Chapter Text
Sanji knew from a young age what life would make him happy.
He'd find his miracle sea, open a floating restaurant much like Zeff's, and marry a beautiful and generous woman who he would pamper and dote on until the end of time. A true love he'd heard tales of since he was just a child, in picture books from his mother or in stories she had told.
He'd learned of the concept of soulmates soon after her death, Rejiu explaining what they are to him, reading directly from a book somewhere in the (mostly unused) Germa library. He'd taken the book for his own soon after. He didn't understand it well, being young and unskilled in language at the time- never quite able to focus on the studies his father forced onto him and his siblings, and rather focusing on surviving with as little bruises as possible. He would do the best to read the book in his mothers voice, skipping over the words too long for his vocabulary.
The fundamental of each soulmate connection comes in the form of a small mark, commonly referred to as a soul mark, on both people's body, the book had read, it can appear as anything from the head of an animal to a rose to an abstraction, perhaps just a blend of colors. These marks are small and easy to gloss over, but stand out on the body due to their unique coloration. The soul marks will always, in some way, correlate to both people, through personality or appearance or shared experiences between the soulmates in question.
Sanji thought about his soul mark, embedded on the side of his ribs. Three yellow-orange four-point stars, all linking together in a close line. He'd dream of the day he'd meet a beautiful lady with those exact marks on her body, a woman who'd be the physical manifestation of everything he cherished and loved. It gave him something to look forward to, at the very least.
Not everyone had a soulmate- he knew nobody in his immediate family did. Not his mother or his sister, let alone any of his brothers. He felt lucky, as if fate decided to give him one thing to look forward to in life. Something special, just for him.
As his life went on, he kept his love close to his chest. Pursuing romance everywhere imaginable, wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting women pick it up and put it down at their leisure. He knew the women he pursued weren't going to end up his soulmate, but he also knew that the universe would find a way to bring him to his soulmate, so there's no shame in fooling around a little until then. Better he be experienced for when he finds his true love.
His goal didn't change much as he grew older, dreaming and dreaming of his perfect future in even the darkest of moments. He'd lament about it to anyone who'd listen- a life on the sea with the woman of his dreams, surrounded by all kinds of sea life and environments he wouldn't find anywhere else in the world.
Even alongside his crew, he trotted and frolicked to the side of any woman who would momentarily have him. Dancing around the deck and procuring sweets and snacks for the lovely cat-burglar and archaeologist (as well as the other members of the crew, but it was mostly first come, first serve with them). Any beautiful woman had a place in his life, no matter where he was. His dream of his perfect soulmate stayed with him, and he knew it was only a matter of time until she flocked into his life. A woman who would kiss him in the mornings. Her lipstick would stain his lips, and he'd adore the shape of her mouth on his so intensely that he wouldnt wipe the red off of his lips until he saw her next, hoping she would stain him once more.
But presently, dreams of a beautiful soulmate were nowhere to be found, as Sanji found himself wandering the woods of an island alongside an injured swordsman of his crew.
He'd finished all the grocery shopping for the day, Zoro serving as his pack mule, until a local mentioned the island's wildlife to them. The man had told them that most of the non-produce animals on the island were scarcely hunted by humans due to being too strong for just any person to take out easily. Sanji was interested because he'd only gotten a frankly sad amount of meat from the market, and Zoro was interested simply because the brute liked hunting. So they were currently wandering through the woods.
The animals in question weren't hard to find but the locals failed to mention that they hunted in large packs- nothing Zoro and Sanji couldn't handle, until Zoro tripped on a tree branch like a moron and left his legs open for an oncoming attack from the creatures. Sanji dealt with them in his stead, and was now attempting to get out of the forest to bring Zoro back to the ship to recover. Sanji would find it funny if he'd actually been able to properly get meat from the animals. But, he wasn't able to, so he was currently walking around with a hobbling swordsman through the woods and a bitter expression on his face.
"Ugh, this is just unfortunate." Sanji muttered, swallowing his pride and walking back to where Zoro was trailing behind him and slinging his arm around the swordsman. How funny it was that one of the strongest men alive wasn't immune to dropping his guard in stupidity.
"Fuck are you doing?"
"We're gonna take hours to get back to the ship if you keep hopping around like that." He scolded, walking while supporting the other's weight. "Besides, I can't keep turning back to check that you're not wandering off."
Zoro scoffed, begrudgingly slinging an arm over Sanji in turn, making his job easier. "I could get us back to the ship better than you could, dumbass."
"Oh, with your wonderful sense of direction?"
"Yeah." He said, matter-of-factly as ever. "Better than yours."
Sanji laughed humorlessly. "Kiss my ass."
The ship wasn't far away, luckily. Sanji held on tight to Zoro, moving as fast as he could without messing up the little walking Zoro could do. Zoro insisted on dishing out gruff complaints and insults as he hobbled alongside Sanji, insisting that he could walk fine on his own, or that Sanji was definitely going the wrong way, to which Sanji reminded him that he had half a mind to chew him out and leave him injured in the middle of the woods. It wasn't long before they found themselves in Chopper's office, Sanji relinquishing his hold on Zoro about as soon as he got the other man onto the deck.
"Sit down." Sanji pointed to the cot. "I'll stitch up your wound in a minute, so take your pants off and wait." He moved to Chopper's desk, taking the stitching needle out of the drawer alongside saline and gauze and other cleaning materials.
Sanji knew only the bare minimum when it came to wound care- he'd learned how to sew his clothes up when he was young, so stitching up wounds was never that much of an issue. He struggled with wrapping them, more than anything. He turned back to see Zoro sitting on the cot, with his legs spread and thigh wound exposed. He frowned.
"Are you seriously not wearing underwear?"
Zoro shrugged. "Usually don't."
Sanji rolled his eyes, sitting on the cot next to Zoro, grabbing his knee to turn him closer and look at the wound closer. The gash was deep but not too deep, and Sanji knew it wouldn't cause that many problems or strain once properly taken care of.
After cleaning the wound, Zoro interrupted him right as he picked up the needle.
"I don't think you're gonna be able to properly fix it from where you're sitting."
"Shove it, yes I can." Sanji huffed. "Put your leg up."
Zoro did as told, wincing slightly as he did. Unfortunately, as Sanji prepared to start stitching he realized Zoro was right. The angle wasn't right for him to sew it without it ending up choppy. He sighed.
"Okay, put your leg back down." He said, getting up and moving to sit on the ground between Zoro's legs.
The change in position was no doubt awkward. He was on his knees and Zoro was staring down at him, the fact that he was practically at eye level with the swordsman's manhood only making the predicament all the more uncomfortable. Whatever. It was nothing he hadnt seen before and fixing the wound was far more important. It was a quick fix, the wound wasn't all that long so it didn't take particular time or effort to fix up. He finished it up, setting the needle back into the tiny box he'd found it in and grabbed the washcloth, dabbing whatever cleaning shit Chopper had into the fabric.
"I just need to make sure its clean now." Sanji sighed eliciting a tired nod out of Zoro. He moved the swordman's knee over to futher situate himself between the man's legs, washcloth in hand. After wiping the wound, he turned to Zoro's other thigh to wash off excess blood that had ended up there on their walk back or from the frequent position changes, only for a small orange mark to catch his eye.
Sanji felt his fingers tense and numb as he stared at the mark on the other man's leg.
"You have a soulmate?" He stammered.
"Oh, yeah." Zoro shrugged, moving his hands behind him so he could lean back. "I'm not really focused on it though. I'll find 'em after I beat Mihawk."
"Huh." Sanji croaked, unable to take his eyes off the mark.
The orange mark consisted of three four-point, orange-yellow stars, linking in the middle as if holding hands.
He tried desperately to keep his breathing steady, miraculously succeeding, despite the way Zoro tilted his head in a confused expression at the cook. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as if it were trying to self-destruct. Without thinking, he ran his thumb over the mark softly. The same exact mark embedded on Sanji's ribcage.
"What are you doing?" Zoro muttered, a little too quiet and gruff for comfort.
"I'm just shocked." Sanji turned to him, responding a little too fast. "Didn't expect someone like you to be capable of love." He quipped.
"Oh, shove it." Zoro scoffed, grinning and leaning forwards again to stare down at Sanji. "Maybe the reason you're always flirting with women is because you're overcompensating for not having a soulmate."
"I have a soulmate!" Sanji barked, ripping his hand from Zoro's thigh and standing up from between his legs.
"Prove it then, curlybrow." Zoro grinned, grabbing Sanji by the arm and yanking him up closer, cocking his head and examining the cook as if to look for the mark. "I wanna see."
"I don't have to prove shit to you!" Sanji pulled his arm away, sure his fingers must have been shaking. He turned away from Zoro, heading towards the door. In the corner of his eye, he saw Zoro snagging his ripped pants back on, hopping around awkwardly to get them on properly. It was endearing, in a strange way, but Sanji would never let himself think that.
"Where you going?" He said, tugging his haramaki back on over his head and staring at Sanji.
"The others will be back soon." He waved his hand absentmindedly as he spoke, swinging the door open. "I'm gonna go start dinner. Tell Chopper about what happened when he's back, and don't bother me."
Zoro huffed, but didn't say anything.
-
Sanji's control was slipping.
He hadn't started dinner, nor had he even looked through the pantry and so much as decided what he would serve for dinner. He was sitting at the island, smoking cigarettes like he his life depended on it, and digging his hands through his hair. It didn't make sense for his soulmate to be a man, let alone Zoro. It also didn't make sense for him to be so torn up over one measly mark he'd noticed completely on accident. The fact it was messing with his focus on starting dinner was a marvel in itself.
He loved women more than anything in the world, wanting nothing more than to settle down with a beautiful lady who would love him his whole life. He loved their hair, their clothes, their voices, their makeup, everything. He liked everything feminine, so why was he meant for Zoro?
He took an alarmingly long drag of his cigarette before crushing it's remains into the ashtray and lighting up a new one. Maybe his imagination was playing tricks on him. Sure, maybe the marks were similar, similar enough to confuse, but they couldn't be the same. There simply wasn't any possibility Zoro could be his soulmate. Zoro was brash, hot-headed, unhygienic, and extremely masculine- almost comically, if Sanji thought about it. Zoro was everything Sanji didn't want in a partner, the stark opposite of all his fantasies and hopes for the future. There was no way the marks actually matched. Sanji was sure he must've been seeing things.
Besides, even if he was capable of falling in love with a man romantically, there was simply no chance in hell Zoro liked men. If Sanji liked men (which he didn't) it would simply be too crazy of a coincidence for Zoro to also like men. Sanji knew full well that the crew had a couple queer members, Nami having outright told him in the past that she has no interest in men, Brook having occasionally drank too much and spitting out downright raunchy stories about his old crew from when he was alive, whatever Franky had going for him, but that was it as far as he knew. Sanji usually didn't bother looking into the sexualities of his crewmates- if it wasn't his sexuality and nobody was advancing on him, it really didn't matter.
Back to the point. There was simply no way Zoro liked men. It just wouldn't make sense.
He was the pinnacle of what women found attractive- sharp jaw and cheekbones, immaculately built, strong enough to protect anything he loved, effortlessly confident, upfront, and kind- even though he tended to hide that part of himself. He was a catch in every sense of the word, and Sanji had seen in person how women (occasionally men, too) tended to fan themselves as he passed.
Zoro was one of those people you only come across once in a lifetime and briefly at that, an amalgamation of all the best qualities the world had to offer and an overly attractive amalgamation no less. Sanji wasn't cut for that kind of person. Zoro's soulmate was someone equally as stunning and powerful as him, but that person wasn't Sanji, regardless of gender.
Okay, wait. He should break this down.
He ran up to the counter and grabbed a piece of paper from the notepad he usually used for grocery lists, messily writing pros at the top of the paper and cons somewhere in the middle.
Pros... He'll do that after cons.
Cons. He gripped the pen harder, scribbling MALE in quick and messy handwriting, vastly different compared to how he usually wrote. He continued scribbling everything that came to mind. Alcoholic, stupid, green, asshole, muscle-headed idiot, stupid and bad at hiding it, doesn't care for my food, stupid, rude to women, stupid. Okay, good enough. He could certainly think of more if he wanted to, but that seemed good enough for the time being.
Okay. Pros. He tapped the pen to his lips, thinking about what to write before hastily scribbling a few bullet-points on the paper. Attractive (to women), strong, loyal, kind (when he wants to be), sort of reliable. Good enough. Nevermind exactly what he'd just been thinking about Zoro.
The cons outweighed the pros by a longshot which only meant one thing: Zoro wasn't Sanji's soulmate and he'd misinterpreted the mark on Zoro's thigh. Maybe it was even a tattoo and Zoro was stupid enough to forget about getting it and think it was a soul mark. That seems like something he'd do. And, back to the point about him not being Sanji's soulmate, he also just wasn't the type of guy who'd be interested in Sanji. And vice versa. Obviously.
Zoro was probably the type of guy who would want someone to protect. He had all those muscles and seemed to gear everything in his life towards fighting, hence why he paid so much attention to Sanji in particular. Zoro would want someone kind and weaker than him so he could spend his time warding off trouble for said partner. He always did his best to protect the crew, something Sanji had seen firsthand, so he'd probably look for someone to protect in a relationship as well. Or maybe it would come naturally for him, without even looking for it. But Sanji didn't need protecting, nor did he want it. Mystery solved.
The marks must be similar but not the same. There was no other possible explanation, and it's not like Sanji would spend time studying his own mark anymore. He wasted no time in unbuttoning his suit jacket and peeling it off himself, untucking his button up and beginning to undo the buttons, hastily shrugging off the button up before starting to peel off the tank he wore underneath, onlt getting it halfway over his head when he was abruptly snapped out of his actions by the sound of the door opening.
He turned around immediately, knocking into the counter and haphazardly shoving the tank back down and stuffing the note on the counter into into a cabinet, turning to see none other than who he'd been agonizing over.
Zoro clearly noticed the bewildered expression on his face as well as his shirt dilemma and grimaced, glancing at the discarded jacket but thankfully not commenting on it. "...I'm thirsty."
"I told you not to bother me, asshole." Sanji hissed, face reddened as he grabbed his button up from the floor and stuck his arms through the sleeves, before crossing his arms and leaning back on the counter.
"You also told me you'd be cooking." Zoro shot back, walking up to the island and placing his elbows down. "Unless you're preoccupied with... uh..." A pause. "something else."
Okay. The pros and cons list didn't matter. If Zoro ended up truly being his soulmate he would just have to kill them both.
"I wouldn't do that here!"
"Okay, whatever." Zoro rolled his eyes. "I'm thirsty. And I'm injured."
"I'm well aware you're injured and I'm not giving you special treatment." Sanji huffed, deciding in the moment to make a simple and easy pasta for the night and taking out a large pot, moving to the sink to fill it with water. "Maybe, if you make sure Chopper checks up on you when he gets back, I'll give you some for your watch tonight. But don't complain when we run out early after leaving this island."
"Sounds good to me."
The door slammed shut, and Sanji audibly sighed, pot in hand, now that he knew Zoro was gone. He decided to dedicate his time to focusing on dinner- he could worry about the mark later.
When he examined at the mark after taking his nice clothes off when the day was done, he couldn't name a single difference between his and Zoro's.
-
The Kamabakka Queendom was actually a beautiful place, unlike many of its residents. With beautiful shades of pink covering all the foliage and roses growing in every corner of the island, it was a feminine paradise, a beautiful place to spend time. He couldn't deny that the scenery was unlike any other island he'd ever been to, and he was undoubtedly partial to it, compared to anywhere else.
He even found some enjoyment in the stupid picnics the queens insisted on holding, or even the tea parties that usually followed.
"And...?" Sanji crossed his arms, eyebrows furrowing. "Two of the chefs in the restaurant I grew up in are gay. You don't need to teach me about this crap."
He and Ivankov were sitting at a table, after a stupid tea party. The cups and plates were still laid across the table, but majority of the other women had skirted off to god knows what, leaving Iva and Sanji, the former mentioning 'something' she wanted to talk to Sanji about. Something Sanji immediately realized was sexuality related.
"Okay, whatever, well, some men aren't completely straight or gay-"
"I know that."
It wasn't a problem, talking about sexuality. Growing up in the Baratie meant he was no stranger to pirates and whatever pirates wanted in relationships or in their personal lives. On top of that, there was no shortage of cooks at the Baratie who would oftentimes tease Sanji for his more effeminate side- the fact he was borderline obsessive about his appearance and hygiene, always taking extra care to making sure his clothes fit well and his soaps were effortlessly effective enough to (more or less) drown out the indubitable seafood and cigarette scent. The other cooks would call him no shortage of names and make no shortage of jokes about his unique nature.
Hell, he even remembered some cooks who would occasionally squeeze his shoulder as they passed, whispering mixed praises Sanji didn't quite understand at the time in his ear. He was no stranger to cigarettes and lights that some particular cooks had offered to him. It was weird, sure, but they usually laid off when he (bluntly) told then he didn't swing that way. That, and the fact they often miraculously wouldn't end up staying at the restaurant for very long.
"Let me finish." Iva's eyes thinned, growing annoyed. "Some men tend to... overcompensate, per se, when they want to ignore that fact. They make it their whole personality that they're 100% straight, or even 100% gay, sometimes."
Sanji stared at her. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
"You get what I'm saying, candy-boy?"
"No."
"Okay, well." Iva crossed her arms, face returning to it's resting position as she decided to be a little more blunt. "I think you might be overcompensating."
"Huh!?"
"Are you sure you're not a little bit less than straight?"
"I am one thousand percent sure, thank you!" Sanji yelled, raising his voice abruptly and pointing a middle finger up at Iva, who only cocked an eyebrow at him.
"You're a pirate, candy-boy. You don't need to be ashamed of any of that. There's nobody who can tell you what you can or can't do," Iva continued, shrugging his shoulders as she spoke. "and even if there was, if I know your captain he sure as hell wouldn't let them."
"I'm not... like that!" Sanji leaned forward, placing his elbow on the table and placing his chin in his hand. "I love women more than anything in the world! I could- I could never just... just..." He trailed off. This was unbearably awkward to talk about, and he could feel his face tingling with the embarassment.
"Well some people love women in a way thats more than just romantic." Iva nodded to herself. "I have no doubt you're attracted to women, but you might also admire them or even be a little jealous of them. Besides, you can always love women and men."
"You don't get it." Sanji huffed, sitting back down in his seat. "That's not... me. I hate men."
Iva laughed, high and loud. "Well, I do too sometimes!"
Sanji frowned. He admired women as much as he adored them, but was he really jealous of them? He could chalk up his passing glances to mannequins in fancy dresses as simple attraction, he'd done so all his life after all, but part of him always knew it was more than just that. Okay, wait, no. That's not what's happening and that's not relevant at all. He can unpack that and all of the weird stinging feelings that came with it way later. Preferably when he didn't have more important things to worry about.
"I'm here to get stronger." Sanji huffed after a brief moment of silence. "I don't need a lesson on all this stupid crap when I could be working to be better for my crew."
"What use are you to your crew if you're too afraid to be true to yourself?"
"I'm not afraid of anything!" Sanji yelled, snapping his full attention back to Iva on the other side of the table. "I don't like men, I'm not overcompensating, and I'm not jealous of women! I am very true to myself!"
Iva only smiled at him, as if she knew something he didn't.
"If you realize something later down on the road, don't say I didn't warn you, candy-boy."
"Whatever." He got up from his chair, about to walk away. It only took a few moments of paise for Iva to speak up yet again.
"If you ever do realize you like men, that swordsman on your crew is a total catch! I certainly wouldn't judge you if you decided you wanted a piece of that." Iva grinned, suddenly more lively. "All my girls have been talking about him since the Strawhats started getting more attention around here. I also hear he's good with his mouth, too."
Sanji winced, standing in place and somehow more uncomfortable than he was previously. "Hell no." He bit. "You may think he's attractive but you'll change his mind once he starts talking."
"Oh? So you do think he's attractive?"
"That is not what I said."
"Well, now, promise you'll give him a special hello from Iva when you see him again!" She giggled.
"Like hell."
"Oh? Want him all to yourself?"
"That's not what I-" Sanji groaned loudly, kicking over a chair as he turned out, flipping Iva off yet again. "I'm leaving! Fuck you!"
She only laughed.
-
Sanji did his best to forget about the soul mark thing. To a fault, it worked.
He busied himself making more snacks and drinks than the crew really needed, testing out new recipes and cooking experiments to pass the time and get his mind off of things. He even made more snacks for Zoro- Zoro, who usually didn't care for stuff like that; Zoro, who he rarely made snacks for because of that exact reason; Zoro, who's food palette was unbelievably specific, regardless of how much the swordsman liked to deny that. He hated sweets, would pretty much exclusively drink water or anything with a high alcohol percentage, and pretty much only ate to survive until Sanji joined the crew, keeping that mindset with him regardless of his changed circumstances.
"I'm bored." Zoro had pierced his concentration with a yawned remark. "Come out and spar with me."
Zoro was sitting at the island with his head in his hands and his swords on the table. Lunch had just finished, meaning Sanji was working to clean the kitchen of all its grime. Nevermind that it was practically already spotless by now.
"I'm cleaning, mosshead." Sanji sighed, huffing through his cigarette and snapping back into reality, washing the counters for what must've been the fifth time that day. "If you want to fight something so bad, then jump in the ocean and swim around until you find a shark."
"Ha-ha." Zoro said robotically, yawning again. "You've been cooped up in here 24/7. You're gonna lose your touch."
"So I have a touch now?" Sanji snorted.
"Don't push your luck." He responded, voice emulating his boredom. "Get out here and fight with me. I miss kicking your ass."
"Let's not forget who got a pretty leg wound just a week or two ago and had to be carried back to the ship, marimo."
"If you think I'm so pathetic then get out here and prove you can beat me."
Sanji sighed, crumpling his cigarette into an ashtray and dropping the rag. "Fine. But quickly. I have a snack recipe I want to try." He turned to see Zoro smiling at him, ear to ear. Sanji rolled his eyes.
They moved to the deck quickly, Sanji loosely trailing behind Zoro as they left the galley. The swordsman drew his swords as he opened the door, kicking it in order to keep it open for a slight longer on Sanji's behalf. Which Sanji certainly did not notice, for the record.
Zoro wasted no time administering the first attack: a large, full throttle slash directed at Sanji's head that he ducked under with easse- it was how Zoro always started their fights. Big, sure, but it had grown predictable quickly, and Sanji had made a habit of using the ducked position to angle himself to attempt to sweep Zoro off of his feet with a swfit kick. Zoro stepped away quickly as Sanji rose back to his feet, stepping forward to kick Zoro in the chest.
Zoro blocked his foot with his forearm, quickly moving his sword to his mouth as he to grip Sanji's calf in his hands. He pushed Sanji's leg backwards, hand snaking around to push the inside of his knee up to the other man's shoulder. He turned his other hand around quickly, nailing Sanji in the gut with the hilt of his sword. The cook sputtered, moving back to regain footing.
They kept going blow for blow and block for block, fast paced in movements thst felt like they took hours but really only lasted milliseconds. Sanji felt beads of sweat gathering on his face quickly into the spar, movements growing heavy rather than fast as his energy was slowly depleted by his rival, who's state mirrored his own. It got to a point when Zoro knocked his forehead to Sanji's, panting like a dog as Sanji stumbled to the grass, the swordsman soon following.
Zoro collapsed onto the deck, exposed chest heaving as he breathed laboriously. Sweat tricked down his face and his torso and arms, glistening in a way that was almost alluring atop Zoro's already reddened face and stupidly stacked body. His hands remained on his swords as he maneuvered into Sanji's space, hovering above the ground.
"You ready to quit, pretty boy?" Zoro cocked a grin, staring down at Sanji as his breath heaved.
"Not yet." Sanji mumbled.
He took in a large breath before swinging his legs up to his chest, rapidly whipping his thighs to circle Zoro's neck. He situated his hand behind himself so he could push the swordsman back with the force of his legs, planting the man square on his back on the deck as he choked him out. Zoro's hands dropped his swords and found place on Sanji's thighs thighs as he attempted to steady his breathing through the cook's hold. He gave up after sustaining himself far longer than any average person, tapping Sanji's thigh twice.
Sanji relaxed his legs, hauling himself off of Zoro as the swordsman caught his breath.
"Draw." Zoro breathed out.
Sanji snorted, moving up to his feet. "Tell yourself that, mossy."
Nearby Nami lounged on a lawn chair facing where the two of them had fought. Her sunglasses were on her forehead, and her face was twisted into a scowl as she stared at Sanji.
Upon noticing her, Sanji ignored the scowl on her face, theatrically waving at her excitedly.
-
The Strawhat pirates stayed on the ship of Thriller Bark for eight days.
The first day, where they had fought and defeated warlord Gecko Moria, the three days where Zoro had been unconscious, and the following four days where he had been unable to move.
By the seventh day, Sanji hadn't visited the swordsman outside of maybe once or twice when he was still unconscious. He'd lingered outside the door a bit, sure, but he'd only gone in twice. Besides, as much as he couldn't really bring himself to see Zoro, he was three times as busy as he usually was. He'd been feeding two entire pirate crews and Luffy, a feat that did not come easy. The kitchens in the castle of Thriller Bark were well stocked, though, and the help from the Rolling pirate's chefs was much appreciated. Every day, when Chopper came for his meal, Sanji would give him double the food: vegan alternative to whatever he'd served everyone that day for Chopper, and a soup of some kind for Zoro.
While Sanji was preparing dinner on the seventh day, Chopper had skittered into the room.
"Um, Sanji, can you do me a favor, please?" The little reindeer had asked, hoof on Sanji's calf as he spoke.
Sanji flicked his eyes to the doctor, raising an eyebrow.
"The Rolling pirate's doctor woke up this morning, can you deliver Zoro's dinner to him for me?" He'd asked, staring up at Sanji. "I want to talk to him about medicine stuff, and I just got the OK from his crew so... please?"
Sanji sucked in a breath awkwardly, looking around for a moment. "Sure." He said, turning back to the vegetables he'd been chopping. "What about your serving?"
"Oh! Uhm..." He'd forgotten about his own food, Sanji realized, little guy always thinks about everyone else first. "Do you think you could just put it in a lunchbox and leave it in the infirmary for when I get back?"
"Sure. As long as you eat it."
Chopper smiled, hugging his leg. "Thank you, Sanji! You're the best!" He chittered, running off excitedly.
Sanji smiled as he watched the little doctor run off, ignoring the growing cloud of anxiety that had formed in his stomach over visiting Zoro. He was happy that Chopper trusted him enough to leave Zoro to him, and it relieved him to know that Zoro's condition wasn't bad enough to need constant Chopper supervision anymore. But that didn't mean he was even close to being ready to actually see Zoro.
He served everyones food as normal, doted on the ladies some before stalking back to the kitchen for the soup he'd made Zoro. Nothing special, of course: same thing he'd been making for Zoro since he'd woken up. He moved quickly to move the soup to a bowl, grabbed a glass (goblet, more accurately, given how strange and eccentric all of the Thriller Bark castle's tableware was) from one of the cabinets, filling it up with water before grabbinc Chopper's lunchbox and heading out of the kitchen and to the infirmary. Sanji almost felt bad going to Zoro himself. The swordsman would no doubt bring up his likely soup related grievance with Sanji as soon as he saw him. He did his best to calm his nerves, flushed his soup related guilt down deep into his mind and took a small breath before he pushed the cracked open door in with his back.
Zoro looked like shit. Saying he looked like shit was an understatement: were he on a shit scale, he'd be somewhere around cow manure, if Sanji had to estimate. Covered in bandages that seemed to go on forever and a weak look in his eyes and on his face.
With that weak face he looked half asleep, eyes lazily tracking to Sanji before thinning a bit as the blonde came into view.
"Finally gracious enough to visit me?" He asked, voice akin to a hoarse grumble, like speaking brought him a twinge of pain.
"Only because I was begged." He shut the door with his foot, setting the soup and water on a dinner tray next to Zoro's bed. "You look terrible."
Zoro grunted in place of response.
Sanji stood away from Zoro's bed, standing awkwardly in the door's vicinity, waiting for Zoro to start eating.
Zoro sat up and rubbed his eye as he looked at the blonde. "You leaving?"
"I can."
"Don't."
Sanji cocked an eyebrow at Zoro.
"I, um," Zoro grunted, wringing more confusion from Sanji with his hesitance. He averted his eyes to the dinner tray. "I have a favor."
Of course. What else had he been expecting?
"About the soup?"
"What?" Zoro grimaced. "No? An actual favor."
Oh. Yikes. "...A favor you can't ask Chopper? Or Luffy?"
"Chopper said no when I asked him. Luffy said no because Chopper said no, so-"
"What makes you think I'm gonna say yes, then?" Sanji crossed his arms and frowned at the swordsman. It was weird enough that Zoro had stuttered- bothering to ask Sanji for a favor without a single biting remark was even weirder. Far further than just an out of character moment for him. Sanji had known from the get go that the deal with Kuma had taken more out of Zoro than just the physical half of it, but it still felt jarring to see him like this.
Sanji knew Zoro. He knew Zoro far better than he'd like to admit- he knew that Zoro didn't like sweets one bit but would still eat anything put on his plate, he knew Zoro would nap all day but barely sleep a night, he knew how any feeling of failure would rush straight to the swordsman's head, how he'd force his training to the limit when he felt even a sliver of incompetence. A trait Sanji wasn't sure Zoro fully understood himself. He knew the trait was swimming around in Zoro's head now, demanding for him to get up and recover as soon as possible so he could assume his typical role as protector of the crew. Inadequately disguised shame, like a masquerade mask that does nothing to hide its wearer.
He wondered how Chopper and Luffy the rest if the crew felt to see him like this, given the fact they didn't even know the whole story.
"At least let me speak." Zoro edged closer to the edge of the bed. His chest was covered entirely in bandages, and as he pulled the blanket off of his legs Sanji realized he was wearing different pants than he'd been when Sanji had found him in the woods a week prior. Stupid thing to focus on, he chastised himself mentally. Zoro speaking cut him back out of his thoughts. "I need to get some fresh air."
Sanji walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, crossing his legs and running his tongue along his teeth.
"I want you to bring me outside." Zoro asked, staring at the blonde. "I feel like I'm dying in here." He added.
"You're in here so you don't die." Sanji pointed a finger at Zoro, meeting his gaze but not turning his head towards the man. "I'm not helping you injure yourself more so you can train."
"I don't-" Zoro started, cutting himself off with a breath. "I'm not going to train. You don't even need to let me out of your sight."
"You can barely move, Zoro."
"That's why I'm asking." He snapped quickly. Sanji could practically hear him bite back a passing 'dumbass'.
"Your injuries will open up-"
"Sanji." Zoro caught Sanji's wrist in his hand, tugging the man to look at him before he whispered: "Please."
He had a desperate look in his face and a tang in his voice: the desperation exhibited by a runaway child or a starved man. The desperation of a man with a noose around his neck, waiting for the block to fall. A desperation that sent a series of shots through Sanji's chest.
Sanji stared at him, transfixed by the foreign look Zoro gave him. It was already harrowing to have a man like Zoro begging him like a child, but it was worse to have Zoro speak his name in a plea, hand vice gripped around his wrist despite the weakness of his state.
"After you eat, I'll bring you out." He sighed. He averted his gaze and kept quiet. "Anything, Zoro." He mumbled, not processing the words as they came out hushed and barely audible.
Zoro must've caught them, though, with the way his gaze towards Sanji softened into a weak and sad expression. He was already taking it hard- Sanji knew that. Zoro didn't need Sanji to treat him like porcelain. He opened his mouth to speak.
"Sorry." Sanji cut him off, and Zoro slowly brought his jaw back up as the cook spoke. "I'll help you to get outside for a bit. Once I bring you back in, you're on your own. I didn't..." He turned away.
Zoro didn't say anything, and Sanji knew it was out of a twisted sense of shame.
There had been countless times where Zoro had gotten sick while at sea, and every time without fail he'd vehemently refuse any kind of special treatment. He wouldn't accept the food Sanji made specially for him to ease a sore throat or a cold, and he'd refuse to lay in bed whatsoever. He'd even nap less when he was sick, insisting he should be up and about to train- to prove something. It was stupid and annoying, and more often than not would prolong his sickness. He'd done the same with injuries, jumping straight back into training as soon as the last stitch was sewn.
But now he sat resigned as he picked up the soup Sanji had made- the only food he'd been able to eat the past couple days. He thought about how annoyed Zoro surely was. When Sanji had first joined the crew, he'd routinely prepared the same couple of foods more than he usually would in an attempt to figure out the crew's different tastes. Zoro had been annoyed, Sanji remembered, he'd complained about how if the cook was so skilled he should be able to make more than the same three dishes, only huffing in indifference when Sanji explained his reasoning. Sanji was sure the swordsman had grown extremely tired of soup by now. The same way Sanji was sure Zoro was repeating his stupid mantra of 'I'm weak and I need to get stronger and quickly' repeatedly in his mind. It almost made Sanji a little sad, reminding him too much of someone from a different time in his life. Zoro was too embarrassed of his weakness (and too severely injured) to decline the special treatment of the crew, opting instead for this husk of himself Sanji was staring at. Even so, Sanji could tell how desperately he wanted to jump back into his normal routine, probably ten times as demanding than it had been before as well.
Sanji sat with Zoro in silence as the swordsman ate. He ate quickly, not bothering to savor the food. Which, had times been normal, Sanji would've gotten annoyed about.
"Chopper'll kick my ass if he sees me taking you outside, you know."
"Huh?" Zoro blurted through a mouthful of food. "Oh, yeah. I can wait until everyone's asleep then. Or we can sneak out."
"Alright." Sanji sighed, itching for a cigarette. "You mind if I head out to smoke for a minute?"
"You can smoke in here."
"Not exactly looking for a pair of antlers up my ass, mosshead." He sighed, patting his thighs a bit before standing up. Zoro stared at him with an unreadable expression. "I'll be back."
Zoro looked away. "Do whatever."
Sanji walked out of the infirmary, looking back for a minute to see Zoro throwing back the glass of water as if it were alcohol. He almost laughed.
The hallway was empty, and he walked back down to the dining room as he fished out a cigarette and placed it between his lips, approaching the noise of the (mostly destroyed) dining room. It had grown quieter from when Sanji had walked by it on his way to see Zoro, and he guessed that most of the people eating had finished by now. He peeked his head into the dining room. Most of the rolling pirates had filtered out, but all of his crewmates remained at the table or assorted places in the desecrated room. He took a drag of his cigarette, as he looked at his crew. The girls were sitting at the table and eating alongside Franky and Usopp, while Luffy was by the piano speaking with Brook. Chopper was absent, and Sanji could only assume he was still speaking with the Rolling pirates doctors.
He smoked quickly, practically blowing through his cigarette in a single drag. And then a second cigarette that he rushed slightly less. And then a third.
He stared at his cigarette tin, noting that he only had one left.
His last tin, no less.
He tended to splurge on his cigarettes, buying as many as possible every few stops to avoid having to restock at every single island. Even with his splurging, he'd kept and maintained a tobacco plant since he was sixteen. He'd forgotten about her when the crew had left the Going Merry with Usopp, and had never been able to retrieve her before the ship was destroyed. Which meant his next cigarette was likely his last cigarette for the next couple of weeks.
He sighed, tucking the tin into his pocket and heading back to the infirmary.
When Sanji opened the door, Zoro was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at him. The blanket had been discarded onto the ground somewhere and his bowl practically licked clean from what Sanji could tell.
"Get your shoes on." He spoke, shutting the door behind himself and leaning against it. "Can you stand?" He asked, Zoro's injuries momentarily slipping his mind.
"Yes, I can stand." Zoro hissed quietly, annoyed.
He steadied his hand on the metal bedframe slowly getting up on his feet shakily. He made it about a step before his knees gave out and he nearly collapsed.
Sanji rushed ahead to grab him before he fell, a recent memory flashing vividly through his mind as he held Zoro up, the beefier man's weight resting entirely in his arms. Zoro grabbed Sanji's shoulder for stability, his other arm remained unmoving.
"Don't lie." Sanji scolded as he set Zoro back down onto the bed, only relinquishing his hold once he knew Zoro was secure enough to sit up by himself. "Are you sure you can even make it outside?"
"I'll be fine."
"Zoro." Sanji stared directly into Zoro's eyes as he spoke. "I want to do this for you. If you can't handle so much as getting up, then I'm not going to."
"I'll be fine." Zoro repeated. "I'm not made of glass."
"Don't start." Sanji barked at him. "You almost died. I know you feel like shit about being weak right now or whatever, but you have to just..." He sighed, leaning back and turning away from Zoro as he trailed off. "This won't go on forever. Just tough it out. I'll help you get your shoes on."
Zoro didn't say anything for a moment. "My boots are over there." He said, pointing to a corner in the room.
Sanji quickly got up to grab them, noting the fact that they had grown stiff, likely from dried blood. He should've washed them after he found Zoro- he'd been the one to help chopper get his clothes off and set him up to be assessed, after all. He adjusted the sides of them, small amounts of crusted blood falling onto the ground in flakes.
"Where are your socks?" Sanji set the boots down, peeking inside of them to check whether or not the socks had been tucked inside.
"I don't wear socks."
Sanji frowned.
"Seriously?" he grunted, moving to grab Zoro's ankle and lift up his foot, eyeing the sheer amount of gentle scarring and blisters. "No wonder these are so disgusting." He sighed, moving back to get on his feet and shrug his own shoes off.
"What are you doing?" Zoro asked plainly, making a confused expression at Sanji.
"I'm getting you a pair of socks." He answered, pulling up his pant leg. He usually wore garters to keep his socks up as a joint accessory to his suits, but in the past week suits or garters or any real thought placed into what he wore was simply too much.
He peeled both socks off before setting on the ground between Zoro's legs again, presenting the two socks in his hand up to the other man. He grinned a little bit as he did. "You can have these, now. Don't bother returning them."
"I don't-"
"Don't care. Your feet are disgusting, you need these." Sanji huffed, dropping one on the floor as he moved to get one sock onto Zoro's foot, ignoring the way Zoro stared at him incredulously, mouth slightly agape. Sanji got the sock on easy, quickly moving to the next foot and repeated the process. The socks fit Zoro well- slipping onto his feet as though they'd always been for him.
When he looked back up, Zoro had a hand over his mouth and was looking away, staring at nothing in particular. Sanji didn't think anything of it, unlacing it for a minute before grabbing Zoro's boot and lifting the man's foot to slip into the boot. He laced it up quickly, beginning to tie it before he squeezed the laces together, interrupting by a squirm and punched out noise coming from Zoro.
Shit, he'd underestimated just how much pain Zoro was really in. He bit back an apology as he loosened it slightly before quickly tying the boot off.
He stood up after the boot was tied, scanning for his own shoes on the floor and quickly slipping them onto his bare feet. He moved over to the cot and extended a hand to Zoro, the swordsman still struggling to look at him properly.
"Fuck," The swordsman grumbled, teeth tight together and eyes shut in a wince as Sanji hauled him up off the cot. He gripped the blonde's shoulder in a death grip, digging his face near into the crook of Sanji's neck without realizing it.
"Hurts?"
Zoro snorted weakly and hoarsely, eyes opening hesitantly as he adjusted himself. "Does it look like it hurts?"
"Yes."
"Well, it doesn't." A breath. "I feel great."
Sanji frowned, fixing Zoro's arm around him and his arm around Zoro to properly be able to move the swordsman as they slowly trekked to the door of the infirmary. He noticed Zoro biting his lip. He thought about asking the swordsman if he was ok, if the position was uncomfortable. He bit it back.
Zoro consistently winced as the walked, brushing Sanji off when he showed concern. They eventually found a position to walk in where Zoro was in considerably less pain, but it meant the swordsman was practically breathing down Sanji's neck uncomfortably.
"I'm setting you on the ground." Sanji said as soon as they got outside, lowering to his knees to get Zoro to lay on the ground outside. Zoro's eyes were squeezed shut.
He opened his eyes squeamishly, met with virtually nothing but the tops of some nearby trees as well as the castle.
Sanji sat on the ground nearby him, avoiding looking at the other man.
Sanji was deeply uncomfortable with the situation, painfully reminded of how he found Zoro and when he had to take Zoro back to the others to treat him with every wince or punched out noise that came from Zoro.. They didn't speak, and Sanji remained focused on Zoro's breathing next to him.
"I wanted to ask." Zoro said finally, turning his head to Sanji. "Did you tell anyone? About..."
"No." Sanji spoke over him, immediately knowing what he was talking about. "I told them I found you like that, and that you were probably just closer to Kuma when he knocked all of us out. Nobody knows anything."
It wasn't entirely the truth- Brook had cornered Sanji in the midst of the crews' celebration and expressed that he'd witnessed the whole thing, as well as the two members of the Rolling pirates he had to instruct to keep quiet, but that was nothing Zoro needed to know. Hell, as far as Zoro knew, Sanji didn't even know the full extent of what had happened between him and Kuma.
Zoro paused. "Thanks."
"That why you brought me out here?" Sanji asked, clicking his tongue. "I know for a fact you didn't ask Luffy or Chopper for any favors."
Zoro didn't respond and Sanji took that as an answer within itself.
-
Sanji wasn't prone to drinking.
Sure, he would drink alongside his crewmates when they would party their hearts out for no good reason, but that was only on occasion. During celebrations he preferred to make sure everyone was well fed, opting to rather administer the drinks rather than drink them himself. Come to think of it, majority of the times he had drank alongside the crew was alongside Zoro. Zoro who loved drinking whenever he got the chance. Zoro who could drink a giant into an early grave. Zoro the alcoholic- A secret to none.
Sanji was the opposite- he liked some wines, sure, but couldn't stand the taste of hard alcohols and hated being drunk. Afterwards, at least. However, like clockwork, Zoro would magically convince him in a flick of time to pick up a bottle. Something along the lines of 'You just don't drink 'cause you can't handle your liquor like I can.' to which Sanji would take the bait and spew any number of expletives before pouring himself an almost comical glass of straight whiskey.
Within the hour he'd end up hurling over the ship's railing, Zoro patting his back and laughing his ass off as Sanji weakly told him to fuck off and die through waves of bile.
Tonight, was different. The crew had just docked on some small island that turned out to be under the protection of a crew under the Strawhat fleet, meaning near overbearing acceptance from locals. He'd wasted no time in taking one of the drinks the locals had provided before sitting at the furthest end of the bar, observing the others as he drank.
"There an occasion, cook?" Zoro said as he sat down next to Sanji, legs spreading in that annoying way they often did when Zoro sat. No regard for other's space. "Or you just like what they have here?"
Sanji rolled his eyes. "Are you the only one on the crew who's allowed to go out?"
"Nah, you're just usually too much if a buzzkill to actually go out."
"Well maybe I'm celebrating getting away from your stupid ass." Stupid comeback.
Zoro's thumb tapped to the hilt of his sword and he grinned. "Just say the word and I'll get up so we can fight, cook." Sanji rolled his eyes.
"Don't be fucking stupid." He pat Zoro on the shoulder acknowledgingly as he finished off his drink. "There's maybe one bar on this island and I don't want to get kicked out of it." He leaned back in his chair, tapping on his empty glass.
"Come on. They like us here." Zoro sighed. "They wouldn't even try kicking me out. Dunno about you, though."
"Shut up, man."
"I'm gonna go get us more." Zoro stood up, heading for the bartender.
"Oh, there's an us now?"
Zoro shot a glance over his shoulder.
Sanji watched as he leaned over the bar table, speaking to the bartender as callously as ever. Poor girl, probably a small bit older than Zoro and Sanji, but still seemed so frightened by Zoro's presence in particular. Sanji wouldn't blame her, had he not known Zoro prior. He was a brick wall of muscle and spoke and acted like he was super pissed off all the time, not to mention the whole 'ruthless bounty hunter from hell' schtick. Sanji stared at Zoro's back, the way he could see his shoulder muscles moving under his thin shirt as he adjusted his arms on the counter. Thank god he wasn't wearing that robe today, Sanji thought before quickly looking away and mentally kicking the version of himself that voiced that thought.
"What's with you lately?" Zoro appeared back next to him with their drinks in an instant. Said drinks were actually just two full bottles of alcohol Sanji didn't bother looking and was 99% sure Zoro intimidated the barkeep into giving him. Zoro leaned his head into his palm and stared at Sanji as if he was trying to study the way the blonde grabbed his bottle and brought it close to him.
"What?"
"You've been super weird ever since you found out I have a soulmate." He yawned, resting his eye a bit as he spoke. "Don't tell me you're jealous."
"Oh, kiss my ass." Sanji snorted. "Jealous of you?"
"Like I said way back. You're overcompensating."
Sanji rolled his eyes and lazily flipped Zoro off, opening his bottle and taking a generous drink of it.
"I'm just annoyed that a total brute like you is blessed with a soulmate." Sanji sighed. "You probably don't even know how to treat a woman. I just feel bad for the poor girl."
Zoro snorted." Oh really?"
Sanji took another large drink from his bottle. It tasted like shit, honestly, and Sanji was pretty sure the alcohol percentage was near illegal. "How come you were so shitty to the Wano princess then? You're not a man enough to treat a real live princess right."
"Dunno what to tell you." Zoro put his drink to his mouth, eyes still evading looking at Sanji. "She's wasn't my type." He said, voice muffled as he drank. Uncouth as ever, Sanji thought absentmindedly as Zoro set the drink back on the table.
"Oh, and your type is what, exactly?" Sanji huffed a smoke out in Zoro's direction, moving his cigarette in his mouth with his teeth. "Ugly people?" He joked.
Zoro's eye flicked back to Sanji at that. He snorted. "Sure. Seems accurate."
Sanji grinned, finishing off his cigarette and flushing it into the ashtray. He leaned into Zoro's space, drink remaining in hand. "So someone came to mind?" He asked, bracing his other hand on Zoro's thigh to further get into the other man's space. "Who?!" His voice raised as he grew excited.
Zoro drew away turning his head to look anywhere but Sanji. "Why should I? You'll just be annoying."
"So there is someone?!"
"I didn't say that!" Zoro yelled, immediately turning back to face Sanji with a red face.
"You absolutely did!" Sanji set his drink down, grabbing Zoro by each of his shoulders.
"No I fucking didn't!" Zoro grabbed Sanji's wrists, shaking him off.
"Tell me!"
"You are so fucking drunk." Zoro groaned. "You are so drunk."
Sanji cupped his hands on Zoro's face, leaning into the other man's space, voice suddenly quiet and low. "I am one thousand percent sober.
"I-" Zoro stared at him with his blown wide and face spreading with a red color Sanji wasn't nearly sober enough to properly acknowledge. "You've been drinking all night!" He blurted, voice coated by shock.
"Cooks sober up real quick, mossy." He grinned, pulling Zoro's face close and tilting the man's head a bit. "It's nature, mosshead. You should know."
Zoro only stared at him incredulously as he spoke, lips parted in shock and face beet red. He didn't do anything for a minute, sitting there and letting Sanji rub circles into his temple gently before finally reacting
"Enough of that! Are you insane?!" Zoro ripped Sanji's hands off of his face, turning away from him and covering his face with his hand. "You are so fucking drunk! Are- are you crazy?!"
"Come on! Answer me!" Sanji grabbed hold of Zoro's shoulder, standing up on his knees on his seat and shaking Zoro loosely. "I wanna know! She's not ugly, so I dunno if she's your type, but was it that tall swordsman lady?! Orrr...." He wracked his brain for women he'd seen around Zoro, the swordsman shaking off his arm and standing up. "Oh! Oh! Was it that navy girl? Ta-"
"Are you fucking crazy?!" Zoro yelled, throwing his hands up dramatically. "I would rather die! You're so-" He was practically screaming by now, face contorted into a strong scowl. "You're so drunk!"
"Tell me!" Sanji yelled back, grabbing onto Zoro's forearm this time only to be shaken off again. "I never ask you anything!"
"Keep- keep not asking me!" The swordsman stuttered, booting for the bar door. "I'm done! Fuck you! Goodnight! Drink yourself into an early grave, shit cook!"
Sanji crossed his arms, sulking back on the chair as the door slammed behind Zoro.
-
"I don't get it."
"It's hard for a kid like you to get." Zeff shrugged. He was leaning back against the counter, Sanji standing by a sink he wasn't quite tall enough to comfortably stand over as he scrubbed dishes. "Being a man isn't about what you do with your time or what skills you pick up, but rather how you act. The honor you carry. The way you are around women and other men."
Sanji frowned, still not getting it.
"Okay, well," Zeff crossed his arms, trying to think of a way to explain what he was saying. "You know the way Patty and Carne are with eachother?"
"Yeah."
Sanji hadn't entirely thought about the nature of their relationship- it never seemed important in his young mind- but thinking about it then he realized they kind of interacted in a way far too affectionate and close for two gruff grown men. Talking to eachother more than anyone else, sharing their alcohol and their cigarettes, laughing louder at what the other had said.
"Okay, well, I don't care what they do. It's their buisness, not mine. But you're a different man than them, and I don't want that for you when you're older. You shouldn't want it either." He scratched his chin as he explained. "Understand?"
"Um." Sanji turned his attention back to the soapy sink, hands having grown pruney from remaining dormant in the water. "I think." He mumbled.
-
Sanji abruptly snapped his head to the galley door, snapped out of his concentration by a certain swordsman. His face softened as he saw who it was, turning back to the sink. "To what do I owe the displeasure, marimo?"
"Luffy, Usopp, and Franky are fooling around on deck." He yawned, pulling up a chair and setting his swords down on the island. "They were trying to get me involved in it."
"So you came here?" Sanji responded, placing another recently cleaned and dried plate on the side of the counter.
"Yeah."
They sat in silence for a minute, Sanji working on the dishes and Zoro resting by the island, head in his hand. Sanji was tempted to tell Zoro to get 'his lazy ass up and help with dishes' but decided against doing so. This was maybe the first time (or at least one of the first times) that Zoro had come into the galley without demanding something from Sanji. 'I'm thirsty, fuel my crippling alcohol addiction,' 'Stupid cook, get out here and spar with me,' 'I'm injured, help me hide from Chopper so he doesn't make me hold off on training.' This and that. He knew if he asked for Zoro's help, the first thing the swordsman would say would be some shitty demand for alcohol.
"You know," Sanji angled his head back, glancing at the other man. "I've been thinking about soulmate stuff a lot recently."
"I... noticed. Good for you." Zoro grumbled, voice tired and gravelly.
"Trying to start a conversation here, asshole."
In all honesty- Sanji was still struggling to accept the fact that Zoro was his soulmate. He'd run through thousands of possibilities to explain why they would have the same soul mark- he'd considered the possibility of Zoro's matk being a tattoo he'd forgotten about previously, but ultimately ruled it off based on the interaction they'd shared when Sanji first saw it. Then, he considered the fact that fate might've made a mistake and put down as soulmates when they were really mortal enemies. He'd marked that one off the list because Zoro really wasn't a mortal enemy to him. Maybe in a past life, sure, but in this one they were united under their captain, and pretty happily at that. Then, the most plausible one, maybe they had the same soulmate. They could be destined rivals, destined to fight for the same girl. The universe put them together on this ship to fight one another to prove who was more worthy of this unnamed soulmate.
Maybe, even, soulmates weren't romantic. He'd considered that possibility once when he was young, going off of something Zeff had said absentmindedly after the Baratie had closed for the night. He'd told Sanji he'd met plenty of men who didn't settle down with their soulmate, men who didn't even want a soulmate. Maybe the universe had put Zoro and Sanji together as soulmates in battle- they'd always worked best together, after all.
Even so, he couldn't help the pang of upset that pierced his heart at that idea. He wanted a soulmate, a romantic one. He wanted it desperately, which was exactly why he was trying so hard to gaslight himself into not actually believing that Zoro was his soulmate.
"Alright, then." Zoro's eye flickered open as he stared at Sanji. "What are you thinking about?"
"What do you think about soulmates?" Sanji turned his head back to the soaped up sink, resuming his work on some plates and bowls.
"Why do you care?"
"Just curious." He shrugged. "I've asked some of the others the same thing, too." A lie.
"I dunno." Zoro yawned again. Sanji pictured his eye squeezing shut the way it usually did when the swordsman yawned. "Just... something that exists, I guess."
"'Something that exists?'" Sanji repeated, face scrunching. Never a sense of wonder with Zoro.
"Yeah. I mean, it's there, I guess. I never spent much time thinking about mine, if that's what you're asking."
"Well, if you had to," Sanji started, dabbing the rag he was using up with some more soap. "What do you think she'd be like? I know you said you're into ugly people, but I know you were just being difficult."
Maybe, Sanji thought, asking Zoro about his soulmate and learning about what he want will help prove he's not my soulmate. That was about the only reason or objective he had when he decided to ask Zoro about it- same reason he lied and said he asked the crew the same thing. Zoro would describe some random woman of his dreams, and everything about said woman would contrast with everything about Sanji. It'd be the same as how Sanji felt about Zoro, currently- it'd be impossible for them to be eachother's soulmates if they were the stark opposite of what the other wanted.
"Wouldn't be a she." Zoro corrected. "Probably someone strong, I guess. Keeps me on my feet."
Sanji's hand tensed around the washcloth. Oh, he was fucked.
"Even if they're ugly?"
"You projecting or something?"
Sanji shot a sharp glance over his shoulder. Zoro snorted.
"Fine. I Don't care all that much."
"What if they're annoying?" Sanji asked, turning back and drying the last bowl he'd cleaned.
"I'll get over it." Zoro huffed. "Or tell 'em to quit."
Sanji set the last dry dish down, walking back over to the island to face Zoro. "And what if your soulmate is someone you can't be with?"
Zoro cocked an eyebrow, saying nothing.
"Say theres a woman, and she 100% straight. Heterosexual. No doubt about it." He scratched his neck absentmindedly, head turning up to stare at the ceiling. "What if her soulmate ends up being a woman? What if something like that happens to you?
Zoro snorted. "She's probably not 100% straight, then."
Sanji sighed. "Okay, whatever, let me phrase it in a way an idiot like you can understand." He waved his hand around wildly as he droned on. "Say you have a soulmate and you know who it is. You know them really well and they're... fine. But there's a serious barrier keeping the two of you apart. Then what?"
"You break the barrier, then."
"Not that simple." He idly pulled out a cigarette, moving it to his lips as he spoke. He moved and leaned over the island, resting his elbows and hands around the middle to look down at Zoro as they talked.
"It absolutely is. Remember when you ran off to get married?" Zoro pushed himself forward, looking up a bit to be eye level with Sanji, who grimaced a little at the mention of the Whole Cake fiasco, maneuvering his tongue to move his cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other. "That was a pretty big barrier, and Luffy broke it just fine. Far as I know, at least."
"Not really sure how I feel about the implication that Luffy's my soulmate, honestly." Sanji sighed, hand moving back to the edge of the island as he leaned back and lit his cigarette, smoke escaping his mouth after a long breath of it.
"Not what I meant." Zoro snorted. "It'd explain why you've been acting so weird, though."
Sanji took another drag of his cigarette, not saying anything for a good minute as he stared off at nothing in particular. "Just..." He started, fidgeting with the dying cigarette in his hand. "If they're really your soulmate, I feel like the barrier wouldn't be there at all. Like the universe made a mistake putting it together."
"I don't think it works like that."
Sanji looked Zoro in the eye once again, face portraying obvious confusion.
"The way I always saw it, your soulmate is supposed to better your life." He yawned, tapping a finger on the table. "Like, they come into your life, you both grow and get stronger, and then maybe they leave or maybe they don't. Having a soulmate that motivates you to sit on your ass and do nothing is stupid."
"One way to see it, I guess." Sanji stared at him for a minute, the semblance of a soft grin spreading on his face. "You know, I'll bet you want someone you can protect. Someone fragile who always finds trouble, so you'll be working your ass off to protect them. That's what you want." His grin grew into a full blown smile as he spoke, hands gesturing expressively in every direction.
Zoro rested his chin on his hand. "Maybe." He huffed, pondering it. "I'd need a damn good reason to protect them, though. I'm no damn bodyguard."
"And the reasons in question, pray tell?"
"If I'm gonna protect them it needs to be a two-way street. They gotta have my back too, when the situation demands it." He smiled back at Sanji, leaning into the island ever so slightly closer. "I'd do anything to protect Luffy, and I know he'd do anything to protect any one of us. Like that."
"Oh?" Sanji took a huff of his cigarette, blowing smoke out of one side of his mouth quickly. "Think he's your soulmate instead?"
"Nah. There isn't any kind of fate that can track him down."
Sanji hummed. "Guess so."
-
Sanji kept thinking about the specifics of having a soulmate, what it meant to have Zoro as his soulmate.
Would Zoro hold Sanji as they slept, allow him Sanji wake up in a pair of strong arms every morning? Would he sit at the island and talk to Sanji as he cooked? Would Sanji hold Zoro's hand in his, show the other man to chop onions the same way he himself had been taught when he was young? Would they go on dates? Rest their heads on the other's shoulder? Would they kiss one another? Would they kiss eachother in front of others, or would it be reserved for their time alone? If Zoro kissed him, what would happen? When they pulled apart, would Sanji find his lips slick with fluid and viscera? Would teeth marks stain the inside of his mouth? Would his tongue burn, and sting for the rest of the day?
Could Zoro lay with Sanji, see the most perverse and disgusting side of him laid bare before him, and wake up in the morning with just as much love as he had for his partner the day before? Could Zoro look at him during their time in bed, and not feel ashamed over whom he'd been stuck for life?
Sanji stared at the ceiling above him, having been laid on the couch in the corner of the men's room to rest on, his limbs spilling off the side's awkwardly. His thighs were clammy through his sweats, a similar sensation spreading through his chest and hands. He slung the blanket off of him, planting his feet on the floor as quietly as possible as he stretched. He doubted he was getting any sleep that night, and resolved to alleviate Franky of night watch.
Against himself, he found himself in front of Zoro's bunk.
He didn't quite remember or fully articulate the fact that he'd walked over, but ultimately ended up staring at the swordsman's sleeping form, lit only by the light of the small window in the cabin.
Zoro's arm was slung backwards, hand rested underneath his pillow and exposed a green patch of hair in his armpit. His mouth was open, and there was a slight wet spot marked by drool where the pillow touched his face. After Sanji had joined the crew, he'd learned that Zoro preferred to sleep naked, but ultimately was forced by Nami and Usopp to at least wear boxers. He'd learned the hard way, trying to go to bed prior to the rest of the crew, only for Zoro to walk in, strip naked, and lay on the hammock above him. It'd scared him half to death, he immediately kicked the shit out of Zoro, and then ran to take Usopp's watch sheerly out of discomfort. He cracked a weak smile, the nostalgic half of his brain taking over as he mulled through some of his other first experiences with Zoro. Right now, the swordsman slept mostly bare, save for crew-mandated boxers and a blanket covering one of his legs and part of his hip.
He was painfully attractive, chiseled muscle and sharp features, earrings dangling on the side of his head. Nothing Sanji really needed to note- it was no secret that Zoro was good-looking. Same reason the princess and most beautiful woman in all of Wano practically fell at his feet. Poor girl, but she was strong and Sanji was sure she'd already forgotten Zoro's name. She had a lot to worry about, finally getting her country back into her grasp. But besides that, Sanji certainly saw the appeal. He stared at Zoro, teeth itching for a cigarette as he watched the rise and fall of the swordsman's chest, the large laceration running across his torso only making him more enticing.
The present situation was bad enough, but what was worse was that Sanji was starting to mind it less and less.
There was no guarantee Zoro would love him, regardless of the soulmate thing. Zoro tended to actively defy the inevitable, narrowly escaping the wrinkled hands of fate at every turn. From the first time they'd met and Sanji had watched Zoro nearly bleed out on the desecrated remains or a ship circling thr Baratie, to Wano, when the swordsman had woken up after a three day slumber and immediately began spouting nonsense about the journey to hell and back. Sanji bit back a fond smile, reminiscing over the way Zoro had acted upon waking. He'd bartered for alcohol just a few minutes after waking up, and immediately tried to kill Sanji once his eyes had focused and he'd realized the blonde was in the room, only letting up when Sanji half-heartedly told him that he didn't need to worry.
Nevertheless, he held a small flicker of hope in his heart that Zoro wouldn't bother cheating this fate. Hoping Zoro would want to be with him, regardless of the way Sanji was. He thought about a life spent with Zoro by his side, always chasing his swordsman around to keep him from getting lost. To wake up in a strong pair of arms, before begrudgingly forcing himself out of bed to fix breakfast for said pair of arms. He thought about whether or not he could make Zoro happy, if he were to be lucky enough to have him in the future.
He rubbed his eyes, unable to fight the fond smile tugging at his lips as he stared at Zoro.
Would his pride let him have Zoro? Could he shake the words of the men before him, allow himself to kiss the rugged lips of another man? Were he to come back to the restaurant with Zoro on his arm, would his father look him in the eye? Would he meet Sanji's eyes with disgust for the failure of a man he'd raised, or the same typical unperturbed look he'd always afforded him?
Could Sanji forget the words of Judge? Glares of contempt, harsh words exchanged in a royal kitchen towards a small child? Could he abandon the ideology branded onto his chest when he was so young, and allow himself to love who he wanted and be what he wanted to be?
Could Zoro even put up with Sanji, and everything that came with him?
He rubbed his eyes again, a pensive expression overtaking his face. He attemped to shake off the thoughts, a wave rolling over a hole dug in the sand.
"Sanji?"
Sanji whipped around, hand dropping from his face to meet the eyes of the voice.
Usopp was sitting up in his bunk, scratching the back of his head and yawning. He opened his eyes weakly as he stared at Sanji. Sanji realized a little remorsefully that he'd probably woken Usopp.
"What are you doing?" Usopp spoke after a brief moment of silence.
"Nothing." Sanji spoke, voice quiet as he attempted to avoid waking the other men. "I'm just taking going Franky's watch, go back to bed."
Usopp stared at him as he walked to the door, turning back to return to sleep as soon as Sanji had shut the door behind him.
Chapter Text
The island the group was docked on current was hot, suffocatingly so. They were lucky enough to be good on food for the next few weeks and had no obligations to search for or buy food- lucky, considering the island didn't seem to house many animals or edible plants. They were docked only for about a day or two, momentarily deciding to stay for a moment to give the crew opportunities to burn off any built up energy from being on the sea for awhile, deciding to head to an island Nami had said was only two or three weeks out in the northeast.
Sure, it was nice to walk around an island and stretch his legs for a bit, but god was it hot. And besides, he would still be spending majority of his day in the galley preparing cold treats for the crew regardless.
He resigned himself to wearing more of his casual clothes for this particular island, opting for an average tee-shirt and cargo shorts, accompanied by sandals as well. It was no secret he prided himself on his fashionable suits, but in all honesty he tended to put little effort into his appearance when he decided to prioritize function over form. He rubbed his neck as he worked in the kitchen, sweat beading from his neck to his back as he sorted various cold drinks of different flavors and toppings that laid out in front of him. He smiled as he loaded the fruits of his labor onto a tray, nearly skipping out onto the deck where he knew his beautiful girls were suntanning for the day. He handed the girls their drinks individually before setting the rest on the ground and motioning for the others to come and get. A slurry of 'thank you, Sanji' from the crew and a bare grunt of acknowledgment from a swordsman bearing down on him as the men of the ship flurried towards their designated drinks.
With the crew pleased with his drink selection, he takes an empty sack from the kitchen and hops right off the boat to scower the vegetation. A true hunter and gatherer at heart. Of course he was interrupted, because he never knew peace. Zoro dragged him out to the beach and demanded to spar, and Sanji rolled his eyes, obliging him. Like the kind man he was.
Sanji found himself bent backward, Zoro inching closer and closer into Sanji's space as some sort of sick power move. With one leg between them and one in the air, his hands braced on the lapels of Zoro's yukata, he soon felt the other's hands moving to the small of his back and to his thigh. The angle was nothing short of awkward, with Sanji's shirt riding up and one of his legs slung up on Zoro's shoulder, the swordsman's hands the only thing keeping him from falling on his ass. He smirked all the while as he taunted Sanji.
"You piece of shit." He hissed, before noticing the way Zoro's eyes moved to his now exposed torso, smirk dropping from his face after a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, momentarily considering using Zoro's distracted state to his advantage as he traced the other's line of sight. Sanji felt himself tense and his body grow cold as he realized what it was Zoro was looking at.
He quickly abused the position into his favor, lifting to wrap his leg around Zoro's neck, his calf and thigh squeezing around it for a good grip before slamming Zoro into the sand below, fixing his shirt haphazardly as he walked away. He stared down as Zoro weakly started to get up as shaky fingers found his cargo shorts, digging a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket. He placed a cigarette in his mouth, the lighter struggling to come alive as he walked off.
As he climbed up to the ship and looked back, he saw Zoro sitting where Sanji had dropped him, hand over his mouth.
He passed by the rest of the crew that lounged on the deck, avoiding meeting their gazes and resolutely heading for the galley, biting the cigarette between his lips firmly. He shut the door behind him as he entered the galley, sitting down at the island and taking an impossibly long gust of smoke leave his mouth. He felt more sweat beading on his skin.
His body was obscenely hot, and he felt his breathing grow labored and painful. He broke out coughing, cigarette leaving his mouth involuntarily. He attempted to bring it back to his mouth, drag interrupted by another coughing fit. He snuffed the cigarette out, bracing his hands on the counter as he attempted to steady his breathing to little avail. He moved his hand to the front of his stupidly tacky tee, fingers fisting into the fabric that was suddenly all too hot and all too itchy on his skin.
He curled his knees up to his chest, feet on the chair as his chest heaved.
Everything was fine just a few days ago, just a couple hours ago. A-okay and right as rain. He could live in blissful ignorance of the situation with Zoro, block the marks completely out from his mind. He safely fawned over women and bickered with the swordsman. The soulmate issue was a distant problem he didn't intend to worry about until he was on his deathbed. He'd thought of how he'd explain it to his future wife, how he'd tell her all the marks in the world couldn't make up for his love for her. How it never mattered to him. He rubbed the tile of the counter rigidly with his thumb as his other hand reached into the ashtray for his snuffed cigarette. He tapped the ash off, lighting it up again and lifting it to his lips.
-
Dinner was bad. Sanji cooked what was certainly his worst dish yet.
"Mmm, this is great, Sanji!" Chopper spoke. "You should cook stuff like this more often!"
"Oh, uh." Sanji replied. "Thanks."
Of course Chopper thought it was good. He was a reindeer, he's lucky to be eating anything other than kale or berries or whatever inferior mammals eat. The others would notice though. And then they'd start asking questions or making accusations or looking at him differently, maybe questioning his usefulness to the crew as a whole.
"Chopper's right, this is really good." Nami said. "Did you do something different?"
"Oh, no, no. Just a good day, I guess." Sanji responded halfheartedly. Dinner was awful and he knew it- maybe the drinks from earlier were just as bad and he's ruined beautiful Nami's tastebuds forever before he even had something to be upset about for the day. He avoided Zoro's gaze as he ate, avoiding even looking to the part of the table where Zoro sat in general. He already knew Zoro was surely bent awkwardly over the table and staring down at his food like a caveman. The rest of the crew surely noticed the tensity between the two, as dinner went by quicker and quieter than normal- still loud and obnoxious, but slightly less than the usual- and everyone shuffled out fairly quickly afterwards, and Sanji was fairly sure he'd seen Nami flash a worried look from him to Zoro. Speaking of, as everyone left, Zoro stayed glued to his seat.
The silence was deafening and harsh as he picked up all the dirtied dishes from the table and maneuvered to the sink, filling it up with soapy water as he began to wash the plates. Dish in hand and sink running, he could clearly hear the sound of Zoro's chair moving and his feet shuffling to stand up.
Sanji sighed, leaving the dirty dish on the counter for the morning. "Don't try to act like you aren't disappointed."
Zoro sighed and hissed through grit teeth. "I didn't even say anything-"
"You don't have to say anything." He moved to sit at the island and stared at Zoro, who remained frozen by his seat at the dinner table, staring at the ceiling with a pensive and annoyed expression.
He sputtered a bit, starting to speak and cutting himself off, never getting more than half a syllable or even nothing at all out of his mouth. He was unsure of himself and it almost caught Sanji off guard; Zoro spoke without thinking, never bothering to really contemplate his words before they left his mouth. The swordsman's eyes shut after a little while and his hand went up to cover his mouth and nose. Sanji's chest buzzed as he waited for Zoro to get his tongue out of a knot and speak.
"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Zoro spoke at last.
"Oh please. I didn't make much effort to hide it." Sanji answered quickly. He fiddled with his unlit cigarette, hands unable to bother to find the light.
"Don't start that." Zoro barked. "I do not give a damn if you made an effort or not, you should've fucking said something instead of acting like a lunatic for who knows how long."
"I'm not obligated to tell you something you were gonna find out eventually." He spat back. "You know now. You can fuckin' whine about it all you want. Just another reason for you to be a dick. Not like you needed one."
"Why are you-" Zoro leaned forward as his palms found the table and opened his eyes to look at Sanji. "I haven't even said anything. Quit acting like that."
"You don't have to say anything!" Sanji raised his voice, hand roughly finding the counter as well. "You can come in here and harass me with questions all you want, I know what it means!"
"Harass you?!" Zoro laughed humorously, standing up from his chair abruptly. "I asked you a fucking question! Are you-?! Why the hell do you keep saying that?!" He stumbled over his words in anger, face smiling in an expression like he could barely believe what Sanji was saying.
"I said it once!"
"The other thing, moron!" Zoro groaned, walking closer to Sanji. "About how I don't have to say anything, or whatever!"
"Just get out!" Sanji yelled, shooting a glance toward Zoro. "I'm tired of dealing with you."
"Very mature of you." He grabbed Sanji's forearm as he spoke, leaning his face into the other man's space. "Tell me what your problem is!"
"What do you think my problem is?! You think I wanted to be stuck with you?!"
An unreadable expression crossed Zoro's face for a split second before he opened his mouth and spat on Sanji's shoe. "Likewise, dickhead." he barked, dropping his grip on Sanji's arm. "Fine. Forget it if you want to so bad." He scoffed, leaning back against the counter. "We can act like it's not there. Go back to the way things have always been. See if I care."
"Yeah. See if I care." Sanji repeated.
Zoro grimaced and left swiftly.
-
The first and second time Sanji had drank of his own volition didn't happen too far apart.
So many pointless celebrations among the strawhats came and went, and despite previously not being one for alcohol (learned courtesy of his limited experiences secreting beers from the Baratie kitchen in an act of teenage rebellion) he'd eventually found a way to tolerate it, though vastly preferring wines to other liquors. The first time he'd gotten drunk had been in this aforementioned teenage rebellion, and the first time that wasn't by his lonesome had been when the strawhats arrived in Whiskey Peak, drinking their heads off and acting a fool for all of Baroque Works to see. With his time on the Going Merry to the Thousand Sunny, he'd get drunk more and more often, finding the awful taste of alcohol more and more tolerable than the last time he'd tried it. He certainly couldn't compare to Zoro's drinking capabilities, but he'd never truly admit that, even though the both of them knew it fully well. He'd soon find he'd a tendency to blackout, unfortunate as it is. He'd make a habit of drinking to his heart's content and going on to do something stupid, and then promptly wake up in bed the next morning.
"Zoro." He muttered, near-empty whiskey in hand.
He wasn't entirely sure how he'd ended up drunk standing in front of Zoro with his head in his hands, nor why the crew was celebrating. Probably just to celebrate. He knew he'd been drinking more for the sake of self-pity than celebration, through.
The swordsman's eye flicked open, and for a split second a brief decibel of surprise- or what looked like surprise to Sanji- flashed across his face in a way so subtle he knew it was near impossible for anyone to notice. Anyone but him, at least. He didn't say anything, choosing instead to stare at Sanji with a heavy-lidded gaze.
Sanji didn't say anything in turn, staring at Zoro with a dazed expression. He didn't have anything to say- or maybe he did, he couldn't remember. The staring went on for a time, Sanji only brought from his daze as Zoro slowly furrowed an eyebrow.
Fuck, the catalyst.
Sanji felt his chest squeeze, his heart compacting in on itself as his ventricles tied themselves into a myriad of knots. His throat grew dry and eyes almost puffy, overcome with a tsunami of emotions suddenly and devastatingly, abruptly laying waste to civilizations of stability and composure he'd so delicately procured within himself. He found himself crying silently, overwhelmed by stupid emotion for virtually no reason.
He brought his forearm up to his face, wiping away shed tears, hand still white-knuckled around the bottle.
Men like Zoro weren't supposed to love men like Sanji. Hell, men like Zoro weren't even supposed to like men. He was Adonis the man, a wall of muscle and a healthy amount of fat around his chest and stomach, his scars highlighting his body better than any piece of cloth or tattoo could. Sanji sincerely felt guilty that Zoro was stuck with him. He was strong and loyal, thrice the man Sanji would ever be. An altar of masculinity and vigor, a man worth serving, had he not chosen the life of first mate.
By now, Sanji couldn't tell if the alcohol was clouding his mind or if his confusion with Zoro was distorting how he actually saw the world, because everything in front of his eyes seemed to be coated in a world of gloss, save for cocked eyebrows and three dormant swords by the man's side.
"Fuck is the matter with you?" Zoro's words fell on deaf ears as Sanji spiraled more and more, mind a mile a minute with oceans and shipwrecks worth of words and feelings that made no sense in thought let alone translated into speaking format. He fell onto Zoro's thigh, digging his face into the side of the man's knee and gripping his calf pathetically.
Far too tipsy to understand or bother shaking Sanji off, Zoro stared at him with a confused expression, face reddened by thr alcohol and lips parted. He looked amazing from this angle, Sanji thought, and then thanked the copious amount of alcohol he'd consumed that night for making him unable to properly think about the consequences of that thought.
"I don't deserve all this," He cried into Zoro's pant leg, "I don't even know what I'm doing."
"Uh," Zoro started, shaking his leg uncomfortably in a weak and unsuccessful attempt to get Sanji off of him. "Cool,"
Sanji sobbed incoherently into Zoro's leg as Zoro's shaking grew more and more aggressive. He felt his body physically weighed down by shame and upset, the muzzle of a gun pushing into his forehead and rendering him dead to the world- a fitting fate both for everything he'd done in his past and the fact he'd currently let himself fall so far to hug another man's leg and cry for absolutely no reason. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there nor how long he'd stay there, his grip unrelenting as the snot and tears dripping down his face and getting all over the other man.
Within just a second the gun went off, and he woke up in bed wearing a vomit crusted blouse, not knowing a damn thing he'd said or done the night before.
-
"Do you think you're a girl, Sanji?"
The words rang in his head like a bell. The same words that panged in his head when he stared at the reflection of himself back in Kamabakka kingdom, and the same words that he felt shake in his core back when he'd stared at Zoro that night in the cabin. Words that stayed with him as he grew older, a fundamental part of him he could neither alter nor erase. He was young when he heard them- young young. Germa young. It was some piece of wisdom Judge had bestowed unto him at a young age. He'd snuck out of his sad quarters and found his way to the castle kitchen under cover of night, carrying a large and heavy recipe book he'd stolen from the library and hidden underneath his pillow.
Judge had caught him, in the kitchen trying to reach up to the stove. His elbow had grazed the hot burner and he'd yelped, snapping a hand over his mouth after letting out the abrupt sound. He'd tried to be quiet, really, even going as far as to cook with the lights off, using a near broken flashlight he'd found on in a fake enemy fort during training one day. He winced, moving the hand over his mouth to clasp his red elbow, nearly tumbling off the stool he'd been standing on due to the shock of it. He figured it was fine- the servants quarters were far away from the kitchen, so surely he wouldn't be caught.
"Sanji."
He snapped his head up, the large figure of his father standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He scrambled to hide the recipe book and the ingredients on the counter, rushing in a state of frenzy so uncoordinated and uneasy he merely ended up stumbling over himself and falling off the stool, the back of his head slamming against the wall, bringing another punched out squeak of pain from his lungs. His luck, of course- his father happened to be near at the worst moment.
Judge looked at him with scorn. "Cooking, boy?"
Sanji swallowed, unable to answer his father.
"Disappointing." He'd scoffed, grimacing at his son as if he were a speck of mold or grime. "Never listen to the lessons I so thoughtfully give you."
"I'm-" He choked out, breath growing ragged and uncoordinated. His chest flared up and down as he attempted to situate his breathing enough to respond. He felt a wet line of snot grow around his nose, eyes puffy. "'M s-sorry-"
"Quit apologizing, boy." Judge demanded, stepping into the kitchen and effectively cornering Sanji. "You sound like a woman."
Sanji only swallowed, nose snuffling loudly in an attempt to stop the onslaught of fluids covering his face.
"All your stupid antics, cooking, cleaning, apologizing like your life depends on it." He scoffed. "You act like a woman. A stupid little girl."
"I- I don't-" He breathed out, breaking into coughs as he choked on his own saliva, hands moving to rub the snot and tears that had cumulated on his face away. "I don't m-mean to-" He stuttered pathetically, unable to form the words strongly. It was embarrassing to him, even at such a young age, how the mere presence of his father reduced him further and further into a state of terror and fear. Perpetually a mouse, narrowly escaping the claws of the bloodthirsty cats he shared a home with.
"Do you think you're a girl, Sanji?"
"Huh?" He said quietly.
"Do you think you're a girl?" Judge repeated, staring at him with a look Sanji couldn't quite understand nor see in its entirety, thanks to the dark of the room. "I worry one day you'll look like one. You certainly try to act like one. You certainly don't act like a man- you don't act like any son of mine."
The last bit hit Sanji roughly, the expression on his face twisting as he fought sobs of fear and crushing dejection.
"Answer me, child." He demanded, taking another step forward and staring down at his creation. Sanji curled further in on himself as he stared back at his father, warm snot trailing out of his nose as he stared at the larger man. "Do you think you're a girl?" He stared at Sanji with contempt, an anger and ferocity nestled underneath his air of authority as he spoke down to his son, effortlessly degrading him.
"N-no!" He yelped, hand fisting in and fingernails digging into his palm so hard he was sure he bled. "I don't! I promise- I promise! I'm a man!"
Judge stared down at him for a second longer before his face scrunched and he sneered at his son, before he turned away and walked out of the kitchen. He left his son alone in the kitchen to curl into himself and mull over his father's words for as long as the night would keep him.
-
Utensils clinking against plates. Late breakfast. Jimbei and Robin made up excuses to go eat somewhere else, Jimbei saying he wanted to get the jump on fishing and Robin saying she had some studies to attend to, subtly encouraging the others to come up with some kind of excuse to leave. Sanji knew that, whatever privacy remained in the situation between him and Zoro had now everything but vanished. In a twisted way, he couldn't find it in himself to care. He knew it would eventually come to something like this, the crew finally seeing him in all his emotional wreckage and realizing he was truly more of a hassle than a help.
"Sanji, are you... uh," It felt like he'd blinked and suddenly the kitchen had cleared out within seconds, Usopp alone with him in the kitchen. "Are you doing okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Sanji stood up quickly, beginning his typical after breakfast cleaning haphazardly, quickly drawing a cigarette from the case he kept in his pocket.
"We saw what happened between you and Zoro yesterday and I wanted to check up on you." Usopp said, fidgeting with his hands nervously. "I could kind of tell something was up with you guys lately."
"Nothing happened yesterday. We were drunk. Drunk people do weird things." Sanji waved him off as he began to wash down the dining table. "It was embarrassing, I'd rather not dwell on it."
Usopp huffed. He seemed exasperated and nervous, and Sanji knew full well just how much he hated these types of interactions. He probably lost some kind of bet or drew the short end of a stick and had to be the one who went and investigated Sanji after whatever the hell had happened. "Sure, but with the fight you guys got into I was just-"
Sanji's hand tensed on the rag. "I do not remember any kind of fight. And regardless, we fight all the time. Not that big of a deal." He responded all too quickly, a sense of further shame and worry overcoming him at whatever kind of fight he and Zoro had got into.
"This time was different, though! I thought you guys were gonna kill eachother before Franky broke you guys up."
"What were we fighting about?" Sanji asked, still not taking the matter too seriously beyond typical Sanji social fuck-up related embarassment. He set the wet rag on the table and stared at Usopp.
Usopp only got more fidgety and uncomfortable with Sanji staring him down. "I- I don't know. I was kind of freaking out so I didn't really pay attention. All I did was take back to your room after you threw up."
Sanji sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Fuck." He muttered under his breath. "Thanks Usopp. But I'm okay." He spoke after a pause, regaining his composure.
"Okay, good, because-"
"It's just that," Sanji started. "You know, I'm a straight guy, I like girls and I want to marry one. This is just... hard on me." He sighed, fishing out a cigarette. He tapped his temples as he smoked, words that came up through his throat dying before he could figure out what they were. Usopp looked like he wanted to leave. "I just didn't- I mean, I've lived 22 years and all this just goes against everything I was taught and everything I've ever wanted."
"Uh," Usopp croaked. "I'm not sure I-"
"You can't seriously pretend you don't understand how I feel!" Sanji lamented. "I mean, what if you were me? What if Zoro was your soulmate instead?" Sanji knew he fucked up as the words left his mouth and he saw Usopp's eyes blow wide.
Usopp lifted a finger to shakily point at Sanji as he gawked at him.
"Zoro's your soulmate?!" He practically yelled out the question and Sanji had to overcome the urge to run over and smother him to death with a rag. His teeth nearly ground the cigarette between his lips into dust.
"Shut up. Shut up. Please." He ran his hand to his head, gripping hair in his hand roughly, avoiding Usopp's general direction. "Get out, please."
Usopp did as told, and Sanji wondered just how long he had until the rest of the ship knew. He wanted desperately to eat himself alive for letting it slip, trying desperately to grasp the dull comfort of the fact he'd already known it was only a matter of time until everyone found out regardless of this little misstep with Usopp. He sunk his face into his palm as the door shut obnoxiously and frantically behind his friend the sharpshooter.
-
Sanji had resolutely holed himself up in the kitchen. He wouldn't even cook excessively this time, rather just obsessively monitoring the ship's food supply and cleaning as if to attempt to eliminate dust from the source. The kitchen was cleaner than it had ever been, and Sanji had to admit all the more repetitive arm movements he was doing with cleaning made him think he might actually be building some new arm strength. Not like he'd need it.
Eventually, Zoro stayed inthe kitchen as Sanji cleaned after dinner. Cue typical tense interaction: Sanji asks Zoro what he's doing, Zoro acts like he's not doing anything, Sanji says something assy, Zoro gets mad, Sanji gets mad, they start fighting, Sanji devolves the fight into the prior fight, they fight about that.
"Look, fucking-" Zoro scoffed exasperatedly. "I get you have your stupid fucking schtick about how everybody hates you and you totally deserve it bullshit, but you can't just force that shit onto me! You can't just be ignorant about shit just because of that stupid..." Zoro sputtered, stumbling over his words a slight. "fucking... idea or whatever that you have lodged in your tiny ass brain!"
Sanji barks out a forced laugh. "You- you of all people, have no right to talk down to me! Not a single person on this ship knows you like I do and so none of them worry about you like I do! If you seriously want to go down this path of telling me how ignorant and selfish I am, you better fucking believe the shit I can throw right back at you, asshole!" Sanji stumbled over his words in anger, teeth grating together everytime he annunciated "Rewind your little shit brain back three whole damn years and see for yourself who withdraws himself from anyone stupid enough to give a damn about him in the name of oh so manly self sacrifice. Who sits alone in the crow's nest all the goddamn time lifting weights or doing fuck all fitness bullshit because he thinks he's got no other choice. Pot calling the fucking kettle black."
They were now devolved into fighting about which one of them is more miserable. As men typically fight about.
"Three- are you serious? You're still mad about that?!"
Sanji noted Zoro's hand gripping the hilt of one of his swords as he spoke.
"How could I not be?! You cried when I put on your shoes, and I'm supposed to wake up the next morning and forget?!"
Sanji knew he was barging into a knife fight with a rifle. No, a battalion. Thriller Bark was the worst he'd ever seen Zoro, and he could see the throb of pain in Zoro at the mention of it: a throb Sanji knew he was the only one capable of seeing and understanding. Nobody knew what happened. Nobody knew how Zoro had averted his gaze and spoke soft and weak as he begged Sanji to forget Chopper's orders and the guise of rivalry and, for once and only once, help him. Not in a fight, not in training, but just help him. Be with him. Take him somewhere he'd taken for granted being.
"Was everything you pulled after that not enough that you have to be shitty about it now?"
"Oh, pray tell, what is this 'everything' I pulled?"
"You-" Zoro was getting angrier and angrier, teeth gnashing against eachother as he spoke. "You don't even- you can never just focus on now! You're always bringing up shit from the past!"
"Oh, I dwell on the past. Sure." Sanji snorted, relishing in the silent victory that Zoro had been unable to elaborate on a previous statement. "God forbid someone aorund here has the mental groundwork for emotional capabilities beyond caveman need food, caveman need booze, caveman need sword, caveman need annoy the fuck out of Sanji all the-"
"For the love of—" Zoro huffed, hands dropping the sword and crossing across his chest. "Do you even know what I'm mad about?"
"I never know what you're mad about. I've learned not to care." Sanji snickered at his own dig.
"You know what you said? When you were drunk."
Sanji rolled his eyes. "Please. Enlighten me."
Zoro swallowed. It was obvious whatever Sanji had supposed done stuck with him. "You fell to the ground and practically humped my leg like a dog, crying about how much of a piece of shit you are and how you wanted me to kill you as soon as possible. Bullshit like that." Zoro hissed, teeth ground together. "It was shitty. And selfish."
Sanji didn't reply.
"Do you have any, fuck, any thought about how I might feel about that stupid promise you made me make back in Onigashima?" Zoro added. "You went on and on about how you were sure I was just waiting for my chance to kill you— do you seriously think that about me?!"
Sanji sighed, rubbing his temple. "Zoro, I was drunk."
"I'm drunk, like, 99% of the time, and I sure don't say stupid shit like that. It was..." Zoro stopped, thinking for the right word. Expressing his feelings were never his strong suit, and Sanji could tell he was struggling to articulate all of it into words. "It was—"
"What? Selfish? Uncouth? Rude? Inconsiderate?! Fucking, what, Zoro?!" Sanji snapped.
Zoro scrunched his eyebrows. Sanji saw him grip his swords yet again, but in an instant he rather dropped his hold on them and turned around, leaving Sanji alone in the kitchen yet again.
Maybe, Sanji wasn't meant for love. Maybe Zoro had committed some great sin in a past life and that's why they'd ended up as soulmates.
Every girlfriend who'd frequent the Baratie, every fling and attachment he'd had would always burst into flames in front of him. He'd be a quick fuck, if he even managed to get that far, or better yet he'd turn into a pillow to fall back on for various women. Until they all eventually realized his smooth talk and pampering was in fact not just a show to get under their skirts but rather his heart on his sleeve, and the attachment to a man like Sanji would always prove too much and too intense for them, and gradually they'd disappear from the restaurant entirely. Sure, he was a bit of a pervert and a skirt-chaser. Yes, a naked woman could probably put him in a coma without even touching him. Sure. But that wasn't all that was in it for him. Sometimes he just couldn't help but open himself up and let people come in and exit at their leisure. Sure, he'd left the door unlocked for them to leave as they liked, but he couldn't help the pain and disappointment of watching them go— which, of course, they always did. He was too much for everyone he'd sincerely tried to love.
But now, with this hedge maze of three star marks and scarred swordsmen, he felt the comfort of expecting people to leave slip further and further away from him, a dead end just where he thought he'd found the exit. A soulmate couldn't just leave, especially not with a mark on their body and the fact that, in this scenario, his soulmate happened to be on the same crew as him. Zoro couldn't leave, even if he'd certainly end up wanting to. Sanji couldn't figure out what was scarier, the idea of his soulmate leaving him or his soulmate spending eternity wanting to leave him.
He stood on the deck later that same night, staring out into the ocean. A cigarette slowly dying in his hand, unsmoked.
-
He was getting desperate. So desperate, in fact, he'd left the safety of the kitchen and embarked into the ship library, of course occupied by the lovely Robin.
"Ah! Beautiful Robin!" He crooned. "You just look divine today!"
She smiled. "Hello Sanji. What're you doing here?"
"Just looking for something to read, my dear!"
"Oh? What exactly?" She tilted her head, her gorgeous raven hair perching beautifully on her shoulder.
"I, uh," Sanji looked away from Robin, embarrassed. "I wanted to see if we had any books about soulmates."
"I see. I have yet to find one in our collection, but I haven't read even close to all of the books in here, admittedly." She hummed, turning her head to the bookshelf to scan the impressive assortment of books the strawhats had gathered. "I haven't bought one myself, though, and I'm the only one here who frequents bookstores. Save for Jimbei, but he hasn't been on the crew long enough to build a steady collection."
"Ah, shame. I'll browse, though, just to be safe." Sanji chuckled nervously, stalking over to the first bookshelf and quickly scanning the titles.
"It's unlikely that we have one, I'll warn you." She turned back to her book as she spoke. "Not many people write about soulmates, given how rare of a phenomenon it is for two soulmates to actually find one another."
"You know, Sanji," Robin smiled at him in the doorway. "he doesn't look it, but Franky likes to read from time to time, and he's quite the hopeless romantic, so maybe you'd have some luck asking him."
"Franky can't keep a secret, though." Sanji laughed silently, hand on his neck. "Speaking of, uh, could this stay between us?"
A spark of momentary confusion crossed Robin's face, which afforded Sanji some comfort in knowing she was unaware of his predicament with Zoro. Surprising as that was.
"Of course. Though I wouldn't deem it out of character for you, you know."
"Yeah, well," Sanji laughs awkwardly. "I love all the ladies. Doesn't matter if they were meant for me or not."
Robin smiles, and it says more than a real response ever could. He knew instantly she knew exactly what his issue was, and he couldn't decide if he should assume she found out on her own, or if he needed to yell at Usopp for telling her.
-
Back while the crew traveled through Alabasta, the whole crew was surprised to learn Luffy had a brother, but even more surprised to learn that, unlike Luffy, he was well-mannered and had a personality that was genuinely relaxing to be around. Sanji knew a thing or two when it came to not fitting in with your siblings, so opted instead for gratefulness than surprise.
Besides, it was nice to have someone new standing in the kitchen and talking to him while he cleaned up after lunch. Not like he minded the other crew talking to him instead, but Ace was a very welcome change of pace. Luffy would always end up begging for more food as soon as he saw Sanji had finished cleaning up, Zoro would beg for alcohol and leave as soon as he came, Nami (rightfully, of course!) had better things to do, Usopp would always end up spinning some long story that Sanji could never quite pay attention to, and Choper, bless his heart, was more than a little awkward. So Ace leaning over the counter as Sanji worked on the dishes and going back and forth sharing Luffy stories with him was a nice refresher.
"Well, Luffy's a handful." Ace chuckled, face moving slightly closer to Sanji's. He was quick to speak again in Sanji's ear. "I'm glad someone's taking such good care of my baby brother."
Ace's hand ran up and down Sanji's back as they talked, radiating a sense of warmth through Sanji's spine. It was obscene. Even more obscene was the spread of blush that covered his face as Ace spoke in that low voice of his, practically whispering to Sanji. Sanji had men come onto him before, but it'd never been like this. He'd never had such a strong, famous, and (loathe as he is to admit it) painfully attractive pirate rubbing circles in his back as they talked about his captain. His grip on the sponge in his hand tightened.
"Ace- wait-" Sanji stuttered. Unbelievably awkwardly, if he was being honest. "You're a nice guy, and I'm real glad you... uh..." He paused, clearing his throat. "I don't swing that way, sorry." He blurted plainly. Usually, when Sanji turned down suitors it was easy, limited to a quick 'Nope, not into dudes' and then it was over. Rarely had Sanji felt guilty about turning someone down, let alone nearly sorry for himself when he did.
Ace blinked in surprise, stepping away from Sanji before he laughed lightly. "Really? Oh man, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to come on so strong." He said casually, lightly patting Sanji on the shoulder as if to fix the air of awkwardness surrounding them. "I would've never guessed you didn't like dudes. My bad, man."
Sanji laughed nervously, nodding slightly. "Yeah I... get that a lot."
He did not get that a lot. He had absolutely no idea what Ace was talking about. 'I would've never guessed you liked dudes' is maybe the last thing Sanji had expected to ever be told- he hung onto pretty much any woman who'd give him the time of day! Ace saw how he spoke to Nami and Vivi!
"Wait, actually, what do-" He started.
"Sanji! I'm starving!"A voice yelled, the door of the galley crashing open as Luffy barged through it, Chopper glued to his leg for whatever reason. "Food, pleeease!"
Ace laughed at his brother, and Sanji only sighed, knowing he'd probably lost the chance to ask Ace what he meant forever.
-
Okay. Sanji was alone. No books, no crew members with soulmates (to his knowledge) and zero chance of docking anytime soon and finding locals to ask about soulmatism or anything of the like. So he was alone. He'd come up with a multitude of ideas: ignore it until it goes away, which he ruled impossible given how it was slowly on track to become a whole crew issue; tell Zoro he didn't want anything, which he couldn't do because he'd be lying; and finally, fight fire with fire.
Sanji found Zoro standing and staring off the side of the ship, looking directly at the sun and squinting his eyes at it as a typical idiot could be found doing on a daily basis, likely as some form of endurance training. He almost considered dropping the plan as penance for witnessing Zoro doing something ridiculous and stupid but decided against it, as he knew he'd probably never find another chance as good as this one.
He stood next to Zoro, deciding to not look at the sun because he was not an idiot.
"Uh. I wanted to talk to you about something."
Zoro hummed, still squinting at the sun.
He decided to turn his head to look away from Zoro entirely. A man was nothing if not honest and direct, at least so said Zeff when Sanji was but a young boy.
"I won't mince words with you, Zoro. I..." He swallowed. "I love you. And I hate it. And it's nothing I could have ever seen of myself and I feel like less of a man because of it. I feel like I've ruined the integrity of the crew and my place on the crew because I love you. I..." He sighed, not knowing what to say. Not knowing what he even could say. If Zoro were a woman, he'd lament about her beauty being unlike anything of this plain and boring world. How Sanji was but an ant compared to her divinity. But Zoro was Zoro, all muscle and brawn and a very very miniscule amount of brain. He felt himself shaking as he spoke and found himself embarrassed. "I'm sorry I've made everything so difficult. I don't know what to do."
He didn't look at Zoro. He tried not to imagine what Zoro may have been doing, but hoped sincerely he'd dropped the staring at the sun bullshit.
"Look. This stuff doesn't happen to me very often but," Zoro said, staring off into the ocean and not looking at Sanji. "I have my own goals. I'd like to be willing to wait for you, but I'm smart enough to know it'd just piss me off. I'm not going to play tug of war with you, if that's what you're asking for."
"I'm not— okay, whatever. I don't know what I'm asking for. Probably nothing. I don't know what I want. I know how I feel and I know there's no getting out of this alive. There."
"So? You told me that because...?"
Sanji thought it was a stupid thing to say, but didnt comment. "I don't know. You deserved to know."
"You don't care about what I deserve. You just wanted to say it."
Sanji huffed. "I don't want to fight this time." He said resolutely.
"Wow. Were you replaced by someone else overnight?"
In a grand display of self control, Sanji bit the insdie of his cheek and sucked his lips into his mouth, not paying any mind to Zoro's comment. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.
"I'm perfectly fine with us being soulmates actually. I've loved you for a long time." Zoro said bluntly.
"Huh." Sanji blurted, immediately losing track of whatever he was planning on saying before Zoro spoke.
"But, I'm also not willing to sit around and wait for you to get your shit together."
"Wait, wait, hold on—"
"You're so in your head about everything—"
"Zoro, can we go back a bit—"
"I mean, fuck, I want to be with you. I've never felt that way about anyone before. But, if you keep refusing help from others—like you always have— I can't. I'm my own man."
Sanji's head almost hurt with how out of character it was for Zoro to just straight up say all this at once
".....What the hell."
"Again, I'm not going to lie and say I don't want this because I do. But," Zoro huffs solemnly, like he's dealing with the answer to a question that was never properly asked. "I can't if you keep... doing this."
Sanji put his hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Soulmate shit means nothing to me. If you don't want this to matter then it won't." Zoro crossed his arms. "But I know you don't want to let go of that stereotypical romance bullshit. We can drop all this if you don't want to deal with it like I do."
"So, it's your way or nothing at all."
"Yup." Zoro smiled stupidly.
Sanji put his head in his hands. He felt as if he'd lived an entire year in the span of a ten minute interaction. Yes, he wanted the soulmate thing to work out. Yes, he couldn't let go of the idea of having his soulmate there with him for the rest of his life. The more he thought about it the more it made sense: he and Zoro had worked alongside eachother for years now, they'd fought and bickered and joked back and forth for who knows how long, and he knew that nobody could ever match him in combat like Zoro could. It made sense that Zoro was his soulmate. Their dynamic was near perfect.
"When did you... um... realize?"
"What?" Zoro yawned. "That I'm into dudes?"
"No, you-" Sanji sighed, placing his head in his hands. He'd cut the word dumbass off, deciding now wasn't the time to be an asshole. "I meant that you liked... uh... me...?" He spoke in a low voice, face hot with embarrassment having said it out loud for once. He felt like a teenager.
"Oh. I dunno." He said plainly. Sanji could see the gears turning in his mind before he spoke again. "Before we got separated was around when I realized, I think.
Sanji ashed his cigarette into the sea, thinking about how long it'd been. "So, before I left Dressrosa with Nami and them, right?"
"Huh?" The swordsman blurted, turning to Sanji with a confused expression, clearly trying to process what the other man had said. "No. I mean back when we first came to Sabaody."
Oh. Wonderful. Sanji smiled incredulously, a poor attempt at hiding just how badly he wanted to jump overboard. Extremely delightful that Zoro had been in love with him for nearly three years by now. Positively delightful.
"The hell is that about?" Zoro gestured vaguely at Sanji's face.
"Nothing." Said through gritted teeth.
"That was only about when I realized it, though." Zoro added. "It was around Thriller Bark when I started seeing you differently. When you put my shoes on for me, come to think of it."
Even worse. A hot pang of embarassment shot through Sanji's chest as he thought about Thriller Bark, and the sacrifice he couldn't alleviate from Zoro, on top of the argument they'd had only a few days ago.
"Yeah, I kept getting pissed off 'cause I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was training with Mihawk." Zoro snorted. "Funny, now."
Stop talking. Please stop fucking talking.
"Huh." Sanji squeaked out.
"I guess it makes me happy that all this happened." Zoro said. "Awfully lucky the only guy I've ever loved like this turns out my soulmate."
Oh my god, the voice in Sanji's head groaned. It was like Zoro was trying to kill him.
Sanji's hand found Zoro's shoulder, shakily gripping the other man as his other hand covered his downturned face. "Why did you never tell me?" He muttered the question out gravelly.
"You can't be serious- do you know yourself?!" Zoro gawked at him. "You would've gone fucking crazy!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up dramatically as he spoke.
"Me? I would've gone crazy?" Sanji stammered. "You're the crazy one- hiding this shit for so long! I would be doing fucking peachy right now if you hadn't kept your big stupid mouth shut!"
"Don't lie!" Zoro poked him in the chest with his finger. "You know better than anyone how you are."
"Oh come on, you make me sound way worse than I am." Sanji poked Zoro right back.
"Oh, my ass, I do." Zoro growled. "You're maybe the most neurotic man I've ever been unlucky enough to interact with."
"I am not, Zoro." Sanji shot back. "If you want to talk about neurotic then just look at Usopp."
He continued the banter with Zoro, the conversation eventually delving far from the soulmate thing to just a conversation for the first time in a long time. He laughed and smiled as he talked to Zoro, and he realized just how much he'd missed the sense of normalcy that came from arguing and teasing with Zoro that he used to see as such a given part of his day.
Maybe Sanji had been like this his whole life. Maybe he'd always been capable of loving Zoro. Or men like Zoro in general. Maybe he was no man, or maybe it didn't make him less of a man to love another man.
-
They docked at an island after a boring while at sea. Unfortunately, the island was completely desolate and didn't have a single human being residing on it, meaning no local specialties or market shopping for Sanji. But that was okay. He could hunt and gather as good as any member of the animal kingdom.
He was about knee-deep in water with his shorts rolled up awkwardly. He'd been sticking his hands in the water in the hopes some unsuspecting fish would swim right into his hands for him to investigate. He'd had some pretty good ideas about what the fish he'd seen swimming around the shallow water, but he couldn't know until he got his hands on it.
"Got it!" Sanji announced excited, gripping the fish as hard as possible as he waved it around. His suspicions were confirmed.
"Got what?" Zoro yelled from the shore.
Sanji walked back to shore, sloshing water around as he walked through the shallow ocean. He proudly presented the fish to Zoro, the creature thrashing in his hands. Zoro raised an eyebrow.
"She's a rare beauty, a fish that only swims in shallow water because it's too blind to survive in deep ocean with predators. They're delicious though, and they have a beautiful color when chopped up, vibrant unlike anything you've ever seen..." He couldn't help himself and began to ramble about the fish and it's different characteristics and how to prepare it, and Zoro listened.
"And how come we haven't eaten them before?" He asked when Sanji finished talking, eyeing the fish.
"The reason they're not super commonly eaten is because they never last too long on islands with high human populations. They're always hunted out super quick." Sanji continued, grabbing fish out of the water and plopping them in the basket. "Or they swim out to deeper ocean to avoid humans and get eaten by predators there."
Zoro snorted and cocked his head. "So, you're part of the problem?"
"Nah. I'm not gonna go mad with power or anything." Sanji smiled fondly as he looked at the fish, then to Zoro. "I'm only one man, after all."
Zoro snorted a bit, and Sanji laughed excitedly, running back to the ship to get a basket for further hunting.
-
"I want to be with you."
Sanji didn't hear the words until he said them.
"I don't want to make you wait or make you deal with my shit anymore. I want to be with you. I want to be normal. With you."
"Do you, now?" Zoro cocked an eyebrow. "What caused the change of heart?"
He was being an asshole and he knew it. Sanji didn't expect any better.
Sanji felt his innards twisting together. His face scrunched as he thought of what to say, what had spurred this.
Maybe he'd been away from the Baratie for too long and he was beginning to forget all the lessons about man and woman instilled into him by Zeff. About how Zeff didn't want the life of a queer for his only son. How a man exists to protect and love women, how any other path is that of shame. Maybe he'd lost the ability to look ahead and see what would happen when he saw Zeff and Zeff saw a man on his arm instead of a woman. Maybe he'd fallen so heavily for Zoro nothing else mattered. Maybe he was so pulled in by the idea of a guaranteed lover thanks to the soulmate mark that nothing else mattered.
"I don't know." He admitted. Maybe it was everything. Maybe being loved by Zoro and knowing it trumped everything else.
"Well, why, then?" Zoro said, snapping him out of his trance.
"What?"
"Tell me why you want to be with me."
"God, I really hate you sometimes—"
"Tell me why you want to be with me."
Sanji swallowed as he looked at Zoro. He felt humiliated. He spoke again without thinking.
"I hate you. I've sincerely never hated anyone as much as I hate you. I wish I could go back in time to before this all happened so I could hate you and fight you in blissful ignorance. I hate the way you always try to piss me off in particular or mention something you know riles me up just to get my attention." He blurted without thinking. He regretted it as soon as it came out but he couldn't stop it. "I hate how you gawk and stare at me like I'm a zoo animal and then, when I look at you, you try to act like you weren't looking at all. I hate how you're so effortlessly confident and masculine even though, may I add, that confidence is utterly misplaced. I hate how you hold your head high as a strong and blunt man, but can never just say how you feel unless you're pushed to the limit. I hate how you'd rather sit up in the crow's nest and do fucking... finger pushups or a hundred sets of dick situps or whatever it is you do instead of just being normal. I hate you so much. You make me sick."
Zoro didn't reply.
"But, I want to be with you." Sanji said. "And I love you, so much."
"Okay." Zoro said, and it was somehow the simplest thing in the world.
-
Sanji didn't like bathing with the others. He wasn't even sure why he'd agreed to bathe with Zoro.
"C'mon, how are we supposed to be soulmates if we can't even bathe together?"
Sanji remembered now. He'd yelled at Zoro that he stunk and that he needed to shower, and Zoro had refused unless Sanji came with, and after a bit of bickering, Sanji agreed for whatever reason. So now he was naked and standing in a shower with Zoro. He was slightly taller than Zoro, but he was still almost embarrassed by the sheer size of Zoro compared to him. He looked like a brick wall, so much so it was almost comical.
"Are you going to wash yourself or just stand there like an idiot?" Sanji asked after a good moment of awkward silence.
"I am washing myself."
"Do not tell me you think standing under the water is washing yourself. Do not tell me my soulmate doesn't use soap."
"Oh come on, I use soap. Just only when I feel like I really need it." Zoro Said.
"You are disgusting."
Without a word, Zoro reaches over and touches the mark on Sanji's ribs, and Sanji almost jumps from surprise. The mood changed instantly, and Sanji completely forgot to continue yelling at Zoro for being gross.
It's... foreign. A tenderness that usually isn't found there. Past sexual partners usually ignored the mark for obvious reasons, so Zoro's hand tracing over it, holding the space, so gently feels awkward. Writhing and uncomfortable, a sensation Sanji knows he wants to welcome but feels disgusted by regardless. Zoro handles him like any sudden movement or force of the hand will peel the mark right off.
"Is this, uh," Zoro swallowed as he spoke. "Alright?" It was clearly not something Zoro had expected himself to say, nor something he'd expected to worry about. Sanji could see Zoro's walls and protections falling all over eachother like dominoes- he'd almost forgotten that, as a result of all this, Zoro had changed, too.
"Yeah, yeah. 'S fine." Sanji nodded a bit too quickly, moving his hand to faintly hover over Zoro's, not quite holding him there but letting his palm graze the joints of Zoro's hand. The intimacy of it was something Sanji had never experienced, akin to two teenagers seeing eachother naked for the first time. All limbs and confusion, a barrier of what is too close and too far blurring indefinitely in his head as Zoro pet his ribs. He moved his hand to sit on Zoro's knee, not quite caressing or tender, but just to have it there. To hold some part of Zoro so it wouldn't skitter away or put up a fight.
"Can I-" Zoro started, clearing his throat awkwardly as he stared at Sanji. "Um. Can I-"
"Yes," Sanji breathed hastily, pulling Zoro to him.
The thought of kissing Zoro had infiltrated his mind countless times since he saw the mark on Zoro's thigh. He'd imagined it unpleasant, Zoro unskilled at romance and practically mauling Sanji with his mouth for lack of experience. Zoro did things all the way or not at all, so Sanji was sure an altercation of lips would immediately delve to tongues and teeth and a near cannibalistic hold on him. The thought upset him- the idea of a true loves kiss with his soulmate ruined for him by the fact Zoro was perhaps the least gentle and loving man alive. Until maybe the thousandth time he'd thought about kissing Zoro, and the very real possibility of enjoying the clash of teeth and bites to his lip crossed his mind.
He was wrong, though. Zoro kissed him as gently as he could: though unskilled as Sanji had predicted.
Zoro's hand cradled his neck and reached to clavicle, his other hand squeezing Sanji's shoulder as he kissed him. Actions unsure, as he'd been recently. He hovered his arm over Sanji's clavicle, as if feeling around for a spot better to press against. Sanji grabbed his hand and pressed it down to his body as he deepened the kiss. Zoro let him take control with little objection, just a small shocked noise leaving his mouth.
Sanji pulled away for a second, eyes opening to look at Zoro. "Have you ever kissed anyone before?" He asked, face close to Zoro's visibly flushed face.
"Yes. Obviously." He looked and sounded a bit breathless, visibly holding back a smile that Sanji could still see in the corners of his mouth.
"Really?" Sanji asked again.
"Okay, fine, no." Zoro grumbled a bit. He'd always been a bad liar, and Sanji barely had to push him whatsoever to wring the truth out. "You're the only one."
Sanji smiled a bit. "Really? Nobody's ever won your heart before?"
"Don't be annoying." Zoro scoffed, hand rubbing softly around his neck and jaw. He stared at Sanji's collarbone, avoiding his eyes bashfully. "No shit. Nobody's ever told me everything they hate about me in detail." He added with a snark.
Sanji laughed a bit to himself, diving back in. Zoro gasped a bit softly into Sanji's mouth. Sanji stifled a laugh, but couldn't fight the fond smile tugging at his lips- god. He moved his hand to the other's hip, opposite hand finding his chest and softly squeezing at the muscle there. Zoro grunted a bit, surprised. He was so unbelievably inexperienced for someone of his looks, and Sanji drank it up, pride buzzing in his chest that he was and would be Zoro's first everything. God, all his little noises drove Sanji practically up the wall.
Sanji was used to being miserable. He was used to the idea that nobody could ever truly loved him. But with Zoro in his hands and on his mouth, he felt so far away from all that. Far away from the burdens of being himself and existing as Vinsmoke Sanji. He was just a man now.
Somewhere in his heart, beyond the walls and waterways and the linked stars and loaded guns, Sanji hoped intimately that the scars on Zoro's lips would open for him, staining his lips red with blood for the rest of the night.
Notes:
Hoooo boy. It's been well over a year since I started writing this and almost a year since It was first posted. But better late than never! I hope you enjoyed reading.
Sorry for any weird tense changes or changes in writing style, sadly that is what happens when you take a long break from writing for virtually no reason in the middle of a project. I understand this chapter isn't as good as it's first one, but I sadly lost a lot of my interest in Zosan whilst taking a break from this and finished it mostly just for the sake of getting it done. Sorry about it, everyone!
ShlockStones on Chapter 1 Thu 24 Oct 2024 09:54AM UTC
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