You just got Wayned!

by Calestein

Summary:

When Dick‘s apartment burns down, an impromptu move back into the manor follows.
What starts with a normal family dinner and telling stories about old pranks, leads to a completely new prank war between the Wayne kids and an innocent company.

But how long will their alliance last?

Notes:

Girls this fanfic has no writing plan, update schedule or literally anything planned out. Comment if you do want a schedule or something:)

Also this shit DOES NOT follow the DCU timeline so here is where we‘re at:

- Jason died (but he back so yay)
- Damian has been with the family for a while
- Dick starts of living in an Apartment in Bludhaven
- Tim is not addicted to coffee bc that trope is overused

Chapter 1: No more Apartment

 

Staring up at the building ahead, Dick got the feeling that he should be way more freaked out. But like- only kinda. Wincing as he saw the unholy amount of flames threatening to choke the entire city, he grabbed his pan and left to let the firefighters do their work. He sat down on one of the less rusty benches of Bludhaven, pulled out his phone and took a hurried pic of his burning apartment. He opened Barbs chat and texted a quick message.

—

*(One photo attached)

*Hii, might need a new suit

—

Asking Barb for another suit while his last one was currently distributing warmth to his entire district felt wrong in multiple ways but he didn‘t have time to dwell on that as he got a reply mere seconds later.

—

*What the hell did you do??

*Who says I did anything?

*Could‘ve just been my neighbour

*But, as always, I‘m always the first choice to judge

and blame:(

Boo, you whore.*

No, but seriously, are you alright Dick?*

Alfred can come and pick you up*

*Yeah, no, dw I‘m fine. 

*The stove next door was accidentally left on

*Which apparently now means no more apartment

*Gonna miss that couch

 

I‘m sending Alfred.*

 

——

Dick was about to type out another reply to reassure her that no, he did not need to be picked up, he could just crash at a hotel or something, when a paramedic approached him, sending him a hey! He hadn‘t even noticed that the fire had been put out or that the paramedics had even arrived. 

The woman approaching him had short blonde hair and a friendly smile which Dick had no qualms returning, sending her a respectful nod before quickly turning back to his phone to send Barb a message.

——

 

*Gotta go

*Paramedics here

 

??*

(‚Babs≠Bats‘ is typing…)

——

 

“Hello, my name is Sarah.“ she introduced as she stepped in front of him. “Your neighbour informed us you were in the building when the fire sparked. May I look you over?“ Dick saw the dark circles under her eyes and felt a spark of pity as he took in just how much this lady was trying to be nice to him.

“Of course.“ He readily agreed. “But, please, do sit down“ he offered her a sport next to him on the bench, angling his body towards her as she sat down with a grateful look in her eyes. Heaving the usual first aid kit onto her lap, Sarah took a moment to regain her strength before angling her body towards him as well. She pulled out a small flashlight to begin the usual check-up routine. 

“Busy night?“ Dick smiled while she shone the flashlight into his right eye, his senses trained enough to not flinch as the light dug into his field of vision relentlessly. She breathed out a laugh as she switched to his other eye. “You have no idea! This is my second apartment fire today.“ “Well sorry to be repetitive.“ he smirked, smile widening as she chuckled.

“As long as I don‘t have to save you in particular from a fire again, we‘re good.“ She moved on to checking his head for other signs of brute force. 

 

“Hater.“ 

 

“So not what I meant.“ She pulled away and put her equipment away again. “Any breaks you wanna inform me about? Aches, bruises, pains?“ Dick shook his head. “I‘m good to go. Thank you.“ he said, and meant it. Sarah seemed to be pleased by the answer as she closed the kit and began to stand up. 

“It was very nice meeting you, mister..?“ 

 

“Dick Grayson.“ He also stood up and held out a hand. “And it was nice meeting you as well. Thank you for your work, ma‘am.“ 

 

As she shook his right hand, he clasped his left hand around hers to ensure she grasped the twenty dollar bill he had hidden in his outstretched hand. Sarah looked at her hand in bewilderment before she stretched her hand out again, determined to give the bill back. “Mister Grayson,- ““Dick is fine.““Dick. I cannot possibly take this. This is kind and all but you are quite literally homeless right now and I can‘t in good conscience-“ Bruce would have an aneurysm if he knew that someone thought he was homeless 

“Believe me, Sarah, there is no need to worry. I am not homeless and someone should be here to pick me up in the next ten minutes or so. I appreciate your kind approach to your work. I‘m an acrobat so I‘ve met my fair share of paramedics and the vast majority does not come close towards your kind approach.“

Sarah still looked hesitant, arm twitching as she still held out the twenty dollars. Just then, a red porsche pulled up, Jason Todd in the drivers seat. “That‘s my ride.“ Dick informed, electing to ignore the lack of their usual butler. The paramedic let out an incredulous laugh. “Guess I shouldn‘t feel too bad for you then, huh.“ Dick grabbed his pan and his phone. “No reason to feel bad at all.“ he grinned.

“Dickface you ain‘t shagging shit tonight so get your ass in this fucking Porsche.“

“Charming.“ was Sarah‘s simple statement, grin never faltering. 

“Oh you don‘t know half of it. Was nice meeting you, Sarah.“

 

With that he was jogging off towards the Porsche before it could start blocking traffic. As he jumped into the passenger seat, Jason gave him a quick glance, eyes flickering from his ash covered head towards his clothes, noting the lack of jacket and shoes, before pulling out again, gaining speed quickly. “Alfred was already cooking dinner by the time Barbara‘s call came through.“ 

 

Dick fumbled with his pan, ridding it of ash and soot as he leant back to rest his head. “Ain‘t complaining. Gave me some time with you.“ Jason groaned. “Fucking sap. Save it for the paramedics.“ “Ok one, her name is Sarah and I literally didn‘t want anything from her and two, you‘re the one who-“ “Fuck off.“ Dick laughed in delight at his brothers grumbling. 

 

All the grumbling and harsh mumbling aside, Dick couldn‘t be happier to have his brother back by his side. It had been a harsh few months after Jason returned. Nowhere near as harsh as the months after his death (he wasn‘t sure he could ever mourn anything this intensely again and survive) but it had been stressful. Now, with his brother beside him, head bobbing along to some pop song on the radio as he drove him home, Dick couldn‘t help but count himself as the luckiest man alive. He had three (albeit hesitantly) loving brothers and two little almost sisters at home that he could be happy to love and cherish. No matter how bad their relationship used to be, no matter how often he and Bruce fought, he was sure their family was something for eternity. Kinda like that Mount Olymp in that new Greek series on DisneyPlus, Dick mused, except that they managed to make up and overcome their problems and the gods kinda seemed to suck at that as far as he understood.

 

Coming out of his musings, Dick made a show of singing along horribly, delighting in the way his brother tried to repress his grin.

—

 

“Welcome home, Masters Jason and Dick.“ Alfred greeted them as they ascended the stairs from the garage. “Hey Alfred.“ “Hey Alf.“

The butler almost smiled as he looked at Dick, covered in black and clutching nothing but a pan and a phone, a strange but warming reminder of how dirty the Robin suit used to be after missions. “Dinner is served already, Master Jason. I suggest you join the family while I escort Master Dick here to his room.“ Before Dick could so much as get a word out about how he knew this house as well as his pocket, Jason had already wandered off wordlessly with a simple nod.

After a moment of silence, Dick felt a hand touch his arm. “Come, dear boy.“ Together, they made their way up towards Dicks room in the family hallway. Settled right between Jason‘s and Tim‘s, across Bruce‘s.  Alfred began to speak again just as Dick crossed the threshold. “Nobody here will be disappointed should you miss out on dinner to catch up on some sleep.“ Dick nodded. “Nor would they be anthing but thrilled to have you with them.“ With a small smile, Alfred closed the door and made his way back towards the rest of the family, leaving Dick to take a quick shower.

 

—

 

Tapping down the stairs in a pair of grey sweats and a Wonder Woman Shirt, Dick felt much more refreshed than before. The initial shock had worn off and Dick had come to terms with his loss. The apartment had been nice, but nothing irreplaceable, and as far as he knew, he had gotten everyone out. So in simple terms, Dick didn‘t count the fire as a loss. Or he didn‘t allow himself to.

Walking into the dining room, he was greeted with four former Robins, a butler and the big bad bat himself looking towards him with various degrees of joy. “Hey.“ he simply greeted with a grin as he took his seat between Jason and Steph, smiling softly at Damian and Tim sitting across from him.

Getting various greetings ranging from a grunt to a cheerful “Hiii“ back in return, he started piling some food onto his plate, having missed Alfreds cooking over the past few weeks. Bruce focused him with a look that promised a talk later. His siblings apparently haven‘t been made aware of his slightly crispy apartment yet.

“As I was saying-“ Bruce started again. “We will have workers in the east wing for the next five days. I expect you all to behave appropriately and take special care that any weapons remain within the cave.“ Nods around the table.

“That worked so well last time“ Dick whispered into Jasons ear, earning a chuckle paired with a mischievous look. The last time Bruce had dared to employ actual workers had been back in Jason‘s Robin days and it had ended with an entire company believing the manor was haunted by a ghost. “Think they still believe that?“ “Totally.“ They shared a quick laugh before ducking their heads as Alfred suddenly cuffed them from behind.

Bruce gave them a look before focusing on the whole table again. “Do not make me regret having them here. No weapons. No nightly escapades outside the cave. No food fights, No brawls, No arguments. I fear for your development because of the fact that I feel the need to add this but, Jason and Dick.“ Both met Bruce‘s gaze again. “No pranking the workers.“ …

“Eat shit old man. Do I look like fucking four?“ “Yeah c‘mon, what am I? Eight?“

Bruce sighed and continued eating in silence, feeling there is nothing else he could do.

Stephanie on the other hand nudged Dick into his side. “Haven‘t heard that story yet.“ she grinned expectantly. Dick returned the grin, always fond of her eagerness to be included in everything. Seeing as Dami and Tim looked just as interested, he shared a look with Jason before starting. “Ok so about a year after Jason started as Robin we had this leakage problem in the west wing which was super annoying because it was constantly dripping water everywhere into my and Jasons room. Alias, Bruce had workers come to fix the problem. Because of that, Jason and I had to stay in the east wing for that time.“

 

He motioned for Jason to continue. “Your turn.“ Jason just grinned briefly.

“Alright. So basically they had this guy working with them called Larry. And Larry was-“ he took a moment to think. “He was a fucking idiot.“ Dick burst out laughing at the description and even Bruce looked fond. 

“So on day two, Bruce takes us to go thank the workers for their efforts with a tray of Alfreds cookies and some coffee. I have the coffee, Dickhead has the cookies. We both get there and do the normal polite shit, shake some hands, let them explain things, distribute coffee, all that shit. Then we get to Larry.“ Another full stop to gather his thoughts.

“We give that guy a cookie and some coffee and this guy is shaking from head to toe and stumbling all over myself. Thinking of it now, it was probably because of Bruce or something.“ Jason waved Bruce‘s frankly offended look off. “Dick gives that guy a cookie and with the most innocent expression that fuckhead can pull off, he whispers ‚have you met them yet?‘ and looks to the corners of the room like in some bad horror movie“ Dick burst out laughing again, leaning forward slightly. Jason started chuckling as well. “Larry almost pissed his fucking pants.“ Tim had started grinning somewhere along the sentence and even Damian was stifling a chuckle. 

“I swear I wanted to clear that up the second I said it.“ Dick started again. „I only wanted to mess with him for like, a second, but Larry looked so shell shocked and then Bruce was behind us to shake Larry‘s hand so I just didn‘t say anything and dragged Jason out of the room. After that, it was just too good of an opportunity to not mess with him.“

Jason cut in again. “What Dickie means, is that he and I hid on the high beams and on the chandelier and mimicked children crying in every hallway Larry and his crew walked through and moved their tools from left to right whenever we could. Simple prank shit but they were so freaked out after like 6 days that they just quit.“

“Jason and I had to put up all the walls they took down again as punishment.“ Dick noted with a grin. “One of the best pranks I‘ve ever pulled.“

 

Alfred was watching his families usual antics with a fond smile. He remembered that particular week just as well as his charges and although it should always remain unspoken, he too had found the ‚prank‘ as they called it, quite humorous.

Yet, as he saw the mischievous glint in Masters Tims, Browns and Damians eyes, he could not help but fear for the workers. 

 

 

Chapter 2: The Alliance

Summary:

Coming back up to his room, Dick didn’t expect to find all of his siblings there, discussing something.

——————

 

Dick pulled the door to Bruce’s office closed behind himself, stepping into the room towards the man. 

 

Dinner had just finished with all the Batkids thanking Alfred and then hightailing off to do whatever, leaving Dick to follow his guardian into the office.

 

Bruce sat down on one of the sofas with a small sigh, leaning forward onto his arms and fixing Dick, who had sat down on the couch opposed to him, with a look. 

 

“Fire report says no one got hurt” he stated. Dick nodded, trying to not think about when the hell Bruce had had time to read the goddamn fire report. “Half the residents were still at work during the worst of it.” he shrugged. “Grandpa Franz two Apartments above was easy enough to carry.”

 

Bruce nodded, something akin to pride shimmering in his eyes but, as always, not reaching past his lips. He was well versed in not being disappointed by that any more. 

 

“What is your plan, now?” 

 

The question lingered in the room as it was Dick who was, for once, the one fighting for words. Seeing his son’s unease, Bruce raised a hand, as to interrupt his trail of thought.

”You are most welcome to stay here for as long as you need, Dick.” Then, with a sigh. “We’d be thrilled to have you back with us.”

 

And wasn’t that one of the sweetest things Bruce had ever said to him? Dick smiled, a small smile filled with gratitude and love that got returned by Bruce’s even smaller one.

“Careful, I might just take you up on that.”

 

Please do. Bruce’s mind was screaming as his face remained in a stern expression, allowing the tiniest of smiles to show his son his amusement.

“I’m sure your siblings are waiting for you to plot against the workers with them.” He nudged instead, bringing an end to their conversation.

Dick stood up, usual grin in place again. “What, those angels? Plot against innocent workers? Have some faith, Bruce.” 

————

  

As soon as Dick stepped into the Family wing, he could hear multiple voices arguing. Following the voices led him his own room, which, admittedly, was a bit concerning, especially in the type of family he knew he lived in.

 

Fearing it may be him instead of the workers they were plotting against, he kept his steps light and stealthy for the last few steps towards the door, barely being able to catch words like like Dick — again — competition , which was enough to freak him out on a good day. 

 

Knocking on his own door, he heard the voices stop talking at once. As he opened it, he saw almost all of his siblings sitting in various parts of the room. Jason was sprawled out across his bed the way he always was when he wanted to talk to Dick back at his Bludhaven apartment, entirely too comfortable. Dick wouldn’t have it any other way.

 Tim sat on the corner of his bed, holding his laptop and cringing at Dick’s inquisitive gaze, while Stephanie was on the ground playing with his weights. It took Dick a second to locate Damian, who was perched on his window seat, glaring at his siblings.

 

”This was not my idea.” the youngest stated, turning his chin up as groans and shouts of traitor got thrown at him, Jason making a show of cupping his hands and calling him a suck-up in a mock shout.

 

”Maybe you could all just explain why you are holding a meeting in my room?” He closed the door behind himself, leaning against it and turning to Tim, knowing that despite being the smartest in the room, he would crack the easiest. 

 

After a bit of squirming, Tim sighed. “We wanted to ask Jason about the pranks again.”

 

Stephanie piped in. “Because the idea of you pranking someone like that is just-“

 

”They can’t imagine you as anything but the perfect goldilocks.” Jason summarised, shit-eating grin still in face.

“Fun!” Dick replied, moving on to the window to tower over Damian and ruffle the younger’s hair, ignoring his threats of violence and bodily harm. “And who the hell pulled you into this?” 

“Tt.” he turned his head away. “I was curious as well.” he admitted, meeting his eyes nervously again. Dick ruffled his hair once more before adressing the room. 

 

“And what do you want me to do to prove myself?” he mocked, more or less serious. 

Stephanie grinned up at him. “We should totally prank the workers.” Tim grinned from beside her as well, turning to Dick expectantly.  He had expected that from the moment he saw the pure joy and fascination light up in his siblings eyes back when he was telling the story. 

Dick didn’t have it in himself to even mock-frown. Looking down to Damian, the younger seemed to agree with the idea as well. Jason raised his left eyebrow and smirked at him. Let’s have some fun. No harm, no foul.

 

“Four rules.” Dick conceded, Stephanie letting out a whoop! and Tim and even Damians grins widening. He turned to Jason expectantly, having laid out the same rules to him multiple times over the years. 

 

Jason raised his first finger. “No bodily harm to the workers.”

He raised a second finger. “You clean up after your own pranks. No letting Alfred clean that shit.”

The third finger went up. “Your prank, your responsibility.”

“And most importantly-“ Dick cut in. “No pranking Alfred.” they finished together, sharing a knowing look.  

 

Although it was clear their siblings weren’t listening all that intensely, Dick felt his duty as older brother had been done. 

“Should probably be clear, but Bruce remains none the wiser, kay?” His siblings actually nodded this time. “Alright now, what are we gonna to first?” he smiled. 

“Think Larry’s got a son or something?” Jason joked, drawing a laugh out of the group.

 

With that, they were off, planning multiple pranks for the upcoming days, scavenging for supplies and planning just as they did for missions.

When Alfred saw Dick leave the kitchen with an unholy amount of spoons, he didn’t dare question his charge. The warning glance he sent should suffice.

——

 

When Dick woke up the following morning, it was to his siblings all asleep in various corners of his room and supplies scattered everywhere. Damian was sprawled on a beanbag, a spoon still in hand, Tim had taken to leaning against Dick’s legs and was now asleep half in his lap, Jason was sprawled besides him and Stephanie-

 

“Stephanie, no!” he hissed in panic. Steph flinched from where she stood, pink marker in hand and outstretched to Tim’s face.

Why not? She mouthed with a grin. 

War. Dick mouthed back, furiously shaking his head. Steph frowned. No fun. 

She went back to the table and put the marker back where it belonged. Dick felt his heart calm down again. The last thing he needed was an all out sibling prank war. He remembered the prank wars with Jason, how that had been just the two of them, how it would now be 5 people all messing with each other and conceded that nope. He may be not a day over 23 but he wasn’t touching that willingly with a ten foot pole. 

 

He had a feeling it would come down to that anyway. 

 

 

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Batfam content