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So, Jaque had a wife.
He had mentioned her before so Mratyn didn’t really know why that confession rattled him so deeply. Perhaps, part of him had been hoping she was just a metaphor for the love he felt for his old ship or something and she wouldn’t be a real, breathing rat. On top of that, not only did Jaque have a wife, but he had a child as well. The look on his face when he spoke about them was full of admiration and love; it made Mratyn feel nauseous.
Jaque had kissed him mere weeks ago. Did that mean nothing? Oh, who was he kidding? Of course it meant nothing. Mratyn didn’t know where along this journey he had begun gaslighting himself into believing Jaque was real. He was so enthralled by the other rat that he fell hard. It’s ironic, really. Jaque was so familiar, every small detail down to his mannerisms and habits imitated those of another individual Martyn had met previously in another space. The overwhelming amount of references he found himself subconsciously making when designing their bookcase-home should have been a big enough indicator as to who Jaque reminded him of so clearly: the mini diamond axe on the wall, the red and white colour scheme of the captain’s desk, the pi-rat banners hung up on the outside that had a reversed version of the banner he was once so familiar with behind their faces. Ren .
Martyn was fucked from the second he was pulled out of that broken tennis ball in the middle of the ocean. A taller rat, dressed in fancy red clothing and rocking a ponytail had saved him from drifting along. His accent was practically the exact same to how he knew it previously with the same warm undertone that made Martyn’s face completely flush. He cursed Doc under his breath for putting him in this situation again but he went through with it as he typically did (not like he had much of a choice), settling into his new rat body. It appeared that his pirate self and rat self had become merged somehow, which was extremely odd but at least he already had some experience in both aspects this time.
If you asked him how he felt about his captain, he would laugh it off and joke about how goddamn annoying he was. He would carefully articulate his tone of voice to hide any traces of underlying affection he felt towards him. Nobody needed to know anything about that. Besides, none of this was actually real anyway. These people (or rats) surrounding him weren’t real… they didn’t have real feelings or real thoughts. They were simply NPCs following a script. So, why would Martyn’s personal feelings even matter in this situation? He would be out of there soon and have to move on with his life, without Ren , like he always did every time. It didn’t matter that he saw those same blue eyes in his dreams every time he fell asleep, combined with a looming presence that hung over him and waking up having heart palpitations. It didn’t matter.
So, that brought Mratyn to that moment in the small corridor leading up to the rattic. He swallowed and looked down at his shaky paws. He had an opportunity here to change things. Maybe, he could alter the script somehow by waking
Ren
up from whatever this was. They could leave together and both become defenders in the datastream. If he had to endure anymore suffering, it would be made so much better with him by his side. Perchance, it was wishful thinking but Mratyn also somehow had some hope that his feelings for his captain were reciprocated to some degree. The longing glances and soft touches felt too much to just ignore because Jaque had dropped the bomb about his wife and child.
“Hey, one last thing, Captain, before we go on out…” He trailed off, his voice quiet and weak. He watched as Jaque turned to look at him, stopping walking and backing up with his back leaning against the wall.
“Yes?” It came out as barely a whisper. Everything felt so intimate and secretive. Jaque’s ears twitched in anticipation, showcasing he was listening, like Mratyn was about to reveal some crazy top secret confession of his own.
Maybe he was. He hadn’t thought that far. There were so many questions he had- so many things he felt a deep sense of desperation to say. Yet, not enough time.
I know you. I’ve always known you. We’ve met before. Nothing here is real. You’re not real. Come with me, please. Please, so I can prove to myself that you’re real. I’m in love with you. I always have been and always will be. You’re everything to me. I can’t leave you behind again. I can’t do it. Please, Ren.
He inhaled and his breath got caught in his throat.
“Why did you kiss me?”
Jaque froze. Mratyn couldn’t see his eyes due to them being covered by his sunglasses. With each second that passed, every small atom of hope Mratyn had began to dwindle. The captain looked down at him and frowned.
“Oh, Lieutenant…” He spoke softly, an empathetic undertone shining through his voice, which Mratyn undoubtedly noted was pity. He didn’t want pity; he wanted answers. He wanted to be held by him forever. They would leave everyone else behind in Paris and run away together, abandoning everyone and everything. He would try to settle into a normal life as a rat and spend the rest of his days like that. Sure, Jaque had a wife and child but he had Mratyn. They could be together forever. It meant he wouldn’t have to live through another reality where he loses Ren again. They could be happy.
But of course, that wasn’t in the script. This wasn’t real life.
“You- you don’t have to answer… forget it actually! It was a stupid question…” Mratyn stumbled over his words, turning his body to swiftly walk past Jaque and make his way out of the door. He could go to the ship and pretend none of this ever happened. He would be leaving soon anyway and he knew better than to entertain such daft fantasies because that’s truly all they were: fantasies.
“Lieutenant, wait!” He gasped and urgently grabbed Mratyn’s wrist to stop him in his tracks. He let out a deep sigh and hushed his voice down so he was whispering once again. Another top secret confession. “Though I have my family at home, it would be wrong of me to not admit that I have taken a liking to you, Lieutenant. I- I don’t know how you feel about me but I think you’re one of the most incredible rats an individual could ever have the honour bestowed upon them to meet.”
Mratyn blinked. He turned his head and their eyes met for real this time as Jaque had taken his sunglasses off. Those same eyes showed up constantly and resulted in Martyn experiencing the worst heartache of his life but gosh, he loved them.
He then finally clocked what Jaque had just said.
Well, that surely wasn’t in the script.
Was it?
“You- you like me?” This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. Clearly, something had gone wrong here. Maybe Jaque meant it platonically, in a totally-not-romantic-rat-bro way.
He was brought out of his thoughts by Jaque taking one big step towards him and tilting his head downwards to keep their eye contact. Suddenly, he felt a paw crawl up to cup his cheek. His claws were sharp yet, he held him so carefully. Mratyn felt himself completely melt into the touch. He longed and wished that he could freeze them in this moment forever. He wanted to experience a world where he didn’t have to eventually disappear without a trace and leave Ren (in any form) safe and stranded. There was nothing romantic about that whatsoever.
“Lieutenant, I-” His breath hitched and Mratyn felt it on his face due to how close they had gotten. “May I kiss you again? I don’t feel like I did it justice the first time…”
Who was Mratyn to oppose such an offer?
He nodded and closed his eyes. Jaque tilted his head downwards to connect their lips. The kiss was extremely different from the first time. Previously, it had been just a small peck that left Mratyn completely lovestruck and in over his head. Now, Jaque was clinging onto him like he would disappear any second and he would . It was clumsy and desperate. Mratyn wrapped his arms around his neck, one of his paws gripping his head just underneath the hair tie of his ponytail. One of Jaque’s paws remained on Mratyn’s cheek but the other one landed on his hip. They stayed like that for minutes but it felt like a matter of seconds.
Jaque pulled away, paws remaining to keep Mratyn in place. Their breaths were fast and in sync with one another. He began moving his paw, tracing his claws along the blond’s facial feature, taking him in entirely.
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered. A final top secret confession.
Mratyn wanted to say something in response. He wanted to cry, kick and scream until he found a way to get both of them out into the datastream together. But he knew that if he told the truth, Jaque would think he was absolutely batshit crazy. He couldn’t blame him for that because it did sound absolutely insane.
They were torn out of their thoughts by a commotion in the rattic. Both of them became painfully aware of their position and what they were just doing. Anyone could have casually just strolled in and seen that, which would not be a good look considering they’re all about to be on a ship together for the foreseeable future. Mratyn stepped away and shook his head in a manner intended to prevent himself from saying anything he would regret.
“Uh- We- we should go…” He uses his thumb to point over his shoulder through the door before turning around and quickly speed walking out, leaving Jaque to silently follow behind him.
They got the ship and Mratyn did headcount of everyone there but honestly, he was majorly zoned out the entire time. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything. The kiss, the confession, the parallels to him , the script. How was any of this even in the script? It had to be some kind of twisted joke written for the sole purpose of hurting Martyn.
The ship had successfully been carried down to the makeshift dock set up at the river. It was primarily made of half-gnawed cardboard and superglue, with inclusion of one piece of used chewing gum used to aid that superglue (which Bek had the misfortune of stepping in). Everybody slowly began to load on and gather, getting ready for their travels. As the cargo, which mainly consisted of millions of pies and sangrias, was being sorted out. Mratyn decided to take matters into his own hands.
He jumped around to the back of the ship, pulling out his small knife and slashing down onto the engine, resulting in it turning on. Every rat startled as the ship began to sail away from shore. Mratyn flung himself over all of the chaos and landed on his feet back on the dock, watching the boat speed away in front of him.
“Lieutenant, what are you doing?!” Jaque looked understandably horrified. He clung onto the pole of the flag like his life depended on it (and it really did considering the fact he was currently shooting down a river canal on a boat). His ponytail blew in the wind, making the shot look so cinematic from Mratyn’s perspective. He wished he had a rat-sized camera so he could take a picture and keep it with him for the rest of his adventures.
“See you later, Captain! It’s been a pleasure! Hopefully this story will be a little more entertaining than the ones you usually tell…” He retorted with a wide grin on his face. Everything hurt so much. “Give ‘em a show!”
The ship slowly vanished into the fog and Mratyn could no longer hold in the singular tear that rolled down his cheek. He lost him again. After all of that, it resulted in nothing. It didn’t matter how many times he prayed and begged that the universe would change his fate, their fate, because it was always the same. A pathetic, tragic, doomed story between two individuals. One of which wasn't even real .
He clenched his fists to aid him in gulping the rest of his tears down and turned to run off into the distance. He needed to pursue the shard that was somewhere in this place but he needed to visit one last place beforehand. He ran as fast as he could in hopes that maybe, if he did enough, he would be too overcome with his own exhaustion to even think about everything that had taken place over the last few months. Of course, absolutely everything made it way fucking worse.
Mratyn noticed a familiar, tall, triangular shape in the distance in front of him, marking exactly where he was going.
The Eiffel Tower.
He effortlessly climbed up the side (one of the benefits of being a rat was the fact he was able to do this so easily- if he tried to climb it in human form, he would’ve given up on the second floor). His eyes wandered to glance around the views of Paris. The sun was setting over the horizon, traces of pink and orange seeping across the sky like someone had taken watercolour and a paintbrush to it. The street lamps had slowly begun to turn on amongst the floods of traffic surrounding the roads. It was truly beautiful.
He continued upwards until he got extremely close to the point, rapidly swinging his body inwards and landing on one of the bars. He looked up in front of him and a weak smile formed on his lips. There, scratched into the surface, was a large heart with the initials “R + M” written messily inside. It looked tacky and messy but it was them . Something that permanently marked that they were here. Without a doubt, it also showcased that nothing about their relationship was casual in the slightest despite Jaque having a wife and kid at home. Mratyn silently wished he was the love of Jaque’s life even though it was clearly obvious he wasn’t. They were never meant to be.
He let out a choked sob, pulling his knees to his chest and burying his face into them.
None of this was real.
I’m sorry, Ren.