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It’s not until he’s sitting on the couch waiting for Eddie to finish making him a cup of coffee that the idea comes to Buck.
In retrospect, it’s obvious. He wouldn’t last a week living in a world where there’s two whole states in between him and the Diaz boys.
There’s really only one possible solution.
If Christopher and Eddie won’t come to him, won’t stay with him, Buck will just have to go to them.
The idea keeps bouncing around his head the entire time they’re on that video call with the real estate agent Eddie found in El Paso. He does his best to stay present and not let it fully distract him, but it’s hard for his mind not to run away with the possibilities.
He could probably get a studio apartment near whatever area Eddie’s looking at, he has plenty of savings that he could put towards that. Maybe even one with a communal swimming pool, so Chris will want to come over more often. He’s gonna start needing incentives like this one to want to hang out now that he’s fully entering his teenage years.
Buck blinks back to the present as Eddie says, "Thank you so much for your time, I'll keep an eye on my inbox!"
"No problem, Mr. Diaz, talk soon!"
Eddie smiles one last time as he presses the button to finish the video call. Then he turns to Buck, a bit of an apprehensive look in his eyes, "So? What do you think?"
"I think…" Buck hesitates before managing an actual, real smile, "I think this is gonna be really great."
If Eddie's shocked at Buck's sudden enthusiasm for the plan, he doesn't show it for more than a split second. He claps him on the shoulder, a silent "thank you" passing between them, and—well, that's that.
—
It's a few days before the topic is brought up again. That's not to say Buck hasn't been busy with it. The several spreadsheets—checklists, packing lists, anything-lists, really—in his computer and dozens of phone calls he's made in the past twenty four hours alone prove he's been hard at work.
He has it all figured out.
Well, almost. There's still the little, tiny, minuscule issue of where he's going to be living.
He's virtually toured multiple apartments, even a small house at one very desperate point, but nothing's been quite right yet.
It's not like him to be getting so picky. If he's being completely honest, his current loft doesn't even meet all the conditions he's placing on his future home, but he just can't afford to get it wrong this time. Moving to El Paso has to be a justifiable decision beyond just following Eddie and Chris out there. His new place has to be absolutely perfect.
Which is why he's currently spending his precious free time on shift sorting the listings on the real estate website by latest added and looking through them. He even brought his laptop to work, that's how serious he is about the whole thing.
His eyes are starting to sting from how hard he's focusing on the pictures in front of him when he spots Eddie walking up the stairs to join him.
"Hey, do you think I need three bathrooms?" Buck asks, his eyes barely straying from the screen.
"Need three bathrooms for what?" Eddie walks around the table to peek at the laptop, "Are you looking at places?"
And look, it's not like Buck's been planning to follow Eddie to Texas in secret. Obviously, he was planning on telling him. Eventually. Definitely before leaving California. But he's not necessarily upset that this is how Eddie finds out. Really, it's just payback for how Buck himself found out about Eddie wanting to move! He's just giving him a taste of his own medicine.
The website has "El Paso, Texas" all over it, and Buck's heart rate picks up a little waiting for Eddie's reaction to it.
"Yeah, I mean… If that's okay?"
"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Eddie glances at him before looking back at the screen, "But I don't see why you'd need to rent a new place."
"You don't- what?" Buck frowns, confused.
"Well, you already have a perfectly good place to live available, don't you?"
And then Eddie grabs an apple from the fruit bowl on the table, takes one big bite of it, and walks right back down the stairs like he didn't just scramble Buck's brain like an egg in just one conversation and under five minutes.
The thing is, Buck realizes, Eddie's right. He does already have a perfectly good place to live available to him. The new Diaz house, obviously.
It makes so much sense that Buck is punching himself for not thinking of it sooner. They're gonna be in a new state, settling in at a new station, and creating a new routine around all of Christopher's Texan extracurricular activities. Living together is just going to make everything a million times easier.
The thought is so nice that he spends the rest of their shift smiling to himself.
—
Buck comes over to Eddie's—soon to be ex—house after shift with a list of about twenty new houses they should prioritize taking a look at. Well, after their shift ends, he takes a lengthy nap, and he ducks into the grocery store to stock up on those rice crackers Eddie's been addicted to lately, but same difference.
The point is, he comes over. He doesn't knock—hasn't been doing much of that lately, he mostly walks right in or he arrives with Eddie and is spared having to even consider his options—and he settles right on the couch, grabbing Eddie's tablet and logging into his own cloud account so he can access the listings he wants them to take a look at today.
It's a few minutes until Eddie walks out of his bedroom, carrying a roll of packing tape and a folded-up cardboard box, and sits next to him, the items discarded by the coffee table.
"What are we looking at today?" Eddie asks. It's become sort of a routine with them. Buck will come over, sit on the couch, pull a few listings up on the tablet, and they'll go through their faults or merits together. They almost always agree on those.
"I have a lot of options today," Buck says, opening the first one, "What about this?"
"Looks nice..." Eddie mumbles as Buck swipes through the pictures, "Wait. Why are there three bedrooms?"
"Well… You know, for-"
"We definitely don't need three bedrooms, Buck." Eddie interrupts him, and it's definitive. Like there's no room to doubt it.
"No?" Buck asks, a little dazed.
"Absolutely not. What else do you have?"
Eddie's staring at him expectantly, and Buck has to pull himself out of his own rapidly-devolving thoughts to give him an answer, "All the ones I brought today have three bedrooms. But I'll- I can look again! I'll come up with some new options tomorrow."
"Sounds good. In the meantime you can help me pack up all the stuff in the kitchen that never gets used."
Buck nods before he can even process what Eddie said, and follows him into the other room.
He's quiet as they pack up the various pots and pans from the back of the cabinet, but his brain is anything but.
So, Eddie doesn't think they need three bedrooms. He thinks they need two. Obviously, one of those will be for Christopher. The only logical conclusion is that Eddie wants them to share a bedroom. The two of them. Sharing a bedroom. Sharing a bed.
It's not like they haven't done it before. In all honesty, the almost three months they spent sharing Buck’s bed during quarantine were some of the best nights of sleep Buck has ever gotten. So, it makes sense.
They're moving to El Paso together. They're going to live together. And they're going to sleep together.
Platonically, of course.
This whole Texas thing just keeps getting better.
—
It all comes to a head a few days later, with Buck behind the wheel of his Jeep.
He's dropping Eddie off after a basketball game. Buck didn't participate, for obvious reasons, but he's taken up the habit of coming to watch Eddie—and everyone else, of course. He likes the Eddie he sees in those games. He looks so much more carefree, like there's usually a weight on his shoulders pushing him down that he can momentarily forget about. It's nice to see.
When they're less than a block away from Eddie's house, Buck says, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got our transfer paperwork basically done. Just need to talk it over with Bobby."
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Eddie turn to look at him so fast he almost snaps his neck, "Our transfer paperwork?" he asks, "Buck, I know we have a bit of a codependency thing going on but I didn't think it was that serious."
Buck laughs, "What do you mean?"
"Why are you calling it our paperwork?"
"Because it is? I did my paperwork and then I figured, hey, I might as well do Eddie's too." Buck says, parking in his usual spot as he explains, "I know it might sound a little weird, but I figured I know your information well enough and I was already familiar with the forms?"
He switches the engine off before fully turning to look at Eddie. He doesn't expect the sight that greets him.
Eddie's gone a little pale in the past two minutes of conversation. He's frozen in the passenger seat, staring at Buck like he's grown a second head.
"Eddie? Are you feeling okay?" Buck reaches out a hand to feel Eddie's forehead, maybe he has a fever? They had a call the other day where someone had a nasty cold. He doesn't remember Eddie really interacting with them but he could've missed it.
God, if Eddie gets sick it's gonna throw off their whole schedule of pre-move errands for the week.
Buck's already mentally reorganizing his to-do list when Eddie finally reacts, batting his hand away from his face, "Buck. I need you to explain this to me very clearly. Why would you need to fill out transfer paperwork for yourself?"
"Because I'm transferring?"
"Transferring where?" Eddie demands, and there's a tinge of distress in his tone that unsettles Buck.
"What? Transferring to El Paso, with you?" Buck answers. It comes out more like a question than he would've liked it to.
"No, you're not."
"Wha- No, I'm not?" There's a black hole currently opening up in Buck's stomach. Some interdimensional creature is reaching through his organs, rummaging around, and grabbing hold of his stomach fiercely. He might actually need a hospital right now.
"Absolutely not, Buck, you can't come to El Paso, I can't let you do that!" Eddie stares at him wild-eyed, like this takes the title for the craziest, stupidest idea Buck has ever proposed to him. And Buck knows he's had some stupid ideas over the years.
He takes a deep breath, tries to ignore the stinging in his eyes, before answering, "Right. Of course not. Why would you want me to come with you?"—he scoffs—"I- I don't know what I was thinking, Eddie, I'm sorry." His voice is a lot more watery than he would like to admit, but there's nothing he can do about it now.
"Buck, no, I-" Eddie starts to speak, reaching out a hand to grab Buck's arm, but the contact is about a million steps over the line of what Buck can handle right now, and he shakes him off immediately.
He's pushing his door open and stumbling out of the vehicle before he even thinks about it, and he starts walking away without a concrete plan. Yes, he did technically leave his own car instead of asking Eddie to go, but what else could he do? Buck would cut off his own arm before asking Eddie to leave him.
Not even ten steps later, Eddie's right there behind him.
"Buck, stop!" He exclaims, sprinting a little to catch up and block Buck's path, "I didn't mean I don't want you to come, I just- I can't let you come with me."
"You can't let me?" Buck asks incredulously.
"No. I mean, yes. That didn't come out right," Eddie runs a frustrated hand down his face, "I don't mean let you, I mean… I'd never forgive myself if you ruined your life like that for me. And, it's a little selfish but I- I don't want you to resent me."
"Eddie, it wouldn't ruin my life, come on."
"Yes. Yes, it would. God, it's almost ruining mine! I can't let you leave everyone, your sister, the 118, Bobby? They're your family, Buck, I know how much being close to them means to you, you'd be miserable!" Eddie says.
"No, I wouldn't."
"Yes, you would. I know you, I know you'd try to put on a brave face, but you'd miss them so much it would tear you apart, Buck. I can't be the reason you're ever that sad."
A few beats pass, neither of them moving. "Well, too bad." Buck finally whispers. "Too bad. If you leave and I'm not sitting in the passenger seat of your truck I'll be even more miserable."
"You don't mean that, Buck." Eddie shakes his head at him.
"Yes, I do mean it. You and Chris? You two are also my family. A vital part of it, actually. Everyone else… I mean, I love them, of course I do, and I'll miss them so much. But they're not mine." He doesn't need to explain further for Eddie to get it. He sees the flicker of understanding in his eyes, he sees the way his breath stutters, and he can even pinpoint the exact moment Eddie decides to lean up on his tiptoes and kiss him.
If Buck had dared to think about kissing Eddie before, about being kissed by him, he probably would've expected himself to freeze for a second. To need a moment to rewire his brain to a reality where Eddie Diaz chose to kiss him.
That's not what happens.
Eddie kisses him, and before a full second goes by, Buck is kissing him back. He finds he doesn't really need to think about it, it's automatic, like the urge to do this has been festering in him for so long it's become a base impulse to reciprocate.
It's not a nice kiss by any means. It's rough, a little too forceful and tinged with desperation. It's perfect.
He's not sure how long they stand there, at some point his arms wrap around Eddie's waist, and Eddie's hands tangle in his hair, tugging deliciously.
After a while, though, they both simultaneously become aware that they're making out on the sidewalk for everyone in the neighborhood to see. It freaks Buck out a little bit, how in sync they are. They both pull away but they're still breathing the same air, neither seems to want to put too much space between them.
"I guess this is a really bad time to tell you I'm in love with you, huh?" Eddie whispers, his thumb softly tracing a pattern behind Buck's ear.
"Eddie…" Buck says, and it sounds like a plea, almost like a prayer, "I'm in love with you too. That's why I can't let you go alone." Eddie's shaking his head before Buck even finishes speaking.
"I know you'll miss me, Buck, but you can't just drop everything for me. You'd miss everyone else too much."
"What about you?" Buck asks, urgently.
"What about me?"
"I don't want you to be by yourself out there, Eddie. I know how much that place weighs on you, I know, okay? I can't let you do it alone."
There are tears in Buck's eyes at this point and he's scrambling to come up with a way to get Eddie to understand. How much it would eat away at Buck to know that Eddie's out there, under his parents' thumb again, slowly bleeding himself dry for everyone around him, locking up all the most beautiful parts of himself to fit into the tiny box he can't allow himself to exist outside of.
Eddie swallows harshly, before taking a deep breath and saying, "Can I think about it?"
"Think about it?"
"Yes, can you let me think about this? I haven't even- I haven't even told Chris about moving out there, can you just- give me some time?"
Eddie looks like he has half a mind to get down on his knees and beg, and there's nothing Buck wouldn't give to him, so he says, "You can have all the time in the world, Eddie."
—
The next two days are the longest days Buck has ever had the displeasure to have to live through.
Eddie and him—after finally managing to let go of each other—had decided they would take some time to think about everything separately, so it's been forty eight hours since they last spoke. Buck promised he would actually, seriously weigh all the pros and cons of moving to El Paso, and Eddie promised he would actually, seriously consider letting him. And also, that he would call Chris and discuss the plan with him.
So it's been about forty eight hours, and Buck has a very lengthy pros and cons list to show for his efforts, but he finished that about ten hours into this self-imposed isolation of his. Which means he's spent the remaining thirty eight hours—actually, thirty seven hours, thirty three minutes and seven, no wait, eight seconds—struggling to keep himself entertained and distracted.
He's cleaned his entire apartment, reorganized his closet, finally re-potted some plants that were lying neglected in his upstairs balcony, and even gone through all his kitchen equipment and separated things he can live without to donate.
None of it managed to keep his thoughts from straying to Eddie.
Eddie. Eddie's lips, eyes, hair, the mole under his eye, the way he laughs when Buck says something particularly silly, how good of a dad he is, how much he loves Eddie. Now that he's allowed himself to actually say—and think—the words he can't stop doing it. He loves Eddie Diaz the way he's never loved anyone else in the world. Isn't that something?
The current chore he's chosen to—unsuccessfully—distract himself with is one he's been putting off for about a year and a half. Organizing his to-watch list of documentaries. He's been wanting to reformat it into a more detailed spreadsheet for a while, maybe something good will come out of all this and he'll finally finish the task this time.
Buck's just sitting down on his couch with his computer to do this when three sharp knocks on his door interrupt him. He startles so bad he almost drops the laptop on the ground.
He tries to tame his reaction, it could be anyone on the other side of the door. His elderly next door neighbor sometimes asks him for help carrying her groceries in, it could totally be her knocking.
It's not.
Buck pulls the door open, and he almost gets a fist to the face as Eddie lifts his arm, clearly ready to knock again.
"Whoa, impatient much?" Buck teases, a little breathlessly, after catching Eddie's hand in his.
"Sorry! I'm sorry…" Eddie gasps, apparently as affected by Buck's presence as he is.
Their eyes meet, and they stand there for a few moments, until Buck realizes he's still holding onto Eddie's hand and that's a little weird, right? God, Eddie probably thinks he's so weird.
"Uh, do you wanna come in?"
"Yes, please."
Eddie follows him inside, shutting the door behind him, and Buck settles awkwardly against his kitchen island.
"So…" he says.
"So…" Eddie copies him.
There's a bit of a sly grin pulling at the corners of his mouth, and Buck raises an eyebrow at him.
"Don't keep me in suspense, did you talk to Chris?" he asks.
"I did, yeah."
"Okay… And?" Buck gestures for him to continue. This little shtick of his is not cute, it is not, Buck totally doesn't wanna close the distance between them and kiss the breath out of Eddie's lungs right now.
"And he was incredibly pissed at me." Eddie smiles as he says it. "He was… Man, he was really angry."
"And that's a good thing?" Buck asks uncertainly.
Maybe it actually was really bad. Maybe it was so bad Eddie had a mental breakdown and that's why he's acting the way he is right now. Buck's gonna have to look into some serious professional help for him, and-
"It's so good, Buck." Eddie honest-to-God giggles, "He said, and I quote 'I can't believe you'd move out here before you try just coming to get me', isn't that wonderful?"
"Chris wants to come home?" Buck has to double check. And then he has to triple and quadruple check, too.
"He wants to come home. He is coming home. I- I got him a ticket immediately, he's flying in this weekend."
"Please say you're not kidding."
"I'm so serious right now, Buck." Eddie takes a step closer to him, "We had a long talk after that, cleared up a few things, but the gist of it was… he just wanted me to come after him."
"Well, I could've told you that…" Buck jokes, a weepy smile on his face.
"Yeah?" Eddie grins, "Why didn't you, huh?"
They both laugh, and after a moment, Buck asks, "Eddie, did you… did you tell him about us?"
Eddie takes a deep breath before answering, "I did, yeah. He said it was about time."
"Oh… So does that mean- I mean, are we…?" Try as he might, Buck can't bring himself to say the words.
"Are we… together?" Eddie completes the question for him.
"Yeah. Are we?"
"Well, I don't know about you, Buckley, but I am completely and irrevocably in love with you. So I guess the answer is that I hope so."
Buck steps away from the counter, crowding into Eddie's space before saying, "I'm completely and irrevocably in love with you too, Eddie."
"I guess we're together, then." is Eddie's answer, before he leans up and seals it with a tender kiss.
Later, one—or both of them—will deepen it, take it further, make it more.
Later, Buck will pull away slightly to complain that he did all that weighing of pros and cons for nothing and it will make Eddie laugh against his lips in a way he’ll want to bottle up and remember forever.
But at that moment, they’re content to just hold each other for a little while. And to silently celebrate the fact that neither of them will be needing to move to Texas any time soon.