Work Text:
In the freezing cold winter of St.Petersburg Yuuri sat anxiously on the couch. The beds of his nails bloody from his methodic picking at the skin there, the apartment was dark and silent, it’s only other occupant, Makkchin lounging lazily near the heater, blissfully unaware of the situation surrounding her. Heated words swirled inside Yuuri’s head the argument crystal clear in his mind
“All you care about, Viktor, is winning! What about us? We don’t do anything besides train!”
“Oh is that right?” Viktor sneered, his face contorted into something mean, and ugly, and completely wrong on his delicate features
“Yes!”
Yuuri glanced at his phone, a notification popped up. Not Viktor. He peeled another layer of skin from his finger. Makkachin moved to the couch, laying her head on his lap, looking up at him, her tail wagging softly. He moved to run his fingers through her fur but stopped himself, not wanting to get it dirty with his blood, he hadn’t even realized it’d gotten that bad. He finally moved from the couch to the kitchen sink, he ran his hands under the water until it ran clear. It’d been a stupid argument he mused internally, he’d been tired from practice and Viktor had been tougher on him than usual.
“I thought we were supposed to be partners!” Yuuri yelled
“Well I thought so too!” Viktor snarled back “But clearly, you’re not willing to put in the work!”
“Oh I’m not willing to put in the work?”
“Apparently!”
Yuuri shut the water off with more force than was strictly necessary. He may have started the fight but Viktor certainly ended it.
“Don’t forget that without ME you’d still be a FAT, PATHETIC excuse of a skater who cried in a bathroom stall alone when he failed!” It’d been hours into the argument by that point, Viktor reeled back, as if shocked those words had come out of his mouth, Yuuri just stared at him with wide tear filled eyes
“Is that so?” Yuuri murmured
“Zolotse… I-” Viktor began, reaching out but Yuuri flinched back
“ It’s fine Vitya, I understand, I’ll book a flight for tomorrow” Yuuri spoke, smiling sweetly
“Yura! Wait, I didn’t mean-” Yuuri went to their bedroom, pulling out his suitcase, he began packing “Yuuri!” Yuuri ignored him, dutifully shoving his clothes into the suitcase
“I’ll go out ok zolotse? Give us both time to cool off? Ok?” Viktor tried, smiling lopsidedly in a way that would have usually taken Yuuri’s breath away, but right now, he wouldn’t even meet his eyes
Viktor had left at 8pm. It was now 3 in the morning, and Yuuri had certainly cooled off enough to worry about his fiance. He was about to throw on his coat and go look for him when the door suddenly opened, revealing a very disheveled looking Viktor. Yuuri barely managed to catch him as he toppled forwards, god he reeked of liquor, Yuuri wrinkled his nose slightly as he dragged the taller man through the doorway, kicking the door shut with more force than was strictly needed.
“Malysh!” Viktor crowed softly, clutching at Yuuri’s sweatshirt, He was sweaty Yuuri observed absent mindedly. He sighed softly, gently brushing away the silver fringe from Viktors forehead. He was still pissed and hurt, but Viktor needed him and Yuuri wasn’t unreasonable.
“Malysh!” Viktor repeated he was leaning on Yuuri more heavily now.
“Don’t call me that right now Viktor” Yuuri snapped, dragging him to their bedroom, shoving the clothes and suitcase off their bed and tossing him on it. Viktor gazed up at him with hazy eyes. Yuuri frowned, there was something off about him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it
“I’m sorry” Viktor murmured, suddenly serious, “I’m so so sorry Yuuri” His eyes filling with tears. He started shaking violently, suddenly sitting up and clutching at Yuuri’s shirt, whimpering softly, murmuring softly in Russian too fast for Yuuri to translate, he hesitantly began rubbing Viktors back
“Vitya… Let’s get you out of those clothes you stink” Yuuri tried to joke but Viktor just clung to him tighter, shaking his head desperately. “Vitya!” Yuuri shouted “What's gotten into you?”
“I’m sorry! Zolotse, please don’t leave, I didn’t mean it I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you, please don’t leave I need you” Viktor whimpered nonsensically, trembling uncontrollably.
“Vitya! I’m not leaving!” Yuuri tried to pry him off “But you need to change your clothes, you’re filthy!” Viktor panicked more, his fingers curling and uncurling against his shirt, almost as if he wasn’t in control of his movements. There was something seriously wrong. He was never like this when he was drunk, his body shivering despite the sweat dripping down his back
“I’m Sorry!” He shouted again, but his grip loosened and Yuuri was able to pry him away. Which is when he noticed the speckles of blood on the collar of his coat.
“Viktor, what is this?” Yuuri asked softly, trying to as gently as possible undress him. Viktor sobbed at that, curling into himself, still whispering soft apologies as Yuuri began to peel the sweaty clothes off his back, slowly revealing the pale expanse of Viktor’s chest, his arms mottled with bruises, and red running down his neck, in the dim light of the apartment Yuuri hadn’t noticed the large gash on the back of his head
“Vitya…” Yuuri whispered, Viktor flinched away from him, his breathing dangerously fast, eyes wild and unfocused
“Yuuri I can’t breathe” Viktor whispered, his eyes fluttering, rolling into the back of his head, Yuuri barely caught him as he tipped forward, his body violently convulsing.
“Kuso!” Yuuri exclaimed, desperately trying to hold Viktor steady, He managed to drag him down to the floor, laying his sideways like they always said to do in those medical dramas Viktor liked to watch, he desperately fished his phone out of his pocket, dialing the emergency service number he tried to explain as best he could in his broken Russian what had happened, The ambulance arrived in what felt like hours but was probably five minutes in reality, Viktor had stopped convulsing but his breathing was shallow and staggered, as the paramedics loaded him into the ambulance Yuuri tried to pick up the essentials before rushing to get in the back of the ambulance. He held Viktor’s hand the entire ride, not crying, not thinking, just numb.
He finally registered his surroundings when he was handed a steaming cup of… coffee? Yes coffee, it’s earthy scent grounding him, there was a kind faced nurse speaking softly to him, her hand on his shoulder, she had pretty hands, well manicured and soft. You could tell a lot about people through their hands. Viktor’s hands were pretty. Soft despite the years of skating related injuries, he vaguely registered the nurse sighing before she left, he stared into the light brown of the coffee. It had more cream than he usually liked, turning it a soft brown color, kind of like Makkachin’s… MAKKACHIN! She was all alone, fuck, Yuuri was finnaly shocked out of his stupor, he looked through his contacts, debating on who to call. He ultimately decided on Yuri, not wanting to call Yakov at this hour
“WHAT?!” came the disgruntled voice from the other end of the line, he had to hold the phone away from his ear
“Yuri… I need your help” he murmured
“What do you want, Katsudon?”
“Viktor’s in the hospital-”
“WHAT?”
Yuuri sighed, licking his chapped lips, that split painfully as he spoke “I don’t know what happened” he certainly had theories though. None of them were good. The other line was dead silent for a minute
“What do you need me to do Yuuri?” The blonde’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, almost gentle. Yuuri hated it.
“Just go to our apartment and take care of Makkachin. The door should be unlocked” Yuuri said, not really meaning to snap, but the softness in Yuri’s voice meant this was serious. He didn’t want it to be serious, he wanted to take care of a stupid drunk Viktor, and then make him buy him flowers and dinners until he felt he had properly apologized. His fist clenched around the coffee cup, crushing the fragile styrofoam and causing the lukewarm liquid to run down his arm. He dropped the ruined cup on the floor, his breaths coming in short huffs. No, he couldn’t lose Viktor. Not right now, not ever. Finally, he let the tears spill from his eyes, sobbing quietly, his clothes sticky with the sugary coffee. He cried for hours, not once receiving news about Viktor. He finally cried himself out at around 6 in the morning, noticing the mess he had made on the floor was gone. Oops, he thought guiltily, he must’ve made someone clean that up. He took off his glasses and rubbed harshly at his face when he finally saw the doctor approaching him. His face was grim, not boding well for whatever news he was about to grant him. Yuuri stood up and tried to straighten himself out the best he could.
“Yuuri Katsuki?” The doctor spoke, his english rough but understandable
“Yes, Is he ok? What happened?” Yuuri tried to decipher the look in the doctor’s eyes
“He’ll be fine Mr. Katsuki, he was however on the brink of alcohol poisoning” Yuuri’s blood ran cold. Viktor drank, yes, but he always knew when to stop, he never liked getting blackout drunk, everything sounded far away, he only caught fleeting mentions of things
Self inflicted
Severe concussion
Suicide attempt
Yuuri just kept facing the doctor, arms crossed, fingers digging sharply into whatever skin they could find
“Can I see him?’ Yuuri finally asked, voice breaking
“Of course” The doctor led him to the room Viktor was in, he looked small in the bed, he was hooked up to more wires than Yuuri could count, they looked almost like wings if Yuuri squinted, yes, giant wings made out of wires, making Viktor look like a fallen angel
“Oh Vitya…” He sobbed, kneeling on the freezing tiles of the hospital floor, grasping Viktor’s hand, and god it was cold, He desperately tried warming it up. Viktor Hated being cold, Yuuri remembered, he liked the cold because it gave him an excuse to turn the heat up. He let out another shuddering breath, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. The hours passed by slowly, his only reassurance was Viktor’s steady breaths, Yakov had come by eventually to force Yuuri to get some food, the two hadn’t really gotten to bond, Yakov being more interested in being his coach than his friend, but with a firm hand, he got Yuuri to choke down a sandwich, the texture dry and rough against his throat and to sleep, if only for a little. When Yuuri awoke, he was face to face with sapphire eyes. Viktor…
“Viktor!” Yuuri lunged forward, knocking the chair he’s been sitting in backwards, clutching Viktor in a tight embrace, burying his face into the warmth of his neck, he felt arms wrap around him, gently, hesitantly, and it broke his heart. Just when he thought he didn’t have anymore tears to cry he once again sobbed into Viktor’s neck
“I’m sorry” Yuuri felt the words more than he heard them, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations, he jerked back suddenly, meeting Viktor’s eyes, the deep relief that had just begun settling in his heart being wrenched aside by the anger, hurt, and confusion
“For which part Viktor? The fight? Disappearing? These?” Yuuri pointedly caressed Viktor’s arms, Viktor’s face was unreadable.
“All of it Yuuri… All of it” Viktor refused to meet his eyes now
“Viktor-” Yuuri’s breath stuttered. “That’s not enough.” he said with finality “I need explanations” Viktor still wouldn’t meet his eyes. Yuuri grabbed his chin forcing him to look at him “Viktor!”
“What do you want me to say!” Tears dripped from his eyes unto Yuuri’s hand “That I- I push people away? That I’m not used to having someone I care about? That I’m so emotionally immature that I’m willing to insult the man I love violently because I was scared? ”
“Vitya-”
“No Yuuri! I was out of place, it would’ve been better if-”
“If what Viktor!”
“If I had just died!” Viktor burst out, heaving, taking in mouthfuls of air as if the words themselves were suffocating him, Yuuri froze, gripping Viktor’s hospital gown tight enough for his knuckles to turn white
“How could you say that… How could you ever begin to think that is an ok thing to say!” Yuuri leaned his head against Viktor’s chest, his palms now splayed flat against it “How could you be so selfish!” He wailed, hands closing into a fist, slamming into Viktor’s chest, although they lost their momentum halfway through, landing meekly with a dull thud
“Zolotse-”
“Viktor, do you even know what would happen to me if you died? It’d kill me too, It’d kill the only part of myself that matters! You’re my eros, my agape, my everything!” Yuuri was facing him again. He had always been an ugly crier and today was not an exception, he was flushed and snot dripped from his nose, just barely grazing the top of his lip, face scrunched up and spit dripping from the side of his mouth. But as the midday sun shone onto his frame, Viktor thought he looked beautiful.
It was silent for a long time, only broken by the nurses coming in and out to adjust his meds, Yuuri had settled in next to him, they just basked in each other’s warmth, the warmth that they feared they would lose forever, until Yuuri’s phone ran, He smiled gently, gazing up at Viktor, unsure, he settled on gently nudging him with his head, Viktor looked down, just as unsure, Yuuri’s phone hung in between them as an olive branch. Viktor tilted his head, confused but took the phone and grinned, Yuri had sent them tons of pictures of Makkachin, each one showing Yuri to be more and more weary of the dogs affections
“Should we add these to the blackmail folder Vitya?” Yuuri murmured softly, gazing up at him, and Viktor smiled, he just had to, because in his lover’s eyes he found the promise of tomorrow. He leaned his forehead against Yuuri’s
“Yes, I think so my zolotse”
They both knew the journey would be hard, they hadn’t talked about everything yet, not even close, but with the promise of tomorrow, and they day after that, and the day after that, they both knew they had plenty of time; Plenty of love.