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It was supposed to be just a normal day in the bunker, no hunts, no world-ending events. But to her, it felt like hell. Every second dragged by, her mood worsening with every second that passed he just couldn’t seem to drag herself out of bed today. This feeling has been growing steadily worse these past few moments. Saying sorry for every little mistake she made, the memories of her troubled childhood returning to her. She always told herself to keep quiet, it’s better if those words were left unsaid.
She sighed, before reluctantly dragging herself out of bed. Food was probably a good idea, but she wasn’t hungry... She frowned, unable to remember the last time she ate a full meal. She’d been snacking when the hunger got too bad, spending time alone in her room, avoiding the boys and conversation. How long could this go on before one of them asked about her this time? It was sweet that they seemed to care; she just couldn’t figure out why they did.
As she placed her bare feet onto the floor, there was a knock on her door, followed by Dean’s voice. “Hey sweetheart, you up?’
She cleared her throat, “Yes, is there something wrong?” She watched as her door opened and Dean stepped in. He looked worried, his green eyes taking in her form. She was still dressed in the T-shirt and shorts she had gone to bed in yesterday. There must have been something in her expression that caused him to move closer to her. His eyes searched hers for a moment longer before he spoke, “What’s going on? You’ve been locked up in here for a couple of days now and we’re starting to get worried.”
She looked down and sighed, “It’s just my mood. Even after everything I still get like this sometimes and I didn’t want to burden you with my troubles.”
She heard him move and then gentle fingers were lifting her chin to make her look up into his worried green eyes. Dean sat on the bed next to her and carefully gathered her into his arms. “You don’t have to hide what you feel, sweetheart. You could never be a burden to me and Sammy.”
She bit down on her trembling lower lip but didn’t speak. Tears were already forming, making her feel even worse. Then she heard something she didn’t expect, the words were soft, sung quietly in a rough voice,
“ I think you say sorry too much, I think you got issues with trust
From the voices in your head that say that you're too hard to love
I think you still live with the ghost of people you needed the most
That let you down and taught you how to keep your closet door closed”
She looked up as the words washed over her, her eyes meeting his as Dean continued to softly sing,
But I've been there, and I would rather die (would rather die)
Than watch you drown in tears that you need to cry
You can talk, you can talk to me
I can tell that you're not okay
You can spill your guts, I won't leave
You are not a burden to me
You can talk, you can talk to me
Even down in your darkest place
You can let your skeletons scream
You are not a burden to me
You arе not a burden to me
The tears she tried so hard to hold back were spilling out now. Running down her face and wetting the green henley that Dean wore, as she turned into his arms and clung to him. The words seemed to touch something deep inside her.
“I think that you nevеr get heard
By thinking someone's got it worse
Been minimized so many times
That you believe it's deserved
I think you've been silent since youth
'Cause every time you speak your truth
You're stigmatized, retraumatized
By all the things you didn't choose”
Those memories from earlier came flooding back, all the times she was put down, and told to keep quiet. It made her afraid of talking or asking for anything. Every time she tried, she was ignored or criticized. She felt for so long that she didn’t have a voice and now Dean was saying that she deserved to be heard. She didn’t know how to deal with the emotions the song was bringing out in her.
“I don't mind your darker side, you can lose control (can lose control)
I'd rather hear your hell than see your funeral”
As the last sentence was sung, she could feel Dean’s arms tighten around her. And she tightened hers in response, reassuring him that despite her mood, she wasn’t even thinking of leaving them, him.
“You can talk, you can talk to me
I can tell that you're not okay
You can spill your guts, I won't leave
You are not a burden to me
You can talk, you can talk to me
Even down in your darkest place
You can let your skeletons scream
You are not a burden to me”
As he continued to sing, she listened and started to think and made a promise, silently, to herself and him. She was going to be more open about her feelings. She wasn’t alone and her emotions weren’t a burden on those who cared about her.
“The monsters that you're holding back
There's no need to dress them up
Your ugly truth gave depth to you
Now there's so much more to love
You can talk, you can talk to me
I can tell that you're not okay
You can spill your guts, I won't leave
You are not a burden to me
You can talk, you can talk to me
Even down in your darkest place
Don't ever be ashamed of your needs
You are not a burden to me
You are not a burden, you are not a burden
(You can talk, you can talk to me)
(You can talk, you can talk to me)
You are not burden to me
(You can talk, you can talk to me)
You are not a burden, burden
Burden, burden
The monsters that you're holding back
There's no need to dress them up
Your ugly truth gave depth to you
Now there's so much more to love”
As the song's last notes faded, she lifted her head to look into Dean’s eyes and gave him a soft smile, “Sometimes I forget that there are people here who care about me. People who genuinely want to help and love me exactly as I am. Thank you, Dean”
In return, Dean gave her a watery smile, “You mean a lot more to us than you realize, sweetheart. Don’t ever forget that you can come to me for anything.”