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The sky paints a pretty picture up above the City of Temples, darkening in a water painted mosaic of deep blue and oranges. The contestants and their parties meander at their own paces towards the large banquet hall for dinner, stomachs rumbling from a long day of fighting and training. The breeze that tends to run in tandem with the moon's ascent into the night sky begins to pick up, carrying the smells of the food stands shutting down and the slight stench that comes with city life.
It's a shame, Nya thinks, that she can't appreciate the sights, or the smells, or the tastes. The events of the day have ruined any semblance of hunger that could have been rumbling her stomach. All she wants to do is go back to her room, cry, rot by her lonesome in the dark room while the rest of her team is out, take a nap to forget for maybe an hour, then cry some more. The last thing she wants to do is sit in a crowded banquet hall surrounded by people who saw her pour her heart out then get whacked around by her (ex?) Yin. Especially when Ras and his team will probably find some way to rub it in her face that said (ex?) Yin did said whacking around.
Especially when said (ex?) Yin will probably be there too.
Jay told her he hates her. Jay told her he hates her. She never thought she'd ever hear such... horrible things come out of his mouth, let alone directed at her. It's not something she should internalize - he's lost his memory and has been manipulated by their enemy - but it still felt like she'd gotten splashed on the chest with the tiger widow venom all over again.
It's almost like their roles are reversed, and she doesn't like it. She's not stupid. She knows how their relationship came off in the first few years they were together. Hell, people told her to her face that she was just stringing Jay along, enjoying the attention he gave her. It was the farthest thing from the truth, and she tried her best to tell people that, but she could not and never will be able to control what others say about her. She was called horrible names by grown adults before she was even eighteen, all because she had a hard time saying "I love you."
They're such heavy words to her. Even to her brother, she's always had a hard time verbally expressing her love. She prefers showing, not telling,
An elbow lightly pokes her on the arm and she blinks, the world coming into focus around her. She gets another boney poke after a few seconds and she huffs, turning to face whoever's walking next to her. "What?"
"You alright?" Cole asks, bushy brows furrowed as he looks down at her in concern.
"Fine," she snaps, and when Cole just blinks at her, caught off guard by her tone, she sighs.
"Woah. Clearly not alright."
"Ugh, sorry, Cole. I'm just... I'm feeling a lot of things right now."
"I bet," he says softly, reaching up to pat her on the shoulder. "You wanna talk about it?"
Nya wrinkles her nose at the suggestion. "Not really."
"Alright, valid." The earth ninja gives her a light push before returning his hand to his own body, hooking his thumb in the belt around his waist. "Look, why don't you get yourself a nice big dinner, eat to your heart's content, and forget about everything that's happened today for a couple of hours?"
She rolls her eyes, elbowing him in the side. He yelps, placing his hands over the area she'd touched him as though he'd been stabbed. "I don't have the stomach you have, but I'll try my best, you big baby."
"Hey!"
Nya doesn't respond, only able to procure the tiniest of amused grins before turning away to stare at the ground. Cole frowns, opening his mouth to try and comfort her again, but a shout of his name stops them in their tracks. The two of them look over their shoulders, finding Geo bounding towards them while waving his hands over his head. A large smile breaks out on Cole's face, and for a moment he looks as though he's about to run towards the munce-geckle, but remembers his sad teammate is standing right next to him. "Nya, I-"
"It's okay," she says, and she means it. In fact, she'll gladly take all the alone time she can get. Her family - bless their hearts - seem to have made it their mission to distract her from even thinking about Jay. The gesture is nice, but she wants nothing more than to have some time alone to wallow in self-pity. Some self-care, if you will. "I'll go on ahead with the others. I'll see you guys inside."
Cole lowers his chin in an attempt to meet her eyes. "Are you sure?"
She doesn't even look at him. "I'm sure."
The earth ninja hesitates for a moment, but Geo calls for him again and he shakes his head before jogging over to him.
Nya watches as they greet each other with a smile, Geo's tusk-like teeth further exposed as Cole's hand slips into his boyfriend's. Cole squeezes, and Geo moves closer so there's barely an inch between them, practically clinging onto each other's arm as they practically skip past Lloyd and Zane to get to the banquet hall. She sighs, watching as their forms get smaller and smaller as they move further away. She's happy for Cole - really, she is! - but there's a pang in her heart when she looks at his hand locked on Geo's and feels the phantom touch of pale freckled fingers sliding down her wrist to intertwine with her own.
Not like that'll happen anytime soon considering Ras has him wrapped around his finger.
"Nya!"
She shoots her head up at the voice snapping her out of her thoughts. Lloyd and Zane have stopped walking, Arin and Sora bounding ahead of them. The Green and Ice Ninja are looking back at her with thinly veiled concern, exchanging a glance that she doesn't like before returning their stares to her. "What?"
"You coming?" Lloyd asks.
Nya grins, thankful that they're far enough away to not see the twitching of her lips that she feels pull at the muscle beneath her skin. "Yeah. Sorry, just got... stuck in my head for a second."
They exchange another look but don't make any sort of comment, instead waiting for her to catch up to them and continuing the rest of the walk to the banquet hall shoulder-to-shoulder with Nya squished in the middle.
The banquet hall is just as crowded as it was the first night, if not more so. The line to the large buffet is long, almost out the door, and it's loud . Nya has to fight the urge to cover her ears, her previously building headache pounding a heavy metal drum against her skull in harmony with the voices entering her ears from all sides. Distantly, she feels Zane wrap his cool metallic fingers around her forearm and tug, leading her and Lloyd towards the line.
They bump shoulders with people on the way, and when they actually get to the line Nya notices that Zane's led them straight to where Arin and Sora have already saved a spot rather than the end where they're supposed to go. Zane stops right where they are, greeting them. They get a few angry glares and not-so-quiet mumbles of annoyance sent their way, but nobody says anything to their faces.
The line moves surprisingly fast, with most of the contestants already having gotten their food and sat down somewhere amongst the abundance of tables. Nya, who's still feeling uneasy from her fight with her (ex?) Yin, only grabs a bowl of miso soup, unsure if she'll be able to stomach anything else. Lloyd, who's stocked up his tray with a large bowl of ramen and a whole separate plate piled high with treats from the dessert bar, must notice something's still up with her, because he lightly bumps his shoulder into hers, lightly enough to avoid jostling the bowls in their hands. "C'mon, let's go find the others."
Nya exhales through her nostrils, high-pitched and whistling. She nods, and wordlessly she follows Zane and Lloyd as they weave through groups of people until they spot Arin waving his arms over his head at one of the tables near the back right corner.
The second she sits down she feels as though each vertebrae of her spine has tumbled out from below like a failed game of Jenga, sudden exhaustion seeping into her muscles. She hasn't let herself rest all day, the stress of the tournament and then the sadness, anger, pain of fighting Jay in the tournament has left her in an adrenaline-ridden state ever since they were woken up at ass o'clock this morning. Sitting down with her friends and family (well, most of her family) allows her to realize just how tense she is. She still feels a tightness in her chest that she can't explain, but her body deflates as she gives her aching legs a break from walking and standing and training for the first time that day.
Forehead flat against her forearms, she shuts her eyes and breathes, trying her best to drown out the hearty noises of communal dinner. Her limbs feel like a thousand pounds and her brain feels like mush. "I'd kill for a nap right now," she mumbles, lips brushing against the expensive-looking wood of the table. A cool, metallic hand splays itself on her back, lightly patting. She leans into it.
"After dinner, okay? It's been a rough day, you deserve it," she hears Lloyd say, and she's inclined to agree. It has been a rough day.
Eventually, she lifts her head to eat, the quiet growling of her stomach having morphed into something gnawing and slightly nauseating. The rest of the Ninja talk around her, allowing her to eat her soup without having to utilize the mental energy she doesn't have to uphold any conversations. For the most part she doesn't even bother listening in, the fog around her brain and filling her ears much too thick for any actual words or phrases to push their way through.
At least, that's what she thought, but then Cole's voice stabs right through it and lodges itself right in her eardrum.
"You're kidding me. I thought he'd skip dinner like last time!" A groan, and the sound of a palm slapping down on the table. "I bet it was Ras' idea, so he could get even more under our skin."
Well, that's weird because Frak didn't come to dinner last night, but how would Ras use him to get under their skin? Maybe it'd work on just Arin, but the rest of them have never met...
Oh. Oh.
Suddenly wide awake, Nya cranes her head around, searching for curly auburn hair and a dark blue gi. And, would you look at that, there he is, placing down his meal alongside the rest of his team just a few tables down.
Of course. Of course Ras conveniently picked a table right in their line of sight. She knows he did it on purpose, especially because when he looks up and notices her staring, he raises a brow.
Ugh. Nya wrinkles her nose, turning back to her soup. Smug bastard.
An uncomfortable veil drapes over their table, and they eat in newfound silence. Nya can barely bring herself to eat more of her soup; she swears that she can feel blue eyes briefly turned angry red burning two holes into her back, but whenever she turns around, he's shoveling food into his mouth, mid-bickering session with Cinder.
It seems like he's different during his free time. In the ring he seemed so... aggressive. Angry, spiteful, violent. Now, though, if it weren't for the fact that he's sitting with Ras and his team, she'd think that nothing changed. He's laughing, joking around, bickering with Cinder the same way he used to bicker with Cole and Kai. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that there's still more than a little left of the old Jay in there somewhere.
Which is crazy.
Right?
He used the wolf mask. He used Shatterspin. There shouldn't be any goodness left in him.
But... is it possible that maybe there is? That if someone digs down deep into his brain, pulls out a happy memory from the dark depths of his mind, he'll see the error of his ways?
That can't be.
But... Maybe if she tried...
No. No! She shouldn't embarrass herself like that. He's too far gone. She already tried that and the only thing she got out of it was a split lip and the knowledge that the love of her life hates her.
But what if she tries again? Maybe memories are triggered by certain words. Maybe if she tells him about how long they've been together, about everything they've been through, that he's her Yang, maybe he'll get his memories back and they can convince him to come back home with them.
Yeah. That sounds like a solid plan.
(In hindsight, maybe she got knocked a little bit too hard on the head when Jay slammed her down on the ground, but... Eh, the opportunity seems too good to pass up now.)
The table shakes as she slaps her hands down on it and pushes herself up, her chair scraping against the floor as she stands. The rest of her team eyes her in confusion, all traces of conversation sizzling out of existence. For a moment, they don't say anything, clearly thinking that she must be going back up to grab more food or drink, but her expression must be incriminating because some sort of panic etches onto the faces of Cole, Zane, and Lloyd and they shoot up to their feet immediately after she starts to move.
"You better not be doing what I think you're doing," Cole says.
This gets the attention of the others at the table. Arin's eyes dart curiously between the four adults, looking as though he'll jump up and join them at the slightest bit of action. Knowing him, he very well might, Sora and Riyu just a foot behind him. Geo's hand is still atop Cole's, and he's looking at her worriedly, like she's about to do something rash.
Which she's not.
Doing something rash, for that matter.
Because what she's doing isn't rash.
It's a very solid plan.
(Okay, maybe she hit her head more than a little bit too hard.)
Her feet start moving before she can even process, carrying her away from the comfort of her table. However, before she can scurry further away, smooth metal fingers curl around her wrist, the small gaps in the joints pinching her skin. She pauses, turning around and meeting worried ice blue eyes. "Nya, I don't think what you are doing is wise."
"You don't even know what I'm doing."
Zane glances at Ras' table, then slowly drags his gaze back to her, an eyebrow raised. "I think it's fairly obvious to assume what you're doing."
She stares him down, chest puffed and arms moving to cross over her chest. This look would work on most other people, but Zane isn't most other people, so he meets her stare and arches his eyebrow even further upwards.
After a moment, she huffs, deflating and allowing her arms to flop back at her side. "Ugh, fine. Yes, I'm doing what you think I'm doing."
Cole pushes in front of Zane, causing the nindroid to stumble back and forcing Nya to also take a step back to avoid getting knocked in the forehead by his (unfairly large) chest. "Are you crazy? You confronting him went bad enough the first time, and now he has even more of a grudge against you! Don't you think we should wait until at least the tournament is over? So Ras doesn't have more of an up against us?"
Nya presses her lips together into a flat line, turning her head to glance back over at Ras' team. Jay and Cinder are still bickering, but it looks as though the other members have noticed that the four older Ninja are heading in the opposite direction from the buffet. Nokt meets her eyes, and when he tilts his head mockingly the tiniest bit to the right, she whips back around to face her team. "I think there may be some good left in him."
Now Lloyd's thrust his way into the conversation. "Nya, I'm not too sure that's the case."
"We don't know that for certain," she says. All three of them look at her like she's grown a second head. "We don't!"
Cole sighs, reaching up to place a hand on her shoulder and squeeze. "We want him to still have some goodness in there just as much as you, Nya. It's just..."
"We don't want you to get hurt more than necessary," Lloyd finishes. "Seeing you have to fight Jay was awful. I know we used to train by fighting each other all the time, but that..." He hunches his shoulders up, frowning. "It almost looked like he was fighting to kill."
"It would be wonderful if we could get Jay back as soon as possible, Nya, but our priorities currently lie with the tournament. When Ras' team is fully eliminated and we get to the bottom of everything, then we can figure out how to return his memories," Zane adds.
Nya clenches her jaw, feeling her teeth grind together in her mouth. "Sorry, but I'm done waiting." She yanks her shoulder back, letting Zane's hand drop into open air. "I can't just give up an opportunity like this. Besides, we're in this fancy dining hall and completely surrounded, I don't think he'd try pulling anything with so many witnesses around, even with his goodness shattered."
The three of them exchange another look. "Fine," Lloyd eventually sighs, gesturing ahead. "But we'll be right behind you. Ninja don't leave each other behind."
It's a sentiment that's been said many times, but with Jay sitting with the opposing team, just how accurate is it?
Nya leads the way as they make their way over to Ras' table, a determined look that's been missing ever since her fight earlier that day in her eyes. She's sure she looks as though she's searching for a fight, walking with her shoulders taught and hands curled into fists as they swing at her side, and when they get close enough to their destination that Ras looks up at them with a smirk it becomes fairly obvious that she's not the only one who thinks that's the case.
By the time they come to a stop next to Ras' table, every single occupant has become blatantly aware of their arrival. Ras, Cinder, and Jordana are all looking at her like they expected her to show up at some point before dinner ends, while Frak waves at them as if he doesn't notice the tension, fangs exposed in a wide smile. Jay, meanwhile, looks angry, a frown on his face that she's seen on him a handful of times, much less directed towards her.
"Well, well. Would you look at what the cat dragged in," Ras purrs. His stare is trained on Nya, and he lifts his chopsticks to point at her. "What brings you to our table, Ninja?"
Nya takes a quick breath to ground herself before directing her attention to her ex(?). "I'm here to talk to Jay."
Jay rolls his eyes, lowering his head back to his food. "Not interested."
Ugh. She should've known this wouldn't be easy. "I have something I want to tell you. Something important."
His fingers tighten on his fork, and his shoulders tense, causing him to hunch over his meal like a high school delinquent. "I said I'm not interested."
Nya huffs and slinks closer, until she's practically standing above him. Jay pointedly avoids looking anywhere but downwards, staring at his reflection in his half-empty plate but refusing to eat the rest while bathing in her shadow. "I'm not giving you any choice. I'm here to talk to you, and I will talk to you, no matter what you say or do."
It's weird talking to Jay like this. Their relationship at its core has always been built on trust and understanding, and as they grew older and wiser, was upgraded with nuts and bolts made of love and near-death experiences that made them into the adults they are today. The last time she remembers them talking to each other even remotely similar to this was when they were broken up, teenagers trying to figure themselves out while having the weight of the world on their shoulders. But even then, whatever they went through with their relationship back then feels almost miniscule compared to this. Back then, even when she was the one angry at him, she never got mad like this, let alone even thought about telling him she hated him. Because, well, for all she used to find him annoying at times, she could never hate him.
Jay sighs, but doesn't say anything else, giving Nya the go-ahead to continue. She tries to school her expression into something resembling nonchalance, masking the shock she feels that he's actually letting her talk.
"U-Um, well, I was thinking that I could maybe try to tell you some stories about life before the Merge? Maybe to jumpstart your memories?"
It's not Jay that responds, but Ras. "He knows his life before the Merge. I told him, after all," he says. He claps a paw on Jay's shoulder, and Nya hates the way that Jay almost beams at the contact. It reminds her of when they were younger, on the rare occasions during training where Wu would praise them with no critiques. Her heart aches as she forcibly drags her stare off of his smile. It's been so long since she's seen it; she thinks if she were to look at it a second longer she'll cry.
"Well-"
"If you're going to try to tell me about how I was a ninja again, I'm leaving this conversation."
Nya clamps her mouth shut. Okay, so what was she supposed to talk about now? If he didn't believe her when she said she loves him, then what-
Oh. Wait. Maybe if she tries to remind him how much she loved him?
"I was your Yang!"
Jay raises an eyebrow, the one with the scar. She wonders if he'd asked Ras how he got it, if he thinks that it's from some evil training exercise rather than a simple accident he'd had as a kid in his parents' junkyard. "My Yang?"
Nya nods.
"What does that even mean?"
Oh. Right. Of course he wouldn't know what that means. It's a custom only in Ninjago, after all. She pauses, lifting a finger to her poke at her cheek as she thinks of what to say. "Well, it’s a sacred tradition between two lovers. A promise to be with one another for eternity.”
Something happens on Jay’s face that Nya can’t exactly place, but a surge of excitement shoots through her veins. She tries to fight the urge to wrap her arms around him and squeeze him a little bit harder for every year he’d been gone. They don’t know if this worked. His eyes are vacant, a little hazy. He needs time to process, to allow his brain to work through the false memories and replace them with the information that’s been locked away, and then he’ll realize. He’ll remember, and they’ll finally-
Jay stomps a foot forward and gets so close to her that the tips of their noses are an inch apart. This close, she can see the little specks of gold scattered throughout the deep blue of his irises, but they also sparkle with crimson. Hot puffs of breath between gritted teeth burn her chin, and the skin between his eyebrows is pinched with wrinkles.
He’s mad at her. Again.
“I’m going to need you to stop there. If you’re suggesting that we were not only lovers, but… engaged, you can kiss any chance of me ever reciprocating any kind of sentiment goodbye. I wouldn’t spend eternity with you if you were the last person alive.”
Nya recoils like she's been slapped. The temperature in the room drops, and she can feel the eyes of every single person in the vicinity on the confrontation, on her.
Even getting slammed into the ground by him hadn't made her feel as horrible as she feels right here, right now, with dozens of people watching her (ex?) boyfriend tell her all the things past Jay would have murdered someone for saying.
It's almost impossible to believe they're the same person. Maybe that's why Nya's so desperate to get through to him, her brain can't recognize that the Jay in front of her is the same Jay who spent months being tortured by an evil djinn and created a whole new timeline just to get her back.
Jay laughs at her, harsh and deep, as if this whole situation is funny. "I mean, seriously! I don't give a crap what you say to me! Besides, even if you were telling the truth, it wouldn't matter! I'm working with Lord Ras now, and I don't plan on leaving."
It's at that moment that Nya finally sees Ras standing a few feet behind Jay, and when he notices her looking at him he lifts his chin, a smug grin spreading on his maw. It's a look that says everything, that he's successfully gotten so under her skin that it's causing her to break down in front of dozens of people. That he's won.
Nya sees red.
She can't fight Ras, she can't , or she'll risk getting them kicked out of the tournament. They've already used up their one get out of free jail card, and she's not sure how many more loopholes Zane will be able to find in the rule book, so she rips her eyes from Ras and faces Jay head on again. Jay, who she can't be angry with even when he's like this. "You can't trust him, Jay. He's manipulating you! Can't you see? He's using you to get to us! He's just gonna discard you when he doesn't need you anymore, and then what? Where will you-"
Jay scoffs incredulously. "Oh, please. Don't give me that bull."
"It's not bull, it's-"
"Oh, but it is!" Jay looks properly angry now, a red glint in his blue eyes. "Ras saved my life! He found me and took me in, trained me, made me who I am today! If you claim to looove me as much as you say you do, tell me, did you search for me?"
Nya's breath gets caught in her throat. "Did I... What?"
Jay's mouth curls, stuffy and villain-like in a way that doesn't look good on him. "When you realized I was missing, did you look for me? Did you even try? At least Ras found me, took me in. How am I supposed to believe that you care that much when you couldn't even find me?"
"I did try!" Something of an incredulous laugh bubbles up beneath her voice, hysterical and panicky. "I tried so hard to find you, we all did! But we knew too little about the merged realms; I didn't even know the Administration existed!"
"Okay. Fine, whatever, you tried, but Ras found me first." He shrugs, pointing over his shoulder at Ras who's still smirking at her. "What's the saying? Finders keepers?"
"Yeah, for objects!" She's rapidly reaching her breaking point, mercury pounding at the top of the burning thermostat and threatening to shatter the glass. Her voice bounces off the walls of the near-silent banquet hall, and she has to rapidly blink to keep the tears burning her waterline from falling. "You're a person, Jay! He can't control you like that!"
For all they jokingly called him annoying, Jay's actually annoyed her very few times in the many years she's known him. Now, though, Nya can confidently say that the way he's twisting her own words against her is really starting to piss her off. "That's funny coming from you. A person should be able to make their own decisions, yet here you are, trying to force me to join your little family." He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Maybe it's a good thing I ended up getting forcibly separated from you people. If you really were my lover, maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I ended up with the Administration."
Nya swallows. "Don't say that, it's not-"
"What, it's not true?" He laughs, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes rove over her body, slimy and gross in a way that makes a shiver roll down her spine. He's looking at her in a way that pre-Merge Jay would have never looked at her like, especially in front of so many people, in front of children. It only tattoos deeper into her heart that the Jay she knew is gone, and whatever shreds of good that may have been left completely shattered by the wolf mask. "Why should I believe that you all care for me like family when all you've done is shout lies in my face?" He takes a step closer, an almost predatory sheen glossing over his eyes. "You love me, or do you love what I was? What I provided? Was I that good of a lover that you're so desperate to get me back that you'd make a scene in front of all these people? You're practically wrapped around my finger, even now. I wonder, if I were to catch you by the arm, ask if we could talk one on one, would you come with me?" By now, he stands a mere two feet away. His eyes drag across the bare skin of her arms, her neck, her face. She squirms. "If I were to pull you close, tell you I want you to prove to me how desperate you are to get me back, would you?"
She doesn't know what to say. How to respond. No witty comebacks or angry retorts pop up in her brain.
"Clearly, you think there's still some semblance of whatever version of me you claim to know and love so much. If I were to pull you into an empty room and tell you to touch me, I bet you would. You're desperate. So willing to prove that I'm still good that you'll do anything." He raises his chin. "Were you always this easy?"
Two people shove past her, smacking into her shoulders and standing guard in front of her. She blinks languidly, trying to rid of the fog that's started to descend over her head. Black and blond hair fill her vision. Cole, Lloyd. "Don't talk to her like that!" The Earth Ninja shouts. One of his arms is held out behind him protectively, as if trying to shield her from Jay's line of sight.
She can't see from behind Cole's tall build, but she hears Jay laugh, low and deep and unlike the high-pitched cackle he used to let out whenever he heard Zane make a stupid ice pun. "Am I wrong?"
"You couldn't be more wrong!" Lloyd jumps to her defense. "Nya wants you to come back because she loves you! We all love you, you're our brother!"
Nya stands there silently with her arms curled around her stomach, watching as the rest of her family comes to her defense. It feels as though someone shoved an icicle down the back of her shirt, the cold water dripping down her spine and causing the skin on her back to prickle. Fight and flight have been flirting in her head ever since she first saw Jay earlier in the day, and now that the adrenaline has begun to wear off, it's starting to become achingly clear which one has taken the dominant role.
Despite all the attention having been previously on her, nobody notices when she slips through the back door, making sure to slowly push it closed behind her with a quiet creak.
Nighttime has fully taken over the sky, basking the city in darkness. Nya gingerly sits on a bench right outside the back exit, located underneath the dim flickering street lamp that hangs overhead. It's the only source of light on this street. Nya thinks it's poetic in a way.
She can hear conversation start up again, the shock of seeing a fight so personal in the middle of a crowded banquet hall during peak dinner hour slowly wearing down. Nya groans, smacking the heel of her palm to her forehead one, two, three times. Great. Now all these people knew her personal business. It's bad enough having old friends see her acting like this, but strangers? Enemies? She would've been just fine shoveling whatever she needed to barely fill her up down her throat, but of course, Ras knew just how to get under her skin. Again.
Ugh. Ras. Why did he have to show up and make their lives hell? Why was he here? Why did he seem to be specifically gunning for her?
Oh, right. Because her life is a cosmic joke and she's finally reached the punchline.
"Nya?"
Her heart leaps into her throat and she jumps, startled at the voice coming from behind her. She takes a moment to collect herself, using the back of her hand to wipe the tear tracks she hadn't noticed were there off her cheeks as discreetly as possible before turning around, hands clasped behind her back. She smiles. The corners of her mouth wobble. "Hey, Lloyd."
Lloyd's bright green eyes, though not as doe-like as they were when he was a kid, still shine when he looks at her. They're wide with pity, and while she used to find this expression adorable when he was younger, she hates when it's directed towards her now. "Mind if I join you?"
Wordlessly, she scoots over, and Lloyd shuffles over to sit next to her. He leaves a foot between them, intentionally set aside for the space she had requested after her match. Something fond blooms in her chest, making it ache. Even with the end of the world on his shoulders, he still puts everyone else's wants and needs above his own.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, Nya hunched over with her elbows on her knees and Lloyd looking up at the stars. The sounds of dinner echo muffled through the closed doors of the banquet hall, loud voices laughing, arguing, and bonding over a hearty meal booming from within. Lloyd anxiously bounces his knee, his eyes darting from the black expanse of the sky, to Nya, then back up again. As if sensing his eyes on her, she slowly lifts her head, an eyebrow raised as she looks at him through her bangs. "What?"
"Oh, nothing," he says, but the way his eyes continue to flicker towards her hints otherwise.
Nya sighs fondly, unable to help the way the corners of her mouth quirk up the tiniest bit. "Nothing, huh?"
"Yeah," Lloyd agrees, then pauses. He then frowns, nose scrunching like he just smelled something gross. "Well, okay, maybe not nothing."
The dark-haired woman raises her arms above her head, stretching them, before leaning back fully on the bench with her arms crossed over her chest. The spitting image of cool and collected, she is. Yup. "So, what's up, Green Machine?"
Lloyd chews on his lower lip, visibly debating on how to word his concerns. When the silence begins to stretch on too long and Nya's about to suggest he goes back inside before dinner ends, he blurts out, "Are you okay?"
She can't help but snort at that, leaning her head fully back. Her ponytail, still messy from the fight, brushes against the tops of the pink and red camellias planted in the small garden lining the building. "Honestly? No, I'm not. I feel like I just got hit by a truck."
Lloyd's frown deepens. "I can tell, but I wasn't talking physically."
Her tongue peeks out from between her dry lips, wetting them. "Oh, I'm fantastic. I finally see the love of my life for the first time in years, only for him to tell me he has no idea who I am and then proceed to beat the living shit out of me. Then, because I'm such an incredibly desperate, lonely, sad human being, I went up to him thinking that maybe something changed in the span of a few hours, only to get humiliated again in front of everyone who's competing in the tournament." She throws her upper body forward, burying her face in her hands. "I'm such an idiot."
Lloyd finally takes this as his sign to slide over to her side, lifting his hand to pat her comfortingly on the back. "You're not an idiot."
"I am! I'm, like, the biggest idiot alive," she whines, voice muffled from behind her palms. She slides her hands to rest at the sides of her face, pointer fingers digging into her temples. "We all literally saw him use Shatterspin, and considering how quick he was to use it, I bet that wasn't even the first time! And he told me he hates me, Lloyd, how did that not even get through my thick skull?" A frustrated groan tears its way out of her throat. "Everyone probably thinks I'm pathetic."
"Nya, you're not-"
"Desperate!"
"Nya-"
"A total- ugh, a total fucking simp!"
"Nya!"
She clamps her mouth shut at the same time Lloyd grabs her hands, which had been flying about as she worked herself into a panic. She stares at him with wide eyes, glassy and wet. The blond sighs, lowering her hands to rest on the bench between them. He squeezes, and after a second, she weakly squeezes back. "Sorry," she croaks, voice scratchy from unshed tears.
Lloyd exhales slowly through his nose, trying to slow the beating of his heart as the quiet of the city settles around them. Crickets have begun to chirp around them, further sinking them into the peaceful environment of the night. Nya visibly attempts to relax as well, taking a deep breath before her shoulders lower from the weaning tension. "You have nothing to be sorry for," Lloyd says. He tries to smile at her, close-lipped; he looks so tired and far more wise than she ever remembers him looking. When did he become the one to comfort her? When did the brat who snuck Kai's gi into Zane's laundry to turn into such a mature young man? It's already weird enough seeing him with Arin and Sora, imparting knowledge gained from years of pain and battles fought hard. Sometimes it's hard to remember where they started over fifteen years ago, how long it's been. "He's wrong about us, about you, and he'll eventually learn. Ras is bound to betray him, and when he does, we can try again. Who knows, maybe the effects of the mask lessen as time goes on? Or maybe his memories will come back."
Something ugly grows in her stomach, snaking through her intestines and making her nauseous. The taste of bile and miso claws up her esophagus. "He's not," she starts, but the breath hitching in her throat stops her. It feels gross admitting this to anyone, especially Lloyd, but she needs to get it out of her body.
And Lloyd, bless his heart, blinks at her with those big green eyes. "He's not what?"
Nya lets out a shaky breath. Her fingers clasp together in her lap, rubbing chipped teal nail polish with the pads of her thumbs. "Wrong."
Immediately, Lloyd jumps to her defense, years of being a protector and savior driving him by instinct. "What? Nya, no, he's so wrong about you! He-"
"No, he's not." She directs her exhausted gaze down towards the cobblestone road, kicking at a rock. It scatters across the ground, rolling to a stop. "He said that if he asked, I'd do anything to get him back. Anything to prove that there's still good in him somewhere, deep down," she curls in on herself slightly, suddenly feeling somehow even more self-conscious than she already was. "He's right. I would do anything to get him back."
Lloyd reaches out to her, fingers brushing against her bicep. "Nya-"
"Does that make me pathetic?" She whirls around, not noticing how Lloyd flinches back in surprise. Brown eyes blink rapidly, wide and desperate and glittering like the ocean under a moonlit sky. "That I'd do anything to get him back. Does that make me look weak?"
The blond, after quickly recovering from his shock, pulls Nya to his chest. She sniffles against his gi, fingers climbing up his chest to clutch at the fabric. "You're not weak, Nya, you could never be weak to me." He clears his throat. " And please don't be so hard on yourself. Seriously. I don't like seeing you like this."
"Sorry," she croaks, and immediately tries to untangle herself from his arms.
"No, wait- that's not what I meant." Lloyd squeezes her a bit harder, trapping her in a hug. "Sorry."
"I just said sorry," she sniffs. "You can't say sorry."
Lloyd lets out a small laugh against her hair. She can't tell if his voice is actually watery or if she's hearing things. "Then neither of us have anything to be sorry for."
Nya hums.
They sit there in silence for a few minutes. Nya figures she should feel slightly bad for getting Lloyd's gi wet with tears and snot, but she can't bring herself to feel much of anything other than regret at the moment. Instead, she tries to force herself to relax, reveling in the temporary warmth Lloyd's embrace gives her to shield from the nighttime breeze that's descended over the city. Not nearly as warm as Kai - and isn't that a grim reminder, the fact that her brother is missing as well - but it serves decent enough to make her momentarily push back the guilt trying to pull her into its own clutches, that floats like a cloud at her side like an imaginary friend. It's hard to cut it off, to dislodge it from her side; it almost hurts, living with a brain of its own stitched to her skin from a freak accident.
"I hate this," she rasps after they've pulled away and have instead resorted to staring up at the sky. Stars twinkle above them, and a half crescent moon peeks out from behind storm-colored clouds.
Lloyd's shoulder shakes against hers, laughing at the fact that this is their lives. It's not funny, but Nya understands. She'd laugh too if she wasn't dreading going back inside so much. "Same. But we'll get through it." He bumps their shoulders together, poking into her with his elbow. "We always do, don't we?"
Nya doesn't answer, but she does give him a trembling small close-lipped smile.
Lloyd nudges her a second time before hauling himself up, grunting as he does. He holds out a hand, and Nya stares at it as if it's the most terrifying thing she's faced this whole tournament. "C'mon, why don't we head back in? It's a little chilly out here, isn't it?" He shivers as if trying to get his point across.
She glares at him. "Funny coming from the guy wearing a robe."
The younger ninja rolls his eyes and thrusts his hand closer to her face. "Which makes me wonder how you're not freezing your ass off."
"Language."
"Geez, you sound like Kai and Zane." He kicks at her foot. She dodges. "Don't act like you don't curse like a sailor. You're the worst on the whole team."
Nya smirks. "Was that a pun?"
Lloyd kicks her again and succeeds.
When he notices that she still hasn't taken his hand and instead looks like she's about to bolt back to their room, Lloyd sighs. "Just so you know, Ras' team left shortly after you did.”
Her fingers play with her belt, and she peers at the windows that lead into the building. “They did?”
“Yeah. Ras pushed Jay behind him, laughed, and said, ‘Our work here is done’ before walking out.” Lloyd huffs. “Bastard.”
“Lloyd.”
“Okay, okay. I get it.” He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “No more bad words, Mom. No need to wash out my mouth with soap.”
Nya shakes her head with a fond chuckle before swinging her legs to leap off the bench. The blond joins bites back a grin at her approach, and eagerly accepts her hand sliding through the gap of space between his elbow and his ribs.
She swears her heart is beating loud enough for the whole city to hear as Lloyd gently leads her back inside. It isn’t until the door creaks open and she swipes her eyes across the room to ensure that Jay and Ras are in fact no longer in the premises that she allows herself to relax, body sagging against Lloyd’s side in relief.
By the time they return to their seats at the table, her soup has gone cold and everyone else is done with their food. The kids greet her but don’t make any comments about the events that had just taken place, which she’s grateful for. Zane and Cole, who know her and her tendencies to hide feelings beneath deflection (though, really, they all tend to do that), check in on her quietly, leaning in close to whisper small words of reassurance. She whispers back gratefully. Lloyd’s definitely going to rehash what went down outside to them later when she’s asleep, but she can’t find it in herself to care. At this point in their lives, they’ve all come to learn that hiding things does nothing.
"...’Simp,' really?"
Nya huffs out a laugh, eyes seeking out Arin, who's relaying a clearly dramatic story, if the way he's hovering over his seat is anything to go by. Sora laughs at his side, leaning over to elbow him and add her own two cents. "I've been spending too much time with the kids. And I don't think having to hear Roby's vocabulary all day is much help."
Lloyd chuckles fondly. "Yeah, you're right." He pauses, then, lifting a hand to run through his hair. "They make me feel so old sometimes."
"You? Old? You're only twenty four, Lloyd. And if you hadn't aged up so fast you'd only be what, like, twenty?"
"You're not much older than I am!"
She reaches over and plants her hand atop his head, ruffling his hair. He squawks, arms flailing around in an attempt to dislodge her. "You may be a wise all-powerful sensei now, but to me you'll always be that bowl cut-sporting brat who had an obsession with candy, Booger."
"Nya!" He shrieks. His hand whacks into Zane, who calmly grabs the floundering limbs and lowers them down onto Lloyd's lap without missing a single word of the story Arin had dragged him into. Lloyd mutters an apology to the nindroid before turning back to Nya with a pout. "Did Kai tell you about that nickname?"
"Kai called you that too?" She grins to herself, but it falters after a few seconds. "I miss him," she says quietly, eyes falling to her uneaten salad.
Lloyd pats her on the leg. "I do too. We'll get him back, though." His eyes subconsciously raise to search the room for a blue gi and auburn hair. There's still no trace of him, though. It's a miracle that none of them took the opportunity to stay and knock Nya while she's down... more than they already have, at least. "We'll get both of them back."
Nya's lip wobbles and she looks at him with shiny brown eyes. She slides her hand on top of his, squeezing. "You promise?"
He turns his hand in her grip around, intertwining their fingers. He squeezes back. "I promise."
Deep down, they both know it's a promise built on faulty foundation, bricks held together by children's glue rather than mortar and cement.
For now, though, a faulty promise is better than nothing, so Lloyd decides to make as many faulty promises as he can so long as it keeps them hopeful, and Nya decides to hold onto it as delicately as she can so that she doesn't break.
Across the table, dark eyes study Lloyd's face, taking in the lack of confidence hidden deep below the promise. Fingers dig into orange fabric where nobody can see, and Arin wonders if anyone else has noticed the way Lloyd's shoulders are raised with tension or the way his left eye slightly twitches whenever he makes a promise he doesn't know he can keep.