Chapter Text
Steve
“So, in short, the house that I bought as a project is probably more of a wreck than I’d realized,” Steve concludes, shrugging his shoulders as he does. “Of course, I’m sure the whole thing wouldn’t be so difficult if I didn’t have a tiny baby in tow as well - but we are where we are.”
“It would be worse if she was less of a tiny baby,” Wanda reasons in response. “I mean, I can’t imagine Billy and Tommy in a place like that, especially now they’re finding their feet. They’d be a literal nightmare. They’re into everything at the moment as it is, and I can’t imagine worrying about which rooms they’re in because the floors aren’t stable. I’d say if you have to find out about something like this and deal with it, this is absolutely the best time.”
Steve sighs out, glancing at one of the twins - he still can’t fully tell them apart reliably - who’s wriggling in her arms, though thankfully the other is asleep giving their mother some reprieve. He honestly thinks Wanda might be a superhero of some kind - he has no idea how she does it.
“I guess. I mean, they only started crawling recently though, right?” he asks, and she nods and sighs.
“It’s one of those things. It’s a milestone, so you really look forward to them starting it and you’re super excited for it to happen - and then about a day after it does, you’re panicking, checking the baby proofing on everything you own, moving every breakable item possible out of the way and trying to work out exactly how to get them to stop moving again,” she says, shaking her head. “But either way, at least you have some time on your hands to get those things under control before your little one starts.”
“I need to people proof the house first, let alone worrying about baby proofing - though Bucky has come up with a plan of action that makes it seem more manageable. Walkways first, then the ground floor so we have somewhere to live, then high usage rooms like the bathroom,” he says, repeating the plan like it’s some kind of mantra, if only because it makes everything feel much more manageable than it would otherwise.
Wanda gives him a wolfish grin. “He’s really gone all in on this whole helping you with the house thing, hasn’t he?” She asks, and Steve can’t help but smile shyly.
“He has. And it’s kind of awful because he won’t accept any payment or anything at all really, just keeps saying that people helped his family out when he was a kid and that he wants to pay it forward, and that if I want to do it I have to help someone else out when I can,” he says, shaking his head. “I mean, even that seems pretty unsurmountable right now, and I’m embarrassed saying that when I’m being helped so thoroughly.”
“Being a new parent is overwhelming, let alone doing it single handed. Adding in a full house renovation you can’t afford to use contractors for - though who really can these days? - is a whole new level. Think about what you’d be saying if one of us were saying this same thing to you,” Mia tells him with a shrug.
“I’m a lot better at being gracious with others than I am with myself,” Steve grumbles, putting down the bottle on the table that he’d just been using to feed Zoe while he talked and instead replacing it with her pacifier. He’d fought against this thing but alas, some battles simply weren’t worth it - a lesson he was quickly learning.
“I think a lot of us are. All I’m saying is be kind. You’re going through a lot of adjustment right now. Soon enough all of this will pass and the world will feel less overwhelming again,” Mia tells him brightly.
“...Until the next thing hits. There’s always a next thing,” Wanda says sagely and Steve can’t help but snort because she’s absolutely right, of course, and then he actually laughs because the look that Mia gives her in return is every bit grumpy Mum and he finds that in that moment, he unequivocally adores them both and he adores the friendships he’s making along the way in this crazy little journey that he thought would be all him and Zoe.
*****
Bucky
“So, not that I’m complaining, but you seem to have been in here even more than usual the last week or so,” Bucky says conversationally, breezing by the table that Steve is sitting at and topping up his coffee cup with some filter coffee from a pot as he does.
Steve looks up at him a little sheepishly. “Sorry - and really, please do stop filling me up with your free coffee refills. You know I take my obligation to pay for drinks in exchange for taking up space and using your wifi very seriously,” he says, giving Bucky a scowl that’s halfway very serious, and halfway adorable in Bucky’s opinion.
“Come on, you’ve bought three today - minimum - and your lunch,” Bucky reminds him, because really, he doesn’t mind at all. “And you look like a man who is in need of a decent stream of caffeine right now.”
Steve sighs and gives him a look that’s a little perplexed, but visibly less annoyed than he’d been a few minutes beforehand. “I am in need of caffeine, I won’t deny that. You know I wouldn’t swap Zoe for the entire world on a platter, but this whole parenting thing is hard - especially by myself. And right now to add to it, she’s going less time between feeds which the parenting books I’ve picked up say is normal and it’s part of her development, but it means less sleep. And on top of that, I applied for the opportunity to bid on some architectural work for Stark Industries a while back - pre Zoe and the house being more of a disaster than we initially thought - and… well. It came in. So I’m trying to finalize some sample work for them and that’s why I’m here for practically all of your open hours and I’m really sorry about it.”
Bucky blinks a couple of times in response to the outpouring, before nodding to himself, digesting the information that’s been given and deciding which part of it to tackle first before replying.
“Listen, I know that I can’t really relate to your situation and I don’t have a single clue about what you’re going through, but trust me when I say this - I meant it when I said you’re welcome to work from here. Like I said, everybody needs a leg up once in a while. I’m happy for my help - and this place - to be yours. You are going through some major life stuff and becoming a single parent unexpectedly to boot would be a lot for anybody to juggle. So, I would recommend you take the filter coffee, you do your best with this bid and you use whatever time you have while Sarah is watching Zoe to allow you to be able to do it. I mean, a contract from Stark Industries has to be pretty lucrative, right?” He asks, because really, it has to be.
“It really is,” Steve admits, shrugging. “I could really do with it, but it will be a hell of a lot of work if I get it, which…”
“You’ll manage if and when you get to it,” Bucky says with a shrug. Sure, he doesn’t know Steve incredibly well at this point, but he’s seen how single minded and determined he can be, and he’s also seen how much Steve adores his little girl. This will absolutely give them both the chance at a better life, and he’d be incredibly shocked if Steve did anything but give it his all.
Steve sighs out audibly. “I hope so - and thank you for your faith in me. I’ll admit that I have some reservations - naturally - but equally, I think I’d regret it forever if I didn’t at least throw my metaphorical hat into the ring, you know?”
Bucky nods, because he can see that. “Alright, so you do it. And so you can, I’ll leave you alone with your coffee, okay?”
Steve gives him one of those big, warm sunny smiles that Bucky has become annoyingly and inconveniently fond of. “Thanks, Buck.”
As it always does, the shortening of his nickname makes Bucky’s heart sputter just a little bit in his chest and he has to walk away before he does or says anything stupid, or worse, decides that he doesn’t need to leave Steve alone to work at all and that he can selfishly stick around chatting about nothing as they so often do now.
*****
Steve
His new routine is fucking exhausting, it turns out, and Steve has no fucking clue how he’d cope without Sam or Sarah or the Mommy-and-me crowd… or without Bucky. Until Zoe he’d never really understood the whole cliche of ‘It takes a village’, but now it does.
Unfortunately, Zoe is still sleeping sporadically, and whoever had told him that it would all change at twelve weeks had been right in some aspects, but not that one in his case, apparently. He’s spent weeks organising his bid for the Stark Industries work, still kept up with Mommy-and-me meetings (they’re essential for his mental health, he knows that) and besides that the first lot of materials has arrived for the house. Oh, and of course, he’s having to do some level of paid work on top of it all, because the SI stuff isn’t paying yet (hopefully).
It’s… it’s a lot.
And he’s sure he’d have cracked and given in if it weren’t for everyone around him… and for the tiny little girl who needs him to step the fuck up and keep being her father, of course.
He feels like a complete fucking zombie if he’s honest and it’s not helped by the fact that on top of all of that, his fucking shower is apparently somehow beyond an easy repair and the contractor he’d called to take a look at it had declared he couldn’t see the point in his trying to install a new unit until the flooring was up. He’d quoted something about access to the pipework, which admittedly made sense to Steve, but was disastrously inconvenient, because it meant Steve was also trying to squeeze in the odd workout to use the shower at the gym because it felt weird going there without doing that.
So… yeah.
“Come on Zoe, I know you don’t like getting your butt out, but it’s only for a second while we get your diaper changed. You also don’t like it when that’s dirty, which is understandable but…” Steve murmurs to her, listening to get anguished crying reaching a crescendo while she’s lying on her back on the changing mat as he reaches for some wipes to clean her up in the meantime.
He makes as quick a work of it as he can, finally getting her safely pinned into the clean diaper, and it’s then that he realizes he can distantly hear his cell phone ringing in the kitchen, a couple of rooms away.
He swears to himself, scooping Zoe up and not worrying about doing her onesie back up right that second and makes his way as quickly and safely to the kitchen as he can - and really, he’s glad that he and Bucky plan to start this weekend so maybe by the end the hallway will be at least halfway passable by the end of it - and finds the thing, hanging up probably a half second before it stops ringing.
It’s only then that he realizes that further to this Zoe isn’t completely quiet and it’s not a number his phone recognizes so it’s probably a business call of some kind, but still.
“Hello, Steve Rogers,” he says, hoping upon hope that the coos of a slowly settling baby don’t put the person off on the other end - hell, he knows that not everybody has patience for kids, they see it sometimes when they’re at Bucky’s and there are other patrons, and if Steve is honest he was probably less tolerant of kids himself before Zoe, as he hadn’t been a parent himself and also probably because he’d grown up without younger siblings around.
“Mr Rogers, hi, just the man I wanted to speak to,” Comes a voice from the other end of the line that sounds surprisingly familiar to Steve for some reason, though it takes him a second or two to actually place it. “Tony Stark, Stark Industries. I don’t always do this, but I wanted to call personally and let you know that we were very, very impressed with the work you sent over. I think the team had more queries which I’m sure they’ll get to you in due course, but I wanted to let you know that subject to the answers being what we hope they’ll be, we can get all of this resolved and go ahead with your proposal. So… Congratulations are in order. We’d like you to come for a meeting at the Tower next week. I’ll get the details sent across.”
“I uh… Mr Stark? Thank you I…” Steve starts, but almost immediately gets cut off.
“No, thank you for actually understanding our brief and actually delivering something we can work with. It’s far, far beyond what anybody else we asked to bid managed to deliver so…” he says, before pausing on the line. “Okay, I’m not sure if that’s background noise or your kid, but in case it’s the latter - bearing in mind I have a daughter who’s less than a year old and I know those kinds of noises - it sounds like you have your hands full and I should let you get on.”
“I… thank you. Though I hope this doesn’t affect any…” He starts again but once again, Tony cuts across him.
“It doesn’t. I’ll get you those details. We look forward to - hopefully - working with you, Mr Rogers,” he says, and then the line cuts off.
Well shit, Steve thinks.
Apparently life is going to get even more busy.
*****
Bucky
“Right, but let’s not panic. Plenty of people manage to have busy careers as well as take care of their kids,” Bucky overhears Mia telling Steve the next time the Mommy and Me crowd invade the coffee shop.
“But Zoe only has me, and I still have the house to do..” he says in return before Mia cuts him off.
“And you have help with that. And besides, won’t your paycheck for the Stark Industries job help when it comes through? I mean, you’ve already said it yourself, you should be able to actually hire contractors faster for the bits that you can’t - or shouldn’t - do yourself,” she says, and she sounds incredibly calm. Bucky seems to remember that she has more kids than just the little one with her now - perhaps this calming tone is a skill that Moms learn as part of the course?
“It will but… Fuck, what if I’m fucking up with Zoe in a whole new way by just not being around?” Steve asks, and Bucky feels something squeeze in his chest on Steve’s behalf because he has to give it to the guy, he does at least really and truly care about that little girl - as any parent should, he supposes, but with Steve’s situation and the surprise of Zoe’s arrival into his life it feels more special somehow. Like… for Bucky it really shows Steve’s character.
Mis shakes her head in response, and Bucky is actually grateful to her for once because he absolutely agrees with her assessment from that gesture alone - he knows that there’s no way that Steve would ever fuck up Zoe’s life - he’d fuck up his own happily, way before that was even a consideration.
“No. You won’t. Listen to me - the main thing that kids need is for their parents to care. You’ve got that in absolutely spades before we even start on anything else. That is, completely and unequivocally, the main thing they need,” she tells him, going slower when she repeats it for a second time as if she really understands that Steve needs to feel the weight of her words… which he probably does. “The rest? Sure, they need you to interact, but you’re here with her now. That’s important. And I know you don’t have that much childcare cover, so you won’t be sending her out at every opportunity, will you?”
“No, if it’s safe for her to be at the house while we’re doing the renovations I’ll have her there, and I mean… it sounds like I’ll have to go into Manhattan to the Stark Industries offices sometimes, but I technically still work remotely most of the time, so I guess…” he replies, but thankfully - Bucky thinks - he already sounds a little better and less conflicted and less like he’s spiralling.
“There you go,” Mia says, her voice warm and encouraging, and instead of his usual mild annoyance when he has to deal with her (and the pile of parents that trail into his establishment in her wake) he actually feels a bit warm towards her… and like he really needs to get whatever little crush (or big crush, whatever) he has on Steve Rogers under control once and for all.
“I just…” Steve starts then, but Mia cuts him off immediately.
“Steve, it’s absolutely normal to panic. All parents panic. Trust me, if you saw my Google search history sometimes you’d see it for real, and that’s given I’ve already had one and know some of the stuff I panicked about the first time around is completely normal. Listen, it’s a case of making the best of the situation that we have and doing our damnedest to do the best for those kids. As long as you’re really trying, you won’t be going too far wrong, in most cases anyway,” she says, giving a small shrug after she does, and Bucky rather thinks she could have left the last little bit about ‘most cases’ off in case Steve starts building himself up based on that again, but before he can embarrass himself and let on that he was listening in by saying so, he sees Steve’s shoulders drop a little bit.
He breathes out deeply, and nods, though he does still look a bit like he’s trying to convince himself that he actually believes what Mia has just said.
“Thanks Mia. I just need talking down sometimes. I feel like I should be getting better at this by now, but I’m still definitely faking it before I make it,” he admits, scrunching his nose and looking adorable at the same time as a little embarrassed and guilty.
“Everyone feels like that. Parenting absolutely doesn’t come with an instruction manual,” she says, rolling her eyes. “If it did, life would be a whole lot easier.”
“Amen to that,” Steve replies, shaking his head and something about it - the camaraderie between the Mommy and Me group- is just incredibly heartwarming.
Perhaps he’s been too grumpy with them until now. He’ll make more effort.
*****
Bucky
“You know, doing this stuff is really satisfying, even if it means another trip to the gym later,” Steve says as he picks up another pile of ruined and removed floorboards - and making it look like he regularly goes to the gym as he does, because holy shit he doesn’t look like he’s struggling to bear the weight and… And Bucky really needs to stop thinking about Steve like this. He’s turning into such a creeper.
He then thinks about what Steve actually said, and pauses with the pile he’s about to pick up.
“...The gym? After all this? Steve, we’ve removed pretty much all of the floorboards in your hallway. We’ve got them into the skip outside for disposal. Surely all of that counts as a workout - you’re not going to need another one on top of that,” he says, feeling almost as if he’s reasoning with a toddler who wants to go to the park at bedtime or something. Hell, perhaps he fits more with the Mommy and Me crowd himself than he’d thought he would.
Or perhaps that’s wishful thinking on some level because that would mean being even closer to Steve.
Either way he needs to stop it.
Steve chuckles in response and for just a second before he speaks, Bucky wonders if he’s actually lost the plot fully through all of this.
“No, it’s not for a workout. I just swing by and use my membership benefits to use their showers on the way to grab Zoe from Sarah’s. It’s convenient for both of us - Sarah is usually doing the bedtime routine with her kids by the time I‘m done with work and this place, so dropping Zoe back isn’t really a good option for her and you know she’s doing me a massive favour anyway, and the shower here still isn’t working. I mean, I can still use the tub to bathe Zoe so that’s fine - though honestly fairly often Sarah’s even taken care of that for me because she’s a complete angel - but I’m not a huge fan. Call me fussy but I feel like especially after all the manual labor I’m too dirty to sit stewing in my own filthy water,” he says with a shrug, and Bucky can certainly see the logic but still, going to the gym just for a shower seems like a faff.
“So let me get this straight, you haul yourself, everything you need for Zoe once you’ve collected her and all of your wash bag and towels and whatever to your gym after this, sign in, go and shower, haul it all back out and then head off to get your little girl?” he asks, knowing he sounds slightly incredulous about it, but it’s because he is. Sure, he can also see why Steve hasn’t tackled the broken shower issue yet - it’s going to be a nightmare, it doesn’t seem to be obviously causing problems now and having two rooms out of commission with a tiny baby in tow sounds like even more of a nightmare than what he’s currently contending with anyway, but still.
“That’s about the sum of it, yeah,” Steve confirms with a shrug. “But we make do. It’s the only way right now.”
“It’s not,” Bucky says, his mouth doing that thing it seems to be doing more and more lately where it runs away with him before he’s had a chance to think about what he’s saying. “My place is on the way. I live abovemy coffee shop. You could stop there and… you know, actually leave stuff so you’re not carting it around all the time. You know, shower gel and shampoo and towels and whatever…”
He trails off then because fuck.
Fuck.
What on Earth is he thinking?
Steve looks at him strangely for a second and he knows even more he’s fucked up. “I… thanks Buck, but I don’t think we can impose that much.”
“I understand but… we’re friends, it’s an offer,” he says, partly to cover and partly because despite it all, he still means it. “You wouldn’t be imposing.”
*****
Steve
Steve manages to resist.
While a shower in a bathroom that doesn’t come with a communal changing room sounds amazing even after the relatively short time he’s been frequenting the gym for his personal hygiene needs, he really does feel like he would be imposing. Bucky has been way more than kind already - by offering Steve his help with no charge and the issue with Steve using his broadband connection to work in the shop… And that’s before they mention the fact that he seems to have given up telling off the Mommy and Me group for invading on a weekly (or even bi-weekly) basis. One thing he doesn’t need is to be lending Steve his goddamn shower as well.
Still, he does regret it a little bit when there’s someone else’s shower water flowing across the floor into his cubicle, and again when he gets out - towel wrapped around his waist - and is confronted with several naked asses he’d rather not see, even if he’s a bisexual man.
Still, he dries himself off quickly, gets dressed again and exits the gym building when he’s halfway sure that the person working the front desk isn’t looking at him and won’t therefore clock that he absolutely hasn’t done any kind of work out before leaving again. He knows he’s being ridiculous, but he hurries across the parking lot to his car and dives right in before starting the ignition and aiming to get out as quickly as possible before he sees anybody.
It’s one thing to know his own failings, after all - it’s another thing for a near stranger to clock on to what he’s up to and draw the conclusions that his life is as messy as it is.
He drives out of the parking lot and down the street, almost auto-piloting to Sam’s sister’s house and almost audibly cheers when he finds street parking that’s on the same block as her building. One upon a time it wouldn’t have mattered even a little bit how far he was, but now he has a baby in tow it’s a different story - it’s not so much Zoe herself, either, it’s more the amount of stuff she comes with.
Gone are the days of going anywhere without what feels like a half dozen bags in tow, or without some level of forward planning before leaving the house.
He gets out, locks the car and walks to Sarah’s building, pressing her buzzer button and listening to the metallic crackle so like the one for his own old building that it gives him a hint of nostalgia. He waits until he hears her pick up and then tells her it’s him, immediately being granted entry with another buzzing noise.
He walks inside, opting to take the stairs - one bad experience with an elevator in his college days has been enough to put him off for life - and heads to her door, which she’s opening just as he gets there.
“Hi Sarah, hope I’m not interrupting… Or too late,” he says, but she’s already shaking her head.
“Absolutely not. I’ve got AJ eating his dinner, but Cass and Zoe are all sorted. She’s ready for you - it’s been a bit of a difficult day but…” she says, but even as she speaks, Steve’s stomach is dropping.
“Difficult how? Is something wrong? Shit, I would never have left her with you if I’d known something was up..” he stats, but Sarah reaches out and grips his arm with her hand, shaking her head.
“I understand why you and my brother are friends. Neither of you waits until I’ve finished speaking before you start panicking and jumping to conclusions. She’s just been a little fussy - I think she’s had some trapped wind, but in my opinion it’s nothing to worry about. Babies cry because they don’t have any more coherent ways of expressing themselves and telling us that something hurts. That’s all,” she says, and he recognizes her tone as soft and soothing and he knows it’s deliberately so, but all the same it seems to be working on him. Already his heart rate is slowing back down towards normal levels and he feels less panicky.
He’d never been a panicker before being a parent, but apparently it’s something else that has changed.
“Okay so you don’t think I need to worry?” He asks, needing that reassurance again all the same.
She shakes her head. “Not at all. I promise that I would tell you if I thought there was. Just… Don’t be surprised if she’s a bit over tired when you get her home and that makes her fussy again.”
Steve sighs out, feeling his shoulders sag in relief. “Thanks, Sarah. And sorry if she’s been difficult.”
“Not at all. Trust me, AJ is more trouble right now than her and Cass put together,” she says reassuringly, and of course, Steve has no way of knowing if she’s just placating him and trying to make him feel better or not, but he’s absolutely going to take it, just to try and assuage his guilt over leaving her with someone else all day long.
He gives her a look to tell her as much all the same though, and she winks.
“Now, before you even start on it, I’ll see you both the day after tomorrow,” she says, and Steve sighs out.
“You’re a lifesaver, Sarah Wilson,” he tells her, and he honestly, truly means it. He would be lost without her help, though he’s just about starting to trust Wanda and Mia enough that they might be good short term back up babysitters if he needs them in the future. Hell, he even thinks that maybe they might trust him enough to let him watch their kids, too, but that’s something to mull over another time.
Sarah shakes her head. “I’m not. I’m just helping you out like you and Sam have helped me out over the years.”
Steve gives her another look, because really all they’d done is got her and the boys to the city and found them an apartment and helped with the removals and furniture construction when everything had gone to shit for her back home, but still. He knows she won’t hear it.
“We have to stick together. Not all family is blood, Steve,” She tells him. “Now, come on. I’ve got most of your stuff packed up, so let’s go and get your little girl and you go and get her home and to sleep…. Presuming of course that your hallway is actually passable currently.”
“It is,” he promises. “And regardless, thank you again.
He really, really means it.
He owes some serious paying forward when everything is said and done.