Chapter Text
It was late autumn by the time Bai Jiu continued on his journey. Though in the Wilderness, the echoes of summer were still felt. The leaves overhead were still green, and the warm air still comforted him. The sky above him was the color of the calm sea, sparse clouds moving across the ether. He walked through the valley; every space around his feet was covered with blossoming flowers. Bai Jiu lowered his hand to brush his fingers past the brightly colored flora and breathed in the fresh air. He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the sun, its rays casting warmth onto the planes of his nose and eyes. He felt a smile ghost his lips, but as his mind filled with memories, it slowly weakened and fell.
It's been thirteen years.
Where do I go from here?
I hardly speak to any of them anymore, much less spend time with them.
Is there even a place for me to be with them?
Bai Jiu walked towards a clearing in the valley. He sat down, putting his bag to the side. He sat for a moment before choosing to lay his head down in the grass. He turned his eyes to the sky above, watching the clouds slowly pass by.
After returning to his body and Li Lun was put into that branch, he didn't feel the same as before. He wasn't the same, in a way.
None of them were.
And when the day came, the moment that they had dreaded.
Most of all, Zhuo-ge and Wen-jie had dreaded that day. That moment is forever burned in their memories.
And then they were never the same.
They all drifted apart in the following years.
Ying Lei, who he had been the closest to, was often too busy with his responsibilities as a Mountain God.
Bai Jiu didn't blame him.
Zhuo Yichen had been secluded in the following years, and Bai Jiu didn't blame him.
Wen Xiao was a Goddess, so she had no time for such human comforts and connections.
Bai Jiu understood. He knew it.
Pei-jiejie was involved in the Demon Hunting Bureau, so she had no spare time.
Bai Jiu didn't blame them.
But…
He missed them dearly.
The missing puzzle piece for the family that he loved would forever be missing.
Thus, his family would be forever splintered.
He sighed, tired of the meaningless self-pity. Tired of endlessly wallowing in his own grief. He slowly lifted himself to a seated position, his fingers threading themselves through the dewy morning grass. It was pointless to regret something he really had no control over. It's been thirteen years.
It's time to move forward.
"Xiao Bai?" He felt his hair rustle, and he looked up and saw Zhao Yuanzhou with a smile.
He pushed himself up until he was standing and grabbed his bag that he had dropped in the grass. He had spent a few years in the Wilderness, journeying to different locations. Staying in the company of all sorts of spirits. After some time, he stepped into a forest. The foliage around him glinted in the afternoon sun, the green shade of them mirroring on the ground below his feet.
"Little Tree Spirit, where are you headed?" he heard a whisper in his ear, making him turn around rapidly in the direction of the voice. He saw an apparition in the distance, a glowing mirage of a person. He turned around again, his eyes following as he turned his head. He was no stranger to spirits coming near him, endlessly curious.
The voices continued occasionally, their whispers brushing his skin and clothes. He walked through the woods, lifting the bag on his shoulders and shifting it into a more comfortable position on his back. He continued to journey through the woods for some time, pushing past the brush surrounding the overgrown path. He felt a shift in the air as if he was trespassing. He went forward anyway, shaking his head.
The forest slowly cleared up, revealing a small cottage in the tall grass. A small stream ran near the house, going deep into the forest. He trudged forward, watching his step as he went. The house appeared abandoned, its walls covered in vines and other plant growth.
He pushed open the door, its wood making a creaking noise as it opened. He stepped inside, noticing the fine layer of dust covering everything. The house was dark and cold. The fireplace had a thick ash pile, though the ash had already gone cold. The wooden pieces within the house looked weathered and old; their craftsmanship perhaps once was excellent, but it appeared to be a long time since their initial creation. And then he heard a quiet noise. A sound echoed through the door for a moment, getting increasingly louder as moments passed. Bai Jiu stepped behind a wall, his heart thundering. He quieted his breathing, hoping that he wouldn't be found. He turned to gaze at the door, his body still against the wall. The door slammed, and a flash of darkness surged towards him. He raised his hands to protect himself, unprepared for the speed demonstrated by the unknown figure. His back was slammed against the wall, his eyes trying to regain vision as his head hit the stone.
"I-" He mustered up words, but suddenly, he could not speak.
"Who are you?" the demon demanded. Bai Jiu felt the man's hand encircle his throat, the nails digging into his skin until they drew blood. Bai Jiu's vision started to fill with dark spots in the corners, trying to focus on the person in front of him. His focus blurred, only making out the angular shape of the face in front of him, the eyes that bore into his own, the gaze fiery and endless.
"Da Yao… it's me… Bai Jiu…" he choked out, his throat being squeezed made it significantly harder to speak coherent words.
The grey-haired demon looked at him for another moment before uttering,
"Little Rabbit?" recognition alighted in the demon's face, and he let go quickly. Bai Jiu dropped to the ground, clutching his throat. He let out a series of coughs, tears blurring the corners of his eyes. Zhao Yuanzhou knelt down on one knee and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you alright?" Zhao Yuanzhou asked, his tone full of concern.
"I was until you tried to kill me." Bai Jiu stated dryly. His throat stung harshly. He coughed again, touching his neck gingerly.
Zhao Yuanzhou grimaced, and his voice was a little sheepish, "Sorry."
Zhao Yuanzhou stood up, slowly raised Bai Jiu to his feet, and motioned towards the chair.
"Sit here, and I'll be right back." He turned around, pushed open the door, and walked outside.
After a few moments of silence, Zhao Yuanzhou returned with a tray of various items. Zhao Yuanzhou settled into the other seat, removing the items from the tray before setting them aside. He pushed the plate of fruits towards Bai Jiu, as well as a cup full of tea. Bai Jiu looked at the fruit momentarily before staring at Zhao Yuanzhou.
Zhao Yuanzhou looked different, to say the least.
His hair was primarily unbound, the soft waves of it a silvery cascade spilling over his shoulders and back. A few strands were typed back in a loop, a golden arc clasp pulling it away from his face. His clothes were softer and had a more neutral range of colors. Soft greys and whites, and the clothing itself was simple. White fur ran along the edges of the fabric, only being interrupted by the clasps holding it together. It seems that Zhao Yuanzhou had decided to let go of the expensive brocade and embroidered opulence of the past. His brown eyes were less empty, the swirls of warmth prevalent within them. The darkness of the shadows had drawn back from his gaze. Zhao Yuanzhou stared back at him, eyes questioning.
"Bai Jiu-"
"You're alive." Zhao Yuanzhou stiffened slightly at his curt words, his shoulders rising with barely concealed tension.
Zhao Yuanzhou's mouth was open to speak, but he paused.
"Er…yes." Zhao Yuanzhou's voice sounded awkward as if it bothered him to say anything.
"So. Were you going to inform any of us of your return?" Bai Jiu looked at him, feeling his mouth twist into a frown.
Did you even care enough to want to see us again? Did you even try?
Zhao Yuanzhou's eyes glanced to the side at his words and then back to Bai Jiu.
"I was…" His voice trailed off.
"You weren't going to." Bai Jiu stated. His voice was cold and harsh, even though it was mostly unintentional. His forehead creased slightly, his frown increasing in strength.
Why did I even bother? Why ask when I already know the answer?
Zhao Yuanzhou sighed, his fingers twisting the fabric of his pants.
"It's not that I wasn't going to, Xiao Bai. I wanted to see you all again." He paused, his fingers still fidgeting with the simple linen.
"It's just that it was too risky for the time being."
"Too risky?" Bai Jiu scoffed, unable to fathom actual words to respond.
Too risky?
Zhao Yuanzhou sighed, not knowing how to continue. His mouth opened and then closed. For a moment, he just sat there silently. He exhaled and then spoke once more,
"It requires energy to journey into the mortal world, you know this. It would take a lot of energy and strength to leave the Wilderness behind and travel through the gate of Mount Kunlun. Also, there are incantations and sigils on the barrier surrounding the Demon Hunting Bureau. Previously, as a Great Demon, I had no trouble passing through the barrier. With hardly a sweat. But now, I'm not even a fraction of what I used to be."
Bai Jiu's eyes narrowed. He analyzed Zhao Yuanzhou's face for any signal.
"What do you mean you aren't a fraction of what you used to be?"
What's wrong with you?
Zhao Yuanzhou looked down at his hands, slowly clenching and releasing them.
"...I have no malicious energy, Xiao Bai." Zhao Yuanzhou's voice came out quietly but Bai Jiu could tell that he was being truthful. Honest.
Xiao Bai.
No malicious energy.
I have no malicious energy.
Bai Jiu dropped the cup, the jade shattering as it hit the ground. Tiny pieces splintered everywhere, the ground covered in little green specks. He mumbled an apology while kneeling on the ground to pick up the pieces.
Zhao Yuanzhou waved a hand and pulled him upwards so he could sit down again.
"It's fine. I'll get it later; just be careful."
Zhao Yuanzhou continued after a moment. Bai Jiu looked at him, still trying to come to terms with the information he had received.
"Quite the overreaction there." Zhao Yuanzhou said, his tone dry. An attempt at lightening the situation, clearing the heaviness that weighed down on them.
"You just said that you have no malicious energy anymore." Bai Jiu replied, incredulous.
"Indeed." Zhao Yuanzhou replied, waiting for him to continue.
"So… how are you functioning? Aren't you the vessel?"
"I was the vessel. Not anymore. When I died, the malicious energy left me. And since I was killed by the Yunguang jian, there will never be another vessel like me. So I am free from it."
"So, I'm not really a Great Demon anymore." Zhao Yuanzhou finished, and he picked up the plate of fruit that Bai Jiu hadn't touched.
"You aren't?"
"Nope. I need to do everything I never had to worry about as a Great Demon. Eat, sleep, and put up a protective barrier outside." Zhao Yuanzhou pointed his chin toward the outside barrier for emphasis. He pulled a piece off the plate and stuck it in his mouth.
Bai Jiu's lips curled in, his eyes glancing to the side sheepishly, "Oh. Was that barrier yours?"
"A temporary one." He stopped chewing for a moment to respond.
"My bad." Bai Jiu grimaced, remembering what had happened earlier.
Zhao Yuanzhou sighed, waving his hand dismissively. Then he dropped his hand, his eyes widening as he remembered something.
"I forgot to ask before, but have you eaten?"
"I don't want your nasty jade and grass drink." Bai Jiu replied, his face twisting into a grimace.
"My 'nasty jade and grass drink' is not food, Little Rabbit." He sighed, standing up. Zhao Yuanzhou walked towards the door, his grey-white hair swirling behind him.
It took an extended period of time before Zhao Yuanzhou returned. Bai Jiu even wondered momentarily if he had just been left behind. Bai Jiu reached out to pick a piece of fruit from the plate. Bai Jiu inspected the ripe fruit, and water droplets dripped onto the plate.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.
The door slowly creaked open, and not one but two figures entered the room. Zhao Yuanzhou stepped forward, arms holding up plates of food. Bai Jiu did not notice, instead focusing on the other figure near the door. Bai Jiu felt his mouth go dry.
Perhaps the prettiest person he had ever seen entered the room. Her eyes glinted the color of raindrops, and her hair was the color of moonlight. She smiled softly at him, filling his mind with warmth and calmness.
"Xueqin. Stop doing that." Zhao Yuanzhou sighed, exasperated.
She snorted before sitting down on the bed in the corner. The light seemed to dim, and Bai Jiu's mind cleared up.
Zhao Yuanzhou cleared his throat before adding, "Uhm. Bai Jiu. This is Xueqin."
"Xueqin. Bai Jiu."
"Bai Jiu, huh? Lady Bai Yan's boy?" Xueqin looked at Zhao Yuanzhou for confirmation. He nodded in response.
"I thought he was still little, though." Xueqin frowned.
"That was a long time ago." Bai Jiu replied.
Zhao Yuanzhou turned to him, his eyes questioning,
"How old are you now?"
"26."
"I feel old." Zhao Yuanzhou despaired, though his voice was full of amusement.
"You were already old." Bai Jiu sighed.
"You were already old. " Zhao Yuanzhou repeated, his voice modifying itself to be mocking.
"Though you still act like a child." Bai Jiu huffed, annoyed.
Xueqin snickered. Zhao Yuanzhou shifted his weight, lifting his zhaoshan as he stepped closer to Bai Jiu. He sat on a closer seat, dipping his fingers in an ointment jar. He pushed Bai Jiu's hair aside with one hand, and the other dabbed his reddened throat with medicine.
Bai Jiu stared at him for a moment before becoming serious.
"Tell me everything. From the moment you died until now." Zhao Yuanzhou's hand froze, his fingers lightly touching Bai Jiu's neck. After a moment, he resumed pressing medicine onto the wound before speaking again.
"Well, I died back then, as you know. And I was reborn around a year ago in this place."
"And then?"
"I have lived here since then. Slowly regaining my strength. At one point, this fool," Yuanzhou looked pointedly at Xueqin, "decided to reside here as well."
"I didn't come here for you." Xueqin scowled. She lowered her hand to the table, picking up a chopstick.
Bai Jiu went silent for a moment, processing his thoughts.
He uttered quietly,
"And are you content with not seeing them anymore?" His throat bobbed against Zhao Yuanzhou's finger.
Zhao Yuanzhou went silent, not looking at him. His eyes were purposely averted, choosing to focus on applying the medicine continuously.
"What about Wen-jie? Zhuo-ge?"
Xueqin also remained silent, her eyes darting between them.
"Zhuo-ge went into seclusion, you know, after you died. Wen Xiao-jie has been burying herself in her duties for the last thirteen years."
"Ying Lei resides alone within Mount Kunlun, and Pei Sijing is always busy in the Demon Hunting Bureau."
He left out some words, left out some of the truth.
They cried that day and for many months after. Every time they passed by your shrine. Every time they passed by the room that you stayed in. Every time they saw something that reminded them of you. Because a lot of things reminded them of you. The empty flask that sat in front of your shrine… the closed oil-paper umbrella slowly being covered in dust. The red braided bracelet sits on Wen Xiao's wrist, and a small ape carving emblem rests on her forearm, like a brand upon her skin. Tears would well up in their eyes, and their faces would crumple in sadness.
In grief.
In suffering.
Because you left them behind.
He paused, realizing his voice was becoming strained. Broken.
Tired.
"Are you happy, Da Yao? Are you content with the fate that has been given to you?"
Zhao Yuanzhou was still silent up until this point. He looked up at Bai Jiu, his eyes softening slightly. He leaned backward slightly, his hand dropping to his lap. His voice was hesitant and quiet but warm. Bai Jiu's heart stuttered at his words.
"Yes. I am."
Bai Jiu looked up at him, his heart cracking as he saw the teary smile on Zhao Yuanzhou's face.