Chapter Text
The first impression can be misleading. After all, when the push comes to shove, many people turn out to be different than they appeared. Rex knew that – he was an officer, he had worked with various generals, various troopers... He had seen such behaviour before – harsh and distant at first, turns out to be touchy and insecure – that applied to both the troopers and the Jedi.
''Master Krell, this is Rex, my first in command. You won't find a finer or more loyal trooper anywhere.''
The captain almost blushed behind his helmet. General Skywalker recommended him... Force, he praised him. Rex wasn't a shiny eager for citation, but it still felt nice to be adulated by the superior.
The first impression was a good one, wasn't it? Sure, Rex prefered to prove himself on the battlefield, but he could live with the recommandation.
However, he had some objections – he wasn't that good, Skywalker was exaggerating... Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? Modesty turned out to be the wrong way...
Rex wanted to be kind, he wanted to tell the general that it was an honor to fight beside him. He felt honored – he'd heard about general Krell: about his effectivity, his strategies and his casualties... What about this said first impression? Krell seemed unapproachable, proud, serious. They would probably need someone level-headed there on Umbara.
Level-headed, Rex hardly manages not to burst into bitter laughter. Someone level-headed would have never sent his troops against one another. And Krell would. The captain clenches his fists. If only he had cottoned on earlier... He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Anger won't help. Rex needs to be clear-headed.
What's done, cannot be undone.
He wanted to be kind, he wanted to show his respectfulness towards general Krell. To captain's surprise, the Jedi saw it as an act of ingratiating. However, being considered a sycophant wasn't the worst part.
''I find it very interesting, captain, that you are able to recognize the value of honor, for a clone.''
That still hurts. Especially, after everything that happened after this one statement had been made. Rex was quite independent, for a clone. And he is proud of it. Furthermore, now he's even more 'independent', he will disobey orders if he don't like them or if those orders put lives of his men at risk. A thin smile appears on captain's face. Disobeying orders. Just a week earlier he would scold himself for such concept, but he is disillusioned now. Slick was partialy right. Some Jedi can't be trusted. Being a good soldier doesn't mean that you should follow blindly every order given by the superiors. Rex learnt that on Umbara. He promised himself that he won't forget this lesson. He's quite good at learning new things, for a clone.
He's aware that many think very little of clones and consider them just some cannon fodder. That doesn't change the fact that he had never came across a Jedi who would make his opinion so explicit.
They were bred for war, that's true, but they're not droids. They're men – they can be tired, they can starve, they can feel. They can't hold the candle to other sentient beings? After Umbara Rex will put a bullet between eyes of anyone who dares to insult his brothers.
''CT-7567, are you reading me?''
He was completly taken aback. It had been a long time since someone adressed him by the number. He blinked, confusion painted all over his face. Thanks Force for the helmet... He could easily recall his days on Kamino – the cloners hadn't been interested in their nicknames. They were just units... He had been able to stand it because he had never experienced a different approach. Then he had gotten a name. Nothing had really changed – only his brothers had known that he'd gone by ''Rex'' from then.
He knew that for numerous people he was still 'seventy-five sixty-seven'... but no Jedi had ever called him by this designation. When they had met for the first time, general Skywalker had asked him about the name, not the number.
''I asked you a question, CT-7567.''
Only then Rex realised that Krell used his number. However, he was too confused to feel insulted. He had more significant things to worry about – his men needed rest. He didn't ask for something unattainable – only a few whiles to recharge their batteries... But the general refused, pah!, he stated that they didn't need rest. He forced them to keep this pace, though they had been walking for twelve hours. It was subhuman - Rex knew that and yet he obeyed.
Now when he knows everything – that Krell was a traitor, that the suspiciousness of him was the right thing – this whole story, everything that happened on Umbara, looks like some weird dream. Nightmare would be a better word to describe all those events actually... His brothers were dying and he couldn't help it. Why? Because he had been engineered to obey orders. Back on Kamino he had been told thousandfold that he has to be loyal. They had told him that good soldiers follow orders. No, good soldiers think.
Krell was a nightmare, one of Rex's worst nightmares, and though he was dead, this unpleasant dream hasn't been over yet. The 501st is surrounded by a horde of medics and specialists (even some Kaminoans have been called) – it should make the captain feel safe... but it doesn't. He's still on edge, worrying about his men. Especially about Dogma.
They keep asking them tricky questions, running some psychological tests on them... A clone killed a Jedi. Who cares that Krell was a traitor? No, what's unsettling is that a clone pulled the trigger and killed someone who was said to be a Jedi. Clones don't kill Jedi. They're not supposed to do such things.
Rex hardly manages not to slam his fists into the nearest surface. The anger boils in him again. He feels like a fool – he was manipulated and put his brothers at risk, still he wasn't able to end this properly. He couldn't pull the trigger. He was too weak. He was afraid of the consequences. He was worrying about the 'supposed to'. He growls – like a frustrated animal closed in a cage. He can't get up and start throwing and kicking things – they would have him sedated and locked up in no time. He can't let that happen – the 501st needs him. Who will protect them, when Rex's gone?
''CT-7567, do you have a malfunction in your design?''
Multiple malfunctions, Rex thinks and once more he's proud of himself. If worrying about his brothers is considered a malfunction... If being a good officer is considered a malfunction... If doing his duty is considered a malfunction... If thinking is considered a malfunction... then he's quite faulty. He fights the urge to burst into laughter – they should have never let him leave Kamino! It seems he's just a miserable excuse of a true trooper...
Rex doesn't laugh. It's not funny anymore. His defiance and alacrity are gone.
His ideals have been shattered.
He needs a deep breath to regain his composure – he has to keep his spirits up. For the 501st. For the Torrent Company. For his brothers.
''...malfunction in your design?''
Rex heaves a sigh. Another funny thing about being a clone is probably the moment when you realise that you are a free man but... well, you are not. You were bred in a laboratory, but they programme you to feel fine with it. You don't think about it much – you have your brothers and your duty. Everything is fine. Until you start thinking. Only then the realisation sinks in and you comperhends that you are a property. You were conditioned to believe that you have to fight and protect the Republic. You've never been given a choice.
Despite the dispondency Rex smiles.
Some of them had the chance to decide.
The captain thinks about Cut and his family...
Now a time has come for Rex to decide about his future.
He's going to stay here. As a clone captain of the Grand Army of the Republic. His family is here.
''You have a spoke of tenacity captain. I'll give you that.''
His mind goes blank when he recalls this statement.
Why? Why did he say that? To make Rex think that he stands a chance against the general? Did Krell truly complimented him? Or was he just playing tricks on Rex?
Tenacity. Is that what keeps him alive this days? Is tenacity the reason why he hasn't broken down during those interrogations and tests? Is this so called 'tenacity' the thing which make his brothers trust in him?
''They seem to admire this.''
Rex clenches his fists – why did he trust this treacherous scum? He should have listened to Fives from the begining. If he was so good for his men, why wouldn't he stop Krell? Why didn't he pull the trigger? Why was he afraid? Afraid of what? He has no idea what his brothers see in him...? He failed them and they still cleave to him, some even look up to him...
Rex curls up, resting his forehead on his knees. Images from the past flood his mind and he can't look away. He sees Fives. Not the ARC trooper. A shiny. A young soldier bored with the fact that he has been stationed on the Rishi moon... Faces are flashing before Rex's eyes – only one face, to be exact – and he recognizes them all. Echo. Hevy... A quiet sob escapes captain's throat. He digs his fingers into his flanks to force himself to calm down.
He's not allowed to break down. If he gave in, the whole 501st would.
Rex takes his time – he recovers slowly and sits properly, then rubs his temples.
He was trying to protect his men no matter the cost. He covered for them. He wanted to take the blame for attacking the Umbaran cargo vessel... Nonetheless, Krell was the one to come out on top. He gave an order. He said that Fives and Jesse would be court-martialed. Found guilty. Executed.
This time it is almost physical pain. Rex grits his teeth, his hands curls into balls again but this time they are tightened so hard that his knuckles turn almost white. His heart is hammering like mad.
Umbara made him sick.
Krell made him sick.
A few days ago – when Cody warned them that Kaminoans were on their way – Kix told him about likely harmful consequences of what had happened to the 501st... Rex has seen some troopers appearing like death warmed over. He talked to them, attempted to reassure them... Now it seemes he's sick as well.
He can't let it slip. If it turns out that he suffers from some post-traumatic disorder, they will send him to Kamino. Rex knows that he's not able to leave his men... He would become frantic when placed far from them... He would be decommissioned then.
Rex has to keep his emotions in check. For his brothers.
''If punishment isn't swift, their defiance may inspire others to follow suit.''
Captain smirks weakly. You had point there, I'll give you that, general, Rex thinks contentedly. There was no punishment – there was only intentional breach. The whole 501st had made this decision – even Dogma finally let the scales fall from his eyes. They marched together to do their duty. They surrounded him. Tried to reason with him. He didn't listen. They chased him. Caught him.
Brought him to justice.
What they did was the right thing – no one can deny it. If somebody does, then he's a fool. Rex ordered them to do it, authorised this whole operation. He had enough of this carnage. He had his duty too – to protect the Jedi. Krell was no Jedi, furthermore, he posed a threat to the true peace-keepers. Therefore he was the one to be executed.
Dogma did the right thing.
''Some clones are just defective.''
Rex hopes that those who are observing the 501st won't share Krell's view. His brothers aren't defective. They have strict code and they adhere to it.
His stomach lurches and his thoughts turn to this probable sickness again. The pain appears once more and now Rex recognises it as fear. He worries about his battalion, about the results of those psychological tests. The medics and those few cloners are very kind, but captain's suspicious towards them. Beneath this affable manner lies distrust.
The remains of the 212th platoon were sent to Coruscant almost the next day after Kaminoan's arrival. They ran some tests on the troopers and let them leave for their deserved rest. With the 501st it was a different story... They're stuck here and they have no idea how long this – they aren't sure how to call it – 'investigation' may take... After all they killed their general. Their commanding officer gave the order to arrest the general and then attempted to execute him...
Rex sighs. Why did the Jedi Council need Skywalker in that particular moment? Why did they send Krell as the replacement? Captain shakes his head as if it helps to clear his mind. There is no time for 'what if'. He needs to be prepared, when they come for him. He's spoken to many troopers – they are coming to him the moment they're told that the 'investigators' wants to ''ask them a few questions''. They seek reassurance. Rex has a duty to provide them with it. He is their captain.
''You're in a position of power now.''
Yes, he is. The difference is that Rex ain't afraid anymore. He knows what he needs to do – he comforts his brothers, he defends them. Keeping his men safe had become his purpose – he's not become a captain because of some lust for fame, but because of the power to stand between the threat and his brothers. He will remain loyal to the orders until they won't bring harm to those most important in his life.
''Eventually, you'll have to do the right thing...''
Rex opens his eyes and sees her face – she's still a kid. Presumably she will remain 'kid' for the captain forever. He likes her. He likes Skywalker too. Does he trust them? That's still debatable...
''Better...?'' Ahsoka asks with concern, looking square in his eyes.
Rex titles his head to the side and wonders. Is it any better? He thought over everything that had happened on Umbara and, to be honest, it only caused the anger hidden in his heart to reignite... He can say that he feels better and this quick course of meditation helped him, but it would be a pretence. Nonetheless, he's glad that Ahsoka wished to help him with this whole mess which remained after Umbara. She cared. Anakin cared for the 501st too but he's been dealing with the fact that Krell – one of the best Jedi masters – turned out to be a traitor.
''Meditation is a Jedi thing'' Rex says slowly, those big blue eyes still fixed on him. ''Thanks for your concern, commander. I'm glad to know that someone actually cares about our well-being'' he adds in a low voice but it speakes volumes.
Our. Us. That means ''us – the clones'', ''us – the brothers''...
Ahsoka observes him for a while and sighs. He is distant and professional, keeps his emotion in check. Was he always this way or did the Umbara change him? She isn't sure. She knows Rex for so long, she considers him her friend, but she can't tell if this man sitting in front of her is the same as he was when she had seen him the last time... Frustrating.
''Rex...'' she says hesitantly and goes silent immediately, seeing him wincing. It's been a relatively long time since someone apart from his brothers called him by name. Captain, trooper, CT-7567... but not Rex. That's ridiculous. How have they ended up like this?
Ahsoka shakes her head.
''Rex, I'm sorry...''
Is he surprised? He raises his eyesbrows and gives her a suspicious glance. That wasn't unexpected.
She reaches out and touches his palm carefully. She can sense that he's nervous and tense.
''Rex, I know that you feel betrayed...'' Another wince. ''… but you need to know that Skyguy and I care about you and your brothers...'' For a short while she isn't sure what his reation would be like. Will he stand up and walk away? Will he be angry and tell her that she's not allowed to use the word ''brothers''? Will he tell her that she doesn't know what this word means?
He was mad. She felt it a few times. He was dissapointed. His own beliefs let him down.
She dares to raise her gaze, mostly because she can't sense the anger or any other emotion. His face is neutral and he watches her in silence. Suddenly he smiles weakly and squeezes her hand lightly.
''Thank you, Ahsoka.''
Nonetheless, she senses that Rex isn't at peace.
And he won't be for a long while.