The Day of Bird Weddings

by Dragonfire42

Summary:

A Valentine's Day Special on Bird Mating Rituals that leaves our Ineffables feeling inspired...

“Well, maybe we could celebrate like the birds.” Aziraphale set the book down, and looked intensely at Crowley.

Crowley wasn’t at all sure what Aziraphale meant by that. He racked his brain, trying to think of anything that could qualify as a way to celebrate a bird mating holiday together, and then remembered a documentary he had seen advertised recently.

“Sure, Angel. That sounds fun. We could stay in, watch a bird special together?”

Notes:

(Ok, I rated this M but it's still fairly SFW - I just wanted a little looser rating for suggestive humor. And sexy bird paintings.)

In 2019, my life changed after I watched the Dancing with the Birds documentary on Netflix. If you aren't familiar, it's a documentary that goes deep into the mating rituals of birds of paradise in New Guinea, an island where birds live with few predators and plenty of food so they can spend their lives perfecting their A-game when it comes to attracting a mate. I watched this special, and instantly knew deep down in my heart that I had to learn to watercolor because I absolutely wanted to paint these hilarious birds.

I am not an artist or painter, I had never watercolored before, but I still knew with a passion that I had to paint these birds. So I got some watercolor and watched the documentary over and over and painted those birds.

Then I started writing fanfiction about this time last year, and thought, gosh, wouldn't it be funny if our winged angel and demon were as inspired by this documentary as I was, for a completely different reason.

So in honor of Valentine's Day, I'm releasing this story. I'm posting the intro chapter tonight (2/13), and I'll post the first art and next chapter tomorrow (2/14). Each chapter will be a complete story, so no real promises on the posting schedule after that, especially as I'm working to wrap up my other two WIPs, but go ahead and subscribe if you want a few random bird of paradise inspired flirting stories between our ineffables as I complete those.

And while in all of my crossovers I try to write so you don't have to know the source material (as long as you know Good Omens) - I would still strongly encourage you to check Dancing with the Birds out if you can. I'm still incredibly impressed with these hilariously intricate rituals these birds developed to attract a mate.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Chapter 1: The Parliament of Fowls

Chapter One: The Parliament of Fowls

“Do you know what today is, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked with excitement.

Crowley did, but he was beyond surprised to hear Aziraphale mention it. He had spent several thousand years wondering if they could spend a Valentine’s Day together, but had never gotten around to bringing it up. Crowley’s eyebrows arched up in anticipation. “Yes?” he asked, a bit timid.

“It’s the Day of Bird Weddings!” Aziraphale exclaimed. “Remember that old Geoffrey Chaucer poem?”

Crowley exhaled a puff of disappointment. “No, I can’t say I recall that.”

“It’s called The Parliament of Fowls,” Aziraphale continued, and ran to the back of the bookshop to retrieve the book and read a passage out loud:

“For this was on Saint Valentine’s day,
When every fowl comes there his mate to take,
Of every species that men know, I say,
And then so huge a crowd did they make,
That earth and sea, and tree, and every lake
Was so full, that there was scarcely space
For me to stand, so full was all the place…”

“Fascinating, Angel. But I’m not sure the humans consider this a bird holiday anymore…” Crowley said with a pout.

“You’re quite right. This was pretty early in their history, I believe this was the first Valentine’s Day poem ever written. I just thought, well,” Aziraphale sighed and looked away.

“What?” Crowley asked, eyebrow arching higher.

“Well, maybe we could celebrate like the birds.” Aziraphale set the book down, and looked intensely at Crowley.

Crowley wasn’t at all sure what Aziraphale meant by that. He racked his brain, trying to think of anything that could qualify as a way to celebrate a bird mating holiday together, and then remembered a documentary he had seen advertised recently.

“Sure, Angel. That sounds fun. We could stay in, watch a bird special together?” Crowley snapped his fingers and a television materialized in the bookshop just across from the settee. “We can order takeaway.”

Aziraphale looked confused, and then put his book down with a grin. “Yes, you’re quite right, Crowley. That sounds like a lovely way to spend the evening.”

Aziraphale busied himself on the phone ordering curry for two as Crowley flipped through a few documentaries before landing on the one that had caught his eye. Dancing with the Birds, it was called, and showed some unique specimens he hadn’t remembered in the original design plans for Earth.

Crowley scooted to the side to make room for Aziraphale, who settled in next to him as he hit play.

 

 

Chapter 2: The Superb Bird of Paradise

Chapter Two: The Superb Bird of Paradise

Maybe it was the wings that did it.

Or the way the birds danced on the tree like it was the head of a pin.

Or the longing in the golden eyes of the stark black bird trying to attract the attention of the oblivious mate.

Or how they shuffled their wing feathers just so.

But that simple bird documentary had a definite, immediate and irreversible impact on both the angel and demon watching it.

“Ahem,” Aziraphale said, loosening his bowtie. “It’s gotten a bit warm in this bookshop, has it not? Maybe I should open a window.”

Aziraphale stumbled over his own feet as he waved to crack the window and let a bit of the cool February air into the bookshop.

“Oh! There’s the door, I believe takeaway has just arrived!” said a flustered Aziraphale as he got up to answer the door.

Crowley continued to listen in rapt attention to the narration. 

"The Vogelkop Superb Bird-of-Paradise has one of the most elaborate courtship displays in the avian world."

"The Vogelkop superb bird-of-paradise is known for its blackest-black plumage, which is so black that it absorbs 99.95 percent of sunlight. When the bird is ready to mate, it spreads out its black cape, and shines its ornamental eye spots like headlights at an approaching partner..."

Crowley took a moment to admire the Superb Bird of Paradise’s thick black feathers, and especially the pop of color in the middle. Without thinking, Crowley snapped, and changed his normal grey scarf to a striking bright blue necktie that stood out against his black turtleneck and jacket. Angel likes blue, he mused, as he straightened the tie, and spread out his legs a little wider on the settee, as he moved a few books to the side to make room.

"After carefully and meticulously preparing a "dance floor" (even scrubbing the dirt or branch smooth with leaves), the bird first attracts a mate with a loud call..."

“Oi! Angel!”

Aziraphale came around the corner just then and startled at the change. “Oh, Crowley, did you just change your necktie?”

Crowley stuck out his lower lip with an air of nonchalance, and removed his sunglasses to flash his golden eyes. “It’s a Day of Bird Weddings, Angel. Thought I’d dress myself up a bit for the occasion.”

“Oh, I see!” said Aziraphale, delighted. “Well, then. Let’s celebrate properly with some curry!”

Aziraphale moved a few things out of the way on the coffee table and arranged the food. Crowley watched him with marked interest, feeling inspired to be spending Valentine’s Day with Aziraphale somehow even more after watching the documentary.

The angel made a move to sit again on the settee, and took a moment to look at Crowley spread out. “I say, Crowley, would you mind scooting a bit to make room for me?”

Crowley brought his legs in with a small pout. “Sure, Angel.”

Aziraphale busied himself with getting a small bowl of food. As he leaned back, Crowley casually brought his arm around him, resting it just against his shoulder on the back of the settee, and pressed play.

He watched Aziraphale carefully for any reaction, but the angel seemed more invested in eating his food than paying attention to where Crowley’s arm was at the moment.

Crowley spread his legs a little wider, until his knee was just pressing up against Aziraphale’s, and still didn’t get a reaction.

"You're right. It is a little warm in here," Crowley tried again, and opened his jacket to reveal a stark blue inner lining, flashing just a bit to get the angel's attention. 

Sadly, Aziraphale still seemed too interested in consuming his vindaloo, making happy little humming noises as he did. 

Sighing, Crowley leaned forward and got himself a bowl of curry.

Well, just like they showed in the documentary, not every attempt is successful. Some of these birds spent many years of their life in the pursuit of a mate. He was a demon who had spent all the days of the Earth slowly getting closer to Aziraphale. He still had time to make his interest known, and could do it right.

And watching the telly alongside his favorite angel really was a lovely way to spend their first Valentine’s Day together in retirement after the nah-pacalypse.

But he did wonder if he could still learn a thing or two from these strange, exotic birds… He started taking mental notes for other things he might try... 

 

 

 

Notes:

If you want to see more of my watercolors - I have them on Facebook under @EvilPtarmigan. I even turned these into Valentine's, so Happy Valentine's Day!
https://www.facebook.com/evilptarmigan

(Bird fact credits include Wikipedia, One Earth, https://www.oneearth.org/males-take-note-this-male-bird-of-paradise-has-spectacular-mating-moves/, and Bird of Paradise Project: https://www.birdsofparadiseproject.org/new-vogelkop-superb-bird-of-paradise-changes-up-the-old-song-and-dance/)