Work Text:
Wow. Two in one week. I must be procrastinating from RL....
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For anonymous (http://www.tumblr.com/reblog/69029752506/MjWLln7N) who asked: Loki saying (naughty) sweet nothings to Tony in the Old Norse language. Tony has no idea what it means. So he goes to Thor for help. It'd be funny if Thor overhears some of it!
Words: 1,844
Title: Talk Dirty To Me
JARVIS was, of course, perfectly aware of what Mr Silvertongue was saying - even when he wasn't saying it in American. It wasn't cruel or harmful or dangerous, and Tony seemed to like the way the vowels rolled off of his silver tongue. Loki very much appeared to enjoy the way Tony reacted, if the grinning and smirking, and wandering hands, and wondering words were any indication. Refusing to translate Loki asking "do you really?" and "do you want more?" and "are you sure, my darling one?" could hardly be construed as falling foul of his 'protect Sir at all costs' programming. Both men were consenting adults, and if Tony had tried to learn Norwegian and still failed to translate what Loki had been saying (because it was the Asgardian version of Norse), well, as Loki said - it was more fun this way.
JARVIS did not disagree. When asked, he simply claimed that his servers too were unable to make the jump from Norwegian to Old Norse to Asgardian Norse - as Tony's brain was.
He was capable: JARVIS was capable of anything he put his code to, but he was, as he often could be since realising he had a choice in some matters, unwilling. Watching Sir flounder was amusing. He would writhe beneath Loki, mouth open and eyes sometimes screwed shut other times open wide and staring, legs spread and back arched as Loki took him apart with hands and words simultaneously. From his previous data, JARVIS had concluded that Sir preferred dirty talk more when he couldn't understand it.
Women of the past, and some of the few men Sir had brought home, had tried it. There had been the occasional gem who could really get Tony's motor revving, but more often than not, Tony would end up taking over the conversation, whispering his slurs and come ons and "do you like that"s while pinning the other person down, arms above their heads, keeping them pleased and malleable and silent but for their moans. But with Loki, Tony hadn't even tried to reverse their positions; not one attempt was made to speak over the God - the first time Loki had whispered into Tony's ear he had been in his lab and the Asgardian had snuck up behind him, hands on Tony's hips and lips just barely against the lobe of Tony's right ear as he breathed into the shell. Tony's knees had buckled and Loki had later translated his sentence as "you look rather fetching covered in oil, Man of Iron" (nothing dirty at all, but tell that to Tony's cock, which had hardened impossibly fast, the throb making his knees weak and thighs tremble).
Their meetings had followed the same pattern, ever since Loki had moved into Avengers Tower under the direct mandate of Odin Allfather and with the long-suffering blessing of Nick Fury. JARVIS had, at first, checked the translations Loki had offered against what his own servers had managed to process. Both were fairly similar, similar enough that JARVIS could have translated for Sir when asked - but where was the fun in that. Loki always translated the dirtier phrases, the ones that he whispered in bed while they were naked and touching, fucking, so Tony knew exactly what Loki thought of his fingers and tongue and cock and the dip of his navel and the crease between his thighs. It was the gentler phrases that Loki kept silent about, the ones that meant "I love you" or "you're are perfect" or "what would I do without you, my darling genius". It was the ones that would make Tony truly blush that Loki kept secret.
Loki had made a bet since, in fact, because that was fun also. Loki started refusing to translate all phrases and words. He wanted to see what would happen once Tony became curious enough. JARVIS was certain that Sir would figure out he was lying (not lying as opposed to not being fully truthful, but technicalities: Sir would understand). Loki agreed, but bet that Tony would embarrass himself first.
JARVIS had assumed he knew his creator well enough to be secured in his victory - but apparently Sir thought he knew his creation well enough to trust explicitly when JARVIS said he was unable to translate, and so, had gone to the next best source. If JARVIS was human, he would be cringing.
Thor, despite not being human, was humanoid enough to feel shame and embarrassment. His tanned face was flushed across the cheeks and down his throat, but his jaw and forehead had gone bone white from how hard he was clenching his teeth. His hands fisted at his belt, as he rocked back uncomfortably on his heels, away from Tony who had lent into his space, further and further the longer it took Thor to reply.
"Did you catch that?" Tony asked, grin slipping as self-conciousness set in, "cause I can try repeat it? Or I can get JARVIS to play the recording? I, uh, I recorded it.... I can't figure out what it means." He repeated himself before Thor could answer. The words were heavy and unfamiliar on his tongue, and he sounded like he was attempting to cough up phlegm at the same time as each word fell ungracefully from his tongue. When Loki spoke the words they sounded much more attractive, far more enticing and arousing, but hearing them in his own voice with his own horrible pronunciation made Tony reconsider allowing Loki to whisper sweet nothings in his ear as they cuddled at night. The flush on Thor's face had spread, and Tony worried for a moment that maybe Loki had been whispering "I love you" and letting other people know was a taboo on Asgard, or something like that.
Loki had been saying "I love you" - but he had also been saying plenty of other phrases. Phrases less suited for being repeated in public, in front of a team mate and co-habitee and definitely not suited for the ear's of the speaker's brother.
Thor cleared his throat twice, shifted on his feet and moved to step around Tony's smaller frame. Once he was no longer boxed against the counter he said, with eyes averted, "it, uh, my, uh, my brother wishes to convey the perfectness of your, uh," Thor interrupted himself with a round of nervous coughing. He licked his lips, and kept his eyes averted as he tried again. "My brother praises the perfectness of your posterior, in particular the feel of your rectum surrounding his-"
Tony's hands flailed; one almost smacked Thor in the jaw, and the other was up over Tony's own face as if not seeing was the same as not hearing. "That's great, that's really great. Ok, you can stop now, I get the point. JARVIS, note to self, kill Loki, donate you to Hammer Tech. Then bleach brain of this moment. Thor, you're welcome to join me - I have scotch, whiskey, arsenic, whatever you like? Let's forget this ever happened."
JARVIS could have felt guilty, and he could have felt remorse; instead he felt amused. Sir was floundering again, with that becoming flush across his cheeks that Loki so did love to see and cause, and from the master bedroom Loki address JARVIS' sensor and asked him to play along. JARVIS might have lost the bet, but he could still play the game.
Sound burst over the speakers in the kitchen. Words that Tony had heard already, words that Tony had writhed to beneath Loki, played out loud for Thor to hear - and these were not garbled by Tony's inability to pronounce them. These words dripped off of Loki's tongue like honey - or poison. Danced through the air and curled around Tony's ears and cock and covered every inch of his flesh until he had goosebumps and was panting; he breathed the words in, felt them, wanted them - and all the while Thor stood, still blushing, with his hands clenched around the belt of his pants.
"Real funny, J, real fucking funny. Thor, you wanna leave?" Thor didn't respond, other than to clench his jaw twice and grind his teeth. "I'm going to leave then, ok, bye, great talk." The words changed, JARVIS having moved from the audio of the last time Loki really got into it to the audio from last month where Loki had been the first to confront Tony after a battle that had almost crushed his ribs. The words were angry, tone frantic, but they were sweet and worried and loving - not the sort of dirty talk that had been said just moment before. Tony knew there was a difference, he knew even if he didn't understand, and he stopped half way out of the kitchen door and turned back to face the god. "What does that mean? Or wait - actually do I want to know?"
Thor smiled softly, his earlier embarrassment having faded in light of this sudden realisation. For a time he had been annoyed by Loki's dalliance with his team mate. Fandral had never recovered from Loki's flirting and teasing and breaking his heart and Thor hated thinking about Sif and Loki (they could barely be in the same room as the other now): Loki was not allowed to date Thor's friends anymore, and yet... The longer Loki and the Man of Iron continued with their affair, the more Thor began to approve of it. Now, after hearing the words JARVIS had recorded and played back for them, now Thor could finally say he was happy for his brother.
"He said that if you died he would go to Helheimr himself and drag your soul back, with or without Hela's blessings, force it back into your corpse and kill you himself," Thor was grinning widely as he spoke, voice as bright as the blue of his wide eyes. "Then he said he loved you and that you were a - uh, Midgardians do not have such a phrase, but it is similar to being called an 'asshole'."
"Oh," Tony muttered. He was blushing too now, the gentler, sweeter phrases had always been better at making him flush than the dirty ones. "Maybe I won't kill Loki then," he mumbled as he continued out of the door, "but I'm still mad at you, J."
"As you say, Sir," JARVIS responded, in a tone drier than a desert.
Loki was waiting in their bedroom when Tony walked inside, slammed the door shut, and put his hands on his hips. He tried to pretend to be angry, but he ended up grinning. His teeth were showing before he managed to control himself enough to say, "jeg elsker deg og"1 - only for Loki to respond with something longer, more detailed, that might have meant 'I love you' but more likely probably meant 'I want you naked and begging on your knees before me in ten seconds flat'. Tony would be happy with either.
The End
1 - I love you too (according to Google Translate)
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ENJOY :) <3