The Misfortune Diaries

by mvrk

Summary:

The written down thoughts of 1x1x1x1 over a significant portion of time in his life.

Notes:

WOAAAH okay. so this is finally done huh.

to be honest, i've been grinding this fic out for the past week or so, (?) so things might not be as planned out and beta read and stuff(especially since it's exam season for me. im uploading this fic right before a test too)

so i hope you like this as much as i did writing it. :) HEAVILY inspired by sentistrange's kunikuzishi's diary. that fic was so peak im TELLING YOU

i wont do A/Ns, only at the end as to preserve the immersion of this being a real-esque diary.

this fic WILL update regularly. twice per day if im feeling up for it

Chapter 1: 29/10

29th of October.

My father, Telamon, got me this journal. He said something about how it was my “birthday”, and I was old enough to tell the world how I really feel. Noting down feelings or something.

To be honest, I think it’s a little stupid, but I don’t really care. I know I might probably forget to write often, but to be honest, it’s better than whatever my dad makes me do.

He’s busy often, doing stuff in his world usually, so if I really get bored enough I might start writing, but I don’t know. At least he made today feel special, or something. I don’t really get it.

I’m definitely going to forget about this thing.

Chapter 2: 4/11

4th of November.

Dad asked me if I was still writing in this journal, so I panicked and said yes like an idiot. So now I have to start writing to make him think I’ve been actually doing something everyday.

I guess, apart from that, nothing of interest happened this week.

Dad told me that I’d be meeting someone else in SFOTH. He governs the whole place, because he’s this “god” he claims to be. Not that I don’t believe him, but whenever he says the word “god” he always says it with such discontent. It’s this whole weird thing, I guess. Dad is strange.

But, anyway, Dad made me meet this other guy. I think his name was something starting with the letter D, and he claimed to have been friends with my dad for a long time. He told me that he was going to start helping me train with scripts and other programs? For the longest time the only thing I’ve been taught is swordfighting. Apparently that starts in a couple days. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly opposed to it, just indifferent.

Dad is just glad I’m finally agreeing to pick up another sport. Something something continuing the legacy from his point of view.

Other than that, nothing has happened. Just training and other things. There goes that plan of forgetting about this “journal.”

Chapter 3: 5/11

5th of November.

God, I hate swordfighting. It’s frustrating. It’s horrendously tricky. Why do you have to be so precise? Who invented this idiotic sport? And why did I have to be raised and related to the god of the whole thing?

Sorry, I’m sorry. Not god. “Archon” or whatever idiotic other term he’s chosen. That’s what he calls himself.

Whenever I try to parry a shot, Dad is seemingly always able to see through my faults, and knocks me off my feet as swiftly as he can. He says I’m just getting there, and I need good practice, but I doubt it.

Chapter 4: 6/11

6th of November.

Dad LOVES to pretend being human. It’s his favourite thing ever.

Today I watched him wreck so many of his own people in SFOTH. Not in a bad way, but in his own words he was “putting them in their place.” It seemed only as friendly fire however. Just fun and games on both parts.

To be honest, it is definitely a little funny. I’d be lying if it didn’t make me chuckle on the inside.

He really thinks it’s the best thing ever. Whenever he gets back, he never fails to tell me about it.

Chapter 5: 7/11

7th of November.

Dad asked me how much I wrote in this thing, and I’ve really realised how I’ve been writing so much in a journal I swore I’d “forget” so quickly. It’s more fun when I feel I’ve got meaningful things to write about, but I fear it might die down in a week or two. My life isn’t that exciting.

For starters, Dad is pretty much the only person I talk to. I see him every single day, from the time I wake up until my time of rest, even if we barely sit down and have a “proper” conversation.

Secondly, I barely see any other worlds or places, really. Only this Skybox, and SFOTH. Isn’t it a little odd? I want to get out more, but they are basically the only worlds I know. I just assume it’s Dad’s laziness and convenience, yet I can’t find the strength nor feel bothered to ask him.

Oh yeah, I heard that scripting is tomorrow. Let's see how well I do.

And if I actually figure out that guy’s name.

Chapter 6: 9/11

9th of November.

Oh my GOD.

It’s even worse than swordfighting. I didn’t know what could get worse than that sport itself, but this is so much harder. Worse than I could have ever imagined.

I barely got the chance to even properly write lines of code. I hate that dumb bastard who tried to teach me how to write. Oh, the guy’s name was Dusekkar, by the way.

All I did was write 3 or 4 lines, then he’d yap for hours on how the code worked, then I’d run them and nothing would work, rinse and repeat until it had been over 8 hours straight. Sometimes, you’d get the occasional good line, yet it would be simple and do basically nothing.

That wasn’t even the worst part. Scripters are basically swordfighters but worse. Good to know I’m never going to do that again. I had to beg Dad to not let me get another appointment, and lie to him at that. Thankfully he believed me.

I couldn’t even write yesterday, because that whole thing took up so much time. Even when I got home, I was too tired to even think up a couple sentences, worse yet hold a pen. I hated it so much.

Scripting is not for me.

Chapter 7: 10/11

10th of November.

I don’t like Dad’s colleagues. I thought that Dusekkar guy was bad, but god, some of his other friends are genuinely insufferable. They’re like him, but even worse. I’m glad I only really have to deal with him everyday, and not those other ugly bastards.

Oh, speaking of which, I was trying so desperately to get out of this damn work meeting. All I wanted to do was stay home in the skybox, but no. He just wants me to come along with him to “see what goes on in his life.” I already know what goes on in Dad's life well enough, so why the hell did he make me come? It makes no sense.

But now I have to sit here. In this meeting room, next to these other completely random people. God, I should’ve pretended I was busy too…

Why do they always ask so many questions?

One of them asked how I was doing at “school,” and then everyone laughed in my face when I said I didn’t know what a school even was. Even Dad laughed. Rude.

Actually, no, it wasn’t really “Dad,” wasn’t it? It was him in that human disguise. Shedletsky.

That’s what he calls himself in that form. I’m not sure where he originally pulled that name from, but knowing him, he probably stole it from someone down in SFOTH. At least, that’s what I guess happened.

He really likes to dumb himself down when he’s Shedletsky, a lot less than he’s worth, which, I don’t know why he does that, considering he’s actually pretty smart for who he is. That should come as a given, being so “unmistakably powerful.”

Does he hate being THE Telamon around other people? Is it just that he fears others?

I don’t feel the need to ask him about it, and I’m not sure how kindly he’d even react to it. Not that he’d shout at me, but that he’d just be avoidant. I’m unsure how to explain.

Chapter 8: 11/11

11th of November.

Dad was out of the house all day. I supposed it’s something to do with that meeting he had yesterday, so I had the whole Skybox to myself. It feels a little weird always being left alone now, but there’s not much I can really do in terms of it.

I didn’t feel like doing a lot, so today was really boring. I mainly just rested inside, and watched others play in SFOTH from above. They’re better than what they’re worth, actually. Inspiring me to actually try harder during training, I guess.

Chapter 9: 12/11

12th of November.

Dad came home late last night. Said something about how the work needed him, and another thing about overtime that I didn’t care to listen to. To be honest, I don’t even know what overtime is, nor do I desire to learn. It seems tiring, especially considering how it’s made him unresponsive for the entire day. He didn’t even bother to transform back into himself.

Now, Dad doesn’t usually like if I interact with his people without getting him involved or asking him too, but yesterday got me pretty curious. Those people down on SFOTH have interesting techniques, and plus, what harm could there possibly be just seeing what humans do in their free time?

So I did. I took a trip down. I didn’t fight a lot, more or less watched others. Watching is way more fun than people take credit for.

But yet still, people were trying to fight me. I guess it’s for granted. The world he governs is all about fighting and war, after all, so it would make sense that more people would be interested in trying to strike me down than be friendly. Surprisingly, I’m not really as bad at swordfighting as I’ve made myself out to be.

I mean, sure. I definitely lost a lot, but I did get my fair share of wins. Much more than I really expected to get. Oh, and there was this one other guy I was able to repeatedly kill again and again. I forgot his username completely, obviously, but he got so pissed, it was insane. I’m glad he didn’t know who I really was, cause he called me a “hacker” and threatened to report me to Telamon. Is it rude to say I completely laughed in his face? Because that’s what I did.

I went home after a couple hours, so that Dad wouldn’t suspect anything was up. Luckily, I was dead on time. If I had stayed out for only 20 more minutes, my cover would’ve been blown. So yeah, not great.

I guess I’m just glad I’m better than I seem. It made me a little happy. The only bad part about that was Dad knew I was acting a little unusual when he came back. He didn’t press anything further, however.

Chapter 10: 13/11

13th of November.

It seems that guy from yesterday got around. He got around so much, that Dad got a report from him. A report about me.

When he came up to me to ask me about it and what happened, I didn’t know what to do exactly. Was I just to tell the truth on how I went down there without his permission? Or do I lie?

I mean, it’s a really idiotic decision. I hate lying, but it would be even worse to be punished. So I told him. I knew that whatever he had out for me I could easily get out of, or, well, at least try.

But, surprisingly, instead of actually punishing me, he wanted to hug me, or, at least tried to. I pushed him back. Don’t like being touched.

To be completely honest, I was more than surprised at the gesture. It’s not often that dad even says he’s proud of me, or anything in that nature, but this time he did. He told me he was glad his son was finally able to do stuff on his own, and he didn’t need him anymore. I mean, I was pretty sure he was just trying to make me feel good about myself, but it just felt a little embarrassing, per se.

He said he was proud for “kicking that guy’s ass” and “showing him who was boss.” It was a corny saying, one probably used literally everywhere, but I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know whether to feel happy, or shaken up, or anything else. It just felt a bit weird. He had never really done anything like that before, so I guess I just stood there.

Ever since, Dad has felt more of a need to show me more special things. However, before he asked me to tell him what happened between now and yesterday. So I told him. I told him about how I went to SFOTH without him and, well, just so happened to be able to fight and beat that guy. I’m glad he was able to see the humour in the situation, as he laughed multiple times while I was telling him what happened. Yet, I wasn’t sure how genuine the laughter really was. Was he just trying to be nice?

Now, Dad says he wants me to have more fun with my life. He says we might go out somewhere tomorrow. This feels different.

I could say I'm a bit excited.

Chapter 11: 14/11

14th of November.

Dad didn’t give up on his promise. He decided to take me out for lunch at this place called Builder Brother’s Pizza. I think things are starting to actually look up for once.

I haven’t actually been to a place like this before, nor have I actually had pizza. Well, properly. So I knew this was going to be something fun I hadn’t experienced before. The place had general good reviews, which was a really good sign. Dad said the pizza looked real good, I couldn’t really help but agree.

When we got there, I could just about tell how busy this place really was behind the counter. They were making such a commotion in the kitchen itself, that I could hear every single little argument from out in the hall. I felt glad about how dad was able to get us a place, even if it was for an hour or two. God, it was so different- nothing like SFOTH. You didn’t need to fight anyone. In fact, I don’t even think the choice was there.

A few people recognised him as Shedletsky, but I was more glad they didn’t recognise me. Dad was lighthearted about the situation, and was able to shake hands and take a couple pictures with those who had pointed him out. They said they know from his job? I don’t recall it directly. His job must be pretty out there, then.

But yes. The pizza tasted good, as to be expected from such a sought after place. I didn’t know how good pizza actually was until now.

However, the only odd thing I really realised about the place was the worker who came to serve us. Since I hadn’t been to a place like this before, dad told me that I’ll have to be nice to everyone working here, since they’re being paid to serve us, much like he is as well. Still, the person who served us seemed a bit shaken up by mine and my Dad’s appearance. I guess it was no big deal though. He was kind, but willing to serve us. Or is that something he just has to do? I assume so.

I thanked Dad for taking me out afterwards. He said it was basically nothing.

Chapter 12: 15/11

15th of November.

So that guy spread those rumours.

Dad decided to make our lessons more out in the open– in public servers, if it makes sense. He wanted me to be more “free.” Little does he know that public servers mean people. And by people, you mean a hell of a lot of people. Even those annoying, persistent ones who never give up.

Multiple people had come straight up to us today, asking if we were some sort of “hackers.” I immediately knew when the first person came up to me, so, the 5 or so that followed were annoying as hell. I’m glad Dad shooed them off, but to do so he had to transform back into Telamon. The reactions on their faces were priceless, though.

I think I’m getting better at fighting after all.

Still, I hope that little incident with Dad doesn't make it any worse. If I hear anyone say “How do you know who Telamon is?”, I’m seriously going to lose it.

Dad always makes stuff worse and doesn't realise.

Chapter 13: 16/11

16th of November.

Dad asked me if I wanted to go anywhere today, but I just had that training yesterday, so I didn’t particularly want to.

I’m glad I actually have a journal, to be honest. It’s something to look forward to and put my mind on everyday.

Chapter 14: 17/11

17th of November.

Dad really wanted me to experience this one place he said he used to spend all his time in. He says It’s quite similar to SFOTH, so I was a little excited to try.

It’s called “Crossroads.” And it’s more fun than I thought it would be. I’d even reckon it’s better than SFOTH. Sorry, Dad.

The best part is, I’m actually good at this game. In my mind, I really thought it was going to be some cheap copy of Dad’s. But no, it has all sorts of stuff I’ve never properly gotten my hands on before. Not only do you get a sword, but you get a bunch of other little gadgets too. Like a rocket launcher, and the ability to build walls, and a slingshot? A weird choice of weapon, but still fun to use.

So, needless to say– I had a bunch of fun. Probably the most fun I’ve had in a while. Maybe if I were to train more, I’d be better at Crossroads too?

Chapter 15: 18/11

18th of November.

I found Dad’s old GUI in his room while he was at work. Apparently, he used to be a scripter himself too. That’s probably the reason he was so excited about trying to get me into it.

Or, maybe that guy who called us hackers was right.

But whatever. I logged onto his old studio, and had a look at some of his lines of code. I shouldn’t really have done that, because I didn’t understand any of it at all, but it was still real mesmerizing to look at. Maybe that Dusekkar guy was just making me write in a shittier version of the code, because these lines look way different to the ones I did in that program.

I managed to get around the studio fairly quickly too, and I saw a bunch of his older worlds as well, ones made WAY before the existence of SFOTH. Which is still pretty weird to me, since SFOTH is the only world I know, but it’s just so interesting to have a look into my Dad’s old brain, basically. Or maybe, at least his state of mind before I came around.

But that train of thought quickly spiraled somewhere else entirely, because it really made me think… How did I come around?

I don’t know anything about myself. That’s the craziest part. I was faced with a question; should I ask dad when he gets home, or try to figure it out myself?

I’m not stupid, so I chose the latter option. That was kind of a mistake, because it left me on a 2 hour searching session trying to find out ANY information about myself. However, I fear that the GUI might be from too early on, before my time. The latest thing it ends on is Dad saying something about how his people haven't been pleasing him? Whatever that means, it definitely doesn’t have anything to do with me. No way in hell.

It seems really weird and out of character. Dad is laid back, and almost never mad nowadays, only if I’ve done something to upset him. Considering the

My session was cut short, however, because dad came home early. I had to run and take the GUI back to my room, and hide it somewhere in there. Not ideal, but at least he didn’t catch me prancing around and looking at his stuff.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t try to come looking for it again. Although, I really doubt he would.

Chapter 16: 19/11

19th of November.

After training, Dad asked me if I refer to myself as a “god.” It felt so weird to hear him say that word, especially since it’s the closest to a banned word in our household anything will ever get.

I said I didn’t mind the word, it just didn’t apply to me. He then asked me if I ever thought of myself of something more… inbetween.

I realised I’ve never really properly thought about it. He then said something about how there’s a word for it, and it’s called a “demigod.” He said he was only asking this question because he’d just learnt the word today. How strange.

Chapter 17: 20/11

20th of November.

I wanted to ask Dad about my past again and how I came to be, but he seemed busy. At this point, I really wonder what could possibly be going on with his job that’s making him so incredibly occupied. I’m starting to think something is going on.

Guess I’ll have to occupy myself until tomorrow.

Chapter 18: 21/11

21st of November.

Dad went away. He left a note in the living room, yet it’s vague. Where even is he?

Chapter 19: 22/11

22nd of November.

Dad is still gone? I’m starting to get a little anxious, if I do say so myself…

Chapter 20: 23/11

23rd of November.

Finally, he’s back.

I was barely able to do anything those past few days. When he finally walked through that door, he looked super tired, more than he usually did.

He laid himself down on the couch again, as per usual, like he does after work. It’s hard having to walk around him without tripping over his wings. Did I mention he has them? I don’t think I did, didn’t I?

Tripping over his wings is inevitable. I’ve done it before way too many times. you’ll probably wake him up, and you’ll probably feel super bad about it. It makes me wonder how I never inherited wings, or even another halo for that matter. He barely even bothered to say even the slightest hello to me either when coming back, but I guess it’s okay. He can explain what happened tomorrow.

I’m just glad Dad is back, even if nothing truly changed. I’m glad everything is back to normal. My normal.

Chapter 21: 24/11

24th of November.

I should’ve asked Dad why he left for so long, but I just wanted to train. That’s all I wanted to do, really, to pass the time. Whatever Dad did those last few days has still made him exhausted, and so he took the time to rest.

So I went down there on my own, to fight against random others. It was fun, but I can’t wait till Dad gets back up. I’ll show him that I can deflect his blows with one hand. He’ll be surprised as hell.

I’m still a bit concerned for Dad through, if I’m being honest. I don’t understand what could have happened to make him like this, but it seems like something he can figure out on his own. At least, I think so.

Chapter 22: 25/11

25th of November.

Dad was back up again, yet barely.

I felt the need to prove myself. I lost to him again, my balance was not great, but I was getting there. Losing to dad when he’s still so sick, huh? A little embarrassing if I do say so myself… but it’s all worth it just to pwn more people in Crossroads.

Speaking of Crossroads, I haven’t been back in a while. I wonder how the players there are doing.

Chapter 23: 26/11

26th of November.

Crossroads are still super fun. Looking back on it, I’m glad I took a little while to come back. It’s like I’m playing for the first time again, except I’m really not.

I wish SFOTH was like Crossroads. I should ask Dad if he’d ever consider putting other weapons besides swords into his world.

I asked him later, and he jokingly said yes. How did I know he was joking? Well, he said that he was going to add all of these other extravagant weapons in as well. I’m glad he didn’t catch me rolling my eyes.

Chapter 24: 27/11

27th of November.

Fighting is getting even more fun. I think Crossroads may have inspired me more than I realised.

Dad is better now. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about why he left, saying it’s “private stuff,” but I know him too well that it’s definitely not that. Or, at least it’s not PRIVATE, private. It’ll be some stupid thing that goes on with his job, I bet my Darkhearts on it. He’ll end up telling me in a day or something.

Chapter 25: 28/11

28th of November.

Dad was trying to get back on his feet with fighting after that whole ordeal, using SFOTH as a playground for trialing all alone.

While he went, I looked further into the code on his old GUI. Turns out that not only is it a different language than the one I was being made to learn, but it’s an extremely dated one as well. So dated, in fact, that most of the lines being written would be illegible by today’s standards. Cool.

The more I study and look at the code, the more interesting it gets. Maybe scripting actually isn't so bad.

The one problem is that I can’t actually ask dad to teach me how to code in this language, or he’ll know I’ve been rummaging through his stuff. I think it might be better just to try and learn it myself in the little downtime I have.

Chapter 26: 29/11

29th of November.

Dad said to me that he was going to take time off of work for a week. He said he felt bad on how I was left alone for so long that time, but I could tell he didn’t really feel what he said. It was an underlying feeling.

He explained what happened. Apparently, the company he works at made a huge mistake with the code. Source got leaked, and there was a huge threat of hacking and complete exploitation. To combat this, they made their top employees (Dad included,) to stay over the weekend to fix it before everything went under. I must say, pulling a 48~ hour marathon of work shouldn’t be that strenuous to him of all people, but I suppose I’m not a friend of the friendly, kind, human Shedletsky, only Telamon.

He said it was completely irresponsible of the company itself, and he was considering quitting fully after. I guess he changed his mind then. I’m not sure how it could have possibly made him THAT tired, but people work differently, I guess. I knew the deal wasn’t that big.

But, with Dad home, it’s still a problem I didn’t think through. How am I going to try to learn how to code then? Will I have to do it in secret?

If I do… oh god, that’s going to be really difficult, because dad likes to check in on me at home a lot.

I guess I’ll have to be sneaky, or something.

Chapter 27: 30/11

30th of November.

I feel like I need to train. Not for any particular reason, just in general I need to keep on top of my skills. I haven't been out swordfighting in a little while against randoms, so a change of scenery was nice.

It turns out that rumour from that guy got really popular, and compared with that one run-in where Dad went back into his normal form… The questions have been like hell on earth.

“How do you know Telamon? Do you work for him?”

“Are you a hacker?”

If I hear any more questions like those, I’m seriously going to start going insane.

Chapter 28: 1/12

1st of December.

To be honest, they are right asking me if I’m a hacker. How ironic.

Chapter 29: 2/12

2nd of December.

Did Dad really need to get a huge bucket of fried chicken after beating me in a duel? And refuse to share any of it with me? I’m more confused of where he actually got it from…

What a strange victory prize… needless to say, Dad didn’t take too kindly to my judgments.

Chapter 30: 3/12

3rd of December.

I’m getting really good at Crossroads. So much so that the “hacker” rumour has spread from SFOTH to Crossroads itself. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been accused of using a custom script instead of just my own pure, pure skill.

At least they know what it’s like to be beat by a “demigod.”

Chapter 31: 4/12

4th of December.

I caught this one guy actually hacking in SFOTH!

I filed a report, and as soon as Dad had read who it was by, that scripter was gone immediately. When I went home after the whole ordeal, Dad said he was laughing so hard when he banned the guy, he nearly fell over. I have to admit, I chuckled a little imagining that image in my head.

However, Dad did ask me why I’ve been out in SFOTH and Crossroads so often. I said I just like the games, which in themselves are true, but I just feel so… significantly drawn to the experience. Maybe it’s the thrill of the competition? I couldn’t guess.

He did ask me if I’ve been feeling a little bored, and if I wanted to go out to Builder Brother’s pizza again. I thought I was fine, and didn't want to go anywhere. However, Dad was really adamant on taking me out again, so I just let him.

Dad is pretty glad I’ve been getting so addicted to Crossroads. After all, he did say that he spent a hell of a lot of time there. Fulfilling the prophecy or something dumb. Like father, like daughter.

Chapter 32: 5/12

5th of December.

I’m so tired… I hate going out…

For some context, dad made me play this game called Natural Disaster Survival.

Well that was a lie. He didn’t truly “make me,” It was either this one or 3 other boring sounding places, so of course I chose the one that didn’t sound absolutely mind-numbing.

This world was not what I had expected at all. It was all in the name of the game. Surviving these “natural” disasters, yet it was so tiring.

I didn’t know what to expect. Obviously, it was easy as hell for Dad to survive, because he could fly, but oftentimes he’d never even help me up, and I’d just be left to die.

Okay, maybe “left to die” is a harsh choice of words, but to be fair, it’s accurate. I’ll never forget that time where he just decided it would be a good idea to fly right over that tsunami, and just tell me to “find higher ground.”

He laughed when I failed at multiple points, too. Needless to say, it was a complete and utter embarrassment for me.

I don’t think anyone else in that game heard about my rumour though, so I guess I was safe.

I think I’ll just stick to Crossroads and SFOTH for now.

Chapter 33: 6/12

6th of December.

I’ve convinced Dad I need to stay home. Actually, no, I didn’t convince him, I just needed downtime after that spiel, and time to work on coding.

Listen, I can see why Dad used to script in this language. Albeit hard, it’s still got a sense of fun to it. Coding in this language is super simple and actually satisfying, unlike that other one.

I was able to make a few of my own working lines of code just from looking at Dad’s old ones. Is it really plagiarism if I just copy and paste some code? It’s not what I did, but my lines just seem way less skilled than Dad’s. I guess it’s for granted, he’s been doing it for way longer than I ever have.

It doesn’t matter. At least I’m a little happy I’m making progress.

Chapter 34: 7/12

7th of December.

Dad and I went to train again. I’ve been feeling such a strong pull to continue fighting recently. I’ve been chalking it up to Crossroads.

I’ve been making progress against Dad. My defenses have been getting way better. I think it’s because of Crossroads again, but I just can’t keep blaming everything on that place.

Dad even complimented me on my skills. I can tell he’s impressed. I just need to get better.

Chapter 35: 8/12

8th of December.

I need to keep training in Crossroads.

Chapter 36: 9/12

9th of December.

Dad forgot he was taking a week off of work, and it wasn’t a leave. That’s why I woke up to find him nowhere to be seen, with only a note outside. It said something about how he woke up and realised so quickly that he didn’t even have time to say goodbye.

I coded again to occupy myself, but after a while it got super boring really quickly. Curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to see if Dad owned any other GUIs, considering how the one I “inherited” (Sorry again, Dad.) only stopped at a certain point in time. I was wondering if there was a more recent addition.

So again, I went looking. I didn’t find another GUI, to my disappointment, but what I did find was this one sword in the attic, and it wasn't anything like the Darkhearts I had been using.

I mean, to any other person, this would be super concerning. But to me, this was normal. Dad always has a large collection of swords, he just never shows them off to me. Probably because he always wants training to be fair on both sides, but training is never really fair, to be honest. Sorry. What was I saying?

Oh yes, right. I found a sword in the attic.

It was a bright-ish green, similarly to that I’ve seen of the Venomshanks people wield in SFOTH. The only difference however, is that it’s got a lot of black on it. Which is weird, because I’ve never seen a Venomshank that looks like that before.

When I took it back to my room to investigate, I saw a software on dad’s old GUI connecting with the sword. It seemed strange, so I investigated again.

The software itself was called the “Daemonshank control panel.” I realised Daemonshank was probably the name of the weapon itself, but Dad had never told me about a sword that could connect to a program like this. Nor had I ever seen anybody use it.

Seeing the fact the sword itself was undoubtedly connected to the program got me super curious, so I dug into the software itself. Turns out, the Daemonshank software runs off of Dad’s old coding language. That was good, because I could fully understand what was going on.

Apparently, the sword can be manipulated by adding status effects onto those being striked by it. It has a bunch of other different settings to it as well, but I just couldn’t figure out how to use them, nor could I be brave enough to try. I was a little scared that if I did something wrong, it would tell Dad I was messing with his old stuff, and I really do not want to get him upset about that. I know he doesn’t like older stuff being brought up.

Maybe that’s the reason he doesn’t like being seen as Telamon in the “real” world. But that also reminded me about myself. It got me thinking about those last messages I saw from Dad on the GUI. They only seemed a few months away from when Dad said I was “born.”

Tomorrow I’ll ask him.

Chapter 37: 10/12

10th of December.

I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna ask him.

Dad was out of the house for today again, still training again. I never got the chance to ask him. When I remembered, he was knocked out cold, and I wasn’t bothered with waking him up.

Tomorrow will do.

Chapter 38: 11/12

11th of December.

Dad sat me down and explained to me. He didn’t look too happy.

Before he told me, he asked me to not be mad about it.

Chapter 39: 12/12

12th of December.

I don’t remember much of yesterday. It was mostly me talking to Dad, and then I was crying. I was crying a lot.

Dad said a lot of things, but from what I could tell, he wanted to keep this a secret from me for a while. He said he was waiting for the right time to tell me all this so that I’d understand.

Dad told me I wasn’t really a “real” person.

That was the bit that stunned me the most. I can’t tell why. Maybe the fact I wasn’t ‘alive’, at least, not by Dad’s standards.

I knew Dad was wrong. I felt it deep down. I know I’m alive.

He told me I was a manifestation. A manifestation made from him.

Am I… not my own being? I’m a different person. I know I am. I’m not Dad. I know I’m not Dad.

Chapter 40: 13/12

13th of December.

I’ll say the entirety of what Dad told me on the 11th. I think I just wasn’t in a good mindset those days. I… I think I’m getting better.

Dad said I was a manifestation, not a ‘real’ human being. I was created as a form of “physical hatred.” At least, that’s what he said.

I was made because Dad had the choice. The choice to eradicate all feelings of hatred and other similar negative emotions forever. I guess it’s a part of his godhood. People like him get to do whatever they want with enough power. So he created me to “hold all his hate.”

I don’t particularly know what he means by that. Am I a vessel? At this point, I can’t particularly tell why I was so upset yesterday. Bad mood, I guess.

I think I’ll ask Dad a little more tomorrow, like what happened leading up to my so-called ‘birth.’

Chapter 41: 14/12

14th of December.

Talked to Dad more. He seemed better off explaining knowing now I was less sad and more curious.

He said that he theorised I came to be from a small series of events. One of them being the stagnancy of SFOTH in it’s early days. He was upset at his people giving unfruitful battles, and the general inactivity of it all. When SFOTH started to get popular, however, Dad feared he would take his anger out on those below, and that’s why I was created. To hold negative feelings.

Well, he said he expected his hate to not be AS powerful. He assumed I’d manifest myself into a form of someone a little younger. Not that of someone as grown as I am. Dad said something about how I resembled a "teenager." I don't know what that is.

Dad made sure to tell me that he saw me as more than a manifestation, and that he was proud of me for all that I did. Reassuring words, yet I felt nothing from them.

Chapter 42: 15/11

15th of December.

I tried to use my knowledge of coding to try and program the Daemonshank. Just something to distract my mind from the knowledge so suddenly struck upon me.

It seems like I’ve definitely underestimated my abilities, because it caught on fire in the middle of trying to figure it out. I had to hide it from Dad so quickly, otherwise he would’ve known.

This also got me wondering, since the Daemonshank is a manifestation, according to this control panel… and Dad told me I was one as well… does that mean…?

I’ll have to keep digging.

Chapter 43: 16/12

16th of December.

I’ve never felt the pull to the battlefield as strong as I’ve had today.

I was a bit upset on how I wasn’t able to set the Daemonshank up to show all the other players. Disappointing, but I guess it’s just another reason to practice the basics.

Chapter 44: 17/12

17th of December.

I’m better at the basics than I’ve realised. Every block has been near-perfect, and every strike is timed correctly.

I’m loving fighting. Everything is so special and calculated.

Chapter 45: 18/12

18th of December.

Dad was out of the house again, so I decided to go back to Crossroads, but this time with the Daemonshank. It handles well, much more nimble than the old swords I’m used to. It’s better than I expected. God, I’m obsessed with this thing.

I remember when I found it, the handlegrip seemed molded to someone’s grip. Did Dad make the sword himself? I mean, it’s obvious, but considering the use, it seems to be an item he used to use often.

I find myself drawn to the object. There seems to be a connection between myself and that sword. I wonder what the backstory of this thing is, or how it came to be? It must be a fascinating story. Needless to say, I don’t think Dad ever expected it to end up in my hands.

Chapter 46: 19/12

19th of December.

I need to continue coding. I need to figure out how to program that sword, and myself too.

I spent a couple hours in my room just trying to learn more. Which was good, because I learnt a lot during that time. I managed to make a simple program on the sword– but I was proud of myself.

The update was just to see if I could make it glow, and guess what? I could. I was super glad that I was even able to change anything. When dad goes away again, I know I’m going to use it on those people down below, and their reactions will be priceless. Hell, I even tried on myself too. Colour changes are surprisingly simple- nothing outside of my own skillset. It seems that I can simply reroute the GUI and hook it to myself. Not without using a few cables, though.

However, I still thought about myself. It’s still been on my mind recently, I just haven’t written it down much. It’s been on my mind for ages, yet I don’t feel the need to do anything about it.

Chapter 47: 20/12

20th of December.

Dad was away again, so I tested out the Daemonshank. Which was a mistake, because now the entire world downstairs is convinced I’m a hacker. I heard that a whole ton of people filed reports to Dad.

I took some time to figure out if my theories were true, and I had struck pure gold. My entire being itself was programmable. Not just parts of myself, but the entirety. Unfortunately, I was too scared to do anything too drastic, I didn’t want to walk out looking completely different and get bombarded with a million questions from Dad. That would kill me.

Chapter 48: 21/12

21st of December.

Dad was back, but he didn’t check the reports, so I was fine.

All I did was go back to Crossroads.

Chapter 49: 21/12

21st of December.

Dad noticed how I’ve been spending so much time in SFOTH, and Crossroads. To be honest, I didn’t even realise how many days I’ve just been in there, working away, playing against others. It felt like some force was driving me back to those places. Was it an inner feeling? I couldn’t tell.

Maybe it factored in some part of dad telling me how I came to be. I mean, I know it sounds weird, but I’ve been thinking about it way more than I realised. Way too much. I haven’t been writing it down, either.

Maybe it’s the Daemonshank as well. I feel a strange urge telling me to use it. Telling me to keep playing with it instead of the Darkhearts I used to always use. Well, I still use them, but I’ve not been as fond of them recently. Dad has probably figured that much.

But is it really the thought that I was made out of nothing but hate that’s made me just… angry? Has it made me angrier…?

Chapter 50: 22/12

22nd of December.

I don’t know what to think.

Chapter 51: 23/12

23rd of December.

Dad says this “holiday” people down in the world celebrate is coming up soon. I think he told me it was called Christmas. He said something about how it was related to him, or was that sarcasm?

Needless to say, I’m not particularly thinking of celebrating. I just don’t feel the explicit need to.

Chapter 52: 24/12

24th of December.

To be honest, I feel bad that I’m hiding all of Dad’s old stuff from… well… him.

But why would he care? He doesn’t use any of it anyways, at least not anymore. So why should he be concerned?

I decided to ask Dad to seem as if I was going to go looking through it soon. When confronted, he seemed more than a little shocked. I then said I had just been walking past his closet often, to not only explain the question, but to appear as if I had not been rummaging through his stuff just yet. That was obviously a lie.

That was the first time I saw Dad pretty much genuinely scared for his life. He told me that whatever I do, I should NEVER go looking through his closet, because he has a lot of very private stuff in there that I shouldn’t see. In retrospect, it was quite dumb for him to say that. If I had been curious before and hadn’t directly gone through his stuff before, I would’ve really wanted to go through it now.

That really got me wondering. Does this mean that there’s more on the GUI that I haven’t noticed? I might have to look through it later.

Chapter 53: 25/12

25th of December.

Oh, my god.

I shouldn’t have overexplored the old GUI. I should have never read those old messages.

Needless to say, do not go and have a look at your Dad and his co-worker’s old texts. I think I’ve just run into the most horrific, horrifying, worst things I’ve ever seen.

I’m never going to see that guy the same again. This is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and this is counting everything else that’s happened since I’ve started this journal. "Builderman," if you’re reading this, I don’t ever want to see you again.

I think this is what Dad meant by “private stuff.” Ew.

…I’m going to stick to only using the GUI for coding purposes. This is the worst “Christmas present” I’ve ever found.

Chapter 54: 26/12

26th of December.

Dad told me he had been missing a sword. He’s noticed. I should have never taken the Daemonshank.

I guess it’s only a matter of time before he finds out what I’ve really been doing.

At least I can blame it all on this little headache I have.

Eugh, and that whole thing yesterday is still stuck in my head too... Disgusting.

Chapter 55: 27/12

27th of December.

Dad hasn’t checked the reports in a while. I hope he forgot about them.

He told me that a couple days ago that entire festival thing was happening, and that’s why he was away, because he was celebrating it with his people as Telamon himself.

Chapter 56: 28/12

28th of December.

I need to fight if it’s the last thing I do. I don’t care how many strikes I need to take, I need to prove myself.

Chapter 57: 29/12

29th of December.

Why is the only thing I feel like I can think about is fighting? And why am I so drawn to it?

It’s Crossroads. It’s all that game’s fault. No wonder the place is so addictive, the competition is more visible than SFOTH, and it’s entire system.

Wait. No. I’m not drawn to fighting. I’m drawn to the Daemonshank.

Oh, that beautiful sword… I don’t think I could ever fight without it now.

Chapter 58: 30/12

30th of December.

I’ve been server wiping recently in SFOTH, which is good. The only problem is that the hacking accusations have been getting worse, and worse, and worse. It’s to a point I’m faced with multiple people a day, claiming how I’m a scripter and I will “hack everyone.”

Was it because of the Daemonshank? Because it seems now, not only are they accusing me of stuff I’ve falsely done, they also seem terrified of me.

Chapter 59: 31/12

31st of December.

Dad trained with me. He can tell I hate the classic duel Darkhearts I use. I think he knows I’ve been using another sword.

He knows my patterns. Or does he?

Chapter 60: 1/1

1st of January.

Dad was excited it was a new year for his people, but all I’ve wanted to do was swordfight.

I feel only a little bad. I just can’t bring myself to really feel sorry for him.

Chapter 61: 2/1

2nd of January.

I’m still mastering the GUI. I can program different effects onto the Daemonshank. This is so fun.

Is it really fun?

I don’t think I know what “fun” really is. How strange. As much as I’ve assumed I’ve felt an emotion like that, I really don’t think I have.

It’s terrifying.

Chapter 62: 3/1

3rd of January.

Dad asked me why I only wanted to swordfight yesterday. I didn’t even know why myself. It’s consuming my life.

Chapter 63: 4/1

4th of January.

I feel a bit bad because I haven’t seen Dad in a little while, but I don’t know why I’ve been so… weird these last couple of days.

Dad told me I should take the day off. I felt like I should be doing something today, though. He took me back to Builder Brother’s Pizza as a “new year’s gift,” but I could tell he was just a little concerned. He knew something was up, and he just wanted to discuss and make sure it wasn’t too alarming.

I told him that I wasn’t even properly sure what had been happening. He didn’t know what to do about it, so we just ate in silence. The guy from last time wasn't there, either.

Chapter 64: 5/1

5th of January.

I like Crossroads better than SFOTH, and I’ll truly admit it.

I guess it’s just better. There’s more to it than SFOTH. You don’t get as bored as easily.

Chapter 65: 6/1

6th of January.

My head is throbbing. I can’t sleep. Is this what a migraine is?

God, I know tomorrow is going to be hell. I need some sleep, but I just can't get myself to do it.

Chapter 66: 7/1

7th of January.

Dad finally read the reports from yesterday, and he saw what I did. I was scared. That’s the only emotion I could feel.

Yet, I’m not sure if Dad even fully picked up on what I was doing. The report probably wasn’t detailed enough. I’m glad about that. I’m super glad. At least I assume so.

He said the report only detailed what I was doing, which was a bit of a relief. I asked Dad what he thought, and he just chalked it up to another random getting mad at me targeting them, so I doubled down with the truth and said he was correct.

I need to keep practicing with that blade. I need to be out there. I need to be stealthy.

Chapter 67: 8/1

8th of January.

These headaches are getting worse, so much worse, yet I still feel that familiar pull to fight. I’ve experienced it for over a month now.

Chapter 68: 9/1

9th of January.

I can’t take this headache anymore.

I asked Dad if there was anything he could possibly do about it, and he said he couldn’t, but I could tell he just couldn’t be bothered. I feel like he thinks I’m just being lazy…

I begged and begged, for please just a singular blessing, as he done many times before on human beings. I know it could be done. I knew it.

He said it wouldn’t work on me. Those words echo in my head.

…Why?

He’s lying, isn’t he…

Chapter 69: 10/1

10th of January.

Fighting is the only thing that takes the pain away. I need to get back out there, or the pain will grow stronger.

If I code, it won't go away. If I relax, it won’t go away. If I do anything that isn’t fighting, it will not subside.

Chapter 70: 11/1

11th of January.

I can tell Dad is getting extremely concerned for me. He says I need to take it easy in bed, as he always does, citing it’s a “simple fix for everything.” He says he’ll bring me anything I’d like.

Which, to be honest, getting in bed was probably a good idea. The headache has gotten less intense ever since I stepped foot back in, yet my desire to fight grows stronger. It won’t die down anytime soon.

He’s working from home today, so Dad will be Shedletsky all day instead of Telamon. Is it bad to think he’s a little more… fatherly in this form? Is it strange to admit I feel a little more loved? That’s weird. It might just be my imagination.

I decided to code again to put my mind off of the headache. Dad still hasn’t found the GUI yet, so it’s all smooth sailing.

I’ve wondered what it would be like if I were to code the Daemonshank with a sort of special feature- long ranged abilities. I originally had no idea how to code it all before, but then I searched among Dad’s other games, and that’s where I found the perfect script for it.

I found it in one of his other games, another fighting one from a little earlier on. The code was almost perfect, the colours just needed a little tweaking. That should be easy.

I finished it, and I can’t wait to try it out tomorrow.

Chapter 71: 12/1

12th of January.

So the headache may have calmed down, but now there’s a voice stuck in my head, and it’s been stuck for ages. I don’t know how to get rid of it.

It says things to me. It tells me to go fight again. I can’t tell what I should think of it. It’s weird, and I really don’t like it…

Chapter 72: 13/1

13th of January.

I went back to SFOTH. I tested out my Daemonshank. It all worked perfectly, as it should.

I loved seeing how those people fell apart under my strikes. I yearn to fight.

Chapter 73: 14/1

14th of January.

Are my wants of battle and these voices somehow connected? I feel so.

Chapter 74: 15/1

15th of January.

Dad has been acting significantly less happy.

Chapter 75: 16/1

16th of January.

Please… I need Dad to help me.

Just one blessing. Is that so hard to ask for? Yet he always says no. It’s getting to a point where these fights and the voice inside my head are unavoidable, despite everything I do to keep them under controlling. They say things I really don’t want them to say. It hurts.

I’m scared if I say anything more that Dad would tell me I’m lying. I really don’t like this. I don’t want to think like this. I want to go back to normal.

Chapter 76: 17/1

17th of January.

…It’s getting louder. It won't quiet down. I’m scared. I feel so scared.

What should I do…? Dad won’t help me…

Chapter 77: 18/1

18th of January.

Everyday, I just fight and fight. I toil and toil.

I hate my opponents, and I hope they hate me back. Everytime they accuse me of hacking makes me want to fight back harder. I want to scream and rip their throats out. I want to fight with so much worth that they beg and cry for even a sliver of mercy. I want to be feared. I want to be feared worse than they tell.

Chapter 78: 19/1

19th of January.

I kill again and again. Crossroads will not hold me. SFOTH will not hold me. I can easily tip over father.

Before, this would be an achievement worth celebrating completely. Now, I see it as only part of a plan. Unsure of it’s final form, I do not know what the full intent would even be. Is it just the people in my head?

Chapter 79: 20/1

20th of January.

He’s found the Daemonshank. He knows I have the GUI. I sense the fear in his eyes.

It’s really not like I care anymore. All I care about is the fun of the game. I’m better at fighting.

The clink of the swords when swung against each other… What is there not to love?

Chapter 80: 21/1

21st of January.

I don’t care what those people accuse me of anymore. I really don’t care. Because they’re right.

I’ve found out more than enough. I seek out more than enough. I don’t care what people say. I just need to be the last one standing. I just need to be alive. I need to fight. I need to dominate.

Chapter 81: 22/1

22nd of January.

Dad has plotted against me.

He said it was for my own good.

The voice tells me otherwise.

They say he wanted to control me. To make my power go. To protect himself from how I would become stronger than him. He was jealous. He’s always been jealous.

I know he’s been wanting to make this decision for a while. I know it’s been for a while, because of his change in behaviour.

Chapter 82: 23/1

23rd of January.

Telamon was never my father.

Chapter 83: 24/1

24th of January.

That bastard.

He tricked me. He wanted me dead. He didn’t want me to flourish, much the opposite.

He trapped me. He trapped me in the banlands. I remember him saying he would never do such a thing to me. He promised. He swore. He swore on his life. I remember it so clearly.

I feel like I’ve been here for a while. I’m not sure how long I’ve been in this black skybox, but I know it’s enough to see the full picture, and yet it is grim.

Chapter 84: 25/1

25th of January.

I’m surprised I’m still keeping track of time. This place has no clock, nothing at all.

Now I know why Dad- no, sorry, Telamon always liked to send people here. He took it upon himself to personally banish those who had wronged him. He didn’t even make this place himself, yet he has no trouble sending those he doesn’t like to this realm. He hates me.

I don’t know whether to feel upset and angry, or just sad.

Why didn’t Telamon regard me as something else? Didn’t he see me as his son? His child? His daughter? I don’t understand.

Chapter 85: 27/1

27th of January.

I can’t tell what to think.

The only thing in this empty void to keep me company is the GUI, and even yet I’m too miserable to work with it. I don’t know how I’m able to still let it work in here, but I’m glad. I’m so glad.

I hate everything about SFOTH. I hate everything about Telamon.

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

Dad gets to choose when I leave, but I fear that now it’s too late. I have no choice but to stay.

I’m afraid he will never let me go. I’m afraid I’ll be trapped here forever.

Is this my destiny now?

Chapter 86: 3/2

3rd of February.

How long have I spent here? I can’t tell anymore.

Days. Weeks. Months.

This isn’t for myself, he just wanted to trick me. He wasn’t concerned at all. I think he must’ve wanted to live a life without me in it.

Chapter 87: 6/2

6th of February.

I’ve heard crying is a sign of weakness. Telamon told me that once. He told me after that whole situation with my history.

In fact, he’s told me a lot of things like that. He told me that fighting was one of the only ways I’ll prove myself. I never noted them down, since I assumed it was normal to me.

Was it really not?

I’m not sure. The more time I spend in this dark prison, the more I question my own underlying values. Even the voices join in, too.

Chapter 88: 7/2

7th of February.

It’s hard to admit, as the days go by, Dad’s life must be so much easier on the surface outside.

His people must be rioting, happy that their famed “hacker” is gone, and nowhere to be found.

They don’t know anything about me, they don’t know who I am. I’m not that. I’m anything but that.

Dad is celebrating. He’s throwing his hands up in the air. He’s laughing. He’s crying with his friends. He pops open a drink in celebration with his dirty fingers and downs it entirely.

I know now I was born of hatred and regret, but I only wanted to appear kind. I only wanted to fight peacefully. I know what I wanted, and it was nowhere near harmful.

This is too much. I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow. It’s too nauseating to think about what I’m missing.

Chapter 89: 9/2

9th of February.

I’m not mad, I’m not angry. I’ve realised I’m just disappointed. I’m regretful.

How couldn’t I just have controlled myself? It could have been so easy. I could have just stopped listening. Stopped looking. Stopped thinking. Stopped hearing.

But what could I have proved to dad to even make him assume I was unwell? He only noticed until it had the worst of the worst symptoms, and even then it felt like he never even believed me.

How was I just so stupid?

Chapter 90: 12/2

12th of February.

I don’t think he ever loved me.

I even remember overhearing others telling him he was unfit to raise a child.

I remember always thinking they were wrong.

I see the full picture now.

Chapter 91: 14/2

14th of February.

I’m an entity. That’s what Telamon saw me as.

An entity, not a person. Never a person.

Chapter 92: 15/2

15th of February.

I see it all clearly. The voice gets louder.

They tell me that the more I sit in this black void, the more I’ll learn. Rotting away isn’t even an option at this point.

I need to learn. I need to get out of here.

Chapter 93: 18/2

18th of February.

The voices are manifesting themselves as visions. Visions of myself.

I see myself in the pitch black darkness, waving at the real me. Their lives seem no different than mine. But whenever I go over to see them, they disappear.

It’s as if they were never there.

Chapter 94: 26/2

26th of February.

Every passing hour makes me feel weaker and worse than before. It’s what happens when you haven’t had practice in years.

Has it even been years? Does the clock on the GUI even still move?

It’s been stuck in the same position for hours at this point. At this point, I’m practically guessing the time it is.

Or does time not pass in this realm?

I’m scared. I’m really scared. I just want to go home. This isn’t where I should be.

Chapter 95: 3/3

3rd of March.

No amount of kicking, crying, or screaming will ever get me out. I just sit here in silence. I wonder what d… Telamon must be doing.

He must be eating his lunch as he always does, at his work. He’s happy that I’m not there at home to look after. He’ll say it takes a weight off of his chest, a large one.

He’ll admit to his coworkers that he never created a thing. He’ll cover up his own tracks. He’ll call me a hoax.

That’s the only thing the world will know.

“1x1x1x1 is a hoax.”

If the world will see me as only a hoax, why should I let it stay that way?

At this point, there’s nothing to lose.

Chapter 96: 13/3

13th of March.

SFOTH must be having a festival. I know it is.

I know Telamon must be coming down to his people, rewarding them greatly as only himself. He cherishes and showers them in fake flowers, or would they be real?

If they were fake, his personality would be similar to them.

Telamon was never happy about his people. I knew it. I should’ve told him every chance I got. It was the entire reason for my existence.

I should’ve told him how bad of a fathe- creator, he was.

How he only ever cared about the game in front of him.

Chapter 97: 29/3

29th of March.

Coding the GUI is the only thing I can do now.

My code will be better than Telamon’s in the end.

Chapter 98: 7/4

7th of April.

I keep having visions. Visions of myself when I was younger, playing with Telamon.

He’d use to take me to this other world he had governed, which had nobody in it. He’d take me to the gardenside, and push me on the swing.

I remember having fun. That was one of the only times I recall stepping out of the normal Skybox, pre-this journal.

I wish I could go back to that time.

Chapter 99: 8/4

8th of April.

No.

I should have never said that.

Now the visions get stronger, and they show even more moments I’ve had with Telamon.

They’re ones I’m supposed to look back “fondly” on, but now, considering everything to do with my circumstances, they fill me with an unbridled rage.

Chapter 100: 30/4

30th of April.

How do I turn back time?

Whenever I glance at my arms, they're as dark as the walls around me. I feel unkempt. I feel unclean. I feel unloved.

But I was never made to be loved.

Every single scratch that lines my skin now, it hurts. It stings. I hated those first few days here. I used to do the worst to myself. I didn't think it would be of any use continuing that behaviour, so I stopped.

Eugh. I don’t even want to take a glance at this mess. Nobody would, anyways.

Chapter 101: 2/5

2nd of May.

I need to prove the reason.

I write more and more code.

I’ll prove myself, if it's the last thing I do.

Chapter 102: 4/5

4th of May.

Who even am I at this point?

I messed up Dad’s entire plans. Ruined the time he wanted to spend with me. I’m paying my punishment. It’s what I deserve.

There’s nothing in here that I could use to reverse it.

God, I think I’m relapsing with this regret again. I must be wrong about how long I’ve spent in here.

Chapter 103: 6/5

6th of May.

I’m miserable.

I fear the voices are taunting me. I know they are.

Chapter 104: 7/5

7th of May.

Something strange is happening.

The voices are now physical, and not in the way they were before.

I can clearly see the form they take, and it’s of me.

But at the same time, it isn’t.

They’re a strange manifestation. They look just like me, but… they’re not. I don’t recognise them as that.

Chapter 105: 11/5

11th of May.

I can feel their touch. I can feel their presence. They’re all real. They’re all there.

Chapter 106: 31/5

31st of May.

At this point, I can’t even bother to imagine having even a bit of sympathy for Telamon.

I knew myself better than he would ever know. I can’t understand why he would do this, but it’s already been done. There’s nothing I can undo.

Telamon doesn’t know anything about me. He never knew who I was. He never knew how I actually felt. He didn’t know how I was on the inside. How idiotic it was to try and impose his own conclusion from a couple moments.

Chapter 107: 14/7

14th of July.

I know what I need to do.

For all this time, I’ve felt trapped in this prison. I must claw my way out.

The visions tell me I can escape. They say I have the power to, but I can’t help but doubt that I do.

Chapter 108: 17/7

17th of July.

If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I’d rather face the reality of the world outside, or continue living here and never come out.

How jarring would it be for the rest of the population to see my face and immediately associate me with exploitation?

I’ve been over this already. Thousands of times.

Chapter 109: 26/7

26th of July.

I must leave this place myself.

I don’t care how long it takes, all I need to do is leave.

I don’t care what the reactions will be.

I just need to get out.

Chapter 110: 30/7

30th of July.

I know the GUI has the key.

This prison is one made of data and lines. I just need to find the right line. If I’m able to find even a slight weakness, I’ll be free.

Chapter 111: 6/8

6th of August.

I knew the Banlands is something simple.

I haven’t figured out the key yet, but that’s what the figures tell me. They corner around me in circles, watching and waiting, chanting hymns of praise.

They glow green in the sides of my vision, adorned with stone-like skin and a sickening glow, that comparable to radiation.

Then I realized— these beings are not any visions.

Are they… the people I have... killed?

Chapter 112: 9/8

9th of August.

The only emotion I can feel is rage. I need to leave. I need to escape. It’s what I need to do.

I will enact revenge on those people.

Chapter 113: 19/9

19th of September.

The figures tell me to keep coding, and I will. I'll code if it’s the last thing I do.

Chapter 114: 21/9

21st of September.

I don’t know if I can feel another emotion other than rage.

This is what I was made for.

But at the same time, I’m angry at myself the most. I shouldn’t have fallen down the hole which was destined for me.

I’m not that.

I don’t know who I am, but I’m not that.

Chapter 115: 25/9

25th of September.

I toil away. Everytime I think I’m closer to escape, I feel pushed back. I know it’s all in the GUI, yet my progress is futile.

Chapter 116: 1/10

1st of October.

Another successful line of code.

I knew time was eventually going to pass, but I didn’t expect myself to actually “age.” There are no mirrors in this place, so I know I’ll have to see what I actually appear like when I escape this hell.

I know my hair has been getting longer. I know I’ve been getting older. But I can’t say for sure until I leave this place.

Chapter 117: 13/10

13th of October.

The figures have little consciousness. They refer to themselves as “clones” of myself, but they look nothing like me. At least what I remember myself to look like.

They take little interest in whatever I do. They don’t know anything else, yet they materialize themselves to existence all because of me. It’s interesting, really.

I can’t pay them any mind, though. I must not.

Chapter 118: 16/10

16th of October.

I know my code is good. I know it’s getting better.

Shedletsky will beg at my feet. He’ll cry for mercy as I push my sword into his soul. I’ll pierce his heart with my twin Darkhearts until he explains why he did this to me. He won't see anything coming.

I’ll kill him. I’ll make him pay for what he has done to me.

Chapter 119: 22/10

22nd of October.

I know I’m almost there.

This GUI was easy to hack.

Is hack even the right word to use? I can’t tell anymore.

If the world declares me as someone like this, I’ll show them what I am.

I’ll meet the expectations, and show even more than needed.

Chapter 120: 24/10

24th of October.

Tomorrow I will leave. I’m sure of it.

Telamon will pay for what he did.

Everything will come undone.

I promise.

Chapter 121: 29/10/2X

29th of October, 202X.

I’m out of that prison.

Finally.

I didn’t know how long it would take, but it was hours of gruelling, long lines of code stretched between me and the final checkpoint. Deep down, I knew everything would go to plan. The last thing I wrote here must’ve have been from years ago.

It seemed time passed much quicker in the world above. It has to have been at the very least ten years. My idea about the dates that have gone by have definitely been anything but correct.

I have fleeting memories of Telamon telling me the Banlands were impenetrable. His colleague had made them. I’m unsure of which one. Besides that, I had assumed, and he had as well, that no exploiter would be able to escape. Their code, nor any of their programs would ever be able to outsmart this black Skybox.

Does this mean he would be proud of me?

No. I shouldn’t think that. I’m still upset. I’m still angry at him for all he’s done. He trapped me there and never bothered to check. He never bothered to give me a second chance, and it was all because I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight so bad, I couldn’t think of anything else. He was too absorbed in his own world to let his simple, lowly child mess up any of his plans.

Over my time in isolation, I’ve thought of many unmarked theories that could’ve caused this. I’m not sure if my “reason for existence” was a part of it, the hatred could’ve just been the way of creation and not my actual defining feature. However, It’s more plausible that it did affect me in some way. The code from the GUI could have also played a big part too. In fact, I assume the main reason was its corrupt code. Could it have easily manipulated my being? Ha, I’m not sure if I doubt it or not. I’m not even sure how such a small thing could have easily made me so anguished with an overconsuming gluttony for bloodshed.

I’m sure this is the reason, and yet it sends me a question trickling down my spine; Why did Telamon not even bother to help?

It seemed neglectful. Horrible. Uncharacteristic of him.

Until I realise.

He never wanted me as a son. He never wanted me as a daughter. He just wanted me as a trophy, to prove himself to others.

That’s the secret.

Although, I’m unsure about this reality now.

It would be my birthday today, too. That is if I wanted to celebrate. I don’t, for obvious reasons. I don’t particularly want to think about my past, nor do I want to think about things given to me by Telamon. My birthday, being one of them.

It’s unimportant now, anyways, considering the grand scheme of things.

Chapter 122: 30/10/2X

30th of October, 202X.

It seems the skybox and SFOTH have been almost completely, utterly abandoned.

I took a stroll through the old Skybox. Where I used to live. It seems the place fell into disarray, shortly after I had left. Either that, or Telamon abandoned it close after he placed me in the Banlands. Of course he did. That bastard only wanted to appease himself.

But the worst part was when I walked past that mirror. Oh, I didn’t recognise the person staring back to recognise it as myself. I looked so drastically different. I did age, and I aged a lot. I can’t exactly pinpoint how old I am physically anymore. It used to be so easy before, since the passage of time would consistently align itself with my body, but now I’m definitely not as young as I was before. If I had to pinpoint an exact number, according to human standards, I think I’m in my late 20s. All that stuff is worthless to me, anyways.

The first thing I truly noticed was the length of my hair. It wasn’t the comfortably short length I once had before, yet it was still that sickly, blinding white. I looked so disarrayed, yet still to the eyes of one who had known me, could be easily recognised. Or so I assume so. There is nobody here, nobody left to notice me. Nobody left to remember my existence.

Or is there?

The other thing I really noticed about my appearance was the colour of the other parts of my body, specifically my limbs and torso. They weren’t the same colours as I had remembered all those years ago, but I could be playing a trick on myself. I couldn’t understand what could’ve made me change like this so drastically. Was the code on myself so drastically changed? How bored could I have gotten in that unforgiving prison? Oh, the scars on my arms as well. I remember hating those, but I couldn’t get enough of what I was doing. What a strange person I was. Although, this mirror does seem familiar, despite the obvious dust settling on the sides. I must’ve used it a lot.

I continued searching through the Skybox, which then made me remember my Daemonshank I had been so accustomed to using before. All I remember was that Telamon was so kind to take it away right before I entered my eternal prison to rot away in. That place must have been so dark by comparison. Everything around me burns my eyes.

Ah, yes. I found it. Telamon really did not do a good job of hiding those items, did he? The top shelf in full display, by my perspective, is not a very good place to hide items from anyone else, especially on how much he insisted it was not for me to find at all.

It makes me laugh to myself, but then I remember who was really the true joke.

Chapter 123: 31/10/2X

31st of October, 202X.

I found a calendar on the wall of the Skybox. The latest date says 2008. Late February, 2008. I can’t guess how long it has been since that year. I do not remember it fondly, nor do I want to remember it at all. I assume Telamon must have left not long after he trapped me in that prison.

I took a trip to SFOTH. It was mostly dead, so there was no need to hide myself away in fear others would see.

In fact, that made me wonder slightly. How much did that old rumour get around? I mean, it was true, but only slightly at that time. With all that convincing myself that I had done the exact same of what was told, you could even tell yourself that that too was a form of self-harm. It doesn't matter. When you feed into a rumour, you’re destined to become it.

Yet the tricky part was I never fed into it. But I guess, older and wiser now, I truly am feeding into the stereotype of myself. Is that irony, or what? I find it amusing how I would’ve hated seeing myself admit this.

Anyway, SFOTH has been quiet, super quiet. Ever since I’ve been gone, I’ve never seen a game once so popular become so dead so fast. Actually, no, it was not dead so fast. Another misjudgement of time being spent once again.

Chapter 124: 1/11/2X

1st of November, 202X.

I’ve realised that breaking out took me a lot longer than I realised. I was putting so much energy into learning how to script, exploit, just claw my way out of there, that I didn’t realise it took up more than half of my actual time spent inside that box. I was so busy, in fact, I could not spend the time to note down anything of note.

Note down anything of note? What is this, repetition?

Anyways. I remember the process being grueling. Not hard, but tedious. It was like forced labour. Making sure every part of my program aligned with the skybox’s entire outside programming was insanely hard.

I remember becoming so desperate I employed my clones too. I remember them getting in the way of so much of my work, however, that I never wanted to give up at that point more than in my entire life. To just sit, rot away in my own eternal prison for the rest of my futile life. I’ve never been happier that I am outside.

Am I happier? Can I even feel the emotion described?

I turn into the depths of myself, and realise that, no. I’m not happy. I don’t even know what that looks like on the inside. I would be miserable, but I can’t feel that emotion anymore either.

Chapter 125: 2/11/2X

2nd of November, 202X.

I realised all I feel is hate. I bet people would feel bad for me if they knew that, but it’s hard to feel bad for yourself when you can’t feel anything else anymore.

It tires me out, but not in an exhausted way. Does that make even the slightest sense? I can’t tell if it does.

Chapter 126: 3/11/2X

3rd of November, 202X.

Someone went back to SFOTH, and I noticed. It was hard not to, considering they were the only moving part there anymore. All the other ones had seen better days, wear and tear from obvious long use, or had glitched so far into oblivion that they were completely unusable.

I knew this person was an original player of the game, and they had only joined for a good nostalgia trip. If I really wanted to, I probably would’ve gotten the time to know them, and figure out who they were. I possibly could have recognised them, but that was never my plan.

I’m sure they got startled when they saw another person called 1x1x1x1 join their game. I was sure of that, ‘cause I saw their scared expression from halfway across the world. They had definitely heard the rumour, but even so, they probably had assumed earlier that it was a hoax.

This was good. I was going to get my very first kill in a while, and my first time testing out the Daemonshank again in a more “modern” era.

I rushed from behind to kill this person, I landed a couple strikes, and they tried to fight back, yet it was futile. Their strikes were incomparable to mine, being met with scissor-like precision with my hits was not to be expected.

Oh, I feel bad for this poor soul. I don’t think they ever expected to be beat by the “legendary” 1x1x1x1 today.

All they left behind was a singular item. A bright, lime green domino crown. How odd.

I remember, back when I was younger, that domino crowns were extremely common. Yet, I had never seen anybody with one as green as this. There had never been one in existence. Not that I had known of, anyways.

Yet it drew me in. I was intrigued, if I could even call the feeling that. Such an item seemed rare. Must’ve gone for thousands on the marketplace Telamon used to talk about.

Needless to say, I took it.

I was a little curious, so you couldn’t blame anything on me. And plus, it had truly been a while since I’ve had anything to myself of note.

I’ll start wearing it. It looks interesting.

Chapter 127: 4/11/2X

4th of November, 202X.

I’ve missed being back, yet Crossroads also seems abandoned.

It truly got me wondering where Telamon has gone. It wasn’t like him to completely abandon a place where he lived in his entirety. He was so proud of the Skybox and SFOTH itself, yet to leave it completely in the blink of an eye?

That’s when I stumbled across something. He had left another GUI here. Hah. I was convinced he wouldn’t do that again, not after the first time. It was placed so recklessly, out in the open too. It’s like he was just begging me to find it.

I looked throughout the GUI once more, and that’s how I found out what happened. A Little more underwhelming than I had expected.

Apparently, Telamon had just had enough of his own godhood, and wanted to be among his people as they traversed towards other lands. He decided to become and live as Shedletsky for the rest of his own life, to traverse and play among those he had adored so dearly, in his own words. It would be cute, if it wasn’t talking about Telamon, and making my blood boil.

I would’ve been happy for him, if he didn’t decide to leave me behind as well all those years ago. It still makes me upset.

Yet, I still can’t help but wonder why he’d just want to blatantly forget me like this.

I need a couple days to think about the weight of this situation, and what I’ll do next. Tomorrow will be the day It’ll truly weigh on me.

Chapter 128: 5/11/2X

5th of November, 202X.

I fear the world would not be ready to see the “illustrious” 1x1x1x1 return. It was a good thing I killed that guy a couple days ago, otherwise everything would’ve resurfaced once more. I’m not sure how much that person would get around, but considering earlier consequences, I would assume similar things.

They must have been an exploiter. How endearing to see a famed hacker meet another, smaller one. If they had survived, I knew they would be traversing around, telling everyone they had met me. It would be almost endearing.

I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to do now, now that Telamon has left this place. My first thought, as I stepped out of that prison, was to find him and try to kill him. Unfortunately, it seems that that plan has failed, as he has not been here for over ten years. I will have to say, the fact that I still use this “journal” is interesting, and not very characteristic of me. The fact I still own and use an item I got for my seventeenth birthday is shocking, let alone strange. Even worse yet when you realise it was gifted by Telamon himself.

I guess the most logical thing to do now is to go find Telamon. I’m sure he’ll be surprised about my appearance, that’s for sure. But to be fair- what is there really to lose at this point? I’ve got no other goals than attempting to get revenge on him, but after that, what shall I even do? The best next option could probably be something along the lines of trying to feel something other than hate, but I fear that would be futile as well. I wouldn’t even understand how I could go about it.

I assume this will probably be my last “proper” entry before I begin my hunt for Telamon. Before I actually leave, I’ll probably spend a while just looking through these old entries from almost centuries back. I don’t remember too much of what happened before my exile, so I think it would be somewhat nice to remember that time before.

Well, this is it for “me” now. The next “entry” will probably be something to Telamon himself. A warning, of sorts. I hope it gets the job done. After that, I doubt I’ll be writing anything more.

I guess this must be the end, hm?

Chapter 129: A message to Telamon.

To the person reading this, may it be Shedletsky, formerly known as Telamon;

I know the place where you now reside. I haven’t seen it with my own two eyes, yet, but I know the world. I know the exact way you look like, even if it has changed drastically. Even if I do not remember every detail down to the exact core, I still know it is you.

I remember what you have done to me. I remember all those things, how you refused to get me help all those years ago. How you found it more “convenient” to lock me in a prison for years on end, and supply me with nothing. To straight up abandon a child you once thought of as someone you cared for.

I didn’t understand then, but now I know better.

So tell me, Telamon. How have your days been? How has abandoning your godhood fared you? Does it bring you any regrets? Has it served you well?

Any regrets, those consisting of a certain someone’s abandonment?

Or, more likely, do you not regret anything that has happened to you? Do these words not only not scare you, but seem endearing? Do I speak with your feelings you once had? Because I know I never had my own. The last surge of empathy I could ever feel disappeared within my thousand year stay in that hellhole you left me in.

I don’t care who you are now.

I need to see you again, in person.

I don’t care where you are, or what you are doing now.

This will be my payback for all you have done, Telamon.

I have never hated a person as much as I have hated you. And to think I had thought that you were a caregiver, when you were just lazy and apathetic? How foolish of me.

Yet now, the bigger picture is clear. So yet again, I request you to be my guest.

Let us fight to the death. I’ll come find you. I know your ability to fight has probably been getting weaker by the coming years, each pushing back and back upon your own choice to abandon that part of you, to forget and cut ties to me.

How does it really feel to be the father, the creator, to the 1x1x1x1? I bet it feels great. I bet it feels amazing. I hope you get questions every single day about me. I hope the everloving dread builds up over time, with every single answer you have to give. I hope the world wonders where I have been, and when the last time they had properly seen me appear out in public.

I hope it torments you every day, Telamon, like you once did to me.

You are unfair, yet, that is the state the world is, is it not? The only problem, however, is that lightning always strikes twice. It’s a myth that it doesn’t. Whatever you’ve done to me, I’ll come back and do the exact same things to you.

And I will show you how much I truly hate you.

Chapter 130: Author's Note

i personally want to thank everyone for their longtime support of misfortune diaries!

this fic has been both a joy to create and deliver to such an understanding and great audience. i want to thank everyone for so many hits and kudos… because genuinely i didn’t think that this fic would become one of the MOST kudosed fics for forsaken. like over 1k kudos. it’s genuinely crazy to be here and im not even sure what im supposed to do with such a famous fic now 😭😭

although i haven’t been responding to comments at times, i thoroughly enjoyed and read every single one that you guys have given this fic. genuinely the highlight of my day is checking you guy’s comments left for me cause you always have something nice to say (even if half of you are actually seriously insane in the comments?? 😭 but ill get into that later)

anyways!!!! this was a super fun writing practice and a good practice for ao3 in general!!!! usually i get really anxious trying to upload my work and chicken out, but making this fic was super fun! fun fact: i pre-wrote this entire thing in 3 days. And i’ve been updating it all throughout school, holidays, and even a hospital visit 💔author’s curse type shit

after this, i’m probably going to work more on finishing devotion only goes so far, my other fic, and then uploading a doc with headcanons so people can see my visions for characters!!

I want to say some massive thank yous to KyoufuGaaden, Virtual_Wolf, mefrfuji, spacecatkin, lucianhala, DappleEcho, KRYER, Rabies_Haver, ToastyLycan, Wowimsick, Dragonsunit, IdioticArtist, KawaiiPonyz, mush_PNG, DoomishFlames, WuppersIDK, azu_zen, rachelisrotting (YOU ARE INSANE BTW JSUT SAYING. FIC IS NOT THAT GOOD CALM DOWN😭) and SOOOO many more. I really thank all you guys for your support as regular commenters and i LOVE seeing all your support for this!!!!!!

and here is a qna nobody asked for… considering the comments i’ve been getting on this fic. you can ask any more if you want in the comment section of this chapter!!!

Q: what did 1x find in telamon’s gui?
A: the short answer is that shed and builderman were lowkey getting freaky over text in like 2005. seriously tho the telamon’s bonus jokes in the comments were super funny😭😭

Q: how old is 1x at this date? (in the first half of the fic)
A: the fic starts on 1x’s 17th birthday, and ends when he is 29. these are more or less his physical ages though, as chronologically he’s much older than that

Q: will this fic be getting a sequel?
A: it depends. now that i’m finished with this fic, i’m probably going to work on finishing devotion only goes so far, after that, i’ll probably make a fic of headcanons, but ill see how long i’m still in thw fandom after that. so, short answer is probably not, but you guys are free to have ideas and headcanons of what happens to 1x after he gets forsakened in this au

Q: what did 1x mean in chapter 28?
A: okay, a lot people have asked me about this, so i’ll explain the best i can. he just finds it ironic how people are calling him a hacker and he’s getting mad over it even though he’s genuinely learning to script. guys thats literally it. it's not supposed to be foreshadowing or anything BUT i guess it kinda is lol

Q: what happened to elliot in chapter 63?
A: nothing, he was just not clocked in then 😭😭😭 hes not dead guys… calm down..

now… i’ve made some art that i promised i would share at the end of this fic for all of you to see… so here is some of it!!

this is how i imagined 1x throughout the series (before his abandonment)

and this is telamon!!!

finally.... here's some dumbass doodles i did about this fic

well i guess that’s it for now… remember to take care guys and keep on being silly….