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Koushu wanted to convince himself that it didn't annoy him, because it was inevitable. Sawamura Eijun was the most sociable human being he had ever met, he had a natural gift for attracting people, so of course he was close to a lot of people and it wasn't a reason to be upset.
For example, his second-year classmates, and more specifically: Kominato Haruichi. They have grown together as both players and persons, and —as he has heard from Sawamura himself— the second baseman was the first in his grade to gave his trust to the pitcher. They are great teammates and great friends, the way they comfortably address each other using their first names is proof of that.
They get along both on and off the field, not just those two anymore; over time, Kanemaru and Toujo have become attached to Eijun as well and spend a lot of time together. Okumura could imagine it, in fact he wasn't at all surprised to see the four of them chatting by a vending machine on the second year floor, while he accompanied Taku to run an errand for his friend's homeroom teacher; his excuse: to stretch his legs, the reality: one he refused to admit and, he swore, had nothing to do with the pitcher.
His senpais surrounded the machine and seemed to maintain an exchange just like the ones he always observed, in which Sawamura would say something that made Kominato smile and Kanemaru scold him, Toujo would make some comment that made the pitcher tense up and the cycle would repeat itself. Even in the distance he could clearly hear that characteristic laugh and the occasional "Harucchi". It was just the same as always, they were friends and classmates, of course they were close and spent a lot of time together, even more so during school hours. And despite knowing it, Koushu couldn't help the uncomfortable feeling that arose inside him.
Those people had something that he would never get for being a year younger: having played with Sawamura from the very beginning and continuing to do so until graduating with him, that feeling of camaraderie unique to those in the same grade. Those lucky ones had and will have a close-up view of the pitcher's continuous development.
He didn't want to feel jealous of his own senpais, he normally rejected those emotions, but being a direct witness to the expressions, laughs and words that Eijun directed exclusively to people who weren't him, annoyed him.
His thoughts were interrupted when Taku placed a stack of books and folders in his arms and then carried half of them in his own while declaring that he didn't take him for a walk, that he had to help. Before Koushu could complain or let out a growl, Seto began to guide him back to his corresponding floor.
In a last glance at his second-year classmates, he locked eyes with one of them. In a second, "Okumura!" was echoing throughout the hallway, probably throughout the entire floor, and he had to squint at the bright light directed at him. Any discomfort he had felt was immediately replaced by warmth, probably from the speed with which his heart began to beat or perhaps from the heat his senpai radiated when he smiled.
The sudden attack left him disoriented and he only managed to bow his head in greeting. Although Sawamura eclipsed everything around him, with his face shining and waving his arms without any shame, he managed to notice how Kanemaru yelled at him to not yell (typical) and how Kominato and Toujo shared a smile; this before quickening his pace passing his best friend who enjoyed making fun of the situation.
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In the topic of his second-year senpais, there was one of them that Eijun paid a lot of attention to: his rival, Furuya Satoru. Which was perfectly understandable; they were both pitchers, they were the same age, they were in the same class, and they shared most of their training sessions. Sawamura had told him about how the taller pitcher used to ignore him completely and how now he even called him by his name. Their relationship had progressed a lot since they started the new school year.
And again, it was only logical to see them together chatting and getting along. There was no doubt that they maintained a special mutual respect that also drove them to be better players. Their rivalry was beneficial for the team as much as for themselves. So, why would Koushu be annoyed by them arriving at training together almost every day, talking and arguing so naturally, as was the case that afternoon?
Okumura wanted to convince himself that the anxious feeling inside him did not exist; sure, it was a true that what Furuya had with Sawamura, the catcher could never have it, again because he was a year younger and also because he didn't play the same position; there was nothing to do, what would be the point in getting upset.
However, there were the pitchers: walking together, approaching the entrance of the field where he was with other members of the team, exchanging words and looking so good together: one so different from the other but with so much compatibility that Koushu could barely contain his desire to growl.
A few steps away he could hear the loud voice of one of them —not being able to make out the words— followed by laughter; Furuya frowned at this and looked at him coldly. It was not difficult for Okumura to guess that what Eijun had said bothered the other teen; his senpai had the ability to anger others without realizing it. The taller pitcher was about to activate his aura until he glanced ahead; the eyes widened slightly as they stared at the first-year catcher and before Koushu could wonder what that meant, Furuya took one last look at Eijun and quickly approached his kouhai.
“Okumura, catch for me today in the bullpen.”
Surprised by his senpai's sudden request, it took him several moments to find an answer but he barely opened his mouth and Sawamura's stridency filled the space.
“Oi, Furuya! Don't claim the wolf boy and-,” and Koushu stopped listening when Eijun took him suddenly by the arm and pulled him to his body. His right side was stuck to the pitcher's chest and Okumura felt like he was burning.
Both his head and body was pure heat; he couldn't believe that a person could be so naturally warm, although it could not only be Sawamura but also his own body reacting to his senpai's proximity. Whatever the case, the younger boy couldn't think of anything other than his shoulder and arm connected to the pitcher’s body; he could feel the older boy speaking —or more likely shouting— and directing him to the field —perhaps to the bullpen— but his mind couldn't process it. He barely managed to notice Furuya out of the corner of his eye smiling with satisfaction at Eijun's anger and, again, he could be annoyed by the familiarity with which the pitchers got into each other and the certain complicity they shared, that is if he wasn't too busy trying to not burn himself.
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Okumura was beginning to get fed up of the feelings of annoyance that haunted him daily, however, he couldn't help it, because his days were filled with Sawamura, something he didn't plan to change, and of course, with people around the pitcher.
At some point he wondered if the jealousy he felt was really directed at his senpai and how sociable he was, a characteristic that Koushu didn't possess. But his theory disappeared when the next day he helped Eijun with his stretches, alone on the secondary field, and he recognized that he wouldn't mind living in that single moment forever.
Thus, his annoyance was entirely directed at those who had something with his senpai that he couldn't have, and he was condemned to witness it every minute of his life. Even at the late night, when the afternoon training had ended and the players who practiced daily on their own had already retired to their rooms; those hours that Okumura spent doing schoolwork, somehow ended up being hours that he spent watching Sawamura.
That morning, during one of his classes, he simply stopped paying attention (not because he was distracted remembering how great a certain pitcher had been at morning training, of course not), and he missed a couple of important explanations that he would need to know to solve his homework. Koushu didn't talk to his classmates, they used to look at him as if he were a being from another world, not in a bad way, but it was strange; he only interacted with the team manager and he didn't feel confortable enough to bother her with his academic problems.
In the end, he turned to his friends from another classroom who had the same teacher. Clearly, his first choice was Taku; however, his best friend insisted that he didn't understand the subject well enough to explain it and that he should ask Asada. Okumura didn't question it and obeyed.
It was only when he was inside room number five, receiving help from the first-year pitcher, that he understood Seto's intentions and swore to strangle him as soon as he had the chance. Because of course the great traitor he had as a friend would send him to Sawamura Eijun's room to witness how irritatingly well his senpai got along with his roommates.
At that moment, Eijun was playing video games with Kuramochi; it was strange that they did it at such a late hour but Koushu assumed it was due to the morning off from training they would have the next day, they didn't mind sleeping later. The pitcher was as expressive and loud as expected, if the first-year boys weren't already used to it they definitely wouldn't be able to study; even so, Okumura couldn't avoid sending looks to his senpais.
He wondered what it would be like to share a room with Sawamura, to be with him every morning and every night. Asada had already told him about it; like how much he usually gets along with the eldest, Kuramochi Yoichi, playing and joking around; also the great energy he radiates no matter the time, always wanting to talk, go to training, play or, in the calmest of cases, read one of his shoujo manga or period novels, being, again, Kuramochi the only one to keep up with him and calm him down when necessary; as well as how noisy the pitcher is even when sleeping, preventing the younger from sleeping well in his first days.
Koushu certainly did not envy the latter, however, he wanted what the shortstop and his pitcher friend had. That closeness, that possibility of knowing how he is, if he sleeps well, being able to take care of him. It annoyed him to not be lucky enough to have been assigned to that room and that others were.
“Aaah Mochi-senpai! Stop defeating me, it's not fair!” Sawamura's moans were heard, to which Asada barely paid attention, Okumura pretended to ignore him as well while looking at him out of the corner of his eye.
“Stop complaining, it's not my fault that you're an idiot with these games.”
“Abuse! You're taking advantage of a kouhai! What's the difference between this and harassment? Abuse!”
“Oi!”
“It's not fun playing with you,” he finished with a pout and dramatically throwing himself on the floor, Kuramochi seemed to be about to kick him, however, Eijun soon gained everyone's attention by quickly scanning the room and raising his voice. “Okumura! Play with me!,” the aforementioned jumped slightly in place, surprised, and looked directly at his senpai. “I always have fun with you, I'm sure it's the same with video games.”
There he was, saying the first thing that came to his mind and looking so damn cute, still on the floor, with his hair freshly washed and appearing to be very soft, completely relaxed and smiling at him; there he was, but Koushu was everywhere else but there.
He didn't know how long he stood still just staring at the pitcher, barely reacting when he heard an "Okumura-kun?", probably from Asada. He looked away immediately.
"I'm busy, senpai," he pretended to write in his notebook trying to remember where he had stopped in his friend's explanation, he also decided to ignore Kuramochi's sigh laden with laughter as he told Sawamura not to bother his kouhai. Seriously, what the hell was his homework about?
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If he only had to worry about the people on the team, he could better control his emotions of annoyance (maybe), however, Sawamura interacted almost daily with people outside of Seidou and Koushu had to witness it.
He never paid attention to how often his senpai used his cell phone, that is until Amahisa Kousei managed to snatch his contact and they began to chat through that medium. Thus, Okumura was able to realize how sociable the pitcher was even through messages. Thanks to this, now every time his senpai picked up the phone, Koushu could only try to guess who he was talking to; if it was Amahisa Kousei, the mysterious “Chris-senpai” whom Eijun loved so much or, more likely, his friends from Nagano.
It was incredible that every day his senpai remembered people so far away from him and took time to write to them. Sawamura was a dedicated person, both to his passions and to his relationships, one more reason to admire the pitcher and, also, to envy these people.
That day, after they attended a meeting with the coach and the team dispersed, Okumura was sitting next to Eijun in a hallway of the dorm; since the pitcher was not pitching that day, they were just chatting quietly about the content of the meeting. At one point Sawamura took his cell phone out of his pocket, read something and began to write. Koushu had to remind himself that they were not talking about something important and he should not be bothered by the interruption, although he knew well that the annoyance came from somewhere else.
His senpai appreciated so much this people that the catcher did not even know, who meant so much to him that the distance was not a problem for their relationship. Okumura could not even remember if the pitcher had his contact, not that he needed it, spending much of the day together and living in the same place, but in his annoyance he began to think nonsensical things. He just wanted to be that appreciated for his senpai.
“Okumura.”
Without completely getting out of his thoughts he turned his head in the direction of the older, when the sound of a photo being taken rang out he had to blink a few times to process the fact that Sawamura was pointing his cell phone camera at him.
“What are you doing, senpai?”
“Taking a picture of you.”
“I noticed that, can I know why?”
“Oh!,” he answered and laughed as if he didn't expect the question; Koushu frowned a little, sometimes forgetting that the pitcher was stupid in certain aspects. “It's because of my friends at home, since I'm always talking to them about you now they're curious about how you look like. They don't believe you look like a wolf boy.”
He wasn't able to hear the last sentence properly, as just one word made the sound of his heart pound in his ears. Sawamura said something like “that’s a good one” after the camera noise sounded again. He could notice his senpai writing again, but only one thing was going through his mind.
Always.
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When he finally met the famous “Chris-senpai” and was able to find out more about why Eijun held him in such high regard, he didn’t know how to feel. Sawamura seemed so happy just to be able to talk to his senpai, he had never seen him smile as widely as he did to the older and, of course, the feeling was mutual, Takigawa Chris Yuu looked at the pitcher with total affection and pride.
In reality, more than not knowing his feelings, he didn’t want to acknowledge them. Again annoyance, of course, but also defeat. Okumura would never become for Eijun what his teacher represented, therefore he would never become the object of such adoration from the pitcher. He certainly had knowledge of baseball that his senpai didn’t have and could give it to him, but it wouldn’t be enough; that is to say, Chris saved Sawamura’s life —according to his words, whatever that means. He felt more inferior than ever.
If it were just the regular annoyance, there wouldn't be such a big problem, at least in the current context that his brain decided to meditate on those emotions: a practice match —he could direct his anger at the opposing team, if it were just that. Feeling inferior was the worst thing for those moments.
Luckily, they were playing against a relatively weak team —their offense was good but the defense had many holes and they could recover the runs they lost quickly—, so Koushu could stay firm despite the distractions in his mind. On the field were the members of the bench and Sawamura Eijun who, despite being limited to outside pitches by the coach's orders, led the team excellently.
Suddenly, the pitcher's cadence increased too much due to the pressure from the rival, affecting the rhythm of the defense and so they had their first error. It was then that Okumura called a time-out for the first time and approached the mound. Adding to the thoughts that kept running through his mind, he was now embarrassed that he hadn't noticed the change in pace until too late. He stopped his jog to the pitcher, raised his glove to cover his mouth and muttered to himself, "Maybe you really are inferior."
Just as he was about to look at his senpai, he felt the latter grab him by the arm and pull him forward. Holding his breath, only half a step away from him, he looked at Sawamura smiling calmly before saying:
"I can't hear you. You usually put yourself this far away, right?"
He was definitely closer than usual, but he wouldn't contradict Eijun being right in front of him and surrounding him with pure warmth. When he finally let the air out of his lungs —realizing that he could die and miss the great spectacle that was the pitcher's golden eyes— he was able to recognize an important fact: Koushu certainly often was close to Sawamura, like in those moments, but neither Chris nor any other senpai of his generation had that privilege.
The catcher was grateful to have his glove covering half of his face, thus hiding his smile of superiority along with the blush that came with having Eijun almost breathing on him.
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Unfortunately, there was still one person on the team who caused him to feel defeated, along with an incomparable annoyance. No matter what he did, Miyuki Kazuya was always above him. The best catcher of his generation and the most important player in the current Seidou. One of the people who most influenced Sawamura's growth and the reason the pitcher was in that school.
Koushu couldn't even begin to imagine how much Miyuki meant to Eijun. He even sometimes wondered if the catcher was the person his senpai appreciated the most. Just thinking about it made him tense. However, a part of him couldn't help but want to know.
That afternoon the captain would catch for Furuya, while Sawamura would throw a few balls just to get rid of the energy he still had, and accompanying him would be Okumura, as the younger one requested. The aforementioned battery was the only one in the covered area; Miyuki was finishing his own training on the field and Furuya was waiting for him; there were a few batters in the area, but they were too immersed in their swing to pay attention to the pair throwing the ball as a warm-up.
The second time Okumura received the ball he spoke: “Senpai, can I ask you a question?”
Eijun received the ball back with a clear expression of surprise that soon turned into a big smile, not expecting his kouhai to start a conversation in the middle of a warm-up but feeling happy about it.
“Of course! What is it, young Okumura?” he throws the ball.
“You know, the master you usually talk about…?” he throws the ball back.
“Chris-senpai?” he throws again.
“Yes, he…” unsure of how to ask the question he paused for a few moments before saying: “Is he a better player than the captain?” he asked as he threw. The pitcher made a sound in thought and soon spoke again.
“I don't know, I only made a battery with Chris-senpai once and it was while he was injured. Also, they both have different playing styles; it's hard to say. In attitude though, Chris-senpai is definitely nicer,” he concluded confidently and threw the ball back.
When Koushu caught the ball, he squeezed it lightly in his glove, and without being able to stop himself he blurted out a new question.
“And between the captain… and me?” He barely managed to throw the ball before looking away in embarrassment. He felt pathetic looking for some kind of approval like that and when he heard the laughter coming from his senpai, he could feel the heat rising to his face.
“HAHAHA I can't compare you to anyone, Okumura! It would be too unfair to the other person.”
He exclaimed, accompanied by a smile and a great confidence that only ignited the catcher's confusion. Frowning and with his heart racing he was unable to react to the baseball that was heading straight for him. He didn't know if it hit his face or chest, he only felt an impact that gave him the excuse to crouch down on his stomach and eventually sit on the ground.
“Young Okumura!”
“Did you just hit a kouhai? Well done, Bakamura,” a new voice accompanied by laughter.
“Miyuki Kazuya! Stop mocking and act like a captain. Okumura!”
“Isn’t he dead?,” another voice that was probably right.
Koushu needed a long moment without looking at Eijun and just going over his words. He felt more and more confused and that annoyed him.
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Days passed with Koushu recalling and trying to give meaning to his senpai's words and actions. It's not that he was behaving any differently than he usually does, but there were times when his own body and mind felt overwhelmed to the pitcher's actions. Thus, a doubt arose within him: was there a possibility that Okumura was someone special to Eijun? That the catcher was like those people who annoyed him so much and made him jealous?
Okumura Koushu was not the type who kept his questions to himself. As soon as he had the chance, he took Sawamura to one of the vending machines in the dormitory —at a time when the rest of the team was busy with their own business— and decided to question him.
“Do you need to talk about something, Okumura? Or did you just want this senpai to buy you a drink?,” the pitcher questioned as he took a couple of cans out of the machine, handed one to his kouhai and sat down next to him on the bench right in front of the machine. Koushu thanked him briefly and spoke.
“I have to ask you something, senpai,” at this, Eijun watched him with full attention encouraging him to continue, but this had the opposite effect and Okumura felt the need to look away and stray from the topic as much as possible. “To put it into context, I must say, Sawamura-senpai, that you are a person with great social skills, you get along well with many people, which is admirable and, also, totally irritating.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't that a compliment?!,” exclaimed the pitcher who smiled pleased with the younger's words until the last part. Koushu looked directly at him with complete seriousness.
“I'm just saying what I think. It's a great quality, but I think you overexploit it. You have too many people you give your attention to; it's like each one of them is special and can have something of you that the rest don't. It's annoying," he concluded with a frown and looking at the ground.
Eijun listened and when he finished processing the catcher's words he smiled slightly, tilted his head looking for the younger's gaze and spoke, suppressing a mocking tone: "Does it annoy you?"
"It annoys me," the other answered immediately. Sawamura took a sip of his drink, still with a happy expression, and continued.
"And the question was...?"
Okumura pressed his mouth shut and felt the heat rise to his face, embarrassed both by the words he had just said —which sounded too much like a tantrum— and by the words he would say next. Before losing his courage, almost hastily, he asked:
"Am I someone special to you?"
As in every conversation he had with the pitcher, laughter appeared, and again he didn't know what to interpret from it. Koushu looked at him, trying to hide his anxious expression behind his hair, but wanting to observe his senpai in detail: laughing heartily, although less scandalously than usual, with rosy cheeks and bright eyes. Okumura would have been stunned if he wasn't impatiently waiting for an answer. After a few seconds, Sawamura looked at him directly, still smiling and with a blush on his face.
“I see that you have thought about this seriously, so I will be very honest and clear, okay?,” the younger nodded. Eijun closed his eyes for a moment and put his drink aside while letting out a short “mmm” to begin talking. “More than being special…,” he speak as his hand went to the back of the catcher's hand that was resting on the bench, the latter couldn't help but jump a little as a result of the flare of emotions inside him, even so the older didn't stop, “in this sense,” a squeeze on Koushu's hand that made his whole body tingle, he held his breath not feeling ready for the next words, “you are the only one.”
Definitely he wasn't prepared for that. His pulse increased like never before, at a rate that scared him, he felt his whole body hot and, especially, his hand seemed to be on fire; the world around him stopped impossibly, all he could see was the happy and sincere face of his senpai; in addition to his own face fighting the impulse to smile widely.
Sawamura came closer, bumping their arms, and made a questioning sound, wanting to find out if what had been said had been made clear. Okumura was unable to respond and took advantage of the pitcher's proximity to rest his head on his shoulder and hide his expression, along with his blush and the thousand emotions he was sure he was showing. Eijun laughed again and Koushu felt a hand caressing his hair.
“HAHAHA today, again, you look more like a husky than a wolf, Okumura!”
“…Shut up, senpai.”
Of course, the pitcher continued laughing and also caressing his kouhai's head. The catcher allowed himself to sink into the sound and the contact while he processed what had just happened. As he could expect from the senpai he admired and loved so much, he had the exact words to make him feel better than ever in his life; how annoying.
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