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Murmur was a loud, carefree and cheerful demon, who loved to talk. When his favorite evidols had an announcement, it would only take about half a day for every single teacher to know, laden with more pointless details than they ever wanted or needed, and when some minor inconvenience struck in the teacher's dorm, he'd be the first to complain. The sound of his chatter was pretty much background noise at this point, a pleasant drone as ubiquitous as the morning radio.
When it mattered though, Murmur was silent.
He was a psychiatry teacher after all, and he knew how to read people. He would never mention anything painful, he would never point out your suffering- but when your stress was about to hit fever pitch he was there, ready to talk about everything and nothing, diffusing the tension like he was massaging knots out of your shoulders. And then he'd drift away again, joining in with something else like it never even happened.
It didn't matter what he heard, or how much he embarrassed himself in any one moment- because the very next day he'd be back to normal, a pleasant smile plastered on his face as if nothing had ever happened. Even Dali struggled to find ways to tease him. Nothing ever stuck to Murmur, and the blank lack of acknowledgment he'd give you if you tried to bring it up only dissuaded anyone from trying.
That held true even after the Heartbreaker. Murmur had borne witness to an unspeakable horror, one that drives demons inconsolably, uncontrollably mad, and he was just… normal. Straight back into his duties, the intense 6 hour interrogations of Shida failing to dent his usual work output even a little. He was still just Murmur, doing what he always did in the way he always did it.
Granted, that was what every teacher was doing. After the Heartbreaker, there was no more time to fool around. It had been a profound failure on the teacher's part- letting an intruder slip in, a student almost getting kidnapped… It was shameful. Every teacher had immediately launched into work mode, training, revising procedures, doing paperwork, and keeping the school running in Sullivan's absence. Any sense of levity was gone, and the tension in the air weighed over everyone like a blanket. The idea of breaking that tension, trying to fill the silence with small talk or play around would be downright sacrilegious. They were teachers of Babyls; how could they ever think about themselves before they had made things right again?
These were all things Ipos knew.
And yet, when Ipos looked at Murmur, he still couldn't shake a feeling of wrongness. Yes he was doing exactly what every single other teacher was doing, but that was the issue- after what he saw, why was he normal? It unnerved him.
None of the other teachers seemed concerned about it, or if they were, they were remaining professionally silent on the matter. Like he should be doing.
Ugh.
Ipos had never considered himself a worrier, not really. Maybe it was because he was a tactician, a role that required being vigilant of every potential factor and every potential outcome. Maybe that had turned him weird.
What could he even say to him? "Hey are you ok?"
Hey, are you traumatized by an exam that every other teacher handled just fine? Hey, are you so pathetic, you can't even handle one student?
Demons hated showing weakness. No demon wanted to be fretted over, to be considered so pathetic that they couldn't handle themselves just fine. Yet for some reason Ipos couldn't ever stop himself from pouring his worries and fears onto Murmur every single time. He would stumble on something, a completely minor thing that barely mattered, and casually move on. Yet Ipos would still feel concern bubbling up like hot magma, and unbidden the words would fall out his mouth, his fears only slightly camouflaged by his attempts to sound casual.
"Hey, you ok?"
And Murmur, in his infinite patience, would take his worries and accept them without a hint of annoyance. Sure, Murmur wasn't the most mature or put together demon out there. But when he looked at Ipos, he always felt like he was being seen right through.
"I'm fine, I just tripped." And he'd flicker away again.
Ipos never really knew where he stood with Murmur. They were his closest ally, both inside and outside of school. They had been inseparable since the day they'd met, bonding over. Murmur had slotted into his life seamlessly, incorporated himself into the fabric of the school as if he'd always been there. He could get along with just about anyone, managing to dig up common ground from nowhere in order to bond with them. Ipos would often watch him chatting animatedly to the other teachers, who would always respond in kind. Watching them made him keenly aware- it didn't have to be him by Murmur's side. Yet every time he had just about made peace with that fact, Murmur would pull him aside conspiratorially, just to point out some secret little observation not even Ipos had noticed, with an impish glee. Did that mean anything? Or was that just how Murmur treated anyone he noticed was alone? Then again the fact that he could never figure that out was one of the reasons why he respected him so much.
Psychiatry, choosing to be responsible for other demon's feelings, was a heavy role to take up. Demons were temperamental, ruled by their desires and impulses. Get too stressed and they'd go into a full blown evil cycle. To become a counterbalance to that, to replace your demonic impulsivity with calm patience, to willingly surround yourself with others' stress and negativity and wicked phases and not succumb was unfathomably hard. But not a hint of that ever showed on Murmur.
When he pushed back against Murmur, he never seemed to meet resistance. Other demons, you could reach out and find a wall, a hard, heavy boundary that let you know exactly where you stood. Murmur wasn't like that. Pushing against Murmur was like pushing into a deep ocean. No matter how hard you search for the seafloor, all you discovered were yet more depths. Ipos didn't doubt Murmur had that wall, that breaking point somewhere in there; what makes him uneasy is that he cannot see it. When he talks to him, it is as if he is casting things into an endless ocean, never quite sure if what he is doing is right, or if it is what breaks everything. Murmur not seeming to mind right now wasn't enough to go on. Wasn't enough to figure out if he should ask or not.
Respect his strength. Respect his professionalism. That was basic demonic courtesy, and Murmur more than deserved that. Yet no matter how much he dug through his feelings, tried to muster up every ounce of trust and belief owed to him, that pathetic sense of worry remained. He screwed his eyes shut and rubbed at them. The discomfort felt dirty under his skin.
…
Why was he like this?
…
Ipos was sitting absently in the empty common room, staring blandly at some miscellaneous point above the switched off TV. He didn't really feel like scrounging for entertainment right now, even if his pragmatic side told him he should be letting off steam while he has the chance. Usually trying to solve a problem felt like playing chess; today it was more like idly moving pieces around, just to hear them clink together. Haha, look at the horsies kiss.
Devi, he needs a break.
"What's up?" Murmur had come up behind him, casually slinging an arm around Ipos' shoulders. Of course he'd notice his stress. He always did.
Ipos leaned his head back, looking up at his face. He was silent for a while, words coming and going, but never fully forming.
"Murmur…"
"Hm?"
"I don't think I could imagine seeing a face that drives demons mad. I think I'd probably just die"
"Ha." Murmur gently poked him in the forehead. "As if. You're way too stubborn to die."
"Hmph" Ipos snorted, unconvinced. "You don't know me! You don't know how I'd react to horrors beyond mortal comprehension!"
"Of course I do!" He tapped the side of his head intellectually. "I watch a lot of devi-tective shows!"
"... and are a licensed psychiatrist?"
"That too."
Murmur tapped the side of his head smugly. "My brain is a finely oiled machine, you know. I know everything there is to know about everything!"
"And that's why you forgot all your paperwork in the staffroom earlier and had to beg me to go back for it?"
"...That was just basic efficiency! A clever machine knows how to outsource work!" He tapped his temple even more dramatically. Ipos quirked an eyebrow in response.
"Uh-huh…"
The two chuckled a little, eyes creasing shut. It felt smooth; it felt natural. This was how they always were, their natural rhythm. As the laughter trailed off, Ipos opened his eyes again, gazing at Murmur. He was smiling peacefully, eyes warm in that disarming, comforting way he always smiled. That giving smile.
"Say, Murmur…" he trailed off.
"Hm?"
"You're always listening to everyone else's feelings… Do you have anyone that listens to yours?"
Ipos stopped himself from tensing, discreetly balling his hands into the upholstery of the sofa. Murmur didn't seem all that offended by the question though, tilting his head to one side thoughtfully.
"Hmm." He contemplated. "Well as part of my license, I'm a member of the Psychiatric Society, and they make you have monthly therapy sessions. Plus the Babyls-mandated supervision and all. "
He glanced down at Ipos. He didn't seem too enthused by that answer.
"Is there… anyone else? That isn't mandated by your job, preferably?"
Murmur pursed his lips as he considered.
"Not really…? It's not a big deal though. I know how to deal with stress."
"I suppose that's true…"
He laughed. "Why d'ya think I'm so into Evidols? It's cause Gyari-chan understands~"
"But even so… seeing Gaap's true face." He paused- reached up and squeezed Murmur's hand. "That… must have been really tough."
"..."
The weight on Ipos's shoulders increased as Murmur slumped into him. A quiet sigh blew some hair strands against his cheek.
"Yeah, I guess. I don't…" Ipos placed a hand on his upper arm, squeezing it gently. "I don't really know how I feel I guess? It's like… I don't super understand what I saw, not really."
"Yeah?"
"I don't really know what I felt about it either… Everything and nothing?" He tilted his head to the side. After a beat he tilted it back again.
"Like a really bad, miserable, wicked phase… but also you're happy, and scared, and sad, but only in the kind of mundane way where you find a stack of paperwork you forgot about just before you clock out of work? And you're crying, but instead of tears it's like your eyeballs are leaking out… and you know deep in your bones that there's a giant predator just behind you that can smell it. Kind of…?"
Murmur lifted his free hand towards his face, as if it could provide the answers for him.
"It was just… a lot I think. "
He stared down blankly. That had just been what he could put into words; there was still an ocean of dark, choking cloudy feelings he couldn't understand within him. He couldn't even understand what he was trying to understand. If he thought about it too hard though he'd almost definitely go into a wicked phase. That was about the only thing he understood.
"Oh Murmur…"
Ipos pulled on Murmur's arm, pulling him over the back of the sofa. Murmur didn't particularly resist, letting himself roll over the top and onto the cushions, his head landing softly in Ipos' lap. He stared up at him, eyes half lidded. His expression was inscrutable; a mixture of tiredness and melancholy and a hundred different other feelings that flickered away as soon as you looked at them. Ipos lifted a hand to his cheek and gently stroked it. He was answered with an ambiguous sort of half-smile. He had never seen him look this small before.
Wordlessly he pulled him into a hug. Murmur accepted it, leaning his forehead against Ipos' chest. Ipos wrapped his arms around him protectively, as if he was trying to form a shield between him and everything else in the world.
"I wish I could fix this."
"It's fine, you know."
"But it's not. You're hurting."
"There's nothing to fix. Just have to wait it out until I forget. And that's why it's fine."
"That really sucks"
The figure shrugged against him.
Ipos pulled him closer.
…
…
"Ipos."
"Huh?"
"Wanna go see if Orias has any new games we can borrow?"
"Sure, but I'm carrying you there."
"Wh- HEY! I can walk on my own, moron!"
Peals of laughter followed them out of the room.