Chapter Text
Lexa watched as Clarke left the bathroom. She expected the door to slam shut, but it seemed Clarke’s anger had left her. That worried Lexa more than any fury Clarke could direct her way. Anger meant she still cared. Lexa would take Clarke’s anger over her indifference any day.
Turning around to brace herself on the counter, Lexa looked herself over in the mirror. Her mascara and dark liner had run in streaks with her tears down her face. It almost looked like war paint, she thought as she grabbed a paper towel and wet it to wipe away any evidence of her moment of weakness.
Once Lexa felt she had collected herself sufficiently to return to the table, she made her way back through the crowded restaurant. Lexa felt the tension in the air as soon as the table came into view. Anya was barely staying in her seat and Echo and Lincoln were exchanging wary looks. Lexa followed Anya’s gaze to see what caused the disruption.
Roan had a hold of Clarke’s arm and she looked pissed. Lexa couldn’t hear what was said over the steady hum of chatter in the restaurant, but she didn’t like the look on Roan’s face. Or his hand on her girl. When Roan tugged Clarke forward she stumbled into his lap, unsteady from the shots she’d downed earlier.
Lexa was across the room before Anya could get out of her chair. She had Clarke up and passed to safety with Lincoln before the table registered her return. Roan stayed reclined in his seat with a grin like the cat that ate the canary.
“It’s an absolute pity that your girl is such a bitch. Bet I could fix that.” He smirked and grabbed his crotch in obvious insinuation.
Before anyone could react, Lexa had Roan’s shirt balled in her fist and she punched him square in the nose. There was a sickening crunch, a strangled cry and blood gushing from Roan’s face. Lexa blinked, clearing the fog from her mind until she could hear Anya shouting orders. Anya peeled Lexa’s hand from Roan’s shirt while Echo cleared their crew out of the restaurant. Lincoln tried to usher Clarke out, but she refused to leave without Lexa.
When they made it out, Anya shoved Lexa against the side of the building. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“He practically assaulted Clarke, what the fuck did you expect me to do?”
“I know what he did. And fuck that guy! But he’s not worth ruining your whole career over. All of our careers. Damnit, Lexa, I was about to handle it without risking everything we’re doing here!”
“Fuck!” Lexa turned and slammed her fist into the wall behind her, the already aching knuckles now split and bleeding.
“Lex, what the hell!” Clarke scolded and reached for the wounded hand.
“We need to get back on the bus and get moving.” Echo appeared behind Anya, glancing nervously at the unwanted attention they were drawing.
“This is a disaster,” Anya huffed under her breath as she pushed Lexa and Clarke toward the bus.
As soon as they climbed on board, the bus started up and headed out. The tension was so thick no one wanted to break the silence until Clarke noticed Lexa’s hand again.
“Where’s the first aid kit?”
“Clarke, it’s fine-”
“Stop talking.” Clarke held a hand up to the infuriating woman, but looked to Anya to answer her previous question.
Anya rolled her eyes, but went to the cabinet and retrieved the kit for her.
“Thank you.”
Anya nodded and then turned her attention to Lexa. “We’ll discuss this tomorrow. I’m exhausted.”
With that, the band retired to their bunks and closed the curtains to give them the illusion of privacy.
Clarke pointed Lexa to the bench seat, “Sit.”
With a huff of exasperation, she complied. Clarke opened the kit and set it on the table before going in search of a washcloth. She returned with the cloth and found a bowl in one of the cabinets. Using the kitchenette sink, she filled the bowl with warm water and brought her tools back to the table. She soaked the cloth in the water and reached out for Lexa’s hand.
Lexa gave it willingly, letting Clarke do whatever she needed while her own thoughts drifted. She knew she was the reason for their argument in the bathroom. She was so used to hiding her emotions, shoving down anything that seemed too vulnerable and lashing out instead of facing her own guilt. She'd never had to do that with Clarke before, but it had been so long since she’d let her guard down with anyone. She wasn’t sure she remembered how.
Clarke held her hand over the bowl and started to gently sponge and clean away the blood now drying and crusted to her knuckles. Lexa hissed and flinched, but Clarke just gripped her hand firmly and continued to work.
“You’re such a baby.” Clarke scoffed. “We haven’t even gotten to the disinfectant yet.”
Lexa pouted, “I am not. It hurts.”
“Good.” At Lexa’s indignant expression she continued. “That was a moronic move, Lex. Maybe the pain will teach you a lesson.”
“Not likely.” Lexa huffed. Then her eyes softened. “I know it was dumb, but when I saw him messing with you I just… I lost it. I don’t care if we never get back to where we were before, I’ll never stop protecting you.”
“I can take care of myself,” Clarke replied, defiant.
“I know you can.” Lexa smirked, “But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying, whether you like it or not.”
The conversation faded as Clarke dried Lexa’s hand and prepped the disinfectant.
“This is gonna sting,” Clarke warned before she began.
Lexa hissed, “Shit!”
Clarke couldn’t hold back her giggle, “Commander, my ass.”
“Hey! That is uncalled for!”
“I’m just speaking the truth. And the truth is, Lexa Woods is a big, fat, baby.”
Lexa stuck her tongue out and Clarke just laughed. Their eyes caught and something unspoken passed between them. Some memory of the way things used to be. The longing for things to be as they once were. The acknowledgement that things had changed. Regret.
Clarke broke their gaze and turned to grab a roll of gauze from the kit. When she turned back to start bandaging Lexa’s hand there was a look on her face that Clarke couldn’t decipher. Lexa bit her lip, like she was trying to decide whether or not to speak. Clarke began wrapping the bandage around her knuckles, snug but not too tight. Purplish blue bruises were already beginning to water color across her hand.
“Clarke,” Lexa whispered.
Clarke paused, still holding Lexa’s hand as she looked back up to meet her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I know I royally fucked this up earlier, but please let me try again.” When Clarke nodded, Lexa continued. “I forgot how it felt to open up to someone. To let someone see that ugly part of yourself you spend every waking moment trying to hide. I’m out of practice.”
She took a shaky breath and her brows scrunched together as she tried to organize her thoughts.
“I was so scared I ruined us back then. I just couldn’t face you. I was an idiot and I focused on my wounded pride and the sting of rejection and I let it fester instead of facing my guilt. Instead of accepting that I was hurting you and having to face that we’d never be the same after what I’d done, I justified my anger and turned my back on you. I am so sorry, Clarke. I-” Lexa’s voice broke and she let out the sob she’d been holding in.
Clarke quickly moved herself to Lexa’s side of the table and enveloped her in a hug. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, Lex. I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to make you feel-”
“No,” Lexa pulled back and held Clarke’s gaze. “You have nothing to apologize for. I basically forced myself on you and then got upset when you didn’t react the way I wanted. I can never apologize enough for leaving you like that. For ignoring you when you needed me.”
“That’s all I ever really needed to hear, Lex.”
“I missed you so much,” Lexa whispered and hid the tears streaming down her cheeks in the crook of Clarke’s neck. “Forgive me?”
“I’m not gonna act like everything can just magically go back to the way it was, but maybe we can start over. I missed you too, Lex.”
They remained in a silent embrace for a few minutes, before Clarke started to pull away.
“Now, let me finish wrapping your damn hand so we can go to bed.”
Lexa laughed and gave her hand back over.
…
Lexa woke to the sound of “The Imperial March” blaring through her phone's speaker. Her eyes flew open and she scrambled to find the phone in the mess of covers before the call ended. When she finally located the device, she fumbled to answer the call.
“Hello?”
“What in the actual fuck were you thinking, Woods?” Indra’s furious voice filtered through the line.
“Fuck,” Lexa breathed out. She’d been hoping the events of last night would somehow blow over without incident. Unfortunately, she wasn’t that lucky.
“What part of being on your absolute best behavior was hard to grasp for you? Don’t answer that,” Indra cut Lexa off before she could even form a full thought, let alone respond. “I don’t know which headlines to be more concerned with. You punching another artist in the face or the obvious trouble in paradise and your whore of a girlfriend!”
“Excuse me?’ Lexa seethed. “What the fuck are they saying about Clarke?”
“Well the slew of blurry images captured by anyone in your vicinity with a camera phone, paints a rather unsavory picture. The narrative they’ve decided to run with is that you and Clarke fought over her cheating, that she flagrantly rubbed your face in her flirting with other band members and then you took out your frustrations on that man’s face. Roan has also been quoted in multiple rags as corroborating this story. That Clarke came on to him and he got caught in the middle of your lovers' quarrel.”
“Indra, you know none of that is the truth!”
“It doesn’t matter what I know, Woods. The truth has no place in gossip. You need to fix this, and you need to fix it now.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t call me ma’am.”
The call disconnected and Lexa was left alone with her thoughts. Looking around for the first time since waking up, she realized Clarke was already up and must be out with the others. She took a moment to pull up google and scroll through a few articles about last night. It never ceased to amaze Lexa how easy it was for these vultures to spin a dramatic story out of nothing.
She didn’t know how she was going to fix this, but she knew she would do anything to keep Clarke from taking the fall for her poor actions. This was all her fault and she would make sure everyone else knew that too.
“Sleeping beauty awakes,” Echo called out as Lexa made her way to the communal space.
“It’s about damn time,” Anya huffed, working up to her rant.
“I just had my ass chewed by Indra, I really don’t need to go through it again, Ahn.”
“So how does she want us to handle it?” Clarke inquired.
“She just said to ‘fix it’. I think we’re on our own when it comes to the how.” Lexa sulked as she slid into the crowded bench seat.
“It’s not going to be easy. Pretty sure the fanbase wants my head on a pike.” Clarke sighed heavily.
“It can’t be that hard… I mean, the press took random photos and spun their story. We just have to give them our version of the truth, right?” Lincoln offered.
“Right,” Anya agreed. “We’ve got a radio interview scheduled for today and you know that’ll be the first thing they ask about. Unlike Lexa’s sexuality, we just need to get our story straight.”
Lexa flipped her cousin off and she just smiled.
“The argument was my fault. We need to put the blame on me.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Clarke warned.
“Your cover story only works if it’s helping my image. It’s not like I’m going to be an angel with no setbacks. I’m human. The fans will give me more grace. It needs to be my fault.”
“As much as it pains me to say this, she’s right.” Anya concluded.
“Okay, so we’ll say that Roan talked me into drinking and Clarke tried to caution me against it. I snapped at her and we had an argument. Roan then tried to take advantage of Clarke in her distressed state and I intervened. I apologized to Clarke and we made up. I will publicly apologize for my display of violence to resolve conflict and say I’m working on myself. That Clarke is helping me become a better version of myself every day.”
Everyone nods in agreement and they disperse to get ready for the day ahead.
...
It took no time at all for the media to pick up Lexa’s radio interview and run with it. The fans accepted her explanation immediately and, as she expected, gave her the benefit of the doubt. The general attitude toward Clarke very quickly swung back in her favor.
To keep the good press fueled up, the couple went out to a local spot for lunch. They made it through their meal without being approached or disturbed, but many patrons and paparazzi got their snapshots. It was almost too easy.
The day seemed to fly by and before they knew it, another show was over and done. They all agreed it best to refrain from going out with the other bands for the evening. However, they decided to find a quiet spot where they could hang out just the five of them.
Tucked away in a round booth at the back of a local pub, they decided they rather enjoyed each other's company. They were a couple rounds in and were already short of breath from laughter. Clarke was absolutely thrilled to get this opportunity to see Lexa with the people who had been there for her over the years that she couldn’t. To see the little family that she had made for herself. She was so grateful that Lexa was able to surround herself with so many good humans.
“Alright, next round’s on Woods!” Anya called out and the rest of the table cheered their agreement.
“That’s just cruel and unusual punishment. Tequila shots, it is.” Lexa mocked as she backed her way across the floor.
“Booooo,” Anya yelled after her.
Lexa had been nursing the same beer she’d ordered when they arrived. She wanted to prove to herself that she had restraint. The alcohol wasn’t the problem, the way she used it to numb her deep emotions was. She needed to show herself and everyone else that she could be responsible and learn how to cope in a healthier way. As her mandated therapist in rehab told her; she wasn’t an alcoholic, she was alcohol dependent. And sometimes, that was worse.
Once at the bar, Lexa flagged down the bartender and ordered a round of shots for the table. She leaned against the edge of the bar and scoped out the bottles on the wall while she waited. Lost in thought, she didn’t notice the redhead checking her out from across the bar until she had sidled up right next to her.
“Buy me a drink?” The girl asked with a lifted brow.
“That’s very forward of you,” Lexa replied, her tone and body language making it clear that wasn’t a bad thing.
“What can I say, I’m a girl that knows what she wants.”
Lexa smirked. It had been a while since she’d allowed herself to practice some harmless flirting. She was curious to know if she still had it.
...
“Looks like you’ve got some competition, Blondie.” Anya elbowed Clarke and nodded her head in the direction of the bar.
When Clarke followed her line of sight, she tensed. Lexa was lounging against the bar, flirting with a beautiful redhead. The woman was much too close to Lexa for comfort. She was leaning over into Lexa’s space, trailing a finger up and down her arm. Clarke tried to shove down the overwhelming sense of jealousy, I mean what right did she have to be jealous, but the anger burned white hot through her stomach.
“Not on my watch,” Clarke huffed as she shoved herself up from the table.
Anya and Echo gave a chorus of snaps to cheer her on as they leaned back in the booth to enjoy the show. Lincoln just crossed his arms and shook his head at their childish antics.
Lexa was completely wrapped up in the conversation with the pretty redhead, having said something to make the girl laugh, unaware of Clarke swooping in until Clarke’s arm was around Lexa’s waist.
With a bright smile and lovestruck gaze, Clarke raised her voice above the music and chatter, “There you are, babe! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Lexa choked on the words in her throat, completely unsure how to handle this situation. She had no reason to feel guilty. It’s not like she and Clarke were actually dating, but she couldn’t help the shame that twisted in the pit of her stomach at being caught flirting with another woman. When she looked up to meet Clarke’s eyes, however, the blonde was wearing a mischievous smirk.
Lexa received no warning before Clarke’s lips were brushing up her neck causing her to gasp in surprise. The redhead, all but forgotten, raised her hands in surrender and retreated back to the other side of the bar with a look of annoyance toward the blonde. Lexa adjusted herself against the bartop until she had Clarke between her legs, her hands gently gripping Clarke’s hips.
“That was unnecessary,” Lexa tried to sound irritated, but couldn’t quite keep the smile out of her voice.
“That was rather tame, if you ask me.” Clarke shrugged and quirked a brow at Lexa while fiddling with a strand of chestnut hair.
Aware of the patron’s eyes on them, the two remained entwined against the bar as if this level of intimacy was natural for them. In reality, both girls were panicking at the situation. Lexa’s heartrate hadn’t slowed down since Clarke’s approach. Clarke, on the other hand, was still wrestling with the little green monster trying to break free from inside her.
She wasn’t jealous. She couldn’t be jealous. She just didn’t like the way it would look if the press got wind of Lexa flirting with some girl at a bar when they were supposed to be together.
Yeah. That was it.
Clarke grabbed Lexa by the chin, wanting to look her in the eyes when she spoke, “If this act is going to work, you can’t just flirt with any pair of tits you see.”
Lexa pointedly dropped her gaze to Clarke’s chest, wonderfully accentuated by the tight v-neck she was wearing, before struggling to drag her gaze back up to blue eyes. “Just yours then?”
Heat flooded Clarke’s cheeks and her eyes darkened just a fraction. She tilted Lexa’s head to the side, leaned in and whispered directly in her ear, “I won’t stop you.”
Lexa couldn’t breathe. Clarke leaned back and gave the gaping brunette a wink before heading back to their table, leaving Lexa floundering at the bar. Alarm bells were ringing in Lexa’s head. Clarke couldn’t actually be flirting with her.
That was insane. Lexa was just imagining things. Clarke was straight.
Wasn’t she?
“Here’s those tequila shots. Sorry about the wait.” The bartender deposited a tray of shots in front of her breaking through Lexa’s panic spiral.
“Thank you,” Lexa returned his polite nod and stuffed a decent tip into the jar on the counter before turning back to her friends.
As she approached the table, Anya broke out into a pained groan. “You weren’t joking. That’s evil.”
“So is making me buy a round of drinks I don’t get to participate in.” Lexa shrugged, her eyes full of mirth.
Lexa realized her mistake too late as she turned to witness Clarke licking her hand and sprinkling it with salt. Lexa’s gaze was transfixed. She couldn’t tear her eyes away as Clarke clinked her glass with the others’, licked the salt from her hand, tossed back the burning liquid and sucked the lime through her teeth. Heat pooled low in Lexa’s stomach and spread pretty patches across her cheeks. Clarke’s eyes met hers across the table as she pulled the lime from her mouth and smirked.
“I think you’ve got a little drool there, Commander.” Anya chuckled as she reached across the table to wipe the corner of Lexa’s mouth with a napkin.
Lexa batted her hand away angrily as the rest of the table burst into laughter. She huffed and rolled her eyes, her cheeks now pink with embarrassment.
Clarke was thrilled with Lexa’s reaction to her. The alcohol, now warm in her veins, boosted her confidence. She decided to test this theory, to find out if Lexa really was still attracted to her. They were both single. What was the harm?
As if the universe had been listening to Clarke’s thoughts, Ontari walked into the pub searching for the group. Perfect. Time to find out if flirting with another woman got under Lexa’s skin as much as it got under Clarke’s.
Clarke let a wide smile take over her face as she raised a hand to wave Ontari over. Ontari was pleasantly surprised at the warm reception as she made her way to the group. Clarke scooched herself over in the booth seat and patted the seat cushion next to her. Ontari wasted no time in taking the offered seat next to the blonde goddess.
Clarke started subtly fidgeting with her hair, turning her body to face their newest arrival. Ontari locked eyes with Clarke as she grabbed the drink Clarke had abandoned earlier in favor of the tequila shot and took a healthy sip for herself. Lexa tensed, her fists clenching under the table.
When Clarke leaned in a little too close, saying something to make Ontari laugh, Lexa thought she might snap. Anya hid a knowing smirk behind her beer, Echo was openly watching the drama unfold like a daytime soap, and Lincoln was looking to the heavens for assistance.
Ontari reached out and placed a hand on Clarke’s thigh and Lexa shot out of the booth like her pants were on fire.
“Clarke, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Of course, Lexi Loo. What’s up?”
“In private.” Lexa nearly growled.
Ontari moved out of the way to let Clarke out of the booth, glancing up at Lexa with a smug smirk that Lexa was itching to wipe off her face. As soon as Clarke was standing, Lexa had a hold of her wrist, dragging her out the back door of the pub into a quiet alley.
"You better not be thinking about taking a smoke break-" Clarke started, but Lexa cut her off.
"What the hell was that in there?"
"What are you talking about?" Clarke's hackles began to rise at the tone of Lexa's voice.
"You need to quit flirting with Ontari. She obviously has a thing for you." Lexa snapped.
"Yeah, I know. What about that scenario is a bad thing?" Clarke arched a brow in defiance.
"You're straight, Clarke." Lexa replied, incredulous. She couldn't fathom that Clarke could be so dense about something like that.
Clarke's jaw dropped. It never occurred to her that Lexa didn't know, hadn't heard or put it together. She chuckled, exasperated with their current predicament.
"Lex, I'm bi."
Lexa was sure her brain stopped functioning, synapses no longer firing. Her ears were ringing and she couldn't feel her fingertips.
"You… You're… You're what?"