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Even before he presented, Zizhen never felt right in his skin. It felt wrong in all the bad ways; like it wasn't meant to be his . He always felt a certain discomfort with it.
But he ignored it. His parents didn't like when he tried to explain it when he was young, and then his mother passed away and there were more pressing matters. His sisters never fully understood it but they were always there for him, especially when his father was not.
When Zizhen starts hanging out with A-Yuan, A-Ling and A-Yi, his father gets pissed. He's drunk for days, complaining about ‘rival companies’ and ‘blasted sons’. As his only son, he knows it's about him, but he can't leave them. His sisters are wonderful, don't get him wrong, but his friends are something else.
Especially A-Ling.
Aside from A-Ling, A-Yuan and A-Yi, of course, his favorites are Sang-ge and Cheng-ge. They're vastly different, from their family and even each other. They both spoil him, though, and he gravitates towards them automatically when he's younger. They bring him comfort, more than his parents did, and don't judge him when he attempts to explain not feeling right in his skin.
When A-Yi presents and gets thrown out, he's scared. Scared because he and A-Yi have a kinship for semi-shitty parents, scared because his friend just got thrown out and scared because… what if that happens to him ? He’s not sure how his father would react if he presented as anything but an alpha.
He presents a bit late. He just assumes he’s a beta (despite his scent never changing from muted flowers) and moves on. He spends as much of his time as he can at A-Ling's or A-Yuan's, avoiding his father who's most likely disappointed and angry. His father isn't the violent kind of angry, but he’s mean and cruel, spouting some choice words and terrible thoughts at him like everything is his fault.
Like his mother's death is his fault-
When he presents, he's with A-Ling. Ayi is quick to get A-Yuan and A-Yi over and they dote on him. He feels the need to protect them, like any alpha, but it all feels wrong . His inner alpha doesn't feel like an alpha. He goes along with it, though, indulges them, even if being referred to as an alpha feels wrong.
Yes, he's going through a rut, but-
He's not an alpha.
The thought hits him in the face the day after his rut ends. It makes him panic and he ends up requesting for some alone time with Wei-ge.
Then he spills everything.
-
“Aiyah, I thought that might be the case,” Wei-ge hums after his explanation.
Zizhen fidgets, curious and surprised. “How…?” He knows his Wei-ge is trans, just like he suspects he is, but how would he know that?
“Oh!” He looks a bit sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. “Jiejie and A-Cheng told me about some of your rantings, but only because they recognized it as something similar to me.”
Zizhen nods slowly, taking that in. “That… makes sense. I just- I'm not sure-” he admits.
“That's okay!” Wei-ge reassures. “Want to hear a bit of my perspective?”
He nods so the elder continues on. “It's like this; our bodies aren't really made with our souls in mind. So! While, let's say, 80% of the time, your body matches well with your soul, there's that 20% where someone's soul is born into the wrong body, so like, a beta soul into an omega body, or an alpha soul in a beta body. It's not a bad thing, it's just that our inner beings, in my opinion, are a part of our very soul, so if you believe in reincarnation, it kinda makes sense that sometimes your soul doesn't match your body. Did that make sense?” He smiles, hands fidgeting in front of him.
Zizhen mulls over the words in his head. Honestly? It sounds… right . Like, that's him , something he can relate to.
“So… I'm just a beta born into an alpha body?” He asks a bit hesitantly, wanting to understand.
“If your inner being is a beta, then yes, exactly!” Wei-ge replies. “When I presented, I knew what was wrong. I was experiencing my first rut and while I did want to protect, I wasn't agitated or clingy for the right reasons. I wanted to hold my brothers and sister close, wanted to keep them with me, provide for them, etc.”
“I-I get it,” Zizhen nods, arms hugging himself as a self soothing trick. “I wanted to protect my pack, but it felt more… forced. Wrong . Like an outside force was just clicking on the synapses in my brain to make me wanna do it. It wasn't me . And the rut itself felt wrong , no matter how painful. Like it just… wasn't me .”
Wei-ge smiles gently, moving forward to wrap him up in a hug. “You're so brave, A-Zhen. If you say you're a beta, you're a beta, okay? And if you need a place to stay cause your asshole father can't accept that, I know of three different households that would love to house you.”
Zizhen hugs him back. “Thanks Wei-ge,” he says, his face smushed in his chest.
“Of course, pup,” the omega purrs. “Also, freshly cut grass and blooming flowers fit you so well, A-Zhen.”
He flushes scarlet in embarrassment but he's grinning like a maniac, hidden in the elder's shirt.
-
After a screaming match with his father and his sisters helping him pack, he moves in with Cheng-ge and Sang-ge. Them, alongside Yao-ge, Da-ge and Xichen-ge welcome him with open arms, a room ready and everything. He had his own room with his dad, but it never felt too much like his space. His father was judgy, he knew that, so he tried to avoid having something for him to judge, including his room. It had his necessities but he never really thought of decorating it, and anything important was hidden as he knew his father thought the things he liked were too ‘girly’.
Sang-ge takes him out personally to the best shops in town. He buys him books, decorations, new clothes, anything and everything as long as he shows interest in it. Zizhen wants to refuse but Sang-ge just gives him a look, pointing out how rich he is, and that’s that. Plus, Cheng-ge joins them once they’re done with the more fashionable side of things and helps him get more practical things; a bookshelf for the horde of books that were bought for him, a comfy chair for his desk, more bedding that fits his tastes. Everything he wants and needs is provided for him without a thought, as if his feelings were important .
They even offer to pay for surgeries to help with his transition, both being very informed with both Wei-ge and Xichen-ge being trans as well.
He feels safe and loved.
-
When he’s 17, he confesses to Jin Ling. They’ve had something going on between them for years, different from Zizhen’s feelings for A-Yuan and A-Yi. They were close friends, they were a pack , but Zizhen wanted to be A-Ling’s mate . He wanted to belong to him forever and have A-Ling belong to him forever. It goes amazingly; A-Ling wants the same and responds as such.
A week later they’re mated (after much reassurances from their parents and uncles), and Zizhen couldn’t be happier. Despite his father’s views, despite how he thought happiness might not be for him, A-Ling and their family had disproven that time and time again. A-Cheng and A-Sang clearly approved of their nephew for him as well and it was nice that, despite their connection to A-Ling, he knows they would’ve told him if they thought it wasn’t a great match.
A-Yi and A-Yuan are finally together (though they’ve been promised to each other since they were 10) and say they’re gonna mate when they get married. Zizhen is beyond happy for them, they mean the world to him as his family and his pack, and he’s just-
So, so happy it’s unfamiliar. He used to live with this cloud over him, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. His dad had him on edge constantly, but now that he was free , he’s so glad to have met the people he did.
He wouldn’t trade his family for the world. And especially not A-Ling.