Chapter Text
Wonwoo yawns as he slowly walks back to his desk, a warm cup of coffee in his hands. He worked overtime again last night but this is nothing new, especially at this time of the year. At least the peak period is gradually starting to taper off, so he knows he can relatively take it easier for the next few weeks.
He sits down and keys in his login details, blinking furiously to shake his drowsiness off. He lazily checks his emails, immediately deleting ones he couldn’t care less about, like automated emails from the company’s internal social platform and maintenance updates of their office building.
Leaning back comfortably against his chair, he mindlessly skims the rest of his inbox at lightning speed while he drinks his coffee, flagging the ones he needs to get back to later.
Subject: Join Us in Welcoming Our New Colleagues at TTT Pte. Ltd. – Seoul!
He usually reads these kinds of emails just out of curiosity, quickly going through the list of names and checking if there are any ones he recognises. They’re a huge company with a lot of departments so naturally, there are countless people he has never even met at all. He rarely leaves his floor, so minus the times he eats out with Seungkwan, Seokmin, or Soonyoung, he barely interacts with anyone outside his department unless it’s needed for work.
He absentmindedly scans the rest of the email’s contents. When he reaches the end of the list and notes that there are no new hires in their department, he belatedly realises something and backtracks, brows knitting together as he quickly scrolls up again to the first few names.
Oh Donghyun, Partner, Assurance
Kim Mingyu, Senior Manager, Consulting – Supply Chain; Markets Transformation Lead
Hong Jisoo (Joshua), Senior Manager, Consulting – Power & Utilities
Wonwoo blinks at his screen, dumbfounded. Every ounce of drowsiness has left his system, and now he’s fully awake. Suddenly, his mouth feels dry, and his heart is beating faster against his chest, completely not expecting to come across this particular name.
No, it must be a different person, Wonwoo thinks to himself, shaking his head in denial. Kim Mingyu is a common name. It’s not him.
He recalls the time when a barista yelled the same name in a coffee shop some time ago, and he had jolted in his seat by reflex. He anxiously waited to see who the said customer was, only to be disappointed because it wasn’t the person he wanted it to be. Of course, it’s not him.
He spaces out, scrubbing a hand over his face as he tries to regain his composure. He goes to the LinkedIn search bar and stares at the blinking cursor, his hands itching to type in Mingyu’s name to have some kind of confirmation.
After a few moments, he sighs to himself and quickly closes the page, reaching for his phone to open his messages.
Lee Jihoon
Hey, have you heard anyth❙
Hey, have you heard anything about Mingyu❙
Hey, have you❙
❙
Do you❙
Do you know if Mingyu’s back❙
Do you know if❙
❙
Someone named Kim Mingyu❙
Someone named Kim Mingyu is joining us, do you think that’s him? ❙
Someone named Kim Mingyu is joini❙
❙
Wen Junhui
Jun, do you have❙
Jun, do you have any news about Mingyu?❙
Jun, do you have any new❙
❙
I think Mingyu is❙
I think Mingyu is joining our branch❙
I think Mingyu is joining❙
I think❙
❙
Choi Seungcheol
Hi, Seungcheol hyung. It’s been a while❙
Hi, Seungch❙
❙
Hey hyung, it’s Wonwoo.❙
Hey hyung, it’s Wonwoo. I just wanted to ask❙
Hey hyung, it’s Wo❙
❙
Hyung, is Mingyu❙
Hyung, is Mingyu back in Korea?❙
Hyung, is Mingyu back❙
Hyung, is❙
❙
Min ♡
❙
Wonwoo clicks his tongue and hastily locks his phone, hiding it somewhere deep inside his bag before he does something stupid. He shakes his head to snap out of it, chugging the rest of his now lukewarm coffee.
It’s been years since he last saw and talked to Mingyu, and it’s pointless to get his hopes up over nothing.
His jaw tightens as vague memories slowly start to flood his senses, starting from that fateful night when things ended between them. He wishes he could say it’s been a while since he last thought of Mingyu, but he gave up trying not to when he realised early on that almost everything reminds Wonwoo of him, from whenever he does his groceries and remembers all the brands Mingyu prefers, to the way he still folds his laundry exactly just like how Mingyu taught him.
And whenever Mingyu does cross his mind, the faintest feeling of regret always lingers on his tongue like a sour aftertaste.
He sighs to himself for the nth time, taking one last look at the new joiners’ email before clicking the trash can icon. He gets back to work while ignoring the nagging sense of restlessness gnawing under his skin. The clacking of his keyboard does little to fully distract him, but at least it helps him calm down bit by bit.
Whether that guy is actually Mingyu or not, Wonwoo figures he’ll find out soon enough.
─────── ·•· ───────
The following Monday morning finds Wonwoo being tapped on his shoulder mid-code. He quickly saves his work for good measure before removing his headphones and turning to whoever called for his attention.
Getting his well-deserved rest and quiet over the weekend had allowed him to get his mind off things, so it feels like he’s been blindsided when he comes face to face with none other than Kim Mingyu.
His Kim Mingyu.
“Hyung, are you busy?” Seungkwan chirps brightly beside him. “I wanted to introduce you to Mingyu and Joshua. They’re our new managers in Consulting and they both just transferred from our U.S. branch. Thankfully, they’re both Korean so we have less problems about that,” he jokes, covering his mouth as he chuckles lightly.
Wonwoo feels himself blanching, barely sparing Seungkwan a glance before going back to looking at Mingyu. He stops breathing altogether, slightly gaping as he stares at the other in shock.
He doesn’t know what face he’s making right now, whether his brows are furrowed tightly in uncertainty, or his lips are parted in horror, or his eyes are glassy with emotions, or possibly everything all together all at once. What he knows, though, is that Mingyu is staring back at him with the same intensity, taking his time searching every inch of Wonwoo’s face, eyes blinking sporadically with a look that Wonwoo recognises as longing and wistful.
Wonwoo feels a tug in his chest.
Mingyu’s hair is short—shorter than Wonwoo has ever seen on him. His complexion is slightly tanner than what Wonwoo remembers, his face sharper, more defined, with the bags under his eyes more prominent, and fine lines of ageing are now subtly creasing his skin. All these changes, but Wonwoo could never forget those eyes, always gleaming, always bright. This is unmistakably Mingyu, and he’s still so beautiful.
The love of Wonwoo’s life whom he left behind four years ago.
He blinks blankly, frozen in place. The last time he saw him, they were at the playground near the younger’s house. Mingyu looked at him with disbelief and despair, and Wonwoo left him there alone in the middle of the night after breaking things off with him. All it took was seven words, and their seven years together went swirling down the drain.
“I’m sorry, Mingyu. I can’t do this.”
“Uhm,” Seungkwan interrupts, breaking the awkward moment of silence. “Do you guys know each other?” he asks hesitantly, his gaze shifting between Wonwoo and Mingyu.
Wonwoo fights back his tears, averting his gaze. He can’t even think straight right now, let alone figure out how to explain the history they have. So, he goes for the easiest and simplest response.
He swallows and clears his throat. “No,” he replies, timidly extending a hand towards Mingyu while forcing a small smile. “I’m Wonwoo, nice to meet you.”
Mingyu just stares at his hand for a second, a momentary flicker of hurt and confusion crossing his face. But in the blink of an eye, it’s gone as soon as it came, and Wonwoo thinks he might’ve just imagined it. Mingyu straightens and clamps his lips in a polite smile, taking Wonwoo’s hand.
“Hi, Wonwoo. I’m Mingyu.”
A shiver runs down Wonwoo’s spine at the sound of his voice and the fleeting touch. Four years of no contact, and the familiarity of Mingyu’s tone, his pitch, his intonation, his everything, engulfs Wonwoo like a swell of nostalgia. His chest physically aches, and he struggles to rein in his emotions, almost forgetting to move his hand towards the other guy, who he now only notices is looking at him with a gentle, cat-like grin.
“And I’m Joshua. Or Jisoo, whichever is fine,” the man greets cordially as he shakes Wonwoo’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Wonwoo.”
Wonwoo tries to send a more sincere smile to Joshua to match his friendly greeting, but he thinks it only came out looking strained because of his emotional turmoil. He licks his lips nervously as he glances at Seungkwan, and the other has his lips pursed worriedly.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Seungkwan asks, patting Wonwoo’s head affectionately. “You don’t look too well.”
Wonwoo takes a much-needed deep breath and clears his throat again. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he brushes Seungkwan’s hand away, turning back to his desk. “It’s nothing.”
Seungkwan hums thoughtfully. “Well, if you say so.” Wonwoo feels his chair slightly tip back and sees Seungkwan leaning against it. “Let’s all go to Mr. Choi’s for lunch! We should show them where the good places are. We’re going to Hansollie next, I’ll tell him in a bit. Soonyoung hyung and Seokmin hyung won’t be back until Wednesday, so it’ll just be us.”
“Uh…” Wonwoo trails off, glancing away as he thinks of an excuse. “I think I’ll have to pass. I need to get something done first and I’m gonna finish late. You guys should go ahead,” he explains, trying to look apologetic. “Maybe next time.”
Seungkwan makes a questioning noise and glances at Wonwoo’s screen. Wonwoo is doing work, but it’s nothing very urgent. Thankfully, Seungkwan doesn’t know that and doesn’t question him any further.
“Okay then,” he replies, patting Wonwoo’s head again gently. “I’ll see you later.”
Wonwoo just makes a noncommittal sound before staring at his desktop monitor, watching the group walk to Hansol’s desk from his peripheral vision. His hands are cold and clammy, and he feels faint from trying to keep it together. He gives in and turns to look at them again, breath hitching in his throat as he stares at Mingyu’s back.
He props his elbows on the table and buries his face in his hands, eyes squeezed shut as he quietly groans.
Shit. What should I do?
─────── ·•· ───────
Wonwoo lasts a week of avoiding Mingyu, until he couldn’t anymore without raising suspicion. He manages to avoid Seungkwan and company the entire week, either saying he has other stuff to work on right away, or that he’s joining his coworkers from his team instead for lunch.
Friday comes rolling in and Seungkwan pays him another visit in the late afternoon, this time with a sulky look and a can of Wonwoo’s favourite carbonated beverage.
“Hyung, you know you can talk to me, right?” Seungkwan pouts exaggeratedly, poking Wonwoo’s cheek playfully. “Is everything alright with you?”
Wonwoo lets out an amused exhale. Seungkwan seems genuinely concerned about him, and he feels bad he’s been trying to steer clear of him and his department since Monday. But at the same time, he’s not really ready to talk about it. He hasn’t even told Jihoon or Junhui, and given that neither of them has contacted him, it seems like neither Seungcheol nor Chan has told them either.
All week, he’s been tossing and turning in bed, unable to get any sleep because every time he closes his eyes, all he sees is Mingyu.
Mingyu, who slept on the right side of the bed while Wonwoo took the left, but somehow they always woke up in each other’s arms. Mingyu, who helped him come out to his family in high school. Mingyu, who he held close whenever they watched movies. Mingyu, who has a particularly sensitive spot by his nape which Wonwoo constantly took advantage of. Mingyu, who refused to leave his side when Wonwoo’s father was rushed for an emergency surgery. Mingyu, who really liked it when Wonwoo cut his nails for him. Mingyu, who always didn’t last long whenever Wonwoo was on top of him. Mingyu, who preferred quiet Sunday mornings at home. Mingyu, who was his first everything.
It’s easier not to be haunted by someone when you’ve forcibly buried them at the back of your mind and they’re thousands of miles away, physically out of reach. But it’s different now because when Wonwoo goes to work, he’s constantly reminded that Mingyu is just several floors above—very much close and very much real. He’s overwhelmed beyond comprehension, and frankly, he doesn’t quite know what to do.
“Thanks, Seungkwan. It’s been a rough week, but I’m okay,” he reassures with a small smile, taking a sip from his drink.
“Okay, then that means you’re coming tonight, right?” Seungkwan asks expectantly. “Everyone’s gonna be there. You saw our group chat, even Minghao hyung and Jeonghan hyung’s coming.” Wonwoo chews on his bottom lip, trying to think of how he can get himself out of this one. “Hyung, please? You said it yourself, it was a tough week. I’ll even treat you if you come. Please?”
Wonwoo takes another glance at Seungkwan, and the other is looking at him pleadingly with puppy eyes. Realistically, he knows he can’t run away from this forever, so he might as well get it over with and take some baby steps.
Letting out a defeated sigh, he closes his eyes in resignation. “Fine, I’m going,” he concedes, unable to fight the small smile that creeps up his face when Seungkwan squeals in delight.
“Great! I’ll come get you by 6:30, okay? Latest 7, so make sure to finish your work by then,” Seungkwan says cheerfully before walking away. “See you, hyung!”
Wonwoo just grunts in reply, staring off into nothing as he takes in the situation. One would think that four years is more than enough for someone to change for the better, but here he is, doing the same stupid things and making the same stupid mistakes even now after Mingyu’s back.
He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve his slight headache. He’ll have to tell Jihoon and Junhui soon, and he also needs to somehow talk to Mingyu. Just the thought of it makes him shudder, and he lets out a sharp exhale as he goes back to his work, holding onto the remaining splodges of his sanity.
Roughly around five minutes before 7PM, he receives a call.
“You better be on your way down,” Seungkwan warns threateningly. “We’re all waiting for you at the lobby.”
Wonwoo rolls his eyes, quickly finishing up gathering the rest of his things. “I am, I am. I’ll see you in a bit,” he replies before ending the call.
He trudges towards the lift, mentally preparing himself for tonight. He hopes he can just drink his problems away, at least for now, and deal with this mess he’s gotten himself into another time.
When he reaches the ground floor and turns the corner, he spots his friends gathered by the entrance, and immediately, he meets Mingyu’s gaze from afar. He almost freezes in his tracks.
“Wonwoo, there you are!” Soonyoung calls out, walking towards him to give him a side hug. “I haven’t seen you in forever!”
Wonwoo chuckles lightly. “Yeah, well… How was Japan?”
“Not any better than here. It was so hot and humid, I thought I was gonna melt,” he groans loudly, and Wonwoo laughs. “By the way, have you met Mingyu?” he asks cheerily, tipping his head towards the other in referral.
“I did,” Wonwoo replies as casually as he can, sparing Mingyu a brief glance. “And Joshua, too.”
“Come on guys, let’s go,” Seungkwan cuts in, tone whining. “Jeonghan hyung has been complaining nonstop saying we’re taking so long.”
They reach the bar after a quick 15-minute walk, and Wonwoo immediately takes the seat at the foot of the table, right next to Jeonghan.
“Wow. You look like shit.”
Wonwoo barks out a laugh, always amused with Jeonghan’s own peculiar ways of showing affection. “Really?” he asks, combing a hand through his hair and patting himself down. “Well, I missed you, too,” he replies as he settles down, immediately ordering a bottle of beer for himself.
Their large group falls into several separate conversations throughout the night, and Wonwoo feels most of the tension leave his shoulders by his fifth drink. Directly across from him, Joshua and Hansol are talking about their own experiences in America, with Wonwoo only half-listening to what they’re saying.
He feels Jeonghan lean closer to him. “Don’t you think the new guy looks cute?” he whispers in a low voice.
Wonwoo’s gaze flickers to Mingyu, who’s seated next to Joshua and is animatedly telling Minghao how he gained so much weight when he first moved to the U.S. because of the fast food chains everywhere.
Wonwoo takes a swig of his beer and tastes the bitterness on his tongue. “He’s alright.”
“How do you know which one I’m talking about?”
He glances at Jeonghan, who now has a playful smirk in place. “Well, they’re both alright,” he shrugs nonchalantly, and he pretends not to hear Jeonghan’s sceptical hum.
Everyone has had a substantial amount of alcohol in their system when someone finally drops the bomb—one that has frequently weighed on Wonwoo’s mind, especially more so since this week.
“Mingyu, are you seeing anyone?”
Wonwoo perks up at the question, but he pointedly keeps his gaze away from that side of the table. He fidgets with the bottle in his hands, clenching his jaw as he listens in on the answer.
“Oh no,” Mingyu shakes his head with an embarrassed smile. “Ah, I’m… I’m not.”
“What? Why not?” Soonyoung cries out loudly, his palm slamming against the table. “But you’re so handsome!”
“Oh, it’s…” Mingyu falters, chuckling sheepishly.
Soonyoung immediately cuts back in, “I know plenty of people who would love to meet you. Just say the word, and I’ll send the message!”
Wonwoo’s sharp inhale gets drowned out by the loud chatter and laughter of the others. He pulls Jeonghan closer by the arm.
“Let’s go smoke,” he whispers into his ear.
Without sparing the table another glance, he stands up from his seat and walks away. Once they’re outside, he reaches for his pack and quickly lights one stick for himself. He takes a long drag, letting nicotine do the work, his nerves gradually easing as he leans against the walkway railing.
From here, he can make out the figures of everyone inside, and he can see Seokmin talking to a waitress while pointing at items on the food menu.
“So,” Jeonghan starts after exhaling a puff of smoke, making himself comfortable beside Wonwoo, “Who is he?”
Wonwoo looks at Jeonghan curiously. “What?”
Jeonghan tips his chin up towards their table. “Mingyu.”
Wonwoo’s mouth parts, slightly taken aback. For a brief second, he considers denying it. But, if there’s anyone who would notice and would directly ask him about it, he’s not surprised it’s Jeonghan.
He sighs, taking in another drag. “What gave it away?” he asks with a wry smile.
Jeonghan snorts. “Are you kidding? You could barely look at him,” he reveals in a knowing tone. “And also, I’m pretty sure he was keeping an eye on me.”
Wonwoo forces a chuckle. “Was he now?”
“Mhm,” Jeonghan hums playfully. “So, who is he? An ex?”
Wonwoo takes another pull on his cigarette and flicks the ash to the floor, watching as it slowly floats in the air before landing on the concrete pavement.
Letting out a heavy sigh, he nods. “A reminder. A damn painful one.”
He looks up and sees Mingyu laughing brightly from afar, his face scrunched up in amusement while Seokmin clutches his shoulder for support. Unconsciously, Wonwoo finds himself smiling as he watches them.
Mingyu has always spread joy to those around him wherever he goes. He is meant to be loved, to feel loved, to be taken care of, to be always happy, and he deserves nothing less.
“A reminder of what?” Jeonghan quietly asks beside him.
Wonwoo’s smile slowly falls from his face as he pulls back from reality. That’s right. Mingyu deserves everything, and Wonwoo doesn’t deserve his forgiveness. Not after what he did.
“Of just how much of a coward I am…” Wonwoo mutters, lowering his gaze as he watches the cigarette slip from his fingers and fall to the floor, “to be able to let him go.”