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He stretched as he awoke from his dream-filled slumber and smiled up at the ceiling. The sun shone around the room and across the bed, warming his bare flesh and soothing his stiff muscles. He heard a hum from his side and turned to see a pair of eyes studying him, the irises sparkling with contentment.
“’Morning,” he mumbled sleepily, pushing himself forward to place a gentle kiss upon his lover’s lips.
“Mmm,” the other man moaned against the soft curves before pulling back. “Good morning to you as well.”
He wrapped his arms around the other man and pulled him close, burying his face in the warm neck and inhaling the familiar scent that never failed to make him dizzy.
“One more week,” he whispered, his lips ghosting lightly over the throbbing pulse point. His teeth nicked it gently and the throat vibrated slightly as the other man chuckled. “One more week and we can go home.”
“Yes, we can,” his lover said as he pulled away and placed a tender kiss on his forehead. “Until then, however, how about some breakfast? I’m famished.”
“You should be after last night,” he remarked, leaning back against the pillows with a smirk. He watched as his lover climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of heart-printed boxers. “Lovely pants.”
“Don’t mock,” the other man said. “You’re the one who bought them.”
“Which is why I think they’re lovely,” he replied. He winked as he added, “Especially on you.”
His lover only hummed as he walked from the room. He lay and stared at the ceiling for a long while, listening to the sounds that emerged from the kitchen below and mused about how things had changed for the better so quickly.
A sudden crash sounded from the first floor and he heard his lover shout angrily, “Who the bloody hell are you?” before there was a loud thump.
He leapt from the bed, completely forgoing any form of clothing as he raced from the room and down the stairs in the direction of the kitchen. When he burst into the bright room, he found his lover lying unconscious on the hard floor and he cried out in distress.
As he was advancing towards the prone and still man, he saw a figure move out of the corner of his eye. He had enough time to turn and hiss a threatening, “You!” before his world dissolved into blackness.
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“It’s nice to be back,” Sirius said as he stepped aside to allow James and his family entry.
Lily leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Hello, love,” she greeted. “Trip all right?”
Sirius shrugged. “’Bout the same as it normally is,” he replied. There was a hard tug on his trouser leg and he glanced down to see a pair of large green eyes staring up at him, a grin plastered across the pale face they were set in. “Harry!”
The boy giggled as Sirius lifted and threw him into the air. “And how is our young Prongslet?” he asked once he had caught the boy.
“Again, again!” Harry squealed in delight. Sirius repeated the motion as requested and Lily’s hands hovered awkwardly in mid-air as she shook her head.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” she muttered.
“I’m not going to drop him,” Sirius scoffed and Lily sighed.
After a few more rounds of The-Boy-Who-Needs-No-Broomstick-To-Fly were played, the group made their way down to the basement kitchen. They chatted amicably for a bit, Harry occupying himself by alternating between playing with a Muggle push car and trying to shove Sirius out of his chair.
“Listen, mate,” James said after watching his son lose yet another round with Sirius, “I hate to ask this considering you just came home and all, but would you mind watching Harry for us tomorrow night? Lily and I have a do at the Ministry that we have to attend.”
Sirius raised his eyebrows knowingly. “What time’s the surprise party?” he asked in amusement.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” James bluffed and Sirius smirked smugly.
“Honestly, James,” Lily admonished, “I told you trying to fool him was of no use. The man can read you like an open book.”
James sighed and shook his head, glaring at Sirius. “Seven,” he grunted. “At least try and act surprised.”
Sirius scoffed in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know that I am a brilliant actor, thank you very much.”
James hummed. “Which, I suppose, is why McGonagall always knew who pulled all the pranks,” he said sarcastically.
“Don’t be daft, Prongs,” Sirius huffed. “McGonagall never knew. She only suspected after so many years of experience. Did you not notice that she never had any actual proof?”
James gaped and Lily and Sirius snorted in amusement as the bespectacled man shook his head. “All those years…” James murmured in astonishment.
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“Shh! He’ll hear you.”
“Ouch! That was my foot, you wanker!”
“Would everyone shut it? It isn’t going to be a surprise party if you ruin the surprise by flapping your lips!”
“Shhhhh!”
Sirius smiled to himself and leaned against the outside wall of the house as he waited patiently for the shouted whispers to die down. Only James could whisper louder than he could speak.
“Oi! Be quiet!”
All sound from behind the front door was finally silent. Sirius counted to thirty before knocking on the door.
“Come in!” James’ muffled voice called.
“Prongs?” Sirius questioned in confusion as he walked through the doorway. “Why’s it dark?”
As he stepped over the living room threshold, a joyous shout of, “Surprise!” sounded. The lights were thrown full blast and Sirius forced a look of shock as his friends jumped from their hiding places around the room. He glanced up and saw a massive banner hanging from the ceiling flashing ‘Welcome Home Sirius’ in large red and gold letters. A lion waved to him from the corner.
“Cor!” he gasped, clutching his chest. “That was brilliant everyone! I almost lost my lunch.” Sirius glanced in James’ direction and saw the man’s eyes narrow in warning. Sirius winked and bowed to his friends. “Thank you, everyone. You shouldn’t have.”
There was a sudden flood of bodies all around him, shaking his hand, patting his back, and even smacking his cheeks. Everyone greeted him, welcomed him home, and told him that they hoped he stayed around for more than a few weeks.
He was just maneuvering his way out of the reaching hands when there was a sharp pinch on his bum. Sirius cursed loudly and turned quickly. His mouth curved into a large grin when he saw who it was.
“Callum!” he cried, reaching out and embracing the other man. Sirius pulled back and his hand grasped around Callum’s neck. “It’s great to see you, mate. Where was my Floo call two weeks ago?”
Callum grinned and his dark blue eyes flashed with amusement. “I’ve been a bit, erm…busy,” he answered devilishly, his eyes flickering across the room quickly.
Sirius smirked and hummed as his grey eyes followed, though it was impossible to pick out an individual person amongst the numerous bodies. “I see,” he murmured slyly. “So, when do I get to meet this…distraction?”
Callum’s face tightened in mild panic. “Preferably never,” he answered darkly. Sirius’ smirk grew into a grin and his eyes glinted with mischief. Callum sighed wearily. “I suppose, though, that I would rather introduce you myself than for you to set out on the hunt. Unimaginable chaos would ensue and Lily would never forgive me for her ruined house.”
Sirius pulled his friend into a one-armed hug. “Knew you’d come round, mate!” he said joyously. Callum grunted and Sirius pulled back to look at him. “Seriously, though, everything’s been all right, Cal? You’re good?”
Callum’s expression turned wistful as he gazed across the room. “Better than good,” he whispered. “We’re happy, Pads. Things are wonderful right now.”
Sirius smiled and squeezed Cal’s shoulder. “That’s all that matters,” he murmured. He laughed then and pushed Callum away playfully. “Go on with you! You two come and find me later or there will be hell to pay, understood?” Cal provided Sirius with a mock salute and a wink as he walked away.
Sirius meandered around the room, various people pulling him in for idle chatter and welcoming wishes. He broke away from the Longbottoms after a lengthy conversation about their son and jobs and glanced around the room, searching for someone new to speak with. His eyes landed on a man about his age and height that he didn’t recognise. Sirius was instantly intrigued.
Sirius watched and studied the man as he moved long, pale-skinned fingers to run through his light brown, ear length hair. His honey-brown eyes sparkled as his full lips pulled back in laughter at someone’s antics and his entire lithe body vibrated with mirth. Sirius was enraptured.
Sirius suddenly realised that he was gaping and quickly closed his mouth. His eyes slid from side to side, searching to see if anyone had noticed him and was thankful when he wasn’t met with any knowing smirks. He hurriedly drained the contents in the glass he was holding in one straight shot, squared his shoulders, and made his way over to the unknown man.
“Hello,” he said, sticking out his hand to the other man. “I’m –“
The man accepted his hand and smiled warmly as he interjected, “Sirius Black, I know.”
“Oh. Right,” Sirius faltered, wondering if he had met the other man before. “Er…I’m sorry. Who are you again?”
“Remus Lupin,” the man replied.
“Right,” Sirius repeated, his confusion growing along with his panic at having obviously forgotten an entire person. “I’m sorry to say that I honestly don’t remember you.”
Remus laughed and Sirius’ insides twisted pleasantly in response. “That’s because you’ve never met me,” he chuckled out.
“Oh!” Sirius exclaimed, relief flooding his every cell. “Well, that makes sense.” His confusion returned after its momentary reprieve. “How exactly do you know who I am, then?”
Remus’ lips twitched as he gestured around the room, his captivating eyes dancing wickedly. “It is your party,” he explained slowly, adopting the tone of one who was discussing something incredibly difficult. “I think I would be a bit unwelcome if I showed up without knowing who the person of honour was, don’t you?”
Sirius exhaled and his lips spread into a goofy smile. “I’d always welcome you, I think.”
Remus’ eyebrows rose in amusement and Sirius’ eyes widened when he realised what he had said. He opened his mouth to speak and cover up his blunder, but a voice interjected from behind them.
“Bloody hell,” Callum sighed. “Why is it that you’re always one step ahead of me, Pads?” He stepped forward and stood by Remus’ side, his head shaking in disappointment. “I was just coming to find you so that I could introduce the two of you.” His arm wrapped around Remus’ waist and Remus leaned into the curve of Cal’s side. “Sirius, this is my boyfriend, Remus Lupin.”
Sirius choked as he sucked in a breath of air. “He’s your boyfriend?” he asked in shock.
Callum snorted. “Of course he is,” he scoffed. “Who else would it be? You know everyone else that’s here.”
Sirius pursed his lips in mild chagrin and felt vaguely disgusted with himself for not realising such a thing sooner. He watched as Remus’ chest vibrated as he attempted to contain his laughter.
“I was just about to ask Sirius about his work,” Remus told Cal.
“You’ll never get him to shut up if you do a thing like that,” Callum muttered.
“Oi!” Sirius exclaimed. “I never ramble about my job. Why would I do a thing like that?” Callum shrugged, but didn’t reply and Remus continued to smile, something which Sirius was finding incredibly distracting.
Someone passed by him and Sirius reached out and grabbed the person’s arm tightly. “Pete!” he shouted in relief when he realised who it was and Peter’s eyes widened in faint surprise. “Sorry, gents. Wormy here promised me a thrilling story about the German Minister for Magic. I have to catch it while it’s fresh or else it might lose its appeal.”
“All right,” Remus called as Sirius pulled a baffled Peter away. “Wonderful to meet you, Sirius.”
“Yeah, you as well,” Sirius called back.
“Sirius, what in Merlin’s name is wrong with you?” Peter asked as he wrestled his arm back from Sirius’ grip after being shoved into the kitchen.
“I just made a complete and utter fool of myself,” Sirius sighed as he leaned against the counter.
Peter snorted. “How is that anything new?” he questioned and Sirius threw a wooden spoon at his head. Peter held his hands up in surrender. “All right! I’m sorry. I had to get a bit of revenge, though. How many times do I have to tell you three not to call me ‘Wormy’?”
“Not sure,” Sirius replied thoughtfully. “Try it once more and see if it works out.”
Peter threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “I give up,” he proclaimed, shaking his head.
Sirius clapped him on the back. “Good man, Pete!” He leaned away and studied his friend. “So, how are things? How’s work for a high and mighty International Magical Cooperation agent?”
As Peter launched into a tale about the Russian Magical Ministry and their incompetent law department, Sirius’ thoughts drifted to the man in the other room. He found it ridiculous that the one person he had ever found to cause such a reaction in him happened to be his best friend’s boyfriend. Honestly, it was his luck and he supposed he would have to deal with that fact. And he would, somehow, even if the eyes would haunt every waking and sleeping moment of his entire existence. He would deal with it. Eventually.
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“You know,” he murmured thoughtfully, “I’m not entirely sure. West-ish, maybe?”
The other man looked up at him with disbelieving eyes. “You Apparated us without knowing where you were going?” the man asked as he shook his head. “Why does that not surprise me?”
“Because you know how I am and love me anyhow?” he said, prodding his lover in the side gently.
The other man yelped as a ticklish spot was hit and jumped out of the embrace. “Stop that!” he cried on the dying edges of a chuckle. “You know I hate it when you tickle me.”
He smiled devilishly at his lover, approaching slowly with his fingers curved into claws and the other man’s eyes widened in panic. His lover opened his mouth to protest just as he pounced, his hands sinking into the other man’s sides deftly. The man squealed and struggled against his attacker, laughing all the while.
His lover finally managed to push him away and he collapsed next to the other man as he inhaled great breaths of air. He laid his head upon the heaving chest and reached up to finger a strand of his lover’s light coloured hair, listening to the heartbeat beneath his ear. His eyes moved over the surrounding scenery before them and he smiled at the simple beauty of it.
Rolling green and brown fields filled with reds and yellows and oranges. Fence lines stretched as far as the eye could see and he briefly wondered where they would lead to were he to follow them. The slanting mountains in the distance stood silent watch, guarding them from anything that could threaten harm, the white-gold mist creeping towards them like a blanket of warm security. It was peaceful, it was blissful, and it was beautiful. He would stay forever if he could.
A hand drifted gently up his spine and he smiled at the small tingles that followed the touch.
“I love you,” he whispered, his lips ghosting over the soft skin of the bare chest beneath his head.
“And I love you,” came the soft reply.
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The house had quickly fallen into disrepair which meant that Sirius had quite a lot of work to do on it the first week he was back home. Following that, there was the added burden of food shopping, something he hadn’t had to do since the first year after he had left Hogwarts. His clothes, he had discovered, weren’t in the best condition either. Whether Muggle or Wizard, moths were a nuisance that invaded every household and that Sirius felt the need to release his wrath on at every available opportunity.
Three weeks after his homecoming, Sirius Flooed Peter to ask the man about the Japanese law department and if they had any information for Sirius about a cursed artefact he had found during one of his explorations. When his eyes landed on the small living room of Peter’s flat, Sirius waited impatiently for his friend to appear in front of the fireplace. Suddenly, a face appeared in his line of sight, but not the one he had been expecting.
“Oh, er…hello, Remus,” he greeted in confusion.
Remus smiled politely. “Hello, Sirius,” he said. “It’s nice to see you again. Sorry about this. Peter and Cal are in the kitchen, but they’re a bit busy arguing over technical things that I don’t fully understand, so Peter asked me to see who it was.”
“Ah,” Sirius muttered, understanding dawning like the sun, “I see. Well, I’ll Floo him later then. Thanks, Remus.”
Sirius made to pull his head out of the fire, but Remus stopped him. “Sirius?”
“Yeah?” he asked, pushing himself forward once more.
“Well, Cal was going to talk to you later, I think, but since you’re here…” Remus trailed off and Sirius’ eyebrow rose in silent question. “Cal was wanting to go fishing – Muggle fishing, you know how he is – and he was wanting to invite you, James, and Peter to come along. He’s already talked with Peter about it and I think he’s agreed to come. He’ll speak with James about it later tonight, I believe. Would you like to come?”
Sirius chuckled and shook his head. “Muggle fishing,” he muttered in amusement. “Man never changes, does he?” Remus grinned but didn’t reply. “When were you planning to go?”
“This weekend,” Remus answered. “Saturday, I think.”
Sirius chewed the inside of his lip as he thought about what plans he might have made for the weekend. “I’m fairly sure I’m free, so yeah, I’ll come along.”
“Great!” Remus said happily. “I’ll be sure to tell Cal. And I’ll let Peter know that you Flooed. We’ll see you Saturday, then?”
“Yes, you will,” said Sirius. “Thank you, Remus. And don’t let those two go at it for too long. I keep warning them that their heads will explode from so much adult conversation one day.”
Remus laughed and waved as Sirius pulled his head from the fire. He fell back against the cupboards and released a heavy sigh, suddenly realising that not only would honey-brown eyes be haunting him, but so would that deep, melodious laugh. This was slowly becoming a problem that he hadn’t any idea of how to handle. A very large and…growing problem.
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He was hot; boiling within his own skin, more like. The humidity was so thick in the air that Sirius felt as though he was swimming. Every inhaled breath was like swallowing a mouthful of water. The flies and gnats buzzed around him and pelted his head, neck, and arms like dive-bombers and he growled deep in his throat as he swatted at them fruitlessly. And, to make matters worse, Remus kept turning and providing him with a knowing, sympathetic smile, which had become yet another thing to add to the ever growing list. It was bloody torture.
“James,” Sirius said testily as he smacked at a large mosquito and missed, “please explain to me again why you felt the need to walk the last mile to the lake.”
James stretched his arms wide and beamed. “Nature, Pads,” he sighed reverently. “It’s brilliant!”
“Annoying, more like,” Sirius grouched. “Insects are going to eat me alive before we get a fourth of the way there.” Warmth flooded through his stomach as Remus coughed to cover up a laugh.
Callum snorted and Sirius quickly steered his increasingly immoral thoughts to more honourable territory. “You’re always so melodramatic, Sirius,” Callum said. “Just enjoy the scenery.”
“How do you expect me to enjoy the damn trees when I feel like there’s a great whopping target on my arse?” Sirius snapped.
Peter, who had wisely remained silent throughout the discussion, paused in the middle of the path and gave Sirius an oddly quizzical look. “I thought there was?” he asked innocently, a wicked spark entering his blue eyes.
Sirius flushed red and lobbed a nearby stick at the other man. James and Callum collapsed into boisterous guffaws and even Remus emitted a muffled chuckle.
“Oi!” Sirius cried. “That wasn’t funny, you knobs!”
Callum sucked in a sharp breath as he regained control of his laughter. “Actually, it really was,” he murmured.
“Quite,” James agreed. “Seriously, though, how is it that out of all the blokes in the whole of Hogwarts, two thirds of my best mates turned out gay?”
“Suppose you’re just lucky, Prongs,” Sirius said, wiggling his tongue at the other man. James gagged.
Remus’ laughter floated to Sirius’ ears. “As interesting as this is,” he chuckled out, “I have to agree with Sirius. I think he and I will Apparate ahead and wait by the lake.”
“Spoilsports, the both of you,” Cal said affectionately as Remus placed a kiss on his cheek. He flapped his hands at them. “On with you! We’ll see you two in a bit.”
“Love you, too,” Remus said cheekily. He reached and grabbed Sirius’ arm and the dark-haired wizard’s stomach twisted at the contact.
They vanished with a crack and reappeared at the edge of an old steel bridge. Sirius glanced around before looking at Remus in confusion. “I thought we were going to the lake?”
Remus smiled sheepishly at him. “We are,” he answered. “I’m sorry. I just like this part of the path. The lake isn’t too far along. You don’t mind, do you?”
Sirius gazed ahead at the gravel path and the thick green and brown trees that surrounded it. “Not at all,” he said with a smile of his own.
They took off walking and Sirius jumped up on the bridge’s narrow railing, sticking his arms out for balance. Remus studied him, his brown eyes holding a slight touch of concern.
“I can’t promise I’ll be able to catch you if you fall,” he said casually.
“Maybe I’ll fly,” Sirius told him teasingly, his eyebrows rising.
Remus shook his head, his lips twitching in amusement. “Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me at all that you were in Gryffindor. Peter, James, and you; you’re all mad, the lot of you!”
Sirius laughed and wobbled a bit as he did. “So, where did you go to school? You weren’t at Hogwarts with us, but you have a West Country accent.”
Remus hummed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked. “I was born in Bristol and my parents and I lived there until I was nine. We moved to France after my father got a position with the French Ministry.” As Remus spoke, Sirius watched him with avid fascination, the words falling from his lips sounding like honey and turning to pure gold. “I went to Beauxbatons, but I would have gone to Hogwarts if we had stayed in country.”
“Where did you live?” Sirius asked.
“We stayed in a small flat in Paris the first year,” the light-haired man answered. “After my dad saw that it would be a fairly permanent job, he and my mother purchased a house in Rennes.”
“I’ve been there,” Sirius murmured thoughtfully as he gazed down at the valley below the bridge. He shrugged to himself. “Then again, there aren’t many places I haven’t been.”
Remus chuckled. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, how did you manage to get a position where you can travel? I’ve met a Curse-Breaker or two, and heard of even more, but they all tend to stay around one specific area.”
“They give you a choice,” replied Sirius, staring into the distance without really seeing the scenery. “You can either choose to be placed in one general area, or you can go any and everywhere whenever you’re needed to.”
“I had no idea you could choose,” Remus mumbled.
Sirius hummed as he jumped from the ledge and joined Remus’ side as they walked. “Most people, for whatever reason, prefer to stay in one place. Maybe it’s maturity, or maybe it’s logical thinking about their future. I suspect it’s a bit of both.”
“And you?” Remus asked, a teasing glint entering his soft brown eyes. “Were you still a fourteen year old boy at heart and had no desire to even think about settling down?”
Sirius snorted. “James and Lily would argue that I was. ‘Immature and irresponsible’ was what Lily said when I made my decision. Told me I was acting like a child by choosing to ‘run away from home’ and that I would be ‘missing out on the finer points of life’.”
Remus studied him contemplatively. “So what was the real reason you chose that option?” he asked quietly.
“What makes you think she wasn’t right?” said Sirius, cocking an eyebrow.
Remus smiled and his eyes drifted to Sirius’. “You talk about it with too much reverence,” he murmured. “If Lily had been right, your eyes wouldn’t light up when you speak of it.”
Sirius ducked his head as heat flushed his neck and cheeks. “I wanted to travel,” he whispered. “See the world. My family was never one for holidays, so my travels basically consisted of London, Hogwarts, and James’ parents’ house in Devon. I dreamed of seeing the Taj Mahal, Notre Dame, the Aztec ruins, and the Pyramids of Egypt. I could have been placed at any one of those permanently, but seeing one wasn’t enough. I wanted to see them all and so much more.” He inhaled a deep breath. “I’ve always known that the ‘finer points of life’ would be here when I decided to come back.”
“Did you see your dreams?” Remus asked.
Sirius smiled. “I did,” he answered softly. “I went to the edge of the world and back. I saw the tallest mountains and the deepest valleys. I swam in the clearest water and hiked through the thickest forests. I’ve seen Heaven and I’ve been to Hell, yet, for some reason, it isn’t enough.”
It was quiet after Sirius finished speaking and he pulled himself out of his trance to look at Remus. The man was staring at him in faint surprise and Sirius tripped over his words as he hastened to apologise.
“I – I’m sorry,” he stuttered. “I never – I’ve never told anyone any of that and I never speak like that. I’m not sure why I poured it all on you.”
“Don’t apologise for speaking how you feel,” Remus told him. “It was beautiful, what you said.” Sirius blushed and directed his eyes to the surrounding trees. “Why is it that you chose to come back now?”
They rounded a curve in the path and were greeted by the sight of the sparkling lake as Sirius sighed. “As much as I love the travelling, I’ve only been home a handful of months in the past six years. A day here, a week there when there was nothing that needed doing.” He leaned his back against a nearby tree and gazed across the surface of the lake. “Gringotts allows a certain amount of holiday time every year which I’ve never taken, so it’s built up. I miss my friends. I miss not being around to watch Harry grow up and James learn to be a father. I miss the finer points in life and I’m ready to experience them.”
“Then you will,” Remus said genially, “so long as you try.”
Sirius hummed. “So why did you move back here?” he asked the other man, wishing to direct the conversation away from himself.
Remus smiled knowingly, but allowed the subject change. “I’m not sure,” he said. “I was always perfectly happy where I was. I had a decent job and a few good friends. One day, though, I woke up and felt this overwhelming need to simply leave. I’ve never been able to explain it, though Merlin knows I’ve tried.” He sighed and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. “My mother always told me that a man should never ignore his instincts, so here I am.”
“Do you miss it?” Sirius questioned softly.
“Sometimes,” answered Remus with a shrug, “but not nearly as much as I did at first.” He paused then and licked his lips thoughtfully as he studied Sirius as though debating with himself. “Do you ever feel like you’re missing something important? Like there’s something constantly pulling at you, but no matter what you do, it never goes away or becomes any better?”
Sirius’ eyes widened and he swallowed. “Yes, I do,” he whispered. “All the time.”
Remus’ sharp brown eyes locked with Sirius’ grey and they stared at one another in sympathetic understanding and complete confusion. Sirius had felt such a pull for years, but had always thought it was the constant itch to move and explore somewhere new. If Remus felt it as well – Sirius had no idea what it could mean.
“Remus –“ he began, but broke off with a hiss as something bit down on his arm. “Damn it!” he cursed as he swatted at a large ant.
“Hold still,” Remus ordered, stepping forward quickly and withdrawing his wand. He placed his hand over Sirius’ upper arm to ensure the man did as he was told and waved the wooden stick above his black locks and muttered something under his breath. “There, that should keep them away.”
Sirius swallowed thickly as he tried to concentrate on something other than the tingles racing through his arm beneath the other man’s touch. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Remus’ eyes sparkled like honey in the sun as he murmured, “You’re welcome.”
Before Sirius could comprehend what he was doing, he had leaned forward and captured Remus’ soft lips in a kiss. Fireworks exploded behind his eyelids.
Remus’ breathing stopped momentarily in surprise, but Sirius didn’t notice because suddenly, Remus was kissing him back. The fabric of Sirius’ shirt caught on the rough bark of the tree as Remus pushed him backwards and ran his tongue over the edges of Sirius’ lips, begging for entry. Sirius opened his mouth and his taste buds exploded as Remus slipped inside and the kiss grew hungry with want and need.
Sirius moaned as the tip of Remus’ tongue flicked the roof of his mouth. His fingers threaded through the light strands at the base of Remus’ skull and he sucked the man’s bottom lip between his teeth. Remus groaned in desire and Sirius felt a distinctive bulge against his thigh as the man pressed closer.
A twig snapped somewhere close by and the two men jumped apart just as Cal’s voice reached their ears. “Oi! Remus, Sirius, we’re here! Where are you two?”
Sirius glanced up at Remus and was met with wide, shocked brown eyes. Sirius swallowed and opened his mouth to speak, but there was a rustle of leaves and Callum stepped around a nearby bush.
“There you two are,” he said jovially. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” He placed a kiss on Remus’ lips and Remus smiled weakly.
“I’m going to go and help James and Peter set up,” Remus mumbled before breaking away quickly and walking out of sight.
Callum turned to Sirius. “So, what do you think?” he asked as they began to follow. “He’s nice, yeah?”
Sirius licked his lips as the memory of Remus’ and his shared kiss sprung to mind and swallowed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “Yeah, nice,” he muttered while he mentally shredded his list of Remus related thoughts, throwing the pieces into the depths of the grey-blue lake.
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The day spent by the lake had been headache inducing. Remus had refused to look at him, which had made Sirius feel both relieved and disappointed. They had spoken to one another only when it had been strictly necessary, and had both insisted on a quick Apparition instead of a long walk when it had been time to leave. If the other three had noticed anything odd, they had remained silent about it.
Since then, Sirius had received several invitations from Callum to accompany Remus and him on various excursions, but Sirius had resolutely denied every single one of them, claiming previous engagements or illness. The more distance between Sirius and Remus, the better.
Late one afternoon, Sirius was sequestered away in the second floor parlour, waging war with an old biting armchair, when the doorbell sounded through Grimmauld Place. He cursed and stepped back, glaring pointedly at the chair.
“This isn’t over,” he warned. “I’ll be back.” The chair snapped its cushion down threateningly and emitted a large cloud of dust. Sirius huffed and walked out of the room.
The bell chimed again as Sirius came down the stairs. “Keep your knickers on,” he called. “I’m coming, I’m he—“ He cut himself off abruptly as he threw the door open and was met by a pair of guarded brown eyes.
“Er…” he said intelligently and Remus switched his weight from one foot to the other.
“I’m sorry,” the man said. “I didn’t mean to stop by so suddenly and unannounced, but Cal was concerned after you told him you were ill yesterday. He wanted to check on you himself, but he’s working late and asked if I would do it instead. I couldn’t exactly tell him no, because then he would have wanted to know why…”
“Er…” Sirius said again before shaking his head to clear his jumbled thoughts. “Right, sorry. Would you like to come in?” He stepped back from the door and Remus entered hesitantly.
“I wouldn’t have come,” he said as his eyes travelled around the large room, “because I figured you weren’t being entirely truthful.” His eyes moved back to Sirius and studied his dust-coated form before locking with Sirius’ grey. “Then I started to consider that maybe you had been telling the truth and I knew that if you had and I didn’t come, I would inevitably feel guilty.” More so than I already do went unsaid between them.
“Well,” Sirius began, stretching his arms wide, “rest assured that I am fine.” He looked at his dirty hand in distaste. “A little grungy, maybe, but that’s nothing a good shower can’t fix.”
Remus eyes slid away and Sirius flushed.
“So, er…” Sirius said nervously, quickly changing the subject, “how’s Cal?”
“You should know,” Remus stated. “You spoke to him only just last night.”
“Right, yeah. So he’s good, then. That’s good, great. I’m happy to, er…hear that…” He trailed off when he realised that he was babbling and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
Remus snorted under his breath. “And you said you never rambled,” he scoffed.
Sirius grinned. “I lied,” he quipped and Remus smiled. “Look, I, er…I hate to ask this, but do you think you could help me. I’ve got a cheeky chair upstairs that needs to be taught a lesson and it’s proving more difficult than I originally thought.” Remus considered him beneath long lashes and Sirius smiled sweetly. “You know what they say, two wands are better than one and all that rot.”
Remus inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly before he smiled. “Lead the way,” he said, motioning to the stairs.
Sirius released a puff of air he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and beamed. He provided Remus with a mock salute and the other man snorted in amusement as Sirius quickly made his way up the risers and into the parlour. The chair let out another snort of dust as they walked through the door. Remus gawked.
“You were serious,” he muttered.
Sirius clamped down on the need to use the old pun and said instead, “Of course I was. What did you think I was bringing you up here for?”
“I – nothing,” Remus replied, turning his head in the opposite direction slightly. “I’ve just never seen a biting chair before.”
“You’d be surprised what you could find in this house,” he told Remus as he made a wide circle around the chair, studying it thoughtfully. “Not so much now as I’ve managed to clean most of it out since my mum died, but when I was a child, you couldn’t walk into a single room without something trying to attack you.”
Remus was silent and Sirius glanced up at him to see a look of shock spread across his pale face. Sirius smiled cynically. “Surely you’ve heard of the Blacks, even if you have lived in another country most of your life. My family is a far step from being a pleasant lot.”
“Of course I’ve heard of your family,” Remus said as he swallowed. “The Blacks are revered; treated like royalty. I had always thought that the talk was simply…rumours; something someone had started long ago to build fear. I especially thought that after I met you. You’re so –“
“Sane?” Sirius cut in with a smirk.
“Well, I was going to say kind,” Remus said with a shrug, “but I suppose sane will do as well.”
Sirius leaned against the side of the chair and its cushion snapped in warning. A hard glint entered his eyes as he stared at the roaring fireplace. “I’m the only one left that actually carries the Black name, but that doesn’t mean that members of my family aren’t still out there,” he told Remus. “They are Dark, they are evil, and they are insane. They are meant to be feared, regardless of whether I like it or not. And I am not afraid to admit that I am terrified of them.”
Remus stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Do people fear you?” he asked quietly.
Sirius looked up and he felt claws dig into his heart when he met Remus’ sympathetic brown eyes. “Yes,” he whispered.
Remus moved closer. “Should they?” he murmured.
Sirius swallowed and his stomach twisted. “Yes,” he breathed and Remus’ lips crashed against his.
Sirius’ arms wrapped around Remus’ waist and his hands clutched at the man’s shirt as Remus’ fingers threaded through his black hair. Remus’ weight pushed against his body and Sirius moaned as he toppled backwards over the arm of the chair and sank into the cushion. Remus followed him, their lips not parting for a single second.
Sirius yelped and his teeth dug into Remus’ lip as something snapped at his bum. Remus jerked back and stared at Sirius accusingly as he tried to stem the flow of blood.
“What is wrong with you?” Remus snapped and Sirius began to panic as he felt himself sink deeper into the chair.
“Damn it! Pull me out!” he cried desperately, holding one of his arms out to Remus.
Remus’ eyes widened slightly and he jumped forward and grabbed Sirius’ arm, pulling on it roughly. “You idiot,” he growled. “Why did you sit in a biting chair?”
Sirius gaped and briefly forgot about his predicament. “You pushed me!” he protested and Remus snorted. Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “You’re the one who kissed me and shoved me down.”
Remus faltered in his struggles and stared at Sirius in mild horror. He opened his mouth to speak, but the chair suddenly vibrated and Sirius squawked as he sank deeper within it, his knees pressing against his chest.
“Shit, damn it, fuck!” he growled. “Please get me out of here!”
Remus gave a hard tug on his arm and Sirius soared forward out of the chair and collided with Remus’ body. Remus grunted as the impact sent them backwards onto the floor. Their bodies made a loud thudding sound as they landed.
Sirius laughed; roared with peals of guffaws. Remus attempted to glare up at him, but his eyes sparkled with suppressed mirth and eventually he broke down into loud laughter as well. His body vibrated beneath Sirius’.
The melodious sound was music to Sirius’ ears and it quickly calmed him. “I think we need to talk,” he said gently as he stared down at the other man. Remus sobered and his eyes dulled as he nodded.
“Maybe we should stand while we do,” he suggested pointedly and Sirius sighed.
“If you insist,” he said in a put-upon tone, but he smiled as he stood and offered his hand to pull Remus to his feet.
They stood an arm’s length apart from one another and gazed around the room awkwardly, neither willing to meet the other’s eyes. Sirius shuffled his feet and chanced a glance at Remus when he saw the other man twitch. Brown eyes met grey ones and they both looked away quickly.
Sirius growled in annoyance. “This is ridiculous,” he snapped, his venom directed more towards himself than Remus. “We’re acting like two teenagers, shying away from one another.”
Remus smiled. “Brings back memories, doesn’t it?”
“Some that I’d rather bury and forget,” answered Sirius with a chuckle. He sobered quickly and released a heavy sigh. “Why did you kiss me?”
“Because you frowned,” Remus said simply. “Why did you kiss me?”
“Because you’re you,” Sirius breathed.
Remus closed his eyes and bowed his head. “I’ve tried to ignore you. I’ve tried to forget about you; your laugh and your smile, your eyes that look like storm clouds, your lips against mine, and your breath on my tongue, but I can’t. You’re here –“ Remus motioned to his body, “—and I don’t know why. You push at my bones, claw at my mind, and pull my heart into my throat and I hate you for it.”
Remus’ arms crossed over his chest and he clutched at his sides. Sirius swallowed. “Why do you hate me?” he asked in a whisper.
Remus glared at him. “Because you make me feel things that I’ve never felt with anyone else before, not even Callum,” he said harshly. “And I love Cal. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but you – you’re everything I never knew I wanted.”
“I’ve tried to forget you as well,” Sirius whispered. “I’ve lied to Cal; stayed away, but it hasn’t helped. I dream about you every night. I hear your voice and dance to your laugh. I see your hands on mine and your fingers in my hair, pulling me closer. I smile when you move. I dream about your –“ Sirius paused and swallowed thickly “—your eyes, and I cry when they close.” He stepped forward until their chests were almost touching and wound his fingers through Remus’. “You haunt my every moment, Remus Lupin.”
He inhaled a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t want to hurt Cal, but it aches – tears my insides to pieces – being apart from you. I don’t understand why, and I don’t know if I ever will.” His hands released Remus’ and slowly drifted up the man’s sides to his neck and his fingers threaded through the light strands of hair. He pressed his forehead against Remus’ and breathed in the man’s exhaled breath. “All I know, Remus, is that I’m ready for those finer points of life and that’s what you are. My heart cries for you, and I think it always will.”
Remus’ hands moved to Sirius’ jaw line and smoothed over the rough stubble. “Do you remember that pull I was talking about that day by the lake?” he asked softly, his eyes meeting Sirius’.
“Yes,” Sirius murmured.
“It’s still,” Remus whispered. “For the first time in years I can barely feel it.”
Sirius lifted Remus’ head and lightly brushed his lips over Remus’. “So’s mine,” he murmured against the soft skin.
“This is wrong,” Remus said as his body trembled and his hands tightened around Sirius’ face.
“I know,” Sirius whispered, his lips ghosting over Remus’ and their breath mixed.
Sirius felt Remus’ chest hitch against his and then they were falling to the floor as their mouths collided. Their hands grasped at clothes and clawed at skin. Remus’ mouth moved along the line of Sirius’ jaw and down his neck, his teeth scraping over the sensitive skin in the hollow of the collarbone.
Sirius moaned into Remus’ hair and brought the man’s head back up to press a hungry, open-mouthed kiss against his lips. His hand travelled down to the waist of Remus’ trousers as he did so and he made quick work of the button and zipper he found there. Remus hissed into Sirius’ mouth as Sirius slowly removed the constricting trousers and pants and the fabric grazed against his hard cock. His nails dug into Sirius’ bare shoulders as his hips lifted from the floor and he rubbed himself against Sirius’ still clothed thigh with a strangled groan.
Sirius lay atop the man, completely still, and simply watched in amazement. Remus’ lips parted slightly, showing the smallest flash of white teeth as he breathed faint pants of air. His eyelids were narrowed to mere slits, nothing but white showing as his eyes rolled back in ecstasy. His cheeks were flushed a light pink from the heat radiating from his body and Sirius didn’t think he had ever seen anything so breathtakingly beautiful in his entire life.
He leaned down and placed a soft kiss against Remus’ temple as the man’s body rocked with increasing motion. “You’re gorgeous,” Sirius whispered in his ear and Remus stilled as his eyes opened. Sirius pressed his lips against Remus’ once before kissing a soft trail down his neck, chest, and stomach. He moved down and past Remus’ hips, burying his face against the hair sprinkled thigh. His lips kissed up the line of muscle and Remus groaned with want as Sirius’ tongue flicked against the tight sac at the base of his long, hard erection.
Sirius licked a light, gentle trail up the pulsing member and Remus’ entire body shuddered under Sirius’ ministrations. When he reached the weeping tip, Sirius opened his mouth wide and took Remus whole. His tongue exploded with the tangy, salty flavour that was purely Remus.
He slowly ran his mouth down to the base and nestled his nose in the light brown curls that rested there before working his way back up, flicking his tongue over the leaking slit at the top. Remus’ fingers threaded through Sirius’ dark hair and Sirius moved his head down, then up, then back down quickly and Remus moaned in satisfaction. Sirius hummed, his mouth vibrating around Remus’ cock and the man’s body shook with spasms of pleasure.
Remus pulled roughly on Sirius’ hair to gain his attention and Sirius looked up at him questioningly. “If you don’t stop,” he panted out, his body still trembling, “there won’t be any fun left to be had.”
Sirius’ lips twitched around Remus’ cock and his fingers moved up to the base, clamping around it tightly. He slowly raised his head, allowing his teeth to lightly graze over the skin and Remus released a strangled whine. His lips left Remus with a pop of sound and he inched his way up until he was face to face with the other man. His mouth covered Remus’ briefly before he pulled back and smirked.
“There will be none of that until I’ve had my say, understood?” he murmured, his fingers tightening around Remus’ dick. Remus swallowed as he slowly regained control and nodded. “Good.” Sirius kissed him once more before removing his fingers and making his way back down Remus’ body.
His hands moved to Remus’ thighs and gently pushed them apart. He lowered his head and glanced up at Remus as he slowly spread the man’s arse cheeks to expose the small pucker hidden within. Remus’ pleading brown eyes met his grey and Sirius watched the man as his tongue flicked at the rippled skin. Remus’ body jumped at the feeling, his hands clenching in the carpet at his sides and Sirius repeated the process.
After a few more swipes, Sirius pushed his tongue inside of Remus. The man writhed against the floor as Sirius went about stretching and preparing him expertly. Remus’ hips jerked each time Sirius withdrew his tongue and forced it back inside and Sirius’ own cock throbbed at the waves of pleasure emanating from the other man.
Sirius lifted his hand and slowly allowed a finger to join his tongue inside of Remus. After a few moments work, Sirius withdrew his tongue completely and Remus whimpered at the loss, but Sirius quickly pushed another, longer finger in to replace it and Remus cried out as his prostate was brushed. Remus’ hips rocked forward to meet Sirius’ efforts and Sirius quickly forced a third finger inside to meet the first two. Remus’ rhythm increased drastically as Sirius scissored his fingers in the narrow passage to loosen it and soon, Remus was begging him for release.
“Fuck, Sirius, please,” he gasped. Sirius moved up his body, keeping his fingers in place, and pressed his mouth to Remus’ as the man quickly unfastened Sirius’ jeans and shoved them down to his knees. Sirius allowed his fingers to brush over Remus’ prostate once more before he removed them and Remus moaned into his mouth.
He pulled back and gazed up at Sirius with lust-blown eyes. “Do it fast and quick,” he breathed. “I don’t know how long I can last.”
“It’ll hurt,” Sirius warned.
“I don’t care,” Remus whispered and his hips jerked involuntarily. Sirius placed one more kiss on the man’s lips before he moved to position himself.
With one smooth thrust, Sirius had buried himself fully inside of Remus and he watched as the man’s eyes clenched tightly closed and he cried out at the sudden intrusion. Sirius paused to allow time for Remus to adjust to the pressure, but the man was already pushing back against Sirius, begging him to move.
He started off slowly, savouring the glorious heat that surrounded his cock before his hips began to move quicker and faster and harder until the sound of slapping skin echoed through the room. Their gasps and moans and cries mingled together and floated through the air like music of the most beautiful quality and it caused Sirius’ heart to ache in the most brilliant way. Remus’ hands ran up Sirius’ back and his nails dug into the skin sharply, leaving behind long, thin, angry red lines. The sensation caused Sirius’ blood to boil inside his veins and his rhythm increased.
With a guttural cry of Sirius’ name, Remus came hard, his release covering Sirius’ stomach and his body trembling in Sirius’ embrace from the force. Sirius’ hips pounded harder and faster as the growing heat in his abdomen coiled tighter and with one final thrust, he was overcome by the white-hot sensation of release.
He stilled and his arms shuddered under his weight before giving out and he collapsed on Remus, their hot, sweat-slicked bodies sliding against one another. Remus’ arms wrapped around Sirius and pulled him even closer and began to murmur softly in his ear.
“Tu es ma beauté , mon souffle , ma vigueur . Tes yeux illuminent le trajet de mon coeur à ton coeur et ta respiration me donne la vie.”
Sirius hummed and placed a gentle kiss upon the man’s neck. “What does that mean?” he asked sleepily, his eyes drifting closed.
“You are my beauty, my breath, my strength. Your eyes light the path from my heart to yours and your breath brings me life,” Remus whispered and Sirius drifted to sleep with Remus’ voice in his ears.
Some hours later, Sirius stirred. He opened his eyes to find Remus gone and his naked body covered by a warm blanket. He pulled it closer and imagined it was a warm body instead as he stared at the opposite wall and tried to pretend that the man’s absence wasn’t killing him inside.
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It was late one morning on a day Remus was off work that he brought up this very issue with Sirius. They were sprawled across Sirius’ bed, the sun shining through the high windows and across their naked forms. Sirius lay with his body curled against Remus’, his head tucked under the other man’s chin. Remus’ arms wrapped around his back and his fingers lightly smoothed over Sirius’ dark hair, lulling him peacefully.
“You can’t keep avoiding him,” Remus murmured into his ear. Sirius hummed sleepily against Remus’ chest and Remus snorted in amusement. “Are you even listening to me?”
Sirius stretched and yawned as he glanced up at Remus. “Of course I am,” he replied indignantly. “You were talking about…erm…” He squinted at Remus’ nose as he tried to remember. “Er…what was it again?” Remus swatted at Sirius’ head playfully and Sirius ducked. “I’m sorry! It’s just, you rub in all the right places.” He waggled his eyebrows at the man. “Lulls me into a sense of drowsy, mind-numbing contentment.”
Remus narrowed his eyes slightly and hummed skeptically. Sirius sighed and pulled himself up until he was eye level with Remus, placing a soft kiss on the man’s already kiss-swollen lips. “I am sorry,” he breathed. “I didn’t mean it. I simply couldn’t help myself.” Sirius flashed a charming smile and Remus relented, chuckling in amusement.
“You’re incorrigible,” he stated.
Sirius grinned. “I know.” He leaned forward and kissed Remus again. “Now, what were you saying?”
Remus gazed at him thoughtfully. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “How do I know you’re actually paying attention this time? There are much better things I could be using my breath for then wasting it by talking to you.” His hand trailed down Sirius’ bare stomach as his mouth suckled tenderly at his neck.
Sirius groaned. “Oi, don’t do that,” he complained. “I’m not ready yet.”
“Old man,” Remus teased.
“I am not old,” Sirius protested. “I am merely…aging.”
Remus’ face buried deeper against Sirius’ neck and his breath rustled the dark hair as he snickered. “Aging, hmm?” he asked once he had regained control of himself.
“Yes, aging,” Sirius confirmed. “I will never grow old. I shall simply always be aging.”
Remus swallowed down another laugh and Sirius glared. “Well,” Remus said, his finger running down the side of Sirius’ face, “you age beautifully.”
Sirius kissed him. “That’s what I wanted to hear!” he said enthusiastically. “Now, will you please tell me what you were talking about before?”
“I suppose,” Remus sighed in mock frustration. “I said that you can’t keep avoiding him.”
“Who?” Sirius asked as he nibbled beneath Remus’ jaw.
“Cal,” answered Remus tentatively and Sirius froze. He lifted his head and stared at Remus, the playfulness he had been feeling a moment before fading quickly. “I’m sorry,” Remus said quietly, “but we have to discuss this eventually. He’s going to begin noticing something if you do keep pushing him aside, Sirius.”
Sirius sighed and pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning his back against the headboard and Remus followed suit. “I know,” he mumbled, “but I’m terrified of seeing him. What if I look at him and it all just pours out? Or, worse yet, what if with one glance, he just knows, and then it’s even more horrible because he thinks we lied to him and never had any intention of telling him at all?”
Remus fiddled with his fingers in his lap. “Are we going to tell him?” he whispered.
Sirius glanced at him. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “Did you – I mean, do you – do you want to?”
Remus met Sirius’ eyes and stared at him for a long moment. “I don’t want to hurt him, Sirius,” he said, inhaling a shuddering breath. “Then again, I’m already hurting him, aren’t I? Every time I come here behind his back. Every night when I come home and I’m with him, but in the back of my mind, I’m actually thinking about you. Every time we’re…together and I have to focus all of my energy on shouting out his name instead of yours, because I’m seeing you in my mind, not him.” Remus gazed at him pleadingly. “I love him, Sirius. I really do.”
Sirius swallowed as he steeled himself. “Do you – do you want to stop this?” he asked in a whisper.
“No!” Remus shouted, clutching at Sirius’ arm and Sirius’ heart soared. Remus calmed himself and tried again. “No, I don’t, because as much as I know I love Cal, I – I –“ He paused and inhaled a deep breath. “I think I love you more.” Sirius reached forward and pulled Remus against his chest, burying his face in the man’s hair. Remus’ body trembled. “I’m not sure what I would do if I lost you. But that’s mad, because I barely know you, Sirius. You’re just this man who came into my life and kissed me and caused the ground to fall apart around my feet. And every time I’m with you, I’m falling and falling and falling even more, but then I’m flying so much higher than I’ve ever imagined possible.”
He stopped and swallowed thickly, pulling his head out of Sirius’ arms and looking up into his grey eyes. “I know this is going to sound insane, but ever since this…thing between us started, I’ve had this idea that maybe this is the reason I came back to England. To find you.”
Sirius’ hands framed Remus’ face. “You don’t hear me complaining, do you?” he asked, placing his lips to Remus’ forehead. He pulled back and his arms encircled Remus again. “And just so you know, I think I might love you as well.” Remus’ nose nuzzled into Sirius’ chest as he hid his smile. “We won’t tell Cal,” he murmured. “And I will stop avoiding him. Eventually.”
Remus shook his head. “Completely incorrigible,” he repeated.
“Being incorrigible wasn’t part of the job description. What was it?” Sirius said as he pulled back and rubbed his chin in thought. “Gryffindor: Where dwell the brave at heart. Those with daring, nerve, and chivalry!”
Remus snorted as he poked at Sirius. “Let’s see…There’s the daring –“ He poked Sirius’ armpit. “—there’s the nerve –“ He poked Sirius’ stomach. “—and there’s the chivalry.” He poked at Sirius’ bum and Sirius swatted at his hand.
“Stop that!” he protested. “It tickles…Padfoot does not like tickling.”
Remus laughed. “That reminds me; I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
“Ask away,” Sirius chirped as he clutched Remus’ hand in his to ensure no further prodding would ensue.
“James, you, and Pete; you all have nicknames, but Cal doesn’t,” Remus said curiously. “Why?”
“Well,” Sirius began, drawing out the e as he stalled and thought quickly, but Remus interrupted.
“I know where the names come from,” he said with a smile. “You’re all three Animagi.”
“Oh,” Sirius said on an exhaled breath. “Well, that makes things easier, then. We didn’t really know Callum the first few years of school. We knew who he was, obviously, but because he was a Hufflepuff, we only really ever saw him at meals and in classes. We didn’t really notice back then, but there were an uneven number of Hufflepuff boys in our year, so Cal was sort of the odd one out. He had friends, of course, but nobody really close to him. He saved us from Filch – the caretaker; man was always out to catch us and string us up by our thumbs in the dungeons – one night, though, while we were trying to pull a prank on the Slytherins and we sort of adopted him as one of our own after that.
“That was in fourth year, and by that time, we had already come up with the idea to try and become Animagi and had completed a lot of the work that went along with it – thought it’d be fun, you know? We were all about taking risks back then. Pulling pranks and the like.”
Remus snorted. “Back then?” he scoffed. “I think you lot still are, a bit.” Sirius smiled.
“Since we hadn’t known him for all that long,” Sirius continued, “we didn’t know if we could trust Cal with what we were up to, so we kept it to ourselves. By the time we knew that we could, we’d already achieved the transformations. James and I offered to help him do it as well, but he said he’d rather not. Never really understood why, though.”
Remus hummed. “Well, it is a bit odd that he decided not to, but now I understand about the lack of a nickname,” he murmured. “I had always been curious, but I thought it best not to ask.”
Sirius fidgeted a bit. “You never even asked Cal?” he questioned tentatively. Remus shook his head. “Why? He would have answered you readily enough.”
Remus shrugged. “I didn’t know that,” he replied. “For all I knew, it might have been a bit of a sore spot. And I never asked the other two because what if they had never really realised or considered it? I could have been reopening old wounds.”
“Why did you ask me, then?” Sirius said.
“Because you’re…I don’t know,” Remus muttered, “harder than Cal is, I suppose. One of the differences between those of Gryffindor and those of Hufflepuff, from what I’ve heard. Thicker skin and thicker…minds.”
“Oi!” Sirius shouted in protest. “I’ll have you know that I am brilliantly brilliant.”
Remus snorted. “I have yet to see any of it, if that be the case.”
“All right,” Sirius growled, swatting at Remus’ bare flesh, “that’s it. Arse up; it’s time for your punishment.” He moved closer until he could whisper into Remus’ ear. “I think a spanking will work perfectly.”
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He kept his eyes closed and simply listened to the gentle breathing of the other man as it joined the rhythm of the waves. Inhale, crash; exhale, slosh; inhale, crash; exhale, slosh. In and out, back and forth the breaths and waves moved and it was like a lullaby to his ears.
“What is the appeal,” the voice came again, this time amusement hidden beneath the soft tone, “of lying upon a beach, naked, and halfway buried in the sand on your side?”
His eyes finally opened and he smiled up at his lover’s curious face. “It’s warm,” he murmured, his left hand sinking into the sand by the other man’s leg.
“It’s itchy,” his lover corrected with a sniff as his eyes traveled over to the distant ocean. “The sand attacks all the wrong places.”
He hummed as his hand slid forward in the sand. “You simply are not one with nature, love.”
The other man huffed. “And I do not wish to be if it involves an ungodly amount of sand and small crevices.”
His hand snaked out and wrapped itself around his lover’s white-clothed leg. He pulled him forward until the man’s back was flat against the ground and he was able to lever himself over top of the other man. He leaned down until his lips were close enough to ghost over his lover’s and whispered, “Get naked with me. Let the sand warm you and free you. Let me have you. Let me crash with you just as the waves crash against the beach.”
The other man gazed up at him with thoughtful eyes. “Tell me one good reason why I should and I will.”
He leaned down further and pressed a soft, yet hungry kiss against his lover’s lips. “Because I love you,” he murmured. His lover’s only reply was to press his body up against his and smile.
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The doorbell rang throughout the house and Sirius stopped mid-step and mid-whistle. He was quite happy that no one was able to see him, because he was under the impression that he would have looked considerably like a dog at point. He shook his head and quickly trotted down the stairs to the ground floor and the front door. When he opened it, a hand shot out and Sirius squealed in surprise.
“Very nice, Sirius,” Callum laughed out. “Are you turning into a girl?”
Sirius scowled and pulled his shirt out of Cal’s grip as he backed away from the door. Callum followed him inside and glanced around. “No,” Sirius huffed. “You just startled me. I didn’t expect a great flipping hand to jump out at me, did I?”
Callum tsked. “Poor little Curse-Breaker was scared of the itty-bitty hand.” He held the same hand up and clapped his fingers and thumb together like a mouth. “Shall I put a sock on it to make it less intimidating?”
“Shut it,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes as Callum laughed. “What are you doing here, you great sod?”
Callum grinned at him. “We’re going out,” he answered. “Now go put on your good trousers.”
Sirius stared at him, not quite comprehending what he was saying. “I – but, I –“
“No excuses this time,” Cal overrode, shooing Sirius up the stairs. “You’ve been back over two months and I’ve barely seen you. My own boyfriend sees you more than I do.”
Sirius’ stomach twisted at the word ‘boyfriend’ and he swallowed. There was obviously no getting out of this. His only hope was that Remus wasn’t coming along as well. Sirius didn’t know if he could handle that.
“Where are we going?” he called down the stairs to Cal.
“Surprise,” Callum yelled back in a sing-song tone. “You’ll find out soon enough. We just have to stop by and pick Remus up first.”
Sirius stomach dropped down to his feet and fell through the floor. Great, he thought miserably. Just spec-fucking-tacular.
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“Level four, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, incorporating –“
“Oh, thank Merlin!” Sirius cried as he pushed his way out of the lift. Cal followed behind at a slower pace and chuckled.
“Honestly, Sirius, what is it with you and that lift?” he asked as they made their way down the corridor.
“That voice just isn’t natural,” Sirius stated. “I can’t stand it.”
Cal snorted as he came to a plain white door. “Of course it isn’t natural,” he said as he pushed the door open. “It’s fake, Pads.”
Sirius rolled his eyes as he glanced around the room. He had never had reason to come to this department before, and he had to say that he wasn’t impressed. The room was plain, with white walls and plastic, multi-coloured chairs around the sides. The only forms of decoration were two ‘motivational’ posters plastered and peeling from the walls.
The first one was a picture of a dragon. Its head reared back and it spit a great burst of fire from its mouth. Once it was finished, flashing blue and red words appeared below the dragon. ‘Be cool, don’t get burned’ they said and Sirius snorted. The second was of what looked to be a regular man, but Sirius assumed he was supposed to be a werewolf, because he was standing beneath a shining full moon. Before his very eyes, the man began to morph and change, and suddenly, there was a giant wolf standing in his place. The wolf raised its head to the glowing moon and howled. The words ‘Calling to the moon won’t ease the monster’s guilt, but we can’ flashed beneath the creature. Sirius twisted his nose in distaste. Those had to be the worst posters he had ever seen in his entire life.
“Callum!” a familiar voice called out and Sirius turned around to see Remus moving out from behind a desk and gathering Cal in his arms. “What are you doing here?”
“Come to laugh at the poor sod that still has to work,” Cal joked and Remus shook his head. “Actually, I have a bit of a surprise, so I thought we’d come and get you when you got off.”
“We?” Remus asked and his gaze swiveled to Sirius. His eyebrows rose slightly in surprise. “Hello, Sirius.” A brief spark of something flashed in Remus’ brown eyes, but it was gone before it was barely noticeable. “It’s nice to see that you finally managed to drag him out of his solitude,” he said to Callum before turning back to Sirius. “He was going spare, he was.”
Sirius swallowed and attempted to calm the fluttering in his stomach. “Sorry,” he told Cal, offering a weak smile. Remus smiled at Sirius over Callum’s shoulder and Sirius almost lost it. Cal’s here, he thought to himself. Cal’s here, Cal’s here, Cal’s here, Cal’s here. He’ll notice if you run over and pounce on his boyfriend. Ah, but if only he knew how much I really wanted to…
Callum was talking about the wall decorations that Sirius had been admiring earlier and Remus’ eyes were traveling down Sirius’ body. They stopped when they reached Sirius’ hips and he smirked. Sirius stared at him in confusion and Remus merely pointed. Sirius looked down and he squeaked when he saw what Remus was motioning towards.
Cal turned back around and looked at Sirius in concern. “All right, Pads?” he asked.
“Er…yeah!” Sirius called as he ran to the door. “Loo; back in a mo!”
He raced down the corridor and into the nearest toilet, thankful that it was the end of the day and not many people were about. He forced himself inside one of the stalls and locked it as he sat down on the toilet and concentrated all of his energy on not being completely hard. When his thoughts and concentration began to stray back to Remus, Sirius quickly decided that the particular approach he was taking was not going to work. He threw the stall door open and pulled out his wand, waving it towards the main door, locking it and placing a service sign outside for good measure.
He darted over to the sink and turned on the tap as he undid his trousers and released his ever-growing cock. His hand dipped under the running water and he scooped up a handful. Sirius cringed when the ice cold water splashed against his hot erection, but it didn’t help alleviate the problem. With a sigh, Sirius made his way back to the stall. There was only one thing left to be done and he would have to do it quickly. There were spells for this sort of thing, of course, but they were quite unpleasant, bordering on painful and Sirius had no intention of using them. Just as he was pushing his trousers further down his legs, the door banged open and Sirius froze.
“Sirius?” Remus called. “Are you in here?”
Sirius pulled the stall door open and looked out at Remus. “Hello,” he said weakly. “What are you –?”
Remus walked towards Sirius and shoved him backwards against the stall wall as he entered and shut the door behind him. “I’m here to help,” he said with a smirk.
Sirius gasped as Remus’ hand wrapped around his cock and began pulling it gently. “How did you get past the door? I locked it.”
Remus’ other hand rested on Sirius’ chest and he pushed Sirius harder against the wall. “And I’m determined,” he remarked as he nibbled at Sirius’ neck. “Now shut up.”
Sirius hissed as Remus’ teeth nicked the skin over his collar bone and his hand worked faster around Sirius’ dick. “Remus,” he breathed, “Cal’s –“
“Perfectly fine and distracted,” Remus interrupted as his lips moved up to Sirius’. “He met a friend in the corridor. Now, I said to shut up.” His mouth covered Sirius’ and Sirius groaned with want.
Remus’ lips quickly trailed across Sirius’ jaw and down his neck as he lowered his body until he was eye level with Sirius’ hips. He opened his mouth and took Sirius whole, sucking until every last drop of pre-come leaking from the tip was gone. Sirius threw his head back at the sensation, hitting the stall wall behind him and his lips parted in a breathy moan. Remus removed his mouth, his teeth gently grazing the skin and his lips ghosted down Sirius’ length. His tongue slipped out and flicked at Sirius’ tight sac before he sucked half of it inside his mouth and that was almost Sirius’ undoing. His legs turned to jelly and it was all he could do to remain standing as his body trembled with pleasure.
Remus hummed knowingly while his tongue vibrated against the skin and Sirius’ fingers threaded gently through Remus’ hair. He pulled the man’s head back up and Remus smirked before he took Sirius in again. Up and down, up and down he moved and Sirius could no longer feel his feet as his breathing increased and his hands pulled at Remus’ hair begging for more, please just a little more and he didn’t even know if he was actually speaking. It was all heavy pants and heaving breaths and nerve-vibrating hums and echoed gasps and guttural moans. Every nerve in his entire body was on fire and he was burning with every small flick of tongue and scrape of teeth and there was a building, hot, liquid sensation in his stomach and it was moving closer and closer and all he needed was just one more scrape and he was there.
With a strangled cry, Sirius’ release exploded into Remus’ mouth and his head slammed back against the stall wall again as stars burst behind his eyelids. Remus hummed again and the combination of the vibrations and the feel of his throat working as he swallowed was enough to send Sirius’ body into spasms. He slowly slid down the stall wall and Remus freed his quickly wilting cock as he gathered Sirius into his arms and held him while Sirius waited for the feeling to return to his numb legs. Remus kissed him hungrily and Sirius tasted himself on the other man’s tongue; tasted the bitter-sweet salt that was him and that Remus had once told Sirius that he loved.
“You planned this, didn’t you?” Sirius murmured against the other man’s lips. “When you saw me, you knew what you could do and you did it.”
“Well, not this exactly,” Remus replied with a wicked smile. “I didn’t know Cal would get distracted and I’d be able to sneak away to…help you. I have to admit that I’m happy with how it turned out. I’ve always wanted to have a go in a Ministry toilet.”
Sirius snorted as Remus grinned and they were quiet for a long moment. “Why do you do this to me?” Sirius asked suddenly, a harsh tone entering his voice. Remus stared at him in surprise, worry sparking in his brown eyes and Sirius calmed himself. “Why is it that with just one look from you, I fall to pieces when no one has ever been able to do that to me before? Why you, of all people; my best mate’s boyfriend? What is it about you that ties my stomach into knots and sets my heart beating faster than it ever has and makes my eyes never want to leave yours?”
“I don’t know,” Remus murmured, “but you do the same to me and I find it just as impossible to understand.” He was quiet for a time and his arms tightened around Sirius. “J'ai peut-être pas allés où j'avais l'intention d'y aller, mais je pense que j'ai fini où je destiné à être.”
Sirius looked up at him. “What does that mean?” he asked softly.
Remus smiled as his lips brushed over Sirius’ temple. “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be,” he whispered. “It’s a quote by Douglas Adams.”
“The Galaxy man?” Sirius asked excitedly and Remus’ smile grew.
“The very same,” he murmured.
Sirius grinned and nuzzled his nose into Remus’ neck. “Mmm, I like the Galaxy man,” he mumbled drowsily and Remus laughed.
“Sirius,” he whispered and Sirius glanced up at him. “I think we need to go. We’ve been in here for quite a while.”
Sirius pulled back and sighed, all sense of sleepy contentment leaving him at the reminder of Cal waiting for them just beyond the door. “Right,” he mumbled.
Sirius stood with Remus’ help and quickly made himself presentable again before they walked to the door. Just before Sirius unlocked it, Remus grabbed him and pulled him in for one last kiss. When they parted, Sirius stared at him in surprise and Remus smiled weakly.
“Not sure when I’ll get to do that again,” he said wistfully. “I’ve got to make it last.”
Sirius’ hands cupped around the man’s face and he gave Remus a sad smile before he pressed their lips together once more in a gentle, lingering kiss. “We’ll figure this out,” he whispered when he pulled away. “I don’t know when or how, but we will. And when we do, we’ll never have to worry about hiding away in a loo again.” He paused as a thought occurred to him and he forced a grin. “Unless we want to, that is,” he joked pathetically, but Remus didn’t smile. He lightly ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair before he opened the door and walked out.
After a short while, Sirius followed him out. He came upon Remus again just as the man located Cal who was leaning against the corridor wall, waiting patiently.
“There you two are!” Cal exclaimed as he hooked his arm round Remus’ waist and twisted the man around. “I was beginning to think you’d fallen in, Sirius. Everything all right?”
Sirius swallowed as he tried to move his eyes away from his friend’s arm. “Yeah,” he muttered, “ace.”
“Great,” Cal chirped as he motioned ahead of them. “Ready?”
The other two men nodded and they took off walking toward the Ministry lobby. Sirius watched out of the corner of his eye as Cal leaned in and placed a kiss on Remus’ lips. When he pulled back, there was a quizzical expression on his face. “You taste…odd,” he murmured, his tongue visibly working in his mouth. “Sort of salty.” Sirius forced out a cough to cover up a gasp and he glanced at Remus. The man only smiled at his lover, but Sirius saw the restrained panic in his brown eyes. Cal shrugged and looked away, but Sirius continued to watch. He saw the tip of Remus’ tongue poke out and ghost over his lips, his eyes closing briefly before he opened them and looked to Sirius, guilt replacing the panic.
Sirius felt it too; felt it deep down in his bones as his mind wandered back to what had occurred in the toilet between him and his best mate’s boyfriend. Not for the first time Sirius wondered if it was worth it; what he would lose were his deceit to be discovered. Cal’s friendship for sure, and probably James’ and Peter’s as well. Betrayal wasn’t something any of them condoned easily, or at all, really. Cal loved Remus; the very truth of that was clear to see in the way his eyes sparkled when he thought of the man walking by his side. Could Sirius really continue such treachery knowing how much it was harming his friend? Sirius glanced over at Remus as this question occurred to him and he fell into the brown depths as Remus’ eyes met his grey over Cal’s shoulder. Sirius had his answer. He would willingly walk through Hell and back for the man, because just as sure as the sun would set and the moon would rise, Sirius was in love with Remus Lupin.
The sudden realisation caused Sirius to stumble and his breathing to become ragged. Callum glanced at him curiously and Remus stared at him with narrowed, concerned eyes, but Sirius waved them off as he regained control of himself. He was in love with Remus. It was so plain; so simple. He had often thought that he might be at various points throughout the course of their time together, but it had always been an abstract thought, never anything definite or certain about it. It had always been just that: a thought, maybe even a small flutter in his stomach or the skip of a heartbeat, but never a fact. Sirius was unsure as to how he was meant to deal with such a thing.
He made it though the evening, though slowly, every passing minute feeling like a day gone by. Sirius sat through dinner, stony and silent, his thoughts elsewhere as Cal and Remus both attempted to pull him into the conversation. He even managed through the entertainment, a round of ten-pin bowling that Cal was convinced they should each try their hand at. Admittedly, the whole affair would have been rather comical had Sirius not been utterly distracted throughout the entire thing. Remus kept shooting him curious, worried looks every time he thought Sirius wasn’t watching, and all it did was increase Sirius’ dark mood.
Eventually, Cal released him and told him he was free to go back home. Once there, Sirius closed the door behind him, leaning his back against the dark, smooth wood and breathed out a long, heavy sigh. He was in love with Remus Lupin, his best friend’s lover, and that was no good at all.
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The process continued for the next four days, Sirius slowly advancing closer and closer to the door with each musical chime and pounding knock. On the fourth day, Sirius had his side leaning against the wall beside the door, his face pressed against the wood. His chest heaved and his heart ached at denying his love entrance when that’s all his body screamed for.
He heard a huffed sigh from the other side of the door and his eyes closed as he prepared himself for Remus’ departure. “Sirius,” the man said instead and Sirius jumped, his eyes snapping open at the unexpected word. “Sirius, I know you’re there. I can feel you. I’m not sure how, but I can.”
Sirius shifted his head to the crack between frame and door, imagining he could feel Remus’ soft breath against his face. “Sirius, please,” Remus begged. “Please open the door. I just want to see that you’re all right. Something wasn’t right with you the other night and I just – All I want is to see that you’re all right.”
Sirius bit his tongue to keep himself from speaking, his entire body pushing him to simply open the door as the other man requested. He couldn’t, though. He just couldn’t.
“Sirius, I –“ Remus began, but he stopped himself and it was a long moment before he spoke again. Sirius slowly started to worry that he had left, and panic filled his chest and throat. “Was it something I did? I don’t know what it could be, but if it was, I’m sorry, Sirius. Maybe we shouldn’t have – no, I know we shouldn’t have. It was wrong. Cal, he –“ Remus snorted out an agitated breath of air before he growled. “Damnit, Sirius, just open the bloody door, please!”
Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and his body trembled as he listened to the pleading, desperate tone in Remus’ voice. It was agonising, knowing what he was willingly doing. “Please,” Remus tried again, his voice barely a whisper through the door. “Please, Sirius, just open the door.”
Sirius pushed his hands against the door, palms flat, but didn’t open it. He heard Remus huff out another frustrated breath. “Fine,” he snapped, but his voice quickly lost power and lowered back to a torturous whisper, “just…fine.”
Sirius listened to the sound of footsteps walking away, growing fainter and fainter in the distance. When he heard the pop that signaled Remus’ Apparition, Sirius allowed his legs to give out beneath him and he slowly slid down the door and to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face within the sharp bones, his chest hitching against his thighs as he tried to deny the fact that he was holding back sobs.
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Sirius sat in the basement kitchen of Grimmauld Place with a cup of cold, untouched tea before him, his finger gliding lightly over the rim and his eyes staring unseeingly at the orange glow of the fire. If someone had asked him how long he had been sitting there, he wouldn’t have been able to tell them because for all he knew, it could have been mere minutes or it could have been days. His thoughts were like a labyrinth, one leading him along twisting and turning pathways until he reached a dead end and had to turn around and make his slow way back before branching off on an alternate route. Every path was Remus, every turn was James, every twist was Peter, and every dead end was Callum. It was madness. He was lost, unafraid to admit that he was so, and couldn’t find any way out.
Sirius started in surprise as the flames flared green and he overturned his tea when Remus stepped out onto the hearth, dusting ash from his clothing. Sirius gaped and paid no heed to the running liquid as he stared at Remus, even as it spread to his arm and soaked the sleeve of his shirt.
Remus glanced up and his eyes narrowed when he saw Sirius staring at him. “Well, it’s nice to see you’re alive and –“ He broke off as his gaze moved to the table and his brow furrowed as he reached for a towel lying next to the sink. “Lovely way to keep your house clean, letting tea run everywhere.”
Sirius’ eyes still didn’t leave Remus, even as the man began to mop the spilled liquid up. “What are you doing here?” he asked guardedly.
Remus snorted. “I’m here to see that you’re all right,” he replied caustically. “Seeing as you refuse to answer the door, the Floo was my only option.” Sirius watched as the man’s eyes shifted over the tabletop. “What were you doing? You’ve completely shattered this – Sirius, you’re bleeding!”
Sirius finally blinked and moved his gaze to his hand which was pressed flat against the tabletop, a dark pool of blood slowly surrounding the edges of his pale skin. “Oh,” he muttered, “s’pose I am.” He lifted his hand and stared at the large piece of shattered porcelain that was embedded in his palm, his expression indifferent as he regarded it.
Remus took Sirius’ hand in his and gently pulled the glass out before pressing the towel against the bleeding cut. He switched his grip on the towel so that he had one hand free and brought it up to Sirius’ face, his finger lightly grazing under Sirius’ stubble-rough chin, lifting his head up so that their eyes met. “Are you all right?” Remus asked softly in concern.
Sirius swallowed and Remus’ hand jumped beneath his chin. “I’m fine,” he whispered.
Remus’ jaw hardened and his eyes turned steely. He removed the towel and studied the still bleeding cut. “We should get this healed,” he mumbled, fishing for his wand.
“We can’t –“ Sirius began, but paused and swallowed again as Remus looked up at him with knitted eyebrows. “We can’t do this anymore, Remus.”
Remus dropped his hand and took a step back as he stared at him. “What are you talking about, Sirius?” he whispered.
“You know what I’m talking about, Rem,” he said, the words emerging harsher than he had intended. “You and me; us. We can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore.”
Remus backed further away as Sirius stood and pressed his hand to the table, ignoring the shattered glass that scraped against his already cut palm. “I – I don’t understand,” Remus murmured. “What’s changed?”
Sirius growled in frustration, the ache in his heart and anger at himself making his words harsh. “What’s changed?” he yelled. “Nothing’s changed! I can’t keep doing this, hurting the people I love and watching the future, seeing everything crumbling apart.” Remus still stared at him in confusion and Sirius closed his eyes tightly as his hand clenched. “I would do anything for you, Remus. I would go to the end of the universe and back for you, but I can’t because you’re not mine, and I don’t have that right.”
Remus shook his head, his eyes bright. “I love Callum,” he mumbled.
“I know,” Sirius whispered.
Remus’ eyes met Sirius’ levelly. “I love you, too.” Sirius clenched his teeth together. He couldn’t say. He wouldn’t; not now and not ever. “Why are you doing this?”
Sirius stared at him in astonishment. “Did you not –?”
“I heard what you said!” Remus snapped, anger finally breaking through. “But why now? Why so suddenly? We’ve had this same discussion time and again, so what’s so different now?”
Sirius shook his head and looked away. Remus huffed. “Tell me, Sirius,” he ground out. Sirius still refused and Remus growled. Sirius glanced back at him to see the man’s nostrils flaring in anger. “Tell me!”
Sirius’ eyes blazed as his hand slammed down on the table causing the shattered glass to bounce and crash. Hurt and frustration pushed all sense from his mind as he roared, “Because I’m in love with you!”
Remus stared at him as Sirius panted for breath and before he knew what was happening, Remus was across the kitchen in three quick strides. He gripped Sirius shoulders and pushed the small of his back into the table as their mouths connected and angry sparks exploded behind his eyes. Sirius jerked his head away and forced Remus back. “Stop it!” he shouted.
Remus refused to relent and shoved his chest back against Sirius’, grabbing his head and jerking it until Sirius’ and his eyes were locked. “I will not and don’t you dare ask me to,” he growled before his mouth locked with Sirius’ again.
Sirius continued to push away Remus’ body, but the man rebuffed all of his efforts and eventually, Sirius gave in, his hands sliding up Remus’ sides and his fingers quickly threading through Remus’ hair. Remus reached down and his hands cupped around the curve of Sirius’ arse. He gave a low growl deep from within his throat as he lifted Sirius and pushed him onto the table, sending the remainder of the tea cup crashing to the floor. Their tongues explored one another’s mouths vigorously, flicking at teeth and gums. They each bit down on tongues and lips with a bit more force than was absolutely necessary, but right then, none of it mattered.
As Remus’ mouth moved to work its way down Sirius’ neck, Sirius wondered at how well they fit together. Chests crashed into chests and ribs slid against ribs before dropping and slipping so easily into empty, indented space. Muscles worked against muscles as clothing was stripped and legs wrapped around hips and then Sirius was groaning as skin met skin and the blessed friction sent him spiraling down so very far before it lifted him back up and carried him so high.
Remus laid him back against the table as his mouth continued its progression down Sirius’ chest and stomach, his hips still moving against Sirius’ and sending them both into a state of bliss that couldn’t be rivaled. Their panting breaths mixed together and their hands roved, Sirius’ covering Remus’ head, face, and shoulders while Remus’ glided and clawed at Sirius’ stomach, hips, and legs.
Just as Sirius was sinking into the sensations of Remus’ body against his, there was a cry from the doorway. “Oi!” Both men froze and Remus’ panic-filled eyes lifted to stare at Sirius before they both moved their gaze to the other side of the kitchen. “Sirius, mate, keep it to your bedroom if you’re going to shag – Remus?”
Oh, shit, Sirius thought when he saw James and Lily standing in the door leading up to the stairway with wide, shocked eyes.
Remus jumped back from Sirius and quickly pulled his trousers up. Sirius, for his part, could do nothing more than remain laying on the table, his legs still frozen in mid-air from where Remus’ hips had once been. He stared back at a furious James and a startled Lily, his mouth dry and his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
“What the fuck do you two think you’re doing?” James shouted. Lily attempted to calm him, but James shook her off as his lip curled up into a sneer. “I’m assuming Callum doesn’t know about this.”
Sirius’ muscles finally loosened and he slowly sat up, his thighs digging in sharply to the table edge. Remus refused to look at him as he buttoned his trousers and Sirius hung his head, closing his eyes and swallowing thickly. So this is it, then, he thought blankly. This is when it all comes crashing down.
“Erm…Sirius,” Lily spoke tentatively and Sirius finally looked back up. “Do you think you could…maybe…?” She trailed off, motioning to his pants lying in a pool in the middle of the wooden floor.
Sirius nodded weakly as he stood and bent to pick up the boxer shorts. He quickly slid his legs inside before pulling his jeans on overtop of them. Only when the button was fastened did he dare to glance back up at the couple. Lily still looked faintly shocked and James…James was beyond furious, his face growing steadily redder and paler at the same time. Sirius had no idea how the man managed it, but he knew it wasn’t good all the same.
“Well?” James barked out and Sirius saw Remus flinch from the corner of his eye. “Do either of you have anything to say for yourselves?”
Sirius’ head jerked up. “For Merlin’s sake, James, we aren’t children, so don’t talk to us like we are,” he snapped.
“Well, you’re acting like it!” James shouted, his face turning even redder.
“James, love, just stop for a moment,” Lily interjected, placing a gentle hand on her husband’s chest. James rounded on her, anger flashing in his eyes, but one glare from Lily had him cowering as she motioned to Sirius and Remus. “Would you look at them?” She turned to the two men. “Have you two been fighting?”
Sirius stared at her, perplexed. How could Lily have known that they had been arguing?
Lily sighed. “You’re both covered in blood,” she explained.
Sirius’ eyes swiveled to Remus and he stared at the man in surprise. Remus’ face, neck, and arms were, in fact, covered with rusty red, drying blood. He saw Remus’ eyes studying him and Sirius glanced down at his still bare chest and saw that it too was smeared with red. He could only assume that Remus’ was as well.
Sirius lifted his hand to his face and gazed at the slightly bleeding gash on his palm. He twisted it around and showed it to Lily and James. “I…broke my teacup earlier. Cut myself,” he mumbled.
James snorted. “And you didn’t even wait to heal it before you two pounced on one another?” he scoffed. “Classy. Very classy.” Sirius winced, but didn’t reply. It was close enough to the truth.
“That’s enough, Potter,” Lily warned. James scowled, but made no further attempt to speak. Lily held out her hand for Sirius’. “Let me see.”
Sirius gave her his hand and studied her face as she healed his palm. Her jaw was clenched into a hard, disapproving line and her lips were pulled tight, but her eyes were soft as she glanced back at him. Sirius hoped that meant she was willing to listen.
“Now,” Lily said as she waved her wand over the table to clean it of tea, blood, and glass and seated herself in a chair, “I think you two had better explain.”
James gaped at her. “How can you possibly be so bloody calm about this?” he demanded. “It’s like you walked in and caught them doing the crossword together!”
Lily’s green eyes shifted to James. “I have to be calm,” she explained in a dangerous voice, “or else I’ll never understand.”
“Understand?” James roared. “What’s there to understand? They’re –“ He motioned forcefully to Sirius and Remus. “—shagging one another, Lily!”
Lily stood from her seat so quickly that James took a surprised step backwards. “James Potter,” she said sharply, “that is enough! You are going to sit down here at this table and let them explain.” James made to open his mouth, but Lily overrode him. “And you’re going to keep your mouth shut.”
“Showed her, she did,” Sirius mumbled which he soon discovered was a very large mistake as Lily turned her incensed gaze on him.
“Sirius Black,” she snapped, “you’d best start explaining immediately.”
“I…” Sirius began before trailing off quickly, finding himself at a loss for words. His eyes shifted to Remus who had so far remained silent. “I don’t know where to start.”
“You don’t need to,” James growled, already frustrated with being quiet. Lily glared at him, but for once, he ignored her as he stood once again. “Are you that starved for it, Black? Are you feeling the lack so much that you had to take your mate’s boyfriend?”
“James, stop it,” Lily snapped. “Sirius is your best friend. You know him better than that.”
“You’re right, I do,” James agreed sourly. “I also know how far he’s willing to go to get into someone’s pants!”
“It isn’t like that!” Sirius shouted.
“No?” James countered. “I don’t see why not. Cal’s your friend and you’re fucking his boyfriend. And you!” He rounded on a downcast Remus. “I thought you loved Callum?” Remus opened his mouth to speak, but James continued, ignoring the other man and turning back to Sirius. “So tell me, Sirius. Tell me what could possibly be so great that you would betray your friend the way you have!”
“Because I love him!” Sirius roared and James faltered, his scowl sliding away into a look of surprise. Lily stared at him in sad understanding as Sirius closed his eyes and clenched his hands into tight fists. “I love Remus,” he whispered, “and I tried to fight and ignore it. I tried, but it didn’t work.”
Remus stepped forward to Sirius’ side and threaded their fingers together behind their backs. His eyes met both James’ and Lily’s levelly as he murmured, “I do love Cal; very much so.” He paused and his eyes moved to Sirius. “But I also love Sirius. More so, I think.” Sirius smiled at him and tightened his fingers on the other man’s as Remus looked back up at James and Lily. “I know this all seems incredibly purposeful, but believe me when I say that it is not. The last thing I – either of us want is to hurt Callum.”
Lily glanced at James when the man didn’t immediately speak. James studied Sirius and Remus, his eyes travelling down their sides to where their arms disappeared behind their backs. “Why can’t you just stay away from one another?” he pleaded.
Sirius swallowed and closed his eyes. “We’ve tried, James,” he whispered. “Harder than you can possibly imagine, we’ve tried. It just doesn’t work. It’s like…” Sirius trailed off as he attempted to think of a suitable comparison. “It’s like Muggle science and we’re the magnets. There’s always something there, pulling us closer.” Sirius looked at James in enough time to see his eyes begin to roll. “I know it sounds ridiculous. But it is there. Even before we met it was there. We can’t explain it, though believe me, we’ve tried. It just is and there isn’t any ignoring it.”
Lily provided them with an odd, quizzical look as James shook his head. “I can’t condone this,” he said. “Cal is my friend and I just…can’t.” He held up a hand when Sirius began to speak. “I understand it.” Sirius stared at him doubtfully. “I do, Sirius. But I still just…I just can’t.”
He began pushing Lily to the door and Sirius’ throat tightened. Just before he walked through it, James turned and stared at Remus with hard hazel eyes. “I won’t tell Cal,” he promised, “because you’re going to. That means you need to decide what you want, and soon.” His eyes moved to Sirius. “You’ve dug your own grave, Sirius. I can’t help you.” With that, James turned away, closing the door behind him with a soft snick of sound.
Sirius listened as his friends’ footsteps travelled up the risers, growing fainter the further away they became. When he heard the front door shut, he collapsed to the floor, pulling Remus with him. He buried his face in his hands and sat, shaking, on the cold hardwood floor.
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Sirius was miserable, his heart aching more and more with every inhaled breath, move of tongue, and almost brush of skin from Remus. Always almost, but never quite. They sat at the scrubbed kitchen table often, untouched tea before them and eyes focusing anywhere but on each other. Their hands were always resting on the tabletop, fingers splayed and close enough to feel the heat from the other’s skin, but never, ever pushing forward enough for contact, and that, to Sirius, that was the lowest circle of Hell.
Remus had a large decision to make, and regardless of whether Sirius liked it or not, it was completely Remus’. Sirius had tried to help him; tried to make the decision easier on the man by telling him to go to Callum and forget about Sirius. Remus was having none of that, however, and they had engaged in a spectacular row ending with Remus storming from the house, the china in the cupboards rattling in his wake. It had been the only time they had spoken more than five words to one another in a single conversation. Sirius had thought that had been the end, and while he breathed a bit easier, his heart had shattered in his chest at the sound of the slamming door. Remus had arrived the next day like clockwork, though, apologising for the loss of his temper, but stating that he would make his own decision without any help. Sirius had agreed readily, but he hadn’t apologised.
One day, a week after the confrontation with Lily and James, Callum had Flooed into the kitchen to find Sirius and Remus in their customary places at the table. Sirius had panicked when Cal had said that he was looking for Remus, but Remus had quickly headed off any nervous half-excuses by explaining to Sirius that he had left a note for Cal to find when he arrived home from work saying that he was visiting Sirius. Sirius had calmed, but his heart had beat rapidly for a solid hour after they had left in response to the odd look Cal had held in his eyes as Remus and he had Flooed from the kitchen.
Sirius didn’t hear from James until three weeks after the man’s horrible discovery in Sirius’ kitchen. Sirius had been seated in the parlour, attempting to play a game of chess and losing woefully to his own self when he had heard faint shouts coming from the floor below. Out of the parlour Sirius had raced and down the narrow stairs to the kitchen to find James’ disembodied head floating in the flames. Sirius had swallowed nervously as he’d knelt down on the hearth before his friend.
“Merlin, Prongs, I thought someone was dying in the middle of my kitchen,” Sirius had joked weakly.
“I had to get your attention somehow,” James had countered.
Sirius had snorted. “And you couldn’t have just come through –?” He had cut off abruptly as the spark of amusement had faded from James’ hazel eyes. “Never mind. Why are you in my fireplace?”
Sirius’ heart had pounded against his ribcage as James studied him for a long moment. Is this it? Sirius had thought frantically. Has he finally told Cal and now he’s at least come to warn me before Cal shows up to murder me?
James had calmed Sirius’ panic as he replied, “Harry’s going to stay at the Weasleys’ on Saturday night. Lily and I want to have dinner with everyone. Pete’s coming.” James had then paused, his face smoothing out into a blank expression. “And Cal with Remus.”
Sirius’ panic had instantly returned, his hands beginning to shake slightly at his sides as he had murmured, “James, I don’t think –“
“Good, it’s settled, then. See you Saturday,” James had interrupted before disappearing from the fire, the flames quickly returning to their orange colour.
The following morning, Sirius had been roused early from a light, twitchy sleep by someone pounding on the front door. Pulling it open to find a wet, dripping Remus Lupin standing on his front step before a rainy backdrop of grey skies, Sirius had decided that his heart simply couldn’t take many more of these unexpected intrusions in his life.
Ushering Remus in, the man had said, “I’m sorry I woke you, but this couldn’t wait until tonight.”
Sirius had shrugged. “Wasn’t a good sleep anyhow,” he’d teased pathetically as he’d drawn his wand and summoned a towel from the nearest bathroom. “Here, dry yourself a bit.”
“Thank you,” Remus had murmured, his eyes for once not leaving Sirius’. “Did you talk to James last night?”
Sirius had nodded. “I did,” he’d said gravely. “Tried to back out, too, but I suppose dear old Prongs wasn’t having any of that.”
“He’s planning something, isn’t he?”
“James Potter? You better believe he is,” Sirius had answered as lightly as he could manage. “A proper shanghai from the looks of it. Peter and no Harry there to deter anyone. I’m sure Lily argued against that, but once James sets on something…” Sirius had shrugged. “Tea?”
“Fuck,” Remus had cursed as he’d shaken his head. “No. No, I must get to work, but I just –“ He had broken off then and stared at Sirius with sad, accepting eyes. “Cal’s acting odd. I – I think he knows, or suspects, at least.”
Sirius had exhaled a long, weary breath. “I don’t think he does,” he’d murmured. “I know Callum well enough to understand that if he did know, he wouldn’t wait around for an explanation. As to whether he suspects or not…” He’d shrugged again. “I’d say your guess is better than mine.”
Remus had nibbled his lip as he’d stared at Sirius before slinging the wet towel over Sirius’ head, grabbing his stubble-rough jaw, and locking their lips together in a quick, desperate kiss. When he had pulled away, he’d run the pad of his thumb over Sirius’ lips lightly.
“I’m sorry, Sirius,” he’d whispered before he had vanished out the door and back into the storm. Sirius had watched him go, a frightening sense of foreboding lying heavy in his chest.
Four days later found Sirius standing in front of James’ and Lily’s cottage in Godric’s Hollow, simply staring at the plain red door. He kept telling his legs to move; walk forward so he could knock on the damn door. They refused. His mind kept asking the same questions over and over again. Was this it? Was this when he lost everything? Every single friend he had in the world; the only real family he’d ever had? Was this where the ground opened beneath his feet and swallowed him whole? To Sirius, that stupid piece of red-painted wood was the most terrifying thing in existence.
“You just going to stand out here all night and stare at the grass, Pads?”
Sirius jumped as the voice sounded behind him and he turned quickly to see Cal and Remus walking through the iron gate. Cal provided him with a strange look as they walked by, but Remus never once glanced in Sirius’ direction. Sirius bit his tongue and tried to force the pain back down his throat.
“No,” he murmured to Callum in answer, “I was just thinking.”
Cal turned back to Sirius after he knocked on the door. “Nothing too…bad, I hope,” he replied, his tone tight. Sirius studied him briefly. His expression was still…strange. That was the only word Sirius had to describe it. It wasn’t blank, but carefully neutral and his normally expressive blue eyes were guarded and reserved. It made Sirius wary and Remus’ previous words of worry came back to him, but Sirius dared not look at the other man as the door opened.
“Hello, boys,” Lily greeted somewhat tentatively when she saw them standing on the path together.
No one spoke for a moment and Lily shuffled her feet awkwardly as she stood just inside the door. Finally, Remus opened his mouth and said, “Hello, Lily. Thank you for having us.”
A smile broke out on Lily’s face as she grabbed Remus’ arm and pulled him inside. “We’re happy to do it,” she chirped as she ushered the other two men inside as well. “Come along, you two. Peter’s already here.”
Lily pushed them into the living room and James and Peter glanced up from their places in the two armchairs. Peter grinned and waved his hand a bit in their direction in greeting. James merely inclined his head, his eyes sliding over Sirius and Remus.
“Well, have a seat,” Lily told them. “Dinner should be ready soon.”
“Do you need any help, Lily?” Remus asked almost desperately.
Lily waved him off, her eyes shifting to the door. “No, no, you men just stay and have a nice chat. I’ll be fine.” She disappeared so quickly, Sirius almost thought Lily had Disapparated. He couldn’t quite say he blamed her. The tension in the air was so thick that it could have been sliced through with the dull edge of a knife.
The only available seat left in the room was the small sofa. The three men made their way over to it, Cal sitting down on the side closest to Peter and Remus directly next to him in the middle. Sirius stood and stared at the small space left between Remus and the arm.
“Aren’t you going to sit down, Sirius?” James asked. Sirius glanced at him and saw a challenging gleam enter the man’s hazel eyes.
Sirius’ throat tightened as he slowly lowered himself down beside Remus. Fabric brushing against fabric made a loud swishing noise in the silent room and Sirius felt Remus’ muscles tense as their warm thighs met and settled together.
“There now,” James said sweetly. “Peter was just telling me about the Swedish Minister for Magic’s recent…problem.”
Peter grinned again as he turned to the trio on the sofa. Sirius swallowed as Remus’ foot knocked into his. “It’s quite the story, actually,” Peter began. “You see, the Swedish Minister – who’s married, by the way – has a rather large problem with keeping his hands to himself. It’s widely known, of course, but he’s never actually been caught.”
Sirius’ stomach dropped as Peter spoke. He felt eyes on his back and turned to see James staring at him expectantly. Sirius swallowed again and turned back to Peter.
“So, there I am, waiting outside his office for our meeting, when this woman walks in,” Peter continued. “Turns out she was his wife. She hurries on past and goes into the Minister’s office. Next thing we know, she’s screaming and swearing. A few minutes later, the Minister rushes out and charges past us wearing nothing but his polka dotted pants. Following close behind –“ Peter paused for dramatic effect and grinned at the four men. “—is a blond-headed monkey carrying a pair of frilly pink knickers in its hand.”
James grinned at Peter as Sirius emitted a weak, forced chuckle. Glancing sideways, Sirius saw Remus provide a small smile. Callum, however, sat in stony silence, his facial expression never changing.
Peter gazed at them with a furrowed brow. “What’s the matter with you lot?” he asked sourly. “I’ve told that story a dozen times, and most everyone couldn’t breathe because they were laughing so hard.” His face smoothed out as he frowned in disappointment. “I thought everyone here would find it funnier than anyone else. Especially you, Sirius, considering you’ve had dealings with the man before.”
Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly and shrugged as his eyes switched to James. The man was staring at him knowingly. The story had hit closer to home than Sirius was willing to admit. James shifted his gaze back to Peter and smiled again. “It was a wonderful story, Pete,” he complimented. “I think you’ve started the night off with a…bang.” He looked to the sofa and he studied his friends, his eyes lingering between Remus and Sirius longer than necessary.
Sirius felt Remus tense even more beside him. He wanted to reach out and grip the man’s hand comfortingly in his own, but Sirius didn’t dare. Not with Callum sitting so close and James’ eyes watching their every move.
“Tell you what,” James continued, clapping his hands together sharply. “How ‘bout we make a theme of it? We’ll all go round and tell stories about times we’ve thought someone was having an affair. Or we’ll tell about times when we’ve actually caught someone, like…Peter did.” The pause was small; almost imperceptible, but Sirius caught it nonetheless. If Remus’ suddenly fisted hand at Sirius’ side was any indication, the other man had as well. James continued to smile as Sirius glared at him. “So, who wants to go first? Sirius?” James stared at him as though saying, This is your last chance. Better take it.
“No,” Sirius grunted as he seethed. “I don’t have a story to tell.”
James shrugged in acceptance. “All right. How about I go first, then?” He paused, gazing at Sirius and Remus, offering them one final chance to confess. When neither spoke, James continued. “Well, I never thought I’d catch someone I knew in an affair with someone they shouldn’t be with. I always thought that my friends were better than that, but recently, I found out I was wrong. You see, a few weeks ago –“
“Dinner’s ready,” Lily announced as she stepped into the living room through the kitchen door. Sirius could have kissed her. Never in his life had he been so grateful to the fiery red head. She glanced at Sirius and her lips tightened knowingly as her eyes shifted to her husband. “Come and eat before it gets cold.”
Sirius was the last one to leave the living room and Lily grabbed his arm and held him back before he could walk through the door. “I don’t approve, Sirius, but I do understand,” she whispered. “I’ll do everything I can to keep James from telling Callum so inconsiderately.” She walked away after that, leaving a grateful Sirius standing alone with a dry mouth.
Dinner was a quiet affair. Somehow, Sirius had ended up seated directly across the table from Remus. James’ watchful eyes continually stared at Remus and Sirius. Even Callum had begun to switch his eyes between the two of them, studying their faces and interactions. Peter, at the opposite end of the table from James, kept gazing around at everyone curiously while Lily, seated beside Sirius, fidgeted in her chair often. Once everyone was finished, Lily hurriedly collected their dinner plates and set them to wash in the sink as she passed out servings of pudding. They all merely picked at the food, their forks pushing the apple crumble around the plate in stilted silence.
Remus suddenly moved to reposition himself in his chair. As he did so, his foot kicked out and connected with Sirius’. They both jumped in surprise and glanced at one another in faint shock before quickly looking away. “Er…sorry,” Remus apologised.
“’S all right,” mumbled Sirius, his eyes staring at anything except Remus. They briefly caught Cal’s and Sirius saw a spark of rage within the blue depths as the man’s lips pulled back into a tight line.
“That’s it!” Callum growled as he stood and slammed his fist down onto the table. Remus jumped in surprise from his seat beside the man and stared up at him in shock. “I can’t take this anymore!” Cal rounded on Remus. “What is wrong with you? The both of you?” His eyes shifted to Sirius. “Ever since you came home, there’s rarely been a day that Remus hasn’t seen you. He’s seen more of you than any of us have and you just met him! And now, suddenly, you two won’t even speak a word to one another. You won’t even look at each other! Now, I want to know what’s going on.”
Remus’ mouth worked as he stared up at Callum, but nothing came out. Cal’s eyes turned and met Sirius’ briefly, but Sirius could do nothing more than stare in sudden terror. Cal turned back to Remus.
“Please.” Cal’s voice was suddenly pleading as he cupped Remus’ face in his hands. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is. Tell me I’m wrong and I’m only being paranoid. Tell me we can walk out of here with me looking like a berk, but still with you.”
Remus swallowed as he stared up at Callum. His eyes slowly closed and his head bowed in silent resignation. Callum’s hands jerked away from Remus’ face as though he had been burned and he shook his head in denial. “No,” Cal murmured. His eyes swiveled to Sirius and his head shook even harder when he saw the sad confirmation written on Sirius’ face. “No!”
Cal began to back away from the table, denial in his expression, but understanding clear in his eyes. He suddenly spun on his heel and darted through the door and into the living room. Remus lurched from his seat and quickly followed, shouting, “Cal, please wait!”
Sirius did the same, launching himself around the table even as the other three stood to trail the rest. Sirius entered the living room to see Remus clutching tightly to Cal’s arm as Callum attempted to wrest himself out of Remus’ grip.
“Callum, please, just let me explain!” Remus begged.
“What’s there to explain?” Cal spat. “You’ve been fucking him!”
“What?” Peter whispered in disbelief from behind Sirius.
Sirius, however, didn’t have an opportunity to turn around and address Peter as Callum rounded on him and roared, “And you! You’re supposed to be my best mate! Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out that you were bloody fucking my boyfriend? Did you think you could sit back and laugh about it later? Laugh about how easy it was to pull the wool over my eyes?”
“No, Cal, I swear it wasn’t like that,” Sirius insisted as he took a step forward.
“Don’t!” Cal snarled, taking a large step away. “Don’t you fucking dare come near me, you bastard!” Sirius winced at the loathing flooding the man’s eyes and tone and he stood still, rooted to the spot. Callum looked at Lily and James. “And you two knew, didn’t you?”
Lily closed her eyes sadly as James sighed. “Not until recently,” James answered softly, “but yes, we did.”
Callum shook his head before he turned his eyes back to Remus. “Let go of me, Remus,” he whispered dejectedly.
“No, Cal, please just listen,” Remus begged again, more forcefully this time as his grip tightened. “We tried to stay away from each other. We tried to stop it before it even started and more times than you could possibly know while it was happening, but we couldn’t. There’s something –“
“I don’t want to hear this,” Cal growled.
“Listen to me!” Remus shouted angrily. “Do you remember me talking about something pulling me to London?” Cal stared at him with hard eyes, but didn’t reply. “Whatever that is, it’s the same thing that happened with Sirius. I can’t explain and I couldn’t ignore it. Just the same as I couldn’t ignore that pull I felt in France.” From the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Lily’s head jerk up and her eyes turn calculating at Remus’ words, but he mentally waved it off as he focused on the two men before him. “Whatever that is, it’s linked with Sirius and we can’t control it.”
Callum studied Remus silently, his expression impassive. “Do you love him?” he finally asked quietly.
Remus swallowed loudly in the silent room, but answered immediately, “Yes.”
Cal closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath before asking, “Do you love me?”
“More than you know,” Remus said without hesitating.
Callum’s eyes opened again and he stared at Remus despairingly. “What am I supposed to do?” he asked. “Pretend this never happened? Forget it and go on? Continue living my life with you, knowing what you’ve done and that you’re in love with someone other than me, but ignoring it?” He shook his head. “I can’t do that, Remus. You have to understand that I can’t do that. I just –“
Lily suddenly gasped, her hand covering her mouth as everyone turned to stare at her. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before,” she cried. She grabbed Sirius by his elbow and steered him to an armchair. “Sit down, Sirius.”
“Lily, what in Merlin’s name are you on about?” Sirius yelped as he was forcefully shoved into the chair’s cushion.
“It’s so obvious,” Lily ranted as she pulled out her wand and studied Sirius for a short moment. “It’s been right there in front of my face this entire time and I’ve never realised it.”
“What has?” Sirius snapped.
Lily scowled at him, suddenly all business. “Don’t take that tone with me, Black,” she warned. “You’re a Curse-Breaker.” Sirius stared at her dumbly and Lily sighed. “You’ve been cursed.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “I think I’d know if I’d been cursed, Lils.”
“Not if it was hidden beneath something stronger that you managed to fight off,” she countered sharply. “There are some curses that are so minor, you can’t even tell you’re under them. Just because they’re minor, however, doesn’t mean that they’re not powerful. They can wreak absolute havoc on a person’s mind and body without the host even knowing what’s happening.”
Sirius eyed her wand warily. “So…what are you going to do?”
The corner of Lily’s mouth quirked up slightly. “Nothing harmful, I promise,” she replied. “I think, though, that when you were cursed, Remus was the first person you met afterwards. Or maybe not. It’s possible he was the only person to have a great effect on you after you were cursed. It’s hard to tell. What I’m going to do is see if you’ve met him before. Just a little poke through your mind.”
“But, Lily,” James began tentatively, “if they had met, wouldn’t Remus remember it even if Sirius didn’t?”
Lily shook her head. “Not necessarily. It could have been a transferrable curse; one that passed to the other person to take the same effect. It would explain everything.”
She raised her eyebrows at Sirius and waved her wand in front of him, asking for permission. Sirius’ eyes flicked to Remus and Cal briefly before he nodded. Lily smiled and her wand twitched over top of Sirius’ head. He felt a tingle start behind his eyes and slowly work its way through his mind. His first instinct was to block it out, but he stifled it and let Lily’s magic work. After a long moment, the tingle suddenly disappeared and Sirius glanced back up at the woman. She was frowning slightly, her eyes sad.
“Well?” Sirius asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
Lily swallowed. “You’ve met,” she whispered with a nod. Sirius opened his mouth to ask her what she had seen, but she continued speaking as she turned away from him. “Give me until tomorrow afternoon and I’ll have something worked out to get rid of this for you two.” She disappeared from the living room after that, her eyes trained on the floor.
Sirius watched James as the man’s eyes followed his wife. When she was gone, James inhaled a deep breath before he turned back to his friends. “You two,” he said, motioning to Sirius and Remus, “be back here tomorrow at three.” He paused as his gaze landed on Sirius. “Pads…”
Sirius shook his head and waved his friend off. “It’s fine, James,” he murmured. “I know why you did it.”
James provided him with a small, grateful smile before he followed after his wife. Sirius sighed and closed his eyes briefly before he turned his attention back to the others. Peter was standing against the far wall looking awkward and unsure of himself. Remus was gazing at Callum with wary eyes as Cal stared calculatingly at Sirius.
Sirius swallowed. “Cal,” he began and his voice cracked. He stopped to clear his throat, but Callum held up a hand to stop him from speaking further.
“Don’t, Sirius,” he whispered. “Just –“ He rubbed at his face with weary hands. “Just don’t. I’m going home.”
Remus hesitated for the smallest moment as he glanced at Sirius before he followed Cal from the room. “Callum, we need to talk about –“ Sirius caught him saying before the door closed behind them and smothered the rest of his words.
Sirius glanced at Peter and saw the man staring at him, but his friend said nothing, so Sirius chose to ignore him. He awkwardly switched his weight from foot to foot, tension still hanging heavy in the room. Just as Sirius opened his mouth to announce that he was going to retreat back to Grimmauld Place, Peter spoke.
“Why’d you do it, Sirius?” he asked dispassionately. “Out of all the people in the entire world you could have had, why did you have to go after Cal’s boyfriend?”
Sirius stared at him in open-mouthed shock. “Were you not listening this entire time?”
“Of course I was listening,” Peter snapped. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, Sirius. I heard everything that was said, but there’s more to it than that. You’ve done some fairly fucked up things since I met you, Sirius, but Callum’s one of your best friends. Don’t stand there and tell me that if you had wanted to – really wanted to – you couldn’t have stopped the entire thing.”
Sirius stepped closer to his friend and stared down at Peter imploringly. “Have you never been in love, Pete?” he asked softly. “From the moment I laid eyes on Remus, there was something there. Even now I can’t explain what it was. All I know is that it burned me from the inside out. It’s hotter and more alive than anything I’ve ever felt before. It isn’t something that can easily be ignored.” He stopped and inhaled a ragged breath. “We tried, Peter. We really did. Whatever this is, though, it pulls and it pushes so much and so hard that it’s enough to drive the most level man insane. “
“He’s still your friend, though, regardless of what you feel,” Peter reasoned.
“I know!” Sirius roared, stepping back and pacing the length of the room. “Do you honestly think that none of this has crossed my mind? Do you think that I haven’t considered the consequences of this; of what I might lose? Not just Callum, but the rest of you lot as well. It was bloody torture every time I thought about it. Remus, though…Peter, you have to understand. Remus Lupin was – is – everything I have been searching for and I never even knew it until I met him. I’ve met thousands of people throughout my life and for some reason, it just had to be him.” Sirius shook his head as he stopped pacing and gazed desolately at the floor.
After a long moment, Peter took a few tentative steps forward and placed a gentle hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “I do understand, Sirius,” he murmured. He heaved a weary sigh before he continued. “I just don’t know how easily you’re going to be forgiven for this. Especially by Cal.”
Sirius hung his head in despair. “I know,” he whispered.
Peter swallowed a few times before he clapped Sirius on the back. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he breathed. The hand disappeared and when Sirius glanced up, so had his friend.
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“Remus,” he breathed.
Remus swallowed, his brown eyes pleading as he stated simply, “I’m not welcome anywhere.”
Sirius’ breath hitched in his chest. He felt his features soften as he provided Remus with a sad, understanding smile and stepped back from the door.
“You’re always welcome here,” he murmured.
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Eventually, Remus blinked and his eyes refocused as they turned to stare at Sirius. He swallowed thickly before he opened his mouth and said, “Cal refuses to discuss anything until after tomorrow.”
Sirius nodded slowly. “So…what does that mean, exactly?”
“It means…” Remus began before he trailed off and his gaze unfocused again. A long moment passed before the blurs in the depths of his eyes vanished and he stared at Sirius again. “It means I wait.”
Sirius clasped Remus’ hand in both of his. “Then that means I wait, too,” he whispered.
Remus’ eyes filled with emotion as he stood and pulled Sirius to his feet as well. Remus’ arms circled around Sirius’ body in such a tight embrace, Sirius couldn’t breathe. But, Sirius figured, breathing wasn’t all that important anyhow.
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“What happens,” Remus murmured, his breath warming Sirius’ skin even through the cloth of his shirt, “after this afternoon? To us?”
Sirius heaved a weary sigh. “Go our separate ways. Live our lives, I suppose.”
Remus’ neck bent backwards as he looked up at Sirius, his eyes calculating and sad. “Is that what you want?” he asked softly.
Sirius stared at the man for a long time, his stomach clenching and his heart aching because of the answer he knew he had to give. “No,” he whispered, placing a tender kiss on Remus’ forehead, “not right now, at least.”
“But?” Remus said warily.
“But,” Sirius continued, “after Lily does whatever it is she’s going to do today, it’s really unsure as to what we’ll want.”
Remus turned his eyes away, his head burying deeper into the folds of Sirius’ shirt. “Yeah,” he sighed wanly.
Sirius’ arms tightened around Remus as he pushed his face into the man’s soft hair. “We’ll be all right, Rem,” he whispered. “Everything will go back to the way it should have been.”
Remus said nothing and Sirius ignored the growing wet patch on the fabric of his shirt.
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Sirius took the opportunity to study his friends. Every one of them looked as though they hadn’t slept a single second the night before, faint shadows present beneath their eyes. While James’ hair was more of a mess than usual and Peter’s clothes looked as though they had come from the bottom of a bin, Lily was the worst of all. Her hair was lank and a bit knotted from James constant soothing attention. Her skin was paler than usual, the faint freckles on her cheekbones standing out in sharp contrast. It made Sirius both incredibly curious and wary as to what she had seen in his mind.
There was a light knock on the front door and Sirius saw Remus tense as James stood to answer it. A moment later, Cal stepped through and into the small hall and if Sirius hadn’t known any better, he would have insisted that the man following James into the living room was not his friend. With hollow blue eyes staring out of a pale and unshaven face, Cal looked sickly and half-dead.
Callum glanced around the room, his eyes lighting on Sirius briefly before they landed on Remus. Remus raised his hand, acting as though mere want could make his arm reach across the room. He opened his mouth to speak, but Cal directed his gaze to a bare spot on the wall and said, “Let’s get this over with.” Remus swallowed at the dismissal and Sirius saw the man’s heart break from the outside in.
Lily shrugged out from beneath James’ ever present arm and stood, motioning to the two kitchen chairs in the middle of the room. “Remus, Sirius, I need you to sit down here, please,” she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper. Sirius glanced at James in concern, but his friend refused to meet his eyes. Sirius’ slowly mounting panic rose drastically and his legs trembled slightly as he walked across the room to the chair.
Once they were both seated, Lily quickly raised her wand over their heads. Her hand, however, was shaking so terribly that she could barely keep her grip around its handle. She paused and inhaled a deep breath before she tried again. This time, her hand jerked so badly that the wand did drop from her fingers. She released a frustrated growl as her hands flew to cover her face.
“I’m sorry,” she cried as tears began to emerge from beneath her hands. “I’m so sorry; I can’t do it.”
Sirius stared at her in puzzlement. “Why not, Lily?” he asked softly.
She sniffed as she slowly lowered her hands away from her face. “How am I supposed to live with myself after I do this?” Sirius stared at her in bemusement and her lips trembled. “Love,” she explained, “is pure and it’s rare and it’s the most beautiful thing in this entire world, even if it is caused by some blasted spell. And now, I’m about to destroy it with hardly a second thought! I can’t – I can’t –“ She broke off and released a shuddering breath. “I could never forgive myself.”
Sirius and Remus looked at one another as Lily sobbed quietly. After a long moment, Sirius nodded almost imperceptibly and Remus swallowed as his eyes slowly slid closed. He inhaled a deep breath before he opened them again and reached up to grip Lily’s shaking hand. Lily froze for the briefest of moments when she felt the pressure before she turned, her green eyes meeting Remus’ brown in surprise.
“It’s all right, Lily,” Remus murmured. “Everything will be back to normal and there won’t be anything for you to forgive yourself for.”
Sirius bent down to pick up her wand. As he handed it back to her, she stared at him, silent questions swimming in her eyes. Sirius met them levelly, his lips quirking up into a sad, accepting smile. Lily frowned as though she was going to object, but as she took her wand from him, Sirius’ fingers squeezed hers gently. Her shoulders deflated a bit as she released a weary sigh, but she nodded as Remus and Sirius settled back into their chairs.
“Close your eyes,” she whispered. Both men did as they were told, Sirius moving his hands to clutch the sides of his chair. As he did so, the fingers of his left hand brushed over Remus’ and he felt a spark shoot through his chest.
This is it, he thought. No more flames or aches or sparks. No more Remus…
“Memoria retexere,” Lily murmured.
Sirius felt a gentle warmth spread through his mind, steadily growing hotter. His hands clenched tighter around the edge of his chair as the heat became a searing pain. Just as he was about to cry out in pain, a painful shock raced from the back of his skull to behind his eyes and he was thrown backwards as it exploded. His chair crashed to the floor, his back hitting the carpet with a muffled thump. Sirius felt something ram into his side, but he was too distracted by what had started happening to pay it much mind.
There was so many of them. Hundreds upon thousands of images were flashing before his eyes, causing him to blink rapidly. They came and they went quicker than he could pick out any main details. He saw coloured lights, a balloon, sand, bricks, skin, blue, grass, brown, water, lips, bed, field, brown, chocolate, smile, mountain, pavement, brown, swing, yellow, horses, brown, cupboard, hands, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown –
Remus.
Sirius’ eyes snapped up. His friends were gathered round in a loose half-circle. James was kneeling on Sirius’ left side, his hazel eyes switching to Sirius and then away in the opposite direction in concern. Lily stood behind her husband, her hands clamped over her mouth and her eyes wide with fear and worry. Peter and Callum stood further to Sirius’ left, their eyes also shifted back and forth from Sirius. Cal’s hand kept raising as though he wanted to reach out and touch something, but every time he got it halfway away from his body, he would stop and lower it again.
After a very long and confusing moment in which his brain felt as though it had been dumped out, slammed against the wall repeatedly, and then thrust back inside his head, Sirius decided to look to his left to see what else his friends were staring at. He was greatly surprised when he saw Remus also sprawled out across the floor beside him.
“Cor, mates, you all right?” James finally asked.
Sirius watched Remus without replying as the other man lifted his eyes to stare at Sirius. The moment brown met grey, a second, less painful shock ran through Sirius’ head. He clutched at it frantically, his eyes still locked with Remus’ as the other man copied his protective movements. As the shock faded, something much more gentle surfaced. It poked and prodded its way to the forefront of his mind slowly and carefully before with a great surge of force, it burst. Then Sirius saw, and he finally understood.
Sirius slowly pushed himself to his feet as Remus did the same. “Why – How did I forget –?” Sirius asked.
“What’s going on?” Peter questioned from behind Remus. “Why does Sirius look like his head’s about to pop off?”
“Because they’ve met before,” Cal murmured. Peter opened his mouth to speak again, his brow furrowing, but Cal cut him off. “Many times.”
Sirius caught the words and his eyes shifted to Callum, narrowing slightly as he thought about what the man had said. A moment later, however, another small shock raced through his head and he was forced to look away. When he did, he locked with Remus’ eyes again and he saw the same shocked understanding in their depths that Sirius himself was feeling.
“Do you remember…?” Remus began to ask, trailing off before he finished the full question.
Sirius nodded dumbly. “Yeah,” he breathed.
Lily stepped forward slightly. “What are you both remembering?” she asked cautiously.
“The day we met,” Remus answered, still looking faintly stunned.
“Tell us?” Lily requested.
Sirius shook his head to clear his scattered thoughts. “It was twilight; the sun just beginning to set behind the horizon. I saw you walking down the pavement and I just couldn’t let you pass me by. So I grabbed you and pulled you close against my chest.”
“You were a complete stranger and I thought you were a lunatic,” Remus mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I pulled you into the middle of the road and started spinning you round as everyone else watched us like we were mad,” Sirius continued, a slight glint entering his eyes.
Remus’ lips quirked into a small, secretive smile. “When I asked you what you thought you were doing, you told me there was music inside your head and it never stopped. The only way for you to handle it was to dance.”
“And all you did was laugh,” Sirius said softly, his lips turning up as well.
Remus chuckled. “And then you refused to let me go until I agreed to have coffee with you because ‘I didn’t look like I was much for tea’.”
Sirius’ smile slid away and his eyes turned keening. “I never did let you go,” he whispered.
“No,” Remus agreed softly, “you didn’t.”
Lily took another small step forward, placing a hand on each of their cheeks. “Tell us what you’re seeing,” she murmured. “Tell us everything that happened.”
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To Sirius, it was as though the setting sun had rested on that single person crossing the cobbled street from one pavement to the other, creating a halo of golden honey. Soft, light brown hair that was slightly windblown from the autumn breeze framed a pale and gentle face. Golden brown eyes stared through the fringe at slowly moving feet. Sirius studied the man’s build, catching his breath when he noticed the lean muscles that stood out prominently against the tightening of trouser fabric with every move his legs made. Sirius wanted to see more; so very much more.
Just as the man was about to walk past him, Sirius stepped to the side to block his passage. The gold-man faltered in his steps before he stopped and looked at Sirius. Perfect pink lips opened around gleaming white teeth, the tip of a moistened tongue overlapping the bottom two as he began to speak. Sirius, not in the mood for apologies, excuses, or small talk, wrapped his arm around the man’s waist as he grabbed the man’s left hand in his right and pulled him into the middle of the street.
The gold-man’s honey eyes widened in surprise and he tried to protest as Sirius spun him around in a loose circle. People on either side of them stopped and gawked at their display, but Sirius didn’t care. Let them stare, he thought as he grinned. It’ll do their cold hearts some good.
”What exactly do you think you’re doing?” the gold-man demanded in such clear English that it caused Sirius to pause in surprise. The man attempted to free himself of Sirius’ grasp, but Sirius recovered quickly and tightened his old.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius apologised as he danced the man down the street, his smile charming. “I honestly can’t help it. It’s a bit of a medical condition, you see. Got hit with a nasty curse when I was younger that the Healers couldn’t remove.”
“Really?” the man asked with narrowed, skeptical, beautiful eyes. Sirius’ knees felt weak. “What curse would that be?”
Sirius shrugged casually, his arm tightening around the gold-man’s waist. “Not sure,” he replied. “All I know is that every now and then, I get this loud music playing inside my head. The only way to quiet it down is to dance.”
“And you chose me to do that with, is that correct?” the man said, face impassive.
“Precisely!” Sirius answered, providing a curt nod. His lips suddenly split into a wide grin. “Care for the Tango?”
Sirius felt a slight tremble race up the man’s back as his mouth twitched awkwardly. Sirius studied him curiously for a long moment as they continued to spin. Just as he was about to pass it off as an odd occurrence, another, larger tremble jolted through the man’s body and the next thing Sirius knew, the man was laughing. Great, loud peals of the most melodious and wonderful sound Sirius thought he had ever heard were pouring from the gold-man’s mouth. His body shook in Sirius’ arms and a few stray tears of mirth leaked from his closed eyes, and all Sirius wanted to do was kiss them away before locking his lips with the open, laughing ones and kissing them until they were swollen and sore and the man could no longer breathe.
The man slowly calmed and inhaled a few shaky breaths of air as he opened his eyes and stared at Sirius in amusement. Once he had himself under control once again, he said, “This, sir, has been a rather odd and joyful experience, but I think it is time for me to be on my way.” He attempted to step out of Sirius’ embrace, but Sirius wasn’t going to allow this angel of a man to escape him so easily.
“What if I don’t want you to go?” Sirius murmured.
The gold-man raised an eyebrow. “So you’re just going to hold me prisoner in the middle of a crowded street,” he stated sarcastically.
Sirius’ lips fancied themselves up into a cocky smile as he leaned forward and whispered into the man’s ear, “I like that. Sounds a bit kinky.”
The man snorted as Sirius drew back. “As interesting as that thought is, I really must go,” he insisted.
“Fine,” Sirius sighed, his grip loosening, “I’ll let you go. On one condition.” His arm tightened again and the gold-man stared at him warily. “There’s a shop not too far from here. They sell tea, coffee, biscuits and the lot. Have coffee with me – you don’t look like you’re much for tea.”
The man shook his head. “I can’t,” he replied. “Like I said before, I really do have to be on my way. I have a previous engagement.”
“Doesn’t have to be this very moment,” Sirius said, his eyes intense as they gazed at the other man. “Just so long as you agree to meet me.”
The man studied him for a brief moment. “And how do you know that I won’t promise as much and never follow through?” he asked, a hint of curiosity entering his tone.
Sirius smiled knowingly. “I don’t think you’ll be able to resist.”
“You’re rather confident in yourself, aren’t you?” the man commented lightly.
Sirius smiled. “I have reason to be,” he countered.
With a soft sigh and a shake of his head, the other man said, “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but all right. I’ll meet you tomorrow evening.”
“Six o’clock?” Sirius asked with a grin.
The man nodded as he slid from the circle of Sirius’ arms. “I’ll see you then,” he murmured as he started off in the direction he had previously been headed.
Sirius watched him go silently, cheering on the inside. Just as the man was about to round the corner, a sudden thought occurred to Sirius and he called out. “Oi!” The man paused and turned his head enough to see Sirius. “What’s your name?”
The gold-man’s lips curved up into a small smile and the last remainder of light from the setting sun caught his eyes, causing them to sparkle like summer honey. He disappeared around the corner a moment later, leaving Sirius standing in the middle of the street, his heart pounding against his ribs for reasons he couldn’t even hope to explain.
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A faint, breathy chuckle floated back to Sirius’ ears and he listened as the distant sounds of crunching earth changed to that of echoing hollow wood. With a light growl, Sirius threw on a burst a speed, leaping over a brown bush and landing on a set of railroad tracks. He caught sight of Remus ahead of him and he sped up even more. Remus glanced back when he heard Sirius approaching, his expression one of amusement. When he saw that Sirius was closing in, his eyes widened and he attempted to run faster, but Sirius quickly gained the advantage. He wrapped his arms around the slighter man’s waist and twisted sideways, throwing their bodies off the tracks and into the dirt in a spectacular, dusty tackle.
Their chests heaved against one another’s as Sirius levered himself overtop of Remus and pinned the other man to the ground. “Why were you running from me?” he asked in exasperation. He expected Remus to look sheepish or guilty. Anything would have sufficed, really, because the one thing Sirius didn’t expect was to see a large grin split the other man’s face.
“I figured I’d make you work for what you wanted,” Remus replied lightly, swatting at a patch of dirt on Sirius’ shirt sleeve.
“Wha—?” Sirius tried, shocked beyond speech. He continued to stare as Remus grinned up at him. “You – you daft plonker.” Remus’ eyes twinkled with amusement. “What is it you think I want, anyhow?”
Remus’ grin softened into a smile. “Well, I’m a bit indecisive about that,” he murmured as he reached up and wiped dirt from Sirius’ face. “There are only two reasons I can think of that would have you pulling me out to the middle of nowhere. You either want to kill me, or you want to kiss me. Though, honestly, why you would need to drag me out here for the second one is a mystery to me.”
Sirius’ mouth worked silently for a long moment before he finally stuttered out, “You are – You think you’re so smart, don’t you? I – That’s not what I wanted at all. I just think it’s…nice out here.” Sirius swallowed once he’d managed to choke the words out.
Remus shrugged as best he could from beneath Sirius’ weight. “All right,” he said. “I can admit when I’m wrong.” He tried to roll away, but Sirius quickly stopped him.
“Wait!” Remus stared up at him patiently and Sirius hesitated for the briefest of moments before he pressed his mouth to Remus’ dust covered lips and kissed him. Fire burned through his body as sparks exploded behind his eyes and his hands travelled up to frame Remus’ face, his fingers leaving white markings in the brown dirt.
They parted after a long moment, both of their chests heaving and lips kiss-swollen. Sirius leaned back in to kiss Remus again, but the other man released a low growl as he pushed against Sirius’ chest and flipped their positions so that Sirius was flat on his back in the dirt and Remus was straddling him. Sirius watched as Remus’ tongue poked out, slowly sliding across his red lips temptingly and Sirius whimpered. Remus leaned down, his mouth close enough that Sirius could feel the gentle air of his breath against his own. With one small move, Sirius knew they would touch again, and that’s all he wanted; just the feeling of those gorgeous lips against his.
Sirius closed his eyes as he moved to connect them, but just as he did, Remus’ weight disappeared. His eyes snapped open, darting from side to side as he tried to find where the other man had gone. He found him a little more than an arm’s length away, a playful smirk settled on the lips that Sirius longed for so much.
“You have more work to do, Mr. Black,” Remus informed seriously, his honey-brown eyes sparkling mischievously.
Sirius threw his head back into the dirt with a dramatic sigh and Remus chuckled in amusement. After one last longing thought, Sirius leaped to his feet and provided a hearty growl as he gave chase to what he wanted.
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Remus shivered against Sirius’ chest as the warm breath ghosted over his skin and he did as he was told.
“Where are we?” asked Remus, Sirius watching as the man’s eyes widened in amazement.
“The funfair!” Sirius chirped, studying as the coloured balls of light flashed over Remus’ pale skin and thinking that the man had never looked more beautiful. “Isn’t it fantastic?”
Remus nodded distractedly as he gazed around at all the game stands and spinning rides. “I’ve never been to a funfair before,” he whispered in awe.
“What?” Sirius yelped. “How have you never been to one before?”
Remus shrugged. “My parents were always too busy or didn’t have the money to take me when I was younger. After we moved, there really weren’t any that came round where we lived. Once I was old enough to go by myself, I had it in my mind that it wouldn’t be worth the discomfort of Apparating.”
“Blimey,” Sirius muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. He grabbed Remus’ hand suddenly and stepped in front of him, gaining the man’s full attention for a small moment. “Remus Lupin, I hereby swear to make sure you have the best possible time you can have tonight. Anything you want, it’s yours. Just say the word.” Sirius lifted Remus’ hand to his lips and kissed it gently to seal the promise.
Remus smiled. “Thank you,” he murmured, stepping forward to place his own kiss on Sirius’ lips.
Sirius quickly dragged him into the centre of the funfair, showing the man all the marvels in sight. He made Remus (sweet-obsessed man that he was) try candyfloss and Sirius briefly wondered if he was going to have to compete with the sweet for Remus’ affections. Sirius bought Remus a bright blue balloon (because blue was Remus’ favourite colour). He took Remus on every single ride there was, from the fastest, most spinning one, all the way to the Merry-Go-Round which Sirius enjoyed immensely, but was not about to admit to any Remus Lupins in the vicinity. Sirius also made Remus play a ‘knock down the bottles’ game in which Remus won a goldfish and promptly gave away to a small little girl who was standing near them and Sirius played the ring-toss game a good thirty times to win Remus a giant stuffed brown wolf.
A few hours later, as they were slowly strolling down one of the paths, Sirius nudged Remus to gain his attention. “So, what are you going to name it?” Sirius asked with a grin, motioning to the wolf under Remus’ arm.
Remus snorted. “You want me to name it?”
“Of course I do!” Sirius insisted, pinching its nose gently. “Look at it. Thing deserves a name, don’t you think?”
Remus hummed, his mouth quirking in the corners, but he didn’t reply as he studied Sirius, his eyes narrowed slightly. “Moony,” he finally answered.
Sirius grinned. “I think Moony works perfectly,” he replied, leaning down and kissing the fake fur of Moony’s head. He straightened up and smiled at Remus. He had just opened his mouth to speak again when Remus grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him between two of the food carts, Apparating away and into a small flat before Sirius could make a noise of protest.
“What are you doing?” Sirius asked when he regained his breath.
Remus dropped the wolf on the floor without a further thought and pushed Sirius up against the wall, their lips connecting forcefully. Sirius moaned as Remus’ tongue pushed between his teeth and began to explore his mouth, shocks of heat coursing through his body as it flicked against the roof of his mouth.
After a long moment, Remus pulled away and rested his forehead against Sirius’s. Sirius waited a bit impatiently for something; an explanation, more kissing, absolutely anything. Remus, however, did nothing except continue to lean against him with his eyes closed.
“Remus?” he prodded.
Remus’ eyes opened and Sirius’ breath hitched when he was met with the golden-brown irises. “I want you,” Remus breathed.
“Wh – What?” Sirius croaked distractedly.
“You told me I could have anything I wanted tonight, so long as I said,” Remus explained, his lips ghosting over Sirius’ with each word he spoke. “I want you. All of you. I want to make you mine.”
Without a further second of thought, Sirius shoved at Remus’ chest, pushing him backwards into the opposite wall so that their positions were reversed. Their mouths devoured one another hungrily, want and need spilling through with every bit lip and clash of teeth they made.
Slowly and unsteadily, they made their way down the small and narrow hall, a trail of clothing showing their progress. When they reached Remus’ small bedroom, Sirius continued to push him until the back of the man’s knees connected with the bed and they fell, bouncing on the mattress even as Remus sought out the pulse point on Sirius’ neck and suckled gently. Sirius groaned as he nipped at the man’s ear, his throat vibrating against Remus’ lips and making the man beneath him smile as he soothed the abused flesh with a gentle flick of his tongue.
As Remus’ hands roamed over the indents of Sirius’ ribs and down to his hips, Sirius pulled back, his fingers threading through Remus’ soft hair. Their eyes locked and grey studied brown intensely, curious, amazed, and disbelieving all at the same time. Sirius released his grip on Remus’ hair with one hand and trailed a fingertip lightly over the man’s forehead, down his temple, around the curve of his eye, and further still over his cheek and down to his jaw.
“What?” Remus asked, his blunt nails scraping up Sirius’ back wickedly.
Sirius hissed before he swallowed, attempting to control the fire coiling tightly in his stomach. He moved his finger up the Remus’ lips, tracing their outline in wonder. “What are you doing to me?” he murmured. Remus raised a curious eyebrow in question and Sirius shook his head slowly in awe. “I’ve barely known you a month, Rem, but every time I think about you, it makes my chest ache and my breath stop. So little time and already I think I – I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Remus’ face smoothed back out into soft lines, his eyes bright as he gazed up at Sirius. “It’s because I’m special,” he said lightly.
Sirius shook his head slightly, still studying Remus with wonder in his eyes. “I know you’re joking,” he whispered, “but you’re right. You are special, Remus. You’re my Moony.” Remus’ face slowly turned serious as he listened to the words, his mouth opening a bit in surprise. “And I do love you.”
Remus’ mouth connected with his before Sirius was fully able to gain his breath back, their bodies rolling upon the mattress, sheets twisting around them chaotically. Remus said nothing, but he didn’t have to. His feelings were clear in every touch of lips, brush of fingers, and soft sigh that he graced Sirius with. And Sirius was happier than he ever had been before.
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Remus shrugged. “How am I supposed to know? I can’t read Finnish.”
“Then what are we doing here?” Sirius complained.
Remus stared at him in exasperation. “I’m not the one who brought us here,” he reminded Sirius.
“Right,” Sirius said, thoroughly repentant. “So…now what?”
“What about you?” Remus exclaimed, shaking his head wearily. “Aren’t you supposed to be the seasoned world-traveler? You should be able to read that.”
Sirius cocked his head to the side, studying the yellow and red road sign that showed two leaping horses. “No, sorry,” he said after a long moment. “All I’ve got is something about moving horse-road monsters.” Remus clenched his eyes closed and massaged his temples. “What? I know enough to get by wherever I go. What’s the point of wasting the time learning seventy different languages when I’ll only use most of them once? I have more important things to do with my time!”
Remus released a low groan as he looked back at Sirius. “We’ll come back to the language thing later,” he promised and Sirius smirked. “Do you think that maybe, quite possibly, the sign might be a warning that there are wild horses running about?”
Sirius turned his gaze back to the sign and studied for another long moment. “You know,” he said, a faint tone of surprise evident in his voice, “I think you might be right.” Remus threw his hands up, but said nothing as his eyes shifted around their surroundings. “Hey!” Sirius suddenly cried, causing Remus to jump. “Do you think we could catch one and ride it?”
Remus sighed as he began walking towards a grove of trees. “I’d rather ride you tonight, in all honesty,” he remarked casually, making Sirius squirm in anticipation as he followed the man faithfully. “Before I have any hope of doing that, however, we have to find our bloody wands which you lost!”
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Sirius mumbled.
“I know you didn’t, love,” Remus sighed. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you did do it. Honestly, what were you thinking?”
“I wanted to play fetch and you wouldn’t play with me,” Sirius explained, his lips forming a pout.
“So you decided to use our wands when we’re surrounded by trees?” Remus said in exasperation. “Why?”
Sirius shrugged and Remus sighed again as he leaned his back against a nearby tree, his expression turning contemplative as he studied the dark ground. Sirius, not particularly liking silent and brooding Remus Lupins, decided to remedy this by distracting him. He flicked his tongue out and slid it over the shell of Remus’ ear.
Remus swatted him away. “Not now, Sirius,” he protested. “I’m thinking.”
“I know,” Sirius murmured, nuzzling into the man’s warm neck with his nose. “Moony,” he cooed. Remus shivered as Sirius’ breath ghosted over his skin. “Come on, Moony.” He placed a tender kiss against the pulse point before he began lightly sucking and nibbling the soft flesh. Remus moaned deep in his throat at Sirius’ attentions and his arms slowly wrapped around Sirius’ waist as he pulled him forward so that they were pressed chest against chest. Sirius moved his lips down to Remus’ jutting and neglected collarbone and the man groaned as his fingers threaded through Sirius’ dark hair.
Soft fingers landed under Sirius chin and lifted his head so that Remus could capture his lips in a sensual kiss. When they parted, Remus smiled, his teeth gleaming in the darkness. “You never told my why you brought me here, Sirius.”
Sirius grinned as he grabbed Remus hand and began to pull him out of the trees. “I wanted to show you something,” he said enthusiastically. “Come on!”
“Sirius, slow down,” Remus shouted, unable to contain his chuckle of mirth. “I don’t think we’re going to miss anything out here.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” Sirius called back with a bubbling laugh as he broke through the edge of the trees. He pointed up. “Look!”
As Remus looked up, Sirius watched him, a loving smile playing on his lips. Remus was the most beautiful person Sirius had ever seen, and every time Sirius looked at him, it was as though that beauty was being magnified tenfold. His brown eyes sparkled with awe as the meteors began to fall through the sky and it took Sirius’ breath away.
Sirius walked behind a stunned Remus and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist tightly. He leaned in close and murmured in his ear, “Close your eyes, Rem.” Remus slowly did as he was told and Sirius smiled slightly as he pressed a soft kiss to the side of his neck. “Now make a wish.”
A long moment passed before Remus’ eyes opened again and he turned in Sirius’ arms. “Thank you,” he murmured.
Sirius smiled as he pressed their foreheads together. “What did you wish for?”
Remus chuckled as he answered, “Can’t tell you. Won’t come true if I do.”
Sirius’ arms tightened around the man. “Well, we don’t want that, now do we?” he whispered. Remus kissed him gently and Sirius savoured it for as long as it lasted. When he pulled away, a thought occurred to him. “You better not have wished for our damn wands.” All Remus did was laugh.
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The sound of the closing door alerted Sirius to his lover’s homecoming and he quickly bounded to the front door to greet him. He planted a smacking kiss on Remus’ lips before the man was even able to kick one shoe off.
Remus smiled. “Well, hello to you, too,” he chuckled out. “I see you’re in a good mood.”
“Of course I am,” Sirius chirped. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Remus shrugged as he studied Sirius, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Oh no,” he muttered warily. “What have you been doing?”
“Nothing,” Sirius protested defensively.
Remus hummed disbelievingly. “You might as well tell me now,” he insisted. “I’m going to find out eventually.”
Sirius grinned wickedly. “Go on and try,” he tempted.
Remus stepped around him slowly and made his wary way into the living room. He glanced around for a moment before he stopped short. “Sirius,” he began carefully, “why is there a picture of an elderly man with a dog carrying a water bottle in its mouth on my wall?”
“I thought it was a nice picture,” Sirius hedged.
“Sirius –“
“And possibly a fairly accurate glimpse of the future,” Sirius continued as though he hadn’t heard Remus.
“I – What?” Remus said, his eyes widening a bit.
Sirius inhaled a slow, deep breath, releasing it quickly before he started in a rush, “That could be you and that could be me and we could be like that when we’re old and grey and about to fall apart and I think it’s a nice idea but I don’t know –“
Remus moved forward quickly and covered Sirius’ mouth with his hand. “Sirius,” he said in exasperation, “slow down, all right?” Sirius nodded. “Are you calm?” Sirius shook his head in denial. “Are you ever calm?” Another denial. Remus smiled as he removed his hand. “Start over, but take it slow, yeah?”
Sirius inhaled another breath of air, letting it out slowly this time. “I found this picture about a month ago, and the first thought I remember having was that it could be you and I in fifty years,” he explained. “It sort of hit me then how nice of an idea that was. The more I thought on it, the more I realised that’s what I want. I want you by my side when I’m an old man and all grey. I want to watch you turn grey and for you to do the same with me.” Sirius reached forward and framed Remus’ face with his hands. “I leave Rennes in three weeks. Come home with me, Remus. Stay with me forever and live your life with me. You can be my Moony and I’ll be your Padfoot for the rest of our lives.”
Remus stared at him, his mouth hanging open slightly in surprise. “I – I don’t –“ he stuttered.
“Remus?” Sirius said tentatively.
Remus swallowed. “You – You’re sure that’s what you want?” he asked softly.
Sirius smiled as he pressed his forehead against Remus’ and studied the brown irises of the man’s eyes. “More than you can possibly imagine,” he murmured.
“Yes,” Remus whispered. “If you’re positive, then yes, I’ll come.” His lips connected with Sirius’ then, and Sirius felt as though his heart was flying higher than any broomstick could ever hope to reach.
“My Remus,” he breathed when they parted, his lips ghosting over Remus’. “My Moony. My gold-man.”
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“You two –“ James began tentatively. “You knew one another. Like really knew. You…were in love.”
Remus nodded with the barest movement of his head, but Sirius’ eyes were locked on Lily. “You saw some of that yesterday, didn’t you, Lils?” Sirius asked her.
Lily looked up at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Yes,” she whispered softly, “and no. I didn’t really know exactly what I had seen. All I could tell was that you knew each other, and it was more than just a chance meeting.”
“What else?” Sirius prodded. When Lily looked at him in puzzlement, he elaborated. “You wouldn’t have been nearly so upset if that had been the only thing you saw.”
Lily inhaled a shuddering breath before she said, “I didn’t see anything else.” Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but Lily overrode him. “But, when I cast that spell yesterday, I felt it. Love; so strong it was almost overwhelming.” She stared at Sirius, her eyes filled with amazement.
Sirius was about to speak when Remus’ body suddenly jerked. James’ eyes widened slightly. “Remus, you all right?” James asked, but Remus didn’t respond, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Cal.
Sirius stepped forward, his hand reaching out. “Moony?” he whispered, wincing slightly as the old habit came back easily. Long forgotten nicknames wouldn’t help anything in this situation.
Remus tensed away from Sirius’ concerned hand as he continued to stare at Callum. “What you said,” he began, his voice soft with warning, “about Sirius and I meeting more than once…How did you know that?”
Callum met Remus’ eyes levelly, a shadow flickering over his own briefly, but he didn’t answer. Sirius hadn’t been paying much attention to Cal before, but now that Remus had brought it up, Sirius remembered hearing Cal’s words and he had to admit that he was suspiciously curious.
When a lengthy minute passed without any reply from Callum, Remus’ hands clenched tightly at his sides and his eyes blazed with fury. “How did you know?” he roared.
Callum’s head cocked to the side slightly. “Why should I tell you?” he asked lightly, betraying nothing but pure curiosity. “After everything you’ve kept from me –“ His eyes shifted to Sirius briefly. “—why should I explain?”
“Because this is my life,” Remus growled. “I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry about that, but this isn’t the same thing. This is an entire portion of my life that was just…gone. And you – you knew about it; this entire time you’ve known and yet you’ve never said anything.” Remus stared at Callum as though he’d never seen the man properly before. “What type of person is capable of keeping something like this from someone they claim to love?”
“The type that loves someone too much to lose them,” Cal whispered.
“And that would be a proper excuse,” Remus said harshly, “except for the fact that this is my ljfe, Callum. Don’t you understand that?”
“More than I think you know,” Cal murmured. He closed his eyes and hung his head slightly as he sighed. “You talk in your sleep.”
Sirius saw Remus jolt with surprise. “What?” he asked softly. “You learned all that from listening to a few mumbles while I’m unconscious?”
Callum shook his head as he explained. “At first, I couldn’t make much sense of any of it. It was all just random words and a mention of cities every now and then. You kept repeating one word, though: serious. I never paid much attention to it until I heard you say something about ‘Padfoot’.” Callum paused and finally looked up at Remus. “Before you knew what Sirius’ nickname was. It wasn’t difficult to put everything together after that.”
“Why didn’t you say anything to me about it?” Remus demanded.
“Honestly?” Cal replied. “I thought you were lying to me.” Remus opened his mouth, but Cal stopped him. “I figured out that you weren’t quickly enough, but look at it from my side. Sirius had been mentioned often enough around you, and yet you’d never said anything about him. How could I not have thought you were hiding something?”
“Well, how did you find out he wasn’t lying to you?” Peter asked, speaking for the first time since Remus and Sirius had finished their tale.
Callum swallowed, directing his eyes away from Remus guiltily. Sirius shook his head because somehow, he already knew.
“He discovered the memory charm that was placed on Remus,” Sirius stated flatly, his eyes locked on Callum, fire boiling in the pit of his stomach. “Didn’t you, Cal?”
Callum’s blue gaze met Sirius’ grey, their depths cold and indifferent; completely uncaring. “I talked to the very person who cast it,” he said.
Sirius released a growl and was across the room in an instant, grabbing Cal’s collar and shoving him back against the wall. “How dare you?” he snarled, shaking the other man roughly. “Who are you to decide how another person’s life should be lived?”
James came up behind Sirius quickly and gripped his arm tightly. “Let him go, Pads,” he said, warning flashing in his eyes.
Sirius shook the man’s hand off and rounded on James, still keeping a tight hold on Callum. “Do you have any idea what he’s done?” he snapped, rage filling his voice and turning it into a low growl. “Who he’s talked to?” He turned back to Callum, his entire body feeling as though it was about to burst into flames. “Do you hate me that much, Callum? What did I ever do to you to deserve that?”
“I don’t hate you, Sirius,” Cal answered calmly.
“Then why did you do it?” Sirius shouted, his voice slowly reaching a pitch that only dogs could hear. He pulled Cal forward and then pushed him back roughly, silently rejoicing when he heard Cal’s grunt of pain. “Of all the things you could have possibly done, why did you go to her and then not tell me anything?”
Sirius felt a soft and gentle hand cup the back of his neck and he turned to see Remus standing beside him. The moment his gaze met the man’s honey-brown eyes, Sirius felt his anger slide away into weary acceptance.
“Let him go, love,” Remus whispered.
Sirius slowly did as he was told and as he did so, Remus’ other arm came up and pulled him into a firm, comforting embrace. From the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Callum clump against the wall and hang his head.
“Who was she, Sirius?” Remus asked softly, his breath ghosting over Sirius’ skin. “That woman in the kitchen, who was she?”
Sirius pressed his eyes to Remus’ warm shoulder as he murmured, “She’s my cousin, Moony. Bellatrix. My family did this to us.”
“What?” James demanded, angry shock clear in his voice.
Sirius inhaled a deep breath before he reluctantly pulled out of Remus’ arms, the scent of the man wafting through his nose giving him strength. He turned to face James, ignoring Callum the best he could. “Who else did you expect, Prongs?” he asked resignedly. James opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out and he closed it, looking more lost than he ever had before.
“Why, though?” Lily asked. “What does it matter to them? Your family disowned you. They have no right.”
Sirius released a sardonic chuckle. “You honestly think that matters to the Blacks?” he said, shaking his head. “Just because they disowned me, Lily, doesn’t mean I stopped being a Black. I’m the crowned heir who fell from grace not only because he consorted with the wrong type of people, but also because he chose to love a man instead of a woman.” The grim smile dropped from his face and he just looked exhausted. “You never escape the House of Black completely, no matter how hard you try.”
Lily’s eyes filled with sad pity that Sirius despised. “Oh, Sirius,” she breathed, moving as though to hug him. Sirius turned his head away and Lily stopped awkwardly in mid-step, her arms hanging uselessly at her sides.
“What the hell did they achieve by doing it, though?” James demanded heatedly. “It isn’t like they took away your preference for men or anything.”
“No,” Sirius agreed. “They just took away the most important one.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair roughly. “Knowing Bella, James, I’m sure she was more than happy enough with the knowledge that she would be making me miserable.”
“That’s just…just…horrible,” Lily protested, her hands clenching tightly at her sides. “How could someone ever –?”
She cut off, however, when they noticed James collapsing backwards into a nearby armchair. “Oh, Merlin,” he groaned, allowing his head to fall into his hands.
Lily stepped forward in concern. “James?” she murmured.
James looked up, but his eyes slid over Lily and settled on a worried and curious Sirius. “You were going to tell us,” he muttered in disbelief. “A few weeks before you were supposed to come back from France, you Flooed and acted like you wanted to say something important. You always stopped yourself, though, and finally just told me you had a surprise when you came home.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “When you did come back, I asked you what you’d been talking about. You said I was mad, though, and told me you had no idea what I was going on about. I thought you were just being…yourself, so I brushed it all away, but…” James opened his eyes again, their hazel depths pleading. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I should have pushed harder, but I just…I didn’t know.”
Sirius laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “’S all right, Prongs,” he said. “I remember that. I really thought you had gone mad because I didn’t remember Flooing you at all in that last month I was in France.”
James nodded slightly in acknowledgment, his eyes distant and mouth pulled down in a hard frown. Lily came forward and lowered herself to sit on her husband’s lap, arms wrapping around his shoulders so that she could pull his head down to rest against her chest. Sirius stepped away to allow them their moment, turning back to face the other three.
Peter fidgeted as his eyes shifted first between Remus and Callum, and then between Cal and Sirius. “So,” he hedged, “what now?”
Callum shook his head and pushed himself away from the wall, skirting the edges of the room to avoid Sirius as he made his way out of the living room and vacated the house quietly. Remus met Sirius’ eyes and a silent conversation passed between them before Remus exhaled a heavy sigh and his shoulders drooped.
“Now we talk,” he said, turning to Peter. “A lot.” He then circled the room a bit so that he could address the two people seated in the armchair. “Lily, James, thank you. And…I’m sorry, for all of this.” Not giving them an opportunity to reply, Remus made his way to the front door as well, passing close to Sirius. As he did so, their arms brushed against one another and tingles raced up Sirius’ spine, that single touch filled with so many missed promises.
And then Remus was gone and all Sirius was left with was the family he didn’t expect to still have. He dropped wearily to the floor, ignoring the chair close by and withdrew his wand, rolling it slowly in his hand.
“You can’t kill your cousin, Sirius,” James murmured. “Regardless of how much she deserves it.”
“No,” Sirius agreed, looking up at his friend, his grey eyes hard and determined, “but I can torture her until she pleads for death and then lock her up and let her rot away, alone and forgotten.”
James didn’t look very believing. “Are you going to confront her?” he asked instead of replying to Sirius’ words.
Sirius huffed out a frustrated breath of air. “Do you think I should?” he said, gazing around at his three friends. Peter shook his head and Lily responded with a sharp denial. Sirius raised his eyebrows in expectation and James sighed.
“I don’t think it’s the best idea either, Sirius,” he answered wearily. “Bellatrix was never the most stable member of your family even when she was younger. There’s no telling what she’s like now.”
“You think I can’t handle her?” Sirius demanded angrily, propelling his body forward on the floor so that he was leaning so much, his chest nearly connected with his thighs.
James raised a hand for peace. “That isn’t what I said, Pads,” he said calmly, but Sirius noticed how his friend avoided saying whether he believed that or not. “All I’m saying is that she’s dangerous. She doesn’t have any morals, Sirius. She won’t hesitate harming you.” Sirius’ lips pulled into a tight line and he looked away. James groaned and scrubbed at his face roughly. He nudged Lily from his lap gently and pushed himself forward so that he could peer closely at his friend. “Sirius, I – I just don’t want to see you get hurt. And I don’t want to see you harm anyone else, no matter what they’ve done or how much they deserve it.” James stood then, walking to Sirius’ side and laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’ll destroy you, Sirius. I won’t watch that happen.”
Turning and grabbing his wife’s hand, James left the room, leading Lily behind him. Peter cast one more sad glance in Sirius’ direction, offering a small smile before he too followed. Sirius was left alone with his own dark thoughts, completely indecisive as to what to do.
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Waiting was the worst part. Waiting and not knowing what was going to happen. Sirius was at the point where he thought hearing anything would be better than what he had been doing. Remus could tell him that he hated Sirius and never wanted to see him again and Sirius would be perfectly fine…Well, probably not, but it would have been better than simply standing around in Limbo.
He took to wandering idly around the house without any real purpose. He would lock himself in the library for hours at a time, removing random books from the shelves, musing on whether Remus would enjoy them or not before placing them back where they belonged. Sirius would walk around rooms, running his hands over various items as he gazed at places Remus and he had been together at one point or another. The worst place to be was his bedroom. The memories that surfaced anytime he entered were unbearable, so Sirius had taken to sleeping in one of the spare rooms that had only ever been used by the rare visiting family member when Sirius had been younger.
As the minutes and hours passed and turned into days, Sirius became restless. His muscles twitched violently anytime he attempted to hold himself still. His very mind was in overdrive, thoughts and scenarios and theories constantly surfacing behind his eyes, making him feel as though his sanity was quickly slipping through the cracks.
Just when Sirius was beginning to think he was reaching his edge, the doorbell chimed through Grimmauld Place. His head snapped up and he cursed when it cracked against the top of the trunk he was riffling through in the attic. Ignoring the pain, Sirius jumped to his feet and raced down the stairs, barreling into the front door in his haste to get it open.
His trembling hand slipped off the doorknob more times than Sirius was willing to admit. When he finally managed to latch onto it, he pulled the door open forcefully, his mouth already forming Remus’ name. The wood swung past his head and he faltered the next instance when he saw absolutely no one.
A puzzled frown forming on his lips, Sirius moved forward onto the front step, glancing around as he did so. “Hello?” he called, his confusion increasing. He made his way down the remaining steps and onto the pavement. “What was –?”
Sirius’ words suddenly cut off as a burning explosion of pain hit his back and spread through his body. He stumbled and attempted to fight through the sensation even as his eyes watered and his teeth bit through his bottom lip, blood beginning to stream down his chin. Just as Sirius was beginning to think he would be all right, another painful blow exploded across the back of his head and his world fell to darkness.
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Two words, however, forced his eyes to snap open and his mind to speed up:
“Hello, cousin.”
Sirius rolled until he saw her and then surged to his feet. As he did so, his vision wobbled and Sirius felt as though his entire body had been turned upside down. He teetered and stumbled, his hand gripping the side of his head as he attempted to keep his eyes focused on her.
“Bella,” he hissed.
Bellatrix smiled at him, her eyes glinting maliciously as she twirled her wand and tapped the pointed toe of her shoe against the marble flooring. “Sirius,” she cooed. “So nice of you to join us.”
“Us?” Sirius asked worriedly, his heart pounding so hard he imagined it would soon break free of his ribcage.
Bellatrix’s smile grew as she stepped to the side to reveal a body lying on the floor behind her. The person’s clothing was torn and tattered, dirt smears spreading across the abused fabric. Beneath the tears, Sirius could see bloody scratches and the beginnings of purple-black bruises. Sirius’ eyes travelled up along the prone form and he felt his heart completely stop when he saw the light brown hair that was matted with blood.
“Remus!” he shouted, darting forward and dropping down to his knees beside the man. Pleasepleaseplease, he silently chanted as his fingers searched for a pulse. Pleasenoplease.
His hands worked and moved, tracking through grime and blood. His panic increased the longer he searched and Sirius was reaching near-hysteria. His fingers roved, but he continued to find nothing and grief swelled up inside him so great that Sirius felt as though he was being crushed. He leaned down to press his face into the crook of Remus’ neck and his breath hitched in his chest as he tried to contain the sobs that wanted to emerge.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I am so sorry.”
His nose pressed against the soft skin as he battled with himself and he jumped when he felt a gentle throb. He pulled his face away and immediately sent his fingers searching once more. Sirius’ stomach began to drop when he once again could not locate a pulse, but just when he was beginning to give it over as a trick of his grief-ridden mind, he felt another small throb beneath his fingertips. His heart leapt and he gently rolled the man over onto his back.
“Remus,” he said softly as he smacked his hand against the man’s cheek. “C’mon, Remus, wake up.”
“I wouldn’t try too hard,” Bellatrix said from behind Sirius, her tone low but gleeful. “Your little pet has been through quite the ordeal.”
Sirius pushed himself to his feet quickly and rounded on the woman. “What have you done to him?” he snarled.
Bellatrix grinned. “I’ve just been having a bit of fun, Sirius. Showing Lupin what happens when he messes with the Black heir has been quite entertaining.”
Sirius’ hands tightened into fists. “I’m not the Black heir,” he said through gritted teeth. “How long has he been here?”
“Two days,” Bellatrix chirped. “I received a very special delivery almost directly after you two discovered the little charm I placed on you two years ago.”
Sirius’ brow furrowed in confusion. “How did you know about that?”
“Oh, Sirius,” she sighed in exaggerated disappointment, clicking her tongue. “Did you honestly think I would do such a thing and then leave you unsupervised? I’m much more clever than that.”
Sirius’ mind was working quickly, trying to figure out exactly what she meant, but he kept coming up blank. “I don’t –“ but he was cut off when Bella began to giggle.
“Oh, pet!” she called as she twirled in the middle of the floor. “Come out, come out! You have a visitor!”
Her giggles turned to cackles of glee as a shadow formed in a far doorway. Sirius squinted, his heart beating in trepidation as he attempted to see who it was. Soon after, however, it wasn’t necessary as the form grew and stepped into the light. Sirius’ eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock.
“Callum?” he breathed.
Cal glanced up to meet Sirius’ eyes briefly before he looked away again. “I – I’m sorry, Sirius,” he stuttered out. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“Bollocks,” Sirius hissed, his anger boiling to the surface. “What the hell did I ever do to you that was so horrible?”
“Nothing!” Callum shouted, meeting Sirius’ eyes again. “I never wanted to do any of this!”
“But you did!” Sirius cried. “Remus thing aside, I’ve never hurt you. I’ve always been a good friend to you. My cousin, Callum! Why?”
“I couldn’t control it, Sirius,” Cal said, his tone turning pleading. “Please, you have to believe me.”
“Fuck you!” Sirius shouted at him.
“Do calm down, Sirius,” Bellatrix interjected, rubbing her temple. “Your pitch is giving me a headache.” She twisted her wand up before her eyes and examined it idly. “Now, about this little issue we have…” Her eyes leveled with Sirius’. “Don’t be so very hard on you little friend, cousin. He is telling the truth; he never wanted to do any of this.” She wiggled her wand between her fingers and smiled. “The Imperius Curse is a thing of beauty, and so useful.”
“You did what?” Sirius said in horror.
“Oh, yes,” Bella murmured sweetly. “It was so simple, really. All I had to do was corner him in a side alley down from the Leaky Cauldron. He barely fought back. Hufflepuffs.” She sneered in distaste. “They’re all so weak. At least your foolish Gryffindors are brave.” She shook her head as through to clear it and her eyes focused on the still unconscious Remus. “You can’t possibly imagine my delight when your pet found mine.”
Sirius’ insides turned cold. “You wouldn’t have,” he whispered in denial. “You don’t approve of that sort of thing.”
Bellatrix threw her head back and laughed madly. “Don’t fool yourself, Sirius,” she said giddily. “What should it matter if I approve or not so long as it accomplishes my means. The attraction was already there. All it took was a simple tweak to his weak little mind and I had ensured that not only would you always be in my watchful eye, but so would your precious pet.”
Sirius swallowed around the lump that had formed in his dry throat. “Why?” he croaked out. “What was the point of it all? I’m nothing to you anymore. I haven’t been for years.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, cousin,” she answered. Bellatrix walked forward and laid a hand on his cheek. Sirius fought back a flinch. “You’re still a Black and you’re still the heir.”
“No, I’m not,” Sirius argued. “I was disowned and disinherited. I’m nothing to this family.”
“You are,” she insisted. “Did you really think your mother wanted you gone? You were troublesome, yes, but we always assumed you would grow into your role. When you admitted you were –“ Her eyes narrowed to slits and fire burned behind the lids. “—gay, and walked out, Aunt Walburga was devastated. She spent years searching for a way to bring you back. Just before she died, she found a way and entrusted it with me.”
“You’ve done all this because of her?” Sirius demanded in angry shock. “What does it matter now? She’s dead!”
“But she was right, Sirius,” Bellatrix said excitedly, patting his cheek for good measure. “One spell was all it would take to bring you back. You belong with us. You’re the heir.”
“No, I’m not!” Sirius screamed in her face and her fingers hooked as she raked her nails across his cheek sharply in retaliation. Sirius hissed in pain and jerked back, clutching at his split and bleeding skin.
“Yes, you are,” she said, voice lowering to a near growl. “You live in the Black house, use the Black vault, and have the Black name.”
“That doesn’t mean anything!” Sirius snapped. “All of that, every bit, was by default. I needed a place to live. Why pay for something when I own a bloody house? The vault’s mine, but I barely use it. And the name…” Sirius sneered at his cousin. “Don’t ever think I wouldn’t trade it for another in a heartbeat.”
Bella shrugged, turning her back on Sirius. “This means nothing to me,” she dismissed.
Sirius growled in frustration. “What was the point? You knock Remus out of my life, make me forget about him. What difference did that make? You didn’t change anything.”
“No,” she agreed lightly. “It would have. It should have completely wiped away every memory you had of your precious little friends.” She began to pace a large circle around him, studying his form with her half-lidded eyes. “You, Sirius, however, were stronger than I had originally anticipated. You fought against my spells remarkably well, and I was only able to erase and replace your most recent of memories.”
“And if you’d succeeded?” Sirius asked as he tracked her through his peripheral vision. “What then? Did you really expect my friends to just let me go, forget about me?”
“I would have taken care of them as well.” She paused in front of him briefly and her dark eyes flinted. “One way or another.”
Sirius’ jaw clenched for a moment and he opened his mouth to speak, but cut himself off when he heard a low groan from behind him. Sirius spun on his heel and directed his eyes to Remus who was beginning to stir slightly.
Sirius raced over and dropped to his knees again at the other man’s side. “Remus!” he breathed desperately, bringing his hands up to cradle the sides of Remus’ face. “Come on, Rem, open your eyes for me, please.” His thumb ghosted over Remus’ cheekbone as he gently coaxed the man into consciousness.
Remus’ eyes fluttered open briefly before they closed again and Sirius’ heart leapt. “Sirius?” he rasped hoarsely, his eyes slowly opening once more. He attempted to speak again, but he broke off into ragged coughs.
Sirius wedged his arm beneath Remus’ shoulders and lifted him off the floor slightly. “It’s all right,” he soothed softly. “I’ve got you. I won’t let her hurt you anymore.”
“Leave him be, Sirius,” Bellatrix called. “He won’t matter to you in a moment. I’ve strengthened my spells, and this time –“ She raised her wand and pointed it at Sirius. “—I won’t fail.”
Sirius was across the floor in an instant. He grabbed a side table by the legs, allowing the objects atop it to crash to the floor. He spun as he did so and released the table from his grip, throwing it at her as hard as he could manage. His eyes tracked it as it sailed towards her. Half of a second before it collided with her body, however, the table completely vanished and Bellatrix smiled as Sirius cried out in anger.
“No, no, cousin,” she scolded, waving a disapproving finger at him. “I wouldn’t try something like that again.” Her head nodded, directing his attention to his other side. As he turned, Sirius saw Callum with his wand pointed at Sirius’ chest, the wood shaking in his trembling hand.
“Callum,” Sirius said slowly, raising his hands, fingers spread wide, “whatever she’s telling you to do, you have to fight it.”
Cal’s hand began to shake more violently. “I can’t,” he choked out desperately. “Pads…I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t,” Sirius stressed.
Callum’s head shook from side to side jerkily in denial. “Run,” he breathed. “Sirius. Run”
“No,” Sirius said, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat. “I won’t leave you and Remus here.”
“You have to!” Cal screamed desperately. “She – she wants me to kill you.”
Sirius’ head snapped in his cousin’s direction. “What?” he snarled. “I thought you wanted your fucking heir back?”
Bellatrix smirked as she shrugged. “Either way works. I’ve decided this way is easier.”
“Sirius,” Cal ground out, his want still trained on Sirius.
“Cal,” Sirius said, taking a cautious step forward. “You can fight this; I know you can.” He took two more steps in his friend’s direction as the man’s wand trembled even more in his hand. “You’re stronger than she says, I know it. You can push it away if you want. Fight, Callum!”
Callum’s eyes were closed tightly, his jaw clenched so hard, Sirius was shocked the man’s teeth didn’t shatter. His hand shook so violently now that Sirius assumed he would soon lose his wand completely. In fact, he was counting on it. That was before the shout came.
“Avada Kedavra!”
Sirius lunged sideways and fell to the ground barely in time, a portion of the wall behind him exploding and showering him with debris. He gained his feet quickly and trained his eyes on Callum as the man aimed his wand to try again.
“Avad – Avada Kedav -- Argh!” Cal cried as his grip relaxed and his wand clattered to the marble floor. His hands lifted and covered his face. “No, I can’t. I won’t do it!”
Bellatrix’s rage emerged as a high pitched shriek. Her wand rose and leveled on Callum. Sirius saw what was about to happen before her mouth was open to shout the word.
“No!” he roared, diving in Callum’s direction just as Bellatrix shouted, “Crucio!”
Sirius managed to shove his friend to the side a second before the spell hit and he collapsed to the floor. His body convulsed as his nerves flamed and exploded repeatedly beneath his skin, sending spasms of pain racing through every part of his being. Sirius refused to cry out, however, and his teeth clamped down tightly, nicking his tongue and drawing blood, the rusty copper taste of it filling his mouth quickly.
“Stop it!” he heard Remus scream distantly, sounding as though he was at the far end of a very long and ever-lengthening tunnel. “You’re hurting him!”
“Would you rather the pain be yours instead?” Bellatrix snapped, and the pain disappeared as quickly as it had begun.
Sirius took a short moment to regain his breath, his chest heaving as he panted. He didn’t have long for recuperation, however, as a strangled cry sounded from the other side of the room. Sirius’ eyes snapped open and his heart stopped when he saw his cousin’s wand pointed at Remus, the man writhing from pain upon the floor.
Bella cackled in delight as she watched Remus struggle and Sirius attempted to push himself to his feet, but he fell back to the floor, his legs shaking and knees too weak to support him. “Please, no,” he begged softly. “Don’t hurt him.”
Her eyes moved to gaze at him thoughtfully and after a long moment, she released the spell. Remus’ body fell limp and Sirius exhaled a slight sigh of relief. Remus’ dull brown eyes met Sirius’ as the other man breathed, “Sirius.”
Sirius pushed his hand across the floor as though reaching for the man and Remus copied the movement even thought they weren’t anywhere near close enough to touch. “I’m sorry, Moony,” Sirius whispered and Remus closed his eyes, one lone tear falling down his pale cheek.
“Dear Sirius. So brave,” Bellatrix murmured as she approached and Sirius forced himself to his feet, stumbling slightly before he caught himself. His weak legs shook beneath his weight, but one glance at Remus gave Sirius the strength to stay upright.
“You act as though bravery is such a horrible thing,” he said quietly, hatred lacing his tone.
“Of course it isn’t,” she simpered, pausing in the middle of the room. Her lips pulled into a tight line. “It’s the stupidity that comes along with it that I have no tolerance for.”
“What you call stupidity, I call morals,” Sirius growled.
“Petty, Muggle inconveniences,” she dismissed, waving a jeweled hand through the air. “I haven’t any need for them.” She advanced again and the tip of her wand suddenly pushed into the left side of Sirius’ chest. “You could have been so very great, Sirius, had you only accepted the family ways.”
Sirius drew himself up to his full height, towering over her. “I have a family, and they are not the Blacks,” he hissed. “My family is kind, loyal, and they know what love is. What’s more is that they give it unconditionally.”
Bella’s wand twisted against his chest threateningly as her eyes narrowed. Her nose snarled up and her mouth opened to voice a retort, but she was interrupted.
“Sirius is great, just the way he is,” Callum said, coming into view at Sirius’ side, his wand pointed at Bellatrix, “and I won’t let you hurt him anymore.”
Bellatrix smirked. “Hush now, pet,” she advised in a condescending tone. “Let the adults speak.” Cal took another step forward, his wand never wavering and Bella studied him in faint amusement. “What is it you think –?”
“Expulso!” Callum shouted and Bellatrix, completely surprised, soared backwards and hit the floor with a loud thud.
She screamed with rage as she quickly gained her feet and aimed her wand at Cal. “Crucio!”
Callum dodged to the side and rounded on Bellatrix, firing another spell back at her. Sirius was lost, gazing at the duel helplessly. He was wandless and one glance around the room provided him with nothing of use to help his friend.
“Padfoot,” Sirius heard from a distance away, so soft it was barely a whisper and his head snapped around. Remus was staring at him, the man’s mouth working as he attempted to force words through his dry lips. “Padfoot…”
Sirius moved closer, dropping to his knees. His fingers threaded through Remus’ dirty hair. “What is it, Remus?”
“Padfoot,” the man breathed, his expression earnest. “Padfoot.”
Sirius’ brows knit together in confusion. “I don’t under –“ He cut himself off and his eyes widened as Remus’ meaning sank in.
Sirius spun on his knees, his mind already focusing on the transformation when he saw Bellatrix’s lips begin to form the words of the killing curse. “No!” Sirius shouted, his muscles bunching and then stretching as his body shifted forms. Immediately he was running across the room, his nails clicking against the marble and his head bowed low. With a fierce growl, Padfoot launched himself into the air and flew towards Bellatrix. His front paws connected with her chest forcefully and sent her falling backwards, the dog following her. Bella hit the floor for a second time, her head bouncing against the hard marble with sickening crack.
Padfoot scratched at her chest and his teeth bit at her pale flesh angrily. One word continued to sound through the dog’s head and he was determined to follow the command. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.
Strong arms wrapped around the dog’s neck and began to pull him backwards, away from his victim. Padfoot growled threateningly at the intrusion.
“Stop, Pads,” Cal whispered. “She’s dead.”
Padfoot ceased his struggles and relaxed his mind, giving way to the consciousness that was buried there. The dog quickly morphed back into Sirius and the man stared at the slowly growing crimson pool around his cousin’s head.
Bellatrix is dead. I killed her. She’s dead. I did it; I killed her. It’s my fault.
“Sirius?” Callum whispered.
Sirius’ eyes closed and his body fell limp against his friend as he passed out.
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A door to their left opened and Sirius lifted his head expectantly. The Healer approached slowly, his eyes tired, and Sirius’ stomach twisted in dread as he stood.
“How – how is he?” Sirius asked.
The Healer looked up and gave Sirius a small smile. “Your friend is going to be just fine,” he assured and Sirius’ legs gave out beneath him from relief. As James guided him back into his chair, the Healer continued. “Remus is a bit dehydrated and in need of some nourishment. He’s also fairly beaten up and quite weak, but that isn’t anything we aren’t able to take care of. We’re going to keep him for a few days just to monitor him, but once I see that everything is checking out well enough, he’ll be free to leave.”
Sirius only nodded, unable to find words. Lily took over thanking the Healer. The man smiled brightly and looked back to Sirius when he was finished speaking with the red headed woman. “He’s asking to see you if you’d like to go back.”
Sirius leapt to his feet immediately, ignoring James’ steadying hand on his shoulder, and followed the Healer back to Remus’ room. He knocked lightly and entered when he heard Remus’ voice inviting him in. Two steps in, Sirius stopped and stood frozen as the door swung closed behind him and he stared at the man resting in the white bed, reading a small paperback novel. Remus glanced up at him and his brow furrowed in confusion briefly before it smoothed out and his eyes took on a look of understanding.
“I’m all right, Sirius,” he murmured.
“I know, I just –“ Sirius broke off and swallowed thickly around the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. One corner of Remus’ lips pulled up slightly and he patted the bed next to his hip, encouraging Sirius to come closer. Sirius did as he was requested and no sooner had he sat down on the mattress than he’d gathered Remus tightly in his arms, hugging the man against his chest close. “I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered. “For a moment there, in that house, I thought you were gone. It felt like twenty lifetimes.”
Remus’ fingers threaded through Sirius’ hair. “I’m still here, Sirius. I’d never leave you in such a way,” he promised.
Sirius breathed in deeply, inhaling the man’s scent before he pulled back and studied Remus. “Are you really all right?”
“Of course I am,” Remus insisted, smiling as he did so, but Sirius noticed there was something slightly off in the expression.
“But?” he asked warily.
Remus’ smile disappeared and he looked down at the book lying on his legs. “There’s something we need to talk about, Sirius,” he murmured, running his fingers along the edges of the book. His brown eyes lifted to stare at Sirius beneath his lashes. “I can’t see you anymore. At all.”
Sirius felt as though a lead weight had dropped into the pit of his stomach. “Remus, if this is about Cal –“
“This has nothing to do with Callum,” Remus said, finally looking directly at Sirius. “He never actually loved me and I know that now. It should hurt more, but I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that I probably didn’t love him as much as I could have, mainly because I always had you, even if I didn’t know that.” Remus closed his eyes for a brief moment and inhaled a steadying breath. “This has to do with that fact that you were almost killed because of me. I won’t allow that to happen again, Sirius.”
Sirius’ mouth gaped open in disbelief. “It isn’t going to, Remus,” he objected. “Bellatrix is dead.”
“And your other family members?” Remus countered.
“What about them?” Sirius asked through gritted teeth.
“What if any of them have the same idea; decide to attempt the same thing?” Remus shook his head. “I won’t let that happen.”
Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand in his, clutching it tightly. “It won’t,” he insisted.
“You’re right, they won’t,” Remus said, pulling his hand from Sirius’ grip. “At least not because of me.” His eyes left Sirius’ and landed on his book as he opened it and flipped through the pages to find his place. “I think you should go now, Sirius.”
“No,” Sirius refused, “I won’t. I’m not going to accept this.”
“You don’t have a choice in the matter,” Remus stated, eyes focused on his book.
“The hell I don’t!” Sirius shouted, pushing himself from the bed and onto his feet to tower over the other man. “I’ll fight until I –“
“Leave, Sirius!” Remus roared, looking up and his eyes burned with angry fire.
Sirius stared at him defiantly, more than prepared to for the fight he had began to promise. He even opened his mouth to scream back, until he noticed that the longer he stood there, the more fire built in Remus’ brown eyes. After a long moment, Sirius turned on his heel and walked from the room without looking back, doing exactly as he had been told.
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Sirius’ hands stilled on his bag and he sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “Yes, I do, Prongs,” he murmured. “I’m better off travelling than I’ll ever be here.”
James’ mouth pulled into a tight line. “This is about Remus, isn’t it?” he asked, his tone disapproving.
Sirius rolled his head back on his shoulders in exasperation. “We’ve been over this, James,” he said wearily. “My leaving has nothing to do with Remus.”
James moved to stand in front of him. “Then why are you leaving now? You’ve still got another two months of holiday time you were planning to take.”
“I’m just ready to go, Prongs,” Sirius answered as he lifted his bag and hooked it over his shoulder. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to his friend.
“What’s this?” James asked in confusion.
“The deed to Grimmauld Place,” he replied. As James’ look of confusion deepened, Sirius explained. “It’ll be Harry’s when he turns seventeen, if he wants it.”
Without giving a stunned James an opportunity to respond, Sirius clapped the man on the back and walked past him and out of Grimmauld Place, leaving it, London, and every bad memory behind.
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Four Months Later
Mid-afternoon on a horribly crowded Muggle street in Cambridge. Sirius was aggravated and there was nothing that could pull him from his mood. Absolutely nothing. It was cold, it was icy, and his trousers were wet. All he wanted was to go inside and get warm.
Suddenly there was a body in front of him that refused to move. Sirius glanced up, prepared to provide the person with an earful, but he froze just like the ice beneath his feet when he was met with golden-honey.
“Care for a Tango?”
All thoughts of cold and ice and wet trouser legs were carried away from Sirius’ mind as he was pulled into the middle of the street and held tight by his gold-man. His love. His Remus.