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When our miracle happened, that first Christmas in Bethlehem, I figured that was it. That was our one season where everything was perfect. Then life would go back to normal. Not as bad as it was before we came to live with Aunt Emily, maybe, but not as happy either.
"Come in! Come in!" beckoned Corinna.
Lani followed her aunt and uncle into the house, JT not far behind her.
"It was so kind of you to invite us over this Christmas," Aunt Emilie began.
"Oh pshaw," Corinna said, waving her hand dismissively. "You saved us from going anywhere in this weather, and Agatha baked enough for an army. How she thinks I can eat two dozen breakfast rolls—"
"Hot out of the oven!" came Agatha's voice from the kitchen. She poked her head out of the doorway. "You're just in time, have a seat. I was just about to set them on the table."
Lani needed no further urging. Agatha baked the best breakfast rolls she'd ever had. Cinnamon, orange glazed, maple… Her mouth watered already.
JT scrambled into the seat next to where Uncle Nathan usually sat when they came over. Aunt Emilie sat on Uncle Nathan's other side, next to Corinna, which left Lani next to Agatha. She sighed a little inside. Agatha wasn't bad, but she sure talked a lot.
She bowed her head as Corinna said grace, and then reached for a roll. It was as delicious as ever, and she savored each bite. JT, on the other hand, crammed his into his mouth in a less-than-stellar display of table manners.
"Slow down, JT, it's not going to run away," Aunt Emilie said. "Sorry," she apologized to Agatha.
"Oh, he's a growing boy," said Agatha, shaking her head. "He's got to put some more meat on his bones before Little League starts back up this spring."
Corinna chimed in. "I hear he was an excellent catcher last year," she said. "Coach Smithson is looking forward to having him back."
Agatha clucked her tongue. "That boy, he was always throwing things in my class. It was a relief to see him move on to fourth grade, though I did pity Susan that year."
Aunt Emilie smiled and took a bite of her roll.
Lani sat and listened to the conversation swirl around her. She knew that it was safe here, that no one was going to yell at her for saying something or asking for more food, but old habits died hard, and she still preferred to listen rather than talk if she didn't have to. And the food really did taste amazing—Agatha made better food than anyone else Lani knew. (Of course, her mother didn't really cook, Uncle Nathan would live off oatmeal and ramen if no one cooked for him, and Aunt Emilie didn't know much more than the basics, but still. Agatha's food was really, really good.)
The table was cleared and the dishes piled into the sink for later scrubbing, and everyone trooped into the living room where Agatha and Corinna's tree stood. A few brightly colored packages lay under it already, and Uncle Nathan retrieved the bag he'd left by the front door and began pulling more out to add to it. By the time they'd all found their seats, the pile had grown considerably.
"Youngest person gets to pass out the presents," Uncle Nathan said with a grin at JT.
"Is that how it works?" Aunt Emilie asked.
"Well, it's how it worked in my family," Uncle Nathan admitted. "My little sister loved that part."
"I'll bet she did." Aunt Emilie's grin matched his.
Lani didn't mind not being the one. A part of her would have loved it, but she'd had enough disappointment in her life. It was easier to not get excited for things, even this year, when things had seemed to work out better and better. All it would take was one time when they didn't, and she needed to be ready.
"This one's mine!" JT called.
"Well, then open it," said Uncle Nathan.
JT tore the wrapping paper off a small box and pulled out some papers. "C—c—oo—" he tried to sound out, staring at one of them.
"Cooperstown," Uncle Nathan said. "That's where the Baseball Hall of Fame is. I thought we might take a trip there this summer, finish it up by stopping in Philadelphia to watch a Phillies game."
JT's eyes widened and he ran to give Uncle Nathan a hug.
"Your turn, Lani," Uncle Nathan said when JT pulled away and went back to staring at the papers. "JT, find Lani one of her presents."
JT abandoned the papers and started inspecting tags. "This one has your name, Lani," he said, handing her a small package.
It was firm under Lani's fingers, and she suspected she knew what it was. She smiled a little in satisfaction at being right as she tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a book cover. "It's The Secret Garden," Lani said, surprised, "the one I read last Christmas."
"It's a special edition, with beautiful pictures and everything," Uncle Nathan said. "Your aunt and I thought you might like to have a copy for yourself."
How did they know how much she had loved that story? Mary all alone, with no parents, and finding a home with an uncle, a place she belonged. She had to swallow hard not to cry a little, and went to give Uncle Nathan and Aunt Emilie big hugs.
The adults each opened a present and then JT picked up his next box.
"Wait, JT," said Aunt Emilie. "That one matches one for Lani. You need to open them at the same time."
That was weird, Lani thought. What kind of present would work for both of them? They were totally different ages and not into the same things. But she took the present Aunt Emilie found and began to tear off the paper as JT did with his.
It was a clothing box, soft-sided and white. She lifted off the top to find a shirt. Her hands froze when she opened it wide enough to see what was on it: I'm Going to Have a New Cousin
"What does it say?" JT asked.
"It says you're going to have a new cousin," Uncle Nathan. "Your aunt Emilie is pregnant."
"That's wonderful! Oh, Agatha!" Corinna exclaimed, and the two sisters hugged each other joyfully.
"You're going to have a baby?" said JT, his forehead a little creased.
"In a few months," said Aunt Emilie. "The baby still needs time to grow inside me first. But I'll bet you're going to be the best cousin, like a big brother."
It figured, Lani thought, that they would eventually get around to replacing JT and herself. She quietly folded the shirt and set it back in the box, placing the cover on it. JT was far too excited. Didn't he realize? It was fine when they were the only ones. But when their real children came along, she and JT would just be extras.
"Lani? You OK?" Uncle Nathan asked.
She made herself smile. "Yeah. I'm glad." She saw Aunt Emilie exchange a look with Uncle Nathan, but breathed a little sigh of relief when they moved on to the next batch of presents.
Once all the presents were distributed, JT settled into playing with a new train set, while Lani curled up in the corner with her new book. It was hard to concentrate on it, though. The knot in the corner of her stomach felt tighter and heavier as the minutes passed.
"I should help with something," Aunt Emilie protested from the doorway to the kitchen.
"We've got it all under control," proclaimed Agatha. "Besides, there is such a thing as too many cooks in the kitchen. No, just go on and enjoy the time with them." She waved her hand at the children in the living room.
Lani glanced up as Aunt Emilie came over to the couch where Lani was curled up reading. Aunt Emilie sat down next to Lani and just watched her for a bit. Lani tried to keep reading but it was impossible to concentrate when someone was just watching you like that.
Just then, Uncle Nathan came back into the room. Lani could see him and Aunt Emilie looking at each other for a bit, then Uncle Nathan said, "Hey JT, want to go outside and build a snowman? I bet Agatha has a carrot we can use for a nose."
"Sure," JT said, abandoning his train set for the time being. Uncle Nathan helped him put on his snow suit, gloves, and hat before they went outside, with some excited chatter on JT's part.
Once the room had fallen silent again, Aunt Emilie turned to Lani. "What's going on, Lani?"
Lani shrugged, not wanting to say.
"Feeling like you're going to be second best? That we aren't going to want you and JT around with a new baby?"
Lani snapped her gaze to Aunt Emilie's. "How…" she began.
Aunt Emilie's face softened into a sad smile. "I grew up in foster care, remember? I never felt like I belonged with any of the families, and if they had their own children, I felt like I was just an afterthought."
Lani had kind of forgotten that for a bit, to be honest.
Aunt Emilie continued, "But you already know that I love you both very, very much, and so does Uncle Nathan. We think of you as our own children. In fact"—she paused to pick up an envelope Lani hadn't noticed laying next to her—"we could make that legal, if you want."
"What?" Lani didn't see how that would work. Aunt Emilie was just their guardian; their mom still had legal rights.
"Here," said Aunt Emilie, "look at this." She pulled a letter out of the envelope and unfolded it. "Read the second paragraph, right here," she said, tapping at the correct spot.
Lani squinted at the handwriting but worked her way through it slowly:
I put Lani and JT through so much because of the choices I made. I love them, but I'm not good for them. So if you want to adopt them, I'll sign the paperwork. I want what's best for them, and I think it's better that they have a mom who is there for them and knows how to take care of them. I'm stuck in here for four more years. They need a mom now. I can always be the aunt when I get out. Just let me know.
"I haven't told JT yet, but I talked with Uncle Nathan and he agrees with me," said Aunt Emilie. "We'd love to adopt you both. Then you would be our children legally, just as much as you are in here." She pressed one hand against her heart.
Lani could hardly breathe, and her eyes started to water a little. "You mean it? You really want to be my mom?"
"Lani, when this kid comes, they're not going to be a firstborn. They're going to have a big sister and a big brother, and they're going to be so very very lucky." Aunt Emilie looked like she was going to cry too.
A thought hit Lani. "But… what about my mom? I mean, she's still important, right?"
"Yes, but she was right in the letter—if I adopt you, then she becomes your aunt instead. She'll still be family. And when she gets out of prison maybe she can come stay with us until she figures out what to do next. But adopting you would mean you'd never have to leave Uncle Nathan and me," Aunt Emilie explained.
"Yes," Lani managed to get out, then reached a hand up to wipe the tears off her face. She never got the chance for that, though, because Aunt Emilie pulled her into a tight hug, rocking her back and forth a bit.
"Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes," Corinna called from the doorway. "Oh my, are you all right?" she asked, as Aunt Emilie and Lani pulled back and wiped both their faces.
"They're happy tears, we promise," Aunt Emilie said.
Lani smiled, big and genuine, nodding her head in agreement.
Uncle Nathan and JT soon trooped in, and the dinner table began to fill with delicious dishes. Lani found herself next to Aunt Emilie this time, and shared a conspiratorial grin with Aunt Emilie every time their eyes met. The knot in her stomach was gone, and everything smelled and tasted so good.
That Christmas, I learned that miracles don't only happen in one season, but they can keep happening. That year it was love. Love that Aunt Emilie and Uncle Nathan had for me and JT, and for their new baby. Love that my mom had for us, enough to let us go. Love that we all had for each other, and would always have. Because the biggest miracle of Christmas was always love.