asked, getting up to turn the television off. He noticed that the sky was darker, and some of the street lamps had been turned on.

 

“It’s 8 PM. Do you want to order some food? I can call one of the local places. I’ll buy us some wine as well.” Anya asked, reminding herself of the plans that they had intended to do that evening.

 

“Sure. Just order me anything, I don’t mind. I’ll unpack while you call them.” Damian said. Anya nodded along, so he headed to the bedroom to move the clothes and paperwork from his suitcase. He did not sit on the bed with his head in his hands, blushing at the fact that he had napped with Anya in his arms. He did not sit, his mind racing with thoughts of forgotten hopes and dreams for the future he had wanted with her.

 

Anya called a local diner, asking for the food to be delivered to her apartment, giving only the name ‘Forger’. She asked for a range of dishes, as well as two bottles of a red wine that she knew Damian had loved before they separated. She hoped that his tastes hadn’t changed.

 

The doorbell rang while Damian was still unpacking, and Anya was in the kitchen washing up the coffee mugs from the afternoon. She walked over to the door, checking to confirm it was the delivery driver. It was, so she opened the door and handed over the money for the food and wine, locking the door when the man had walked away.

 

Anya called Damian in, pulling some plates from the kitchen cupboard, as well as her two wine glasses. Damian walked in, soft smile on his face, hair still ruffled from their sleep.

Notes:

So it begins! Finally to the fun! I know this chapter feels a little short, but I wanted to use it to develop their history some more.

 

let me know how you found this chapter! i love getting feedback on my writing!!

Chapter 5

Summary:

It's date night! An emotional one at that. They share stories of their time apart and plans for the future.

Sitting opposite each other at the small table, Anya and Damian slowly ate the food and sipped on wine. Anya had chosen some dishes that she loved, as well as a dish that she remembered Damian had enjoyed when he had seen her and her parents last - hamburg steak with roasted garlic potatoes.

 

“So where do we begin? There’s so much that has gone on since graduation.” Anya asked, glancing at Damian as he smiled while drinking the wine. It was his favourite, and she had remembered.

 

“How about you tell me about work? I know that you were recruited straight from school, but how’s it been?” Damian asked. Their entire friendship group found out about her impending disappearance on the day they graduated. She had cried in Damian’s arms when she admitted to not being allowed to stay in contact with any of them.

 

“It’s been good. I finished my physical training pretty quickly. My boss was impressed with that. But I didn’t finish the rest until recently. I tend to work in the office, it’s more suited to my abilities. But when I’m needed, I’ll be sent out. Like for you and your protection.” Anya explained.

 

She wished to go into more detail, to tell him about previous missions, about how she had once been sent with a team of recruits to take down a smuggling ring, about how difficult the training was.

 

“I see. What does your office work entail? I don’t think I have ever heard of a bodyguard that sits in an office.” Damian inquired. He wasn’t trying to be nosy, he just wanted to learn more about her.

 

“Well I do a lot. I file paperwork for other people out on jobs, I help accounting sort funding for people, I help train new recruits in their hand to hand combat. A range of things really.” Anya said, sipping more of her wine. Thank god her father had taught her the art of handling her drink, or she would be letting information slip out of her. Sometimes, the skills of a spy could be useful.

 

“No wonder you’re so busy. I bet you have so many connections now. In and out of the city.” Damian said.

 

“Yeah, I guess I can be quite busy. And I do have a few connections here and there. But I bet nothing that compares to you, Damian.” She smirked, changing the conversation to focus on him.

 

“I’ve always had many connections. You know my family history. But I have developed some good ones recently. There’s a Westalis diplomat based in Bayan that I met on my graduation from university. He helped me land the job I have now.” Damian explained, not noticing as Anya’s eyes widened in shock at the description of the Westalian diplomat. That diplomat was someone she had met during her training, a key informant for WISE.

 

“Wow! You sure are big time for a recent candidate. I guess you must be busy as well, not just for events like the open political meeting.” Anya said, choosing to eat one of the garlic potatoes on her plate.

 

“Yeah, I can be quite busy. Not like this though. I’ll have a meeting every day or two and I often sit in my own office catching up on paperwork and missed correspondence. This event is much busier than normal though. Today’s day off is definitely a fluke.” He sighed. He loved his job, and was grateful for the opportunities that came with it, but he was exhausted from being needed for something all the time. A break would be nice sometimes.

 

“Hopefully there will be more time in a few days. I’m sure I can move some of your schedule around to make a chance for free days. Even if it does mean you have one particularly busy day.” Anya suggested, already knowing what she could change to free up some time.

 

“We should discuss it after the charity event tomorrow. There’ll be time to sit and manage it then.” Damian said, knowing that he would be busy until the afternoon the next day.

 

“Sure! But anyway, tell me about university! How was it? Did you meet anyone special? Did you get up to anything interesting?” Anya was desperate to hear about the boy’s time. Since she never went, hearing a detailed memory of it would have to suffice.

 

“It was awful, to be completely honest with you. The course itself was fine, learning about the history of Ostania and Westalis, as well as the politics. But it was very isolating. Being in a new city was terrifying, especially without anyone that I knew at Eden.” Damian said. He wanted to add ‘It was harder to be away from you than I expected,” but he knew that it would be too far.

 

“Oh, Damian. I’m so sorry. Did you not get to see Becky or the guys?” She asked, heartbroken that he hadn’t enjoyed his time. It was a thought that powered her through her first set of training, the knowledge that he would be okay.

 

“I did, but it never felt right. Not when you weren’t there. And I didn’t see them very often. Maybe six times in total. I still call and write to them sometimes, but everyone is busy with their own lives. We are meeting after the convention though.” Damian said offhandedly.

 

“Oh that will be nice for you all. I hope it goes well. Tell me, how did you survive the isolation at university?” She asked, hoping to gather some tips for when she had to go back to being an agent for WISE, alone and hidden.

 

“I barely scraped through, Anya. I told you about SpyWars. I barely attended lectures for months. It wasn’t until Jeeves visited that I finally accepted my position. It didn’t get easier, but I found ways to distract myself. I joined a lacrosse team which really took time away from my mind.” He recalled, remembering how lacrosse was something he could put his everything into, leaving him less time to miss Anya.

 

“Enough about my time at university. Has anything big happened since you left Eden?” Damian pushed away the conversation, finished with thinking about an emotionally painful time.

 

“Nope! I work all the time, I barely leave the office or this apartment, and my parents are both semi-retired, so I don’t see them very often since they’re either working or on luxurious holidays like in Frigis or Hugaria.” Anya said. It was the truth, she never had time to do anything exciting.

 

“Oh, that’s a shame. You should really ask for some time off, Anya. It isn’t healthy to work as much as you do.” He said, concern lacing his voice.

 

“I wish,” she snorted, “I think my boss would laugh in my face and then hand me another job. As much as she is amazing, she doesn’t believe in free time unless you’re injured or recovering from an intense mis- security job.”

 

Damian frowned. This boss lady sounded tough, and somewhat mean.

 

“I promise, I can handle it. I don’t have anything else in my life to do anyway, so work is like an escape from a heavy silence.” Anya said, cheerfully pouring herself some more wine. Damian frowned harder but did not press on.

 

“So, Anya, what are your plans for the near future? Say, your five year plan?” Damian asked. Everyone he knew had a five year plan, a list of things that they wanted to achieve.

 

“I’m not too sure. I want to progress in my job. I know that my current boss is looking for her successor, I would enjoy what she does. No more dealing with weird men or long form protection details. I don’t know what else to say. Sorry,” Anya quietened down when she saw Damian’s disappointed face.

 

“Just your job? Nothing else? No family, no husband, no life?” He asked.

 

“They’re not things I get to think about with my job. I wouldn’t have time. It wouldn’t be fair on someone to rely on me.” She said, a tone of finality in her voice. While she knew that her father had succeeded, many agents didn’t. Most lived and died for WISE, and that was her expectation too. “But what about you? Do you have a five year plan?”

 

“Sort of. I don’t know what I want from work. I’m still on the fence with my job. I know that I want to move back to central Berlint. It would be nice to be in a solid relationship, but I’m more than aware of how difficult that will be with my work.” He said. He refused to say that he wanted to be with her, and if he wasn’t then he would rather be alone.

 

“So we’re in a similar boat it seems. It doesn’t shock me though, we always did seem to be on the same page for everything,” Anya laughed. Damian laughed too, agreeing with her. They really always had been two peas in a pod.

 

“Are you finished? I’ll go and wash up, you can go sit on the couch with your wine, Damian.” Anya stood up to clear away the dishes.

 

“Can I help? I don’t want to get in the way, but since I’m intruding in your space I should at least help with the housekeeping.” He said, wanting to not feel as if he was using the woman’s kindness unfairly.

 

“Sure. If you dry whatever I wash, then it will go much faster.” She replied, happy to have someone help her with such a mundane task. In a comfortable silence, they washed the dishes and put them away. A task that would usually take fifteen minutes was completed in five.

 

“We should think about sleeping soon. We have an early start, since it will take us an hour to reach the charity event from here.” Anya said after the pair had sat down on the sofa, leaning on each other slightly.

 

“We should. But I'd quite like to stay here for a while. I’ve missed you and this is nice. Is that bad?” Damian asked, his drunkenness finally washing over his body.

 

Anya giggled, not having expected him to be quite so forward with his thoughts. “It isn’t bad. I’ve missed you too. I like having you back in my life.”

 

“I like having you back in mine. It’s as if I can breathe again.” Damian’s typical filter was gone. He was saying whatever he was thinking, and not realising it.

 

“I really missed you during my training. I wrote letters, would you believe. I still have them all, every single one from the past few years. I’m sorry you never got to see them, Damian.” She apologised, leaning into him more.

 

The man placed his head on top of hers, leaning into her as well. “One day, you’ll have to let me read them.” Damian yawned, signalling the end of their night. Anya told him to sleep, which he agreed to do. With a small wave, he disappeared behind the door and immediately passed out when his head hit the pillow.

 

Anya made a bed on her couch, using the blankets and throws that she had lying around for cold days. She couldn’t help but cry a single tear as her heart hurt from the memories shared. She had long given up on wanting to love someone, even the boy she had grown to love from school. But she couldn’t help but want to go back, to change her choices, to let the relationship that could’ve been grow.

 

She struggled to sleep, her mind flipping as she remembered how sincere Damian was with her, how much his thoughts were screaming at him to confess his buried feelings. She silently cried herself to sleep, the first time since her training, hurt by the situation she had gotten herself into.

Notes:

i quite like this chapter. i'm sorry that it's so dialogue heavy. it made sense when i was writing it.

 

i hope you liked it. if you did or if you didn't please let me know! i love receiving feedback from you guys ^_^

Chapter 6

Summary:

Damian has a charity event to get to. Some familiar faces are seen. Anya doesn't fare too well with it all.

Anya’s alarm woke both of the two when it sounded. With a groan, Anya pushed herself up from the floor, where she had landed wrapped in the blankets after falling off sometime in her sleep. Before her eyes could fully clear themselves of the remnant of sleep, Anya heard a chuckle from across the room.

 

“Still unable to keep still in your sleep, Forger?” Damian laughed, finding it hilarious as she could barely push herself from the floor to stick her tongue out at him.

 

“Whatever. Go shower so I can get ready after you.” Anya said, rolling her eyes as she folded up the blanket. She needed him to go first so she could run to her room and pick up her clothes for the day.

 

“I’ve already been in. Can you not see my wet hair? Can you actually see?” Damian laughed softly, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee.

 

“Oh,” Anya said, rubbing her eyes to clear them, “I guess I wasn’t looking. I’ll grab some clothes and use the bathroom then.”

 

Anya made her way to her bedroom, opening the door carefully. She saw how Damian had left it spotless, suitcases tucked away in a corner, bed made perfectly. She plucked another set of her basic uniform out of the closet, choosing a more comfortable pair of shoes - knowing that boots would be a better choice with the amount of walking they were due to do.

 

As she let the hot water run over her body, Anya’s mind flashed to thinking about Damian. How he was already so comfortable, slipping into her domestic life. How he had been incredibly kind to her the previous night, how he held her with a delicate touch. She knew that she had to shake the thoughts away, but she couldn’t. Her mind was flooded with images of the boy she had never expected to see again.

 

“Anya! We need to leave in like twenty minutes! Get out of the shower, ditzy,” Damian’s voice broke Anya from the chains of her mind, causing her to curse loudly when she realised that she had zoned out. She nearly fell from the shower, quickly changing and brushing her teeth simultaneously.

 

“Sorry, sorry! Just need to dry my hair, give me a minute!” Anya called out, nearly slipping on the floor as she ran from the bathroom to her room to find her hairdryer. She resigned herself with the knowledge that she would have to leave her hair down, not having enough time to put it up, nor style it. She applied some lip gloss before tying her boots and running to meet Damian by the front door.

 

“Okay,” Anya said, nearly out of breath, “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

Damian passed her a cup of coffee in a cardboard cup, something she had many of due to often running late. The woman took it gratefully, flashing him a small smile before pulling him through the dark corners of the apartment complex.

 

“So, how are we getting to the charity event Anya?” Damian asked, noticing how Anya stared at her watch.

 

“We are getting the bus, which is due to arrive any second now, into the city. Then we will change over to a tube line that will take us a few blocks from the event. We will walk the rest of the way.” Anya explained. She looked up and noticed the bus, empty as usual.

 

“Hey, Ronnie. I’m buying his ticket too.” Anya said, stepping onto the bus. This driver was an undercover WISE agent, tasked with following some members of the transportation council and discovering whether they had ties to an underground mafia that WISE had been investigating.

 

“Sure. How are you doing Anya? Work seems to be keeping you busy,” The man looked over to the clueless politician. Anya just laughed, agreeing.

 

When the bus pulled away from the stop, Anya and Damian had chosen to sit near the back. Damian watched fondly as Anya stared out of the window, always making sure that they weren’t being tailed. He placed a hand on her shoulder, “We’re fine, Anya. You mustn’t worry so much.”

 

Anya shook her head, stating that it was her job to always be aware. She had to always check her surroundings, her heightened senses dampened when she also had to think about protecting the person next to her - their thoughts often affecting her senses.

 

The bus journey was long, but due to it being early morning, no other patrons joined them. When they reached the tube station, more people were around. It was still quiet for a city, but there were more people around than Anya had wanted. She grabbed Damian’s hand and dragged him along.

 

“Don’t let go. I can’t take risks.” Anya said as they reached the platform. She was using her sunglasses to disguise the way she repetitively checked her peripheral vision. Damian’s hand held on tighter in acknowledgement. When their train arrived, they stuck themselves in the corner, keeping away from other commuters. The journey on the train was short, only four stops.

 

Damian did not let go of Anya until they left their arrival station. He only let go because Anya’s hand had relaxed from his grip. They walked through the streets, taking a few extra turns before arriving at the location of the charity event.

 

There was event security waiting by the door, a clipboard full of names. Anya introduced them as ‘Desmond party’ which immediately granted them access. She felt her heart fall to the floor when she saw how many people were at the event.

 

With her training, Anya had worked on her ability to be in large crowds. She was much better than she was as a child, especially now that she could control her ability. But events like this often were difficult. Too many thoughts would slip through her defences and she would get overwhelmed, causing her focus to drift and her nose to even bleed on bad occasions. Luckily, she no longer fainted.

 

Damian noticed as the woman to his side stilled. He looked at her concerned, silently asking if she was okay.

 

“I’m fine. Let’s get you to where you need to be. I think I saw that you were supposed to sit at table 8.” Anya said, more curtly than she had meant to. She didn’t want him to ask. He shouldn’t have noticed her hesitation. She apologised for her tone when his expression turned from concern to shock.

 

They navigated the hall, barely managing to avoid bumping into some people. They found the table, where Damian sat down and was handed a glass of water by a waiter. Anya was left to stand nearby, next to some other bodyguards.

 

The event was an all day task, with a sit down meal once everyone had arrived, a charity auction, a private concert and a cocktail hour before the end. Everyone was directed to sit at specific tables, designed to mix diplomats, celebrities and other invited guests. The main goal for the event was to allow people to network, as well as donate to the children’s hospital charity.

 

It was a long event, Anya having to scan the area and keep her eyes on Damian. She didn’t allow herself to mingle with others, like some bodyguards had decided to do. With there being event security, personal security tended to relax, not expecting the worst. But with Anya’s experience, she knew that anything could happen at any moment.

 

While she was scanning the crowd, a hand tapped her on the shoulder. On reflex, she turned and pinned the person to the wall, twisting their arm behind their back.

 

“What the fuck, Anya.” A muffled high pitch voice said. Anya looked down and gasped. Becky Blackbell, her childhood best friend, in a gorgeous designer dress, was who she was pinning to a wall. Guiltily, Anya let the woman free, checking to see she wasn’t about to be attacked by another bodyguard. Luckily, no-one had noticed.

 

“Becky?” Anya asked, turning back to the girl that was rubbing her arm in pain. “I am so sorry! I thought you were a threat!” Anya apologised, her voice trembling. The Blackbell group was powerful, and she could lose her entire civilian identity if she didn’t smooth things over immediately.

 

“What are you doing here, Anya? And in that suit?” Becky asked, looking her old friend up and down. She hadn’t heard anything about Anya after leaving Eden to train for her career, so seeing her at such a high end event was a surprise.

 

“I’m here for work. I’m a hired bodyguard. I’m assuming that you’re here on behalf of your family business?” Anya asked, taking a break to scan for Damian in the room. Her heart stopped when he was nowhere to be found.

 

“That sneaky man. Where has he gone?” Anya hissed to herself, ignoring what Becky was saying. She pulled her hair up behind her, irritated with the way it was affecting her vision. She decided to use her bracelet to tie her hair up, not caring about the pain of her hair pulling.

 

Becky stopped talking, realising that Anya had become engrossed in watching the crowd. She saw as Anya locked eyes on someone, immediately relaxing.

 

“Are you okay?” Becky asked, looking inquisitively as Anya wiped sweat from her brow.

 

“I am now. I do apologise for ignoring you. I couldn’t see Mr Desmond which was an issue. I now see him talking to a waiter, so I can relax.” Anya explained.

 

“Desmond? As in Damian? Do you work for Damian now?!” Becky barely held back a screech. Why had no one told her that Anya worked for Damian? Why hadn’t Damian told her when they last met? Why hadn’t Anya reached out?

 

“Huh? No. I work for a private company. I’m working on request of Mr Desmond’s team, just for the duration of his stay in the city. I typically work away, outside of events like this.” Anya said, relaxed that she was still able to keep her eyes on the man she was meant to protect.

 

Becky sighed, an emotion that Anya could not determine. “I see. So you won’t have been in the city long. And won’t be staying for very long either. It’s a shame, I’d really like to catch up sometime. Take my business card, you should call me when you’re off work.” Becky walked away, her brown hair flowing with each step.

 

Anya stood, stuck in her place. She wanted to chase after the woman, engulf her in a hug and tell her how much she missed her. But she had to remain on guard, following protocol for her protection detail. Becky had other defences, she was Damian’s only protection.

 

As the day progressed, Anya watched as Damian mingled with people he did and didn’t know from other events. He easily navigated through the crowds, made simple conversation with people, and donated large sums of money during the auction.

 

Her mind, while still on protecting the man, was getting more and more overwhelmed. Some guests had turned up late, making the room go from full to overflowing. Anya didn’t realise how busy it was until she felt something run from her nose. Blood.

 

She cursed, her body feeling weaker as she scanned the crowd. Damian had gone missing again. She stumbled over to a better post, a place that gave her a clearer view of the room. Focused on finding the man, she ignored how a deep red stain was developing over her face and shirt.

 

“Shit! Anya, are you okay?” Damian turned up in front of her, as if he had teleported. Anya felt herself relax once again, knowing that the man was safe and in front of her.

 

“Oh thank god you’re here. Are you okay? How do you keep slipping from my field of view you minx?” Anya joked, her head feeling woozy.

 

“We’re going. I’ve said my goodbyes. Let’s go back to the apartment,” Damian said, pulling his bodyguard out of the grounds, ignoring the stares they got on the way.

Notes:

part 1 of 2 for the day. the beginning of some drama!

 

i hope you're enjoying the fic so far. feel free to leave feedback, i love hearing if people like or can see improvements for what i write ^_^

Chapter 7

Summary:

The aftermath of the charity event. Anya panics.

Notes:

mentions/light descriptions of panic attacks and dissociation

“I am so sorry. Fuck, I’m going to be in so much trouble. I’ll find someone to replace me for the rest of the trip. I am so sorry Damian.” Anya paced in her apartment, having spent the journey home in silence. She was wearing an oversized jumper that she didn’t recognise, having been given to her when she walked in by Damian as he looked at her in worry.

 

She had peeled off her bloody shirt and thrown it in the wash when she walked in, uncaring of Damian. She couldn’t wear it any longer or she would completely break down, from embarrassment and disappointment. She had been scrounging around for a new shirt when Damian handed the jumper to her.

 

“I’m going to call someone to relieve me, find someone that can support you better. I’ll make sure that you get placed somewhere safe. Oh fuck, they’ll relocate me now. Damn it, I need to think about packing. I am so sorry, Mr Desmond.” Anya could barely keep her voice straight, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

 

Without thinking, Damian threw his arms over Anya, bringing her into a hug. He needed to ground her. He remembered from their time at Eden that when she rambled like this, she was as good as a ghost.

 

“Stop apologising. Nothing went wrong, you don’t need to get replaced, no need to move me. I don’t know what your mind is telling you, but I am telling you to calm down.” Damian whispered, running a comforting hand up and down her back.

 

“And now he’s comforting me. Anya you are such a failure, this is why you aren’t allowed on the field as often. Think, Anya, think.” The woman mumbled to herself, barely reacting to the man’s touch.

 

He pinched her arm, trying to shock her into becoming present in her surroundings. It worked, and she pulled away with an ‘ouch.’

 

“Anya? Are you back?” He asked, uncaring of how his voice was garbled from worry.

 

“Yeah. Sorry. I need to make a phone call,” Anya ran to her room, closing the door behind her. There was a phone in there, and she needed to call for help.

 

Damian was pacing in the living space when there was a knock at the door. Anya was still in the bedroom, and he couldn’t hear her steps to indicate intention of answering. He looked through the peephole and was shocked to see a dishevelled Mr Forger - Anya’s father.

 

“Mr Forger?” Damian asked, opening the door to the man.

 

“Mr Desmond. Hello,” the man said breathlessly, “where’s Anya?”

 

He pointed to the bedroom, watching as the man sprinted over. The apartment was silent, all apart from muffled cries from the woman behind the closed door.

 

After twenty minutes, Loid and Anya walked out of the room, both looking calmer than before. Anya walked him to the door, engulfing him in a tight hug before sending him on his way. “Please don’t tell Aunt Sylvia. Don’t let her pull me from this. I’ll tell her when I see her next, I promise.”

 

With a sad smile, Loid replied, “Sorry Anya. She already knows. I was in a meeting with her when your call came through. She’ll likely be in contact by the end of the day. Make sure you’re in. I’ll see you later.” The man silently walked away, leaving Anya to sigh frustratedly as she closed the door.

 

“I am so sorry Damian. I can only imagine that you want an explanation. And you deserve one, especially after you had to drag me away from the event that I was supposed to be working for you at.” Anya said, trying to plaster on a fake smile as she walked over to sit on the couch next to him.

 

“Yeah, an explanation would be nice. But making sure you’re okay would be better. You gave me such a fright, I was worried you had been attacked or drugged.” He replied, giving her hand a comforting squeeze.

 

“I’m okay now. I got overwhelmed when I lost sight of you at the event, too many sounds and smells as well as the panic that something had happened on my watch. Do you remember when we were at Eden, in third year, and I fainted and my nose was bleeding really bad? I still have that, but I no longer faint. I become weaker, it’s like my body shuts down. It hasn’t happened in a while, so I panicked harder when I realised that was what was happening when you dragged me back here.” She started, unable to look at the man.

 

“I disassociated, something that I do when I really panic. When you grounded me, I realised what had happened. Papa is good at helping me. He always drops everything for me,” she said, feeling guilty, “and since I knew that I needed someone to help me because I couldn’t focus on this job, I called him. He helped me to relax, and understand what would happen from here.”

 

Damian nodded, following her story. It had been terrifying, watching as his friend became a shell of herself. Seeing the blood pour from her nose, her eyes turn glassy, her demeanour switch from poised to weak. He was glad to see her back to nearly normal after talking with her father.

 

“He isn’t sure what will happen from here. My boss will know. She will be here soon I reckon. Knowing her, she'll be here in less than an hour. I’m not sure what she’ll say. You need to prepare to be taken and relocated. I might not be seen as good enough for your protective detail anymore.” Anya sighed. She wished she wasn’t cursed by her ability, and was able to spend this next week with her friend. After this, she may never see him again.

 

“I hope not. You’ve been perfect this entire time. No one can fault you for your condition. I remember that it was something to do with crowds, that’s why you fainted in third year. I’ll ask to stay with you, to not be relocated. I’m sorry for disappearing in the crowd. I thought you had seen me signal to you that I was coming over anyway.” Damian said, pulling the woman in for a hug. It was weird, comforting someone that was tasked with protecting him. But it was Anya, and for her, he would hold her as long as she needed.

 

Anya sniffled into his shirt, laughing a watery apology. He reminded her to stop apologising. It wasn’t her fault. The event was much busier than it should have been anyway, and she had done her job in keeping him safe. They sat like that for an unknown amount of time, in silence as Anya’s breathing became more relaxed.

 

“Anya?” A woman’s voice called into the apartment, having entered without knocking. Anya jumped up, straightening her clothes as much as she could.

 

“Ma’am.” Anya’s voice was stone, a stark change from the softer, weaker voice she had held earlier.

 

“Oh Anya,” the woman sighed, her face falling as she saw the state of the girl. “Come here.” She opened her arms which the girl walked into.

 

“I am so sorry. So, so sorry for disappointing you. You trusted me to look after him and instead he had to look after me. I’d understand if you want me to switch with someone else.” Anya said, trying to keep her voice as unwavering as she could.

 

“Oh goodness, no! A small slip up is expected. You can’t help when your… condition… affects you like it did. You’re safe, Desmond is safe, nothing has happened. You have been doing your job as expected - to the highest level.” The woman comforted the younger in her arms.

 

Anya pulled away from the woman, face still low. She waved Damian over, who walked over hesitantly.

 

“Mr Desmond,” the lady said, “I’m Miss Forger’s boss. And aunt. How lovely to meet you.” She shook his hand, laughing at his confusion.

 

“Wait, what?” he asked, looking between the two women.

 

“She was the one that recruited me out of Eden. She’s also family but not by blood. She was basically papa’s older sister. She was the one that gave me this job protecting you, and the one that decided to locate us at my home.” Anya explained, shooting a pointed look at the end of the sentence.

 

“I am. I’m also here as both Anya’s boss and aunt. When I heard about her episode, I panicked. But I also had to work out the logistics of the remainder of your trip. Choosing who to replace her for your care isn’t a simple task.” Sylvia said.

 

“There’s no need to replace Miss Forger. As you said earlier, she has been doing her job to the highest level. Not once have I seen her focus fall from her task. Even when her condition flared, her only focus was on me. She didn’t allow herself to think about herself until we were safe, in this apartment.” Damian said, wanting to convince the woman to let him stay with her. It was too soon to say goodbye again.

 

“I can appreciate that, Mr Desmond, but Miss Forger cannot cope with an event of that calibre again.” Sylvia started to explain.

 

“Then I won’t turn up to another. I can say that I am ill, or that I have scheduling conflicts. As long as I make it to and from the convention next Wednesday, everything else can be forgotten. My team will not mind, considering I have already done two major public events recently.” Damian interrupted. Anya’s aunt gave him a look, as if she was trying to formulate a response.

 

“Mr Desmond, our job is to ensure that you have a safe and successful visit in Berlint. Our team was hired to ensure that leading up to the convention, you are safe from threats and can fulfil tasks set by your seniors. I’m not sure whether letting you change your schedule so drastically would keep your bosses satisfied.” The woman argued. As much as she wanted Anya to reconnect with her old life, she had a duty to protect those seen as important for Westalis.

 

“I assure you, everything will work out. I will work with Miss Forger to find a way around the larger events, while still keeping the head of the party satisfied. I will work better, with a clearer mind, knowing that Anya is with me. I honestly wouldn’t trust anyone else as much as I do her.” The man argued back. He didn’t want to step down from the fight. He wanted to stay with Anya, as long as possible.

 

“I promise that I will find a way to succeed. Ma’am we both know that this job is well within my capacity, today just happened to be much more stressful than expected due to unexpected guest arrivals. If I remain diligent, what happened will not happen again. And I promise to take myself off the field and complete retraining once I finish this detail.” Anya said, turning her focus onto the work.

 

“Age- Anya. You are to reach out to debrief every two days. If there is wind of another incident, you will be extracted and stripped back to basic training.” Sylvia said, looking at her niece over her glasses as she tilted her head. “I will bring you that coffee I owe you next Thursday. I want you in my office, operative file in hand. Good evening.”

 

When the woman left the apartment, Anya sighed in relief. She wasn’t being extracted from the mission. She was trusted to keep Damian safe. Damian trusted her. Damian wanted her to stay with him.

Notes:

Damian didn't want to let her go :( Anya didn't want to let him go either :(

how did you find this chapter? feel free to let me know in the comments!

Chapter 8

Summary:

It's the day before the convention and Damian has a day off. He asks Anya to show him something no one else has ever seen before.

For the rest of the week, until Tuesday morning, Damian and Anya fell into a simple routine. They would start the day with Anya’s alarm ringing through the apartment. Damian would shower as Anya adjusted to the daylight, and then he would make them both coffee as she showered.

Most mornings, Anya had to take Damian to meetings - often with Westalian diplomats, or other members of his political party. She sorted their travel to and from the apartment. Most afternoons had Damian needed for press events. They had cancelled two, due to the expectation of large crowds forming.

 

Throughout the day, Damian would ask how Anya was faring. She would ask the same in return. They had settled back into the friendship, as if there hadn’t been over four years of absence.

 

In the evenings, they would watch SpyWars together. Anya would pour them both wine, and they would relax and enjoy each other's company. Anya would feel tired, and more often than not fall asleep on Damian. Every time, his heart ached for more, and he held her as if she was going to disappear.

 

On the day before the convention, Damian had a free day. No meetings, no press events, no charity events. He had the day off. Anya had turned off her alarm, letting him sleep in. He woke up in the late morning to the smell of freshly cooked pancakes.

 

He walked out of the bedroom, still in his nightwear and messy hair, and was greeted by an energetic woman, covered in flour with a joyous smile on her face.

 

“What’s this Anya?” Damian asked, “If you are Anya, that is. The Anya I know never wakes up before me.”

 

The woman laughed lightly, rolling her eyes. “Whatever Damian. I let you sleep in, but I woke up to the sun flowing through the curtains. I decided to make breakfast, considering that this will be your last breakfast here.”

 

“It smells excellent. Thank you.” He replied, picking up the mug of coffee she had placed for him on the countertop.

 

They sat at the table, plates of pancakes and fresh fruit in front of them. Anya’s smile was bigger than Damian had seen the entirety of his stay. Even with messy hair, flour over her face, and the clothes that she had slept in, Damian found Anya to be the most beautiful person that he knew.

 

Anya choked on the bite. Damian’s thought had slipped by, surprising her. He still thought she was beautiful? Her blush matched her hair.

 

“Are you okay?” Damian asked, concerned by the coughing and the deeping blush on her face.

 

“Yep! My food just went down the wrong way. I’m going to get some water.” Anya pushed her chair away from the table to get up. She walked to the kitchen, trying to cool her cheeks with the back of her hands.

 

She knew that he still liked her as a friend, something that never left from school. She even knew that he liked her as more than a friend back during their time in Eden. She hadn’t expected those feelings to have stayed as well. Anya wanted to let herself reciprocate the feelings, to let herself love and be loved. But with her job, she couldn’t.

 

“All good?” Damian asked softly when she walked back to her chair. She nodded, telling him to stop worrying and to just eat his breakfast. He laughed, but complied.

 

When the food had been eaten, the two worked together to wash up - something that they did after every meal they spent together. It was beautifully domestic, the silence enjoyable.

 

“I’m going to be honest with you, Anya. I can’t be bothered to do anything today. It’s been so long since we had nothing to do, I’d like to enjoy the time by doing absolutely nothing.” Damian said, facing the woman. She laughed at him, noticing as his eyebrow raised.

 

“Sure, Damian. Works for me. At least I don’t have to change into uniform today - I don’t have any left as they’re all in the wash.” She shrugged, glad to not have to rush around to find clothes that would work if they had to leave the apartment.

 

The two settled onto the couch, Anya leaning into the man. Over the time that they had spent together, she no longer hesitated before breaking his personal space. He didn’t mind, pulling her closer.

 

“Anya?” Damian’s voice piped up after a comfortable hour.

 

“Yes?” She replied, pulling herself away to look at him.

 

“Would you show me those letters? The ones you told me about last week? I can’t stop thinking about them.” He asked, running a hand through his hair.

 

She hesitantly agreed, walking to the office and coming back with a short stack of letters, stuck in unopened envelopes.

 

“I can’t promise that you’ll like what is in every single one. Some are shorter than others. A lot of them are painful.” Anya said, her voice low. She knew that he deserved to see them, having told him about them. But this was a large part of her life, something no one else had seen.

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Dear Damian,

 

I know that you will never get to read this letter. For that I apologise. I wish I held you tighter, for longer, yesterday. I wish we got to have a real goodbye, a real celebration of our achievements. I’m sorry that I can’t be there with you for Becky’s party. Becoming a [redacted] means that my life has to be stripped back, to almost disappear from existence.

 

I hope that your summer has started well. You deserve the best future. I’m sorry that I can’t be there to see it.

 

I’ll write to you as often as I can, even if you never get to see these letters.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Dear Damian,

 

I haven’t had a chance to write again until today. I’m sorry for making you wait two weeks. I got injured pretty badly during my training. [redacted] and [redacted] means that I am behind. I hope to catch up to my fellow recruits. I’ve been instructed to stay on bed rest for the rest of the week, but that’s pretty boring when you’re alone in a place you don’t know.

 

I was told that I can [redacted] soon, I hope that puts me ahead of everyone else.

 

I hope that you are still enjoying your summer break. I know that you still have a while until you’re meant to head to Bayan. Say hi to Becky and the boys for me. I miss you all, so much. Isolation is so difficult. The friendships I have formed with other recruits aren’t real. I have to remember that. Most of them will flunk out, [redacted] or [redacted].

 

I yearn for an update about you. I miss you the most. My heart aches to see you again.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian!

 

I passed my physical training, months faster than any other recruit! I hope you’re proud of me. Papa said he couldn’t be happier, but I know that he’s worried about me.

 

I’ve been having dissociative spells, and it’s hindering my progress in the rest of my training. I was projected to finish in only two years, but with that, I might take four. Four entire years living away, being alone.

 

I hope you’re enjoying university. How’s the course? Have you made any friends? Found someone special yet? Six months in, I’d expect you to be living your best life.

 

I hope you’re faring better than I am. I don’t want to worry you, but I really am struggling here. But knowing that I will [redacted] means that I will be okay.

 

I’m unsure as to when I can next write. I’m being sent to [redacted] for some more training. Everything I have is being left behind.

 

I miss you, everyday.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian.

 

I hate it here. [redacted] is making my life hell. I wish that I never agreed to be [redacted].

 

Recently, I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you, I miss how you hugged me, I miss the scent of your cologne, I miss how you called me mean names or joked with me when I annoyed you.

 

I wish we could have stayed friends. I wish we could have had a future together. I wish I never [redacted].

 

I’m sorry.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian,

 

It’s been two whole years since we last saw each other. Time passes differently here, but I saw the date and I cried. I cried so much that my boss had to let them sedate me. Apparently I dissociated, again. I threw a chair at someone that tried to talk to me. I don’t remember any of this. The other person was fine but I was [redacted].

 

I don’t understand what is happening. It’s like I lost you, and the best part of me disappeared with you.

 

How is university? You’re heading into your final year soon. I hope you still talk to Becky, Ewen and Emile. I hope you don’t think about me as often as I think about you.

 

I hope your heart doesn’t ache as much as mine. I could never wish upon this pain on anyone. I considered leaving yesterday. I wrote my letter of resignation. It has since been burned with the lighter I keep in my desk. But the thought is still in the back of my mind.

 

I wish I could see you, find out how you have been. I wish I could hug you just once more. I wish I could kiss you, like the day we never let ourselves mention again.

 

I’m sorry for not letting you make the most of me, of us, before I had to leave. I couldn’t let your feelings become deeper. If they did, I wouldn’t have left. I would have struggled. Too late for that, I’m struggling anyway.

 

I miss you. I hope you have forgotten about me.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian,

 

I hate you. Why would you let me go? Why didn’t you fight for me to stay? Why did I have to be the one to leave and sob as I was taken to this god forsaken building. My heart has been broken into millions of pieces, and I have to blame you.

 

If I don't blame you, I have to blame myself. And if I blame myself any longer, there will be no self left to exist. I no longer dissociate as often, I think you should know. I’ve worked on it during my training. Most recruits are graduating in a few weeks, at the very same time as Bayan University students.

 

After the difficult time I have had, I am only partially graduating. They won’t let me [redacted] alone for another six months. I still have to prove myself.

 

I like the office anyway, it’s more peaceful. There’s less pressure than when I am [redacted] on [redacted].

 

I wish you were here with me. I miss your smile. Why would you leave me with a parting smile? You knew we wouldn’t see each other again, and you smiled. I smiled back, to be polite. But when you turned away, tears ran down my face.

 

It wasn’t until [redacted] arrived that I stopped crying. I was in [redacted] when he did.

 

I hate you. I don’t. I love you. And it is too hard to move on.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian,

 

I am sorry for yesterday’s letter. I am so glad that you will never see it. I was having a difficult day. One of the recruits I knew [redacted]. He was the closest thing I had to a friend.

 

I want to ask [redacted] to let me reach out. I want to see you, to see how you are.

 

I can’t.

 

I shouldn’t.

 

You won’t remember me.

 

I’ll hurt more if I see you happy.

 

I’m sorry.

 

Anya

Notes:

I hope you like this chapter. Writing Anya's past in such a way is different than what I normally do but I do genuinely think that it works well here. If you have any questions about any of the [redacted] just ask and I'll give you more context!!

I [redacted] some information because I thought that even if Anya was never going to send the letters, she had enough sense to hide anything incriminating or identifying for her career. One of the first things she learnt during her written training at WISE

let me know how you found this chapter ^_^

Chapter 9

Summary:

The last letters and the aftermath.

[date redacted]

 

Damian,

 

It’s been a while. It hurt too much to even think about writing a letter, even though I know you won’t see it.

 

I went on my first successful [redacted]. I [redacted] and even got to [redacted].

 

I wonder what you’re up to now. Are you still in Bayan? Have you come back to Berlint? What is your job - if you have one?

 

How is Becky? I wish I could call her. I bet she would have so much gossip for me. I bet she would yell at me, for taking so long to go back to her.

 

How would you react if I came back into your life? Would you be upset, mad that I dared remind you of our past? Would you tell me you missed me?

 

It’s a guilty pleasure, imagining seeing you again. My favourite scenario is running into you by chance, shopping in the same grocery store. You’d smile at me, walk over and hug me. We’d agree to spend hours catching up. I’d tell you everything about [redacted].

 

I miss you so much. I wish I could move on. I wish I told you how I really felt before we parted. I wish we never parted. I wish we had a future.

 

Part of me hopes to never see you again. I want to bury the part of me that yearns for you under piles of paperwork, injuries from [redacted], and years of working in the office. I don’t want to put myself through the pain of seeing you again.

 

If I see you, I won’t want to leave you. My body will fail. My mind will collapse.

 

And I know that you, Damian, will survive. You will walk away, unscathed. Because you won’t remember me. Your mind won’t be as full of thoughts of me, as mine is of you.

 

You should have found someone to replace me by now. Someone you can trust, someone to love, someone to hold. I hope you have. I want you to thrive in life. I want you to not need me like I need you.

 

I miss you. I’m sorry for ever leaving.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian,

 

I had a bad day today. Papa noticed. Mama noticed. Auntie noticed. I barely made it in the apartment before I broke down.

 

It was the first time that I visited since the beginning of all this. Mama invited me for dinner, [redacted] agreed that it would be good for me. I left work early, spent time changing, doing my hair, doing my makeup.

 

I walked in and the feeling of domestic life, something that I have abandoned for nearly four years, was overwhelming. Seeing mama and papa smile, auntie and uncle (Franky not Yuri) laughing, smelling mama’s stew, it was all too much.

 

I hadn’t even taken my coat off before the sobs raked through my chest. Mama was at my side immediately, holding me like she did all those years ago when I met her. Papa was being held back by auntie, worried that he would make me worse. Uncle Franky was panicking.

 

I don’t remember much of the evening, I spent it in a daze. Mama made me sit with her the entire night. She held my hand, brushed my hair, kissed my temple. I felt like a child again. I felt like the child I was when I left.

 

I know that papa tried to talk to me. I remember auntie trying to ask me about work. Uncle Frankie passed me a cigarette. I don’t know if I smoked it or not. I hope I didn’t, I quit smoking last year. I’m not sure if I even ever told you that I started.

 

They wouldn’t let me go home. I’m writing this from my childhood bedroom, mama sleeping in my bed. She thought I was asleep, so she let herself drift off.

 

I really miss you today. One of your hugs could have saved me.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

[date redacted]

 

Damian,

 

I have been told that they’re putting me on a job. Another protection order. [redacted].

 

[redacted].

 

[redacted].

 

It will be nice to get out of the office again. As much as I like the calm, sometimes it is nice to have time out. It’s a long job for a bodyguard. 12 whole days. They haven’t told me who I’m protecting. I hope it isn’t a creep like that guy from [redacted]’s family. Don’t tell him I said that.

 

I’m ready for this job. I worked so hard to maintain my training. I’ve been slightly happier recently. Probably because I’m too busy to think about anything but work.

 

I hope life is treating you well. I hope that you have everything you could ever want. I hope that you have the same radiating happiness as the one when we were in school.

 

I don’t know why both [redacted] and [redacted] wanted me to take this job. As ready as I feel, I’m sure that there is someone better suited. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

 

I have to wake up early, much earlier than normal. When I’m working in an office, I can wake up at 8 and have a leisurely morning. Because I have to go to the hotel, I have to wake up at 5. It might kill me.

 

I hope this job goes well. I can’t disappoint [redacted]. Not again.

 

I miss you. But it hurts less. It’s just a part of me now.

 

Anya

 

– – – –

 

Damian finished reading the letters, with tears in his eyes. He thumbed over the paper where tears had long fallen and dried. His voice was broken, his heart in millions of pieces.

 

“I am so sorry Anya.” He pushed out, unable to pry his eyes from the letters. His hands were shaking slightly. It was as if his mind had cracked.

 

“I shouldn’t have shown you these. I’m sorry. Let me take them back. I’ll burn them. Let me-” Anya rushed out. She was crying heavily. She had been rereading them as Damian read them for the first time. She knew that they were difficult, having remembered how much she cried when she wrote them, but rereading some of the darkest parts of her adulthood hurt.

 

“No,” Damian said, snatching the letters to hold close to his chest, “I’m glad you showed me. I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry.” He let the tears fall. He hurt for the Anya that wrote to him, he hurt for the Anya sitting next to him, he hurt for himself having not seen them.

 

“I’m sorry. I hurt you by letting you read them. I did the one thing that I never wanted to do.” Anya cried, holding her head in her hands. “You don’t deserve to be hurt by my words, my thoughts. You never deserve to hurt.”

 

Damian came back to the present, snapping out of his thoughts. He placed the letters on the table next to him and pulled Anya into a hug. He couldn’t speak, not yet. But he hoped that his hug would help her to relax. He wanted her to feel safe, to be happy again.

 

When his voice finally wasn’t clouded by tears, he whispered softly to Anya. “I am so sorry that I left you. I should have fought for you to stay. I shouldn’t have let you go with them. Whoever they are. I should have fought to find you again. I shouldn't have let you turn away. I shouldn’t have let you go. I am so sorry.”

 

Anya buried her face into his chest, her hand gripping to his shirt as he continued. “I wish I put more effort into finding you. I should have begged your family to let me know where you were. I should have spent the time I have been back from university searching for you. I should have kissed you, that final day. I should have begged you to come with me, offered you everything in life.”

 

Damian took in a shaky breath. “I should have told you I loved you, that I needed you, that the thought of losing you was breaking me. I should have let you see the raw me, when I cried as you walked away to your new life. I should have been there for you, to wipe away your tears during the past years. I should have found a way to stay in your life.” He cried again, hugging her tightly.

 

“Nothing you could have said would have made me stay. I know this. The version of me that wrote those letters knew this. I would have cried, I would have held to you tightly, but I would still have left. I wish I never did. Even now, I wish everything was different. I am so sorry for leaving Damian.” Anya cried, her voice slightly muffled.

 

Anya knew that being part of WISE had been her childhood dream. Her father’s warnings should have deterred her, but they didn’t. She wanted to follow in his footsteps, working to protect the world. She had never expected how difficult it would be to lose part of herself when she became an agent.

 

“We should have never taken the paths we chose. I hate my job, and yours is destroying you. I lost you, and it felt like I was drowning. Seeing you again has let me breathe for the first time in years. But knowing that after this, we may never see each other again is too painful,” Damian said, brushing his hand through Anya’s hair.

 

“I can’t leave.” Anya muttered, her voice cracking every word.

 

“Why not?” Damian asked, holding back from telling her that he would drop his entire life just to help her.

 

“I can’t. If I leave, I’ll be at risk. You’ll be at risk. I can ask to change my job, to be an operative rather than a field agent. But I can’t leave.” Anya said, feeling that same feeling as when she normally fell from reality.

 

“Operative? Field agent? Anya what are you talking about? Surely you can leave your position of bodyguard and go into another department?” He asked, not realising the way the woman in his arms had become like jelly.

 

“They’d kill me. I’ve seen it happen. Maybe I should call papa. Make him help me. That would be nice. I should get some water. No, I should stay here. Anya, you need to get a grip. He read the letters. Oh fuck, he read the letters.” Anya began talking to herself, reaching to grip at her hair.

 

Damian stilled. Last time she did that, she was in a bad way. He needed to find a way to ground her.

 

“Anya? Look at me.” He said, lifting her face with his hand. Her eyes were glassy, feeling as if they were staring right through him. “Anya, you really need to focus on my voice. Can you understand what I’m saying?”

 

Anya just looked through him, unreactive to what he had asked.

 

“What is Damian’s favourite colour?” he asked, hoping to ask her something she would know on reflex.

 

“He tells everyone it is green, but I know it is pink. He likes it because of my hair.” She replied, slowly blinking.

 

“What is his favourite food?”

 

“Strawberry and banana ice cream. We ate it on a summer day in tenth year. He told me it was his favourite then.”

 

“Who is his favourite person? His best friend?”

 

“Anya Forger, me. I have been since fourth year. He didn’t admit it until eighth year though, and only because I told him first.”

 

“Can you hear me yet?”

 

“Huh? What did you say?” Anya was finally grounded. Her eyes furrowed at the way Damian sighed in relief. “Oh fuck, I spaced out. What did I tell you?”

 

Damian pulled her back in for a tight hug. “You told me about the things you remember about me. And you said some things about work that I didn’t understand. You were talking to yourself, panicking that I read the letters.”

 

Anya cringed, hiding her face in his shirt once again. She wished her mind would stop making her so spacey when she was panicked. It really was an inconvenience.

Notes:

ive been considering writing spin off fics to this, following Anya during her training and another of Damian at university. they'd be pretty short ofc but i think they could be good. any opinions?

how did you find this chapter? feel free to let me know any thoughts and feedback <3

Chapter 10

Summary:

Anya has to admit some things. Damian does too.

The pair stayed, sitting on the sofa, holding each other in silence. Damian refused to let go of the woman in his arms, waiting for her breathing to become regular again.

 

“You need to tell me exactly what I said when I spaced out. I mean it.” Anya said, adjusting the way she was lying on Damian. She didn’t want him to let go, but she needed to be able to see and hear him clearly.

 

“You didn’t say much, a lot of panic. You mentioned changing your job from field agent to operative, whatever that means. And you said ‘they’ll kill me, I’ve seen it happen’, which is a little concerning but maybe that was just incessant rambling.” He said, immediately noticing how she held her breath.

 

“I said that?! Oh good god,” Anya groaned, “I am so sorry. Definitely ignore all of that, it’s from a SpyWars episode, I recite it when I’m stressed.” She lied to the man, hoping that he wouldn’t pick up on it.

 

“I know that it isn’t Anya. You forget that I watched it incessantly at university. I know that show as well as you do, and that is not a storyline.” Damian said, frowning at the lie. Did she not trust him to talk about work? Was she not allowed to talk about work?

 

Anya sighed, not knowing what to do. She needed to find a way to explain her job without raising suspicion of her civilian cover. “You’re right. It isn’t a storyline. I don’t know why I thought I could lie to you. ‘Field agent’ and ‘operative’ are what we call certain roles in the company that I work for as a private bodyguard. Technically I’m a field agent because I take protection jobs like with you, but operatives are those that support us from the office.”

 

Damian looked at her wearily but accepted her explanation. “And ‘they’ll kill me’ was meant metaphorically. They would kill my ability to be hired in the field again. I have seen it happen, an old coworker of mine left the business for their family and I never heard their name again. They never got another job, so I heard.” Anya continued lying, this time sprinkling some truth into it. It was something that her papa had taught her during her training.

 

“I see. It does sound incredibly difficult to work for that private company Anya.” Damian said. Her letters made it seem like hell, but hearing more about it in person made it sound worse. “I’d dread to see your contract.”

 

“It’s long. There is a lot of information hidden between the lines. I’d show you it but you wouldn’t understand it,” Anya said, knowing that it was encoded by cipher T.

 

“I’m sorry that work is terrible Anya,” Damian said, running his hand through her hair. She settled back onto his chest, revelling in the comfort he brought her.

 

“I’m sorry your job is awful too. We really did the worst things for ourselves,” Anya laughed softly. “I wish we could go back and tell our younger selves everything we know about our current lives, make them heed our warnings.”

 

Damian laughed. It would be nice to go back and tell his younger self to not bury himself in a fast paced job, working nearly everyday, just so he could cope with the loss of his best friend.

 

“I’m sorry for making you cry, Damian. When I left, and now.” Anya said in a barely audible whisper. Her arms were gripped to his back as she lay on him. She had missed having this level of contact with someone. It had been too long.

 

“It’s okay. You didn’t mean to. I’m sorry that you went through such a hard time to get here,” He replied, his hand still combing through her hair. He wasn’t sure if it was supposed to comfort her or him, but it seemed to do both.

 

“I should never have joined the field recruits. I’m going to tell my boss that I’m stepping down on Thursday when she calls me in. I’ll probably be placed on leave while I find somewhere new to live as well.” Anya said, a crack in her voice. For the little time she spent in her apartment, she truly did love it.

 

Damian was confused, “Why would changing your job in the company require you to move to a new place to live?”

 

“It’s not that. Since you now know where I live, it puts me and my job at risk. It no longer lets me have a safe space.” Anya explained. It was policy that only agents (and her mama) knew where she lived. Damian had compromised that.

 

“I’m sorry,” Damian exhaled, leaning his head on hers. He had been such an inconvenience the entire time that he had stayed with her.

 

“Stop apologising,” Anya said, lightly hitting his arm. “It’s my aunt’s fault. She directed your stay here. I’ll have to ask her why.”

 

After a few moments of silence, the friends’ emotions finally settling, Damian asked Anya some more questions.

 

“If you step down to the office role, will you be able to live a normal life? Would you be able to stay here in Berlint, and come back to being Anya instead of burying yourself at work?”

 

“I don’t know. It’s not unheard of, but it could be dangerous. If I was to be Anya again all the time, I may be forced to move to Wes- somewhere away from here.” She replied.

 

Some agents were lucky, finding a family during their work. They were allowed to fall into the role that they had made for themselves. Anya Forger already existed, and changing her job could be dangerous. It would raise suspicion as to why she would step down from her civilian cover with no explanation.

 

Anya remembered an agent from her training. They had been through a similar path. When they realised that they wanted to remain a civilian, becoming an informant instead, they were found by the SSS - suddenly leaving their cover as a security officer for a large company to become a store clerk was seen as suspicious. That agent wasn’t heard from again.

 

“What if I helped you, Anya? I would drop anything for you. I’ll help you find somewhere new to live, I’d reintroduce you to being a part of society. You wouldn’t have to hide at work.” Damian offered, his voice thick. He wanted nothing more than to take her home with him, keep her in his arms, and drag her to every event, meeting, convention that he had.

 

Anya considered it, considered the possibility of taking the risk and showing the world Anya Forger again. She could form a cover story, say that her work had taken her abroad and that was why she had barely been seen until she entered society again. Her aunt or her parents could help her forge the documents, help make excuses.

 

“I’d like that. More than you know. But I can’t. You need to be able to live a life where you don’t worry about me. You need to be able to move on from me.” She said, tears threatening to spill from her eyes again.

 

“I can’t do it.” Damian’s voice was below a whisper, anyone else could have missed it. But Anya heard, she felt as a single tear landed on the top of her head, and felt as his hand fell from her hair.

 

“You need to,” she replied, her heart breaking at the sound of his ragged breaths.

 

“I can’t. I can’t live in a world without you again. It nearly destroyed me the first time, and knowing what I know now about your job, it would destroy me this time.” He said, pulling Anya to sit closer, forcing her to sit on his lap so he could hug her tighter than ever before.

 

“I’m sorry,” Anya’s voice broke. She had hurt him, more than she realised. Her leaving has broken the man she had loved, and knowing that broke her.

 

“Please stay with me. Don’t leave me again. I can’t fathom losing you to your work again. Letting you leave is off the table.” Damian said, his voice rough. His sincerity of his words was echoed by the way he kept holding Anya tighter.

 

“It’s too dangerous and the entire point of my job is to not let those I love get hurt.” Anya whispered, burying her head in the crook of his neck. She felt his grip loosen slightly, his head leaning down to try and see her.

 

“Leaving will hurt, staying will hurt. At least if you stay, I can prevent you from hurting like you have for four years. And seeing you happy would heal me,” he murmured, hoping she could hear how much he needed her.

 

“You can’t tell me empty promises. It’s not fair of you,” Anya whispered, needing him to accept that she would have to leave. She didn’t want to, but if she didn’t, too much was at risk.

 

“But we can make it work. I’d find a way. Please, Anya. I need you in my life. What you said in your letter, that I would ‘walk away unscathed’, was wrong. Every day without you, my heart has broken. I tried to move on, to replace what we had. But it didn’t work. Everything always comes back to you.” Damian said. She had to stay. He couldn’t lose her again.

 

Anya sighed. She wanted to say yes. Her brain was screaming at her to run, to hide away at work, to work herself to the bone. But her heart was yelling at her to stay, to let herself love and be loved, to throw it all away for him.

 

“I’ll think about it. I can discuss it with my boss when I see her on Thursday. But I can’t make promises. I want to stay with you, to let us run away from everything and start over.” She replied, hoping he could hear the truth in her words.

 

“I’m going to step down from work, have someone replace me for tomorrow’s meeting. I don’t want to do that job, and seeing you again has proven it to me. I’d rather hide behind the scenes, supporting someone. I hate being in the front, being the one that everyone knows.” Damian said, moving Anya so he could get up and walk to the phone.

 

Meekly, Anya told him to stop. “You can’t. There isn’t enough time to find someone to be your replacement for your candidacy.”

 

Damian laughed softly at her naivety, walking to the phone anyway. “There’s always someone ready to take the lead. All I have to do is call my brother and he will help. I’ll just be a moment.” He walked into the bedroom, not bothering to close the door behind him.

 

He discussed it with his brother, explaining that he no longer felt suitable for the role. While the response was curt, there was a promise of acceptance. He was no longer needed for the meeting the next day, nor any following press events - his replacement would be sent in the morning.

 

Anya held her head in her hands, hunched over as she sat alone on the couch. The time that she had spent with Damian had changed everything. Hidden memories had been brought to the surface, buried feelings with them.

 

When Damian walked back into the room, his smile was wide. He had stepped down, and the team was waiting at the office for his official resignation with no ill-will. He could focus on Anya, helping her escape from the hellish workplace, keeping her safe, treating her how he had dreamt of since his childhood.

Notes:

so! we're over half way now!! i hope you're liking it ^_^

Chapter 11

Summary:

News is broken to Anya's parents. Anya and Damian still are unsure of the future.

“I still need to leave tomorrow, to go to the office, to apologise to the staff.” Damian said, sitting back on the couch next to Anya, leaning his head onto hers.

 

“I know. I still need to protect you until you’re in your car going home though.” Anya replied, trying not to cry again at the thought of him having to leave.

 

“I can come back on Thursday, to see you again. I can bring dinner, and some wine. We can spend the night talking, planning, living. I can bring you to the meet-up with everyone on Friday. We could start as we mean to go on. I want to keep you in my life, Anya.” Damian said softly, hoping that she would see the enjoyment.

 

Anya sighed, rubbing her eyes. “I want to say yes. I really do. But I don’t know how work will go with my meeting. I’m not even sure if I’ll still be living in this apartment.”

 

“Then come to my place. I’ll send for Jeeves to pick you up, wherever you need collecting from. I’ll cook, I’ll show you around, I’ll let you get to know that part of me. Just say maybe, and let me think that you said yes. You can call me after your meeting, telling me how it went, telling me where you need to be collected.” Damian asked. It would be nice to have her over, to show her how he lived being back in Berlint.

 

“Maybe. I want to. But I won’t know if I can until after my meeting. I’ll find a phone and call you the second I leave the office. Which reminds me, I will need your home phone number, if you want me to contact you.” She said, adding a small laugh as she finished.

 

Damian smiled. She had agreed. “I’ll give you a business card before I leave tomorrow with it. But for now, I just want to hold you, watch SpyWars, and enjoy being with you.”

 

Damian moved away and leant against the arms of the couch, letting Anya crawl over into his arms. She turned on the television, putting on SpyWars. For the rest of the day, they did not move from their positions, not even to eat.

 

It felt terrifying, not knowing what would happen with them. Anya knew that there would be a possibility that she would never see Damian again. She didn’t want to tell him, hoping to let him enjoy the rest of the day. She hoped that her meeting with her Handler would go well, that she would help her change paths like she did for Twilight. But she would make no promises.

 

Damian loved having Anya in his arms. It was everything and more than what he had wanted, dreamed about, in university. While she had grown slightly, she was almost identical to how she was on that final day of Eden College. It was safe, familiar.

 

Damian had almost drifted off when there was a knock at the door. Anya violently jumped out of his hold, hitting her head on his chin. “Shit! Sorry! Stay there.” Anya directed, silently slinking over to the door. She grabbed a gun that was hidden on the shelf next to the door, shocking Damian. He hadn’t noticed it at all during his stay.

 

Anya sighed when she looked through the peephole, her shoulders relaxing. She opened the door, letting in her parents.

 

“Mama, Papa, you’re supposed to call before you visit. I was so worried!” Anya said, walking into her mother’s open arms.

 

“Sorry baby,” the older woman laughed, “we wanted to surprise you. Isn’t your job over now?” Loid had told her that Anya’s protection detail had ended early, due to the man no longer going to the convention. He had seen the change in an update from a different agent tasked with protecting another diplomat at the convention. Anya had not been told of her relief from the job.

 

“No? I’m still working, until 7AM tomorrow when Damian- sorry, Mr Desmond is to be collected by his driver.” Anya said, confused as to why her mama had assumed that her job was ending early.

 

“I thought he had gone home? I thought that he had been taken from the convention attendee list and replaced. Me and your father were under the impression that you were no longer needed. Is he here?” Yor asked, too far from the living space to see into it.

 

Damian walked over, embarrassed to be seeing her parents in such casual clothing. Both of Anya’s parents opened their mouths in shock, the sight of an exhausted, puffy eyed, messy Damian Desmond being the last thing that they expected.

 

“Mr and Mrs Forger, how nice to see you again.” Damian said, holding out a hand which Loid shook. “I hope you have been well. I do apologise for my intrusion on your family time. I’ll retire to the bedroom and let you catch up.”

 

Anya grabbed his arm, her eyes begging him to stay. They silently communicated, somehow arguing over his presence being necessary. It wasn’t until Yor coughed to gain their attention that they focused back on the adults still waiting by the door.

 

“You should stay, Mr Desmond. It seems Anya wants you to. Should we go to the living area?” Yor said, making Anya motion them into the main space.

 

When they had all sat down, the parents on the couch and the younger adults in the armchairs, Loid began talking.

 

“Is everything okay? You both look like you’ve been crying, and Anya, you haven’t spent a day in your sleepwear since you were in Eden. What happened?” He asked, looking between the two, noticing how his daughter shrunk into herself slightly.

 

“We’re okay. It has been a day of emotion. I um- I showed Damian the letters.” Anya answered, looking away as her parents both widened their eyes in surprise, concern and confusion.

 

“Oh Anya, why would you let them come back to existence?” Yor asked softly, reaching over to brush her daughter’s cheek. “I thought you said you had destroyed them, wanting them to burn with your hate towards what happened?”

 

Anya shrugged. “I realised that they were important. I hadn’t expected to ever open them again. But I mentioned them to Damian the other day, and he asked to see them. It made sense to show him them, considering they were meant for him originally.”

 

Loid looked between them. Why had Anya told him about them, why would she show him them, what had happened after they had read them?

 

Damian stared at the hands in his lap. It was as if he was a child again, having a teacher’s gaze on him as he tried to settle his emotions after a difficult day. He felt guilty for ever asking Anya about the letters, but he was also grateful that she had shown him.

 

“So what happened when you read them?” Loid asked. Anya went silent, unable to answer, unable to admit to her decision to step down from her job. Her father had given her everything, had spent his entire life working for WISE, and here she was wanting to abandon the job she had barely even started.

 

“I cried, Anya cried, she dissociated, I grounded her. We talked about work, I quit my job, Anya told me her plans with work, we agreed to see each other after she meets with her boss. Or aunt. Whoever.” Damian summarised, not wanting to slip any private information accidentally.

 

“You dissociated again? Anya we really should get you on medication. I can talk with the health team and-” Loid started, being interrupted by Anya.

 

“No! I said I didn’t want it then, and I don’t want it now. I’m fine! Damian helped me, and I’m fine. I only said one thing accidentally and it didn’t even matter. I'm fine!”

 

Loid narrowed his eyes on the girl. “What did you let slip?” Anya just rolled her eyes.

 

“Papa, I said it was nothing. Leave it.” Loid was beginning to get frustrated, but it stemmed from worry. He had worried about his daughter since she began training as an agent. She had struggled the entire time, her emotions always changing, her bouts of dissociation becoming more regular. She never let information slip, her training sticking to her like glue.

 

Yor placed her hand on her husband’s, indicating for him to back down. Loid sighed but relaxed into the couch, rubbing his forehead in stress.

 

“I assure you, nothing she said was important. I’m not even sure if it made any sense. She was so out of it that she was mumbling random sentences,” Damian tried to relax the older man. He could see how tense the room had become.

 

Wanting to change the subject, Yor turned to Damian. She looked at the man, surprised to see how he had grown. Melinda had not updated her on how he was after Anya left for training. It was a relief to see him having grown into a respectable young man.

 

“How are you, Mr Desmond? You said that you quit your job? Is everything okay?” Yor asked.

 

“Please, call me Damian, Mrs Forger. You too Mr Forger. And I did leave my position. I realised after talking to Anya that it was not right for me. My team has found someone to replace me, so I will no longer be needed for the open political meeting. I realised that I was in the job for the wrong reasons, and it was causing me more harm than good.” Damian explained, glad to take the conversation away from Anya who looked stressed.

 

“I’m glad you have realised your needs in life Damian. It took me and Anya’s father a long time to do. What are your plans now that you won’t be working as often?” Yor asked, giving the man a kind smile.

 

“I’m honestly not sure. I have to wait and see, I’m waiting on a response from someone about their plans before I can start my own.” He laughed lightly. Anya shot him a small look, that did not go unnoticed.

 

“And who are you waiting on, Damian?” Loid asked, already knowing the answer. Anya retreated even further into the armchair before telling her parents that she was the reason he was waiting.

 

“It all lies on me, and my meeting with Han- Aunt Sylvia. If it goes well, I um- I-” Anya hesitated telling her parents her plans. What if they were disappointed in her, upset at her for throwing away her future as a field agent, disappointed in her for not sticking with her promise to protect the peace until her death?

 

Damian stood up out of his chair and walked over to Anya, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. He ran his thumb over her back, trying to tell her that he would be there no matter her parent’s reaction.

 

Taking in a deep breath, she continued. “If it goes well, I’m quitting my role. I’ll still work there, I know there’s no way I can leave. But I’ll step into a different role. I know auntie threatened me with going back to basic training, but I don’t even want to go there. I want to change to a support role, one where I can have time to live as Anya. Like you did for us, papa.”

 

Loid’s eyes crinkled and Yor’s widened. Their daughter was talking about quitting being a field agent, right after finally qualifying for the job. She had spent so long killing her mind for the role, and she wanted to give it up.

 

“Why?” Loid asked, his voice quiet.

 

“Because I realised that it wasn’t worth it to go back. I want to be Anya, to love and to be loved. I want to have the future I should have had years ago. I need to have the future I deserved. I can’t go back to where I was. It was destroying me. It was until I saw Damian again. I need to stay with him.” Anya replied, her voice barely above a hoarse whisper.

 

“I’m telling your aunt that you need to see her tomorrow, after Damian is gone. Thursday is too long of a wait. Come on, Yor. We need to tell her that Anya is meeting her tomorrow. Do not be late, Anya. 8 AM, main office. Sylvia will be there waiting.” Loid dragged his wife out of the apartment. He needed to get away, to settle his thoughts. And to find Handler and tell her that there was a matter of urgency with Anya requiring an early debrief.

Notes:

let me know how you found his one! it feels diffferent? to the others in a way. And I hope Damian and Anya's relationship is coming through clearly!!

Chapter 12

Summary:

Damian goes home, Anya sees Handler. Decisions are made.

For the entire evening, Anya and Damian lay together on the couch. They made some food after Anya’s parents left, but they ate it on the couch. They spent most of the time in silence, both panicking over the next few days.

 

Anya was still expected to see Damian on Thursday, but with the urgency in her father’s voice about her meeting with her boss, she was worried that something was going to happen to ruin the plans. Something could come up and in that time, everything could be ripped apart.

 

“If your meeting is tomorrow, we should move the plans to tomorrow. I’ll still go home, and complete my business with my team. But I can leave early, stating that I have a personal emergency. I’ll come with Jeeves to meet you when you finish your meeting.” Damian offered, running his hand up and down Anya’s arm.

 

Anya agreed. She could need his comfort, if the meeting went terribly. But it required her handler to even agree to let her see him again. If they went completely terribly, she wouldn’t be able to contact him at all. The plans were still a ‘maybe’.

 

As time passed, they both began to drift off. Anya could feel as Damian’s grip on her loosened, as his breaths became slower, as his voice became deeper.

 

“You should go to bed, Damian. We both need to be up early for when you go home. And I will need to prepare to go into work right after. We should sleep.” Anya said, gently brushing her hand over his face, running her thumb over his cheek.

 

“Come with me. I don’t want to let you go. I don’t think I’ll sleep without you in my arms tonight. I need to make the most of you, while I still have you. Just in case.” Damian replied, barely able to keep his eyes open.

 

Anya sighed, pulling Damian up to his feet. She agreed to sleep by him, also wanting to have his contact. She wanted to make the most of it, at least form a memory in case she could never have it again.

 

They fell into bed, Damian still holding Anya. He pulled her close by her waist, leaving his hands hovering by her stomach. Anya pulled one of her arms nearer to her head, using it to snuggle into. It was nice, simple. They both had the most comfortable sleep of their lives that night.

 

When Anya’s alarm woke them up in the early hour of 6AM, neither of the two wanted to let go. They knew that they had things to do before their inevitable parting, but the bubble of comfort was something they didn’t want to break.

 

With a sad sigh, Anya pulled herself away from Damian, slinking off to the kitchen. She made some coffee for them both, telling Damian to shower. He did, not saying a word.

 

When he came back out of the bathroom, changed into a suit typical of his normal wear, his expression was low. He didn’t want to leave. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. He wasn’t prepared to potentially lose the love of his life again. He softly thanked Anya for the coffee, who gave him a smile before retreating to the bathroom.

 

When the shower turned on, Damian sighed. He walked into the bedroom and packed his belongings into his bags. He chose to leave the jumper that Anya had worn the previous week tucked under her pillow. He wanted to leave her with something. He found his bracelet on the side table, tying it tightly to his wrist. He would never let that leave him, something that now held too many of his most important memories.

 

Anya came out of the bathroom in an all black outfit as he zipped up the last suitcase. It wasn’t too dissimilar for the uniform that she had worn when she had been acting as his protection. The shirt was black instead of white, and her hair was tied into a smooth ponytail.

 

“Are you ready?” Anya asked, her voice showing her heartbreak.

 

Damian’s voice mirrored hers. “No.”

 

“We should get going. Your driver is supposed to pick you up by the park. We need to head over.” Anya said, refusing to look at Damian’s face.

 

“I don’t want to.” Damian said, pulling her into a hug. “I’m not ready.”

 

Anya sighed, letting a single tear fall. “You have to. I’ll call you in a few hours. I hope.”

 

Damian nodded, pulling away. He grabbed one of his suitcases, Anya dragging the other one. They slowly made their way to the park in silence.

 

Jeeves was waiting at the park, standing by the car. He took the bags from the two, placing them inside with ease.

 

“I love you, Anya. I’m sorry I haven’t said it enough. I thought there’d be more time.” Damian said, his voice breaking.

 

“I know. I love you too Damian. I’m so sorry.” She replied, unable to stop the tears from falling.

 

“I’ll wait for you. I’ll come searching for you if I don’t hear from you by this evening. I’ll move heaven and earth for you. See you soon,” Damian said, hugging her one last time.

 

Anya waited for him to let go, apologising for leaving a wet patch on his shirt from her tears. She stood on the tips of her toes and placed her hands on the sides of his face. She gave him a small kiss which Damian immediately reciprocated.

 

“I’ll try my best. You should go. Don’t keep everyone at home waiting. You have a job to do, apologies to give, questions to answer.” Anya said, stepping back from the man. She stepped away, unable to be the one to watch as the other left. If she saw him drive off, she would be broken.

 

Jeeves opened the door for Damian, frowning when he saw the state of the man. He said nothing, not wanting to upset him further.

 

On the walk to the main office, Anya forced a fake smile on her face. She didn’t want to raise suspicion on her as she walked through the streets of the suburbs. And if anyone stopped her to ask if she was okay, she would probably cry and scream.

 

The walk to the office was long, but necessary. Anya let her mind clear itself of thoughts of Damian, their promises, their hopes. Instead, she focused on the feeling of the breeze, the sound of people readying themselves for the day, the laughter of young children heading to school.

 

Anya entered the main office at the exact time she had been instructed. Handler was already there, sitting at her usual desk, two cups in front of her. Without saying a word, Anya placed the case file on the desk and picked up one of the coffees.

 

Motioning her subordinate to sit, Sylvia glanced up as her agent sipped at the coffee.

 

“Agent Twilight sent me a very panicked message, urging me to meet and debrief with you a day early. He wouldn’t tell me why. Do you have any idea, Agent Starlight?” The woman asked, sliding the case file to her side of the desk, leaving it closed.

 

Anya cut to the chase. “I’m stepping down as a field agent. My letter of resignation is on the back page of that file. I am reducing my time as an agent in general. I am asking for a relocation to logistics. I feel that my talents will be better suited there.”

 

“Why, pray tell, have you decided to do this, Agent Starlight?” Handler’s voice was cold, unforgiving.

 

“Because if I don’t, there will no longer be an Agent Starlight. There will no longer be Anya Forger. There will only be a shell. Empty and high risk for everyone involved.” The response was short, unreasonable.

 

Sylvia sighed, drinking some of her coffee. “Agent, I require a better answer than that. So I will ask again. Why?”

 

“I am not suited to being a field agent. I’ve known this from the start. You have too. Joining WISE was something I wanted, but something that I should have never done. I am not the agent I was meant to be. Instead, I am a ghost of my former self, destined to be broken forever. I need to free myself, allow myself to live. I never got to be a person. For years, I have been an agent, stuck at work, alone. I am not you, or Twilight. I cannot do that. I should never have done it.” Anya said, her voice wavering but controlled.

 

“You have worked for four years trying to get here. To work on missions, to be like your father. What changed? Because when I saw you last, you were desperate to stay, to not be taken back to your basic training.” Handler deepened her stare.

 

“I was allowed to live. I got a taste of freedom. I saw the future I wanted come to fruition. I was a real person. I got to see how I should be able to live. Reuniting me with the boy I loved was cruel at first. It hurt, knowing that I would eventually have to leave again. Making me live with him was even worse. I got to learn what could have been. What should have been. But then, it was amazing. I got to be Anya. And not Starlight. I could be Loid Forger’s daughter, and not Twilight’s. I got to see what I wanted, what Damian wanted. I got to breathe for the first time since I was recruited.”

 

“You know you can’t be a civilian.” Handler said, turning her chair away.

 

“But I can! My father managed it. I know it is different, our circumstances. I know that he forged his life from nothing. But I am almost there. All I am is a name, a breeze from the past. I can forge my future just like Twilight.” Anya said, barely keeping herself together.

 

“What will your cover be as a civilian? How will you explain your sudden change from bodyguard to office worker? What if someone asks you to protect them?” Handler asked, still turned away, flicking through the paperwork.

 

“I’ll turn them down, say that I was needed in a different department. It’s a known fact that I have combat training. I'll say that I am an instructor for the private company. My new cover story is written in that file. Everything is.” Anya said, placing her empty coffee cup on the table.

 

“And if I tell you that relocation is impossible? That you’re needed as a field agent?” Handler asked, turning back to look at her agent.

 

“I’d say no. I’d find a way to avoid being placed on the field. Because being relocated is the safest thing for me, and other agents. I should be allowed to live a life like others. I know my father spent years waiting, but he didn’t know how much he needed it. I do. Letting me exist, outside of the confines of this job, will make me a better agent, keep me regulated, let me grow and stop hiding behind my feelings.” Anya crossed her arms and looked her boss in the eyes, refusing to back down.

 

“I see. I’ll transfer you to logistics. They’re expecting you. I expected you to realise your suitability for a new role. I’m glad that you have finally realised what most agents don’t - that you deserve to live. You will no longer report to me. You are free, Agent Starlight.” Sylvia said, crossing her hands in front of her.

 

“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry for disappointing you.” Anya replied, standing from the chair, heading to her locker to empty and move her belongings.

 

“You didn’t. I’m glad that you have someone important enough in your life for you to leave. I’m sorry it took me this long to let you go. I shouldn't have let it break you for so long.” Handler said, placing the case file in the cabinet next to her.

Notes:

There's a lot to explain about Handler's decision, and why Anya didn't expect it to be quite so simple. All will be explained in future chapters I promise :)

How did you find the chapter? Let me know!

How are you finding the entire fic overall so far? Anything you'd change? Anything you're expecting?

I love receiving comments and feedback so don't hold back <3

Chapter 13

Summary:

She's free. Freedom comes with a new supervisor, and a surprise meeting with her boyfriend's brother.

Anya collected everything from that office, throwing it haphazardly into a small moving box. Old case files were passed to her handler, her desk being emptied of the rest of its contents. Her locker had never been full, containing old uniforms and a first aid kit. She left the kit behind, knowing she would no longer require it. She folded her uniform into the box, intending to donate it to a rookie recruit. Maybe after some time in her new role, they would let her train the newbies.

 

Anya made her way through the maze of corridors to her new office. Logistics was far away from the field agent offices. Their paths were only to cross via handlers, to stay impartial and unbiased. She was greeted by an agent that she didn’t recognise, unsurprisingly.

 

The agent ushered her in, taking the box from her arms. Anya gasped at the stark difference to her old office. It was large, and bright, full of life and laughter. As a field agent, the offices were dark and moody, often accurate for the situations that they landed in. It wasn’t fun to be a field agent, they all knew it.

 

But as Anya would come to learn, every agent went through it. Some for longer than others. Most eventually understood that they could find a way to be transferred. Others needed the rush that came with it, pushing the trauma to the back of their minds.

 

Anya followed the agent to a desk, placed in the corner under a frosted window. This would be her new location. She was told that she would be required to work from the office three days a week, and occasionally from home if directed. Her correspondence with agents ran through their handlers, and she was to change the cipher each letter or phone call used every time.

 

“I’ll be your handler, of sorts, Agent Starlight. I’ll be your supervisor for now, watching as you complete the work you have learnt to do between field jobs. If you’re deemed successful, we can discuss a change of pace, giving you a job much better suited to your needs. It’s nice to see a young agent moving through the ranks like you are.” her new supervisor said before turning to his own desk.

 

Anya spent time unpacking her belongings. She made a mental note to find time to go to the old meeting spots to collect her other items. Dotted all over Berlint, she would take a while to bring everything to her new, more permanent location. She let herself smile, enjoying her freedom.

 

Some agents thrived in her old job. Agents like her father. Having to never stay in one identity, never having to form roots, always being busy, it worked for some people. Most of WISE’s agents were field agents, which was why they all started as one. In some cases, the work took its toll on the agent. She knew of agents being broken, needing to be sent to facilities to help them. It was something that was discussed when she was at the worst in her training.

 

Moving away from field work was often a difficult task. Handlers were under strict orders to refuse unless they had reason to believe it was needed. In Sylvia’s case, she had expected it the moment she had seen Operation Clover’s file be handed to her by Twilight. Anya would never have stayed as her subordinate once she saw him again. Her mind would be clouded by the feelings that had destroyed her internally for years. Everyone who knew her well, knew how much Damian influenced her life.

 

When Anya’s telepathy caused her to stumble early into Operation Clover, Sylvia had considered extracting her. She would have retrained the girl, and then placed her in a different department when she was back to her expected ability. But when she pushed to stay, a realisation hit. Her life really did revolve around Damian Desmond. It was like he was her oxygen, her lifeline.

 

Agent Twilight’s worried call was the final straw for the superior. He had called her, rushing out a string of words that barely made sense at first. Anya needed to meet early, she had important information, she could be at risk. It was then that Sylvia finalised the paperwork to move her agent, whether she liked it or not. She didn’t want to risk losing an agent from WISE, nor losing her niece to a dangerous workload. Sylvia had lost too many important people in her life already, and she wasn’t about to add another to that tally by her own hands.

 

Anya finished unpacking at her new desk, deciding to walk to the training rooms. Those were also located in various buildings throughout the city as it was a good way to teach new recruits that they would always have to expect change. She found a trainer, someone that she recognised from her first few months and handed them her uniform. She would no longer need it, retiring from her physical tasks.

 

It took Anya hours to move everything around and adjust to her new location. She would take longer mentally to adjust to simpler work, no more changing locations and no more sudden tasks given by informants and undercover agents. It would be odd, to leave such a fast paced environment behind, but a welcomed change.

 

After placing the last item in a drawer, a single cut out from her first mission after training, Anya left the office. She left the building, unsuspected by any passers by. Without distraction, she walked to the payphone at the end of the street.

 

“Desmond residence, how may I direct your call?” Jeeves’ voice rang out, stoic as ever.

 

“Ah Jeeves, it’s Anya! I would like to be directed to Damian Desmond please,” Anya said, smiling as she spoke.

 

“Of course Miss Forger, I shall send your call to his office, one moment,” Jeeves said, the phone clicking and then ringing again, waiting to be picked up.

 

“Hello, Damian Desmond speaking, how can I help?” Damian’s voice was short, expectant. He wanted to end the call, hoping only to finally hear Anya’s voice when this business was over.

 

Anya’s laugh flowed through the phone, “Mr Desmond, I have some excellent news. My transfer was supported and it is good news all round. Shall I find somewhere to wait for you?”

 

“Yes, go to the bakery near your apartment, the one that sells the really great sourdough. I’ll be forty minutes, I just have to sign a few more papers. See you soon!” The childlike excitement in his voice made Anya giddy.

 

She hung up the phone and eagerly made her way to the bakery. Forty minutes was a perfect amount of time to walk back, she was more energised than the morning so time would be shaved from her journey.

 

She arrived outside of the bakery and was met by Damian leaning on the car, back against the closed door. When he saw her, he stood up straight, brushing his suit jacket to smarten up. He laughed as the woman ran straight to him, barrelling into his chest to hug him. Damian wrapped his arms around her, his hands lying on the flat of her back.

 

“It seems that leaving your job wasn’t as difficult as either of us expected then, Anya?” Damian asked, leaning his forehead on hers when she stood straighter.

 

“It was much easier than I thought. Turns out that it’s a more common experience, and I was just traumatised by when I was threatened when my… condition… got really bad during training.” Anya said. Damian knew that she had a bad time during her training, but he hadn’t heard that she was threatened. He pocketed the information in the back of his mind, swearing to ask about it later.

 

“So you can come back to being Anya Forger? You don’t have to hide anymore?” Damian needed to know if she could be a real person again, no longer needing to live such a private life.

 

“I can. There’s things that I won’t be able to share, times I may have to go away for work, secrets that I will have to hold, but I no longer have to be a ghost of the past. I can live in the present, be a real person.” Anya replied. Her words were laced with excitement, ready to be reintroduced to society.

 

They both stepped into the car, hand in hand. When Jeeves pulled off, they let their heads fall on one another, revelling in the comfort. It had been a long day for Damian, agonisingly waiting to see if Anya would call and say that she was free from the confines of her career.

 

He had spent most of his time at the office pacing, much to the annoyance of his brother. Demetrius had been kept in the dark, not being told that Anya Forger had come back into his brother’s life at all. He had begged Damian to be calm and finish signing the paperwork needed to hand over his responsibilities to his replacement, but the younger couldn’t sit still. He raised a brow when he dashed out of the office after an unexpected phone call, but waited for his return for an explanation.

 

The drive through the city to where Damian lived was quiet. Jeeves drove in silence, waiting to see if the two would make conversation. They didn’t. They shared small kisses, whispered some things that the butler couldn’t quite catch, ran fingers through each other's hair, but they did not talk.

 

When they finally arrived, Demetrius was waiting at the entrance of the home. He and Damian shared the residence, knowing that it was big enough for them both, and that it was practical with its proximity to their office. Damian stepped out of the car first, jumping at the sight of his brother, cross-armed. He offered a hand to Anya who took it gratefully and carefully stepped onto the pebbles of the driveway.

 

When Anya’s pink hair showed over the top of the open car door, Demetrius’ eyes widened. He had heard of the infamous pink-haired girl, her disappearance plaguing Damian’s years after high school graduation. He saw how his brother held her hand delicately, how her soft smile towards him was genuine.

 

“Why are you here Demetrius? Didn’t you have more work to do?” Damian asked, walking up to his brother, hand still stuck to Anya’s.

 

“You have been gone for over an hour, did you not realise? I finished my work not too long after you disappeared without saying a word. I see now that you have been keeping quite a lot from me from your trip into the city centre.” Anya was shocked to hear the man laugh. For the years that he had known the Desmond brothers, even if only seeing Demetrius in passing, she had never heard the older laugh.

 

“I didn’t want to say anything until I got an answer to my questions. Now Miss Forger has the answers, I can tell you everything.” Damian replied, squeezing Anya’s hand to comfort her, having noticed how she was barely breathing at the sight of his brother.

 

Damian, Anya and Demetrius headed into the residence, followed by Jeeves. They spent the evening catching Demetrius up on Anya - how her job as a bodyguard required her absence, how she hadn’t purposely chosen to work for Damian, how they realised that neither of them were in the right jobs.

 

They kept their kisses, their love confessions, the emotions shared, to themselves. They had to slowly let Demetrius accept Anya into his life, as Damian expected her to be a permanent face from that day.

Notes:

so! that's over! and handler's decision was explained. i hope it makes sense

i'm excited to share some of the next chapters!!

how did you find this chapter? lmk! don't hold back! ^_^

Chapter 14

Summary:

Somehow, after everything, Anya is more attractive than ever to Damian.

Anya wasn’t sure how she had ended up in Damian’s bed, in a pair of his pyjamas, waking alone the next morning. She woke with a start when she realised she wasn’t at home, in her own bed. She rubbed the remnants of sleep from her eyes, scanning the room for Damian, a clock, anything that would let her adjust to the morning.

 

She nearly slipped off the bed, the silk sheets being unforgiving. Anya stumbled to her feet, trying to find the clothes that she had been wearing yesterday. She had some of her work equipment in her jacket, including her gun. She couldn’t lose that.

 

A knock at the door broke Anya’s gaze from the room. “Anya? Are you awake yet?” Damian’s voice was muffled by the door. She walked over, opening it to see Damian holding a cup of coffee and some bags from local boutiques.

 

“You’re awake!” He said, kissing the top of her head before stepping into the room. “I brought you a coffee. And some clothes. I didn’t think you’d want to wear your uniform again. I folded it and placed it in the closet. I didn’t go through anything, don’t worry.”

 

Anya smiled, kissing the man’s cheek as she grabbed the coffee from him. “Thank you. What time is it? How long did I sleep?”

 

“It’s only 9. I thought you’d need the sleep with how stressed you’ve been. You basically passed out on me during our talk with Demetrius. Since none of your stuff is here I just gave you some of my things and let you sleep. I joined you a few hours later.” Damian explained.

 

“Thank you Damian. God, I love you.” She said, placing a delicate kiss on his lips. He laughed.

 

“I love you too. You should change into something. I bought a few outfits but I’m not sure what you’d wear. I've not seen you in anything but your uniform or loungewear. There's some hygiene products in the bags too. There’s a bathroom through that door. I’ll meet you downstairs.” Damian placed one last kiss on her head before carefully closing the door behind him.

 

Anya was completely enamoured with him. He really was the best thing to ever happen to her. She smiled when she saw that he had bought her new soaps and shampoos, the exact ones that she used at home. She smiled wider when she saw the toothbrush. It was so simple, easy to forget, but he hadn’t. He really cared for her.

 

After a quick shower, Anya changed into one of the dresses Damian had bought. It was a casual black knee length dress and she threw over a cream coloured jacket as well. She slipped her feet into the simple ballet flats before heading downstairs.

 

Trying to hone in on his thoughts, Anya made her way through the corridors and found Damian sitting in the dining room, sipping on his own coffee, looking through an unmarked file. He hadn’t noticed her presence until she snaked an arm over his shoulder, reaching to hug him awkwardly.

 

“You look beautiful,” Damian said, placing the file on the table, turning his head to look at her. “Was everything okay?”

 

“It was perfect. Thank you. Are you supposed to be at work? I can go home and leave you be?” She asked, worried that she was in the way. He had done so much for her already in the two weeks that they had been reunited, she didn’t want to hinder him.

 

“Hm? No, I’m not needed in the office today. I was just reading up on how the convention went. It went well! My replacement definitely was the best choice.” He explained, leaning into her. “I thought that we could go on a date today? A real one.”

 

“That would be nice. Where would you want to go?” Anya replied. It would be her first real date since being a student. It would be her first real trip out since she joined WISE.

 

“I know of a small restaurant not too far from here. We can walk there, get some lunch and maybe go to the park after?” He had dreamt of the day that he could take Anya out for years. He used to imagine it when they were kids, but he refused to ever ask. Now, he was allowing himself to be open to rejection. At least she was back in his life.

 

“That would be nice. What do you want to do until then?” She asked, letting her arms slink off him, rhythmically tapping her fingers on his shoulders.

 

“I actually want to ask you something. About work.” He said, nervous. Anya frowned and stopped her tapping. She went to sit in the chair opposite him, anxiously messing with her bracelet.

 

“Okay. What do you want to know?” She tried to hide her worry, but she wasn’t good at it.

 

“Well… I wanted to ask about your training. I still don’t understand why you had to hide away. And yesterday you mentioned a threat when your condition flared. There’s obviously so much that you went through, and I want to know if I can help you move on from it.” Damian wasn’t sure if he was overstepping, asking about the time of her life that obviously left her in pieces.

 

“Oh. Well I can’t tell you why I had to hide. Not yet. I will, I promise, but give me time. As for the threat. Well… at the beginning of training, we were taught that we would have to leave anything and everything behind every time we had a new job. We weren’t supposed to make attachments. We were supposed to leave any behind too. When I had my bad day, when I was sedated, there were talks of sending me to a centre. A place where they keep the broken ones. I’d only leave if I healed, and moved on. I was terrified that I would be seen as broken when I stepped down. That they’d send me there.”

 

“Oh Anya,” Damian’s voice broke. Neither of them allowed themselves to cry, but there was strong emotion in both of their voices.

 

“And I now know that I was overreacting, over thinking. I guess it’s part of the business. It’s like a lack of trust. We are supposed to always expect the unexpected, be prepared for anything. I think I take it too literally, and extremely. I prepare for the worst and forget to hope for the best.” Anya said, not noticing how the repetitive movements of her bracelet were causing light friction burn.

 

“Anya your wrist, stop that.” Damian said, reaching over to grab her hand. “We can work on your thoughts, teach you how to stay prepared while keeping yourself grounded with positives. I’ll help you work on it. I’m sorry for asking about it. Thank you for telling me.”

 

Anya just shrugged. It was hard to talk about, sure, but she didn’t want to keep lying or hiding anything from him. She wanted to tell him everything, let him know everything, but she would have to settle with the basic things, things that wouldn’t compromise her.

 

“Do you have anything else you want to ask? I don’t mind answering.” Anya said honestly. If she was going to start spilling her secrets, she might as well continue while she was in a good mood.

 

“What combat techniques are you trained in? I’ve heard that you are trained in multiple disciplines, as well as having a qualification in emergency paramedicine!” He replied. He had been dying to know if the rumours were true.

 

“I do have that qualification. It’s mandatory for all agents- I mean it's mandatory for all staff members. It’s the line of work I suppose. And I am unofficially trained in karate, jiujitsu, taekwondo and general hand to hand combat. I also have parkour training. Unofficially.” She said, laughing.

 

Damian looked at her shocked. She was so casual about her skills, anyone would have thought she was a general person. To Anya, she wasn’t that impressive, an average agent. To the average civilian, she was like superwoman.

 

“Somehow you are more attractive than ever.” Damian said, moving to give her a kiss. Anya melted into it, loving how his hands ran through her hair.

 

“I still live here, you know. You have a room upstairs. Use that,” Demetrius’ irritated voice broke them from their bubble. Damian pulled away, scowling at his brother and Anya just sat rigidly, face flaring in embarrassment.

 

“I thought you were at the office today, Demetrius,” Damian rolled his eyes, turning to face him.

 

“I was supposed to be, but I decided to stay home. I had wanted to catch up on some work and I was going to sign some papers while I ate my breakfast. But I’m no longer hungry, and no longer want to be in this room.” He replied, barking back. He really didn’t care to see his younger brother making out with someone in the morning.

 

Damian stood up, motioning Anya to as well. “We will leave you in peace then, dear brother.”

 

Anya followed Damian out of the room, throwing a meek “Sorry” to the older Desmond brother. Her face was red in embarrassment, feeling like a teen that had been caught making out by a teacher. Something that she had experienced once, with Damian - the kiss that they were never supposed to mention.

 

When they finally made it back to Damian’s room, they burst into laughter. “He is so annoying, sorry about him” Damian said, silently cursing his brother out for disturbing them.

 

“It’s okay. I guess it isn’t fair for me to intrude in his home, cause his brother to quit his job, and make out with his brother in his dining room.” She laughed. Demetrius really hadn’t changed since she last saw him. His mannerisms were the same.

 

“I absolutely think you should continue making out with me in the dining room. It’s my home too,” he laughed. He pulled Anya back in for another kiss, loving how she gripped his shirt, feeling intoxicated by the scent of her perfume.

 

Anya loved kissing Damian. He was incredible. She loved the way he was gentle with her, letting her take control. She loved the way his hands hovered over her, waiting for permission to hold onto her.

 

When they finally separated, they were both out of breath. Anya let out a light giggle as Damian blushed lightly when they parted.

 

“We should quit while we’re ahead. We’ve got lunch plans after all.” Damian said breathlessly. His mind was screaming at him to take her in again, to let himself continue tasting her, but he had to have self restraint. He did really want to make this date perfect.

 

Anya flushed pink at his thoughts. She hadn’t meant to hear anything, they slipped by. “Yes. Lunch plans. I forgot about those. Do I need to change?” She desperately tried to distract her mind from the want she had for Damian.

 

“No, you’re perfect. I should probably change though. I spilled coffee when you first joined me so my shirt needs replacing.” He began to unbutton his shirt, chucking his blazer onto the bed.

 

Anya stared. “Do you want me to leave? Let you change in peace?” she asked, forcing her eyes to the floor.

 

Damian laughed without turning to face her, flicking through his closet. “If you want to leave you can. I don’t mind. It’s only my shirt. You’ve seen me topless anyway, don’t be nervous.” His laughter was like gold, beautiful and rich. Anya decided to stay but sat on the end of the bed, gathering his blazer in her arms.

 

“Anya, I said I don’t mind. You don’t have to stare at the floor.” Damian walked over, entertained by the fact she looked so nervous. Anya was anxious, but she always had an air of confidence. Rarely did she seem so unwilling to stay confident.

 

“Just put a shirt on and let’s go,” Anya said, smiling as she looked up. He was so attractive, it fried her mind.

 

“Whatever,” he said, chucking one over his arms, placing a kiss on her head before buttoning it up.

Notes:

date date date date next chapter! a real one!

but this is where i tell you that it'll be a few days late. i try to update this fic every two days but i will be super busy until the 22nd unfortunately guys. not too long of a wait, but longer than any other update. sorry <3

i hope you liked this chapter! leave me your thoughts and feedback if you have any ^_^

Chapter 15

Summary:

It's finally date time!

Without bumping into anyone else at the house, Anya and Damian started their walk to the restaurant for their date. Anya held onto Damian’s arm, much to his enjoyment. They spoke about minor things, talking about what they might eat, if Demetrius would ever accept Anya, whether Jeeves knew about them or not.

 

It was calm, enjoyable. Anya enjoyed spending time with Damian, she always had. Walking beside him, she got to see how his face had changed slightly over the years. He now had smooth skin, no longer suffering from the dreaded spots that he hated. He had developed some light frown lines but also some smile lines. His eyes seemed happier. His eyelashes were still as long and beautiful as they had always been.

 

When they arrived at the restaurant, they were greeted by a young waitress with red hair. “Mr Desmond! Your table has just been sorted! I’ll walk you over.” She left them with menus and a promise to take their orders in a few minutes.

 

Anya and Damian sat opposite each other, at a small table in the corner of the restaurant. It was cozy, but not stuffy. It was beautiful as well, low lighting, bright flowers on the table, commissioned art pieces on the walls.

 

“It’s gorgeous here, Damian! How did you find it?” Anya asked, surprised that he would know somewhere so different to his general personality.

 

“It was actually Becky. She made us all come here one of the times we met up after university. I saved the address, knowing that it would be perfect to come back to eventually. I didn’t realise that it would be you that it would be perfect for.” He replied. He was lying. He had known that the only time he would ever come back was if Anya was with him. If not, he wouldn’t even think about it.

 

“I love it. I’ll have to tell her she has impeccable taste when I call her. Which I still need to do. I do hope she isn’t upset that I haven’t called her after that charity event.” Anya fretted. Hopefully her friend wouldn’t be too angry at her.

 

“You saw Becky?” Damian hadn’t been told that. Granted, he was busy making sure she was okay that day, and couldn’t blame Anya for forgetting to tell him with the busy week that they had since.

 

“Did I not tell you? Right before the incident, she had tapped me on the shoulder. I pinned her arm on reflex, which I felt so guilty for. She left me her business card but I haven’t had time to call her. I’ve been busy with work. And you.” She replied, laughing lightly.

 

“Well we’re seeing her tomorrow, with Ewen and Emile. I think it’s in the early afternoon. Jeeves knows but I’m pretty sure we are going to a fairly fancy event so we should probably buy you a new dress too.” Damian explained, thinking of places to get a dress so last minute.

 

“Do any of them know I’m coming?” Anya asked, worried that she would be intruding if this was supposed to be a high end event. She had always felt out of place when her friends dragged her to those events as a kid, now more so.

 

“I told them that I’m bringing a date. I didn’t say who. And you should know that the event will be small but important. We’re going mostly to meet up, but we will have to network. I won’t make you stay with me during the boring bits though.” He said, hoping that she wasn’t upset.

 

“Sounds like a very typical adult thing? I’m not sure, I’ve never lived outside of work and definitely not like the upper class like you guys. It sounds fun. I love having an opportunity to dress up.” Anya said, daydreaming about buying a new dress.

 

She was brought out of her thoughts when the waitress asked if they were ready to order. Once they had chosen, Damian also ordering a bottle of wine for them to share, they went back to talking about the next day.

 

“I wonder if we'll have enough time tomorrow morning to have me go home and grab a dress for the event. I have a sleek black gown that would work. I can grab my silver heels and necklaces too. And I can take my uniform home ready for when I need to go to the office next.” Anya thought out loud.

 

“I’m sure I can convince Jeeves to drive us back to yours to pick some things up. Maybe you could bring some other things back with you, leave some stuff at mine?” He suggested, eyes soft.

 

“Are you asking me to do girlfriend things, Mr Desmond?” She teased, loving how he blushed at her teasingly sultry voice.

 

“Well if you’d be my girlfriend, I’d hope you would. And I mean, I left some things at your place so it would just be fair.” He said, running his hand through his hair.

 

“Of course I’d be your girlfriend. I was wondering when you’d ask, I know you’ve been waiting since I showed you the letters. And you left stuff behind? What if I hadn’t changed jobs?” She laughed. He was so adorable.

 

“Well Miss Forger, I wanted you to keep something to remember me by if you couldn’t see me again. Now, you can keep it for when you have to go away with work.” He said, smiling as he drank the wine that had been placed in front of him some time during their conversation.

 

“You’re adorable, I love you.” She said, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

 

“I love you too.” He replied, smile wide.

 

They ate their meal, still talking about the event that they would be going to the next day. Anya was excited to see her old friends again, imagining what they would say, how they’d react to her being back, to her being with Damian.

 

When they had finished, Damian paid for the food and he showed Anya the way to the nearby park. They walked hand in hand, fingers intertwined. It was fairly empty, a few couples walking their dogs, some younger children running around with their friends.

 

The park reminded Anya of when she was younger, going out with her parents, always begging for ice cream or peanuts. She could remember when she and Damian went in 4th year, taking Bond and Max with them. It was the day that really solidified her friendship with the boy.

 

“Are you okay?” Damian asked, turning to see Anya slowly gaze over the trees and look at the stream running through.

 

“I am. I’m just thinking about when we were kids, when we used to do this more.” She said, directing her attention to the man.

 

“I remember. We had some of the best moments in that park near your house. Do you remember when you fell out of the tree that I told you not to climb and Mr Forger refused to buy you ice cream to help heal your grazes?” Damian laughed, the memory vivid in his mind.

 

Anya whacked him across the chest, letting go of his hand. “I do remember that yes. Do you remember the time you found me taking Bond for a walk, and used me to shield you from the girl Emile had forced you to take on a date?”

 

“You remember that?!” He asked incredulously, “That was such a long day. I was so grateful that you managed to convince your mother to let me hide out in your apartment until I was certain she had left.”

 

They continued walking, following the path down the river, laughing about old tales, forgotten memories. When the air became chilly, they decided to turn back to Damian’s house.

 

“You two have been out for a while. Is everything okay?” Demetrius once again met them at the door of the house. He looked over the two of them, not noticing anything out of place.

 

“You are so odd Demetrius, why can’t you be normal? And yes, me and my girlfriend are fine, thank you for asking. Are you okay?” Damian bantered, rolling his eyes as he seemed to do every time they spoke.

 

“I am normal, it's you that isn’t. And I’m fine. I was just curious as to where you were. It’s rare for you to miss Mother’s phone call.” Demetrius said, closing the door behind the two when they entered.

 

“Oh shit. Shit! She’s going to kill me! Demetrius you can’t let her come over on Saturday, please tell her that we have something to do at work.” Damian begged, surprising Anya.

 

“Damian? Are you okay?” Her hand ran up his arm, trying to comfort him.

 

“My mother is very… particular… about some things. She always needs us to call her on a Thursday, as it is her day away from the Lady Patriots Society. If one of us isn’t able to make it, she always turns up unannounced on a Saturday wanting to see us in person instead. And she was already on edge after I went away for work. She will be even more overbearing this time!” he groaned, his shoulders sagging and his expression falling.

 

“You are always so dramatic Damian, she really isn’t that bad. But she is already planning to be here on Saturday. As will Anya, I’d assume, since you will be back late from the Blackbell event.” Demetrius sighed, beckoning them to the living area.

 

“Oh good, she’s going to interrogate Anya too. What joy.” Damian muttered to himself, collapsing onto the plush couch. Anya stood awkwardly, not wanting to sit next to Demetrius and make him uncomfortable, nor sit next to Damian when he was so worked up.

 

She wasn’t standing for long, because Damian pulled her into him anyway, making her hug him tightly. “I’m apologising in advance for my mother. She’s not like yours. She will probably ask you a lot of questions. Last she heard, you had disappeared for work.” He whispered into her hair. In his peripheral vision, he could see his brother rolling his eyes at the display.

 

“It’s fine. I don’t mind. I’ll have dealt with worse. I’ve been questioned by state security officers before so she won’t be that bad.” She said offhandedly.

 

“What?!” Demetrius said, gaze landing on Anya.

 

“Oops. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. It’s a long story, definitely for another day. You don’t need to worry Demetrius, it was years ago and it wasn’t because of me. I’m not putting Damian at risk.” She said, almost as if she had read his mind.

 

“We should go to bed, Anya. We have to get up early to go back to yours to pick up that dress,” Damian said, letting Anya pull him from his seat on the couch. “I’ll see you probably when mother gets here on Saturday. I don’t think our paths will cross tomorrow, Demetrius.”

 

The older just nodded, uncaring. Damian and Anya walked side by side back to his room, Anya leaning on his shoulder.

 

“Do you want me to leave while you change?” Damian asked, handing Anya the pair of pyjamas from the previous evening.

 

“No, it’s okay. Do you want me to leave?” She asked, feeling genuinely comfortable around him.

 

“No, I don’t mind. I just didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He replied, kissing her cheek before taking his jacket and shirt off.

 

“I wouldn’t be. Not with you,” she said, pulling him into a kiss before changing.

 

It was a simple ordeal, changing and getting into bed. When they were finally both lying down, Damian grabbed Anya by the waist, pulling her in. They slept comfortably, enjoying every moment.

Notes:

I'm back! Regular posting schedule expected for the rest of this fic :)

how did you find this chapter? feel free to let me know any feedback and thoughts in the comments! <3

Chapter 16

Summary:

It's time for a long awaited reunion between a group of friends. It's as emotional as you'd expect.

Having slept through their alarm, it was a rushed morning for Damian and Anya. They had to get to Anya’s apartment, pick up her dress and shoes, pack a few clothes to bring with her, get back to Damian’s home and get ready for the party in less than four hours. Travel time left only two and a half hours to complete everything - the amount of time Anya would normally need.

 

She decided to do her makeup in the car on the way back from her apartment. She made Damian hold a mirror, and various tubes and some tissue if she needed to wipe anything off. It was a fairly smooth journey, so her makeup turned out fine. It was odd to be so glam and wearing casual clothes, but once she had changed, she would be okay.

 

As Damian showered, something Anya had done before they left for her apartment, Anya unpacked her small bag of clothes and personal items. Damian had made space in his closet for her, as well as giving her space in some of the drawers in the table next to the bed. She placed her chimera doll next to the lamp - one of the only items she wanted to keep out in his room.

 

Once Damian had left the bathroom and dried his hair, they changed. Anya’s dress was simple, a satin black dress with a thin strap that tied into a bow, and a low dropped back. With her simple jewellery and strappy heels, as well as her perfectly styled hair, she was simply stunning. Damian felt his breath knocked out of him every time he glanced over at her.

 

Damian was wearing a simple dark green suit, with brown shoes and a white pocket square. It was perfectly appropriate for the event, and it brought out the colour of his eyes.

 

“You’re gorgeous, you know.” Damian said, tying his bracelet to his wrist.

 

“I know,” Anya replied teasingly. “You’re incredible by the way. You look amazing,” She added, trying her bracelet to her wrist in turn.

 

They met Jeeves outside of the home, just making it on time for their departure. “You look lovely, Miss Forger. It’s nice to see that your fashion hasn’t changed much since the first dance you two went to,” Jeeves said, reminding them both of the first event at eden. They both cringed at the memory, but Anya thanked the butler for the compliment.

 

The journey into the city for the event was quiet. Anya spent the majority of it trying to prevent her panic, grounding herself by tapping her fingers over Damian’s knee, or squeezing his hand when he took it in his.

 

“It’ll be okay, Anya. I promise. And if you need to leave at any point, we can. I’ll always drop everything for you,” Damian said before they entered the building.

 

“I know. Thank you.” Anya said, squeezing his hand before taking the steps into the building.

 

Smooth jazz music was playing, calm conversations were occurring. Serving staff were placed randomly through the room, holding trays of glasses of champagne. Damian was the first to notice his friends, the three already having arrived. He gestured over to them and Anya took a breath, holding it without realising.

 

“Emile! Ewen! Becky! Hey!” Damian called, striding over to them. Anya hung back slightly, still holding onto his hand but walking slower. The three friends stopped their conversation and turned to look for their other friend, excited looks on their faces.

 

“Dami- ANYA?!” all three simultaneously said, staring as the girl tried to hide behind Damian’s arm.

 

“When you said you were bringing a date I thought you had found someone to actually date, Desmond. Not your bodyguard.” Becky said, placing her glass of champagne in Emile’s hand.

 

“I’m not his bodyguard anymore.” Anya said, smiling up at him. “I’m actually his girlfriend.”

 

Becky nearly fainted. That was too intense information to receive suddenly. She screeched at them, asking them to explain.

 

“Why don’t we get into the gritty details later. Let’s let Anya say hi to the boys, shall we?” Damian said, nodding Anya over to the two still stuck in their spots.

 

“Hey guys. Sorry it’s been so long. How are you?” Anya tried, hiding the anxiety in her voice. Ewen was the first to snap out of it.

 

“Anya! It’s nice to see you again. Last I heard, you were working with my family. I’m sorry we couldn’t catch up back then. You worked for Damian too?” He asked, engulfing his old friend in a small hug.

 

Anya laughed, understanding his confusion. “Yeah I did. I work for a business that provides protection to those that hire us. Your family hired us and I was given the job. Same for Damian. But obviously that ended differently.”

 

Becky downed her drink. And Emile’s. She then turned to her old best friend.

 

“How are you here? I thought you had to live a confidential life? How long have you been in town, able to reach out and haven't?” Hurt laced her words. But there was no sign of anger.

 

“I may have uh- I quit my job. When I realised that it wasn’t worth the pain it caused me. It’s only been a few days, and I’ve been busy with Damian. Catching up on the four years we missed. I thought I would hold out on calling you since Damian wanted to bring me here,” Anya said, letting go of Damian’s hand to pull Becky in for a tight hug.

 

“I’m so sorry that I left. I’m sorry that I caused you pain when I all but disappeared. I’m sorry for taking so long to come back. I thought you would all be able to forget about me. I’m so sorry.” Anya said, feeling Becky’s tears land on her shoulder. She was barely retaining her own.

 

“Why did you leave? I missed you so much. The group hasn’t been the same since.” Becky cried, her mind screaming about her mascara running.

 

“You know why I left. It was for work. You all knew about my job. I shouldn't have taken it. I missed you too. So much.” Anya said, squeezing the hug tighter.

 

“I’m glad you’re back, Anya. We have so much catching up to do. Including with Berlint in Love. I know we only got to season eight before we graduated, and there's fourteen seasons now.” Becky laughed, letting go of her friend.

 

“I missed you guys too,” Anya directed at Emile and Ewen who smiled back.

 

“I definitely didn’t expect Becky to cry. I did expect more screaming,” Damian joked, pulling Anya into him. He kissed her cheek and draped an arm over her shoulder.

 

“Whatever Desmond, I bet you cried when you saw her again. Was it everything like you had hoped?” Becky teased, making everyone laugh.

 

“He did cry. I cried. But when we were off work. Right before we both quit our jobs.” Anya said.

 

Emile choked on his drink, a replacement to the one Becky had drank for him. “You quit?! Why?!”

 

“You didn’t tell them yet?” Anya asked, staring at her boyfriend.

 

“I haven’t had time! I’ve spent it all with you! And when I was waiting for your meeting to end I was signing the leaving paperwork. There hasn’t been a chance!” Damian said, ignoring how all of his friends were staring at him.

 

“Yeah Damian, why did you quit? I thought you loved your job?” Ewen tacked on. Everyone was confused.

 

“I hated it. I only liked it for the fact it distracted me from Anya. And then she came back out of nowhere and I didn’t want to be distracted from her. I wanted to be with her instead. Stepping down leaves me that chance.” Damian explained, smiling when he looked at the girl tangled in his arm.

 

“Jesus Damian, how after sixteen years are you still so obsessed with Anya?” Emile laughed. He had seen Damian pine for the girl, tutor her, cry over her, and he was still in love with her as if they only met yesterday.

 

“I love her,” he shrugged, “that’s all there is to it.”

 

“I love you too.” Anya said, kissing him.

 

“This is so unfair. Anya, you disappeared for four years and you still managed to get a doting boyfriend before I did.” Becky laughed, handing the two a glass of champagne each.

 

Emile laughed. “Becky, you never give anyone a chance, that’s why. Remember that cocktail event we went to and you turned down three men asking you to dance? That’s why you don’t have what they have.” Becky just sighed and rolled her eyes.

 

For the rest of the event, the friends caught up, telling Anya tales from their times at university, good and bad situations they landed themselves in with their family businesses, telling her embarrassing stories about Damian that she had missed. It was like they were back in school, as if nothing had ever happened.

 

Sometimes one or two of the group would split off to speak to other people in attendance. They had to network, the entire point of the event. When it was time to leave, Anya felt a crushing wave of sadness. She had forgotten that she would have to say goodbye, again.

 

“We’ll see each other soon. Now you’re allowed to reach out, you should. You have my number, I’ll always pick up. It won’t be long until we meet up as a group again. We try to do it as often as we can. See you soon Anya,” Becky said, giving the girl a light hug. Ewen and Emile stood behind, nodding along. They all met their drivers, sending each other off with a small wave.

 

“Tonight was nice. I enjoyed it. Thank you for bringing me to meet up with everyone again,” Anya whispered into Damian, her head in the crook of his neck.

 

“It was amazing to finally have you back with us again. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I know they were all overjoyed to see you again, even if the guys were too emotionally constipated to show it very much.” Damian said, rubbing her back.

 

Anya kissed him, deeply and desperately. He melted into it, letting his hands wander down her back. The relief of a successful night spurred her on, the overflow of emotions not knowing another outlet.

 

Damian panicked when he felt tears land on his face, not from his own eyes. He pulled back, shocked to see Anya crying. “Anya? Are you alright?”

 

“Sorry,” she hiccuped, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Today was so good, and still I’m crying.” Her laughter bordered on hysterical.

 

“It’s okay, it's just the stress. You’re okay, it’s okay,” he soothed, pulling her in, stroking her hair. “You were stressed about seeing them again, worried about how they would react, and seeing everything go better than you thought was overwhelming. It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

 

She cried, for reasons she still didn’t understand. She had cried so much lately, it was odd. “I’m sorry for crying and ruining the night.” Anya said, upset at herself.

 

“You didn’t ruin anything. It’s okay. It’s normal. I’ve got you,” he replied, running his hand over her hair. “When we get back, I’ll make us some tea. We can drink it before we go to bed. It’ll calm you down.”

 

He followed through. He walked with Anya into the kitchen, letting her lean on him as he made them both chamomile tea. He watched as she became more tired, her eyes drooping but her smile coming back.

 

He carried her to bed, carefully taking off her dress to change her into something more comfortable. He took off her jewellery, placing it on the table next to the bed. He changed as well, slipping under the covers with her. He watched as she slept, grateful to have her with him. He placed a single kiss on her forehead before falling asleep himself.

Notes:

I can't believe we're almost done here. I've been editing the next two chapters incessantly. I'm terrified of you guys hating it, not finding it good enough, finding it unsatisfying. None of my drafts are sticking as well as I'd like.

I don't tend to get so bogged down with my work. I can usually power through, fake it til I make it. But this has been so well received so far, and I feel like you guys deserve the absolute best.

I'll be away again for a few days, so the next update will once again take longer than expected. Hopefully, this gives me enough time to find a way to conclude this story in a way that I like enough to post. If not, I hope you enjoy the next chapters nonetheless.

Feel free to leave me your thoughts and opinions on everything so far, especially on this chapter! I love seeing your feedback and comments. It makes me feel inspired ^_^ <3

Chapter 17

Summary:

Melinda Desmond makes her arrival! And she is trying to make up for missed years of motherhood. But maybe she's trying a little too hard?

“Damian! Mother will be here in twenty minutes. Get up!” Demetrius knocked on Damian’s bedroom door, his voice tense.

 

Anya groaned, the noise and the sunlight too much to deal with at once. She tried to nuzzle into the warm body beside her but Damian had already moved, leaving her alone.

 

Rubbing his eyes to force them to adjust, Damian opened his door to see Demetrius standing there, typical stoic features. “Have you asked Jeeves to make the tea?” His voice was still broken from sleep.

 

“Of course I have. Take this, I know that you didn’t bring your other jumper home from your trip. And I know that neither of you want to be dressing up today. You need to be sitting downstairs in fifteen minutes.” Demetrius said, handing over a folded jumper, similar to the one Damian had given Anya. He thanked his brother before closing the door and flopping back onto the bed, arm draped over Anya.

 

“So I can wear normal people clothes today?” Anya laughed, lifting Damian’s arm from her stomach so she could sit up.

 

“You can. It seems Demetrius doesn't want to do much today, so even he is wearing casual clothes. Jeans Anya! Jeans! Have you ever seen him in them?!” Damian laughed, slightly muffled by the pillow his face was hiding in.

 

Anya let her hands trail up his back, following his spine. “A day to relax sounds good. It will be nice before I have to go to work tomorrow. I’ve been called in.” She said, remembering the code one of the waiters had said at the event yesterday.

 

“You got called in? You spent the entire day with me yesterday, never leaving my side. When was there a time that someone could have contacted you?” The man turned over, lying on his side to get a better view of his girlfriend.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Just worry about the fact that we only have maybe ten minutes before we need to meet Demetrius downstairs.” Anya said, pushing herself off the bed and to the bathroom.

 

Damian rolled his eyes but accepted her answer. He walked over to his closet to find something comfortable to wear, choosing a casual pair of pants and a loose t-shirt. He threw the jumper over the top, loving how soft it was.

 

He was brushing his hair when Anya finally stepped out of the bathroom, wearing some of her civilian clothes, as well as a jumper she had stolen from Damian’s closet when he wasn’t looking the previous day.

 

“I really love the way you look in my clothes,” Damian whispered, wrapping his arms around the woman from behind, kissing her neck.

 

“I know you do. And as much as I would love to know more, I think we should go downstairs because your brother might kill us if we don’t follow whatever routine you guys have.” Anya said, turning to kiss his nose before pushing away to slip on some shoes.

 

Damian rolled his eyes but followed. “We pretend like we aren’t expecting her, spending time as brothers, catching up on news or whatever. She walks in, is happy to see us bonding, then spends a few hours asking us about everything, gossiping about everything. I think it's because she’s trying to make up for her absence in our childhoods but I’m just tired of it.”

 

“She means well. Hopefully she isn’t upset with me being here. And doesn’t ask too many questions. I do need to go home at some point this afternoon.” Anya laughed, following Damian through the house. They made their way to the sitting room, where Demetrius was reading the morning newspaper, and Jeeves was sitting in an armchair with a cup of tea.

 

“Good morning Mr Desmond, Miss Forger.” Jeeves said, not looking up at them.

 

“Jeeves, it’s Damian and Anya. You’re off the clock today, relax.” Demetrius laughed.

Anya looked at Damian confused but shrugged it off. She hadn’t realised Jeeves would spend his days off with the Desmonds. But she still had so much to learn about the family, everything that could be explained at a later time. They sat on the second couch, Anya leaning into Damian’s side. She was exhausted still, the early wake up call had not been enjoyable.

 

As Damian fell into idle chat with Demetrius and Jeeves, Anya felt herself begin to fall asleep again. Damian’s hand was running through her hair, the other gesturing as he spoke. She couldn’t hear what they were talking about, focusing on the sound of his heartbeat instead.

 

Just as she had finally fallen to that first stage of sleep, a woman’s voice echoed through the house. Anya jumped, making Damian laugh. She sat up, missing the comfort that she wanted to keep, eyes scanning over the room. It was in her training, the ability to go from sleeping to on edge at a sudden environment change. It was muscle memory really.

 

“Hello boys, Jeeves, how are you- Anya Forger?” The eccentric woman walked through the foyer into the room, stopping as she noticed the girl with pink hair.

 

Anya stood up, rubbing one arm anxiously. “Mrs Desmond, how lovely to see you again. I wasn’t expecting your visit.” Anya held a shaky hand out, which the older shook lightly.

 

The mother looked at her sons, noticing how Damian seemed incredibly tense. “Damian, why is Yor’s daughter here? I thought you said her work required her to remove herself from normal life?” She walked over to sit next to her eldest son, gratefully taking a cup of tea that Jeeves had prepared.

 

“Anya changed jobs, she’s no longer required to hide. And well, I saw her on my trip in the city, and long story short, she’s my girlfriend?” He tried to keep his voice steady. His mother was particular, and didn’t enjoy not having a full picture of a situation.

 

“Right… and her presence doesn’t have anything to do with you changing your job too does it?” Melinda sipped on her tea, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Mother, you know that I only took that job because I thought Anya would never be in my life again. I needed something to distract me from that and I chose politics. Now she’s back, I’m following the plan that I wanted to follow before I found out about her required disappearance.” Damian squeezed Anya’s hand.

 

His mother wasn’t being rude to him, but the sense of interrogation was stressing him out. He wasn’t used to her asking him questions. Even now, she would still be distant with him, holding him at arm's length. She would ask simple, common questions. Rarely did she pry into his life.

 

“Anya, how did you manage to change the course of Damian’s life? Twice!” The question was sharp, angry.

 

“Mrs Desmond, I assure you that I never asked him to change for me. When I left graduation, I thought that he would be okay and even thrive at university. I didn’t know quite how much he loved me. I didn’t know that I was ever going to come back into his life. I was taking one last job and I was going to ask to be sent to an international branch, to get away. It just so happens that my last job was with Damian. I didn’t ask him to change for me, I actually told him not to. I’m sorry.” Anya shrunk in on herself, glad to be wearing a jumper that was oversized enough so she could almost hide.

 

“Anya, it's okay.” Damian said softly, pulling her in. “Mother, it wasn’t Anya’s fault. No one but me and her know the details of what happened on my trip. We know why I stepped down. I made that decision. Anya said that I shouldn't but I did anyway. I stepped down, not knowing if Anya was going to stay. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I want to make the most of her while I have her.” His voice was curt, but he only looked softly at Anya, how she looked so small.

 

“I’m sorry Damian, but I can’t help but be confused. You barely managed to come home from university in one piece, and now the person that caused you so much pain is already so welcomed. How can you think that this is okay?” Her eyes narrowed as Damian comforted Anya.

 

“I wasn’t hurt by her, but for her. She didn’t know, and I never told her. We didn’t mean to cross paths again but there are no words that could explain how happy I am that they did. You don’t understand what we’ve been through.” Damian said, not wanting to spill Anya’s information to his mother.

 

“No, but I know what you went through. Years of struggle, going from an outgoing, successful boy, to a broken, depressed man. I saw as you barely picked up the pieces of yourself to come back to Berlint. How do you know that Anya won’t leave again, leave you to crumble again?” She was worried, protective of her son. This Anya Forger had hurt him, and she wasn’t going to open her arms for her.

 

“But can’t you see how happy I am now? How comfortable I feel? I no longer need to hide my emotions behind stacks of paperwork, constantly needing to be doing anything to keep my mind off of the fact that the person I loved had all but disappeared without reason. You might not want to accept my choices, but you have to. They’ve been made and I am not regretting them.” He said with finality.

 

“Damian. You can’t drop everything you’ve worked for, for a girl you barely know.” Melinda said curtly.

 

“Mother! This is Anya we’re talking about. The girl I fell in love with when I was six. The girl that was there for me when no one else, not even you, could be there. I know her so well. I know that she regrets ever leaving for work. I know that her dream job is actually working as a teacher even if she won’t admit it. I know that she tells everyone peanuts are her favourite food, but actually she would pick a bowl of strawberry ice cream over a bowl of them. I know that she loves her family more than anything, and will give up everything if it means keeping them safe.” Damian said, running his hand down Anya’s arm.

 

“I’m trying to protect you, Damian. Anya Forger is not the girl you deserve. She and her family are not good people. Why do you still not know this?”

 

“What? I thought you liked Mrs Forger? And Mr Forger was always incredible to me when I was younger. He helped me so much. And Anya… she is the most amazing girl to exist. Why do you not know that?” Damian sighed.

 

“When Anya left, I went to ask Yor about it. That woman, that entire family, is not to be trusted. They aren’t worth our time. They do not deserve our respect.” Melinda snapped.

 

Anya stood up from where he had been sitting, mumbling a quiet “I’m sorry, I’ve just remembered that I have something to do today. I’ll leave you to talk.” She left the room silently, the heel of her shoes barely making a sound. She slowly walked to Damian’s room, pushing her belongings into a bag.

 

“I’m going after her. You can talk to Demetrius about something else. You need to just be happy for me, Mother. Anya is going to be a permanent part of my life.” He said before chasing after his girlfriend.

 

He walked into the room and saw as Anya placed the jumper she had been wearing onto his bed, switching it for a jacket from her own set of clothes.

 

“You don’t have to leave, Anya. I’m sorry about her. She’s just intense. She’ll come to accept you when she realises just how important you are.” He said, trying to pull her in for a hug. She pushed him away gently, throwing her bag over her shoulder.

 

“I’m leaving anyway. I have stuff to do for work, my apartment is a mess, I need to call my parents. I love you, but I need to stay away from your mother. She doesn’t like me, and I don’t want to upset the bond that you guys do have by being here. You can come over whenever you’d like. I left a key under the chimera plush. See you later.” Anya said softly, kissing his cheek before walking away.

 

Without a word to anyone else, she left the house and walked to the end of the street, looking for a bus stop. She made it to the bus stop before she took another breath. Melinda Desmond had always been intense, the few times they interacted leaving Anya questioning how Damian knew how to react to her. But Melinda had never been so rude about her or her family, especially in front of her. Anya had expected animosity. And she was immensely grateful for Damian defending her.

 

What she was more grateful for was when he came over that evening. He walked in, just as she had finished mopping the floor. And he wrapped her into a hug, immediately apologising for his mother, telling her that she had been told that her behaviour was unwarranted. Even Demetrius had defended her. Knowing that even his mother hadn’t deterred him made her feel safe. She felt comfortable with the knowledge that he would always be there for her.

Notes:

we're almost done now! how terrifying hahaha

i'm editing and reworking the final chapter, but i'm very happy with how it's turning out!!!

how did you find this chapter? please let me know your thoughts! ^_^

Chapter 18

Summary:

Meeting her old best friend on a random mission changed Anya Forger's life. Admitting to the mission did too.

Notes:

The final chapter. I can't believe it's here. I have written this maybe 4 or 5 times, trying to find the perfect way to end it. I really hope that you guys like it <3

After six comfortable months in her new position within WISE, Anya was given the role of her dreams. A physical skills trainer. She was given a group of twelve rookie agents and tasked with training them in multiple disciplines. She had six months to bring them up to speed with the other agents in their graduate class.

 

She was chosen for the job due to a ‘stellar reference’ from her old handler. And for her history in being the fastest progressing agent in their training. She had the knowledge and ability to teach others, and she could also use the time to teach them what to expect from their new career.

 

Getting her new assignment was unexpected. She had gone to the office and her supervisor was waiting by her desk. He handed her a slip of paper and a box. Anya originally took this to mean silent relocation, but when she opened the envelope she was overjoyed. Moving to the training rooms was easy. She was given three days to organise her new schedule and to find a new uniform. Now that she would be in physical contact with the rookies, she had to wear something less form fitting, something easier to move around in rapidly.

 

Figuring those things out was easy. A change in her calendar was normal, her work schedule already irregular. Explaining a change in uniform was harder. Damian had visited the apartment on his day off and waked in to see Anya groaning to herself about ‘sweat’, ‘stretch’ and ‘seams’. She was surrounded by piles of clothes, gym wear and regular suits. She had pages of notes to her side, scribbles that he couldn’t decipher.

 

Anya had explained that she was looking for a new outfit for work, a new company rule. But he didn’t believe her. He had learnt her tells, and she was too stressed to even consider the fact that she wasn’t subtle. What followed was a long and difficult conversation, one Anya had wanted to save for when she started in her new role.

 

“I don’t believe you, Anya. Come on, why won’t you trust me enough to know what’s going on?” he asked, his body language only expressing tension.

 

“Can’t you wait? I’ve been working out how to tell you and I was going to at the end of the week. Please, Damian.” she replied, closing her notebook, keeping her back turned from him.

 

“I don’t want to keep waiting. It’s been months. Why do you keep hiding secrets from me? It’s not fair, Anya! I tell you everything!”

 

“Because it’s not safe, Damian! It isn’t safe for you!” Anya’s voice was unwavering but she still refused to look at him.

 

Damian groaned in exasperation. “I don’t have time for games, Anya. Whatever it is, I can protect you. Us. I have the connections. Just tell me!”

 

“I’m a spy. Working for the West. I was recruited before I left Eden, and I joined them the day of our graduation. I’ve been given a new role, teaching rookies. In my letters, I spoke about my training. That wasn’t to be a bodyguard. That was so I could perform missions, collect intel, apprehend suspects, eliminate threats to the peace between the East and the West. It’s a crime. If someone was to find out, I’d be taken in by the SSS and killed. You would be too.” she said dejectedly.

 

“What the fuck, Anya. That’s not funny. Now tell me the truth.” Damian laughed breathlessly. He didn’t believe her. He couldn’t believe her. A spy for a country she had never been to? The spies were rumours, spread in newspapers to keep Ostanian citizens from defecting. Even his degree told him that the spies weren’t real, too risky for either nation.

 

“I’m Anya Forger, alias Agent Starlight. Daughter of Loid Forger, alias Agent Twilight. I work for WISE, and have since I graduated from Eden College. I now teach the agents who struggle in their physical skills and fitness. I was never a bodyguard. I just played a protective role with you.”

 

“Fucking hell Anya, are you serious?!” Damian asked. His head was in his hands so he missed how Anya flinched away from him, stumbling to her feet to push away from him.

 

“I am.”

 

“Jesus Christ. You’ve been lying to me for months. Years! Years of my life Anya!” His voice was raised, laced with an essence of danger that was unheard of when he spoke to her.

 

“Damian, don’t shout at me! I wasn’t allowed to tell you! I’m still not! That’s not my fault! I do this to protect the people I love. You are part of that!”

 

“You still lied to me! You don’t trust me!”

 

“I don’t trust anyone, Damian! I’m not supposed to trust anyone! My job refuses to allow me to trust civilians!”

 

“I’m not just a civilian though. I’m your partner, Anya. And I had hoped that you’d respect me enough to try and trust me.”

 

With that, Damian left the apartment, the door slamming behind him. Anya broke down into painful sobs, spinning around to see how he hadn’t even tried to talk to her about it. He just left. He had left her. Damian had left her. She fell back to the floor, unable to keep herself standing.

 

In the hallway, Damian had hesitated. He heard her cry. But he refused to go back in. He was hurt and his mind was racing. He had so many thoughts and questions that needed to be answered. But he was too hurt to think. She had lied to him. To him.

 

Damian walked away from the apartment, heart hurting. Anya sat in the apartment, barely clinging to her state of awareness. She could feel the familiar feeling of dizziness and darkness trying to pull her away from her ability to stay in the present. Anya had been working on grounding techniques for when she was so overwhelmed. Normally, she would try to find Damian’s thoughts and use them to keep her grounded. But he wasn’t there. She didn’t have something to cling to.

 

They both wanted to take the last ten minutes back, to redo the entire conversation. But neither of them knew if they should chase or return to the other. Neither of them knew what to do, where to go, who to talk to. Since they had returned to each other’s lives, they had spent most of their time together. And they had never fought, not seriously.

 

As Damian wandered through the streets, Anya rapidly packed a grab bag and scrawled a letter on scrap pieces of paper. She left it in an envelope on the kitchen side before switching the lights off and leaving. She wandered to the bus stop and caught the first bus into the city centre.

 

After a long, numbing trip, Anya made it to her parents apartment. She knocked once and Yor answered the door, shocked to see her. Anya made her way inside, slipping her shoes and jacket off as well as throwing her bag in her old bedroom. And then she sobbed when her mother passed her over a cup of tea.

 

Loid came home from work to see his daughter sobbing into his wife, clinging to her like the day they all remembered too vividly. He panicked, running over to the couch where they were sitting, abandoning his jacket on the floor. He sat beside them, running a comforting hand over Anya’s shoulder. When he gave Yor a questioning look, the fire in her eyes told him everything he needed to know. Someone had hurt her. And to have this reaction, that someone was Damian Desmond.

 

Her parents sat with her, letting her cry and rant for hours. They hated that she had to go through it, wishing they could protect her from every heartbreak. They had wanted to protect her since they met her. It was something that they weren't going to stop wanting to do. Loid got up to make everyone some food, barely managing to convince Anya to eat enough before she started tearing up again. They had a quiet night in, Anya explaining to them how everything broke down so quickly.

 

“He left, mama. I knew I shouldn’t tell him. I know the rules. They’re there to protect us. I should have followed protocol. God, now I have to leave. I can’t stay in Ostania. I don’t want to leave. This is my home. It isn’t fair. I was so stupid to trust him.” Anya sobbed.

 

Protocol dictated that if an agent’s role was discovered by a non-agent, they had to be extracted. It wasn’t safe for them to stay. Anyone could leak their information to the secret police. So Anya had to leave, move away to a place she had never even visited. She would be extracted to Westalis, given an entirely new identity. One she knew was already written for her by her father, fake documents kept in his safe.

 

“He was overwhelmed, baby. It’s not easy to hear the person you love is betraying the country you love. Remember me and papa? How I refused to speak to him for weeks? I left him too. I stayed in a hotel for a week and only came home to see you. But we got through it. We worked it out. And I know that he loves you more than anything else in the world. Anyone can see that. Just give him some time. Don’t panic about protocol until you know for sure that you’re compromised. Give him twenty four hours to talk to you before we talk about extraction.” Yor said, letting Anya lay her head on her shoulder.

 

“But he left. Damian left. He said he’d always wait. But he didn’t. And I feel horrible. Because this is how he felt all that time ago. I did this to him. And now he’s doing it to me. I deserve it. I know I do. But I never thought something like this would happen.” Anya’s voice was hoarse but her parent’s could see the years of regret on her face.

 

“He might have needed some air. Some time. He’ll go back. He’ll be waiting for you, I almost guarantee it.” Loid said, and Yor nodded in agreement.

 

Across the city, Damian walked into Anya’s apartment, concerned by the lack of activity inside. He flicked on the light and felt his heart drop when his eyes locked onto the envelope labelled ‘Damian’. It was a letter. From Anya.

 

[Date Unknown] [Time: 13:28]

 

Damian,

 

I don’t know how to start this. I’m not sure if I should be writing this. But it worked for me when I last felt like this. I feel horrible. There’s so much I want to say. There’s so much I need to say. To you, to explain everything. But I can’t write it. A paper trail is one of the worst things I could have, especially now.

 

Everything I said today is the truth. It has always been, and will always be, the truth. You don’t know this but it has been a part of my life since I became Anya Forger. Not Anya Williams or Levsky or Roche. Anya Forger. Forged from nothing but a dream that was supposed to be left behind. I’d love to explain but once again, I can’t. That’s a conversation I need to have in person. I hope you can understand. My life before Yor and Loid was a difficult one, one that seeing in black and white would hurt more than you’d expect.

 

I’m sorry I told you. I should have lied and figured it out later. I should have kept it to myself. I never should have told you. If I knew that you’d leave, I would have never told you anything. I have wanted to tell you everything since the beginning. But I wasn’t allowed. I’m still not. I broke a rule by telling you. It’s for everyone’s safety. Mine, my family’s, yours. But I was going to tell you. I promise that I was. In a few days. When I knew what to say.

 

I got my dream job. I’m teaching the younger students. I’m bringing them up to speed so they can graduate with their class. Something I missed out on. I’m getting to help them, guide them. I can’t wait. But now, I wish I never got given this role. Now, I wish I could have stayed in the office, letting you stay in blissful denial.

 

I wish I could pretend to understand your response. I know you were hurt by my lies. I didn’t have to look at you to see that. But you left me. And I don’t think I’ll ever understand that.

 

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t expect you to see this. I expect to come back to the apartment being empty and cold, not another soul having been in my absence. I expect you to go home, to write a letter of your own but for the secret police, to write another for me explaining your intention to leave me officially. I’d say it would be okay. But no. It wouldn’t. But I’m expecting it. I won’t be here to read your letter though. When I come back, it will only be to find my few important belongings and to give the key to my parents. I’ll be leaving. And you won’t be able to find me.

 

I know you won’t see this. But there’s some hope in my heart that you will. It’s stupid to think that. It's naive of me.

 

I’m sorry for hurting you for so long. I’m sorry for lying to you for so long. I really love you. It’s okay for you to not want to stay. It’s not, but I’m pretending for your sake.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

Love, Anya.

 

Damian read and reread the letter a minimum of ten times, unsure of what to make of it. It sounded like a confession of sorts. A confession to other lies. To secrets again. But it also sounded like she was leaving forever. Because of him. There was no fear, no anger, no disappointment in her words. Only defeat.

 

He hated how she automatically expected him to leave her. Over an argument that they still had to talk through. But his physical absence hadn’t helped with that expectation. He had left her alone, even after hearing her cries. Damian knew he should have communicated his need for space with her, but he was so blinded by hurt that it wasn’t a thought until after his long walk through the neighbourhood.

 

He waited around all evening, hoping for Anya’s return. He read the letter over and over again, his heart breaking every time he saw how honest she tried to be through her writing. She had tried her hardest for him, even though it hurt her.

 

When the clock struck the early hours of the morning, Damian allowed himself to settle for the evening. He couldn’t do anything so early in the day. And if he was going to spend the next one searching high and low for his girl, he needed to be somewhat rested. So he pulled a blanket from her bedroom and let himself sleep on the couch.

 

The next morning, Anya woke up in her old bed, her mother at her side. Yor had stayed with her again, coaxing her to sleep. Loid knocked on the door, carrying two mugs of his favourite coffee when he entered. He passed one to Anya, gesturing her to follow him into the main living area of the apartment.

 

“You need to go back to your apartment, Anya. For a few hours. Wait for Damian. If he’s not there by the same time that you left yesterday, pack up and come back here. We will then discuss next steps. But I have faith in him. I like that boy. And I know where to find him if he does fail my expectations.” Loid said calmly.

 

Loid knew Anya had a natural response of panicking when something went wrong. But with his experience and knowledge of the situation, he knew that she could be wrong. Anya and Damian had known each other since they were young children. They had the sort of bond that couldn’t be broken, not by a fight over a secret like Anya’s. So he wanted her to go home and confirm it for herself. And if he was wrong, Loid had contingencies in place.

 

“I’m scared papa. What if he doesn’t come back? What if this is it?” Anya asked nervously.

 

“Then you know that he was not the one for you. We will work through the pain, and find a way to keep you safe. It’ll be fine, Anya. Now go and get changed and go home. We’ll be here waiting for you, no matter the situation.” Loid promised, taking the empty mug from his daughter.

 

Anya timidly headed back to her bedroom, laughing at how her mother had slipped away silently and was no longer sleeping in her bed. She changed quickly and packed her belongings up. With a small wave, she left the complex and made her way to her home.

 

The entire journey, Anya ran through hundreds of scenarios. She didn’t know what she wanted to happen. She did know that she hoped he would come back eventually. She wanted him to at least promise to keep her identity a secret. It didn’t matter if he wanted to leave her.

 

It did matter. She was just lying to herself to keep herself sane. She knew that if he left her, she’d leave anyway.

 

Walking up to her apartment, smiling at her neighbours even though she felt like her world was ending, she hesitated. Stepping inside solidified what was going to happen that evening. She was either going to leave everything behind, or she was going to have a devastating conversation with the person she loved.

 

Anya cracked open the door, blinded by the unexpected light coming from inside. When she stepped in, she nearly fainted when she saw Damian pacing, talking loudly into the phone.

 

“Becky, I fucked up, I know. Stop shouting! Yes! She left a letter, Becky! She’s going to leave if I don’t find her! I need you to visit her parents. No, I can’t do it! They’d murder me. Whatever Blackbell, just go and see them. I’m waiting here just in case An-. Oh my god! Anya!”

 

Damian looked up at the door and dropped the phone onto the receiver, promptly ending the call, when he saw her staring at him, wearing the jacket he searched high and low for the previous evening. He ran towards her, engulfing her in a hug that was tighter than any before. He let tears of relief fall, lying his head onto hers. It took a few seconds for Anya to react but when she got over the initial shock, she wrapped her arms around his back and held onto him like he was going to slip through her fingers.

 

“What are you doing here?” she asked, voice croaky.

 

“Waiting for you. I came back last night and you weren’t here. I thought I lost you again.” he replied, his voice equally as broken.

 

“I thought you left me. I didn’t think you’d come back.”

 

“I should have stayed with you last night. I shouldn’t have left. I regret it all. I was awful to you. I’m so sorry, Anya.”

 

“You deserve someone who can be honest with you. Someone who doesn’t have to live so many lies. You need someone better Damian.”

 

“But I want you, Anya. I want to be there for you. I want to support you.”

 

Anya pulled her head away, glossy eyes looking into a pair of a similar state. She loved Damian more than herself. And he loved her more somehow.

 

“I’m a spy.” she said, as if it was the first time she was admitting such a thing.

 

“I know. For a country you aren’t from.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You’re living a lie.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You have a history that you’ve never explained to me.”

 

“I know”

 

“I have millions of questions that I want to ask.”

 

“I know. I have millions of answers that I’m going to give you.”

 

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

 

“If my identity was compromised, I have to.”

 

“I didn’t tell anyone. You’re safe with me. I promise.”

 

“Then I’m staying with you.”

 

“Move in with me.”

 

Anya stared at Damian, jaw dropped. He stared back at her, eyes soft.

 

“What?”

 

“Let’s get our own place. A small apartment for us. Somewhere for us to be us. Somewhere to move on from the pain, the hiding, the secrets. A new space.”

 

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

 

-

 

[Date Unknown] [Time: 00:59]

 

Anya,

 

I’m writing this on the evening that you agreed to move in with me. I’m writing this to express how much I love you. I love everything about you. Nothing will ever make me stop loving you.

 

I can’t wait for us to have our own place. I’m excited to look at homes together. Would you prefer an apartment or a small family home? Would you want to have somewhere small to start and then move somewhere bigger when we’re ready to expand? It’s not important right now, they're just questions I’ve been thinking about for a while.

 

Today you told me everything. You let me in. I know everything about you now. I know you hated telling me everything. I know it took a lot out of you. You fell asleep when we finished talking. I had to carry you to bed and you didn’t stir at all.

 

Your father called, and I answered. He sounded relieved that it was me who answered. Sure, he threatened me that if I was to ever hurt you again, no one would ever find me. But then he said that he was happy I was still around. He called me ‘son’. We’re going to dinner with your parents tomorrow. I’ll tell you when you wake up.

 

I’m sorry for everything Anya. You deserved a better version of me yesterday. I will be better. I will never leave like that again. I intend to stay with you forever. I have a ring for you back at my place. I intend to give it to you when we get our own home. I want to give it to you now, I have wanted to give you one since we were 15. But I want to wait. So you can adjust to the fact that I know you now. I know it won’t be easy for you knowing that you can’t hide everything from me anymore. I know it’s going to be scary. But I’ll be by your side. Every step of the way.

 

I love you so much Anya Forger. Starlight. My star. I’ll always love you. I have always loved you. Nothing could deter me from you. I might not understand everything yet, but I will.

 

I’m so proud of you for getting here. For making your way to your dream job so early into your career. I’m expecting so many stories of your students. I want to know everything. I want to know everyone.

 

We should host a dinner party at ours, when we sign the lease. Invite our friends, our families, everyone. Maybe I’d propose to you there? But would you hate that? Would you prefer a more romantic, one on one proposal? I’ll have to ask Becky. I know she’ll know. She’s been your best friend for years, she knows you almost as well as I do.

 

I’m excited to spend my life with you, married or not. I’m going to leave my job. Again. I don’t need it. I want to do something else. I want to work in business management. I’d get to plan and host events for my brother if I change roles again. I wouldn’t be stuck at the office as much. More time to spend with you. And it’s a pay increase too. Deme will sign off on it. Mother is supportive of it. I think she’s just glad that I’m staying within the political business.

 

She’s going to freak out when I tell her I’m moving out and in with you. No more sudden visits for me and Demetrius. But she has to adjust. I told her that six months ago. You’re going to be a permanent part of my life.

 

I love you, Anya. I hope that one day, you’ll be sitting in your suite the evening before our wedding and you’ll be reading this. I hope that you’re as excited as me to make it official. You’re my girl, and I will forever be your sy-on boy.

 

Love, Damian

Notes:

so! that's it! that's where it ends!

i really hope that this is a satisfying ending for you guys! would it really be this fic if it wasn't angsty? it follows these guys everywhere

i've had such a good time with this fic. it was one of the first ones that i wrote, but i've been posting it (and editing it) for a while. my style has changed quite a lot, maybe you've been able to tell

thank you to those of you who've been supporting me, silently or otherwise. i appreciate it immensely. and to those of you that i've spoken to on twitter: i love you guys!!! keep messaging me :D it keeps me going, keeps me inspired

anyway, thank you for the love on this fic <3

Notes:

i hope you liked this first chapter! i worked on this story for a while, im not too sure how to find it as it's somewhat different to what im normally writing

 

please feel free to leave kudos and comments as feedback. i love hearing people's thoughts about my writing!