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Ren has never found himself a flatmate before, which is his first mistake. In the four years he’s lived in this place, he always left it up to the landlord to find a tenant who fits both of their requirements – male, clean, non-smoker, no pets, no criminal history and no omegas. The last one was the only one Ren added and it was the most important.
For the most part, it works. Ren’s last two flatmates have been pretty decent with only the occasional times he’s had to remind them to take the laundry out of the dryer or give him a heads-up when they bring someone home or something minor like that. So when the second one left, Ren figured it would be fine to do the same again.
He didn’t expect that two weeks later, he’d be opening his front door to none other than Dan Heng, his childhood best friend and the first omega he’s ever met. The one Ren had accidentally bitten six years ago and never saw again.
There is that first meeting of their eyes that made both their hearts drop to their stomachs. He sees it in Dan Heng’s green eyes that Ren was not the person he expected behind that door either. He has two luggage behind him and a backpack slung over one shoulder. And he stands there, wide-eyed, and speechless.
He swallows hard as if to bring his voice back. “Sorry. Wrong door.”
He turns, grabbing the handles of his luggage and Ren – without thinking – grabs his wrist. “No, it’s- This is your place? I mean. You’re coming here, right?”
Dan Heng twists his wrist out of Ren’s hold. “No, wrong door,” he repeats, already trying to leave.
“It’s fine,” Ren insists. “Dan Heng, just come in for a minute. Really, it’s fine.”
Which is a fat lie because it is, in fact, not fine. Ren’s heart is pounding, his mouth dry. In Dan Heng’s weary expression is the hazy but persistent memory of six years ago and the coiling scent of jasmine in the air that he’s never been able to forget. Underneath that panic, it occurs to Ren now that Dan Heng smells like nothing.
“Just for a minute,” Ren tries again, though he’s not sure why.
Dan Heng clasps his hands on the handles of his luggage, knuckles white. It takes a long time for him to think, frowning at the floor, during which Ren starts to regret his whole life. Then, “Okay.”
Ren sighs in relief.
A minute later, Dan Heng is sitting on the edge of the couch, clasping the strap of his bag as Ren places a glass of water on the table between them. Ren finally gets a good look at him and take in all the changes. Dan Heng’s black hair is no longer short and neatly combed but now falls just past his shoulder with the top half tied up in a small bun. On his face is a pair of half-moon glasses with golden frames, sitting low on his nose as he stares at the glass of water, then takes it for a small sip. His frame has filled out too, still slender but no longer that skinny boy with barely any muscle over bones. But his scent…
Ren should be able to smell at least something. He can always smell omegas, even when he doesn’t want to. By the biological laws of alphas and omega, Ren should be able to smell Dan Heng more strongly than anyone else. But it’s not something he can just ask.
So Ren starts with, “How are you?”
“We really don’t have to do this,” Dan Heng replies. “I lied to the landlord about being…not an omega. I’ll find somewhere else.”
Rationally speaking, it’s probably for the best that they don’t live together but a part of Ren revolts at the idea of Dan Heng walking out the door now. His luggage are stilling sitting in the hallway as if he’s poised to make a quick exit. It’s a sour sight.
“Do you have a backup option?” Ren asks.
Dan Heng rolls his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’ll go back to my parents’ for a few days.”
The same parents who dragged Dan Heng to the other side of the country from Ren, the ones who tried to – rightfully – press charges against him. Ren winces without meaning to.
“I won’t tell them about you,” Dan Heng says, seeing Ren’s face. “Just that things didn’t work out.”
“Or you can stay,” Ren offers.
Dan Heng takes another mouthful of water and this time, he doesn’t put the glass back down onto the coaster. “Do you realise what you’re saying?”
“We were so close before and we practically lived together. Why can’t we do it again?”
Dan Heng makes a face because the answer is obvious to both. It’s because Ren bit him six years ago and, if his suspicion is correct, Dan Heng still has that mark on the back of his neck, under his hair. They’re still bonded. In normal human terms, ‘married’. Only, it’s not that simple.
Dan Heng seems to be thinking the same thing because his eyebrows slowly knit into a frown. “We’re not kids anymore, Ren. You being an alpha and me being…me, it actually means something.”
“It doesn’t have to,” Ren tries. “We can still be friends, right?”
He looks at Ren properly. He opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind and closes it. He thinks for a few more moments before he says, “My lease is only for half a year, then I’m moving again.”
That’s fine, right? That’s enough time to sort out their friendship and figure out where they stand. Because if Ren is being honest, the six years without Dan Heng were awfully lonely, trying to understand himself and the way his life changed since That Day. Maybe it would have been messier with Dan Heng in the picture but it would have been nice to figure things out together. Maybe now they finally can.
“Then stay for half a year,” Ren insists. “Longer if you want.”
“Six months,” Dan Heng repeats firmly.
“Okay.”
Somewhere along the conversation, Ren is reminded of what it means to live with an omega – Dan Heng, of all people – and how little control he has over himself but the anxious voices become secondary to the glee that washes over him as he shows Dan Heng his new room, right across the hall from his own.
~
Ren doesn’t remember when he met Dan Heng for the first time. Dan Heng has been there from the very first memories he can recall. He was there when they started kindergarten together, when they saw the ocean for the first time, when they picked out stationary for middle school, when Ren cooked his first meal, when they went ice-skating and Dan Heng broke his leg. For sixteen years of Ren’s life, Dan Heng was a constant.
Of all memories they have shared together, there is one that sits at the back of Ren’s mind and often finds its way forward.
In it, they’re five years old, Ren has just been to his first wedding and he can’t wait to tell Dan Heng about it. He runs to Dan Heng’s house next door as soon as they arrive home and, as always, Dan Heng is waiting for him.
“Was it cool?” he asks as soon as Ren is inside, slipping his shoes off as he stumbles in. Then he notices Ren’s new clothes – a nice vest with fancy pants and shiny shoes – and his eyes light up as he mutters, “Whoa.”
“Yeah, it was cool! The place was so big and there was giant cake. They even had a playground outside!”
Ren has now forgotten the details of the wedding. What he remembers is sitting around the trainset in the living room, telling Dan Heng about his uncle and his girlfriend – wife – who were friends since babies and it was the most awesome thing that they’d get to live together for the rest of their lives and that they’re going to adopt eleven cats.
“It’s kind of like us,” Dan Heng says, loading a small cat toy onto the train’s carriage.
Ren adds another cat to the next carriage. “Yeah. Wouldn’t it be cool if we can live together forever too?”
This happens around the time when Ren’s parents have started to talk about doing different jobs and even moving. Ren has screamed and cried and thrown the biggest tantrum he has ever thrown, complete with rolling across the floor, and even cried to Dan Heng about it because he doesn’t want to go. Dan Heng has fought off his own tears to pat Ren’s head and tell him that Ren can stay behind with him and his family.
As the toy train departs from the station, the idea occurs to them at the same time, their eyes clashing with a brilliant spark.
“Ohhhh!”
“Yes!”
They move at once.
“We need a white dress,” Ren says. “The bride wears a white dress.”
“Mum has a white dress.”
They don’t end up finding a white dress so they make do with one of Dan Heng’s white singlets and a towel from the bathroom rack.
“Do I wear it?” Dan Heng asks.
Ren thinks about it for a minute. “The shorter one should be the bride so I’ll wear it. You can have my clothes. They look like my uncle’s anyway.”
So they switch, Dan Heng wearing Ren’s new outfit while Ren wriggles into the singlet and wraps the towel around his waist.
Then he remembers something. “Wait, I need a white cloth over my head. You have to flip it to kiss me.”
“Um,” Dan Heng says, looking around his room. “Actually…” He leaves for a minute and comes back with a lacy white cloth with pretty flower patterns. “Mum keeps this for guests but she won’t mind if it’s my wedding.”
He carefully places it on Ren’s head so it falls over his face, then steps back to take a look. When he’s satisfied, he smiles. “You look pretty. Let’s go!”
He takes Ren’s hand and they run to the kitchen where Dan Heng’s mum is peeling garlic cloves. Her eyes widen in surprise when the boys bound in, and then she starts to smile.
“Mum, we’re having a wedding!” Dan Heng announces.
She looks between the two and her smiles widens. “I think you’re missing something for a wedding, sweetheart.”
“Are we?” Ren asks, trying to remember what he’s forgotten.
Aunty gets up, plucks a red flower from the vase on the counter and gives it to Ren. “There. Now, you can get married.”
Of course! Flowers. “Thank you! Now you have to tell us that we can kiss.”
She laughs then, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “You may now kiss the bride.”
Dan Heng doesn’t need to be told twice. He gently flips the veil over Ren’s face and kisses his cheek.
“Are we married now?” he asks.
“Yes!”
“We have to tell your mum and dad too.”
So they run off to next door, Ren holding on tight to his flower and his veil so it doesn’t get blown off, his other hand in Dan Heng’s. They giggle all the way, lost in the glee.
“Mum! Dad!” he yells as he finds them in the garden, tending to the plants. “Dan Heng and I are married so we have to live together now. We can’t move!”
He says it all even before his parents fully come into view. They both turn in surprise, squatted by the pumpkin field with wide hats on their heads.
“Eh?” his dad says. He looks at his wife and then presses his lips together to fight off a smile. “Is that how it works?”
Ren holds Dan Heng’s hand tighter. “Yeah! Uncle Ming gets to live with his wife now so we do too.”
“Ah, of course. Does Aunty Lu know about this too?”
Dan Heng nods. “She gave Ren a flower.”
Ren’s mum beckons them forward. “Let me see your rings. Are they diamond or gold?”
And Ren realises again that he forgot another thing! He turns to Dan Heng, absolutely horrified. “Oh, no.”
“It’s okay, we don’t need rings,” Dan Heng consoles but Ren still sees the disappointment in his eyes. “We have everything else.”
“Nono, that won’t do,” Ren’s mum says with a click of her tongue. “Wait five minute. I’ve got this.”
After five minutes of her wandering around the yard, she comes back to present two tiny, little daisy rings poised on her palm. Ren gasps and hugs her legs and Dan Heng joins in, both profusely thanking her.
Dan Heng slips one of the rings on Ren’s finger and Ren does the same for him, admiring the pretty flowers.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Ren’s dad says with a clap of his hands.
At that age, even a concept as complex as marriage was so innocently simple. It mattered not their age nor gender, and served as a simple statement that meant ‘You are important to me.’ And that was enough.
Ren’s family did not move away but not because of the ‘wedding’. The plans were only ever just talks and Ren worked himself up over nothing at all. But of all the shenanigans he and Dan Heng got up to as kids, his remembers this one most often and most vividly. It’s there every time he sees daisies or fancy lace table runners at the shops. Often, it also comes back when he thinks of the more permanent bond between them, one he made at the age of sixteen, and how he never held Dan Heng’s hands again after that.
~
Dan Heng spends the next couple of days moving the rest of his belongings from his old place and unpacking the boxes. Ren hovers outside his door and offers to help but Dan Heng declines and does it all himself, which is nothing new. Dan Heng always liked things put away in the right places and no matter how neat Ren himself is, he likes them his way. So Ren just sits at the door and strikes up conversation as Dan Heng packs things away.
He’s in his final year of his bachelor’s in comp sci, with an internship already lined up for the start of next year on the other side of town. He’s had to move from his old place because they were demolishing the building and didn’t give enough notice. His favourite food is still spicy chicken curry but no, he no longer likes bubble tea. He prefers normal tea now. He drives a beat-up little Toyota with mismatched wheel covers because someone stole them in his old neighbourhood.
Ren bothers him almost incessantly but Dan Heng doesn’t kick him out so it’s probably okay.
The only conversation they seem to steer clear of is the fact that they’re bonded as an alpha and an omega. The way Ren sees it, it shouldn’t pose any problems. They have their own rooms and they’ll live separate lives as they’ve done for six years. When it is time for Ren’s rut or Dan Heng’s heat, he’ll just crash at Jing Yuan’s or Kafka’s place for a few days.
It helps that Dan Heng has no scent at all. Ren has been hypersensitive to pheromones since he presented as an alpha but the only thing he smells on Dan Heng is laundry detergent and soap, nothing underlying, no trace of jasmines. If it weren’t for Ren knowing exactly when Dan Heng presented, he wouldn’t be able to tell at all.
Even when they’re sitting close on the couch, Mario Kart on the TV, Ren gets nothing.
“Are you okay?” Dan Heng asks, noticing the way Ren has subconsciously inched closer.
Princess Peach crosses the finish line first again on the screen. (That hasn’t changed from all those years ago.)
Ren decides to go for it. “I can’t smell you.”
Dan Heng raises an eyebrow. “I should hope not. I just showered.”
“You know what I mean.”
He sighs a little and puts the controller down to tug at the collar of his hoodie. There, just at the juncture of his neck and shoulder is a clear patch that Ren didn’t even notice, blending perfectly with his skin. He tries to look closer, to where his hair has shifted on the back of his neck, to see if he can still spot the bitemark but Dan Heng has already moved on and is rolling up the sleeve to reveal another patch on the inside of his wrist.
“Scent blockers,” he explains. “I’m glad they work well.”
Oh. Ren didn’t know they were a thing. The whole alpha-omega thing has only existed for less than a decade that he didn’t think scent blockers existed yet. He assumed Dan Heng was using a really strong deodorant or something.
“Shit,” he cusses, realising something. “Should I be using them?”
“Why?”
“So I’m not bothering you.”
“It doesn’t bother me regardless. I use it because I always have.”
Ren thinks nothing of those words, chalks it up to one of Dan Heng’s peculiarities. Most of the population are ‘betas’ and can’t smell the way they do so Ren has never bothered hiding himself. He goes out with a mask so the scents don’t become overwhelming but that’s only for himself.
“Another round?” Dan Heng asks. “I’ll give you a twenty-second head start this time.”
On his lips is a tiny smile of amusement that Ren has so dearly missed. Dan Heng, ever so reserved, but Ren could always read him. He’s relieved to find that neither of them has changed much at all since they were sixteen.
Ren settles into the couch, controller poised. “Give me thirty and you’re on.”
~
It’s easy to settle into a routine. Ren has classes three days a week, works the other three days and usually takes Sundays off. Dan Heng has classes four days a week and works all four of those evenings. They take turns cooking, cleaning and doing the groceries, and manage their own laundries. Ren has never shared cooking and grocery duties with flatmates before but when he comes home to a warm meal and a full fridge, he realises that this time will be a little different. He’s more than fine with that. Ren makes sure to cook for Dan Heng when time allows too, and when neither of them can, they order takeout.
On the evenings that they’re both home, Ren finds himself spending more time in the living room where Dan Heng taps away on his laptop, swamped in oversized hoodies with the heater turned on. His room doesn’t have one and Dan Heng likes to be toasty, especially as the evenings start to turn colder with the onset of autumn.
It’s a peaceful endeavour that allows Ren to relive their younger years spent in Dan Heng’s family home, studying for college exams that were years away but that was just the way things were back then. They both dreamed of getting into the same university, Dan Heng studying IT and Ren in engineering. Their nightly hang outs also allow him to catch up too; the things they’re into these days, how they spend their free time, games they’ve gotten into lately.
Ren interacts with Dan Heng more in the first two weeks of living together than he ever did with the other flatmates in two years they each lived here.
In follow week, Kafka and Jing Yuan drop by to work on their group assignment. Dan Heng arrives later in the night as the assignment has started to derail into socialising more than working, packets of chips opened on the coffee table, Jing Yuan’s laptop somewhere on the floor as he scrolls on his phone.
Dan Heng comes through the walkway in his black judo gi that hides a matching black belt neatly wrapped around his waist, bag slung over one shoulder.
“Hi,” he greets when he sees the three of them sprawled across the couches.
“New roomie,” Jing Yuan says, twisting around so he can see over the back of the couch through to the adjoining kitchen.
“It’s Dan Heng,” Ren supplies. “This is Kafka and that’s Jing Yuan.”
Kafka waves a hand. “Hello.”
Jing Yuan suddenly whistles. “Blackbelt. That’s impressive.”
Dan Heng smiles politely as he hangs up his keys on the rack on the kitchen counter. “Thanks.”
“There’s some stir fry in the fridge,” Ren tells him.
Dan Heng nods, his eyes softening minutely as he glances at Ren. “I’ll shower first and then eat.”
Ren hums, watching Dan Heng disappear into the corridor leading to their rooms.
Kafka makes a noise in thought. “So that’s the childhood best friend you kept talking about.”
“You never mentioned he’s pretty,” Jing Yuan says nonchalantly, going back to his phone.
For some reason that’s the comment that sticks to Ren. Of course, Dan Heng is pretty. He always has been and only a fool wouldn’t notice it. But the fact that Jing Yuan said it lingers on his mind and rubs just slightly the wrong way.
“Did he just finish training?” Kafka asks.
Ren shakes his head. “Nah, he’s an instructor now.”
Jing Yuan glances up. “Why do you sound so strangely proud of that?”
“Do I?”
“Yes,” Kafka replies, closing her own laptop as she finally gives up trying to be productive and leans back on the couch, grabbing the nearest packet of chips. “You sound like you trained him personally.”
“Well, I did help, I guess,” Ren says. “We used to go to classes and sparred together.” Except Ren never got past brown belt because it felt pointless without Dan Heng.
Kafka and Jing Yuan glance at each other meaningfully.
“What?” Ren asks.
“You were his punching bag,” Kafka corrects.
“Hey! I can hold my own against you two any day. At the same time.”
The argument goes on for a while longer as Ren tries to defend himself against his own friends. By the time Dan Heng comes back out, they’ve moved onto talking about other childhood activities their respective parents forced them to do. Kafka with her violin that she actually ended up enjoying and Jing Yuan with his calligraphy that he gave up as soon as he could.
“Hey, Dan Heng, join us,” Jing Yuan calls when Dan Heng sits at the kitchen counter to eat his reheated stir fry.
Dan Heng blinks at them, eyes drifting from Jing Yuan to Kafka and finally to Ren. He silently picks up his box of takeout and chopsticks to relocate to the couches. Because Kafka is sitting next to Ren and the single couch is taken up by books, he takes a seat beside Jing Yuan who makes more room for him.
“Which uni do you go to?” Kafka asks.
“Yingdu.”
Jing Yuan sighs in fake disappointment. “Of all the universities you can go to, it has to be our rival one.”
Dan Heng looks at Ren for explanation.
“He’s in the soccer club and they have massive beef with Yingdu’s.”
“Oh,” Dan Heng says. He takes a mouthful of food, not looking particularly put out by the apparent rivalry.
“It’s okay,” Jing Yuan says. “I’ll make an exception for a dear friend of Ren’s.”
Ren takes in the way Jing Yuan sits with one leg on the couch, his body turned towards Dan Heng, an arm slung on the back of the couch. This is just how Jing Yuan is, languid and easy-going, but something about it makes Ren’s mouth sour.
As if sensing the change in his mood, Dan Heng looks at him with subtle, questioning eyes. Ren gives him a smile and fixes his train of thought so his scent won’t reflect the brewing unease.
Dan Heng replies, “I’m not a fan of the soccer club guys so if you have to punch any of them, I don’t mind.”
Jing Yuan laughs and even Kafka smiles.
She says, “You should teach him a few moves so he won’t come back with a broken nose again.”
“It wasn’t broken so much as…dislocated,” Jing Yuan pipes.
“It was broken,” Ren says. “You bled all over me and I had to throw out that shirt.”
This time, it was Dan Heng’s turn to smile around his food, sharing a glance with Ren.
The night passes by in a blur with conversation going this way and that. When Kafka and Jing Yuan finally leave, Dan Heng was half-asleep on the couch, legs tucked to his chest and a content smile on his face.
“Your friends are funny,” Dan Heng says through a yawn. “I also want to see Jing Yuan’s cat if I get the chance.”
And that was the wrong thing to hear because that unease flickers again in Ren’s chest. Dan Heng catches it, no matter how briefly it passes.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, sitting straighter.
“I think I ate too many chips,” Ren lies. “Stomach isn’t doing so good.”
Dan Heng unfolds his legs to stand, concern colouring his expression. “I have some medicine for indigestion.”
“No, no,” Ren interrupts. “I’m okay. It just comes and goes.”
If he could smell Dan Heng, what would it be now? Would it match his expression? Would Ren catch anything else? Why does Dan Heng wear the scent blockers even at home? The only one who would be able to tell is Ren but Ren already knows he’s an omega. Surely he can take those off at home.
…What is Ren even thinking? Dan Heng can do what he wants and Ren shouldn’t go around talking about things clearly off-limit between them.
He shakes his head and gives Dan Heng a grin. “I can sleep it off easy.”
“…Alright.”
~
See, Ren is not dumb. He knows this is the beginning of the consequences to his actions. He knows jealousy when he feels it. He also knows that it is entirely baseless and he has no right to feel it. But how to not feel it? That’s a different question he doesn’t have the answer to.
The next day is a challenge trying to navigate around his own emotions as he repeats to himself that Jing Yuan wasn’t trying anything on Dan Heng and even if he was, it doesn’t matter. It helps that Jing Yuan doesn’t have classes with Ren that day. It doesn’t help that Kafka does, and she is a very perceptive person.
“What’s been on your mind all day?” she asks when they leave the final class in which he couldn’t concentrate enough to draw any of the diagrams properly.
Ren figures that Kafka is probably the best person he can talk to. “What would you do if you’re jealous of your friend making moves on your childhood best friend?”
Kafka snorts before she composes herself, pressing her lips together to hide her smile. “Jing Yuan is not making moves on Dan Heng. You’ll know it if he is. Remember the Luocha incident?”
Ren cringes because he does indeed remember the Luocha incident. “Yeah, but how do I stop being jealous?”
The wheels start to turn behind Kafka’s eyes as she stares at him. “Are you and Dan Heng together?”
How to explain… “There was a thing that happened when we were younger and we’re sort of…bonded, I guess.”
Ren has told them about Dan Heng but not that he’s an omega, nor the real reason they lost contact. The only thing Jing Yuan and Kafka know about him is that he is Ren’s childhood best friend who had to move because of his parents’ work and eventually lost touch with each other.
But sharp as ever, Kafka figures it out within seconds. “He’s an omega?”
“He doesn’t go around announcing it so just maybe don’t mention it to others but yes. And I may have accidentally bitten him when we were younger and now we’re sort of…tied together but without romantic feelings.”
“Except you seem to be instinctively protective of him.”
Ren nods.
Kafka looks on with worry, and she seems to understand the underlying issue, already putting the real reason why Dan Heng had to move away. “Ren, it’s fine if you want to rekindle your friendship but you shouldn’t be living with him.”
“Oh, I know. But it’s only six months and he’s moving out so he can be closer to where he’s working next year. I just need to learn how to suppress this jealousy in the meantime.”
It doesn’t seem to appease Kafka’s worries. “What happens after then? Your bond will remain and neither of you can ever truly find yourselves a partner.”
Again, there is that uneasy feeling that makes his chest tighten. “What am I supposed to do then?”
“Have you thought of undoing the bond?”
Which is such a revolutionary idea to Ren that he stops walking. As stupid as it might sound, it has never occurred to Ren that maybe they should try. Then they can go back to the way they were without tip-toeing around this issue. But… That would also mean that there is nothing special between them, just an ordinary friendship that makes it no different to anyone else’s.
Kafka sighs. “What now?”
“I don’t know how to undo it,” Ren says. “I don’t even know if it can be undone.”
“Then you’re just going to have to deal with it and not let it get in his way. I know a good therapist if you want.”
She’s completely serious when she said it but Ren scowls at her anyway. “I don’t need a therapist.”
~
It became a new thing near the end of middle school; this phenomena of secondary genders. The news started to cover all these strange stories of people showing traits that biologists classified into alpha and omega. They kept emphasising the fact that it wasn’t dangerous and rare cases had been documented throughout history but were becoming far more common at a rapid rate in the younger generation. Something to do with epigenetics and environmental changes that activated dormant genes or something.
Ren didn’t fully understand it.
“You know Nanfeng is apparently an alpha?” some of the kids in the class whispered. “That’s why he had to go home the other day because he went into rut.”
All these new terms too. People were starting to throw them around and there seemed to be a new word every day.
Another kid said, “He got sent home because he attacked someone. Stop making things up.”
The first kid huffed. “Yeah, he attacked because he went into rut. That’s what alphas do.”
Dan Heng, sitting next to Ren, sighed as he forcefully closed his book, the bang making the class quiet down for a moment. And then he went about his business like he hadn’t scared everyone shitless.
He’d been doing that lately whenever someone talked about secondary genders. Ren didn’t think much of it at first but it was probably about time to ask Dan Heng.
On the way home from school, Ren brought it up and hoped Dan Heng wouldn’t get mad. He usually didn’t get mad at Ren no matter how stupid he was being but this seemed to be a touchy topic for him.
“Why don’t you like it when people talk about alphas and omegas?”
Dan Heng blinked, not expecting the question. “It’s not that. I don’t like them reinforcing bad stereotypes and spreading misinformation.”
“Oh.”
Ren had been seeing things online about how alphas were aggressive and dangerous people without self-control, and how omegas were helpless and weak, only good for one purpose. There were also many things about the bonding and how animalistic the whole thing was, how uncivilised and regressive. He hadn’t thought much of it but Dan Heng obviously had.
“They’re still people,” Dan Heng went on as if knowing exactly what Ren was thinking about. “Aggressive people are aggressive regardless of whether they’re alphas or not and what’s wrong with it if some people want to be loved and pampered whether they omegas or not? It doesn’t make them useless.”
“I guess so. People are just scared because it’s new,” Ren reasoned.
“That’s not an excuse.”
The snappy response made Ren shut up and got his mind working overtime.
They walked on quietly for a few more blocks before Ren grew the balls to ask, “Are you, maybe, an alpha? Or omega?”
Ren expected a smack on the head or something similar so he’d been bracing for it, but Dan Heng didn’t do anything. He only shook his head.
“No. But I would hate it if you developed a secondary gender and people started to treat you differently for it. Wouldn’t you hate it as well if it was me?”
“Of course!”
Ren swung an arm around Dan Heng’s shoulder. As they grew, Ren had started to become taller than Dan Heng by one centimetre and inching his way even higher.
“I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you,” Ren promised.
Dan Heng rolled his eyes fondly, lips curving up a tiny bit at the corners. “How about you win against me in judo first?”
“Rude.”
It wasn’t going to happen to them anyway, Ren had thought as they dawdled home. He and Dan Heng would continue to be best friends and fight the gay allegations but not really, and the rest of the world could suck it no matter what.
~
In the following days, Ren finds out another new thing about Dan Heng. He has an alpha friend.
It’s not because Dan Heng tells him about Caelus. It’s because Dan Heng comes home later than usual after judo class, smelling of another alpha. Ren is in the kitchen when he gets the first whiff of citrus and he freezes.
Dan Heng comes in, not noticing Ren’s reaction that he managed to hide just in time. He smiles at Ren. “You’re still cooking?”
He drops his bag on a stool and sits in the other, arms folded over the counter. “Can I help?”
The front of Dan Heng’s gi is parted more than usual, revealing milky collarbones and the scent blocking patches on either side of his neck, the edges starting to peel.
“I’m almost done,” Ren says. “Have you had dinner yet?”
He shakes his head no.
The citrus is so strong, even over the simmering pot of bone broth behind Ren. He wants to claw those putrid clothes off Dan Heng.
“Did something hold you up at class today?” Ren asks, hoping it sounds innocent enough.
It is then that Dan Heng seems to realise he reeks of someone else and straightens, pulling away a little as if that helps. “My friend Caelus dropped by tonight and we were sparring. I seemed to have lost track of time.”
He stands as he grabs his bag. “I’ll shower first then.”
And he hightails out of the room.
Ren stands there for a few minutes, thinking of Dan Heng and this alpha rolling around on the mat. They must have been very close if the alpha’s scent clings so strongly onto Dan Heng. The way his gi is more dishevelled too; Ren can guess exactly where Caelus had his hands on Dan Heng.
He wonders if Cealus saw the bitemark on Dan Heng’s neck.
Ren shakes himself out of it when the pot starts to bubble over. He has to remind himself that the mark is nothing but a reminder of Ren’s mistake. It certainly doesn’t mean Dan Heng belongs to him.
But holy fuck, is it a problem.
He turns off the fire and grabs his phone, googling ‘how to undo a mating bond’. He doesn’t particularly want to but Kafka is right. Neither of them can continue like this without getting in each other’s way. At least, not Ren. Dan Heng probably wouldn’t get so jealous and he would even be fine with Ren getting a partner but Ren has always been a little more possessive of him.
However, his brief research doesn’t prove to be fruitful. There are more people asking this question than people who have the answer, which is no one. Not a single person has learnt how to undo a bond that even death cannot break. Even after scrolling onto the third page of google, he gets nothing but ‘it can’t be done’.
Well, fuck.
He puts his phone down when Dan Heng returns to the kitchen, smelling significantly less of citrus and more of soap. He wears an oversized hoodie like usual, one that goes down to the middle of his thighs and gives him sweater paws if he doesn’t roll the sleeves up to his elbows, which he has now. His hair is blow-dried and fluffy, pushed back with a headband so his forehead is on full display, only obscured by baby hairs.
“Cute,” Ren says.
The tips of Dan Heng’s ears go red. “I need to cut my fringe.”
He helps prepare the noodles while Ren adds the finishing touches to the broth and pours it into the bowls of noodles. It’s a bastardised version of pho that he and Dan Heng tried to make when they were in high school and ended up enjoying a lot even if it has long deviated from pho.
“This is really good,” Dan Heng mutters when they’re sitting side by side on the living room floor, an English movie playing on the TV. “I never figured out the right combination of spices.”
“It comes from the heart.”
“Yes, I am aware.”
Ren laughs. Dan Heng has never liked his method of adding the ingredients based on vibes.
Sitting so close to Dan Heng, Ren can still smell the faint scent of citrus beneath the lavender soap. How fucking close was this alpha and for how long that his scent lingers so much on Dan Heng?
And then a terrible thought crosses his mind.
What if Caelus scented Dan Heng on purpose? Dan Heng clearly didn’t mind it either…
On the TV, this guy was running in the rain to God knows where, lightning flashing in the sky. Ren hasn’t been paying attention.
“Can I ask you something personal?” he asks.
Dan Heng has just taken in a chopstick full of noodles. Noticing the sudden change in atmosphere, he swallows his food and says, “Go ahead.”
“Are you and Caelus together?”
If he hasn’t already swallowed, Ren is sure he would have choked. His eyes go wide and he clears his throat, looking away. “No, he’s just a friend. He’s been travelling for work for the past six months and only arrived back this week so he was just happy to see me. Sorry, do I smell that bad?”
The answer doesn’t feel satisfying, still stuck in Ren’s chest. He forces himself to answer, “It’s okay now,” and hope that it’s convincing.
It would be better if there was even a little of Dan Heng’s scent overlying the citrus but he refuses to take the patches off.
“You don’t have any omega friends?” Dan Heng asks, going back to his food.
“Just you.”
On the TV, the man in the rain has arrived at someone’s front door. Breathing hard, water dripping down his grief-stricken face, he knocks.
Dan Heng says, “What do you do in your ruts?”
He’s refusing to look at Ren so he can’t even read his facial expression now. Ren doesn’t know if he wants the truth or the considerate answer. So he avoids it altogether.
“Even if I had omega friends, I wouldn’t spend my ruts when them, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Dan Heng spares him a glance. “Too complicated?”
“Something like that.” Ren makes the mistake of following up with, “You?”
“I’ve never slept with Caelus.”
“That’s not-”
Ren pauses at the face Dan Heng gives him, realising that his non-answer was to counter Ren’s. All right. Touché.
At least he’s never slept with Caelus.
Not that it matters.
He sighs out loud. “What are we even talking about?”
Dan Heng gives him a complicated smile. “Yeah,” he agrees and goes back to his food again.
On the TV, a lady has opened the door and is glowering at the man who’s apologising profusely, begging for her understanding. Ren doesn’t even remember their names. He’s all too aware of the scentless boy sitting next to him, eating food that Ren made for him, their knees warm where they touch.
“It’s just me,” Dan Heng suddenly says after a while.
“What?”
“My heats,” he clarifies, not looking at Ren. “I spend them alone.”
He takes Ren’s empty bowl and stacks it on top of his own before he gets up and leaves.
Ren sits in confusion for a moment, listening to the sound of running water and the clanks of bowls behind him. The tightness in his chest has eased a little at the answer Dan Heng left him with but why did he change his mind? Is he hoping Ren would decide to tell him too? But what if he was hoping to hear the same answer? Ren can’t do that without lying, so then would Dan Heng be disappointed that Ren has been with other people? Well, he wouldn’t be disappointed unless…
He’s getting ahead of himself. He stands up.
Dan Heng is at the sink, washing the dishes and the utensils Ren has left there from cooking earlier. Ren goes to help, transferring the leftover soup to a container and sticking it in the fridge, then doing the same for the noodles. There is so much noise in the kitchen but they’re both so silent.
Ren looks at Dan Heng’s back, at the hair covering his nape.
He wants to see. He wants to see so badly his fingers itch. He never got to see his bite heal.
He still remembers the day in Dan Heng’s room, the scent of jasmines and something so deliciously sweet. The writhing body underneath and the taste of salt and blood blooming on his tongue-
“Ren.” Dan Heng is looking at him like he knows. “There are no topics off the table. You can ask whatever you want.”
He’s finished doing the dishes and is wiping his hands on a towel, leaning back against the counter and waiting for the questions.
Ren breathes in deeply, bracing himself. “Wouldn’t it have been easier to spend your heats with someone?”
He nods. “Most likely, but no one wants a bonded omega who-” He stops himself and shakes his head. “I didn’t want to anyway.”
Ren desperately wants to know what Dan Heng was going to say. There are no topics off the table but he clearly didn’t want to finish that sentence. “Do you ever take the scent blockers off?”
This seems to surprise Dan Heng. “I don’t.”
“Why did you start wearing them?”
Dan Heng thinks about it and answers, “Not everyone has good intentions towards omegas.”
Ren shuts up, a lump in his throat.
Dan Heng adds, “Not you. Never you. But it turns out the world isn’t as kind.”
“Oh.” And here Ren was, selfishly wanting him to remove that layer of self-protection.
Dan Heng tilts his head, peering at Ren. “Do you want me to take them off?”
“No,” Ren answers quickly, lying through his teeth but how could he ask that of Dan Heng now? “I mean, you don’t have to if you feel more comfortable with them.”
The way Dan Heng stares at him – he has to know exactly what Ren is thinking, what he wants. His gaze pierces right through him, making Ren heat with embarrassment.
He’s just about to suggest they drop the topic before Dan Heng says, “Okay.”
And just like that, Dan Heng peels off the patches on his neck and drops them into the bin. Then the ones on his wrists follow.
The effect is immediate. The lingering scent of citrus is drowned by the fragrance of jasmine that makes Ren’s heart race but somehow calms him at the same time. This smell that has only existed in his dreams and nightmares, it’s finally here, enveloping him softly.
He closes his eyes and takes it in, smells the faintest trace of contentment and amusement in it. He can’t help the breath of laughter from escaping.
When he opens his eyes, Dan Heng stands there with the fondest of smiles, a few feet from him in a kitchen they now share, where they cook for each other, and Ren’s heart skips at the thought of how right it feels.
His best friend is finally back.
“I didn’t think you’d be this happy,” Dan Heng says.
“I’m happy that you trust me.”
“If not you, then who else?”
Something about the way Dan Heng said it makes Ren melt as if the words were a gentle caress over his face. A little voice at the back of his mind is giving a million warnings but Ren can’t hear it over the drunken haze of his newfound paradise.
“Thank you.”
~
Ren wakes up the next day with the need to sink his teeth in soft skin and a hardness between his legs.
Then he thinks, Fuck.
His rut is early.
Given the entire fiasco last night with Dan Heng taking off the scent blockers right in front of him and the ‘If not you, who else?’ Ren is not at all surprised by this turn of events. But it does mean he needs to get out of here ASAP.
He waits to hear Dan Heng leave for classes before he goes out of his room. But as soon as he steps out, the entire house smells of Dan Heng. Ren nearly trips over his own feet. Resisting the urge to call Dan Heng back, he hastily packs a bag of clothes, fighting against the fog in his mind.
It’s all Dan Heng. The whole house is Dan Heng.
Every single inch.
He wants Dan Heng in his arms so badly.
He wants his omega.
Fuck fuck fuck
He’s still lucid enough to know how bad of an idea it is to stay here a moment longer and how bad his rut will be this time. He hauls his packed bag and leaves. Just as he’s about to close the front door, he pauses.
He goes back in, takes one of Dan Heng’s hoodies from the laundry hamper, then he’s gone.
The entire drive to Jing Yuan’s is a fight to not wrap the hoodie around his head. When he finally arrives, Jing Yuan is about to head out for class. They meet at the bottom of Jing Yuan’s apartment.
“Are you okay?” Jing Yuan asks as soon as he sees Ren, dishevelled, bag on his back and a blue hoodie hugged to his chest. “Did you get kicked out? What did you do?”
“Rut. Can I crash here for a few days?”
“Why do you have to be here for your rut?”
“I’ll explain later.”
Jing Yuan shrugs and gives Ren the keys. “I’ll tell Prof you won’t be in for a few days.” He walks off a few steps and then says, “Oh, and if you see Luocha, don’t mind him. The spare room is still free.”
As expected, the rut is bad. It’s not the first time Ren has gotten off to the thought of Dan Heng during the haze of hormones but it has been years and years since the last time. It only happened in the initial months after Ren bit him, his body telling him that he belonged with his mate, but he’s been able to suppress that instinct for a very long time.
All his restraints have come crashing down again and Ren groans into the hoodie that smells like jasmines.
He needs Dan Heng so badly it hurts. Every inch of him shakes and trembles as he tries so desperately to hold back violating the thought of Dan Heng again but eventually, he caves in.
Ren comes to the thought of pretty eyes and soft lips and the pale expanse of his throat giving way to the defined collarbones that Ren imagines biting bruises into. Then further down…
He’s spent always ruts with someone but the idea of having anyone but Dan Heng near him now makes him retch. All he wants is Dan Heng’s hands to soothe back his hair and tell him he’ll take care of him.
In brief moments of clarity, Ren realises he never told Dan Heng he’ll be out. He reaches for the phone, working through a million thoughts to send a text.
[Sorry, Dan Heng. something came up and I won’t be home for a few days]
And then he adds:
[I’m okay, don’t worry]
Instantly, Dan Heng replies:
[stay safe]
After a few more minutes, the notification pings again. Ren picks up his phone immediately.
It’s an animated sticker of a grey cat with its tail flickering and then giving a thumbs up with its paw.
It’s so dumb and awkward but Ren knows Dan Heng spent the past few minutes trying to pick out a good one and this is the one he ended up with.
Then he groans into the hoodie again.
He wants to go home.
~
In the first year of high school, Ren travelled away from Dan Heng for the first time in his life. It was just three hours away by bus for a school football tournament but they had to stay there for the whole three days. Ren’s parents finally bought him a phone for it and he spent the entire bus ride texting Dan Heng and sending pictures of anything and everything.
[you’ll use up all your data before u even get there]
[ha. I have unlimited]
[you can’t get rid of me that easy]
[unless you’re studying]
[no, I’m texting u]
Then another message came from Dan Heng. It was an emoji of a phone.
[?]
[you want to call?]
[no it’s because i’m texting. it’s a phone emoji]
[…]
For some reason, it brought a huge smile to Ren’s face.
One of his teammates popped his head around Ren’s seat and said, “Bro, stop texting your girlfriend and come play cards with us. We need one more.”
“Nah,” another one piped up. “I bet he’s texting Dan Heng.”
Ren twisted in his seat. “And what if I am?”
Everyone rolled their eyes. A lot of people joked about how close Ren and Dan Heng were, to the point where girls wanting to confess to either were left with much frustration because they were always joined at the hips. They might as well have just confessed to both at the same time and got themselves a two-for-one deal. (Someone had tried once.)
“You’ll survive without him for twenty minutes. Come here.”
During that trip, Ren discovered that he could survive for twenty minutes without Dan Heng but three days was just too much. He’d played two matches each day and for the time he was on the field, he could focus but as soon as he stepped off, he was looking for viridian eyes in the crowd and was constantly reminded of their absence.
[did u win today?]
[only the first one]
[but it’s okay we can still take the championship]
[good job. you must be tired]
Ren imagined Dan Heng curled under his blankets, the screen of his phone lighting up his face. It was nearing 10pm so he’d be in bed now but Ren’s dorm is still full of raucous chaos. Ren had managed to wrestle his way out of playing a boardgame with his teammates and now he was nestled into the corner of the room but it was still so loud.
[everyone is such a teenaged boy here]
[…okay, grandpa]
[-_-]
[you know what I mean]
[u don’t want to join them?]
[no that sounds painful]
[i’d rather be talking to u]
The messages went quiet for a moment before, suddenly, a call screen popped up on his phone with Dan Heng’s name on top. There was no way he could talk in this room. He snuck out the door and found himself a patch of grass outside to sit on.
“Hello,” he answered.
“Hey,” Dan Heng’s voice came through the line and Ren realised he’d wanted to hear Dan Heng too.
“You have no idea how much I missed you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Please save me.”
Dan Heng huffed a breath of laughter. “Should I come pick you up?"
“Yes, please.”
~
His rut lasts longer than usual and it feels like fucking forever. By the time he finally emerges from Jing Yuan’s spare room as a sane man, he’s exhausted and hungry, and it’s raining outside. It must have been raining for a few days already but Ren hasn’t been lucid enough to notice. After he cleans the room, he goes back home and buys enough groceries to feed a small classroom.
As the elevator rises to the fourth floor, Ren starts to get excited. It’s a Saturday afternoon so Dan Heng should be home, confirmed by his shoes beside the door.
“Dan Heng?” he calls out.
No one answers but the aroma of food and the kitchen fan still running means Dan Heng has been cooking recently. Sure enough, as Ren arrives through the short corridor into the kitchen, a few steaming dishes are cooling on the counter. Ren quickly packs away his own groceries as he chugs half a carton of milk to satiate his hunger for the moment.
Then he ventures further into the house.
He knocks on Dan Heng’s door that is already ajar and wafting Dan Heng’s lingering scent but receives no answer from within. He pushes the door open a bit more and finds that the room is empty. Ren spends perhaps longer than he should standing at the entrance, taking it all in. He’s been in here so many times now but it’s still…exciting to be within Dan Heng’s space, or at least almost within.
His bed is neatly made, his dark green blanket draped without a single crease. His PC is running some code and the screen displays a green line that dashes from one side to the other amidst a sea of numbers and letters. Ren has no idea what Dan Heng does for his degree but damn, it is impressive, whatever it is. All those books on his shelf too – that hasn’t changed from when they were young.
He really never expected to see Dan Heng again. Looking at this room now, it’s still so surreal to be back in each other’s lives.
With a smile, Ren finally closes the door back to its original position and opens his own door across the walkway. Then he freezes.
On his bed, buried under a burrito of his grey blanket is Dan Heng, sleeping soundly with only his head and hands poking out from the pile.
Ren’s mouth goes dry. He lays his bag on the floor and silently walks over to the bed by the window with his m- best friend in it.
This is Dan Heng in Ren’s bed.
From the way the jasmine takes over even his own scent in the room, this is not the first time Dan Heng has been here. He sleeps so peacefully, pink lips slightly ajar, long lashes falling softly over his cheeks, hands resting on the pillow by his head. He’s curled close to the window with falling raindrops, leaving one side of the bed empty like- like he made room for Ren.
The idea makes his stomach flip. He’s so weak to the temptation that he finds himself sitting on that empty space, his hand reaching out. At the first touch of his fingertip against the palm of Dan Heng’s hand, Ren flinches, finally realising what he’s doing.
He can’t remember the last time he held Dan Heng’s hands. He used to love it, the way Dan Heng’s fingers slotted with his own. Even as a child, it brought him comfort. It felt safe. At one point, Ren left go of this hand and never held it again until… Until now, when it lies palm up as if in invitation. The long, graceful fingers curl a little, waiting.
Racing heart in his throat, Ren inches closer again and very slowly, he weaves his fingers between Dan Heng’s and stills, hovering. Dan Heng is still sound asleep, completely unaware. This feels wrong, truly, but Ren can’t stop himself from letting their palms meet.
The breath that he’s been holding almost comes out in a burst of euphoria. Somewhere along the past six years, Ren’s hands have grown so much bigger. It swallows Dan Heng’s whole, enveloping the cold hand in its warmth. Ren wonders what else his hands could wrap in their protection. Could he maybe take all of Dan Heng into his arms and keep out the cold of the coming winter?
Carefully, Ren shifts further onto the bed and lies down, their hands still entangled. Dan Heng’s burrito of blankets rises and falls in a steady rhythm, his warm breath gently brushing their hands.
I want to kiss you, Ren thinks and realises he’s not surprised by the thought at all.
He wants to hold Dan Heng’s hands, he wants to hug Dan Heng, go on dates with him, kiss him, take him to the prettiest places on earth and make love to him. The revelation is not as world-shattering as Ren expected.
But it comes with a myriad of emotions that are not all good.
He’s always been in love with Dan Heng and he knows better than to attribute these feelings to the mating bond that came much later. But that is precisely the problem.
By biting him, Ren imposed his own feelings onto Dan Heng, made it so that he couldn’t even relieve his heats with anyone else. His possessiveness for someone who was never his was what cost them so many years of absence in the first place. If Dan Heng ever finds out about Ren’s feelings – if he doesn’t know already – he would be inclined to accommodate Ren even at his own detriment.
Ren sighs and slips his hand out of Dan Heng’s.
They can sort it all out later. For now, he closes his eyes and falls asleep next to his best friend for the first time in six years.
~
Dan Heng’s sixteenth birthday passed amidst the chaos of midterms and three weeks later, it was Ren’s turn. Only two days after, it all came crashing down.
On that Wednesday morning, they walked to school together as they always did. Their morning classes were not shared and Ren wouldn’t see Dan Heng until lunch, or so he thought. But when Dan Heng failed to show up to their usual place, Ren ventured to Dan Heng’s last class, thinking he was still stuck there. He was not there and the class was empty of students, though the teacher was still cleaning the whiteboard.
“Oh, Ren,” she said when she saw him. “You don’t know yet? Dan Heng had to go home because he wasn’t feeling well.”
He was completely fine just a few hours ago. “What happened?”
“Sorry, I’m not sure. The nurse sent him home.”
Ren spent the rest of the day worried about him.
[are you okay?]
There was no answer.
He kept checking his phone throughout the day and even on the way home but Dan Heng still hadn’t replied. It wasn’t like Dan Heng. He always replied to Ren’s texts within minutes, even in the middle of the night, even in class if only to scold him for texting during class. So the radio silence put Ren on edge.
He passed by his own house and went straight for Dan Heng’s. The door was unlocked as usual so Ren went in. Instantly there was a flowery scent in the house with an underdone of something sweet, like caramel, suddenly making him hungry. The next few minutes became blur. He may or may not have said hello to Dan Heng’s parents before making his way upstairs but the next thing he knew, the smell of caramel and flowers – jasmine, specifically – was so strong it seemed to have entranced him.
He stood outside Dan Heng’s room, something strange stirring in him, his mouth salivating. He knocked on the door first, just in case.
“Dan Heng?” he called.
The reply was a quiet whine, as if pained. “Ren?”
He opened the door and his mind became fuzzy. There was Dan Heng on the floor, half-hanging off the edge of his bed in just a pair of shorts. There were his eyes, begging for Ren. There was the cloying scent of caramel so strong it seized Ren’s throat.
Something gnawed deep in the pit of Ren’s stomach, the hunger suddenly insatiable and irresistible.
Mine, he thought. All mine.
“Ren. Help me.”
He was behind Dan Heng on the floor, one arm around the bare torso and a hand pushing hair away from the pale nape. And blood bloomed in his mouth, sweet as nectar.
Then Ren was being yanked away from this person he’d declared his and his alone. There was Dan Heng’s dad pushing Ren away, yelling in his face, and Dan Heng’s mum draping a blanket over Dan Heng – his mate – and she pressed her hand into the bleeding bite Ren made.
There was screaming and growling and Ren’s fist connected with something and Dan Heng’s voice calling out for Ren came above the chaos. Ren needed to get to his mate, to keep him safe, to help him, and he was being barred from it.
Someone called the police and Ren fought against a dozen hands to get to his mate who cried for him, who was being taken away even as he reached out to him and begged, “Don’t hurt him!”
Then there was a needle in Ren’s arm, then the other, and the world eventually faded as Dan Heng was dragged out of view.
When he came around days later, he was no longer welcome in the house he spent most of his life in. Dan Heng’s dad with an angry bruise on his jaw stood at the front door and chased Ren away. Not even Ren’s parents could help him.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, day after day. “Please let me see him.”
He saw not a hair on Dan Heng’s head again.
21 Oct 3:35pm
[are you okay?]
22 Oct 2:15am
[I’m sorry]
24 Oct 5:02am
[can we please meet?]
25 Oct 7:21pm
[are you not allowed to go to school anymore?]
28 Oct 4:29pm
[is it true? You’re moving?]
02 Nov 3:19am
[I miss you]
Message failed to send.
This number is no longer in service.
[I miss you]
[I miss you]
[I miss you]
[I miss you so much]
Message failed to send.
This number is no longer in service.
25 Dec 0:01am
[Merry Christmas]
[I hope you’re doing well]
Message failed to send.
This number is no longer in service.
~
When Ren wakes up, the other side of the bed is empty but the scent of jasmines lingers. The clock on the wall has only struck five but the sky outside is dark with rain, lightning flashing in the distance. He was hoping to wake up before Dan Heng so he wouldn’t realise that Ren joined him but maybe it’s for the best.
He finds Dan Heng in the living room, folding his laundry on the couch.
“Good morning,” Dan Heng says when Ren strides over, moving the pile of folded clothes onto the coffee table to make room for him.
“Morning.”
Ren ignores the other two couches in favour of sitting next to Dan Heng and picks up a shirt from the basket on the floor. “Did you sleep well?” he asks.
The tips of Dan Heng’s ears redden and he clears his throat. “Uh, yes. Did you?”
“Best sleep in days.” The words slip out before Ren could even think about how to answer the question.
“You bed is comfortable,” Dan Heng agrees, which makes Ren laugh and suddenly it’s not so tense in the room anymore.
“I didn’t realise you were coming home today,” Dan Heng says.
Ren hums. “Sorry I left without a word. I was in a rush.”
They fold the clothes in silence for a few minutes. It’s all Dan Heng’s clothes and Ren has to remind himself to not be weird about it or stick his face into any of them. It’s not like they’d smell like Dan Heng right now, only of detergent.
“It was your rut, wasn’t it?” Dan Heng asks. “Where did you go?”
“Just to Jing Yuan’s.”
Dan Heng’s head snaps up and he stares at Ren with an undecipherable face but, with the scent blockers gone, the change in his scent is a clear indicative of his unease. “Jing Yuan?”
“Not to spend the rut with him,” Ren clarifies quickly. “He has a spare room, that’s all.”
“Oh.” He goes back to folding up a pair of pants. “You can stay here if you want. I don’t mind.”
Ren shakes his head as he picks up a pair of socks from the basket. “I can’t keep you safe when I’m in rut.”
The last time Ren had a rut around him, it ended in a giant mess. Which brings Ren to the topic he has to bring up sooner or later. He looks at Dan Heng who diligently folds a hoodie in thirds, fixing the line when it’s not even. Despite his hands’ automatic motion his eyes seem to be far away. His scent has intensified, just a bit too sharp to be called fragrant.
Ren wants to take his hands and soothe him, gently brush against the inside of his wrists and help calm his unease. He’s never scented anyone before or used his own pheromones to help someone but for Dan Heng, he wants to try.
But despite the mating bond, despite everything Ren wants, this is not who they are anymore. When they were younger, the line in their friendship was blurred but back then, it didn’t matter how far Ren crossed it because they were used to it. Now, with this unintentional bond between them, if Ren crosses that line again, they would venture into a forbidden territory that comes with consequences and may ruin them for any future relationships with others.
“You know,” Ren starts, trying to string the right words together. “This is the first time I’ve spent my rut alone in years. It was almost unbearable. I can’t imagine how you’ve gotten through it all without help this whole time.” He sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”
Dan Heng frowns. “What?”
Ren puts down the folded socks and turns fully towards Dan Heng. He takes in a deep breath and finally says out loud the words he’d repeated in his dreams so many times; “I’m sorry for biting you against your will.”
“What?” Dan Heng repeats. He looks at Ren with wide eyes, a million thoughts running through his mind.
Ren promises, “I don’t know how but I’ll try to undo it. And you can be free to find someone you love and you won’t be stuck with me.”
Dan Heng’s scent takes a sharper turn, almost the scent of rot. He does not acknowledge Ren’s statement at all and looks out the window where rain seems to be picking up and the lightning is getting closer. His lips are pursed, eyebrows drawn in.
Despite the turmoil within, his voice is calm when he says, “If you have the courage to hold my hand while I’m asleep, why can’t you take it when I’m awake too?”
Ren’s heart stops. “You… You knew that?”
Dan Heng turns to Ren, eyes alight with anger but somehow appears so composed. “Do you think it means nothing when I sleep in your bed?”
He stands up and starts stacking the folded clothes atop one another. “I spent six years trying to find you again. I thought you-” But he stops, as if physically gathering up his own emotions, and releases a sigh. “Sorry, that’s no one’s fault but mine.”
“Wait, hold on-”
“If you want to break our bond, I’ll help.”
Ren stands too. “No, you-”
“Just tell me what I have to do.” Dan Heng turns away, pile of clothes in his arms and ready to make his exit. But Ren can’t let him go, not right now.
“Dan Heng, wait.”
A cold shudder passes in the room and Dan Heng freezes, shocking them both. Ren has just commanded him. He felt the difference in the weight of his words as they left his tongue. It’s too late to feel guilty now so while Dan Heng is still here, Ren has to ask the question.
“You were looking for me?”
Dan Heng’s shoulders hunch in on himself. “You didn’t think I would?”
“I thought you’d hate me.”
He does not reply but with his back to Ren, the only insight into his inner thoughts is the scent of distress. Ren steps over the basket on the floor and rounds the couch so he can stand in front of Dan Heng who adamantly stares at the floor and refuses to look up.
“I went to our old place,” he says quietly. “There were other families in the houses we used to live at and they knew nothing about you. There was nothing of us left there. Not even the mailbox.”
It takes Ren a moment to remember the mailbox at Dan Heng’s old home. When they were seven Dan Heng accidentally kicked a ball into it so hard the side of it dented and Ren painted a picture of the two of them on it because he thought it would hide the dent and Dan Heng wouldn’t get into trouble.
“I already knew you live here before I came,” Dan Heng continues. “I debated with myself back and forth even as you convinced me to stay but I didn’t think about why you wouldn’t want an omega in your home.”
Without thinking, Ren pulls Dan Heng into his arms, the pile of clothes between them. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
Dan Heng buries his face in Ren’s raging heartbeat and inhales deeply. “It was never against my will, Ren. But if you feel it was a mistake then-”
“No.” Ren holds him tighter. “I love you and I can’t remember a time when I didn’t. I would do it a thousand times again if I had known you wanted it too.”
Dan Heng drops the clothes in his arms, freeing them so he can wrap them around Ren instead. And the world finally feels right. Ren takes in the fragrance of jasmine slowly beginning to rise again and he can’t help himself.
He kisses Dan Heng, drawing out a surprised little noise but Dan Heng is quick to slide his arms around Ren’s neck in an unexpected display of possessiveness. His soft lips are a contrast to the ferocity with which he devours Ren as if determined to ruin him forever. Little does he know, there was never another choice for Ren.
He smiles against Dan Heng’s lips, sliding a hand up his back. Dan Heng shudders with a gasp when Ren’s finger tugs the collar of his sweater, dip under his hair and brush across the scar on his nape. Ren groans the second he feels the mark beneath his fingertips.
“Can I see?” Ren asks, a little breathless.
Dan Heng turns in his arms and sweeps his hair to the side. Ren takes in a deep breath at the sight of the bitemark finally bared on Dan Heng’s skin, a perfect circle in the shape of Ren’s teeth. He did this, and Dan Heng let him. He hardly remembers the act itself but what has always remained vivid in memory is the feeling of being complete the moment they connected through this bite.
Ren leans down to place a gentle kiss on the mark. Dan Heng releases a tiny sigh, so soft it’s almost a purr.
“I want you to do it again,” Dan Heng whispers.
So Ren places another kiss.
“No,” Dan Heng says. “Bite me again and I want you to mean it this time.”
Ren accidentally releases a growl before he could stop himself. Hold tightening around Dan Heng to kill him still, he bares his teeth. Then he stops, poised over the very same mark he made before. Rather than a bite, Ren kisses him again.
“I will,” he promises quietly against the shell of Dan Heng’s ear. “But let me do it right this time.”
He takes one of Dan Heng’s hands and spins him around so they face each other again. Then he lifts a pale hand to his lips and leaves a lingering kiss there. Dan Heng’s face is tinted pink, his eyes heavy with want beneath fluttering lashes.
Ren holds his hand tighter. “Let me court you, Dan Heng. I’ll take you on dates, buy you gifts and cook you delicious meals and kiss you in front of an officiant. A real one this time, not just my dad, and we’ll have real rings too.”
The pink hue of Dan Heng’s face reddens until it’s spreading down his neck.
Revelling in the sight of his embarrassed mate, Ren continues, “And at the end, I’ll mark you again and you can mark me too. I’ll show it off to the world.”
“You’d make me wait again?”
Ren smiles. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
Dan Heng slowly returns Ren’s smile. “Okay, but you can’t spend your ruts elsewhere, not when I’m here.”
“You know what that means, right?”
He rises onto his toes to give Ren a quick peck on his lips. “I do.”
Ren’s stomach flips at the look Dan Heng gives him. He needs to hurry the hell up and take him on those dates before his self-control expires. And find a way to measure Dan Heng’s ring size. Also find an apartment that allows pets because Dan Heng has always wanted cats.
But for now, Ren keeps holding Dan Heng’s hand, knowing it was always his to hold.