On Love's Light Wings

by rein_shadow

Summary:

Wylan Van Eck has spent his entire life having his place as an omega beaten into him. His father made sure he knew his role was to stay quiet, obedient, submissive, made sure he knew that his only worth came from what an alpha could take from him. So when his father decides to sell him off into a marriage for his own political benefit, Wylan knows better than to hope his new husband will be any different.
Jesper Fahey doesn’t even know how Kaz Brekker managed to talk him into marrying some merchling brat as part of one of his schemes. But when he first lays eyes on his new mate, he realizes maybe he doesn’t mind it as much as he previously thought. If only the omega didn’t seem so terrified of him.

Notes:

I firmly think the world needs more wester omegaverses so here we are. I've written original works but this is my first fanfic. I was scared of making the characters too OOC, so... sorry if that's the case. Also, I've only ever shown my writing to like two people, so this is also my first time posting for a wider audience; feedback is welcome!
This is inspired by some of the other omegaverses on here, but I'm putting my own spin on it, so hopefully it will still feel different enough.
Ideally, I'd like to update weekly, but not sure if that will actually be the case. I have the first few chapters written out but after that it's gonna get dicey. Also, I have a vague idea of where this story is gonna go, but if you have any ideas/suggestions, leave them below! I can't promise I'll incorporate them, but you never know.
Mind the tags, I'm not your mother.

Chapter 1

“Remind me why we’re doing this again, Kaz,” Jesper grumbled, staring out the window of the coach as it rolled toward the Geldin district. 

“Because it’s customary for merchants before a wedding,” Kaz said dryly, the leather of his gloves creaking as he flexed his hands over the head of the cane laid across his lap. 

“But who cares if the kid is a virgin? Isn’t that a little old fashioned?” Jesper argued. “And why do we have to be there for this?” 

“Because Van Eck doesn’t want to risk us backing out of this in case you claim the omega isn’t… up to standard.” 

“Standard? I couldn’t care less if-” 

“Then let’s just get this over with quickly,” Kaz said as the coach rolled to a stop. Scowling, Jesper followed him out and into the grand mansion sprawled before them. 

 

*******

 

Wylan Van Eck spent his eighteenth birthday holed up in his room, dreading what was to come later that day and, even more so, the day after. He’d tried to distract himself from thinking about it by drawing or playing his flute (after all, this might’ve been the last time he was allowed to do so), but gave up when his hands began shaking too much to keep a steady rhythm or draw a straight line. So he took up pacing instead, tugging at his sleeves or running his fingers through his hair anxiously. It was either that or biting his nails, and he knew which he’d be in less trouble for. 

He only stopped when he heard footsteps outside his room. Wylan forced himself into a chair, clutching his hands together to hide their trembling. The door burst open with force and Wylan cast his gaze down, hunching in on himself as his father’s scent filled the room. 

“Are you ready, omega?” Van Eck demanded. 

“Yes, Alpha,” Wylan replied softly. 

“Hmm.” He could feel his father’s scrutinizing gaze rake over every inch of him and had to fight not to cringe away. “Couldn’t even be bothered to brush your hair, could you?” Van Eck scoffed. 

Wylan blanched. “I-I’m sorry-” 

“Be quiet,” Van Eck hissed, tugging harshly on his curls, as if that would make them stay in their place. Wylan winced at the jolts of pain that streaked across his scalp. “We don’t have time for this. Do not embarrass me any further, omega.” 

“Yes, Alpha.” 

Wylan bit his tongue as his father grasped his arm in a vice-like grip and marched him into the sitting room attached to his bedroom. Another alpha, the medic, was already waiting there. The corners of his mouth quirked up as his gaze slid up and down Wylan’s body in a way that made shivers run down his spine. It took everything in Wylan to focus on keeping his breathing steady and his gaze downcast as more footsteps sounded from the hall. Two new, powerful scents filled the room. He could make out the obvious notes of leather, metal, and gunpowder but with his mind racing the way it was, he could hardly slow it down enough to pick out any of the subtler notes as the shoes of the new alphas filled his view. His father’s hand moved to squeeze his shoulder. The move might have looked like a father’s loving gesture to an outsider, but Wylan knew it for what it was: a warning, not to try anything, not to mess this up. 

“Mr. Brekker, Mr. Fahey,” his father greeted the newcomers. 

“Van Eck,” an unfamiliar raspy voice replied. Brekker, Wylan decided, since he was the head of the pack. 

“Shall we get on with it, then?” 

“Yes, let’s,” Brekker replied. 

“Go with the medic, omega,” Van Eck ordered. 

Wylan only gave a small nod, allowing the medic to lead him back into the bedroom with a hand on his back. 

Once the doors were closed behind them, the medic set aside his briefcase and said, “Strip, omega.” Hands shaking, Wylan pulled his pants off, setting them aside carefully, and hesitated. The alpha’s face twisted with annoyance as he watched. “Are you really that stupid? Underwear, too, and lay on the edge of the bed.” 

Biting his lip, Wylan did as he was told, heat rising to his face in humiliation as he lay back and spread his legs. 

Just get it over with. It’ll be quick. It’s no worse than anything else that’s been done to you , Wylan told himself. 

He clutched the sheets beneath himself and gritted his teeth as the medic touched and probed his most intimate place. He’d thought the man was just about done when his fingers disappeared, only to be replaced with something cold and hard, which was followed by several clicks. Wylan cried out at the pain of the sudden stretch, a cold sweat breaking out on his brow. 

“Be quiet, omega,” the medic hissed, slapping his trembling thigh. “You think it won’t hurt when your alpha mounts you on his cock? You're going to cause a scene then, too?” 

Wylan whimpered, his vision blurring with tears of pain and humiliation. He bit his lip hard enough to taste blood, willing this to just be over. 

It was several more minutes (though Wylan didn’t know why it could possibly take that long) before he was allowed to get up and get dressed, the medic watching him the entire time. Wylan had to blink rapidly several times to clear his vision, his scent sour with distress, as he was led back into the seating room. As he approached, his father’s hand made its way back to his shoulder, keeping him in place beside the alpha. 

“The omega is a virgin,” the medic announced, making Wylan’s cheeks flare pink again. “Small hips so labor will be hard, but I’m certain he could bear you at least a dozen pups, if you don’t wait too long between pregnancies.” 

Wylan’s breath turned shallow, the reality of his new life dawning on him. Would this truly be all it was? Being impregnated without any say in the matter, over and over again, to bear his alpha as many pups as he demanded? Being locked up to labor alone, and praying he didn’t bleed out? Hoping the babies would all be alphas to spare himself a beating and his children the same fate? 

“Now, if that’s everything,” Van Eck’s voice drew him from his panicked thoughts, “My valet can show you out.” 

“Wait,” said another voice, a new voice. A smooth baritone. “Can I talk to Wylan? Alone?” 

Wylan’s breath caught. 

“Is something not to your satisfaction, Mr. Fahey?” 

“Well, no-” 

“Then you can speak to him all you like after the ceremony tomorrow. It would hardly be appropriate for you to be alone before you’re mated.” 

“But-” 

“Let’s go, Jesper,” Brekker rasped. 

“Fine. See you tomorrow, Wylan.” 

Wylan thought he smelled a flicker of frustration in the air as the two alphas walked out. Wylan dared to flick his gaze up for a brief moment to watch them go. He froze as his eyes met Jesper’s steel-grey ones as he looked back. Jesper’s eyes widened momentarily and he flashed Wylan a small smile, before disappearing behind the door. 

Wylan waited, holding his breath, his head spinning with the events of the evening, as his father dismissed the medic. The modicum of warmth that Jesper’s smile had sent coursing through him was quickly knocked away as his father backhanded him. Wylan staggered backwards, clutching at his cheek in shock. 

“What the hell were you thinking, screaming like a whore in there? Were you trying to embarass me?” Van Eck roared, grabbing Wylan’s curls and dragging him into the bedroom. 

“No! No, Alpha, I’m sorry!” Wylan cried out. 

“You need to learn to be quiet, omega,” Van Eck seethed. “Take it off.” 

“Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Don’t make me angrier, omega,” Van Eck said, pulling his belt through its loops. 

Wylan’s eyes widened, his hands moving protectively in front of him. “Please, father-” 

“What did you just say?” 

“Alpha! Please, Alpha! I’m sorry-” 

“Now, omega.” 

“He will see tomorrow-” Wylan tried desperately. 

“Good, then he’ll know exactly what kind of discipline you need.” 

Trembling, Wylan pulled everything off of his lower body. Van Eck, not one to wait, wrapped his tie around Wylan’s wrists and dragged him to the bed, practically throwing him onto his stomach before he tied off the tie to the headboard. From his chest pocket, he produced an embroidered handkerchief, which he swiftly shoved into Wylan’s mouth before yanking his shirt up over his back. 

Wylan arched up at the first stroke of the belt against his backside, before burying his head into a pillow. He wouldn’t give his father the satisfaction of begging for mercy. He wouldn’t, he wouldn’t… 

By the time Van Eck was panting from exertion, Wylan was pretty sure he’d screamed himself hoarse. His entire backside, from his back to his thighs, felt like it was on fire. Tears soaked the pillow and left streaks across his face, his eyes red and swollen. 

Van Eck tugged on his hair to force his gaze upward. “You thought your wedding night would be bad before? Try it now, you stupid omega. Maybe now you’ll finally learn to keep your mouth shut.” 

With that, he stomped out, leaving Wylan to spend the rest of his birthday cold, alone, hurting, terrified, and unable to move. Not for the first time, Wylan cried himself into a restless sleep.

Chapter 2

Wylan was shaken awake by the servants sent to get him ready. It wasn’t the first time they’d seen him in such a state, but his face still burnt with embarrassment at being so exposed. The servants didn’t say much; whether it was because they were so well-trained by Van Eck or because they were used to it by now, Wylan wasn’t sure. He was too tired from lack of proper sleep to protest when they dragged him into the washroom and began scrubbing him down. The harsh cloths they used rubbed against his still raw skin harshly but his yelps of pain didn’t deter them, nor stop them from tugging at his hair as they washed it. Somehow, everything was hurting more by the time Wylan was finally pulled from the washroom and wrapped in a bathrobe, his collar snapped back onto his neck. A bowl of oatmeal was thrust into his hands. 

“Your alpha bids you eat this. He suggests you finish it, as there won’t be time to eat again prior to the reception tonight,” the older governess, Mrs. Van der Waal, said, giving him a pointed look. 

Wylan nodded numbly, forcing the bland oatmeal down, even though with his stomach turning in knots as it was, eating was the last thing he wanted to do. But he forced himself to eat it all anyway, not wanting to give his father another reason to punish him. No sooner had he swallowed the last mouthful that the bowl was snatched away from him and he was sat down before a vanity mirror. The servants applied various creams and powders to his face, while others pulled at his hair, trying to tame it with some kind of gel. 

“Did you really have to go about making your eyes so red and swollen, boy? You’re not making this any easier,” chided Mrs. Van der Waal. 

Wylan kept silent, knowing a response from him would be neither necessary nor appreciated. So he stayed quiet as they tried to cover up the redness and the dark circles under his eyes, tried to add some color and fullness to his hollow cheeks, tried to wrangle his hair into staying flat against his scalp. He stayed quiet, too, when they gave up and began stuffing him into his outfit for the wedding, stayed quiet as he was forced into humiliating, lacy underwear that covered practically nothing. He stayed quiet until the corset was tightened around him, cutting off his breath and rubbing harshly against the still-raw skin of his back. 

“Please, can’t you make it a little looser?” Wylan pleaded. 

“Now, now, you want your new alpha to be pleased with you, right, little omega?” Mrs. Van der Waal admonished. “In fact, let’s make it a bit tighter.” 

Wylan whimpered with what little air was left in his lungs as the cursed thing was pulled tighter, but was promptly ignored. He didn’t say another word as he was stuffed into the ridiculous snow-white tulle suit, not a single drop of color in it, as if showcasing his virginity was the most important thing in the world. It was constricting and uncomfortable and the fabric itched against his skin, but Wylan said nothing. There was no point. 

After what felt like hours, he was finally deemed ready and was marched down to the foyer to await the carriage that was to take him to the Church of Ghezen. His father was waiting by the front entrance, and only gave him a cold glance over before gesturing for him to get into the carriage. Wylan did so silently, shrinking in on himself as his father sat across from him. The carriage began moving and all was silent for several minutes, before the alpha broke the silence. 

“Do not fight the bedding tonight, omega. And do not act like a whore. You are there for his pleasure and to breed his pups, nothing more. Understand?” Wylan nodded, all the color draining from his face as his heart hammered against his rib cage. “Do not come crawling back to me if you mess this up. From the moment you get that mating bite, you belong to Jesper Fahey and by extension Kaz Brekker. You mess this up, I don’t care if they beat you to death. You’re no longer my problem. Do you understand, omega?” 

Wylan nodded again, blinking furiously to keep the tears from spilling and messing up his carefully-constructed makeup. A little, tiny  part of him had hoped that maybe his father would say that he would miss him at least. Hearing that his father did not care in the least what would become of him shattered that hope. Van Eck regarded him for a moment, before nodding once and pulling Wylan’s veil over his face. The rest of the ride was spent in silence. 

Wylan felt like he was floating outside of himself, watching from the side as he walked out of the carriage and into the church, as he waited at the large oak doors for the music to cue his entrance, as he was led down the aisle by his father. He dared sneak a glance at Jesper standing at the head of the aisle, adorned in a dark maroon suit. Briefly, he wondered if the sheets would be stained the same color with his blood tonight. He noticed Kaz Brekker, too, standing by Jesper’s side, looking impatient and none too pleased. 

His heart thudded in his chest, blood rushing in his ears as he was pushed to his knees to kneel before the priest. He vaguely heard Jesper say his vow but he couldn’t focus enough to make out a single word of it. Wylan barely heard his own vow, repeating numbly after the priest, promising to submit and obey his alpha. He didn’t even realize that part of the ceremony was over until a hand was offered to him. He took it dazedly, surprised to find it warm. And big, but that was hardly a surprise; omegas were naturally small. Jesper pulled him to his feet to face him. Slowly, he lifted the veil, flipping it over Wylan’s head. As Jesper worked on the buckle of his collar, Wylan’s lowered gaze drifted to his lips. He noted how full they were. 

Once the collar was removed, Jesper stepped closer to him. One hand moved to cup his cheek, the other moving to his back. Wylan stiffened, expecting the pressure to hurt, but Jesper’s hand simply rested on his back, not pulling him any closer. 

“Ready?” Jesper’s smooth baritone murmured close to his ear. 

“Yes, Alpha,” Wylan whispered back in reply. 

There was a brief moment of pause before Jesper brought his mouth against Wylan’s neck, and Wylan instinctively leaned his head right into Jesper’s hand. A moment later a sharp pain erupted at Wylan’s scent gland as Jesper bit down. Wylan inhaled sharply, a rush of foreign emotions coursing through him, the sudden intensity of the bond sending a rush to his head. Jesper’s grip on him tightened momentarily as he licked the wound closed, which Wylan was grateful for, as his legs suddenly felt unstable beneath him. Jesper’s breath ghosted across his neck as he pulled back. His hands left Wylan momentarily, the spots he’d been touching suddenly cold. He brought forward a new collar, a deep blue, and buckled it carefully around Wylan’s neck. At least this one was soft, lined with some kind of wool or fur, Wylan thought dispassionately. And it had been left loose. 

Jesper’s hands slid from his neck, one hand moving to cup his face again, the other coming to rest on his waist. He felt the alpha’s gaze slide over him, before he leaned close again. Wylan barely closed his eyes in time before Jesper’s lips brushed against his. They only lingered for a few moments, soft and plush. The kiss itself was gentle, a barely-there caress, not taking or demanding. It was a better first kiss than Wylan had let himself hope for. 

Then Jesper pulled away, marking the end of the ceremony. Wylan officially belonged to him. Polite applause filled the church as Wylan looked out at the crowd numbly, his fate sealed. Jesper’s hand moved to his mid-back as he began walking down the aisle, guiding Wylan along to the church entrance. Outside, a carriage waited to take them to the reception hall. Jesper climbed in first, before holding out a hand to help Wylan up. Wylan took it gingerly, following him in and taking a careful seat across. He could feel Jesper’s gaze on him as the carriage began moving, but kept his own gaze on his lap, as he’d been trained to do in the presence of an alpha. 

“Are you alright?” Jesper finally broke the tense silence. 

“Yes, Alpha,” Wylan replied automatically. 

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Jesper said. Wylan clasped his hands together tightly, trying not to squirm in confusion. He had no idea what Jesper was talking about. Had he done something wrong already? His heart pounded faster. Jesper shifted in his seat and, after several seconds, began talking again. “I hope this doesn’t take too long. Kaz said we don’t have to stay for the whole thing, but at least a couple of hours, to keep up appearances, or whatever. Not that Kaz has ever really cared about appearances, but I s’pose your father and all the merchants would consider it rude if we didn’t show up at all.” 

I’m sure my father would be more than happy if I disappeared as soon as possible and he never saw me again. He’d probably thank you , Wylan thought bitterly. But he kept silent, only nodding along. 

Jesper huffed a breath. “You’re a quiet one, huh?” Wylan shrugged, unsure what the alpha wanted from him. He was meant to be seen and not heard, like a good omega. “Look, you don’t know this about me yet, but silences aren’t really my favorite thing. So this will be a lot easier if you could just… say something?” 

“What would you like me to say, Alpha?” Wylan asked in confusion. 

“Well, for a start, maybe you could drop the… formalities? I know it’s those merchant manners you were raised with, but you really don’t have to keep doing that.” 

“Formalities, Alpha?” Wylan frowned. 

Jesper shook his head. “Look, just… nevermind. Let’s just get this over with,” he said as the carriage rolled to a halt. 

He jumped out of the carriage and held out a hand for a perplexed Wylan to climb down. Wylan followed him into the large venue, his mind turning the alpha’s words over and over again as he tried to figure out what the bizarre interaction was all about. 

 

The first part of the reception mostly involved them greeting guests coming to offer their congratulations. Which meant that Wylan’s job was to stand beside Jesper and be quiet, aside from a murmured “thank you” here and there. None of the alphas really addressed him directly, anyway. The only one who had spoken to him directly was Alys, his stepmother, an omega only a few years older than him. 

She came over to congratulate them on their mating, rubbing a hand over her pregnant, swollen abdomen. His father’s new heir. 

Alys pulled Wylan into a hug, before whispering in his ear, “Don’t fight it when he claims you tonight, Wylan. It will be easier that way.” 

When she had pulled back, Wylan could see the fear in her eyes. Fear for him . It sent a shiver down his spine. He smiled weakly at her, knowing this was likely the last time he’d see her, and nodded. She returned her own weak smile, before wobbling back to where his father was waiting for her, watching them carefully. Subconsciously, Wylan moved closer to Jesper. But the spark of panic that had returned with Alys’s words only grew, made worse by the comments of the alphas who had already helped themselves to the flutes of champagne carried around by the servers. 

“You’re lucky,” said one alpha, whom Wylan had recognized as one of his father’s business associates, to Jesper. “Van Eck never let me try him out. But I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Bet he’s tight.” 

“Excuse me?” Jesper snapped, his arm looping around Wylan’s waist and pulling him closer. His anger radiated through the bond, making Wylan hunch in on himself. He wondered if the anger was directed at him for drawing too much attention to himself. Even if it wasn’t, Wylan knew that anger would be taken out on him later. The other alpha, clearly smelling his fury, quickly excused himself. But he wasn’t the only one. 

“Bet this one will scream. That’s how you know he’s getting it good.” 

“He’ll be fun to break in, eh?” 

“Better get him knocked up quickly, before he gets any ideas about running away.” 

“If you ever get tired of him, I wouldn’t mind taking him off your hands.” 

“Too bad he won’t be so pretty anymore after a couple punishments.” 

“Might want to tie him down tonight. And keep him that way. Ha!” 

With each comment, Wylan shrunk in on himself more and more, wanting to disappear off the face of the earth as the alphas leered at him, trailing their lustful gazes up and down his body until he started trembling. Jesper’s hold on him tightened, his ire practically radiating off of him. Wylan felt like he couldn’t breathe, his panic threatening to swallow him whole. He wanted out. He wanted to go build a nest and curl up in it and never climb out again. He wanted to cry and scream at the unfairness of it all. He wanted his mama to hold him and soothe him and promise him that it would be okay. But he couldn’t have any of that, so instead he let his legs numbly carry him as Jesper pulled him away. 

“Hey,” Jesper said quietly once they’d stopped. “I’m sorry.” Wylan didn’t know what he was apologizing for, so he said nothing, instead focusing on trying to get his breathing under control. “Let’s just eat and go, alright?” 

Wylan nodded, letting himself be guided toward the loaded table. He mechanically moved to kneel, but was stopped by Jesper’s firm hand on his arm pulling him into a seat. He almost wished he could’ve knelt as a flash of pain shot through him upon sitting down. He bit his tongue just in time to suppress a whimper, watching as Jesper sat beside him and began piling his plate. After several minutes, Jesper raised an eyebrow at Wylan’s empty plate. 

“You should eat something,” he said. 

Taking it as permission, Wylan nodded. “Thank you, Alpha.” 

Jesper frowned at him, but didn’t say much. The rest of their meal passed in silence. Again, Wylan didn’t have much of an appetite, his stomach twisting in on itself, but he forced the food down nonetheless. It was going to be a long night, after all.

Notes:

Your comments give me life so pretty please leave one?
(also bonus points if you caught the chemistry reference :)

Chapter 3

The carriage ride to his new home passed by silently. Jesper tried to make conversation a couple times but quickly gave up when Wylan did nothing but agree with him. Wylan, for his part, was exhausted from his lack of sleep the previous night, his body aching all over from the open welts, practically shaking with fear at what was to come when they got to their destination, and beyond confused at what Jesper could possibly want him to say. He was just an omega; he had nothing to say that would interest an alpha. So, he just murmured a few “Yes, Alpha”s when it seemed appropriate, hoping it was enough to placate Jesper, and tried to regulate his breathing despite the damned corset doing its best to compress his lungs into nonexistence. 

Still, despite the awkwardness of it, the carriage ride was over sooner than he would’ve liked. Jesper helped him out again and led him into the wooden building, rambling about something or other. Wylan was too focused on trying to stem his growing panic to take in what he was saying. 

“So, anyway, this is your room,” Jesper said, opening a door on the second floor of the building. 

Wylan blinked in surprise. “My room, Alpha?” 

Jesper nodded. “Sorry it’s probably not as fancy as what you’re used to, merchling, but it’s what we have. After you.” 

Wylan walked into the room, his eyes wide in surprise. The room itself was small and simple, containing only a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a desk, and a chair. But Wylan was hung up on Jesper’s words. This was his room? His own, separate from Jesper’s? A warmth filled his chest at the thought of being allowed a semblance of privacy, of being allowed to be in his own space when Jesper had no need of him. 

“The trunk with the things that your father sent is over there. We figured you’d want to organize it yourself. I was surprised it’s just one, I thought you’d have more stuff. Is he going to send another?” Jesper said. 

Wylan glanced at the trunk sitting in the corner of the room. In all honesty, he was surprised that his father had even bothered sending that, as he’d made it abundantly clear multiple times that everything Wylan had belonged to him. “Oh, um, I don’t think so.” 

“Oh, well, um, okay. We can… we can figure it out later, if you need anything else. Oh, the key is on the nightstand, by the way.” 

A key? He could lock the room? Wylan’s jaw nearly fell open. 

“And the washroom is right next door,” Jesper kept talking. “We’ll have to share, sorry. My room’s right next to it, though, if you need anything. You haven’t met the rest of the pack yet, but you will soon. Nina and Matthias’ room is on the other end of the floor, and Kaz and Inej’s rooms are upstairs. His office, too. The kitchen and dining room and all are downstairs, which you saw, so… yeah.” Jesper rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Do you need anything else?” 

“I, um, no?” Wylan hadn’t meant to make it sound like a question, but his mind was racing to take in all the new information. 

“Okay, well, in that case-” 

Jesper took a step towards him and Wylan instinctively flinched back. He froze, realizing his mistake a split second too late. 

Stupid omega. You know better than to pull away from your alpha. Whatever punishment you get, you brought it on yourself. Stupid, stupid omega. 

Wylan didn’t dare to breathe as he watched Jesper’s eyes widen in realization of what had happened. He stood stock-still for a moment, before stepping back. 

“I’ll… I’ll let you get settled in, then,” Jesper mumbled, before hurrying out the door, pulling it closed behind himself. 

Wylan watched him go in confusion, not understanding what had just happened. He waited for several moments to see if Jesper would change his mind and come back, but he didn’t. Looking around the room again, Wylan wondered what he was meant to do now. Jesper hadn’t given him any instructions, but Wylan figured the best thing to do was just to prepare himself for his return. It was better not to make him wait any longer than he already had. 

Wylan pulled his clothes off as slowly as he dared, folding them as nicely as all the ruffles would allow and setting them carefully at the bottom of the dresser. Once the suit was put away, Wylan tried to get the corset off fruitlessly but he couldn’t get the laces untied by himself. He groaned in frustration, tugging at the damn thing in anger but it didn’t budge. Great, just great. So Wylan left it in place, sighing wistfully. He left the lacy underwear on too because as little as they covered, it was still better than nothing and he just could not bring himself to bare his body so completely. It would probably be ripped right off of him in the alpha’s haste, but oh well; Wylan wasn’t particularly attached to it, anyway. 

Knowing that it was as good as it was going to get, Wylan climbed onto the bed onto all fours, before lowering his head between his forearms, the welts covering his body sending sharp streaks of pain shooting through him. The mounting position had been humiliatingly drilled into him in preparation for the wedding, and it was nearly muscle memory at this point. He willed his limbs to stop shaking as he waited, every noise, every creak of the floorboards outside making him flinch. 

Calm down. This happens to every omega. It’ll be over soon. Please, Ghezen, please let it be over soon. I swear I’ll be a good omega. I’ll be quiet, and submissive, and obedient. I’ll be the perfect omega for him. Just please let this be over quickly, Wylan bargained silently. 

And waited. And waited. And still Jesper didn’t come to claim him. 

 

**************

 

Jesper stumbled down the steps, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration. Upon reaching the kitchen, he was greeted by the welcoming shouts of the other crows. 

“There you are!” Nina practically shouted, sliding an overflowing mug of beer down the table at him. 

“You’re a saint, Nina. I could really use a drink,” Jesper said, practically chugging the beer down in one go. 

“Woah, did it really go that badly? Where is he, anyway?” 

“Upstairs, in his room. I think it’s best if I just let him be right now.” 

Nina gave him an incredulous look. “What did you do, Jesper?” 

“I didn’t do anything!” Jesper protested. “He’s just so… ugh!” 

“What happened, Jesper?” Inej asked gently. 

“He flinched away from me, ‘Nej! Like I was going to attack him or something!” Jesper lamented. Inej gave him a sympathetic look. “And he’s barely said a thing to me all day! It’s all just ‘yes, alpha’ this and ‘yes, alpha’ that. I mean, who even talks like that?”

“Merchants do, Jesper. Or at least their omegas,” Kaz remarked from where he was lurking in the corner. 

  “Yeah, well, it’s weird. Why can’t he just call me by my name?” Jesper complained. 

“Old habits are hard to break, Jes. You can’t expect him to do it in one day,” Inej said. 

“Ugh!” Jesper downed the remains of his beer, wiping his hand across his mouth. “I just, I don’t know what to do with him. He was so terrified all day. His scent was all sour and I could feel it through the bond, but… I can’t do anything if he won’t even talk to me!” 

“He’s probably overwhelmed, Jesper,” Inej said. “He’s just been taken from the only home he’s ever known and thrust into a completely new life, where he doesn’t know anyone or anything. Anybody would be scared.” 

“No, but this was… this doesn’t feel like he’s just overwhelmed. It feels… more intense.” Jesper tried, at a loss of how to explain what he felt through the bond. 

“Maybe the little lamb just needs time to adjust,” Matthias suggested. Nina nodded in agreement beside him. 

“Yeah, maybe. I guess I’ll just give him some space,” Jesper sighed dolefully. 

 

**********

 

Wylan woke up tangled in a blanket. He didn’t remember falling asleep, but the stress and exhaustion of the previous day must have crept in on him at some point. Had Jesper not come back at all, then? He didn’t feel any more sore than he had been the day before. His welts still hurt, his back especially where the corset was rubbing against it, but there was no new pain. Gingerly, Wylan reached down to feel himself. His underwear was still in place and it was dry. Huh. He pulled the sheets back carefully, just to double check. They were clean, no trace of blood. 

Frowning, Wylan got up and got dressed. He brushed out his hair as well as he could with his fingers, huffing at the remnants of the gel that clung to it. After padding quietly to the washroom, he did his best to make himself look presentable, washing the remnants of his makeup off, brushing his teeth, and attempting to wash the gel out of his hair. That only resulted in his hair looking like a rat’s nest. Wylan sighed, wondering if his father had bothered to send his hairbrush in the trunk, at least. 

He should unpack the trunk, he decided. It wasn’t as if he had anything better to do while he waited for Jesper to come to him. It turned out to be mostly clothes, and a few toiletries. Though he wasn’t surprised, Wylan was still disappointed to find that his flute and sketchbook weren’t among the things his father had sent. So, Wylan unpacked the clothes, folding them and refolding them as he waited to pass the time, organizing and reorganizing the dresser. Still, Jesper didn’t come by the time Wylan finally gave up. 

He spent half an hour pacing around the room, and another half an hour trying to tame his hair with the hairbrush that had indeed been in the trunk. It didn’t much help. So Wylan had sat by the window, watching the people walking about and composing melodies in his head. He didn’t have a pencil or paper to write them on, nor an instrument to practice on, but the feel of his flute in his hands was so familiar that he could pretend it was there. 

By dinnertime, his stomach was growling insistently, but Wylan didn’t have permission to eat, so he remained in his room. He tried to stay up to wait for Jesper in case he decided to come that night after all, but eventually Wylan fell asleep. 

And so the days passed, and Jesper still didn’t come. Wylan dared to tip toe out of his room (Jesper hadn’t said he had to stay there) and explore the building. He got the layout of it memorized pretty quickly, and found the spots that kept him out of sight when he heard voices from downstairs. 

By the third day, Wylan began to wonder if starvation was Jesper’s preferred punishment over beatings. By the fourth day, he was running every single interaction they’d had through his mind over and over again, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. Was Jesper angry that he’d pulled away that first night? Or that he’d drawn too much attention to himself at the wedding? Did he not come to his bed because he was displeased with Wylan? 

By the fifth day, Wylan had curled around his stomach, the gnawing pain so intense he could barely move. No matter what position he tried to sit or lay in, the pain did not get any better. So Wylan had given up and curled into a little ball, hugging his knees up to his chest as tears slipped over the bridge of his nose. What had he done to make his husband hate him so much? 

On the sixth day, Wylan didn’t even bother getting up, instead spending the whole day curled in bed. By the seventh day, Wylan was ready to beg. Sometimes it worked with his father, and maybe that was what Jesper had wanted from him all along. Maybe he’d just been too stupid to realize it. If it cost him the remnants of his dignity, so be it. Wylan no longer cared. 

It took a lot of effort to make it into the hallway. His vision swam, making him dizzy, but he followed the sound of voices to the edge of the stairs. Making it all the way down those stairs felt impossible, but Wylan grit his teeth and gripped the banister hard enough to turn the knuckles of his shaking hands white. He had to stop several times and lean his head on his hands to catch his breath. Not that he really could with the damned corset, but he tried. 

The longest he’d gone without eating at his father’s house had been three days; this was so much worse. By the time he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he was so dizzy he couldn’t see straight. He could just about make out the door frame of the kitchen, but there was nothing to hold on to between it and the banister. Wylan panted, wiping the cold sweat from his brow as black spots danced across his vision. He was so close, he could make it, Wylan told himself as he let go of the banister and dragged himself towards the kitchen door. 

The last thing he thought he heard was someone calling his name before the floor rushed up to him and everything went dark.

Notes:

Who needs communication anyway, amiright? Not them, apparently.

I saw this post that said, "god made ao3 so you could torture your favorite character", and I took that to heart. Sorry (but only a little).

Anyway, thank you guys for all the kudos and comments!!! Your comments are literally what got me through the week <3
As always, please please tell me your thoughts, what you loved, what you hated (jk, I know the answer to that one).
Sorry it's a short one :/

Chapter 4

The omega had been so quiet that Jesper wouldn’t have even noticed him if he hadn’t seen the movement in his peripheral vision. He saw Wylan sway at the kitchen doorway split seconds before he crumpled. 

“Wylan!” Jesper yelled, the tumbler in his hand shattering as he lunged without thinking, catching the omega merely a moment before his head hit the ground. “Wylan!” he cried out again, shaking the omega’s shoulders carefully. Wylan didn’t stir. 

“You owe me for that tumbler,” Kaz remarked, watching calmly from beside the window. 

“Shut up, Kaz!” Jesper snapped. “Nina! Help me!” 

The beta crouched down beside him, placing a hand on Wylan’s chest. “He’s not in immediate danger. Lay him down upstairs.” 

Jesper nodded, his heart hammering frantically. The bond was really doing a number on him. A week ago, he wouldn’t have cared about some merchling brat fainting, but the mating bond made every nerve in his body stand on edge as he looked at the unconscious omega. Slipping one arm underneath Wylan’s back and the other beneath his knees, Jesper lifted him and stumbled back in surprise at how light the omega was in his arms. Sure, he was small, but not that small. Holding him tightly, Jesper rushed up the stairs. He hurried to bring Wylan to his room, but nearly choked the second he stepped foot in it. The scent inside was so oppressively heavy with fear and despair that he immediately decided he could not bring Wylan back there. Backtracking, Jesper nudged the door to his own room open with his shoulder and set Wylan down on his bed. Nina rushed in behind him. 

“What happened to him?” he demanded. 

“Give me a second, Jes,” Nina admonished, her hands already hovering over Wylan’s body. Jesper watched her as she used her corporalki abilities to sense into the omega’s body, tapping his foot impatiently. “When was the last time you saw him eat?” 

“What? I don’t- at the wedding, but I just thought he was eating in his room,” Jesper said. “Why?” 

Nina shook her head. “There’s no trace of food in his system. Nothing at all. I think he’s been malnourished for a long time before this, but he hasn’t eaten anything in days.” 

“What? Why wouldn’t he have eaten?” Jesper demanded in alarm. 

“I don’t know, Jes. You’ll have to ask him that when he wakes up.” Nina paused, hovering her hands over Wylan again. “There’s something else. He’s not breathing right, his breaths are too shallow. Here, come hold him up.” 

Jesper frowned, helping Nina prop the omega up to a seat, his torso falling forward against Jesper, head resting on his shoulder. The alpha hesitated about where to put his hands, before his gaze snapped to the collar still wrapped around the omega’s slender throat. He quickly undid the buckle and chucked it aside. 

“Why is he even still wearing that stupid thing? It was just for the ceremony,” he muttered. 

Nina shook her head mutely, pulling Wylan’s shirt over his head. “We need to get his corset off of him. It’s constricting his lungs.” 

“Why does he even need a corset? He weighs practically nothing.” 

“Jesper, I don’t know,” Nina huffed, making quick work of unlacing the corset. “I haven’t talked to him. I haven’t seen him at all since the wedding. Maybe it’s just some weird merchant fashion trend.” 

“Like they know anything about fashion,” Jesper grumbled, holding Wylan still as Nina pulled the garment off of him. He shifted to get a better grip and inhaled sharply. He could practically count all of the omega’s ribs by touch alone. 

“Oh!” Nina gasped, her gaze fixed on Wylan’s back. “Jes…” Jesper craned his neck to see what she was looking at, before his eyes widened at the sight of the mess of raw, red skin on display. “It’s recent. Just a few days,” Nina murmured, paling. 

“It must have been from just before the wedding,” Jesper surmised. “But… who would… why would anyone…?” 

“I can try to heal it some. Put him on his stomach,” Nina instructed, evidently tired of Jesper’s questions. 

Jesper nodded, trying his best not to jostle Wylan too much as he moved him per Nina’s instructions. As she began to work on his back, Jesper’s attention drifted to the omega’s face. When he’d first seen Wylan, he’d thought the omega had looked like a little prince in his fancy mansion. And he was still pretty, even gorgeous. But there was just something so… worn down about him. His copper curls were dull and lifeless, his cheeks sunken, eyes lined with purple smudges, skin cold, clammy, and even paler than before, almost gray. Even his previously pink lips were drained of color. He was still the prettiest omega Jesper had ever seen, but something about seeing him this way turned Jesper’s stomach. And he looked so… young. Jesper knew he was three years younger, freshly eighteen, but there was just something so vulnerable about him right then that made every alpha instinct in him want to protect Wylan, wrap him up in a soft blanket and keep him safe, away from anyone who would wish to harm him. 

“Did you hear me?” Nina said, snapping his attention away. 

“What?” Jesper said lamely. 

“Go find something comfortable for him to wear while I finish this,” Nina instructed. 

“Oh, right, yeah.” 

Reluctantly, Jesper got up and walked to Wylan’s room, though every instinct in him screamed to stay with his mate. He’d largely been able to ignore the bond for the most part up until then. But now… Jesper shook his head to clear it, pulling open a drawer in Wylan’s dresser. He felt bad for rummaging through Wylan’s belongings, but thankfully there was nothing scandalous there, only clothes. High quality ones, but nothing that screamed comfortable . Huffing, Jesper closed the dresser and wandered back empty-handed. 

Nina raised an eyebrow at his return. “Well?” 

“All of his clothes are so… tight and constricting. And while I do appreciate a pair of tight trousers on a man-” 

“Jesper.” 

“-there was not a single thing there that could possibly be called comfortable,” Jesper announced. 

Nina rolled her eyes. “Then get him something of yours.” 

“But-” 

“Jesper. Now.” 

“Alright, alright.” 

Jesper held up his hands in surrender, backing away to his small walk-in closet. After spending several minutes scouring it, he emerged back out with the smallest plain white chemise that he could find. It would still be huge on Wylan but at least it would be loose and soft. At Nina’s instruction, he held the omega up to a seat while she wrestled the garment onto his thin frame. Wylan’s head lolled back against Jesper’s shoulder and he was struck by just how small the omega in his arms seemed just then. 

Once they’d laid him back down on his side to avoid exacerbating the wounds, Nina turned to Jesper and hesitated. 

“Jes, you should… you should probably know that these aren’t the only marks he has. He has older scars and broken bones. They’re healed now, but they’ve probably been broken a few times. His ribs and fingers, mostly.” 

Jesper paled, glancing down at the unconscious omega. He couldn’t think of a reason why anyone could possibly want to hurt him like that, nor anything Wylan could’ve done to provoke such awful treatment. He’d done nothing all week but kept to himself and stayed quieter than a mouse, making himself nearly invisible. Jesper had almost forgotten he’d existed, he realized guiltily. 

“Try to get him to eat when he wakes up. Just small portions for now, things that are easy on the stomach, so he doesn’t get sick. I’ll make a broth for him.” 

“Thanks, Nina.” 

“He’s part of our pack now, Jes. We should’ve been taking care of him from the start.” Jesper nodded guiltily, the weight of Nina’s words resting heavy on him. “You’re staying here?” 

“Someone should be here when he wakes up.” 

“Alright. Call me if you need anything.” 

Once Nina left, Jesper pulled up a chair next to the side of the bed, close enough to thread his fingers through Wylan’s hair. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the sleeping omega. “I should’ve realized something was wrong sooner.” 

He had felt Wylan’s anguish through the bond, but he told himself that the omega must have just been upset at being taken away from his cushy mansion and easy life where he got everything he wanted on a silver platter. He’d figured the ache would ease once Wylan stopped sulking and decided to come and join them. Never in a million years would he have guessed that his omega had been hurting this much. 

And he should have. What kind of mate was he to not have realized it sooner? It should not have taken Wylan fainting for him to realize something was so wrong. Wylan deserved better than that. Better than him. But they were stuck together, thanks to Kaz’s schemes. Jesper, at least, had willingly agreed to it. But he was having more and more doubts that Wylan had been given the same choice. And now he was the one paying the price for it. 

“I’m so sorry,” Jesper whispered again, brushing his fingers through Wylan’s curls. They got caught on knots, and he tried to untangle them as gently as he could, careful not to pull on Wylan’s hair. He didn’t want to add himself to the list of people who had hurt Wylan. Not anymore. “I’ll do better. I’ll be better from now on, I swear,” he promised his sleeping mate.

Notes:

The next chapter isn't done yet, I'll try my best to finish it by next weekend, but updates might get less regular from now on :(

Literally thank you so so much to everyone who left kudos and comments, you have no idea how excited I get about reading each and every one of them <333

Chapter 5

The first thing Wylan became aware of was that he was laying somewhere soft, surrounded by an unfamiliar scent. The second thing was that someone’s fingers were tangled in his hair. Instinctively, Wylan jerked away before whoever it was could pull on it. 

“Hey, hey, shhh, it’s okay,” someone said from right beside him. “It’s alright, Wylan. Open your eyes.” 

Wylan forced himself to blink his eyes open, even though they felt like lead. The sight of Jesper seated beside the bed sent his heart racing. Jesper’s hand hovered over him for a brief moment, before he pulled it back. Wylan blinked owlishly as confusion settled over him. Where was he? How long had it been since he’d fainted? Why was Jesper here after paying him no mind for a week? 

“I’m going to bring you something to eat, alright? Don’t go anywhere,” Jesper said. 

Wylan gave a small nod, too exhausted to do anything else. His body felt so heavy he didn’t even bother moving as he waited. Instead, he pressed his head into the pillow, inhaling deeply. It smelled like burning gunpowder and metal with something subtler beneath it. Jurda and cherry blossoms, maybe? Like… like Jesper. 

Wylan’s eyes flew wide open in shock as he took in the room. The bright, colorful clothes strewn about, the gun belt thrown haphazardly over the top of the chair, the bowl of rings on the nightstand. He was in Jesper’s room, in his bed . What was he doing here? Had Jesper…? No, he couldn’t think of that now. 

Just as Wylan was trying to talk himself down from panicking, Jesper walked back in, a tray in his hands. He set it down on the nightstand, his expression concerned as he looked at Wylan. 

“Can you sit?” he asked. Wylan nodded, using all his strength to push himself up, even as dark spots danced in his vision. Just as he pitched too far forward, a strong pair of arms came up to catch him, preventing him from falling clean off the bed. “Woah, easy there,” Jesper said, fluffing up a pillow behind him with one hand while holding Wylan up with the other. “Nice and slow, okay?” he said, leaning Wylan to rest his back against the pillow. Wylan held his breath as he did. This was the closest they’d been since the wedding; he could feel Jesper’s body heat radiating off of him, his scent practically enveloping Wylan. He’d forgotten just how big Jesper’s hands felt against his body; it would be so easy for him to hold Wylan down and… Wylan pushed the thought away, his heart thudding painfully against his rib cage. 

“Here,” the alpha said, moving the tray onto his lap. “Eat.” Wylan didn’t need to be told again. He practically inhaled the bowl of broth and the two slices of bread that came with it. “Slow down, you’ll make yourself sick,” Jesper said. So Wylan did, even as his hands shook with the effort. He tried to finish his meal slower, but it was still gone in record time. Licking his lips, Wylan gulped down the glass of water on the tray. 

Once he was done, Jesper moved the tray back to the nightstand and eyed him appraisingly. Wylan squirmed anxiously, clutching the blanket that was thrown over him protectively to his chest. It dawned on him just then that he could breathe easier, and his back wasn’t hurting nearly as much, and- his corset! His corset was gone. And his collar, too, he realized, reaching for his neck just to double check. It was gone. And this definitely wasn’t his shirt. What had happened while he’d been unconscious? 

Before he could work himself into a panic again, Jesper said, “Let’s wait a couple of hours, and if you can keep it down, I’ll bring you more, alright?” Wylan forced his attention to the alpha and nodded. Jesper waited a few seconds, before asking,“Why haven’t you been eating, Wylan?” 

“I… wasn’t given permission, Alpha,” Wylan replied in confusion. Was this some sort of test?

“Okay, first of all, will you please stop calling me ‘alpha’? Just Jesper is fine.” Wylan’s eyes widened. At home, he would’ve gotten a beating for not addressing his father properly. “And what do you mean, ‘permission’? Whose permission?” 

“My alpha’s,” Wylan said hesitantly. 

“Me? You were waiting for me to give you permission to eat?” 

“Yes, Alph-uh, Jesper, Sir.” The name felt strange on his tongue. 

A wave of shock mixed with horror rippled down the bond, and Wylan frowned in confusion. What had he said wrong now? A hand reached for his face and he steeled himself for a slap, squeezing his eyes shut, but Jesper only cupped his face and tilted it up. 

“Will you look at me?” 

Wylan forced his eyes open, his breath catching as he looked at Jesper properly for the first time, taking in his warm-toned skin, his dark coils, his plush lips, his gunmetal eyes. Wylan briefly wondered how he would’ve mixed his paints to get that particular shade of gray. 

“It’s just Jesper,” the alpha said again, his tone softer. “Is that why you wouldn’t look at me, either? You were waiting for permission?” Wylan nodded. “Alright, look, you don’t need permission from now on, okay? You can eat whenever you want, and look at whoever you want, yeah?” 

Wylan’s lips parted in shock, a million protests and questions on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them down. Who was he to argue with an alpha? 

“Why didn’t you say something? Did you really think I would starve you on purpose?” Jesper asked, watching him intensely. 

“I… thought it was a punishment.” 

“Punishment?” Jesper looked appalled. “For what?” 

“For pulling away that first night. Or for drawing too much attention to myself at the wedding.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“At the wedding, when all those other alphas were talking about me. You were angry.” 

Jesper shook his head, stroking his thumb over the curve of Wylan’s cheek. “I wasn’t angry at you ! I was angry at them for how they talked about you.” 

“Oh.” Right, it made sense that Jesper would be angry about other alphas making comments about what they wanted to do to his property, Wylan reasoned. “But you were angry that I pulled away from you? That’s why you haven’t… come to my bed?” he ventured. Perhaps he was pushing his luck asking so many questions, but not knowing was killing him. 

“I wasn’t angry at you for that. And I haven’t come to you because you seemed so… scared. I thought you’d want some space.” 

“But don’t you want to claim me? I won’t fight it, I swear,” Wylan promised. 

“You won’t… fight it?” Jesper repeated. Wylan shook his head earnestly. Jesper snatched his hand away like he’d been burnt, startling the omega. “You think I’d force you?” he asked, aghast. 

Wylan shrugged. “It’s an alpha’s right to claim his omega.” 

Jesper opened and closed his mouth several times, his eyes wide as he watched Wylan. Wylan clutched the blanket to himself nervously. Finally, Jesper shook his head, running a hand down his face. 

“No wonder you were terrified,” he murmured. “Look, I don’t know who told you that, but it’s bullshit . I’d never force you into anything. I’d never want to do anything with you if you didn’t want it, too.” Wylan blinked, trying to process the alpha’s words, but his brain seemed to have stopped working. “I, uh, I’m gonna take this tray down, alright? You just, you rest. I’ll, uh, be back soon,” Jesper mumbled. 

Wylan nodded with a frown, feeling more confused than he’d ever been in his life as he watched Jesper rush out of the room. 

 

***************

 

Jesper stormed into Kaz’s office in a flurry of anger. Kaz merely raised an eyebrow, as if inconvenienced by the intrusion. 

“What the actual hell do merchants teach their omegas?” Jesper questioned. 

“They tend to be conservative, when it comes to omegas. Van Eck particularly so,” Kaz replied coolly. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me this earlier?” Jesper demanded. 

“Why would I when your omega could’ve told you that himself, if you’d bothered to talk to him?” 

“Wylan hasn’t eaten all week because he was waiting for my permission ! He thought he was going to get raped ! You didn’t think that was relevant for me to know?” 

“Again, your lack of communication is neither my fault nor my concern. And if the omega is stupid enough to starve himself, then that’s his own problem.” 

“He’s not stupid, he’s scared!” Jesper snapped, the image of Wylan’s flayed-open back flashing before his eyes. 

“Either way, I fail to see how it’s my concern.” 

“You’re the one who wanted to bring him here in the first place, Kaz.” 

“And yet you’re the one who agreed to marry him, Jesper. So go deal with your husband, and leave me out of your marital problems.” 

Jesper stomped out of the office with a frustrated growl. 

 

***************

 

Once Jesper left, Wylan had curled up under the covers, his mind racing. He wasn’t sure he could make it back to his room without collapsing again, and the blankets were so warm and soft that he didn’t really want to leave their embrace just yet. Having buried his face into the pillow, Wylan inhaled deeply, grateful that he could finally breathe properly. Jesper’s scent filled his lungs, and Wylan found that he didn’t much mind it. 

So he’d just laid there, breathing deeply, running the alpha’s words over and over again in his mind. But try as he might, he just… couldn’t make sense of it. At all. Jesper was nothing like the alphas he was familiar with, and he had no idea what to do with that, how to please him. Everything he’d been taught to do to please an alpha didn’t seem to work with Jesper, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do instead. Wylan sighed in frustration, feeling incredibly lost. 

Jesper’s return interrupted his spiraling thoughts. “Hey,” he said, running a hand down the nape of his neck. Wylan quickly pushed himself up to a seat, watching him carefully. At least he didn’t feel dizzy this time. Jesper wandered closer, fiddling with one of the rings on his long fingers. “I, um, wasn’t sure what you’d want to do but, um, I drew you a bath. I don’t know ‘bout you, but I always feel better after a bath, so I thought maybe you’d like that? Or, I mean, you don’t have to if it’s too much right now, I’m sure Nina will make use of it if you don’t, so…” Jesper trailed off, tilting his head questioningly. 

“Oh,” Wylan said softly, surprise cresting over him. “Are you, um, going to stay there while I wash?” he asked, fighting to keep the blush off his face. 

“Oh, well, I mean I’d feel better staying to make sure you don’t faint again and drown in the bathtub, but I can turn around or something if you’ll be more comfortable like that.” 

“Okay,” Wylan agreed softly. He hadn’t been able to wash properly with the corset on, and a bath did sound nice. 

Jesper visibly brightened at that. “Great! Here, let me help you,” he offered, moving to Wylan’s side. Wylan pushed the blankets away wistfully, moving to stand. Jesper’s arms steadied him when he swayed. “We’ll go slow,” he promised. 

The journey to the washroom next door was a struggle. Wylan didn’t think he’d ever moved so slowly in his life, except maybe after one of his father’s beatings. He had to lean heavily on the wall to keep his balance, but Jesper’s hands hovered beside him, ready to catch him if he fell. That made Wylan feel a little better, as he really would’ve liked to avoid a repeat of what had happened earlier. At least it didn’t feel like his head and his stomach were both about to split in two this time. 

Eventually they made it. Wylan’s eyes widened at the sight of the steaming bathtub full of white bubbles. Jesper propped him up against its edge before stepping back. 

“I won’t look, promise,” he said, turning his back to Wylan. “Just don’t slip.” 

Wylan bit his lip, glancing between the bathtub and Jesper’s back. Alright, he could do this. He hurried to pull off his-or rather Jesper’s?-clothes as fast as he could without losing his balance, sneaking furtive glances as the alpha. But Jesper stuck to his word. Setting the clothes aside in a neat pile, he dipped a hand in the water to test its temperature before fully sinking in. He had to bite back a gasp at how nice the warm water felt against his sore back. His eyelids nearly fluttered shut, before he remembered where he was and who he was with. Wylan pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them protectively. 

The bubbles were so thick that they covered pretty much everything below his neck, so he called softly, “You can turn around.” 

Jesper did, grinning at the sight of Wylan’s head sticking up amongst a sea of bubbles. “It’s not too hot, right?” 

“No, it’s good,” Wylan replied. “Thank you.” 

“Sure,” Jesper said, like it was nothing. “I had to borrow one of Nina’s fancy bottles for the bubbles. Don’t think she’ll notice since she has like a hundred of them, no idea where she even gets them all, but don’t tell her, yeah?” 

“Um, okay,” Wylan agreed, frowning in confusion. 

Jesper nodded, satisfied, before lapsing into silence. Wylan watched him carefully, noting the way he fidgeted with his rings, twisting them this way and that. He wondered whether Jesper wanted him to say something, their conversation from the carriage ride fleeting through his mind. Except Wylan didn’t know what to say, and-

“D’you want me to wash your hair?” Jesper asked. 

Wylan blinked in surprise, certain he’d misheard. “What?” 

“It was just tangled earlier. I got most of the knots out, but a wash should get the rest,” Jesper said, cupping his neck. “If you want.” 

“Oh, uh…” Wylan hesitated. On the one hand, he was so tired of having his hair tugged and pulled time and again by countless people. But on the other hand, his husband hadn’t asked anything else of him, and even if Wylan could say no, he didn’t think it would be worth having a fight (or worse) over denying him something as simple as this. There were so many worse things Jesper could’ve demanded of him, after all. “Okay,” he agreed softly. 

Jesper nodded, shooting him a crooked smile, before moving behind him. Wylan instinctively tensed, hugging his knees tighter as he listened to the sound of Jesper’s rings hitting the stone countertop beside them. 

“Alright, tilt your head back and close your eyes for me. Good,” Jesper murmured, sending a jolt of something unfamiliar racing through Wylan’s core. 

He didn’t have long to dwell on it, all his senses focused on the sensation of Jesper’s hand shielding his eyes as warm water was poured over his scalp. The squelch of soap being poured out was quickly followed by a sweet, flowery scent. At the touch of hands on his head, Wylan stiffened, expecting the familiar harsh tugging he was used to. But Jesper’s hands were gentle as they rubbed the soap into his hair. He massaged careful circles into the omega’s scalp, and Wylan was surprised to find it felt rather… nice? Maybe even soothing. 

How strange , he thought. I don’t think I mind it?  

As Jesper kept going, Wylan found his muscles relaxing bit by bit. By the time Jesper poured water over his head again, working out the remnants of soap thoroughly with deft fingers, Wylan’s shoulders had fallen away from his ears, his teeth no longer grinding together, arms draped loosely around his legs. 

“My ma used to do that when I was little,” Jesper said, tilting Wylan’s head forward before coming around to sit at the edge of the tub, facing him, rings back on his fingers.

“Mine too,” Wylan admitted, memories he didn’t even know he had flashing through his mind and tugging on his heartstrings. 

Jesper gave him a small, melancholy smile that felt all too familiar. Wylan wondered briefly if his mama was gone too, but he didn’t want to pry. Luckily for him, Jesper quickly changed the subject. 

“So, I was thinking, once you’re feeling better, we should get you some new clothes. Because, no offence, but yours just seem really uncomfortable, and…” 

Wylan listened as Jesper rambled on, chiming in when asked for his input, content to just soak in the tub until his fingers pruned and the water began turning cold. Jesper, for his part, rushed to get him out once he realized, insisting that Wylan needed to stay warm. So Wylan had reluctantly climbed out and dried himself off, before wrapping himself in a soft bathrobe that was, for some reason, bright purple. Jesper had gestured for him to sit on the edge of the slowly draining bathtub and lean his head forward. He’d toweled off and brushed Wylan’s hair, his touch just as gentle as before. For whatever bizarre reason, it almost made Wylan want to cry. He’d let himself lean a little more on Jesper as they made their way slowly back to the bedroom. Once he had changed into a soft green sweater and a pair of trousers that were way too big on him, Jesper had hesitated. 

“Nina gave me this balm for your back, she said it’ll help it heal faster and scar less. D’you want me to put it on you, or I can get her to do it if you’d prefer, or…?” 

“You can do it,” Wylan said softly. As lovely as Nina sounded, he didn’t want to be touched by any more strangers today. 

“Okay,” Jesper said, his eyes brightening. “Lay down?” 

Wylan obliged, laying on his stomach and tucking his hands under his head. He watched nervously as Jesper sat on the edge of the bed before pushing the back of his sweater out of the way. His breath caught at the feeling of hands on his bare skin, a shiver passing through him. 

“I’ll be quick,” Jesper promised, scooping a glob of the smelly balm onto his fingers. Wylan wrinkled his nose, making Jesper chuckle. He began rubbing the concoction into Wylan’s bare back, using just enough pressure that it didn’t hurt a bit. Eventually, Wylan found himself relaxing under his touch. “You don’t have to, but if you’re willing, would you tell me what happened?” Jesper asked quietly as his deft fingers worked the tension out of Wylan’s sore muscles. 

Wylan bit his lip. “My previous alpha was angry about my behavior with the medic.” 

“You mean your father?” Jesper asked. Wylan nodded. “Why was he angry?” 

Wylan shut his eyes, heat rising to his cheeks. “He was angry that I’d embarrassed him by screaming like a whore when the medic was… checking me.” 

Jesper’s fingers stilled on his back. “But you screamed because you were being hurt, right?” 

“You could tell?” Wylan asked in surprise. 

“Well, yeah, of course. You sounded like you were in pain, and when you walked out, your scent was all sour, and you looked like you wanted to cry. It was pretty obvious.” 

“Oh.” He’d convinced himself that perhaps his father simply hadn’t realized the real reason why he’d cried out, but if an alpha who had never even met him before could realize it, then perhaps his father had known and had simply not cared. A stab of pain shot through his chest. 

“So, just so I get this straight, you were hurting and your father punished you by hurting you more ?” Jesper asked, a flash of anger rolling through the bond. It was quickly followed by a wave of guilt when Wylan tensed. 

“He said I needed to learn to be quiet,” Wylan said numbly. He’d never considered that this was how it might look to an outsider until Jesper had said it. 

The back of the sweater was pulled down, and a blanket came up to cover him, before Jesper knelt beside him and brought a hand up to cup his face. He stroked his thumb gently over Wylan’s cheek as Wylan watched him with wide eyes. 

“No one is going to punish you like that ever again, okay? And you don’t need to be quiet. Especially not when you’re hurting. Not anymore. Not with me,” Jesper said. Wylan’s breath caught in his lungs, his throat suddenly tight. Jesper brushed a drying curl from his eyes, tucking it back behind his ear. “Now, you need to rest. Do you think you could sleep some more? I can read to you until you fall asleep, if you want.” 

“Really?” Wylan dared to breathe. It had been a decade since anyone had read to him; he’d long since stopped asking. 

“Of course. Let me just find a good book,” Jesper said, pushing himself up to stand. 

As Jesper rummaged around the room, Wylan buried his face in a pillow to hide his tears. Only this time they weren’t tears of pain or fear or loneliness like they’d been every time before, but something else. Something entirely different that Wylan couldn’t quite describe but that was too overwhelming to keep contained inside himself. 

Eventually, he fell asleep to the lull of a soothing baritone and gentle fingers carding through his hair.

Notes:

Jesper's love language is touch and I will die on this hill.

I'll try my best to get the next chapter up by next weekend, but I haven't started it yet so no promises.
As always, your comments make my week :)

Chapter 6

Wylan spent much of the next several days sleeping. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he’d been, between his fainting spell and all the weeks after his father had announced his engagement that he’d spent tossing and turning and waking up in cold sweat nearly every night. So he slept. When he wasn’t sleeping, he was being inundated with food, courtesy of Jesper, who made sure to bring him something every time he woke up from a nap. 

He stayed in Jesper’s room for the first couple of days. Wylan wasn’t sure where the alpha slept in the meanwhile, though he’d caught Jesper dozing off in the armchair twice, but he didn’t ask. Once he could walk back to his own room without getting dizzy, Jesper had let him return there. Wylan had been surprised to find that it had smelled fresh, like the window had been left open for a while. The sheets had been changed, too. 

He’d met Nina, when she came to check on him. She was nice, if a bit intimidating. Her scent-warm pastries and sweet syrup-was more muted, indicating that she was a beta. It calmed something in Wylan, knowing that at least he wasn’t the only omega in a house full of alphas. She had a bite mark, too, Wylan noticed. Though not an omega, perhaps she could give him some insight into being mated. Wylan tucked that thought away into the back of his mind, resolved to ask her when there was an opportunity. 

For now though, Wylan let things play out as they were. Jesper seemed not to mind bringing him food and reading him books, so Wylan tried to enjoy it for as long as it would last. Because reality always came crashing down. 

“What day is it?” Wylan asked one evening when Jesper brought him his nightly meal. 

“It’s Sunday. Why?” 

“Monday is Ghezen’s day. Are we going to church?” 

“I didn’t take you for a church-going boy, merchling.” 

Wylan shrugged, fighting not to scowl at the nickname. “My father took me every week.” Indeed, it had been practically one of the only times he was allowed out of the mansion. 

Jesper raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Are you well enough to go anywhere?” 

“I will be alright,” Wylan promised. 

“Alright, well, if you’re sure. Church isn’t really my idea of a fun time, but we can go,” Jesper conceded. 

It wasn’t Wylan’s either, but he nodded anyway. 

 

***************

 

Jesper didn’t think he’d ever step foot in the Church of Ghezen again after the wedding. But he could put up with it, if it made Wylan feel better. He didn’t seem so scared anymore, but Jesper could still sense his apprehension through the bond. Perhaps being in a familiar setting would help, Jesper reasoned to himself. So he led Wylan into the church, a hand lightly resting on his back in case he got dizzy again. 

The inside was swarming with mostly merchers and their families. Ugh. Luckily, Jesper didn’t spot Jan Van Eck anywhere. He was fairly certain that wouldn’t have put Wylan more at ease. And Jesper wasn’t sure he’d be able to restrain himself from shooting the man, which would probably be a blasphemous thing to do inside the church. But Van Eck wasn’t the only one who would’ve recognized them. Before they could take a seat, they were accosted by the priest from the wedding. 

“Ah, Mr. Fahey!” the older alpha exclaimed. “How wonderful to see you again! We missed seeing Wylan here last week. Though I suppose conjugal activities will keep you busy.” 

“Something like that,” Jesper murmured as Wylan’s cheeks flared red. 

“I expect we’ll be hearing good news soon, hmm, little omega?” the priest said with a pointed look at Wylan’s abdomen. 

Wylan tensed under his fingertips, his discomfort radiating through the bond. Jesper opened his mouth to retort that that was certainly none of anyone’s business, and did the man really expect him to impregnate an omega he’d known for all of two weeks, and- 

“If my alpha lord and husband wills it,” Wylan said in a flat tone. 

Jesper’s jaw snapped shut. What the fuck?  

“Indeed, indeed,” the priest nodded in agreement. “I’ll be praying to Ghezen you bear your alpha a pup soon. You ought to be praying, too, omega.” 

“Yes, Sir.” 

Satisfied, the priest gave another curt nod before walking away. Jesper watched him leave in shock, before moving to face Wylan. 

“Uh, what was that?” 

Wylan’s azure eyes widened as he looked up at Jesper. “Did I say something wrong, Alph-um, Jesper?” 

“First of all, please do not call me that ever again, and second, I told you I wouldn’t force you into anything, Wylan, and I meant it,” Jesper said.

“You must desire pups. Isn’t that why you wanted an omega?” Wylan asked. 

Jesper winced. Telling him the truth, that he hadn’t wanted an omega at all in the first place, felt cruel. So, he settled for, “That’s not why.” Glancing around, he noticed the congregants settling in the pews, the priest taking his place at the altar, and he took hold of Wylan’s hand. “We can talk about it some more later. Let’s find a seat.” 

Wylan nodded, allowing himself to be pulled along to a row in the back. Once Jesper was sat, he moved to kneel but Jesper caught his arm, pulling him up to sit beside him. Glancing around, he saw nearly every omega was kneeling, and frowned in disgust. 

“You are not a dog to sit at my feet,” Jesper murmured, pulling Wylan closer to himself. Those stuffy merchants could stare all they wanted. “You are my mate, and your place is by my side.” 

Wylan glanced up at him, disbelief written all over his face, but didn’t say anything. His body relaxed a fraction under Jesper’s hold though, and Jesper took that as a victory. 

What wasn’t a victory was sitting through the service. Jesper’s jaw nearly fell open as the priest began speaking. 

“An omega’s duty is to serve their alpha. There is no greater meaning to an omega’s life than this. An alpha must keep their omega on the path of obedience and submission, and discipline them when they stray. Some omegas may need more discipline to be reminded of their place. An omega must never question their alpha, nor is it their place to voice their opinions or complaints. 

“Nor must an omega be permitted to give in to their sinful nature. Heats are Ghezen’s punishment for unholy thoughts, suffering an atonement for omegan sins. 

“There is no greater measure of an omega’s worth than the number of alpha pups they will bear. The pain of childbirth is the penance every omega must bear for the transgressions of their wanton nature. But there is no greater show of devotion to Ghezen than the act of labor.” 

Once he could pick his jaw up off the floor, Jesper glanced at Wylan, only to find him hunched in on himself, his gaze cast down to the floor, arms wrapped tightly around himself, like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. His shame and dejection flooded the bond. 

Grabbing his hand, Jesper murmured, “We’re not listening to any more of this.” 

He pulled Wylan out of the hall and out of the building, not caring if he caused a scene. He kept walking determinedly away from the church, until he spotted a bench. Having ushered Wylan to sit on it, Jesper paced its length back and forth, his emotions roiling. Where was he even supposed to begin with unpacking all of that bullshit? Wylan watched him, wide-eyed, and it dawned on Jesper that he could’ve taken the omega into the middle of the Geldin district and hit him, and no one would bat an eye. And worse yet, Wylan would think he deserved it. Fuck , what was he supposed to do with that? 

After a few minutes, Wylan called out in a small voice, “Jesper? Did I do something wrong?” 

Jesper sighed, coming to sit on the bench. He pulled Wylan’s hands into his, the need to reassure him somehow flaring in his chest. “No, you didn’t. The problem is that you think you did.” Wylan frowned at him in confusion. “Your father really took you here every week so you would kneel at his feet for an hour and be told that you’re a whore and you deserve to be hurt and to suffer, and that you’re supposed to just take it silently?” 

Wylan blinked at him. “The service is two hours.” 

“Oh, well, great, that’s even better, then,” Jesper said icily. “Wylan, look, I get that this is how you were raised, but I need you to know that none of it is true, okay?” 

“What isn’t true?” 

“Any of it! Your purpose isn’t to serve or obey. I don’t want you doing that. You don’t need to be disciplined , whatever that even means. Being an omega doesn’t make you sinful. Heats are not a punishment from Ghezen. They’re just part of your natural cycle, and they’re supposed to be pleasurable. Your worth doesn’t come from how many children you can bear, and childbirth is a natural process and not Ghezen’s punishment either, okay?” 

“I, I don’t…” Wylan trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words. 

Jesper cupped his face with both hands, tilting Wylan’s head up to meet his gaze. “There is nothing wrong with you, and you don’t deserve to be hurt. You’re perfect as you are, my omega.” 

Wylan’s eyes were shiny with tears as he leaned his head into Jesper’s hands. “No one’s ever said any of that to me before,” he whispered. 

“I’ll say it as many times as you need to believe it, okay?” He pressed a kiss to Wylan’s forehead, brushing away a stray tear with his thumb. “Yesterday, you weren’t asking about going to church because you wanted to come. You were asking because you didn’t , right?” Wylan nodded against his palms. “Next time, tell me, okay? I can’t know what you want or need if you don’t tell me, darling. Promise me that you will?” 

“Okay,” Wylan murmured softly. 

“Good boy,” Jesper praised. 

Wylan inhaled sharply at that, before letting his head fall onto Jesper’s shoulder as he nuzzled at the scent gland on his neck. Jesper wrapped his arms around him, holding his omega close. 

“You don’t ever have to come here again. So, what do you say we get out of here, and go get some food into you? You like stroopwafels, right?” 

 

*************

 

Wylan let himself be pulled along by the hand to a nearby cafe, his head spinning. It seemed that every day with Jesper made his head spin. It wasn’t even bad exactly, just very confusing. He wondered if he’d ever get used to it. 

“What do you want, merchling?” Jesper asked, drawing his gaze from the menu he’d been pretending to study for the past several minutes. 

“Oh, um, whatever you think is best,” Wylan murmured. 

“You sure?” 

Wylan nodded, his gaze drifting off to take in the cafe while Jesper ordered. The walls were painted in soft pastels, and several plants were tucked into corners and hanging from the ceilings. Several large windows let the inside be bathed in natural light, and it smelled faintly of warm sugar. It was lovely, Wylan decided. Just the sort of place he would’ve liked to be taken to if he’d been allowed to be courted properly. Other than an art gallery or a concert, maybe. 

“So, clearly trying new foods at cafes isn’t one of your hobbies, so what do you like to do?” Jesper asked. 

Wylan blinked in surprise. None of the other alphas his father had considered for him had ever bothered asking about what he enjoyed. He really needed to stop being surprised by Jesper, he told himself. “I, uh, I like music,” he said softly. 

“Let me guess, piano?” 

“And flute.” 

“I haven’t seen a flute in your room?” 

“My father didn’t send it with my things.” 

“Well, we already established that your father is an asshole but that’s the final straw, really.” 

The corners of Wylan’s mouth tilted up as he fiddled with the edges of his sleeves. “I like art, too,” he murmured after a few seconds of silence. “Drawing and painting. My mama taught me, when I was little.” 

“That sounds lovely.” 

“It was,” Wylan agreed. Then, because he didn’t want to cry again, which he’d done too much of in the past several weeks as it was, he added, “I enjoyed math, too, when I was allowed tutors. Chemistry was alright as well, I suppose.”  

“Pretty and smart,” Jesper whistled, making Wylan flush bright red. “And here I thought it had to be one or the other.” 

“I’m not-” Wylan tried to argue.

“Sure you are, darling,” Jesper cut him off. “Wait, what do you mean, when you were allowed tutors?” 

“Oh, after I presented, my father didn’t think I needed any more lessons,” Wylan said. 

His father had laughed when he’d begged to at least be allowed to continue his math and music lessons. 

“Math? What do you need math for when you’ve already proven that you’re too stupid to do anything but lay on your back and spread your legs, omega?” 

He’d been sixteen. 

Wylan shook off the memory as Jesper reached for his hand across the table. “I’m sorry, Wylan. You deserved better,” he said. 

“Thank you,” Wylan whispered, though he wasn’t sure what exactly it was that he was thanking Jesper for. Maybe it was just for being the first person to say that he deserved better. For some reason, it made something in his chest hurt. 

“I know this isn’t going to fix anything, but maybe some stroopwafels will cheer you up?” Jesper offered as a waitress brought over their order. 

Wylan watched wide-eyed as a plate of steaming cookies dripping with rich, sticky caramel syrup was placed in front of him. 

“I can have all of these?” he asked in wonder. 

“Sure, as long as you don’t make yourself sick. Nina will kill me if I mess up all your progress with this,” Jesper said with a shrug. 

Wylan stared at the dessert in awe. It had been a long time since he’d been allowed to have sweets. “Sweets are for boys who can read” had turned into “Nobody wants a pig of an omega” as he’d gotten older and had different foods withheld from him more and more often. But Jesper didn’t seem to care about the weight he’d gain from eating this, so Wylan let himself take a cautious bite. 

The dough and the sweet syrup practically melted in his mouth, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from moaning. His self control all but dissipated as he practically shoveled the cookies into his mouth, blissfully ensconced in the delicious sweetness of them. 

He was about halfway through when Jesper reached towards him. Before he could think better of it, Wylan pulled his plate closer, wrapping his arms around it protectively, and bared his teeth with a hiss. 

“Woah, easy, tiger!” Jesper exclaimed in shock, throwing his hands up. “You had some caramel on your cheek, I just wanted to wipe it away. I’m not going to take that away from you, I promise. No one is taking anything from you, darling, okay?” 

Wylan blinked at him, then at his plate, his head clearing. He rubbed a napkin across his cheek to try to hide his embarrassed blush. “Sorry, I-I don’t know what happened. I’ve never done that before.” 

“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve realized you would want your space while eating. I’m sorry,” Jesper said. “Finish your food, I won’t touch you, promise.” Wylan nodded, resuming eating, albeit slower this time, still flush with sheepishness. “Y’know, Matthias says you’re a lamb, but maybe you’re more of a tiger cub. Feisty when you want to be. Plus, you’ve got the right coloring for it,” Jesper said, gesturing at his red-gold curls. 

Wylan huffed and rolled his eyes. “Then you’re lucky I didn’t bite your fingers off,” he retorted. 

Jesper stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter. “See? I knew you were feisty.”

Notes:

Sassy Wylan is the best Wylan :)

Chapter 7

“So, Wylan,” Nina said at breakfast the next morning. “I hear you need a new wardrobe. Wanna go shopping? Maybe we can rope Inej into it, too.” 

“Um,” Wylan hesitated, glancing at Jesper questioningly. 

“You don’t need my permission,” Jesper said from beside him. “Though an invitation would’ve been nice, Nina .” 

“Oh, hush Jes, I go shopping with you practically every week. Besides, you’ve been smothering the poor boy. He needs time to bond with the rest of the pack, too,” Nina retorted. 

“Alright, fine, whatever,” Jesper huffed, crossing his arms grumpily. 

“You haven’t been smothering me,” Wylan said quietly, glancing up bashfully through his eyelashes. 

“Well, thank you, merchling.” Jesper grinned at him. “But Nina is right. You do need to bond with the rest of the pack. Besides, Kaz has a job for me today. Oh, but Nina, be careful this one doesn’t bite your fingers off.” 

Wylan turned daylily-pink. “I didn’t mean-” 

“It’s okay, merchling, I don’t mind if you bite me,” Jesper said with a wink, before pressing a quick kiss to Wylan’s burning cheek. “Have fun, darling. I expect a full fashion show when you come back.” 

Nina reached across the table to grab his hands with an excited squeal. “This is gonna be so much fun!” 

 

So that was how Wylan found himself strolling through the main shopping district, Nina’s arm looped through his. True to her word, she’d managed to talk Inej into accompanying them and the other beta walked beside them, her steps so quiet that only the faint scent of spices gave away her presence. She hadn’t said much, but Wylan could feel her watchful eyes observing him. 

“So, Wylan, how is it going with you and Jesper?” Nina asked casually, eyeing a store window full of frilly dresses. Wylan hoped she wasn’t going to try to put one of those on him. 

“Jesper is…” he hesitated. There were a lot of words he could’ve used to describe Jesper, but he settled for, “He’s a good alpha.” 

“He is,” Nina agreed. “And how are you settling into being mated?” 

“It’s not what I expected at all.” 

“Is that good or bad?” 

“It’s good. Definitely good.” He hesitated, before asking, “Is, um, your mate… was it also arranged?” 

“No, Matthias and I are a love match.” 

“Oh,” Wylan murmured. When he was younger, he’d dreamt of finding a love match, but once he presented, that hope was quickly dashed. Perhaps it was easier for her as a beta. He tried not to let his jealousy show. “Is Matthias an alpha?” 

“No, he’s a beta, too.” 

“It must be nice. Having everything be equal.” 

“Wylan, Jesper doesn’t look down on you because you’re an omega,” Inej said gently, laying a hand on his shoulder. “It isn’t like that in our pack. Kaz has never treated me as lesser because I’m a beta.” 

“You’re mated to Kaz ?” Wylan asked in astonishment. He’d never have guessed the broody alpha was mated at all. 

“I know, I’m also appalled by her taste in men,” Nina said, pulling them into a corner shop that was very, very pink. Wylan scrunched up his nose. He had nothing against pink in principle, but it was just so very… bright. 

Inej rolled her eyes, and he got the sense that this wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. “I won’t tell him you said that.” 

“No, please, by all means, do tell him. I’d love to see his face when you do.” Wylan frowned, uncertain why Nina would want to purposefully antagonize the alpha, and the head of the pack at that. These new pack dynamics were very confusing. “Anyway, enough about those two. I want to hear more about you and Jesper,” Nina announced. 

“Um, like what?” 

“You know, the spicy stuff. Though you two probably haven’t-” Nina wiggled her eyebrows suggestively “-yet, right?” 

It took Wylan several seconds to catch her meaning and when he did, his cheeks practically burned. “Um, no. Not yet.” 

“That’s fine, Wylan. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for,” Inej said. 

“Obviously,” Nina agreed. “But when you are, if you want any tips or tricks, my door is always open.” 

Wylan tried not to blush harder as he considered Nina’s offer. He knew their anatomy was different, but it was still nice to have someone to ask about this sort of thing. He didn’t know much beyond the basic mechanics of it, and he’d never really had anyone he could talk to about it so openly. 

“Thank you, Nina,” he said earnestly. 

She patted his cheek. “You can thank me after you’ve had a mind-blowing orgasm, sweets.” 

Wylan burst into a coughing fit. Inej patted him on the back sympathetically, leveling a disapproving glare at Nina. “Now look what you’ve done, Nina. You’ve broken our new omega already!” 

Nina shrugged nonchalantly. “If we’re going to be friends, he’s just going to have to get used to it.” 

 

************ 

 

Wylan managed to make it through the rest of the excursion without any more coughing fits, despite Nina’s best efforts, though his face may have turned permanently red. By the time they headed back, he had several bags hanging off his arms. Nothing bright pink or frilly, thankfully. The closest thing he’d conceded to was a pale lavender sweater that was a bit big on him but very warm and soft. Most of his new wardrobe, in fact, now consisted of soft sweaters and loose trousers, with not a single corset in sight (he still had no idea where his old one had disappeared to, but he didn’t care enough to ask). Jesper, too, appeared particularly delighted when the sleeves of one of the sweaters he was modeling fell over his hands. For some reason, it made Wylan feel immensely pleased. 

 

************

 

But of course Kaz Brekker had to burst his bubble. 

Wylan was putting his new clothes away the next morning when a low voice rasped from the doorway of his room, “If you’re well enough to go shopping, you’re well enough to make yourself useful. Follow me.” 

Wylan swallowed nervously, following after the pack leader as he walked outside, his cane clanking loudly against the cobblestones. Biting his tongue, Wylan kept two steps behind him as they walked several streets over. He just hoped that Kaz’s ideas of usefulness weren’t the same as his father’s. Kaz led him into an old warehouse, and then through to the back where there appeared to be some kind of laboratory set up. Bottles filled with all sorts of liquids and powders lined the shelves, and multiple beakers and burners crowded the table at the center of it. 

“Unlike Jesper, I don’t have a weakness for soft, pretty things,” Kaz rasped. “While you’re here, you’re going to earn your keep. Time to put your chemistry lessons to use, omega.” 

“It’s been years since I’ve had chemistry lessons,” Wylan said nervously. 

“I’m sure you will remember it quickly. I want half a dozen flash bombs. You have six bells.” 

“But-” 

“Six bells, merchling.” 

With that, Kaz turned away, his cane echoing throughout the warehouse as he walked away, leaving Wylan alone. Wylan shook his head to clear it. Okay, alright, he could figure this out. He approached the nearest shelf, scanning the bottles and boxes lining it. There were small labels stuck to each of them, but the letters swam before his eyes like always. He was going to have to test all the chemicals to figure out what they were before he could use them. That alone could take hours. Dammit. 

So Wylan got to work, his heart pounding. He mixed and burned, purified and dissolved, trying to figure out what he could use to put together a flash bomb. With each passing chiming of the bells outside, he grew more frantic. It took him three bells to figure out the identities of several chemicals he thought might be useful, which left only three to figure out how to put them together without making them explode just yet. He had to run several experiments to get the ratios right for a contact explosion; Wylan just hoped it would still work the same when he scaled up the amount. And then he had to figure out a way to keep the chemicals separate to keep the bomb stable until it actually needed to go off. He decided on a thin glass panel that he hoped would break if the bomb was thrown with enough force, allowing the chemicals to mix. He had just put together the fourth bomb when the bells rang again. 

As if on cue, Kaz Brekker stalked towards his work bench. Wylan’s heart thudded in his ears. Fuck. 

“Well? Do you have my flash bombs?” Kaz asked, scrutinizingly peering at the mess that was the worktop. 

“I, uh, I made four-” 

“Did you not hear that I said half a dozen?” 

“Yes, but if you just give me another hour-” 

“Did you not hear the part where I said six bells, either?” 

“I did, but-” 

“When I tell you to get something done, I expect it to be done when I need it done. Is that unclear to you?” 

“No, I just-” 

“I am not in the business of giving unlimited chances, merchling. Nor do I care about your excuses.” 

Wylan swallowed hard, his breaths getting shallower. He might have been Jesper’s but Kaz was the head of the pack. If Kaz decided he was useless, would he get rid of him? Sell him? Or simply throw him out? Even if Wylan wanted to return to his father’s house, the alpha had made it clear that he wasn’t welcome there. He had nowhere else in the world to go. 

“Next time I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done, understand?” Kaz said, oblivious to his inner turmoil. “And stop shaking, that’s not going to earn you any sympathy points.” 

“Yes, Alpha, I’m sorry,” Wylan whispered. 

“Let’s go,” Kaz said flatly. “Jesper can deal with you.” 

 

Wylan followed Kaz back numbly, trying to hide his shaking hands beneath his sleeves. Kaz deposited him back inside the pack house without any further instructions before disappearing off to somewhere with the box of unfinished bombs in his hands. Left to his own devices, Wylan made his way to Jesper’s room, his mind racing. 

Stupid idiot. If only you could read, you wouldn’t have wasted so much time having to identify those chemicals. Useless omega. 

Wylan made his way through the empty room to Jesper’s closet and surveyed the belts hanging there. He picked the thickest, heaviest one and folded it carefully in two. 

Brainless. Moron. Imbecile. You deserve to be punished, you good-for-nothing, worthless whore. 

Wylan knelt in the middle of the room, his hands on his knees, holding up the belt like a supplicant. 

 

************

 

“Wylan? Darling, what are you doing?” Wylan stiffened at the sound of footsteps rushing towards him, the scent flooding the room giving away Jesper’s identity. “Why are you on the floor? And why do you have my belt?” 

“I messed up,” Wylan whispered as Jesper knelt in front of him. “I deserve to be punished.” 

“Alright, give me that,” Jesper said, reaching for the belt. 

Wylan flinched, squeezing his eyes shut as the belt was pulled from his hands. He stiffened, tucking his head into his chest as he braced himself for the pain. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll do better,” Wylan chanted like a prayer. Not that it’s ever saved him before. 

“Come here, sweetheart,” Jesper murmured, slipping a hand into the crease of his knees, the other coming around his back. He lifted Wylan easily, making him instinctively gasp in surprise as he was carried to the bed. Jesper settled himself on the bed, keeping Wylan wrapped up in his arms. “Oh, darling, you’re trembling all over. What happened, Wylan?” Jesper asked softly, rubbing his hand up and down Wylan’s arm. 

“I messed up, I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll be better,” Wylan repeated in a murmur, his breaths coming fast and shallow. 

“Shh, you are good, my darling, you’re so good for me, you’re such a good omega,” Jesper soothed. 

Wylan whined softly, burying his face in Jesper’s chest. The words made a rush of warmth bloom in his belly, momentarily stifling his panic. 

“There you are, sweetheart, you’re okay, you’re alright. No one is upset with you. No one will hurt you.” 

“K-Kaz. Kaz is upset with me.” 

“Did he hurt you, my darling?” 

“N-No, he said you’d deal with me.” 

“Oh, Wylan, he didn’t mean I’d punish you. He knows I won’t do that. You know I won’t do that. I promised you, remember?” 

Stupid, worthless omega. 

“You should,” Wylan whispered, curling tighter on himself. “I deserve to be punished.” 

“How about you tell me what happened?” 

“Kaz told me to make s-six flash bombs. I couldn’t-I didn’t-I only had enough time to make four.” 

“And you think you deserve to be beaten for that?” Jesper asked incredulously. 

Wylan flinched but nodded. “If I wasn’t so stupid, I could’ve finished.” 

“Have you ever made flash bombs before, Wylan?” 

“N-No, but-” 

“So you figured out how to make something you’ve never made before all on your own? That doesn’t sound like something someone stupid would be able to do.” 

“But I didn’t finish-” 

“It doesn’t mean you deserve to be punished, darling.” Jesper pressed a kiss to his forehead, which made his racing heart slow just a fraction. How strange it was, to be soothed over his shortcomings instead of being beaten for them. “I want you to try something for me, my sweet. Say this back to me. You’re safe.” 

“I-I’m safe,” Wylan whispered. 

“No one will hurt you.” 

“No one…” Wylan swallowed. “No one will hurt me.” 

“You don’t deserve to be hurt.” 

“I don’t… I don’t…” Wylan bit his lip, trying to force the words out but they just got stuck in his throat. He shut his eyes with a whimper. “Please. I can’t.” 

“You can. Of course you can, darling. Just one time.” 

“I don’t deserve…” Wylan gritted his teeth. “I don’t…” 

“Come on, sweetheart. I know you can say it.” 

“I don’t… I don’t deserve to be hurt,” Wylan forced out. 

“Good boy, good omega!” Jesper praised, pressing a kiss to his curls. Wylan went slack against his chest, letting the warmth of the words wash over him and slow his pounding heart. “How about we make a deal?” 

“A deal?” Wylan glanced up at him skeptically. 

“Mmm. If you can say that once a day for a week, you get a reward. We’ll even let today be the first day. So only six more times. What do you think?” 

“What kind of reward?” Wylan asked thoughtfully. 

“Whatever you want. Except maybe a trip to Shu Han. I don’t think Kaz will give me that much of an advance. But other than that.” 

“And… if I don’t do it?” 

“You really are Kerch, aren’t you?” Jesper chuckled. “If you don’t then you don’t get a reward. So, the deal is the deal?” 

Wylan considered it for a few more seconds. Only six more times. He could do that. “The deal is the deal.” 

“Good. Now, have you eaten?” 

“In the morning.” 

“You can’t keep doing that, my sweet,” Jesper admonished gently. “No more skipping meals, okay? And for that matter, no more kneeling either.” He rubbed Wylan’s sore knees, sending tingles down his legs as sensation slowly came back to them after hours of kneeling. “How about we go eat dinner now? Think you can walk, or do I need to carry you?” 

Wylan shook his head, face pink. 

 

************

 

Once they’d eaten and he’d made sure that Wylan was safely curled in bed, Jesper made his way to Kaz’s office. 

“What happened today with Wylan?” he demanded without preamble as he stalked in. 

Kaz leaned back in his chair, folding his gloved hands. “I gave him a task. He didn’t do it.” 

“You realize he’s never done this before, right?” 

“I wanted to see what he could do under pressure.” 

Jesper frowned, eyeing Kaz’s impassive expression, before gasping accusingly, “You gave him an impossible task! You knew he’d fail!” 

“Obviously.” 

“He spent hours kneeling on my floor, thinking he was going to get beaten because he failed!” Jesper growled.  

“That isn’t-” 

“Yes, it isn’t your problem, I get it. Can we skip past that part?” 

“What do you want from me, Jesper? Because I’m not going to coddle him, and neither is the rest of the world. It’s high time he learned that.” 

“He’s a Kerch omega with an abusive piece-of-shit for a father. I think he knows that better than either of us.” 

“Hmm.” Kaz flexed his fingers, the leather creaking. “That complicates matters.” 

“Complicates what matters?” 

“You’ll know my plans if and when there is a need for you to know.” 

Jesper rolled his eyes. “Fine. But stop playing those games with Wylan. He made you those bombs, so clearly he’s capable-” 

“Presuming they work.” 

“-and he’ll work better if he isn’t constantly terrified. You know, like most normal people?” 

“Oh? Anything else? Should I also get him a pony while I’m at it?” 

“Yeah, that’d be perfect, actually,” Jesper retorted. “I mean it, Kaz. Wylan is new here, he doesn’t know yet when to take your threats seriously and when you’re just saying things to be an asshole.” 

“You should know by now to always take my threats seriously, Jesper.” 

If Jesper could have rolled his eyes any harder, he would have. “You won’t say it but we both know this pack means something to you. Wylan is part of it now, and he should be able to feel safe in his own pack. If you won’t do it for him, then do it for me.” 

“Are you finished?” 

“Yes. But if you don’t back off of Wylan, I’m telling Inej and sending her to talk sense into you next time.” 

Kaz’s nostrils flared as he leveled a glare at Jesper that would’ve instantly petrified anyone else. “Get out.”

Notes:

Does Wylan, after being berated and put down and diminished for most of his life, have a praise kink? Yes, 100%.
Did he realize it in the middle of a panic attack? Also yes. And good for him.
(And no, I will not be taking any criticism on this)

Jesper, meanwhile: DAILY AFFIRMATIONS BABYYYY

Chapter 8

The next morning, Wylan found a box outside his room. He brought it inside, curiosity getting the better of him. There was a small note stuck to the top of it, which he set aside before opening the box. Inside was a blank sketchbook, a set of drawing pencils, and a wooden flute. Wylan gasped softly as he pulled it closer, running reverent fingers over its smooth surface. It wasn’t as nice as his old metal flute, but it was still lovely. He clutched it to his chest happily, a small smile playing on his lips. His gaze drifted over the note, wondering if it was Jesper or someone else that had gotten these things for him. He’d have to figure out how to thank them. 

“Omega. Let’s go,” Kaz rasped from the doorway, nearly making him jump. 

Wylan rushed to put away his gifts carefully, taking care to set them where they wouldn’t be damaged. He tucked the note away in his nightstand, before hurrying after Kaz. Thankfully, with his limp and cane, it didn’t take Wylan long to catch up. He didn’t want to invoke Kaz’s wrath this early in the day. 

“How long do you need to make ten smoke bombs?” Kaz asked as they headed toward the warehouse. 

Wylan bit his lip. He already had some of the chemicals figured out and labeled with his music notes, but he didn’t want to have to be pressed for time like before. “Until eight bells,” he said, giving himself extra time to be on the safe side. 

“Fine. I’ll be back then,” Kaz said, turning to leave him alone in the workshop. 

“Um…” Wylan hesitated. 

“What, merchling?” 

Wylan rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “It’s just, Jesper said I can’t skip meals anymore.” 

“Did he,” Kaz said flatly. “Fine, someone will bring you lunch. Now get to work.” 

So Wylan did. It was easier this time around, now that he had some idea of where things were and what he had to work with, and now that he wasn’t so pressed for time. He got into the rhythm of it quickly, finding that he actually didn’t mind it. It was sort of soothing, being allowed to just work in peace, run his experiments until he found the right combinations for what he needed, adjusting and fine-tuning until it was working the way he wanted. He liked figuring out how things worked, and he liked making things, too, he found. 

Wylan was humming to himself as he added more powder to his concoction, when a deep voice called out, “Hello, little lamb.” 

Wylan startled, straightening up as he moved his goggles onto his head. “Um, hello,” he said, his gaze flicking over the tall, blond man standing on the other side of his work table. 

“Kaz sent me to bring you lunch,” the man said, holding up a paper bag. 

“Oh!” Wylan said, trying to hide his disappointment. He’d sort of hoped it would be Jesper bringing him food. “Yes, thank you, um…” He sniffed the air cautiously, noting a faint scent of fresh snow, crisp and earthy. Or at least that’s how he imagined snow might smell like; it didn’t really snow often in Ketterdam. The man was a beta, it seemed. “You’re Matthias? Nina’s mate?” he ventured a guess. 

“I am,” the man nodded. “Here, you should eat before it gets cold.” 

He set the bag on the table, before taking a step back as he sensed Wylan’s hesitancy. He might not have been an alpha but he was as big as one, and Wylan wasn’t sure how he felt about getting too close to him. Though he was Nina’s mate, and that had to count for something, he reasoned. He didn’t think Nina would pick someone cruel or untrustworthy as her mate, not when they were a love match. 

“How is it going with…” Matthias gestured at the cluttered table. “That?” 

“It’s good. I think I figured out the right proportions. I just need to put it together now.” 

“Ah. Very well.” 

Wylan noted the way the accent curled around his words, making them not-quite Kerch-sounding. “You’re Fjerdan?” he asked in surprise, taking a bite of the meat-filled pastry he’d discovered inside the bag. The flaky dough practically melted on his tongue. He hadn’t realized how hungry he’d gotten, so used as he was to pushing his hunger away. 

“I am,” Matthias said with a nod. “It wasn’t an easy adjustment, coming here, becoming part of this pack.” Matthias hesitated. “I know it isn’t easy for you either. Probably harder, even.” 

“Because I’m the only omega?” Wylan asked. 

“No. Because you didn’t have a choice. I chose to be with Nina, and we chose to be part of this pack. You didn’t.” 

“Oh,” Wylan murmured with a frown. “No, but… it hasn’t been so bad. Except…” he trailed off nervously. 

“Except what, little lamb?” Matthias said, not unkindly. 

“If… if Kaz decides I’m useless, will he get rid of me?” Wylan asked hesitantly. 

Matthias shook his head. “It’s impossible to know what that demjin is ever thinking. But Jesper won’t let that happen. None of us will.” 

“You won’t?” 

“No. We never should’ve let you get unwittingly pulled into his schemes. The least we owe you is to make sure you have a safe home here.” 

The corner of Wylan’s mouth twisted up as he finished his second pastry. “Thank you.” 

“Think nothing of it, lamb.” 

 

********** 

 

Matthias had offered to keep him company after he finished eating, but Wylan had politely declined. He was determined to finish the smoke bombs when he said he would, and that required him to concentrate. He ended up finishing with a bell and a half to spare, and he used the time to try to figure out the identity of more of the chemicals in the workshop. He hadn’t even noticed Kaz was back until the alpha spoke. 

“Well? Do you have what I asked for this time, omega?” 

“Um. Yes,” Wylan said nervously, pushing the box he’d carefully packaged across the table. 

“Good. Your flash bombs worked. Here.” Kaz threw a stack of kruge on the table after snatching up the box. “You’ll get more if these also work like they’re supposed to.” Wylan’s jaw nearly fell open as he carefully picked up the kruge, thumbing through it in disbelief. “Don’t act like you’ve never seen kruge before. Put that away and let’s go,” Kaz said impatiently, not waiting to see if Wylan was following as he turned around and began walking with the box tucked under his arm. 

Wylan hurried after him, the kruge burning a hole in his pocket. His father may have had an empire worth hundreds of millions of kruge, but he’d never seen a single one of them, had never been entrusted with any money at all. Everything he’d had was at the discretion of his father; he’d practically had to beg every time he grew out of his clothes or shoes for new ones. But perhaps that was the point. 

Having his own money meant he could get food if he was hungry, or clothes if his got torn or worn down. It meant he wouldn’t have to beg anymore. 

Wylan grinned to himself as he pulled up a loose floorboard in his room and stashed the kruge inside. 

 

************

 

And so the days passed. Sometimes Kaz would have assignments for him, sometimes he didn’t. On the days he didn’t, Wylan was left to his own devices. The others crows-why they called themselves that was still a mystery to Wylan-often invited him to accompany them on various errands, and he was more than happy to oblige. When they were busy, he was content to be alone too. Now that he had his flute and his sketchbook, he could occupy himself for hours on end. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed playing and drawing and composing until those abilities were returned to him. 

He’d been so occupied with it all that he hadn’t even realized a week had passed until Jesper asked, “So, what do you want, sweetheart?” 

“Want?” Wylan frowned in confusion. 

“For your reward. You’ve done such a good job at keeping up your end of the bargain this week. You deserve your reward.” 

Wylan tried (and failed) not to flush at the praise. “Um…” He’d spent all week thinking of what he’d ask for but now that it was actually time to do so, he was a bit nervous. Taking a deep breath, he asked, “Will you read to me again?” 

Jesper raised an eyebrow. “That’s what you want for your reward?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then yes, of course I’ll read to you.” 

So Wylan had curled up under a thick blanket, Jesper’s fingers eventually finding their way into his hair like before. Wylan didn’t mind that. He’d let his eyes flutter closed, all his senses narrowing down to Jesper’s fingers and voice. It was lovely. 

“Hey,” Jesper said an hour later. Wylan cracked his eyes open to squint at him. “What do you say we make this deal again? But I get to add a new phrase for you.” 

“What’s the phrase?” Wylan asked skeptically. 

“You’re capable.” 

“I’m…” Wylan swallowed, before whispering, “I’m capable.” 

“Good boy, darling! But it only counts if you say all of them.” 

“I know. I will. Tomorrow. Will you keep reading?” 

Jesper chuckled, his hands resuming stroking Wylan’s hair. “Sure, my sweet.” 

Wylan closed his eyes contently. 

 

************

 

And so the weeks passed, with them renewing the deal every week with a new phrase and another reward. Some weeks were harder than others. Wylan had spiraled into a self-deprecating spiral of loathing when Jesper tried to get him to say that he was brilliant. It had taken Jesper a full thirty minutes to talk him out of it. But he did, eventually. Because Jesper was good and kind and patient and better than anything Wylan had ever dreamt of having in a mate. 

Wylan still wondered how he’d gotten so lucky, because it certainly wasn’t because he deserved it. Guilt ate away at him for not telling Jesper about his greatest secret, his greatest shame, and deceiving the alpha into thinking that his mate was smart and capable rather than knowing what a simple-minded idiot he really was. But Wylan couldn’t bring himself to shatter the fragile happiness that he’d only just found for the first time in over a decade. So he tried to enjoy it for as long as it would last. 

The second week he asked to go back to the stroopwafel cafe, and Jesper had happily obliged him. The third week, it was an outing to an art gallery; the fourth, a trip to the symphony. Wylan had spent years wishing his father would let him go just once, but with Jesper it was so easy. All he’d had to do was keep up his end of the deal and ask. Jesper hadn’t refused any of his requests, and he didn’t seem to mind being dragged along either. So they went, together. Wylan could hardly contain his excitement at the beautiful canvases sprawled in front of him, or at the harmonies that filled his soul to its very depth. It was all so new and exciting that he could barely drink it all in. 

Equally new and exciting was being mated out in public. Before, he would’ve been punished for so much as looking at an alpha for too long in public. But now, he could look and even touch Jesper all he wanted. Not only was it allowed but it was almost expected. And it left Wylan breathless. All it had taken was one bite to his neck, and suddenly he could hold hands with Jesper or lean against him or be held by him. And no one yelled at him or called him names or berated him for it. People just… walked by. 

Jesper, for his part, seemed to always be touching him, whether it was a hand resting on his shoulders or back or their fingers laced together. Never below his waist or above his knees, even when they were alone, and never under his clothes, except to check how his back was healing. And that was fine. It really was. Wylan wasn’t sure he was ready for that, anyway. But he did start to wonder whether Jesper would ever kiss him again properly. Not that Jesper didn’t kiss him plenty, but it was always his cheeks or his forehead or his hair, never his lips. Whenever Wylan thought that maybe he would finally do it, Jesper always pulled away or changed course. And Wylan had been too terrified to properly enjoy their kiss at the wedding. He didn’t want that to be the only real kiss he’d ever have. Sue him. 

But, much as he may have wanted that, he would take what he could get. Things were fine. Better than fine. Maybe even good. He felt like he could breathe again for the first time since he was a child. He wasn’t yelled at or berated or hurt or deprived of anything anymore. He had a kind pack and a good mate and more freedom than he’d ever had in his life. So Wylan was trying very hard not to be greedy for more. 

 

************

 

Jesper had started keeping a mental tally of what his mate did and didn’t like. 

Wylan didn’t like loud noises or raised voices. 

He didn’t like sudden movements. 

He did like chocolate and stroopwafels. 

He liked being read to. 

He seemed to like being touched. He certainly liked having his hair played with. 

He liked being called a good boy and a good omega. And he liked Kerch endearments almost just as much. 

He liked talking about art and music. 

Not that Jesper understood much of what he was talking about. Painting techniques and musical keys went above his head, not to mention trying to understand even half of what Wylan did in his chemistry workshop. He couldn’t even pronounce most of the names of the chemicals that Wylan told him about, while his omega was trying to explain some complex chemical reaction, his mind racing at a hundred miles per hour. Jesper had just stared in awe at his brilliant merchling. At the gallery, too, he’d just stared at Wylan with a grin while the omega was explaining something about the art style of some painting or another. 

“And then you have to mix…” he’d trailed off, noticing Jesper’s stare. “What?” 

“Nothing. It’s just that you can talk, after all.” 

“Oh, um, sorry,” Wylan had said sheepishly, tugging at his sleeves. “I know I’m rambling-” 

“No, keep going. Tell me about that one,” Jesper had said, pointing to a nearby painting as he’d wrapped his arms around Wylan and pulled him into a hug from behind. 

“Oh, well, that one is a DeKappel, and…” 

So Jesper had listened and laughed as Wylan had called the painter stuffy and pretentious, and declared that there were much better examples of that painting style to be found elsewhere. And Jesper had nearly kissed him then and there. Oh, how he had wanted to kiss his strong, brilliant, gorgeous, spunky firecracker of an omega. But he came back to his senses at the last moment. 

Because he couldn’t do that. Not when he’d promised to never force Wylan into anything. Not when he didn’t know if Wylan would want that. Not when he didn’t know if Wylan would be able to say no if he didn’t. Jesper couldn’t risk hurting him like that. Even if it killed him.

Notes:

Alternatively titled, "how can two people who are so smart be so dumb when it comes to communication???"

Anywho, feel free to place your bets on who's gonna get it together and make the first move :)

Chapter 9

Notes:

"Give the people what they want!" -Danielle Galligan

Wylan tried not to be greedy. He really, really did. He’d spent the whole week trying not to stare at Jesper, not to watch his beautifully-shaped lips when he was talking or reading. He really tried. He tried to ignore the shivers that ran down his spine when Jesper’s hands grazed across his body. He tried to keep himself busy with Kaz’s assignments and his drawing and his music, but every song he played, he thought of Jesper. Every sketch he made, even if he’d sat down with the intention of drawing a landscape, ended up being of Jesper. Wylan was officially losing his mind. 

He’d spent a lot of time trying to come up with what he would ask for that week, but that proved hard when there was really only one thing he wanted. So when Jesper had asked, he’d blurted it out without thinking. 

“A kiss.” 

Wylan bit his tongue, holding his breath as he waited for Jesper’s reaction. 

What have I done, what have I done, what have I done??

Jesper’s eyes widened as he watched Wylan carefully. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” Wylan rushed to say. “I mean, if-if you want-” 

Jesper stepped closer, one hand reaching up to cup Wylan’s face while the other snaked around to rest on his back. He was so close that Wylan could’ve gotten lost in the gray pools of his eyes if he let himself. “I want,” Jesper said, and closed the distance between them. 

Wylan gasped softly as their lips connected, his eyes fluttering shut. Jesper’s lips were just as soft and pillowy as he remembered, and he let himself practically melt into the kiss. The hand on his back pressed him even closer, and he was thankful for that, as it felt like his legs might collapse under him at any moment. Jesper’s tongue licked at his lips, and Wylan instinctively parted them. His hands came up to rest against Jesper’s chest of their own accord, fingers twining into the silky fabric. Warmth bloomed in his chest, his heart pounding as what felt like a hundred cyan morphos fluttered in his stomach. His mind stilled, all his senses narrowing down to the places their bodies connected, and Wylan thought he would’ve been happy doing this forever. 

But eventually they needed air, and Jesper pulled away. Wylan almost chased after him, before realizing his own lungs were screaming, too. He gasped breathlessly, certain that he looked a mess with his glossy lips and glowing cheeks. 

“ Fuck , Wy,” Jesper panted, his eyes locked on Wylan. “You’re not going to make me wait another week to do this again, are you?” 

“No,” Wylan giggled. 

“Thank the Saints,” Jesper said, and tilted his chin up to kiss him again. 

This one was slow and languid. Indulgent. If the first one had been a roaring flame, this one was a cozy, even heat, fueled by the realization that they could keep doing this. Again. And again. There was no rush, no desperation this time, just a gentle joining. It was perfect. 

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” Jesper asked when they pulled apart. Wylan glanced hesitantly at the bed behind him. “Just to sleep,” Jesper rushed to add, sensing his unease. “I just don’t want to let go of you yet.” 

And that was enough to ease Wylan’s nerves; he trusted Jesper’s intentions. “Okay,” he agreed. 

 

Hours later, Wylan fell asleep curled in Jesper’s arms, his lips swollen from kissing but stretched into a smile. 

 

***********

 

Jesper woke to the sound of whimpering. He blinked blearily, taking a few seconds to remember where he was. Who he was with. 

Wylan was laying beside him, his face all scrunched up as he kicked out in his sleep. 

“No, no, stop, please stop, please,” he whimpered. 

“Shh, darling, shh, it’s okay,” Jesper tried to soothe. 

“No, stop it, stop it, please!” Wylan cried out, twisting against the sheets. 

“Shh, shhh, it’s okay,” Jesper repeated, carefully reaching over to cup Wylan’s face. Wylan turned his face into his arm, whining softly. “Shh, sweetheart, you’re okay. You’re safe. You’re home,” Jesper whispered, trying to calm his mate. Wylan nuzzled at the scent gland on his wrist, and his brows smoothed out as he stilled. 

Hmm, okay. Interesting , Jesper thought. But hey, if that’s what works.  

Carefully, he rubbed his wrist over Wylan’s cheeks, marking him with his scent. Wylan’s breaths evened out as he calmed further. Jesper pulled the scrunched up sheet over him, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

“Rest, darling,” he whispered, holding his omega close. 

 

***********

 

Wylan woke slowly, the sweet, cloying sleep refusing to let go of him. The warm light tickled his eyelids until he blinked them open sluggishly to find Jesper watching him with a soft smile. He was laying on his stomach with his arm thrown over Wylan’s abdomen, fingers tracing idle patterns there. 

“Hi,” he said, voice groggy with sleep. “How did you sleep?” 

“Mmm, good,” Wylan murmured. He hadn’t woken up trembling in a panic like he did most nights, so that was a night of good sleep in his book. 

“I’m glad,” Jesper said, moving his hand up to cup Wylan’s face. “You’re so pretty like this. Not that you aren’t always pretty.” 

“Stop it,” Wylan grumbled, blushing. 

“No, it’s true,” Jesper retorted, moving closer to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

Wylan sighed softly, tangling his fingers in Jesper’s tight coils. Maybe being married wasn’t so bad if he got to wake up like this every day. Jesper pulled back, brushing his thumb over Wylan’s cheek. Wylan moved to kiss him again, but a loud knock on the door interrupted him. He huffed in annoyance as Kaz’s voice rang out. 

“Get up Jesper. I have a job for you. And tell the merchling to get up, too.” 

Jesper groaned, dropping his head onto Wylan’s shoulder. “How does he already know? We weren’t even that loud last night.” 

Wylan shrugged. “He’s Kaz. He knows everything.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Jesper grumbled, before pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “We’ll continue this tonight?” 

“Mmm,” Wylan hummed contently, watching his husband patter about the room. 

Yeah, marriage wasn’t so bad. 

 

***********

 

Turns out, kissing was more thrilling than he’d realized. Wylan spent the next several weeks feeling like he was floating on a cloud. His heart still raced every time they kissed, and his mind was constantly preoccupied with Jesper. When they were apart, all he could do was count down the minutes until he was back in Jesper’s arms with Jesper’s lips on his. 

But there was still one thing that he was nervous about. Jesper hadn’t pushed him for more, but he knew it would head in that direction eventually, and he wanted to be prepared for what to expect. So, one day when all the other crows were busy and he’d finished Kaz’s latest order, he volunteered to help Nina with muffin baking. 

“Can I ask you something?” Wylan asked while stirring a bowl of would-be dough. 

“Of course, love. What about?” Nina replied cheerfully, dispersing her batch into little baking forms. 

“About, um… coupling?” Wylan said hesitantly. 

“Oh, you want to know about sex,” she stated. Heat rose in Wylan’s cheeks at how bluntly she said it, but he nodded. “Ask away, then.” 

“Does it… Will it hurt a lot? The first time?” Wylan asked, barely above a whisper. 

“It shouldn’t,” Nina said kindly. “It might be sort of uncomfortable at first, and you’ll probably be sore after, but it shouldn’t hurt much. Jesper will make sure you’re well-prepared before you move on to that part. And if anything hurts or doesn’t feel good, you tell him and he’ll change what he’s doing.” She flashed him a smile. “He’ll take good care of you, Wy. And if he doesn’t, you tell me, and I’ll give him a piece of my mind.” 

Wylan laughed, his nerves eased somewhat. “Thanks, Nina.” 

“Anytime, sweetums.” 

 

**********

 

Later that night, once all the other crows were back and they’d eaten dinner, Inej had convinced them all to play some kind of board game together. Wylan didn’t know it but he was catching on quickly. Jesper seemed more interested in playing with his hair, so he let Wylan play for the both of them. He sat on the floor, leaning against an old couch, Wylan sitting between his spread legs. Occasionally, he’d push a piece of chocolate against Wylan’s lips, and Wylan was content to let himself be fed sweet little treats even as he tried to concentrate on the game. 

When he won the next round, Jesper’s fingers traced across his scalp as he pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear, whispering, “Good boy, precious. You’re doing so well, I’m so proud of you, my treasure. Such a smart omega, darling.” 

A shiver ran down Wylan’s spine as he squirmed, eyes fluttering shut. 

Safe, safe, safe , his instincts whispered. Happy, happy, happy. 

A low rumbling built up in his chest, getting louder as it vibrated his vocal cords. 

A soft gasp forced him to open his eyes, only to find the rest of the pack staring at him. “What?” he asked self-consciously. 

“Wy, you purred!” Nina exclaimed joyously, practically suffocating him as she threw her arms around him. 

“What? I’ve never done that before.” He frowned in confusion. 

“Never?” Nina asked. He shook his head. “Omegas purr when they feel safe and content. This is great, Wy!” 

“We’re so happy for you, Wylan,” Inej said, hugging him, too. 

Jesper pressed a kiss to his temple as Matthias reached over Nina to add himself to the hug. 

“Welcome to the pack, little lamb,” he whispered.  

In the corner, Kaz rolled his eyes with a scowl. “Can whoever’s turn it is play already?”

Notes:

I hope this didn't feel rushed. They would've known each other a couple of months by the beginning of this chapter, so I feel like Wylan would be comfortable enough?

Also sorry it's a short chapter, I felt it was better for the plot to break it up this way. Hopefully the fluff makes up for it, though. Enjoy it... for now.

Chapter 10

Wylan might have been cursed, because his happiness never seemed to last. For several weeks, everything had been going great. He’d been happy with his pack, with his mate. More often than not, he spent the night in Jesper’s bed (and slept better those nights, too). They could hardly keep their lips off of each other, and sometimes the occasional hand found its way under his shirt or Jesper’s. Wylan thought he’d be ready for the next step, soon. But perhaps Ghezen didn’t want him to be happy. 

He was walking with Nina to the market one overcast afternoon, their arms looped together, a basket hanging from Nina’s other arm. 

“Wy, sweets, can I ask you something?” 

“Um, sure?” 

“Are you taking suppressants?” 

“No, I wasn’t allowed those,” Wylan said. His father had thought heats were Ghezen’s punishment, and therefore something he had to endure. Nina pursed her lips, giving him a sympathetic look. “Why?” 

“Well, it’s just usually when an alpha and an omega mate, their rut and heat cycles will synchronize. You’ve been here a few months already, and you haven’t had a heat yet.” 

“Oh,” Wylan murmured with a frown. This was brand new information to him. “But… Jesper hasn’t had a rut, either.” 

“He’s been taking suppressants since you got here. He didn’t want you to feel pressured or overwhelmed.” 

“Jesper’s been taking suppressants… for me?” Wylan asked, suddenly feeling dumbfounded. No one had ever done something so thoughtful for his comfort before. 

“He has,” Nina confirmed. “But if you’re not taking them, you still should’ve gotten your heat when he was supposed to have his rut.” 

“Oh, well, I don’t get them that often. Maybe that’s why,” Wylan said with a shrug. 

“What do you mean, not often?” 

“I don’t know, once a year, maybe? I’ve only had a couple.” 

Nina stopped suddenly, grabbing his elbow to pull him to a standstill as she faced him. Wylan tilted his head in confusion. 

“Wy, you know that’s not healthy, right? Omegas are supposed to have a heat every three months,” Nina said, her eyes wide with alarm. 

In truth, he hadn’t known. He hadn’t even known what a heat was until it had hit him. Afterward, he’d begged his father to explain what was happening to his body, but his father had only sneered and shoved a book on omegan physiology into his hands. The servants had been forbidden from telling him anything. It was only Alys who had taken pity on him and explained the basics of a heat to him in a quiet whisper, though there was evidently still a lot he was supposed to know and didn’t. 

“I… I didn’t know,” he admitted softly, shame washing over him at not knowing even the most basic of things about his own body. 

You’d know if you weren’t so stupid. You’d know if you could read . 

Nina watched him with a mixture of pity and worry on her face. It made Wylan nervous. 

“What does it mean? Is something wrong with me?” he asked, biting his lip. 

Besides what we already know is wrong with you? the voice in his head taunted. Wylan tried to push it away. 

“Heats and pregnancies are very taxing on the body. If you’re malnourished for a long time, then your body just doesn’t have that extra energy to spare,” Nina explained gently. 

“Oh,” Wylan said softly, the new information sinking into him and making him feel all sorts of things that were very confusing. 

“And…” Nina hesitated. 

“What?” 

“Well, a heat and especially a pregnancy are a very vulnerable time for an omega. If… if you don’t feel safe, then your body can sense that. I think it was trying to protect you as best as it could.” 

“But can’t I get pregnant outside of heat?” 

“It’s possible, but it’s pretty rare for omegas.” 

“So…” Wylan bit his lip. “What does that mean? Can I… have a baby?” 

“I don’t know, Wy. It’s pretty unlikely until your heats stabilize, at least.” 

“But… I’m safe now. And I’ve been eating more. Shouldn’t that stabilize them?” 

“I hope so. But you’ve been living in those conditions for years; it’ll take some time for your body to adjust. And you still weigh less than is healthy for an omega of your size.” 

Wylan frowned. He had been eating more, but sometimes it was still hard. It was hard when there was a voice whispering in his head that he didn’t deserve to eat, or that Jesper wouldn’t want him anymore if he was no longer the small, meak omega he’d been taught to be since he presented. He’d nearly panicked the first time he’d seen the weight he’d gained in the mirror. And even that apparently wasn’t enough. 

“I’m sorry, Wy,” Nina said, picking up on his distressed scent. She squeezed his hand in support. 

“It’s fine. Let’s just go to the market.” 

 

**********

 

Except it wasn’t fine . 

The conversation with Nina kept replaying in his head as Wylan tried to work in his makeshift laboratory. His thoughts kept racing and swirling around in his mind as he tried to make sense of this newest revelation. 

He had never really considered whether he wanted to have children, mostly because he assumed it wouldn’t ever be his decision to make. But now… now that he was fairly certain that a pregnancy wouldn’t be forced on him, wouldn’t be demanded of him… Well, that made a difference. For the first time, he could picture a future that he didn’t hate. He could imagine building a real home with Jesper. He could imagine making the loving family that he never got to have before. Maybe not right away, but someday. Jesper would be a good father, he thought. He had never hurt him and Wylan didn’t think he’d hurt their children either, even if they did turn out to be omegas, too. He could practically picture it: a small cottage in the countryside, sunlight streaming through the windows, the smell of freshly baked cookies filling the air, their children’s delighted laughter as Jesper spun them in the air. A safe, calm home, with no raised fists or voices, filled instead with light and love. So maybe… maybe he did want that.

Except his imagined future was slipping away from him before he could grasp it. And maybe if he forced himself to eat more, his heats would be normal. But what if they weren’t? What if years of being half-starved and constantly terrified had left his body damaged beyond repair? What if even if he ate more, it still wouldn’t be enough? Maybe he really was too broken to be fixed. Maybe father has succeeded in that after all , Wylan thought as angry tears blurred his vision. Even though he was gone from that Ghezen-forsaken mansion, his father still managed to take his choices away. Had managed to take away the possibility of him having a family, again. 

With a furious scream, Wylan hurled a vial of potassium chlorate at the wall as hard as he could. It shattered loudly, sending up a cloud of white powder. 

“And why, exactly, are you destroying my property?” a voice asked behind him. 

Wylan gasped, wiping at his eyes frantically before turning around to face Kaz. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I’ll replace it.” 

“Obviously,” Kaz rasped. “But that’s not what I asked.” 

“What?” Wylan asked with a frown. 

Kaz pulled out a tall stool and sat on it, stretching his bad leg out in front of him. “I want to know why you are destroying things instead of doing your work.” 

Wylan watched him with confusion, trying to ascertain whether Kaz was serious. Kaz tilted his head as if to gesture that he was waiting. 

Wylan bit the inside of his cheek, fiddling with his sleeves nervously. “I… I might not be able to have a baby,” he whispered. 

Kaz closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before exhaling loudly. He opened his eyes slowly, boring them into Wylan. “What, exactly, do you need a baby for right now?” 

“I don’t, but maybe someday. I want to have that choice.” 

“Hmm,” Kaz muttered, seemingly unimpressed. “And what makes you think you can’t have one?” 

So Wylan spilled everything to him. The conversation with Nina, and his own fears and worries that stemmed from it. Kaz listened silently, his expression unchanging. 

When Wylan was done, he twisted his cane so the crow’s beak on top of it was pointing at Wylan, and said passively, “So, you’re catastrophizing.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You heard me. All Nina said was that you need to eat more if you want your heats to be normal, and you’ve decided that means you can’t ever get pregnant.” 

“But maybe I can’t.” 

“You don’t know that, so why would you assume it?” 

“I-I don’t…” 

“Exactly. Besides, there are grisha healers who deal with those sorts of issues. And if you really want a brat so bad, there are plenty of street urchins in the barrel. Take your pick.” 

“Huh? I’m not going to kidnap a child!” Wylan protested. 

Kaz shrugged. “Suit yourself. But maybe instead of worrying about having babies, you should focus on getting healthy. And doing the job I pay you for.” He raised an eyebrow pointedly. 

“Er, right.” 

“I expect you to replace what you broke tomorrow,” Kaz said, before walking away and leaving a dumbfounded Wylan staring after him. 

 

**********

 

Jesper’s omega had been much too sad for his liking lately. He’d curl himself around Wylan and nuzzle against his scent gland, which seemed to relax the omega a touch, but the bitter notes still remained in his scent. Jesper had tried to ask what was bothering him, too, but Wylan had only brushed him off, insisting he was fine. 

“Please, tell me what’s wrong, darling. I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me,” Jesper had pleaded. 

“You can’t help me with this,” Wylan had replied. 

So Jesper was at a loss. 

And that was how he found himself one night, walking back from a job with Inej, though his mind was only on Wylan. 

“I don’t know what to do, ‘Nej,” Jesper complained. 

“Maybe he just needs some time before he’s ready to talk about whatever’s bothering him,” Inej reasoned. 

“Yeah, maybe. But I just wish I could cheer him up somehow,” Jesper lamented. 

“I know, Jes. Maybe take him somewhere that he likes. Give him a break from everything for a bit,” Inej suggested. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Jesper sighed. “Wait a second, do you hear that?” 

He paused, tilting his head to better hear the soft mewling coming from a nearby alleyway. Jesper exchanged a look with Inej, before she stepped into the alley with her knives drawn. He followed her with his hands resting on the pearl-handled revolvers hanging off his hips. 

“Oh!” Inej exclaimed, kneeling down by the wall of the alley. “Jes, look.” 

“What is it?” he asked, kneeling beside her. 

A soft meow answered his question as a small orange kitten slunk against the wall. It was shaking as it watched them, crying out quietly. 

“Poor little guy. Where’s your mama, huh?” Inej murmured gently, reaching out to stroke the little kitten’s back. “I don’t see its mom,” she said, peering down the length of the alley. “It’ll die if we leave it here by itself.” 

“Mmm,” Jesper hummed in agreement. “Hey, do you think Wylan will like it?” 

“I’m sure he would,” Inej replied with a small smile. 

Jesper grinned, tucking the tiny mewling creature against his chest and pulling his coat over it. 

 

*********** 

 

Jesper sauntered into the building, following the scent of his omega as Inej silently tailed his footsteps. Sure enough, his nose led him to the kitchen, where Wylan was helping Nina and Matthias with dinner. 

“Hi, darling,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around the omega’s waist from behind and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Oh!” Wylan exclaimed in surprise, his hand coming up to rest on Jesper’s arm. “Hi. I didn’t realize you were back already.” 

“Just got back,” Jesper said. “I’ve got something for you.” 

“What is it?” 

Jesper grinned, pulling out the hand that was tucked into his coat and presenting the tiny kitten to Wylan. The omega’s eyes widened as he took in the mewling bundle of orange fluff. He reached out hesitantly to take the kitten into his hands and held it carefully against his chest. 

“Ghezen, it’s so small! Where did you find it?” he exclaimed, stroking over its fur with a single finger. 

“In an alley on our way back. It was crying and we couldn’t find its ma, so we brought it here.” 

Wylan nodded. “It’s probably hungry. Nina, do we have any milk?” 

“Yes, but that’s not in the recipe. What do you need-oh!” Nina exclaimed, rushing over to look at the ball of fur in his arms. “Oh, she’s adorable!” 

“And hungry. Milk?” 

“Right, yes, of course.” 

Nina rushed to get a bottle of milk and pour some into a small bowl. She set it on the table and Wylan placed the little kitten next to it. She wobbled over to the bowl on shaky legs and began lapping vigorously at the milk. 

“She’s eating!” Wylan whispered excitedly. Jesper wrapped both arms around his waist, pulling Wylan back to lean against his chest, and pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear. 

“She’s demanding, too,” Jesper observed as the kitten finished drinking and began meowing loudly. Wylan laughed, pouring more milk into the bowl. “Now we’ll have two spicy gingers around here.” 

Wylan rolled his eyes with a snort. “Maybe that’s what we should call her. What do you think? Do you want to be Ginger?” he asked the kitten, rubbing her tiny head once she’d finished eating. The kitten meowed loudly. “Do you think that means yes?” Wylan asked, gazing at Jesper skeptically. 

“I think it does,” Jesper agreed with a grin. 

“It’s perfect!” Nina squealed excitedly. 

“Ginger it is, then,” Wylan declared. 

“Inej, I need-” Kaz walked into the kitchen, before stopping to stare at them skeptically. “What’s going on? What is that?” 

“This is Ginger,” Wylan said, scooping up the little kitten and holding her up. 

Kaz’s eyes narrowed on the kitten. “No. Absolutely not. Put that filthy creature back where you found it.” 

Wylan pressed Ginger to his chest defensively. “No. This is my cat, and I’m keeping her,” he said, meeting Kaz’s glare with one of his own. 

“You are not. Despite your presence here, this is not a shelter for strays. Get rid of it,” Kaz said. 

“I will not,” Wylan replied defiantly. Ginger hissed at Kaz in agreement. 

Jesper squeezed Wylan’s bicep in support, pride flowing down their bond. Mere months ago, Wylan would have cowered in submission rather than stand up to an alpha. And not just any alpha, but Kaz Brekker. For several moments, they glared at each other, a silent argument passing between them. Jesper watched in amazement as Kaz eventually relented. 

“Fine,” he gritted out. “But you are responsible for any messes it makes. And if it so much as sets foot in my office, I will turn it into taxidermy.” 

“She’ll stay out of your office,” Wylan agreed. 

With a last disapproving glare directed at Ginger, Kaz limped out of the kitchen. Jesper laughed in disbelief, before pressing a chaste kiss to Wylan’s lips. 

“There is literally no way he would’ve caved so easily if it had been me or Nina or Matthias asking,” he said. “I think you’re growing on him, merchling.” 

Wylan shrugged, though a small smile played on his lips as he lovingly gazed at the kitten. 

“Let’s go clean her up,” he said. 

Ginger meowed loudly in protest.

Notes:

Wylan: I want a baby

Jesper and Kaz (in his alternative career as a reluctant therapist): ... Let's start with a cat

Chapter 11

Wylan’s mood seemed to improve a fair bit with the addition of the kitten to their pack. Jesper frequently found them playing together, Ginger chasing after Wylan’s fingers or bits of cloth that he’d found for her. The kitten, too, was just as enamored with Wylan as he was with her. She followed him all throughout the house, slept on his pillow, and cried loudly any time Wylan had to leave her behind to go to his workshop. Kaz had threatened several times to throw her out for it. Wylan had only glared at him and tried to explain to Ginger, yet again, why his workshop was a dangerous place for a little cat. Jesper doubted she understood, but he found it incredibly endearing. 

So that was how Jesper found them one afternoon, Wylan sitting on the floor and dragging a piece of cloth around while Ginger chased it. He sidled up behind Wylan and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. 

“Hi there, my little tigers,” Jesper said. 

“Hi Jes,” Wylan said, leaning back against him and tilting his head up for a kiss. Which Jesper indulged him in, of course. 

“Having fun?” 

“Mmm,” Wylan hummed in agreement.

Jesper propped his head on Wylan’s shoulder, content to watch Ginger pounce around for several minutes, before the urge to do something began making him restless. 

“Can I try something?” he asked. 

“Of course.” 

Jesper reached to pull the cloth from Wylan’s hand, leaving a very disappointed-looking Ginger behind as he reeled it in. 

“Is this from your old clothes?” Jesper asked, frowning at the expensive-looking fabric. 

“Yep.” 

Jesper chuckled, tying the cloth off quickly to a stick that he’d found earlier that day, while unpacking crates of alcohol at the Crow Club. Then, Jesper pulled out an old bullet casing that had been rattling around in his pocket for some reason. Holding it against the end of the fabric, he squeezed his fist around it and concentrated on feeling the molecules of the metal. He made them shift around, reshaping and reforming the material. Sure enough, when he opened his fist, a small bell was attached to the end of the cloth. It was bumpy and lopsided, but it was still a bell. 

“Well, it’s not perfect, but I think she’ll enjoy it,” Jesper said, handing the stick to Wylan. 

Wylan placed a hand over his, smiling softly. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” Jesper could feel his smile as Wylan kissed his cheek. 

“Anything for you, my precious omega,” Jesper murmured. 

Wylan hummed contently, flicking the new toy out for a delighted Ginger to chase around as he leaned back against Jesper’s chest again. “I’m glad I belong to you,” he said. 

Jesper stiffened. “What?” 

“I said I’m glad I’m your omega.” 

“That’s not what you said,” Jesper countered with a frown. “You said you’re glad you belong to me .” 

“Well, yeah. It’s the same thing.” 

“No, it isn’t. You don’t belong to me, Wylan,” Jesper said, moving so he could face Wylan directly. “You don’t belong to anyone.” 

Wylan furrowed his eyebrows. “You call me yours all the time.” 

Jesper shook his head. “When I call you mine, I don’t mean it like a possession. I mean mine to care for. Mine to protect. Mine to cherish.” 

Wylan blushed, his eyes shinier than usual as he leaned in to kiss Jesper. 

“Then I’m glad to be yours.” 

 

************

 

Wylan and Ginger were curled up in bed one evening, just waiting for Jesper to change into his sleeping clothes. As Jesper wandered over, Wylan set his sketchbook aside, exchanging it for the book that Jesper had been reading to him. Wylan chuckled as Jesper plopped himself onto the bed, burying his head in Wylan’s lap. Carding his lithe fingers through Jesper’s hair, Wylan attempted to hand him the book, but Jesper only grumbled. 

“‘M tired. And you never read to me. It’s your turn,” Jesper mumbled, pushing the book back at Wylan. 

Wylan stared at the cover as the letters blurred and shifted before his eyes, his pulse quickly speeding up. 

Please just stay still, stop moving, just for today , he futilely begged the letters. But of course they didn’t listen. Wylan’s breathing got shallower as he stared at the book, his hands shaking. 

Why did you have to push it? Why did you have to be so greedy? You never should’ve asked for this, little idiot.  

“Wy?” Jesper murmured when Wylan didn’t say anything. 

A cold sweat broke out on his brow as Wylan’s knuckles whitened where he gripped the book. A small whimper threatened to escape his throat but he bit it back just in time. 

“Wylan? Hey, what’s going on?” Jesper asked, his eyes widening in alarm as he moved to sit, driven by the omega’s distressed scent. 

Shoving the book aside, Wylan moved to the edge of the bed, driven by his instincts to be ready to run at any second, in case… just in case. He gasped in a breath, gripping the mattress beneath him tightly. 

Stupid, stupid boy. He won’t want you now. You’ve gone and ruined the only good thing you’ve ever had. What will you do when he throws you out into the street? All because-

Ginger meowled in concern, weaving herself onto his lap and butting her little head against his chest. Wylan sunk his fingers into her plush fur, hugging her small body to himself. That, at least, calmed his heart long enough to gulp down a full breath. He smelled Jesper’s scent a split second before the alpha moved beside him and placed a hand on his back. 

“Wy, sweetheart, you’re okay. You’re safe. Please tell me what happened?” 

“I c-can’t,” Wylan gritted out, his teeth practically chattering in fear of Jesper’s reaction. His rejection.

“You can’t tell me?” 

“No, I-I can’t…” Wylan whimpered softly, squeezing his eyes shut. “Read,” he finished in a whisper. 

“What? What do you mean? You had tutors, they must have taught you,” Jesper asked in confusion. 

“They t-tried. They tried everything. But I just… can’t.” Wylan took a deep breath, hugging Ginger tighter as Jesper’s hand began moving up and down his back. “T-The letters, they move around. They don’t stay still long enough for me to make sense of them. It doesn’t happen with numbers or music notes. Only letters.” 

“Oh,” Jesper murmured, frowning as he tried to process it. “Well, okay, then.” 

Wylan stared at him incredulously. “What do you mean, okay, then ? Aren’t you angry?” 

“No? Why would I be angry?” 

“I lied to you-” 

“You didn’t lie.” 

“But I didn’t tell you. I deceived you.” 

“You told me now.” Jesper shrugged. “So what does it matter?” 

Wylan groaned in frustration. Did Jesper not understand what he was saying? 

“Don’t you get it? I can’t read . I can’t do what a six year old can. Aren’t you mad that you were deceived and given a defective omega for a mate?” the words spilled out before Wylan could stop them. 

“You are not defective-” 

“I know what I am, Jesper! I know I’m an idiot and a moron-” 

“Don’t call yourself that!” 

“It’s true.” 

“It’s not.” Jesper cupped his face with both hands, forcing Wylan to meet his gaze. “It’s not. You are not an idiot or a moron, and you are not defective. Maybe you can’t read, but you can do plenty of other things. And if you’ve been able to do everything you’ve done without reading, then that’s even more impressive. I mean, how did you even make Kaz’s explosives without reading the chemical names?” 

“I ran some experiments to figure out what they were. But that’s just chemistry.” 

“Maybe, but an idiot or a moron wouldn’t be able to do that. Saints, merchling, you are even more brilliant than I’d realized!” 

“I’m really not.” 

“You really, really are. You’re the same brilliant, wonderful mate I had five minutes ago. This doesn’t change that.” He pressed a kiss to Wylan’s forehead. “Is that why you freaked out? You were scared to tell me?” 

Wylan nodded, petting Ginger’s back. “It’s why my father hated me. Besides me being an omega. Before that.” 

“You’re kidding?” Jesper asked incredulously. 

Wylan shook his head. “I was supposed to take over his empire. I can’t do that if I can’t read.” 

“Couldn’t you just hire someone to read to you?” 

“Apparently not.” Wylan shrugged. “He thought I was a stain on his family’s legacy.” 

“That’s such bullshit. No, it is!” Jesper insisted as Wylan shook his head. “He punished you for what you couldn’t do instead of taking the time to see everything you could do. He missed out on his wonderful, brilliant, talented, amazing son, who-mmph!” 

Wylan kissed him. Wylan kissed him with everything he had, pouring every ounce of emotion he felt into that kiss. He kissed Jesper passionately, almost ferociously, trying to convey everything he wanted to say through that kiss. Ginger leapt off his lap with a yowl, annoyed at all of his squirming. Which was just as well, because he quickly maneuvered himself onto Jesper’s lap, straddling him. Jesper grasped his waist with one hand, his back with the other, as he kissed him back fervently. Wylan whined into his mouth, rolling his hips against Jesper’s experimentally. That drew out a choked cry from the alpha. 

“Wait, wait, Wy,” Jesper gasped breathlessly, pulling away from Wylan’s chasing lips. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret this if you’re not ready.” 

Wylan nodded, a gentle smile playing on his lips. “I’m sure. I’m ready.” 

He knew it was true as soon as he said it. He trusted Jesper. He wanted to do this. There were still nerves bubbling beneath the surface, but he wasn’t scared anymore. 

Jesper moved to kiss him again with a grin, hands tightening their hold on his body. 

“I’ll take good care of you, baby,” Jesper promised, murmuring the words against his lips. 

“I know,” Wylan replied, smiling into the kiss. 

They kissed for several more moments, before Wylan felt himself being gently flipped onto his back, Jesper hovering over him. Ginger meowed loudly at being disturbed from her favorite pillow and scurried off to hide in Jesper’s closet. 

“I think she’s upset with us,” Wylan noted, watching her run off. 

“She’ll get over it. And you-” Jesper took hold of his chin gently and tilted his head until Wylan was staring straight up at him “-need to be paying attention to me.” 

Wylan was suddenly very glad that he was laying down, because all his muscles suddenly felt like they’d been turned to mush. He swallowed, mouth dry, as he gazed up at Jesper, both their pupils blown wide. 

“I’m paying attention,” he whispered. 

“Good,” Jesper said with a grin, ghosting his lips over Wylan’s. “Because I wouldn’t want you to miss any of this.” 

Wylan whined at the loss of contact, trying to catch Jesper’s lips again but his husband only chuckled and pulled further back. 

“Be patient, sweetheart,” Jesper whispered, pressing his lips to Wylan’s jaw. 

Wylan whimpered as Jesper trailed open-mouthed kisses along his jaw and down his neck. His skin burned where Jesper’s lips touched it, tingles running up and down his body. As Jesper slid down the length of his body and pushed his sleeping shirt up over the base of his abdomen, Wylan squirmed, desperate for more friction. Jesper chuckled, using his strong arms to hold Wylan’s hips down. 

“I told you to be patient, baby,” he admonished. “Let me worship you like you deserve.” 

He pressed a kiss to Wylan’s flat abdomen, and Wylan bit back a gasp. Tantalizingly slowly, Jesper moved up his torso, his hands skimming over Wylan’s sides to push his shirt higher and higher as he peppered Wylan’s delicate skin with kisses and careful nips. 

“My pretty prince. My gorgeous omega,” Jesper murmured against his sternum. 

Wylan panted, his chest rising and falling rapidly as a flush crept down his torso. He released the bundled up sheets he’d been clutching, snaking one hand into Jesper’s coils, the other gripping his bicep. His skin pebbled as Jesper pushed his shirt all the way to his clavicles, leaving his entire torso exposed. He arched himself into Jesper’s touch, head thrown back as his eyes fluttered shut, needy whine escaping his lips-

Then Jesper placed a hand on his neck. 

And suddenly, Wylan was no longer in the room. 

He was back in the mansion, pressed up against the wall of his father’s office, his toes barely scraping the ground. Black dots danced before his eyes as he desperately scratched at the hand wrapped around his throat.  

“I could end your pathetic, worthless life right now and no one would even notice, you stupid mutt,” Van Eck hissed, shaking him so hard that the back of his head hit the wall. Pain blossomed there, but Wylan barely noticed, too preoccupied with trying to breathe. “Is that what you want, you useless little bitch?” 

“N-Nnngh,” Wylan choked out. 

“Then shut up and do as you’re told,” Van Eck growled, squeezing harder. 

Wylan kicked out blindly, clawing at the hand against his neck. 

“Ow! What-” 

“Stop, stop, stop!” Wylan cried out in terror. 

Hands moved off of him instantly, the body hovering over him lifting away. 

“Wylan, what happened? What’s wrong?” someone called out, voice tinged with panic. 

But Wylan had already sprung from the bed and dashed across the room, one hand placed protectively over his throat, his shirt having fallen back down to cover his torso. 

“No, wait, Wylan, stop!” the voice called, footsteps rushing after him. 

Wylan hit a wall and turned, desperately searching for a way out. But the door was on the other side of the room, and there was a figure approaching him, and he’d just backed himself into a corner. Fuck, fuck, fuck . Pressing himself as far back into the wall as he could, his breath coming out in short, rapid spurts, Wylan sobbed in fear. 

“Get away!” he tried to scream, but it came out wet and shaking. 

A small ball of fluff streaked across the room, planting itself in front of his legs. It arched its back, fur sticking up as it hissed at the approaching figure. The figure stopped, holding up both hands. 

“Wylan, it’s me. It’s me, sweetheart. I’m your husband. I’m your mate. I’d never hurt you, you know that. Please, Wy,” the figure pleaded, voice breaking on the last word. Wylan’s senses came back enough for him to recognize the figure as an alpha. He pressed harder back into the wall, a low keen escaping his throat. “Wy, it’s me, please, just…” the alpha extended a hand towards him slowly. “Here, check my scent. You’ll know it’s me.” Wylan shook his head, not willing to come anywhere near the alpha. “I won’t touch you until you say it’s okay, I promise. Please, darling?” 

Something about the way the alpha was pleading made Wylan pause. Alphas didn’t plead, especially not with omegas, so why did this one? Slowly, Wylan inched away from the wall, taking small, careful footsteps towards the outstretched arm. The alpha didn’t move, just watched him with wide gray eyes. Cautiously, Wylan reached out to grasp his arm, keeping a nervous eye on the alpha as he bent his head down to sniff at the scent gland on his wrist. 

The familiar scent hit him all at once, clearing the fog of terror from his mind. Wylan inhaled sharply as the situation settled on him. 

“Jes,” he whispered. 

“Yeah, it’s me, it’s me, baby. Can I touch you, sweetheart?” 

Wylan nodded numbly, his gaze sweeping over the room. His eyes landed on the bed where they’d been minutes earlier, before he’d completely lost it. Oh, fuck . 

Jesper’s hands slowly moved up his arms and around his back as his husband drew him in. Ginger, seemingly satisfied that Jesper wasn’t a threat, rubbed herself against Wylan’s legs as Jesper slowly rocked him back and forth. 

“You’re okay, darling,” Jesper murmured. “You’re safe. You’re home.” 

“I’m sorry,” Wylan whispered, shame washing over him. 

“Shhh, it’s okay, everything is okay,” Jesper reassured him, wiping away the remnants of the tear tracks on Wylan’s face with his thumbs. “Do you want to sit?” 

Wylan nodded, allowing himself to be led over to the edge of the bed. Jesper pressed a kiss to his forehead, taking Wylan’s hand in his. The other one, he realized, was still clutching onto his neck protectively. Shakily, Wylan lowered it. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Jesper prodded gently. 

“I don’t like having my neck touched,” Wylan admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Kissing was fine, but hands on my neck, it reminded me of… before.” Jesper clenched his jaw, but didn’t say anything, giving Wylan the space to talk. “I didn’t realize it was going to be so bad. I’m sorry I ruined it.” 

“It’s okay, there’s no rush. We have plenty of time,” Jesper said, wrapping his arm around Wylan’s shoulders to pull him in closer. 

“I really did want it,” Wylan said miserably. 

“I know. We’ll get it right,” Jesper promised. 

“We could try again?” Wylan offered hopefully. 

“We will. But not today.” 

“Why?” Even to his own ears, Wylan sounded like a petulant child. 

“Because I want you to enjoy it, and you can’t enjoy it when you’re like this.” Wylan sighed sadly, drawing Jesper to kiss his head again. “It’s okay. Let’s just go to sleep, alright?” 

Reluctantly, Wylan agreed, letting Jesper wrap himself around him while Ginger settled on the pillow by his head. But long after their breaths had evened out, Wylan continued staring at the wall, silent tears blurring his vision. 

Stupid boy, why must you ruin everything? 

 

***********

 

“Why is it so hard?” Wylan lamented the next day. He’d told Nina everything that had occurred the night before. (Well, maybe not everything. He hadn’t told her how his skin had burned beneath Jesper’s touch, for example. But most things). “We’re mated. We’re married. Shouldn’t it be easy?” 

Nina shook her head, squeezing his hand in support. “First of all, Wy, you were raised in an environment where you weren’t even allowed to express those sorts of desires, much less act on them. To suddenly be thrust into a marriage where the whole world expects that of you… of course that’s going to take some time to adjust to. And you’re more sensitive to certain types of touch than most people. That’s only natural, given your… background.” 

“But it’s not like Jesper was going to hurt me! I knew that, I knew he wouldn’t, and I still freaked out.” 

“Maybe you knew, but sometimes it takes longer for your body to realize what your brain already knows.”

“Ugh!” Wylan groaned into his hands. “I just wanted to do this right, for once.” 

“Wy, you’re not doing anything wrong. Why are you being so hard on yourself? Jesper wasn’t upset with you, right?” 

“Jesper isn’t the one ruining everything!” Wylan snapped. “I finally have something good in my life, something I’ve dreamt of for years, and I’m still managing to ruin it!” 

“Wylan, listen to me. You’re not ruining anything. We all know you’re trying your best, every day. None of this is your fault, okay?” 

Wylan tried hard to believe her. 

 

***********

 

“What did I do wrong?” Jesper bemoaned. 

Inej shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Jes.” 

“You didn’t see him, Inej. It was going so well and then all of the sudden he just got so terrified; he didn’t even recognize me. I mean, I never would’ve touched his neck if I’d known it would scare him so much.” 

“It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known. Wylan probably didn’t even realize it himself until it happened.” 

“I just wanted to make it good for him.” 

“I know, Jes. I’m sure he knows that, too.”  

“What do I do? I don’t want to hurt him again,” Jesper said sorrowfully. 

“You give him the time and space to work this out. You know it took Kaz and me years to get anywhere even close to that.” 

“Do not,” Kaz growled, “discuss that with him. And why is this conversation taking place in my office? Both of you, go away.” 

Inej and Jesper exchanged knowing looks and pointedly ignored him. 

“But I don’t want to wait years! And Wylan doesn’t either! He wanted to. I was sure he did! And the noises he was making-” 

“Jesper, I swear to all the saints, I will throw you out,” Kaz threatened. 

Jesper turned to Inej and whispered conspiratorially, “Your mate is very grumpy.” 

“I heard that, and just for that, you better be ready for a job tomorrow morning at five bells.” 

Jesper groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall dramatically. “Why are you so rude? All I wanted was advice on how to have sex with my gorgeous, gorgeous husband!” he whined. 

“One more word and I will feed your tongue to that damn cat of yours!” 

“You love our cat!” 

“Jesper. Do not test me. I have zero desire to hear about yours and Wylan’s sex life, so go do it. Somewhere. Else.” 

“He might be grumpy, but he is right about this,” Inej said. “This is just something the two of you will have to work through together.” 

“But-” 

“Not. Another. Word.” 

Jesper groaned into his hands.

Notes:

Bet y'all thought you were finally getting some smut, but nope, instead you got more angst. Sorry :/

Chapter 12

Notes:

Quick anatomy note: in my version of the omegaverse, male omegas have external male organs. They have a birth canal but it stays closed unless they get pregnant, at which point it becomes more patent throughout their pregnancy until it reaches its full size by the time they are at term. Their breast tissue would also expand a little. These changes would then regress a few weeks after they give birth/stop breastfeeding, respectively. Just an fyi.

Anywho, you may have noticed the rating has been changed to explicit, so... enjoy.

It took two more months. 

Jesper didn’t push him, because of course he didn’t, and it frustrated Wylan to no end. Because he didn’t want to be the one to start something and risk making a fool of himself, again. Humiliating himself like that once was enough; Wylan had no desire to repeat it. So he spent his nights laying beside his mate, wishing desperately that Jesper would just touch him the way a mate was supposed to but too scared to ask for it. The frustration built beneath his skin until it felt like the smallest touch would set him off. And still, Wylan didn’t ask for more. 

Until he had no choice. 

***********

 

He woke one morning with the covers tangled around his feet. Wylan kicked them away, wiping a sheen of sweat from his face with his sleeve. His head felt foggy and his skin extra sensitive to the material. Wylan groaned, too uncomfortable to go back to sleep. 

“Wasswrong?” Jesper murmured sleepily from beside him. 

“I think I’m getting sick,” Wylan huffed in annoyance. 

Jesper slid closer to him and pressed his lips to Wylan’s forehead. “Well, you are warm,” he agreed. “But you’re not getting sick, darling. You’re in pre-heat.” 

Oh. Wylan sat up at that, dragging a hand through his hair. That was… hmm, how long had it been? It had been six months since the wedding, so nine months since his last heat, Wylan figured. Earlier than he’d anticipated but that was good, according to Nina. Not three months, but not a whole year, either. Okay. Okay. It was good. He should be happy. Except that he hated his heats. Having them every three months sounded like torture, unless-

“Wy? We should talk about this,” Jesper’s voice drew him out of his reverie. 

“Hmm?” 

“We need to talk about how you want to spend your heat. While you’re still thinking clearly,” Jesper said, moving to sit up next to him. 

“Oh, right, yes, okay,” Wylan agreed, watching his husband expectantly. 

“Okay, well, I guess the first question is whether you want to be alone or-” 

“No!” Wylan burst out. “Um, I mean, no, I don’t,” he added, warmth rising to his cheeks as he glanced down to his lap. 

“Okay, alright,” Jesper said, reaching for his hand. “So, then, do you want to go all the way? Or are there things you don’t want to do?” 

Wylan frowned, considering this. But, well, if they were finally going to do this, then they might as well do it all, he reasoned. 

“I want to go all the way,” he said. 

“Okay.” 

Jesper nodded, bringing Wylan’s hand up to his lips before sandwiching it between his own hands. Wylan watched, rapt at how small his hand seemed in comparison, how it practically disappeared between Jesper’s darker tones. A few months ago, it would’ve terrified him, but now it just made him feel safe. Protected. Cared for. 

“Can I knot you, baby?” Jesper asked, like that was just an everyday, normal thing to ask. 

“You can control it?” Wylan asked in surprise. 

Jesper nodded. “I can usually stop before it happens; it’s gotten easier over the years. I know some people don’t like it, so…” 

Wylan tried very hard not to think of who those ‘some people’ might be. He shook his head to clear away the roar of jealousy, contemplating the question. Call him greedy, but he wanted it all, wanted to experience everything with his mate. 

“You can knot me,” he declared. 

“Yeah? You’re sure?” Jesper asked, the corner of his mouth stretching into a grin. 

“Mmm, I’m sure,” Wylan promised, kissing said corner. 

“And…” Jesper cupped his face, bringing it back in front of him. “Besides your neck, are there places you don’t want to be touched? Or anything you don’t like?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” Wylan said, wishing he could give Jesper a more concrete answer. But he hadn’t even known he’d be so sensitive to having his neck touched until it had happened. 

“Okay. We’ll figure it out, together,” Jesper promised. “I’ll go slow.” 

Wylan nodded gratefully. “Thank you.” 

“You have nothing to thank me for.” 

“No, I do. For taking such good care of me.” 

“You deserve to be taken care of,” Jesper whispered, stroking his face gently. Wylan smiled, leaning his head on his husband’s shoulder. “Do you want to build a nest for us, darling?” 

“Oh, I… I don’t know how,” Wylan admitted. “I wasn’t allowed to have a nest. My father didn’t think omegas should be giving in to our ‘ baser instincts’ .” 

“What? A nest is supposed to be a safe and comfortable place. He had no right taking that away from you!” Jesper raged. Wylan didn’t have the heart to tell him that his father had taken that away long before his first heat; it would just make Jesper upset, and he didn’t want that. So he just shrugged. “I think you should still build a nest. If you want to,” Jesper murmured. “You will know what to do. Trust yourself.” 

 

**********

 

So Wylan had spent the day building and rebuilding his nest until it was to his satisfaction. He propped it up with soft blankets and pillows, and tucked pieces of his and Jesper’s clothes into the corners. All in all, it was maybe a messy first attempt, but Wylan was pleased. It felt how Jesper said it was supposed to: comfortable and safe. 

“Good job, treasure,” Jesper praised, pressing his lips behind Wylan’s ear. “It’s perfect.” 

Wylan hummed contently. 

 

**********

 

The next day, Wylan woke up with sweat-soaked clothes sticking to him, his mind fuzzy. He squirmed uncomfortably, a whine escaping his lips. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Jesper murmured beside him, pressing a hand to his flushed cheek. “It’s really hit you by now, huh?” Wylan whimpered, pressing his head into Jesper’s hand, Jesper’s normally warm skin blessedly cool against his burning cheeks. “Here,” Jesper said, swiping a cool towel over his forehead. “Will you feel better without your clothes?” 

Wylan nodded vigorously. Under normal circumstances, he would’ve felt more self conscious about getting naked in front of Jesper for the first time, but now he was just desperate for some relief from the fever burning through his body and the itch of the normally-soft clothes against his overly-sensitive skin. 

“Okay, let me help you,” Jesper offered. 

Wylan hummed his assent, watching through half-lidded eyes as Jesper made quick work of his shirt and pants, but left Wylan’s undershorts on. Wylan sighed at the brush of cool air against his overheated skin. Now that the immediate problem had been dealt with, his mind turned itself to-

“Alpha,” he whimpered, reaching for Jesper. 

Jesper caught his hand, bringing it up to his lips. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.” Flattening himself on the mattress beside Wylan, he reached up to brush a curl out of Wylan’s eyes. “Tell me what you want, darling. Tell me what you like.” 

“I-I don’t know,” Wylan murmured. 

Jesper trailed fluttering kisses along his jaw and up behind his ear, before nipping the earlobe with a whisper, “Tell me how you touched yourself during your previous heats.” 

“I-I didn’t,” Wylan whimpered. “I wasn’t allowed. He-he tied my hands and feet to the bed frame so I wouldn’t act like a whore.” 

His previous heats had been some of the most miserable days of his life, and that said plenty. He’d spent days tied up, unable to even take off the sticky clothes clinging to him, leaving his temperature spiking higher and higher until he was nearly shaking with delirium, his body throbbing with a desperate need for relief that he knew would never come. He’d twist and tug at his bonds, crying out against the cloth stuffed in his mouth, begging to be allowed a respite from his body’s burning urges. By the time his heats ended, he was so desolate and despondent that every part of him had hated himself, hated his body for bringing this misery onto him. 

And now here he was, eighteen years old, with his wonderful mate waiting expectantly to tell him what he liked, and Wylan… couldn’t. He couldn’t offer him a single thing, because he didn’t know anything about the way his body liked to be touched. 

Maybe it will be shame that kills me, after all , Wylan thought miserably. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Jesper murmured, sadness evident in his eyes as he brushed a hand over Wylan’s cheek. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That will never happen to you again, I promise.” He pressed a kiss to Wylan’s forehead, lingering there for several seconds. “You and I are going to figure out what you like, together, okay?” 

“Okay,” Wylan agreed in a small voice. 

“But if you don’t like anything, or if anything doesn’t feel good, you’ll be a good boy and tell me. Can you promise me that?” 

Wylan squeezed his thighs together at the jolt that sent to his core. “I promise,” he whispered. “I’ll be good.” 

“I know you will be. You’re always so good for me, aren’t you, darling?” Jesper said with a smirk. 

Wylan swallowed, his cheeks somehow growing even more impossibly flushed. A soft whimper pushed itself from his throat, the desire to be good for his alpha suddenly overwhelming. Jesper’s smirk widened at that, as if he knew exactly what that whimper meant. 

He brushed a kiss over Wylan’s lips and whispered, “Let’s find out what you like, baby.” 

Wylan nodded, his gaze half-lidded as he watched Jesper slide down his body just far enough to nip at the skin of his chest. He grazed his teeth over the sensitive flesh, before applying a bruising pressure over a particular spot just below Wylan’s collarbone. Wylan inhaled sharply, his hands automatically moving to wrap themselves around Jesper’s torso. He could feel the alpha’s chuckle against his skin as he repeated the action in several more spots, slowly moving down. His hands moved up Wylan’s sides, leaving his flesh tingling, before skimming over his ribcage and coming closer together. Wylan’s grip tightened in surprise as his mate’s deft fingers circled over his nipples. 

“Yeah? Good?” Jesper asked, tilting his gaze up to meet Wylan’s eyes. 

Wylan could only nod, a pleasant jolt traveling down his spine as Jesper tugged lightly. The alpha moved his head back down, his mouth tracing across Wylan’s chest until-

Wylan gasped, arching his back against Jesper as the latter’s tongue swept across his pale pink nub, the heat of his mouth engulfing it. Clamping his teeth around the nipple, Jesper pulled, his mouth creating a suctioning pressure that had Wylan squirming helplessly. Ghezen, had he always been this sensitive or was his heat just making everything feel amplified by tenfold? Mercifully, Jesper released his delicate flesh and moved to repeat the motions on the other side. He bit harder this time, forcing a sharp cry from Wylan. 

“I’ve barely started with you, and your heart is already racing,” Jesper teased, brushing his lips over Wylan’s chest a final time before moving to kiss a line down his abdomen. 

“Because you’re-you’re doing things to me,” Wylan protested, chest rising and falling rapidly as Jesper reached the waistband of his undershorts. 

“Things, huh?” Jesper laughed. “Let’s see what other things I can do to you.” 

Grabbing a pillow from the pile Wylan had made in the nest, Jesper pushed it under the omega’s hips and tilted them back for a better angle. Wylan waited, expecting his last remaining article of clothing to be discarded any second, but Jesper only pushed his legs apart to expose his thighs. Embarrassment flared up in Wylan as it dawned on him that from this vantage point, Jesper would be able to see all the scars marking the backs of his thighs from all of the whippings and canings he’d gotten over the years. He tried to push his legs back together but Jesper held them firmly in place. 

“Don’t hide from me, beautiful boy,” Jesper admonished gently. 

He leaned forward, mouthing at the crease just below Wylan’s right knee as his thumbs stroked over the outside edges of Wylan’s thighs. Slowly, almost reverently, Jesper kissed down the uneven flesh, lips traveling over the bumps and ridges as far as they could before reaching the flimsy cloth that prevented him from going further. He did the same to the other thigh then, hands constantly moving over the goosebumps rising rapidly on the omega’s delicate skin. Wylan watched him in awe, propped up on his elbows, eyes wide and pupils dilated. 

“You’re okay? Want to keep going?” Jesper asked, once he’d nearly reached the apex of Wylan’s thighs. 

The omega nodded frantically, nearly losing himself in his mate’s dark gaze. Jesper nodded, hooking his fingers into Wylan’s waistband and yanking sharply. The shorts landed somewhere on the floor, though Wylan couldn’t focus on where exactly, too busy as he was blushing at being so exposed all of the sudden. His inner thighs were already glistening with slick, the viscous substance leaking from him in copious amounts, as his half-hard length lay across his lower abdomen. 

“Gorgeous boy,” Jesper breathed. “You smell so good, darling, so sweet for me.” 

Wylan whimpered at the praise as the scent of his slick filled the room, marking the space further as theirs. Jesper pushed on his thighs, rolling his hips even further back, his strong hands holding Wylan as spread apart as he could before his head disappeared between the omega’s legs. Wylan gasped sharply as Jesper’s tongue darted across his entrance. 

Oh! Wylan’s senses narrowed to the spot Jesper lapped at, as his hand wrapped around Wylan’s throbbing length. Alphas don’t do that to their omegas. This isn’t mating. This is… well, he didn’t really know what this was, but he knew that it made him gush with slick even faster than before. He would’ve been embarrassed if Jesper hadn’t been lapping so vigorously, his tongue slipping into the slippery tunnel as he stroked Wylan languidly. Wylan’s head fell back against the pillow, his breaths coming fast and shallow as he was overwhelmed by all of these new sensations. Heat built in his core as Jesper continued his ministrations. 

“Alpha,” he whimpered, clutching desperately at the hands holding his legs apart. 

“Not yet, darling,” Jesper murmured, squeezing the base of his cock. It made the heat in his belly die down a little. Wylan whined with disapproval. “I’ll make you feel good, be patient.” 

Wylan wanted to argue that he was making him feel good, so why did he stop, but before he could utter a word, Jesper’s mouth sank over his length, wrapping him up completely in its velvety heat. He gasped loudly as Jesper’s tongue swirled around his head while a finger circled over his rim. Wylan clenched the sheets into fists, tugging at them fruitlessly. Jesper hollowed his cheeks, adding extra suctioning pressure, as his finger slipped easily into Wylan, lubricated by his copious slick. It circled his walls, pressing carefully over the delicate flesh, as if looking for something, until- 

Wylan cried out as a spark of pleasure jolted through his core, making his jerk in Jesper’s scorching mouth. Oh, fuck, what was that? he thought breathlessly. Sweet Ghezen . Satisfied with his reaction, Jesper moved up on his length before sinking back down to his base, taking him all the way into the back of his throat. A second finger slipped in beside the first and he scissored them, adding a pleasant stretch to Wylan’s entrance. How he was able to concentrate on doing both of those at once, Wylan had no clue. He could barely even regulate his breathing as the sensations washed over him, making his body shake with pleasure, the tension in his core building back up. It surpassed where it had been before, climbing higher and higher, drawing gasps and whimpers from his tongue. 

Jesper hooked his fingers over his wall, finding that spot again that made him jerk with pleasure. Only this time he didn’t stop. He stroked over that spot again and again, making Wylan writhe beneath him as the pressure in his belly built and built. 

“I-I-I’m-ahh!” Wylan tried to say, tried to warn his mate that something, he didn’t know what, but something was about to happen, as he rose closer and closer to his peak. 

Jesper sucked harder on his length, adding just the right amount of pressure, as he stroked again over that bundle of nerves inside his body, and, and, and-

Wylan screamed, his entire body going rigid, toes pointing straight at the back wall as he reached his crescendo. It was like falling, like tumbling straight off the edge of a cliff in the best way. His body moved of its own accord, his eyes rolling back, eyelids fluttering shut as his back arched off the mattress. His breath caught in his throat as his muscles spasmed, contracting rhythmically around the fingers still in him, his cock pumping into Jesper’s warm, silky mouth. 

He fought to catch his breath as his muscles slackened, sinking him into the softness of the mattress, loosening until he wasn’t sure if he’d ever want to move again. He was vaguely aware of Jesper pulling back, leaving him spent and empty. His head lolled on the pillow, warm bliss rolling over him like a favorite blanket. Wylan was pretty sure he would stay like this forever if he could. 

“You doing okay?” Jesper murmured, moving to lay beside him, judging from his noises and movements. He brushed away a curl that had fallen over Wylan’s eye. 

“Mmm,” Wylan hummed in agreement. He was doing more than okay, but he hadn’t quite regained his ability to speak just yet. 

Jesper chuckled, wrapping an arm around his waist. “You’ll be ready to go again in a few minutes, you’ll see. Omegas have a fast recovery time. Even faster when they’re in heat.” 

“Hmm,” Wylan hummed curiously. He didn’t quite have the words to describe what had just happened to him, but surely something so earth-shattering ought to take longer to recover from? 

Experimentally, Wylan wiggled his toes, willing the sensation to come back to his body. To his surprise, he found he could move with decent coordination if he really tried. Slowly, he turned onto his side to face his mate, who watched him with a pleased smile as he brushed more curls back from Wylan’s face. Wylan pressed himself closer, until he could feel the alpha’s body heat radiate against his own, and kissed him. 

“You taste sweet,” he remarked with confusion as he pulled away. 

“No, you taste sweet,” Jesper chuckled. “It’s your slick.” 

“Oh,” Wylan murmured, his cheeks rosy. Then he kissed Jesper again. 

Splaying his hand over Jesper’s sharp cheekbone, Wylan kissed him with everything he had, trying to convey all that he was feeling. How blissful he felt, how good his body felt for the first time in, well, ever, how thankful he was to Jesper for showing him what his body was capable of, for proving that it wasn’t as broken as he’d thought. His other hand trailed over Jesper’s chest and found, to his surprise, that Jesper was still fully clothed. With everything else occupying him, it must have slipped his mind. 

Wylan tugged at the shirt insistently, wanting nothing more than to take away the final barrier that existed between them. Picking up on what he wanted, Jesper obliged him, letting the omega pull his shirt off and toss it into the nest somewhere. Wylan let his fingers wander over the bare flesh, excitement sparking in him at being able to finally touch Jesper properly for the first time. His fingertips traced down over Jesper’s rippling muscles, Jesper’s breath getting more labored as it washed over his skin. 

“Alpha,” Wylan whispered, the now-familiar heat starting to pool in his belly again. 

“What do you want, darling?” Jesper asked lowly, nuzzling at the crook of his neck. Wylan’s breath hitched as he skimmed over the mating bite. 

“Please,” he almost whined, reaching for the waistband of Jesper’s trousers. 

“Tell me, baby,” Jesper insisted, mouthing at his neck. 

“Fuck me already, Jesper, dammit!” Wylan snapped in frustration. 

Jesper froze, his eyes widening, before he burst out laughing. “Getting bossy, are we?” Wylan huffed with a glare at his mate, even as his cheeks turned fuschia. “Okay, alright, sweetheart. It would be my pleasure.” 

Satisfied, Wylan tugged off the alpha’s trousers and shorts in one go. His mouth went dry at the sight of Jesper fully naked and exposed to his gaze for the first time. The alpha watched him with a smirk. 

“Sure you don’t want to change your mind?” 

Wylan forced himself to drag his gaze upward to meet his mate’s dilated pupils. He could feel Jesper’s desire coursing through their bond, could tell the effort it took him to hold himself back, to give Wylan the space he needed to decide for himself when all he wanted was to have him, to claim him. It made Wylan’s heart swell. 

“I’m sure,” he said, wrapping his legs around the alpha’s hips to pull him on top of himself as Wylan flipped onto his back. 

“Okay, baby,” Jesper murmured, reaching a hand between his legs. 

“What are you doing?” Wylan demanded as Jesper’s fingers pressed against his hole. 

“Gotta make sure you’re stretched enough,” Jesper said, kissing Wylan’s neck to mollify him as he pressed two fingers in. 

“I’ll be fine,” Wylan insisted impatiently. 

“I’m not going to risk hurting you. Be a good boy and be patient for me, sweetheart,” Jesper crooned, adding a third finger. 

Wylan whined, but settled, determined to be a good boy for his alpha. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his arms around Jesper’s torso. His cock hardened against his belly as his entrance was stretched, but Wylan bit his lip, forcing himself to stay still and be patient. 

Finally, finally , after several minutes, Jesper pulled out and said, “Okay, I think you’re stretched enough. Are you certain-” 

“Jesper, I swear to Ghezen, I will bite you if you don’t get inside me right now.” 

“You can bite me anytime, darling-” 

So Wylan did. He sunk his teeth into Jesper’s shoulder, clamping down hard. 

“Ow! Okay, maybe not that hard!” Wylan glared at him. “You realize you’re going to have to let go if you actually want me to fuck you, right?” Wylan scowled but let go. Jesper rubbed his injured shoulder. “Damn, for such a small omega, you sure have a lot of bite force when-” 

Growling, Wylan pushed him down, flipping them over so he was straddling Jesper’s groin. Narrowing his eyes, Wylan glowered down at his mate. Jesper’s surprised expression at suddenly finding himself on his back quickly morphed into a sly grin. 

“Alright, I don’t mind this,” he said, the cock rapidly hardening against Wylan’s ass proving his point. “I was going to be a gentleman and let you lounge on your back, but if you want to do all the work and just let me watch, go ahead.” 

“You were taking too long,” Wylan complained. 

“What did I tell you about being patient-oh!” 

Wylan sank down on Jesper’s length, letting his weight pull him down. He braced his hands on the alpha’s chest to control his descent, moving down slowly, taking Jesper’s cock into his body, inch by inch. 

“Breathe, darling,” Jesper reminded him. 

Wylan exhaled deeply, realizing that he had indeed been holding his breath. That helped his muscles loosen up and he slid down the rest of the way until he was fully seated in Jesper’s lap. Wylan paused, evaluating. This was… new. Different. He was full. So very full. But it wasn’t bad, just strange. He waited another minute, letting his body adjust to the sensation of it. 

“You all right, Wy?” Jesper asked, voice laced with concern as he placed a hand on Wylan’s hip. 

“Yeah,” Wylan affirmed with a nod, shifting his hips experimentally. 

Okay, alright, that was fine. Carefully, he rolled his hips, earning a hiss from Jesper. “Fuck, baby.” 

“Good?” 

“Yeah, baby. You’re so good, treasure,” Jesper murmured, his grip tightening on Wylan’s hip. 

Pleased, Wylan shifted his weight to his hands and pulled himself up just a little, before sinking back down. Jesper moaned, the vibrations radiating through his chest and into Wylan’s palms. So Wylan did it again, rising higher this time. And again. And again. Jesper pulled on his hips as he sank down, rolling them forward. Wylan threw his head back with a gasp as Jesper’s cock hit what was quickly becoming his favorite spot. His own dick jerked at that, blood rushing into it. 

“Fuck, you feel so good, precious,” Jesper muttered. “So pretty like this, my little prince.” 

“Alpha,” Wylan moaned, his heat-addled brain basking in the praise and sending sparks of pleasure dancing down his spine, straight to his groin. 

He ground down harder, increasing his pace as he stared down at Jesper, their dilated pupils mirroring each other. His thighs were starting to burn but he was determined to see this through. 

“So good for me, baby. I could watch you like this forever, beautiful boy,” Jesper continued murmuring, reaching up to cup Wylan’s head. 

He pulled Wylan down to meet his lips in a searing kiss, and Wylan gasped into his mouth. As their lips clashed and tongues tangled together, Jesper snaked a hand between their bodies and wrapped it around Wylan’s cock, stroking it in time with Wylan’s staccato rhythm. Wylan was in heaven, the pleasure soaring through his body as he rode harder, faster, rivaled only by the pleasure in his mind brought on by his mate’s praise. He would’ve been happy staying like this forever, too. 

“My perfect omega,” Jesper whispered against his lips. 

And suddenly Wylan got what Jesper had meant earlier about being his to care for. His to protect. His to cherish. His to love. 

“ My alpha,” Wylan moaned, rocking back hard. “ My husband. My mate. Mine .” 

“ Yours ,” Jesper agreed, kissing him fiercely. “Come for me, my love.” 

Wylan threw his head back with a cry, sinking all his weight back at the right angle to make the insides of his closed eyelids flash with bright spots. Jesper connected their lips again, swallowing his screams as he shuddered apart. His forearms and thighs gave out and he collapsed fully onto his mate. Jesper stiffened beneath him as his release filled Wylan moments before his knot expanded, scraping against Wylan’s sensitive walls and locking them together. The omega panted against his chest, feeling utterly limbless and spent. 

“How… How long…?” he managed to murmur as his eyes fluttered shut.  

“Half an hour or so. Enough time for you to get some rest,” his mate murmured. 

Wylan nodded against his chest, sleep already creeping over him. The last thing he was aware of before sleep consumed him was a kiss being pressed to his forehead. 

 

**********

 

Once his knot had deflated, Jesper carefully pulled out and rolled Wylan onto his back so he could rest more comfortably. He’d be exhausted by the end of his heat, Jesper knew, and would need to conserve his energy where he could. The omega made an unhappy noise in his sleep and snuggled closer. Jesper grinned to himself in amusement and pulled up a light sheet to cover Wylan’s waist and preserve his modesty in case he wasn’t quite ready to go again when he woke. Though judging by how eager he’d been the first time, Jesper had his doubts. 

He watched his mate carefully, noting the deep rise and fall of his chest, the way his shoulders had finally fallen away from his ears, the way his brows had smoothened out. This was probably the most relaxed Jesper had ever seen him. Even though he’d gotten more comfortable over the past several months, Wylan still carried all his tension in his body, never fully letting his guard down. Until now. 

Saints, Jesper was so gone for him. 

 

**********

 

His heat lasted three days. 

They fucked in more positions than Wylan thought could possibly exist, but evidently they did. Not that he’s complaining or anything. Riding Jesper might still be his favorite one, though he doesn’t mind being on his back with Jesper pounding him into the mattress, or against the wall with his legs wrapped around Jesper’s waist, either. He liked being able to look at Jesper, being able to kiss him. It makes something already wonderful even better. 

It’s on the evening of the third day that his fever finally breaks, the fog of desire clearing from his mind. (Not that he doesn’t still desire his mate. But at least he’s no longer so desperate to climb him like a tree. In theory, at least). 

Once Jesper had rinsed off, he had drawn Wylan a bath and practically carried him to it, plopping him in the warm water (again, Wylan is not complaining). He pouted a little at being left alone, but Jesper insisted that he needed to do something, so Wylan gave in eventually. He’d luxuriated in the tub, the warm water soothing his very sore muscles, and scrubbed away all the sweat and sticky fluids that had accumulated on him. And in him. He was at least a hundred times cleaner by the time he clambered out. 

What he did not expect was to gasp in shock upon seeing himself in the mirror. Bite marks littered his entire neck and chest, purple and bruising. There were even a couple on his hips. Wylan groaned. He’d have to wear high collars or find a scarf to steal for at least the next several days. Though, he supposed, wrapping himself up in his favorite purple bathrobe, given how scratched up Jesper’s back was, maybe it was only fair. 

Wylan wandered back into the bedroom, surprised to find the window cracked open to air out the room and the bed made up with clean sheets. He was a little annoyed that his nest had been deconstructed, but given how fresh the sheets smelled, he supposed he could forgive Jesper. Finding a pair of clean undershorts and one of Jesper’s shirts that fell to his mid-thighs, he pulled them on before sliding in between the clean sheets. 

He might just be the luckiest omega in the world, Wylan thought.  

 

**********

 

He’d nearly fallen asleep by the time Jesper came back. Wylan didn’t open his eyes, but the scent is so ingrained in his brain by now that he’d recognize it anywhere. There’s a bit of cluttering before a kiss is pressed to his cheek. 

“Wake up, tiger,” Jesper murmured. “You have to eat and drink.” 

“M’tired,” Wylan protested. Though ‘tired’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. He’s utterly wiped out, so thoroughly exhausted that he could probably sleep for a week. 

“I know. You can sleep after, but it’s been three days and you have to eat. It’s non-negotiable.” 

Wylan grumbled, but pushed himself up to sit to appease his mate. Once he did, Jesper placed a tray onto his lap, piled with various fruits, fresh bread and butter, and several different cuts of meat. There’s a cool glass of water and a cup of tea, too. He picks out a strawberry and munches on it, before it hits him suddenly just how ravenous he is. His body’s hunger signals had shut off during the duration of his heat but now that it was working itself out of his system after he’s used up what was probably every ounce of reserve energy in his body, he was starving . Wylan practically inhaled every bit of food on the tray, beyond grateful that his mate knew what he needed even when he himself didn’t. Once he was finished, Wylan purred contentedly and reached for the steaming cup of tea. 

“It’s contraceptive,” Jesper said beside him. “It’s what Nina and Inej use. Nina said it works the same for omegas, too.” 

“Oh,” Wylan muttered, staring down into the cup. It just looked like regular tea. “Right. Thank you.” 

His heat had caught him so off guard that he hadn’t even thought to ask Nina about that. In truth, he really didn’t even know that contraceptive teas existed, but he supposed it made more sense than just leaving things up to chance. Thank Ghezen Jesper had had the foresight to think of this. Wylan sipped it carefully, noting the sweetness of honey mixed into the herbal flavors. Just how he liked it. 

Wylan laid his head on Jesper’s shoulder and murmured, “Thank you. For taking care of me.” 

“Always,” Jesper promised, pressing a kiss into his curls. “Hey, wait a second, is that my shirt?” 

Wylan shrugged. “Maybe.” 

“Thief.” 

Wylan looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. “And?” 

Jesper shook his head fondly. “Saints, I love you.” 

Wylan’s eyes widened, but he quickly recovered himself. “I love you, husband,” he whispered. 

Jesper grinned widely, all of his excitement and affection radiating down their bond until Wylan just had to kiss him. It didn’t take long for it to turn heated. 

“Weren’t you just complaining that you’re tired?” Jesper panted against his lips. 

“I could go one more round,” Wylan said with a shrug. 

“If we go one more round, you will fall right asleep in the middle of it.” 

“Maybe. Maybe not.” 

“Saints, you’re insatiable.” 

Wylan grinned and climbed on top of Jesper.

Notes:

So like I said, I've never written smut for an audience before so I hope y'all liked it. Lmk your thoughts!

Chapter 13

Wylan was utterly blissed out the next day. Sure, he was still sore and a little tired physically, but in his head, he may as well have been floating on a cloud. He’d sent Jesper off on whatever job Kaz wanted him to run that day with a kiss, brushing off his apologies for leaving and reassuring his mate that he’d be just fine. After raiding Jesper’s closet for a sweater and a neckerchief, and eating a hearty breakfast, he finished cleaning up their room, taking down the dirty dishes and making piles of laundry from the dirty bed sheets. He was just about to start washing them when it occurred to him that something was missing. Or rather someone. 

Wylan scoured the whole house, calling out Ginger’s name. He searched every cupboard and closet, every hiding spot he could think of, but to avail. He’d gone through nearly every room in the house with no sight of the orange fluffball. Every room but one. Steeling himself, Wylan took a deep breath and knocked on the door of Kaz’s office. 

“What?” Kaz snapped from inside. 

Wylan cracked the door open and peaked his head inside. “Hi, sorry, I was just looking for-Ginger!” Wylan made a beeline for the window, where Ginger was laying on the sill and basking in the sunlight. He scooped her up and pressed a kiss to her fluffy little head. She meowled and butted her head into his chin in response. “There you are, sweet girl. I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Wylan murmured. Glancing up to meet Kaz’s unimpressed gaze, he said, “Thanks for not turning her into taxidermy.” 

“I might still change my mind,” Kaz replied. 

Wylan tucked his head in to hide a smile in Ginger’s fur. “Still. Thank you. It seems like she enjoyed her time here.” 

Kaz narrowed his eyes. “I am not a babysitter for your beast. Get the creature out of here before I change my mind, Van Eck.”  

“It’s Fahey, actually,” Wylan corrected. 

Kaz maintained an impassive glare, though Wylan could’ve sworn the corners of his mouth quirked up. “Either way. Take that thing and go. And I expect you to be ready to get back to work tomorrow.” 

Wylan nodded. “I will be.” 

“Good. Shut the door on your way out.” 

On his way out, Wylan hugged Ginger closer and whispered, “I knew he’d like you eventually.” 

 

**********

 

Jesper was in heaven. Sure, he’d had his fair share of fun with plenty of betas and omegas, pretty boys and pretty girls. But with his mate, it was something different entirely. With Wylan, everything was different. 

Now that they’d started fooling around, they didn’t stop. Wylan was more than eager to make up for lost time; he was all over Jesper practically every time he returned home. They were having sex every day, sometimes more than once. It was perfect. Wylan was perfect. 

He was all Jesper could think about. As an omega, he barely grew any body hair, and his skin was always so soft and smooth, so fair and delicate, perfect for marking. And Jesper loved marking him, leaving love bites all over Wylan as he writhed beneath him. Loved drawing out those desperate sounds of pleasure from the omega’s usually quiet lips. Loved making Wylan fall apart on his cock or his tongue or his fingers. He could easily come two or three times while Jesper recovered from one go-around, but Jesper didn’t mind using other parts of his body to make his omega scream in pleasure. 

Sometimes, Wylan was bossy and demanding. But other times, he was pliant and malleable, relinquishing the control he normally clung to so tightly, letting Jesper decide what he needed. Those times, when Wylan trusted him with his entire being, were Jesper’s favorite. Though he loved all of it, really. 

 

*********

 

It was late one evening that they were gathered in the kitchen, Kaz giving out everyone’s assignments for the next day. Jesper reclined in his chair, only half listening as he watched Wylan refill Ginger’s bowl. He set it on the floor and petted the little cat’s head as she eagerly ran up to him. Wylan smiled and left her to eat, wandering back over to the table. 

Pleased, Jesper reached for his hand and tugged Wylan into his lap. Wylan plopped down easily, flashing Jesper a smile. Jesper returned the smile, his hand automatically coming up to rub Wylan’s thigh. Wylan wound a hand into his coils, massaging his scalp gently. Sighing in pleasure, Jesper’s eyes fluttered closed and he pressed a kiss to the part of Wylan that was nearest to his lips, which so happened to be his shoulder. He continued kissing his way up Wylan’s neck, inhaling his omega’s sweet scent, petrichor and burnt sugar, a hint of paint drying on canvas beneath it. 

“Jes,” Wylan protested weakly, placing a hand on his cheek but not pushing him away. 

Jesper took that as a sign to continue, continuing to nuzzle his neck, hand creeping dangerously close to Wylan’s ass. Wylan giggled, turning his face into Jesper’s to kiss his brow. 

“For Ghezen’s sake!” Kaz snapped. “Can you two stop your canoodling for five goddamn minutes?” 

Turning bright red, Wylan tucked his head sheepishly. Jesper just glared at the other alpha. Kaz glared back for several seconds, his eyes narrowing, before continuing to mete out instructions. 

“I should fuck you over his desk,” Jesper whispered in Wylan’s ear, drawing a sharp gasp from him. 

“Jesper!” he admonished in a hissed whisper. 

“What?” Jesper shrugged innocently. “It’ll serve him right for interrupting. Also, did he really just say ‘ canoodling’ ?” 

Wylan smacked his chest lightly with the back of his hand, before bursting into a fit of giggles. 

Kaz glared at them again. 

 

**********

 

Kaz wasn’t the only one annoyed by their newfound displays of affection. 

Nina pulled Wylan aside one day, pinching his cheek affectionately. Wylan batted her hand away, raising an eyebrow. 

“Wy, sweetie, we are all so happy that you two have figured your stuff out and that you’re having fun,” Nina said. 

“Okay?” Wylan frowned in confusion. 

“But maybe you could turn it down a little tiny bit? Especially when it’s two in the morning?” Nina said with a small grimace. 

Wylan’s face morphed into a contrite wince, cheeks flaming. “Sorry, yes, we will.” 

Nina pecked his cheek, drawing him into a half-hug. “I really am so happy for you, Wy. You know that, right?” 

Wylan gave her a bashful smile. “Yeah. I know. Me too.” 

 

**********

Wylan was sprawled out on the bed, jotting down his latest idea for a composition in his notebook, Ginger snoozing by his side, when Jesper strutted in. Looking up, Wylan smiled softly at his mate. 

“Hi, love,” he said. 

“Hey, sunshine,” Jesper replied, pecking his lips before moving to throw his coat and gun holster over the back of a chair. “Good day?” 

“Mmm. Finished the explosives early so I’ve had some free time. Ginger is very happy about it,” Wylan said, scratching the cat’s head. Ginger purred happily while kneading the pillow. 

Jesper rolled his eyes, flopping on the other side of the bed. “She’s going to be the most spoiled cat ever.” 

“So? What’s wrong with that?” Wylan retorted. 

“Nothing.” Jesper held up his hands appeasingly. “I love how good you are with her.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Jesper hooked a finger under his chin and tilted his head up for a drawn out kiss. “Hey. I made something for you.” 

“You did?” Wylan asked in surprise. 

“Mmm. If we’d had a proper wedding-” 

“We did have a proper wedding. It was as proper as it gets.” 

Jesper rolled his eyes again. “You know what I mean. If we’d had the wedding we wanted, I would’ve given this to you then.” 

He pulled a hand out of his pocket and held out his palm. In it, a shiny golden ring glinted. Carefully, Wylan picked it up to inspect it. It had a rosy tint to it, the metal woven into a leaf pattern, a bright blue stone sitting in the center. 

“You made this?” Wylan asked in awe. 

Jesper nodded. “Mmm. Red gold for your hair, sapphire for your eyes. Do you like it?” 

“It’s beautiful. I love it. Thank you,” Wylan gushed, slipping it onto his finger. “Oh, it’s a little big.” 

“Here, let me,” Jesper said, cupping Wylan’s hand in his. 

The ring heated against his skin, warm but not so hot it burned. When Jesper pulled his hands away, it encircled his finger perfectly. 

“It’s perfect now,” Wylan said, wonderstruck as he inspected the ring. “Thank you, my love. I wish I had something to give you, too,” he added with a frown. 

“There is something you can give me,” Jesper said. He took a deep breath before meeting Wylan’s questioning gaze. “A mating bite.” 

Wylan furrowed his brows. “But alphas don’t have mating bites.” 

“Maybe merchants don’t, but a lot do. In Novyi Zem, most mated alphas do. Some Kerch ones, too. Kaz has one.” 

“He does?” 

Jesper nodded. “He wears high collars so you can’t see it most of the time, but he does.” 

“Oh. I didn’t realize.” 

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I just thought it might be nice.” 

“No, I-I want to, it’s just… are you sure?” 

“I’m sure. If you’re willing.” 

“Okay. Now?” 

Jesper nodded again. Wylan shifted to fully face him, reaching out a hesitant hand to cup Jesper’s face. Jesper tilted his head into his hand, baring his neck. Swallowing, Wylan braced Jesper’s shoulder with his other hand and brought his mouth to the exposed scent gland. He inhaled deeply, letting Jesper’s scent fill his lungs completely, before sinking his teeth into the gland. Jesper gasped sharply, his arms wrapping around Wylan automatically and holding him flush against himself. 

Something in the bond snapped. Suddenly, Wylan could feel everything twice as clearly. Like looking through smudged glasses that had been wiped clean. He could feel Jesper’s emotions almost as plainly as his own, the affection coursing through the bond so strong that he almost cried. He had never felt so loved. 

“You okay?” Jesper panted, his grip loosening just slightly. 

“Mmm,” Wylan agreed, licking the bite closed. “Are you?” 

Jesper cupped his cheek, giving him a lopsided smile. “I think you already know the answer to that.” Wylan nodded, pressing a kiss to the inside of his wrist. “Hey, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“That this will make sex even better?” Wylan asked, tilting his head innocently. 

Jesper threw his head back and laughed. “Insatiate.” 

“I don’t hear you complaining.” 

“Trust me, I’m not. At all,” Jesper rushed to say, pressing a kiss to Wylan’s lips to wipe away his pout. “I love you, sunshine.” 

“I love you, too, Jes.”

Notes:

Hopefully y'all will forgive this chapter being a shorter one, given that the previous one was longer 😬

But also!! I have the general plot line planned out for this story, but if anyone has any requests for filler scenes, leave me a comment! No promises, but if I can figure out how to write it/work it into the story, I will!

Chapter 14

Notes:

Mind the tags, y'all.

It was supposed to be a fun evening. 

Jesper and Nina had argued for going out, but given that Wylan had never drank before, Inej and Matthias had convinced them that it would be better for him to stay home the first time. So they’d gathered in the living room, passing around bottles of whiskey and beer, laughter filling the air as they got progressively more tipsy. Jesper had made the very mature decision that he wasn’t going to get beyond tipsy, because, well, Inej and Matthias were right. Wylan had never gotten drunk before, so Jesper wanted to be able to take care of him in case he did now. Which meant staying at least semi-sober. 

They were sprawled on a couch, Wylan sitting in between Jesper’s spread legs and leaning back against his chest. Jesper watched him hold up a glass of whiskey to the light and swirl it, inspecting it with a squint. 

“Diddya know,” Wylan said, his words slightly slurred, “there’s a fungus that grows in distilleries because it thrives on the ethanol vapors that are released when whiskey is aged?” 

“No, love, I didn’t,” Jesper laughed, pressing a kiss to his mate’s curls. “You’re brilliant. And rather drunk.” 

“M’not that drunk,” Wylan protested. “I could still make a bomb.” 

“Without it exploding?” 

“Hmm, probably. Maybe.” 

“Let’s not test it out, then.” 

Wylan hummed in agreement, tracing circles on Jesper’s hand that was resting on his stomach. “I feel funny.” 

“That’s the alcohol, sunshine.” 

“‘S weird. Feels sort of like the tonic. But less bad.” 

“What tonic, darling?” 

“The one my father made me drink.” 

Jesper stiffened, his senses on alert like they were every time that bastard came up. “Why did he make you drink it, Wylan?” 

“So I wouldn’t fight.” 

Jesper glanced around, his heart pounding against his ribcage. The others had quitted, their gazes fixed on Wylan, eyes wide. 

“Fight who?” Jesper asked. 

“The alphas. His business partners,” Wylan replied. 

And just like that, Jesper was stone-cold sober. 

“What does that mean, Wylan?” Nina asked gently. 

“The tonic,” Wylan slurred. “It made everything foggy. It made me weak. I couldn’t push them off or run away when he gave me to them. Sometimes it was like I was floating outside of my body.” 

“Why did…?” Jesper dared to breathe. 

“Because,” Wylan said, like he was explaining two plus two to a child. “An omega to play with is a good bonus for a business deal. He said since I was too stupid to use my mind for the family business, all that was left was my body.” His hand came up to rub at his neck. “He threatened to kill me if I didn’t do it.” 

Jesper fought to control the rage simmering within him; he didn’t want to scare Wylan with a furious outburst, as much as he wanted to have one. 

“He drugged you and let all those alphas assault you? For his business deals ? And threatened to kill you if you didn’t let it happen?” Jesper said, his voice dangerously low. 

“He didn’t let them fuck me. Just do other things,” Wylan murmured, his gaze half-lidded. “He knew I’d be worthless without my virginity once he decided to sell me off-” Jesper flinched “-so I was a virgin when we had sex. I didn’t lie about that.” 

“I know you didn’t,” Jesper reassured him, his heart breaking at the thought that this was what Wylan thought he’d care most about. “But I don’t care about that, Wy.” 

“I care,” Wylan argued. “You were supposed to be the only one to touch me like that,” he said in a small voice, and Jesper’s heart broke even further. “I don’t ever want to be touched by anyone else,” Wylan said softly. 

“You won’t be. I promise,” Jesper said, his grip tightening on the omega, as if that could keep him safe from all the horrors of the world. Wylan nodded, his eyes fluttering shut as he lifted the glass of whiskey to his mouth. Jesper caught his hand before he could take a sip, and gently pried the glass away. “I think you’ve had enough of that, love.” 

Wylan made a displeased noise, but turned into Jesper’s chest. “M’tired.” 

“I know,” Jesper whispered, holding his mate close until his breath evened out. 

Once Wylan was asleep, he cautiously climbed out from under him and laid the omega carefully on the couch. Jesper pressed a kiss to his forehead before standing up. He stormed toward the front door, hands flying to his pearl-handled revolvers as all the pain and rage he’d been pushing down for Wylan’s sake simmered to the surface. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kaz asked, somehow materializing out of thin air right in front of him. 

“I’m going to kill that fucking bastard,” Jesper growled through gritted teeth, his vision red-tinted. “I’m going to make him beg for death.” 

“No,” Kaz said. 

“Get out of my way,” Jesper hissed, hands tightening on his guns. 

“No.” 

Matthias’s hands wrapped around his forearms, holding him back. Jesper snarled, fighting to free himself. 

“Jesper, stop it,” Matthias said, tightening his grip. “You know I don’t often agree with the demjin, but this time he’s right.” 

“Did you not fucking hear what Wylan said? What that bastard did to him?” Jesper roared. 

“We heard,” Kaz replied stoically. “But what do you think will happen if you go into that mansion with no plan, guns blazing, not thinking clearly? The stadwatch will be on you before his body even hits the floor. And then what? What do you think will happen to Wylan once you’ve been in Hellgate long enough for the mating bond to break? You know how this city treats unmated omegas. Especially ones that look like him.” 

“You can protect him,” Jesper growled, but deflated a little. 

“Not as well as a mating bond can, and you know it,” Kaz retorted. “He’s safest with you. Besides, do you really want to put him through the breaking of that bond?” 

“No,” Jesper admitted. Matthias’s grip slackened on his arms. 

Kaz nodded. “What Wylan needs right now is for you to be with him. Not for you to go lose your head and do something reckless. If we want to take down Van Eck, then we do it slowly and carefully. We plan it out and take him apart brick by brick. Understand?” 

“Yes. Fine,” Jesper snapped. Kaz might be right, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. 

“Good. Then take Wylan upstairs. He’ll be more comfortable.” 

Jesper nodded, turning on his heel. In the living room, the girls were huddled protectively by the sleeping omega. As he walked in, Nina glanced up at him, eyes glittering with tears. Jesper shook his head and wordlessly scooped his mate up, cradling him carefully in his arms as he carried Wylan to their room. 

He laid Wylan on their bed, and hesitated. Normally, he would’ve changed Wylan’s clothes into his sleepwear. But, now that he knew what he knew, it felt like a violation. Fuck , what was he supposed to do? Had he violated Wylan all those other times that he'd fallen asleep in his clothes and Jesper had changed them? Shit, shit, fuck. Jesper pressed a hand over his eyes, trying to stifle the panic growing within him. 

Eventually, he decided just to pull Wylan’s socks off. The sweater and trousers looked comfortable enough, and he didn’t want to risk it. Covering Wylan with a blanket, Jesper slipped onto the other side of the bed, careful not to touch his mate. He watched Wylan’s chest rise and fall steadily, his face slack and relaxed. His Wylan. His beautiful, brilliant, kind, sweet, strong, brave, wonderful mate. How could anyone, let alone his own father, the person who was supposed to love him most in the world, hurt him so much? 

For the first time in years, Jesper fell asleep with silent tears streaming down his face. 

 

**********

 

Wylan woke with a throbbing headache, the slightest movement sending a wave of nausea through him. He whimpered miserably, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the light. 

“Hang on, Wy, I’ll get Nina,” Jesper’s voice drifted from somewhere. 

Wylan whined pathetically, covering his ears. The loud noise just made his head hurt more. Fuck, he was never drinking this much ever again. He didn’t know how long he laid there for, feeling like he was on death’s door, before two pairs of hurried footsteps rushed back into the room. His muddled brain vaguely registered the scents accompanying them. 

“Wylan, sweetie?” Nina said softly beside him. “I know you’re not feeling well. I can make you feel better, but I need to put my hand on your head for that. Are you okay with that?” 

“Please, just make it stop,” Wylan moaned wretchedly. 

He felt a gentle pressure against his forehead, Nina’s touch soft against his sticky skin. “There you are, Wy,” she said as the headache and nausea slowly dissipated. Wylan’s eyes fluttered open to find a concerned-looking Nina and Jesper staring down at him. Pulling her hand away, Nina asked, “How are you feeling?” 

“Better. Thank you,” Wylan muttered, pushing himself up to a seat. 

“You have to eat and drink lots of water today, okay?” Nina instructed. Wylan nodded, thankful he could do that without feeling like puking his guts up all over the bed. 

“I can bring you something,” Jesper offered. 

“It’s okay, I think I can go down,” Wylan said, rubbing a hand over his face to clear away the last of the fog. 

“Alright. Whatever you want, love.” 

So Wylan had trudged downstairs with Jesper and Nina in tow. He was a little surprised when Jesper didn’t grip his hand like normal but given that he didn’t entirely trust his sense of balance just yet, it was probably for the best. In the kitchen, Jesper ushered him into a seat across from Inej while Nina heated up pancakes for him. 

“I can do that myself,” Wylan offered. 

“I’ve got it,” Nina reassured him. “Drink some water, hon.” 

So Wylan sipped from a glass of water that Jesper plopped in front of him not even five seconds later, nodding in thanks. 

“How are you feeling, Wylan?” Inej asked, sipping her coffee. 

“Okay, thanks to Nina’s magic,” Wylan said. “Remind me not to ever drink that much ever again.” 

He expected to be teased about being a lightweight, but only got some nods and ‘okay’s and ‘alright’s in return. Ghezen, how much had he drunk? He could hardly remember a thing about the previous night. Wylan really hoped he didn’t say or do anything stupid. Ugh, Ghezen. 

“Here, Wy,” Nina said, plopping a stack of four pancakes in front of him. “Eat as much as you can.” 

“Thank you,” Wylan said, stuffing a chunk of the delicious dough in his mouth. “Wait, has anyone fed Ginger?” 

“Matthias fed her earlier. Don’t worry about that,” Nina said. 

Wylan nodded gratefully, biting off another chunk of pancake. As his gaze landed on the sleeve of his sweater, he realized he was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. Fuck, had he made too much trouble for Jesper to change his clothes like he sometimes did when Wylan fell asleep at inconvenient times? Ugh, ugh, ugh. He’d need to wash up and change before he got on with whatever Kaz wanted him to do today, Wylan decided. Kaz could wait. 

So Wylan ate and drank as much as his stomach could handle, before retreating back upstairs to wash up and change. Then, feeling marginally more human, he wandered over to Kaz’s office and knocked softly. 

“Yes?” 

“Hi,” Wylan said, coming inside. “I just wanted to see what you want me to make today?” 

Kaz raised his gaze to regard Wylan silently. Wylan shifted his weight nervously. 

“Nothing,” Kaz finally said. “I don’t need anything from you today.” 

“Really?” Wylan asked in surprise. “Are you sure?” 

“Do you want to be given work?”

“Um, no, I guess not,” Wylan said. 

“Then you can have the day off.” 

“Oh, okay, alright, thank you,” Wylan said, slightly confused but not willing to question the pack leader. 

Well, he supposed a day off wasn’t too bad. 

 

**********

 

Except. 

Except something was off. Wylan brushed it off at first, convincing himself that maybe the rest of the crows were just being more careful with him because of his hangover. But as it stretched into a second day and then a third and then a week, Wylan knew something was different. 

Gone were the casual touches: Nina’s crushing hugs, Inej’s comforting squeezes of his shoulder, Matthias’s firm pats on his back that nearly sent him toppling over. Even Jesper didn’t touch him anymore unless he initiated the contact first. And forget about sex. Whenever he tried to instigate it, Jesper would gently brush him off and offer to read to him or do something else to distract him instead. And, well, if Jesper didn’t want it, then of course he wasn’t going to push, but to go from screwing around sometimes twice a day or more to nothing was, well… disconcerting. It was like a switch had been flipped. 

And it wore down on Wylan. He hadn’t realized how used he’d gotten to the crows’ casual affection, how reliant he’d gotten on it after a decade without a single kind touch. He didn’t realize until it was gone, and he was left feeling cold, empty, and alone. The loneliness pressed heavy on his soul as he tried desperately to figure out why Nina no longer joked with him like she used to, why Jesper no longer showered him with affection like he used to, no longer brushed long, slender fingers through his hair, why Matthias and Jesper would clap each other on the back, why Inej and Nina would throw their arms around each other, but not him. Not anymore. 

Ginger was the only one who didn’t treat him any differently, who didn’t withhold physical affection from him. So when she found him, tucked away into a hidden little corner, Wylan pulled her into his arms, holding her as tight as she’d let him as he buried his face into her soft fur in an attempt to muffle his sobs. He hadn’t felt so alone since his first week at this house, but suddenly here he was, back to being the scared, lonely boy he’d been back at his father’s mansion. Unwanted and unloved. 

It had all been a living nightmare: the punishments and the beatings, the humiliations, being deprived of his most basic needs for days at a time, being constantly reminded that no matter what he did, he’d never be good enough to earn love or affection, having all agency over his body stolen away from him, forced to endure being touched and played with by alphas who saw him as nothing but a toy to feed their lust, only to be sold off without a care for his fate, demeaned and degraded, broken down until he’d thought he’d never be able to put the pieces of himself back together again. But the worst of it had been the loneliness, not having a single living soul he could turn to for comfort through it all, not having anyone to brush away his tears or soothe his aching body and soul. 

Wylan had naively thought he’d left that behind. 

The cries tore from his throat and echoed through the empty house. 

 

***********

 

He lasted about two weeks, every day feeling like he was crumbling back into the old shell of himself. It all came to a head while they were all settling for dinner one evening. As he watched Matthias lovingly wrap his arms around Nina while she plated the food and Jesper casually rest an arm on Inej’s shoulder while they chatted, something in Wylan snapped, the pain of rejection that had been building up for weeks flooding forward. 

“What did I do wrong?” he cried out desperately. “Why are you all punishing me?” 

The other five turned to stare at him with wide eyes, their own conversations falling silent instantly. 

“No one is punishing you, Wylan,” Inej broke the silence first. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

“Then why won’t you touch me ? Why won’t any of you touch me ?” he asked, his gaze jumping between them helplessly. 

“Wy, you said you didn’t want to be touched by anyone,” Nina said gently. 

“No, I didn’t!” Wylan protested. “Why would I say that?” 

“You don’t remember, lamb?” Matthias asked. 

“Remember what?” Wylan demanded. 

“The night you got drunk,” Jesper said, stepping towards him. “You told us what your father did to you.” 

Wylan crossed his arms. “He did a lot of things.” 

“The tonics he made you drink. And… his business partners. What they did to you. What that bastard let them do to you,” Jesper explained, sadness shining in his eyes. 

“I…” Wylan shook his head numbly. He’d told them that? One of his darkest, most shameful secrets? That he’d spent two years being hardly better than a whore? Fuck . No wonder they looked at him differently. Wylan hid his face in his hands, a whimper escaping him. 

“You said you didn’t want to ever be touched by anyone else,” Jesper said. 

“I meant strange, creepy alphas! Not my own pack!” Wylan said, looking up at him with wide, horrified eyes. 

“We didn’t realize that. We thought we were doing what you wanted,” Nina said. Wylan shook his head adamantly. “Do you want a hug, Wy?” Nina asked. 

Wylan nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Nina stepped out of Matthias’s hold, and threw her arms around him. Wylan’s vision blurred as he swallowed down a sob. 

“We’re sorry,” Nina said. “We’re all so sorry for hurting you, our sweet omega.” 

Wylan buried his face in her shoulder, inhaling her familiar, soothing scent deeply as a relieved sniffle forced its way from his lips. 

 

***********

 

Slowly, things returned to normal. Nina wholeheartedly embraced expressing her affection through near-constant hugs and pecks on the cheek and Wylan ate it up. Inej and Matthias were more muted in their displays of affection, though he could tell that they were making an effort to squeeze his shoulder or pat him on the back more often, and he appreciated that more than he could say. 

Even Kaz, who had one day dropped by his workshop under the pretense of checking on his progress on the latest batch he’d requested, had shocked him by laying a hand on his shoulder. Wylan had nearly dropped his beaker in surprise; he’d never seen Kaz touch anyone but his mate before. Granted, he was still wearing his leather gloves and it only lasted for a few seconds before he curtly said, “Good work”, and stalked away, but still. Wylan could only gape after him for several minutes afterward. 

Jesper, though… well, that was another story. Sure, he had resumed cuddling and kissing him and running his fingers through Wylan’s hair, but he still rejected every one of Wylan’s attempts to do anything more. It hung heavy on Wylan. He let it go on for three days, before he cracked. 

It was a late evening when Jesper had drawn away from his roaming hands and heated kisses. The act of yet another rejection made his heart splinter. Wylan drew back sadly, his gaze focused on the ring that he hadn’t taken off since Jesper had gifted it to him. He wondered if Jesper regretted that now. 

“Do you think I’m dirty?” Wylan asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “Is that why you won’t have sex with me?” 

“ What? No, love, of course not! I would never think that!” Jesper rushed to say, cupping Wylan’s face gently to tilt it up. His warm gunmetal eyes met Wylan’s sad cerulean ones. 

“Then why? You’ve pushed me away ever since the night you found out. What else am I supposed to think?” Wylan demanded. 

“Wy, I’ve pushed you away because I… I can’t be another alpha that hurts you,” Jesper said despondently. 

“You’ve never hurt me before. Why would you start now?” Wylan asked. 

Jesper shook his head. “I can’t risk it. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.” 

“Jes…” Wylan took Jesper’s hands in his, running his thumbs over the knuckles. “What we have is nothing like what they did to me. My last heat was the first time in years that my body felt like my own again. The first time that it felt like it existed for my pleasure, and not anyone else’s.” He cupped Jesper’s face, his mate’s anxious eyes searching his face. “ You gave me that. And everything we did after that was my choice, too. And I liked it. I felt good. For so long, I’ve had my choices taken away from me, and I was used and hurt for years, but…” He shook his head. “You gave that back to me. You gave me my autonomy back. You made me feel good. You taught me that my body is mine to enjoy. And yours, because I want you to have it. So, please, don’t take that away from me because you’re afraid of something you’ll never do.” 

Jesper pressed his forehead against Wylan’s. “Never,” he whispered. 

Wylan kissed him, the question lingering on his lips. And Jesper, understanding what he wanted, what he needed, laid him out on his back carefully, reverently. As Jesper sank into him, Wylan shuddered. 

“I missed you,” he whispered. 

“I missed you, too,” Jesper murmured against his lips. 

“Show me.” 

And Jesper did. And it was slow and loving and tender and exactly what Wylan needed.

Chapter 15

And so, life went on. Things settled back into their rhythm eventually, and Wylan was quite content with that. His heat came and went, only six months apart this time; he made sure to thoroughly enjoy it, determined to leave his past where it belonged. 

If only the others would let him. 

He was summoned to Kaz’s office one day, Ginger trailing him. 

“Sit,” Kaz ordered without preamble when he knocked on the door. 

“I’m not a dog,” Wylan grumbled, but sat down nonetheless. 

Kaz leveled him with a stare that showed he didn’t particularly care for Wylan’s objections. Wylan crossed his arms defiantly as Ginger hopped onto the desk and flicked her tail. Kaz regarded her with narrowed eyes but refrained from threatening her, which might as well have been a declaration of love as far as Wylan was concerned. 

“So?” he prodded. “What did you want me in here for?” 

Kaz’s biting gaze slid to him slowly. “I’d like to know what you want to do about your father.” 

Wylan gripped the arms of his chair tightly. “What?” he managed to force out. 

“There are a lot of opinions on what should be done with him. I’ve yet to hear yours.” 

“But…” Wylan hesitated. “What do you care what happens to him?” 

Kaz folded his hands carefully on top of the table, leather creaking. “I had my own plans for him, but certain… calculations have changed.” 

“Is that why you wanted me here? To get to my father?” Wylan asked. 

“Yes.” 

“Did Jesper know?” 

“He didn’t know the specifics, no.” Wylan nodded. “So? Do you want him taken down?” 

Wylan hesitated again. “Alys and the baby, my brother or sister-” 

“Sister.” 

Wylan inhaled sharply. He had a sister . He wished he could meet her. 

“Can you keep them out of it?” he asked. Alys had been the only one who’d shown him any kindness in all those years, and the baby hadn’t done anything except be born to the wrong father. 

“I can’t promise you there won’t be collateral,” Kaz said. “But I’ll try to leave them out of it.” 

“Thank you.” 

“So?” 

Wylan nodded firmly. “Do what you will.” 

The corners of Kaz’s mouth tilted up. 

 

************

 

“Wylan.” 

Wylan jumped, nearly knocking his test tubes from the table at the sound of Inej’s voice. 

“Inej! Hi. I didn’t hear you.” 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” 

“It’s okay. I should be used to it by now,” Wylan said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Did Kaz send you?” 

“No. I wanted to check in on you.” 

“Oh, well, thank you, but I’m fine. Really.” 

Inej moved closer, leaning against one of the stools in the workshop. She regarded him with dark eyes that bore far too deeply into his soul. Wylan looked down at his chemicals, fiddling with a measuring spoon nervously. 

“You don’t have to be fine, you know,” Inej finally said. 

“I just want to put it all behind me,” Wylan insisted. 

“I can understand that. But sometimes it helps to be able to talk to someone that went through something similar. You know I was at a pleasure house before Kaz bought out my contract, right?” 

Wylan nodded, glancing up at her. He’d been told the basics of it by Jesper but Inej had never talked about it in his presence, and he’d never asked, not wanting to bring up bad memories for her. 

“It wasn’t…” he hesitated, grip tightening on the metal spoon. “It wasn’t as bad as what you probably went through.” 

“You said that the night you told us, too. That they ‘just’ did other things to you,” Inej remarked. Wylan didn’t remember what he’d said that night, but he believed her so he nodded. 

“Yes. They didn’t… they never… It could’ve been worse,” he finally settled on.  

“Just because it could’ve been worse doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad,” Inej said. 

Wylan stared at her, blinking as the words settled into his mind. He’d spent years convincing himself that things could’ve been worse. That at least they wouldn’t fuck him. That at least his father hadn’t thrown him into the street. That at least he didn’t sell him off to a pleasure house full of indentured betas and omegas. That at least he wasn’t forced to marry an alpha thrice his age. That at least he hadn’t been forced into a mating the second he’d presented. At least, at least, at least . He’d needed it, then, to keep his broken soul from falling apart completely, to keep his mind from fracturing under the weight of his life. 

But now… now that he was no longer having to keep himself afloat just to survive, now that he felt safe for the first time in years, everything he’d forced into neat little boxes inside his mind came spilling out. 

Wylan whimpered before he even realized that he was making the noise. Inej stepped towards him, reaching out. 

“May I hug you?” she asked. 

Wylan nodded, his vision blurring as she wrapped her arms around him. Her long, soft hair, taken down for once, brushed against his nose. “It was bad,” he gasped, trying to suck in enough air to breathe properly. “It was awful. I hated it, every second of it. I hate how they touched me.” 

“I know.” 

“I always felt so sick afterward.” 

“I know.” 

“I hate that they ruined me.” 

Inej grasped his face, forcing him to look at her. “You’re not ruined, Wylan.” 

Wylan shook his head. “Jesper promised not to push me away again, but this is always going to be between us, isn’t it? It won’t ever be like it was before he knew.” 

“Maybe it won’t be exactly the same, but Jesper loves you. You two will figure out how to make it work for what you need, Wy, even if it might take him a second to get there.” 

“Thank you,” Wylan whispered into her curtain of hair. “Would you stay for a bit?” 

“Of course. As long as you need.” 

They sank to the floor and Wylan curled himself into Inej’s arms. They sat that way for hours, exchanging few words. There was no need for more. 

 

And, if, later that night, Wylan had cried his heart out in Jesper’s arms, all of the hurt and pain for everything he’d endured, everything that had been stolen from him finally flooding free… Well, that was between them. And if, afterward, they’d spent hours talking through all of Jesper’s fears, and all of Wylan’s insecurities, and everything they wanted and needed from each other, that was between them, too. 

 

**********

 

“Where are we going?” Wylan demanded. 

“You’ll see,” Jesper promised. 

“Well, obviously,” Wylan huffed, crossing his arms. “But I want to know now.” 

“It’ll ruin the surprise.” 

“What if I don’t want it to be a surprise?” 

“Merchling, I swear to all the saints,” Jesper said with a shake of his head, before wrapping his arm over Wylan’s waist and throwing him over his shoulder. 

“Jesper! Put me down!” Wylan cried out in outrage. 

“No. This is what you get for complaining. And stop squirming before I drop you,” Jesper said, smacking his ass lightly. 

Wylan gave an exaggerated gasp at his husband’s utter betrayal as he hung over his back limply, absolutely determined to stay mad about this unspeakable transgression. They (well, Jesper really) walked for several more minutes, Wylan answering all of Jesper’s attempts at conversations with grumpy huffs. And, well, maybe Wylan did sort of like being carried around and feeling Jesper’s muscles flex against his body. But still, Jesper very well could’ve carried him bridal-style instead of having his ass stick up into the air, so Wylan certainly wasn’t going to admit that to him. 

“Alright, here we are, you little brat,” Jesper said, finally setting him down. 

“I am not,” Wylan protested vehemently, crossing his arms.

“Sure, darling,” Jesper said. 

Wylan leveled a glare at him before turning to take in his surroundings. They were on a grassy hill on the outskirts of the city, a large blanket spread out before a clear sky that was so rare in Ketterdam. 

“What is this?” Wylan asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Jesper only grinned at him. Wylan opened his mouth to demand answers, but before he could, he was ambushed by Nina’s arms thrown around his neck, her sweet scent washing over him as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“Happy birthday, Wylan!” she squealed, wrapping him up tightly. 

Wylan blinked in surprise as Inej hugged him from the other side, Matthias and Kaz following them over the crest of the hill. Kaz looked particularly annoyed at having to carry several bags and what looked like a picnic basket. 

“Happy birthday, love,” Jesper whispered, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind as he pressed a kiss to Wylan’s neck. 

“You guys did all of this for me?” Wylan asked in astonishment as he watched Matthias and Kaz start unpacking the food and setting it on the blanket. 

“Of course. You’re our pack’s omega, after all,” Inej said softly. 

“Which means we get to spoil you all we want,” Nina added solemnly. “Come, sit.” 

Wylan allowed them to pull him to the blanket, still blinking in shock. In truth, he’d all but forgotten that it was his birthday. He hadn’t celebrated it since his mama had died. The only time it had held any significance since then was the previous year, and only because it was the day before his wedding. Ghezen, had it really been a year since then? 

“We decided to go for something a little lighter for alcohol this time,” Nina announced, pressing a flute of champagne into his hands. “To you, Wy.” 

The others echoed her words, raising their flutes into the air. Wylan sipped his champagne, letting it fizzle on his tongue just to make sure he was awake and not dreaming. Someone shoved a plate full of his favorite foods (including stroopwafels!) into his hands and Wylan munched on it in a daze. 

“You guys didn’t have to,” he said quietly. 

“Of course we did,” Matthias protested. 

“They insisted,” Kaz grumbled from the corner of the blanket, his bad leg stretched out in front of him. 

“Thank you,” Wylan whispered in awe. He’d never meant his words more. 

“Always, sweetheart,” Nina said warmly, rubbing his hand. “We’re your pack. Now eat so we can get to the cake.” 

Wylan nodded, his heart swelling to three times its size. He ate and drank and demolished two slices of Nina’s cake, his lips stretched into a smile so wide his cheeks hurt, his eyes shining as brightly as the gem on his finger. Shrieks of laughter echoed all around him, each one mending another little broken piece of his soul back unto itself until he finally felt more whole than he could ever remember feeling before. 

Once they were done eating, they all shoved their presents at him, staring at him expectantly. Blushing, Wylan opened them one by one. He got the cake and a handmade turquoise scarf from Nina, a beautifully engraved dagger and a promise to teach him to use it from Inej, an adorable stuffed cat from Matthias, and a new set of paints along with a new sketchbook from Kaz, the kind with the thick, expensive parchment that his father never would’ve wasted his money on. And Jesper gifted him with a locket, a sunflower carved onto the front of it and a tiny painting of the six of them hidden inside. Wylan pressed it to his chest, close to his heart. 

His father may have been a bastard, but the best thing he’d ever done for him was to marry him off into his new pack. 

He was home. 

 

***********

 

The next morning, he woke to be greeted with a lush bouquet of flowers and breakfast in bed. 

“Uh, thank you, but my birthday was yesterday?” Wylan murmured sleepily. 

“I know,” Jesper said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “But our anniversary is today.” He pressed another kiss to Wylan’s cheek. “I know it wasn’t a good day for you then. But I thought we could make today a good one for us. What do you think?” 

Wylan smiled, resting his cheek on Jesper’s shoulder. “I’d like that.” 

So they did. Jesper took him out for dinner at a lovely restaurant, and then to a concert. Afterwards, when they returned home, the others conspicuously absent, they made love until neither of them could move anymore. 

It was perfect. 

 

***********

 

“Wy, love, you have to get up.” 

“No,” Wylan said, dragging a pillow over his head in protest. 

“It’s nearly noon,” Jesper pointed out. 

“I’m tired,” Wylan grumbled. 

“You’ve been saying that all week.” 

“That’s because I’ve been tired all week.” 

“And you’ve barely been eating. You didn’t even touch the stroopwafels I bought you yesterday.” 

“I haven’t had an appetite,” Wylan justified it. 

And it was true. He’d hoped no one would notice, but of course Jesper and Nina were watching him like hawks to make sure he was gaining enough weight. Ugh. It wasn’t like he wasn’t trying to eat healthy, but he just… didn’t really feel like it, honestly. The thought of eating something as sweet as stroopwafels just then felt… icky. 

Jesper pulled the pillow away and pressed a hand to his forehead in concern. “Maybe you’re coming down with something.” 

“It’s probably just whatever Matthias had last week,” Wylan murmured, closing his eyes at the gentle touch. Matthias had spent two days throwing his guts up, so Wylan was just thankful to be avoiding that so far. 

“Maybe,” Jesper conceded. “But I would feel better if Nina checked you over.” 

Wylan almost rolled his eyes at Jesper’s protectiveness over some stupid bug that all of them will inevitably be sick with at least twice before the year is over. It’s really to be expected when they are around each other all of the time. But Wylan stopped himself just in time. For one, he doesn’t like Jesper worrying, and two, it’s nice to be cared about, even if it’s just over a cold. In fact, Wylan wouldn’t mind having a couple days off just to stay in bed and let Jesper cuddle him and take care of him (that is, if Jesper can convince Kaz to let him take the time off, too). 

“Okay. I’ll go see her,” Wylan promised. 

Jesper nodded, appeased. “Good. I’ll see you tonight,” he said, pressing a kiss to Wylan’s forehead before heading out. 

Wylan promptly fell back asleep. 

 

It was well into the afternoon that Wylan finally made it into his workshop. He’d all but forgotten about his promise to Jesper until a chemical that normally had a very mild smell sent a wave of dizziness over him, his eyes watering. Ugh, maybe he really was getting sick. Hopefully Nina would be able to stop it before it got any worse. Resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to get any work done today-he’d deal with Kaz’s threats and complaints about it later-Wylan trugged back, yawning. 

He found Nina sorting through her vast wardrobe; it was truly a mystery who was worse in that regard, her or Jesper. Nina’s outfits all matched, at least, so he was inclined to go with Jesper. 

Wylan stuck his head into the closet and called out, “Nina? Do you have a minute?” 

She turned to face him, tossing aside a frilly dress. Wylan eyed it warily, not entirely convinced that this wouldn’t end in an attempt on her end to get him to play dress up. Which he was decidedly not in the mood for. Possibly ever, but especially now. He just wanted to lay back down. 

“For you? Anytime, sweetums. What’s up?” Nina said, moving through the sea of fabric towards him. 

“I think I’m coming down with whatever Matthias had last week. Jesper wanted me to see you.” 

“Oh, of course, let’s take a look at you, love,” Nina said, ushering him over to the loveseat that they’d somehow managed to fit into their room. “Lay back.” 

Wylan settled himself down, leaning against an armrest. Nina laid a hand over his forehead. 

“What’s been going on?” she asked. 

“I’ve just been really tired, more than usual. And I haven’t had much of an appetite. And one of my chemicals made me really dizzy today. That’s never happened before.” 

“You didn’t inhale too much of it, did you?” Nina asked, giving him a reproachful look. 

“No!” Wylan protested. “I didn’t do anything different than I usually do.” 

“Hmm,” Nina murmured, moving her hand to his chest. “How long has this been going on?” 

“About a week, I think. Though the chemical was just today.” 

Nina nodded. “Your heart and lungs sound good.” She lowered her hand to his abdomen. “Your last heat was, what? About eight weeks ago?” 

“Yeah. So it’s too early for another heat, even if my cycles were regular, right?” 

“Right,” Nina confirmed, her eyebrows scrunching together. “Wy, did you drink the contraceptive tea after your heat?” 

“Of course. I must have,” Wylan affirmed, thinking back to several weeks ago. 

He remembered Jesper bringing it like last time. Remembered burning his tongue on it and setting it aside for a few minutes to cool down. And then… he’d fallen asleep. They both had, thoroughly exhausted after the vigorous activities of his heat. He vaguely remembered cleaning up the dishes the next day, but he’d been floating so high on his comfortable little cloud that he hadn’t thought anything of the still-full cup of tea. 

Nina jumped back just in time for him to lean over the side and retch everything he’d been able to force down earlier that day. 

Fuck .

Notes:

Well. That was a roller coaster. Just when you think Wy is getting a break, NOPE.

Anywho, contraception is not a joke. Take it seriously, y'all. I'll get off my soapbox now.

Chapter 16

“Wylan, breathe.” 

The air burned his raw throat as he tried to gulp it down. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he couldn’t be… he couldn’t… 

“Wylan, hey, look at me.” 

Wylan tried to focus on Nina but he was breathing too fast and he wasn’t getting enough air and the room was spinning and- 

“Here, shhh, you’re okay,” Nina said, placing a hand on his chest. She forced his heart to slow down and his lungs to expand further, making him breathe deeper. “There, you’re alright.” 

“S-Sorry,” he mumbled. 

“It’s okay. Why don’t you go wash up while I clean up here?” Nina offered. 

“Sorry, I can-” 

Nina shook her head. “Go wash up, you’ll feel better.” 

Wylan trudged into the attached bathroom and rinsed out his mouth. He gulped down several mouthfuls of water before splashing some onto his face. Hopefully Nina wouldn’t mind if he used her towel. In the mirror, what little color he had had drained from his face and wide blue eyes stared out at him. 

Back inside the bedroom, it smelled strongly of cleaning solution. Wylan wrinkled his nose at it and went to stand by the open window. 

“Wylan.” Nina came to stand by him once she’d finished cleaning. “Judging by your reaction, I’m guessing this wasn’t planned?” she asked gently. 

Wylan shook his head. “No, we didn’t-we didn’t plan this. I don’t even know if Jesper… If I… I don’t…” He tugged at his curls, frustrated with how overwhelmed he felt. 

Nina grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed. “You have options, Wy. If you’re not ready, there are herbs that can induce a miscarriage.” 

“There are?” 

Nina nodded. “I can get them for you. But you have to take them before fourteen weeks. After that it gets too dangerous.” 

Was that what he wanted? Fuck, he didn’t know. 

“I-I don’t…” 

“It’s okay. No one is expecting you to decide right now.” 

“Do you think…” Wylan twisted his ring anxiously. “Do you think Jesper will want it?” 

“I think that regardless of what Jesper wants, he loves you enough to support your decision.” 

Of course she’d say that. And deep down, Wylan knew it was probably true, but it also wasn’t necessarily particularly helpful right then. 

“Don’t tell anyone yet, please?” 

“I won’t,” Nina promised. “But you should talk to Jesper. Your scent will start changing soon, and he’ll notice. It’d be better if he hears it from you before then.” 

 Wylan nodded. He’d talk to Jesper, of course he would. He just needed a second to get his bearings. 

“Is it…” he hesitated. “Is it healthy?” 

“As far as I could tell,” Nina said gently. 

“Okay. Thank you. For checking,” Wylan said. 

“Anytime, love.” She scooted closer, squeezing his hand. “And, Wylan, whatever you decide, you’re not doing any of this alone.” 

Wylan rested his head on her shoulder. “Thank you, Nina.” 

 

***********

 

“Did you see Nina, love?” Jesper asked that evening while throwing off his outer layers. 

Wylan froze, biting his cheek nervously. “Yes. She said I’m not sick.” 

“Good,” Jesper murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he slung off his gun holsters. “Are you feeling better, then?” 

“Mmm,” Wylan murmured noncommittally. Because, if anything, he felt worse. 

Liar. Liar, liar, liar. Tell him! 

I’ll tell him. I just need a minute. 

“Would you read to me?” Wylan requested. 

The corner of Jesper’s mouth quirked up. “You really must be tired if you’re not jumping my bones like usual.” Grasping Wylan’s hand, he pulled them both to the bed. “Of course I’ll read to you, sunshine.” 

Wylan smiled weakly and curled into Jesper’s side, realization dawning on him that this would be one of the last times he’d get to do this before everything changed. One way or another. 

 

***********

 

Wylan paced around the room, mind whirling. It had been three days since his revelation, and he was still not any clearer on his feelings. 

Because, really, what did he know of fatherhood? Nothing good, that’s what. He’d naively assumed that, being older, Nina or even Inej would have a baby first and he would be able to learn from them before having his own. Now that plan had gone out the window. 

And he had no clue how to properly raise a baby. Though, he supposed, he wouldn’t be doing this alone. The others would probably help, wouldn’t they? Well, except Kaz. Wylan barely trusted him to babysit his cat, let alone his child. But everyone else would be willing to help out, he thought. 

And then there was Jesper. He had no idea what Jesper wanted. Why hadn’t they discussed this? They’d talked about their deepest secrets and fears, but never about this. They’d discussed their pasts and lived together through the present, but they hadn’t planned for the future. And it was coming back to bite Wylan in the ass now (and not in a fun way). The closest they’d ever gotten to discussing it had been that one time they’d gone to church, but Jesper had neither confirmed nor denied whether he wanted pups. 

If he wanted you knocked up, he wouldn’t have given you the contraceptive, the voice in his head pointed out. What if he’s angry? What if he throws you down the stairs? 

Wylan shuddered. He’d heard plenty of horror stories like that, whispered by shaky omegas at mercher parties. Stories of what enraged alphas did to their omegas who got pregnant at inopportune times, affairs that they didn’t want found out or wayward sons and daughters who’d made a mistake. His father certainly would’ve done so if Wylan had dared to shame him like that. And if it had killed him, all the better for his father. 

No. Stop it, Wylan told himself sternly. Jesper isn’t like my father. He loves me. He won’t hurt me. And if he doesn’t want it, then… I’ll just drink the herbs and be done with it. Easy. Simple. Clean. 

So why did it feel like anything but? Why did the thought of taking those herbs make his chest feel hollow and his stomach turn in on itself? 

Wylan sighed as Ginger jumped up onto the bed beside him.

“What do you think?” he asked, rubbing behind her ears. 

Ginger mewled and butted her head up against his abdomen, before staring up at him with questioning green eyes. 

“Yeah,” Wylan agreed. “I don’t know either.” 

 

***********

 

“Wy, love, what’s going on with you?” Jesper asked one evening while Wylan fidgeted with his sleeves. “Your emotions have been all over the place lately.” 

Damn traitorous bond , Wylan thought. 

“I… I have to tell you something.” 

“Okay,” Jesper said, frowning as he sat on the bed and took Wylan’s hand in his. 

“The reason I haven’t been feeling well isn’t because I’m sick.” Taking a deep breath, he braced himself. “It’s because I’m pregnant.” 

Jesper’s eyes widened as he inhaled sharply. “But… that’s… are you sure?” 

Wylan nodded. “Nina confirmed it.” 

“How-How far along?” 

“Eight weeks. Well, eight and a half now, I guess.” 

“From your last heat?” 

“Yes.” 

“But… I brought you the tea. How is that possible?” 

“I fell asleep and forgot to drink it,” Wylan admitted. 

“Oh. That’s… damn, I must have fallen asleep, too.” Jesper ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, Wy, I’m sorry. I should’ve made sure you drank it.” 

“We both should’ve. But it doesn’t matter now,” Wylan said resolutely. 

“Right. You’re right,” Jesper said, rubbing his temples. 

“Nina said there are options,” Wylan ventured hesitantly. “Do you not want it? Is that why you brought me the tea?” 

“I brought you the tea because I assumed it was too early. That you wouldn’t want that so soon. I didn’t want to force anything on you before you were ready.” 

“Oh. So… you do want it?” 

Jesper shook his head. “Wy, you’re the one who has to do this. At least until it’s born. And it’s a lot. Especially after everything you’ve been through. I don’t want to pressure you either way.” 

Wylan grasped Jesper’s hand, his heart swelling. “I know. And I appreciate that. But I can’t, I won’t , bring a child into this world that isn’t wholly wanted and loved. So I need to know.” 

Jesper rubbed his thumb over the back of Wylan’s hand in a rhythmic motion. “I suppose I’d hoped that we would have children one day, when we were ready. But I’d assumed it wouldn’t be for a few more years.” He glanced up at Wylan to gauge his reaction. “If you want it, though, we could… move up that timeline?” 

“Are you sure we’re ready?” 

“No. But I’m not sure we ever fully will be.” 

Wylan nodded, considering. He was silent for several minutes while Jesper continued to stroke his hand and fidget with his fingers. In truth, he was absolutely terrified. But… he also desperately, passionately wanted to build a family. And with his heats being so inconsistent, who knew when the opportunity would come up again? Maybe this was earlier than he would’ve liked, but… maybe that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. 

Finally, he whispered, “I think… I think I want it.” 

“Yeah?” Jesper asked, his lips quirking up. “We’re having a baby?” 

“We’re having a baby,” Wylan confirmed, the words, said out loud for the first time, sending a rush through him.  

Jesper laughed, pulling Wylan onto his feet before spinning him around in the air. 

“I love you so much,” he murmured, burying his face in Wylan’s neck. 

“And I love you,” Wylan replied with a laugh, his heart glowing as if to say, ‘ yes, this is right’ . 

 

***********

 

Jesper cleared his throat once they’d all gathered for dinner. 

“We have some news,” he announced. He glanced at Wylan, who gave him a subtle nod and squeezed his hand under the table. “We’re having a baby.” 

The room went silent for a brief moment, before a flurry of ‘congratulations’ flew around the room as Nina, Inej, and Matthias all rushed to hug them and offer their felicitations. Wylan beamed at the lavishment of attention, glowing with bliss at his pack’s happiness for him. Kaz was the only one who stayed silent, watching them with his usual glare. 

Once the others had finally settled down, Kaz turned his scowl onto Jesper. “Have you lost your mind?” 

Jesper frowned. “Excuse me?” 

“Do you really think it’s a good idea for an omega that was fainting a few months ago to be pregnant?” 

“That was one time and it was over a year ago. Wylan is much healthier now, and I’ll make sure he continues eating well,” Jesper said, squeezing Wylan’s hand. Wylan squeezed back. 

Kaz’s glare intensified as his eyes narrowed. “He’s nineteen years old. He’s not ready.” 

Jesper opened his mouth to defend Wylan, but Wylan cut him off. 

“I think that’s for me to decide,” he said icily. 

Kaz grit his teeth. “What would you know about raising a child? You are barely more than a child yourself.” 

“Don’t call me a child,” Wylan said. 

“Then don’t act like one!” Kaz snapped. 

“If I’d been married off to any other alpha, I probably would’ve already had a child,” Wylan pointed out. 

“Being a breeding mare is hardly an accomplishment.” 

“No, but building a loving family is!” Wylan shot back. “Besides, I don’t recall my age being a concern when you told Jesper to marry me .” 

Kaz waved him off. “Marriage is nothing but a social contract in Kerch. It didn’t mean he had to go stick his dick in you and knock you up.” 

Wylan laughed humorlessly. “I don’t know what universe you live in, but last I checked, that’s actually exactly what a marriage entails. What did you expect us to do once we were married? Be lonely and miserable for the rest of our lives?” 

“You could’ve broken the mating bond once I’d gotten what I wanted from your father, and been on your merry way.” 

“Oh, well, sorry we ruined your plans by falling in love,” Wylan said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Kaz exhaled forcefully in frustration. “You can fall in love all you want. Doesn’t mean you need to ruin your life over it.” 

“I’m not ruining anything! I’m building a life and a family!” 

“Have you thought this through at all?” 

“Of course I have-” 

“What’s going to happen when Jesper runs off to the gambling hall and leaves you alone with a crying infant that won’t stop screaming?” 

Wylan paled, and Jesper wrapped an arm around him protectively. “That’s not fair,” he said. “I haven’t gambled in over a year.” 

“You haven’t gambled because you replaced one addiction with another,” Kaz said with a pointed look at Wylan. 

Jesper’s grip tightened, anger rising to the surface. “Wylan isn’t an addiction. He’s my mate. I’m not going to leave him or the baby.” 

“You say that now. What happens when the honeymoon period wears off and neither of you have slept properly in weeks? Will you stick around then?” Kaz turned his glare back onto Wylan. “A baby isn’t a goddamn cat. And it’s not a fun little fantasy for you to play with, either.” 

“I’m well aware of that,” Wylan hissed. 

“They won’t be doing this alone,” Inej interjected. “We’ll all help.” Nina and Matthias nodded in agreement. 

“You are all delusional if you think this is a good idea.” 

Wylan shot to his feet, slamming his hands on the table, one splayed out protectively in front of his abdomen, the other guarding Jesper beside him. He’d just about had enough of entitled alphas telling him what he was and wasn’t allowed to do with his body and his life. Baring his teeth, Wylan growled. 

“I’ve waited long enough to have a proper family. Who the hell do you think you are to try to take that away from me, just because you refuse to let your guard down long enough to make one of your own?” 

Kaz stood, facing down Wylan from the other end of the table. 

“Kaz, enough,” Inej said, trying to diffuse the situation. “Let’s just-” 

Kaz pointedly ignored her. “Or maybe the reason I haven’t gotten anyone knocked up yet is that, unlike you, my mate thinks twice before opening her legs,” he hissed. 

The room fell silent as Wylan backed up a step, blood draining from his face. “If that’s what you think of me, then I have nothing else to say to you.” 

Turning on his heel, Wylan stormed from the room. Jesper watched him go, every instinct screaming to go comfort his mate. But he had something to say first. Turning to Kaz, Jesper stood, too. 

“I could’ve forgiven you for what you said about me. But you crossed a line speaking to my mate like that. Especially after everything he’s been through.” 

Shaking his head, Jesper followed after Wylan.

Notes:

Kaz, internally panicking: I'm not ready to be a grandfather??!

Kaz, to himself: say the most insulting thing you can think of, that'll get him to change his mind for sure

 

Anyway, I've been pretty stressed lately so perhaps leave a comment to cheer me up? I love hearing y'all's thoughts

Chapter 17

Hey guys, not an update but I just wanted to say something. Today I got a couple of comments that reminded me why I chose to moderate comments in the first place. I chose not to publish them because this is my space and I have a right to protect my peace, but, honestly, they were just plain mean. Like it's one thing to give constructive criticism, but completely another to spend paragraphs tearing apart me and my story??? I'm not a professional writer. This isn't something I'm profiting off of. This is a story that I chose to write just for fun. It's just my take on exploring another universe and trying something out. No one is forcing you to read it. If you don't like it, then just stop reading. There is no need to be rude about it if it's not your cup of tea. I know it's hard to remember behind a computer screen but I am a real person with real feelings and real problems, and this story and community were supposed to be my little escape from everything else. Today was already a pretty rough day for me and I was so excited to read the new comments, only to be completely crushed. I know doing anything online always involves the risk of trolls and haters, and I'm reminding myself that I've gotten a lot more positive comments than negative ones and that almost 400 people have liked this story so I must be doing something right, even if it's not for everyone. So I guess I just wanted to say, if wouldn't talk to someone in such a scathing manner in real life then please don't do it behind a screen either. And if you do, I will just delete it because as I said, this is my space and I don't need your negativity bringing me down. 

On a related note, I was hoping to get a couple more chapters in before saying this but I've got some pretty important life things coming up in the next couple months, so I won't be able to update as much. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get the next update out on schedule, since I'm feeling a little sad and demotivated currently. But I really enjoy writing this and don't want to abandon it for those of you who do want to see this story keep going and I'm also not going to give the haters what they want, so I'll do what I can. For all those of you who have left me kudos and lovely comments, whether you stuck by me from the start and cheered me on or you found this story more recently, I am so, so grateful for you all.

Chapter 18

Notes:

Look at that, I rallied and got this out on schedule!
To everyone who left me super sweet and supportive comments last time, thank you all so so much!!! I love and appreciate you all!!!

Wylan was pacing the length of their room when Jesper caught up to him. The fact that he barely acknowledged Jesper’s presence was enough to tell him how upset his mate was, even without the bond or his scent being tinged with sourness. The only time Wylan ignored his presence was when he was deep in his own head, usually while running a new experiment, but Jesper very much doubted that that was where his mind was at currently. 

Silently, Jesper wrapped his arms around his mate from behind, stopping him in his tracks and pressed a kiss behind his ear. 

“Inej and Nina are both giving Kaz an earful, if that makes you feel any better,” he murmured softly. 

“Not particularly,” Wylan said bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m sorry, love. He had no right to speak to you like that,” Jesper said, hugging the omega tighter. Wylan slackened in his arms, all the events of the day finally taking their toll as the fight drained out of him. 

“What if he’s right?” Wylan whispered. He looked up at Jesper with wide, fearful eyes. “What if I mess this up? What if I hurt the baby?” 

Jesper lovingly brushed a finger against his cheek. “Wy, you have never liked hurting innocent people. Why would you hurt the baby?” 

“Because,” Wylan whispered, “It’s all I know.” 

Sighing, Jesper guided Wylan to sit on the edge of the bed, before kneeling in front of him and taking Wylan’s hands in his. 

“Darling. Can you think of a single situation in which you’d do anything that your father did to you to the baby?” 

“Well, no, but-” 

“Exactly. You are nothing like him, Wy,” Jesper promised. “You are good, and kind, and you’re going to love this baby with all your heart. And I won’t let you hurt it, alright? Just like you won’t let me.” He brushed a thumb over Wylan’s cheekbone, and Wylan leaned into his touch with a shuddering breath. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Wylan exhaled. 

Jesper brought Wylan’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “We’re going to figure it out, together, alright?” 

“Together,” Wylan agreed. 

 

***********

 

Jesper was hovering. 

At first, Wylan thought it was endearing. But this was at least the fifth time in the past hour that Jesper had asked if he needed anything, and honestly, it was starting to get annoying. So the next time Jesper asked if he was feeling well, Wylan snapped. 

“I’m pregnant, not fragile!” he fumed in annoyance, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Jesper paused in his tracks, looking taken aback. “I know you’re not fragile.” He reached out for Wylan’s hands and Wylan reluctantly let him, though he didn’t make it easy for Jesper to untangle his arms. “Of course I know that. You’re one of the strongest people I know. But you’re doing this for us, and I just… want to make this as easy for you as I can.” 

“I know,” Wylan sighed. “I’m sorry I snapped. Sometimes it all just gets overwhelming.” 

Jesper pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Yeah. And hey, if snapping at me makes you feel better, you can. Maybe just limit it to like once a day or something, yeah?” 

Wylan snorted and raised an eyebrow. “Will you stop hovering then?” 

“I’ll try,” Jesper chuckled. “But after we see Nina. It’s almost six.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. Come on.” 

 

***********

 

Jesper grasped Wylan’s hand and stroked his hair, trying not to squirm as Nina placed a hand on his bare abdomen. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked. 

“Mmm,” Nina murmured. “Baby is good. A bit on the smaller end, but it’s got a strong heartbeat.” 

Wylan raised his head with a frown. “Is that bad? That it’s small?” 

“No, it’s still within a normal range. And it might get bigger. But considering you’re a smaller omega, a small baby means a safer and easier delivery.” 

The words of the medic from the first day he’d met Wylan sprang up in Jesper’s mind unbidden. 

Small hips so labor will be hard. 

It dawned on Jesper that Wylan never should have ended up being so slight. If he hadn’t been deprived of food when he was growing the most, he probably would have ended up larger and they never would have had to worry about the baby being too big for his body. Silently, Jesper cursed Jan van Eck. Again. 

“Jes?” Wylan called, sensing his unease. 

Jesper shifted, pressing a kiss to Wylan’s hand. “Sorry, darling. But it’s good. It’s what we want. Safe and easy.” 

Please let the baby stay small. Don’t make this any harder on him. 

Nina pulled Wylan’s shirt down over his abdomen. “And how are you feeling?” she asked. 

“I’m alright,” Wylan said. 

“He’s still barely eating,” Jesper interjected. 

“It makes me nauseous,” Wylan argued. 

“It’s really important that you keep your weight on,” Nina said gently. “The baby needs it to grow properly, and you need to keep your strength up. Pregnancy takes a toll on the body. Let’s make a list of what you can eat without getting nauseous, and I’ll come up with a diet plan for you, okay?” 

Wylan nodded as Jesper helped him sit up. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Jesper asked. 

“We’ll be okay,” Wylan said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Promise.” 

“Okay. Love you,” Jesper murmured, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“Love you, too,” Wylan said. 

With a last squeeze of his hand, Jesper left. 

 

**********

 

Jesper paced outside, his mind racing. He flipped his pearl-handled revolvers in his hands just to have something to do with them. Every part of him was jittery, unable to stay still. He hated this. Hated worrying about Wylan, even more so now than usual. And now it wasn’t only Wylan he had to worry about. It had all seemed so theoretical, so abstract when they’d first talked about it. But now that they’d gone to see Nina, now that he’d heard her confirm that the baby was really real, it had suddenly hit him that he was going to be a father . 

In a few months, there would be a whole entire tiny helpless child that was theirs to care for, and Jesper would have two people to protect and take care of, two people he’d be responsible for, two people he’d have to constantly worry about… And that was assuming Wylan’s pregnancy and delivery went well and that nothing, Saints forbid, went wrong and they both came out of it safe and healthy and… 

Saints, Jesper really hated not being able to do anything. Because, really, besides making sure Wylan was eating well and sleeping enough, there was nothing he could do to help his mate. Nothing he could do to make this any easier on him. And Jesper really, really hated that. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, itching to run off to a gambling den just for a couple rounds. Just to take the edge off. To feel that rush that made everything else go away temporarily. It would calm him down, and he could go back to Wylan with a quieter mind, and maybe a few hundred kruge richer. 

But then he’d be proving Kaz right. And it would be far from the first time that he’d be proving Kaz right, but… he’d also be proving Wylan wrong. Wylan, who had so much faith in him. He could just imagine Wylan’s stricken expression, the worry behind those cornflower-blue eyes of his, wondering if his faith was misguided, if Jesper would keep running away every time it got hard once the baby came, too. And Jesper couldn’t bear that. Couldn’t stomach the idea of causing Wylan any more anxiety when he was already dealing with so much. But he couldn’t sit still either. 

Jesper kept pacing, willing the side of him that did not want to disappoint Wylan to win. 

“Jesper.” 

“Saints!” Jesper nearly shouted, turning sharply. “‘Nej, you’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that. I would prefer not to have a heart attack before my child is even born.” 

“Sorry,” Inej said, though the twist of her lips told him that she wasn’t, in fact, all that sorry. “I was just heading to the market to pick up a couple of things. Would you like to come with me?” 

“The market? Oh, that-yeah, that’d be good,” Jesper said. A walk would be good to burn off some of his nervous energy, at least. 

Inej nodded, leading the way. Jesper fell into step beside her. Sticking his guns in their holsters, he dropped his hands into his pockets. Finding a random scrap of metal that he hadn’t even realized had been there, Jesper pulled it out and began mindlessly fiddling with it. 

“Nina said the baby is doing well?” Inej asked carefully, her tone giving nothing away. 

“Yeah. But I’m still terrified,” Jesper admitted quietly. 

“Of course you are. It’s only natural.” 

Jesper snorted. “That’s not true. If it were you pregnant, Kaz would be all stoic and emotionless about it.” 

Inej laughed. “Are you kidding? He would hide it by snapping and growling at everyone, but he’d be losing his mind. It’s one of the reasons we’re waiting. I want him to be a little more… stable, before we do any of that.” 

Jesper nodded. “Do you think we rushed this?” 

“It was definitely fast. But I can’t answer that for you, Jes. What’s right for us isn’t necessarily going to be what’s right for you two. And Wylan… I think taking this choice away from him would have been very bad for both of you.” 

“So how do I help him with this?” 

“Be there. Be attentive to his needs. Reassure him. Be honest with him. All the things you’ve already been doing.”  

“Right. Thanks, ‘Nej.” 

“Of course, always,” she said, peering down at his hands. It dawned on him that she had probably snuck that piece of metal into his pocket to distract him. “Not bad. Though I’m not sure you should give a metal pacifier to a baby. Maybe try a rattle instead?” 

Jesper frowned down at the lumpy pacifier-esque metal clump in his hands. He hadn’t even realized what he’d been making. “Er, right, yeah, I’ll do that.” Glancing up, his gaze landed on a nearby bookshop. “Hey, mind if we hop in here for a second?” 

 

**********

 

Wylan was curled up in a pile of blankets when Jesper came back. Ginger, loyally beside him as always, lifted her head to inspect Jesper. Apparently having deemed him acceptable, she went back to sleep as Wylan scratched her head. 

“Hi, darling,” Jesper said, coming over to sit facing Wylan. 

“Hi, my love,” Wylan said, leaning over to peck Jesper’s cheek. “How are you doing?’’ 

“I should be asking you that.” 

“You’re going through this, too.” 

“Not like you are.” 

“No, but you’re still allowed to feel things.” 

“I’m okay,” Jesper said. Wylan raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I mean, I was kind of freaking out earlier, but I went on a walk with Inej and it helped. I got us something.” 

He reached into the inside of his coat and pulled out a book, handing it to Wylan. 

“Oh, what’s this?” 

“It’s about pregnancy in male omegas. I remembered that you had that omegan physiology book that no one was allowed to read to you, and I just don’t want you to feel that way ever again. You have a right to know about what’s going on with your body. So I thought we could read it together?” 

Wylan looked up at him with wide, Zemeni-sky-blue eyes before throwing his arms around Jesper’s neck. 

“Thank you,” Wylan said, nuzzling his scent gland. “You’re going to be such a good father.” 

Jesper hugged him tightly, his eyes welling up. 

 

**********

 

Wylan stared at himself in the mirror, frowning unhappily. He wasn’t even showing yet, and somehow all of his trousers already barely fit, and his chest was constantly sore and sensitive, and he felt like an utter mess. Alys, he remembered, had filled out during her pregnancy, too. But on her, it had looked fine. On his small frame… well, that was a different story. And this was only the beginning; he knew it would only get worse the further along he got. Sighing, Wylan wondered if he could get away with just going right back to sleep and forgetting all about this. 

“Darling?” Jesper called out, knocking on the bathroom door. “Are you alright? Can I come in?” 

“You can come in,” Wylan acquiesced. 

Jesper pattered in, wrapping his arms around Wylan from behind and pressing a kiss to his hair. “Hi, beautiful,” he murmured. 

“Don’t do that,” Wylan said, wrinkling his nose. 

“Do what?” 

“Lie to me. I know I look like a mess.” 

“You can still be a beautiful mess.” 

“Hmm.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t like this. The way my body is changing.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know. It’s just a lot. I’m not going to look like the omega you fell in love with.” Wylan bit his lip, staring down at his feet. “What if you don’t think I’m attractive anymore?” 

“Darling.” Jesper turned him around, hooking a finger under his chin to get him to look up. “You are carrying our child. There is literally nothing that could be more attractive than that. Come here.” 

He walked Wylan backwards until his back bumped up against the counter, then hoisted him up to sit on it, sweeping away the clutter. Cupping Wylan’s face in his hands, Jesper pressed a long kiss to his lips. 

“You are so gorgeous,” he murmured, eyes half lidded as he looked over Wylan. “In fact, let me show you just how gorgeous you are.” 

With a wink, Jesper sank down between his spread legs, drawing the first of what would be many gasps from his lips. 

 

***********

 

Afterward, when Wylan had fallen asleep (because these days everything tended to make him sleepy, especially sex), Jesper had carried him off to bed, left Ginger to watch over him, and went off in search of Nina. He found her organizing a kit of healing supplies in the living room. 

“Well, hello,” she said. “How’s Wy?” 

“He’s, um…” Jesper hesitated. 

Nina looked up at him, narrowing her eyes. “If you call him emotional, I will tell him you said that, and eat a waffle while I watch him tear you apart limb from limb,” she threatened. 

Jesper raised his hands in surrender, eyes widening in alarm. “Sensitive! I was going to say sensitive!” 

“Sure you were.” 

“I was! Yesterday, he almost started crying because we saw some ducklings on our walk. Ducklings, Nina!” She rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile. “And today, he thought I wouldn’t find him attractive because he’s pregnant? As if he isn’t the most gorgeous omega in the whole world!” 

“Jes,” Nina said, patting his arm. “Of course he’s sensitive. His hormones are all over the place, and pregnancy is a lot for anybody. But for Wylan, up until recently, love was something he was forced to earn. Of course he’s worried that it will be taken away from him if he doesn’t meet some ridiculous standard that he’s set for himself.” 

“Oh. That’s… I didn’t think of it like that,” Jesper said with a frown. “How do I make him feel more secure, then?” 

“Keep telling him. Keep showing him how much you love him. That’s all you can do, really. The rest is up to him.” 

“But what if it’s not enough?” 

“I think, deep down, he knows. Right now is just an especially vulnerable time for him. Give him a minute to adjust.” 

“How are you so good at knowing these things?” 

Nina shrugged. “I have special best friend powers.” 

Jesper laughed. “Thanks. For being there for him.” 

“Of course. That’s what a pack is for.” 

Jesper nodded, though a pang of sadness shot through his heart as he remembered that his best friend and his mate still weren’t speaking. 

It would be a rough few months if they didn’t figure it out soon.

Notes:

Ik, Ik it's more of a filler chapter, but everyone had a lot of Big Feelings happening, so I thought it was only fair that they got to work through those.

I have a feeling that next chapter Kaz will have some things to say (as if he hasn't said enough already)...

As I said before, updates will be more sporadic over the next couple of months so I'm not sure when the next one will be out, but I'll try my best!!!
Again, thank you to all of the sweet and lovely humans who have been so, so encouraging and supportive!!!

Chapter 19

Notes:

Huzzah, I'm still alive! Short chapter, but I figured a short update is better than no update?

Jesper trudged to Kaz’s office reluctantly. He didn’t even bother knocking, just pushed the door open and glared at the other alpha. 

“Inej said you wanted to see me,” he said. “What’s so important that you had to pull me away from loving on my husband?”  

Kaz stared down at some paper on his desk for several more seconds, before finally lifting his head. 

“Haven’t you loved on him enough? Isn’t that what got you into this situation in the first place?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “Where is your baby mama, anyway?”  

Jesper crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “My mate is resting, and he said if you want to apologize, you can come to him.” 

“I’m not going to apologize for being right,” Kaz deadpanned. 

“Right?” Jesper scoffed. “You practically called Wylan a slut!” 

“He knows I did not mean it that way.” 

“Does he? Because he’s yet to hear you say it. It’s been months, Kaz!” 

“We have more important things to discuss than the merchling’s hurt feelings.” 

“You’re a b-” 

“You need to take Wylan and go to Novyi Zem.” 

Jesper blinked, certain he’d misheard. “ What? ” 

“There is a ship that sails in two days. I got you tickets. Think of it as a late extended honeymoon, if you like.” 

“ What? ” 

“Which part did you fail to understand?” 

“You want me to separate a five-month-pregnant omega from his pack? Are you insane?” 

“Do you want to wait until he’s eight months?” 

“No! I don’t want to take him to Novyi Zem at all!” 

“This is the best way to keep him safe.” 

“From what?” 

“From his father.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Van Eck will come after him once he realizes I’ve been gathering evidence to take him down.” 

“Can’t you… wait? Until the baby comes?” 

“And then what? You think Wylan and the baby will be at any less risk? Besides, this plan has been in motion for months now, since before your little announcement. After you all , Wylan included, agreed that you want Van Eck destroyed.” 

Jesper ran a hand down his face as he began pacing the length of the office. “I do. We do. Of course we do. But… I can’t take him to Novyi Zem, Kaz.” 

“You can.” 

“You don’t understand. My da doesn’t know that I dropped out of university, or that I almost lost his farm, or-or any of it!” Jesper tried desperately to explain. 

“Then I suggest you use your travel time to figure out how to tell him.” 

“I can’t,” Jesper said through gritted teeth. 

“You can’t or you won’t?” Kaz challenged. “You made your decision when you two decided to keep the baby. Now you have a mate and an unborn child to protect. You’re an alpha. It’s time to grow up and start acting like it.” 

“He’s my mate,” Jesper growled. “It’s our decision what’s best for him and the baby.” 

“Damn it, Jesper! Don’t you get it?” Kaz growled back. “He isn’t just yours. He’s our pack’s omega! He’s all of ours to protect!” 

Jesper tugged at the hair at the back of his neck in frustration. “Fine. I’ll talk to him about it.” 

“See that you do. Because one way or another, he will be on that ship in two days.” 

Jesper let out an angry hiss, slamming the door on his way out. 

 

***********

 

Wylan took it surprisingly well. Somewhat. 

“If he’s so mad about this baby that he’s sending us away, then that’s just fine,” Wylan raged, pacing around the room and chucking random things into the open trunk as he did. 

“It’s not because of that,” Jesper tried to explain, because, well, he did see Kaz’s point. “He’s trying to protect you. And the baby.” 

“Honestly, I don’t care. Either way, I could use a break from him,” Wylan replied. “Pass me my flute.” 

Sighing, Jesper did. 

 

***********

 

“Did you pack my sketchbook?” 

“Yes, darling.” 

“And the hats Nina made for the baby?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I checked three times, Wy.” 

“Right, okay,” Wylan said, though Jesper could tell he was still anxious as they walked up to where the ship was docked. 

Once they’d stopped, Nina practically threw herself at Wylan. 

“I’ll miss you so much,” she said, squeezing him tightly. 

“I’ll miss you too, Nina,” he replied, hugging her back. 

“It’s just for a few months, until Kaz gets everything in place. You’ll have your hands full with that gorgeous husband of yours, and then with the baby. You won’t even notice the time pass,” she said, though Jesper could see the sadness in her eyes even as she gave Wylan an encouraging smile. 

“Gorgeous, is he?” Jesper said, trying to lighten the situation. 

Nina gave him a flat stare. “This is the one and only time you’ll hear me say it, so you better enjoy it.” Going in for a hug, she added in a whisper, “You better keep him calm and comfortable for the remainder of this pregnancy, or I will hunt you down and boil the blood in your veins.” Pulling back, Nina gave him an angelic smile. 

“I’ll miss you, too,” Jesper said with an eyeroll. 

Inej gave them each a hug next. “Have a safe journey. Take care of each other. We’ll all be waiting for you to come home.” 

“Thank you,” Wylan whispered. 

“Be safe, little lamb,” Matthias said, wrapping him up in his giant arms. “Write to us,” he said to Jesper. 

“We will,” Jesper promised. 

“And find a midwife or a healer as soon as possible,” Nina added. 

“We will,” Wylan said, rubbing a hand over the curve of his abdomen that was now obvious on his slim frame. 

“Do you have everything you need?” Inej asked. 

Wylan glanced around, pulling the bag that Ginger peaked out of closer. “I think so.” 

Just then, the ship’s foghorn sounded, indicating its imminent departure. 

“We should go,” Jesper said, catching Kaz’s eye from where he lingered behind the rest of the group. 

Kaz only gave him a tight nod. Wylan cast him an icy glare, before saying their final goodbyes to the others. Taking a deep breath, Jesper grabbed the trunk’s handle and Wylan’s hand and they walked towards the ship. 

 

Once they’d reached the sailor checking the tickets, Wylan pulled them from his pocket and handed them over. The alpha snatched them up quickly, his gaze lingering a little too long on Wylan. Jesper stepped protectively closer. Once he’d inspected the tickets, the sailor handed them back to Jesper. 

“Might want to give that one a sedative,” he said gruffly, nodding towards Wylan. “They tend to get hysterical while pregnant. More than usual, that is.” 

“My mate is not hysterical, and I’m not going to drug him just because some asshole alpha can’t handle the fact that omegas have thoughts and feelings,” Jesper snapped. “Maybe if you didn’t treat your omega like shit, they wouldn’t be hysterical .” 

Grasping Wylan’s hand, Jesper pulled him up the gangplank, away from the stunned alpha who gaped after them. 

“It’s okay,” Wylan said softly. “I’m used to it.” 

“But you shouldn’t be! He had no right talking about you like that!” Jesper fumed. 

“That’s just how it is.” 

“It’s not right.” Jesper shook his head with a sigh. “At least you’ll be treated better in Novyi Zem.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mmm. You’ll see.”  

 

***********

 

Jesper woke to an empty cot. Glancing around the tiny cabin that Kaz had thankfully paid for, he frowned and dragged his boots on. Weak light streamed through the porthole, the sky beyond blurring from orange to blue, blossoming with the colors of dawn. Jesper hurried through the underside of the ship and emerged onto the deck. He scanned it quickly, before his gaze landed on a figure standing by the rail, arms wrapped protectively over his growing abdomen. Jesper quickly made his way over and enveloped Wylan in his arms from behind. 

“Hey,” he said, nuzzling at his mate’s scent gland. “What are you doing up here so early?” 

“Couldn’t sleep. Came up here to think,” Wylan replied, leaning back against him. 

“Oh? Do you want to tell me what about?” Jesper offered. 

Wylan fiddled with the edge of his sleeve. “Will you be disappointed if… if the baby turns out to be an omega when it’s older?” 

“Wy,” Jesper murmured, cupping his mate’s face and tilting it up to look at him. “Do you really think I could be disappointed if our child turns out to be a brilliant, strong, brave omega like you?” 

Wylan closed his eyes, pressing a kiss to the inside of Jesper’s wrist. “And if our child can’t read?” 

“Then we’ll figure it out together,” Jesper promised. Then it was his turn to hesitate. “What if the baby is grisha?” 

“Then you and Nina can teach it. Or we’ll get a tutor. Whatever we decide is best,” Wylan said. “But I don’t want to send them to Ravka. It’s too far.” 

“Then we won’t,” Jesper said. 

Wylan nodded, relaxing in his hold. He was silent for a few minutes, eyes fixed on the horizon, before speaking again. 

“What’s your father like?” 

“Da? I’ve told you about him. He’s Kaelish, born and raised in the Wandering Isle until he met my ma. He bought her the jurda farm as a wedding gift, and he’s lived in Novyi Zem ever since.” 

“Yes, I remember. But… is he nice?” 

Jesper mentally smacked himself for not realizing Wylan’s worries sooner. “Yeah, Wy, he’s nice.” 

“What would he do if you were bad?” 

“I usually wasn’t allowed to see my friends or have dessert for a few days. Or I’d have to do extra chores. Things like that. Nothing bad,” Jesper said. “He’s never hurt me, Wy. He’s not going to hurt you either. I won’t let anyone hurt you, I promise.” 

“I know,” Wylan said. “Sorry, I just…” 

“Yeah.” Jesper pressed a kiss to his temple. “It’ll be okay, sunshine.” 

Wylan nodded resolutely. 

 

**********

 

It took two weeks for the ship to reach Novyi Zem. Thankfully, Wylan had all of the documents proving their mating and marriage (which Jesper really didn’t know why it was necessary, given that their scents were all over each other and they had the mating bites, but no one had asked him) carefully gathered and tucked away in his knapsack (Jesper was grateful for this, since he probably, definitely would’ve lost them already otherwise), so with Jesper’s old Zemeni identity papers (that he thankfully hadn’t yet lost), getting in was easy. The older beta checking their papers had raised a skeptical eyebrow at the bag containing Ginger, but as soon as the little cat peeked her head out and mewled at her, the woman’s expression softened and she waved them through. 

They spent a night in Cofton, as it was already late afternoon by the time they’d docked and been let through. The next day, they hired a man (a beta, for Wylan’s comfort) with a horse-drawn cart big enough to fit them and their luggage. It took nearly the whole day for them to traverse the countryside, but Wylan didn’t seem to mind. He stared around them the whole way, eyes wide as he took in the sprawling jurda fields and clear blue skies, murmuring every once in a while about the landscapes he wanted to paint. And if Wylan was happy, then Jesper was happy. 

That is until the nerves started to creep up on him the closer they got to his childhood home. Inevitably, they reached it eventually. Jesper helped Wylan down from the cart, before retrieving their luggage and tipping the driver, who jovially wished them a good evening as he nudged the horse back towards the main road. Holding Ginger’s carrier under one arm, Wylan twined the other hand with Jesper’s and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Jesper took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. 

He’d made it all of two steps before a voice called out, “Jesper Llewellyn Fahey, what in the Saints’ names are you doing here?”

Notes:

Bet that's not what y'all were expecting Kaz to say, was it? ;)

Also, Colm honestly deserves a medal for dealing with Jesper's shenanigans. Like imagine sending your kid to college and him just showing up years later out of the blue with a pregnant spouse???

Chapter 20

“Hi, da,” Jesper said, wincing inwardly. 

As he met the older man’s shocked gaze, his heart swelled with just how much he’d missed his father. It had been years since he’d seen him last and, in truth, Jesper had pushed the thought of him away, wanting to avoid the guilt that was brought up with it every time. But now that he was facing the man who’d raised him, all of it came rushing to the surface. 

Wylan, likely sensing his turmoil, squeezed his hand reassuringly, pulling him away from his thoughts. Jesper shook himself off and squeezed back. 

“Da, this is Wylan, my mate,” he announced. 

Colm’s eyes widened as he glanced between them, noting the matching mating bites on their necks and Wylan’s rounded abdomen. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Fahey, sir,” Wylan said. 

The older beta blinked at him several times, as if still not knowing whether to believe what he was seeing, before shaking his head. 

“None of that now, lad. Call me Colm, please,” he said. Wylan nodded bashfully, and seemingly satisfied, Colm turned his attention back to Jesper. “As for you, Jesper, why didn’t you write?” 

“You didn’t write?” Wylan asked, crossing his arms as he glared at Jesper. “Jesper! You were supposed to tell your father we were coming.” 

“Hey! You can’t gang up on me!” Jesper protested, his eyes flickering between his father and his husband helplessly. 

Colm shook his head with a sigh. “We can discuss this inside. You boys better come in before you catch a heatstroke out here. Especially you, Wylan.” 

 

***********

 

“...So then we came here,” Jesper finished explaining, carding his fingers through Wylan’s hair. 

Despite being annoyed with Jesper, Wylan had sat by his side and held his hand as he told his father everything that had happened since he’d dropped out of Ketterdam University. But the journey had eventually weighed on him and Wylan had fallen asleep, head pillowed in Jesper’s lap, hair spread around him like a glowing halo and Ginger curled under his arm. Colm had draped a blanket over him. 

Jesper bit his lip as Colm sighed again (he was losing count by now), and rubbed his eyes. 

“Are you disappointed?” Jesper dared to ask, holding his breath. 

“Yes,” Colm said, and Jesper’s heart sank. “I’m disappointed that you wasted the opportunity that your ma and I worked so hard for you to have. And I’m disappointed that when you got into trouble, you just kept digging yourself into a deeper hole instead of asking for help.” He took a deep breath, and Jesper braced himself. “But more than that, I’m just glad you’re alright. It’s been so long since you’ve written, Jes, I was starting to think the worst.” 

“I know. I’m sorry, da,” Jesper said, hanging his head. “I was, I am , ashamed and I didn’t know how to tell you about any of it. And then everything happened with Wylan, and it’s been such a whirlwind, and I didn’t know how to tell you about any of that, either, and…” Jesper trailed off, his gaze fixed on Wylan’s sleeping form, the feel of the silky hair wrapped around his fingers grounding Jesper. 

“This is a lot to take in, Jes,” Colm remarked. 

“I know.” 

“Are you happy?” 

Jesper frowned at the question. If someone had asked him two years ago whether he’d be happy marrying some omega he’d never met before and starting a family with him, Jesper would’ve laughed. In truth, before Wylan, he’d never even spent more than a few nights with the same person, always jumping from one bed to the next, never having the desire to stay longer. But now… now everything was different. Now he couldn’t imagine ever being happy without Wylan. 

“Yes,” Jesper said. “He makes me happy, da.” 

“Then I’m glad,” Colm said. “How long will you two be staying?” 

“I’m not sure. A few months, I suppose. Until Kaz says it’s safe for Wylan and the baby to come back. Is that alright?” 

“Of course it’s alright, son. We have a lot of missed time to catch up on.” 

“Yeah. We do.” 

Colm’s gaze drifted to Wylan. “There’s a midwife close to town, about an hour ride from here. You ought to go see her tomorrow, if he’ll be up for it.” 

“We will.” 

“Poor lad,” Colm said with a shake of his head. “I hope he’ll feel comfortable here.” 

“I hope so, too,” Jesper replied. “But, father figures are… hard for him. It might take him a little while to get used to it.” 

“I understand,” Colm said. 

They’d discussed on the journey there how much of Wylan’s past Jesper could tell his father about, and had agreed that he could tell Colm the general story without going into too many of the details. 

“You should take him upstairs so he can get some proper rest. I’ll get you clean sheets,” Colm said, moving to get up. 

“Da… thank you.” 

Colm moved across to stand in front of Jesper. Squeezing his shoulder, he pressed a kiss to Jesper’s forehead. 

“It’s good to have you home, son.” 

 

***********

 

Wylan woke to a ray of light that had snuck past the curtains and fallen across his face. Blinking sleepily, he reached for Jesper and… found empty sheets. Huffing, Wylan turned over, his eyes landing on a piece of paper propped up against the lamp on the nightstand. He reached for it, bringing it close to examine the rudimentary stairs drawn there, an arrow pointing downward and a stick figure waving at the bottom. Setting it aside, Wylan smiled and pushed himself up. 

“Good morning,” he said, rubbing his hand over the curve of his belly. “Let’s go find your daddy, shall we?” 

Wylan got dressed quickly, pulling on some trousers and the simplest of Jesper’s shirts that he could find and went to wash up in the bathroom that he found next door. Judging by the fact that there were already things scattered all over it, it was definitely Jesper’s. Afterwards, he made his way downstairs. 

“Good morning,” Wylan said as he entered the kitchen where Colm was cooking something and Jesper was being decidedly not helpful. 

“Good morning, lad,” Colm said, turning to him with a smile. “Sleep well?” 

“Yes, thank you. It’s nice to sleep in a real bed after two weeks on a ship,” Wylan said. “Can I help with anything?” 

“You can tell your husband to get out of my way,” Colm suggested. 

Wylan frowned, raising an eyebrow at said husband. “Jesper, get out of your father’s way.” 

“But I’m not-” 

“Jesper.” 

“Fine,” Jesper grumbled, coming up to wrap his arms around Wylan from behind and press a kiss to his cheek. “But only because I love you. And for the record, I wasn’t in the way.” 

“Sure, love,” Wylan said, patting his arm. 

“Huh, I didn’t think that would actually work,” Colm remarked, looking impressed now that he had full use of his kitchen back. “Good work, Wylan.” 

Color rose to Wylan’s cheeks. “Is there anything else I can do?” 

Colm shook his head. “You’re already doing plenty, lad. You just take a seat right there, breakfast is almost ready. Would you like some coffee or tea?” 

“Tea, please, if it’s not too much trouble.” 

“It’s no trouble at all,” Colm waved him off. 

“Thank you.” Wylan settled himself onto a chair by the counter just as Ginger jumped up onto it. “No, Ginger, not on the counter,” Wylan scolded, scooping the feline onto his lap. She quickly wriggled her way out and jumped back onto the counter. “Ginger, get down!” 

“Oh, it’s alright, lad, let her be. Jesper’s dragged a lot worse onto that counter,” Colm said. 

“Hey!” Jesper protested. 

Colm turned a stern look onto him. “You want to tell me that’s not true, boy?” Jesper hung his head sheepishly. “That’s what I thought. Now, let’s eat.” 

 

***********

 

Breakfast was a lovely affair, Wylan thought. He’d watched Jesper and Colm joke around and tease each other, a side of Jesper coming out that he’d never seen before. It was like the tension he’d carried for as long as Wylan had known him seemed to have fallen away. Once or twice, Wylan’s breath caught in worry when Jesper had quipped something a little too smart-mouthy but Colm had only laughed it off. It was a strange, new dynamic that Wylan would have to get used to, he thought, hand unconsciously stroking over his abdomen. 

After breakfast, Jesper led him out to the back of the house, to a pasture where two horses were grazing. 

“That’s Samson,” Jesper said, pointing to the buckskin horse that was further out. “And this is Bessie,” he said, going up to the bay mare that had come to sniff at them curiously. 

“You named her Bessie ?” 

“Yes? What’s wrong with that?” 

“That’s a cow’s name, not a horse’s!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were the expert on livestock naming.” 

“Everyone knows this!” Wylan spattered. 

“Clearly not.” 

“I am not letting you name our child,” Wylan declared, crossing his arms. 

“Why are you so mean to me?” Jesper whined. Shaking his head, he pulled out an apple slice and held it out for the mare. “Here, Bessie. You have a beautiful name, and don’t you listen to anyone making fun of it.” Wylan rolled his eyes as Bessie happily chomped down on the apple. “Here,” Jesper said, handing Wylan another apple slice. “Maybe she’ll forgive you for being rude if you give her that.” 

Wylan eyed the animal warily. “It’s fine. You can do it.” 

Jesper turned to look at him with a gleam in his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid?” 

“I’m not afraid!” Wylan protested. 

“Come on, darling. I was gonna teach you how to ride after the baby comes. You can’t be scared of them for that.” 

“I’m not,” Wylan reiterated. “They’re just so… big.” 

“Well, I’m big too and you still ride-” 

“ Do not ,” Wylan bristled, cheeks flaming red, “finish that sentence.” 

Jesper cackled. “Here, darling, it’s okay. Bessie’s real gentle. Just hold your hand out for her like this.” 

Taking Wylan’s hand, he flattened out the palm and tucked his thumb in, guiding a reluctant Wylan to hold out the apple as a peace offering. Bessie nuzzled at his palm, munching down on the apple with a soft snort. 

“See? She’s really sweet. You can pet her neck.” Cautiously, Wylan did, marveling at the animal’s smooth fur. Bessie nudged him, looking for more treats. “Perfect. Just like that. You can keep her company while I get the cart ready.” 

“What? No, do not leave me alone with them!” 

 

***********

It took about half an hour for Jesper to get Bessie strapped into the cart, and another hour on the road for them to reach the midwife that Colm had mentioned at breakfast. Wylan clutched Jesper’s hand nervously as Jesper knocked on the door. Several seconds later, a pretty omega woman a few years older than them opened the door and smiled widely. Jesper and her exchanged several sentences in rapid Zemeni, which Wylan had no hope of following, before she turned her smile onto him. 

“Hello, Wylan,” she said in accented Kerch. “It’s lovely to meet you. I’m Amara. Come in.” 

They followed her inside the wooden cottage, Wylan taking in the bright sunlight streaming in and illuminating the colorful tapestries adorning the walls. 

“Is this your first baby? How far along are you?” Amara asked, leading them through a curtain of hanging beads over to a green fainting couch and gesturing for Wylan to lay down. 

“Yes, about twenty three weeks,” he said, settling himself while Jesper sat on a chair next to him. 

Amara nodded. “May I?” 

“Yes.” 

Lifting his shirt out of the way, she placed her hands on his belly, squeezing gently as she moved them around. “Good size. How’s your pregnancy been so far? Any pain or bleeding?” 

“No, nothing like that.” 

“Headaches?”

“Only when Jesper’s being annoying.” 

“Hey! I’m right here!” 

Amara shared a conspicuous grin with Wylan, pressing a hollow metal tube to his abdomen and leaning her ear against it. “Everything sounds good. If you don’t have any concerns, I can come by in about two weeks to check on you again?” 

Wylan nodded. “Thank you, that would be wonderful.” 

“Of course,” Amara said. 

Just then, a knock came against the doorframe of the room and a large man stepped through, giving them a warm smile and a wave. He said something in Zemeni and Wylan frowned, his nose picking up on the man’s strong scent. 

“Oh, this is my friend, Neberu. He’s a zowa healer, and we work together on a lot of our patients,” Amara said. 

“No,” Wylan snapped. “He’s not touching me.” 

Jesper wrapped an arm around him protectively. “Wylan doesn’t want to be touched by other alphas,” he explained. 

“Ah, I understand,” Amara said. She turned to Neberu and said something in Zemeni, which made him nod and quickly leave the room. “It’s alright, Wylan. No one will touch you unless you agree to it, I promise.” 

Wylan nodded, relaxing as the other alpha’s scent faded from the room. “Thank you.” 

“You okay?” Jesper murmured, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

“Mmhmm,” Wylan hummed. 

“I’m going to strap Bessie back in. Come out when you’re ready, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

With another kiss, Jesper walked out, leaving him alone with Amara. 

“First babies can be very exciting and very scary. How are you feeling about it?” she asked. 

“Both of those,” Wylan answered truthfully. 

“You’re not the only one, believe me,” she said. “Are you hoping it’ll be an omega?” 

Wylan’s eyes widened in surprise at the question. “No. I don’t know. I don’t want their life to be any harder.” 

“It wouldn’t be. Not here, at least. Omegas are treasured here. Like zowa,” she said. “It is very different in Kerch, I take it?” 

“Yes. Very,” Wylan said, resting a hand on his abdomen. 

“Perhaps something to consider.” 

“Yes, perhaps.” 

 

***********

 

Afterwards, Jesper drove Bessie’s cart into the little town, the closest one to the Fahey farm. With Bessie parked at the local stable, they walked around together, hand in hand. Or, rather, Wylan was dragged along by Jesper, who was practically vibrating out of his skin with the excitement of showing Wylan all of his favorite shops and restaurants. 

“Now your wardrobe choices make more sense,” Wylan remarked, inspecting the vibrant Zemeni clothing at one of the outdoor stalls in the market. 

“Considering that you steal my clothes like half the time, I don’t think you have any say in criticizing my style,” Jesper said, narrowing his eyes accusingly as he pointed a finger at Wylan. “Exhibit A.” 

“I’m not criticizing,” Wylan said. “I’m just stating facts.” 

“Ooh, we should get you some of these!” Jesper said excitedly, holding up a bright green matching set of wide-legged trousers and a flowy top. 

“Um…” 

“Yes! They’re nice and loose, so you’ll be comfortable, and they’ll cover you so you don’t burn in the Zemeni sun like a little Kerch redhead that’s never seen an ounce of sunlight in his life!” 

Wylan frowned. “You can’t measure sunlight in ounces.” 

Jesper waved him off. “Who cares? Do you like the green or the blue better? Or, ooh, what about this yellow one?” 

He held up the outfit against Wylan, appraising it critically. As he did, a plump older woman, the seller at the stall, Wylan guessed, walked up to them and began speaking to Jesper. Wylan watched in confusion as she pulled his mate in for a hug. 

“Welcome,” the older woman said in Kerch, turning to him. “Who would’ve thought that our Jesper would go to Kerch and come back with such a lovely mate?” 

“Erm,” Wylan murmured, perplexed. 

“He’s lucky to have such a wonderful omega,” the woman said, taking his hand in between her own. “May the Saints bless you and your child.” 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Wylan said. 

She patted his cheek affectionately, before saying something else to Jesper in Zemeni and walking off. Wylan blinked in confusion as Jesper pulled him along again. 

“Who was that?” he asked. 

“Oh, that was Louami. I’ve known her since I was a kid,” Jesper said. 

“Why did-” 

Wylan was interrupted when an older man called Jesper’s name, and Jesper turned to greet him with a hug. 

And so it went. It seemed that everyone in the small town appeared to know Jesper, and were more than eager to come say hello. They were equally eager to offer their congratulations on their mating and Wylan’s pregnancy, many of them proclaiming blessings onto them and promising to pray to the Saints for their wellbeing. It made Wylan’s head spin, the way the villagers were all were genuinely happy for them, the way they spoke to him, even the ones who didn’t speak Kerch, instead of speaking about him. It was a nice change, he decided, from how omegas were treated in the merchant circles. 

But that wasn’t to say that it wasn’t also exhausting. Sensing this, Jesper rubbed a hand over his back soothingly.

“What do you say we grab some food and head back?” he asked. 

“Sounds good,” Wylan agreed. 

Jesper began guiding him along towards a nearby restaurant, when someone loudly called out Jesper’s name again. Wylan sighed, turning reluctantly to find a Shu omega rushing towards them. 

“Oh, hello, Kuwei,” Jesper said in surprise. 

“It’s been so long!” the omega said, throwing his arms around Jesper’s neck. 

Wylan cleared his throat, grinding his teeth. “And how do you two know each other?” 

The Shu boy turned to look at him, golden eyes flashing. “Oh, we dated. And you are?” 

Narrowing his eyes, Wylan bared his teeth and hissed, “His mate. And husband.” 

“This is Wylan,” Jesper said. “And we didn’t date. We hooked up. Once.” Wylan turned his glare onto him, crossing his arms expectantly. “Before I met you, obviously.” 

“I’d love to meet again and catch up with you, sometime,” Kuwei said, turning his grin onto Jesper. 

“Or,” Wylan suggested, a growl building in the back of his throat, “You could be the test subject for the new explosives I’m working on.” 

“Okaaay,” Jesper said, looping an arm around Wylan’s torso and pulling him back. “We better go get some food in you. It was nice seeing you, Kuwei.” 

“Was it?” Wylan huffed as Jesper practically dragged him away. 

“Baby. Darling. Love of my life. You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Jesper soothed. 

“Do I?” Wylan raised an eyebrow. 

“You should,” Jesper said, finally letting him go at what he deemed to be a safe distance away from the other omega. “Come on, love, don’t be upset. I’ll make it up to you.” Leaning in, his lips brushing the shell of Wylan’s ear, he whispered, “When we get back, I’ll do that thing you like with my tongue.” 

Wylan leaned back, placing a hand on Jesper’s chest. “Do you really think bribery will work on me?” 

“I’m hoping yes,” Jesper said. “Also, that was really hot, and I’m so in love with you.” 

The corner of Wylan’s mouth tilted up. “If that’s what gets you going, maybe I should threaten people who flirt with you more often.” 

“Maybe you should,” Jesper laughed. “Come on, my little firecracker.” 

Wylan let himself be pulled along, hiding his smile.

Notes:

What is Kuwei doing in Novyi Zem, you ask? Who knows. But I thought it would be funny to have Wylan, who is mated, married, and carrying his and Jesper's child, with Jesper doting on him literally 24/7, having to be physically held back from murdering Kuwei with his bare hands for daring to flirt with his man
We love our jealous boy ;)

Chapter 21

Notes:

Hello, I am still alive!!! It has been a rough few weeks, but I'm back! Here's a (mostly) happy chapter to make up for the long break!!!

Also, thank you to everyone who left kudos, comments, and bookmarks! I can't believe we're at 500+ kudos, I'm so honored and excited that so many people are enjoying this story. I appreciate you all very much!!! (And your comments feed my soul ☺️)

“Read it.” 

“I can’t, Sir.” 

“Read. It.” 

Wylan stared down at the paper, his marriage contract, willing with all his might for the letters to stay still. If not to avoid punishment, then at least to know the terms of his life being signed away, to know how much he was worth. But, of course, it was hopeless wishing and nothing more. 

“I can’t, Sir, I’m sorry,” he whispered, keeping his head bowed. 

That didn’t stop his father’s hand from cracking across his face hard enough that his head slammed into the wall, the contract fluttering to the floor. Wylan bit his cheek to keep himself from crying out at the sharp pain radiating across his skull and over his burning cheek. 

“Worthless omega,” Van Eck snarled, grabbing a fistful of his curls and yanking sharply until Wylan’s face was practically craned toward the ceiling. “You aren’t worth the air you breathe.” As the alpha dragged him through the hallway and up the stairs of the mansion, not caring how many servants witnessed his humiliation, a soft whimper of pain escaped Wylan’s lips. “Shut up,” Van Eck snapped. “Thank Ghezen you won’t be my problem for much longer.” 

Once they’d reached Wylan’s room, his father all but threw him to the floor. Wylan caught himself on his hands and knees, the breath knocked out of him as the impact reverberated up his wrists and into his arms. 

“Kneel,” Van Eck ordered, snapping his fingers as if at a dog.  

Wylan hurried to position himself on his already aching knees, hands clasped behind his back, gaze downcast, trying his very best to emulate the picture of a perfect, demure, obedient omega. 

“Do not move. You’ll stay like this until I decide it’s enough,” Van Eck growled. 

“Yes, Alpha,” Wylan whispered. 

The door slammed shut, followed by the resounding click of the lock. 

And Wylan stayed. Because he knew that if he moved, his father would know somehow and his punishment would be even worse. So he stayed, like every other time. Stayed until his legs went numb, until his stomach twisted with hunger, until his head pounded from thirst, stayed until he lost consciousness and fell over. 

He was punished for that, too. 

 

Wylan bolted upright, gasping in air. Panting, he clenched the sheet pooled around his hips tightly, gaze darting around frantically. It landed on Jesper, asleep beside him, his bare chest rising and falling rhythmically, his arm outstretched towards Wylan. 

Not there. I’m not there , Wylan told himself. I’m safe. No one will hurt me. My alpha loves me, I’m safe with him. Running a hand over the curve of his belly, quite round now that he was well into his seventh month, Wylan exhaled slowly. The baby is okay. We’re both okay. We’re safe. 

With another glance at Jesper’s sleeping form, Wylan stuck his feet into his soft, fluffy slippers and padded over to the washroom next door. He splashed water onto his face to wash away the sticky tear tracks, purposefully avoiding looking in the mirror. He did not need to be reminded of what a mess he was. 

We’re fine, we’re safe, enough of this , Wylan sternly told himself as he finished up his business in the washroom. Shaking his head to clear it, he grasped the doorknob and pulled. It didn’t budge. Frowning, he pulled again, harder this time. The door remained closed. He twisted the lock this way and that way, but it didn’t help. 

No , Wylan thought, panic flaring in him. No, no, no, no. He tugged at the door as hard as he could, his breaths getting frantic as a small whimper rose to his lips. What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong this time? How long is he going to keep me locked up for? Wylan thought desperately, practically clawing at the door. Please, please, please! 

Just as he was on the verge of breaking down into a panicked sob, the door swung inward. Wylan had just barely enough time to move out of the way before an older redheaded beta stepped through. 

“Wylan, lad, are you alright?” Colm asked, blinking at him in surprise. 

“I…” Wylan hesitated, trying to catch his breath. “Yes, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, I just-I was just-the door got stuck, and I…” 

Panicked. Like a fool. 

“Oh, that’s quite alright, lad. I’m a light sleeper, anyway,” Colm said. “Come now, I’ll make you a cup of tea.” 

“You don’t have to do that. I’m alright, I promise.” 

“Nonsense. Come on, lad,” Colm said, gesturing for Wylan to follow him down the stairs. “Been meaning to get that door fixed for a while now, but I hardly used that room before you boys arrived, so I kept forgetting. Thank you for the reminder.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause trouble…” 

“It’s no trouble, lad. Come sit,” Colm said, directing him towards the couch. He draped a blanket around Wylan’s shoulders, giving them a gentle pat. “I’ll be just a minute, alright?” 

“Thank you.” Wylan nodded, pulling the blanket tightly around himself. Sighing, he stroked a hand over his belly as the baby kicked at it, sending a swarm of butterflies fluttering in his abdomen. “You were probably sleeping. Sorry I woke you, little one,” he murmured miserably. 

Get it together. You’re acting like an idiot, freaking out over a stuck door, the voice in his head berated. You’re two months away from being a father, and you still need to be coddled. Pathetic. 

Wylan sniffled, blinking back tears. The damn hormones weren’t helping his sorry state one bit. 

“Here you are, lad. Be careful now, it’s hot,” Colm said, wandering back into the living room a few minutes later, setting down a teacup and a plate of cookies on the side table by the couch. 

“Thank you. Really. You didn’t have to,” Wylan said, reaching for a cookie just to have something to do with himself. 

“I told you, Wylan, I don’t mind. Truly,” Colm insisted, taking a seat in an armchair beside the couch. “I used to make warm milk with honey for Jesper whenever he got nightmares, so I’m quite used to it.” 

Wylan shook his head. “He was a child then. I’m not. I shouldn’t need… all this.” 

Colm laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Wylan glanced up to meet his warm gray eyes in surprise. “Just because you had to grow up quickly doesn’t mean you don’t still need to be taken care of,” the older beta said. 

Wylan’s vision blurred again. Stupid hormones . But then again, before Jesper and the rest of the crows, when was the last time he’d been taken care of, really? Probably not since his mama, he realized with a start. He blinked furiously, determined not to cry in front of his father-in-law. While in his sleep clothes, nonetheless. Wylan bit at the cookie to keep himself from doing something stupid like bawling his eyes out. 

“You know,” Colm said, apparently oblivious to his inner turmoil, “I didn’t think the day would come when I’d see Jesper slow down, stop running. But with you, he has. You’re good for him. You balance him out. I just hope he’s good for you, too.” 

Wylan’s lips quirked up at the thoughts of his mate, his breaths evening out. “He is. He’s really good for me.” 

“Then I’m glad to hear it,” Colm said, giving his shoulder another good-natured squeeze. “Now, did I ever tell you about the time he got stuck in the neighbor’s chicken coop?” 

Wylan’s brows rose in surprise. “No, I don’t believe so.” 

“Oh, he must’ve been about nine or ten at the time…” 

As Colm continued his story, Wylan settled himself more comfortably on the couch, sipping at his tea. As he listened to stories of Jesper’s childhood antics, his heart slowed, a sense of calm and safety settling over him. 

He didn’t even remember falling asleep again. 

 

*************

 

“Wy?” Jesper murmured sleepily as something soft brushed up against his face. 

“Meooow?” came the reply. 

Jesper blinked his eyes open blearily, only to come face-to-face with Ginger, who was insistently pawing at his chest. 

“Huh. You’re not Wylan,” Jesper observed, taking in the empty other side of the bed. Strange, since he was almost always the first one up, even before the pregnancy. “Where’s our boy, hmm?” he asked the orange fluffball. Ginger mewled loudly. “You’re probably hungry, huh? C’mon then,” Jesper said. 

Throwing on a shirt, Jesper bounded down the stairs, Ginger trotting beside him. 

“Good morning, da,” he greeted loudly as he came into the kitchen. “Have you seen Wy?” 

“Shhh.” Colm pressed a finger to his lips, nodding towards the living room. “He’s sleeping on the couch. Don’t wake him.” 

“Oh.” Jesper frowned in confusion. “Why is he sleeping down here?” 

“Poor lad had a nightmare. And then the bathroom door got stuck. He got scared.” 

Jesper shook his head sadly. “I thought it was getting better. He hasn’t had a nightmare in a couple months.” 

“He is getting better, Jes. He’s a lot more at ease now than when you first got here,” Colm said. “But his past isn’t something he can just shake off completely.” 

“I know. I just wish I could’ve helped him.” 

“You are helping. And he’s alright. He felt much better after I told him about all the kinds of trouble you used to cause.” 

“Da!” Jesper groaned in protest. 

“He’s alright,” Colm repeated. “But we do need to get that door fixed.” 

“Okay, but-” 

“Today, Jesper.” 

“Can I at least eat before you put me to work?” 

Colm rolled his eyes fondly. “You can eat first, I suppose.” 

 

***********

 

The second time, Wylan woke to gentle hands carding through his hair. 

“Jes?” he murmured, his mate’s scent registering in his mind before he even opened his eyes. 

“Hi, love,” Jesper said, brushing a kiss across his forehead. Wylan blinked his eyes open sleepily, his instincts settling into a sense of warmth and safety. “Heard you had a rough night.” 

“Mmm. But I’m okay now, I promise,” Wylan said, brushing his fingers lightly over Jesper’s cheek where he knelt by the couch. Jesper tilted his head into his touch. 

“You should’ve woken me, darling,” Jesper murmured. 

Wylan sighed, the blanket slipping off his shoulders as he pushed himself up to a seat. “You were sleeping. Besides, you already do so much for me. It’s not fair to burden you with my issues every time.” 

“You-” 

“Don’t say I’m not a burden. I know I can be… a lot.” 

Jesper moved to sit beside him, cupping his face with soft fingers. “If you’re a burden, then you’re one worth carrying,” he said, pressing another kiss to Wylan’s forehead. 

Wylan took a shuddering breath, pressing his face into Jesper’s shoulder as his warmth washed over Wylan from the inside out. 

“Now, will you eat something if I bring it to you? Da made waffles,” Jesper said, brushing back a strand of hair from his eyes. 

“Mmm. But can you put the green sauce from last night on it?” 

“You want spicy sauce on your waffles?” Jesper pulled back, eyeing him skeptically. 

Wylan shrugged. “Baby likes it.” 

“Alright,” Jesper agreed, though he still looked doubtful. “One order of spicy waffles coming right up.” 

“Thank you. I love you.” 

“I love you, sunshine.” 

 

************

 

“Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see. It’s a surprise.” 

“We’ve already established that I don’t like surprises,” Wylan complained. “What if you’re going to kidnap me or something?” 

Jesper snorted. “It’s a little late for that, merchling. Pretty sure you’re already mine.” 

“I could literally blow you up right now.” 

“You could, but you won’t,” Jesper said. “Though I have no objections whatsoever to you blowing me.” 

Wylan smacked his shoulder lightly. “I am not blowing you in a moving wooden cart.” 

“Apologies, my prince. I shall never suggest something so uncouth again,” Jesper teased, earning an eyeroll. “We’re here.” 

Wylan looked up, his eyes widening in awe as he took in the small waterfall in front of him. It pooled at the bottom before thinning out into a flowing stream. 

“It’s gorgeous,” he said. 

Jesper hopped down from the cart before extending his arms to help Wylan down. “Mmm. I used to come here all the time when I was a kid.” 

Having set Wylan down on the solid ground, he unstrapped Samson from the cart and tied his harness to a nearby tree branch. Wylan walked around, taking in the flowers lining the shores of the little pool. A rustling sound came from behind him and he turned around, his jaw nearly falling open. 

“What are you doing?” he demanded. 

“Used to go skinny dipping here all the time when I was younger,” Jesper said, smirking as he shed his clothes. “Come on.” 

“What? No! What if someone comes?” Wylan said in alarm. 

Jesper rolled his eyes before jumping in. Wylan gasped loudly as the water splashed his ankles. “There’s no one around for miles. Come on, I know you want to, merchling.” 

Biting his lip, Wylan glanced around. There was no one within sight except Samson, who was snorting softly as he munched on the tall grass. Hugging himself self consciously, Wylan narrowed his eyes at his husband. Jesper just grinned back at him as he floated on his back languidly. 

“You’re a menace,” Wylan said finally, reluctantly kicking his shoes off. 

“But I’m your menace,” Jesper said, before letting out a loud whoop as Wylan stripped off his clothes. He folded them neatly, laying them out on the bank before wading into the small pool. “See? Isn’t this fun, darling?” 

“Hmm,” Wylan said, reluctant to admit that the cool water did feel nice underneath the blazing sun. 

He spent a few minutes floating, letting the water soak into his hair and cool his scalp, before wading over to Jesper. 

“Jes,” he murmured, nuzzling at Jesper’s neck, over his scent gland. 

“Mmm,” Jesper hummed, running a hand over his flank. “What do you want, love?” 

“You know what I want,” Wylan said, giving him a pointed look. 

Biting his lip, he peered up at Jesper from beneath his lashes. Whether it was the hormones driving him crazy or the fact that privacy had been hard to find around the farm… Not that he thought Colm could possibly say anything worse than the things Kaz had said when he’d walked in on them, but he really preferred not to have his father-in-law overhear them. But now that they were finally alone… Well, he had needs. 

“Weren’t you just worried about someone seeing us?” Jesper asked, raising an eyebrow. “Or,” he said, his lips brushing against the shell of Wylan’s ear, “maybe you want that?” 

Cheeks flaming red, Wylan snapped, “Shut up and fuck me already.” 

Jesper laughed as Wylan drifted away from him and braced his hands against a large rock. Glancing over his shoulder, he raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, you are eager, aren’t you?” Jesper teased, swimming up behind him. “I would be the world’s biggest fool to say no to this,” he murmured lowly, kissing the back of Wylan’s neck as he pressed up against his back.  

Wylan wiggled against him impatiently, spreading his legs wider. “Come on, Jes.” 

“Stay still for me, love,” Jesper said, circling a finger over his rim before plunging it into the slick-soaked channel. 

Wylan gasped softly, his hands twitching against the rock’s surface. Jesper pumped in and out of him several times before adding a second finger, and then a third. 

Toes digging into the soft soil beneath the pool, Wylan whined, “I’m ready. Please.” 

“Arch your back, darling,” Jesper instructed, pressing a palm gently against Wylan’s spine. Wylan did as he was told, bracing himself against the rock. “That’s it. So pretty like this, sweetheart,” Jesper murmured. 

“Please, Jes,” Wylan all but whined. 

“Shh, love, I’ve got you, I know what you need,” Jesper murmured, his breath brushing over Wylan’s exposed shoulders, making him shiver. 

Wylan gasped loudly at the pleasant stretch as Jesper entered him. His eyes fluttered closed as his mate sunk deeper and deeper into his body, entwining them as close together as they could possibly be. 

“Jes, Jesper,” he moaned as the alpha began moving back and forth within him. 

Jesper grasped his hip with one hand as the other wrapped around his front. Wylan let out a low whimper as his sensitive chest was squeezed, sending his whole body trembling. 

“Yeah? Good?” Jesper asked. 

“Good, good, good,” Wylan chanted. 

He could practically feel Jesper smirk as he tugged at his tingling nipples, drawing out more whines and moans from him. 

“You feel so good, darling,” Jesper panted. “My perfect, precious prince. My wonderful omega.” 

Wylan threw his head back, crying out at the pleasure those words sent to his core. He pulled a hand back, wanting to reach down and wrap it around his twitching length, but Jesper caught it before it could dip below the water. 

“No,” Jesper murmured, guiding his hand back to the rock he was braced against. “I’m the one that’s going to make you come, love.” 

Wylan whimpered at that, not used to Jesper denying him anything, let alone this. As the pleasure built up in him, his whole body feeling like it was a mere brush away from an explosion, he cried out, “Please, please, I’ve been good, please, alpha.” 

“I know you’ve been good,” Jesper said, brushing a kiss against the top of his spine. “You’re always so good for me, aren’t you, sweetheart?” Wylan keened at that, shaking with unspent desire. “Think you can be a good boy and stay still while I make you come?” 

“Yes, alpha,” Wylan breathed, though it took every bit of effort to get his body to cooperate. 

Jesper fucked him hard, sending stars exploding behind his eyelids as he pummeled that spot inside of him that drove Wylan crazy. He panted hard, his whole body so sensitive, so wired from his mate’s touch, sending heat rising in his core. As Jesper’s hand snaked around his hip to wrap around his aching cock, Wylan sucked in a sharp breath. His husband stroked over the tip, pulling up the skin there, before moving his hand further up, stroking from the base in time with his thrusts. 

“Alpha,” Wylan moaned. 

“You ready to come, precious?” Jesper panted, tugging at his hair lightly to make Wylan arch further. 

“Please, please,” Wylan begged. 

“Go on, then. Come for me, love,” Jesper said, driving hard into him. 

Whimpering, Wylan let himself sink into the pleasure, let it wash over him and overtake his senses. His muscles tensed as the wave crashed over him, sending his heart racing and his breath catching in his throat. He exploded into Jesper’s hand with a sharp cry, tightening around him. Jesper inhaled sharply, faltering in his rhythm momentarily as the sensation tipped him over the edge. With a grunt, he quickly followed behind Wylan, filling him with a sticky warmth. Draping himself over Wylan, he held him close against his chest as he caught his breath. Which was good because without Jesper and the rock he was still braced against, Wylan was pretty sure he would’ve sunk underneath the water already. 

“You okay?” Jesper murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of Wylan’s neck. 

“Mmm,” Wylan mumbled, his brain still a bit mushy from how hard his climax had hit. 

“Baby okay?” 

“Yeah,” Wylan said, running a hand over his belly. “Though at this rate, they might have a sibling sooner than expected.” 

Jesper laughed, helping Wylan straighten up as he pulled out, not having knotted him this time. “Let’s just start with one,” he said, nuzzling at the omega’s mating bite. 

“M’kay,” Wylan said, his eyes fluttering shut as the post-orgasm haze hit him, sapping his energy. 

“C’mere,” Jesper murmured, pulling him to a shallower part of the pool. 

He sank down against the bank, wrapping Wylan up in his arms. Wylan cuddled into him as the water lapped at them gently. 

“Love you,” he murmured. 

“Love you, too, sunshine.” 

 

***********

 

It took a little while for them to recuperate enough to make their way out of the pool and back to the house. 

As Samson pulled up the cart, Colm greeted them enthusiastically, “Hiya boys! Had a good time out there?” 

Wylan flushed, ducking his head to hide his face. 

“Yeah, da,” Jesper said, sending Wylan a secret wink as he helped him down from the cart. “I’m gonna take Samson out back,” he added, pressing a kiss to Wylan’s cheek before grabbing Samson’s lead rope and pulling him and the cart around to the barn. 

Colm made an affirmative noise and waved him off, before turning to Wylan. “C’mere, lad, want to show you something.” 

Wylan followed him up onto the wraparound porch, where an easel with a blank canvas and a set of bright paints and new brushes were waiting. “Oh, that’s…” 

“Jesper mentioned that you like art. I figured this might be a nice place to do some painting,” Colm offered. 

“It’s perfect,” Wylan breathed. “Thank you, you didn’t need to, really-” 

“It’s nothing, lad. Just what you do for family,” Colm said, with a shrug. “I’ll leave you to it.” 

Wylan watched him go, at a loss for words, before turning to the canvas. He stared at it, a small smile creeping onto his lips as his heart swelled. 

Family . 

 

************

 

He was so engrossed in his painting that he didn’t even notice Jesper coming back until he’d wrapped his arms around him from behind and pressed a kiss to his neck. 

“Beautiful,” Jesper murmured. 

“Mmm,” Wylan hummed, pleased at how the landscape was turning out. “It’s lovely here.” Leaning back into Jesper’s arms, he added, “It seems like a nice place to grow up.” 

“It was.” 

Wylan set his brush in a glass of water, and craned his neck to look up at his husband. “But it wasn’t enough for you,” he stated. 

“No,” Jesper admitted. “But… if it’s better here for you, and for the baby… Maybe it can be.” 

“We don’t have to decide now,” Wylan said, resting his head against Jesper’s chest. 

“You’re right,” Jesper acquiesced. “Tired?” 

“A little.” 

“Come here.” 

He led Wylan over to the porch swing and fluffed up a pillow, setting it against the armrest. Once Wylan had settled himself, Jesper slid onto the opposite side of the swing and pulled Wylan’s feet into his lap. Discarding his shoes, Jesper began massaging his feet, pressing his knuckles into the sore muscles. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Wylan said softly. 

“You didn’t have to carry our child,” Jesper retorted, caressing a hand over the curve of his abdomen. “But you are. The least I can do is make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be. Let me take care of you, treasure.” 

Wylan nodded, bringing his mate’s hand up to his lips so he could press a kiss to his knuckles before setting it back down over his belly. 

He was so lucky. 

 

***********

 

When Jesper woke up the next morning, Wylan was gone again. Sighing, Jesper forced himself up, hoping his omega hadn’t had another nightmare. He trudged downstairs, surprised to find the kitchen empty. Or, rather, empty of people, because it was filled with something else. He followed the flowing melody towards the back of the house, where his da was leaning against the open doorway. Jesper came to stand beside him, his gaze landing on Wylan sitting at his mother’s old piano, his eyes closed as his fingers danced along the keys, creating a beautiful harmony out of seemingly meaningless vibrations. 

“He’s fixed it,” Jesper said in awe, keeping his voice soft so as not to interrupt his lovely mate’s masterpiece. Wylan had been tinkering with the old piano for weeks; Jesper had even helped him repair some of the broken strings, but he hadn’t realized he’d finally finished. 

Colm nodded, his eyes misting over as he watched Wylan. “It’s been a long time since we’ve had music in this house. Not since your ma.” 

“Yeah,” Jesper whispered. He listened silently for several more minutes, before saying, “I hope he’ll teach the baby to play when it’s older. Maybe we can get a piano, once everything is… settled. ” 

“That would be nice, Jes,” Colm agreed. 

Watching how relaxed Wylan was, lost entirely to his music, Jesper’s heart swelled. “I think we’ll be okay,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “Won’t we, da?” 

Colm turned to look at him, cupping his face gently as a small smile lit up his gray eyes. “Yeah, lad, I think you’ll be okay.”

Notes:

Wylan: hi-

Colm: adopted.

 

Hope y'all enjoyed this mostly soft and slightly smutty chapter. The drama will be back next time, hehe. Unfortunately, I am back to a full schedule starting next week, so I can't promise how often I'll be able to update, but hopefully I'll be able to get back into some semblance of a routine and at least get more regular writing time in (assuming nothing else blows up in my face, pray for me y'all) 🤞🤞

Chapter 22

Notes:

Remember when I said I hope nothing else blows up in my face? Well. It did. Dealing with a lot of bs currently, and I'm very tired and stressed out. So anyway, if I have to suffer, y'all are gonna suffer with me 😈😈

Wylan entirely blamed Jesper for the fact that he was constantly craving spicy food these days. The baby must have gotten its taste from Jesper, and now Wylan was suffering because of it. 

“What do you want to eat, love?” Jesper asked one morning. 

“The spicy fish from last night,” Wylan replied immediately. He was pretty sure he might’ve dreamt about that fish all night. 

“I think we finished it all, darling.” 

“But… please?” He looked up at Jesper with big, pleading eyes. 

“What do you want me to do? The nearest fishing town is two hours away.” 

“Pleeeease?” Wylan begged. 

“Wy…” Jesper shook his head, but well. He could hardly deny his mate, especially when he was looking at him with those wide, teary eyes. “Okay, fine. I’ll go get some more fish for you. I can pick up some things for the baby along the way.” 

Wylan squealed in delight. “Thank you, I love you,” he said, rising up on his toes to press a kiss to Jesper’s cheek. 

“Love you, too. That’s the only reason I’m agreeing to this.” 

“I know.” 

“Mmm. Will you be alright here by yourself?” 

“We’ll be fine. And your dad is here,” Wylan said, stroking a hand over his large belly. 

“Alright,” Jesper said, leaning over to press a kiss to his abdomen. “Be good for your papa, little one,” he whispered. 

“We’ll be okay,” Wylan reassured him again. 

Jesper nodded, pressing a parting kiss to his lips. “If I’m out late, don’t wait up for me. Get some sleep.” 

Wylan nodded. Jesper pressed another kiss to his cheek, before grabbing a bun from the table on his way out. Wylan watched him go with a small smile. 

 

**********

 

After having breakfast (a spicy omelet) with Colm, Wylan offered to wash the dishes. 

“You sure, lad? You should really be taking it easy,” Colm said. 

“I am taking it easy. And I don’t mind, really. I want to help,” Wylan insisted. 

Colm nodded. “You’re a good lad.” 

Wylan tried not to blush. 

After he’d finished with the dishes, he dried his hands on a towel and set it aside. “Should we go say hi to the animals?” he asked the baby. “Yeah, come on.” 

Wylan wandered outside towards the chicken coop, watching the birds patter around as they clucked. Reaching into the bucket beside the coop, he tossed in a handful of dried corn, smiling as the chickens clamored around in excitement. He watched them for a few more minutes, before wandering over to the horse pasture. As Bessie perked up and ambled over with interest, Wylan pulled out the carrots he’d stuck into his pocket and held them out for the horse to munch on. Bessie finished it quickly and nudged his face with her nose, demanding more. 

“Sorry, girl, that’s all I have,” Wylan apologized. “I’ll bring you another one later, okay?” Bessie snorted, but let him pet her neck and press a kiss to her velvety nose. “What do you think?” he asked the baby. “Maybe your daddy will manage to turn me into a farm boy after all, huh? It is pretty peaceful here,” Wylan mused. “Ouch! Except for that. It would be great if this could stop,” he lamented as his belly cramped. He’d been having fake contractions for several weeks now. Naturally, he’d freaked out the first time but Amara had reassured him it was perfectly normal and just his body getting ready for the baby to come. It was getting rather annoying, though. 

Once the horse lost interest in him and went back to grazing, Wylan made his way back towards the house with a last lingering look at them. He lost himself in his painting for several hours, until Colm called him in for lunch. It was all going well until he winced as another contraction hit him. 

“Are you alright, lad?” Colm asked. 

“Yeah,” Wylan reassured him. “Just the fake contractions again.” 

“How long have they been going on?” 

“A couple of hours, maybe? They started after breakfast.” 

“Have they been regular?” 

“I’m not sure. Maybe every ten or fifteen minutes?” 

“Are they getting more intense?” 

“Um…” Wylan frowned. “I guess so?” 

Colm’s eyes widened. “Lad, I don’t think those are fake contractions.” 

Wylan’s breath hitched. “But-that’s-it can’t-I mean, it’s too early. We’re supposed to have two more weeks,” he argued. 

Colm shook his head. “Babies come on their own timelines. Jesper was a week early, too. Probably the only time he’s ever been early to anything in his whole life.” 

Wylan swallowed, acutely aware that Colm’s attempt to curb his growing panic wasn’t working. “No,” he denied. “No, it can’t come now. Jesper isn’t here.” 

“I’m afraid you don’t really get a choice here, lad. Tell you what, I’m going to take Bessie down and get your midwife. It won’t take too long to ride down there without the cart. You just change into something comfortable meanwhile and hang tight, alright?” 

Wylan nodded numbly, barely feeling it as Colm squeezed his shoulder before rushing out. He let his feet carry him up to the bedroom, though he barely registered it as it happened. His mind raced, try as he might to make it stop, while he mechanically changed into an old nightgown. 

What if something happens to Jesper? Or Colm? What if they don’t make it back in time? What if Amara doesn’t get here? What if I have to do this all alone? What if something goes wrong with the baby? Fuck, I can’t do this alone. I can’t-I can’t breathe- 

Stop catastrophizing , said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Kaz. Panicking isn’t going to help you . 

And damn it, Kaz was the last person he wanted to think about now, but somehow it helped. Wylan forced himself to take several deep breaths, slowing his frantic heart. 

Okay, okay, no panicking. Colm will be back soon with Amara. Jesper will make it back in time. Jesper… what would he tell me to do? He’d… he’d tell me to trust my instincts. 

Wylan let his eyes fall shut, letting himself listen to the omegan instincts he’d been taught to repress for so long. His body urged him to make a nest, a safe place, for him and his baby, and Wylan got to work. Losing himself in the purpose of it, he pulled out extra sheets and blankets from the closet, arranging them carefully to make a soft, comfortable pile on the bed. He dug out some of his and Jesper’s clothes and tucked them into the head of the nest, his mate’s familiar scent soothing him as he worked. Pattering down the hallway, he found a closet with extra pillows and towels and dragged those back with him, too. Having fluffed up the pillows, he added them to his nest, too, and set the towels on the side, just in case. Satisfied, Wylan settled himself in the nest, rubbing his belly gently. 

“Alright. We’re okay, aren’t we?” he asked the baby. “We’re alright. We’ll just have to be patient now.” 

Wylan pulled his sketchbook and pencils from the nightstand where he’d set them the previous evening, and began mindlessly drawing, trying to keep himself distracted. Every once in a while a contraction would hit and make him wince, but it was tolerable so far. He’d had worse from his father. 

No, don’t think about him , Wylan scolded himself. This has nothing to do with him. This is about me and the family we’re building together. 

Wylan leaned back against the pillows, losing himself in the drawing. His mind drifted, clearing his panic, as he sketched. He wasn’t even really sure what he was drawing until he’d finished the outlines, and realized it was his pack, with the addition of Colm and a small, faceless bundle. Well, he’d add the face later, once he knew what it looked like, he reasoned. Humming softly to himself, he continued adding more details, getting so lost in his work that he almost didn’t notice Colm’s return until voices drifted up the stairs. 

“Wylan, lad, are you alright?” Colm asked as he rushed into the room. 

“I’m alright,” Wylan reassured him, his body sinking into a sense of relief at the familiar presence. 

“Your wee beastie was making quite a ruckus. I was worried something had happened to you,” Colm said as Ginger hopped up onto the bed and nudged his belly with her head, mewling loudly. 

Wylan chuckled, rubbing beneath her chin. “I was sort of freaking out earlier. I think she could tell.” 

Colm squeezed his shoulder sympathetically. “It’ll be alright.” 

Wylan nodded as a knock echoed against the doorframe. “Wylan!” Amara greeted, sweeping into the room in a flurry of colorful skirts. “How are you doing, sweet boy?” 

“Hi. I’m alright, I think,” he said. “The contractions aren’t too bad yet.” 

“Good! Amara said, squeezing his hand. “I’ve asked Neberu to come by in a few hours-” 

“Why?” Wylan demanded. “I don’t want him here.” 

“He won’t touch you without your permission, I promise,” Amara said. “It’s just in case the pain gets to be too much and you want a healer to numb you up, okay?” 

“Fine. But I don’t want him coming into this room,” Wylan said stubbornly. 

“Of course. Only if you change your mind. Now, why don’t we check how you’re progressing so far, okay?” 

Colm cleared his throat. “I’ll get you some water, lad.” 

“Thank you.” 

Once the older man had left the room, Wylan settled himself on his back, legs bent. Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to relax and stay calm. Ghezen, he really hated anyone but Jesper touching him down there, but if it meant getting his baby out safely, he was determined to grit his teeth and bear it. 

“Looks like you’re at about three centimeters,” Amara announced. 

Wylan nodded as he pushed himself up to a seat. “Do you think… Jesper will make it back in time?” 

“First babies usually take a while. He has time,” Amara reassured him. 

“Okay. Okay, alright.” 

He’ll make it , Wylan told himself. 

 

**********

 

He was at five centimeters when his water broke and he began to panic again. His legs were wet, his nightgown was wet, his carefully constructed nest was soaked, and- 

Wylan sniffled miserably. “I want my pack. I want my mate.” 

They were supposed to be there. They were supposed to be there with their familiar scents surrounding him, holding his hands, stroking his hair, keeping him calm and distracted. Well, mostly. Kaz would probably just snap at him to stop panicking and feeling sorry for himself. But he was just a boy, and he was terrified. 

“They’d be here if they could,” Colm promised, rubbing his back gently. “And Jes will make it back soon, you’ll see.” 

“He has to. I can’t do this without him,” Wylan whispered. “I’m so scared.” 

“Of course you are. I’d be surprised if you weren’t, son,” Colm said. 

Wylan’s breath hitched. His father would’ve, at best, yelled at him to be quiet and stop making such a fuss. But Colm only continued rubbing his back gently. It brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes. 

“Come on, you should get dried off and changed. You’ll be more comfortable,” the older man said. 

“My nest-” 

“It’s probably just the top layers that are wet. I’ll get you some more clean sheets and blankets for it,” Colm offered. 

Wylan nodded and, before he could think better of it, threw his arms around the Kaelish man. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

Colm hugged him back carefully. “Of course, lad.” 

**********

 

It was well into the night when Jesper made it back to the farm. He knew he’d probably be getting a scolding from both his husband and his father for being out on the roads in the dark, but he hoped he’d at least be able to put it off until the next morning if he snuck in quietly. 

He didn’t expect to find all the lights on when he entered. Nor did he expect Ginger to come rub up against his legs and mewl in distress. He’d thought she’d be fast asleep beside Wylan. 

“Where’s Wy?” he asked, kneeling down to scratch her head. 

Ginger meowed louder just as a cry of pain rang out from upstairs. Jesper had never sprinted so fast in his life. He burst into the room, startling Wylan from where he was pacing back and forth. Wylan’s eyes widened in relief as Jesper rushed to him and swept him up in his arms. 

“You made it!” Wylan exclaimed, his features slackening as he hugged Jesper. 

“Are you okay? What’s going on?” Jesper asked in alarm, casting his gaze about the room. He’d been so focused on getting to Wylan that he hadn’t even noticed his da’s and Amara’s presence. His eyes widened in realization. “Are you in labor, Wy?” 

Wylan nodded. “The baby didn’t want to wait two more weeks,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it in time.” 

“I’m so sorry, love. I shouldn’t have gone anywhere,” Jesper said, pressing a kiss to his mate’s curls. 

“I shouldn’t have sent you away. It was so stupid,” Wylan mumbled. 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here now,” Jesper reassured him, knowing that Wylan would spiral into self blame if he didn’t change the subject quickly. “How far along are you?” 

“He’s just about at six centimeters, so things should start to speed up here,” Amara said. 

Wylan and Jesper exchanged a look. 

 

************

 

Jesper did his best to keep his mate distracted. Wylan had tried to nap a few times, but it was getting harder as the contractions got more intense and closer together. So they’d settled for Jesper reading out loud from their latest book while Wylan rested his head in his lap. When the contractions hit, he’d tense up and let out little whimpers of pain that tore up Jesper’s heart. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to help ease Wylan’s pain, but Wylan only grit his teeth and insisted that he keep reading. So Jesper did. 

The sun was just starting to come up when Amara finally declared that Wylan was fully dilated. 

“You’re at ten centimeters, and fully effaced. Baby’s head is down in the pelvis where we want it. Are you ready to start pushing, sweet boy?” she asked. 

Wylan paled. “I don’t suppose I get much of a choice, do I?” 

“I’m afraid not, Wylan,” Amara said, giving him a sympathetic look. “But this is it. This is the last part, and then you get to meet your baby. Focus on that, okay?” 

“Right, okay,” Wylan said shakily. Jesper squeezed his hand in support. 

“Okay, here’s what I want you to do. When your contraction hits, I want you to take a deep breath and either hold it or exhale for ten seconds while you push. Jesper will help you count,” Amara said, meeting Jesper’s gaze. He nodded. “We’ll try to do this three times per contraction, okay? You can cry or scream as much as you want. And we can try different positions whenever you want, okay?” Wylan nodded hesitantly. “Alright, do you want to try pushing on this next contraction?” 

“Yes,” Wylan said resolutely, squeezing Jesper’s hand tightly as he braced himself. 

There was nothing Jesper could’ve done though to brace himself when Wylan started screaming. 

 

************

 

Wylan had been pushing for nearly two hours, and Jesper was going crazy. He hated listening to his mate’s pain and not being able to do anything. 

Sensing his agitation, Amara suggested, “Jesper, why don’t you go get some more towels and clean water, alright?” 

Jesper glanced at Wylan, who only nodded tiredly, before hurrying out. He rushed downstairs to the closet when his da kept all the extra supplies and pulled out several clean towels. Setting them aside in the kitchen, he then went to fill a bowl with fresh water. 

“Jes,” Colm said, coming up beside him. “How are you doing?” 

Jesper flinched as Wylan’s scream echoed through the house. “I hate that he’s hurting and I can’t help him. I wish I could do something. Anything.”

“I know, son,” Colm said. Jesper made a distressed noise.

Someone cleared their throat, and Jesper turned to find Neberu, who had arrived a few hours earlier, lingering at the kitchen entrance. 

“I can numb him up,” he offered in Zemeni. “But I need to touch him for it to work.” 

Jesper sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I’ll ask him.” 

Neberu nodded before wandering back into the living room where he’d been camped out. With a helpless glance at his da, Jesper followed suit and went back upstairs, towels and clean bowl of water in hand. 

Back in their bedroom, Wylan was braced with his hands against the wall, his whole body shaking as he bore down. Jesper rushed to set the towels and bowl down so he could hold Wylan. Whimpering, Wylan wrapped his arms around Jesper’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder. 

“I’m so tired,” he sobbed. “It hurts so much.” 

“I know,” Jesper said, rubbing his back helplessly. “Neberu can numb you. Do you want-”

“No,” Wylan snapped. 

“Okay. It’s your choice. I just want to help you.” 

Wylan made a pitiful noise. “I want my mama. She should be here.” 

Jesper’s heart clenched in his chest. He was ready to give Wylan the world if it would make him feel better, but he couldn’t give him that. “I know, love,” he said soothingly. “She’d be so proud of you.” 

And so it went. Wylan cried and screamed and sobbed while Jesper tried to soothe him, murmuring anything and everything he could think of. 

“You’re doing so well, darling. Almost there, love. You’re almost done. You’re doing everything right. Everyone is so, so proud of you. You’re so strong, so brave, love. I love you so, so much. You’re doing wonderful, sweetheart.” 

And on and on. 

It took another ten minutes. On the final push, Wylan nearly collapsed with relief, Jesper’s arms the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Congratulations!” Amara said, rising up with a small bundle of towels in her arms. “You have a beautiful little boy.” 

“Let me see him, let me see him,” Wylan gasped, reaching for the small bundle. 

As soon as the baby was safely laid in his arms, Jesper practically dragged them both over to the bed and forced Wylan to lay down. 

“You did it,” Jesper whispered, kneeling down by the bed as he pushed Wylan’s sweaty hair out of his eyes. “Look at you. Look at him. You made this,” he said in awe, staring at his mate and their newborn son laid out on his chest while Amara clamped and cut the umbilical cord. 

The baby looked so small, so fragile, as he cried out weakly. Only his head with a couple of dark brown curls was peaking out from underneath the towel. Wylan made a sound halfway in between a laugh and a sob as he stared at the baby, cradling him carefully against his chest. 

“I can’t believe it,” he whispered. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Jesper murmured, pressing a kiss to his hair. “I love you.” 

“Jes, look at him. He’s perfect,” Wylan said, tracing a reverent finger over the baby’s cheek. The baby shifted his head towards the finger and Wylan laughed happily. 

“He is,” Jesper agreed, resting a hand on Wylan’s over the baby’s back. “Because you made him.” 

“Okay, Wylan, the placenta has detached, I just need you to give it one more gentle push,” Amara said from the end of the bed. 

“M’kay,” Wylan murmured, not taking his eyes off the baby. 

“You did so good. I love you so much,” Jesper continued murmuring. 

“Love you, too,” Wylan said, meeting his gaze before something in his eyes shifted. “Take him, Jes.” 

Jesper frowned, scooping up the baby carefully. “Is something wrong?” 

“I… I don’t feel so good,” Wylan said, paling. His eyes were wide as he squeezed Jesper’s hand. “Take good care of him.” 

Wylan’s hand slipped from his as his eyes fluttered shut. “Wy?” Jesper called out in alarm, using one hand to hold the baby and the other to shake his mate’s shoulder. “Wylan, what’s wrong? Wake up! Wylan!” 

And then Amara said the words that made Jesper’s world stop. 

“Jesper, he’s bleeding out.”

Notes:

Y'all couldn't possibly think it would all go smoothly, right???

Chapter 23

Notes:

In case anyone is curious, what Wylan has is called uterine atony, which is the most common cause of postpartum hemorrhage. It's when the uterus doesn't contract properly to clamp down on the arteries. The other condition that's referenced in this chapter is called Sheehan syndrome, and it's when postpartum hemorrhage causes damage of the pituitary gland. The pituitary is responsible for the secretion of many hormones, including prolactin, which stimulates milk production. Anyway, that's just me being a nerd 🤓

He’s bleeding out. 

“Jesper?” 

He’s bleeding out. 

“Jesper.” 

He’s bleeding out. 

“Jesper!” 

Jesper’s head snapped up as he looked at Amara without really seeing her. 

“I can’t fix this alone,” she said in rapid Zemeni. “Neberu can help him, but you have to let him.” 

Jesper glanced at his unconscious mate. Wylan looked so small, so pale against the stark white sheets. Just like he had the first time he’d passed out, a week into their marriage. Everything was different now, and yet they’d ended up in the exact same place again. 

“Jesper, you have to decide now!” Amara urged him, a hint of desperation in her voice. 

“I…” Jesper swallowed, his gaze lingering on Wylan. He’d promised. He’d promised Wylan that no alpha would ever touch him again without his consent, and now… “Save him,” he whispered. “Whatever you have to do. Just please save him.” 

Maybe Wylan would hate him for the rest of his life for breaking his promise, but at least he’d be alive to do so. Even if Wylan never spoke to him again after finding out what he’d done, even if he never let Jesper close to him or their son again, it would hurt less than the alternative. Wylan hating him would break Jesper, but Wylan’s death would destroy him. Maybe he was a selfish bastard for that, but the thought of sweet, kind, brilliant, snarky, beautiful Wylan being gone… Jesper couldn’t live in such a world. 

Jesper heard shouts and rushing footsteps around him, but all he could concentrate on was Wylan’s supine form. He could’ve almost convinced himself that his husband was sleeping, if he hadn’t been so still. A weak cry rang out from his arms, and Jesper knew, instinctively, that the newborn was crying out for Wylan. And there was nothing Jesper could do to help his mate or comfort his son. He pressed the baby closer to his chest, wanting to cry too. 

He didn’t watch when Neberu sat at the foot of the bed, didn’t watch when he started doing whatever he was doing, didn’t watch when his hand disappeared inside of Wylan’s unconscious body. Because although he’d allowed it, it still felt like a violation, like a choice that was no choice at all. 

And, really, it was all his fault, wasn’t it? Because Wylan was his mate, his husband, his partner. His responsibility. His to protect and care for. If he’d made sure that Wylan had drunk the contraceptive tea, they wouldn’t be here now. And he never would’ve taken the choice away from Wylan, but maybe he should’ve argued harder that they should’ve waited until Wylan was stronger, healthier. The baby squirmed in his arms and Jesper’s heart stuttered guiltily. Because if he’d done any of that, they wouldn’t have their son. But Wylan also wouldn’t be lying there, bleeding and helpless and violated, while Jesper did nothing. 

Please , Jesper thought helplessly, praying to every Saint he could remember Inej ever naming. Please, please just let him live. He’s only just started living, he hasn’t even had two years of freedom yet. We’re supposed to have a whole lifetime together. We’re only at the beginning. We’re supposed to build a home together and raise a family. I promised him that. I promised to get him a piano so he could teach our child. We haven’t done any of that yet.  

I can’t… I can’t do this without him. Please, I’ll do anything. I’ll be the best mate to him, and the best father to our son. I will never touch a deck of cards or a pair of dice ever again, if you just let him live. Please just let him live. 

Jesper was hardly aware of anything besides Wylan. He hadn’t even noticed his da was in the room until the baby was being pulled from his arms by the Kaelish man. Colm murmured something that was probably meant to be soothing as he squeezed Jesper’s shoulder, but Jesper didn’t hear him. He didn’t hear anything besides Wylan’s breathing. 

He didn’t know how long he knelt by the bed. It may very well have been hours or days, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Time was meaningless without Wylan. There was nothing for him to do but hold Wylan’s cold hand and keep praying. 

Finally, Amara knelt beside him. “Jesper,” she said softly, gently, like she was talking to a spooked animal. “Neberu managed to stop the bleeding.” 

“He did?” Jesper asked numbly, looking up at her with bleary eyes. 

“He did. Wylan’s womb wasn’t contracting properly to clamp down on the blood vessels after the placenta was delivered. But Neberu got it to contract properly again. He fixed up the tearing, too, as best as he could-” Jesper felt ill at the thought “-and he made Wylan’s body regenerate his blood faster. But he lost a lot of blood, so he probably won’t wake up for another few hours.” 

“But he will wake up?” Jesper asked, his tone laced with desperation. 

“He should,” Amara promised. 

“Thank you,” Jesper breathed, though he was too numb to feel real relief. 

Amara nodded as the other alpha moved to the opposite side of the bed. “Did Wylan want to feed the baby himself, or were you planning on getting a wet nurse?” Neberu asked. 

Jesper blinked up at him in confusion. The idea of a wet nurse had never come up, and Jesper knew his partner well enough to know that he wouldn’t trust the care and nourishment of their child to a total stranger. “He wants to do it himself. Why? What are you doing?” he asked as Neberu laid a hand across Wylan’s forehead. 

“Sometimes when there is a lot of blood loss, it can affect the ability to feed a baby. I can fix that so it won’t be an issue if it’s what he wants,” Neberu explained. 

“Oh. Yes, okay. Please,” Jesper agreed. “Thank you,” he added. “For saving him. And giving him this. He’d be devastated if he couldn’t do this.” 

He knew Wylan would spiral into self hate if he couldn’t feed their child, even if it was through no fault of his own, and that was the last thing he needed right then. 

“Of course. We do what we can,” Amara said. “We’ll go check on the baby and let you have some time alone with him. Call us if you need anything.” 

Jesper nodded as she and Neberu left. He continued to hold Wylan’s hand in between his as the tears he’d been too choked up to let fall finally came. 

 

***********

 

Afterward, when he ran out of tears, of fear, of pain, of relief, Jesper started to get jittery. It was hard to stay still for long on a good day, let alone when he was feeling so many emotions he could burst. So he decided to make sure that Wylan would at least be as comfortable as he could be when he woke up. He gathered up some warm water and more clean towels, and got to work cleaning the blood from Wylan’s thighs. The sight of it made Jesper sick, but he continued to run the cloth gently over Wylan’s skin, determined to get him as clean as he could. Afterwards, he pulled off Wylan’s bloody nightgown and washed the dried sweat from his body. He dressed Wylan up in a clean nightgown, choosing to forego any clothes that would irritate the parts of his body that would already be sore. Careful not to jostle Wylan too much, he did his best to pull the bloody sheets from the bed (and made a mental note to burn them) and spread clean, soft blankets beneath Wylan’s body. By the time he’d finished, the weight of the day was pressing heavy on him. Sitting by Wylan’s side and holding his hand, he drifted into a restless sleep. 

 

***********

Opening his eyes felt like trying to wade through syrup. Wylan was very, very tempted to just keep them closed and let himself slip back into sleep, but there was a lingering sensation reminding him of something he was supposed to do, something he was forgetting. Oh! His baby, his son-Wylan had to make sure he was okay! Wylan forced his eyes open, his gaze landing on Jesper, who was asleep in the chair beside him, hand clutching tightly onto his own. 

“Jes,” he called out weakly. He hated having to wake Jesper, but he was pretty certain there was no way he was making it out of the bed on his own with how heavy every limb felt and how sore he was. 

Jesper blinked his eyes open and they widened at the sight of Wylan staring up at him. He practically threw himself down beside the bed as he reached out to cup Wylan’s face. 

“Wy,” Jesper whispered, his voice shaking. 

“The baby?” Wylan asked, searching his face for any indication that something was wrong. 

“He’s alright. My da has him. Amara was checking on him,” Jesper promised. 

Wylan nodded, satisfied. “Can I see him?” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Just… let me hold you for a minute first?” 

“Okay,” Wylan agreed. 

Jesper’s arms wrapped around him as he took a shuddering breath. “I thought I’d lose you. Wy, you’re my whole world. I can’t breathe without you.” 

Wylan felt all of his mate’s emotions rush through the bond: the fear and the sheer relief and the overwhelming love. 

“I’m okay,” Wylan promised. 

Jesper pulled back to stare at him and shook his head. “You were bleeding out. And I… I didn’t have a choice. I had to let Neberu heal you. And I know I promised you that no other alpha would ever touch you again, but I-I didn’t know what else to do, there was nothing else I could do, I just-” 

“Jes,” Wylan interrupted, squeezing his hand. “I’m not mad at you.” 

Jesper blinked. “You’re not?” 

Wylan shook his head. “You saved my life. I’m not mad at you for that. I want to live. For us. For our son.” 

Jesper pressed his forehead to Wylan’s and exhaled shakily. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Wylan whispered, stroking his knuckles over his husband’s cheek. 

Jesper stayed still for several moments, breathing deeply, before he said, “I’ll go get him.” 

“Thank you.” 

Wylan settled himself back onto the sheets as he waited, and tried not to think about the fact that he’d almost bled out. He didn’t want to think about that, not when he had a new baby to think about instead. His eyes lit up when Jesper came back into the room, a small bundle resting in his arms. 

“Here’s our little sunflower,” Jesper said, carefully laying the baby on Wylan’s chest. 

“Sunflower?” 

“Well, if you’re the sunshine, then he’s the sunflower,” Jesper explained with a grin. 

Wylan rolled his eyes, placing one hand on the baby’s back and using the other to stroke his little clenched fist as the baby squirmed sleepily. He had been dressed, presumably by Colm, in a striped onesie and one of Nina’s knitted hats and, in Wylan’s completely unbiased opinion, he looked adorable. 

“Hi gem,” Wylan whispered. “I’m sorry I couldn’t hold you earlier. I hope you’ve been okay.” 

“He’s okay,” Jesper reassured him. “Amara said he’s perfectly healthy.” 

“Thank Ghezen,” Wylan sighed in relief. “He’s got your nose.” 

“And your eyes.” 

“Really?” The baby’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut as he slept. 

“Mmm. You might just have some competition for being the cutest boy in my life, darling.” 

“I think I can live with that,” Wylan said fondly, pressing a kiss to the baby’s forehead. 

“We need to decide on a name for him,” Jesper pointed out. 

“We do,” Wylan yawned. “But first, we’re going to take a nap. You’re welcome to join us.” 

He pulled the blanket up to cover the baby, and curled his arms protectively around his son as his heavy eyelids fluttered closed. Vaguely, he was aware of Jesper’s warmth surrounding them and Jesper’s lips against his temple as he drifted off into a deep sleep. 

 

************

 

“And how are you doing today?” Amara asked the next morning. 

“We’re good,” Wylan replied from the mountain of pillows he was propped up against, baby held tightly to his chest. 

“No more bleeding?” 

“No.” 

“Any pain?” 

“I’m still sore, but it isn’t too bad.” 

“Good. And how’s this little guy been? Is he latching on? Eating well?” 

“Yes,” Wylan said, smiling as he pressed a kiss to his son’s head. “He’s been perfect.” 

“And does he have a name yet?” 

Wylan glanced at Jesper, who was sitting by his side and stroking a thumb over his bicep. Jesper smiled and nodded at him. 

“His name is Adi Hendrik Fahey,” Wylan said. “After both of our mamas.” 

“That’s beautiful,” Amara said with a smile. 

“Mmm,” Wylan hummed in agreement. “I wanted to ask, when will my heats come back?” 

“It usually takes six months to a year for most omegas,” Amara said. “Oh, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you two this, but no intercourse until you’re fully healed up.” 

Wylan blushed deep fuschia but Jesper only nodded and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Of course,” he said. 

Wylan cleared his throat. “Did… Did Neberu come with you? I wanted to thank him.” 

Amara nodded. “He’s downstairs. I’ll go get him.” 

“Thank you.” 

Wylan relaxed back against his husband as Adi stirred and blinked up at them with big, blue eyes. “You’re perfect, gem,” Wylan told him. 

“Sometimes I forget how Kerch you are,” Jesper teased. 

“Shut up.” 

“Shhh, don’t teach him bad words.” 

“That’s not a bad-” 

Neberu cleared his throat from the doorway. Wylan had to force himself not to stiffen up as the other alpha’s scent filled their room. Sensing his tension, Jesper nuzzled at his scent gland, reminding him that he was with his family, safe. 

“Hello,” Neberu said. “May I?” He gestured towards the room. 

Wylan nodded, watching as the Zemeni alpha walked across to the chair by the side of the bed. 

“I, um, wanted to thank you,” Wylan said. “For saving me, and for… everything. And I wanted to apologize if I was rude to you, before.” 

Neberu waved him off. “No need.” 

“But-” 

“It’s alright. I know it’s nothing personal. You aren’t the first omega who doesn’t want to be touched by an alpha outside his pack.” 

Wylan nodded. “Still. Thank you.” 

Neberu smiled, before gesturing toward Adi. “Would you like to know how he will present?” 

“You can tell?” Wylan blinked in surprise. 

Neberu nodded. “I can sense it.” Wylan looked at his mate questioningly, but Jesper only shrugged. Sensing their hesitation, Neberu added, “I’ll let you two discuss it.” 

Wylan nodded his thanks and, once Neberu had left the room, he turned to Jesper and bit his lip nervously. “Wouldn’t it be better to know? If he’s an omega, I mean?” he asked. 

“I don’t mind finding out if it’s what you want, but would it change anything?” Jesper asked thoughtfully. 

“We’d be prepared. We could prepare him.” 

“Prepare how?” Jesper prodded gently. 

“We’d…” Wylan hesitated, looking down at his infant son. Adi stared up at him, little ears peeking out from beneath his hat as Wylan considered the question carefully. However Adi presented, Wylan would love him just the same, and he had to trust that Jesper would too. There was little they could do to prepare him, except love him and protect him, which they would do anyway. And really, if Adi was an omega, Wylan knew that all he’d be doing would be transferring his own fears and worries onto his son. Adi deserved better than that. And maybe things would be different by the time he presented. 

“You’re right,” Wylan said. “It wouldn’t change anything.” 

Jesper nodded and pressed a kiss to his hair. 

 

************

 

It took a couple of days before Wylan decided to venture out from bed. Amara and Neberu came to check on Adi and him a few times, and confirmed that he was healing well and that Adi remained perfectly healthy. And Wylan, besides being exhausted from waking up every two or three hours to feed his son, was doing well. There was nothing he needed to do besides take care of Adi, no other demands being made of him. Jesper and Colm made sure he had everything he needed and that he was as comfortable as he could be. Wylan was quite content to stay in his little bubble and enjoy being with his son. 

It was a late afternoon when they’d both woken from a nap and were stretched out under the rays of light that slipped through the window. Adi blinked up at the light, kicking his little legs out. Wylan reached out a finger to brush his small fist and Adi automatically clutched at it. Chuckling, Wylan pressed a kiss to his hat-covered head. 

“Sometimes, I still can’t believe I made you,” he told the baby. 

Adi stared up at him with big eyes that mirrored his own. Eyes that Wylan had hated all his life because they’d reminded him of his father. But now that they stared back at him from a tiny, innocent face, well, Wylan could hardly hate them anymore. He stared back at his baby in awe, hardly able to believe that he was real, that he was Wylan’s, that it was his body that had created and carried and birthed his son. The same body that he’d been taught to hate and despise, the same one that had been used to hurt him over and over again, the one that he’d thought was broken and useless. But that body had given him something more precious and priceless than his father’s entire empire, than that of all of Kerch’s riches, than all the world’s treasures. 

Wylan hugged his son closely, feeling like his heart was glowing. 

 

***********

 

The first week, Jesper woke up more often than Wylan did, seized with the urge to make sure Wylan was still breathing, that he hadn’t gone too still or too cold. Despite Wylan reassuring him over and over again that he was okay, Jesper still sometimes woke in a panic. He could hardly bear to leave Wylan’s side at first. Wylan didn’t seem to mind, though all of his focus was on the baby. And that was fine. Amara had warned him that the first few weeks of bonding between an omega and their pup would be intense. Wylan had even snapped and growled at him a few times when he got too close to Adi, before realizing that it was just his mate and relaxing. Jesper didn’t mind, as long as they were both safe and healthy. 

But still, he tried not to sneak up on Wylan. So that was how he found himself watching from the doorway of the piano room as Wylan stood by the window, rocking the baby as he sang softly. Jesper watched, transfixed, as Wylan’s voice filled the room, his voice blending with the melody seamlessly as he hit every note perfectly. As if drawn in by a siren, Jesper drifted over to him, pressing a kiss to the back of Wylan’s neck as he wrapped his arms around both his mate and their child. 

“I didn’t know you could sing,” Jesper said once Wylan’s voice had faded out. 

Wylan shrugged, his cheeks dusting pink even as a small, pleased smile appeared on his face. “I’ve never had anyone to sing to before,” he responded. 

Jesper’s first instinct was to protest that Wylan could’ve sang to him, but he bit his tongue. It wasn’t fair to push him to do that when he knew that Wylan had spent most of his life being punished for not being quiet enough. He was certainly better about it now, but finding his voice was a process, and Jesper was determined to give him all the time and space he needed for it. 

“I like hearing you sing,” he said instead. “You sound happy.” 

“Yeah,” Wylan agreed, melting into his arms. “I am.” 

Notes:

If you haven't listened to Jack Wolfe singing, what are you even doing with your life???

Chapter 24

Notes:

A short update is better than no update, right???

“Let me take him,” Jesper offered. “You need to rest. We’ll go outside, get some fresh air.” 

“But what if he gets cold?” Wylan asked, frowning worriedly. 

“Darling, it’s the middle of summer in Novyi Zem. If anything, he’ll get hot,” Jesper said. Then, at Wylan’s alarmed look, he quickly added, “In which case, we’ll go back inside.” 

“But if he gets hungry-” 

“Then I’ll wake you,” Jesper promised, pulling Adi from his arms as he pressed a kiss to Wylan’s forehead. “Get some sleep.” 

Wylan sighed and, having kissed Adi’s round little cheek, reluctantly trudged to the bedroom. Jesper watched him go with a fond smile, before turning his attention to his son. 

“Your papa is very stubborn, you know?” he told Adi. “C’mon, let’s go outside, my little sunflower.” 

Jesper grabbed a blanket from one of the chairs out on the porch and spread it out on the grass, beneath the shade of one of the large cherry trees. He carefully laid Adi out on the blanket, and took off his hat and his outfit so he wouldn’t overheat. Adi kicked his legs. 

“It’s for your own good,” Jesper said, poking his round belly. Adi made a noise of protest. Jesper grinned down at him. “What should we do, hmm?” He fiddled around, digging his hands into his pockets. They came out with some spare coins. “Ooh, should we make a bracelet for your papa? What do you think?” He held out a coin and Adi tried to grab at it with chubby hands. “Yeah, let’s make one. I’ll show you how. Maybe you’ll be able to do this too, one day.” 

 

Jesper barely noticed the time pass as he worked, but it must have been at least an hour or two before Wylan joined them outside, his hair messy with sleep. 

“Hi,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to Jesper’s cheek. Jesper barely had enough time to shove the bracelet in his pocket as Wylan picked up Adi for a kiss, too. “Hi, my precious boy,” he cooed. 

Adi made a happy noise, clutching at a strand of Wylan’s hair. Wylan patiently pulled it loose, before carefully bringing the baby down to rest against his shoulder. He smoothed down an errant brown curl, and leaned back against Jesper’s chest. Jesper wrapped his arms around him, filling his lungs with Wylan’s familiar scent, the scent that had come to represent home for him.  

“I hope he’ll be just like you,” Jesper murmured. 

“I hope he’s like you,” Wylan replied. 

No, you don’t. I’ve fucked up so much , Jesper thought, but bit his tongue; he knew Wylan would scold him. Glancing down, he took in Adi’s small body nestled against his mate’s, staring up at both of them with wonder-filled eyes. 

“What do you think,” Jesper began hesitantly, “of me going back to university? Once everything is more… settled.” 

Wylan looked up at him, brows raised. “Is that what you want?” 

Jesper hesitated, then glanced at Adi again and nodded. “I want to be a good role model for him.” 

“Then I think it’s a great idea,” Wylan said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

Jesper smiled into his warmth. He wasn’t going to fuck it up this time, he promised himself. Not now that he was doing it for Wylan, who looked at him with so much faith shining through his eyes, and Adi, who he wanted to be able to look at him with that same faith. 

 

***********

 

Whoever said that hormones stabilize after pregnancy was dead wrong, Wylan thought. Because, sometimes, even being near Adi, was enough to make him feel like he was bursting with emotions that were too big for him to contain inside. Even smelling his scent, a perfect mixture of him and Jesper until Adi presented and his own unique scent developed, was enough to set Wylan off at times. Today seemed to be one of those days as he sat in the rocking chair that Jesper and Colm had put up in their bedroom, and stared down at his son. 

Adi stared back up at him, big blue eyes peering out of his small, innocent face. His perfect, beautiful, wonderful little boy who had quickly become Wylan’s entire world, the only thing that mattered. Wylan would burn everything down for him. 

And that was how Jesper found him later, silent tears streaming down his face as he gently rocked Adi. 

“Wy,” Jesper said in alarm, crouching down as he reached for Wylan. “What’s wrong, darling?” 

Wylan shook his head. “I could never hurt him,” he said. 

“No, of course not, love,” Jesper reassured him. 

“There’s nothing he could do that would make me want to hurt him. Nothing he could do to deserve it,” Wylan said, his voice breaking. 

“I know,” Jesper replied slowly. “But why are you crying, Wy?” 

“Because I…” Wylan looked up at him with watery eyes. “I didn’t deserve it, either,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize… I thought… All my life, I thought that I deserved it, because of my deficiencies . But… no matter what Adi can or can’t do, no matter how he presents, I’ll still love him. I’d never hurt him. No matter what he did, he wouldn't deserve to be hurt. So… that means I didn’t, either.” 

“Oh, love, of course you didn’t,” Jesper whispered. 

He wrapped his arms around Wylan and let him cry. 

 

************

 

And so, life went on. Adi grew a little more with each passing day. He turned three months old just a few weeks before Wylan’s birthday. The four (well, five if you included Ginger, and they always included Ginger) of them celebrated it together. Wylan insisted that he didn’t need anything special, but Colm had still cooked all of his favorite dishes and baked him a cake. Jesper gifted him the bracelet that he’d spent weeks perfecting, and Wylan had happily added it to the ring and the locket that he always wore. The next day, Colm insisted on watching Adi so Jesper could take Wylan out to the town for their anniversary. Afterward, they laid together in the wooden cart and looked up at the stars, glowing bright under the clear Zemeni sky. Jesper silently thanked all the Saints he could think of as Wylan rested his head on his chest, breathing deeply as he stared up at the heavens and pointed out the different constellations that Jesper couldn’t see. But it didn’t matter. Everything he needed was down on earth. 

 

************

 

A week later, Jesper was helping Colm water the vegetable garden out in front of the house when a familiar voice called out his name, making Jesper nearly jump out of his skin. He did a double take, blinking several times to make sure it wasn’t the sun making him hallucinate. 

“ Kaz? What in the Saints’ names are you doing here?” Jesper asked, gawking owlishly at the other alpha, who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, as he tended to do. 

“Hello Jesper,” Kaz said impassively. “Where is Wylan?” 

“He’s inside, feeding the baby,” Jesper said, pinching his wrist, just to make sure he was fully awake and not dreaming. 

“He’s had the baby, then? I suppose congratulations are in order,” Kaz said flatly. 

“Huh?” Jesper shook his head to clear it and remembered that he was supposed to be mad. “He nearly died, Kaz,” he said, brows furrowing. 

Kaz’s mouth pinched into a thin line momentarily, before he said, “But he didn’t.” 

Something dangerous flared inside Jesper. “Did you not hear me?” he growled. “Wylan nearly died, and our pack wasn’t there ! They were supposed to be there! You were supposed to be there! Instead, Wylan had to go through this alone!” 

Kaz’s tone softened the tiniest fraction, barely even noticeable if one didn’t know him as well as Jesper did. “He wasn’t alone. And I did what I had to do for his own good. You know that.” 

Jesper ground his teeth. He wanted to keep screaming and shouting at Kaz about how unfair it all was, about how his mate had nearly died and how he’d had to go through that alone too, without his pack, but he knew it would get him nowhere. Instead, he just sighed. 

“Why are you here, Kaz?” 

“I need to talk to Wylan.” 

“The only way you’re getting near him is if he allows it,” Jesper warned. 

Kaz gave a slight nod. “Fine. But I have a feeling he’ll want to hear what I have to say.” 

Jesper shook his head and trudged back to the house as Kaz hobbled after him. 

 

***********

 

After Adi had finished eating, Wylan adjusted his shirt and draped a cloth over his shoulder. Holding Adi up, he gently patted the baby’s back like Amara had shown him, softly humming a tune that was floating around his brain. He’d have to write it down, soon, before he forgot, Wylan thought. Ginger stretched out lazily beside him, basking in the sunlight that fell upon the armrest of the plush chair through a window. She’d been somewhat suspicious of Adi at first, but had eventually decided that he was an acceptable addition. 

The front door opened and Wylan called out, “Jes?” 

The old floorboards creaked beneath hurried footsteps as Jesper came into the living room and leaned down to press a chaste kiss to Wylan’s lips. “Hey, sunshine,” he murmured. “There’s someone here to see you.” 

“Amara?” Wylan asked, frowning. “I thought she wasn’t coming until next week.” 

“No, not her,” Jesper sighed, stepping to Wylan’s side to open up his view. “ Him .” 

“ Kaz? ” Wylan said in shock. Ginger jumped down and ran up to rub herself against Kaz’s legs, the traitor. 

“Hello, Wylan,” Kaz said, frowning down at the cat with mild disgust on his face. But at least he didn’t kick her, so Wylan would take that as a win, he decided. “Congratulations on your… offspring.” 

“His name is Adi, after Jesper’s mama,” Wylan said slowly. “If the next one is a girl, maybe we’ll call her Marya.” 

Jesper’s eyes widened in alarm. “There’s not going to be a next one ,” he said. “We’re not risking your life again.” 

“Jes, I’m okay,” Wylan said, laying a hand on his arm. “And Adi will get lonely.” 

“We’ll get him a dog.” 

Wylan rolled his eyes. “Jesper.” 

“Wylan.” Jesper held his gaze stubbornly. “Your life is not up for debate.” 

Kaz cleared his throat. “As disgustingly domestic as this is, we have more urgent matters to discuss.” 

Wylan gave his husband a look that said, we’ll discuss this later , before turning his attention to the other alpha. “What do you want, Kaz?” he asked warily. 

“It’s time for you to come back to Ketterdam.” 

“Why now?” 

“Because your father’s trial starts in three weeks.” 

Wylan inhaled sharply. “Why do I need to be there for that?” 

“You need to testify.” 

“Testify?” Jesper interjected. “You want to force Wylan to tell the whole world what that… that monster did to him?” 

“If he wants Van Eck locked away for good, yes,” Kaz said with a shrug. “There may be enough to put him away for a while for some financial crimes, but he’ll likely be locked away for a lot longer if you testify.” 

Wylan shook his head. Colm and his pack were the only ones who knew the full extent of what had been done to him. To have to tell it all again in front of a room full of strangers who would likely be biased against him from the start, knowing that it would end up splashed all over the front page of the Ketterdam Daily, which never painted omegas favorably… It made him nauseous. 

“I don’t know if I can,” Wylan said quietly. 

“Think of your son,” Kaz said, his cold eyes boring into Wylan’s. “Do you want your father’s presence hanging over his childhood the way it hung over yours?” 

Wylan glanced at Adi’s pure, innocent face and his heart clenched at the thought of his father ever being anywhere near his son. 

“Is it even safe for us to come back?” Jesper asked. 

Kaz shrugged. “I’ve kept you here as long as I could. This is as close to the trial as we can cut it.” 

Wylan took a deep breath and hugged Adi tighter against himself. “Fine. We’ll go back. I’ll testify. But this doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you. I’m doing this for my son,” he said, sticking his chin out to meet Kaz’s gaze. 

“I know,” Kaz said, the corners of his lips tilting up in what might have resembled a smirk.

Notes:

Wylan, chilling and vibing with his husband and son, already planning out baby #2 as if he didn't just almost bleed out: ☺️👨‍🍼

Kaz, appearing out of nowhere like the demon he is: Hey, how would you like to publicly relive all of your trauma???

Chapter 25

Notes:

Another short update but I had to break it up for the plot. I wanted to give y'all a mostly fluffy chapter because, uh, it might be the last one for a while...

“Your friend is rather strange,” Colm commented the next morning, peering at a scowling Kaz who was waiting impatiently for them to say their goodbyes. 

Wylan laughed. “Yes, he is.” 

“Are you sure you have to go now? Adi is still so little,” Colm said, looking at his grandson with concern. 

“I know. I wish we didn’t have to leave,” Wylan said sadly. “But we’ll come visit as soon as we can.” 

Colm nodded. “You’d better write to me this time, Jes.” 

“I will, da.” 

“I’ll make sure he does,” Wylan promised. 

“You’re a good lad,” Colm said, patting Wylan’s cheek lightly. “Both of you are. Take care of each other. And the wee one.” 

“We will,” Jesper said. 

“Thank you. For everything,” Wylan said, getting choked up with all the emotions that he never felt when he’d left his own father’s house. He threw his arms around Colm, careful not to squish the baby strapped to his chest. 

“No, son, thank you, ” Colm said, hugging Wylan tightly. He then pressed a kiss to Adi’s rosy cheek. “Bye, little one. You be good for your parents, alright? I’ll miss you so very much.” 

Adi cooed at him in reply and Colm gave him one last watery smile, before pulling Jesper into a hug. He held Jesper for a full minute until Kaz cleared his throat. Wylan shot him a glare. 

“You be good, too, Jes. I love you,” Colm whispered. 

“I love you, too, da,” Jesper said, his voice breaking. 

“Alright, you better go before you miss your boat,” Colm said, ushering them toward the dock, though Wylan suspected it had more to do with Colm not wanting them to see him cry. 

“Goodbye,” Wylan said sadly. 

He entwined his hand with Jesper’s and together they walked onto the ship. 

 

************

 

“I need a break,” Wylan said, rubbing a hand over his face. They’d been going over his testimony for hours, stuck on the ship with nothing better to do, and it was wearing down on him. Adi cried out loudly from where he was laying beside Wylan on the thin cot. “And he’s getting fussy. We’re going to go to the deck for some fresh air. Help me tie this?” Wylan said, handing a long scarf to Jesper. 

He picked up Adi and held him against his chest as Jesper wrapped the scarf around them and tied it off, strapping Adi in snuggly. Jesper pressed a kiss to Wylan’s hair, rubbing his arms gently. Wylan squeezed his hand to reassure his mate that he was okay. Jesper kissed him again before letting go. 

“Good job, gem. You knew papa needed a break, didn’t you?” Wylan murmured to a sniffling Adi, who whimpered weakly. “Shh, darling, it’s alright.” 

Wylan began singing softly as he paced the deck, rubbing his hand up and down his son’s back. Eventually, whether it was the soothing rocking of the waves or his father’s comforting presence and melodic voice, Adi settled, his whimpers dying down as his round little cheek pressed up against Wylan’s chest and his eyes started to droop. 

“There you are, my treasure. See? Everything is alright,” Wylan murmured tenderly. “I love you so much, precious boy. And your daddy loves you so much, too. We’ve got you. We’ll take care of you. You’re okay, my sweet. We’ll always love you and protect you.” 

“Wylan.” 

The omega nearly jumped, startling the baby, who blinked sleepily at the darkly-clad man that had apparently followed them up onto the deck. Wylan scowled. 

“What do you want, Kaz?” 

Kaz watched him, his lips pressed into a thin line. Wylan narrowed his eyes as he continued to sway slowly from side to side, arms wrapped protectively around his son. Finally, Kaz cleared his throat. 

“I… may have underestimated you. You’re a good father,” Kaz said. 

Wylan raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. “Is this your version of an apology? Because it’s a pretty-” he covered Adi’s ears “-shitty one, as far as apologies go.” 

“I’m not going to apologize for sending you to Novyi Zem. It was in your best interest.” 

“Ghezen,” Wylan sighed, rolling his eyes to the sky as if asking for patience. “You’re right,” he said, meeting Kaz’s cold gaze again. “It was in my best interest. I learned what a good father is meant to be like. And-” he pressed a kiss to his baby’s head “-I needed that. That’s not what I want you to apologize for.” 

The muscle in Kaz’s jaw twitched. “There may have been some things I should have refrained from saying,” he finally gritted out, grimacing as though it hurt him to admit the possibility that he could have possibly been wrong about something. 

“You think?” 

Kaz stared at him impassively and Wylan shook his head, knowing that this was as close to an apology as he would get out of the alpha. 

“Do you want to hold him?” he asked, extending an olive branch. Kaz glared at him like he’d lost his mind. “It would be good for bonding with his pack,” Wylan offered. 

“No. Absolutely not,” Kaz said, turning on his heel. 

Wylan watched him walk away, shaking his head in exasperation. “It’s what he said about Ginger, too,” he murmured to Adi. “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.” 

Adi cooed in agreement. 

 

Later, when Wylan had snuggled up beside his husband on the small cot, Adi asleep in a wicker basket next to them, Jesper had laughed softly when the omega had recounted that particular conversation. 

“This was one hundred percent Inej’s doing,” Jesper said. 

“Oh, definitely,” Wylan agreed. 

 

***********

 

Nina squealed loudly as she threw her arms around Wylan. 

“Oh, Wy, I missed you so much!” 

“I missed you, too,” Wylan laughed, hugging her back with one arm as he held the other in front of Adi to keep him from being crushed. 

“It’s good to have you back, lamb,” Matthias said, much more restrained than his mate but his eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. “And you, too, Jesper.” He nodded at the alpha. 

“And look at his little guy!” Nina exclaimed, pulling back to rub Adi’s cheek. He laughed, waving his arms around. “He’s just the cutest thing ever! Let me hold him!” she demanded. 

Wylan grinned in amusement, pulling the baby carefully from his wrappings. “Want to go say hi to auntie Nina?” he asked. Adi smiled up at them, squirming from the excitement of all the attention being on him. “Here, hold his head.” 

“Oh, you are absolutely adorable!” Nina chirped. “I want one.” 

“What?” Matthias said weakly, shooting an alarmed look at Wylan and Jesper. 

Jesper shrugged, threading his hand into Wylan’s as Nina wandered off, still cooing at their son, Matthias following her helplessly. 

“I don’t think you’re getting that baby back anytime soon,” Inej remarked beside them. 

“That’s okay,” Wylan acquiesced. “It’s good for him to pack-bond. And we need to put our things away in the meantime.” 

 

So, after all the joyful greetings, they made their way upstairs to Jesper’s room (Wylan’s old room had been converted to a nursery (and he absolutely didn’t tear up when he saw it, not at all, not even a little bit)). 

“It’s good to be home,” Jesper said, having set their trunks down. 

“Mmm,” Wylan murmured, quickly closing the distance between them as he pressed his lips firmly to his mate’s. 

“Not that I’m against this at all,” Jesper said breathlessly, “But I thought you wanted to unpack?” 

“We can do that later,” Wylan said, peering up through his long lashes, his eyes shining with a hint of trouble. “It’s been a while since we’ve had some… alone time.” 

Jesper grinned, wrapping his arm around Wylan’s waist to pull him closer. “I like where you’re going with this, merchling.” 

“Figured we have at least half an hour,” Wylan said, leading his husband with him as he walked backwards. “An hour if we’re lucky.” 

“Oh, there’s plenty I can do to you in that time,” Jesper said lowly. 

Wylan laughed as he fell backwards onto the familiar bed and Jesper crawled on top of him. “I like the sound of that.” 

 

************

 

Wylan looked up from his plate to find Nina grinning at him as she stroked Ginger’s silky fur, the cat snuggled up in her lap. 

“What?” he asked in confusion. 

“Nothing,” she said. “You’re just finally eating more.” 

Wylan blinked down at his empty plate. “Oh. Yeah. I’m always hungry since I started nursing Adi.” 

“Good. Maybe we’ll finally get some meat on your bones,” Nina said. Wylan rolled his eyes, and her expression softened. “How are you, Wy?” 

“Besides being constantly hungry and sleep deprived?” Wylan joked. 

“Yeah, besides that,” Nina said with a gentle prodding smile. “I mean, it’s a big adjustment.” 

“It is,” Wylan agreed, his gaze trailing to the living room, where Jesper was holding Adi above his head and moving him through the air as if he was flying while the baby squealed in delight. 

The part of Wylan that had been taught to please his alpha was proud that he’d given his alpha a healthy, beautiful son. It was the same part that expected to be cast aside if he didn’t bear his alpha pups. And rationally, of course, Wylan knew that it wasn’t the case. Jesper had made it abundantly clear that he viewed Adi as a gift, never an expectation or an obligation, and he’d traced his gratitude into Wylan’s body with his lips until Wylan was shaking and gasping beneath him. And he’d also made it perfectly clear that he did not want any more children, not if it put Wylan in danger; they’d argued about it a couple of times already. But, well, fears weren’t rational, and old thought patterns were hard to break. And another part of Wylan… 

“I think I was afraid, for a long time, of having pups,” Wylan admitted softly. Nina watched him silently, her eyes warm. “I guess I thought that if I couldn’t protect myself from the alpha that would sire them, then how could I protect my children if he wanted to hurt them, too? Wanting pups when I couldn’t even keep them safe felt… selfish. So I didn’t let myself want that.” He looked back through the kitchen doorway, where Jesper now had his mouth pressed to Adi’s tummy and was blowing air against it, making Adi laugh loudly. It inadvertently made Wylan smile. “Sometimes this still feels too good to be true. Like I’ll wake up one day and it’ll all be gone. But… I’m learning to trust this. Learning to trust being happy.” 

Nina squeezed his hand in support, blinking back tears.

Notes:

Nina is all of us rn, amiright??

And I am, once again, taking requests for filler scenes. I have the ending of the next chapter planned out but I need to add a few more scenes to bulk it up. So the more ideas y'all give me, the faster you'll get an update (just saying)...

Chapter 26

Notes:

Ok so I know that everyone wants to see the pack/Kaz bonding with Adi. However, instead, I have decided to be evil 😈

Ok, I'm kidding (kind of. Not about the evil part tho as you'll see). I do feel really bad asking for ideas for filler scenes and then not putting them in, but I promise I'll do my best to incorporate them later on in the story! I was trying to figure out how to organize this chapter and I felt like it would flow best if it all took place within the same day, so for the sake of moving the plot forward that's how I wrote it.

I know y'all are gonna come scream at me after this chapter, and honestly I don't blame you.

Wylan woke up to Jesper staring at him. Grumbling, he buried his face back in the pillow. Jesper laughed beside him. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” he murmured, reaching out to brush back a lock of hair that fell into Wylan’s eyes. 

“Mmm, hi,” Wylan mumbled back, reluctantly bringing his face out of hiding. 

“There’s that pretty face,” Jesper cheered. “Still not a morning person, I see.” 

“Never.” 

“Even if I make it up to you?” 

“And how are you going to do that, exactly?” 

“Wanna find out?” 

“Mmm.” 

Jesper pressed closer to him, hooking a finger under his chin to tilt it back. Wylan sighed into the kiss, his eyes fluttering shut. But Jesper pulled away far too quickly for his liking. 

“That’s all?” Wylan demanded. 

“Bossy today, aren’t we?” Jesper teased. 

“If you’re going to make promises, then deliver,” Wylan said, flipping onto his back with a huff. 

He stared up at Jesper with a challenging glint in his eye. Jesper took the bait, hovering over him with a wolfish grin. Slotting his body over Wylan’s, he leaned his head down and nipped at Wylan’s earlobe. 

“Is that how you want to play this game, my little omega?” he whispered. Wylan shivered, bringing his hands up to trace over his mate’s muscled torso. Whereas Wylan tended to always run cold, Jesper ran hot and slept without a shirt most of the time. Which was very convenient for Wylan. Until Jesper caught his hands and pressed them down above his head, that is. “Want me to hold you down and ravish you? Want me to fuck all this bratiness out of you?” 

Wylan’s breath caught in his throat as his heart fluttered in his chest and his pupils dilated. “Yes, alpha,” he whispered. 

“You sure about that, darling?” 

“Yes.” 

“Ask nicely.” 

“Please, alpha,” Wylan moaned. 

Satisfied, Jesper brought his lips down to mouth at Wylan’s neck, tracing small nips all the way down to his mating bite. 

“Careful. The meeting. They’ll see,” Wylan gasped out. 

“Good,” Jesper murmured against his skin. “I want everyone to know you’re mine.” 

Wylan whimpered, his eyes fluttering shut. “Yes. Yours.” 

“My gorgeous omega,” Jesper said, burying his nose in the crook of Wylan’s neck. “Smell so good, precious. Such a good boy for me. Such a perfect omega.” 

“Alpha,” Wylan purred, flushing all the way down to his chest. Two years on and Jesper’s words still made him blush. And worse, his fair skin still gave him away every single time; even the Zemeni sun couldn’t change that. 

Jesper kissed over his sensitive chest, drawing a small cry from him. He tried to move his arms to clutch at Jesper’s hair, but they were still pinned down above his head. 

“No, sweetheart,” Jesper admonished when Wylan whined in protest. “You are going to hold onto the headboard and let me do whatever I want to you, aren’t you?” 

Wylan bit his lip, wrapping his hands around the bars of the headboard obediently. “Yes, alpha,” he breathed. 

As he sank back against the sheets, the sudden desire to submit overcame him. It wasn’t the kind of choking submission that had been imposed on him before, the kind that had been enforced by fear and punishment. This was different. Gentler. This was a submission that was his to give freely, the kind that his alpha had earned. The kind that came from knowing that he could relax and think of nothing at all but what he was told to do, because he trusted that Jesper would always take care of him. This was the kind of submission that felt right in his soul, the kind that settled into his omegan instincts. It had been twisted into something unnatural by those that wanted to take it and use it for themselves, but at its core, in its purest form, Wylan realized, this was how it was meant to feel. It was the freedom that came with trusting his alpha wholly and completely. 

Wylan went slack beneath Jesper’s touch just as he reached his waistband. Jesper’s hands slipped under his shirt, fingers trailing over the delicate skin. A sigh fell from his mouth as Jesper caressed his flanks-

A loud cry startled Wylan from his haze of submission, his instincts snapping into acute awareness. Above him, Jesper groaned and dropped his head, leaving Wylan’s skin cold where his hands drifted out from beneath his clothes. 

“I’ll get him,” Jesper murmured, pressing a quick kiss to Wylan’s cheek before crawling off of him. 

“Mmm,” Wylan hummed in response. 

Wylan took a moment to settle himself, taking some deep breaths to calm his pulsing heartbeat as he let go of the headboard and pushed himself up to a seat. He loved his son more than anything in the world, but oh, how we wished Adi would start sleeping through the mornings. Or the night. Or pretty much any time of day. 

He perked up when Jesper walked back into the room with the crying infant in his arms, reaching out for the baby. 

“It’s alright, sweetheart, it’s okay,” Wylan soothed as Jesper placed the baby in his arms. “Are you hungry, my little gem? Come, we can’t have that,” he murmured, tucking Adi beneath his shirt. 

As Adi nursed, Jesper climbed back into bed beside them and wrapped an arm around Wylan’s waist, resting his forehead against Wylan’s temple. Wylan leaned into him, content to let himself be held. Before, it had been hard for Jesper to stay so still for long. But since Adi’s birth, since he’d almost bled out, he’d noticed Jesper had started holding him longer, as if by keeping Wylan wrapped up in his arms, he could keep him safe forever.

“See? You had nothing to worry about. You’re so good with him,” Jesper murmured. 

Wylan smiled contently. “So are you.” 

Jesper pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “You and Adi are the most precious parts of my world. I just want to keep you both safe and happy.” 

“And you’re doing a wonderful job at it. Adi is as happy as can be.” 

“And you?” 

“And me, too. You are everything I’ve ever dreamt of, Jes. For myself, and my children. You are exactly the kind of mate I need, and the father Adi needs.” 

Jesper pressed his face into the crook of Wylan’s neck, his breath tickling lightly. “You’re my everything, Wy. I love you.” 

“I love you, darling.” 

Once Adi had finished eating, Wylan laid him out on his back between them and settled himself on his side so he could face his mate. Ginger took the opportunity to jump onto the bed and curl up by the baby. Wylan watched in amusement as she licked at his head, apparently having decided that he needed a thorough cleaning, making Adi giggle. 

“This is nice,” Wylan said. 

“It is,” Jesper agreed. 

“I wish we could just stay like this. I don’t want to go anywhere. Do I really have to go meet with the counsels today?” 

“No. You don’t have to,” Jesper said. “But I think you should.” At Wylan’s grumbled huff, he reached out to trail a hand down his cheek. “Once the trial is over and your father is rotting in Hellgate where he belongs, we’ll have more mornings like this. And we’ll be able to lounge around in bed all day if that’s what you want.” 

“That sounds lovely,” Wylan said dreamily. “You promise?” 

“I promise,” Jesper chuckled. 

Wylan hummed in acknowledgment. “Are you sure you shouldn’t stay here with Adi?” 

“He’ll be fine, darling. We’ll only be gone a few hours, and Nina and Matthias will watch him. I don’t want you to sit through this meeting alone.” 

“Kaz and Inej will be there.” 

“Yeah, but Kaz isn’t exactly the comforting type, is he?” 

“No, I suppose not,” Wylan sighed. 

“You’re allowed to need someone too, you know?” Jesper said, stroking his cheek gently. 

“I always need you.” 

“And you’ll always have me,” Jesper promised. 

Wylan smiled and pressed a kiss to his palm.

 

*************

 

“He just ate, so he should be fine until we get back,” Wylan said. “And he needs to be put down for a nap in one bell, otherwise he’ll get fussy and won’t sleep at night.” 

“Of course. Now give me the baby and go to your meeting,” Nina said. Wylan hesitated, holding his son tightly. “He’ll be just fine, Wy,” Nina promised, her expression softening. “We’re going to go play and then I’ll put him to sleep, and he’ll probably just be waking up by the time you get back. He won’t even notice the time pass.” 

“You’re right. I’ll just miss him,” Wylan said. 

“I know. But it’s just a couple of hours. He’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back. Matthias and I will take good care of him.” 

“I know you will,” Wylan sighed. “Be good for Aunt Nina and Uncle Matthias, okay, gem? I love you so much, my treasure.” 

He pressed a kiss to Adi’s head, inhaling his sweet baby scent deeply, as if he could burn it into his memory forever. 

“Bye, sweetheart,” Jesper murmured, leaning down to kiss his son, too. “We’ll see you soon, little sunflower. We love you.” 

Adi blinked up at them, cooing softly. Reluctantly, Wylan handed him over to Nina. Jesper slipped a hand into his, drawing him out to the waiting carriage. 

 

************

 

“We need to go over the details again,” one of the counsels, Madam de Graaf said. “How many times did it happen?” 

“I don’t know, at least once a week, sometimes more. So a hundred, a hundred and fifty times, maybe?” Wylan sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. 

Jesper shifted beside him, placing a hand on his back. “Why do we have to go through this again?” 

“Because, Jesper,” Kaz interfered before the counsels could, “Kerch law regulates commerce very tightly. Using Wylan to… influence business deals is a violation of those laws. Every time that it happened is another charge we can level at Van Eck.” 

“Starving his son and beating him senseless isn’t enough?” Jesper snapped. 

“No,” Kaz said flatly. “There are no laws regulating how an alpha can discipline their omega.” 

“So that makes it right?” Jesper raged. “That Van Eck spent years hurting Wylan, and there be no consequences for it? Because he’s an omega?” 

“No one is saying it’s right,” Inej said gently, laying a hand on Jesper’s arm from where she sat on Wylan’s other side. “Of course none of what was done to Wylan is right. But we have to work with what we have. We can’t change the law.” 

“If this was for you, Kaz would’ve found a way to change the law,” Jesper hissed, shooting a challenging look at the other alpha. 

“Only the merchant council can change the laws, as you well know,” Kaz replied impassively. 

“Alright, stop it, both of you,” Wylan snapped. “I need a break.” 

“You won’t get a break in court,” Kaz said, his dark eyes flaring as he looked at the omega. “The trial is in less than a week. You need to be ready.” 

“If he said he needs a break, then he needs a break,” Jesper growled, wrapping his arm around Wylan protectively. 

“It’s okay, Jes,” Wylan murmured soothingly. “He’s right. I do need to be ready.” 

“You will be,” Inej said. “But let’s just take five minutes, we could all use it to cool down,” she said, shooting a pointed look at Jesper and Kaz. “Come, Wylan, let’s get some fresh air.” 

With an apologetic look at the two counsels, who waved them off and went back to discussing their notes among themselves, Wylan followed Inej out to the back of the building. She sat on one of the steps leading to the small fenced off yard, gesturing for him to sit beside her. Wylan did, and she placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it gently. 

“How are you holding up with all this?” Inej asked. 

Wylan shook his head. “I just want to go home to my son and curl up in a nest with him, and just… not emerge until this is all over.” 

“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” Inej said. “Kaz is convinced it’s the best way to get rid of your father for good. If I thought there was a better way, I would’ve talked him out of this.” 

“I know. And he’s probably right. I just hate the idea of everyone sitting there and questioning if I’m lying about some of the worst days of my life. And I hate that even if I tell the whole world about everything he’s done to me, it might still not be enough.” 

Inej nodded. “He won’t get away with it. And whatever happens, we’ll all be with you for every step.” 

Wylan smiled weakly, laying his head on her shoulder. “Thank you, ‘Nej.” 

“Always, Wy.” 

 

************* 

 

Jesper could sense his mate’s bone-weary exhaustion by the time the meeting ended. Wylan was quiet on the ride home, leaning his head against Jesper and closing his eyes. Jesper wrapped an arm around him, stroking his thumb gently against Wylan’s side. He hated how much this was wearing down on Wylan already, and the trial hadn’t even started yet. He just hoped seeing Adi again would cheer Wylan up a bit. 

When they walked back into the pack house, Nina pulled Wylan into a hug right away, sensing his distress. 

“Hey, sugar pie,” she murmured softly, releasing soothing pheromones into the air to relax Wylan. “How did it go?” 

Wylan shrugged, returning her hug. “As well as can be expected, I suppose. How was he?” 

“Easy. Went right down after Matthias read him a story. He hasn’t woken back up yet.” 

Wylan nodded. “Thank you. I’ll go check on him.” 

Jesper caught his hand and gave it a squeeze before watching him leave. Sighing, he turned to the others. 

“How’s the little lamb doing?” Matthias asked, frowning in concern. 

“It’s hard on him,” Jesper said. “I wish there was more I could do to help him.” 

“You’re doing everything you can, Jes,” Inej said. 

Nina nodded in agreement. “He’s a tough little cookie. He’ll get through this. And we’ll all be there to support him.” 

“I know, I just-” 

Suddenly, a heart-wrenching scream pierced the air. Pain exploded through the bond, erupting so sharply in Jesper’s chest that he nearly doubled over. 

“Wylan!” he shouted, racing for the stairs, the others following on his heels. 

He ran blindly, following Wylan’s scent to the nursery and nearly skidded to a stop at the sight of Wylan sobbing on the floor, hands clutching the bars of Adi’s cradle. 

“What happened?” Jesper asked in a panic. 

At that, Wylan sobbed harder, a nearly inhuman wail tearing from his chest. Jesper approached him cautiously, his blood turning cold as he peered inside the cradle. 

It was empty. Adi was gone, in his place only a letter marked with the blood-red Van Eck crest.