Chapter Text
—
The cold snap came on faster than they could have ever predicted. Before the weather took a turn, Nat and Travis had briefly considered spending the night in the wreckage of the plane; one night of peace to themselves before returning to the tension of the cabin.
But then the temperature dropped, the wind picked up, and the snow began to fall. The initial change in climate was enough for them to decide against their hesitancy, and begin their trek back. It was along their walk that conditions began to rapidly worsen. As they trudged through the increasingly thick layer of snow and ice forming along the earth, Nat kept having to keep herself from looking back to Travis, shooting him worried glances. The synapses in her brain kept firing, the thought nagging. She knew he had to be thinking it too.
It’s too cold. Too cold for Javi alone out there.
She couldn’t let him see the dread on her face. So instead she kept her steady paced march forward, her eyes on the ground ahead. They’d be back soon. They could rest, handle whatever came next in the morning. Just keep looking forward. Deal with the punches as they come.
The next punch came faster than she would have liked.
As they neared the cabin, a haven of warmth and shelter in the cold, heavy boots came to a stop in the thick snow when something caught Nat’s eye.
Travis paused silently behind her, habitually deferring to her when they were out there in the wilderness. Nat just remained frozen in place as he watched her, waiting to see what was wrong.
Her eyes narrowed on the layers of white, mostly untouched, save for a slight disturbance, a soft mound a few yards from the cabin’s porch. She slowly lowered herself, handing her lantern back to Travis, following her movements, taking the light so she could remove the rifle from where it was strapped to her back and hold it in front of her as she stepped towards the lump quietly.
As they drew nearer, details began to appear more clearly. A slight column of wavering steam from the remains of a pathetic looking fire, suffocated by snow. Some cloth, a blanket, stiff and frozen with ice clinging to it where it covered a thing yellow jersey sleeve-
Skin. Pale. Deathly pale.
Nat freezes where she is, air leaving her lungs, a hard lump in her throat. Travis notices too.
She’s rushing forward, rifle forgotten as she falls to her knees, hastily brushing away snow and ice from the half buried form of her teammate.
“Jackie- what the fuck- Travis get-“
He’s already blowing past her, his pack dropped on the porch with a heavy thud as he slams through the front door, calling for help.
Nat focuses on the icy cold girl in front of her, dislodging her from the snow and pulling her towards herself.
“Fuck- what the fuck- Jackie- Jackie! Wake up, wake up Taylor this is-“
She can distantly hear the sleep heavy voices of the others as Travis stirs them from rest. Their voices aren’t panicked enough, they don’t understand-
“Help- HELP! HELP ME! FUCK!”
She’s shaking Jackie now, pushing her frozen hair from her face- why isn’t her face moving at all? She looks like some sick doll- so still- why is she so still?
“Damnit Taylor,” her voice is shakier now as the fear grows. Why was she out here? Alone? Did she not feel the cold? Didn’t anyone notice the temperature drop? Why the fuck isn’t she moving yet?
She removes one of her hands that was shaking the girl and brings it to her own face, biting down on her gloves and pulling them off with her teeth. She brings her hand back to Jackie’s neck, ignoring the biting cold she feels directly on her own skin as she desperately searches for a pulse.
Fuck how did Misty do this?
Nat takes a breath, focusing as she pushes two shivering fingers into stiff flesh where Jackie’s jaw and throat connect. She feels sick. There’s nothing—
It’s so small it’s almost not even there, but the faintest of heart beats makes Nat feel like she’ll pass out as air of relief crashes back into her chest.
“Holy shit- it snowed?”
“What’s going-“
“MOVE!”
There’s Quigley.
Misty comes charging out of the cabin, blanket still wrapped around her, Travis fast behind.
“Holy cripes…” she gasps in a very Misty way as she comes to a stop above Nat and Jackie.
Nat pants up at her, “I think she’s breathing.“
Travis speaks up, his eyes locked on Jackie, a horrified, bewildered expression, “How long was she-“
“Inside- Now!” Misty snaps.
Travis joins Nat's side, helping her to lift Jackie up.
“Carefully!” Misty amends, “If she’s frostbitten she could lose a limb- or go into shock.”
Nat meets Travis’s gaze and he wordlessly nods as the two move in tandem to gently bring her back into the warmth of the cabin.
Misty is barking orders immediately.
“Start a fire- lay down some blankets- not too close! Here!”
There’s a blur of movement as they shuffle towards where Misty orders them. Nat barely makes out form of Akilah as she and someone else lay down blankets at Misty’s feet.
“Gently.” Someone says, as Nat and Travis slowly lower Jackie.
Misty pushes into Nat’s space awkwardly, almost knocking her over as she moves to feel for a pulse.
There is a heavy pause as a dozen pairs of eyes wait on the air to come back into the room.
Misty lets out something between a hum and a grunt, her nose scrunched, “It’s faint…” she murmurs. There is a wave of relief that’s palpable in the cabin, but Nat doesn’t see relief on Misty’s face.
“What. What is it?”
Misty doesn’t look at her, she’s looking over Jackie, considering, shaking her head to herself. “It’s not… this is bad-“ she looks up at Nat now and as they lock eyes, she understands. She nods as she holds Misty’s gaze, silently saying, tell me what to do.
Just like that, Misty is stirring to action again, pulling at Jackie’s sleeve. “We need to raise her core temperature. Help me get her wet clothes off. Mari, Akilah- go get her dry clothes- Melissa, Gen- we need more blankets- upstairs. Crystal, Britt, get more wood for the fire.”
And with that, the Yellowjackets are scattering in their nest.
Nat helps Misty remove Jackie’s letterman jacket, gently peeling it from her small form. Nat distantly remembers warmer times, glaring at that stupid jacket as Jackie moved through the halls of Wiskayok High, commanding attention. God she wishes Jackie would wake up so she could scoff in her stupid princess face.
But her face looks anything but regal right now. Now she looks so unbelievably small and fragile that it stabs at Nat’s heart in a way that makes her sick. She gently wipes clinging frost away from one of her eyebrows with her thumb.
She doesn’t realize Misty left until she’s kneeling beside her again. Faster than she can process, she sees movement from the corner of her eye as a knife cuts Jackie’s shirt away from her body.
“Jesus- careful-“ Travis exclaims
“She needs more heat,” Misty states, ignoring Travis’ concerns. “Body heat.” Misty’s eyes lock on Nat’s again. After a beat, she nods, and moves to pull Jackie closer before Misty puts an arm on her shoulder. “Your clothes are still wet.”
She nods again, looking to Travis who kneels down and gently holds Jackie steady as Nat gets to work removing her jacket.
Mari and Akilah return with clothes and help Misty put them on Jackie as Nat finishes removing the rest of her outdoor clothes. She shuffles forward, her legs on either side of Jackie’s form as she gets as close as possible, ignoring the awkwardness of it while Travis helps lower Jackie back into Nat’s hold.
The heavy footsteps above move back towards the attic ladder as Gen and Melissa return with more blankets, quickly draping them over Nat and Jackie.
And they didn’t return alone. Taissa follows them down the steps confused, staring after the redhead with a bewildered look upon seeing the frantic movement all around. Behind her still-
Nat’s eyes meet Shauna’s for the briefest of moments before all hell breaks loose in a snap.
There is a guttural, mournful wail from the girl as her eyes land on Jackie’s form. It’s the kind of sound that Nat thinks is going to haunt her forever. Taissa seems to register what’s happened very quickly in that moment, and Nat is grateful for it as she snaps into action, rushing to hold Shauna from charging forward and ripping Jackie out of Nat’s grasp.
“No- NO JACKIE!” Shauna cries, arms held back by Taissa who’s desperately trying to talk her down, Van running to help her as Shauna thrashes in her hold like a wild animal. It’s not enough though, Shauna tears one arm from their grasp and in a blink, Van is recoiling back against the wall, holding her scarred face.
“Oh fuck! What fuck Shauna!?”
Nat squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself not to focus on the chaos and just do what she can to help Misty and Jackie. She feels Travis leave her side to help the others contain the wild beast that is Shauna Shipman.
“Misty…” Nat grits out at her, looking for something- some guidance, some insight, some instruction, something- because Jackie still isn’t waking up.
Misty just shakes her head, trying to think, wracking her mind for what she knows about hypothermia.
“We… Her body is still too cold. We can’t apply a warm compress until her core temperature rises… um… her- her hair, we could try to dry her hair?”
Misty’s eyes are wide, wider than usual, and hesitant. It makes Nat nervous. But she just nods. She can’t have Misty choke now.
She looks over her shoulder to see Akilah watching, petrified.
“Akilah. Hey.” Nat attempts to snap her out of her daze, the girl gulps, eyes struggling to tear from Jackie’s still form.
“Can you help me dry her hair?” Nat tries gently. It takes a second, but Akilah finally looks at her and nods, grabbing some dry cloth and sitting beside Nat. She hesitantly, delicately pulls Jackie’s hair towards her and begins drying the melted snow.
There is a clatter and more shouting from behind them, Akilah’s attention snapping towards it.
“For fuck’s sake Shauna!”
Nat barely has time to process it before Akilah is being shoved aside with a yelp while Misty jumps back slightly, Shauna’s heavy, frantic breathing coming up in Nat’s space and she instinctively holds Jackie tighter.
“Jesus- Shauna-“
“Jackie-“ Shauna cries, her voice shaky and pitchy as she moves to reach for her friend, hands clutching the sides of her face before recoiling from the cold of her skin. She moans miserably, a broken sound crawling from her throat as she lunges forward, wrapping herself around Jackie, and Nat by proximity who is barely able to hold herself upright from the force of it.
“Shauna stop-“ before she can finish her protest, Taissa and Van come up behind the mournful girl, Nat notices the winded look on Taissa and the blood running down Van’s face. Fucking hell.
Taissa kneels down. “Shauna.” She’s gentler in tone this time, her hand reaching out hesitantly like she’s nervous about getting attacked. Judging from Van’s face, it doesn’t seem like an irrational hesitancy. “Shauna I know you’re scared, but Misty and Nat are doing everything they can right now…”
Taissa looks to Nat, who’s too tired to try and comfort the feral girl right now. She looks to Misty, who nods slowly and leans closer again.
“Right- we- we are Shauna,” Misty starts, “She’s- she’s not well… but she’s breathing… a little… and we need to be careful-”
Shauna isn’t hearing her, she pulls back from sobbing into Jackie’s neck to grasp her shoulders tightly and shake her, “Jackie- Jackie wake up- wake up please you have to wake up!”
Misty’s eyes go wide and meet Nat’s. Nat’s eyes dart to Taissa, furious.
“Stop it- Shauna- SHAUNA YOU’LL KILL HER!”
That gets her attention. She doesn’t let go of Jackie’s shoulders but she does freeze, her eyes wide as they stare at Nat in horror and then back to Taissa as if begging her to say she’s lying- tell me she’s lying.
“Shauna-” Misty tries, nervous to provoke her in such a state, “She’s- she’s hypothermic. Her body temperature is too low right now and if it doesn’t rise soon, her heart will stop.”
Shauna lets out another guttural sound that Nat thinks she’ll have trouble forgetting and she shoots Misty a dangerous look, questioning her approach.
“We are trying to raise her temperature now- but if you move her too harshly or if her temperature changes too quickly, she could go into shock or have a heart attack. So we have to do this carefully. If we want to save her— if you want her to live-” Misty’s watching Shauna closely, and Nat starts to understand her method of thinking. “If you want her to live- Shauna- you need to listen to me. Okay?”
Shauna’s frozen in place, and Nat can almost hear Misty’s words rattling around in the echo of Shauna’s head. Taissa leans forward again, her voice soft and pleading, “She’s gonna be okay Shauna- she is. Let’s let them take care of her okay? Please?”
Nat’s staring at Shauna intensely, watching her every move like she’s waiting to see if she’ll do something irrational, waiting to see if she’ll have to tackle her to the ground to keep her from hurting Jackie or anyone else.
After what feels like an eternity, Shauna nods, vacantly and with her jaw still trembling. Taissa takes this as her opportunity to slowly pull Shauna back and away from the girls on the ground, but her brown eyes never leave Jackie’s form as she’s pulled away.
Nat feels like she can finally breathe again. She looks at Misty. Misty looks at Nat. The air between them is heavy.
“We… We just have to wait now…”
They both look down to Jackie. Misty’s next words are quieter so only the two of them can hear it.
“She’ll either wake up or…”
Nat swallows and pulls Jackie into her impossibly closer, gently rubbing her arms beneath several layers of blankets.
“Come on Captain.” She whispers, nearly inaudible into Jackie’s ear. “You’re not gonna leave us without a fight…”
—------
This is stupid.
Her teeth are chattering so hard she thinks she’ll crack a tooth. Probably the implant she had to get when she took a cleat to the face at soccer camp. The cold has begun to crawl underneath her skin. She always rolled her eyes when her grandma would talk about the kind of cold you feel in your bones, but now it’s too real. She wants to move, wants to crawl back inside towards the warmth of the others, but she’s scared if she tried to move right now her limbs wouldn’t let her, too locked up from the frigid air.
This is stupid.
Shauna is stupid.
How fucking dare she. How dare she shatter her heart, throw it to the wolves, and make her feel like she’s the crazy one for mourning the days when her heart was whole. And the others. God. The looks on their faces. They watched Shauna tear her open and pour venom into the gaping hole, and they just watched. Worse. They looked at her like she was the problem. Like her gushing wound was a burden to them. After everything. She sat with them, cried with them, held their hair back while they puked up nights of mistakes and regrets. She wiped their tears, fixed their make up, smiled and told them everything would be alright. Praised them and elevated them as high as she could hoping they would learn to see themselves as highly as she saw them. She loved them. She loved them all. So deeply and fiercely that it consumed her completely.
This is stupid.
I’m so stupid.
She wants to scream, to hurl, to pull out her hair, to dig herself deep into the earth until she’s suffocating on dirt and rock.
This bitterness inside her, its burning her alive and drowning her at the same time. She can’t breathe- she can’t breathe-
I love you Jackie.
Her shoulders tense. She lifts her head from her knees. There’s nothing there. Just endless trees and snow and cold.
We all love you Jackie.
It’s a voice that’s simultaneously familiar and alien, somewhere lost in the wind.
“Hello?” She croaks out, and she pauses, because is that what she sounds like? Small and broken and pathetic.
Do you feel it Jackie?
She’s going crazy. She shuts her eyes as tight as she can, trying to shake herself from this daze where she’s hearing voices in the wind.
Oh Jackie. It’s so cold isn’t it?
She feels tears down her cheeks, a broken sob in her chest. She’s so cold. She hates this. She wants to go inside, she wants to be with her friends, with the people she loves- the people who don’t love her. She doesn’t care anymore, she can ignore it, pretend the love is there even when she’s the only one providing. Anything to feel warm again. She wants to feel warm again-
Why don’t you come where it’s warmer?
She opens her eyes again and this time she sees it- sees her.
Standing just in front of the tree line, a glowing beacon of light and warmth- a figure- a girl. It shifts and flickers like the heat waves licking from the top of a fire. As it pulses and dances in the light, its shape takes something familiar to her for a moment- someone she knows-
“Laura Lee?”
The blonde hair falls on her shoulders gently and glows in the light like a halo. She smiles at Jackie. She looks like an angel- like an actual angel like the ones she used to see in her children’s bible stories. Even from a distance, Jackie can feel the warmth and it’s intoxicating. It feels like salvation.
Laura Lee offers her a smile that warms her aching, frozen bones.
Come where it’s warm, won’t you Jackie? I hate to see you so cold…
She’s moving without realizing it, lifting herself from the snow and almost floating towards Laura Lee, who shifts again in the illusion of light, turned away and drifting into the trees.
“Wait-“ she croaks and stumbles forward and-
Come on Captain…
She freezes. Those words were different, more distant, colder, less blatantly inviting.
She looks back over her shoulder towards the cabin.
I’m sorry they hurt you Jackie.
She stands there for a long moment, straddling two paths- warmth, kindness, hope- or the stable pang of rejection.
If you want to go back, you can. But I want to show you something first. Won’t you look?
Jackie’s brow furrows at Laura Lee’s words, and she turns her head again back towards the light.
There you go.
“I don’t understand… what is this?”
It’s not as scary as you think.
Something strikes her with that.
She remembers the explosion, the fireball of broken hopes and the despair at the loss.
“Laura Lee?”
I’m right here Jackie. I love you.
“You… I saw you die…”
The light flickers.
I’m right here.
Jackie feels the weight of the entire world crash into her.
“Am… am I dead?”
She looks back to the cabin.
Jackie… It doesn’t have to be scary…
She falls back to the ground, her knees hitting the snow, tears falling steadily.
“No… no- I- I didn’t mean to- I didn’t get to-“
It’s rare that we get to do all that we need to.
“Please…. Please I can’t…”
You’re scared. You feel regret?
“Yes… I… I was so stupid…”
Would you do it differently? If you got the chance?
“I- yes I-“
But aren’t you tired? Don’t your bones ache? Doesn’t your stomach moan? Don’t you wish you could just rest? Somewhere warm and gentle and kind?
She lurches forward, her forehead hitting the snow as she curls in on herself, clutching her chest as her body is wracked with sobs.
“I’m… I’m so tired… please I-“
You’re not gonna leave us without a fight…
“Im so tired of fighting…”
She feels the sudden warmth of gentle hands on her cheeks, guiding her gaze back up towards the light.
I know you’re tired. You’ve been fighting for so long. You deserve the chance to rest.
She wants it. She wants it so bad it hurts. But something- some voice, some presence whispering into her soul anchors her down and begs her not to lay down belly up.
Laura Lee seems to feel it too. She smiles at Jackie sadly, like a mother seeing her child with a pain she can’t heal, a wound she can’t kiss away.
It’s your choice Jackie. No one else can make it for you.
Jackie bites her lip to stop the trembling as she takes in Laura Lee’s words and warm presence.
“I… will it hurt?” She doesn’t know which part she’s asking about. The peace, or the fight.
Another sympathetic smile. She already knows the answer.
“I’m scared…”
Of course you are. You don’t know what comes next.
Jackie sobs again, curling further into herself.
The light considers.
Jackie… Jackie.
The warm gentle touch on her cheek suddenly grows too hot- it scorches her back to the present and she jerks back, hand jumping to touch the burn in shock.
I can show you what it means. What the fight entails…
Jackie stares back at the light that is and could be Laura Lee, frozen in fear and awe. She nods, hesitant.
You have to be sure. This path isn’t for the meek. It will test you. It might break you.
Jackie pauses. The words should frighten her, compel her to take the easy path- the opportunity to rest. Instead it sparks something inside her, that competitive, spiteful beast in her chest that pushed her on the field to be a champion.
The light sees the decision plain in her face, and for a moment, Jackie feels it swell with pride and concern.
Don’t let it break you.
Flaming hands clutch the sides of her face as she stares into the light, rapidly becoming an inferno that prepares to swallow her whole. Before she can scream she feels herself falling, crashing through something like glass- no- ice- fracturing into millions of pieces that pierce her flesh. Stars crash behind her eyelids as she plummets for an eternity before slamming through the other side.
Her senses overwhelm her, visions of someone else’s life- her life- the same but different. She’s alone in the snow- no one comes for her until it’s too late, cold eating into her flesh and soul, ripping her life from her. Another crash, another not quite memory- she’s hollow and aching, dead and gone but trapped, anchored to an empty shell of what she once was, propped up and made into a doll, a puppet, for someone else’s satisfaction- Shauna- her Shauna- playing with her, making her into something she’s not, turning her into a sick and twisted version of herself- making her say things, do things, she would never- never do, never say. She could never be that cruel- how could she think she’s that cruel? Is that how Shauna sees her? Is that who she is to her? Stop- stop making me into that- that’s not what I am. Another crash. She’s dragged out through the snow again, hollow and screaming but unable to make a sound- still the empty doll- a corpse- so why can she feel the dread of what’s to come. Fire- she’s on fire- she’s burning- she’s dead so why can she feel- it’s hot- it’s hot it’s too hot make it stop- someone stop this- someone save her please someone- anyway make it stop— teeth. Teeth and nails. Slobber and vitriol- glutton and lust. They’re tearing her apart- animals- wild savage animals- no- no she knows them- she sees them— her friends— the ones she loves— what are they doing to her? Why are they doing this to her? Chewing, spitting, consuming, shredding, touching- stop- she wants it to stop- make it stop! Stop! STOP!
Another crash.
Everything is dark. She’s curled in on herself, screaming, sobbing, hurling. She can’t get away from the sensation of teeth in her flesh.
Always a fighter.
That’s not Laura Lee anymore.
Jackie moans, bile dripping from her mouth, snot and tears running down her cheeks.
Three times you’ll be tried. This is the first.
First by wind.
Second by blood.
Third by earth.
Survive and you’ll bare my gifts. Walk as my champion.
Survive. Or break.
“I don’t… I don’t”
It’s time to wake up now.