Work Text:
For all her many flaws and shortcomings – and she knew there were definitely many – there was at least one thing Tsunade was proud of. She had raised not one but two apprentices to adulthood, teaching them all she knew so they could survive on their own. In particular, she was feeling proud of Sakura, who had grown up from a snivelling genin to a wonderful kunoichi. Not only was she strong, skilled and compassionate, she was – in Tsunade’s unbiased opinion – one of the most beautiful women in the village, both in character and in looks. Anyone who disagreed needed their heads checked (and she was more than happy to do the checking).
That being said, Tsunade wasn’t sure how she felt about some of the people who did agree with her.
It began after Sakura turned 16 and got her first Bingo Book entry after defeating an Akatsuki member. Tsunade had been so proud she had nearly shed a tear, and she made sure to congratulate her apprentice for such an impressive feat. She knew it would the first of many, and so she had no qualms about sending Sakura out on solo missions.
Unfortunately, it was on one such solo mission that Sakura returned…with a guest.
Akasuna no Sasori was unexpected, for several reasons. For starters, he was not dead (Tsunade hoped they wouldn’t rescind Sakura’s Bingo Book entry). In fact, he was not only alive but also human, looking bizarrely young for his true age, which contrasted to Sakura’s reports of puppetry in their fight but Sakura herself had – with a blush – confirmed that he was, in fact, human and in good health.
That led to the other thing. Upon his arrival to Konoha, Sasori had docilely agreed to his chakra being bound, in exchange for a meeting with Tsunade herself so he could explain everything. Everything, apparently, included renouncing his Akatsuki affiliation in favour of loyalty towards one Haruno Sakura. He claimed that her strength and cunning in defeating him had caught his attention and upon his miraculous resurrection into an age-appropriate body, he’d sought her out. His adoration was obvious in the way that he could not keep his eyes off her, always making sure to keep her within eyesight at all times.
He was also happy to hand over an intel from his time in Akatsuki, in exchange for Sakura visiting on a regular basis. Sakura was amenable to this agreement, seemingly flattered by Sasori’s unwavering attention; Sasori was pleased with her promises to see him, and Tsunade was happy with her intel. The episode, as strange as it was, was now over and life returned to normal, including Sakura’s mission load.
That is, until she brought home another guest.
If ANBU hadn’t given her warning, Tsunade would have thought that it was only Sakura and Ino bickering as they came into her office. Sadly, she knew better, and even if she didn’t, the Akatsuki cloak gave it away. Deidara, Iwagakure missing-nin and explosions specialist, stood in her office, arguing with Sakura even as he held his bound arms in front of him. Like Sasori, he had come willingly, but unlike Sasori’s silent admiration, Deidara couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Fortunately for him, his monologue revealed that he had no plans against Konoha, only a burgeoning infatuation with her apprentice and her monstrous strength – “true art”, as the missing-nin proclaimed, staring starry-eyed at Sakura.
Despite his tendency to argue, Deidara was soon able to come to an agreement that was nearly identical to Sasori’s: information about Akatsuki in exchange for Sakura’s presence. Sakura, despite her frequent eyerolls and huffs towards Deidara, was agreeable. As Intel carted him off, Tsunade wondered if he knew about Sasori.
Once is happenstance. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern.
On the day of Sakura’s expected arrival, ANBU Mouse poked their head into the office. They didn’t even say anything before Tsunade sighed. “Who is it this time?” she asked rhetorically and was not disappointed. Hoshigaki Kisame, Akatsuki member (pending), formerly one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, the Tailless Tailed Beast, and the latest in line to be one of Sakura’s suitors, cut an intimidating figure in her office with his impressive height and huge sword. His behaviour was an odd combination of Sasori and Deidara – like Deidara, he was witty and good-humoured about being bound and interrogated, flirting blatantly with Sakura; like Sasori, he was prone to gazing at her with fascination. Unlike the other two, however, there was a distinct edge of bloodlust, which he matter-of-factly explained as wanting to spar with Sakura. With her freakish strength and medical ninjutsu, she would be a challenge, and one that he was intending on winning, in every sense of the word.
Shizune kindly provided her with a copy of the agreement Deidara and Sasori had signed, although this time she had left a blank space for the name to be filled in as needed. Tsunade dashed off his name and made a mental note to tell Sakura to book Training Ground 30 if she agreed to the spar.
Three former missing-nin was three too many, so Tsunade confined her apprentice to the village – only temporarily, she reassured a pouting Sakura – setting her to work in the hospital while they sorted through the sudden influx of information. Sakura would be bored but safe and definitely not bringing home any more strangers, and maybe the world would return to normal.
This continued for a good few months until Sakura uncharacteristically requested a private meeting. About five minutes in, Tsunade flared her chakra and held her hand out expectantly. Shizune obediently entered the room to deposit a bottle of sake in said hand, and everyone in the room – Shizune, Sakura, her new beau Uchiha Itachi and the Hokage guard – wisely said nothing as Tsunade uncapped it and drank half of it in one go.
Sakura took the opportunity to explain that she had been sneaking out of the village to gather herbs and had run into the Uchiha, who had wandered closer to Konoha in search of his ex-partner but found himself revealing his lung disease which was then subsequently healed by Sakura but required regular check-ups, so he had been sneaking into Konoha in disguise but it was actually safe because Itachi was Jiraiya’s undercover agent in Akatsuki and had been since he’d left Konoha, but in light of two of their members defecting, his information was less valuable and his role less essential so…
It had been a long time but Tsunade had grown up and lived with the Uchiha until she’d left, so despite Itachi’s calm demeanour, she could tell that he was more than infatuated with Sakura. The Uchiha didn’t do “casual”, so if Sakura had piqued his interest then, well, it was game over. For who, Tsunade didn’t know – hopefully not either of them, and hopefully not her.
Tsunade held out her hand again. This time Shizune passed her a copy of the same agreement given to the other three, having pre-filled Itachi’s name while the pair had explained, and Tsunade tossed it towards her newest headache.
Then she finished the rest of the bottle.
After that, Tsunade kept multiple copies of that agreement in one of her desk drawers, along with additional bottles of alcohol. It said a lot about the situation that Shizune didn’t try to stop her from drinking, instead helping to keep her supply stocked. But it was a necessity as Sakura resumed her normal mission load – it was obvious there was no point keeping her within Konoha’s walls and Tsunade wanted at least the appearance of security – and resumed bringing back her strays.
Tsunade had it down to a science: the guards at the gate would send word once Sakura was spotted, Tsunade would prepare the paperwork, Sakura would arrive with her missing-nin in tow, they would explain the reason for their defection (always for Sakura), Tsunade would cross their names off the Bingo Book, get them to sign the agreement before sending them down to Intel. They were running out of room in Intel but Inoichi was pleased – and bewildered – by the sudden influx of information.
Akatsuki members were pouring into Konoha – Hidan, Kakuzu, even Zetsu, in the form a cat for some reason. Her ANBU guard had started a running bet on who would be next; Tsunade, as per usual, lost miserably but to be fair, no one could have predicted the next few members.
Konan, to Tsunade and Jiraiya’s shock.
Then Pein – or Nagato, to Jiraiya’s horror.
Then Tobi…or Obito, to Kakashi’s horror.
Despite the ugly truth behind their pasts, all members of Akatsuki had submitted themselves to being bound, interrogated and then placed in a special building that Tsunade had had to commission specifically for Sakura’s suitors. Akatsuki, the terrorist organisation, was no more. In its place was Akatsuki, the group of high-level shinobi who had all left said terrorist organisation for the sake of love – love for one Haruno Sakura, whose regular visits left them all...well, lovestruck. And Sakura returned from that special building glowing, always with gifts that ranged from something as innocuous as an origami flower – always the most complex folding pattern Tsunade had ever seen – to scrolls with difficult and usually forbidden techniques.
Well, Sakura was thriving, the former Akatsuki members were happy and there was no longer any threat to the village. All was well, Tsunade told herself. Everything was under control. All it took was a regular delivery of the highest quality sake to Tsunade’s office every day to…well, not forget, because that would be impossible, but at least soothe the fact that her beloved apprentice was on the verge of moving in with not one, not two, but nine S-class shinobi who were previously intent on destroying the world as they knew it.
Tsunade drained the rest of her bottle quickly.
All was well.