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Rain was falling from the skies in heavy drops.
Tsukishima Kei stood in front of the exit of the station and looked outside through the glass door. The rain hadn’t gotten any less in the past 20 minutes. He hoped it would stop soon, he wanted to get home and he preferred to get home without getting soaked.
“You don’t have an umbrella?”
The voice belonged to a tall man, as tall as him. Broad shoulders, crooked grin, messy black hair.
“I forgot it at home,” Tsukishima said and continued to look at the grey street in front of him.
“Where do you need to go? If we’re headed into the same direction, maybe we can share mine. It’s a pretty big one,” the man said. He tossed up a black umbrella and caught it again mid-air.
Tsukishima pressed his lips together. The idea of sharing an umbrella with a stranger didn’t sound too pleasant to him, but staying inside the station and waiting for the rain to stop didn’t sound pleasant either. The third option, getting soaked, was his least favourite.
“I live about ten minutes from here, pretty much at the end of this street.”
The man’s grin widened. “Care to join me then?”
“If you insist.”
He opened the door, held it open with one hand and opened his umbrella. “After you,” he said.
Tsukishima thought they would just walk in silence, two strangers sharing an umbrella, staying strangers until they’d eventually part ways.
The other however, clearly thought differently.
“You didn’t look at the weather forecast? They said it would rain the entire day,” he said immediately after they left the station.
“When I left, the sky was clear and since I only had to run some small errands, I didn’t bother bringing one.”
“Well, you were pretty lucky then.” His grin looked too pleased with himself.
“And why is that?”
“Because it gave you the chance to share an umbrella with me.”
“Wow, I must be the luckiest man on earth,” Tsukishima said and rolled his eyes.
The other didn’t stop grinning, maybe he hadn’t noticed Tsukishima’s sarcasm. But maybe Tsukishima was actually lucky, he would be getting home without getting wet and his companion could be worse – he could have been creepy, he could have had bad breath, he could have been a short. They had the same height, which was a rather rare thing. It made sharing the umbrella easier.
“So are you a cat person or a dog person?” he asked after a couple of seconds of silence.
Tsukishima furrowed his brow, he had to resist the urge to stop and stare at him in confusion. “Why are you asking?”
“Small talk. Also because I am definitely a cat person and a bit scared of dogs.”
“That’s not how you make small talk.”
“Do you want to talk about the weather then?”
“No.”
“See? That’s why I’m asking if you’re a cat or a dog person.”
“You are weird.”
He kept walking, one hand in his pocket and the other on the handle of the umbrella. His hair looked like a birds nest, Tsukishima thought. As if it hadn’t been properly brushed for years. And yet, it didn’t look bad, it had some kind of charm.
“I just thought I’d get to know you a bit while we share my umbrella. I saw you standing in front of the door and thought ‘man, he’s cute’ so I took my chance. So?”
Tsukishima shook his head, he didn’t know if he was annoyed or if he was flustered because the other had called him cute. “I don’t mind dogs. But I also don’t mind cats.”
--
They kept walking. And they kept talking.
“I have to go that way now,” the other said and pointed at a street that branched off from the main street on the right. It was still raining as heavily as before.
“I see,” Tsukishima said and sighed. So he would get wet in the end. If he would hurry, he could make it home in three minutes. Long enough to get completely soaked though.
“Is it still far to your place from here?” his companion asked as he stopped in front of the crossing.
“Not too far,” he said.
“But far enough to get drenched.” He smiled. Handed him the umbrella. “Here, take it.”
Tsukishima blinked.
“I don’t necessarily mind getting wet. Besides, if I give it to you, we’ll have to meet again so you can return it.”
Tsukishima could feel his cheeks heat up. The other man’s kindness startled him. “Thank you,” he said. Then he noticed that he didn’t even knew his name.
“It’s Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsurou.” He still had that grin on his face.
“Tsukishima Kei,” he said and nodded. “Thank you, Kuroo. So, how will I return your umbrella?”
Kuroo looked into the air like he was thinking for a moment, then he searched for something in his pocket. He took out a pen and reached out for Tsukishima’s hand.
The first thing that Tsukishima noticed about his hands were that they were warm, even though the weather was wet and cold. Then that they were slightly moist, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the rain or if they were sweaty. Kuroo scribbled a number onto Tsukishima’s palm.
“Take care that it doesn’t get washed away by the rain! Then again, you have my umbrella now, so you should be fine.”
He waved him goodbye before he disappeared into the side street.
--
After three days, Kuroo started to worry that Tsukishima might never call him. Or text him. He didn’t mourn over his big black umbrella, but he was sad because he had hoped to see the pretty blond again.
Then, after three days, his phone buzzed. A number he didn’t know. “Do you want to meet me for coffee on Friday? I still have to return your umbrella,” the message read.
--
When Kuroo arrived at the café, Tsukishima was already waiting in front of it. He was playing with his hands, he had them folded in front of his crotch. He was staring at nothing.
“You didn’t bring my umbrella,” he said with a smirk as he approached him.
Tsukishima’s eyes widened. “I’m terribly sorry. I must have left it at the door when I left.”
“Don’t worry, the weather forecast said it would be sunny today.”
“Do you want to have coffee with me anyways?”
His smile widened. “Of course.”
The café that Tsukishima had picked was nice and small. It only had a few tables, the grey chairs looked cosy and modern. It had a feeling of spring, with the white walls, wooden tables and green decorations. Tsukishima lead him to a table next to the window.
“I wanted to thank you for the other day,” he said as he sat down. “And I hope you didn’t get too wet because of me.”
He was pretty. His skin was fair, his features elegant. Blond hair framed his face that could have belonged to a porcelain doll, and black glasses gave him edges.
“As I said, I don’t mind. Now, tell me, Tsukki: do you prefer your coffee with milk or black?” He propped his chin on his hands, looked at him as Tsukishima studied the menu.
“Small talk again?”
“Getting to know you,” he replied.
Tsukishima had long and thin fingers, he turned the pages elegantly.
“With milk and sugar.”
“You like it sweet?”
Tsukishima just shrugged in response.
--
He did indeed like it sweet. Kuroo looked at him with a mix of amusement and awe as he put the fourth spoonful of sugar into his coffee. Then a fifth. And a sixth. He stirred and looked at the pot of sugar as if he was considering to go for another one.
“What?” he asked as he looked up.
“Nothing,” Kuroo said and tried not to laugh.
“It’s rude to stare at people like that.” He didn’t look annoyed. If anything, he looked flustered.
“I’m sorry. It’s just: are you really going to drink that?” He shook his head in disbelief as he laughed.
“What’s wrong with my coffee?”
“That’s not coffee, that’s syrup.”
Tsukishima gave him a glare and licked his spoon. “I don’t know what your problem is, I just added a little sugar.”
Kuroo laughed even more. “A little? Are you serious?”
He took a sip from his cup, pleased smile on his lips. It disappeared again as he put the cup down. He continued to glare at Kuroo. “You’re terrible.”
--
Before they parted ways, Kuroo told him not to worry about the umbrella. They’d see each other again anyways.
--
They did. A lot.
--
“Tsukki, it’s purrfect to see you,” Kuroo said as he opened the door. On his face the largest and at the same time worst grin that Tsukishima had ever seen on him. He looked like trouble. Perhaps it had been a mistake to tell him that he was a cat person in more ways than one.
“Hello, Kuroo,” he said with a sigh.
“Are you feline good tonight?”
“Why are you like this,” he said and shook his head.
“What’s with that catitude? Are you ready for a fun night?” Kuroo walked towards the living room.
Tsukishima followed. He really had a ‘fun’ night ahead of him.
It was something that he had noticed about Kuroo pretty early on, that Kuroo was really convinced he was funny and that he liked stupid jokes. And he loved to use the same joke over and over again, until it was simply annoying. Especially if Kuroo noticed that Tsukishima found a joke stupid. Then he would make that joke with no end.
Tsukishima didn’t actually think they were stupid. Not always, at least. He simply had a reputation as an earnest and stern guy to uphold, and he liked that pout on Kuroo’s face when he didn’t laugh about a joke, even though it took him a lot of strength not to.
“Are you going to continue like this for the entire night?” He sat down on Kuroo’s couch.
“Pawsitive. Can I offer you something? A drink, some snacks, catnip?” Kuroo plopped down next to him. It had been exactly that motion, that stretch that had triggered the cat comment some nights ago.
The puns were dumb, he told himself over and over again. He gave Kuroo another glare, he hoped that it at least looked disappointed. “Do you seriously have catnip at home?”
“I am furry prepared for this,” Kuroo said.
“Oh no,” he said. Slowly, a smile was tugging at the corners of his lips.
The grin on Kuroo’s face widened. With his index finger, he poked Tsukishima’s cheek. “There it is. You look so much cuter meow.”
“Kuroo, please.”
He got up, disappeared in his bedroom. Tsukishima was expecting the worst. He came back wearing a pair of black cat ears.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He bit his lip, he tried really hard to supress his laugh. But Kuroo looked ridiculous, and he looked ridiculously pleased with himself on top of that.
“Do you mean: ‘You’ve got to be kitten me’?” He was laughing as well.
And then Tsukishima burst out laughing, he couldn’t hold back anymore. His face heated up, he didn’t really have time to breathe. And Kuroo laughed as well, his loud voice filled the entire room.
If he was honest, it wasn’t even that funny. Maybe it was simply the face that Kuroo made. He didn’t care, he buried his face in Kuroo’s shoulder and continued to laugh.
--
Tsukishima’s smile made Kuroo’s heart flutter.
--
Kuroo’s laugh was obnoxious. Loud. It sounded like a drunk old man. Kuroo sat on the couch, his arms over the back, his head tossed back. The movie wasn’t funny. Kuroo had terrible taste.
Tsukishima sat next to him, stared at him as he laughed.
And in that moment he realised: he was in love with Kuroo Tetsurou.
--
The sky was starting to get cloudier with each second that passed. Kuroo cursed himself that he didn’t bring an umbrella. Technically, he didn’t even have an umbrella, it was still in Tsukishima’s possession.
Tsukishima hadn’t brought an umbrella as well, of course.
“I hope we’ll make it back dry,” he said. And right when he had said it, the first droplets began to fall.
“You jinxed it, Kuroo,” Tsukishima said. “Now we’ll get soaked.”
Kuroo looked around, he looked for something where they could find shelter. At least for a while. His gaze ended on a bus stop, he took Tsukishima’s wrist and pulled him under the small roof.
“Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while.”
Not a second after they had reached the bus stop, the rain got even heavier. The water fell with loud thuds. And soon, the streets were filled with large puddles.
“It’s just like the day we met,” Kuroo said after a while.
“No, it had been raining less,” Tsukishima replied. He was shivering ever so slightly and for the first time, Kuroo noticed that he was actually quite thin – no wonder he was cold.
He didn’t even think twice, took off his leather jacket and put it over Tsukishima’s shoulders.
Tsukishima looked at him, lips pressed together tightly. “You don’t have to give me your jacket, I’ll be fine.”
“You need it more,” he said. He thought about how he had given Tsukishima the umbrella because then too, he had thought that he’d rather be uncomfortable than to have Tsukishima be wet or cold.
“I’m not even that cold,” he said but closed the jacket tighter nonetheless. He stared at the other side of the bus stop and there was a hint of red on Tsukishima’s ears. “Why do you even keep doing this?”
Kuroo thought about it as well, and why he wanted to see Tsukishima laugh as much as he could and why he thought it was cute how Tsukishima liked everything sweet.
“I don’t know,” he said. He scratched his ear and suddenly, his heart was beating faster than it did the second before.
“Maybe,” he started. He took a deep breath. He didn’t know if he would be able to say it or if he would die of heart failure before the words could leave his lips. “Maybe it’s because I like you.”
Tsukishima turned his head back to face him, stared at him. “What?”
“I like you.”
“Oh,” Tsukishima said. He kept staring at him.
“Oh?” It was not the answer that Kuroo would have expected, what he would have hoped for.
But then Tsukishima kissed him.
--
Kissing in the rain, Kuroo thought it was cheesy, but he liked it. He could get used to it in fact.
--
Tsukishima sat on his bed and waited for Kuroo to get out of the shower. He looked at his phone, only to notice that Kuroo had been showering for more than thirty minutes already.
The reason that Kuroo took so long whenever he took a shower was probably that he used the shower as a stage.
And Tsukishima didn’t even know half of the songs he was singing. After learning his boyfriend had a rather large collection of Broadway records, he figured those songs might be from some musical. He let out a sigh and dropped onto the bed. He liked listening to Kuroo’s singing.
The water stopped, but Kuroo didn’t stop singing. He was still humming when he got out of the shower.
“It’s actually a duet, so if you want to join in,” Kuroo said. He sat down next to Tsukishima on the bed and dropped the wet towel that he had been using to dry his hair onto Tsukishima’s face.
Tsukishima took it, glared at Kuroo and threw it back at him.
Kuroo leaned over him and started to sing. “Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?” He looked at Tsukishima, as if he was expecting him to join in.
“I don’t know the song. Also, I do not sing.”
“You’re no fun.” A brief kiss onto Tsukishima’s forehead, then he continued to sing. “But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”
--
They both had, in fact. They were growing together.
Tsukishima was glad about that, because one of the things he was scared about the most was growing apart.
--
“The stars are really beautiful tonight.”
Kuroo’s hand in his, and the stars and moon above them – Tsukishima would have never expected that somewhere inside of him, a hopeless romantic had been hidden all those years.
“Yeah,” he said and leaned his head against Kuroo’s.
“You know what’s even more beautiful?” Kuroo asked and pressed a kiss against his temple.
“What?”
“You.”
Tsukishima stopped, he looked at Kuroo, shook his head and laughed.
“Don’t laugh at me like that, I’m serious.” Kuroo looked as if he was playing offended, maybe he was actually offended. He closed the distance between him and Tsukishima. Their lips brushed against each other briefly.
“I love you, you know that?” he said as they kissed another time.
It was kind of funny, he had always thought that the people who said that he would find someone someday that he would love with all his heart had no idea what they were talking about. He had laughed when his grandmother had said he would find someone that he would love despite all imperfections. Because of all those imperfections.
Then he had met Kuroo.
And then he had thought that even if he did love Kuroo, with all his imperfections and because of those, there was no way that Kuroo would love him that way as well.
He had never believed in love.
But now he was looking at the stars with Kuroo and he loved Kuroo with all his heart. And as Kuroo kissed his knuckles, the back of his hand and his lips, he was incredibly glad that Kuroo loved him.
He could spend his entire life with Kuroo.
He hoped he could.
--
Kuroo didn’t feel like time was passing. He knew it was, but somehow, he felt like he was with Tsukishima for only a couple of days, even though nearly two years had passed since that one rainy day.
He let hot water fall onto his back.
It was the bottle of Tsukishima’s shampoo in his shower that made him smile, he didn’t think it was weird for it to be there at all. His shampoo, his soap. His toothbrush on the sink. The collection of Tsukishima’s clothes that he had left there during the last years. They had their own drawer, the clothes that used to be in it were probably somewhere in Tsukishima’s apartment.
Maybe they had been together for an eternity already.
He felt like love songs, like the whole register of cheesy songs that he had always loved, but never sung with as much passion as he did now.
When he got out of the shower, he found Tsukishima in his kitchen, filling a glass with tap water.
He kissed his cheek, slung his arms around Tsukishima’s waist. He didn’t care that his hair was still wet and that Tsukishima would complain.
“Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can’t help falling in love with you.” He kept his voice soft and low as he sung.
“The day where I duet with you will never come, Kuroo.”
He tried to look insulted, but he was smiling too much for that. So he simply kissed Tsukishima’s cheek again.
“How about that one then? Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there is left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby just say yes.”
“Are you aware that you don’t have to woo me anymore?”
Kuroo could see the smile that was tugging on the corners of his mouth, the faint blush that was spreading on his cheeks. And he could feel the way Tsukishima leaned into his embrace, how his hands were on top of his, how he gently intertwined their fingers.
“Baby, I’ll sing love songs at you for the rest of our lives.”
“Did you just propose to me?” Tsukishima asked and turned around. He was biting his lip, but there was still a smile on his face.
Kuroo laughed. He hadn’t thought about it that way. “Not yet. But trust me, when the day comes where I will, I’ll go all out, getting down on one knee, diamond ring, maybe some doves…”
“No doves,” Tsukishima said and pressed a kiss onto his lips.
--
Kuroo rang the doorbell a third time. Still no answer.
He would be more patient if it wasn’t for the fact that his shoes were soaked, his socks were wet, his shirt stuck to his body and water was running from his hair into his eyes He was wet, it was raining and Tsukishima wasn’t opening the door.
Maybe he was lost in thoughts, maybe he was listening to music with his headphones and hadn’t heard the door.
He cursed as he took out his phone and dialled Tsukishima’s number.
It took him quite a while to pick up. Kuroo tried his best not to sound annoyed when he finally heard Tsukishima on the other end.
“Hey, love, would you mind opening the door for me?”
There was silence for a couple of seconds. “This might be a bit problematic.”
“Why?”
“Well.”
Something about Tsukishima’s voice was weird.
“Kei? What’s going on? Where are you?”
“Don’t panic right now. I’m at the hospital.”
Tsukishima had some nerve, saying he shouldn’t panic. In front of his inner eye, he already saw him half dead in a hospital bed, he thought of countless terrible things that could have happened to him.
“What?” was all he managed to say, though.
“I said don’t panic. I just had some routine tests earlier, but apparently there was something off with my blood count. So I have to stay overnight. I was about to call you.”
He let out a sigh of relief. At least Tsukishima hadn’t been in an accident, and nothing bad had happened to him. “Do you want me to come to the hospital?”
“You don’t have to,” he said.
“So, which hospital are you in? I’m already wet from waiting in front of your door, so I don’t care if I walk through the rain some more.”
--
Kuroo was very good at reading people. And he was even better at reading Tsukishima.
And Tsukishima hoped that for once, Kuroo wouldn’t notice that he was lying.
--
Kuroo came with flowers this time. He came almost every day and he always brought something when he visited Tsukishima. Sometimes he brought cake, sweets, sometimes a mixtape he had made for him.
And this time, he brought a bouquet of roses. “So you have something pretty to look at whenever I’m not here,” he said with a smirk on his face.
“Oh wow,” he told him. “You are as humble as always.”
Kuroo’s lips were soft, and his hand was warm on his neck. “You know me, honey. Did they say anything about when you’ll be discharged?”
Tsukishima was actually pretty good at reading people as well. And he was really good at reading Kuroo. But he couldn’t tell what he was thinking, if he was simply putting up an act as well. His smile was the same as always, loving eyes and tender touches. He still made the same jokes. He still sung at him. Teased him for the amount of sugar he put into his coffee.
He just didn’t want Kuroo to worry unnecessarily. Nothing was set in stone. He didn’t even knew yet himself, neither did the doctors. There was no final diagnosis, just some suspicions that consisted of various test results. They didn’t look promising, but he tried to think about what Kuroo would tell him. Probably something like he shouldn’t always expect the worst. How he shouldn’t always see everything painted in black.
“They said that they will have some more tests tomorrow.” If he would avoid Kuroo’s gaze, he would give himself away. He knew Kuroo would notice small things like that.
“Do you know what they are suspecting?”
“Not really. But don’t worry, I will be fine.”
--
Tsukishima was running. His lungs were burning and he was short of breath. His sides hurt. His legs hurt. Everything hurt. But he couldn’t stop, he felt like he was being chased.
Somewhere in the distance, he could see a door. Maybe if he could reach that door, he would be safe. So he kept running.
He didn’t know what was chasing him, but he also didn’t dare to look at it.
He didn’t want to know.
And then there were voices, angry voices. They were shouting at him. At first he couldn’t make out what they were shouting, but as he kept running, he realised that they were all shouting only a single word.
Liar.
And then he noticed that it was just one single voice. It was Kuroo’s voice. He wasn’t sure anymore if it was angry. It was angry, sad, disappointed. It was in pain.
Tsukishima kept running. The door didn’t come any closer. But he felt that whatever was chasing him did.
There was someone standing in the doorframe. One hand stretched out as if that person was trying to reach out to him. It was a man, a tall man with black hair. And as he finally got a bit closer to the door, he saw that his face was angry, sad and disappointed as well.
He tried to run even faster, he wanted to make it to Kuroo before it was too late.
He gulped and risked a glance back at whatever was chasing him.
Behind him, everything was black.
--
Even if he wanted to, he didn’t know how to tell Kuroo that the only thing they were still trying to figure out was if it was terminal or if there was still some hope for treatment.
--
At first, Tsukishima had said he would be in the hospital for one night. But one night had become a week and a week one month and one month had turned into way too long.
There were two things that were worrying him. The first thing was that Tsukishima was not only not telling him what was going on, but he was completely avoiding the topic. After a while, Kuroo had given up on asking. Tsukishima didn’t say a word, he talked around it, he switched the topic of the conversation.
That wasn’t something someone would do if everything was alright.
And the second thing that worried Kuroo was that every time he came to visit, Tsukishima looked worse. He was losing weight, he had dark circles under his eyes. He was getting weaker, he spent most of the time in bed.
That was also something that someone wouldn’t do if everything was alright.
But because Tsukishima insisted on pretending that things were well and because Kuroo still hadn’t lost hope that they were or that they at least would be well again soon, he went along with it. Tried not to let it show that he spent the better part of the night with worrying. Tried to have a smile on his face as soon as he entered Tsukishima’s hospital room. And he tried not to hold his hand as if he was scared that he could break it if he wasn’t careful.
“I can’t believe you’re here today. You should be doing something fun, Tetsurou, it’s your birthday after all,” Tsukishima said.
They were sitting on the hospital bed together, they always had their trouble getting onto it like that, it was quite a squeeze. But Tsukishima had his head on Kuroo’s shoulder, their fingers were interlaced and Kuroo drew patterns onto Tsukishima’s thigh with his other hand.
“Well first of all, this is something fun. Second of all, there is no one who I would rather spend my birthday with than you. And lastly, if you can’t come to the party, the party will come to you.”
“What party?”
“I have balloons. And cake. I actually even have party hats but I’m pretty sure you won’t be too fond of them.”
He only had to fake his smile when he entered the room. After a couple of minutes, it was the real smile that being with Tsukishima put onto his face.
“Well then, let’s get the party started.” He nuzzled his face deeper into Kuroo’s shoulder.
“I love you, Kei, I love you so much.” Kuroo brought their hands to his lips and kissed first Tsukishima’s knuckles, then the back of his hand.
Tsukishima lifted his head off Kuroo’s shoulder, he was already waiting for him to kiss his lips. “I love you too, Tetsurou.”
Then Kuroo reached for his phone. He unlocked it and put his music on shuffle. “What’s a party without music?”
“What even is that?” Tsukishima chuckled, he took the phone and looked at the title on screen. He rolled his eyes and kissed him again. “Only because it’s your birthday.”
“Come on, you love it as much as I do.”
“I don’t.”
“You do. Do you want to dance?”
He chewed on his bottom lip, then he tilted his head. But in the end, he nodded.
So Kuroo got off the bed and stretched out his hand to help Tsukishima get up. He tried to ignore how weak he looked as soon as he was standing.
He put his arms around Tsukishima’s waist, Tsukishima put his head back onto Kuroo’s shoulder. Kuroo wasn’t really sure if one could consider what they were doing dancing, they were more gently rocking in place to the sound of a cheesy Broadway love song.
“I swear to you now with all my heart, I swear I will love you as you love me,” he sang into Tsukishima’s hair. “I will be more-”
“More than I am.” Tsukishima’s voice was quiet. Muffled by Kuroo’s shoulder and his shirt.
--
It had been like an inside joke, something exclusively between them. Kuroo asking if he would sing along and Tsukki saying he would never.
But he thought that he should have done that at least once, he wanted to know how it would feel like.
--
Death was a weird thing. Of course, it was inevitable, something that had to happen sooner or later. But Tsukishima would have preferred later, and now, he was reminded every day that it was inevitable and that it would be sooner than he had ever thought it would be.
He didn’t understand how some people could simply come to terms with the fact that they were going to die. He certainly wasn’t.
He didn’t want to die.
He didn’t want to tell Kuroo that he was going to die.
--
“How are you today, sweetheart?” Kuroo sat down on a chair next to the bed, took Tsukishima’s hand into his. He had stopped squeezing himself into bed with Tsukishima a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it was the IV that was now permanently in his arm. Maybe it was that Tsukishima felt too weak to move over on his own.
“I’m fine, I’m feeling a lot better than yesterday.” Liar, he thought. His entire body was in pain. He felt like each and every nerve inside of him was on fire. It was hard to concentrate on anything.
“That’s good to hear.”
The feeling of Kuroo’s lips on his knuckles, the tenderness he had when he kissed his palm hadn’t changed. He could hear the rain pounding against the window. Tsukishima felt terrible.
“I love you,” Kuroo said and kissed him.
His dark circles were getting deeper too. He looked exhausted.
“I love you too,” Tsukishima said. He hated how feeble his voice sounded like. He tried to smile nonetheless.
“Hey, Kei?”
“Yes?”
Kuroo got up, he looked for something in his bag. When he seemed to have found it, he went back to Tsukishima’s bed.
“I know, I promised you doves and that I would go all out.” He took a deep breath, got down on one knee. “But, I hope that you will still say ‘yes’. Will you marry me?”
The thing he had taken out of his bag was a small box, it was covered in black velvet. In it a simple silver ring.
Tsukishima felt hot tears in his eyes. His chest was aching. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, I do.”
“We’ll get married once you’re out of the hospital. Maybe next spring. How does a wedding under cherry blossoms sound like?”
“Beautiful,” Tsukishima said.
--
Kuroo knew.
--
He wasn’t even angry at Tsukishima. He wouldn’t have known how to say it either. He went to the hospital every day, spent most of his time there.
And even now, he still hoped that there might be a miracle, that not all hope was lost yet. That he would come to the hospital one day to find Tsukishima being better instead of worse. That they would get their chance for a wedding under cherry blossoms. Or any kind of wedding.
But with each day that passed, Tsukishima looked less and less alive, there was less and less colour in his face. His touches felt weaker and weaker. He spoke less and less.
Kuroo sat next to his bed and held his hand.
Sometimes he sung for him, love songs, happy songs. Songs that they had danced to.
“See you tomorrow, beautiful,” he said. Pressed a kiss onto his knuckles. Then onto his palm. And finally, onto his lips.
Whenever he left, he was scared that something might happen while he was gone. That he would come back only to find that Tsukishima had died.
Tsukishima moaned, he sounded like he was in pain. But he also sounded like he wanted to say something. He squeezed his eyes shut.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.”
“Don’t leave.” Barely audible, barely understandable.
--
Kuroo wasn’t ready. He was scared. He wanted to hold him close, and he tried as best as he could without ripping out the IV.
He hadn’t tried to squeeze himself into bed with him in quite a while. But he tried again. Something inside him told him it might be his last chance to hold him like that.
His throat had never felt this tight. Someone had tied a rope around it, he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t swallow. The tears stung in the corner of his eyes.
It wasn’t fair.
“Kei, I love you. I love you so much. Do you remember that day we met? I saw you and thought I would regret it if I didn’t take the chance to talk to you. God, how much I would regret it if I hadn’t. And I said how you were lucky but it was me who was lucky. You’ve made me the luckiest man on earth. Please, I don’t want to lose you.”
He stroked his hair, the paper thin skin over his cheekbones. “But if it has to be like this, if you really have to die, sweetheart, I want you to die knowing that your life has been my life’s best part.”
And then there it was. The sound of the monitor, a long loud beep.
It was the worst noise he had ever heard.
He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, they came streaming down his face.
One last time, he kissed Tsukishima’s knuckles. His palm. His lips.
“I love you, Kei.”
--
Rain was falling from the skies in heavy drops.
Kuroo stood in front of Tsukishima’s grave, he looked at the letters that formed his name.
“You never returned my umbrella by the way,” he said. “At first I kept saying you could give it back the next time we see each other. And at some point I simply forgot about it. And now we won’t get to see each other anymore.”
His face was wet. Wet from the rain, wet from his tears.
“I don’t know if I’ve been in love before. But Kei, I never loved anyone like I loved you.”