only under the rain

by lightningearth

Summary:

Jay collects himself though and joins me, our shoulders brushing slightly. My heart leaps but I need to remember where I am, what we’re doing, and who I’m with. I shouldn’t be thinking about Jay like this. I shouldn’t be imagining what it’d be like to have closed the gap between us just then.

But what if I had? Would that’ve been my only chance?

OR

Kai finds solace in the sky and nature to hide the fact he likes Jay. He and Jay go for an evening stroll in the harbour and one thing leads to another... Kai can finally come to terms with his feelings and stop hiding behind metaphors. And maybe Jay doesn't entirely want to remain just friends..

PLAYLIST:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1fGYW2VB51Lm2TEcMF7LHD?si=f1013d4b070141cb

‘I wish I could be locked in your sunlight but I keep coming back to the red light. Force I can’t halt like a riptide; can’t quit.’

I’ve always found solidarity in staring out the window. Though small, it’s provided enough comfort when I’ve needed it. It didn’t matter what time of the day, which day of the year, rain or shine, I always found myself sitting at the small bay window in my room, just taking in the world around me.

Everyone would think there was something wrong with me if they saw me doing it, or even knew I did it. After all, this was the last thing you’d expect the airheaded, irrational fire ninja to be doing, right? Sure, I’m irrational 12 hours of the day, but for some of the 24 hours, I can be calm. I can be chill. I can just appreciate the life I have. Though, it seems I’ve been doing it more often lately.

Sometimes when it’s warm, I find myself on the top deck of the Destiny’s Bounty, peering down at the world below, but mostly up at the clouds and the pictures they paint in the sky.

The sky. My favourite thing in this world.

Perhaps Kai a few years ago would think it’s cringe, or stupid, but I really have grown to love it so much. I’ve really grown to appreciate it and its presence, not to mention the magical array of colours it offers every evening. That’s my favourite thing to stare at, especially after a long day. 

It’s becoming harder and harder to fall asleep every night though because of how much I just think of it. Because of how often it crosses my mind. Sometimes it just lingers. How comforting and fun it can be even when the sun has set. Though I usually turn to it for positivity, for warmth, it provides solace even at its darkest. 

Okay, perhaps I only grew so attached to the sky because I resonate it with something else. Someone else. That was much harder to admit than admitting loving the sky though, so whenever someone finds me up on the top deck, deep in thought, and they ask what I’m thinking about, I say…

“Just the sky.”

It was easier. 

The only thing that wasn’t growing any easier though was these feelings. These feelings I was purposefully hiding behind the clouds. That’s too difficult to explain though. I’m not even sure I feel what I feel sometimes. It’s complicated. 

All I know is that I love the sky and that’s why I sit in my small bay window, watching it. 

Tonight’s view was the sunset once again. The bright ombre of blues slowly being taken over by the pinks and reds - my favourite part of the sunset. 

Perhaps I’m biased.

I don’t feel tired at all though, especially compared to how I usually feel at 9pm. It’s been a long day and realistically I’d fall straight asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, but tonight feels like another night of thinking. I’m not sure I want that after how busy today has been. To be honest, I don’t want to spend the entire night thinking of him either.

The sky, I mean.

It’s not necessarily cold outside, perhaps I could go for a walk. It’s dangerous with early morning training tomorrow but some fresh air might help me to feel more sleepy, or at least tire me out a bit, so when I get back I can fall straight asleep. 

Stepping away from the window was the hardest part, not just because I liked looking at it, but because I was actually pretty comfy. Nya helped me to attach a cushion into the wooden windowsill frame, making it more comfortable to sit at. She didn’t question it, thank god, although I probably would’ve just come up with some half-assed lie anyway.

Last thing I want is anyone thinking I’m soppy. Sometimes it's just nice to sit in silence and admire the view. 

My room is the warmest on the Bounty. My powers force me to radiate some kind of weird heat off my body, nothing gross but more natural, like a living radiator. It’s nice in the winter, but it’s not particularly great in the summer when it gets blasting hot. Zane helps to cool me down sometimes. He’s like a living icicle.

Sometimes I wish I had excuses to curl up next to the others like that. Not weirdly, but just something platonic. I guess I’ve always found comfort in being physically affectionate with my friends. Zane once suggested it was because I lacked that feeling when I was growing up. I’m not sure though.

There’s some I wish I could hug more. 

The sky being one of them.

And just as I was thinking about the sky, there it is, right in front of me. 

I enter the kitchen, the smaller ceiling light still switched on, clattering coming from the left. I sigh, almost freezing as I turn to see who it was at this time of night. Although, it’s not like anyone ever went to sleep early anyway. I just hoped there wouldn’t be anyone wandering around so I didn’t bump into unwanted conversations. 

I don’t mind this one though. In fact, I’d quite enjoy it.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” the ginger boy smirks, staring up at me.

I can’t help but smile. There’s something exciting about his aura, about him in general, that makes me refuse to be angry that he’s not in his room. I didn’t want anyone to see me head off for a walk in the middle of the night. Well, except him clearly.

“Hey.”

He was doing the dishes. He must’ve eaten later than usual. To be fair, he was prone to afternoon naps, maybe he just slept too long. 

“Where are you off to?” he asks. 

Usually I would’ve lied. I would’ve lied if it were anyone else standing there staring at me, but with him… I don’t know. I just don’t ever feel the need to lie. It’s not like he’d judge me. 

“Just… for a walk.”

“At..” he stops what he’s doing to glance over at the nearest clock, “..9pm?”

Okay, perhaps he would judge, but I don’t think he means anything malicious. He seems more intrigued than anything else. 

I shrug, “I’m not really tired.”

“Hm, I’ll come with.”

Under any other circumstance I would’ve declined. If it were anyone else offering, I would’ve declined. But Jay is different. His company isn’t so bad. That’s another thing Kai a few years ago would’ve thought was cringe, especially since I used to think he was the most annoying person on the planet. Once you get past all the terrible jokes and sometimes high-pitched tone, he’s actually not so bad. You actually start wanting him around.

But like the gentleman I am, I have to tell him he isn’t inclined to come. After all, he could’ve just offered because he thought I would be lonely.

“You don’t have t-”

“No, I don’t mind,” he cut me off with that stupid irresistible smirk of his, “I could do with getting some fresh air honestly.”

I don’t object again - not that I really wanted to in the first place.

Much like how I’d grown to love the sky, I’ve grown to love Jay’s company. Besides, Jay was usually a lot quieter in the evenings so walking together quietly might help. 

Help what?

I’m not really sure but I guess I’ll figure that out later. 

Hopefully.

He follows me outside onto the top deck of the Bounty. I can’t help but look up at the sky surrounding us, the blues disappearing more and more as the sun sets further into the horizon. It’s truly beautiful. If I hadn’t already agreed to go on a walk with Jay, I likely would’ve just stayed out here. Though, flying around the sky on my dragon seems a lot more fun and magical, especially with the company of the master of a sky element. I wonder if Jay ever thinks about things as deeply as I do, or if he pictures something like an element and relates it to someone else. 

Fire, per say. 

But he’s Jay. He plays video games and creates cool models and reads comics all day every day. He’s so occupied that I doubt he ever has time to appreciate things as much as I do, or at least think the same thoughts as me.

If only he did.

Though, I suppose it’s not like I can read his mind. Maybe tonight will help with that. It’s often hard to pick out what Jay is thinking.

I take in a deep breath, taking one last look at the sky above before forming my elemental dragon. I still haven’t given him a name yet, although I’m not sure whether I should. Getting attached to a dragon has never worked out well for me emotionally in the past. I still miss Flame.

“I can’t really be bothered to form my dragon,” Jay huffs, “do you mind if I just hop on with you?”

The question takes me by surprise, I can’t lie. Jay has never asked anything like that before, at least not to me . Though, I shouldn’t be too surprised. Jay has never been good at getting along with his dragons. He and Wisp had a strange friendship - if you could even call it that. 

As much as I would’ve usually said no, made some snarky remark about how lazy he is and that it’s just a dragon, all I do is smile. I smile at him sweetly, and he reciprocates. 

I hate his sweet smile so much. 

I jump onto my dragon first, gripping onto the reins before Jay could get the chance to take control. He hops on not long after I get comfy. For a moment, he just sits there, getting comfortable and used to the much warmer temperature of my dragon compared to his. Much like my room, my dragon was a lot warmer than anyone else’s, though I did imagine Jay’s to be quite warm too - with static electricity and all. Sometimes I wonder if the electricity bothers Jay much or if he’s immune to it. I often feel the fire burn through my veins. It doesn’t tend to hurt. 

Suddenly Jay is sitting closer to me, I can feel his legs by my hips. My chest gets tighter, my palms becoming sweaty but I choose to ignore it. Besides, the sweating could just be from the heat of my dragon. 

Maybe.

But then his arms wrap around my lower torso, his fingers joining at the front. He’s even closer to me now, his chest pushed against my back. I know I should probably move forward more, giving him some more room to sit comfortably, but he would’ve asked, right? He would’ve just told me to move. 

I ignore the panging in my chest, trying not to focus too much on the hands around my waist. 

They’re there for safety, Kai. 

Though, why I’m even thinking about it as much as I am is beyond me. It’s literally just hands. …Around my torso..

Completely normal.

And then his voice is in my ear, his cool breath tickling my neck, “there’s a really cool harbour in the town not too far from here. We could head there? I heard they have ducks.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” is all I manage to spit out.

My head is light, my heart pounding in my ears, but I need to focus.

The whole point of this walk was to get my mind off him and-

The sky. I mean the sky .

But this really isn’t helping.

It’s just hands. He’s just holding onto me for support so he doesn’t fall. 

I feel like I’m falling..

I clear my throat and nod, trying to shake off any feelings that seem to be gathering up. I clear my mind and make sure we’re both comfortable enough to take flight. 

Before I knew it, we were up in the air, the golden hues I’d previously been staring at through my window, now surrounding us. I try my best to remain focused on the path ahead, making sure I didn’t stray too far from our destination, but I really couldn’t help staring.

The sky was just so amazing. It was truly special.

I can feel the sun’s remaining warm rays against my tanned skin, threatening to blind me. It almost felt too good to be true. All this time when I’d been staring out my window or standing on the deck of the Bounty, watching the sun fall further into the horizon, the blue hues slowly being replaced with red, I had always felt like there was something missing. 

I don’t feel that as much now. 

The blues tonight were much more prominent and they blended with the reds much smoother. It almost felt like the blue was trying to hold on as long as possible, and the red didn’t seem to mind at all.

And then the hands around my waist shift, moving closer to my stomach, and I find myself drifting back to reality. That nervousness in my chest returned once again.

This almost felt like a dream.

I wouldn’t be too surprised if this was a dream.

It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve dreamt of him.

Neither of us spoke for the ride, which was surprising really. Jay was always so talkative, like he spends all day building up whatever he wants to talk about and lets it all out at the first person he comes across. His rambles were never ending sometimes. I grew to not mind it. Oftentimes, I find it kinda sweet. 

His voice has been a lot softer tonight, which I shouldn't really complain about. I like his softer voice. It’s somewhat calming.

We finally arrive at the harbour, and a part of me is upset about it. Not about the harbour - harbours are cool - but because the second Jay’s hands move away from my waist, a cool breeze reaching my stomach, I realise I should’ve appreciated the moment a little more. 

Perhaps Zane was right about me being touch starved. 

Jay doesn’t say anything for a while and neither do I. As soon as my dragon dissipated, we began heading down the harbourside, Jay being closer to the water than me. I’ve never been a huge fan of water - I suppose it might be tied to my powers. 

It’s weird because I feel like I’ve always been tied to the other elemental powers. Forgetting about the new ones I discovered at the Tournament of Elements, the other three on the team have always felt.. I don’t know… close. 

Ice is the opposite element to mine, and like I described before, he cools me down whenever I get too heated. He’s level headed and collected, whereas I’m irrational and hot-headed. 

Earth is balancing. It’s harder to explain but I guess it’s sort of similar to ice with the coolness. Fire usually comes from the earth - that and it helps it to burn brighter.

And lightning…

Well. I haven’t really figured that out yet but I definitely feel tied to it somehow. Jay and I are pretty similar - both being irrational and our powers can create fire - but I feel different around Jay than I do with the other two. I can’t really explain it.

Even though Zane is my best friend, and Cole is good fun to be around, I’ve always found myself wanting to spend the most time with Jay. I just thought it was because he was fun and he entertains himself, you don’t have to put much effort into a conversation with him because he rambles for hours. 

I keep my hands in my pockets as we walk, stealing short glances at the ginger every now and then. He’s occupied in looking down at the water, probably watching his own reflection as he passes, not to mention the fact he wanted to find the ducks.

I know I shouldn’t keep looking at him - if he saw, he’d find it weird and make some stupid joke about it - but I can’t really help it. He’s sweet, addicting to look at. 

I hate it.

I say I hate it yet I keep finding myself thinking that way. I still find myself catching glances in his direction, trying to pass it off as looking around at the closed shops across the harbour every time I think he’s going to look back at me. 

He doesn’t. Then I just think I look stupid. It’s like I’m humbling myself.

And yet I still keep doing it.

It really is addicting.

“Are you okay?” he asks out of the blue, “you seem quiet.”

It takes me a minute to even realise what he’d said, because I was paying too close attention to the ginger’s face and the way his features moved as he spoke. The way he blinked was so quick and not all that often - no thanks to the electricity in his body - but they were a bright electric blue. It seemed unnatural and they got gradually brighter as time passed - another thing to thank his elemental power for - but they seem to suit him. Gingers typically have green eyes. It has to be something to do with his powers. 

Jay turns to look at me, with that sweet, innocent little grin upon his lips. I look away, trying to hold in my own smile.

I shrug, “I guess I’m just used to being mute in the evenings. I don’t mean to ruin the mood.”

If anything, I should’ve been the one asking why Jay was so quiet. It’s like I’ve been waiting for him to start a rant this whole time.

Jay shakes his head, “no, it’s okay. I was just wondering. Besides, if anyone’s killing the mood, it’s me. I’m the one who invited myself along.”

I finally look back up at him with a reassuring smile, “I’m glad you did. Think it’d be boring on my own.”

“ And we wouldn’t be tracking down ducks right now.”

I can’t help but be amused. He always seems to bring up the most random conversation topics. Perhaps that’s something I like about him though. After all, I am trying my best to fight back a wide smile. 

A small one breaks out though, my hands fidgeting in my pockets while I stare down at the ground. Our footsteps are in sync. 

“But seriously, you’re okay?” he speaks up again, “you’ve been quiet a lot recently.”

His concern makes me feel better, not that I was feeling down about anything, but just knowing he cares enough to not only ask, but double check, makes me happy. Jay’s a pretty caring person, he’s mostly considerate and although he’s not great at taking care of himself, he’s always made sure to take care of those around him. We’ve never been the closest, at least not until recently, but he’s always seemed to care. 

I used to be pretty hard on him. I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps it was because I was overprotective of Nya, but Jay has always been a good guy. I’m glad I’ve started seeing him in a new light. Though, sometimes I do hate myself for that too. It’s often too distracting.

But in times like these quiet and sort of intimate moments, I can’t help but feel grateful. It’s like I don’t have to care about anything else in the world. 

I nod, “yeah. I’m okay.”

“Okay, just wanted to make sure.”

“Thanks.”

And then all is silent again. Jay brings a hand up to run along the fencing blocking the harbour. It’s only wooden, something that would easily break with a great force, but it does its job for now. There’s gaps in it here and there, with ladders leading down to the water, which Jay doesn’t fail to take a good look at every now and then. 

I watch him, following how his fingers trail so gently over the wooden planks, the tips gliding across smoothly. His eyes are fixed to it, watching intently, but that very subtle grin on his lips is what gets me the most. 

Some would say I’m obsessed. I prefer calling it being observant. 

“I really hope we aren’t doing that stupid new training course again tomorrow morning,” Jay breaks the silence once again, “Don’t get me wrong, I love doing new courses every now and again but this one just stinks.”

I don’t say anything. I can’t really think of anything to say. All I do is stare at him, which isn’t out of the ordinary, but I typically would find something, anything , to respond with just to keep the conversation going. Just to keep hearing him talk. But, this time, nothing comes to mind at all. 

All I can focus on is him, the way his bright blue eyes follow his finger’s movements with such ease, the way he blinks so gently and the way his mouth moves when he speaks. Sure, his voice may be annoying sometimes, but there’s something so subtly addicting to it, especially in the late evenings when it’s just that little bit more hoarse and tender. I could listen to him talk for hours. 

But at the same time, I want him to shut up so badly.

“I really like that one the other week,” he continues, “the one with the planks, then the swords and then the dummies. I just prefer them in that order to be honest. It gets confusing when it’s switched up.”

He’s so sweet. So alluring. So charming. His voice is musical, magical even, and the only reason I want him to shut up is because it’s just so magnetic. Magnetic like this force between us. This force I can’t seem to escape.

It’s ironic really. The two sides of a magnet are red and blue. 

“And Cole keeps winning those ones too. It gets frustrating and-”

“You really don’t have a volume down button even in the evening, do you?”

Jay stops talking. In a way, I feel guilty. It feels like that awkward moment when the song on the playlist is changing and there’s just this silent gap. It’s somewhat humbling. But with every time that song stops, another one plays shortly after so the gap never lasts long anyway. 

“Uh, excuse you .”

I chuckle, “I don’t mind you talking, I just thought you’d be quieter, that’s all.”

“You don’t mind me talking? Well, that’s a first. Usually you’ve told me to shut up by now.”

I guess this would be a good chance to be honest. To tell him I actually love hearing him talk and getting him to be quiet was more of a warning that perhaps I’d do something dumb if he didn’t shut that mouth of his, but I can’t do that. 

I could never.

“Just because I didn’t say it doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking it,” I respond in a cocky tone.

I look away from him now, a sheepish smile creeping onto my lips as I stare back down at our feet, still stepping in sync.

“You love hearing me talk, I know it.”

It took me by surprise a little. Perhaps he’s not as clueless as I thought, but I’m sure he’s just fooling around. It’s not like he’s wrong though.

My heart is racing now.

“If I loved hearing you talk, how come I always tell you to shut up?”

Jay rolls his eyes, “okay, I’ll rephrase it. You love hearing me talk tonight .”

“Or maybe I just don’t have the energy to tell you to shut up tonight.”

“Or maybe you just don’t want me to shut up.”

“Whatever, sure.”

I can’t even argue it. I don’t really want to. 

I can see Jay’s head turn away from me, his steps coming slightly closer to mine. Our shoulders touch gently, it’s only for a second, but it doesn’t go unnoticed. I can’t help but glance up at him again but he’s staring down the harbour now, looking across the water. 

How can someone so annoying, so simple, so… so… him, be so amazingly beautiful. Perhaps it’s just the lighting. The little warm fairy lights that decorate the harbourside reflect off his skin so well, and sparkle in his eyes so brightly. He’s just so pretty. 

I hate it.

Maybe I should just be honest. Maybe I should just come clean. Sure, I haven’t even fully accepted my feelings yet - I wasn’t sure if I ever could - but maybe this was the first step to being happy. It’s not like I should feel guilty for… the way I see him… but…

God, is it confusing.

Staring at him here and now though, the way he’s so gentle in his presence, the softness of this walk, it would be perfect. It would be the perfect opportunity to be open and even if it went wrong, if Jay didn’t feel the same way, I could just pass it off as being tired and not knowing what I’m doing. 

If this isn’t meant to be, universe, please send me a sign. 

But as I open my mouth to say something, call his name and face him with that soft, smitten gaze, he beats me to it. He points down the harbour, the light in his eyes growing ever so brighter, and his voice is music to my ears. 

“Ducks!”

Well. Thanks universe.

He runs ahead, making his way to the side of the harbour and leaning over a fence panel to get a better look at them. I walk slowly behind, watching as he excitedly stares over at a flock of ducks floating across the water. One quacks.

“They’re so cute!” he exclaims as I stand beside him.

“They’re ducks.”

Jay looks at me with a funny expression before shoving my arm. I look down at his hand on my arm briefly, and then glance up at him with what I hoped wasn’t a lovestricken smile. 

“Ducks are so fascinating,” he chimes.

Jay steps away from me. I can feel the warmth leave, a cold breeze reaching my exposed arm but it doesn’t take long for my eyes to follow Jay again. He makes his way to a small Japanese style bridge that overlooks the harbour slightly. It’s sweet and it’s even sweeter with Jay standing atop it, his hands on the railing and his eyes peering down at the ducks as they swim slowly. I surely make my way there too. 

He looks so excited, so full of joy, and although it’s pretty dark out here, I can make out the happy sparkling in his eyes. It makes me feel warm and my heart only begins racing more. As I come up beside him, my eyes land on his hands that lay firm on top of the bridge railing. The urge to reach for them was strong - it always had been - but perhaps that would ruin the moment. 

Besides, thinking about wanting to hold hands with your friend was weird, right? 

Perhaps.

We watch the ducks in silence. I lean against the bridge too, our shoulders only just touching. The ducks are swimming downstream, and though I should’ve been paying attention to them, my gaze is on something else. The reflection in the water.

If Jay saw me staring, he’d think I’m weird. He’d call me strange, make some odd joke about it and then maybe forget in thirty seconds. But what if I didn’t want him to forget? What if I did want him to notice and make an odd joke about it? 

Or maybe that’s just another excuse to hear him talk. 

But all is silent again now. The ducks have stopped quacking, going further and further down the harbour, but Jay doesn’t seem to want to move - or he’s at least not interested. He just watches them in awe, so fascinated, and it’s sort of sweet. I guess I’m glad for the water’s reflection because now I can stare at him for as long as I want without it being too obvious. Sure, it’s more difficult to pick out the details, but he still looks pretty.

I get so lost in thought though, tracing over every little detail I can make out. The way his hair is so messy yet in somewhat of a neat way. The way his short bangs sit on his forehead gently and sway ever so slightly in the breeze. The way his eyes follow the stream, his head turning in curiosity and towards… me. He’s staring at me now. I probably shouldn’t look back. It’d make things awkward. My hands feel clammy now though which is stupid because it was my fault I was staring at him. He probably noticed. 

Except he doesn’t actually say anything. He lets go of the rail and turns to me properly. His hand raises up and before I knew it there’s fingers playing at a few strands of my hair.

I feel my heart jump in my chest. My breath hitches and I can’t stop myself from turning my own head to meet his gaze. Before he notices me staring back, his bright blues are focused on my spikeless hair. It hadn’t really occurred to me that my hair hasn’t been spiked this whole time, no thanks to the shower I’d had this evening. The others haven’t really seen me without my spikes, besides a few times, so I’m surprised Jay didn’t have a reaction to it earlier. Usually, he would’ve just made a joke or laughed about it and how flat it looked, how I look like I have no life in me or whatever, but I really didn’t expect him to be touching it. I don’t hate it though. In fact, the rapid beating in my chest leads me to believe I’m actually obsessed. 

I don’t say anything, all Jay does is give me a small smile and then returns to staring at my hair, playing with a few more strands. 

“Y’know.. I actually prefer your hair more natural,” his voice is soft and alluring.

I’m not entirely sure what to say. I’ve never really preferred it natural because it’s too flat. My features don’t tend to stand out enough. Besides, I always seem to go unnoticed. In more honesty though, I never thought anyone preferred it flat. I guess sometimes it’s nice to not have to worry about spiking my hair, just because it takes so long and uses a lot of gel, but I’ve always thought everyone preferred it that way too. Knowing Jay likes it, makes me feel a lot better. Though, if I’d worn it natural more often, would Jay fall for me sooner?

Thinking like that feels selfish, and slightly invasive, but my mind won’t let the thought rest. What could I do to make Jay fall for me? I know it could never happen, but what if it wasn’t entirely impossible?

“It’s pretty messy though,” Jay lets out a light chuckle, “I’ll fix it for you.”

Jay would think it’s cringe and weird if he knew I think about him this way. If he knew I thought about him in general… We’ve always had that bickering, joke-friend kinda vibe. There’s never been anything to suggest we could be more, and there’s certainly nothing about Jay that screams there’s a possibility of him liking me .

Letting him play with my hair, play with my feelings , wasn’t a good idea but god was it tempting. 

I turn to face him properly, allowing him full reign over my hair. I guess I’m grateful that I didn’t bother spiking it after my shower - not that I ever do. I tell myself that I can’t get attached to whatever this is. Jay being soft and well-spoken, something about him so alluring that I never would’ve guessed years ago… There’s just been something so… addicting… about him lately.

This isn’t helping.

Both of his hands are now messing with different strands of my hair, and all I can find myself doing is staring intently at him. Well, not intently on purpose, but I can’t stare anywhere else. He seems so fascinated by my natural hair, how soft it is, and how he’s able to do whatever he wants with it. I’m not sure if it really was messy or if Jay just wanted an excuse to mess it up but I quite like it. Nobody really has the chance to play with my hair because there’s always so much gel in it. 

That’s how I’ve styled it since I was younger. I used to always have such bad bed hair, Nya always made fun of me for it, so to avoid being made fun of, I just started styling it to make it look like it was done on purpose. I was just lucky it suited me. I got so used to wearing my hair spiked that I just started preferring it that way. I didn’t even think about how everyone else would react to my natural hair.

I’m glad Jay likes it.

He’s so gentle, obviously resisting the urge to just ruffle it, but the way he looks so satisfied and soft makes my heart tingle. I’m not entirely sure why I ever found him annoying. He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met, his smile is like honey and his hair is like warm caramel and it drives me insane . 

I try my best to stay focused, to just remain on his eyes or his hair, but my eyes drift slowly across his other features… His skin is smooth, besides a few acne scars, and his very faint freckles are so much brighter now. I could connect them like a constellation but perhaps that would be too weird. 

Though, that thought is quickly followed up with a slight glance down - only fleeting - and then I have to remind myself what I’m doing. It didn’t seem to make me stop.

Jay’s lips are moving but I can’t hear what he’s saying over my own heartbeat drumming in my ears. They look soft, though slightly chapped, but so, so kissab-

“Kai?” 

His voice was much louder that time and I suddenly realise his hands are no longer in my hair. One is resting on the banister of the bridge and the other is by his side. He’s staring at me puzzled, slightly amused, but mostly confused. 

Shit.

“Sorry,” I gulp, closing my eyes as I turn to lean over the banister again, “sorry, I’m just… tired.”

It was a weak excuse but I can’t think of anything else. It was probably too late to come up with a lie anyway. He’d seen what I was doing, that’s why he was staring at me like I was some weird lunatic. Like I’d been possessed or something. I can’t blame him. I’d be weirded out by it too if I were him. 

My eyes find their way back to the reflection on the water and I can’t seem to move them away. I know staring at him through the water was bad enough after what just happened but my mind is in such a daze, I can’t blame my actions on my conscience. 

Besides, I liked looking at him.

Jay is still staring at me though. He looks slightly puzzled, a little concerned, but mostly curious. 

“I thought you said you weren’t tired?” his voice is soft in my ears, “that’s why we’re here.”

I can’t think of anything to respond with. My heart is racing and not for the good reasons it usually did. Giving it all away right now was stupid, though unintentional, especially since we were having such a good evening. Jay and I rarely have sweet moments like this where we aren’t muttering under our breaths at each other or calling one another names. I guess this is just another one of the reasons why I shouldn’t like him.

It had taken me so long to come to terms with my feelings, with the fact I never should’ve liked him because I was ashamed. Ashamed of who I was, and the fact I liked Jay of all people, but that only changed into a feeling of being ashamed because I didn’t want to risk our friendship. We’ve gotten so close lately, and maybe that was due to my bickering and snarky comments dying down, but there has always been a part of me that’s known Jay prefers our bickering conversations. Hence why he’d been trying to make sarcastic comments all night. He’d been trying to start one of our signature arguments because that’s what he enjoys from our relationship. 

He likes being friends.

I want more than that.

I guess I’d never thought about it properly until now. Ever since my heart grew warmer and my stomach became lighter around him, I’d been referring to him in metaphors. I’d been describing him as the sky because he was my entire world and I hated to admit it. That’s why I’d grown so close to nature. That’s why I spent all my time staring out the window at the sunset. I liked seeing the blues and reds together. I was just projecting. 

I was imagining a fake world, a fake story, that’d never come true.

That’s why I shouldn’t like Jay. 

“Unless… you’re tired of something else?” his voice shakes a little and I blink.

What have I done?

“I’m not tired of you, if that’s what you’re referring to.”

The long pause, the complete silence, makes me nauseous. Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken. I should’ve just stayed in my window, imagining a world where I was happy. Then maybe Jay would’ve been happier too.

Besides, he has Cole and Nya. I’m sure he’d fall for one of them instead. 

Ugh, the thought of Jay with my sister again made me even more nauseous. 

“I never mentioned me,” his tone is somewhat longing.

I glance at him. The expression on his face is slightly nervous but calm, yet slightly searching. It’s as if he’s looking for something.

I try my best not to glance down again, because if he saw me staring a second time, he’d know for sure. I can’t help it though. It’s almost like a reflex. 

I only stare for a second, another fleeting glance, and then I smile. Leaning against the bridge properly now, I turn my head so I can see our reflections again. This is when Jay stops staring at me and I guess part of me is sad about that. I’ve never liked being watched, especially when I’m not paying attention, but there was something so satisfying knowing Jay’s gaze was on me . 

The reflection is handy. I watch as he lifts a hand to his own hair, ruffling it to make it messier. Sure, it was messy before, but it at least looked natural. Now it just looked scruffy. When he stops, his eyes return to me and for a split second, I can see his chest rising and falling a little more rapidly than it had done before.

“Does my hair need fixing?” he asks plainly.

I don’t feel so nauseous anymore.

I smirk, “you just messed it up so you could ask that.”

“I didn’t.”

“I could see it in the reflection in the water.”

“So you were looking at my reflection?”

I don’t respond. As much as I was worried about Jay finding out, about him finding me weird, I honestly don’t mind it. Instead, I just find myself grinning nervously, with a light chuckle escaping my lips. Even if I knew what to say, I don’t think I’d have the nerves to speak anyway.

“Can you just check?” There’s this hopeful rift to his voice that makes my head spiral and every part of me that's screaming not to, is shoved aside.

I want to, so badly.

There’s nothing wrong with just fixing your friend’s hair, right?

I smile, turning my head slightly to look at Jay. His hair really was a mess, and it was so clearly done on purpose, but I can’t just leave him looking like that. Maybe this would be the perfect opportunity to give his hair the makeover it desperately needed. Sure, Jay didn’t like to spend hours styling his hair, but sometimes it looked so dead. I could try to give it some life.

Maybe that was just an excuse to justify playing with his hair though.

Jay knows I know he did it on purpose. The slightly smug but intense stare said it all. I give in though and turn to face him properly. Avoiding staring at his face, I lift my hands to his hair, beginning to run my fingers through it. It’s soft, a lot softer than I imagined. Somehow it looks rough, like it needs a trim, yet it’s the complete opposite. I get a waft of marshmallow and caramel - I guess I was right about that. I know I’m only supposed to fix it, to flatten it out again, but this is so satisfying and there’s something about the fact I know Jay is staring at me that just makes me want to keep going.

“You really did mess it up, hm?” I chuckle lightly.

I don’t dare look down at him, at least not yet. I can hear his breath slightly, every in and out, and it makes my arms weak. I begin to flatten his hair, overlapping a few strands over each other, the soft caramel running smoothly between my fingers as I work. Then my eyes stupidly glide down towards his eyes and all I see is Jay’s bright blues somehow staring at me in a similar way I’d imagined I had stared at him just now. 

I don’t think Jay has realised I’m looking at him because I swear for a split second, his eyes are everywhere but looking into my eyes. 

And then I find myself staring at him like that too, just like I’d done before. I can’t help it. He’s so addictive, so alluring, and all I want to do is spend hours staring at him. Would it be weird to call him pretty aloud?

When Jay’s eyes land back on my gaze, all we do is stare at each other like we have no other care in the world. It’s magical. Part of me hates knowing that it’ll be over soon.

Yet Jay doesn't glance away. He doesn’t seem freaked out or uncomfortable. His breath is soft, his gaze intense and my stomach flips. If this was some cruel joke from the universe, it sure was fucking horrible . 

It’s not awkward at all but wondering what Jay is thinking, if he really is weirded out or not, begins to make me nervous. The need to do something, say something, is strong but I’m just not entirely sure what. Usually, Jay is the first to talk.

“I didn’t realise you had freckles,” was all I could think to say.

Jay shrugs.

“They become more prominent as I get older,” it’s soft and quiet, “like reverse puberty, I guess.”

“That makes no sense,” I mutter with a light smile.

All Jay does is return the gesture. We continue to stare at one another for a moment and somehow my hands have drifted away from his hair and down to his shoulders. Jay’s eyes dance down for a brief second, and perhaps if I was in a normal state of mind, I’d find that crazy, but the intensity of this moment has only altered my brain chemistry. I can’t think properly at all. 

For a split second, my eyes drift down too, landing on his lips. They hang there for a moment before drifting back up. Jay is still staring at my own. At least, I think so anyway. 

Jay opens his mouth to say something, but a loud honking in the near distance brings us both back to reality. I clear my throat awkwardly and glance away, my gaze landing on a few ducks swimming back towards us on the water. I guess the universe just wanted to remind us what we’d actually come here for. 

If that duck hadn’t interrupted though, what would Jay have said? What would’ve happened? 

Jay’s eyes are still on me, however, but I know I shouldn’t start staring again. I can’t hold onto something that’ll never happen, even if I’m delusional enough to believe it ever would come close. 

I lean back against the banister, my hands gently gripping onto the wooden beam that prevents our fall. Though, I wouldn’t mind falling in because the intensity in the air right now is only making me weak. 

This time, I try to avoid staring at our reflection.

Jay collects himself though and joins me, our shoulders brushing slightly. My heart leaps but I need to remember where I am, what we’re doing, and who I’m with. I shouldn’t be thinking about Jay like this. I shouldn’t be imagining what it’d be like to have closed the gap between us just then. 

But what if I had? Would that’ve been my only chance?

Neither of us say anything. We don’t look at each other. I just know Jay’s eyes are on the ducks that are heading our way but I know I shouldn’t bring it up. I’m not entirely sure what to bring up without making it awkward.

We’d started this night off with just a simple walk. With Jay just wanting to keep me company, and now we are here ? If this is a dream, wake me up.

My eyes drift down towards my hands, the fact I’m gripping onto the panel so gently, and then I can’t help but notice Jay’s own hands not too far from mine. They look soft, with a few freckles dotted here and there, and I can’t lie… I’d do anything to hold them.

It was stupid and obsessive and maybe my feelings are going too far now because I shouldn’t be thinking about my friend this way, but… imagining what would happen if Jay felt the same way is just so…

The urge to reach for Jay’s hand is strong and quite frankly, too overpowering. I gulp and take a deep breath, my gaze returning to the water below us. As I move my hand ever so slightly towards Jay, I return to looking at our reflection. He hasn’t noticed yet. 

The worry of Jay being repulsed, turning away or making some joke to laugh it off doesn’t seem to phase me anymore. My hand gets closer and closer and as soon as I can feel his skin against mine, I watch his expression intently. Jay glances down, staring at our hands for a brief moment. My stomach is in knots and my heart grows slightly heavy because Jay’s pinky finger lifts, no longer touching me. 

Then he wraps it around mine and it’s warm, and just as soft as I’d imagined. 

My heart begins to race and I can’t help but properly look down at our fingers intertwined. Jay doesn’t look at me though as his eyes land back on the birds below us. It’s not even awkward. 

This all feels like a fever dream. Just an hour ago, I was sitting in my bedroom, watching the sunset outside my window, thinking about how I’d never get to be with the man I had fallen for. Thinking about the fact the sky would never see me the same way I see it. But here we are. I’m practically holding hands with the sky I adored so much.

Suddenly I don’t feel so guilty or ashamed. 

It’s actually… so nice.

If there’s even a possibility that Jay likes me back, that he isn’t just being friendly with me because we’re properly getting along, then I’m definitely starting to come to terms with the fact I like him. And that meant no more stupid sky metaphors. 

Though, it was fun to imagine it that way.

Now I need to live in the moment and appreciate the person who’s beside me. 

Glancing back down at our reflections, the way our hands were together, I can’t help but notice how good we looked together. Sure, that’s what any person would typically say when they’re in love with someone, but I truly mean it. Reflections are hard to tell sometimes but the way we stand together, the way our hands intertwine… it’s perfect. We look perfect. Blue and red compliment each other so well.

I wonder if Jay is thinking the same.

Suddenly, as if the universe were giving a sign, the reflection in the water began to ripple. It became harder and harder to make us out - water droplets covering our faces. It didn’t take long for me to feel the same droplets on my arms. 

I let go of Jay’s hand and turn to look for shelter. I’ve never been a huge fan of rain. Mostly because it always messed with my hair, but I was also so afraid of water growing up that I just avoided the rain as much as possible. Maybe it was childish but I just hate the feeling of being drenched. The more droplets that fell made me want to leave more. If only this sweet moment hadn’t been ruined. 

Jay seems confused that I step back and begin heading off the bridge.

“It’s raining,” I call out to him, assuming he’s following close behind.

It gets heavier and heavier, my hair starting to become damp, but there’s barely any shelter nearby. When I turn to check on Jay, he’s still standing firmly in his spot on the bridge. 

“Great!” he exclaims, looking up at the grey clouds that covered the now-night sky. 

I stop at the foot of the bridge, waiting for him to head over to me, but he doesn’t. The more wet I get, the wetter he gets as he’s right in the firing line. 

“ No , not great,” I scoff, “we don’t have jackets. Let’s just head back.”

My hair gets knotted so easily, I don’t want to risk it. Besides, I’d only just showered and smelling like a wet dog was not on my to-do list. I’m sure Jay wouldn’t want the same either. But I should’ve known it would be harder to convince Jay to find shelter because he’s so childish. Of course, he’d stand out there on purpose. Of course, he’d try to annoy me. 

“No way! I love the rain!” 

“With an umbrella, sure,” I tell him with a slightly annoyed tone, “the last thing we need right now is a cold-”

“Since when did you become such a party pooper?” Jay laughs, “c’mon, Kai, it’s just a bit of water.”

I head back towards him, grabbing his hand in an attempt to pull him off the bridge and towards shelter, but Jay just bats me away and goes further across the bridge. It’s pouring with rain at this point and I really, really don’t want to get completely soaked. Jay was always such a baby when he was sick too. That’s the last thing I want to be hearing about for the next week. 

I begin walking off the bridge by myself. There’s no way in hell I’m getting soaked because of him.

“There’s still time to get back before we get completely drenched,” I tell him, but I don’t think he’s fully listening.

“We can’t fly our dragons in the rain, dumbass. We’re gonna have to wait it out.”

I’m off the bridge finally and, luckily, the cafe on the harbour just beside us had left their extendable roof out. Though it wasn’t completely waterproof, it at least provided enough coverage so we wouldn’t be dripping. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to prevent myself from shivering.

When I turn back to look at him though, expecting him to at least be making his way off the bridge finally, he’s instead got his arms out and he’s staring up at the sky, letting himself get soaked. 

“Are you crazy?!” I exclaim.

“It’s fun!” Jay shouts, “reminds me of being back at the junkyard.”

That’s cute but it certainly wasn’t what we needed right now. We have so many important missions coming up and Wu would get mad if Jay missed another day of training - he’d pretended to have a stomach bug the other day just to stay in bed a little longer. 

And besides, I’m a little worried.

“You’re gonna catch the flu.”

Jay finally looks at me and laughs, “and you look like a drowned cat. You’re already soaked, Kai, just come back out.”

“No way.”

He twirls around in his spot and I watch as his hair is dripping water down his face, “ugh, you’re so boring. I’ll get you out here one way or another, just you wait.”

“Jay, seriously , you’re drenched. Just come stand under the shelter,” I shiver.

Jay ignores me. Typical. Why I like this man is beyond me. He’s the most annoying person on the planet. 

“Don’t make me drag you.”

“ Oh no … don’t come out here like I wanted… ” he teases, lifting his arms up again.

I can’t lie, I’m growing impatient. Jay’s immune system has never been great and to be honest, I just don’t want to ride back home on my elemental dragon with a soaked and shivering Jay. The only choice I seem to have is to march out there and grab him, despite not wanting to get wet. I suppose Jay was right about the fact I’m already wet, but he’s a hell of a lot wetter than me and I really don’t want to be soaked like he is. But… if I run out there quickly, grab him and pull him over here, surely I can’t get much more drenched, right? It’s not like I have time to weigh my options anyway.

So against my better judgement, I step back out into the rain, my arms still crossed at my chest. I run up the bridge and right towards Jay. He’s not really paying attention, which is a good thing really because I can just pull him and he wouldn’t have time to react. However, when I finally reach him, he’s already guessed I’d be there. 

As I grab Jay’s hand and attempt to pull him away, Jay pulls me back with much more strength than I’d imagined. The next thing I know, Jay’s hand is on my waist, his other hand cupping my face, and he’s staring at me like a lovesick puppy. I’m completely frozen.

He pulls me into a soft, warm kiss. It’s so gentle, so alluring, so… incredible . The hand on my waist is wrapped around me, the hand cupping my cheek pulling me ever so closer to the man I’m connected with, and Jay kisses me as if he’s done so before. He kisses me as if he’s imagined this a million times. His lips are like a soft cloud and all I can smell is the soft marshmallow scent from his hair. 

Subconsciously, my own hand raises to the back of Jay’s head, keeping him close to me, my fingers tangled within his soggy, caramel hair. This is heaven. The hairs on my arms stand on end, the static from Jay’s electricity coursing through my veins. The water droplets hitting me feel like clouds, evaporating as they touch my hot skin. Jay feels cool though. 

And just like heaven, it all felt like a myth. Once Jay’s lips leave me, I’m left feeling empty as if none of it ever happened in the first place. 

His hand leaves my cheek and lands on my now-soaked arm. He stares at me with uncertainty, as if there’s a voice in his brain telling him he shouldn’t have done it. I guess the only thing to do is to reassure him.

And, god, I’ve been awaiting this moment all my life. 

The hand I had on the back of his head made its way to cup his cheek, much like he’d done with me. Without a second thought, I pulled him in, the gap between us completely vanishing. And the rain grew heavier as if telling me this was what everything had led to. The sunrise, the sunset, the stars, the clouds, this rain… Except none of it felt horrible now. The rain is soothing, much like the way Jay kisses me. He’s gentle, calming and it makes my heart flutter. God, I want to stay here forever.

The way his hands sit on my waist, keeping me close to him, makes me weak. The way he stops to take a breath and then kisses me so gently again, it was as if we’d been doing this for years. I’d never even kissed anyone before. 

It doesn’t matter that we’re both utterly soaked, dripping from head to toe with rain water. All that matters is that we’re finally both here together. I’ve waited years for this moment. 

When Jay was the first to break away again, he kept his eyes closed and pressed his forehead to mine. He just chuckles. 

“Told you I’d get you out here.”

“God, you’re so insufferable.”

I guess I do have a connection with lightning; it’s just on a completely different level to the ones I have with ice and earth. 

And yet my connection with the sky will always be my favourite.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of the weather and all its beauty