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Kimi watched as Sebastian's fingers moved deftly, untangling the mess of yarn he'd given him earlier. The German's brow was furrowed in concentration, his lips pressed into a thin line as he worked through a particularly stubborn knot. It wasn't an easy task, and it sure wasn’t enjoyable, but that was precisely the point. Kimi needed something to keep Sebastian’s hands busy and his mind focused on anything other than his own spiralling thoughts.
The frustration evident on Sebastian's face was a vast improvement over the distress that had been there earlier. Kimi's mind wandered back to the moment it had all started to unravel, when Max had switched to rapid-fire German.
He had sensed the situation escalating into something more than Sebastian could manage over the phone, and his instincts kicked in.
"Max, is Charles nearby right now?"
He remembered how Max's response had come in broken English, the words stumbling out as if they were too heavy for his tongue.
"Charles is out. He… he doesn't go on his phone. I tried to call him, but he did not pick up. I don't know where he is.. he said he will.. he's meeting with Lando. But he left hours ago."
Kimi watched as Sebastian went increasingly still. Not good. He watched as the German's face contorted, a kaleidoscope of emotions - concern, fear, and then a dawning horror as Max continued to speak.
"When I'm alone like this, it's... it's like I no longer exist. Like nothing I do matters. There are no consequences, no one to see, no one to know, no one to stop me. I can do anything."
Fuck. Not good at all.
The words had barely left Max's lips when Sebastian jerked as if he'd been struck. His eyes, wide and glassy, darted to the door. Kimi recognised the look immediately - it wasn’t one he particularly wanted to be seeing now. Fuck sakes.
In that split second, he moved. His hand shot out, fingers wrapping firmly around Sebastian's wrist just as the German's muscles tensed to spring into action. With a strength born of urgency, Kimi pulled Sebastian back, steering him firmly towards the couch.
"Fuck. Sebastian?" the German struggled against his grip, his eyes wild and unfocused. "Ok. Ok. Stay on the couch.”
"But Max... he needs... I have to..."
"Now," Kimi had cut him off sharply. "Don’t fucking start this.”
“I need... he needs... he-”
“You can't handle this right now."
“I’m… I’m… I’m-m-I-”
“Ok?” He finished, a grim chuckle spilled from his lips. “You're not. You’re spiralling. Max needs help, yes, but you can't be that help if you're not stable yourself."
For a moment, Kimi had wondered if Sebastian was going to try and bolt - whether to somehow get to Max in Monaco or just run blindly through the Finnish countryside until he crashed from sheer adrenaline.
But then, as quickly as the fight had come, it seemed to drain out of the German. His shoulders slumped, and he allowed Kimi to guide him back to the couch. He watched as Sebastian curled into himself, making his body seem impossibly small in the oversized armchair.
“Good. Do not fucking move.”
Kimi never took his eyes off his friend as he continued to speak with Max. He kept Sebastian’s phone pressed to his ear while he tapped out a message on his own phone in the group chat.
(Kimi) 12:41- Who's in Monaco? Urgent.
The response was almost immediate, Lewis' name popping up on the screen. Kimi's shoulders relaxed a fraction. He asked Max if Lewis could come over, wondering how Sebastian’s lost ducklings had in turn become his own lost ducklings.
As he spoke with the Dutchman, Kimi noticed Sebastian's hand creeping up to his collarbone. The German's fingers began tapping, a rapid, bruising rhythm that Kimi recognised unfortunately well. It was a nervous tic, one that often preceded more destructive behaviours. It really was not his day today.
"Sebastian," Kimi warned, switching to Finnish. "Cut it out."
His hand froze, then slowly lowered. But the restless energy simply redirected itself. His nails began to scratch at the crook of his elbow, down his arms and the tops of his thighs. Less destructive, maybe. But much much more scary, and very indicative of where the German’s head was at.
Without missing a beat in his conversation with Max, Kimi reached into a nearby drawer, fishing out a stress ball. He tossed it to Sebastian, who caught it reflexively.
"Use that," Kimi instructed, still in Finnish.
The younger man squeezed the ball twice before looking up. His eyes were utterly haunted.
“Kimi… I think I need some help right now.”
Fuck.
Now that really wasn’t great.
“Ok, little one. Let me get Max settled and we can work through this.”
He nodded, his fingers digging into the squishy surface of the ball. His eyes remained unfocused, staring at some point in the middle distance, but at least he wasn't scratching or tapping anymore.
Kimi made a decision then, watching Sebastian battle to regulate himself and listening to Max's shaky breathing on the other end of the line.
The young driver needed more support than he could provide from halfway across Europe. He’d lost the luxury of time, the luxury of allowing Max direct the conversation. He needed to intervene to keep him safe. To keep him safe.
"Max," he said, his voice gentle but firm. "I'm going to call Lewis for you, ok? He can come over just to keep you company. You don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to."
He watched as his friend kneaded the stress ball, his knuckles white with the force of his grip. Sebastian's breathing was too fast, too shallow, and Kimi knew he was on the precipice of something big, something scary.
The Finn’s mind ticked over, planning out the next steps. Regardless of Max’s response he needed to call Lewis and brief him. Hopefully Max agreed, it would make this whole thing much less painful.
Then he'd have to focus on talking Sebastian through whatever breakdown or relapse he was teetering on.
All while making sure Max had the support he needed until someone could be there in person.
As he looked at his friend, curled up and trembling on the couch, and heard Max's fragile voice through the phone, Kimi knew he'd do whatever it took to keep them both safe.
Maybe he didn’t hate collecting lost ducklings after all.
Max quietly agreed to having Lewis come over and Kimi didn’t deny himself a mental pat on the back for that. He didn’t dare hang up on the younger man in case he didn’t pick up the phone again.
"I want you to go to the living room and put on a race, okay? Any race you want. Message us which one you choose."
He waited for Max's confirmation before putting him on hold. The silence that followed felt heavy, laden with the weight of everything that had just transpired, was still transpiring. Kimi took a deep breath, centering himself before turning his full attention to Sebastian.
The German was still curled up on the couch, his body tense and trembling. His eyes were unfocused, staring at some point in the middle distance, and his breathing came in short, sharp gasps.
"Sebi," Kimi said softly, crouching down in front of him. "What do you need right now?"
His gaze snapped to Kimi's face, his eyes wild erring towards unhinged. "I need to slow my fucking head down," he choked out, his words tumbling over each other in their haste to escape. "Or I swear to God, Kimi, I'll… I’ll… I can't... I can't think like this. It's too much. It's all too fucking much. I’ll do it. I swear I’ll fucking do it."
Fuck.
It took everything in Kimi to not recoil. When had they backslid so far? When had they gotten to this point? To this scary, uncompromising decision that had the potential to rip apart everything his friend had worked for over the past eight years.
Regardless of his own feelings his voice was firm when he replied. "You won't."
Sebastian opened his mouth to argue, but Kimi was already ignoring whatever barely decipherable spiel the German was about to unleash. He crossed the room to a drawer, rummaging through it for a moment before finding the blue yarn he was looking for. The ball was a mess of knots and loops, a chaotic tangle that would be a bitch to unravel.
Was it a little mean? Maybe. But Kimi had never been afraid of being a little mean when he needed to be.
"Here," he said, pressing the yarn into Sebastian's hands. "Untangle this."
The German stared at the yarn, then back at Kimi, his expression a mix of disbelief and frustration. "Seriously?" he asked, his voice cracking on the word.
Kimi simply nodded, not giving his friend any emotion to escalate and feed on. After a moment, Sebastian's shoulders slumped and his fingers began to work at the yarn. Tentatively at first, then with increasing focus as he started to lose himself in the task.
Satisfied that the German was occupied for the moment, Kimi stepped out onto the balcony, phone in hand. He dialled Lewis' number, his eyes never wandering from Sebastian's hunched form through the glass door.
Lewis picked up on the second ring. "Kimi? What's going on?"
He wasted no time with pleasantries. "It's Max. I need you to go to his place and stay with him until Charles gets back."
There was a brief pause on the other end of the line, then Lewis' voice came back, all business. "What’s happened?"
Kimi took a deep breath, his eyes still fixed on his friend through the glass. "It's bad, really bad. From what I could gather, Max is alone in his apartment, probably been purging if I had to guess from his voice."
He paused, giving Lewis the chance to understand and respond before continuing. "He called Sebi, but Max was... he was in a state. Talking about how when he's alone, it's like he doesn't exist. Like nothing matters, no consequences for his actions."
He couldn’t deny how worried he was. Those thoughts, those feelings… his fucking duckling indeed.
"The way he said it, Lewis... I'm worried he might harm himself. Maybe not intentionally, but he's in a dangerous headspace right now."
“Fucking hell mate, that’s intense.”
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. "Yeah. Sebi... hearing all that triggered him and he started spiralling. We've gone into damage control here, I've got him working on untangling some yarn, trying to keep his hands and mind occupied."
Just then, Kimi's phone buzzed with a message. He glanced at it quickly. "Max just messaged. He's watching the 2016 Spanish Grand Prix. I don’t know if watching his first win is a good thing or not."
“Yea. Feels like a loaded choice…” Lewis trailed off and was quiet for a moment, processing everything. "Okay, I'm on my way to Max's now. What should I expect when I get there? How was he on the phone?"
Kimi considered the question. "He was calmer than at the start. I talked him through some grounding exercises, which seemed to help a bit. But Lewis, he's fragile right now. Very fragile."
"Do you think he’ll want to talk about what happened?"
Kimi shook his head, even though the Brit couldn't see him. "It’s unlikely, and don't push him to talk either. I said you were just there to keep him company and pressure would spook him."
Lewis hummed in agreement. "Alright, I can do that. I'll let you know when I get there."
"Thanks, Lewis," Kimi said. "Take care of the kid."
Kimi stepped back inside, Sebastian’s phone still in hand. He glanced at the German, who remained hunched over the tangle of yarn, his fingers working methodically to unravel the knots. His brow was furrowed in concentration, his lips moving silently as he traced each strand through the chaotic mess.
He’d gotten further than Kimi thought he would if he was being honest.
Satisfied that Sebastian was still engaged in the task, Kimi turned his attention back to the phone. He took Max off hold, the faint sounds of the race filtering through the speaker.
"You still with me, kid?" Kimi asked, his voice gentle.
"Yeah." Good. This was good.
"Have the Mercs crashed yet?"
"Yeah.”
"That's the best part," Kimi said, not bothering to conceal the relief at Max still being on the line. "We'll stay on the line with you until Lewis gets there."
With that, Kimi muted the call again, ensuring Max wouldn't overhear anything he shouldn't. He moved to sit beside Sebastian on the couch, close enough to offer comfort but not so close as to crowd him.
The German didn't look up from his task, his fingers still working tirelessly at the yarn. Kimi observed him silently, noting the tension thrumming in his body, the slight tremor in his hands. But there was also a focus in Sebastian's eyes that hadn't been there before, a determination that seemed to be holding the worst of his anxiety at bay.
Recognising that Sebastian didn't need words right now, Kimi opened his phone once more. His fingers hovered for a moment before he began to type.
(Kimi) 13:05- Sebi’s in a rough place right now.
The responses came quickly, unsurprising with the way most of them seemed to be attached to their phones.
(Dan) 13:05- Shit not again
(Dan) 13:05- How bad we talking?
(Kimi) 13:05- Bad. He was ready to bolt. Sounded like he was wanting to use.
(JB) 13:05- Is he safe right now?
(Kimi) 13:06- Yeah, keeping him occupied. Got him untangling yarn.
(Fernando) 13:07 - Good thinking. Organisation was always soothing for him.
(JB) 13:07- Remember when we had him sorting M&Ms by colour?
(Dan) 13:07- I think I got sent out like four times for more packets
(Dan) 13:07-Cheers for that you fuckers
(Valtteri) 13:10 - Shit, this brings back memories.
(Britney) 13:11 - Yeah feels like yesterday we were crammed in that hotel room in Abu Dhabi with him
(Fernando) 13:11 - I remember. Was like herding cats, no? But with one very German cat. Let’s not do that again.
(Valtteri) 13:13- @Kimi Raikkonen I can be there in four hours if needed
(Lewis) 13:13- three. He drives like a maniac
(Britney) 13:13- You’d know all about that @Lewis Hamilton
(Fernando) 13:13 - Oi. Cut it out
(Kimi) 13:15- I've got him for now. Just be on standby. Might need to reach out later.
(Britney) 13:17- Has this been happening more often lately? Feels like we've been getting these messages more and more
Kimi stared at Nico's message, a frown deepening the lines on his face. He hadn't realised it until now, but Nico was right. These crisis moments had been coming more frequently. His thumbs hovered over the screen as he considered how to respond.
(Dan) 13:19- Now that you mention it, yeah it does seem like it's been happening more
(JB) 13:19- I've noticed that too. Especially since he announced his retirement
The Finn’s frown deepened. He hadn't made that connection, but now that Jenson pointed it out, it seemed obvious. Sebastian's announcement had been met with an outpouring of love and support from fans and fellow drivers alike, but it had clearly taken a toll on his mental state.
(Kimi) 13:20- You're right. It's been worse. I think the idea of leaving is hitting him harder than he expected. I don’t think he really has a plan for life after racing.
There was a pause in the chat, as if everyone was digesting this information. Kimi's thumbs hovered over the keyboard, considering how to respond. Before he could type anything, a new message popped up.
(Dan) 13:22- You know he's been pretty good about reaching out when he's feeling overwhelmed while supporting others… But if he's a bit unsteady right now we might need to be more proactive in checking in on him
(JB) 13:23- ^^ Yes I think Dan might be onto something... Ideas @everyone?
There was a moment where the little typing bubbles appeared and disappeared as everyone considered the question. Then, almost simultaneously-
(Hulk) 13:23- What if Kimi came to a few races?
(Kevin) 13:23- Maybe Kimi could come to some races?
(Valtteri) 13:24- Kimi at the track might help
The Finn raised an eyebrow. He glanced over at Sebastian, who was still engrossed in untangling the yarn, oblivious to the conversation happening beside him.
(Dan) 13:24- YES! KIMI COMEBACK TOUR 2022! 🎉🎊🍾 We can get you a fancy lanyard and everything! Maybe a 'Seb's Emotional Support Finn' t-shirt?
He rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress a small smile at the exuberance.
(Fernando) 13:24- Shut up please Daniel
(Dan) 13:25- See @Jenson Button the rookie knows how to ask nicely 😌
The idea of returning to the paddock stirred a mix of emotions. On one hand, the thought of being back in that familiar environment was appealing. On the other, he'd grown accustomed to the quieter pace of his life post-retirement and a small part of him was scared of how he might miss it.
But as he glanced at Sebastian, still hunched over the tangled yarn, Kimi knew his own preferences were secondary. If his presence at the track could help his friend during this weird transitionary period, then that's what he would do without question.
(Kimi) 13:27- I'll talk to Sebi and my family about it. Need to see what's possible with Minttu and the kids' schedules.
(JB) 13:28- Let us know what you decide, would be great to see you
(Britney) 13:28- And if you need any help coordinating logistics, just say the word
(Kimi) 13:28- @Nico Rosberg @Jenson Button If you think you’re getting an interview out of me you can get fucked.
(JB) 13:29- Are we really that obvious?
(Valtteri) 13:29- Yes
(Fernando) 13:30- Yeah
(Dan) 13:30- So obvious mate
(JB) 13:30- Ouch
(Britney) 13:30- Rude
(Kimi) 13:31- Anyway I'll be in touch. We should set up a call with Sebi soon, talk through what support he thinks he needs going forward. Maybe in a few days when things have calmed down a bit.
There was a chorus of agreement from the group, everyone offering various times they'd be available before Daniel relented and set up a poll. Kimi couldn’t help the gratitude that flooded him. This network they'd built, this safety net of friendship and understanding, was absolutely priceless.
Just then, Max's voice came through the phone, pulling Kimi's attention away from the group chat.
"Kimi?" Max called out, his voice soft but steady.
"Mm?"
"Where's Seb?"
The Finn paused, his mind scrolling for a plausible explanation that wouldn't worry Max further. "He's making us a pot of tea," Kimi replied, his voice nonchalant. "Don't worry about him."
He quickly muted the call again, but not before catching the faint sound of Max settling back into watching the race.
However, the mention of his name had drawn the German's attention away from his task. His head snapped up, his eyes wide and questioning as they locked onto Kimi. The tangled yarn slipped from his fingers, pooling forgotten in his lap.
"Was that Max?" Sebastian asked, his voice hoarse and tight with anxiety. "Is he okay? Did something happen?"
Kimi held up a hand, cutting off Sebastian's rapid-fire questions. "Max is fine," he said firmly. "Lewis is on his way to him now. What you need to do is focus on yourself."
Sebastian opened his mouth to protest, but Kimi pressed on, his tone brooking no argument. "You've still got about a hundred metres of yarn to untangle. That's your job right now. Max is taken care of, I promise."
For a moment, it seemed like Sebastian might protest. His brow furrowed, a familiar stubbornness settling into the set of his jaw. But then, unexpectedly, he let out a huff - not quite a laugh, but close enough to ease some of the tension in Kimi's shoulders. It was a good sign.
"Fine," Sebastian grumbled, his fingers already reaching for the yarn again. "But if anything changes-"
"You'll be the first to know," Kimi assured him, settling back into the couch.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, the only sounds in the room the soft rustle of yarn and the distant, tinny noise of the race from Kimi's phone. Kimi kept one eye on Sebastian and one ear on the call with Max, ready to intervene if either of them needed him.
The minutes ticked by slowly, marked by the gradual loosening of Sebastian's shoulders and the growing pile of untangled yarn beside him. Kimi found himself oddly mesmerised by the methodical movement of Sebastian's hands, the way his long fingers deftly worked through knot after knot. It was a dumb task to set him, but nonetheless seemed effective. Interesting. He hadn’t expected it to keep him occupied for this long.
Just as Kimi was considering checking in with Max again, he heard a faint knock through the phone's speaker.
"That's Lewis," Kimi said, unmuting the call. "Go ahead and let him in, Max. I'll stay on the line until you're settled."
Kimi listened intently as Lewis's voice came through the phone. "Hey, man. Mind if I come in?"
There was a brief pause, then the sound of footsteps and a door closing. Lewis's voice rang out again, clearer this time. "I'm here, Kimi."
"Good," Kimi replied. Thank fuck for that. "Max, you're in good hands now. Please know that you can call us always."
"Thank you," Max's voice came through, heavy with exhaustion but tinged with genuine gratitude.
"Anytime, kid. Take care of yourself."
With that, Kimi ended the call. He let out a long, slow breath, feeling some of the tension drain from his shoulders as he set Sebastian’s phone on the coffee table. Max was safe with Lewis now. One crisis averted, at least for the moment.
(Kimi) 13:37- Keep me updated and let me know if anything changes. Thanks for doing this.
He hit send not waiting for a reply before he turned his attention back to Sebastian. The pile of unravelled yarn beside him had grown considerably, impressive.
"Sebi," Kimi said in a tone usually reserved for Robin after a nightmare. "Do you want to talk through what’s happening for you?"
Sebastian's hands stilled for a moment, his eyes still fixed on the yarn. When he spoke, his voice was low and broken. "I think... I think I need to keep busy a while longer. If that’s okay?"
"Of course. Take all the time you need."
As the German returned to his task, Kimi pulled out his phone once more. He opened a browser and began searching for flights. His eyes flicked between the screen and Sebastian, monitoring his friend's state as he scrolled through various options. He looked at races coming up, considering which ones might be most beneficial for Sebastian to have support at.
(Valtteri) 14:11 - How's Seb doing now?
(Kimi) 14:11 - Still untangling. Seems calmer, but not ready to talk yet.
(Dan) 14:12 - How much yarn did you give him anyway?
(Kimi) 14:13 - Enough but I do have more
(Dan) 14:13 - lol
Time passed in comfortable silence, broken only by the soft rustle of yarn and the occasional tap of Kimi's finger on his phone screen. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Sebastian set down the yarn.
Kimi looked up from his phone, one eyebrow raised in mock seriousness. "You're not done yet," he said, his tone dry but with a hint of humour. "Do you want to do the green or the yellow next?"
Sebastian let out a surprised laugh, the sound startling in the quiet room. It was more of a rusty chuckle, but it was enough to bring a spark of life back to his eyes. He reached for the stress ball, his fingers curling around the squishy surface as he leaned back into the couch cushions.
"I think I still have a while to go with the current one," he said, a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Though I have to admit, this did help."
Kimi nodded, setting his phone aside and giving Sebastian his full attention. The German was quiet for a long moment, his fingers absently kneading the stress ball as he gathered his thoughts. The afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting a warm glow across the room and highlighting the silver strands in Sebastian's curls.
Finally, Sebastian took a deep breath and began to speak, low and thoughtful. "It's like... it's like there's this constant undercurrent in my mind, you know? Most of the time, I can ignore it, push it to the background. But then something happens - like with Max today - and suddenly it's all I can hear."
He paused, his gaze fixed on the stress ball in his hands. "It's not so much about the food. I mean, that's still there, always there. But it's more than that now. It's this... this compulsion to control something, anything, when everything else feels like it's spiralling."
Sebastian continued, his words coming faster now, as if a dam had broken. "When I heard Max talking about being alone, about how nothing mattered... God, Kimi, it was like hearing my own thoughts from years ago. And for a moment, I was right back there, feeling that same desperation, that same need to... to do something, anything, to make it stop."
He squeezed the stress ball tightly, his knuckles turning white. "And then, just for a second, I thought about getting high. Not because I wanted to, not really. But because it’s familiar. Because I know it would make everything go quiet, at least for a little while."
The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his confession. Kimi remained silent, giving his friend space.
"It's like... there's this switch in my brain that was flipped long ago," Sebastian said, voice quiet. "And no matter how hard I try, no matter how many good days I have or how much progress I make, I don't think it will ever be switched back completely."
He looked up at Kimi. "Does that make sense? It's always there, in the background. On good days, it's easy. But on bad days... on days like today... it drowns out everything else."
Kimi nodded slowly. "I understand," he said, his voice low and steady. "And I accept that it's something you always have to be aware of, but it doesn't define you."
Sebastian let out a shaky breath, relieved in the way he dropped his shoulders, softening his posture. The Finn continued, "What matters is how we manage it, how we keep that switch from being flipped all the way to the point you relapse."
The room fell silent for a moment, the only sounds were the soft ticking of the clock on the wall and the distant chirping of birds outside.
Kimi cleared his throat softly, his blue eyes meeting Sebastian's gaze. "I've been in touch with the old grid," he said, his voice gentle but matter-of-fact. "In the support chat."
The German nodded. He knew about the chat, of course. It had been set up for him after all. They had never kept it a secret, even if he had wanted to kill them at the time.
"We're thinking of setting up a call, to talk through what support you need right now."
Sebastian was quiet for a moment, his fingers still working the stress ball. The soft squish of the foam filled the silence. Finally, he nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice a bit rough. "Yeah, that might be good."
Kimi's lips quirked in a small smile. "Good," he said. Then, almost casually, he added, "I might come to a few races, too."
Sebastian's head snapped up, his eyes wide with surprise. A chuckle bubbled up from his chest, rusty but genuine. "You? Back in the paddock?" he asked, a hint of his old teasing tone creeping into his voice. "I thought you were done with the circus."
Kimi shrugged, his expression deadpan but with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. "Maybe I miss the free food."
This elicited another laugh from Sebastian, stronger this time. The sound seemed to lighten the atmosphere in the room, chasing away some of the lingering shadows.
Kimi stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "Come on," he said, jerking his head towards the kitchen. "I'm starving."
Sebastian followed, the stress ball still clutched in one hand. As they moved around the kitchen, gathering bread, cheese, and various items for sandwiches, the familiar routine seemed to further relax Sebastian. The soft clink of plates, the rustle of packaging, the gentle hum of the refrigerator - all these sounds blended into something comforting and domestic.
Kimi put the kettle on for tea, the soft whistle of steam gradually filling the air. As he waited for the water to boil, he turned to Sebastian, his expression serious but not unkind.
"Sebi," Kimi said, his voice low and steady, "What was your plan when you tried to bolt earlier?"
Sebastian froze, a slice of cheese hovering halfway to his sandwich. The kitchen suddenly felt very still, the only sound the soft bubbling of the kettle as it neared its boiling point.
For a long moment, the German said nothing, his gaze fixed on some distant point beyond the kitchen window.
Finally, his shoulders slumped, and he let out a long, slow breath. "No idea," he said, sounding far sadder than he had thought he would. Interesting.
Kimi couldn’t help the scoff, the sound breaking the tension like a bubble popping. "Not a very good plan then," he quipped, his tone dry but tinged with affection.
The absurdity of it hit Sebastian all at once, and he chuckled, the sound growing into a full-bodied laugh that shook his shoulders and brought tears to his eyes.
Great. He broke it. Did that mean Kimi inherited all Sebastian’s lost baby ducks? He wasn’t sure he wanted that, maybe just one or two and the rest could fight it out.
As the laughter subsided, they finished assembling their sandwiches and poured the now-boiling water into two mugs, the aromatic steam of chamomile tea wafting through the air. They moved to the living room, settling back onto the couch that had weathered countless conversations and crises over the years.
Sebastian stared at his sandwich for a long moment, his fingers tracing the edge of the plate. The soft ticking of the clock on the wall seemed to grow louder in the silence, each second stretching out like taffy.
Kimi watched him, sharp and observant. "Eat," he prompted gently, taking a bite of his own sandwich to demonstrate.
Sebastian startled slightly, as if waking from a daydream. "Sorry," he mumbled, picking up the sandwich with slightly trembling hands.
Kimi shook his head, brushing off the apology. "It's not unexpected, considering everything that came up today.”
As they finished their sandwiches and tea, Sebastian's gaze drifted back to the pile of yarn on the coffee table, his fingers twitching slightly as if already anticipating the task. Without a word, he reached for the tangled mess, settling back into the familiar rhythm of untangling knots and smoothing out snarls.
Kimi watched him for a moment, no small amount of pride flaring at how well his friend was managing himself.
As the afternoon wore on, the quality of light in the room shifted, turning from bright gold to a softer, more mellow amber. Shadows lengthened, stretching across the floor like long fingers reaching for the far corners of the room. The air grew cooler, carrying with it the faint scent of pine and earth from the surrounding forest.
Finally, when the yarn had been mostly untangled Kimi broke the comfortable silence. "Little one," he said, his voice low and gentle, "I need you to promise me something."
Sebastian looked up, his hands stilling on the yarn. The soft sunlight caught the silver strands in his curls. His eyes, tired but clearer now, met Kimi's own.
"If that switch gets flipped again," Kimi continued, his words carefully chosen, "and you can't wait out the thoughts... I need you to tell someone. Anyone. Just don't try to handle it alone. Can you promise me that?"
Sebastian was quiet for a long moment, his fingers absently stroking a strand of yarn. The ticking of the clock seemed to grow louder in the silence, each second stretching out like an eternity. Finally, he nodded. "I promise."
Kimi reached out, ruffling Sebastian's hair affectionately. The gesture, so casual and yet so full of warmth, brought a small smile to Sebastian's face.
Just then, the sound of a car pulling up outside broke the moment. The front door opened, and the house was suddenly filled with the cheerful chaos of Kimi's family returning home. A voice carried through the hallway, followed by the patter of small feet racing towards the living room.
As Robin burst into the room, his eyes lit up with excitement. "Uncle Seb!" he cried, launching himself at Sebastian with the unbridled enthusiasm only a child can muster. Sebastian caught him mid-air, his face breaking into a genuine smile as he hugged the boy close.
"Hey there, little man," Sebastian said, his voice warm and affectionate. "Did you have a good day at school?"
Robin nodded vigorously, his words tumbling out in a rush of Finnish and English as he recounted his day's adventures. Sebastian listened intently, nodding and smiling at all the right moments, as if he hadn’t spent the day almost falling utterly to pieces. But he didn’t appear to be faking it, his smile was too bright to be disingenuous.
Kimi leaned back in his chair, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he watched Sebastian interact with his son. Robin loved Sebastian, that much was obvious. His friend had already been staying with them a week and yet he raced in every day like he hadn’t seen him in months. It was precious really.
Sebastian's face was animated, his eyes sparkling with genuine joy as he listened to Robin's excited chatter. The lines of tension that had marred his features earlier had smoothed out, replaced by laugh lines and crow's feet that spoke of happiness rather than worry.
As his son climbed onto Sebastian's lap, gesticulating wildly as he described some playground adventure, Kimi noticed how naturally Sebastian's arms curved around the boy, protective and gentle. His hands, which had been trembling and restless just hours ago, were now steady as they supported Robin's back.
The German threw his head back in laughter at something Robin said, the sound rich and full. It was a far cry from the broken, desperate man who had been intensely spiralling earlier. This Sebastian - relaxed, present, and filled with warmth - was a stark contrast to the man absolutely decimated by addiction.
Kimi felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. He turned to see Minttu standing beside him, her eyes warm with affection and a hint of concern. The soft glow of the sun caught in her hair, turning the strands into a halo of gold around her face.
"How was your day?" she asked. Her fingers squeezed his shoulder gently, offering support, care and love.
Kimi didn't respond verbally. Instead, he placed his hand over hers, his calloused fingers intertwining with her slender ones.
Things weren’t ok. They were scary, past wounds had been flayed open and no one knew yet how deep they ran. Things weren’t ok.
But… maybe they would be?