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No one was happy with this arrangement.
Like. Truly. If anyone, anyone , found out, they were utterly incredibly fucked .
They had talked about it. Discussed it. Reached an ending point, told each other it was for the best, that it would never happen again, that they had too much to lose on both sides…
And yet every time, somehow, they went back to square one.
Honestly, they were hopeless.
But it was hard not to be, when James Potter was so…
So…
It had been his decision, to join Lord Voldemort and his followers. A decision he did not regret. He didn’t hate the mudb-muggle borns (James taught him, he kept him in line), but the world was shifting and the pure blood families were losing their power and that… that was not fair.
Didn’t mean it was always easy, considering the things they had to do.
It also didn’t help that, between his cousins and his brother, he was the Black people looked towards when they needed something. Bellatrix was incredibly loyal, but she wasn’t smart, much preferring taking action to studying and planning. He thrived on that. But he was still sixteen, and he didn’t know everything that was to know about magic, about spells…
And it didn’t help that he was… distracted.
Voldemort had been angry at him, and as a result, he had been punished. With Severus on a mission of his own (and also distracted, all things considered), he had no one to try and help him out (his cousins never would, too loyal or too afraid to intervene on his behalf). He took the curses the best he could, but no one could take the Cruciatus curse and come out unaffected, not even him.
He was trembling when he reached the monitor’s dormitory, still shaken despite a few hours having already passed. It was almost like his body was recovering from the trauma rather than the pain. He was on high alert, tense, shaken.
It took everything in his power not to Stupefy James the moment the older boy touched his arm as he turned the hallway.
“Wow wow wow! Reg!” James said, raising his arms, the sides of his body and his hands invisible under his cloak. It was way past midnight, the sun was almost out. He had spent the whole night in the Dark Forest. “Calm down!”
Regulus had his wand raised in James’ direction, and he stared at him for a long moment before his hand started shaking. James’ surprised expression turned concerned as Regulus, unable to keep himself in check, dropped his arm and started to walk away, not wanting James to see the tears rising in his eyes against his will.
But of course that wouldn’t work on James Potter . Pulling and walking away was basically an invitation for that guy to be as annoying as possible.
Regulus sensed before he felt James’ hand on his wrist, holding him firmly and making him turn with the force of his speed. James was quick to hold his waist with his other hand, cloak loosely hanging by his shoulders, ready to fall.
“Leave me alone, Potter” he growled, without bite. Even less when he realized James had seen his tears, his eyes unfurrowing from confusion to widening from worry. Large, chocolate brown, sparkly under the candle lights.
“You’re crying” James whispered, and Regulus pressed his lips together in a thin line to try and stop himself from crying further. It didn’t help. His sight became blurry again, and his chest squeezed so hard he felt breathless. Knowing he wouldn’t run again, James released his wrist and waist and raised his hands to hold his face, tender and warm and a bit calloused. The cloak fell off his shoulders to the ground, and neither of them could care less. His thumbs gently brushed the tears away, and Regulus had to close his eyes so as not to sob. “Why are you crying?”
He knew the question was coming. He wished he could say. But instead he shook his head.
“I-I can’t… J-James…”
He wanted him gone, and he wanted him so so close.
“Alright alright… you have your secrets, I have mine” James mumbled, even though Regulus knew whatever ‘secret’ James had was nothing like his own. But at least the Gryffindor was never too keen on prying. Sometimes Regulus wished he was. “Whatever it was… whatever made you cry… it’s over. I’m here with you now…”
Pain gave away to anger in Regulus’ heart, and he opened his eyes to look up at James, tears flowing down his cheeks as he stared at him.
“Are you?” he asked with his teeth pressed together, and James seemed surprised for just a split second, and then ashamed. “Shouldn’t you be with her ?”
“She is not…” James sighed, and looked back at him. His hands gently squeezed Regulus’ cheeks, and he felt some of his anger melt away. “I’m here. For you. Whatever you need, Reg.”
Regulus stared up at his warm eyes, and considered telling him he needed this to be over, now. Immediately. Instead, he leaned in, and pressed his lips against James’, pulling on his pyjamas and pulling him tight, and James let out a soft gasp through his nose before responding to the kiss in kind, pulling Regulus ever closer, stepping into his personal bubble.
James had soft lips, a nice contrast with his growing stubble, and he was warm and tasted of toothpaste and butterbeer, while he smelled like fresh pine and oakwood, those mainly soaps he used in his baths. His body was warm, it was large and strong and comforting, and Regulus melted into it, trying to forget all about Voldemort and his wand and his torture.
He just wanted this. Just this. Nothing else.
When they pulled apart, he was panting softly and James was staring at him with a worried look on his face. He let got of Regulus’ cheeks and leaned down, breaking their contact just long enough to grab his cloak before he stood again, holding Regulus’ hand.
“Let’s go to your dorm. We can talk better there.”
He wrapped the cloak around them both, and keeping an arm securely around Regulus’ waist, James guided them both to the monitor’s rooms. Regulus didn’t stop himself from leaning against James, holding the other side of the cloak upwards so they wouldn’t trip, both of them being silent on their way to the room.
Once there, Regulus opened the door with his key and they got inside the empty, single bedroom. Their little spot. James dropped the cloak, and before Regulus could say or do anything, he pulled him in for another kiss.
This one slower, softer, James’ lips moving over Regulus’ and his tongue teasing his lips ever so gently. A romantic kiss. A kiss that made Regulus’ heart flutter and his stomach turn.
He pulled away, never really deepening the kiss, and placed his forehead against Regulus’, their noses pressing together very slightly.
“I know I said we keep our secrets… but I have never seen you fucking cry, Reggie” he whispered, and Regulus felt both fear and pain fill his heart again. “What in the ever loving fuck is going on?”
“If I told you, I would have to kill you” he mumbled, both seriously and as a joke, and he couldn’t help the shaky smile that appeared on his face when James chuckled. It wasn’t a warm and loud chuckle, but it was an honest one. “I really cannot tell you, James…”
“I hate when you hide secrets from me” James sighed, lowering his arms to Regulus’ waist and pulling him into a hug. Regulus tensed up for a moment before he hugged back, arms wrapping around James’ shoulders, face pressing against his neck. “Especially when they hurt you…”
“Believe me, I wish I didn’t have to” he whispered, nuzzling into James’ warm neck, pressing a soft kiss to the tanned skin. They remained embraced for a while longer still, before Regulus pulled away and brushed his hair back. “But… I have to sleep… to rest… and so do you. Tomorrow is Saturday, you have quidditch practice or something.”
“It’s only in the afternoon” James replied, and moved closer to Regulus again. “Let me stay. Please, Reggie.”
Regulus stared at him, part of him wanting to send James away, but his eyes were so sweet and his face was so soft. He sighed and nodded, beginning to undress himself.
“Sure” he mumbled, and smiled when James jumped on his bed. “For a 17 year old, you sure act like a child.”
“I am a child at heart” James admitted, tapping the bed next to him. “Come on. Lay down.”
“I need to change, arsehole,” he responded, grabbing his pyjamas and starting to undress. Luckily, Cruciatus left no physical marks. He winced at the memory of the curse, the feeling of being ripped apart, drowned, burnt to a crisp, all together in a nice little package. He was beginning to pull his pants down when he felt warm hands on his waist, and froze, his eyes closing out of instinct when he felt lips pressing against his lower back, over his spine, just on top of his boxers. “James…”
“Reg…” James responded, soft and sweet, lips brushing against his skin, and Reguls couldn’t stop the shiver that went through his body. Hands moved up, gentle fingers brushing over his naked sides, and Regulus felt powerless in the best of ways, he felt observed and seen, he felt cared for… safe. Warm lips moved up his back, on top of his spine, and Regulus found himself arching his back like a feline instead of pulling away, hands on his sides moving to his stomach, wide open and spread as they pulled him down onto the bed.
He flopped down, sitting on the mattress, and lips attacked his neck before he could utter a single word.
Regulus moaned, head falling back and finding support on a strong shoulder, mouth kissing and biting and licking at his neck like he was the most delicious dessert. James loved treats. One hand remained on his tummy, the other moved up to his chest, to his neck, and then down again, stopping at a nipple, playing with the nub making him breath shakily.
“ James… ” he whispered, and his thoughts suddenly shifted, against his will, to a patch of red hair and a pair of green eyes. His eyes snapped open, and he stared at the wall as his mind formed visions of a scene much like this one, where instead of him sitting in a dark room at the edge of the bed, it was her, sitting in a warm, brightly lit room, on top of a Gryffindor coloured bed, soft breasts and freckles all over her shoulders…
James would kiss every single one of them.
He thought he would get soft, but he was wrong. As James lowered his hand to his crotch, Regulus hissed, and arched his back towards his palm still feeling his dick twitch at the touch. His tight black boxers made his dick show through the fabric, and James played with him, kissing his neck and his shoulders and shoulder blades, fingers tracing the outline of his cock, pressing against the sensitive head, making Regulus moan softly and lean back against his chest.
Was this how he would play with her? One hand teasing her perky breast, teasing the pinkish nub, the other teasing her through her panties until she was wet, until he could push his finger deep inside her, feel her squeeze around him?
He was pretty, Regulus had to admit. They were the golden couple.
He was just a smudge at the perfect painting.
James moved, continuing to kiss his neck until he half-turned Regulus towards him, capturing his mouth in a much more hurried kiss. Regulus responded in kind, finally moving his hands, one to grip on the arm leading to his crotch, the other grabbing James’ soft hair, tugging on it, smirking as he made James groan.
“Touch me James” he whispered into his mouth, breaking the kiss, before he licked inside the Gryffindor's mouth again, and James responded with a whore-ish moan and by shoving his hand under Regulus’ boxers, grabbing his cock, beginning to stroke.
He wasn’t supposed to last, he didn’t think James wanted anything else than to distract him, which he was grateful for. As James started to stroke him, Regulus felt his worries fly out of the window, and his thoughts about Lilian Evans disappeared in a cloud of pleasure, hips gently pushing up towards James’ expert hand. Their kiss stopped being a kiss, being more of a clash of teeth and a bunch of tongue while Regulus panted constantly, gripping onto James’ arm, pulling onto his hair.
It didn’t take him long to cum, gasping and whining as he got his own underwear soaked, James having the decency not to pull his dick out. He breathed, hard and shaky as he came down from his high, James pulling his hand off and licking the little bits of cum still present. Gross. Regulus just pulled his underwear off and threw it away, climbing on the bed and pulling the blankets around himself.
James stared at him for a moment, before he climbed in with him and pulled Regulus closed, their bodies flushed together.
“I’m usually the one that sleeps naked” he whispered, and it was odd when usually Regulus dressed up and James kept himself in his birthday suit, but alas… this wasn’t a typical day.
“I’m trying something new” he mumbled, and opened his eyes when James moved. He couldn’t help the happy smile that appeared in his face when James undressed, down to his literal nakedness, throwing his pjs away and pulling Regulus close once more.
Their bodies pressed together, and James was so warm and so large Regulus couldn’t help but sigh and nuzzle against his neck again. His hands moved up and down Regulus’ back, and he held him close, kissing his head ever so gently.
“You know…” James started, and Regulus hummed “if you told me what it is that is making you upset, I would fix it for you. You know that right?”
He knew that.
That was exactly the problem.
“That’s so Gryffindor of you” Regulus mumbled, his chest in between warm (from the caring) and pained (from everything he was hiding from James). James pulled away to look him in the eye, and Regulus chuckled. “I know… I know. But you can’t help me this time, James.”
“Alright” James mumbled, sounding a bit frustrated, before he pulled Regulus in again and hugged him close. He was so warm, Regulus could feel all his muscles and all his body pressing against himself. “But let me know if I can do anything…”
“I will” he whispered, kissing James’ cheek and closing his eyes.
His mind returned to Lilian Evans for a second, before he pushed her away. If James liked her, then good for her. He knew he and James were never meant to be. James knew that too, even though he didn’t admit it, not even to himself.
That was the problem with Gryffindors.
Regulus sighed, placing his hands on James’ back and gently tracing the scars he had over his tanned skin, scars from fights, quidditch, duels and especially from trying to help his friend Lupin whenever he turned. Regulus had never seen James’ animagus form… one of the many things he had wished he had, before it had come to this.
He felt James’ breathing evening out, and placed a soft kiss to his shoulder before getting himself comfortable, closing his eyes and allowing himself to rest. Knowing this would be one of the last nights they would be able to spend together.
It didn’t matter. Soon, he would gain his mark, and he would be a new type of wizard all together.
He had to make some sacrifices.