Work Text:
Buck honest to God was spiraling.
From being left by Tommy just shy of a couple of months ago to Eddie deciding that El Paso is a better place to raise his son. So yeah, he was slightly losing it. So when he decided to come with Eddie to settle into the new house, he wasn’t exactly normal about it.
He made a playlist, made snacks, and is definitely not pining over Eddie Diaz. They made a plan. Buck would come down, see Chris for a few days, and then fly back to LA. The entire car ride would be just shy of twelve hours, and while he had never really been in Arizona, he was excited to mark potential places to visit with Chris and Eddie.
If they chose to come back.
So, with the car loaded and GPS ready, they set off to El Paso. The drive was nothing that they couldn’t handle. Hell, they were firefighters that had 24-hour shifts once every two weeks. So, once they reached the two-hour mark, the idle chatter turned to Joshua Park. In all the time Buck had settled into LA life, he hadn’t been out to the national park. “Hey, we should go there with Chris sometime.” Eddie looked up from his phone and raised an eyebrow, “Camping? Sure. We can visit over the summer.”
Right. Just visiting. Not staying. “We’ll definitely plan it!” He sounded too chipper, so to ease the ache, he shoved one of many snacks in his mouth. If Eddie noticed his strange behavior, he was too polite to call him on it. They drove through the desert and by the time the Phoenix signs came into view, Buck was ready to combust.
He was trying so desperately to keep whatever semblance of a lid on how he felt, but as they got closer to El Paso, he felt further from Eddie. And don’t get him wrong, Eddie needed to be with Chris, there was no question, but he assumed that they both would be coming home. They stopped to refill on gas and switch drivers at some gas station on the outskirts when Eddie had finally said something.
“Buck, you okay? You were quiet that last leg.” Buck chuckled and shrugged, “I was focused on the road. That’s all.” Eddie gave him an unimpressed look. “This coming from the guy that tells me animal facts constantly?” “Get in the truck Diaz,” he responded with a lighthearted shove.
The second half of the trip was much more chatty than the first because Buck wouldn’t shut up. It started with an ostrich farm between Phoenix and Tucson. “Oo Eddie, can we stop please?” “No, absolutely not.” “Come on, please? Did you know that they are the largest two-toed birds? And what are they doing in Arizona? All questions can be answered if we stop. Plus, Chris would love a picture of you being chased down.” The words just kept coming, and while Buck kinda did want to see the birds, he also wanted more time with Eddie. “Buck just put it on the list.”
The list was something they had come up with back when Chris was 10. There were dozens of things on the list ranging from visiting various monuments to visiting the San Diego Zoo. All experiences that both Buck and Eddie wanted to do together, but now it seemed like it wouldn’t ever come to fruition.
They passed the ostrich farm as Buck typed it into the growing list of things and closed his phone. “Are you nervous,” he asked tentatively, hoping to bridge the ever-growing gap he was beginning to feel. Eddie sighed and drummed his thumbs against the wheel, “Yeah, I am. I haven’t told him and the closer I get, the more I think it’s a bad idea,” he paused, “I’m glad you’re here, though.”
The flutter in Buck’s chest was quickly stamped out once he remembered he wasn’t staying. He’s there to help Eddie settle and that’s it. Totally platonic. His flight was in a few days out of the El Paso airport and then he won’t know the next time he’ll see the Diaz boys again. “I’m glad I’m here too. Who else will help you unpack your boxes?” Buck laughed softly, a sad, shallow laugh that didn’t sound real. “Buck…this isn’t goodbye. You know that, right?” Eddie questioned and glanced at him, his forehead crinkled in concern.
They were too far from El Paso for Buck to have a ‘bearing your soul’ moment, so he just nodded, “Yeah, I know. Plus, I know your kid needs you more than I do,” he tried to joke but it sounded flat.
They drove through the rest of Arizona without much fanfare. It really is just a desert with random ghost towns. (Tombstone made it on the list.) They stopped and switched right before getting into El Paso. Eddie was guiding Buck to his new house while he was trying to keep it together.
The house was adorable, really. A single-story house that needed a little TLC but not much. “Wow, that picture did not do it justice.”
Eddie smirked, crossing his arms. “See? Nothing to worry about.”
The house came mostly furnished, which was great because Eddie didn’t have much. They didn’t bother unpacking tonight while Eddie finally mustered up the courage to tell Chris that he was in El Paso. It was a closed-door conversation, but by the end of it, Eddie was slumped on the couch. “Good talk?” Buck asked from the kitchen and grabbed the pizza that was just delivered. “Well, he’s not super-enthused that I’m here, but at least he’s agreed to see us tomorrow.” Buck nodded in agreement. “Hey! That’s good, right? He’s not totally shutting you out.”
Eddie huffed a laugh, “Sure, it’s not like my 14-year-old despises me for something that I did then moved 12 hours away from my job to make up with him. Super normal.” Buck patted his knee reassuringly. Well, an attempt to be reassuring. “Eddie, you messed up, yeah, but at least you’re trying. You’re a parent. They do the most insane things for their kids.”
His chest tightened, remembering his own upbringing and how he was considered a spare . But this isn’t about him right now.
Eddie rolled his head against the cushion to look at Buck. “I know, but I can’t help thinking this is all a mistake. I can’t lose him, Buck.” The admission was quiet but spoke volumes of just how anxious Eddie was about the whole process. “It’ll be okay. It may take a while to adjust, but you'll ease back into a routine.” Eddie nodded, and Buck was sure he was half listening.
Buck tossed and turned on the couch, trying to soothe the ache in his chest. He reached for his phone and opened his flight information. After a couple minutes searching for a new flight, he was able to get one for the next night.
In the morning, there was a flurry of activity from Eddie. He was lugging in boxes and was muttering to himself in Spanish once Buck had removed himself from the couch. “Eddie? It’s 7 am. Isn’t Chris coming at noon?”
Eddie looked at him with frazzled, frantic eyes, “Well, he was but apparently, he has chess at noon, so he wanted to do that so he’s coming over at 9 with my parents and I didn’t know what else to do-” Buck placed his hands on Eddie’s shoulders to soothe the ramblings. “Okay. It’s okay. Why didn’t you wake me? I could’ve helped.”
Eddie bit at his nail. “I couldn’t bother you after you drove most of the day. Plus, you looked peaceful.”
“I appreciate the thought, but I would’ve rather you wake me up. We’re a team, yeah? Okay, why don’t I go to the store and I’ll make breakfast?” Buck started looking for his shoes and wallet before Eddie bashfully cleared his throat, “I may have already beaten you to the punch.”
Buck leaned over his shoulder to look and sure enough, there were groceries on the counter that weren’t put away. “Eddie, seriously?” Buck laughed and went to check out what he had bought.
By the time there was a knock at the door, Buck had made breakfast for a gathering of at least twelve. Eddie had changed three separate times since then and took a steadying breath.
“Chris!” Eddie sounded so happy seeing his son in person, and while the teen barely said hi, he hugged his dad, so that’s the win in Buck’s mind. He also received a hug with some enthusiasm but the biggest grin was gained from the breakfast spread. “Buck, did you make pancakes?” Chris sat at the table and began loading up his plate. “With chocolate chips.” Buck’s grin was equally elated that the boy retained some of his joy under all the teen moodiness.
“So you live here now?” Ramon asked, looking around. Buck could see the visible tension in Eddie’s face. “I am. I have a meeting with El Paso Fire on Wednesday.”
Buck was surprised. He hadn’t known this but wasn’t surprised, he was a really good firefighter. “And you? Are you also living here?” Eddie’s dad turned his question to Buck.
“Nah, I was helping with the drive and just wanted to see my favorite kid,” he playfully punched Chris’ arm, “I’m leaving tomorrow.” Omitting a lot of truth aside, it was true. He had gotten an earlier flight. Chris made some noise of discontent with this information but otherwise remained shoveling food in his mouth. Eddie, on the other hand, looked like he was slapped. That wasn’t the plan.
Chris barely spoke at breakfast, and whether it was normal teen stuff or the fact he hadn’t seen his dad in months, it didn’t phase Eddie. He looked happy his son was here.
Buck remained quiet throughout breakfast. He wouldn’t remain a permanent fixture in either of their lives because he wouldn’t be here. Sure, he was sad, but this was for the best. For Eddie.
They said bye at the door, and Chris even said he’d come back tomorrow to go through his stuff. Once the door was shut, Eddie finally exhaled. “That was good, right?” Buck huffed a laugh, “Yes, that was good. Also, Chris may be going through a growth spurt because he put away like 6 pancakes.”
Eddie snorted, “Yeah, that didn’t surprise me. I remember eating everything in the house at that age too.” he gave a cursory glance at Buck, “Alright, spill. You’ve been quiet all morning, and don’t tell me it’s nothing because you’ve been weird since Phoenix, and then you said you got a flight for tomorrow? Because I remember you were supposed to leave Friday.”
Buck shrugged, “It’s fine, Eddie. You made it here safely. I’m not needed anymore.” Buck didn’t say it sadly or even upset, it was a fact. Eddie did not take it that way. “Not needed? Buck, you are needed. I need you. I can’t believe you would say that.”
“Eddie, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you need me, but you live here now and I don’t.” He moved into the kitchen to begin cleaning up, knowing this conversation was far from over and needing something to do with his hands.
“Don’t do that Evan. You know I don’t want to choose, but that’s my son.” Buck sighed tiredly, “And I am not asking you to choose. Chris is your biological son. I would never ask you to stay away from him.” “So why are you running away? Huh? Because if you wanna be mad, then just be mad. Don’t run from it.”
Eddie’s anger was rising, which made Buck angrier. “What do you want me to say? That I want you to come back to LA? Both of you? That I chose to sublet from you to maybe have a chance of you coming back to me?”
Eddie deflated a little. “What? Buck what are you saying?”
“I’m hopelessly in love with you and I don’t want to be abandoned again.” Fuck beating around the bush. Eddie is dense and needed to be told straight up.
“You think I’m going to abandon you?” Eddie leaned against the counter. Buck scoffed, “That’s what you took away from that?”
He went back to clearing the table when he felt Eddie’s hand on his back. “I don’t want to leave you. But my son needs me. We are coming back. I promise. You just need to wait.” He leaned his head on Buck’s shoulder.
“I’ve waited for seven years,” Buck said and pressed their mouths together.
Eddie tasted like his cooking. Sweet and safe. He pulled back a little before Eddie stopped him and pulled him closer. His hands tangled in Buck’s soft, worn shirt as he kissed him back. It wasn’t needy or desperate but a lot of the unsaid feelings were there.
Eddie pulled away gently and leaned his forehead against Buck’s. “Don’t leave yet. Please. We have a lot to talk about.”
This house would never be home. They both knew that, but they had each other for now. Eventually, they would all, Chris included, make their way back to LA and their extended family at the 118.
And Buck is absolutely going to miss his flight.