Chapter Text
Tim is looking at a cute little DIY science kit – the kiddie kind, the kind that he used to play with all day when he was alone at home and that still brings him a strange kind of nostalgia he isn’t sure he likes or not – when Jason’s voice sounds from right behind him him.
Jason sounds irritated, which is a fairly common occurrence. Jason is an easily irritated kind of guy.
“I can’t believe they carry this kinda shit,” Jason is complaining right then at an impressive volume. “There’s literally no scientific basis behind this stupid ‘bitching’ fad, and what the fuck is even in these bottles? It’s not semen, I’ll tell you that much. Imagine drinking fucking year-old come because you think it’ll magically turn you into an omega.”
People are starting to turn and stare, because that’s what happens when one starts loudly talking about ‘bitching’ and ‘semen’ in public.
Tim puts the science kit down and turns around with a loud snort of laughter.
“Stop looking at this stuff when you know it’s just going to piss you off,” he says with a grin, snatching the DIY bitching kit out of Jason’s hands and holding it up for his own inspection. “If it’s not going to have any effect, then it’s harmless. It’s just a cash grab, that’s all. God, I hope that’s not real come though. That’d be seriously gross.”
He shakes the kit, watching the little bottles of suspiciously cloudy liquid shimmer with the motion.
Fulfil your dream of becoming an omega! No alpha assistance needed! Comes with pre-packed semen doses for daily ingestion!
“Gross,” Tim repeats, wrinkling his nose and tossing the kit back onto the shelf with its cursed compatriots.
“Perverts would be having a field day with these stupid kits if they were real,” Jason mutters darkly, looking personally insulted at the very thought. “Fuck all these big corporations, fucking playing with people’s dreams like it’s some kinda game. Fuckers.”
Tim smiles slightly and loops his arm through Jason’s, squeezing the inside of his elbow with a soothing grip.
“Don’t be grumpy, Jay,” he says teasingly. “How about once we’re done with the groceries, we go home and test the scientific validity of those claims?”
Jason scowls, looking a touch confused. “You want to buy one of those scam kits?”
Tim rolls his eyes, reaching up onto his tiptoes so that he can put his mouth by Jason’s ear.
“I mean,” he murmurs, “that before you get angry at them, maybe you should try feeding me some nice, fresh alpha semen every day for the rest of the month and see if I actually turn into an omega.”
Jason’s nostrils flare wide as Tim meets his eyes and licks his lips innocently.
“Minx,” he hisses furiously, and the look he shoots Tim is utterly filthy. “Now where the fuck did I put our shopping list?”