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The snow-covered peaks of the Asian mountains towered around the Batfamily as they gathered in front of the massive stone tablet blocking the ancient temple entrance. Their breaths fogged in the freezing air, frustration building as the group argued over what to do.
“We could blow it up,” Jason suggested, hefting a grenade from his belt.
“That would collapse the entire structure,” Barbara said over comms from the warmth of the Batcave. “Try again, genius.”
Jason muttered something about tech ruining all the fun as Tim stepped closer, calculating angles on his holographic display. “If we rig up a pulley system with the supplies we have, we might be able to—”
“That’ll take forever,” Duke muttered, hopping from foot to foot. “Can we do something fast? My toes are freezing.”
“What if I punched it?” Cassandra asked.
Tim blinked. “That… That wouldn't work.”
“It won’t,” Bruce agreed before Cass could wind up.
“Well, this is a bust,” Jason groaned. “Might as well throw the grenade anyway and see what happens.”
“I’ve got a battering ram in the jet,” Dick suggested, squinting at the slab. “But we’d need to haul it all the way up here, and—”
“I’m still voting for teamwork,” Stephanie said brightly, clapping her gloved hands. “Everyone pushes together. Yay, family bonding!”
“You’re delusional,” Jason deadpanned. “We could blow it up,” he suggested yet again, hefting a grenade from his belt.
“No!” Barbara cut in sharply over comms. “You blow that up, and the whole temple collapses. Do you want to explain that to Bruce? Oh, wait—he’s right there.”
Jason shot Bruce an annoyed glare. “I wasn’t being serious. Mostly.”
While the group argued, Damian stood apart, arms crossed, wearing the tiniest smirk. Finally, he sighed, loud enough to draw everyone’s attention.
“You’re all wasting time,” he said with exasperation.
Jason rolled his eyes. “Oh, let me guess. You’ve got a better idea, demon brat?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” Damian said smoothly. “I’ll call my dragon.”
The silence that followed was instant and deafening, broken only by the wind whistling over the peaks.
“You’ll call your what?” Tim asked, his voice sharp with disbelief.
“My dragon,” Damian repeated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Wiggles has been tracking us since we entered these mountains.”
“You’ll call what?” Tim asked, narrowing his eyes as if he hadn’t heard right.
“Hold on.” Dick held up a hand, channeling full exasperated eldest-brother energy. “Who the heck is Wiggles? And since when do you have a dragon?”
“Is this about Goliath?” Duke asked. “Because Goliath’s cool, but he’s not lifting that thing.”
“Goliath is a Dragon-Bat,” Damian snapped, “and fully capable of moving that stone if I asked him. But I wasn’t referring to him. I was referring to Wiggles.”
Jason burst out laughing so hard he had to lean on Steph for support. “Wiggles?! OK, fine, let's pretend you actually have a dragon for a second. You named it Wiggles?! What’s next, a T-Rex named Snuggles?”
“Is anyone else hearing this?” Barbara’s voice came over comms, incredulous. “What’s going on? Who’s Wiggles?”
Jason wheezed into the comm. “Oh, you’re gonna love this, Babs. The demon spawn apparently has a dragon named Wiggles who’s been stalking us in the mountains. And now he’s gonna summon it. Because, of course, that’s a thing now.”
Damian smirked. “Tt. You doubt me? Fine.”
Before anyone could protest, Damian reached into his coat, pulled out a small, silver whistle, and blew. The sound was faint, more vibration than noise, and the Batfamily exchanged uneasy glances.
“I swear to god, if he gets to explode something—” Jason started, but then the sky rumbled.
It wasn’t thunder. It was a sound of something massive, something primal, shaking the heavens themselves. Shadows blotted out the sun as a shape appeared, growing larger and larger until it descended with a mighty gust of wind that nearly knocked everyone off their feet.
A massive, snake-like dragon emerged, its scales shimmering like molten blood and fire. Red and orange scales rippled with every movement, and its long, slender body twisted and coiled as it descended, impossibly graceful despite having no wings. Its horns curled back like a ram’s, and long, delicate whiskers trailed from its snout, fluttering in the wind. It looked like she’d been plucked straight from an ancient myth.
The dragon landed with a soft thud that somehow shook the ground, her glowing yellow-orange eyes surveying them with a regal calmness.
For a moment, there was absolute silence.
Then Jason absolutely lost it.
“WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS THAT?!” he yelled, stumbling back and flailing his arms like Wiggles might suddenly eat him. “That is not a thing! That is not a thing that exists! WHAT DID YOU DO, DEMON BRAT? DID YOU SUMMON SATAN?!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Todd,” Damian said, rolling his eyes as Wiggles coiled her massive body protectively around him like he was some kind of emperor.
Jason pointed a shaking finger at the dragon. “THAT. IS. SATAN. Look at her! All glowing and giant and dragon-y! What even is her—why does she have whiskers?! WHY IS SHE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!”
“Wiggles is simply curious,” Damian said, patting the dragon’s snout like he was introducing a housecat.
Jason sputtered. “YOU NAMED SATAN WIGGLES?” He clutched at his chest like he was having a heart attack. “This is it. This is how I die. Not from a bullet or an explosion—oh no. I’m gonna die from the sheer stupidity of this entire family.”
“Jason, calm down,” Dick said, though he himself looked like he was halfway between panic and awe.
“Calm down? CALM DOWN?! Look at it!” Jason shouted, gesturing dramatically to Wiggles. “She’s a freaking mythological creature! She’s like Smaug if Smaug was on fire and also a noodle!”
“That is... actually kind of accurate,” Duke muttered, eyeing Wiggles nervously.
“Thank you!” Jason yelled, throwing his hands in the air. “Finally, someone else is seeing how insane this is!”
Barbara’s voice came over the comms, sounding confused. “Uh... what’s happening? Why is everyone shouting?”
“Oh, I’ll tell you what’s happening, Babs!” Jason said, pressing his comm with a theatrical flourish. “Damian Wayne just summoned a dragon. Yes, a dragon. And not just any dragon—no, this thing looks like Satan’s scaly cousin, and it has no wings, but it still flies, and it has whiskers. Freaking whiskers, Babs! And Damian—get this—he named it Wiggles.”
There was a long silence on the other end.
“...What?” Barbara finally said, her voice flat.
“Exactly!” Jason yelled, spinning in a circle like he couldn’t believe he had to explain this. “And now it’s just sitting there, looking at us like it’s deciding who to eat first, while Demon Spawn is acting like this is normal!”
Wiggles let out a low, rumbling purr, her massive head tilting as if she were amused.
Jason staggered back again, pointing at her. “Oh no. Nope. Nope. Did you hear that? Did you hear her? SHE PURRS. SHE’S PURRING LIKE A FREAKING KITTEN. I’M OUT. I’M DONE. YOU CAN ALL DIE HERE, I’M GOING BACK TO GOTHAM.”
“Stop being dramatic, Todd,” Damian said with a smirk, stroking Wiggles’ snout like he wasn’t standing next to an actual dragon.
“STOP BEING DRAMATIC?! YOU SUMMONED A FIRE NOODLE FROM HELL, AND I’M THE DRAMATIC ONE?!”
Dick sighed, clapping Jason on the shoulder. “Jay, you’re going to be fine. Wiggles isn’t going to eat you.”
Jason looked at him like he was insane. “Oh, sure, Grayson. She’s not gonna eat you—you’re all nice and shiny and probably taste like optimism and sunshine. But me? I’m full of spite and bad decisions—she’s gonna think I’m spicy!”
Tim blinked rapidly. “Okay. Okay. Nope. My brain is rejecting this. This is—this isn’t real. Dragons aren’t real.”
“Clearly, they are,” Damian said smugly, standing casually as Wiggles coiled her enormous body beside him.
Tim pointed at Wiggles with both hands, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. “No. No, this is not how dragons work. She has no wings, Damian. No wings. How is she flying?! Physics doesn’t work like that! Did you break physics? Did you—did you tame a mythical creature?!”
“Of course I did,” Damian said, stroking Wiggles’ snout like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course you did. Why wouldn’t you? Why wouldn’t Damian Wayne just casually have a dragon as a backup plan? I mean, I thought we’d hit peak insanity with the Lazarus Pit, but no. No, you’ve topped it.”
“You’re welcome,” Damian said, smirking.
Tim threw up his hands. “No. I refuse to accept this. This is too much. You don’t just drop a dragon on us with no warning, Damian! Where did she even come from? How long have you had her? How did you even—”
“I don’t see how any of this is relevant, Drake,” Damian interrupted, climbing onto Wiggles’ back with the grace of someone mounting a horse.
“Relevant? Relevant?! Damian, this is a dragon! Do you realize what this means?!” Tim gestured wildly at Wiggles, his voice climbing in pitch. “Dragons are real, and you’ve just been casually hiding one from us?! How is this not relevant?!”
Wiggles tilted her massive head to look directly at Tim, and he froze again, swallowing hard. “Okay, um. Is she—she’s looking at me. Why is she looking at me? Am I supposed to bow or something? Oh God, I’m probably supposed to bow. I didn’t bow. Did I just offend a dragon? Damian, tell her I didn’t mean to offend her!”
Cass stepped closer, her hand outstretched slightly, but Bruce grabbed her arm, his voice sharp. “Cassandra. No.”
“She’s beautiful,” Cass whispered, ignoring him.
“Oh. My. God,” Steph whispered, her voice trembling.
“Yup,” Duke muttered, staring up at the dragon in open-mouthed awe. “That’s a dragon. A real dragon.”
Tim turned around as if to leave. “Nope. Nope. This is officially too much. I’m done. I’m quitting the family.”
“Take me with you,” Steph muttered.
Jason scoffed. “You’ve been saying that for years.”
“This time, I mean it,” Tim shot back.
“Let me know how that works out for you,” Jason said, shaking his head.
“Can we focus?” Bruce cut in, his voice sharp.
“Oh, sure, now you want us to focus,” Jason muttered, gesturing wildly at Wiggles. “Not on the fact that your kid summoned an actual dragon!”
“Holy shit,” Duke muttered, his eyes huge.
“Language,” Bruce said automatically, though his voice lacked any conviction.
Jason was shouting, of course. Tim was hyperventilating. Everyone was freaking out.
But Dick? Dick took a deep breath and rubbed his temples. This was fine.
“I am so tired,” he muttered under his breath. “So, so tired. Damian, I swear to God if you don’t stop pulling random magical creatures out of thin air—”
Damian, perched on Wiggles’ back like it was the most normal thing in the world, simply glanced down at him. “It’s not magic. It’s a trained creature. And she’s here to help. If you’d stop complaining for one second—”
“I’m not complaining, I’m—” Dick’s voice broke slightly, a mixture of disbelief and exasperation creeping in. “I’m trying to process the fact that you—you—have a dragon.” He threw up a hand, gesturing wildly at Wiggles. “No wings. Whiskers. She’s the size of a small mountain and you’re just casually riding her like this is normal?!”
Jason’s voice cut in from the side. “Dick, you’re taking this way too calmly. Look at it! Look at it!”
“I’m taking it calmly because I’m too tired to do anything else!” Dick yelled. “This is the fourth random disaster this week. First, there was the earthquake in the city, then the Joker decided to go on a joyride, and now this—a wingless dragon named Wiggles—” He paused, looking up at Damian with the kind of tired mom expression only someone who had raised a handful of insane younger siblings could wear. “Damian, I love you. I really do. But if you ever do something like this again, I’m grounding you. You get that, right?”
Damian just smirked. “Grounding me? What exactly would that entail, Grayson?”
“Less dragon-riding and more normal behavior!” Dick snapped, before his voice softened a little, defeated. “And maybe less world-ending threats.”
Jason was still freaking out. “What do you mean normal behavior?!”
“Exactly!” Dick said, throwing his arms up in the air. “I’m talking about normal! Like, I don’t know, not showing up with mythical, wingless fire-breathing dragons in the middle of a mission. What happened to the good ol’ days where we just fought a few thugs and called it a night? Where—where did we go wrong?”
Barbara's voice came over the comms, and despite the tension in the air, there was a slight edge of amusement. “Dick, I’m sure you’re having a wonderful moment of existential crisis, but we still have a mission to complete.”
“Okay, but real question,” Stephanie said, pointing at Damian. “Where do you even get a dragon? Is there a catalog I missed?”
“Yeah, Damian,” Duke chimed in. “Can I get one?”
“No,” Damian said simply.
Bruce’s lips tightened. “I need a drink. A strong drink.”
“Probably for the best,” Dick muttered under his breath, but it was clear he wasn’t really disagreeing.
Bruce’s mind raced, trying to make sense of everything. His youngest son—Damian—had managed to bond with an ancient, mythical creature, and it was now helping them with their missions. If he didn’t know Damian better, Bruce might’ve considered this some kind of elaborate joke. But no, this was Damian. He wasn’t joking. This was just... normal for him.
“Alright,” Bruce said, his voice now clipped with that unmistakable determination. “We have a mission to complete. Damian, you and Wiggles are going to help us move whatever this is.” He glanced at the large, heavy object they were trying to shift and then back at the dragon. “But after this... no more dragons.”
“Understood,” Damian said with a smirk, as he leapt onto Wiggles’ back once more. “But only if you’re willing to let me train her properly.”
Bruce just stared after him, still wondering exactly what kind of life choices had led to this moment.
Dick sidled up to Bruce, his expression caught somewhere between awe and resignation. “So…dragons. That’s a thing now?”
Bruce didn’t even look at him. “I’m too tired to care.”
Meanwhile, Damian was stroking Wiggles’ nose, murmuring praise in what sounded suspiciously like Old Arabic. She crooned in response, her massive tail wagging slightly.
“I love her,” Damian declared, turning back to the group with a smirk. “And she loves me.”
Jason looked at Wiggles, then at Damian, and finally at Bruce. “Okay, but how is he your kid?”
Bruce sighed. “I ask myself that every day.”