Work Text:
Honoured master Ea-Nasir,
greetings to you, most illustrious coppersmith of Ur, may your house be blessed and all the offspring of your house &c.
My master, the noble King of Mycenae, desires to install plumbing at his palace at Pylos. To this end, we require fifty lengths of copper piping, each to measure ten feet, diameter of two fingers. The grade of copper is to be of the highest quality, suitable for a royal residence.
Your reputation as well as your amiable temperament precedes you, honoured master. I await your quotation of costs. I send a most senior servant to convey this wax tablet to Ur by fifty-oared ship and speedy caravan, and trust she will be treated with all that is due.
May the blessings of the gods be upon you,
Master Brithawon, Royal Potter to the King of Mycenae
(his sigil)
~~~
Hail, Bistabon
I return your tablet and also your servant. I am puzzled by your missive. I do not supply Missenae with copper. I am not even sure where that land is, or if it even exists. I have never heard of your king or your palace. I deliver within Ur, also to Girsu, Nippur and all the cities between the Tigris and Euphrates, also to Susa across the sea and other places above the apsu. I have never heard of you, and I am not a plumber, nor do I have anything to do with the low-caste labour of sewage and waste.
Yours, &c.
E.-N., copper manufacturer of Ur, treasurer of the Dilmun Trade Association
~~~
To the honoured royal potter of Mynceay
Dear sir, I must inform you that your servant has been treated most shamefully by the copper tradesman Ea-Nasir. I would not normally interfere in other men's business but I feel it is my duty to tell you that I've had numerous dealings with the tradesman in question and he is no respectable artisan. He is a scoundrel and an incompetent. I have ordered three loads of copper from him in the past. Twice, the delivery was tardy. Once it did not arrive at all, and I am still waiting. He overcharged, and the copper is of a decidedly low quality. His workmanship is shoddy. Plus his demeanour is shocking. He whipped my own servant. I know that he tried to do the same to yours and would have succeeded, had I not happened to be passing down the alley to his offices and intervened. I took your servant Karpathia to my own home, clothed and fed and lodged her. The poor woman was most sorely bruised and abused, and bereft of her jewels, cloak and embroidered belt.
Do not trust Ea-Nasir. Do not order anything from him.
Yours, Nanni, merchant in Ur
~~~
Honoured master Ea-Nasir,
greetings to you, illustrious coppersmith of Ur, may your house be blessed.
An unfortunate crossing of epistles and rumours appears to have occurred. I received a most distressing missive from one Nanni (or Nonni? the clarity of the calligraphy left much to be desired) who purports to be a merchant in your esteemed city. I shall not repeat the slanderous allegations contained in Nanni's? Nonni's? tablet but suffice to conclude that you, honoured master, seem to have enemies among your people, much as I have among mine. It is the lot of our positions, no doubt. The higher the rank of one's professional status, the greater the risk of attracting nay-sayers and purveyors of evil eyes. I myself pay no heed to such nonsense and trust that neither do you. At any rate, such aspersions can surely not harm you, as I have every confidence in the congenial disposition and vigorous constitution necessary for the exercise of your important office.
I continue to expect a quotation for the fifty lengths of copper piping that I mentioned in my last. My budget is not inexhaustible but I would estimate five hundred oboloi max. per length of copper to be an acceptable price for our palace treasuries.
In response to your last of the second day in Lenaia ult., I can only deduce that it was dispatched in error or sent precipitously before you had a chance to proofread its contents. I appreciate that ill-trained scribes may often be remiss when it comes to transliterating our linear syllabic script to the cuneiform of your venerable kingdom. Kindly inform your scribe that my name is Brithawon and that the spelling of my country is Mycenae.
I await your revised reply forthwith.
Blessings &c.
Master BRITHAWON, Royal Potter to the King of Mycenae
(his sigil)
~~~
In response to the unsolicited merchant's missive from Ur
Sir, while I am thankful for your tablet and for your efforts on my servant's behalf, I would ask you not to trouble yourself further. I do not desire to be drawn into the local trade politics of your indubitably illustrious city and I certainly make no habit of heeding malicious rumours. I intend to pursue my mercantile interests as I see fit, and I shall communicate with my servant directly and under separate cover. I should be grateful for no further meddling assistance.
Kindly inform your scribe that the spelling of my country is Mycenae and that the manner in which your own good name was inscribed rendered the same illegible.
Yours &c.
Master Brithawon, Royal Potter to the King of MYCENAE
(his sigil)
~~~
Karpathia
Alarming news from Ur. Respond by return. Report on veracity of message by one Nanni? Nonni? Send update on dealings re copper purchase. Find enclosed a pouch of bronze oboloi to purchase clothes &c. and to pay a scribe.
To the scribe reading this out: Obviously, my servant cannot read nor write. May the wrath of the gods be upon you should you dare to misrepresent her oral communication to you.
Master Brithawon
(his sigil)
~~~
To the most honoured and esteemed and illustrious and highly-praised Brithawon, master potter to the semi-divine Enkhelyawon, sublime king of Mycenae
Greetings and blessings to you, dear master,
in speedy response to your command, I reply post-haste. I am quite well and thank you for your solicitude and beneficence. I reside with a local personage by the name of Nanni (spelt 'Nanni' in cuneiform and also 'NANNI' in Mycenaean linear). Nanni is a man of repute and has been most kind to your servant, and by extension to you, adored master.
I have been trying to get another audience with master Ea-Nasir, the copper merchant. However, the guards outside his residence continue to repel my entreaties. My generous host and protector Nanni has warned me not to persist in my earnest endeavours. I am attempting to identify other reputable copper merchants in the city of Ur and its vicinity of whom there are divers specimens.
I remain your most humble and obedient servant in all things who kisses the ground upon which you stride,
your servant-in-god who does not deserve to be addressed by name
Karpathia
~~~
Karpathia
Cease efforts to find alternative copper sources. Apply to Ea-Nasir only. Report within the lunar month.
To Karpathia's scribe: Stop with the flowery language in order to inflate the cost of your inscription. It is an old scribe's trick that cannot fool me. Future tablets are to cost half of one obolos max., no more.
Master Brithawon
(his sigil)
~~~
Brithawon,
Understood. Copper still not forthcoming.
Karpathia
Receipt as per current Ur price standard for scribal services. One obolos = thirty-two silver shekels. Cost per finger length of tablet: four shekels. Length of this missive exclusive of receipt: half a finger length = two shekels. Length of this missive inclusive of receipt: eight finger lengths = sixteen shekels = half of one obolos.
~~~
Hail, Brithabon
I don't know this Nanni of whom you write. And if I did know him I would tell you that he is a wrong-headed individual full of cunning wiles whose constant complaints are enough to make even the crafty Enki of the Eridu marshes (blessed be his divinity) ejaculate with astonishment.
I don't supply refuse conduits or other types of tubing. I purvey copper of the highest quality only. But I confess that I'm flattered by your admiration of my work and my person. No idea how you would have heard about me like that. I do pride myself on my virile constitution and regularly bathe naked off the harbour piers. Come join me one day. I don't know what kinds of rivers you have over where you're from but our Euphrates was ploughed out of the earth by holy Enki's phallus and has healing powers like you wouldn't believe. Are you in need of healing at all?
Your budget sounds mildly interesting although I don't know what any of your fancy obblebies are. Whatever you Misslemen are used to, here in Ur we manufacturers do proper bartering, none of this fancy-shmancy dealing in coin. I know for a fact that almost all so-called minted money is two grains of precious metals mixed in with ninety-eight grains of sand. Completely worthless.
I never sell any copper under three hundred beer jugs or fifty oxen per length.
Yours, &c.
E.-N., copper manufacturer of Ur, treasurer of the Dilmun Trade Association
Edited to add on the verso: Again, I don't know any Nanni but a certain citizen of Ur abducted your servant for his own pleasure. Just so you know. You may be owed five silver shekels for unsanctioned ravishment of bondsperson.
~~~
Honoured master Ea-Nasir,
greetings to you, coppersmith of Ur, blessings &c.
I thank you for your response and appreciate your candour. I should assert that the eminent Royal Palace at Pylos, residence of the mighty and venerable King Enkhelyawon of Mycenae, purveys only the purest and most meticulously calibrated gold oboloi. However, taking into account the perhaps somewhat rustic mores of your honourable homeland, I send along with this dispatch two cart-loads of divers examples of pottery. You will find them stamped with my own trade ideograms of Royal Potter to the King (check them against my sigil, as appended below) as the samples all originate from my workshop. I trust the wares may serve as adequate payment in kind for the fifty lengths of copper piping that I mentioned in my next to last.
I send two trusted servants to accompany the delivery which travels by fifty-oared ship and well-defended caravan. The eight guards will protect not only the cargo but also the human servants, and they will safely guide your copper piping back to Pylos.
On a personal note, I should like to bathe in the waters of your river one day. Its health-giving properties and divine origins hold much appeal. I enjoy the occasional dip in the sea but the palace is some distance from the coast so I do not often get the chance. We do have a nearby spring and a cistern but their waters are needed for irrigation and sewage disposal.
I am much obliged to you for kindly enquiring after my health. May I assure you that I am tolerably well despite being worked hard by my king who orders immense amounts of pottery at very short notice. In my youth, I was an accomplished wrestler and a keen bull-leaper but I fear the years and the increased burden of regal duties prevent me from taking as much exercise as I should like.
Blessings &c.
Master BRITHAWON, Royal Potter to the King of MYCENAE
(his sigil)
Enc.
Forty fired-clay dippers
One hundred fired-clay amphorae
One hundred fired-clay jugs
Sixty fired-clay kylikes
Ten fired-clay kraters
Twenty fired-clay cups
Total: Three hundred and thirty vessels
~~~
Karpathia
Expect delivery of two cart-loads of earthenware with escort of two servants & eight royal guards. If shocking news of your abduction be true, await rescue by the guards. If you are able, leave the residence of this Nanni at once and seek lodgings with respectable widow or similar.
Also, switch scribes.
Master Brithawon
(his sigil)
~~~
Honoured master
I fine, thank for me asking. In fact, during my months I was here, I finded out I with baby am. I want master Nanni good master to be and good child father. I am the twice servant in family and in charge of beer very in Mesopotamia important.
I now use other scrivener. Because master Nanni many scriveners use, it easy is change the scrivener because of the many grievance and objections master Nanni to untrained and less respected politicians, businessmen and civic officials sends.
Your former servant obeyed,
Karpathia
~~~
Honoured master
Situation in Ur not like expected is. We arrive did during festival of equinox. City Ur in ruckus. Celebrations is twelve days. We not know did. We not heard of Marduk god is the patron deity Ur. King Ur is battle chaos powers and is sacred marriage high priestess. We witness did public copulation of them is quite exciting. All city very wild cavorts.
But worry not. Pottery quite safe rests with Ea-Nasir. Guards deliver it did and then guards bouts of beer and hymn chant and ritual dance. We also much ritual.
Karpathia we met did. She very is and told of trick man Nanni who not even father is. Father unknown but we suspect do scrivener who many jewellery has and feather hat and bead tunic. But scrivener not land has but Nanni many land has.
We scrivener of Karpathia now using. Not bead father scrivener but other scrivener. All good be.
Your servants obeyed,
Wordieya Kessandra and
~~~
Hiya Bithy Baby
Revelries are truly underway here in the marvellous city of Ur. I may be a tad tipsy, after hours (days?) of dancing, chanting, imbibing the sacred smoke, beating the holy drums, circling the apsu thrice, drinking, eating, fornicating. Sometimes I think I'm getting too old for this but the gods demand it, what can one do.
Thanks awfully for all those pots, old chum. Heaps and heaps of mugs and plates and whatnot. Most of them are a bit wobbly. What am I saying, very wobbly. They keep toppling over. What am I saying, they don't even stand up in the first place. Wonky feet, uneven rims. Got to hand it to you, mate, that's some really bad pottery. But just about good enough for a king, eh?
I hear you, I see you. I'll certainly deliver some copper pipes just about worthy of the pots you sent. Somehow, feeling those pots, my hands around their uneven necks and on their rounded bellies, I don't know. It makes me think of the man who made them. Your hands on the clay, your fingers pressing into the soft terracotta. Different from scratching signs into a clay tablet.
I'm here, on my terrace, with the drums drumming in the streets below, the smell of incense, the stirring of the blood and the loins.
I'm rambling. I'm drunk. My scribe is drunk.
Happy New Year and all that, may your seed spurt forth &c.
E.-N., copper dude of Ur, head honcho of the Dilmun Trade thingy
~~~
Wordieya, Kessandra
I'm afraid I could not make hoof nor horn of your communication nor was Karpathia's tablet any clearer. This new scribe you are using is completely incompetent. Furthermore, an odd yet intriguing message from the copper merchant Ea-Nasir did not elucidate matters.
Given the confusing situation, I have decided to travel to Ur myself. Direct the guards to meet me at the gates in one lunar month.
Master Brithawon
(his sigil)
~~~
To the esteemed Brithawon, former master potter to the king of Mistletoe
This is my seventh letter to you both. Tell your friend Ea-Nasir that I want my copper and I want it now. I ordered it over two and a half years ago! And his other copper is complete rubbish. Bad pots, bad copper, you two are as bad as each other.
By the way, your former servant who is now my beloved wife has given birth to a lovely daughter who will surely be high priestess one day but who looks a lot like my principal and, dare I say it, exceedingly handsome and erudite scribe but I haven't noticed the similarity and probably never will because I'm too obsessed with lodging letters of complaints to all and sundry. This very handsome and erudite scribe is inscribing this very letter for me, and I'm sure he is being completely faithful to what I want to say and transcribing it all word for word. I'm sure he's not changing my meaning or import in the slightest. Hahahaha.
Actually, I, Nanni the cuckold, have no idea about anything at all. I dote on my wife and on my daughter. I dote on my scribe. There's so much doting going around that hardly any time is left for lodging complaints. I don't even mind my wife going round to yours every few days, seeing as you were her former master and she retains a fondness for you. For both of you, in fact. Because, of course, your friend Ea-N. never whipped my darling K., and you, my dear Brith., have been nothing but kind to all of us since taking leave of your former king and shacking up with the best coppersmith in all of Ur and all of the whole world.
Long may we all bless each other,
Nanni
On the verso: You may not yet know, being a relatively recent arrival in our city and not yet entirely in mastery of our language and script, that in order to read cuneiform, one must hold up the tablet and move it this way and that in order to determine the slant of the stylus as its marks appear below the clay surface. What appears to read 'Nanni' on the surface, may very well reveal another name, perchance the name of a scribe, in the apsu's truth beneath.
~~~
The End.
© . 16 December 2024.