Chapter Text
Gems of her court walked slowly and quietly, not wanting to disturb the Diamond that resulted in these chambers. they weaved their way through darkened blue halls to get to buildings that were long discarded, rarely used anymore. they were no longer filled with happiness and liveliness, instead, a drooped, dark space that had memories of a better time.
the clock on the wall ticked slowly as each second passed agonizingly slow. gems continued to work, the time they spent making sure everything was up to date while dealing with the lack of a stable Diamond was never going to return. it was repetitive and constant, and it never paused ott stopped, even for just a moment.
a nearby Quartz let out a cough, probably the most interesting thing since Blue locked herself away over a millennia ago. nobody blamed her, of course. they had heard what happened. they had heard about the traitorous rebel Rose Quartz, the disgusting waste of resources and the Empires biggest burden, who took a step forward towards Pink Diamond, wielding a heavy sword, and impaled her, bringing her life to an end before it got to start.
Blue was understandably distraught. Pink was one of the gems she was closest to, she was pretty much her daughter, and hearing about her shattering a decent amount of time afterwards had to have crushed her. in complete honesty, it didn't make sense. how could a simple Rose Quartz shatter a being so powerful and strong as a Diamond? it just wasn’t fair. Pink was brought to an end so quickly, and her life had barely started. why wasn’t the traitor shattered before they could take her pink from her.
Blue ended up shutting everyone out. nobody could blame her, even if they wanted to. she felt so guilty. she had been asked, countless times, to be sent extra troops, extra help, because Pink’s weren’t emerging fast enough, but her troops were with Yellows, trying to colonise another planet for her wife’s collection, and Yellow wasn’t allowing any of them to come back, not even when she had asked her personally. Yellow took colonising seriously, and when she took something seriously, she wouldn’t relent, no matter who asked.
Blue hated Yellow for that. as much as she didn’t want to, she couldn’t help but place most of the blame on her. if Yellow had listened, if Yellow had stopped being a stubborn conquerer for five minutes, maybe Pink would still be here, keeping her from falling into this mess. Blue missed the sound of her voice and her childish antics, the repeated hollering of her name for stuff she would end up abandoning after she was done with it, or begging to just talk. but now she was gone, never to come back again, lost in the constellations that make up the infinite reality of space.
the azure gem let out an empty, defeated breath as silent tears caressed her cheeks. they flowed in a steady, gentle well-worn path of hurt feelings and anguished emotions. Blue let out a shaky sigh, the pain evident in the gentle breeze of air, before bringing a numb finger to her hair, wrapping a strand of her pale, long hair around it, the stand wavy from the lack of brushing. it was a habit that she would deny she had, but everyone knew it.
cerulean eyes cut through the darkness as she focused on the abandoned sapphire control panel on her desk. there were countless missed notifications, all from the several meetings and whatever useless events she had to do that no longer mattered. part of her knew she had to, just to prove that she wasn’t the over-emotional being she had heard a few gems mutter in the past, but she couldn’t be bothered to.
Blue was just tired. constantly tired. her grief was eating away at her, and she wasn’t doing anything to stop it. it was pulling her down to feel so exhausted all the time, but she couldn’t help herself. she felt pathetic, and honestly, maybe she was. Yellow definitely seemed to think so, she had started to mention it quite regularly, constantly complaining that she was becoming pathetic and soft, letting her emotions get the better of her.
Yellow had turned into a cold, stubborn dictator since Pink’s shattering, and talked to her like she was lesser than. she talked to her like she was below her, a subordinate, like one of her military soldiers, and that stung more than her just ignoring her. perhaps she was right, though. Blue was soft and sentimental, blocking out any help or support because it all involved forgetting. how could she just forget Pink?
Blue was just waiting for the ground to eat her alive, but before she could, her ears fixated on the distant, faint clatter of heels on marble. they started making their eat towards her, and a chill ran down her spine. Blue wanted the ground eat her now, she didn’t feel like being belittled again, not right now. not ever. she was exhausted and too empty to deal with another argument with Yellow.
Blue looked away from the door, her soft gaze fell on the roof for a moment as she thought, wondering what decisions lead her here. she wondered why she had started to spiral downwards into depression, and why she felt so empty and unimportant inside. it felt like the world was leaving her behind, trapping her in a distant and vicious cycle of mental torture and emotional abuse.
her mind continued to wander, even as the sound of the low, quiet hissing of doors that sat motionless for years opened. by the control panel, a small butter coloured figure stood, before moving to stand beside the soft sky one, who had been standing there for too long. a canary gem, a foot taller than her, stepped into the dark room, flicking the lights on.
the lights flickered to life, brightening the room, and outlining the melancholy Diamond. “Blue, I see you’re still lying down, as expected.” she could hear the familiar voice of the other Diamond. she slowly turned her gaze to her, and she could see the faint look of relief in those deep canary eyes. she knows that she’s been missed.
“enlighten me, please, because I’m failing to understand how you’re supposed to be improving the Empire by simply sitting here like a sad sack of shards.” the cold, callous tone was back, the type yna5 made her feel like she was a defective waste simply because she couldn’t get over the loss of her daughter so easily.
Blue sighed, letting out an empty, exasperated breath of air. “it hurts, Yellow..” she paused mid sentence to lock eyes with her counterpart. “I can’t stand to watch the entire gem population work to remove her legacy, as if she didn’t exist in the first place..” part of her hoped Yellow was listening to her words, not just hearing them, but when she saw her scoff and roll her eyes, she knew she wasn’t.
“she’s not here anymore, Blue. there is no use for her stuff, no use for her past, nothing other than memorabilia.” Yellow sharply responded, cutting deep into Blue’s chest like a knife. Yellow folded her arms and begun to tap her heeled olive boot on the floor. Blue felt isolated and alone.
she looked into Yellow’s eyes, hoping to see the familiar comfort she missed so much, only to be started at with cold and dead eyes. there was no love hiding behind those canary eyes she found gorgeous. Yellow looked like she was just bothered by this whole conversation and was just waiting for it to be done with by now.
she seemed to absolutely hate the fact that Blue was still down, either because she missed her deep down and it hurt to see her so sad, or because she was sick of these confrontations and just wanted Yellow to suck it up. Blue frowned, looking away with a heavy sigh. maybe she wasn’t missed after all.
“what good does moving on even have..?” her voice cracked as she continued. “she was taken away before her life even started..” tears pricked in her eyes as she tried to remain calm. “she’s lost in magenta shards..” Blue let out a quiet sob, looking away so Yellow couldn’t belittle her for her tear-filled eyes once again. she felt isolated, like Yellow had left with Pink, leaving her behind.
Yellow let out an irritated sigh, tightening her arms. when would Blue just suck up her grief and move on? it was so incredibly annoying. “what good does sitting here and doing absolutely nothing with your life gonna do?” she snapped, trying to knock some sense into Blue, her arms unfolded and her ands rested on her hips.
“you have been here since pink was shattered, and that was over an entire millennium ago.” she spoke, as if it was a waste of time to be upset. “you have got to pick yourself up and move on for stars sake, Blue! it’s honestly pathetic.” her tone was strong and cutting, digging a deep hole in the crater that was already there.
“your court needs you, Blue, they can’t plan to better the Empire without a Diamond.” ste stated the obvious, but it still hurt. “you need to step up and be the Diamomd you’re supposed to be! we already have White abandoning us, we can’t have you do it too.” she folded her arms again.
“i don’t know how many times i have to tell you this; you need to suck it up and move on. moping around won’t bring her back.”
Blue took a deep breath of air as fresh tears started to cascade down her cheeks. “..i can’t.. it’s hard, Yellow.. she was so young, so inexperienced..” her voice cracked again and Yellow frowned, her gaze turning into a glare as she started at the motionless Diamond.
“and whose fault, other than her own, is that? if she had actually listened to what I had told her instead of trying to go off and do her own thing, she wouldn’t have been shattered.” Blue froze for a solid moment, feeling her own anger beginning to build at Yellows careless and cruel words.
“it’s not her fault, it’s yours!” she almost shouted, sitting up with angry tears in her eyes, Yellow had been taken by surprise by this, before feeling her own wave of anger. how dare she accuse her of doing that?!
“what do you mean ‘my fault’? I’m not the one who shattered her!” her gaze turned into a sharper glare than before.
“if you had listened to her pleads and sent her my troops that I requested, maybe she would be alive! maybe I wouldn’t have lost her!” Blue snapped, ignoring the tears in her eyes. Yellow shot her an angrier glare.
“what has that got to do with anything?!” the canary gen snapped in a harsh tone. she couldn’t believe the accusatory tone coming from this gem.
“if you had listened to me for once in your life and given her the extra troops from my group when she had asked for help, maybe they would have protected her and we wouldn’t be having this conversation because she wouldn’t have shattered!” Blue stated as tears flowed down her face.
Yellow scowled at Blue, pissed about this entire situation. “I needed them for myself, Blue! I've told you this far too many times!” she snapped, her tone harsh. “you never listen, if i had lost a reinforcement, the entire colonization would’ve gone awry!” her tone was venomous, all her anger directed towards Blue Diamond.
“your plans could have been rescheduled! Pink was and still is a Diamond and you should have sent her help when she asked for it!” tears were streaming down her cheeks as she spoke. “you abandoned her, you left her behind to rot as if she deserved it!” her voice was shaky, but it got the message across. “you acted as if she was replaceable, but she isn't! she’s gone forever because you decided that colonizing planets was more important than saving her!”
“well, maybe she is replaceable, Blue! maybe her existence deserved to be wiped, she was a disaster!” she snapped, watching the hurt crush Blue. “always getting into fights or making a mess! perhaps she deserved to be shattered!”
Blue instantly froze as Yellows’ words echoed all throughout her mind like a distorted record on loop. she didnt know how to respond. how could Yellow say that to her? Blue sank back down onto her bed for support, which earned her a scoff from Yellow, who stared at her with disdain.
“you’re pathetic, Blue. you can’t even argue back properly without collapsing at the mere mention of the truth.” she spoke with a hateful tone. she looked away, as if the sight of looking at Blue was horrendous. “move on, Blue. i cannot wait for you any longer. if you can’t pick yourself up and get over this depression, we’ll have to find someone stronger than you. you are replaceable, Blue.” she abruptly turned on her heels and left, her footsteps fading in the distance and leaving Blue with new conflicting thoughts.
she’s replaceable?
Blue felt quite hurt- no, incredibly hurt by those words. Yellow had just said something that absolutely crushed her, something she never expected her to say, and she was speechless. Blue was lost and unsure of how exactly she should feel. on one hand, Yellow was definitely right. Pink was gone and she wasn’t coming back, no matter how much she longed to hold her again.
but on the other hand, why can’t she just let her grieve at her own pace? why does she have to move on or conceal her feelings behind a mask instead of just being herself? Yellow just didn’t understand. she was just too much of an emotionally unavailable workaholic who shuts people out when she has the chance to understand her feelings.
she grabbed a hold of the blanket and pulled it over, holding back her emotions, a squirming mix of anger and sadness. it felt like her relationship was dwindling, coming to an abrupt halt and that stung more than anything. fresh tears pricked in her eyes and she swiped them away aggressively. why was Yellow being so heartless right now? surely she couldn’t be that easily replaced. Yellow had loved her for hundreds of millennia, she wouldn't just abandon and replace her so easily.
but what if she could? Yellow clearly showed that she viewed her as weak. it didn’t help that she always isolated herself because she was still quite grief-stricken and emotional.
no.
that’s not her fault at all. it’s not like shes the reason Yellow’s so emotionally unavailable. Yellow was supposed to be her shoulder to lean on. Yellow was supposed to support her and love her like she had promised at the start, not cut and bring her down. Yellow had made a vow to stick beside her, and she wasn’t sticking to it. perhaps Yellow was the reason their relationship was beginning to fail. perhaps Yellow is the one that has to change and get her act together, not her.
Blue could feel her heart aching. Yellow had become so cruel recently, as if she was getting bored of her. the longer she thought, the longer the ache in her heart grew, but she had also started to think that maybe Yellow could have had a pass on this one, especially with how emotional the gem seemed to think she was. it hurt to think about, but it seemed like Yellow was moving on without her.
in some sick and twisted way, maybe this was the universe getting back at her in its own, abnormal way. perhaps she deserved all this hate, all this isolation for missing her daughter. this could be a cruel, brutal form of payback for all the harm she's caused and all the gems she's shattered. Blue let out a sob, her thoughts beginning to tornado through her mind as she closed her eyes, trying to block it all away.
it was haunting her, the magenta shards glittered across the soil, the empty, hollow feeling that enveloped her when she saw the scene.
the way Yellow switched from the soft, loving and gentle actions she had earlier, providing a shoulder to cry on and a warm hand to wipe away the tears that never seemed to stop, into the heartless gemsona she had now, belittling her from her overwhelmingly heavy feelings. why had she changed? what had she done wrong that caused Yellow to turn hateful?
Blue wanted her Yellow back. she wanted the Yellow that was loving and caring, holding her close, providing the warmth and chasing away the guilt that weighed her down. she was her rock in this never ending situation while she moved through her grief. what happened? sure, it had been over a millennia, 1251 years to be exact, but what worth does a year have when you’re essentially immortal?
with another hollow sigh, Blue propped herself up and brought her knees closer to her chest, beginning to twirl strands of her hair around her pointer finger. the strands were still a little damp from catching her tears, but she paid it no mind at all, because even if she attempted to dry it, the tears would inevitably return and she would be back at square one.
she leaned back and let her mind wander through all the memories of the past that she still remembered, ones where yellow had promised her that she would stick beside her through thick and thin. now. it felt like a lie, as if a massive, gloved canary hand slapped her across the face because the promise seemed to have been broken the moment Yellow had shifted from sweet and loving into cold and stoic.
exhaustion slowly overtook her body and she let out a soft yawn before she sunk back down under the sheets, hidden by the thick layers of indigo and navy blankets that were wrapped tightly and securely around her like a protective cocoon. it was blocking out everything and trapping her at the same time, exactly how she liked it.
her mind blanked as Blue found herself surrounded by a familiar darkness where she could think without being interrupted. it was quiet and peaceful here in its own way, far from the harsh reality that wont wait for anyone. Blue’s by herself and thats what she wanted. there was no snappy comments, no brutal remarks, no snide words or cruel actions from Yellow, just peace and comfort.