Chapter Text
For as long as he could remember, Craig had been infatuated with outer space. Everything about it was completely and totally fascinating to him.
He had always felt a deeper connection with the stars than humanity. People were fake douchebags. But the stars? They could do no wrong.
As a kid, he’d always asked his mom to buy books about space whenever they were at a book store. His favorite game of pretend was “Spaceman”, where he dressed up as an astronaut and pretended to go on missions. Star Trek was among his favorite TV shows. His childhood interests all seemed to revolve around space.
Growing up in a small, boring town like South Park, he’d always had aspirations of leaving the damn place and one day becoming an astronaut. It was the only thing he’d ever really wanted to do.
So of course, the moment he graduated from South Park High with straight A’s (being a quiet, yet smart kid) he went straight to UC Berkeley to continue his studies. It was no easy path, but whenever he felt unmotivated he’d look up at the night sky, and remind himself of where he truly belonged.
A grueling but rewarding 4 years later, he graduated with his bachelors, and immediately applied for NASA. They accepted him, and he became an aerospace engineer. He spent a few years in that position, before he finally submitted his application to become an astronaut.
A couple months later, he received word that he’d been accepted for the program. He was elated, but he knew he had a long road ahead.
The next year of his life was brutal. He was constantly training, exercising, and being otherwise prepared for the harsh nature of the universe beyond Earth. He would often go to bed sore and exhausted, but he never lost his drive.
After what felt like an eternity, he graduated from the training program, and was officially sent on his first mission.
It wasn’t supposed to go down like it did.
This was not what he fucking signed up for.
Craig cursed as he tried to grab his comms equipment, which had been thrown on the floor from the impact and the resulting spin out.
His craft had unexpectedly grazed a drifting asteroid in space, damaging the engine and sending the vehicle spiraling out of control, hurtling through space. His FTL drive was kaput, so it wasn't like he was able to speed back to Earth or to the nearest spaceport.
He desperately yelled into his radio, hoping someone from Earth could do something, anything, to help him. But, of course, he wasn’t that lucky. The impact had damaged the ships communications, rendering his radio useless.
“This is Tucker! Mayday! Mayday! Do you copy?!” he shouted.
As he heard nothing but static on the other end, he cursed and slammed his fist against the metal wall, feeling nauseous from the fear and the rapidly spinning vehicle tossing his organs around in his body.
The female AI voice of the ships computer spoke up. “Warning. Right engine failure detected. Vehicle structural integrity compromised. FTL drive non-functional. Navigation systems offline.” it said monotonously. Craig glared at the computer. He already knew he was fucked six ways to Sunday. He didn’t need the dumbass computer to remind him.
Craig looked through the window on the cargo hold door, and saw a gaping gash in the ship, exposed to the vacuum of space. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to open that door.
He ran back to the cockpit and tried to look through the glass, but it was hard to see anything when he was so dizzy. What he was sure of, though, is that his ship was heading towards a green planet. It wasn’t charted on his navigation map, nor was any information shown to him about it. It was completely off the grid, and Craig was about to crash right into it. Great.
He wasn’t sure if he’d survive or not, but based on the situation, it didn't seem particularly likely. He closed his eyes tight, hoping it would at least be instantaneous if he died. The risk of death was always present in this field, of course. Humans weren't built for zero-gravity, nor were they meant to be speeding through space on gigantic metal ships. There was only so much people could do to fight off the unrelenting harshness of the vacuum of space. But still, even knowing all that going into it, he still wished it didn't have to be him that died.
As he entered the atmosphere of the strange planet, he felt an intense heat build around him as the ship began to burn in the atmosphere. He kept his eyes screwed shut, really not wanting to see his own death.
“Well, if I die here, in this burning hunk of metal, at least I died doing what I love out in the stars, and not because of some dumb shit back on Earth.” he thought to himself. It was a lame attempt at comforting himself, but it worked a little bit. As that thought ended, the ship impacted the ground. Craig was violently thrown, and he was knocked out.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out for, but he cracked his eyes open, only to immediately shut them again to shield from the blinding light of this planets star. He decided to just call it the Sun out of habit.
He groaned, and tried to move his limbs. They miraculously all seemed to be intact, though his left shoulder hurt like a bitch. He must have slammed his arm against something.
After a moment, he cracked his eyes open again, adjusting to the light. The sky was blue, though it was a different shade of blue than on Earth. It was a slightly darker blue, but still light enough to illuminate his surroundings.
Craig slowly tried to get to his feet, only to fall back down again. Shit, he was sore! He hadn’t felt this much pain since he finished his training. He groaned, ripping off his smashed helmet and tossing it aside, the glass and metal dome clanging as it rolled across the floor of the ruined ship.
“Fuck!” he yelled, the voice echoing within the ship, and even a little bit in the distance.
He tried again to stand, this time succeeding. He wobbled a little bit, trying to find his balance. His legs ached like a bitch, but at least they still functioned. He’d be completely fucked if he was immobile.
The gravity on this planet didn’t seem too different from Earth, which was good since he really didn’t want to have to deal with a compressed spine while he waited for rescue.
Speaking of rescue, surely Houston had realized he was missing by now, right? His comms must have been dead for hours by now.
Craig really hoped they’d find him.
He slowly looked around, taking in the ship around him. It was wrecked. Sparking wires hung from the ceiling, the front glass was smashed to hell, there were bits of metal and glass everywhere, and there was a gaping hole in the side of the ship.
The craft had landed lopsided, so he was at an angle, looking at about a 35 degree angle up and out of the ship. He could see fluffy white clouds floating by, and he felt a bit of comfort in such a familiar sight. He was at least glad this place didn’t seem entirely foreign to him.
He slowly gripped the edge of the hole and climbed up, gritting his teeth as his hands dug into the edges of the mangled metal. He hoisted himself up and out, tumbling to the ground onto the dirt.
Well, not dirt. It had a similar appearance, except it was a strange green color, and was almost rubbery to the touch. Craig looked down at his scratched up and bleeding hands, before glancing around, taking in the scenery.
Various plants were growing in this seemingly empty field he’d landed in, all of which looked strange and alien to him. He leaned forward and pulled one of the plants out of the ground, inspecting it. It sort of looked like a really fucked up flower, if you squinted and turned it at the right angle. It seemed to have a root system in a similar manner to Earth plants, though.
He also noticed that there were several craters in the ground, and realized that the ship must have rolled over several times as it crashed before coming to a stop. Various bits and pieces of metal, glass, and plastic from the ship were strewn about between where it initially impacted and where it had stopped, and Craig estimated the ship must have rolled at least 200 feet. It was an absolute miracle he wasn’t mush right now.
Craig sighed as he leaned against the wreckage of the ship, having what was probably a dumb idea. He pulled off one of the plant’s leaves which were surprisingly large, and wrapped it around his bleeding hand. It didn’t work the best, but he felt a little better with it not being directly exposed to the air of a foreign planet. Who knows what bacteria was floating around, just waiting to infect him with some insanely deadly disease?
The weight of the situation finally came bearing down on him. He was stuck on some foreign planet, with no ship, no communication, and little resources apart from the food and water they’d supplied him with.
He groaned and tossed the plant aside, running a hand through his hair. He was completely screwed, wasn’t he? Would anybody even be able to find him? They’d be able to track him up to where he’d hit the asteroid, but he wasn’t sure how far removed this planet was from where he initially impacted. And even if they did track him, it was a big planet. The odds of being able to find exactly where he’d crashed on the planet itself in any timely manner were low.
He decided to take inventory of the stuff that was still intact. He climbed up back into the ship, digging in the storage compartment. He grabbed his portable radio, which miraculously wasn’t damaged. Maybe he could amplify the signal and somehow get a message back to Earth.
He grabbed the food and water that was still in there, along with a flashlight that he’d forgotten was even there. He experimentally turned the flashlight on, and it worked, though it did occasionally flicker. It was better than nothing, though, so he took it anyway.
The rest of his equipment was either damaged beyond repair or had been entirely incinerated on re-entry. He let out a heavy sigh, spitting on the rubbery green stuff that seemed to stretch on endlessly. He wondered if this place was this planets equivalent of Kansas, or some other equally boring, flat place back on Earth.
With nothing else to take from the ship, Craig took what little he had and began walking. He didn’t have any destination in mind. He didn’t even know if there was anywhere to go, but he sure as hell wasn’t gonna be any better off standing around.
Craig walked for hours without seeing a single thing of even mild interest, apart from a few weird looking plants and a funny looking rock. His legs were sore and tired, but he kept walking, not keen on giving up just yet.
As he walked, Craig’s mind wandered. He wondered how his family was doing back on Earth. Had the news broken out yet of a missing astronaut, lost in space? What would poor Tricia think, seeing her brother’s face plastered on news stations nationwide?
He sighed. This wasn’t what he’d bargained for. I mean, sure, it was a little cool to be exploring a planet that was seemingly undiscovered previously, but… he was really getting lonely.
He’d always preferred solitude, but as it turned out, loners could still feel loneliness. And right now, he really wished he had someone, anyone, to keep him company. There was a major psychological difference between choosing not to interact with people, and physically being cut off from interacting with people.
Craig sighed again, and tried to tap back in to his creativity from his childhood. Thinking about the ramifications of this incident weren’t gonna do anything but stress him out more.
He imagined he was a kid again, back in South Park, playing that stupidly fun Stick of Truth game. He really, really wished he could be back there again, instead of traversing a seemingly empty planet, all alone, with little hope of rescue.
As the sun began to set, he found something that looked vaguely like a tree, and slumped down against it. He was utterly exhausted. He decided it would probably be a decent time to eat.
He pulled out his food rations, ripping open the generic paper packaging, and inspected his… “meal”.
It was stale bread, with strange, circular slices of meat that looked vaguely like salami, but didn’t smell like any meat he recognized. Included was a drink that seemed to be apple juice, which was actually a pleasant surprise.
He wondered if he should cook the food, and started considering how he could make a fire here. Was it even possible? Would the atmospheric composition of this planet even allow fire to start?
Now that he thought about it, it was a wonder he was able to breathe at all. He couldn’t believe that this place had the same air makeup as Earth. He eventually concluded that yes, he could probably make a fire.
He looked around and found a few sticks strewn about. He wasn’t sure what material this was, but hopefully it was flammable.
He set up a haphazard pile of the sticks, and did the classic “rubbing two sticks together until it catches fire” method. It took quite a while, but eventually he caught a spark, and to his joy the sticks were alight.
Craig pulled out the meat from his rations, and held it over the fire, knowing it wouldn’t really do anything. Really, he just wanted to feel like he was actually achieving something. He popped the dry bread and meat into his mouth, his face souring at the taste. If this is the only thing he had to eat for a while, the future for his taste buds was looking grim.
He also we drank the apple juice, the sweet taste a welcome relief from the old, stale bread and the strange meat which didn’t really taste like much of anything.
He decided to get some sleep. He was gonna need it for the looooong day of walking he had tomorrow. He stamped out the fire with his boot, before sitting back down against the tree and falling into a dreamless sleep.
He was woken up in the middle of the night by a noise. It sounded similar to that of leaves crunching. Craig was instantly alert. He had no clue what kind of life was on this planet, or whether it was dangerous or not. He got to his feet, crouching low as he hid behind a bush looking thing.
He waited with bated breath for whatever it was to come out of the trees. (They weren’t actually trees, but Craig didn’t feel like inventing new terminology right now.) He considered turning on his flashlight, but he really didn’t want to give away his location in case whatever was making the noise was dangerous.
Suddenly, the source of the noise came into view. A surprisingly humanoid figure walked out, though there were still some glaring differences. Like the antennae. And the purple skin, that seemed to be much smoother than human skin.
Apart from that, though, it actually looked pretty human. It had wild blonde hair that seemed to stick out in all directions. It was wearing something that looked a lot like human clothes. Its face was also very reminiscent of a human. Though, the eyes were larger, and were all one color instead of being white on the outside.
It seemed to be talking to itself, and Craig couldn’t help but wonder if it was intelligent. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard, clear as day, words.
“Iye tenit ken idof wo iye pom…” it murmured, speaking a language that Craig couldn’t even hope to understand. Despite his slight fear, he couldn’t help but feel a little excited. He was discovering a new planet, with an intelligent species living on it. This was like a dream come true for him.
Suddenly, the creature stopped, and looked straight at Craig, whose breath hitched. They both stared at each other for a long moment, neither one of them wanting to make the first move. Then, the alien let out a scream, causing Craig to also scream. They both screamed for a moment, until they both realized it wasn't really doing much. They stopped, opting to simply stare at each other instead.
The alien seemed surprisingly… nervous? Though, when he thought about it, it made sense. How would the average person react to seeing an alien on Earth? They'd probably freak the hell out.
The alien suddenly pulled out a blade of some sort, causing Craig to jump back. The alien seemed to be shaking a lot, with an iron grip on the knife that it was pointing at Craig. Its face had a mixture of apprehension, fear, and determination, and it stepped towards Craig, who backed up. It shouted something in its language, which Craig obviously couldn’t understand.
They continued this dance for a while, the alien walking toward Craig, who backed up at the same time. Until Craig backed right into a tree. He yelped, both in pain and at the thought that he had nowhere to go.
The alien slowly stepped forward until he was about a foot away from Craig, who closed his eyes tightly and held his hand up in front of his face. He wasn’t gonna go out begging, but he knew better than to fight an armed alien when he was unarmed.
After a moment of nothing happening, he hesitantly cracked his eyes open again, and saw the alien had lowered its weapon, and was looking at Craig with the same fear from earlier, but now a slight curiosity. Craig blinked. He felt like he was being studied now.
Now no longer feeling like he was in imminent danger, he slowly relaxed, lowering his arms and letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The alien seemed almost apologetic for scaring him, but he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t an alien emotions expert.
Being a bit more comfortable now, he decided to attempt to communicate. He slowly pointed at himself, and spoke. “Craig.” he said, pointing at himself to get the message across. The alien tilted its head, and Craig repeated it, still pointing at himself.
The alien blinked. “Craiiiig. Craig.” it repeated, pointing at the human. He nodded vigorously, though he wasn’t sure if the gesture meant anything to the alien. He pointed at himself and said it once more, to drive the point home.
The alien took a step towards him, and Craig instinctively leaned back a bit. Craig noticed the alien was a bit… twitchy. He wondered if this whole species was like that, or just him.
The alien then pointed at itself, and spoke again. His voice was soft, but it sort of sounded like he was always gritting his teeth. “Tweek.” it said.
“Tweek?” Craig repeated.
The alien nodded. “Tweek.”
Craig was blown away. He was having a conversation, within an honest-to-God alien! He reached a hand out towards the alien, who look at it nervously for a moment, before extending its own. Their hands touched, and Craig shook his hand. The alien didn't seem to understand what the gesture was, but the point was made regardless.
Craig had a tentative smile on his face, and the alien returned it. After shaking hands, Craig let go. For a few moments, they both awkwardly stood around, not really able to convey what they wanted due to the language barrier. Eventually, the alien tried.
“Ehhhh… wo gehi su?” Tweek tried, gesturing wildly to try and communicate his point. It was lost on Craig, though, who gave the alien a blank stare. The alien groaned in frustration that didn’t seem to be directed at him specifically, and tried again, going slower to make sure Craig understood.
“Wo.” Tweek said, gesturing around to the landscape. Craig decided it probably meant "where." “Gehi.” it continued, using two fingers to depict a person walking. Going. “Su.” it finished, pointing at Craig, who finally got the meaning. You. “Where am I going?” he repeated, mostly to himself. “I don’t know.” he replied, gesturing to his brain and then shaking his head.
Tweek seemed to comprehend this, and nodded understandingly. The alien looked thoughtful for a moment, before turning back to Craig. “Insho amiebo sur aprechanil.” it said, gesturing with every word. It took several tries, but Craig finally understood.
It was saying “teach me your language.”
Craig wasn’t exactly an English teacher. He knew what, like, a noun was, and stuff. But his actual knowledge of the structure of language was quite limited, to say the least.
Nonetheless, he did his damndest. They both sat down by where Craig had been sleeping. Craig set up some sticks to start a fire again, but thankfully, Tweek had a lighter, or something like it. Craig really didn’t feel like rubbing sticks together for an hour again.
After several hours, Tweek had a grip on basic phrases, and some important words. Craig had also taught him some words that would apply to Craig’s situation, in case he needed to explain the human to someone else, such as “spaceship” and “crash.” His sentence structure was still a bit strange, but he was understandable.
“Alright, let’s practice. Hello, Tweek.” Craig started, gesturing to Tweek. The alien cleared his throat. “Hello, Craig.” he said, with a clear accent.
“How are you?” Craig asked.
“I am good, thank. How yo-are you?”
“Thanks.” Craig reminded.
“Sorry. I am good, thanks. How are you?” Tweek corrected, his face changing color to a red shade. Craig smiled. It was kind of cute.
Woah.
He quickly tossed that thought out of his mind. It was not the time to be catching feelings for an alien. Craig tried to ignore the heat now overtaking his own face, as he responded.
“U-Uh, I’m good as well. What do you like to do?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
“I like to read, and walk out- out… what is word again?” Tweek asked, a bit embarrassed.
“Outside.” Craig gently reminded.
“Outside, yes. And I like draw. Er, drawing.” Tweek finished, sounding proud of himself.
Craig smiled. “Hey, you’re doing pretty good.”
Tweek smiled too. “Thank you. You are good. I like you.” he said.
That wasn’t a sentence Craig was used to hearing. Everyone he knew back on Earth knew him as stoic, apathetic and quiet. He wasn’t a bad person, but most humans preferred to be around less… bland people.
But for some reason, he felt different around this alien. He couldn’t explain why, but he felt like he could open up a bit more around him. Maybe it was the fact that he was on a new planet, talking to a new species. He had a blank slate to work on, and could completely ignore his reputation he had on Earth.
In South Park, everybody knew each other, and it was much harder to erase how people already perceived him. But here, he was completely alien, in a literal sense. Tweek didn’t have any kind of preconceived notion of his behavior.
Whatever it was, he found that he enjoyed Tweek’s company a lot more than he enjoyed most human’s company. It wasn’t like he hated humanity, but a lot of them were kind of assholes.
Tweek wasn’t, though. He was kind hearted, and curious. His personality was nearly the opposite of Craig’s. Loud. Talkative. He also seemed to get nervous easily, which was cut- interesting. (Not cute. Nope. Absolutely not. Craig is NOT gay.)
(Well, maybe a little.)
Trying to shake away those thoughts, Craig asked a question that had been on his mind for a while.
“So, like, where do you live?” he asked. Tweek thought. “I do not know how to say in your talk. You can go... wit- with me to there, if you wants.” he replied. Craig understood. “Okay. I’ll come with you.”
So, Craig packed up the few things he had, and they began walking. They tried to get to know each other, and Craig taught Tweek more English, while Tweek taught him a bit of his own language.
After a couple hours of walking, they finally reached what seemed to be a town of some sort. It was small, and had a fairly similar layout to a town he’d expect to see on Earth. Businesses and government functions mainly built along a busier road, with houses built around the commercial core.
The commercial buildings all had the written form of Tweek’s language on it, which was comprised of symbols that looked nothing like anything he was familiar with on Earth. The best he could describe it as would be like the language from Star Wars crossed with pictographic languages like the ones spoken in East Asia.
A lot of other aliens were walking down the main street, conversing, eating, and working. They all had the same purple hue to their skin, which Craig thought was interesting. There were also vehicles that seemed to serve a similar function to cars, but looked extremely different. They also didn’t have wheels, and seemed to use hover technology, which Craig found quite cool.
As they entered the town, Craig could feel the eyes of other aliens on him, having never seen anything like him before. Some pointed, some whispered, others hid. He felt embarrassed. He was not used to being the center of attention, something he’d made a point to avoid being in his younger years.
He kept his head down, trying not to attract too much attention. Tweek patted his back, noticing how embarrassed he looked. “It’s okay. They won’t do anything.” he whispered.
Craig appreciated the gesture, and he felt a bit better now. They continued walking, past the sea of gawking faces, until they reached what seemed to be an apartment building of sorts. They walked in, and Tweek lead him up a few flights of stairs, before reaching a door. Tweek pulled out an electronic key of sorts. It was cylindrical, and seemed to plug into the key hole instead of manually turning the lock itself.
The door beeped and unlocked. Tweek opened the door, allowing Craig to enter first. He looked around, taking in the interior design of the place. It was similar in a lot of ways to Earth apartments, but also quite different. There didn’t seem to be a separation between the function of a living room and the function of a bedroom. There was a bed in the corner, but also a sofa towards the middle of the room facing some sort of holographic screen, that was displaying a sports match of some kind.
Craig couldn’t really tell what was happening in the game, only that it looked sort of like hockey combined with baseball. It was… weird, to say the least.
Apart from that, there was some stuff he recognized. In front of the couch was a coffee table (though Craig figured their equivalent of coffee, if they had one, was probably significantly different) with empty cups and plates on it. He looked over towards the kitchen. Though the appliances were of course different in how they worked, the overall layout seemed to be generally similar.
Craig had so far been surprised about how familiar some of the stuff on this planet looked. There was obviously a lot that was different and was completely foreign to him, but it helped him psychologically knowing he wasn’t totally lost in terms of how things seemed to work.
“I like your house.” Craig said. Tweek smiled a bit. “Thank you. It is not much.” he said, sounding a bit shy. Craig was impressed with how well his English was improving. He'd taught him some grammar throughout the day, and Tweek was picking up on it well.
“BS. It’s way nicer than where I live back on Earth.” Craig objected. Tweek tilted his head. “What does BS mean?” he asked.
Craig kept forgetting that the boy wasn’t a native speaker. “Oh, uh, it’s short for bullshit. Like, if you want to say something’s not true, you’d say, ‘That’s bullshit.’ or, ‘That’s BS.’” he explained. Tweek nodded in understanding.
Suddenly, the holographic television thing switched to a news channel. Craig couldn’t understand the words on screen, or what the reporter was saying, but what he did recognize was what the camera was focused on.
It was the wreckage of his ship, now surrounded by what seemed to be police and fire crews. The wreckage was somehow still smoldering. Craig just watched in shock as the camera zoomed in on the ship, showing the damage.
He wondered if they were gonna look for him now. Now that word had gotten out about the crash, would those people who had spotted him in public tell the police? Would the cops arrest him? Kill him? Take him to some government facility, never to be seen again?
He was so caught up in his thoughts, that he barely noticed his breathing speeding up, or the panic that rose in his gut and made him feel sick to his stomach. It was only once he felt Tweek’s hand on his shoulder that his mind began to stop racing.
“Craig! It is okay! It is okay.” Tweek said, gently repeating the words as he tried his best to comfort his human friend. For some reason, Tweek’s gentle touch replaced the panic in his mind with a calmness. He relaxed, nearly forgetting what had him so worked up in the first place.
Tweek led him to the couch, and he sat down with a relaxed sigh. The moment he was settled in, he felt a wave of fatigue hit him.
It had been a long day. He was tired. Surely Tweek wouldn’t mind if Craig just took a little nap.
Just for a minute.