Chapter Text
Kasha knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself.
He wanted chocolate.
So he grabbed the secret key hidden under Mardöll's pillow and used it to unlock the bars over the giant window in her bedroom. She wasn't around to stop him and Dee-Dee wasn't around to protest when Kasha grabbed a couple coins out of Dee-Dee's piggy bank.
With the coins merrily jingling in his pockets and the key to Mardöll's window tied to a string around his neck, Kasha cheerfully strolled down the sidewalk outside their McMansion like a man on a mission.
He was determined to buy a boat load of chocolate bars. Kasha told himself that Dee-Dee would be happy about it in the end. They would eat the chocolate bars together and then laugh about the whole thing when Kasha described the daring adventure.
He almost got run over by one of those stupid monster trucks while crossing the street in front of the nearest convenience store, but he managed to jump out of the way in the nick of time.
Then Kasha hesitantly raised a disgruntled fist in the air to berate the monster truck driver, but the car drove away too quickly for the driver to see.
It didn't matter.
Kasha was still alive, so he shrugged and went into the convenience store.
There were two teenagers standing behind the cash register and they glanced towards the door when the little bell jingled to announce his arrival.
Tentatively, Kasha waved at them. One of the teenagers, a short girl with brightly dyed pink hair, waved back at him.
Her companion, a beanpole thin brunette guy, sneered at Kasha as if he was looking at one of those stray dogs that was covered in mud.
"Wipe your shoes on the welcome matt," the brunette said, huffing.
The girl with pink hair had a name tag labeled "Sloane" and the brunette had a name tag that said "Ferris."
Sloane elbowed Ferris as if he'd just dropped an F bomb and then giggled nervously. Ferris scowled at her.
"Okay?" Kasha said, glancing down at his shoes.
He didn't see anything wrong with his shoes. There wasn't any mud on them. Not that he could see.
But he wiped his shoes on the matt anyway and then walked closer to the cash register the two employees were standing behind.
"I would like a bunch of chocolate bars," Kasha said, grinning at Sloane. She seemed like the right person to talk to.
"Sorry?" Sloane said. "We don't sell chocolate."
"Huh?" Kasha said.
He glanced around at the store merchandise and realized there was nothing but t-shirts and hats everywhere.
"We don't have anything edible," Ferris said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "You're in the wrong store, kid."
"Drat," Kasha said. "Where's the nearest convenience store? Like, how long d'you think it would take me to walk there and which direction should I walk in?"
"Oh my goodness," Sloane said, giggling the same nervous giggle she'd directed at Ferris earlier. "There aren't any convenience stores close enough for you to walk to, you silly little thing."
"There aren't?" Kasha said.
"We're in the middle of a food desert," Ferris said, darkly.
"What does that mean?" Kasha said.
"Why don't you ask your parents to drive you to the store?" Sloane said, gently. "You should walk back home and simply ask your parents for a car ride?"
Kasha groaned. He didn't have any parents to ask. He just had Mardöll and he knew she would say no if he told her he wanted to buy a boat load of chocolate.
"Get out of our store," Ferris said.
He still had his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was standing still, eerily still, and glaring at Kasha as if Kasha had just spat in his face.
"Did I do something wrong?" Kasha said.
"No, no," Sloane said, roughly smacking Ferris on the shoulder. "My co-worker is just... um... he's a grumpy guy."
"Sod off," Ferris growled.
"What does that mean?" Kasha said.
Angrily, Ferris threw his hands in the air and said, "Get the hell away from us, Kasha Mardöll!"
"Wh-what?" Kasha said.
A big black man slammed open a door further back in the store and yelled, "Get over here, Ferris!"
Ferris flinched, but he immediately walked towards the black man and disappeared into the back room. The black man gave Kasha a polite smile, nodded at Sloane, and then closed the door behind himself.
"Did he get in trouble with his boss?" Kasha said.
"Yes," Sloane said. "He was very rude to you. I'm sorry about that."
"Does he know Mardöll?" Kasha said.
He'd never met anyone who knew Mardöll. He knew that there were a lot of people that she worked with at her job, but he'd never met any of her coworkers at the factory. He'd never even seen her factory. He just knew she worked at a factory because that was what she had told him.
And he wasn't at a factory. He was at a random store a few minutes walk from the McMansion. So how did this random teenager know his Mardöll?
"She's very famous," Sloane said, glancing down at her feet.
She looked nervous, but she'd been acting like an anxious person since the moment he'd walked into the store. He'd thought it was just her personality.
"Are you alright?" Kasha said.
Sloane looked back up and gave him a tight smile.
"Of course," Sloane said. "You know what? We don't sell chocolate, but I have a muffin in my lunch box. Would you like a muffin?"
"No," Kasha said. "I don't want to steal your muffin."
"I'll sell it to you?" Sloane said.
"Um, no thanks?" Kasha said.
The bell over the store's door jingled when another man walked into the store. This guy was wearing a pink muscle shirt and black leather pants. He had tattoos on his arms and on the palms of his hands and he waved at Sloane with a hand that said "Hello" on it.
"Where's Five?" the man said. "He said he'd be here today."
"He's with Marcus," Sloane said, pointing at the door at the back of the store.
The tattooed man cheerfully saluted her and then strode towards the back door, opening it like a guy who was allowed behind an Employees Only door.
The door didn't actually say Employees Only, but Kasha figured it wasn't a part of the store that regular people were supposed to go. The tattooed man walked through like he owned the place and closed the door behind himself without even glancing at Kasha.
"Listen," Sloane said. "Will you please be a good Number Two? Go back home. Your One will be worried about you."
"What are you talking about?" Kasha said.
Sloane winced, rubbed at her forehead, and then said, "Luther will be worried about you?"
"I don't know anyone named Luther," Kasha said.
Sloane sighed.
"Are you okay?" Kasha said.
"Do you know The Monocle?" Sloane said.
"Of course," Kasha said. "He's the man who owns Mardöll's factory. I've seen him on TV."
"Okay," Sloane said, nodding. "Will you please go home? If you don't, The Monocle will fire Mardöll Grace. She won't be able to live with you anymore because she'll be replaced by Mardöll Dolores."
"Is that... a threat?" Kasha said, tilting his head.
"Yes," Sloane said, impatiently slapping a hand against the counter top in front of her. "I'll tell The Monocle to fire your Mardöll if you don't go home right this second!"
"You know The Monocle?" Kasha said, doubtfully squinting at her.
"He's my father!" Sloane said. "I know him very well!"
"Uh huh," Kasha said, rolling his eyes.
"Darn it!" Sloane said. "I hate children!"
"Mardöll says people that hate children hate joy," Kasha said, nodding wisely.
"Bugger off!" Sloane said.
"You and your coworker talk really weird," Kasha said.
"I'm British," Sloane said. "So is Five. We're British, alright?"
"You are?" Kasha said. "You don't have an accent."
"Yes we do," Sloane said. "You didn't notice because you have the same accent."
"Alright?" Kasha said. "But I'm not British. I'm American."
"Sure you are," Sloane said, rolling her eyes. "It's not like you were born in the Middle East or anything."
"You think I was born in the Middle East?" Kasha said. "Who told you that?"
"Mardöll did," Sloane said. "She said The Monocle found you in an orphanage in Pakistan."
"Huh," Kasha said. "She never told me anything about it. Are you lying?"
"Go home, Kasha," Sloane said, putting her hands on her hips. "Do you want your Mardöll to have a heart attack while worrying about you?"
"She can't have a heart attack," Kasha said, chuckling. "She's a robot."
"At least you know that much," Sloane muttered.
"Hey now," Kasha said. "I'm a short guy, but I'm not a little kid."
"How old are you, then?" Sloane said.
"I'm nineteen," Kasha said, grinning. "I'm gonna be twenty next month, so you're practically talking to an adult."
"Sure I am," Sloane said. "Why the heck are you wandering around outside by yourself?"
"Because I wanted to buy chocolate," Kasha said. "Why don't you guys sell any chocolate?"
"Why don't you have any brains?" Sloane retorted.
"Why are you so mean spirited?" Kasha said.
"Why are you so determined to stay here?" Sloane said. "We don't have chocolate. Why are you still here?"
Kasha frowned.
It was a good point, he supposed. But he'd been enjoying the conversation. Sloane was a pretty girl. Her hair was hot pink and her eyeliner was cool. She'd drawn little wings at the corner of her eyes.
"I don't want to go home," Kasha said.
"That's really sad," Sloane said.
The door to the backroom opened again and the man with the tattoos stepped out. He confidently strode towards the counter Sloane was standing behind and positioned himself where Ferris used to be.
He'd attached a name tag to his pink muscle shirt that said, "Beau."
"What's up, Spaceboy?" Beau said, leaning his elbows on the counter and posing like a man who wanted to be a super model. "You harassing my Number Five?"
"Huh?" Kasha said.
"This woman here is my Number Five," Beau said, pointing at Sloane. "And the other guy you met, Ferris, is also my Number Five. Therefore... make like a leaf?"
"What are you saying?" Kasha said.
Sloane was smiling at Beau and blinking rapidly. She looked like she was about to burst into tears or something.
"I wasn't trying to harass anyone," Kasha said, quietly.
"You didn't harass me," Sloane said, hastily wiping at her eyes. "You just reminded me of someone."
Her eyeliner was smeared when she rubbed her eyes. It was a shame. It looked like the kind of makeup that must have taken her a while to draw on. Kasha had watched Mardöll spend hours in front of a mirror painstakingly drawing and re-drawing her eye makeup whenever she had an important event at the factory. She would grind her teeth and sigh whenever her makeup didn't come out the way she wanted it to.
"Who did I remind you of?" Kasha said.
"Nevermind all that," Beau said. "You're just a kid. You don't know anything about anything, so why don't you skedaddle?"
"Fine," Kasha said. "But can I ask a question before I leave?"
"Nope," Beau said. "I'm not your fairy godfather and you're not my Henry Pitts. Time for you to go."
"I don't understand you people," Kasha said. "It's like you're talking in riddles."
"He's the Sphinx," Sloane said, giggling.
It wasn't the same nervous giggle she'd used before. Now she actually seemed cheerful. She reached out to ruffle the hair on Beau's head and he preened like a happy house cat.
Whoever this guy was, he was someone that Sloane was relieved to have standing beside her.
It made Kasha feel small.
He was already short. At 5' 4' he was the shortest guy for miles. Mardöll said he would never get taller. He was already done growing. He hoped she was wrong, but he recognized that it was just one of those things he had no control over.
Sloane was shorter than him, but just barely. Like most of the women he'd met over the years, she was basically the same height as him.
"Can I come back later?" Kasha said, morosely.
He knew they would say no. It was a stupid thing to ask.
"Buy a t-shirt," Beau said.
"Okay," Kasha said. "What t-shirt do you want me to buy?"
"You can't even choose your own t-shirt?" Sloane said.
"Uh..." Kasha glanced around at the merchandise. One of the shirts had a red t-rex on it. It looked sad. "I'll take that one, I guess?"
He pointed at the sad t-rex.
Beau went over to it, grabbed it off its hanger, and then chucked it at Kasha's head.
Kasha impulsively tugged it on over the shirt he was already wearing, a navy blue polo shirt, and adjusted his collar so that the Peter Pan collar would look like it belonged with the t-shirt.
"That'll be ten gold coins, sire," Beau said, with a lot of heavy sarcasm.
Kasha fished ten coins out of his pockets and put them on the counter in front of Sloane. She opened her cash register and put them in.
"If you want to visit this store again," Beau said, slowly and carefully- like an irritated teacher. "You've gotta buy something when you visit. A hat or a t-shirt. Got it?"
"Got it," Kasha said, nodding.
"There ya go," Beau said, sighing. "Now that we've established the rules of the game, will ya go home? Come back another day, yeah?"
"Yessir," Kasha said.
He smoothed his hands down over his new t-rex t-shirt and then marched himself back out of their store.
He didn't know why, but as he walked back towards the McMansion that he lived in with Mardöll and Dee-Dee he got the sense that he'd just committed some sort of crime. One of those mortal sins that would get him sent to the fiery pits of hell.
But he didn't care. It was the kind of crime he would commit again and again over the next few years. Every chance he got, he would steal coins and Mardöll's window key and sneak out of their McMansion. He would visit Sloane at her t-shirt store and he would also visit all the other stores that were all sharing a landlord on the French Quarter's plaza.
It was worth the risk. If he was ever sent to a fire pit he would say he did it because he was in love with Sloane Beaufoy.
Or maybe he would say that he was just a spoiled rich kid without any friends. Either way, he always managed to find enough quarters to spend. He collected t-shirts and hats, key-chains and bobble heads, coffee mugs and goofy looking stuffed animals.
He never found any chocolate, but he didn't care.
Kasha didn't need chocolate anymore. He'd rather pretend the employees in the French Quarter were his friends.
He knew it wasn't true, but he carried on pretending. He did it for years.
Then he met The Monocle and left his home planet behind.
He did it for Sloane. She was his Number One, not his Five. She was a worthy One, as far as he was concerned, and should have been Number One all along.
But no one ever cared to know what Kasha Mardöll thought about anything. He was just a Mardöll.
It was all he'd ever be.