Chapter Text
Layton
Her
Dearest B
Dear Hershel,
I Look It’s not really Before I begin, I would like to stress that this letter was not exactly an idea I had in mind. I was merely told that staying in contact is crucial in maintaining rapport when in a long distance friendship. And so I find myself writing the mundane… I suppose.
Just last week, I was at a coffee bazaar trying to educate the young in brewing coffee the true artisan way. the arrogance of the young woman thinking that she knows better all because she is the seller? Absolutely ridiculous. That lass had the audacity to call me a ‘Karen’. Do I seem like a posh, overbearing and unreasonable lady to you??
(Don’t answer that.)
Well, no matter. I procured some fine Oriental Beauty Oolong for you. You’ll find them in the parcel I’ve prepared alongside this letter. (If it gets lost in transit then I’m going to have some words with the logistics company.) About time you tried tea from another continent. Doesn't drinking Earl Grey all day get tiring for you? Unless you have no taste
Oh, and I also got you some snacks so that you at least have something edible in your cupboard. After my rather dreadful previous encounter, I fortunately came across a wonderful young man who helped me pick them out for you. They are those healthy ones that seem to be trendy, because I noticed a little birdy told me that you tend to skip meals when the curriculum gets too busy. That is an extremely unacceptable habit for a 37 year old man and you better stop it or so help me!
Anyway, I think I might also have the time to drop by this weekend. Anything forbid I leave you alone with your sorry excuse for a home. It has been a month since I actually helped you clean, and I dread what I would find this time. I am convinced that the last time I tried to clean up your teacups, I’m pretty sure that I accidentally summoned a demon.
Well, that is all.
I hope that you have a great day… and all that. Fill in the blanks yourself. If it were up to me I would not bother with such… cringeworthy frivolities.
Lots of love
Regards
Peace out,
Des
P.S. The snacks have some puzzles included in them, which I think might tickle your fancy. Really, you’re so easy to please, just like a child.