Chapter Text
Tetsuo will never quite understand where excitement ends and frustration begins. Not while his elbows dig into the mattress and raspy sounds escape him despite his efforts to hold them down. A drop of sweat trickles down his back. Kaneda catches it with his tongue, a gesture that makes him shiver from head to toe. He could never do such a thing. Not because it disgusts him — he’s never had an issue swallowing Kaneda’s come — but because of the intimacy that action implies. There’s something maddeningly personal about taking a part of Kaneda inside himself, especially when it has nothing to do with pleasure. It’s too much for him.
Tetsuo is no longer the naïve, whiny kid he once was, and he certainly doesn’t fool himself into thinking that what he does with Kaneda means anything — it means absolutely nothing: just two punks letting off steam and mutual resentment by having sex when no one’s watching. Yet, there are boundaries he can’t and won’t cross.
It started as an innocent outlet, only to become yet another competition, a game to find out who could make the other climax faster, more frequently. Who could draw the most sounds and reactions, bending the other to their will. In short, a more physical kind of challenge that both had craved for a long time. Perhaps this is why their daily arguments have become rarer since they started having sex: they vent their frustration in bed, and considering the violence and intensity they put in it, there’s little left to release afterward. The other members of the Capsules don’t understand what has changed between the two of them, but they certainly don’t complain. They clearly needed a break from all the toxicity in the air, too.
Tetsuo meets Kaneda’s fingers with his hips, but he’s not the one in control. He never is. With every encounter he fails, proving to be the hungrier of the two, while Kaneda remains cold and restrained even in the most heated moments. But he’d rather walk out of his house right now, even as Kaneda’s fingers aggressively open him up, than let it show. So, he keeps imposing on himself those stupid rules he’s always clung to with tooth and nail: don’t make too much noise, don’t let yourself look too passionate, don’t touch him more than necessary.
It’s exhausting. Kaneda’s ragged breath brushes against his neck, their sweat-slicked bodies sliding together, and of course Tetsuo wants to touch him. He wants to grab the hand resting on the sheet beside his own. It’s within reach, but he doesn’t dare.
‘Don’t touch him,’ he keeps repeating to himself. ‘Don’t let him think he’s got you.’
Then that very hand moves away to press against Tetsuo’s back, while Kaneda’s fingers scissor inside him until they hit that sweet spot. Tetsuo barely holds back a scream and lets his head fall against the mattress. His mind starts racing again, restless and paranoid: is he even sure he knows how to play this game? Does he know all the rules? What does ‘winning’ even mean? What does it entail? Does the winner come out as the one who came the hardest and proved they could subdue the other to their needs, or is it the one who put the other’s pleasure first, taking charge and setting the pace?
Is sex just the art of controlling the lack of control, or is it a blind surrender to someone else’s hands, relishing that very lack?
Kaneda doesn’t seem to ask himself any of these questions: he removes his fingers, ignoring Tetsuo’s whimper of protest, slicks his erection with lube and aligns it with Tetsuo’s entrance.
“I’m going in”
“You don’t have to warn me,” Tetsuo growls, face buried in the pillow, grateful that Kaneda can’t see him.
“Alright” Kaneda chuckles, cheerful as if he’s heading to a party. “Spread your legs wider, little shit”
Tetsuo decides to overlook the patronizing tone for the sake of his aching balls, desperately needing release, and lets Kaneda slide inside him, parting his walls without resistance. For some time now, Tetsuo has genuinely feared that his body, after months of sex, might have started adapting to Kaneda’s frame; as if every muscle, bone, and curve now responds to the other’s body by sheer inertia, fitting them together like puzzle pieces. Fucking hell. He’s really taking Kaneda’s shape. Which should only piss him off, instead of causing an inexplicable feeling of completeness and pride.
As Kaneda’s erection probes deeper, Tetsuo hisses between his teeth, caught between pleasure and the slight discomfort of sudden fullness.
“I know, I know” hushes Kaneda, leaning down to lick and nibble the back of his neck.
Tetsuo shivers again, but doesn't flinch.
“You know? What do you mean you know?”
He turns just enough for Kaneda to notice his strained grin. “Are you hiding something from me?” he adds.
Kaneda responds with a sly smirk.
“Tsk. You wish”
Kaneda moves slowly at first, almost reverently, but Tetsuo doesn’t want this. He wants everything, right now, and he wants it brutal, because maybe that way he can push those suffocating thoughts out of his head. He reaches out to grip the edge of the mattress, using leverage to push his hips back and try to pick up the pace. Kaneda’s stifled moan is the immediate reward.
“You’re so impatient” Kaneda slurs, hands gripping Tetsuo’s hips to hold him still. But instead of pulling back, he drives deeper, letting the friction and heat envelop them both in a crescendo that makes the air in the room vibrate.
The world dissolves, leaving only their breaths and the sounds of skin against skin, a rhythm that grows increasingly frenzied. When Kaneda leans forward, biting gently into Tetsuo’s shoulder, the latter feels a shiver run down his spine, mixed with a pleasure that tears him away from any remaining resistance.
Tetsuo is happily getting off on being filled and ravaged by his hard cock when Kaneda suddenly pulls out, making him gasp in pain.
“You bastard—”
Kaneda flips him onto his back, pinning his hands at his sides and locking eyes with a hungry stare. “You wanna know the one thing about you that drives me crazy?” he asks.
“The one?”
Kaneda ignores Tetsuo’s challenging tone — which is weird, since he falls of it every time— and lifts one corner of his mouth. It’s supposed to be a smile, but Tetsuo isn’t sure.
“The way you lose yourself” Kaneda replies. “The way you lose control”
Tetsuo frowns and fidgets uncertainly under Kaneda’s hold. “I don’t know what you’re talking about”
“Oh, but you do. I see it every time you try to run from yourself and what you feel. You try to hide it but it doesn’t work, does it?”
The familiar mix of anger and desire that marks their encounters races through Tetsuo’s veins. Why does he always have to ruin the moment? He should punch him in the mouth and kick him out right now...
Kaneda notices — of course he does, the bastard — because he leans down with a lingering gaze as his hands, those large, strong, perpetually warm hands, work so that both Tetsuo’s hands are united above his head and Kaneda can hold them down with one hand.
God. Tetsuo would never admit it out loud, but he loves it when Kaneda manhandles him so effortlessly. He loves it when Kaneda does anything to him, really.
“I love seeing you lose control” Kaneda murmurs, “because that’s when you’re truly yourself”
Tetsuo swallows and surrenders. Kaneda’s free hand trails down his chest, caressing him until it settles on his inner thigh.
“Don’t hold back” Kaneda commands.
“Shut up”
“I mean it. If you hold back, I’ll stop”
“You wouldn’t dare”
But one look at Kaneda’s expression and he immediately knows that he absolutely would. And, despite everything, Tetsuo doesn’t want that. He wants Kaneda’s cock inside him again, pounding him into the mattress and hammering his prostate. And yes, fuck it, he wants to lose control. He wants to scream.
“Hush now” Kaneda whispers with a grin that’s half condescending, half sweet. “If you behave, I’ll fuck you again later and you can be on top. I’ll even let you choke me”
Without giving him time to respond, Kaneda enters him again and starts thrusting hard, while his free hand moves from Tetsuo’s inner thigh to the back of his knee, forcing it to bend; Tetsuo’s mouth falls open in a long, low moan, his back arching and his eyes rolling back.
And as they both reach the point of no return, the stifled cries and heavy breaths merge, echoing off the walls. They remain still for a moment, hearts racing, until Kaneda lies down beside him, panting. At one point, he chuckles.
“How is it that we end up arguing even while we’re fucking?” he asks in a tired, yet amused tone.
Tetsuo takes his time before answering.
“You started it” he murmurs once he’s caught enough breath.
After that, they sink back into silence. There’s no need for words to admit that they both lost and won in equal measure.