Confession

by acuteneurosis

Summary:

Don't Look Back AU - Leia manages to surprise Padmé by just...talking.

Notes:

• Inspired by Duty Bound by acuteneurosis

Ask from Anonymous:

I think everyone will be asking for time travel reveals I need all of them lol but what about something that should have been far more simple and yet, just Leia telling Padme about Han and Luke. I don’t think Padme even knows she was engaged and does she know Luke was her twin? Just talking about them and if you want more pain maybe how they died together and Leia lost it all in a moment 🥺

Padmé and Leia just...talking.

"At least my mother isn't bothering me about it," Padmé said, smiling as Leia smothered her giggles. "I think she knew, back when I was fourteen, that I wasn't going to be making the same choices she did."

"He really asks you?" Leia checked, leaning back into the couch, "every time when you get home, if you've 'met someone special?'" She'd liked Ruwee, and his easy acceptance of Shmi. He hadn't struck her as overly traditional, or set in his ways.

Padmé nodded, still smiling, and feeling more amused than bothered. "I don't think he knows what else to ask," she confessed. "It's not like there's a big promotion in my future, or an award I'm aiming for. And I have had some relationships."

She made a face then, and Leia carefully didn't think too deeply about Rush Clovis. (What was with Padmé's taste in men, anyway?)

"Well, there are worse things," Leia offered, unsure what else to say.

"What about you? Did anyone ever bother you about your future?"

Leia snorted. "Yes, but sort of for the opposite reasons. I was…” How to say this without giving anything away? "I knew I was going to get married. Some day. My family was worried about me picking someone too quickly because they met the bare minimum requirements on my checklist."

"You want to be married?" Padmé asked. 

The question glimmered with genuine surprise and interest. Leia could only shrug in response.

"I saw it as a job that needed to be done. One that I wanted to excel at."

"Really?" Padmé was obviously trying to piece clues together, to come up with an answer that made sense given that she was talking to, well, Leia.

And because there really wasn't anything Leia could say to make this conversation better, she offered, "Not anymore, obviously. I've got other things that I'm focused on now. And I know better. Being in a marriage like that…well I probably would have killed my spouse out of annoyance."

"Couldn't handle someone telling you no?"

Leia blinked, surprised that was the conclusion Padmé had come too. "Oh no. Too much compliance is what's really annoying."

"I just can't imagine you going along meekly with someone," Padmé confessed. "You're definitely the sort to prefer giving orders."

"Well, yes. But that doesn't mean I want immediate, thoughtless compliance."

Han would have driven her insane if he'd tried that. She never would have wasted a breath on him. She hated being dismissed, and he drove her to the point of insanity sometimes, trying to make her say the things that kept getting caught in her chest. They'd both done that to each other, demanded honesty, demanded that the other take on the risk of admitting they were emotionally invested, and it had never stopped.

It had saved her.

Luke had been there too, in his own way. His struggles and kindness and stubbornness had saved Leia from herself, over and over.

But Han had called her a coward, and she'd flung the same insult right back at him. Nothing gave Leia strength like being told she was going to fail and getting the chance to prove someone wrong. She’d thought Han might be that way too. They'd come from such different backgrounds, with such different needs and expectations, but in that they'd been the same.

"You've thought this through," Padmé suggested, interrupting Leia's memories.

And because they were so close to the surface, she couldn't help but answer, "No. I thought the same thing you did. Ha—my…fiancé taught me different."

There was a long silence before Padmé said, "I didn't know you had a fiancé."

The question was soft. Leia wouldn't have to explain. "No. It’s—He's not someone I can talk about easily."

"You lost him too." It wasn't a question.

"Yes. He was with my brother when their ship was destroyed."

"I'm so sorry."

It was an inadequate sentiment in so many ways. Padmé hadn't known Han or Luke, and barely understood what Leia had gone through in that moment, when her whole world had been destroyed for a second time. But it was also completely honest. Even if she hadn't known Luke or Han, Padmé cared about Leia. Cared that Leia had loved and lost, and had been irrevocably changed by it.

"Me too," Leia whispered.

The silence stretched, and Leia could feel Padmé searching for something to say. Something more substantial, or maybe something to gently change the subject. Leia was a little surprised when Padmé asked, "He was the only one for you?"

For a second, Leia thought Padmé meant Luke. She still laughed when she realized the question was about Han. "No. No, I don't think there's only one person for anyone. But…I’m not looking to replace him. I don't need…” She struggled, aching as she pressed at the still open wound of absent companionship, of understanding and pleasure. "I wasn't looking for Han, but we found each other when we needed each other. Right now, there are so many other things I need to do. I'm not looking for another distraction."

"He was not a distraction," Padmé said, and it took Leia a second to realize the weird echo in her ears was Luke having voiced the same words in the exact same tone. He buzzed with pride as she added, "You wanted to marry him. You don't just trust people and want to keep them so easily. He meant the world to you."

"He did," Leia confessed, heart pounding in her throat, eyes burning. "You're right, he really did."

Padmé didn't say anything else, just slipped next to Leia's side to stroke her hair as she cried silently for the worlds she'd lost.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 22 of Tricks for Treats 2024