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Peter is panting as he lands in the alleyway behind his apartment building.
Since the snapped returned three months ago, Peter has had to work overtime to keep crime low. Criminals were taking advantage of the chaos and disorganization of having half the planet return after five years; but Peter’s handling it.
Yeah… he’s handling it great. Maybe if he says it enough it will be true.
Peter sighs as he hops into the dark corner of the alley where he had his backpack strung up.
He had to start hiding his backpack better as people were prone to snatch it if they saw it.
Peter quickly changed and looked toward the setting sun as he slipped out of the alley.
Usually Peter would try and patrol longer but it was movie night and May promised she would make it to this one.
Peter started up the stairs of his apartment complex, studiously ignoring the perfectly functional elevator.
May had moved to this complex after he had disappeared. It was smaller and a bit nicer, but Peter still didn’t feel like it was quite home yet.
It felt too different.
Peter hurrires up the stairs; not wanting to be late to the first movie night since he came back.
Peter quickly unlocked the door and excitedly bounded inside.
“Hey May,” Peter shouted as he shucked his backpack to the side, “I’m home, have you picked a movie…..”
Peter looked around, as silence answered him.
He walked toward the counter and spotted a note and a pile of cash.
He felt dread fill his stomach before he picked up the note to read it.
Had to pick up an extra shift I’ll be home late, there's money for food. Love you.
Peter closed his eyes, willing himself not to feel disappointed. It was just another change from before.
Peter had taken to labeling it before and after the snap.
He tried not to think about how this was another thing that had changed from before.
Before, him and May had made a point to save every Sunday night to hang out. May worked a lot and Peter had school and Spider man, so they rarely saw each other.
They had always taken a break on Sunday nights so they could see each other.
Since the snap he’s barely talked to May.
He’s barely talked to anyone.
After the battle Dr. Strange and T’Challa rushed Mr.Stark to Wakanda in the hopes of saving him.
They had finally been able to restart his heart but he lost his arm and spent a month in recovery.
Peter had stayed for a week and within that time he had called Aunt May and promised he’d be home soon.
Happy had hugged him, which had been weird but not unwelcome. Pepper and Rhodey had talked to him a little as well, but both of them kept staring at him like they saw a ghost; like they kept expecting him to disappear.
Mr.Stark had been in and out of consciousness, but he too was acting weird when he was awake. He couldn’t keep eye contact and he seemed to barely be able to look at him.
After a week he joined a good portion of the avengers on a quinjet to New York with Happy promising to keep him updated on Mr.Stark.
He didn’t want to leave but Aunt May wanted him home and Mr.Stark seemed adamant he go home as well.
He tried not to feel hurt that he seemed to want him to leave.
When he got home Aunt May hugged him and informed him that she had moved and kept only a few of his things for sentimental reasons.
He tried not to be offended by this either. She did the same thing when Uncle Ben died. She kept a few things, but the things that reminded her too much of Uncle Ben had been sold and replaced.
May hadn’t hugged him since that first day.
There was a second room at the apartment but it was basically a closet, with barely room for a bed and a small dresser.
He didn’t need a desk anyway as there was no one home to annoy when he did his homework in the kitchen.
Peter sighed as he pulled out the homework assigned over winter break and pulled out yesterdays Thai leftovers.
Everyone had come back in September and those who were snapped had to redo the year they had disappeared in; which sucked since they had almost finished the school year when they were blipped but it was what it was.
At least Peter didn’t have to try very hard to keep up since he knew the material.
School started tomorrow, and Peter was relieved.
He thought that christmas break might be a good opportunity for May to hang out with him again and maybe to talk to Mr.Stark.
Christmas ended up being as lonely as it’s been since after he came back, except instead of having school and Spiderman to distract himself he only had SpiderMan .
Which is fine, it’s not like there was a shortage on crime right now anyway.
They had rushed everyone into school when they snapped back, as the school year had just started.
Peter had hoped school would give a sense of normalcy, and it had a little bit. The problem is that everything was just so different. Peter couldn’t help but keep focusing on all the things that had changed.
Before the snap he had May and Tony, as well as Ned and MJ. Now Ned and MJ were about to finish college and Ned and Betty were about to have a baby. He talked to both of them once since they came back and they seemed to have the same issue everyone else had. They couldn’t look at him.
That was the worst change in the after. No one would look him in the eye. May who used to hug him and ruffle his hair and talk to him couldn’t look at him let alone touch him.
He had tried to talk to and text Ned and MJ since he came back, but they were adults with lives now and they never answered him.
Happy had kept him updated on Mr.Stark and Peter had hoped that when he was released from Wakanda a month after the snap he would come and see him or text him, but he hadn’t.
Peter had tried texting him, being assured by Happy that Tony’s number hadn’t changed in five years, but Mr.Stark never answered.
Peter tried not to think about how before the snap Tony had practically been his dad. How when Peter had accidently called him Dad, Mr.Stark had teased him with a dad joke. Peter had spent the rest of that night watching movies and falling asleep on Tony’s shoulder.
He tried no to think about how Tony and May had started to form a weird coparenting team and how Tony would come by on Fridays for Thai and movie night.
He definitely tried no to think bout how Mr. Stark probably just realized he didn’t need him anymore now that he had a biological daughter.
That had hit like a punch to the gut when Happy had called with an update and let slip Morgan's name.
Peter rubbed his eyes as he tried to focus on his homework.
He was trying to keep it together, because it wasn’t so bad. So many people had it worse, at least he was alive.
Peter spent the next couple hours forcing himself to focus as he finished his last bit of homework.
It was almost two a.m by the time he finally finished.
It didn’t matter, it’s not like he slept anyway.
Peter went to bed and he tossed and turned. When he finally fell asleep, he dreamt of orange and dust and death.
Like almost every morning since retuning, Peter woke up soaked in sweat.
He looked at the clock and realised it was only five and he barely got three hours of sleep.
Peter forced his stiff limbs to move towards the shower, it’s not like he was getting back to sleep now.
He knew he wasn’t resting and sleeping enough but there was nothing he could do about it.
As far as he knew, he was the only person who both felt the snap and remembered the orange endlessness he had been trapped in. It felt like he had been torn apart piece by piece, but he couldn’t talk about it because anyone who knew he was spiderman had left him.
Or it felt like they had.
The nightmares ensured he couldn’t sleep and was nauseous when he woke up and therefore could barely eat throughout the day. He knew this was a problem, that his metabolism was crazy and his healing factor needed the calories but Peter couldn’t get himself to care.
Peter got ready for school and walked into the kitchen, hoping to catch Aunt May before he left.
He wasn’t surprised when he found a note on the counter telling him she went to bed and would be at work by the time he came home and to order dinner again.
Peter never thought he would miss her cooking.
Another reason he didn’t eat much was he knew that Aunt May was struggling to pay the bills since he came back, and the amount he needed to eat would drain her. So he didn’t eat.
He tried not to think about how much easier it would be if he had just stayed gone.
He grabbed an apple and started his walk down to the subway.
As he sat on the subway, he thought about how even school had completely changed.
Ned and Mj were gone leaving him alone.
Flash had disappeared too, but he surprisingly left him alone. Flash didn’t talk to anyone much anymore either.
Peter was still bullied, just by Brad who had been five years younger before.
Brad was on the decathlon team and seemed to take Peter's flakiness personally, verbally telling him how useless he was.
Peter never thought he would wish for Flashes taunts, but at least then he would have something familiar.
Petr kept his head down as he walked through the school hall, opting to keep to himself, as even the teachers looked sad and guilty, looking at the students who had disappeared.
Peter went through his day like normal, barely paying attention and sitting alone at lunch. By the time school let out Peter quickly ran to an alley, switching into his suit and expertly hiding his backpack. He didn’t worry about homework, knowing he would do it when he woke up agin from nightmares.
“Hey Karen”, Peter says as he starts swingin through Queens. “Anything happening for me.”
Peter relished in Karen's warm and familiar voice as she responded.
“There is a bank robbery down Queens Boulevard, would you like me to direct you there?”
“Yes please my lovely computer wife.”
Peter starts swinging in the direction given.
It was past midnight as Peter climbed through his window clutching his arm.
The robbery had gone fine, but right before he was on his way home he interrupted a purse thief with a knife.
A knife his senses hadn’t warned him about in time. The knife had slashed his arm which wouldn't be a problem if his healing factor wasn’t acting up and he now had a hole in his suit.
He knew there was a problem with his healing. That his senses slowing down, not warning him in time, was a big deal.
He knew the solution was food and sleep, yet all Peter could do was clumsily stitch his arm and make a quick pb and j sandwich before passing out.
After school the next day Peter decided to swing by the tower to fix the hole in his suit.
Apparently Tony had bought the tower back after Thanos snapped, so that Stark Industries had a center in the city to help with the devastation both snaps caused.
Happy had told him he had an open invitation to the tower, but Peter could never force himself to go.
He didn’t want to run into anyone and see the same sad, seen a ghost look everyone got the second they looked at him.
Peter at least knew he didn’t run the risk of seeing Mr.Stark as he had basically retired to his cabin with his wife and daughter.
Peter tried not to think about how the hugs and the hair ruffle he was craving were probably freely given to Mr.Starks actual child.
Peter didn’t think about it.
Peter flashed his badge as he walked through the lobby, quickly heading for the elevator.
“Hello Mr.Parker”, Friday said.
“Hey Fri, take me to the lab please?”
The elevator opened for the lab and as Peter headed in, he was too late to hear Friday's warning.
Peter walked in, expecting to quickly fix up his suit before he was caught like a deer in the headlights as Rhodey and Mr.Stark were both there.
They both had their back to him and didn’t seem to notice his entrance.
“Fri, what did I say about visitors, I’ll be done soon….”
Mr.Stark looked at him and a flash of something emotional flashed though his face before a carefully crafted neutral expression fell over his face, while Rhodey got the sad look.
“What are you doing down here?” Mr.Stark demanded, looking annoyed at him as he went back to what he was working on.
Ha..Happy s..said that I could come to the tower when I needed to.” Peter stuttered looking down.
“Oook and why are you in the lab?”Mr. Stark groused as Rhodey kept looking sympathetic.
“I Tore my suit and needed to fix it” Peter mumbled, hands shaking as he tried not to think about how before he had free reign of the lab.
“Let me see”, Mr.Stark turned and grabbed the suit as Peter pulled it out. “How the hell did this happen?”
Peter looked down trying to contain his anxiety. “A mugger with a knife got a lucky swipe in.”
Peter glanced up only to see the look of disappointment on Mr.Starks face and promptly began to stare at the wall.
“Really, he just got a lucky shot? You’d think you’d be more careful Parker,” He said as he flippantly put the suit to the side and got back to his work.
“I’ll fix it and give it back to you”, he said as he fiddled with his project.
“I…I... can do it Mr. Stark or maybe… maybe I can help?” Peter said hopefully, glancing at Mr.Stark.
If he could help maybe it would feel like before. Maybe for once there would be something that didn’t feel so different.
For a second something seems to flash though Mr.Starks eyes, an emotion from before, before his professional demeanor took over.
His hope shattered when Mr.Stark looked up annoyedly and immediately replied.
“I got it Mr.Parker I’ll get it fixed soon, thanks for bringing it by”, He said dismissively and a bit coldly.
“Yeah, right see you then,” Peter mumbled tripping over himself as he quickly fled.
Peter was trying to hold in tears as he waited for the elevator, when Rhodey caught up with him.
“Pete, wait up,” he said as he got closer.
He went to touch his shoulder before thinking twice and awkwardly dropped his hand.
“I just wanted to check up on you. Haven’t seen you in a while.” Rhodey said kindly, almost sadly.
Peter looked down, pulling himself together as he replied softly that he was fine.
Rhosey looked like he was gonna say more before the elevator got there and Peter quickly boarded.
Right before Friday closed the doors Rhodey said, “ Look Pete, I know we haven’t kept good contact but if you need anything call me ok?”. He smiled softly, "take care of yourself ok?”
Peter gave a mumbled affirmative, without the intention of doing any of those things as Friday took him back to the lobby.
Peter tried not to think bout the weird family they had forged before. How Rhodey, Pepper, and Tony had joined him and May in a weird mishmash of family.
They were odd but they had worked, they had been close.
Now Rhodey wouldn’t even touch him either, and Tony, who rarely called him by his name, had been cold and professional with a Mr. Parker.
Peter tried not to think about it.
Two days later Happy had dropped by and gave the suit back with a quick mumbled goodbye.
All Peter could think was how miserable two days without spiderman were. How useless he felt.
Peter shoved the suit in his backpack as he made his way to school.
He knew it was a bad day.
ALL days were bad lately but this one was especially bad.
He got two hours before he woke up with phantom pains and the incoming signs of sensory overload.
He tried to offset if, by burying himself in his bed before school. But by the time he left, another note from May in his hand, he felt like he was being repeatedly run over by a train.
The ride to school was painful and by the time he made it to his locker, Peter was surprised he was still upright.
As if this wasn’t enough , Brad decided to really amp up the insults today. Everytime he passed in the hall he mentioned how useless Peter was, how the team was better off without a flake.
By the time Peter reached his locker at the end of school, most of the kids mercifully gone, Peter's handle on his carefully crafted self control was barely hanging in there.
Peter just closed his locker when he felt someone grab him by the collar and slam him into the locker.
His first thought was Flash before he remembered that that was before, and in the after Brad was the bully.
“Skipping out on decathlon again Parker.” Brad Sneered as he shook him a little.
“ God how does your Aunt put up with you? I bet she wished you stayed gone, I know everyone else does.”
Brad threw him to the floor and walked away.
“You should have stayed gone loser,” Brad sneered as he walked away.
Peter clenched his eyes as he slumped against the wall, because really, he agreed.
Everyone had mourned him. They had moved on. The Peter sized hole that was left when he died had been filled.
Ned and MJ were in college, had grown and moved on. May moved apartments, had gotten rid of as many reminders of him as possible. Tony had a daughter, he didn’t need a pseudo son anymore now that he had the real thing.
Peter was still trying to pull himself together when he felt someone quietly sit next to him.
He looked up and froze in shock when he saw Flash gently sitting next to him.
They both sat in silence for a minute before Flash finally spoke.
“I thought my parents would miss me. That they would finally love me after I left. I came back and all they could talk about was how I’m technically an adult. How I should be gone by now. I get it Parker.” Flash said as he stared ahead.
Somehow Flash didn’t have the same bite as before when he said Parker.
They both stared ahead lost in thought.
“No one will look at me. Not really. They all look like they see a ghost everytime i'm there, like I killed their puppy. May is never home and Tony..”
Peter stops himself, knowing Flash never believed him about the internship.
Flash snorted, “I know you’re spiderman.” Before Peter could respond Flash gave him a look and said, “dude you thought Ned could distract everyone from you climbing out the window and putting on the mask. You’re lucky everything happened after and most people were too busy to remember.”
“Right.. Well Mr. Stark had a daughter and now he won’t even talk to me. Everyone left. All I did was blink and they all left me behind.”
Flash nodded as they sat in amicable silence.
Peter felt he finally had control of his emotions; had finally pushed them back underneath the numbness that had started to take over these past months when Flash stood and looked at him.
“I knew we weren’t friends before and Ned used to help with spiderman, but if you need me, I’d be there.”
Flash gave him a quick look and hurried away.
Peter blinked and for the first time since he returned, realised he had a conversation with someone who actually looked at him.
When Peter returned home that night the brief flash of relief he got from his talk with Flash was buried under the weight of his sensory overload and Brad’s words.
He knew Flash said he would be there, but couldn’t help but think that Flash just felt bad, that everyone would feel better if he just died.
Night was falling as he tried to block out his thoughts and do his homework.
Knowing that going out was bad with such an awful overload but needing a distraction from his swirling thoughts, Peter threw on the suit and jumped through the window.
He was focusing on swingin when he saw a group of guys cornering a girl, all advancing on her.
Peter changed trajectory and landed in front of the girl, pushing aside the guy getting closest to her.
“Hey guys, didn’t you know consent is sexy,” he said as he pushed the girl out of the alley.
She fled as the four guys advanced on him
“You’ll pay for that webhead,” the closest goon growled, holding a baseball bat.
The others had knives, and they too advanced on him.
Normally it would take seconds to web them all and call the cops; but the overload along with the lack of food and sleep finally seemed to take their toll.
By the end, the four guys had fled when they heard nearby sirens, leaving Peter in a pile of broken bones.
“Peter,” Karen said, sounding more alarmed than an AI had any right to, “I’m afraid I must contact Mr. Stark as your injuries are fatal. Please stay awake.”
Peter groaned, mumbling, trying to stop her from calling before she was informing him a message was sent to any available Avengers and help would hopefully be on the way.
However, Peter realised, as he lay bleeding and dying, that he felt nothing. That maybe this was for the best
Peter was starting to accept his fate, succumbing to sleep as he heard repulsors and frantic shouts begging him to stay awake.
There was a haze of pain as Peter slowly started to wake up.
He was drowsy and confused as he took in his surroundings. He felt dread as he recognized the medbay, unable to stop himself from noticing that he was alone.
When he was in the medbay, he usually found either May or Tony, sometimes both, sitting with him.
His memories started to come back and all he could really feel was dread at the fact that he didn’t die. That he reamined to be a nusance to those around him.
As if reading his mind, Tony suddenly stormed in looking murderous,
“What the hell parker,” Tony shouted as he walked
“Not only did you get stabbed, Karen had to be the one to call me.”
Peter looked down, still trying to wake himself up, and finding himself unable to face the weight of Mr.Starks disappointment.
“I’m sorry I was just trying to protect that girl,” Peter mumbled shrinking in on himself.
“And what about you? You barely tried to dodge, I saw the footage, and Karen said you had a sensory overload when you went out. Why would you go out like that? Do you want to die?”
“N...no, no I just want to help, spiderman helps,” Peter mumbled ignoring the question about wanting to die.
“Well next time think about yourself! I had to come get you. I flew you back, I had to hold you while I thought you were dying. I can’t do that again!”
They both seemed to freeze at his admission, Tony’s mask falling for a second, showing the pain on his face, before his cold and professional demeanor slid back into place.
“Next time you want to be reckless think about how it affects everyone else too,” Tony said before turning on his heel and making his exit.
All Peter could do was stare at his hand before he turned on his side and buried the pain by letting sleep take him again.
He spent three days in the medbay, the doctor looking over him kept reminding him that his healing factor worked when he was fed and rested.
May knew and was receiving updates, but since Tony stormed in, he was alone, except for when the doctor checked in.
On day three he was finally able to leave, Mr. Stark coming in the room to oversee his discharge as the doctor left him to it.
Peter was finishing tying his shoes and grabbing the bag with his suit in it when Mr.Stark cleared his throat.
Peter glanced, prepared for another lecture.
“The doc siad you’re malnourished. Make sure you eat please, you need to take better care of yourself,” Tony said, his back to Peter looking over his discharge paperwork.
Peter nodded looking at his hand before he remembered something.
Before when he was in the medbay he always had a hard time eating after, but Tony had made a special bar that had a ridiculous amount of calories, so he could eat little and still get he needed.
“Mr. Stark,” Peter spoke tentatively looking at his lap, “ could I get some of those protein bars, they help.”
“Oh,” Mr.Stark said, not looking back, “ those expired, we never got around to making more,” he said nonchalantly as he continued with the paperwork.
“What, but.. But you always have them. I..I always take them after a visit to the medbay, why don’t you have any? I need..”
“Look Pete,” Tony interrupted, annoyed,” It’s been five years and they expire after a while. I’m sorry I’ll look into getting more. I don’t get why you’re so upset, it’s been five years, things change.”
And Peter, after months of change after realising that nothing would ever be the same, finally broke.
He tried not to think about it and instead it all fell apart.
He doesn’t know why it was the bars that did it, why something so small made him feel so bad, Peter felt is control slipping as tears streamed down his face and he desperately tried to muffle his sobs as he grabbed his bag and quickly dug out his mask and web shooters, not bothering with the rest of the suit.
Tony turned when he heard what sounded like a sob. He was about to comment when he saw Peter in tears, looking seconds away from a breakdown.
“Pete,” he said, confused,” they’re just granola bars, maybe I can find some…”
Peter pushed past him.
“I...I gotta go.”
Peter rushed out of the medbay heading for the common floors balcony.
He swung away to the sound of Tony calling after him, telling him to wait.
Peter swung without really seeing, tears streaming down his face.
They were just granola bars, they weren’t a big deal, and now he lost it in front of Mr. Stark.
Except now Peter couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t stop thinking about it. About how everything was different.
He landed on the roof of his apartment complex, and as he ripped the mask of he went to go down the stairs when he stopped.
He started laughing hysterically and then completely bawling. Because he went to his old apartment.
He subconsciously swung to what he still considered home and now he couldn’t stop.
He let it all crash down on him. He curled up against the hvac as he sobbed into his knees.
He was so absorbed in his breakdown he didn’t hear the sound of repulsors. He didn’t realise he wasn’t alone until he felt a tentative hand on his shoulder.
Peter jumped back and blearily looked up at where Mr. Stark was crouched next to him, hand outstretched.
“Hey, hey ,Pete, what’s wrong kiddo?” Mr. Stark was looking so earnest, like he really wanted to fix what was wrong, and Peter fell apart.
As his sobs restarted with vigor, Mr. Stark lunged forward and pulled Peter into his arms.
Part of him wanted to pull away, curl up in a ball, and block out the world. Another part of him recognized that this is the first hug he has received since Aunt May took him home.
Peter leaned into the warmth, burying his face in Tony’s shoulder as he broke apart.
“I can’t take this anymore, I...I can’t. I...I”
Tony held him tightly, one hand stroking his hair as he gently shushed him.
“Hey, hey shhh it’ ok, bud, shhh.” Mr. Stark said as he started to rock him back and forth.
Peter just burrowed closer, relishing in the feel of someone holding him while he could.
Because he knew. He knew that Mr. Stark was only here out of guilt. That when Peter calmed down, he would be alone again.
Peter had no sense of time, all he knew was that the sun had practically set as he started to calm down and drift of against Tony’s shoulder.
Peter was drifting to sleep when he felt Mr. Stark shift and he quickly reacted to grip Tony’s shirt in his fist.
“No, nnnnoo, no don’t leave me,” Peter cried as he gripped tighter, trying to prevent Mr. Stark from moving.
“Shhhh, buddy, shhh. I’m not leaving kiddo, I was just getting us off the roof. Shh, sleep bud, it’s ok,” he soothed as he went to gently cradle Peter in his arms as he lifted him.
Assured Tony was with him for now, he drifted in and out of consciousness.
He remembered moving down the stairs. He woke up briefly when Tony gently set him in the passenger seat of his car.
He tightened his grip as Tony gently assured him he was still there.
He drifted into consciousness when he felt Tony lift him out of the car before he was out again. The last thing he was conscious of was Tony laying him down in a bed (or couch) and briefly letting go to adjust before his arms were around him, hand guiding his head to Tony’s chest.
When Peter woke again he was aware of warmth wrapped around him and a hand carefully stroking his curls.
Peter looked up to see Tony staring down at him.
“Hey kiddo,” Tony said as he continued to gently stroke his hair.
Peter buried his head back in Tony’s chest as his memories started to come back. Embarrassment flooded him as he realized he completely broke down in front of Mr. Stark.
Tears started to fall, as he tried not to think of the rejection that was about to come.
He was waiting for Tony to scold him, tell him off for acting childish and crying.
Tony looked concerned as Peter started to cry again, face hiding against him.
“Hey, Pete, look at me please,” he said as his hand tried to gently coax him out from his chest.
“Kid talk to me please, tell me what’s wrong,” Tony says, as his hand grips Peter’s jaw, guiding his eyes up to his.
Peter shook his head as Tony’s hand prevented him from hiding his face again.
“I can’t, “ Peter whispered, staring downwards.
“Why not,” Tony asked gently.
“B...b...because you’ll leave me again.” Peter cried, finally burying his face back in Tony’s chest.
“What, peter why would I leave you,” Tony syas baffled, staring down at the small sobbing child.
“Everyone left me! Ned and MJ won’t talk to me anymore, May works all te time and usually it wouldn’t matter, but she’s never home and when she is she won’t even look at me and you..” Peter breaks off, already saying too much, as he tried to rebury his hurt.
“I what buddy?” Tony gently prompted.
“You… won’t look at me either.”
“Pete..” Tony says looking shocked as he stared at the kid
Peter looks down at his lap as he moves away, curling in on himself.
“Everythings different.”
“Pete, it's been five years, things are bound to change,” Tony says.
“It hasn’t though. Been five years. I blinked and everything changed. Ned has a kid and is in college. May moved and you…” Peter blinked away tears curling in further. “You got married and had a real kid. No...no one wants me anymore, everyone left.”
Peter ended on a whisper hunched over and waiting for Mr. Stark to agree, to tell him he was no longer needed.
Peter did not expect to feel a calloused hand frimly grip his arms and drag him back to Tony’s chest.
Peter sarted to gently cry again as Tony held him, whispering quiet reassurances.
By the time Peter stopped again, he felt emotionally drained and so so tired.
“I can’t take this anymore. Everything is different. I woke up and there was no room for me, and I can’t sleep anymore. All I ever see when I close my eyes is Titan and dust. School is different and May is never home and I…I miss it, I miss before.” Peter said, head resting on Mr. Starks shoulder.
“Hey Pete, hey,” Tony siad, gently shaking him, “I’m sorry kiddo, I’m sorry i havent been there. I just..” Tony sighs looking heartbroken. “You died Pete. I held you and you died. I was just scared if I got too close, if I let myself be relieved you were back you would die again.”
Peter looked up at Tony in shock.
“It’s not an excuse kid it’s not, but May and Ned they all had a hard time when you left, they barely held it together. There’s room for you kiddo, we all love you. We also mourned you. I thought you’d never come back and when you did all I could think was I didn’t want to be the reason you died for real.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Peter says earnestly
“It was though Pete. I never should have taken you to Titan.”
“I didn’t listen….”
Tony interrupts giving him a stern look. “And I should’ve known you wouldn’t. It was my job to protect you and I failed. You died becasue I couldn’t save you.”
Tony looked forlornly at him before hugging him tiger to his chest, hand swiping through his hair again.
“And Morgan is biologically mine yes. But you were always my first kid. I didn’t replace you Roo. Morgan saved me. I wasn’t coping well and when Pepper told me she was pregnant…. That kept me going. Knowing I couldn’t give up amd stop living because I had another kid relying on me. When I woke up from the snap and you were back, i was so relieved. It worked and you were alive. And then I was afraid that you’d die again and I panicked and shut myself off. I do want you kid, May wants you too.”
“But everyone left they..” Peter starts frantically looking up at Tony.
“We didn’t leave Pete, we’re still here, May’s still here, we’ll talk to her, we’ll fix it.”
Peter looks up in surprise. “We?”, he says hopefully.
“Yeah kid, we. I should’ve talked to you, I should’ve been there. But if you’ll have me I wont leave again.”
Peter curled back into Mr. Stark, face buried in his chest.
“Go back to sleep underoos, it’ll all be ok.”
And drifting to sleep wrapped up in Tony’s arms, for the first time Peter believed it.