What the fuck is going on? (A The Dragon Prince chat fic)

by adashulaz

Summary:

Orphan: My father just texted me, I'm going to shoot myself

The Sky: Don't do that

Orphan: Don't tell me what to do, I'm older than you

Notes:

Ik strong start

Chapter 1: Uno

What the fuck is going on??

 

Orphan: My father just texted me, I will be shooting myself

 

The Sky: Don't do that

 

Orphan: Don't tell me what to do, I'm older than you

 

The Lorax: Soren.

 

Orphan: Corvus.

 

Boy King: Gays

 

Ballet Blade: LMFAO

 

Orphan: I hope the next jellytart you eat ends up burnt

 

Boy King: Nuh uh

 

Orphan: Yuh uh

 

The Lorax: Soren just block Viren

The Lorax: He won't stop until you do

 

Orphan: I have, 2 times already

Orphan: I might just change my number atp

 

Ballet Blade: That's probably for the best

 

I speak for the trees: I thought he doesn't care about you?

 

Orphans Sister: Ter-bear…

 

I speak for the trees: ?

 

Orphan: HE DOESNT

Orphan: HES JUST BEING A PIECE KF SHIT LIKE ALWAYS

 

The Lorax: I'm taking his phone

 

The Sky: We could tell Aunt Amaya? Viren's scared of her so if she tells him to leave Soren alone, he'll probably stop

 

Girl Queen: That's a big probably

Girl Queen: Viren hasn't spoken to Soren for almost 2 years but now he won't leave Soren alone

Girl Queen: He probably wants something from Soren and won't stop until he gets it

 

Orphans Sister: That's probably it

 

Ballet Blade: Claudia you sometimes talk to Viren

Ballet Blade: Maybe he'll tell you why he's suddenly blowing up Sorens phone if you ask

 

Orphans Sister: I only talk to Viren if Aaravos is watching our texts and he's busy with work :(

 

The Sky: Why?

 

Orphans Sister:...are you being serious???

 

The Sky: ?

 

Orphans Sister: He isn't a good person?? It took me awhile to notice but I thought you've known 😭

 

The Sky: OH

 

I speak for the trees: Can't you facetime Aaravos and share your screen with him?

 

Orphans Sister: I'll ask rn

 

The Lorax: Soren is calmer now

 

Ballet Blade: Does he have phone privileges now?

 

The Lorax: He doesn't want it, I tried to hand it back

The Lorax: He instead wants fast food so he made me order it through his phone

 

Orphans Sister: Really???

Orphans Sister: How romantic

 

The Lorax: How is that romantic???

 

Boy King: Is Soren ok?

Boy King: Can you see what Viren's sending him??

 

The Lorax: He cried a bit but then got over it when his back started to hurt and then he got hungry

The Lorax: Viren is just asking Soren to respond to him and trying to get Soren to respond with all sorts of bs

 

I speak for the trees: Viren sounds like a deranged ex

 

Orphans Sister: Shockingly, he has never once acted like this with an ex, he just wishes for them to drop dead

Orphans Sister: Soren is the unlucky one ig

Orphans Sister: Or the lucky one

Orphans Sister: Idk which one

 

Girl Queen: I think Soren is unlucky because Viren won't leave him alone

 

Orphan: Which is shocking since he never cared this much before

 

The Sky: Hi Soren

 

Orphan: Hi Callum

 

Orphans Sister: Aaravos said that the facetiming and screen sharing would work

 

Orphan: ???

 

The Lorax: I think she's going to ask Viren why he's suddenly interested in your life

 

Orphan: oh

 

Orphans Sister: WITH Aaravos’ supervision

 

Orphan: Amberrose??

 

Orphans Sister: This has to be on purpose atp because wtf Soren??

 

Orphan: it's funny

 

Orphans Sister: go eat your fast food

 

The Lorax: He can't, it's not here yet

 

The Sky: Wiat are you two together??

 

Orphan: Yes?

Orphan: We live together?

 

Boy King: Since when??

 

Ballet Blade: I've been to your apartment before Soren, you live alone???

 

Orphan: No I don't??

Orphan: I've lived with Corvus the past 2yrs???

Orphan: Did you guys seriously not know???

 

The Sky: No????

 

The Lorax: I thought it was obvious?

 

Ballet Blade: How would it be obvious??

 

Orphan: Maybe because of the second bed in the bedroom?? The extra set of shoes??? The fact that Corvus always knows what I'm doing???

 

The Sky: There isn't a second bed in your apartment??

 

Orphan: They're pushed together

 

Girl Queen: Why??

 

Orphan: Because it's just easier that way?

 

The Lorax: It's actually just one big bed now

 

Ballet Blade: Are you guys possibly in an actual romantic relationship?

Ballet Blade: Like boyfriends??

 

Orphan: No?

 

The Lorax: We're just friends

 

The Sky: This has to be a joke

 

Orphans Sister: YOU GUYS HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY FYM YOURE JJST FRIENDS

 

Orphan: OTS OUR FRIEND-IVERSARY YOU ASS

Orphan: HOE DO YOU NOT KNKW THIS??

 

I speak for the trees: The Nile is a river in Egypt…

 

Boy King: They're DEEP in that river

 

Girl Queen: They're sitting in the bottom of it

 

Orphan: I'm gonna fight a bunch of kids istg

 

Orphans Sister: LMAFO

Chapter 2: Dos

Cor-Cor <3 & Orange Cat

 

Orange Cat: CORVUS

Orange Cat: ITS AN EMERGENCY

 

Cor-Cor <3: What happened?

 

Orange Cat: I ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED SOMETHING AND I BROKE THE YHING IT WAS IN AND I TRIED CLEANING IT UP BUG I ENDED UP CUTTING MY HAND AND I MADS EVEN MORE OD A MEZS

Orange Cat: IM TRYING TO CLEAN IT BUT IT WONT HO AS I WNT IT TOO AND IM SORRY

Orange Cat: IM TRALLY SORRY PLEZSE DONG BE MAD

 

Cor-Cor <3: Soren breathe

Cor-Cor <3: I'm not mad

Cor-Cor <3: I'm almost home, I can help you clean it up and clean the cut

 

Orange Cat: IM SORRY

 

Cor-Cor <3: It's fine Soren, I promise

Cor-Cor <3: Just breathe and go run water over the cut to wash out anything that might've gotten into it

 

Orange Cat: OK I CAN DO TNAT

 

Cor-Cor <3: Are you ok?

Cor-Cor <3: You've kinda been on edge and all over the place since Viren got ahold of your number ok

 

Orange Cat: 👍

 

Cor-Cor <3: I'll be home in a minute

 

 

What the fuck is going on??

 

I speak for the trees: Almost died but I got ice cream so it's fine

 

The Sky: Terry wtaf does that mean???

 

Orphans Sister: He had to do his testosterone stuff today and he's scared of needles

Orphans Sister: So Aaravos offered to help and then got Terry some ice cream

 

Orphan: I make Corvus do mine for me

 

Ballet Blade: Really?

 

Orphan: Yep

Orphan: I just hand over the needle and he does it for me

 

The Lorax: You refuse to do it so I have to

 

Orphan: Because it's your job

 

Boy King: How is it his job?

 

Orphan: Because I say so

 

The Lorax: That's not how it works Soren

 

Orphan: Ofc it is

 

Orphans Sister: Peak romance right here guys

Orphans Sister: Rayla and Callum? Nahhh

Orphans Sister: Soren and Corvus? Yeahh

 

Orphan: I'm disowning you

 

Orphans Sister: Nuh uh

 

Girl Queen: Corvus if you're so against doing it for Soren, why don't you just refuse?

 

The Lorax: I'm not against doing it

The Lorax: It's just not my job

 

The Sky: Then make him do it?

 

The Lorax: No

 

Orphan: Because he loves me too much to make me do it

 

Ballet Blade: I have something I want to say but I can't say it

 

Orphan: Istg

 

Orphans Sister: THEY FOUND KPP'AR IN VIRENS BASEMENT???

 

Orphan: WHAT

Chapter 3: Tres

What the fuck is going on??

 

Boy King: So what's going on now

 

Orphans Sister: Making cookies with Terry

 

The Sky: Cringe 🫵

 

Orphans Sister: you're cringe

 

Ballet Blade: I agree with Claudia

 

The Sky: Raylaaaa 😞

 

Ballet Blade: But I propose these two, video taken when it was Runaans and Etharis anniversary and kicked me out for the night and I needed help opening something

Ballet Blade: [sent 1 attachment]

The attachment was a video. In the video, someone pushed open a cracked open door while holding a bottle of kool-aid. The person focused the camera on two people cuddling on a bed. One was blonde and was bent strangely, their legs were on their sides but was also on their back. The other was brunette and was resting their head on the blonde's chest while their legs were tangled together. The blonde messed with the brunette's hair while looking at their phone. A small cough caught the attention of the blonde, the person recording held out the bottle. “Come ‘ere.” The blonde held out a hand as the person walked closer, lowering the camera and the video then ended.

Ballet Blade: Not dating my ass

 

The Lorax: Is it illegal to cuddle with friends now?

 

Orphans Sister: We all know you two are pining after each other

 

Orphan: Claudia stfu

 

Orphans Sister: You will NOT silence me

 

I speak for the trees: Can you two just please explain to us why you two share a bed and how it's easier at least

I speak for the trees: We can ignore the looks of longing if you do

 

Orphan: I'm always cold, like my body just does not want to produce body heat

Orphan: Corvus is always warm, he's like a furnace

Orphan: If we share a bed, I'm not freezing and he's not overheating

 

The Lorax: He also just really likes cuddling

 

Orphan: In my defense you're heavy enough for my body to process it and it feels nice

 

Ballet Blade: That is the gayest thing I've ever read and I've gone through Runaans messages go Ethari 😭

 

Orphan: Go make out with Callum

 

The Sky: Stfu

 

Girl Queen: Are you two sure you aren't dating? This sounds like you are

 

Boy King: No wonder why Amaya and Gren asks how their relationship is going

Boy King: You two are basically dating

 

Orphan: This sounds like regular friendship to me

 

Orphans Sister: This actually explains to so much

 

Boy King: It does 😭

 

The Sky: No wonder why people didn't like you Soren before you graduated 

 

Orphan: ????

Orphan: People liked me???

 

Orphans Sister: Soren…people called you a cheater because you acted like this with your friends and they all didn't like you

 

Orphan: ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS???

 

The Sky: YES

 

The Lorax: Soren is just affectionate?

The Lorax: I don't see how this makes him a cheater especially if he never agreed to dating them

 

Orphans Sister: Those friends would ask Soren if they were his boyfriend/girlfriend and he said yes every single time

 

The Lorax: nvm

 

Orphan: CORVUS YOURE MEANR TO BE OB MY SIDE :(((((

 

The Lorax: Soren, I love you but that has no excuse

 

Boy King: Even your boyfriend is on our side

 

Orphan: this is bullying

 

The Sky: He didn't deny it

 

Ballet Blade: Don't bring it up because then he will

 

Orphan: Cause Corvus isn't my boyfriend???

Orphan: We're engaged

 

Orphans Sister: WHAT

Notes:

Sorvus engagement canon⁉️

Chapter 4: Cuatro

Notes:

Time to spread my agenda

What the fuck is going on??

 

The Sky: Soren and Corvus are engaged apparently

 

Boy King: Who would've guessed

 

The Sky: Don't get sarcastic with me youngster

 

Ballet Blade: Ew

Ballet Blade: Never say youngster again

 

The Sky: 😞

 

The Lorax: Soren just passed out on the floor

The Lorax: He just collapsed and is now snoring like a jet engine

 

Girl Queen: lmfao

Girl Queen: Show us

 

The Lorax: [sent 1 attachment]

The attachment was a video. In the video, a blonde was lying on the floor with a blanket tossed on them and a pillow under their head. The blonde was snoring loudly while drool slowly soaked the pillow. A boot gently nudged the blonde's leg before a snort could be heard. The video then ended.

 

I speak for the trees: Are you sure he isn't dying?

 

Ballet Blade: That's not snoring, that's a damn death rattle

 

The Lorax: That's just how he snores

 

Boy King: Soren casually sounds like he's dying while Corvus has to tell the neighbors he's just sleeping

 

Orphans Sister: I doubt Soren being a heavy ass sleeper helps his case 😭

 

The Sky: PLEASE

The Sky: Soren is gonna end up dying in his sleep and Corvus wouldn't even know till he starts smelling like shit

 

Girl Queen: Unless he thinks Soren just let out the nastiest fart known to man

 

Boy King: If Soren just collapsed, how does he have a pillow and blanket?

 

The Lorax: I put them there

 

Orphans Sister: Gay 🫵

 

The Sky: WAIT

The Sky: Why didn't you guys tell us you were engaged

 

Ballet Blade: I forgot about that

Ballet Blade: Whyndidnt you

 

The Lorax: I thought Soren told you guys and was messing with you when he said I wasn't his boyfriend since I'm his fiancé

 

Boy King: Soren never told us

 

Girl Queen: Maybe he forgot?

 

Orphans Sister: HOW DO YOU FORGET TO TELL PEOPLE YOURE ENGAGED???

 

Orphan: Very easily

 

The Sky: HE LIVES

 

Orphan: Because Corvus woke me up by throwing me on the bed

 

The Lorax: I picked him up and carefully set him on the bed

 

Orphan: Liar

 

The Lorax: It's not my fault you had a brick under your pillow

 

Orphan: It wasn't a brick, it was a book I was reading

 

Ballet Blade: You read???

 

Orphan: Yes

 

Ballet Blade: grandpa

 

Orphan: stfu

 

Orphans Sister: Is it one of those sappy romance books you got into recently

 

Orphan: How'd you know 😔

 

The Sky: CRINGE 🫵

 

Orphan: SAYS YOU??

Orphan: “oh Rayla! I think I might die if we don't kiss at this very moment!”

 

The Sky: I'm gonna break into your house and eat all of the snacks

 

Orphan: Do it

 

Ballet Blade: Why are you encouraging this?

 

Orphan: Corvus will assume he's a stranger and probably punch him

 

The Lorax: I won't punch Callum

 

The Sky: I hope not??? 😭

 

Boy King: Please punch Callum, he ate the last jellytart

 

The Sky: NO I DUDNT

 

Ballet Blade: YOURE A THIEF

 

The Sky: OT WAS STELLA

 

Ballet Blade: WOW

Ballet Blade: JUST BLAMW MY DAUGHTER WHY DONT YOU

 

Orphan: this took a turn

 

The Lorax: I'm locking everything so this doesn't get dragged to our apartment

 

I speak for the trees: Or you two just wanna bone

 

Orphans Sister: TER-BEAR

 

I speak for the trees: ITS THE TRUTH

 

Orphan: Yes we wanna bone

Orphan: Last time, Rayla interrupted because she was mad at Rune and Thari

 

Ballet Blade: ew

 

Orphan: It completely ruined the mood 😔

 

Girl Queen: I don't wanna hear anymore about this

Girl Queen: Terry why did you bring it up

 

I speak for the trees: Because I had to share

I speak for the trees: Just like how Aaravos wants to bone Kpp'Ar

 

Orphans Sister: HUH

 

I speak for the trees: DID YOU NOT NOTICE

 

Orphans Sister: I need to have a word with aaravos

 

 

 

 

Weird Father & Normalish Daughter

 

Normalish Daughter: You are not allowed to have sex with Kpp'Ar

 

Weird Father: Excuse me?

 

Normalish Daughter: You are not allowed to have sex with Kpp'Ar

Normalish Daughter: If I find you did, we will be fighting

 

Weird Father: Claudia, Kpp'Ar is sitting right next to me

Weird Father: He saw those messages and is now laughing hysterically

 

Normalish Daughter: Good, now he won't want to have sex with you

 

Weird Father:...

 

Normalish Daughter: No...

Normalish Daughter: Don't tell me...

Normalish Daughter: DID YOU TWO ALREADY HAVE SEX

 

Weird Father: Claudia, please stop talking about this 😭

 

Normalish Daughter: YOU HAD SEX WITH KPP'AR?? HES BASICALLY MY UNCLE/GRANDPA/DAD THING

 

Weird Father: Claudia please

 

Normalish Daughter: I'm never leaving you two alone together again

 

Weird Father: Claudia…

 

Normalish Daughter: I'm very disappointed in you

 

Weird Father: That hurts a lot

 

Normalish Daughter: Good

Chapter 5: Cinco

Notes:

The Kpp'Ar/Aaravos agenda will prevail

Puzzle Master, Puzzle Apprentice 1, Puzzle Apprentice 2

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: KPP'AR WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH AARAVOS

 

Puzzle Apprentice 1: HUH???

 

Puzzle Master: Claudia, what are you talking about?

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: DONT PLAY DUMB

Puzzle Apprentice 2: I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT

 

Puzzle Master: Claudia

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: Kpp’Ar

 

Puzzle Apprentice 1: Soren

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: ???

 

Puzzle Apprentice 1: I felt left out

 

Puzzle Master: What I do in my free time is nothing for you to concern yourself with Claudia.

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: Soren pls back me up

 

Puzzle Apprentice 1: Idk Clauds, Kpp'Ar was locked in Virens basement for some time so many he was just tense and had sex with Ambernose to relieve some of that tension

 

Puzzle Master: Soren…

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: LMFAO

Puzzle Apprentice 2: So Kpp'Ar only had sex with Aaravos because he was the only nearby adult??

 

Puzzle Apprentice 1: Probably 🤷‍♂️

 

Puzzle Master: I'm done with this conversation

 

Puzzle Apprentice 2: We love you Uncle Kpp'Ar

 

Puzzle Apprentice 1: We love you even though you slept with someone ugly as fuckballs

 

Puzzle Master: I love you both as well now please stop talking about this

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ambernose and Son

 

Son: Kpp'Ar thinks you're ugly

 

Ambernose: He does? :(

 

Son: I mean I called you ugly as fuckballs and he didn't correct me soooo

 

Ambernose: He was talking about me? :)

 

Son: Only cause Claudia wanted to know why he had sex with you

Son: Then I called you ugly as fuckballs

 

Ambernose: hm

Ambernose: He still spoke about me

 

Son: blegh

Son: You like him

 

Ambernose: he's quite attractive, why wouldn't I?

 

Son: Kys

 

Ambernose: 😧

 

 

 

 

What the fuck is going on?

 

Orphan: My husband was sent off for war and now I won't be able to see him for 2000 years 😔

 

The Sky: Huh

 

Orphans Sister: Bro the same thing happened to me 😔✊️

 

Orphan: 😔✊️

 

Ballet Blade: I'm so confused

 

Boy King: Since when was Corvus part of the military?

 

Girl Queen: Doesn't he work for Amaya?

 

Boy King: He used to but now he's just a regular cop I think idk

 

Girl Queen: Maybe something happened

 

Boy King: But what about Terry? Doesn't he work in a flower shop? Why is he in a war?

 

Girl Queen: Maybe he joined?

 

The Sky: Guys please elaborate 😭

 

Ballet Blade: I'm attempting to ask Corvus and Terry but they won't respond

 

The Sky: Are they actually in a war??

The Sky: What is happening??

 

Boy King: I'm asking Aunt Amaya

 

The Sky: I tried, she just sent three periods

 

Boy King: WHAT IS HAPPENING SOREN AND CLAUDIA

 

Ballet Blade: Add Kosmo and Astrid

Ballet Blade: Maybe they know

 

The Sky added Blindfold and No Blindfold

 

The Sky: You two know everything

The Sky: Are Corvus and Terry now part of some war

 

Blindfold: Who's Corvus and Terry

 

No Blindfold: Friends of the warrior and mage silly

 

Blindfold: Ah

Blindfold: 🤷‍♂️

 

No Blindfold: No clue

 

The Sky: well damn

 

Ballet Blade: Soren and Claudia won't answer me >:(

 

Boy King: They gotta stop doing this to us

 

I speak for the trees: I AM NOT IN A WAR??? IM VISITING FAMILY??? 😭

 

Orphans Sister: MY HUSBAND CAME BACK

 

I speak for the trees: Claudia, I love you but wtf 😭

 

The Sky: WELL THAT EXPLAINS TERRY WHAT ABOIY CORVUS

 

Ballet Blade: you dont wanna know…

 

Boy King: Did something happen?

 

Orphan: DOES ANYINE IN YOUR FAMILY KNIW HOW TO KNOCK??

 

Ballet Blade: YOU SHOULDVE DONE IT IN YOUR ROOM???

 

Orphan: WE LIVE HERE??? BY OURSELVES??? WE DONT HAVE TO???

 

Ballet Blade: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD

 

The Sky: WHAT HAPPENED???

 

Ballet Blade: SOREN AND CORVUS WAS HAVING SEX ON THE COUCH

 

The Sky: LIKE THE ONE OINTH3 LIVING ROOM??? THAT COUCG???

 

Ballet Blade: YES

 

Orphans Sister: OH EW

 

Orphan: ALL COUPLRS DO IT, IM SURE EVEN RUNAAN AND ETHARI DO IT

 

Ballet Blade: NOT ON THE COUCH

 

Orphan: YES ON THE COUCH

Orphan: ITS ALWAYS ON THE COUCH

 

Ballet Blade: KYS

 

Orphan: SAYS THE ONE WHO RUINED THE MOOD A SECONF TIME

 

The Lorax: Please stop talking about this, it's embarrassing

Chapter 6: Seis

Notes:

The sillies

Pumpkin 🎃 & Bimbo

Bimbo: Your butt looked really pretty today

Bimbo: and its making me feel romantical 😩

 

Pumpkin 🎃: ???

 

Bimbo: dw you'll like it

Bimbo: at l3ast I assume so

Bimbo: yoube been talking about it for like a gazlli9n years

Bimbo: and it's in your favorite color ;]

 

Pumpkin: Soren wtaf

 

 

Bimbo: oh you're not Corvus 🫩

Bimbo: you're with him tho right? Just show him the phone rq

 

Pumpkin 🎃: NO??

 

Bimbo: whore 😒

 

Pumpkin 🎃: SAYS YOU??

 

Bimbo: WHAT IS /THAT/ SUPPOS3D TO MEAN???

 

Pumpkin 🎃: IT MEANS UOURE THE WHORE

 

Bimbo: IM TELL8NG CORVUS

 

Pumpkin 🎃: WHAT IS HE GONNA DO??

 

 

Cor-Cor <3 & Love <3

Love <3: Gren is being mean to me :(

 

Cor-Cor <3: How?

 

Love <3: He called me a whore :(((

 

Cor-Cor <3: Oh

 

 

Pumpkin 🎃 & Bimbo

Pumpkin 🎃: Corvus just attacked me???

 

Bimbo: LMFAO

 

Pumpkin 🎃: kys

 

 

Cor-Cor <3 & Love <3

Love <3: I will be kissing you on the mouth when you get home :]

 

Cor-Cor <3: I would assume so, where else would you kiss

 

Love <3: I can name many places I could kiss but it's inappropriate 😞

 

Cor-Cor <3: Oh

Cor-Cor <3: Well you did just spill your little surprise for me to Gren

Cor-Cor <3: So surely it doesn't matter that much

 

Love <3: maybe

Love <3: you'll have to wait until you get back tho

Love <3: it can be part of th3 surprise <333

 

Cor-Cor <3: I suppose I can wait <3