Everybody wants Jackie

by angelofyourhell

Summary:

Jackie finally broke up with Jeff because she refused to let him ruin the rest of her senior year. Then, in a late-night moment of clarity (or maybe just impulsiveness), she decided it was time to start exploring girls. When the team found out, some of the girls took it as a challenge, determined to be Jackie’s first ever girlfriend.

A universe where everybody wants that cookie.

Comp-het Jackie, telling herself this is an experiment at best.

Chapter 1: Jackie

Notes:

I don’t know, probably whack but I’m just having fun.

 

It wasn’t new, they had broken up many times before. Shauna would probably say she’d be back with Jeff in a week, but Jackie knew this was the last straw. He had told her he didn’t know how much longer he could be with someone who didn’t want to have sex with him, and it made her so furious that she had to finally end it.

 

The truth was, she didn’t know why she didn’t want to have sex with him. He had touched her before. Many times, but for some reason, she couldn’t stand the thought of him seeing her naked. And maybe the reason why she had blown him more times than she could count, which she had despised each time, is just to get him off, just to satisfy him enough so he wouldn’t push her into actually doing it. She had once told Shauna she wanted to lose her virginity before college. She and Jeff had been together for four years, and she wanted something that would tie them together forever. She wanted them to be each other’s first because they were each other’s first love.

 

Except she didn’t want to. And he wasn’t really her first love. Not really. And Jackie didn’t know why. Maybe it was because she didn’t like Jeff’s overpowering body spray. Or because he kissed her too roughly. Or because his fingers always seemed to find the wrong places, and she had never actually experienced an orgasm. Except for that one night, when she touched herself. When her own fingers were the only ones that truly knew, the only ones that could actually find what got her going. When she had to muffle her sounds, pillow suffocating her face, because it was too much, and it happened too quickly.

 

Why was it so important to lose her virginity before graduating high school? She didn’t know. It wasn’t like she was the only senior still a virgin. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t get laid in college, because she probably would. Shauna still was, and she didn’t care about that kind of stuff. Maybe it was just embarrassing to have had a boyfriend for years and never gone all the way. And everyone knew. It was like they could smell it on her. Nat must have because she had called her a prudish bitch once during practice when Nat was late, after Jackie made a remark about her spending the night with some guy twice her age.

 

And anyway, this was probably for the best. She never really liked him. It was just nice to have a boyfriend. Someone to kiss you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, look after you. Kind of like a bodyguard. Someone who was always there, watching over you. But now that she thought about it, she didn’t know why she had kept him around all these years when she had Shauna. Shauna was more like a boyfriend if anything. One that Jackie doesn’t kiss.

 

As expected, no one was surprised.

 

"You guys broke up? Shocking."

 

No one even pretended to be disappointed. They didn’t even look relieved anymore like they had before, because there was already an air of exhaustion, like they were tired of this endless cycle, because somehow, Jackie always managed to fall back into Jeff’s arms. And Jeff probably thought that would happen again. But not this time.

 

Jackie wasn’t going to waste any more of high school on that insufferable waste of space who only wanted sex. And maybe she was a hypocrite because she wanted it too. Just not with him. But with who?

 

 

“How’s sex for you guys?”

 

The question came out abruptly.

 

She had been staring into space, lost in thought, while Tai and Van giggled and whispered to each other in front of her. Not like they were ever really secretive about it. At some point, they had just stopped trying to hide it from the team. And it’s not like Jackie was oblivious to relationships like this. Somehow, her mind drifted to what it would be like if she ended up in one of these kinds of relationships. And before she could stop herself, the words tumbled out like word vomit. Tai and Van froze mid-laugh, turning to stare at her like she had just grown another head.

 

“I didn’t mean that to, like, offend. I’m just curious,” Jackie said quickly, trying to save herself from embarrassment. But it wasn’t like girls didn’t talk about sex. This wasn’t any different, just locker room talk.

 

After a beat of silence—and some lingering side-eyes—Van snorted. Tai followed, shaking her head with a grin.

 

"What, after four years of no satisfaction from Jeff, girls finally got you curious?" Van teased. Maybe she meant it as an insult, but Jackie’s face remained serious.

 

"Pretty much."

 

Their smiles vanished. Mouths slightly open, eyes widening.

 

"Oh shit. You’re serious," Van said.

 

Tai blinked, then leaned in with a smirk. “Okay, well, think of it this way, Jackie. It’s like sex with guys… except the complete opposite, because it’s not horrible.”

 

"It's the best sex known to mankind," Van grinned.

 

“And you can do it as many times as you want,” Tai added proudly.

 

They stood up, giggling, and left Jackie alone in the locker room, sitting there, completely dumbfounded.

 

 

When she later told Shauna she had finally freed herself from Jeff, all she got was a dry, “How long is that gonna last this time, I wonder?”

 

Jackie scoffed. “Fuck off. It’s serious this time.”

 

Shauna just shrugged. “Whatever you say, Jax."

 

That night, Jackie couldn’t stop thinking about the idea. Maybe she should go a little crazy before college. It wasn’t like she could just lose her virginity to some random guy, but girls were safe. And girls experimented, right?

 

And it wasn’t like she was gay or anything. She’d never been into girls before, never even thought about it. But plenty of straight girls did stuff like this. Probably half the girls at their school had already tried it. The first person she considered talking to was Nat, because well, she’s the most experienced person at school Jackie could think of so it is likely that she had already slept with girls too. But Nat hated her guts and would probably make fun of her at the least. So, she’d have to stick with Tai and Van, though there was always the chance those two would also make fun of her. But nevertheless, they were the lesser evils. So Jackie made up her mind. She wasn’t about to go to college inexperienced.

 

It had to be now, because in college, she was going to have her shit together. No more messing around. She’d gotten drunk, she’d smoked weed, but she hadn’t checked off the most basic high school adventure: having sex. And what was more rebellious than Jackie Taylor doing it with a girl—or girls? So what if this would be so unlike her? So what if she went completely off the rails? There is nothing wrong with that, right?

 

“I decided I’m gonna do it,” Jackie announced, clutching the strap of her bag as she approached Tai and Van at Tai’s locker.

 

Tai barely glanced up from her books. Van squinted at her. “Do what?”

 

Jackie took a breath. “I’m gonna have sex with girls.”

 

CLANK.

 

Tai slammed her locker shut so hard it echoed down the hallway.

 

Van’s jaw dropped. Tai gave Jackie a look so judgmental it could have withered a houseplant. Jackie had expected this, so she kept her face neutral.

 

“Oh my God,” Tai looked annoyed. “Do we look like the gay convention to you?”

 

“I need your help,” Jackie said, as casually as she could manage. “Like… I don’t know. Tell me how to do this.”

 

Van blinked. “Do what? Be gay?”

 

“Look, I’m not saying I am. I’ve just never really… considered my options,” Jackie explained.

 

Tai let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “Do you actually hear yourself? That’s like a dog asking how to be a human.”

 

Jackie sighed. “Come on. You two are the only ones who can help me.”

 

“Again, help you with what exactly?” Van’s curiosity was now turning into suspicion.

 

Jackie hesitated. Saying it out loud was even more awkward than she’d expected. “I don’t know. Pick up girls? Make girls find me attractive?”

 

Van narrowed her eyes. “So… you want us to be your wing-gay-women?”

 

Jackie perked up. “Yay,” she said, forcing a too-bright smile.

 

Tai stared at her. “I’m leaving.”

 

She turned, but Van grabbed her arm. “Wait, babe. This is actually kinda funny.”

 

Tai looked unimpressed. “Nope. Not my kind of fun.”

 

Van crossed her arms, tilting her head. “Jackie was with Jeff for four years. That’s just… sad. I feel kinda bad.”

 

Jackie bit her lip. God, why is she so desperate? What was she even thinking? She must really be that sex-deprived if she had to resort to asking them for a favor like this—especially when they’d never even been that close. And for some reason, she could tell Tai and Van didn’t really like her. Not that Jackie cared. To them, she was just the captain of their soccer team, and that was all she needed to be. She never needed more friends because Shauna had always been enough.

Still, she’d spent years on the field with these girls. That had to count for something. Even if they weren’t close, when it came to trouble, she’d do anything for them, and she hoped they’d do the same for her. Because if she was really going to go through with this, she couldn’t do it alone. She didn’t even know where to start.

 

 

“This is ridiculous. She’s not even—”

 

Tai cut herself off when Van shot her a look. A look that clearly meant something, though Jackie had no idea what. Tai’s expression shifted slightly. She hesitated, gave Jackie a slow once-over—like she was reassessing her entirely.

 

Jackie suddenly felt exposed.

 

After a beat, Tai exhaled through her nose. “Alright. Give us some time to think about it. Maybe we’ll help you. Maybe we won’t.”

 

Jackie nodded because that was something, at least.

 

Van grinned, eyebrows raised in approval, like she was way too excited about this. Then she and Tai walked off, leaving Jackie standing there, pulse racing, wondering what the hell’s the matter with herself.

 

Jackie couldn’t focus in class. Her gaze kept drifting to different girls, analyzing them, overthinking. If this wasn’t for her, then what? Should she start sleeping with other guys? Was Jeff just the problem all along? But then why did her mind jump to girls first? She’d only ever been with one guy. Maybe Tai and Van made her jealous. Maybe she wanted what they had. Whatever she saw between them, she wanted it. Like she’d been denying herself of possibilities she didn’t even know existed. She’d spent her whole life withheld, trapped in a cage built by her parents’ expectations. Breaking free would be easier once she was out of their reach, but wasn’t it exhilarating to do it now? While they still had her under their thumb? Because weren’t the best things in life always the forbidden ones?

 

After class, Tai and Van practically ambushed her, grabbing her arm so hard she swore it would bruise. Before she could protest, they dragged her into the locker room and shoved her inside.

 

For a second, Jackie thought they might actually beat her up. Maybe they were offended, thinking she was treating their sexuality like some kind of game. The thought had crossed her mind. But it wasn’t like she saw this as a a passing time because it’s literally a crisis for her right now. They were the ones who called it the best sex known to mankind. Why wouldn’t she want to explore that?

 

Tai flung her arm away like she was disgusted to even be holding her. “Okay, I wanna know what the fuck is in your head and why you suddenly decided to be a raging homosexual.”

 

Jackie winced, rubbing her arm. “That’s not… what I said at all.”

 

“Talk.” Tai folded her arms, gaze sharp.

 

Van, arms crossed, just stared at her expectantly.

 

Jackie let out a huff, then pursed her lips. “I don’t know. I just wanted to do something different in my life for once.” Her voice dipped slightly, and she looked down at the tiles beneath her shoes. “I saw you guys and thought… I wanted that too.”

 

Tai scoffed. “And after this little quest, what then? You go back to Jeff?”

 

“No,” Jackie said instantly, a little too fast. “That’s over.”

 

Van tilted her head. “Will you go back to guys?”

 

Jackie hesitated. “Does that matter?” She lifted her gaze, expression soft. “Why can’t I just… experiment?”

 

Van and Tai exchanged looks, but their faces were unreadable, and Jackie couldn’t tell whether they were intrigued or judging her.

 

“Look, I just… I don’t want to finish high school knowing I haven’t tried anything. If it’s not for me, then what’s wrong with trying? Really? It’s not like I’m going to throw myself at every girl I see. That’s why I’m asking for your help because… I don’t want to… bark up the wrong tree,” Jackie said, shifting uncomfortably under the weight of their gaze.

 

There was a moment of silence as the two simply observed her. Jackie swallowed nervously, suddenly wanting to get away and forget she had even asked. But then Tai sighed and sat down on one of the bleachers.

 

“I’m probably going to regret this, but you look so pathetic. I’ve never seen you like this before… I kind of enjoy it,” she said nonchalantly.

 

Subconsciously, Jackie’s eyes lit up, and she started rubbing her palms together in excitement.

 

“Now say ‘please,’ just to add icing to the cake,” Tai added, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Pretty please with a cherry on top,” Jackie said, animatedly batting her eyelashes.

 

“Too much,” Tai said, her face twisting in disgust. Jackie frowned while Van just chuckled. Then Tai cleared her throat. “So… what’s your type?”

 

Jackie panicked because she wasn’t really prepared for questions. She was expecting to receive pointers. “Um, I’m straight…”

 

Van and Tai exchanged looks before bursting into laughter.

 

“Fine, you’re straight,” Tai said, shrugging her shoulders. “What, do you just wanna randomly kiss a girl and see where that goes?”

 

Jackie nodded. “That could be a start.”

 

“Ooooh. I have a plan,” Van suddenly announced, as if a lightbulb had just appeared over her head. “We should play spin the bottle.”

 

“With the team? Isn’t that weird?” Jackie asked, furrowing her brows.

 

“What did you expect from us? Make you a fake ID and take you to a gay bar?” Tai asked.

 

“…Sort of.”

 

“We live in Wiskayok, Jackie. Seriously, what kind of reality are you living in these days?” Tai rubbed her temple.

 

“It has to be within the team. At least it’ll be with girls you already know. Besides, we’re a soccer team. Chances are, all of us are gay.,” Van explained.

 

“Shauna and I are not,” Jackie said almost automatically.

 

That earned another knowing grin from the two.

 

“Riiiight,” Tai drawled, and Jackie ignored how loaded it sounded.

 

“Anyway,” Tai continued, “I think it’s a good idea. We’ll have Mari host a private party tonight.”

 

 

And that was that. Jackie found herself in Shauna’s room, watching as Shauna tried on different outfits. It wasn’t even a school party. Just the team will be there, but Shauna still couldn’t decide what to wear. Jackie, growing impatient, suggested the boob dress because, well, that was her favorite.

 

Shauna snapped. “Maybe I don’t want to wear the boob dress!”

 

Jackie huffed. “Jesus, what crawled up your ass?”

 

Shauna let out an exasperated sigh. “Why are we even having this party anyway?”

 

Jackie shrugged. “It’s Van and Tai’s idea,” which wasn’t exactly a lie. “Probably just an excuse to drink, so why are you complaining?”

“I can’t drink. I’ll drive,” Shauna answered, twirling in front of the mirror to look at herself.

 

Jackie didn’t know why Shauna even bothered caring about her clothes. She could wear whatever she wanted—even those hideous flannels—and in Jackie’s eyes, she’d still be the prettiest girl in school. It wasn’t just Randy who had a crush on her. Jackie was sure other boys were ogling her best friend too. But none of them deserved her, so Jackie actually preferred for Shauna to stay single, if not hidden behind her. Not that she had any control about Shauna's choices… but she preferred it. In a sense, Jackie was practically like Shauna’s boyfriend. One that Shauna doesn’t kiss.

 

“Don’t worry, there’s probably milk anyway,” Jackie teased, pursing her lips at Shauna.

 

That finally earned a smile from Shauna, and Jackie felt a small sense of satisfaction after unintentionally pissing her off. She felt a little guilty for not telling her best friend about her plan, but she didn’t want Shauna to get weirded out. After all, it wasn’t every day that Jackie decided she wanted to kiss girls in a ‘seizing my high school life’ kind of way. Besides, Nationals were over, and there was nothing else to look forward to except graduation. Soon, she’d be dorming with Shauna at Rutgers, and the last thing she wanted was for Shauna to feel uncomfortable sleeping next to her, especially if she thought Jackie would slut it up with practically anyone at this point.

 

Shauna still wore the boob dress and Jackie hid her satisfaction about it. She told herself she wasn’t staring, wasn’t checking if Shauna had decided to put a bra on this time (she hadn’t), but her eyes betrayed her more than once. Mari’s parents were out for the night, and by the time they arrived, the entire team was already there. Music thumped through the walls, laughter and chatter spilling from every corner of the house. As soon as they stepped inside, Jackie grabbed Shauna’s wrist and pulled her toward the kitchen.

 

“We need drinks,” Jackie declared because she needed something to push her nerves over the edge.

 

Jackie turned toward the fridge, pulling out a carton of milk. She handed it to Shauna and rolled her eyes but couldn’t help smiling. Of course, she can't forget Shauna's milk at a party. She leaned against the counter, eyes flickering toward Shauna’s exposed collarbone.

 

“God, you’re such a nerd,” Jackie muttered playfully.

 

Shauna just smirked, raising the carton in a mock toast. “And yet, you still love me.”

 

Jackie took a drink of her own but she was so nervous that her grip faltered, and the bottle of vodka slipped from her hands, spilling across the table just as Nat reached for a bottle of scotch. Nat recoiled, jerking away from the spreading liquid with an annoyed glare while Jackie scrambled to set the bottle upright.

 

“Watch it, klutz,” Nat snapped.

 

Jackie’s eyes immediately narrowed. “Oh, please. It’s not like those knockoff clothes were decent to begin with,” she shot back, while Nat’s jaw tightened.

 

“Your clothes are nothing but tacky, Taylor. Even the Addams Family dresses better than you.”

 

Jackie gritted her teeth. It wouldn’t be a normal interaction with Nat without them trading barbs. She was ready to fire back when Van suddenly grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her away.

 

“Are you ready?” Van whispered, and there was something sinister about her smile that made Jackie wonder whether Van was excited for her or was just looking forward to see her awkwardly kiss a girl.

 

“Yes,” Jackie answered, though she wasn’t sure she meant it. She had only ever kissed Jeff, and the last thing she wanted was for the entire team to spread rumors that she was a terrible kisser. What if she actually was? What if she’s bad at kissing girls?

 

Van clapped her hands together, instantly commanding attention. “Alright, folks. We’re playing a classic. Spin the Bottle.”

 

“There’s literally no guys here,” Akilah pointed out, crossing her arms.

 

“And Akilah won’t be joining us, apparently,” Van added without missing a beat.

 

“Hey, I was just stating the obvious! I wanna play!”

 

The team quickly settled into a circle, with no one voicing any objections. Even Laura Lee was giggling, seemingly entertained by the idea. Meanwhile, Jackie’s hands felt ice-cold, and she was sure her face was already flushed. Thank God she’d had a couple of shots already, though they hadn’t done much to settle her nerves, at least she could blame her reaction on the alcohol.

 

“Jackie,” Van said, tilting her head with a teasing smirk. “Will you do the honors?”

 

She placed the empty bottle in the center, nudging it toward Jackie, daring her to start.

 

“If that lands on me, I’m leaving,” Nat muttered, arms crossed.

 

“I hope to Lucifer it lands on anyone but you,” Jackie shot back, squinting at her.

 

Van rolled her eyes. “Just spin it already, Captain.”

 

Jackie took a deep breath, rubbing her palms together to stop them from sweating. She reached for the bottle, fingers trembling slightly, and gave it a sharp spin. The glass twirled rapidly, catching the dim light as it blurred into motion. The entire circle watched with rapt attention, some giggling, others smirking. Jackie’s heart pounded against her ribs as the bottle slowed, wobbling uncertainly before finally pointing straight at—

 

 

“Yeah, I’m leaving.”

 

Nat shot up the moment the bottle stopped, the tip pointing directly at her. Jackie barely had time to react. Relief just washed over her before anything else. If Nat didn’t want it, that made two of them.

“Whoa now, buddy,” Van said, grabbing Nat’s wrist before she could make her escape. “Don’t be a buzzkill.”

 

“There’s no way I’m kissing that head,” Nat retorted, yanking her arm back.

 

Jackie scoffed, crossing her arms. “Who even said I wanted to kiss you?”

 

Tai, watching with mild amusement, shrugged at Nat. “You should’ve left before we even started playing.”

 

Nat snorted. “I’d rather kiss the Crypt Reaper.”

 

“It’s the Crypt Keeper, Nat,” Van corrected, shaking her head. “Come on, it’s just for fun. Right, Jackie?”

 

“What? No way. I’ll spin again,” Jackie blurted, reaching for the bottle—only for Tai to snatch it before she could.

 

“No. You guys are sucking all the fun out of this,” Tai said, giving her a pointed look.

 

Jackie exhaled sharply, feeling frustrated now. “Can I talk to both of you? Like, now?”

 

Van ignored Jackie’s protests, tugging Nat back down. “The game already started. Just do it so the others can have a turn.”

 

“I’ll kiss Jackie,” Misty chimed in eagerly, raising a hand.

 

“Oh! Me too!” Mari added, her hand shooting up just as fast.

 

“No! That’s not how this works,” Tai shut them down immediately.

 

“At least we know Jackie’s got her pick of the litter,” Van murmured to Tai, bumping their arms together with a chuckle. Everyone could hear it, but most ignored it.

 

Except Jackie.

 

And apparently, Shauna, whose glare could have set the two of them on fire.

 

“This is fucking stupid,” Shauna muttered, her irritation visible. She looked more annoyed than Jackie. Maybe even more than Nat. “Can’t we just do something else?”

 

“Can you guys just lock lips and get it over with?” Laura Lee cut in.

 

Silence fell over the group. Every head turned toward her, expecting a smirk, some hint of a joke—but her face was completely serious.

"Alright, Laura Lee has spoken. We don’t want to disappoint her,” Van said, nudging Nat’s arm with a teasing grin.

 

Jackie let out a sharp exhale, making the little hairs on her forehead flutter. Her cheeks were burning. This can't be happening. Of all the girls in the room, the first one she was going to kiss had to be someone who could barely stand her.

 

She glanced at Nat, who looked about as thrilled as someone about to be executed. When Van gave her a little shove forward, encouraging her to come closer, Nat instantly leaned back, keeping her distance.

 

“Why should I come closer? It wasn’t my turn,” Nat protested.

 

“You heard her, Jackie. You spun it, you better come get it,” Laura Lee said, still in a straight face, making the room erupt in laughter.

 

Jackie groaned, rubbing her hands aggressively over her face. When she finally pulled them away, Nat looked a little less pissed off, though still stiff. Jackie stood up, because despite everyone sitting down, there’s no way she was she crawling toward her.

 

She lowered herself onto the back of her legs, sitting directly in front of Nat. Nat shifted uncomfortably, her posture awkward, and Jackie swore she saw the faintest hint of red creeping up her neck. That gave her just a little confidence. At least she wasn’t the only one who felt weird about this.

 

Fuck it. It’s better to just rip the bandaid off. She was going to kiss a girl eventually, one way or another. Might as well get this over with—even if it was with the girl who hated her entire being.

 

Jackie was about to lean in when Nat suddenly pressed her lips together, puffing out her cheeks like a child refusing to eat their vegetables.

 

Jackie froze, scrunching up her face in frustration. “Oh my God. Are you a fucking child?”

 

Van nudged Nat’s arm with a closed fist. “Stop that, Nat.”

 

Nat just chuckled, shaking her head, her demeanor suddenly lighter, almost playful. “Fine,” she said, exhaling through her nose. Then she locked eyes with Jackie, an almost-smile tugging at her lips—like she was daring her to just get it over with.

 

Jackie squeezed her eyes shut, making that face she used to make when she was a kid, bracing for an injection. Then she leaned in and her lips met Nat’s.

 

Her mouth landed on Nat’s bottom lip. Soft, a little dry. It wasn’t bad. Maybe even… nice? She wasn’t sure if she was tasting the vodka on her own lips or the scotch lingering on Nat’s, but the mix was warm. There wasn’t much pressure at first, just the hesitant press of lips, but Jackie dared herself to push deeper. To see if there was something—some spark, some shift inside her. She tilted her head slightly, pressing in just a little harder, testing. A quiet hum escaped her throat, unintentional, and the second she realized it, Nat pulled away.

“Satisfied?” Nat’s low voice vibrated through her ears. When Jackie opened her eyes, Nat was watching her with a defiant look, but she swallowed and gazed at her lips. Jackie couldn’t tell whether Nat caught her wanting more or if Nat just wanted it to end.

 

With a clear of throat, Jackie rolled her eyes and just muttered, “Whatever,” pretending it wasn’t a big deal to kiss a girl even though she wanted to step outside for a moment and scream. She pushed herself to her feet and settled back beside Shauna.

At the edge of her vision, she could tell that Shauna was staring at her, probably looking worried. Jackie bit her lip, feeling confused. She didn’t know if she liked it, but she also didn’t know if she hated it. It was weird because she had never anticipated to kiss Jeff this much. Maybe at the beginning before they shared their first kiss, but afterwards, it just felt… dull, and each time it had to happen, she was just dreading it.

 

She grabbed her cup and threw back another shot of vodka, the burn couldn’t be sharp enough.

 

“Okay, Shauna! It’s your turn,” Laura Lee chirped.

 

“Isn’t it Nat’s turn?” Akilah asked, raising a brow.

 

“No, let’s keep the circle moving,” Van said quickly.

 

“Wait, I—” Jackie started, turning toward Van and Tai because she had to talk to them about this, but Laura Lee was already making Shauna spin the bottle and everyone was stuck on their places.

 

“Looks like you’re gonna have to use your lips again, Jackie,” Lottie said, her eyes observant as she slowly took a sip of beer.

 

Jackie didn’t even know what was happening until she saw that the tip of the bottle is pointing directly at her.

 

Her eyes instinctively darted to Tai and Van, like she was screaming for rescue because she can’t honestly kiss her best friend. But those two were useless now, doubled over in quiet laughter, completely ignoring her. Fuck.

 

Meanwhile, the rest of the circle had gone quiet, eyes bouncing between her and Shauna, waiting for someone to make a move.

 

Jackie swallowed. “I think—” she started, about to suggest that Shauna just spin again, that they change the rules, do anything else. But before she could finish, before she could even breathe, a pair of lips were already pressing on hers.

 

Her best friend’s lips were on hers.

 

It was quick. It lasted shorter than her kiss with Nat, which was only five seconds. This one was three at most. But Shauna pressed hard, and her hand was on the back of Jackie’s head, like she was holding her in place and making sure that Jackie wouldn’t pull away too soon. It was a rough peck kiss, but it wasn’t anything like Jeff’s lips. This was Shauna and despite the pressure, it felt gentle. And after they pulled away, Jackie’s tongue flicked out over her lips. They tingled. Burned. And not from the alcohol.

 

Shauna pulled away just as quickly as she’d kissed her, but now they were locked in each other’s gaze, and Jackie’s mind was spinning. If she was going to do this—if she was really going to try—maybe doing it with her best friend wasn’t the worst idea.

 

“I’m… just gonna go to the bathroom,” Jackie mumbled.

 

Shauna bit her lip, her eyes dropping to the floor. Jackie didn’t wait for a response. She pushed herself up, brushing past Van and Tai. As she passed them, she shot them a look, eyes wide, teeth sunken on her lower lip to emphasize how badly she needed that reconvention.

 

Van cleared her throat, reciting her words. “Uh, let’s go grab something from the kitchen, Tai.”

 

“Yep. A spatula,” Tai deadpanned, not even bothering to be subtle.

 

Jackie didn’t need to check to know they were following her. Once they reached the kitchen, hidden from the others, Jackie exhaled sharply, gripping the counter.

 

“I want it to be Shauna,” she blurted out.

 

Van’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“What? You haven’t even tried the others,” Tai crossed her arms, giving her a skeptical look.

 

Jackie sighed, rubbing the back of her hand. “I know, but… I want to kiss her again. Just to see how it goes.”

 

“I think that’s a great idea. I should’ve suggested it first,” Van said, a little too casual about it.

 

“No. It’s a bad idea to kiss your best friend,” Tai cut in, shooting Van another look that only both of them could understand before she turned back to Jackie. “What about Nat?”

 

Jackie hesitated. “I don’t know… it was too quick to tell. But I didn’t even think about Shauna until now.”

 

Tai folded her arms. “And what if it gets weird between you two?”

 

Jackie frowned, hugging herself. “Shit. You’re right. I didn’t even consider that.”

 

Van smirked. “Only if Shauna is gay. Which she’s not, right?”

 

“Right,” Jackie said immediately, nodding too fast.

 

Van shrugged, unbothered. “Then what’s the harm? If Shauna’s open to it, why not? You can’t say you like girls after two half-assed kisses. Maybe trying it with Shauna will actually help you figure it out.”

Tai squinted her eyes at Van, almost like she was judging her.

Van rolled her eyes. “Come on, straight girls do shit like this all the time.”

 

Jackie swallowed. “Okay… how should I… coax her into it?”

 

“Pretend to be too drunk,” Van suggested.

 

“Oh, Jesus, don’t listen to her,” Tai groaned, rubbing her forehead before grabbing Jackie’s upper arms, locking eyes with her. “Have you ever heard of the seventy-thirty method?”

 

Jackie blinked. “The what?”

 

“You lean in seventy percent, then wait for the other person to close the last thirty.”

 

“Oh my God,” Van gasped, suddenly staring at Tai with wide eyes. “You totally did that to me on our first kiss.”

 

Tai smirked. “Except I hadn’t even gotten to fifty before you launched yourself at me.”

 

Van rolled her eyes, but Jackie ignored them, refocusing the topic. “So… I lean in but not too close and wait for her to meet me the rest of the way?”

 

“Exactly,” Tai said, looking almost proud.

 

Jackie narrowed her eyes. “How close is seventy percent?”

 

Van nudged Tai’s arm. “This is Shauna we’re talking about.”

 

Tai hesitated for a second before sighing. “Yeah… you’ll have to go ninety.”

 

Jackie’s mouth fell open. “Okay, now I’m confused.”

 

Tai tilted her head upward, like she was thinking some more. “Wait, she did kiss you first.”

“It was spin the bottle. Probably peer pressure,” Van said realistically.

 

“Well, whatever,” Tai said, slightly shaking her head. “We can’t choreograph you how to kiss girls in the moment. Just do what you need to do and trust your instinct.”

 

Jackie inhaled deeply, mustering a serious expression and nodding like she’s bracing herself into a fight. “Okay. Fine. I can do this. Whoo. Should be easy.”

 

Tai and Van exchanged another glance, goofily smiling at each other. Then, without warning, she threw her arms around both of them, their heads bumping against hers. “Thanks, guys. You’re the best wing-gay-women ever.”

 

“Christ Almighty,” Tai muttered as Van awkwardly patted Jackie’s back.

 

Jackie walked away from the kitchen all giddy, she was starting to feel the heat of the alcohol in her system and a little smile was starting to creep onto her face. She heard Tai mutter behind her, “If this turns into a mess, I’m blaming you.”

 

Van just chuckled. “Oh, let them figure it out.”

 

 

The drive home was silent. Jackie fidgeted with her hands in her lap, her fingers twisting together as she caught Shauna stealing glances at her in the rearview mirror. Was the kiss already making things weird?

 

She chewed on the inside of her cheek. Van was right. It shouldn’t be awkward if they were both straight. And Shauna was, Jackie was sure of it. The only reason this silence felt so heavy was her dilemma. Jackie was actually going to do this. She was going to try sleeping with girls—just to experiment, just to see what it was like before college. And the kisses tonight had only made her more curious. Even Nat’s kiss wasn’t bad and that had surprised her. If she had known this was something she could do—something that wouldn’t be a big deal—she might’ve asked Shauna to try this with her a long time ago.

 

Once they were in Shauna’s room, Jackie wasted no time slipping out of her dress, trading it for a silk tank top and comfortable shorts. Shauna pulled on a t-shirt and her own pair of shorts before climbing into bed. For some reason, her bed felt smaller than usual. More cramped.

 

Before the silence could stretch into something more awkward and unbearable, Jackie turned onto her side, facing Shauna.

 

“Hey,” she whispered.

 

Shauna lay on her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. At first, she didn’t respond. Then, finally, she sighed and tilted her head toward Jackie. “Yeah?”

 

Jackie hesitated, studying Shauna’s face for any hint of discomfort. “We’re… we’re okay, right?”

 

Shauna blinked, her expression unreadable. “Yeah…” she said softly.

 

“That kiss was… no big deal, right?” Jackie pressed, trying to gauge if it had affected Shauna the way it had affected her.

 

Shauna’s gaze flickered away, settling on a spot across the room. “Um… no. It’s just a kiss.”

 

Right. So it didn’t affect Shauna at all.

 

That meant it was fine. It was fine if they did it again. Because Jackie was the only one overthinking it. But not because she was gay. Obviously not. She was experimenting. And there was nothing wrong with learning that girls, apparently, kissed way better than guys. Or at least, better than Jeff.

 

Jackie swallowed, heart beating rapidly, but her voice came out even. “Do you wanna… I don’t know, try it again?”

 

Shauna’s head snapped toward her. “What?”

 

Jackie exhaled softly, then reached out, letting her hand settle at Shauna’s waist. Shauna didn’t pull away. She let Jackie ease her onto her side, their bodies aligning naturally.

 

Okay. Seventy-thirty. Wait—no, ninety?

 

Jackie leaned in, the haze of alcohol fading into the background. Her body arched just slightly, lips hovering so close she could feel Shauna’s warm breath. She closed her eyes. And waited.

 

 

And waited.

 

 

And waited.

 

 

Okay, this method sucks.

 

 

Did Jackie look like she’s waiting to be kissed right now? Maybe she just looks like she was trying to sleep.

 

 

Jackie’s eyes fluttered open—just in time for Shauna to give her the ten percent.

 

The contact made Jackie inhale sharply, causing her to let out a strained moan because it caught her off guard. Shauna kissed her with the same abrupt, rough pressure as before. But then.

 

Then it softened. Shauna melted into it. The kiss lingered, lips brushing, warming, sinking together. Shauna’s hands traveled up Jackie’s shoulders, fingers gripping gently as Jackie pulled her in closer. Their bodies pressing together, warm and a little unsteady.

 

Shauna smelled nice. She tasted nice. And God, her lips were so soft.

 

Jackie barely had time to process the feeling before Shauna’s tongue slipped slowly into her mouth. Jackie let her in without hesitation. It wasn’t like the way Jeff kissed. Sloppy, rushed, his tongue flailing into her mouth like a salted worm.

 

Shauna was being careful with Jackie’s mouth, like she was learning her. This thought made Jackie bite back another quiet moan.

 

Because how was Shauna this good at kissing? Wasn’t she Shauna’s first?

 

Oh God.

 

She was Shauna’s first kiss.

 

The thought made her pull back, eyes flying open. Shauna stared at her, confused and a little horrified.

 

“Did I… did I do something wrong?” Shauna asked, voice soft, eyes searching.

 

“No!” Jackie shook her head quickly. “I just… I mean, I’m your first kiss, right?”

 

Shauna’s gaze flickered. Then she nodded. “R-right.”

 

Jackie swallowed, cupping Shauna’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”

 

“It’s fine, Jax.” Shauna’s voice was steady now, her eyes locked onto Jackie’s lips. “I’d rather it be you, to be honest.”

 

Jackie blinked. “Really?”

 

Shauna nodded. “Yeah. You’re my best friend.”

 

Jackie’s chest melted at that. There was no one else she’d rather do this with first. And right now, none of it mattered. What was right or wrong, what it meant. If there were rules for this kind of thing. They were best friends. They were safe with each other.

 

So Jackie leaned in again, all the way this time, trusting her instincts. She met Shauna’s tongue with her own, unable to tell who was winning, which tongue is taking over. They melted into each other, and Jackie started rocking her body, losing herself in the contact—the collision of their bodies, the connection of their souls.

 

Jackie felt her head spinning because this was better than she ever expected. Her hands moved on their own, slipping beneath Shauna’s t-shirt, palms gliding over the smooth skin of her back. She soaked in the warmth, fingers tracing slow paths as she memorized the feeling. Then, as if the space between them was unbearable, she pulled Shauna closer. Their bodies pressed together, and despite their clothing, Jackie felt the firm brush of their breasts, the awareness of it making her own nipples harden.

 

They had been kissing for what felt so long and Jackie had to pull away for a moment to catch her breath. They both started panting, foreheads pressed together. After a moment, Shauna tilted her head back slightly, their eyes locking in the dim light, then Shauna spoke softly.

 

“Do you wanna… touch me?” she asked, voice trembling at the edges.

 

Jackie could only nod—pathetically, desperately—hoping she didn’t look as hungry as she felt. Without breaking eye contact, Shauna reached for her hand. Jackie swallowed hard, unsure of what to do, but Shauna’s gaze was relentless, almost predatory. Jackie had never seen her pupils this blown before. It was like she had been possessed by some kind of sex god or something.

And just when Jackie thought it couldn’t get any hotter, Shauna took Jackie’s fingers into her mouth, licking them, preparing them. The strangled moan that caught in Jackie’s throat could have woken the entire population of Wiskayok.

 

Shauna took Jackie’s hand and pressed it beneath her underwear. Her fingers immediately found the wet heat, and Jackie squeezed her eyes shut because this was something new. It had always felt good to touch herself, but she had never imagined how much better it would feel to touch another girl like this.

 

“Jackie,” Shauna gasped as Jackie’s fingers slipped between her folds, gliding just below her clit.

 

Hearing Shauna moan her name was too much and Jackie couldn’t hold back anymore. She wanted to take charge so she maneuvered herself on top of Shauna and kept her fingers moving, rubbing downward in slow, shaky strokes. Wet sounds filled the space between them, squelching with every touch. Shauna spread her legs wider, opening herself completely for Jackie. Tonight, Shauna was hers and Jackie wasn’t gonna deny herself this pleasure.

 

Shauna’s arm slid around Jackie, one hand gripping her shoulder, the other pressing behind Jackie’s head, pulling her down, pulling her closer.

 

“Kiss me. Please,” Shauna whimpered, and Jackie obeyed, capturing her lips in a desperate, breathless kiss.

 

She wasn’t sure what to do with her fingers next, but Shauna kept moaning into her mouth, her body rolling beneath her, hips rising to meet Jackie’s touch. So Jackie just kept up the slow, lazy rhythm, because whatever she was doing, it was making Shauna gasp, making her tremble, making her release helpless noise that Jackie never even knew she needed to hear. And God, this was making Jackie feel something heavenly and sinful, something she never wanted to stop.

 

Shauna arched her hips, lifting just enough to push down her shorts. Her underwear slid with them, pooling at her thighs, exposing even more of her. Fuck, this was hotter than any handjob, any rushed, thoughtless moment she’d had with Jeff.

 

Shauna reached out, her hand settling over Jackie’s, guiding her, fingers searching until she found Jackie’s index and middle. Slowly, she led them lower, lower, until Jackie found her entrance. Jackie let out a shaky groan, unable to hold back. Shauna’s fingers pressed against hers, helping her push inside. Slowly, Jackie felt Shauna’s walls, warm and tight, closing in around her fingers, pulling her in, holding her there.

 

“Are you sure this is okay?” Jackie asked, her voice a little breathless.

 

Shauna threw her head back, mouth falling open, eyes squeezed shut. “God, Jackie, just… please… I just need you, okay? I just need you to keep going.”

 

Jackie could only respond with a moan, a ragged hum as she nodded. She kept pushing her fingers deeper inside, slow and careful, watching Shauna’s face as she did. Her lips were glossy, her skin dewy with sweat, strands of hair clinging to her forehead and neck. Shauna had always been beautiful, but like this—flushed and unravelling—Jackie didn’t know how she’d ever resisted kissing her before.

 

Unable to resist now, Jackie leaned in, she pressed soft, tender kisses along Shauna’s jaw, feeling the heat of her skin. She trailed inward, pausing at Shauna’s chin before tilting her head up, catching Shauna’s bottom lip between her teeth, tugging gently, stretching it just enough to feel Shauna’s breath stutter against her mouth.

 

“God, you’re so pretty. Do you know how pretty you are?”

 

Jackie kissed her, a whisper of lips against lips.

 

“So pretty,” she murmured, pressing another kiss, then another, unable to stop herself.

 

Shauna let out a broken moan before lifting her hands, cupping Jackie’s face. One hand slipped away from guiding Jackie’s fingers, leaving them to move on their own, while both of hers pulled Jackie in for a deeper kiss. Her tongue pushing clumsily into Jackie’s mouth.

 

Then Shauna shifted her leg to the side, lifting it just enough for her thigh to press between Jackie’s, the pressure landing right against her center. Jackie muffled a moan into Shauna’s mouth. The friction sent a ripple of pleasure through her, and she couldn’t help herself. She started rocking her hips, rubbing against Shauna’s thigh, chasing the electric pulse building between them.

 

This was all unbelievable, and as it was happening, Jackie struggled to wrap her mind around it. She was touching Shauna in a way she never thought she would which is already a pleasure in itself and at the same time, she was grinding against her. The act almost felt pathetic, shameful even, because this was her childhood best friend. But that didn’t stop Jackie from losing herself in it, from wanting, from needing.

“I’m not gonna last long, Jackie,” Shauna whispered, almost crying out the words against her lips.

 

Shauna  grabbed her wrist, guiding her to move faster. The motion made Jackie’s thighs tighten, warmth spreading through her, and Jackie could feel the tension in herself building too. She followed Shauna’s lead, jerking her hand faster, exactly the way Shauna needed her to. At the same time, she ground herself against Shauna’s thigh, pushing harder, the friction becoming unbearable now. She could feel herself dampening Shauna’s skin through her shorts, liquid fire spreading between them.

 

“Oh God, Shauna, I’m… Oh God…”

 

It didn’t take long before a delicious ache coiled tight in Jackie’s core, her climax crashing like a tidal wave just as Shauna shuddered beneath her, releasing into her fingers. Their bodies trembled together, loud cries swallowed into each other’s mouths, replaced only by the rise and fall of their heaving chests and the sound of ragged, uneven breaths.

 

The sensation lingered and it took a moment for her nerves to settle, for the aftershocks to fade. Gently, she withdrew her fingers, feeling the warmth of Shauna’s release trail after them, slick against her palm. She lay beside Shauna, breath still uneven, heart still racing. Shauna’s eyes, dark and blown wide, locked onto hers as she reached for Jackie’s hand. Without breaking eye contact, she brought Jackie’s palm to her lips, her tongue gliding over it, licking herself clean from Jackie’s skin. Jackie felt a wild sensation within her as Shauna parted her lips wider, taking Jackie’s fingers into her mouth, sucking on them with a quiet moan, her lashes fluttering shut. When she finally released them, Shauna didn’t hesitate and wrapped herself around Jackie, pulling her in, pressing their lips together, sharing herself with Jackie, letting Jackie taste her.

 

Jackie felt euphoric, completely satisfied in a way she had never known before. All she could think about was how much she had wanted this, how right it felt. The idea of being with a guy, of fumbling through something that never quite fit, was now a distant memory, lost somewhere in the oblivion of her past. When they finally broke apart, Jackie smiled, but Shauna remained still, like she had something she needed to say. Jackie saw the way Shauna’s lips parted, as if forming the words, but before she could speak, Jackie’s words came out first.

 

"Thank you," she said softly, pressing an affectionate kiss to Shauna’s lips.

 

Shauna blinked, looking slightly taken aback. "Huh?"

 

Jackie hesitated only for a second before whispering, "I think I like girls."

 

And before Shauna could say anything else, Jackie buried her face in the curve of Shauna’s neck, grinning against her skin, smiling until she drifted off to sleep.

 

Notes:

So hello! I'm here again, back with whatever shit I could come up with. This will consist of the Yellowjackets hitting on Jackie or going out their way to winning her heart. Sort of a choose your fighter type of shit. (As if STRANGERS isn’t enough, I’m broadening Jackie’s options. Oh Jesus) Expect Jackie pretty much trying to kiss everyone here, and everyone more than willing to do so, except maybe one person (at first). But anyway, it’s gonna be messy and maybe crack as hell, but let me know if ya dig.

twitter: same user/angelofyourhell

Chapter 2: Mari

Notes:

Hello! Sorry for the delay in updating. Things have been hectic lately, but hopefully, I’ll be able to update more regularly. Enjoy!

When Jackie woke up, a wave of worry and maybe panic, rushed through her. Shauna was curled up against her, an arm and a leg draped over her body, her forehead pressed against Jackie’s cheek. Fragments of last night flashed through her mind. They had sex. It was the first time Jackie had ever touched a girl like that. Maybe it wasn’t the way she had envisioned her first time, but Shauna had given her an orgasm, the first person who ever had—and it was her best friend. Heat crept up Jackie’s face at the thought.

 

She wasn’t sure if she had done the right thing, but beneath it all, a thrill buzzed in her nerves. Because she liked it. She liked it so much that, despite everything, she was excited to have sex with a girl again. Still, she felt uneasy. She was worried about Shauna. What if she freaks out when she wakes up? Even though Shauna wasn’t drunk, what if it had just been a moment of recklessness for her? What if she regretted it?

 

Jackie felt Shauna stir. She tensed as Shauna stilled against her, her breath catching. Even before she saw her face, Jackie knew that Shauna was already awake.

 

“Hey,” Jackie whispered carefully.

 

Shauna let out a slow sigh before replying, “Hey.”

 

She shifted, tilting her head up to meet Jackie’s gaze. A polite smile crossed her lips, one Jackie returned just as hesitantly. For a moment, the air between them felt awkward. Summoning her courage, Jackie broke the silence.

 

“Are we—um, are we okay?” she asked softly, her voice tinged with genuine concern.

 

Shauna pressed her lips together, then nodded, though the movement was hesitant.

 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Jackie added quickly.

 

Shauna shook her head. “No.”

 

Jackie’s heart pounded, then she sighed heavily, a little unconvinced.

 

“Are you sure we’re okay?”

 

“It’s fine, Jax.”

 

“I just don’t want things to be different between us,” Jackie admitted, her fingers gripping the edge of the blanket. “I don’t want you to feel weird about it. Even though… you know.”

 

“Even though what?”

 

“That… I like girls.”

 

Shauna glanced away for a moment, then settled her head again, her fingers idly tracing patterns on Jackie’s shirt.

 

“I only realized it recently… and you really helped me out,” Jackie added.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. You’re the best, you know that?”

 

Shauna was quiet for a while. Then she titled her head up again to stare at Jackie. Her eyes looked serious, sincere. “So… are we—?”

 

“Yes, we’re still best friends, Shauna.” Jackie immediately cut in. The last thing she wanted was for Shauna to think otherwise. Because things will probably be different now, but Jackie wanted them to stay the same.

 

“Oh.”

 

“I don’t want you to stress about it, okay? It was fun, right? We had fun,” Jackie asked, nervously smiling a little.

 

“Right.”

 

“Okay, good,” Jackie cupped the side of Shauna’s neck, grazing her thumb over her cheek. “I just… I wanted to make sure it didn’t seem like I pressured you or anything.”

 

“No, you didn’t. It was fun for me too,” Shauna answered in a low voice.

 

Jackie let out a relieved sigh, the smile tugging at her lips becoming steady now. “Well, now at least we’ve both tried it.”

 

Shauna breathed through her nose, and she was staring at Jackie almost aimlessly. “Why… why did you want to try, anyway?”

 

Jackie shrugged. “I don’t know. High school’s ending, and with me and Jeff breaking up, I guess I just felt like I missed out on things.”

 

“Right. Um. Good for you.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Y—yeah.”

 

“What about you?” Jackie asked. “Was it good for you? Since, you know, it was your first time.”

 

Shauna swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, it was… yeah.”

 

Jackie chuckled. “Okay, well… cool.” She leaned over and pressed a light kiss to Shauna’s forehead. “Don’t change around me, Shipman, okay?”

 

Shauna hummed. “I couldn’t, even if I tried.”

 

 

Jackie was relieved that things with Shauna were normal. Shauna had driven her to school as if nothing had happened, and Jackie couldn’t stop smiling to herself. The idea of actually dating girls now filled her head. Luckily, she had Tai and Van to help her navigate it. She definitely wouldn’t be able to figure out who played for the same team on her own.

 

During soccer practice, she started noticing something strange. The other girls were smiling at her—more than usual. She smiled back, but something about the way they were looking at her felt… off. Like they were up to something suspicious.

 

Before she could dwell on it, a soccer ball smacked her in the back of the head.

 

“Ow—what the hell?” Jackie jerked forward, wincing as she turned around to see Nat, arms crossed and smirking.

 

“It’s not my fault you weren’t paying attention,” Nat teased, tilting her head.

 

Jackie gritted her teeth, stepping toward her. “Why the fuck would you aim for my head?”

 

“Because you weren’t gonna catch it either way.” Nat shrugged. “You're too busy making eyes at the whole team. What? I didn’t give you enough smooch last night?”

 

Jackie barely had time to process the comment before she lunged forward and shoved Nat’s shoulder. Nat stumbled back slightly, her smirk faltering into something more serious before she shoved Jackie right back. They started pushing each other, each shove harder than the last, tension growing between them.

 

“Hey, ladies! It’s off-season training. Don’t take it so seriously, alright?” Coach Scott called out.

 

Jackie exhaled sharply, arms crossing as she shot Nat a glare. “You suck.”

 

“Oooh, nice comeback.” Nat smirked again, crossing her arms in a perfect mirror of Jackie’s stance.

 

Jackie rolled her eyes, forcing herself to let it go. She took a step back, her voice dropping into something more level. “Stay over the ball. Don’t sky it.”

 

Then, without waiting for a response, she turned and sprinted away.

 

 

As soon as she was alone in the locker room, Tai and Van burst in as if on cue.

 

“How was it with Shauna?” Tai immediately demanded before taking a swig from her water bottle.

 

“It was so good,” Jackie said casually but her face beamed a little. “I didn’t know touching girls could feel that good too.”

 

Tai choked, spraying water onto Jackie’s face.

 

“What the hell?” Jackie recoiled, wiping at her face. “Tai!”

 

“You—you slept with her?” Tai gawked.

 

Van’s mouth had fallen open too, but then she shut her eyes and started chuckling. “Oh, God.”

 

Jackie frowned. “What? Should I not have?”

 

“I thought you were just going to make out!” Tai nearly shouted, looking utterly scandalized.

 

Jackie crossed her arms. “I literally told you guys I wanted to have sex with girls.”

 

“Yes! With girls you haven’t known your entire life! Why would you sleep with your best friend?” Tai exclaimed, exasperated.

 

Jackie groaned. “You guys gave me the green light! Am I missing something here?”

 

“To kiss, Jackie! Best friends practice kissing, not fucking! That’s—that’s actually gay,” Tai said, lightly shoving her shoulder. “You can’t deny it anymore.”

 

“Okay, fine, I realized I like girls after last night, but Shauna is straight, okay? She was just helping me out.”

 

“Wait, what?!” Van yelped, stepping closer as if to physically interrogate her, mirroring Tai.

 

“So you’re aware you’re gay now? Just like that?” Tai asked, hands on her hips.

 

“And we don’t have to pretend we don’t already know?” Van added.

 

“Wait, what?!” Jackie blurted.

 

“What do you mean Shauna is straight?” Tai cut in, ignoring Jackie’s confusion.

 

Jackie sighed, rubbing her temples. “Look, I figured out last night that I really like girls, so I’ve decided to start actually trying it out. Shauna and I are fine. Last night was fun, and we’re still best friends.”

 

Tai and Van just stared at her, looking a bit mortified, but Jackie shrugged it off.

 

“Well, anyway, I really appreciate you both. And I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Jackie said, pulling them into a quick, forceful hug before turning to leave.

 

“Rock, paper, or scissors, who smashes her head first?” she heard Van mutter to Tai as she walked out. Jackie ignored them and kept going. Before Jackie could head to class, Mari practically bounced up to her with a bright smile on her face.

 

“Hi, Jackie!” she greeted, looping their arms together as they walked.

 

“Oh, hey, Mari,” Jackie replied, matching her energy with a friendly tone.

 

“That party at my place last night was fun, huh?” Mari giggled.

 

“Yeah, thanks for that, by the way.”

 

Mari tilted her head playfully. “So, want to have lunch with me today?”

 

Jackie hesitated. “Uh, I usually sit with Shauna, but you can sit with us?”

 

Mari’s smile faltered, her expression falling just slightly. “Oh.”

 

Jackie furrowed her brows. “Is that okay?”

 

“Well… I was hoping it could just be us,” Mari admitted with a small shrug.

 

Jackie raised a brow. “Why? Is there something you want to talk about?”

 

“Actually, yeah,” Mari said, her fingers idly tracing small patterns along Jackie’s arm. “Since we’re about to graduate, I thought it’d be nice for us to finally bond. Get closer, you know?”

 

Jackie smiled, appreciating the girl’s proactiveness. “Yeah, I get that. We’ve never really talked much, huh?”

 

“Exactly.” Mari perked up. “So, how about we hang out after school?”

 

Jackie glanced upward, thinking. “Where?”

 

Mari’s smile widened. “I’ll take you some place nice.”

 

Jackie considered it for a moment. “You know what? Why not?”

 

“Great!” Mari beamed. “I’ll have my cousin pick us up and drop us off.”

 

Jackie nodded, smiling back. “Sounds cool. See you later, then.”

 

Mari gave her a little wave before skipping off. “See you, Cap!”

 

 

During lunch, Jackie couldn’t stop noticing girls. Girls walking past, girls glancing her way, girls she’d never paid much attention to before. Now, suddenly, she was realizing how pretty they all were. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen them before, but now she was really seeing them. And she knew why she had never let herself think about it. Liking girls wasn’t exactly something that would fly in her household. Or in society, really. But there were people like Tai and Van, who were open about it—especially within their friend group. Surely, there had to be more girls like them at Wiskayok High. Jackie just needed to sharpen her gaydar. If she even had one.

 

When the last bell rang, Jackie made her way to her locker, only to find Shauna already waiting for her. She slapped her forehead, remembering she had plans and forgot to tell Shauna about it. Jackie let out a small, guilty sigh and gave Shauna an apologetic look. “Hey, um… you don’t have to drive me home today.”

 

Shauna frowned. “What?”

 

“Mari asked me to hang out.”

 

Shauna’s expression shifted instantly. “Mari?” she repeated, her tone edged with suspicion.

 

Jackie nodded. “Yeah.”

 

Shauna crossed her arms. “And where exactly are you two going?”

 

Jackie hesitated. “I don’t know… but—”

 

Then Mari appeared before them, gently clutching Jackie’s arm. “Hey, my cousin’s waiting for us. Are you ready?”

Jackie hesitated for half a second before nodding. “Yeah.” She turned back to Shauna. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Shauna had been staring at Mari’s hand on Jackie’s arm before meeting Jackie’s gaze. “Fine,” she said, her voice clipped, before turning on her heel and walking away.

 

Jackie opened her mouth to call after her, sensing something off in Shauna’s tone, but before she could, Mari was already pulling her toward the parking lot.

 

The ride to the lake was quiet, save for Mari making the occasional comment about the passing scenery. At one point, they passed Rutgers. Jackie watched them blur by, her mind still half on Shauna’s reaction earlier. It didn’t take long before they arrived at a secluded lakefront.

 

“I’ll pick you up at five?” Mari’s cousin asked through the car window as they stepped out.

 

“Thanks. See you!” Mari waved as the car drove off.

 

Jackie took in the surroundings. The water was still, reflecting the deep reds and oranges of the autumn leaves. The air was crisp, carrying the faint scent of damp earth and fallen leaves. The place was stunning, serene, almost untouched because no one was around.

 

“This is Farrington Lake,” Mari explained, leading Jackie closer to the shore. “It’s named after some old mayor, but when I was younger, my family lived in New Brunswick, and we used to come here all the time. It’s kinda sentimental to me… but I haven’t been back in years.”

 

Jackie glanced at her, surprised by the personal note in her voice. “It’s beautiful.”

 

Mari smiled, then dropped her bag onto the ground and started unpacking. First, she spread out a picnic blanket, then pulled out plastic containers filled with sandwiches, strawberries, and chocolates. Finally, she set down two glasses and a jug.

 

“It’s sparkling non-alcoholic wine,” she said with a playful wink.

 

Jackie’s mouth fell open slightly as she took it all in. This wasn’t just some casual hangout. Mari had planned this. Thought about it.

 

“Mari… this is… why would you do all this?” Jackie asked, bewildered.

 

Mari chuckled, shaking her head. “What, you’ve never been taken out on a date before?”

 

Jackie’s brows shot up. “This is… a date?”

 

Mari’s smile wavered. “Oh. Um, did I not make that clear?”

 

Jackie blinked, still looking surprised. Mari stood, stepping closer, her expression suddenly more vulnerable.

 

“I’m sorry, I just…” Mari hesitated, smiling shyly. “I’ve never done this before.” She let out a nervous breath, then met Jackie’s gaze. “I’ve always had a crush on you, but I never thought I had a chance. You were with Jeff for years, and when you weren’t, you were always with Shauna. And then last night, when I saw you willingly kiss Nat, I realized… maybe it wasn’t impossible. So I figured I’d try.” She laughed, shaking her head. “I don’t know. Is this lame?”

 

She reached for Jackie’s hands, lifting them slightly, as if afraid Jackie might pull away. “If this is weird, don’t even worry about it. We can just hang out. As friends.”

 

Jackie swallowed, trying to process it all. Her eyes flickered over the picnic setup again, taking in the effort, the thoughtfulness. Jeff had never done anything like this for her. She had never known how good it could feel to have someone care this much.

 

She looked back at Mari, a slow smile forming. “It’s perfect.”

 

Mari let out a relieved breath before flashing a bright smile at Jackie. She gestured for her to sit, settling down beside her on the picnic blanket.

 

“Did you make the sandwiches?” Jackie asked, picking one up with curiosity.

 

Mari grinned. “Nope. I asked my mom to make it.”

 

Jackie chuckled, taking a bite. The sandwich was stacked with ham, crisp lettuce, tomatoes, and a layer of soft scrambled egg with just a hint of spice. As she chewed, Mari watched her, almost adoringly.

 

“She makes them really good,” Jackie admitted between bites.

 

Mari smirked. “You wanna meet her?”

 

Jackie almost choked, coughing as she smacked her chest with a closed fist.

 

Mari burst into laughter. “I’m just kidding, Jackie. Here.” She handed Jackie a glass of sparkling juice.

 

Jackie took it quickly, drinking to help swallow her food.

 

Mari leaned back on her hands, her grin playful. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you meet her this early in our relationship.” She smirked, then shrugged. “Our house is chaotic anyway.”

 

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “How chaotic?”

 

“Well, I have a younger sister and two younger twin brothers.”

 

“Oh, you’re the eldest?”

 

“Yup. My sister’s in middle school, and the boys are still in grade school. They’re a pain, but total goofballs.”

 

Jackie smirked. “I can imagine. You give off oldest sibling energy.”

 

Mari gasped in mock offense. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Jackie laughed, shaking her head. “It means you have this nurturing, sweet energy, and I’m assuming you take care of them really well.”

 

Mari tilted her head, pretending to think. “No, I pretty much just boss them around all the time.”

 

Jackie chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t know what that’s like. I’m an only child.”

 

“I know you are, Jackie. It’s kinda cute, actually,” Mari teased, leaning in slightly, resting her chin near her shoulder, her soft brown eyes twinkling, like she was admiring Jackie.

 

“How so?” Jackie asked, intrigued.

 

“I don’t know, I just picture you hanging out all alone in your big house.”

 

Jackie squinted. “It’s not that fun, you know? It’s not like I get to do whatever I want. But I do have Shauna.”

 

Mari’s smile faltered just slightly. “You talk about Shauna like she’s… are you guys…?”

 

“No, we’re just, um—” Jackie cut in, immediately picking up on what Mari was asking. “We’re best friends.”

 

Mari nodded slowly, then after a pause, she admitted, “You’re the first girl I’ve ever had a crush on, you know?”

 

“Yeah? Do you know why?”

 

“I found it silly at first. Me, crushing on a girl,” Mari said, scrunching her nose playfully. Jackie mimicked the expression in a teasing way, making Mari laugh before she continued. “But… you were mesmerizing. The way you take charge on the field, how cool you always look at school, the way you dress. You’re like this shiny princess that looks too precious to touch.”

 

Jackie scoffed, shaking her head. “I’m not all that, Mari. Don’t think too highly of me. I have flaws.”

 

“Okay, name one,” Mari challenged, perking up excitedly as she crossed her legs.

 

Jackie opened her mouth—but nothing came out.

 

Mari grinned. “See? You can’t even think of one!” She nudged Jackie’s leg playfully.

 

“I just need a second!” Jackie argued. “Give me an example.”

 

Mari exhaled, tilting her head like she was deep in thought. “Alright. But no judgment, okay?”

 

“Promise.” Jackie held out her pinky, and Mari looped hers around it.

 

Mari sighed dramatically. “Okay. This one’s stupid, but… we were at my uncle’s funeral, and a butterfly landed near his grave. My family believed it was his spirit, watching over us. They were all staring at it, super serious, getting emotional… and I, um… swatted it to the ground with my chancla.”

 

Jackie’s eyes widened. “What?” She was already giggling before Mari clarified, “Sandal.”

 

Jackie burst into laughter, doubling over. “Oh my God.”

 

“I did it as a joke! I didn’t think they’d take it that seriously,” Mari said, laughing too before taking bite of strawberry. “And then my mom spanked me with the same chancla.”

 

“That’s horrible,” Jackie wheezed, still trying to catch her breath.

 

“I was twelve, okay?” Mari said, joining in the laughter and wiping at her eyes. “Alright, your turn.”

 

Jackie paused, searching her mind, but came up blank. Surely, she’d done something bad before, but looking back, it seemed like she had spent her whole life following her parents’ rules, too afraid to mess up. Saying she drank and smoked felt too basic because everyone their age already did that.

 

“Um… I guess there was this one time,” she started. “I wasn’t allowed to go out, but Shauna and I had plans to hit a party in Holmdel for a couple of hours. So, I snuck out through my window and got completely wasted.”

 

Mari squinted. “That’s it? That’s nothing compared to my chancla story!”

 

Jackie groaned. “I know! I just realized I’ve never actually done anything you could consider rebellious. Meanwhile, you were out here taking down reincarnated spirits at twelve. I’m kind of jealous.”

 

Mari chuckled. “Well, I guess we’re gonna have to figure out some stuff then before we graduate, huh?” She planted her hands on the ground, shifting her weight as she leaned in slightly. Her eyes flickered to Jackie’s lips, hesitation crossing her face before she closed the space between them.

 

Jackie was caught off guard because Mari was moving too fast, but since she was expecting she’d be kissing girls since last night anyway, she closed her eyes and let it happen. It was soft, quick. Mari did it again, then again, peck after peck. Jackie could tell she was nervous, unsure of how to deepen it, so she took the lead. Slipping a hand around the back of Mari’s neck, she pulled her in, tilting her head slightly as she sucked gently on Mari’s upper lip, then moved to the lower. Mari exhaled, her hands finding Jackie’s waist, fingers gripping lightly as she pulled Jackie closer.

 

The kiss grew more confident, more eager. Jackie could taste strawberries on Mari’s lips, and something about that made her want more. She parted her lips slightly, slipping her tongue in just enough to tease. Mari whimpered, gripping her tighter. It sent a spark through Jackie, a thrill at how easily she could affect another girl like this. When they pulled apart, Mari’s eyes were soft, imploring. She looked at Jackie’s lips, then around at the secluded lake. She bit her lip. “Have you ever had sex in public before?” she asked quietly.

 

Jackie swallowed, taken aback by the question. “No,” she admitted. “You?”

 

Mari shook her head, her fingers tracing lazy circles on Jackie’s hip. “We’re in public right now,” she murmured, “No one’s around but… you get the idea.”

 

Jackie swallowed, her mind scrambling. It was happening so fast, and she wished she could easily call Tai or Van for advice. God, they should make cellphones affordable now. Was this normal? Do two girls dating move this quickly? But then again, this started as an experiment anyway. Mari wasn’t her girlfriend, and she wasn’t looking for one. This is just a casual date, right? So why overthink it? They’re just having fun, the same way she had fun with Shauna. And Mari is being naughty right now, her hand sliding up under Jackie’s shirt as she leaned in again. The next kiss was deeper, slower, and Jackie let herself get lost in it. She felt Mari’s fingers skim under her shirt. Sensing her hesitation, Jackie placed her own hand over Mari’s, guiding her to touch her more firmly. This seemed to give Mari confidence to start rolling her hand over and lightly grip Jackie’s breast over her bra. Jackie could already feel her nipple hardening at the contact.

 

Feeling elated, Jackie broke the kiss, gently gripping Mari’s thighs as she eased her onto the sand. She shifted on top, bracing herself with a hand beside Mari’s head, taking in the softness of her features. Mari’s dark eyes shone with something both excited and tender, her hair fanning out around her. There was something disarmingly innocent about her in this moment. Her expression open, her lips slightly parted.

 

Mari reached up, her palm rubbing affectionately on Jackie’s arm. A soft smile tugged at her lips, revealing the faintest hint of a dimple. Jackie leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to the spot, feeling Mari’s breath hitched against her cheek. Jackie slowly moved her lips inwardly to meet Mari’s again, and this time, Jackie let herself sink fully into the sensation. Jackie felt like she could get used to this. How had she never considered the possibility of kissing girls before? This felt better than anything—natural, exhilarating, right. She hated that she wasted years feeling miserable and trapped with Jeff, forcing something that never truly fit when all along, there were girls who saw her, who could have wanted her, and whom she could have wanted just as much.

 

A dull ache crept into Jackie’s arm from holding herself up, so she shifted onto her side. Mari followed, eyes gleaming with anticipation as she reached for Jackie’s clean hand—the one untouched by sand—and guided it downward, slipping it beneath the waistband of her pants. Jackie’s mind raced as she let the moment take her. She’s gonna do it again. She’s going to touch another girl in her most sensitive part and Jackie felt her nerves shooting up, as if this was the first time. Mari made a humming moan when Jackie felt her wet area, and Mari leaned in again, capturing Jackie’s lips and then slipping her tongue this time. Jackie let her own tongue submit, letting Mari swirl her way around her mouth.

 

Unexpectedly, Mari propped herself up. Jackie's head turned, following Mari’s movement as she supported herself with her elbow. Mari stood up and began unbuttoning and unzipping her pants, staring at Jackie as she did so. Jackie bit her lip, watching in awe as Mari slid her pants off.

 

Then, she pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in matching black underwear. She sat down on Jackie’s lap, making Jackie sit up and hold Mari’s waist in place.

 

Mari draped her arms over Jackie’s shoulders. “I want you to fuck me, Jackie Taylor,” she whispered closely into Jackie’s ear. Jackie felt goosebumps rise on her neck. She had never heard anyone call her full name like that, and it sounded so sexy. Mari didn’t ask if Jackie wanted to fuck her. She wanted Jackie to. And Jackie was going to.

 

She tipped Mari’s underwear aside to reveal her center, her eyes fixated on how pink Mari’s clit looked, glistening just for her. She began circling her finger over it, making Mari’s mouth fall open, her eyes squeezing shut at Jackie’s touch.

 

“Do you like this?” Jackie whispered, their lips hovering close.

 

“Please,” Mari whispered back.

 

Jackie caught Mari’s bottom lip between her teeth, nibbling and slightly stretching it before pushing a finger inside her. Mari clung tighter around Jackie’s neck, moaning softly against her teeth.

 

“More, please,” Mari begged, and Jackie immediately pushed another finger in.

 

“Jackie,” Mari moaned in that same sweet tone, and Jackie realized just how much she liked hearing girls say her name like that.

 

Jackie moved her fingers slowly, feeling Mari’s walls wrap around her touch. It was effortless because Mari was so wet that her fingers glided smoothly, her rhythm gradually picking up speed.

 

“I like you, Jackie. I like you so much,” Mari whispered, her brows furrowed in vulnerable intensity.

 

Jackie kissed her cheek, then trailed her lips down to Mari’s neck, softly sucking at a pulse point. She tightened her hold around Mari’s waist, pulling her closer so she could kiss her shoulder, too.

Jackie pressed her lips to Mari’s chest, just below her collarbones. She could feel herself getting wet as well, feeling the warmth of Mari’s skin against her mouth. Sweaty girls during sex, she realized, turned her on.

 

Mari kept moaning, giving Jackie even more confidence. Mari turned out to be a screamer, and Jackie didn’t mind. They were alone, and all Jackie could hear were Mari’s moans echoing through the wide space, which suddenly felt smaller, enclosing them in their own world. She felt Mari clenching around her fingers, just like Shauna did when she was about to come, so Jackie picked up the pace, matching the roll of Mari’s hips.

 

Mari pressed her mouth aggressively against Jackie’s, as if trying to drown out her own screams. Jackie felt her fingers grow warmer, slick with more fluid as Mari’s muffled cries against her lips intensified.

 

Her head was spinning—but not in a bad way. Mari’s hips slowed, and Jackie stilled her fingers, letting Mari ride out the last waves of her orgasm. When their lips finally broke apart, Mari’s cheeks were flushed. To make her feel comfortable, Jackie placed a soft kiss on her cheek, then used her free hand to brush strands of hair away from Mari’s face.

 

Jackie slowly withdrew her fingers, and Mari smiled at her shyly. But before another moment could pass, Mari stood up and began slipping off her underwear. Oh God, does she want another round? And now she wants to do it completely naked?

 

But instead, Mari walked toward the water, her cute ass bouncing slightly as Jackie watched.

 

“Come on, let’s skinny dip! You can add this to your list,” Mari called over her shoulder before turning around, crossing her arms in a playful challenge.

 

Jackie grinned, but before taking off her clothes, she allowed herself one last look at Mari’s breasts, afraid she wouldn’t get another good view once they were submerged. Mari noticed her staring and bit her lip.

 

“Stop staring, Jackie. You’ll get more of this later. Now come on, pussy.”

 

Jackie smirked, standing up as she stripped off her clothes. She caught the way Mari’s expression shifted—her lips parting slightly, her eyes dark and intense as they trailed down Jackie’s bare body. Jackie stepped closer.

 

“Pussy, huh?” she teased, before bending down to wrap her arms around Mari’s waist, effortlessly lifting her up. She felt Mari’s warm skin as their bodies pressed lightly together.

 

“Jackie!!!” Mari whined, but she still gripped Jackie’s shoulders, clinging to her as Jackie carried them both toward the water.

 

The lake wasn’t too cold—somewhere between warm and cool—but Jackie still held Mari close as the water rose around them, just above their chests.

 

Mari pushed their noses together. “You’re so pretty, you know?” she said, giving Jackie an adoring look.

 

“You too,” Jackie whispered, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

 

“No, really. You’re like the most gorgeous girl at school in my eyes,” Mari continued.

 

Jackie felt her cheeks warm. “That’s really sweet, Mari.”

 

She felt Mari’s hands sliding under the water, gripping the back of her thighs, almost pushing her up. Jackie let her, wrapping her legs around Mari’s waist, pressing their bodies together. They made out some more, the intimacy deepening between them. The sun was almost setting, casting a golden glow over the lake. It was undeniably romantic, and Jackie never expected to get this kind of treatment—from Mari, of all people.

 

Shortly after putting their clothes back on, they finished their picnic, simply admiring the view. The entire time, Jackie could feel Mari’s eyes on her, never leaving her. It felt good to be seen like this, to be admired this way, to realize that girls could give her this kind of attention too.

 

When Mari’s cousin picked them up, he told them he couldn’t drop them off at home because he had somewhere to be, so he left them at school instead. It started raining, and Jackie quickly pulled Mari under the nearest bench with a roof. Thankfully, there was a phone booth nearby.

 

“Hey, um, could you pick us up at school?” Jackie asked as soon as Shauna answered the phone.

 

“Us?” Jackie could hear the irritation in Shauna’s voice.

 

“Yeah, um, Mari’s cousin dropped us off here, and it’s raining. There aren’t any buses around.”

 

She heard Shauna sigh—long and heavy—on the other end, and Jackie could tell she was pissed, though she had no idea why. But she didn’t know who else to call. Shauna or Jeff had always been her ride.

 

“Fine,” Shauna muttered.

 

“Thanks, Ship, you’re the bes—”

 

The line went dead before Jackie could finish. She sighed and walked back to Mari.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t book us a better ride,” Mari said apologetically, reaching for Jackie’s hand.

 

“Are you kidding? You planned this whole thing. Honestly, it’s the best date I’ve ever had.”

 

“Really?” Mari beamed, her eyes going wide.

 

Jackie gave her a genuine smile. “Really.” Then she leaned in and kissed her.

 

It wasn’t long before Shauna’s car pulled up. Mari climbed into the back, and as Jackie opened the passenger door, she spotted Nat across the street.

 

She was with a girl, their bodies pressed together, arms wrapped around each other. The girl was a few inches shorter, looking up at Nat with a pout, but Nat’s head was turned—her attention was on Jackie. Jackie glared, hoping Nat noticed before she slipped into the car.

 

Shauna dropped Mari off first. Before heading inside, Mari walked over to the passenger side, and Jackie rolled down the window.

 

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” Mari asked, grinning from ear to ear.

 

Jackie smiled back. “Yes, see you, Mari.”

 

Mari leaned in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Oh, thanks, Shauna,” she added before heading inside.

 

The moment the door shut, Shauna didn’t even wait for Mari to step inside her house.

 

“What the fuck was that?” she asked, her voice sharp.

 

Jackie turned, seeing Shauna’s face twisted into a scowl. “What was what?” she asked, feigning innocence.

 

Shauna pulled back onto the road, shaking her head bitterly. “Are you guys close now?”

 

“We were just hanging out.”

 

“Why would you even need to hang out with her? We’re graduating.”

 

“That’s the point,” Jackie shrugged, keeping her voice even. “I just felt like we never got close.”

 

Shauna scoffed. “Seems to me like she wants to get in your pants.”

 

Jackie rolled her eyes dramatically. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, carefully leaving out the fact that she had already gotten into Mari’s pants.

 

“Really? ’Cause it looked like you guys were on a date,” Shauna snapped.

 

Jackie sighed. “Fine. She asked me out. Why not? She’s sweet.”

 

“She’s a fucking leech!” Shauna burst out, briefly glancing at Jackie before turning back to the road.

 

Jackie scowled back. “What the hell is the matter with you? She’s our teammate.”

 

“She’s taking advantage of the fact that you kiss girls now. Ever since we did that stupid spin the bottle at her house.”

 

Jackie narrowed her eyes. “Stupid? We ended up kissing too, Shauna.”

 

“But you kissed Nat first.”

 

Jackie scoffed. “Okay, well, I’m sorry the bottle landed on her first.”

 

“That’s not the point.”

 

“Then what is your point?”

 

Jackie noticed Shauna’s knuckles getting white, hands seemingly gripping the steering wheel tighter. “The point is that you even wanted to do this! It’s just so fucking stupid. You shouldn’t be going crazy just because Jeff hurt you.”

 

Jackie’s jaw clenched. “I’m not going fucking crazy. I’m trying to figure myself out. Something you’re probably not familiar with.”

 

“Fuck you, Jackie!”

 

Jackie turned fully to face her. “Why are you so fucking angry with me? I thought you wanted to help me. I thought we were okay.”

 

Shauna didn’t answer, just kept driving, her breaths heavy.

 

When they arrived at Jackie’s house, she expected Shauna to drive off, but instead, she stepped out too, following Jackie inside. Neither of them spoke.

 

Shauna was sleeping over. Jackie felt relieved because if Shauna had left after that fight, they probably wouldn’t have talked for a week. This way, they had a chance to immediately work things out. God knows Jackie couldn’t last a day without Shauna.

 

They had dinner with Jackie’s parents before heading upstairs. Jackie changed into her sleeping clothes, and without a word, Shauna went straight to Jackie’s closet, pulling out some of her comfortable clothes to change into.

 

Shauna flopped onto Jackie’s bed first, staring at her, almost like she was waiting for her to lay down. When Jackie did, Shauna immediately snuggled closer. She was being sweet now. Jackie wondered if she should apologize—but what for? For hanging out with Mari? Sure, it was illegal to kiss a girl in this state, and she had spent the day engaging in plenty of gay activity, but Shauna wasn’t the police. What crime did she really commit against her best friend?

 

“Can we kiss?”

 

Shauna’s soft voice cut through her thoughts. Jackie blinked. “Hmm?”

 

“We already fucked, Jackie. It’s no big deal. I just want to kiss you goodnight,” Shauna said, her eyes locked onto Jackie’s.

 

“Okay.”

 

Shauna leaned in almost immediately, pressing a chaste kiss to Jackie’s lips.

 

“Goodnight,” Jackie murmured.

 

But Shauna wasn’t done. She draped an arm over Jackie’s waist, pulling her in closer.

 

“One more,” she said—almost demanded—before pressing another kiss to her lips.

 

Jackie’s heart melted. Shauna was acting weird, and it was obvious what had happened between them was affecting her. Maybe Shauna felt weird about Jackie dating girls. Jackie knew they needed to have a real conversation about it because Shauna doesn’t seem to be handling it well. Instead of dwelling on it now, Jackie sighed and snuggled closer, letting sleep take over.

 

Notes:

Jackie wanted to have a good time, but instead, she’s starting off by giving these girls a great time! :D Alright, let me know what you think of this chapter and who should be next!

Chapter 3: Misty

Notes:

I know I said I will update regularly. I don’t know why I said that when I can’t keep a routine even if it would save me so I apologize.

 

Shauna had been sleeping over more often than usual. After Jackie’s date with Mari, she showed up again. And then the night after, and the night after that. She said little, but offered more affection than Jackie was used to. Not that Jackie could ever complain about that. It was just... intense. Shauna had become clingier, more so than before, and it’s a little worrying.

 

Each night, she held Jackie close like her life depended on it. Jackie had tried to coax her into talking, asking what she thought about her dating a girl, if it bothered her, or if it honestly might change anything between them.

 

“Do what you want. Just keep me close,” Shauna whispered once, her tone flat but oddly loaded, almost bitter. She looked bitter too, scowling a little, like Jackie betrayed her just by asking. But then she'd reach out and pull Jackie in again, noses brushing, eyes fluttering shut like she could only fall asleep once Jackie was within reach. It was confusing. The sweetness in Shauna’s touch clashed with the weight in her words and the look on her face.

 

Because of all this, Jackie found herself afraid of running into Mari while she was with Shauna. The idea of the three of them crossing paths felt like a disaster waiting to happen. So she moved fast in the hallways, eyes low, silently hoping to avoid them both. Once at school, she would scatter away from Shauna, avoiding her between classes, creating distance wherever she could. Because they were still together before and after school, and Shauna didn’t seem to plan on going home anytime soon.

 

Jackie’s parents didn’t ask questions. Shauna had always spent a lot of time at her house, but now it was night after night, and still, no one seemed concerned. Her mom probably assumed they were trying to soak up the last moments before college. Her dad, as always, just didn’t care.

 

Still, Jackie tried to create space. Because whatever was happening between them at home wasn’t normal. There was barely any talking, no real communication. But Jackie didn’t press. She didn’t ask. Because affectionate Shauna, even when it came wrapped in moodiness and silences, was still better than no contact Shauna. Like when she would always disappear after a fight until Jackie couldn’t take it anymore because Jackie was always the clingy one, always willing to be the first one to break Shauna’s resolve.

 

Before classes start, Jackie was in her locker and like any out of the blue conversations she’d been having in her locker lately, Misty was standing beside her, giving her a big smile.

 

“Hey, Jackie,” Misty chirped, rocking on her toes with her hands clasped behind her back.

 

“Hi, Misty. What’s up?” Jackie asked, shutting her locker and turning to face her.

 

“Can I walk you to class?” Misty asked, pushing up her glasses with a bashful smile.

 

“Um… sure, I guess?” Jackie replied, lifting a suspicious eyebrow

 

Jackie walked with Misty and it wasn’t like it was gonna be a long walk, but for some reason, their equipment manager wants to escort her, and suddenly Jackie felt bad. She realized, she never gave Misty much attention. They had spent years hanging out on the field, and even though Misty doesn’t play with them, Jackie still sees her as part of the team, and she could tell that Misty cared. She was always prepared to hand out cleats, shin guards, and Van’s gloves before every practice like clockwork and Jackie would always notice her packing all their gears, towels, and water bottles, after every game, and she does it alone. Jackie should’ve talked to her more, showed more appreciation, but now, with school wrapping up, there wasn’t much time left to fix that.

 

“So how have you been, Misty?” Jackie asked, summoning the warmest smile she could manage.

 

Misty’s eyes lit up as she looked over at her. “Good. I really liked hanging out with you guys the other night,” she said, chuckling as she looked ahead. “Honestly, I didn’t think I’d be invited.”

 

“Are you kidding? Of course you will be, you’re part of the team,” Jackie said, trying to sound as sincere as she felt.

 

“Well, I’ve never actually been invited to any of your hangouts,” Misty admitted, lips pressed together as her gaze briefly dropped to the floor.

 

Jackie’s heart sank because it was true. Whenever they’d go to a party and get wasted, inviting Misty would never even come up. Not that invitation is necessary for everyone to show up at any party, Misty was just never expected to appear, unless it was a closed team hang out, which they only did a few times, and Misty hadn’t been in any of the ones they’ve had before the other night.

 

“I’m sorry if I… hadn’t invited you before,” Jackie said softly, resting a comforting hand on Misty’s shoulder.

 

“It’s okay. But maybe we can hang out again before school ends?” Misty asked as they stopped outside Jackie’s classroom.

“You bet,” Jackie said, flashing her a genuine smile.

 

Misty nodded, lit up like a human sunbeam, and then practically skipped down the hallway like she’d just won the lottery. Jackie chuckled, shaking her head and finding the girl adorable.

 

And then it happened again. The very next day. Jackie had barely turned from Shauna when Misty was already waiting by her locker, ready for round two of Walk Jackie To Class. Then she offered to carry Jackie’s bag for her. During soccer practice, Misty was doing the absolute most. After every drill, when Jackie collapsed onto the bench, Misty would kneel in front of her like some medieval squire and tie her shoe laces. Jackie would look on one side and see a scowling Shauna and on the other side, there was a suspicious Nat with her arms crossed. Because Misty wasn’t doing this for anyone else. It’s like she suddenly got the confidence to hang around Jackie more than usual and she kept approaching to wipe Jackie’s sweat with a towel.

“There. You look refreshed again,” Misty beamed, handing her a water bottle.

 

“Thanks, Misty,” Jackie said, smiling with gratitude. Misty gave a proud little shrug and walked off.

 

“Hey,” Mari appeared beside her, brows slightly furrowed.

 

“Oh,” Jackie said, heart doing a tiny panic beat. “Hi, Mari.”

 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Mari said bluntly, crossing her arms, lips pursed in a faux pout.

 

“No,” Jackie said quickly, face scrunching in protest. “I’m not.”

 

“Yes, you are. You haven’t even asked me for our second date,” Mari said, arms folding tighter, eyes now cast toward the ground like she was pretending to be upset. It was cute—if Jackie wasn’t completely spiraling over Shauna maybe watching this whole thing.

 

“Our second date?” Jackie asked, confused but curious.

 

“Yeah. I asked you out first, so I figured you’d ask me next. But instead, you’ve been hiding,” Mari sighed, turning to her with an unexpectedly serious look. “Do you not like me? Like… was it bad for you? Because I—”

“Stop,” Jackie cut in, gently shaking her head. “I told you I had a great time. I’m just… dealing with stuff right now.”

“Okay. So when’s our next date?” Mari challenged, brows raised, arms locked like a dare.

 

Jackie opened her mouth, words fumbling on the edge of escape, but thank God for Coach Scott’s whistle slicing through the air and saving her from imminent doom. A second date would mean exclusivity. And Jackie wasn’t sure she was ready for that. She just started for fucks sake, and she said she was going to start dating girls. Not start dating a girl.

 

“Don’t think this gets you off the hook, Jackie Taylor,” Mari said, standing. Then, she leaned down to whisper in Jackie’s ear, voice raspy, seductive. “And guess what? I’ll be shopping for lingerie.”

And then she strutted off. Backwards— lip between her teeth, smirking like she knew she’d just detonated a nuke in Jackie’s brain. Jackie gulped nervously because she’s fucking dead.

 

After practice, Jackie gave Tai and Van a silent SOS look. Immediately receiving the message, her chaos consultants waited until the locker room emptied.

 

“So what’s your dilemma today, gay rookie?” Tai asked, arms crossed.

 

“Hey!” Jackie said, immediately defensive.

 

“We know about Mari,” Van added, matching Tai’s energy.

 

Jackie blinked in surprise. “She told you?”

 

“Nope. But she said you hung out and she kept talking about how pretty you are. I connected the dots,” Van replied.

“And just so you know, Shauna didn’t look happy about your name coming out of Mari’s mouth,” Tai added, giving her a warning look.

 

“Yeah… it doesn’t seem like she’s handling the whole me-liking-girls thing too well,” Jackie muttered.

“You think?” Tai deadpanned, sarcastically.

“I think it’s more about the fact that you like girls instead of just one girl,” Van chimed in. “That girl being her.”

Jackie scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Shauna’s always been jealous when I get close to other girls. That’s just… our thing.”

“And you’d think that should tell you something by now,” Tai remarked, shaking her head.

“It’s just friendship jealousy,” Jackie countered.

“There’s no such thing in gay world, Jackie,” Tai shot back.

“Well, I was straight once, so it was a thing.”

 

Van snorted. “You were never straight, Captain. Keep up.”

 

“But yeah. Mari and I… did it.”

 

“WHAT?!” Tai and Van exploded in unison, making Jackie flinch.

 

“I thought you said you connected the dots?”

 

“I thought you just went out on a date!” Van said, wide-eyed.

 

Jackie rolled her eyes, feeling frustrated now. "Again, what part of 'I'm gonna start having sex with girls' were not clear to you both?"

 

“Jesus Christ, I thought you said you weren’t gonna throw yourself at every girl but it seemed like you were doing exactly just that!” Tai said in exasperation.

 

Jackie took a deep breath, then bit her lip. “Is that a bad thing? What I’m doing?”

 

The two exchanged looks, sighing, expressions softening.

 

“No, it’s not a bad thing, Captain,” Van said gently. “But this… is going to get messy.”

 

“Well, yeah, that’s the thing. Mari is expecting a second date and…. I don’t really want anything exclusive right now. So…. how do I let her down easy? I mean with guys, it’s whatever, but… this is pretty terrifying.”

“Yeah? Try being turned down by a girl, then talk to us,” Van muttered, irritated.

 

Jackie pouted. “Come on, you guys have to help me. You’re my best mates.”

“Please don’t call us that,” Tai shut her eyes in annoyance, giving her a dismissive hand.

Jackie stood up from the bench, hands placed on her hips. “What should I tell her?”

 

“Look, it’s always better to just be honest. Tell her you’re not really looking for anything serious right now,” Van suggested.

“Okay but like… I don’t want to upset her.”

“Wow. You sound pretty confident that that’s the reaction you’re gonna get. Must have done pretty well, huh?” Tai crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow.

“So how’d you do it? Straight to the butthole?” Van teased.

“No,” Jackie frowned, then she smiled, blushing at the memory. “It was actually pretty nice.”

“Jesus. You look like a manwhore,” Tai said, disgust written all over her face.

 

“I am not a manwhore!” Jackie yelled in protest.

“Look, Mari seems chill. She’ll probably be fine. If anything, she’ll be happy she got to hook up with the soccer captain before high school ends,” Van tried to reassure her.

“And you need to talk to Shauna,” Tai added. “You guys had sex too and because I can tell you’re too stupid to know what she’s thinking, make sure it’s clear to her that you’re seeing other girls.”

“She knows I like girls and that I went on a date with Mari.”

“Did she know you boned her on that date?” Van asked.

Jackie paused. “Why… why would I have to tell her? Why would she care?”

 

“Oh my God, Jackie, I swear,” Tai muttered, grabbing Van. “Come on.”

 

“Good luck, Cap,” Van grinned, letting Tai drag her away.

 

 

After class, Misty was already waiting for her, offering to carry her books—an offer Jackie declined, because she was the one who was supposed to be making up for lost time by being nicer to Misty, but somehow, it felt like the opposite was happening.

Jackie pulled back gently. “No, really, Misty, I got it,” she said for the third time after Misty tried to tug her books.

 

But Misty, undeterred, reached again. “I don’t want you to strain your arms or shoulders. Sure, you’re done training for matches, but you still practice, and I don’t want you getting too tired.”

 

Before Jackie could object, Misty had already taken her books and her bag.

 

“I was thinking,” Misty said, helping Jackie stack her books into the locker. “Can we hang out tonight?”

 

Jackie blinked. “Tonight?”

 

“Yeah. I wanna spend more time with you. I feel like we haven’t really gotten to know each other, you know?” Misty smiled hopefully. “My aunt can drive us. We’ll pick you up around six?”

 

Jackie stared at Misty in surprise. She didn’t exactly expect to get asked to hang out after school. Not that she didn’t want to. Honestly, it was the perfect chance to finally make it up to Misty. The problem was her best friend, who’d been staying at her house and acting like a raging wife ready to snap if Jackie so much as breathed the idea of spending time with someone else. Misty was giving her those hopeful eyes, and of course Jackie couldn’t say no to that. She quickly glanced around, making sure Shauna wasn’t nearby because any second now, she’d show up.

“You know what? I guess we could,” Jackie said with a nervous chuckle. “I gotta go, but I’ll see you later, okay?”

 

Misty lit up instantly, pressing her fists together at her chest. “That’s great! I’ll see you later, Jackie!”

 

Jackie watched her skip away and exhaled a deep, tired breath. She barely had a second to recalibrate before Shauna appeared beside her. They walked in silence to the car. On the drive home, Jackie fidgeted in her seat, twisting her fingers in her lap, trying to figure out how to tell Shauna that she’d be going out tonight. And with Misty. If Shauna flipped out over Mari, there was no way she’d be okay about this.

 

Jackie cleared her throat. "Aren’t you planning to go home?” she asked, trying to find a way around saying she had plans for tonight. Something that wouldn’t awaken the monster in her best friend and spark yet another fight.

 

“No,” Shauna muttered, not even bothering to look away from the road.

 

“Isn’t your mom looking for you?” Jackie asked gently, careful to keep her tone soft, not pushy.

 

“No,” Shauna repeated, this time louder, a little defiant. “Why? You want me to go home?”

 

“I was just asking,” Jackie said, biting her lip.

 

“You don’t want to sleep next to me?” Shauna shot her a look.

 

“No, Jesus,” Jackie muttered, catching Shauna’s snarling expression. “I’m just worried she’s looking for you. It’s not like you often sleep over four nights in a row.”

 

“She knows I’m with you,” Shauna replied flatly.

 

“She hasn’t called the house, Shauna,” Jackie tried to reason— dared to.

 

“If you’re sick of me, just fucking say it,” Shauna snapped, her voice rising, face twisted in near anger.

 

“You know what, just forget it. We don’t even talk, and you’re clearly still mad at me for… I don’t know… whatever,” Jackie said, remembering what Tai said about Shauna being upset about her name coming out of Mari’s mouth, thinking Shauna would just react the same if Mari’s name came out of hers.

 

Shauna exhaled sharply. “Fine. I’ll go home.”

 

“I didn’t ask you to. I was just concerned—”

 

“You don’t want to be around me. I can tell.”

 

“That’s not true, Shauna,” Jackie said softly, trying to pacify her.

 

“Whatever. It’s fine,” Shauna muttered bitterly, and that was that.

 

Shauna dropped her off without another word and drove off. It was better this way. Jackie didn’t want to ditch Misty over another one of Shauna’s irrational reasons why she wouldn’t want her to go. She’ll deal with whatever this fight was later.

 

At 6 o’clock, Jackie’s already waiting on her porch. Misty’s car eventually pulled up to the curb. Misty quickly jumped out of the passenger seat and opened the back door for Jackie before sliding in beside her, settling into the seat with a bright smile.

 

“This is my aunt,” Misty said introduced the woman driving the car.

 

“Thanks for giving us a ride, Mrs. Quigley,” Jackie said politely. “I’m Jackie, by the way.”

 

“Miss, darling. You can call me ’Sheila.’ And don’t worry about it. Misty’s told me all about you, and I’m just thrilled she’s finally hanging out with a friend,” Miss Quigley said, smiling at Jackie in the rearview mirror.

 

“Sheila,” Misty whined softly, blushing.

 

“Where are we going?” Jackie whispered to Misty beside her.

 

Misty’s pout toward her aunt faded into a grin as she turned to Jackie. “You’ll see,” she said, clearly excited.

 

They arrived at a packed lot, cars scattered around and concession stands lined along one side. When Jackie spotted the giant white screen ahead, her face lit up.

 

“Oh my God, I’ve always wanted to go to one of these,” she said, taking the drive-in theater. Sheila said she’d pick them up at the same time, and it gave Jackie the sense that Misty was a regular here. But with Sheila leaving, Jackie was confused, because how were they supposed to hear the movie?

 

When they got out of the car, Misty led her past the cars, all the way to the back of the lot, toward what looked like an old building. They climbed two flights of stairs, and Misty unlocked a door leading into a small room filled with equipment. An open window looked out over the screen.

 

“You can sit here,” Misty said, adjusting two chairs in front of the tall projector.

 

“Wait…. you work here?” Jackie asked, scanning the room.

 

“Not exactly,” Misty said shyly, adjusting her glasses. “A close family friend of ours, Bob, is in real estate, and he was setting this business up. My dad basically told him I’m an equipment manager at our soccer team and may know a thing or two about machines too, and that he could use me here. I’ve been doing it since. It’s a good thing to keep myself busy while my parents are busy at work, since you know, they’re both doctors.”

 

Jackie watched in amazement as Misty loaded a large film reel into the projector.

 

“This is… actually… so fucking cool,” Jackie said, wide-eyed.

 

Misty giggled, raising her shoulders. “I knew you’d like it.”

 

“What time does the movie start?”

 

Misty glanced at her watch. “Um, in like 15 minutes.”

 

“Okay, let me go get us some snacks,” Jackie offered.

 

“Oh no, I can do that for you,” Misty said, nearly panicked.

 

Jackie scoffed. “No way, Misty. Let me at least do this. Besides, you need to do your thing. You don't want to play the movie late and have those people booing you.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Misty said, slumping a little.

 

Jackie smiled. “I’m really excited to see how it all works. I’ll be back, okay?”

 

Misty hesitated, then smiled and nodded.

 

Jackie headed down the stairs and made her way toward the concessions, silently cursing herself for not asking what Misty wanted. In the end, she decided to get two hot dogs and a large bucket of popcorn. Since she doubted she could carry everything back, she ordered a single extra-large soda with two straws to share.

 

As the worker prepared her order, Jackie glances around at all the cars, smiling as she observed the people that were here. There are some couples, a mother with her child, a group of friends, families, and Mari…. wait— Mari??????

 

“Holy shit,” Jackie muttered, ducking her head. Mari was in the passenger seat of a nearby car, sitting beside who had to be her mom, with a couple of siblings in the back. Jackie began inching backward, eyes locked on Mari’s car, silently praying she wouldn’t see her— until she collided with someone behind her.

 

“What the fuck?”

 

“S—sorry,” Jackie stammered, turning around—then freezing when she saw who it was. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Getting body-checked by you, unfortunately,” Nat said, casually flicking ash from her cigarette.

 

“Are you even allowed to smoke here?” Jackie asked, planting her hands on her hips.

 

“I don’t see any cops. Do you?”

 

“There’s a guard right there,” Jackie said, pointing to the entrance.

 

Nat gave her a sly smirk and tilted her head. “I don’t hear him blowing his whistle at me, Jackie.”

 

“You’re incorrigible,” Jackie rolled her eyes.

 

"Are you going around the team, Jackie?"

 

"What? No," Jackie mumbled, offended.

 

“I saw Misty taking you to her lair,” Nat said, nodding toward the building. “First, me and Shauna. Then Mari. Now Misty? Didn’t think you’d go so low, Taylor."

 

Jackie bit her cheek, trying to hold back. She crossed her arms, trying to appear unfazed. “Please. No one goes lower than you, Nat."

 

“Was it just me you didn't take on a date?”

 

Jackie opened her mouth, but Nat cut her off. “Or maybe you haven’t worked up the nerve to ask me out yet. Hate to break it to you, Jackie, but you’re not my type.”

 

Jackie arched an eyebrow, a dry laugh slipping out as she shot Nat a smug look. “Dream on, Nat. And you’re hardly in any position to judge me.”

 

Nat’s teasing smile was replaced by a frown, something defensive. “The fuck do you mean by that?"

 

Jackie scoffed, shaking her head. ”It's not like you don't get around in school….”

 

"Fuck you, Jackie,” Nat snapped, stepping in close. “I don’t sleep with anyone I hang out with.”

 

“What about that girl?” Jackie asked, leveling her gaze.

 

Nat blinked. “What girl?”

 

"The one you were hanging out with the other night. You guys looked pretty cozy."

 

Nat paused, eyes narrowing. “That was just a friend...."

 

Jackie raised an eyebrow.

 

".... that I occasionally kiss. So what? Big fucking deal."

 

"I'm just saying. I wouldn't judge you for anything that you do, except you're always so quick to judge me first. Why is that?" Jackie asked, her expression softer now, and she didn’t expect to blurt out a sincere question when this was just another one of their back and forths, but Nat had a serious expression now too, and Jackie could see the irritation draining from her face.

 

“I don’t know,” Nat finally said. “I’m always in a shit mood around you for some reason.”

 

"Well…. ditto.”

 

They both shifted awkwardly, as if suddenly unsure what to do with their feet. Then out of a sudden, Nat extended her hand, fingers holding out the cigarette, offering it to Jackie.

 

It wasn’t a new lit up cigarette, it was the same one Nat was smoking, and the offer somehow felt like a truce. Instead of taking it, Jackie leaned in and pulled from the filter with her lips, eyes locked with Nat’s for a moment as she inhaled before she straightened herself and exhaled the smoke as she stepped back. Jackie was sure that was the last drag, but Nat took another hit, letting Jackie’s lip gloss faintly smeared on the filter touch her lips before tossing the butt lightly to the ground and crushing it under her boot.

“Hey, lady!” the concession worker called. “Your food’s ready!”

 

Jackie scrambled to grab both hot dogs in one hand, the soda in the other, hugging the popcorn to her chest.

“Do you need any help?” Nat offered, her tone different, and Jackie glanced at her to meet soft eyes with none of the usual bite or mockery. She looked genuinely willing to help, and it was the first time Nat looked at her that way. Looked at her kindly.

 

“I’m good, thanks,” Jackie said and Nat just nodded before Jackie walked away, feeling something strange. She stole one last look toward Mari’s car. She was still chatting with her mom, fully distracted. Jackie let out a relieved breath and kept walking.

 

“So, what movie’s playing?” Jackie asked, setting their food down on the small table in front of the chairs.

 

“Your favorite. Fear,” Misty giggled.

 

“Oh my god, that’s— wait. How do you know that’s my favorite movie?”

 

“Oh, um… I just meant, isn’t it every girl’s favorite movie right now?” Misty replied quickly.

 

“Right.” Jackie narrowed her eyes playfully. “You know, I said I liked it because I thought Mark Wahlberg was hot, but honestly? I have the biggest crush on Reese Witherspoon. She’s a doll in this movie.”

 

“You kinda look like her,” Misty said. “You’ve got the same bone structure and puffy eyes. Yours are bigger, though. And, in my opinion, more attractive.”

 

“Stop,” Jackie muttered, cheeks warming. “Wait, how are we gonna hear it?”

 

“Here.” Misty grabbed a radio from beside the projector and started changing the frequency channel.

 

“This is really awesome,” Jackie said, genuinely impressed.

 

As the movie played, Jackie sat back and watched Misty handle everything with such ease. It was like she owned this little world for a few perfect hours, and Jackie got to be a part of it. Jackie was glad she agreed to this hang out because she genuinely wanted to get to know Misty.

 

“She should have known, you know? Hot people are dangerous,” Jackie commented, tossing a fistful of popcorn into her mouth.

 

“That’s not true for everyone. You’re the sweetest girl I know,” Misty said, reaching for a piece of popcorn from the bucket resting on Jackie’s lap.

 

Jackie snorted, shaking her head. “I hardly qualify as hot, Misty.”

 

“You’re so modest,” Misty said with a shy smile, looking away. “You’re like... the hottest girl in school. I wish I looked like you.”

 

Jackie stared at Misty, a bit taken aback. “That’s sweet, Misty,” she said, tilting her head. Her heart softening at the compliment. “But you’re pretty, too, you know?”

 

“Really?” Misty asked, looking up at Jackie, her cheeks tinged pink.

 

“Really,” Jackie smiled, then casually took the soda from Misty and took a sip.

 

Misty giggled, which made Jackie raise an eyebrow.

 

“That’s actually my straw,” Misty pointed out.

 

Jackie froze, staring at the two straws, unsure which was hers. “I’m sorry,” she said, a little embarrassed.

 

“It’s okay,” Misty shrugged, her cheeks growing even redder. “We practically just kissed.”

 

Jackie laughed lightly. “I hope you don’t mind my saliva,” she joked.

 

“I don’t,” Misty replied without hesitation.

 

Jackie laughed again, but seeing Misty’s earnest expression made her pause. Her smile faltered, and she turned her attention back to the screen. The rollercoaster scene came on, where David put his hand down Nicole’s underwear and Jackie shifted in her seat, feeling awkward. Then Misty broke the silence.

 

“I know he’s a total sociopath in this movie, but... I wish someone would touch me like that,” Misty murmured, her eyes fixed on the screen.

 

It was a bit abrasive to say out loud, but Misty’s tone was serious. There was a vulnerability in her words that Jackie wasn’t expecting. Misty turned toward her, catching Jackie staring, and then nervously adjusted her glasses. “But who would even take interest in me?”

“Don’t say that, Misty,” Jackie said softly, shifting her body to face her. “I meant what I said.”

 

Slowly, Jackie reached out and gently removed Misty’s glasses, her fingers brushing her cheeks. “You’re really pretty.”

 

Misty stared at her, wide-eyed, a small amount of wonder in her expression.

 

“And aside from all the other qualities of yours I’m jealous of—” Jackie continued.

 

Misty shut her eyes, smiling shyly and shaking her head like she couldn’t quite believe what Jackie was saying. Jackie gently grabbed Misty’s arms, coaxing her to open her eyes and look at her.

 

“I’m serious, Misty. You’re really smart. You know so much, and the team wouldn’t have made it to Nationals without you. But more than that... you’re beautiful. People are just too stupid to notice you.”

 

Jackie carefully pushed a few strands of Misty’s hair behind her ear, fully revealing her face. “I was stupid for not noticing you all these years. And... if I’d known sooner I liked girls, I definitely would’ve taken an interest in you.”

 

“R..really?” Misty asked, her voice nervous, lips slightly parted.

 

Jackie nodded slowly, then gently ran the back of her hand over Misty’s cheek. “I really like your cheeks.”

 

Misty briefly looked down, then lifted her gaze back up to Jackie, locking eyes with her. “You can... you can kiss it if you want.”

 

Jackie didn’t hesitate. She had to show Misty how beautiful she was, especially when it seemed like Misty couldn’t see it herself. But more than that, she wanted to. Because Misty had always respected her, made an effort to be with her, and gave her a kind of attention Jackie hadn’t been able to give back. Jackie placed the pop corn, soda and Misty’s glasses on the table before she leaned in and gently kissed Misty’s cheek, then the other, before lingering close enough that the tips of their noses brushed.

 

“Jackie,” Misty whispered.

 

“Hm?”

“Please be my first kiss,” Misty said, eyes staring at her lips.

“Are you sure, Misty? That’s a huge deal. I don’t think—“

Misty’s hands placed on her shoulders, gripping desperately. “Please. I need you to be my first kiss.”

 

Misty was serious, and if she wanted Jackie to be her first kiss, then Jackie could only feel honored. So she closed the distance and pressed their lips together. Slowly, Misty’s hands slid up from Jackie’s shoulders to her neck— one cupping her jaw, the other cradling the back of her head, gently pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Jackie sucked Misty’s lips, trying to give her the best kiss of her life without pushing herself too much. After a few times of moving her head, Jackie broke the kiss.

 

“Is that okay?” Jackie asked, hoping she did well.

 

Misty nodded. “Can we— can we proceed?” she asked, eyes fixed on Jackie’s lips.

 

Jackie nodded instinctively. Misty pulled her shirt over her head without hesitation, revealing her bra. She wanted to be touched and Jackie could feel it, but she wasn’t sure if she was about to do it out of guilt, or because she truly wanted to. But as she looked at Misty, at her porcelain skin, her quiet bravery, the way she offered herself so openly, Jackie couldn’t think of a single reason not to.

 

Misty laid flat on the ground, waiting for Jackie. The movie continued playing as Jackie leaned over her, gently brushing another kiss to Misty’s cheek before trailing toward her lips. This time, she slipped her tongue inside, softly dabbing it against Misty’s lower lip before meeting hers. The kiss was a little sloppy, and Misty didn’t seem to know what to do at first, but she steadied her head, letting Jackie take the lead.

 

“Do you want to touch me?” Misty asked, breaking the kiss.

 

Jackie nodded, then swallowed hard. “Are you sure you want me to, Misty?”

 

“Please,” Misty said, almost begged.

 

Jackie felt pathetic about herself. She was starting to feel like she was using this whole journey of self-exploration as an excuse to hook up with girls, and the thought of adding Misty to that list— Misty, who had no experience— made her stomach sink. It felt like she might be taking advantage of the moment.

 

“I just don’t want you to regret it, Misty,” she said gently. “Your first time should mean something. It should be with someone you love.”

 

“Did you regret it with Jeff?” Misty asked.

 

“Well, Jeff was my boyfriend for four years, but... yeah. I did regret it, even though we didn’t go all the way. My second time meant more than my first.”

 

“Who was your second?” Misty asked softly.

 

Jackie smiled at the memory. Even though they were clothed, and she hadn’t even been the one being touched, it still felt more intimate than just sex. “It was Shauna.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“You should wait until it feels right. Until it’s with someone you really love or care about.”

 

“Well, I really care about you, Jackie. And honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better first right now.” Misty’s voice was soft but certain. “Do you ever feel like you’re being left behind? Like everyone around you is moving forward, doing something with their lives, and you’re just… stuck in the background?”

 

Jackie held her gaze, something tender passing between them. “Yeah. I do. All the time.”

Misty blinked, like she wasn’t expecting Jackie’s answer. “Really?”

 

“Believe it or not, Misty, I get it,” Jackie said, her voice quieter now. “It might not look like it on the outside, but I feel like everyone else has their shit figured out, and I’m just… falling behind.” She shrugged, pressing her lips together.

 

Misty reached up and gently cupped her cheeks. “You don’t have to worry about that, Jackie. When I see you out there on the field, I see how hard you push yourself. How much you care. I think your determination will take you wherever you want to go,” she said, with so much sincerity.

 

Jackie couldn’t think of a better response than to kiss Misty. So she did. She kept kissing her while her hand wandered around Misty’s skin, her hand finding its way to Misty’s chest, sliding it under her bra. She was hesitant at first so she opened her eyes and pulled back just enough to search Misty’s face. Misty gave a small, trusting nod.. Then she pressed their lips together again, just in time to stifle Misty’s moan as she cupped her breast and feel her nipple hardening.

 

I wish someone would touch me like that.

 

It’s all Jackie needed to tell herself. She unbuttoned Misty’s pants and slowly pulled the zipper down, easing the fabric loose. Her eyes met Misty’s one more time, searching for certainty and found it there. Gently, she slipped her hand beneath the waistband of Misty’s underwear. Her fingers met warmth, and Misty’s eyes fluttered closed, her expression melting into quiet pleasure. Jackie moved with care, letting her fingers glide between Misty’s folds, circling the slick heat she found there. She hesitated at the threshold, not wanting to take Misty’s virginity, but still wanting to make her feel good, to let her know she was wanted.

 

She could still do this, she can make her come without having to push her fingers in, so she pressed her abdomen against the back of her hand, working on Misty’s crotch, her shirt pressing with Misty’s underwear. Misty’s was slowly spreading her legs open, and Jackie could tell that the friction is making her feel good.

 

“You deserve to feel wanted, Misty. And right now, you are,” Jackie whispered, her voice low and sincere. She pressed soft kisses beneath Misty’s jaw, trailing slowly downward until her lips found the warm thrum of her pulse. She lingered there, sucking gently at the sensitive spot on her neck.

 

Jackie rolled her hips, pressing their bodies together, mimicking the kind of friction she used to chase alone— back when it was just her and a pillow, pretending it was Shauna on top of her. The thought suddenly made her bit her lip with guilt. She shouldn’t be thinking about Shauna right now. Tonight was about Misty. And she couldn’t deny how good it felt to touch someone who wanted her. How good it felt to be wanted by girls.

 

“Jackie,” Misty moaned, and Jackie groaned at the sound of her name being uttered in pleasure by another girl. It’s too fucking perfect, having this much control. She pressed their lips together, pushing her tongue inside, giving Misty the most pleasurable kiss known to mankind. Misty reached out and pressed her hands over Jackie’s ass, pushing her further into her. This act turned Jackie on, and she could feel herself getting wet now. Jackie kissed her harder, syncing the pace of her fingers with the soft, breathy noises Misty was making. Misty tensed, and it didn’t take long before she crumbled, and Jackie felt her spilling warmly over her fingers.

 

“That was… wow,” Misty said, cheeks flushed, chest heaving gently. “That was my first orgasm.”

 

Once she removed her hand from under Misty’s panties, they both sat face to face on the floor. Jackie smiled, reaching for the tissue box nearby. Misty took it and gently wiped Jackie’s fingers, while Jackie reached over and carefully slid Misty’s glasses back onto her face.

“Sorry I’m such a mess,” Misty said, eyes flicking away, clearly self-conscious.

 

“You’re not,” Jackie said softly, zipping and buttoning Misty’s jeans with care. “I liked touching you.”

 

Misty looked at her, searching. “Can I ask… why you didn’t… you know?”

 

Jackie hesitated, then met her gaze. “It didn’t feel right,” she said. “I’m honored you wanted me to be your first, Misty. But this is the first time we’ve really hung out — I just didn’t want to rush something that should matter. You deserve to wait for the right moment. Someone you love. Someone who loves you.”

 

Misty nodded slowly, processing her words. “I understand. I’m still glad you were my first kiss.”

 

They curled up on the chair, cuddling beneath Jackie’s jacket until the movie ended and the last few cars rolled out. Jackie watched from above as Mari’s car pulled away.

 

Later, as Sheila’s headlights lit up below, Misty stood up, stretching shyly.

 

“Hey,” Jackie said before they left. “I really loved hanging out with you. I hope you don’t think badly of me after this. I really liked kissing you. And everything else.”

 

“I could never think badly of you, Jackie,” Misty beamed. “I’m the one who invited you. And I’m happy — with all of it.”

 

Jackie’s shoulders eased. “Me too. I had a lot of fun, Misty.”

 

When she got home, Jackie froze in the doorway of her room. Shauna was sprawled on her bed, arms crossed, eyes sharp.

 

“Where were you?” Shauna snapped upright, tension coiling in her body, her expression already loaded with suspicion.

 

“I… I was…”

 

“Were you with fucking Mari again?”

 

“No! I was with Van…” Jackie rushed out, heart kicking up.

 

Shauna arched a brow, clearly unconvinced. Jackie immediately turned her back, peeling off her jacket with jerky movements and pulling her shirt over her head. She grabbed her sleep robe from the chair and slipped it on quickly, buying time, trying to summon a lie that wouldn’t sound like a lie.

 

“We have biology together, remember? We’re working on that end-of-year disease research project.”

 

Shauna leaned back, arms tightening. “It’s very late.”

 

Jackie tied her robe in a loose knot and tossed her jeans into the hamper. “Yeah, well, you know me. It takes a while before my brain starts firing up.”

 

“What disease were you working on?”

 

“Um, UTI.”

 

“UTI?”

 

“Yep,” Jackie said quickly, then launched herself into bed. “Why are you here?” she asked, yawning as she pivoted the topic.

 

Shauna scowled. “Great. I thought you were just really concerned about my mom, but now I feel like you really don’t want to sleep next to me.”

 

“I told you that’s not true,” Jackie said, rolling over to face her. “You were pretty mad at me earlier, and it always takes a while before you decide to warm up again. I’m just… curious what makes you come back.”

 

She snuggled closer, resting her hand gently on Shauna’s waist, hoping the touch would smooth things over.

 

Shauna didn’t flinch away. “I can’t sleep without you,” she muttered, almost like it annoyed her to admit it.

 

“You’ve slept without me before.”

 

“Well, I don’t want to. Is that a problem?”

 

The sharp edge in Shauna’s voice made Jackie exhale a slow sigh. “No,” she mumbled into Shauna’s neck.

 

“Good. Now kiss me goodnight.”

 

 

—————————————————

 

 

The next day, Jackie approached Van and Tai before soccer practice started.

 

“If Shauna asks, tell her we were working on a biology project last night, researching about UTIs,” Jackie said, grabbing Van’s arm to make sure she was listening.

 

“What?” Van blinked, looking confused.

 

“Please. Just do it. I told her a lie last night, and now I need backup,” Jackie pleaded.

 

Tai raised an eyebrow. “Who was it? Spill.”

 

“I can’t tell you,” Jackie muttered, glancing around.

 

“What? Why not? I thought we were your gay wing-girls?” Van asked, pouting in mock hurt.

 

“Can we stop using that term? We sound like those girls who sell discounted pads outside supermarkets,” Tai said.

 

Jackie rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

 

Van shrugged. “Fine. But you know, you could’ve said we were researching Monos or STDs. Would be way more believable with the rate you’re going.”

 

“Shut up and get into position,” Jackie said, giving them both her captain stare.

 

They broke away, heading to their spots on the field. Just as Jackie was about to walk to hers, Mari approached her.

 

“Hey, so I know I said I wanted you to ask me out for our second date,” Mari began, her voice a little breathless, “but I want to take you to this drive-in theater I went to with my family last night. It was my first time there, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wish you were with me and—”

 

Suddenly, a ball slammed into the side of Mari’s face.

 

“Ow—what the hell?” she snapped, spinning toward the field.

 

Both she and Jackie turned to find the source of the kick, and saw Shauna standing stiffly, arms crossed, eyes locked on them.

 

Mari shot her a furious glare and stormed over. Jackie, feeling worried, followed cautiously.

 

“You did that on purpose,” Mari said, seething.

 

“We’re about to practice,” Shauna replied dryly.

 

“Nationals are over, genius. This is just field day.”

 

“If you don’t give a fuck about scrimmage, don’t drag Jackie into it.”

 

Mari scoffed, stepping closer. “You’re just jealous. Because Jackie and I went on a date and you were too chicken to ask her out,” she hissed.

 

Jackie’s stomach dropped. Shauna’s cute nose was flaring now, her jaw tight, fists clenched so hard her knuckles were white.

 

“And guess what?” Mari added. “We’re going on another one.”

 

Mari didn’t even get to enjoy her smirk. Shauna reached out, grabbing a fistful of Mari’s hair and yanking her down with a swift tug. Mari’s shriek echoed across the field.

 

“Shauna!” Jackie cried, rushing in to pry her off. She grabbed Shauna’s arm, gently pulling.

 

The team rushed over, quickly forming a loose circle.

 

“Shauna, stop it! Now!” Jackie yelled, locking eyes with her.

 

Shauna froze, face twisted in rage, then slowly exhaled. She released Mari’s hair.

 

With a growl, Mari flung her head back and lunged at Shauna.

 

“Shit!” Tai shouted, grabbing Mari from behind before she could attack, locking her arms around her waist. Van jumped in too at the same time, wrapping her arms around Shauna and dragging her back.

 

Jackie stepped between them, arms stretched out, creating a barrier.

 

“Eres una pincha loca o que, puta? Chinga tu madre, cabrona!” Mari screamed, thrashing in Tai’s grip.

 

“Say that again in english, bitch?!" Shauna barked, still straining against Van’s hold, her eyes burning holes into Mari.

 

Even though this was kinda fucking hot, Jackie looked around for help. Her eyes landed on Nat, who stood with her hands on her hips and the biggest shit-eating grin like the Cheshire Cat if it were a hot blonde. Behind her, Coach Martinez came jogging over with Misty in tow, both looking alarmed.

 

“What the hell is going on?” Coach demanded.

 

“It’s nothing, Coach,” Jackie muttered, trying to downplay the scene.

 

Coach Martinez gave Mari and Shauna one hard look, both of them still bristling but visibly trying to rein it in.

 

“You’re all graduating,” he said flatly to the group. Then he turned and gave Jackie a pointed look. “Take better control of whatever this is, Jackie.”

 

“Yes, Coach,” Jackie replied, frowning as she stared at the grass.

 

Coach Scott blew his whistle. “Let’s get back to it, children!”

 

Tai and Van slowly released their holds. Mari ran a hand aggressively through her gorgeous, tangled hair and stomped off without a word.

 

“Are you okay, Jackie?” Misty asked, looking at her worried.

 

Jackie let out a deep breath. “I’m fine, Misty. Thanks,” she said, and she could barely try to muster a smile.

 

Misty nodded and gave her arm a light squeeze, smiling warmly before walking off the field.

 

Shauna took her time, walking back toward Jackie with a glare sharp enough to cut glass.

 

“There’s no fucking way you’re going on a second date with her,” she muttered under her breath, voice low and dangerous, before peeling off to take her position on the field.

 

Jackie let out a sigh and dragged her hands down her face. Field day picked back up around her, and she did her best to ignore the very inconvenient fact that she was now, frustratingly turned on.

 

Notes:

Chaos officially starts! And there are still three girls, possibly five, that Jackie hasn’t shagged. Uh oh.

I know that “Fear” came out in ’96 but Jackie’s diary said it’s her number 1 favorite movie (despite the assumption that it was Shauna who wrote it) so I just decided to choose this one, considering it’s about an obsessed and stalker-like lover which is kinda fitting for Misty. Lol.

Mari cussing in Spanish is dedicated to Misha for requesting it.

Btw, Shauna trying to rip Mari’s hair was written prior to the finale and I had to delete a Shauna line about it because I feel like it would be too sensitive to keep that in. I hope this was still okay because, when girls have a cat fight, hair is always involved so I can't really change it now. I am so glad I didn’t update earlier, otherwise that would have been awkward.

Writing all these dynamics in each chapter is getting progressively harder, but we're not backing down. Who’s your big dog?

Chapter 4: Laura Lee

Notes:

I’m so sorry for everyone that I fooled on twitter about updating yesterday. I’m a dick and that’s about it.

To all the Christians out there, I'm so sorry too. I'm gonna need you to either cover your eyes or even forget this chapter exists.

 

They didn’t talk about it, because why would they? Jackie and Shauna wouldn’t be them if they actually communicated all the things that needed resolution. Jackie didn’t know how she’d managed to avoid both Mari and Misty for the past few days, but somehow, she had. She still saw them at soccer practice, of course, and did her best to wear an expression that screamed she was focused on nothing but school, but soccer, like it’d even still matter that much. And God, she wanted to talk to them, really. Just to make sure they were okay. But instead, she felt like a total asshole. Like some sleazy guy in an Aerosmith shirt who says you’re different and then disappears the next day. She couldn’t believe herself, spending time with girls who genuinely liked her, letting things get that far, and then… nothing. And maybe she’s telling herself it’s for their own good, to keep Shauna away from them. What was she supposed to do? Keep flirting, lead them on until it fizzled out on its own? That wasn’t gonna work. That was just going to make things worse. Now Mari was ignoring her completely, and when their eyes did meet, she was full-on brooding. Probably thinking Jackie was worse than any guy she could’ve wasted her time on.

 

Jackie knew it wasn’t fair. Just because she and Shauna were currently stuck in one of their classic silent-treatment cycles didn’t mean she had to give her other… girls the same kind of freeze-out. But it was like muscle memory at this point. It was how she survived Shauna’s moods, and now she was like defaulting to it with everyone. Even if she wanted to talk to Misty or Mari, she knew the second Shauna caught her glancing in someone else’s direction, it would all blow up again. Just like it did on the field with Mari the other day. Despite the tension between them, Shauna kept herself clingy towards Jackie, and Jackie was just… so confused. It wasn’t like they weren’t going to spend every waking minute together in college. That was still the plan. But now Jackie was spiraling, thinking about their future living situation, and how tense it might actually be. Because Shauna is obviously lashing out. And Jackie could only assume it was about her newness, her becoming. Her figuring things out. And Jackie was dying to talk to her about it. But every time she got close, every time Shauna scowled at her or stayed near but said nothing, Jackie just chickened out.

 

She even avoided Tai and Van, too embarrassed to face them after the whole fiasco the other day, because that was on Jackie. She never got the chance to say what she needed to say to Mari, and now the girl had probably taken the hint all on her own and backed off, even before Jackie decided she was the one doing the avoiding. So Jackie did what she always did when things got too messy. She pivoted. Started hanging out with the other girls instead, mostly Laura Lee and Lottie during lunch, trying to blend in and act normal while Shauna kept up her cold war across the table, pretending Jackie didn’t exist. And whenever she felt like it, she’d come home with Jackie and crawl into bed beside her like she was the only person in the world who did exist.

 

After practice, like all things that gave Jackie pleasure lately, she let the locker room shower run hot, steamy rivulets down her back, eyes closed, forehead pressed to the cool tile as if it could drain the thoughts from her head. The moment she stepped out, towel wrapped around her, a pair of hands gripped her arms and slammed her back into the lockers.

 

“Fuck,” Jackie gasped, her head thudding against the cold metal. Her eyes flew open just as Mari crashed her mouth onto hers, tongue forcing its way inside with zero warning. Jackie instinctively tightened her grip on the towel, her forearm wedged between their chests as Mari mauled her face with unrelenting urgency.

 

“God, I miss you,” Mari breathed against her lips as she pulled back just slightly, her eyes wild and wanting. “Don’t you miss me?”

Jackie gasped for air, the heat of the moment making it harder to think straight. “Mari, I—”

 

“You said you aren’t with Shauna,” Mari interrupted, pulling back just enough to create some space between them, letting Jackie catch her breath. Jackie sighed in relief, despite not wanting to let it show.

 

“I’m not,” Jackie muttered.

 

Mari’s arms folded tightly across her chest, her brow arching like she was Jackie’s girlfriend, interrogating. “Then why did she start a fight with me? She’s obviously into you if she’s getting so jealous. You can’t keep letting her act like that. You and I are dating, Jackie. You’ve gotta make that clear to her.”

 

Jackie stayed quiet, her throat tight as she swallowed nervously. Her thoughts unable to latch onto anything coherent. Unsure where to start. Unsure how to tell her they couldn’t date. Because even though she knew that Shauna wasn’t jealous in the way Mari thought she was, Jackie wasn’t ready for anything serious. It was the goal but before she could fully love someone again (not that she was sure she even loved Jeff), she had to know what was really for her, what she really wanted. And she hated herself for not making it clear in the beginning, just because she loses her senses and suddenly indulges herself in any girl who breathed too close to her.

 

“I’m pissed at you, Jackie,” Mari’s voice softened, despite her words. She stepped back, arms still crossed, tapping her fingers against her bicep. “But I get it. She’s your best friend. You’re worried about her. I can wait. For now.”

 

Jackie let out a long, exhausted sigh, her gaze dropping to the floor. Mari reached out with one finger, lifting Jackie’s chin, forcing her to look up. “Just... talk to me when you’re ready for me. I’m not gonna wait forever, Jackie. Someone else might decide I’m worth it. And I know you wouldn’t want that, right?”

 

Mari let out a short laugh, almost nervous. Like she wasn’t confident in the answer to her own question. Her gaze was soft though, like she was waiting for affirmation. Something Jackie couldn’t give, and at the same time, she couldn’t even give her honesty. Not with the way Mari was looking at her, not when her expression looked like it might shatter if Jackie dared to swallow her cowardice. Mari leaned in and gave her one more gentle peck on the lips, then pressed her own together in a smile before turning and walking out of the locker room. Maybe it was just the wrong timing, Jackie told herself. Maybe she just needed to find the right moment to be honest with her.

 

After Mari left, Jackie’s heart practically launched out of her chest when Nat stepped out from between the lockers.

 

“Jesus Christ, are you kidding me?” she yelped, clutching her towel tighter to her chest like it might shield her from further humiliation.

 

Nat leaned lazily against the lockers, elbow propped above her head, one foot crossed casually over the other. “It’s not my fault your girlfriend doesn’t check if anyone else is around.”

 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jackie muttered, exhaling sharply as she tried to slow her heartbeat.

 

Nat raised an eyebrow, a perceptible smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “Does she know that?”

 

Jackie sank onto the bench, burying her face in one hand before looking up at her again. “Can you please not tell anyone about this?”

 

Nat pushed off the locker, tossing her towel over one shoulder. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t want to ruin your good time, princess.”

 

Ah. That was her own insult coming back to bite. Jackie didn’t have a comeback. She just shot Nat a look full of shame, and for a split second, she saw something crack in Nat’s reaction. Her smirky little grin was completely gone, like she hadn’t expected Jackie to be speechless. Instead of twisting the knife, Nat just cleared her throat and turned away, leaving Jackie alone to sit in the middle of her own personal tower of problems.

 

 

Jackie sat on the cold bench of the locker room, fully-dressed and half-lost. She hugged her knees tightly, her head resting against them, eyes staring at a fixed point on the floor as if willing it to open and swallow her whole. Then, the locker room door creaked open again.

 

“Jackie?” came a light voice, concerned, and unmistakably Laura Lee’s. She stepped inside, grabbing something from her locker before catching sight of Jackie curled up in the corner. “Why are you still here? I think Shauna’s waiting for you outside.”

 

Jackie didn’t respond. Her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, twisting the fabric. Laura Lee paused, her brows knitting together. She gently closed her locker and walked toward her, her sneakers softly squeaking on the tile. Without saying a word, Laura Lee sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of her, lowering herself to Jackie’s level.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked softly.

 

Jackie looked up to see Laura Lee face filled with concern, her eyes wide and open in that sincere way.

 

“Nothing,” Jackie muttered, her voice low.

 

“You can talk to me, Jackie,” Laura Lee said gently. “Shauna’s not your only friend, you know. I always thought we were close too.”

 

Jackie nodded faintly. “We are,” she said. “It’s just… it’s something bad. Something I did. I can’t tell you.”

 

Laura Lee tilted her head. “Why not?”

 

Jackie opened her mouth, then closed it again. She blinked, unable to choke out the words.

“Is it because I’m religious? You think I’m going to judge you?” Laura Lee asked, eyebrow raising.

 

Jackie swallowed hard. It wasn’t about Laura Lee. It was the guilt, the shame of what she was doing or who she’s possibly hurting. As Nat put it, she had recently been having a good time, but she had never really been down for it before, and that was the point of why she was doing this now, wasn’t it?

 

“I wish people would just get over that,” Laura Lee said, her voice tinged with frustration. “I’m not only my religion. People hear ‘Christian’ and instantly think I’m judging everyone, or that I live by some rulebook from the dark ages. But honestly? That kind of assumption is its own kind of judgment.”

 

Jackie blinked, brows furrowing. “What do you mean?”

 

Laura Lee glanced away, thinking. “Van and I used to go to church together, you know? That’s actually how we got close. She was super committed. Like, front-row pew kind of committed. That’s why after she realized she was gay, I was surprised she left. I think she felt like she didn’t belong anymore. Like everyone would look at her different.”

 

Jackie looked up, her interest piqued now. Laura Lee had her full attention.

 

“But you don’t have to buy into every line of scripture,” Laura Lee continued. “You take what speaks to you, what helps you be better. And I guess Van didn’t feel like there was room for her in all that anymore. But that’s not me. That’s not how I see things.”

 

Jackie gave a small nod, processing. “Right. I mean, it’s kind of… personal, Laura Lee. Really private.”

 

Laura Lee leaned in just a little, her expression a little mischievous. “Well, I know what you’re doing anyway.”

 

Jackie blinked. “Huh?”

 

“After that spin the bottle game at Mari’s. The way you kissed Nat and Shauna?” Laura Lee’s tone was too calm. “I could tell. You’re about to embark on a spiritual journey. A journey with your sexuality.”

 

“Uhh…” Jackie’s mouth fell open, but no sound followed.

 

“I’m not an idiot, Jackie,” Laura Lee added, almost smug. “You’ve been getting real close with Mari and Misty lately. That drama on the field, and then you’re suddenly hanging around me, more so than usual. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

 

Jackie opened her mouth to deny it but could barely form words. “Okay. Um.”

 

“Look, I’m flattered,” Laura Lee said, putting a hand over her chest with theatrical sincerity. “And I’m not judging you at all. But I took a vow of abstinence. I promised God I’d wait until marriage.”

 

Jackie’s eyes were wide now. “Okay, Laura Lee, but I didn’t even ask—”

 

“You know what?” Laura Lee cut in, standing up with resolve. “Since you seem so desperate… we can do it. Just once.”

 

Jackie stared at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

“My house. Tomorrow,” Laura Lee said, matter-of-fact. “We’ll make it quick. No strings. God will understand.”

 

“Wait, what?!” Jackie said, half rising off the floor, utterly bewildered.

 

“I’ll see you then,” Laura Lee said with a serene smile, already walking away as if she hadn’t just shattered the laws of logic and reality in one conversation.

Jackie sat in stunned silence for a second, then whispered to herself, “What in the hell just happened?”

 

The locker room door creaked open again. Shauna stood in the doorway, arms folded, brows drawn low in impatient annoyance. Jackie jolted to her feet, her mind still short-circuiting.

 

She must have misunderstood. There’s no way she heard Laura Lee correctly. Laura Lee wanted to do what, now? Jackie couldn’t even wrap her head around it. Was she seriously about to have sex with Laura Lee? Was that what was happening? What happened with Mari and Misty wasn’t even planned. She initially thought they were innocent hang-outs. And now it felt like she was penciling Laura Lee into a sex schedule. The thought alone was not something she ever, ever imagined would exist in her headspace. And what about the whole abstinence vow thing? Was Laura Lee just...abandoning it? For Jackie?

 

Shauna dropped her off at home, and at night in bed, Jackie couldn’t stop tossing and turning, thinking about her recent decisions, pressing down on her chest.

 

These were her teammates. Worse. These were her friends.

 

They’d been through so much together: practices, late-night hangouts, inside jokes no one else would understand. She cared about them. Maybe more deeply than they think.

 

Laura Lee seemed...reasonably grounded. Jackie felt like, weirdly, she might actually get it or understand that Jackie was just trying to explore something, even if it was a bizarre offer coming from someone like her. But it felt like Misty and Mari would be more vulnerable about the situation. Jackie was starting to worry she might hurt them without even meaning to. And that was the last thing she wanted.

 

And then, of course, there was Shauna. Whatever the fuck was happening with her. Shauna, who was allergic to having an actual conversation about anything emotional. Shauna, who always left Jackie trying to decode glances, lingering touches, weird silences. And sure, Jackie wasn’t exactly a queen of confrontation these days either. She was getting way too good at pivoting, at pretending nothing was wrong. But with Shauna, it was starting to feel like Tai and Van’s remarks weren’t just teasing anymore.
Maybe they were seeing something Jackie didn’t want to see. Maybe they were right. But...that still didn’t make it possible. Shauna had been her best friend since forever. Their closeness had always been normal for Jackie.

She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could hit a giant reset button on her life.

 

 

The next day after school, Jackie sat stiffly in the passenger seat, nervously fiddling with her fingers in her lap. Her stomach twisted into anxious knots as she rehearsed the lie in her head. Great. Adding it to the pile.

 

She glanced out the window, avoiding Shauna’s gaze.

 

“Hey, can you drop me off at Laura Lee’s?” Jackie asked, trying to sound casual, but the words came out tight and unnatural.

 

Shauna shot her a look. “What now?” she asked, already sounding annoyed, the kind that said she was already fed up with Jackie’s constant requests for rides lately.

 

“We have a physics assignment I want to talk to her about,” Jackie mumbled, feeling a hot sting of guilt creep up the back of her neck.

 

Shauna let out a heavy sigh, one that sounded both disappointed and resigned. “You’re always going somewhere lately.”

 

“This is Laura Lee, Shauna," Jackie said, forcing a defensive shrug, even though deep down she knew this wasn't exactly the typical Bible-study session one might expect from her.

 

Shauna’s hands tightened slightly around the steering wheel. “Can you squeeze me into your busy schedule this week? You know, between getting ‘closer’ to everyone else?” she asked, the word closer dripping with a thick layer of sarcasm, complete with invisible air quotes.

 

Jackie scrunched her nose. “Like we needed more time together,” she shot back, trying to sound casual.

 

“We haven’t even talked this week,” Shauna pointed out, her voice quieter, sadder.

 

Jackie turned her head, narrowing her eyes. “And whose fault is that?”

 

Without missing a beat, Shauna answered, “Yours.”

 

Jackie let out a short, almost playful eye-roll. “Don’t be greedy, Shauna. As if I need to remind you we’ll be stuck together for another four years in college.”

 

That seemed to shut Shauna up for a moment. She stared ahead, the muscle in her jaw twitching slightly.

 

Then, just above a whisper, she muttered, “Fine. But let me sleep over again tomorrow night.”

 

Jackie glanced at her quickly, surprised by how small Shauna sounded.

 

“Okay,” Jackie said simply, wishing it didn’t feel like she was agreeing to more than just a sleepover.

 

 

When Shauna dropped her off in front of Laura Lee’s house, Jackie rang the doorbell. The house was big. Maybe not as big as hers, but still two stories, white paint gleaming under the late afternoon sun, with the front lawn neatly trimmed. She rang the doorbell, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. A few seconds later, the door swung open, and Jackie was met by a tall woman she didn’t recognize. The woman looked to be in her mid-thirties, with sharp features hidden behind oversized sunglasses dangling on a cord around her neck. She wore a crisp light blue blouse tucked into a pencil skirt that stretched below her knees, every inch of her screaming authority.

 

Jackie straightened up instinctively. “Hi. I’m supposed to visit Laura Lee today. We have an assignment together,” she said, trying to sound polite but feeling awkward under the woman’s assessing stare.

 

“She’s doing her piano lesson,” the woman said curtly, adjusting her sunglasses as her gaze swept Jackie from head to toe with thinly veiled judgment.

 

“Oh, um... I can wait, if that’s okay?” Jackie added quickly. “Are the Lavenders home?” she asked, remembering to name-drop Laura Lee’s parents in case it helped her case since she had seen them once at a school assembly. And they liked her. Parents like her.

 

The woman gave an unimpressed huff and shook her head slightly. “Just come in,” she said, stepping aside with a half-hearted gesture.

 

Jackie mumbled a "Thanks," and hurried through the door before the woman could change her mind.

 

Inside, the house smelled faintly of lemon polish and fresh flowers. The living room was filled with soft beige furniture. Across the room, at a sleek upright piano, Laura Lee looked up and spotted her.

 

“Hi, Jackie!” she said brightly, flashing a smile that made her dimples practically carved into her cheeks. “You can sit and wait for me to finish, okay?”

 

Jackie returned a stiff smile, giving a small nod, and sank into the edge of a white sofa. She smoothed her hands nervously over her jeans, fixing her eyes on Laura Lee.

 

The tall woman stalked back to the piano and loomed beside Laura Lee, her posture rigid as she scrutinized the sheet music. Ah. This must be the infamous Mrs. Brophy. The piano teacher from hell.

 

Laura Lee’s fingers hovered gracefully over the keys before glancing toward Mrs. Brophy, who nodded almost imperceptibly, signaling her to continue. Jackie leaned back against the soft sofa, her eyes wandering around the room aimlessly. She heard Laura Lee begin to play, the notes rising and falling like a gentle wave. Jackie couldn’t place the song, but the soft, lilting melody was unmistakably serene and there was no mistaking the Christian undertones.

 

She thought Laura Lee was doing great. Her fingers were moving with quiet grace, her focus sharp, her expression calm. But then, Mrs. Brophy’s voice would interrupt, her tone biting.

 

“I told you, this part has no sharps. They’re all natural chords, Laura Lee.” Mrs. Brophy’s face scrunched in frustration, as if the mistake were a personal insult to her expertise. Her words dripped with disdain as she turned the page of the sheet music with a flick.

 

Jackie flinched involuntarily, her fingers tightening around the cushion beside her. The woman had no patience, no empathy, just rigid expectations. Jackie could almost hear the sound of those damn sunglasses cracking in her mind.

 

When Laura Lee missed the same note for the fourth time in a row, Mrs. Grouchy let out an exasperated sigh and muttered under her breath, “You’re not hearing it right. How do you expect to play this piece if you can’t get the basics down?”

 

After almost an hour of torturous restraint of wanting to leap forward, yank the woman away from the piano, and tell her to cut Laura Lee some slack, the lesson finally wrapped up, and when Mrs. Grouchy left without a single ounce of encouragement, no “Good job” or even a simple “Goodbye,” Jackie stood up immediately.

 

“What the fuck?” she blurted, her steps quick as she walked toward Laura Lee, standing by the piano.

 

Laura Lee let out a soft laugh, her lips curling into a grin. “Don’t mind her. I started messing up on purpose because it was fun watching her wrinkles crumple,” she said, eyes twinkling mischievously.

 

Jackie froze for a moment, her jaw slightly dropping in surprise before a small breathy shocked laugh escaped her lips. “Oh my God,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. But despite herself, she felt a rush of admiration for Laura Lee’s sense of humor.

 

“Yeah, I told y’all she’s a real cunt,” Laura Lee added casually, her tone light, though there was an edge of bitterness to her words. “Just don’t tell her I did.”

 

Jackie immediately pressed her finger to her lips, pretending to lock them shut and toss the invisible key away, her smile wide.

 

Laura Lee grinned back before letting the silence linger for a second. Then, without warning, she turned back to the piano and started playing something.

 

“You know what I loved playing on the piano though, right after lessons?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder at Jackie.

 

Jackie’s eyes gleamed with curiosity. “What?” she asked eagerly, intrigued.

 

Laura Lee’s fingers danced over the keys, lightly teasing the melody. Jackie’s eyes widened in recognition, her face lighting up. “I love that movie!” she nearly shouted.

 

A playful glint appeared in Laura Lee’s eyes, and she turned to the side and looked at Jackie once more. “You wanna sing it?” she asked, the invitation in her voice soft but clear.

 

“Why not?” Jackie shrugged, a small laugh escaping her lips as she hugged herself awkwardly. Laura Lee scooted over, creating just enough space on the slightly long chair beside her for Jackie to join her.

 

Moon river, wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style someday

A dream maker

My heartbreaker

Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' that way

 

They exchanged a soft smile. Laura Lee leaned back slightly, her fingers lifting from the keys and now resting on her lap. “I still cry at the part when she chases the cat. I thought she was gonna lose him.”

 

They both chuckled lightly. Then, a sudden shift in Laura Lee’s demeanor caught her attention. The soft smile faded, replaced by a serious expression, her eyes now fixed on Jackie with an intensity that was almost worrying. Laura Lee slowly turned her body toward Jackie, her leg resting casually over the chair in front of them, her posture suddenly more closed off.

 

“Okay, Jackie,” Laura Lee began. “I wanna say something.”

 

Jackie, feeling an unfamiliar knot form in her stomach, swallowed hard, her eyes flickering nervously.

 

“Ever since I saw you kiss girls… I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It’s like, you awoke something in me that I didn’t even know was there.”

 

Jackie felt a wave of nervous energy ripple through her. “Well,” she began, her voice almost cracking. “I mean, isn’t that great?”

 

Laura Lee’s expression tightened. “Not really, Jackie,” she replied, a hint of frustration creeping into her voice. “You don’t understand. It goes against my beliefs. I’ve been raised a certain way, and this… it just doesn’t feel right.”

 

Jackie opened her mouth to say something, but Laura Lee cut her off, her voice softer now, almost vulnerable. “It’s just… I don’t know what to do about it and I don’t want to deny myself pleasure either. Not when I think I might have a chance to actually try it with someone I trust, you know?”

 

“Oh,” Jackie breathed, her mind racing. She wasn’t sure if she was even following what was happening. “So… you want to kiss me?”

 

Laura Lee’s eyes darted away briefly, chewing on her lower lip, unsure. “I don’t know,” she admitted softly, her voice cracking with the uncertainty. “I just… I really want to. So badly. But I don’t know if I can.”

 

Jackie’s heart ached with empathy. She understood Laura Lee’s internal conflict better than anyone. She felt it too. The tightness in her chest when her desires collided with what society and her own beliefs told her was right. But there was something else rising within her now, something she couldn’t deny. A part of her had stopped caring about what people expected or what was considered "appropriate." She had already crossed that line, and she was starting to think that maybe, it was okay to let herself experience what she wanted. To take that step without fear of judgment or guilt.

 

Laura Lee, though, was different. She still cared. She still felt the weight of her beliefs, the pressure to do what was "right," even though her body was telling her something else. Jackie couldn’t help but feel bad for her. It was like Laura Lee was standing on the edge of something, afraid to jump, while Jackie had already leaped into the unknown. It made her want to reach out and pull Laura Lee in, make her understand that it was okay to let go, even if just for a moment.

 

With a deep, steadying breath, Jackie spoke, her voice more confident than she felt. “Okay. How about this?” She leaned forward, closing the space between them just enough to make Laura Lee look directly at her. “You don’t do anything. Just let me…. do it. That way, you don’t have to worry about breaking any rules. You won’t be punished by God because I’m setting the rules.”

 

Laura Lee blinked, her eyes widening in surprise at the suggestion. “Huh?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

 

Jackie smiled softly, her gaze steady. “You can even think that it wouldn’t count because we’re both girls, I won’t mind,” she said gently, trying to be convincing and if Tai or Van could hear her, they’d probably spank her in the ass for even saying that, but Laura Lee believes in the sanctity of marriage before sex, yet Jackie could see the struggle in her eyes. The pull between what she believed and what she wanted to experience.

 

Laura Lee huffed, rolling her eyes, her expression still conflicted. “You don’t really think that. I’m Christian, and I don’t even think that,” she said.

Jackie raised her eyebrows. “Well, I just want to help you out. Sex before marriage is normal these days, Laura Lee. I did it, and do you think God will punish me?” She gestured to herself, as if to highlight the fact that she didn’t feel any divine wrath hanging over her.

 

“No but that’s you. This is me,” Laura Lee countered, still looking uncertain.

 

“Okay, so if you do it, do you honestly think your God will hate you or smite you or whatever?” Jackie asked, feeling genuinely curious.

 

Laura Lee fell silent, her lips pressed together as if weighing Jackie’s words.

 

“ Let me take the lead and you can just… experience it,” Jackie said, landing her final sales pitch. “You don’t have to worry about what comes next or if it’s the right thing or the wrong thing. Just be here. With me.”

 

Laura Lee’s expression faltered, her lips trembling slightly. The silence between them seemed to stretch for a moment, thick with unspoken questions and fears. But Jackie didn’t look away. She held Laura Lee’s gaze, offering her reassurance, even though she wasn’t entirely sure how she was gonna do it with her.

 

Eventually, Laura Lee took Jackie’s hand, leading her up the stairs to her bedroom. Jackie looked around the room as they entered, taking in the warm hues of the walls and the neatly arranged bookshelves.

 

“What about your parents?” Jackie asked curiously and nervously.

 

Laura Lee shook her head, a faint smile playing on her lips. “They won’t be home until before dinner.”

 

“Okay,” Jackie replied, trying to keep her composure as she walked into the room. She spotted the teddy bear on Laura Lee’s bed and grabbed it, waving it playfully. “Dear Leonard,” she said, her voice dripping with amusement as she tilted her head.

 

Laura Lee’s eyes widened a little. “Yeah, let me just…” She quickly snatched the bear out of Jackie’s hands, stuffing him into a drawer. “Sorry, Leonard, you can’t watch this.”

 

Jackie nearly choked, her cheeks flushing as she stifled a laugh. She tried to ignore the weird fluttering in her stomach, and decided to lighten the mood. “You know what’s weird?” she began, clearing her throat. “I have a teddy bear at home too, almost exactly like yours, and he’s missing an eye as well. I think his is on the right, though.”

 

Laura Lee squealed in surprise, her hands flying to her face as if in shock. Jackie jerked back instinctively, eyes wide.

 

“You have the same teddy bear? Why didn’t you tell us?”

 

“Because…” Jackie raised an eyebrow, her voice dripping with playful sarcasm. “I’m normal?”

 

Laura Lee squinted at her, hands on her hips.

 

“I’m kidding,” Jackie said quickly, her lips curling into a grin. She reached out, grabbing Laura Lee’s arm and pulling her gently closer. “But isn’t this great? Our teddy bears are like soulmates. His name is Julius, by the way.”

 

Laura Lee raised an eyebrow, her expression shifting to curiosity. “Okay, what’s the story?”

 

Jackie settled onto the edge of the bed, facing Laura Lee as she began to tell the tale. “I got him when I was seven,” Jackie continued, a soft smile spreading across her face as she recalled the memory. “I had a crush on Romeo from the movie of Romeo and Juliet, but I wanted to name my teddy bear something that started with the letter 'J.'”

 

Her voice trailed off as she noticed the smile tugging at Laura Lee’s lips, her eyes lighting up. Jackie immediately understood the reason behind that smile. It was because Laura Lee had named her own teddy bear with her name’s initial too.

 

“So, Shauna suggested I name him after Juliet instead. But since Julius is a boy’s name and I’d always imagined him as a boy, I stuck with that,” Jackie continued, crossing her arms proudly. Then, she sat up a little straighter, her eyes lighting up with a sudden realization. “Oh! And the actor’s name is actually Leonard… Leonard W… something, I can’t remember his last name. But see? It’s like this is so meant to be!”

 

She slapped her lap enthusiastically, trying to make light of the situation and hoping to coax Laura Lee out of any lingering uncertainty or discomfort.

 

Laura Lee shook her head in disbelief, laughing along with Jackie. “This is crazy,” she said, her voice light. “I guess we are teddy bear soulmates.”

 

They smiled at each other and Jackie let her gaze linger on Laura Lee’s features. The innocence, the softness, but behind those wide, searching eyes, she could sense something stirring, something waiting to be awakened.

 

Slowly, Jackie lifted her hand and gently cupped the side of Laura Lee’s face, her thumb brushing over her cheek. She leaned in, closing the distance because she knew Laura Lee wasn’t gonna do it.

 

Their lips met softly, a bit tentative at first. Jackie kept it light. When she pulled back slightly, a quiet, wet sound marked their separation, though she didn’t move far, letting their noses touch softly.

 

“Was that okay?” Jackie whispered.

 

Laura Lee nodded, her eyes fixed intently on Jackie’s mouth, full of something that looked like wonder and hunger mixed together.

 

“Okay,” Jackie murmured, a small smile tugging at her lips. “What else do you want to do?” she asked, keeping her voice low and patient. Even though she promised to take the lead, Jackie wanted Laura Lee to feel like she had a choice.

 

“You can do whatever you want,” Laura Lee replied softly, and without breaking eye contact, she slowly shifted, laying herself down on the bed. Her body was straight, almost stiff, her arms resting awkwardly by her sides, fists gently balled at her chest.

 

Jackie exhaled a deep, steadying breath, thinking she can’t back out now, and she doesn’t really want to. She toed off her shoes, leaving her socks on, and carefully moved to straddle Laura Lee, positioning herself over her without rushing.

 

Leaning down, Jackie kissed her again, this time a little longer, a little deeper. Laura Lee’s fists remained like a soft barrier, but Jackie didn’t push. She moved with patience, sliding her tongue lightly at the seam of Laura Lee’s mouth, asking permission. Laura Lee’s lips parted, and Jackie felt the shy, electric brush of Laura Lee’s tongue meeting hers. A small, barely-there moan slipped from Laura Lee, vibrating between them, giving Jackie the courage to explore further.

 

Gently, she let one hand wander, trailing down Laura Lee’s side until she found the hem of her dress. Inch by inch, she eased it higher, brushing her fingers along the smooth skin of Laura Lee’s thigh, keeping every movement slow, like she was learning a secret that was being willingly offered. Laura Lee’s fingers moved to the buttons of her blouse, fumbling slightly as she started to undo them. But Jackie gently caught her wrist, stopping her.

 

“No,” Jackie murmured, her voice tender but sure. “Let me do it.”

 

She softly pushed Laura Lee’s hand to the side, then took the other and guided it away as well, laying both gently at Laura Lee’s sides. Laura Lee nodded, small and trusting, her chest rising and falling with quiet anticipation. Jackie brought her hands to the blouse, fingers working carefully, reverently, as she began to unfasten each button. As the fabric parted, a necklace came into view. A simple string with a square cloth pendant resting against Laura Lee’s skin. Laura Lee noticed her gaze and ducked her head slightly..

 

“That’s just my scapular,” she said, her voice small, a hint of guilt coloring her cheeks. “It’s… to show my devotion to the Virgin Mary. You can take it off. Probably appropriate to.”

 

There was a sadness in the way she said it, like she was already apologizing for wanting this, already imagining some invisible judgment waiting for her. Jackie reached out with care, pinching the edge of the cloth between her fingers. Laura Lee lifted her head slightly, silently helping her, and Jackie slipped the scapular up and over, setting it aside on the bedside table. She chose to ignore the symbolism of the act, or maybe, she thought, she could choose to redefine it. Choosing to see it differently. Not as "I'm pulling you away from your devotion," but as "I'm sharing something real and tender with you, without erasing who you are."

 

Jackie slipped the dress over Laura Lee’s head, letting it puddle at their feet, leaving Laura Lee in just her underwear. She leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss to the exposed hollow of Laura Lee’s throat, feeling her heartbeat flutter under her lips. Slowly, Jackie began trailing downward, her mouth brushing over the delicate line where Laura Lee’s scapular had once rested, her touch reverent, almost worshipful. The gesture pulled a soft whimper from Laura Lee’s mouth, her hands instinctively flying up to cradle Jackie’s cheeks.

 

Jackie immediately lifted her head, brows arching sharply like a strict Team Captain catching her out of line.

 

"I thought we agreed you’re not supposed to move," she said, her voice firm.

 

"Sorry," Laura Lee mumbled, her lashes fluttering.

 

Emboldened by the reaction, Jackie smirked and seized Laura Lee’s wrists, pressing them firmly back down at her sides with a little more force this time. "If you so much as try to touch me again, I will be the one to give a punishment of my own. Understood?"

 

Laura Lee gave a tiny nod, swallowing hard, her compliance sending a rush of heat through Jackie’s veins. Jackie returned to her slow exploration, dragging her lips down Laura Lee’s chest, over her trembling stomach, and lower still. Once she reached the waistband of her panties, Jackie hooked her fingers around them, sliding the fabric down Laura Lee’s thighs until they fell away completely. She nudged her knees apart, revealing her.

 

The faint gleam of wetness at the sight of her made Jackie’s breath hitch, realizing this would be her first time doing this with a girl, and the thought sent a delicious, heady pulse between her own legs.

 

Without hesitation, she leaned in, her lips hovering just above Laura Lee’s glistening heat. But just as she was about to make contact, Laura Lee let out a broken moan and grabbed Jackie’s face again, palms framing her jaw.

 

Jackie groaned in frustration, pulling back slightly. "Laura Lee," she whined, shooting her a sharp look.

 

"Sorry," Laura Lee whimpered again, her voice small.

 

Jackie bit her lip, thinking fast, searching for something to use. Her gaze darted around the room until it landed on the discarded scapular. Without a word, she grabbed it, gently lifting Laura Lee’s arms above her head and deftly tying her wrists to the headboard’s wooden slats. The binding wasn’t tight as it was not long, but it was enough to keep Laura Lee’s hands out of trouble. Laura Lee didn’t protest; if anything, she seemed to shiver at the surrender.

 

Jackie smiled to herself. “Good girl,” she whsipered.

 

Jackie leaned in again, her lips brushing lightly over Laura Lee’s downy blonde hair as she searched for the velvety folds hidden beneath. Her breath ghosted over sensitive skin like a whisper, making Laura Lee’s body jolt sharply. Slowly, tentatively, Jackie flattened her tongue against her and dragged it upward, tasting something at once salty, metallic, and sweet. The raw, heady flavor of pleasure for the very first time. Laura Lee whimpered, her hips jolting upward, restrained only by her tied wrists creaking the headboard above them. Encouraged, Jackie grew bolder, her mouth moving with more confidence now, finding a rhythm. She flicked and circled with her tongue, listening to the broken noises spilling from Laura Lee’s bitten lips. Her cheeks were flushed, her head thrown back, her whole body straining toward Jackie like she couldn’t get close enough. From her vantage point, Jackie thought Laura Lee looked almost ethereal. Arms stretched up, eyes squeezed shut in desperation, mouth parted in helpless gasps. She looked ruined, beautiful, divine and Jackie wanted to see her come completely undone.

 

More fluids rushed out with every flick of Jackie’s tongue. She tried to find her rhythm by experimenting, gliding her tongue upward, then latching onto Laura Lee’s clit to suck gently, again and again. It seemed to drive Laura Lee wild. Her body twisted and shifted against the bed, desperate and restless, as if the restraints only made her needier. Jackie stayed focused, swirling her tongue in tight circles, giving light, rapid flicks that made Laura Lee groan and arch clean off the bed. Jackie thought about pushing her tongue inside her. She wanted to, but decided against it. Laura Lee was already breaking apart under just the touch of her mouth, and Jackie knew adding more might overwhelm her completely… or worsen whatever guilt Laura Lee might already be fighting. Instead, she pressed in harder, letting Laura Lee rock herself into the friction, guiding Jackie’s tongue into the perfect pace. Jackie swallowed everything she was given, her mouth working greedily to catch every slick drop.

 

Laura Lee’s cries rose — those broken, desperate sounds Jackie recognized too well. The same cries she'd heard from her other girls just before they surrendered everything to her. She kept going, refusing to stop, until Laura Lee shattered beneath her, a final yelp ripping out of her throat — one Jackie knew she would remember for a long, long time. Even as Laura Lee trembled through the aftermath, Jackie didn’t pull away. She kept gently licking at her, soothing the flushed, red folds, catching every last drip of release until Laura Lee had nothing left to give.

 

Afterwards, Jackie stood and quietly untied the scapular wrapped around Laura Lee’s wrists, her fingers trembling slightly with guilt.

 

"I'm sorry if... I went too far," Jackie said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed once Laura Lee’s arms were free.

 

Wordlessly, Jackie reached down, grabbing Laura Lee’s panties from where they lay crumpled at the foot of the bed, and handed them back to her.

 

"It’s okay," Laura Lee said gently, slipping them on. She scooted closer, then wrapped her arms around Jackie from behind, her legs draping over Jackie’s sides, hands clasped at her stomach, chin resting lightly on her shoulder. "I want you to know..."

 

Jackie turned her head slightly, their noses brushing together, breath mingling.

 

"I don’t regret anything," Laura Lee finished, her voice tender.

 

Jackie's heart twisted at the sincerity in her words. She reached up, rubbing Laura Lee’s arm affectionately, then leaned in to press a soft, lingering kiss to her lips.

 

For a while, they just lay together — tangled up in each other, laughing quietly, basking in a rare moment of being this intimate together.

 

Eventually, Shauna came to pick Jackie up. She was sulking, of course — that familiar mix of irritation and possessiveness all over her face — and Jackie felt bad. Even so, Shauna didn’t say a word. As Shauna dropped her off, Jackie almost leaned in to kiss her goodbye, but hesitated — worrying that Shauna might smell her, or catch Laura Lee on her, rather. She pulled back at the last second, offering only a sheepish smile instead.

 

 

The next day at soccer practice, Laura Lee kept smiling at Jackie, showing her those innocent dimples Jackie loved and she couldn’t help but smile back— probably idiotically, remembering the cute momeht they had yesterday.

 

“Looks like someone’s been very busy lately,” Tai said from the sidelines, eyeing Jackie with an amused smirk. Jackie shook her head out of her trance, focusing on the two.

 

“What are you doing, collecting girls’ orgasms now?” Van added, her tone playful but pointed.

 

“Out of curiosity,” Tai leaned in slightly, “how many do you have so far?”

 

Jackie rolled her eyes and gave a small, bashful shake of her head. “Um… Shauna. Mari…” she hesitated whether to continue, but since she trusts these two…. “Laura Lee…”

“Laura Lee!?” Van practically screeched, her eyes going wide.

 

Jackie winced a little, making a ‘Quiet’ warning with a finger to her lips. “And Misty…”

 

“Misty Quigley???” Tai said, recoiling like Jackie had just confessed to kissing a frog.

 

“Shhh! Please don’t tell anyone,” Jackie hissed, glancing around, relived that no one seemed to care about their little huddle.

 

Van narrowed her eyes. “Okay, but how did you convince Laura Lee to go there?”

 

“I didn’t!” Jackie threw her hands up. “She convinced me. And somehow made it seem like I was the one who convinced her.”

 

Tai grimaced. “Okay… and Misty? How did she convince you?”

 

Jackie folded her arms. “Shut up. She’s nice.”

 

Tai and Van exchanged a synchronized eyebrow raise.

 

“Whatever,” Jackie said, pouting. “I’m just trying out different girls.”

Van tilted her head, her tone laced with judgment. “Are you seriously sleeping with half the team, Captain?”

 

Jackie clenched her jaw. “You’re the one who suggested I do it with the team, lesbian yoda!”

 

“Okay, you know what? I’m having fun seeing you spiral like this… but there’s a limit!” Van said, dramatically waving a hand in front of Jackie’s face.

 

Tai shook her head slowly. “God, I can’t believe we’ve created a monster. We turned you into a gay slut.”

Jackie rested her hands on her hips. “You guys told me there’s nothing wrong with it. And hey, at least I’m not, like, selfish in bed.”

 

Tai blinked. “What is this, some kind of team-wide community outreach program?”

 

“I’m boosting morale,” Jackie deadpanned.

 

Van narrowed her eyes and cut in with a more serious tone. “Okay, but seriously, have you even had an orgasm?”

 

Jackie sighed, eyes flicking to the floor. “When Shauna and I did it… I dry-humped her. So, we both finished. At the same time.”

 

Tai squinted, intrigued. “But has anyone, like… actually touched you?”

Jackie mumbled, “No.”

 

Van crossed her arms. “You’re out here playing generous lesbian fairy, sprinkling orgasms across the field, and you haven’t even let yourself be on the receiving end.”

 

Tai scoffed. “Honestly, who would even be a striker for Jackie? Excluding us, everyone on this team’s built like a goalie… sexually.”

 

Van shrugged. “Maybe Nat could be a striker.”

 

“Ew, no!” Jackie said, her whole body recoiling forcefully as she gazes on the girl, who shockingly, seems to be the only one staring at them. “I’m not sleeping with Nat,” she whispered as if she would even hear.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Tai said, turning to Van. “Nat’s like the most receiver of all girls.”

 

“I heard she switches,” Van added, eyeing Jackie with a smirk. Maybe you guys could match each other.”

 

Jackie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to erase the mental image already flashing in her mind — an image that, annoyingly, made her cheeks flush. “Can you not say stuff like that with me and Nat in the same sentence ever again?”

 

“So you're telling me,” Tai said with a slow, mischievous grin, “you’d rather hook up with Misty Quigley than Nat?”

 

Jackie didn’t hesitate. “Misty’s been nice to me. Nat’s entire personality is trying to get under my skin.”

 

Van laughed. “You really are a people pleaser, huh, Captain?”

 

Tai rolled her eyes. “That’s why even out of all this, she hasn’t actually been touched.”

 

Jackie rolled her eyes, deciding she’d had enough of the conversation. She turned toward the water jug, desperate for an excuse to get away  but froze when she caught Mari striding toward her. She panicked because already knew what Mari wanted to talk about, and her mind scrambled for any excuse to delay it again. In her distraction, Jackie misstepped, one foot clumsily crossing the other, and she pitched forward, landing hard on the grass.

 

Before she could even sit up, everyone was rushing toward her.

 

"Jax, are you okay?" Shauna asked, kneeling right in front of her, her big brown eyes wide with concern.

 

"Oh my God, Jackie, I'm sorry! Did I distract you?" Mari blurted, hovering anxiously just behind Shauna.

 

Shauna cringed, turning around to shoot Mari a look of pure indignation.

 

"Are there any gashes? Let me see," Misty said softly, already fussing over Jackie’s elbows and knees with gentle hands.

 

"Hey... are you alright?" Laura Lee whispered from behind, one arm slipping around Jackie’s waist protectively.

 

Jackie managed a small, warm smile for her. "I'm okay."

 

When she looked up again, she caught Van elbowing Tai, both of them grinning like idiots, making Jackie nearly roll her eyes at them again.

 

"Jackie, I saw you heading for the water jug. You want me to grab you some?" Lottie offered, her face filled with genuine worry too.

 

"Okay, you know what? I’ll do it. Everyone back off!" Shauna snapped, still kneeling, as she grabbed Jackie’s arms and helped haul her to her feet.

 

Once she was standing, Shauna immediately started brushing her off, swiping at the dirt and blades of grass clinging to her clothes with firm, quick motions.

 

"Hey. You good?" Nat asked, walking over cautiously. Jackie raised an eyebrow, surprised by the serious look on Nat’s face. Maybe it’s the little guilt lingering from their earlier conversation.

 

"She's fine," Shauna snapped before Jackie could say a word, her voice sharp.

 

"I was just checking," Nat said evenly, giving Shauna a pointed look.

 

"Well if she wasn’t, I’ve got her, okay?!" Shauna barked, so loudly that both Jackie and Nat instinctively flinched.

 

Nat gave Jackie a long, unreadable look, then shook her head and muttered, "Fine. Whatever," before turning and stalking off.

 

"Shauna..." Jackie said slowly, dragging out her name in a subtle plea for her to relax.

 

"Everyone’s just overstepping. It's annoying," Shauna grumbled, brushing one last patch of dirt from Jackie’s side — just in time for Jackie to hear Van clearing her throat behind them, followed by Tai’s teasing remark.

 

"Man-whore.”

 

 

Notes:

I hope that went well? Man, was this not easy in the slightest to write. Laura Lee is very complex and it's hard to think of headcanons that would include her in this context. But shoutout to Sofia (@mrsjackieshauna) for giving me an idea for the smut.

Let me know if I did something bad. (But it did feel so good)

Comments are important to me, please!

Chapter 5: Lottie

Notes:

I know some of y’all are frothing at the mouth right now. Enjoy!

Jackie decided she was gonna stop.

 

She’d always thought sex was supposed to be about what she could offer boys. What she could do to make them want her. Specifically Jeff, of course, since he’d been the only one, the only reference point. But her mom had always said the way to a guy’s heart was through his stomach, or through being agreeable, or attractive, or quiet at the right time, or so on and so forth. Every piece of advice she’d ever received was about how to fold herself into something boys wanted.

But lately, with girls, everything started to unravel and rewrite itself.

The sex, for starters, had been incredible. And not just physically. It was the way it made her feel. Like she was in control, and despite what Van and Tai thought — saying she needed to learn how to receive as well — Jackie realized how much she loved giving. She loved the power and the closeness. The way girls squirmed under her touch. The way they whispered her name like it was sacred. The way their bodies arched and trembled and obeyed. The way they asked, begged, gasped, rose up against her hand like they couldn't help themselves. And when she felt them come undone on her fingers…. the high of all of it.

She didn’t regret a single second of it.

The only thing she did feel ashamed of was who she had done it with — girls she cared about. Girls who maybe expected more. It was amazing, and when she let herself remember it — the sounds, the sweat, how delicate their skin felt on her palms — she’d get so fucking horny she could barely breathe. But then it would pass, and something else would come rushing in: Guilt. Confusion. Disgust, not at what she liked, but at herself.

Because it wasn't that she was ashamed of liking girls, She’d already made peace with that part. Mostly. It was that she’d started doing things she didn’t know she was even capable of.

Like the last time. With Laura Lee.

When Jackie remembered tying her up using that sacred little scapular, it made her want to dunk herself in holy water or praise a thousand holy mary’s. And not even religiously or not because she thought she’d offended God. It was because she felt completely fine doing it in the moment. She was confident– sexually. Like she’d become another person– something much higher than who she was. And Laura Lee didn’t just let her. She wanted it. And now she was even warmer with Jackie than before, if that was even possible.

So yeah, maybe she needs to stop— or she needs to be stopped. It was getting so out of hand and it does feel like she’s literally going around the team. Maybe she really was becoming a man-whore. And in theory, that should be fine, right? God forbid a girl does something that boys usually get high-fived for. But these weren’t just hookups— they were her friends . People she cared about. If she really wanted to explore her sexuality without strings attached, she should wait until college. That’s where all the experimenting is supposed to happen anyway— anonymous dorm rooms, bad lighting, nobody knowing your name.

When she’d told herself she wanted to try girls before high school ended, one experience should’ve been enough. She should’ve stopped after Shauna. But then came Mari. And after that… it was like something clicked. Or snapped. It had become addictive. And now she was spiraling, and maybe what she really needed was rehab. Sex rehab . Not because she was a nympho or whatever. She was just a hormonal teenage girl. And that was normal, right?

Still. Enough was enough.

She was going to take a breath and take a break. She was going to push the brakes hard and finally—

“Hey, Captain,” Lottie sprung her arm over Jackie’s shoulder.

 

Oh hey, hot tall girl.

 

“Hhhh–eeey, Lottie,” Jackie stammered, clearing her throat as she felt like her thoughts were caught somehow.

School had just let out, and Jackie had spent the entire day locked in a silent promise to herself: No more hookups. No more girls. No more trouble. She cannot crumble just because a pretty girl is within her vicinity again. And how does she even continuously find herself in these situations? Sure, she asked for it, but wasn’t God supposed to be punishing her? Instead, it felt like he just kept sending girls her way.

“Laura Lee told me what you guys did,” Lottie said simply.

“Oh,” Jackie sighed, thinking it was pointless to deny it. Most of the team probably already suspected what she had been doing anyway, Except Shauna– which frankly was the only person she wanted to remain oblivious about all of it.

“I think it’s nice, what you did for her. Although I have to admit,” Lottie continued, her tone dipping. “I’m kind of disappointed.”

Jackie tilted her head. “Disappointed?”

“That you haven’t asked me.”

“Asked you…?”

Lottie slipped her arm away from Jackie’s shoulders and leaned back against the lockers, folding her arms with lazy elegance. “What? I’m not attractive to you?”

Jackie let out a startled laugh, expecting Lottie to smirk back. But instead, she was hit with a serious stare. Unfortunately, with doe, brown eyes, ones that Jackie really needed to start building immunity to.

“Oh my God, Lottie…”

Lottie just waited, eyes steady, lips pursing a little.

“You’re like, the most gorgeous girl in the team,” Jackie said, biting her lip a little, knowing Shauna’s at the top of her list, but since Lottie was the closest and she wanted to boost her ego at the moment, she let that slip. Genuinely, Lottie was tall, regal, and annoyingly magnetic.

“Okay,” Lottie said smoothly. “Ask me out then.”

Jackie’s mouth dropped open, then shut again, dumbfounded.

“So I’m attractive, but just not worth a date with you?” Lottie said, her lips twitching into the faintest pout, which is causing Jackie to freak out.

It wasn’t that Lottie wouldn’t be the first she’d thought of. If anything, considering how messy it was gonna be with Shauna, she’d probably be the first girl that would cross Jackie’s mind when she was first thinking about which girls she’d like to kiss. But she didn’t because Lottie had always been a bit reserved… or at least not this confident. She didn’t even talk about boys with them or any crushes. She wasn’t exactly shy, but just… soft around the edges. Definitely not this bold. And Jackie had no idea where this flirty energy was even coming from now.

“I… Lottie, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to keep… doing this. It’s just so—” She waved her hand vaguely, as if the gesture could sum up all the chaos swirling in her head. “It’s complicated.”

But Lottie didn’t flinch. Her face stayed soft— alluring in a way that made Jackie’s resolve dangerously shaky.

“Okay, fine,” Jackie exhaled, defeated, slapping her palm against the side of her thigh. “Would you like to hang out with me sometime?”

Lottie’s lips pursed a little, looking up as if she’s weighing her options, making Jackie fight the urge to roll her eyes. “We can do it now.”

Jackie’s brain screeched, remembering her wife--best-friend--bodyguard–whatever-the-fuck-they-are-now. “Uhh I just have to talk to Shauna—”

“Don’t worry,” Lottie interrupted, her smirk unfolding slow and wide. “I already did. Told her I’m taking you home today.”

Jackie blinked. “Wait, what?”

“I said we’re working on our French.”

Jackie stared at her, jaw slightly slack. Lottie had gone ahead and talked to Shauna before she’d even asked Jackie? Bold move. Weirdly… hot move?

 

Jackie didn’t even get the chance to look around for Shauna before Lottie was already dragging her out to the parking lot. Lottie’s driver was waiting and took them straight to the Matthews’ mansion. Jackie had been there a few times before for team swim parties and group hangouts, and as much as she tried not to be, she was a little excited. Not even just because of the sex— which she was pretty sure was going to happen, because Lottie wasn’t exactly being subtle— but because the Matthews' house was genuinely amazing. Their hot pool and sauna were basically legendary, and Jackie had never dipped, but now she fully intended to take advantage of both.

When they arrived, it was just Lottie’s mom there, lounging on the huge velvet couch in the sunken living room. She was dressed like she had somewhere expensive to be and was flipping through a glossy magazine.

“Hi Jackie,” Emilia greeted with a familiar, polished smile. “How’s your mom?”

“Hi, Emilia. She’s doing well, thank you,” Jackie answered, smiling back out of habit. Their moms were close and are members of the same country club, where Jackie’s mom spent her marital hush-money on tennis lessons and overpriced wine, pretending she didn’t need her pills just to make it through the day.

“We’re gonna dip in the hot pool,” Lottie announced as if she heard Jackie’s desires, already pulling her by the hand.

“Have fun,” Emilia said, barely looking up as they disappeared down the hallway.

 

When they stepped into the massive bathroom, the soft steam curling from the heated pool greeted them immediately. Everything gleamed. White marble floors, brass fixtures, and the light hum of luxury. It felt like a spa pulled from a dream.

Lottie handed her a couple of thick white towels and a pair of matching black silk robes, each with a large, gold-stitched M embroidered on the back.

“Let’s get sweaty first,” Lottie said with a crooked smile, then winked.

Before Jackie could react, Lottie was already undressing until she was down to just her underwear and Jackie’s throat suddenly went dry despite not getting inside the sauna yet. She peeled off her own clothes, trying not to let her eyes linger, then wrapped herself in the silk robe, feeling the fabric cool and decadent against her warm skin.

They stepped into the cedar-paneled dry sauna and the heat wrapped around her instantly. Jackie exhaled, tension sliding off her shoulders as she sat across from Lottie on the wooden bench. The silence was comforting, punctuated only by the soft hiss of steam and their quiet breaths.

Lottie leaned back, watching Jackie in that unbothered way that made it impossible to tell what she was thinking, and impossible not to wonder.

“So how was it with Laura Lee?” Lottie asked, slicing through the comforting silence. Jackie blinked, pulled out of the haze of heat and calm she’d been enjoying for the past minute. “She told me it was great for her,” she added, her gaze steady. “But how was it for you?”

Jackie was caught completely off guard. Her brain scrambled for composure, but all she could feel was how off her game she was. Lottie was unexpectedly poking straight through her armor, and Jackie hated how easy it was for her to do it. Laura Lee was the one other person who suspected that anything happened with Mari and Misty and she didn’t really ask her outright about it—about her previous flings. And now Lottie is asking her about Laura Lee.

But maybe this was a good thing. Maybe it would be a relief, even. Jackie had been suffocating from all the secrets she’d been keeping from Shauna. Maybe talking to someone who already knew at least part of the truth would help her breathe a little. Even if that someone might soon become her next secret.

“I…” Jackie let out a breath, pulling her robe tighter around herself despite the heat. “It was… good.”

Lottie smirked faintly. “That’s it?”

Jackie rolled her eyes, then leaned her head back against the wood. “I mean, yeah. It was good. Great, actually. She was… really into it.”

“I figured,” Lottie replied, amused. “She’s had this new glow on her face.”

“Yeah I don’t know,” Jackie said, lowering her head and suddenly couldn’t help but frown as she started fiddling with the fabric of the robe on her lap.

“What?” Lottie asked, and when Jackie looked up, Lottie had this sincere concerned look on her face.

She sighed. “I just keep… doing things. And they feel amazing in the moment, but then I just kept thinking, what the fuck am I even doing? Am I just using people?”

Lottie’s expression softened again, the corners of her mouth dipping with that same intuitive worry she always seemed to carry. “I don’t think you’re using anyone, Jackie. I think you’re scared of how good it feels when something actually is about you.”

Jackie contemplated that for a moment. She chewed her bottom lip, staring at the grooves in the wooden bench beneath her. 

“And you shouldn’t be. It feels good to feel good. Besides, Laura Lee isn’t even expecting anything from you,” Lottie assured.

Jackie could only let out a nervous half-chuckle, preventing herself from bringing up Mari and Misty because she only thinks that Lottie knows about those two too, but maybe she doesn’t.

“Alright, come on, let’s get wet,” Lottie stood up, reaching her hand out for Jackie.

Suddenly Jackie started to feel nervous, because Lottie kept making these innuendos, which is making the situation even more real. It was a lot easier when she didn’t know it was gonna happen so this is kind of different.

“Can I actually hang out here just for a couple more minutes?” Jackie asked, enjoying the heat.

“Sure,” Lottie shrugged. “I’ll wait for you outside.”

When Lottie left the softly lit room, the door clicking shut behind her, Jackie sank deeper onto the bench, her elbows braced against her knees. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep all of this hidden from Shauna. And what did Shauna even want, anyway? If she ever found out about them, how much worse would she react? So much for asking for a few more minutes to relax herself. Jackie tried to ease the tightness in her shoulders, letting the heat melt into her skin as sweat slid slowly down her back. She sat in silence a little longer, letting the steam coax some of the anxiety from her limbs, before finally rising to her feet.

When Jackie stepped outside, the air was noticeably cooler against her flushed skin. Steam rose gently from the pool, where Lottie lounged in the water. She was completely naked, her hair pulled back into a loose, effortless bun. Her arms were draped along the pool’s edge, posture serene, like she’d been there waiting for Jackie the whole time.

Jackie tightened the robe around herself, her bare feet soft against the stone as she approached. But just as she dipped a tentative foot into the water, Lottie stopped her.

“You have to be naked.”

Jackie looked up, letting out a dry scoff. “Come on, Lottie. This isn’t an actual spa.”

Lottie raised an eyebrow. “Well, this is my spa. So… my rules,” she said and Jackie swore there was a faint smirk hiding in there somewhere, despite her trying to full off a strict facial expression.

Jackie rolled her eyes but started untying her robe anyway, slipping it off her shoulders. Then, she unhooked her bra and pushed her underwear down her legs. She could feel Lottie watching her as she tied her hair in a bun, making Jackie’s skin prickle, so she focused her eyes somewhere else. As she stepped into the water, heat lapped at her legs. She tried to stay expressionless, but the heat was almost overwhelming until her body finally adjusted. She sat down slowly beside Lottie, her eyes fixed forward.

“This feels so good,” Jackie murmured, eyes fluttering shut as she tilted her head back. “I can’t believe you get to hang out here every day.”

“I haven’t actually used it in a while,” Lottie replied, her fingers drifting lazily across the water’s surface.

Jackie turned her head with a dreamy smile. “If I were you, this would be the first thing I did after school. Every single day.”

“It’s just… nothing to me,” Lottie said with a faint shrug. “It’s like when someone grows up in a tiny house and visits your big one—it’s magical to them, but to you, it’s just… home. You stop seeing it.”

“In this situation, I am clearly the poor one,” Jackie joked, grinning.

Lottie smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Jackie suddenly felt unsure if her joke was a good one, so she cleared her throat and tried to change the topic. “Where’s your dad?”

“I don’t know. He barely comes here anymore. He mostly stays at the penthouse,” Lottie said, her steady voice becoming a little  distant. Then, she shifted closer, clasping her hands and resting them on Jackie’s shoulder, her chin settling lightly on top. Jackie felt the soft tickle of Lottie’s breath against her cheek.

“I think they’re getting divorced.”

Jackie blinked, mouth parting. “I—God, I’m sorry, Lottie.”

Lottie exhaled slowly, her eyes drifting toward the rippling water. “It’s probably for the best. They’ve been fighting non-stop for years. But it still sucks. It was easier when I felt like Mom was still with me, you know? Like, despite everything, I was her priority. Now it just feels like she’s… checked out of me too.”

Jackie turned, eyes meeting Lottie’s soft ones, their faces so close their noses nearly brushed. Reaching up, she gently placed a hand behind Lottie’s head, fingers threading into her damp hair.

“My parents aren’t great either,” she whispered.

“Doesn’t it suck?” Lottie’s voice softened to a near whisper. “When you don’t get that bond some teenage girls seem to have with their moms? Like… with dads, you expect distance. But moms—” she broke off, eyes dipping to Jackie’s lips before returning to her gaze. “It’s like they carry this… coldness that gets passed down. They felt it from their mothers too, so now they give it to us… probably without even realizing it.”

“It’s bullshit. If I ever have a daughter, I swear to God, I will be her best friend first.” Jackie’s brows pulled together, her thumb brushing lightly behind Lottie’s ear. “But it just sucks all around. When neither parent seems to care.”

“Well,” Lottie murmured, her thumb brushing gently along Jackie’s chin, eyes still locked on her lips, “at least our moms have each other.”

Jackie let out a soft laugh. “Maybe we should get our own membership in that country club. Surprise them or something.”

Lottie gave a little shrug, her eyes glinting. “I’d enjoy that… but I’d enjoy it more if we went as a couple.”

Jackie felt her smile falter. Her throat tightened, suddenly too dry to swallow, especially with how close Lottie was.

“Wouldn’t that be nice, Jackie?” Lottie continued, voice low and coaxing. “Imagine all the quickies we’d have in those fancy locker rooms.”

She leaned in slowly, and Jackie’s body instinctively shifted back until her shoulders hit the slick tile wall of the pool.

“Uhh…” Jackie stammered, feeling a little nervous. “And then the other moms walk in on us?”

Lottie gave a soft, breathy chuckle, but it was clear she was holding it back, keeping the tension taut between them. “Shut up,” she whispered.

Then Lottie leaned in, closing the distance, bracing her hands on either side of Jackie against the tiles. Their lips met softly at first, and Jackie felt a jolt of heat rush through her. The kiss was slow. Torturously slow, and the lack of body contact made it worse. They were naked, shoulder to shoulder in the warm water, but Lottie kept her chest inches away, as if deliberately holding herself back like she wanted Jackie to squirm for it. Her tongue slipped against Jackie’s lips. Gentle and teasing. She moved with such control, sliding into Jackie’s mouth with a languid confidence that made Jackie want to pull her closer and suck hard on it, but she didn’t. Instead, she responded in kind, matching Lottie’s rhythm with a slow press of her tongue. 

Jackie kept one hand at the back of Lottie’s head, fingers threading into her slightly damp hair. When they finally broke apart, Lottie stayed close, lifting one hand to gently cup Jackie’s cheek, her thumb brushing over the skin before she gave it a light, soft pinch.

“Do you want to take this to my bedroom?” she said in a hushed tone.

Jackie exhaled sharply first because she had been holding her breath. She nodded, trying to mask the spike of excitement that was shooting through her chest. She was the first to lift herself out of the pool, steam rising off her skin as she wrapped her robe around her body. Then she turned and offered her hand. Lottie took it, pulling herself up before slipping into her own robe. They both grabbed towels, patting their wet part of their hair dry in silence, gathering their underwear in one hand before Lottie turned and led Jackie quietly down the hall to her bedroom. Jackie removed her hair tie and let her hair cascade down as she entered Lottie’s bedroom.

 

She had seen her big and soft bed before but never did she think she will ever fuck Lottie Matthews in it, so now her ears are drowning in her internal panic, despite the heat pooling between her thighs.

“I wanna show you something,” Lottie said, before she took Jackie’s hand and pulled her toward the bedside table. Lottie opened one drawer and pulled out a notebook. It looked like an elegant, leather-bound journal. She flipped it open to the middle, revealing a space divided by a key. Quickly, she took the key, placed the journal back, and closed the drawer. Then, using the key, she unlocked a second drawer. Lottie gave Jackie a look that made her stomach flip before she slowly opened it.

Jackie stared, her body suddenly freezing. There was only one thing inside the drawer and she had never seen one before. She’d heard about it but didn’t even know what it looked like. It was pink, as it was commonly known, and she mentally cursed Van and Tai for failing to prepare her for this eventuality. Surely, her experimentation merited a pre-emptive discussion about this particular thing.

“Where did you even get one of these?” Jackie asked, trying to keep her voice steady because Lottie was being normal about this, and she didn’t want to make Lottie feel like she was weirded out or scared. Even though she was probably freaking out. A little. Or maybe a lot. Despite that, her curiosity got the better of her. She ran her fingers, feeling the cold of the silicone. It has a black strap that looked gartered, and Jackie’s eyes remained fixated on it.

Lottie’s lips curved into a small smile. “I became friends with one of our night-shift bodyguards. Eric. He’s in his early twenties. One night, I caught him secretly talking to his boyfriend on the front lawn, and he begged me not to tell anyone. I didn’t care either way, but I told him I wouldn’t say a word. After that, whenever I went for a night swim, he’d hang out with me, and we’d talk for hours. We got pretty close.”

Jackie nodded, still distracted by the object in the drawer.

Lottie continued, her smile widening. “Anyway, Eric told me about this sex shop he saw in Atlantic City. He’d gone there with his boyfriend. I asked him to pick this up for me.” She laughed, shaking her head at the memory. “At first, he thought I was joking, but… you know, since he owed me a favor, he didn’t question it. He didn’t really have a choice.”

“I would like to meet him,” Jackie blurted out, almost involuntarily.

Lottie chuckled softly. “I’m sure you guys would get along.”

“Did you just… get this for fun?”

Lottie laughed, as if the question was absurd. “Don’t be coy, Jackie. Why would I get that for fun? Unless the fun is using it for its intended purpose."

Jackie pursed her lips, her eyes glued to the object. “Have you ever used it?”

Lottie smirked, then leaned in close, her face inches from Jackie’s. Jackie could feel her warm breath on her skin. “You mean on myself?” she whispered, her voice suddenly husky and seductive.

Jackie swallowed nervously, unsure how to confirm that was, in fact, what she wanted to know.

Lottie giggled lightly, a teasing glint in her eyes. “Well, I haven’t. I wanted to use it on someone else.”

“Oh,” was all Jackie could muster, feeling her mind threatening to unravel.

“I’m like you, you know? I haven’t really done much living in my teenage years,” Lottie said, pursing her lips. “I mean, you, like a week ago, wasn't it?”

Jackie squinted, a touch offended. "It had been more than a week," she corrected, as if that somehow made a difference.

“Right,” Lottie responded with a charming smile. “What I’m saying is, I’ve never really had any sexual urges, to be honest. I thought it was normal, but seeing all these couples making out in school, I do wonder why I never entertained being that close to someone. I was afraid to ask my therapist about it, so I just assumed, very recently, that it might be because of my medication. Then I saw you kiss girls and… I don’t know. I’ve never been attracted to anyone like that before. I always thought you were pretty, but seeing those kisses happening in front of me, it felt very different. I feel like I’ve been missing out all this time.”

Jackie paused, trying to process Lottie's confession.

“After that night, I touched myself and pictured your face, just to test how I’d feel,” Lottie continued, her voice still scarily steady.

“And?” Jackie asked eagerly, very curious and interested now.

“That’s just it, I didn’t feel anything.”

Ouch. That was a slap in my ego.

Jackie held back the disappointment she felt, biting her lip. Lottie was opening up, comfortably sharing something personal to her and here Jackie was, caught up in her own vanity.

“But I got so wet. So I was really confused.”

Jackie's eyes lit up again, reassured that she wasn't completely without effect.

“Then a week ago, I took off my meds, just to see if it would make any difference. And it did. I couldn’t stop touching myself, thinking of you,” Lottie said, her eyes intense, locking onto Jackie’s. “So much so that I wanted to use this on myself,” she lifted the strap slightly. “But holding it, the idea of using it on someone else… well, only on you really... it feels more liberating, for some reason.”

“Oh,” Jackie whispered nervously. She’d never experienced penetration beyond her own fingers. Van and Tai had encouraged her to explore being touched, but this felt… different. Kind of scary, too. It was a major reason she’d always put off having sex with Jeff. She'd dreaded the inevitable pain of initial insertion, even though Jeff was smaller than the silicone object currently clutched in Lottie's hand.

Yet, looking back at all the impulsive risks Jackie had taken recently, who was she to deny Lottie's desire? The very desire that drove her to stop taking her medication.

“What about you taking off your meds, is that safe?” Jackie asked, her brow furrowed with concern.

“Probably not,” Lottie said, with a nervous giggle. “I’ve felt manic, mostly, but I’m sure it will get worse. I’ll take them again, but… I just wanna try this out first… if… if you’re okay with it,” she finished in a low voice, gently stroking Jackie’s hair.

Jackie didn't know what to say. She just stopped speaking. Probably sensing that Jackie wasn’t gonna respond any moment now, Lottie's hand slowly drifted down towards her robe, her index finger pressing lightly against the fabric. She looked at Jackie again, her expression reluctant. Jackie couldn’t figure out what Lottie's eyes were searching for, so she kept her face neutral, hoping Lottie wouldn't stop. And she didn't. Delicately, Lottie ran her finger down from Jackie’s chest, tracing a path to the center of her breasts until it reached the sash of the robe and carefully, she untied it.

Jackie dropped her underwear from her hands to the floor, and Lottie did the same with hers. Then, Lottie reached out and slowly slid Jackie’s robe off, the silk slipping down her skin and pooling at her feet. Completely naked, Jackie wanted to scream at Lottie, to tell her to pull her close and kiss her again, but Lottie was taking her time. She began caressing Jackie’s skin with her palm, touching the side of her neck and letting her hand roam down to her shoulder until she reached Jackie’s breast, hovering her palm there. She curled her fingers and started tracing Jackie’s nipple, and Jackie felt goosebumps erupt all over her body. She was aching. So, without a word or permission from Lottie, she turned and climbed onto the bed, pushing herself under the covers and staring at Lottie, as if daring her to join.

Without hesitation, Lottie removed her own robe. Jackie watched as she fastened the gartered strap around her thigh.

It felt surreal, like a bizarre dream. One of those confusing dreams where you don't know why it's happening, yet you're still strangely enjoying it.

Lottie pulled back the covers before climbing into bed, lying on top of Jackie. She pushed the strap down her knee, letting the toy fall onto the bed between Jackie’s knees, allowing them to press their bodies together. When their breasts made contact, they immediately plunged into a frantic, hurried kiss, unlike the earlier, achingly slow one. This one felt necessary, like both of them had been craving it for a while. Lottie smelled incredible. Maybe it was her expensive body products, but she smelled like freshly laundered clothes imbued with fabric conditioner, or a freshly cleaned and perfumed hotel room. And she tasted even better. Jackie kissed her like she couldn’t get enough. She devoured Lottie’s mouth like she’s a hot meal and Jackie was starving for her.

When Lottie pulled back, Jackie nearly groaned, until Lottie leaned in, her lips brushing Jackie’s neck.

“Your skin feels amazing,” she whispered, and the breathy words sent jolts of electricity down Jackie’s spine.

Lottie’s lips began to pepper Jackie's neck with soft, lingering kisses.

“You have no idea… how many times… we’ve done this in my head,” Lottie murmured between kisses along Jackie’s collarbone. “Sometimes I’d watch you before French ends... burn the image into my brain. Then I’d beg my driver to speed up, just so I could get home before I lost it.”

Her lips drifted lower, following the line of Jackie’s body. “Then I’d be so wet in the car that I’d come immediately the minute I touched myself here,” she whispered, just before her mouth closed around Jackie’s breast. Jackie gasped, her body arching toward the warmth of Lottie’s mouth. She felt Lottie’s tongue slowly swirl around her nipple. Needing something to hold onto, Jackie reached for Lottie’s hair, tugging the bun loose. Her dark hair spilled over Jackie’s skin, giving her something to clutch.

Lottie switched her attention to the other breast, cupping its twin with her hand, her palm gently caressing. Jackie couldn't help but wonder if this was how the other girls felt when she’d been the one in control. Lottie’s thumb grazed over her nipple in quick, teasing flicks while her tongue pressed down on the other, coaxing pleasure from both ends and Jackie thought she might combust.

Her hand now trailing down Jackie's torso, her palm gliding against her skin, her eyes never leaving hers. When Lottie’s fingers brushed against her mound, Jackie felt a surge of heat and a blush creeping up her neck. Why, oh God, why didn’t she shave? Then Lottie’s fingers parted her folds to meet the inner, and a strangled sound escaped Jackie’s throat as Lottie whispered, "Fuck."

Her fingers began to rub, teasing and insistent strokes against her already throbbing center. Jackie could feel the slickness and could hear the wet sounds of her own arousal. It was as if an entire dam of desire had broken, and Lottie was reveling in the flood. She didn’t know whether Lottie was just confident to do this or she was just that desperate to touch Jackie, either way, it felt like she was doing the right thing and Jackie didn’t want it to stop.

"You’re so wet for me," Lottie murmured, her voice thick with desire. "This is what I want, Jackie."

Overwhelmed by the building pleasure, Jackie framed Lottie's face with her hands and met her mouth in a passionate, desperate kiss as Lottie’s fingers worked magic between her legs.

When Lottie's fingers left her, Jackie immediately missed the contact and wanted to reach out to reclaim them, but Lottie instead propped herself up, reached for the toy, and slid the strap-on up her hips. Then, she looked down at Jackie, her expression serious.

"I really want to do this, Jackie. But I won't if you don't feel comfortable," Lottie's eyes were soft, imploring, almost begging for permission.

Jackie gave a faint nod. "It's okay. I want to try it too," she replied, her voice a little shaky.

Lottie held the toy steady and shifted higher, and Jackie willingly spread her legs wider. She felt the cool tip of the toy press against her wetness, and the smooth, firm texture of the plastic felt undeniably good, sending a new wave of throbbing pleasure through her.

Lottie let the tip glide gently, circling around as if collecting all the wetness pooling between Jackie’s thighs. Then Jackie felt it firmly pressing at her entrance. Even without Lottie pushing, her body responded, feeling a sharp sting as her muscles tensed around the edge of the toy. When Lottie finally did ease forward, Jackie winced, propping herself up on one elbow to look.

“Are you okay?” Lottie asked, her voice calm but concerned.

“I—I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“It hurts a little, but… try pushing again.”

Lottie obeyed, moving slowly. Jackie wrapped her arms around her neck, clinging for grounding as the pressure deepened. It stung. Her breath caught. She reached for Lottie’s lips, pulling her into a desperate kiss, hoping it would help soften the tension building inside her and maybe coax herself into it.

But the toy wasn’t even halfway in before Jackie let out a strained cry, and Lottie froze.

“I… I don’t think it’s gonna fit, Lot. I’m too tight.”

At her words, Lottie’s pupils seemed to dilate. Something in her face shifted. Like hunger tempered with restraint. Carefully, she pulled out. Then, without a word, she turned and opened one of the drawers, pulling out a small silver pouch. Jackie raised an eyebrow, thinking it was a condom, but it wasn’t. Lottie tore it open with her teeth, and squeezed out clear gel.

“Eric gave me this too.”

Jackie blinked, briefly wondering if Eric was even the slightest bit curious as to what Lottie would be up to, but she shoved the thought away before it distracted her too much.

Lottie slicked the toy in fast, like she was eager to get back into it, then her eyes flicked up now and then to check on Jackie. Jackie can’t help but adore how cute Lottie was because there was something incredibly sweet in how much Lottie seemed to need this. Like giving Jackie pleasure was the very pleasure for her and Jackie could relate, because that’s exactly how it was for her with her other girls.

The lube smelled like rubber and once Lottie was done applying it around the toy, she tossed the empty packet away. “Again?” she asked Jackie, and instead of answering, she lifted her head up to give Lottie a quick affectionate kiss.

Lottie began guiding the toy back into place, pressing it against Jackie’s entrance once more. This time, the slide was easier. The sting was still there, but it dulled beneath the glide, and Jackie could feel herself giving in. Lottie eased forward, pushing deeper carefully. The toy reached halfway, and with the base nudging against Lottie's lower stomach, she adjusted her position, settling her body atop Jackie’s as they moved together.

Jackie gripped Lottie’s hair, pulling her down for another kiss, desperate to feel her mouth again while the toy continued to push into her. She held onto Lottie, clinging through the sharp edge of the sensation, riding the fine line between pain and something else— something tingling— until she felt the base of the toy finally nestle flush against her folds.

“I’ll go slow, Jackie. Okay?” Lottie said in the softest voice and Jackie gave a faint nod, eyes fluttering shut.

Lottie began to move, agonizingly slow, and Jackie felt the slow, steady, burning stretch, waiting for her body to adjust. Her walls gripped tightly around the shaft, inch by inch, until she swore she could feel the tip brushing something deep inside. She couldn’t tell how far it had gone, only that it felt impossibly deep.

“Look at you,” Lottie whispered, eyes drinking her in. “It feels so good to see you like this.”

Jackie couldn’t find her voice. Lottie was saying all the sexiest things and all she could do was reach up, cradling Lottie’s face with one hand, the other clinging to her shoulder. Her nails dug into Lottie’s skin as she braced herself against the building pressure, her breaths growing heavier, moans slipping past her lips as her body surrendered to the rhythm.

Lottie pressed their lips together again, moaning softly into Jackie’s mouth as she began to move  up and down. Jackie wasn’t sure what was turning her on more. The toy stretching inside her or the sweet, breathy sounds Lottie made between kisses. Maybe it was a combination of both. Maybe it was everything. The pain had faded, replaced by a pulsing heat and the overwhelming thrill of being filled—of being wanted like this, by someone extremely attractive and so intent on giving her pleasure. Her hands slid down Lottie’s sides, fingertips grazing warm skin until they reached her ass. She gripped both cheeks tightly, urging her to move faster. Lottie let out a low grunt. It was deep, almost masculine— and it made Jackie’s eyes snap open, a fresh wave of euphoria washing through her at the sound.

“Fuck, Lot. That was so fucking good,” Jackie whimpered.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Jackie moaned, her voice cracking. “Yes, Lot, Fuck.”

She wrapped her legs around Lottie’s waist, holding her tight as moans began pouring out of her uncontrollably—almost like she was crying.

“Are you coming?” Lottie asked because Jackie’s eyes were squeezed shut, and she probably noticed how much Jackie was unraveling.

This urged Lottie to move even faster and now the base of the strap now smacked Jackie’s folds and t’s making wet and thud sounds for every thrust, and Jackie couldn’t tell whether she was about to come or if she already had, but Lottie kept going and Jackie didn’t want her to stop, so she let her keep going, keep pushing in and out.

“I think I’m gonna come too,” Lottie uttered and Jackie didn’t know what to do, so Jackie lifted her head up to suck on Lottie’s lips, silently asking her for a desperate kiss,  and it was sloppy, tongues clashing, mouths moving fast. With her legs still lifted behind Lottie’s hips, she pushed her arms behind Lottie’s, clutching on her shoulders from Lottie’s back while she kept thrusting, fast and aggressive.

When Lottie came, Jackie felt it, even if she was the one being fucked, because in the middle of their kiss, she felt Lottie drooling inside her mouth, and Jackie swallowed it, sucking on her lips while Lottie’s movement slowed, and Jackie couldn’t even tell if she’d come just then or sometime earlier. Either way, it all felt good and she didn’t know if it was because of the toy or because Lottie was just so hot while using it on her. For all she knew, she must be coming during the entire time she was being fucked. Maybe she was still in the same orgasm, stretched out like something endless.

Lottie collapsed on top of her as they both caught their breath. Eventually, Lottie lifted her head from the pillow, pushing strands of damp hair out of Jackie’s face. Jackie didn’t realize how much she was sweating until Lottie gently wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

“You okay?” Lottie asked softly, her voice a murmur between them.

Jackie nodded, smiling faintly.

Slowly, Lottie slightly pushed herself up and carefully began to draw the toy out of her. Jackie let out a sudden gasp, her body now far more sensitive. Lottie looked down, watching with quiet focus.

“There’s no blood,” she noted, sounding almost puzzled.

Jackie blinked. “Yeah, uh… I bled when Jeff fingered me the first time. He was kind of… aggressive.”

“Oh,” Lottie just said, as if Jackie not bleeding for her was disappointing. Jackie cocked an eyebrow but Lottie just simply shifted and laid back beside her, staring up at the ceiling while the toy awkwardly pointed upward from her abdomen.

“Lot… we didn’t, um, put down any towels or—” Jackie started, lifting her legs slightly to peek at the expensive sheets, now visibly drenched in…her, and maybe some of Lottie’s too.

“It’s alright,” Lottie just said casually, like it was no problem, then she turned onto her side and slung an arm around Jackie, her hand finding one of Jackie’s breasts and gently cupping it in lazy circles.

“Lot…” Jackie laughed, squirming a bit under the touch.

“Sorry,” Lottie said, grinning as she moved her hand down to Jackie’s side. “Can’t get enough of you.”

Her fingers traced slow, calming strokes along Jackie’s ribs, and Jackie relaxed at her touch.

“Better not forget to take your meds after this,” Jackie joked, nudging Lottie lightly.

Lottie smiled. “Can I extend?”

“Lottie.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m kidding.”

Jackie chuckled, shaking her head slightly in mock disapproval.

“Can you do me a favor though?” Lottie asked, her tone suddenly more serious.

Jackie raised an eyebrow instead of asking.

Lottie leaned over the edge of the bed, collecting their scattered clothes. She tossed Jackie her bra, but held up her own panties with a mischievous grin. “Can you wear this to school tomorrow?”

Jackie blinked. “Lot, that’s yours,” she said, immediately realizing how dumb she was for stating the obvious.

Lottie tilted her head and smirked, clearly enjoying Jackie’s flustered reaction. Then she flopped back onto the bed, propped up on one elbow beside her, holding the panties between her fingers like a prize.

“I’ll wear yours and you’ll wear mine,” she said with a glint in her eye.

Jackie stared at her. “You want me to wash it first or—?”

Lottie groaned dramatically. “No, of course we’re not gonna wash it,” she said in a mocking tone. “Come on, it’ll be hot. Just the thought of you in my dirty underwear? I’ll be soaking all day.”

Jackie opened her mouth to protest again, but Lottie interrupted with a soft, pouty “Please?”

Jackie exhaled and snatched the panties from her hand. “Fine.”

“Good,” Lottie said, grinning. Then, with a shift in tone, “I know it’s probably too early to ask, since we just started… but I’d like us to be official before Graduation.”

Jackie’s heart skipped. “What?”

“I’m just saying. That’s an ultimatum, Cap,” Lottie whispered, before snuggling into her, cheek pressed against Jackie’s face, impossibly close and impossibly warm.

 

And just like that, Jackie laid in that bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling, trying to make sense of how her life had spiraled into a chaos of complicated feelings, blurred lines, and brand-new problems— all crammed into a two-week span.

 

The next day at school, Jackie did wear the underwear. It was a little dirty, maybe even had a faint, dry smudge of Lottie’s slick still on it, but she ignored how disgusting that might sound to anyone else. To her, it was kind of hot. Especially since Lottie’s panties were silk and clearly expensive and they felt ridiculously good against her skin.

 

During Lunch, Jackie didn’t know how or why it happened, but suddenly, her girls bought her lunch. Mari brought her a sandwich, one that her mom made, Misty brought her home-made buttered popcorn, while Lottie gave her varieties of sushi in a lunch box.

“Um, is there a bring-the-Captain-food-day that I don’t know about?” Van said, eyeing the food at the table in front of Jackie while Jackie looked between the three girls, all waiting— almost solemnly— for her to choose their offering.

“What the fuck is going on?” Shauna asked, arms folded, eyes darting to each girl like she was one second away from starting a food fight. She turned to Jackie. “Jax?”

“I–I–” Jackie stammered, staring at the food in  front of her, unsure how to answer because she didn’t know what the fuck was going on either.

“My mom made this for you, Jackie. It’s the ham and cheese sandwich you liked,” Mari said, pushing the sandwich near her.

“And I made this popcorn. I used sea salt butter. It’s not even microwaved,” Misty said, fighting for hers.

“And did the sushi fly in from Japan, Lottie?” Nat chimed in with an amused smirk in her lips, glancing at Jackie and clearly entertained by the commotion.

“Well, it is from a five-star Japanese restaurant,” Lottie said, like it was nothing.

“I didn’t bring you anything Jackie, but I am grateful for you,” Laura Lee said, giving Jackie a warm smile.

“If you’re not gonna eat all that, Jackie, I can help you out,” Akilah swooped in, leaning forward.

“No!” all three girls snapped in unison.

Akilah raised her eyebrows and sank back in her seat, muttering, “Okay, damn.”

“You can’t honestly expect Jackie to eat all that. It’s too much,” Shauna spat.

Jackie held up her hands gently. “It’s fine—I’ll just take them home. I’ll eat them later, okay?” she said, offering each girl a soft, diplomatic smile.

Mari let out a huff and flopped back into her seat. Misty gave Jackie a tight but polite smile. Lottie, meanwhile, stared into Jackie’s soul, eyes dark like she was silently daring her not to eat it, or threatening to feed her bite by bite if she didn’t.

Jackie shoved all the food into her bag, her mind racing during class.

 

As the final bell rang, she wasted no time darting for the field, seeking refuge under the bleachers. She couldn’t handle another round of questions from Shauna, or worse, the others grilling her about lunch.

“Must suck to have half the team pining for you,” Nat’s voice broke into her thoughts, accompanied by the smoky tendrils of her cigarette. She was hidden behind one of the porta-toilets.

Jackie scowled. “You know, you can get expelled for that.”

Nat shrugged nonchalantly, blowing a cloud of smoke into the air. “If I get caught. Unlike some people, I’m careful.”

Jackie stood up, stepping closer. “And what does that mean?”

Nat’s lips curled into a half-smile. “Just saying, if you make your bed, you gotta sleep in it.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, frustrated. “Cut the cryptic crap and tell me what you know.”

Without thinking, Jackie snatched the cigarette from Nat’s hand and took a drag.

Nat’s eyes sparkled with surprise, watching her closely. “I don’t know anything, Jackie,” she said absentmindedly, her gaze fixed on Jackie’s mouth as she inhaled. “I can tell those girls like you, and you’re not exactly telling them you have a secret wife back home.”

Jackie froze for a second. “No, I don’t.”

Nat’s laugh was low, almost mocking. “Come on. I’m not stupid. I know you and Shauna are secretly together.”

“We’re not,” Jackie responded flatly, glancing around nervously while she continued to smoke Nat’s cigarette.

Nat’s expression shifted, her brow furrowing with genuine confusion. “You’re not?” Her voice was serious now, and Jackie couldn’t tell if she was being messed with or if Nat was genuinely confused. The truth was, Jackie was just as confused as everyone else, and she needed to sort all this out before it all blew up on her face.

Jackie finished her drag, extinguishing the cigarette against a nearby brick. Then, with a calm, almost amused smile, she took Nat’s hand, closing it gently around the stub. “Never mind. You don’t actually know anything about me,” she said with a self-satisfied grin, tapping Nat’s fist. “Throw that away so no one sees it,” she added, before turning and leaving Nat staring after her, looking dumbfounded.

Notes:

Jackie finally bottomed! (She’s a switch who had only encountered ones that would bottom to her until she faced one who was determined to top her. Fight me on this) Who cheered?

EDITED because someone brought this up on NGL:

Just a quick clarification in case there are concerns about mischaracterization. I needed Lottie to be currently off her meds for a week because she wanted to feel something. While she had become more reserved in the show in the beginning of post-crash, she had this quiet confidence pre-crash and it was very different from how she behaved in the Wilderness, which was shaped by extreme trauma and stress. So, being off her meds now would manifest differently than it did in that context. She would be manic and I needed that to happen so that she'll be intense and be into the smut scene. I also spoke with a couple of friends who have been on long-term medication about lack of sexual urges. That said, if anything feels off, I’m open to feedback. Just keep in mind that this is a work of fiction, please.

Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter!

Chapter 6: Taivan

Notes:

I didn’t think I would actually add Taivan into Jackie’s quests, but some of you have asked for this, so… here it is. Enjoy this Challengers-esque of a chapter.

 

To say Jackie was conflicted would be an understatement.

She didn’t know whether she should talk to Shauna first or talk to the others. She wasn’t even sure if she should tell each one about the others. Now, there was Mari, Lottie, and even Misty, possibly all wanting to be her girlfriend. Shauna… maybe, but Jackie wasn’t entirely convinced. Shauna had been jealous, that much was obvious, but still tight-lipped about what she actually wanted while the others had made themselves crystal clear that they wanted her.

Jackie decided she was going to date. The original plan was to try having sex with girls, and she had, maybe more than she expected, and definitely not with the people she thought she would. After Jeff, who now felt more like a footnote than a first love, maybe it was time to seriously open herself up to something new. The real reason she’d wanted to try girls was because she envied Tai and Van. What they had looked real. Healthy. Honest. Their closeness. That’s what she wanted.

And while she loved being around all her girls... she couldn’t date them all.

She had to choose.

After practice, Jackie sat alone on the bleachers, lost in thought as the rest of the team loitered across the field. She was so zoned out she didn’t notice Misty until she was already seated beside her.

 

“Hey, Jackie,” Misty said softly.

Jackie blinked, straightening up. “Oh. Hey.”

“You okay?” Misty asked, leaning in just enough to study her face. “What’s going on with you?”

“Huh? No, I’m fine.” Jackie muttered, rubbing the back of her neck. “Just thinking.”

“I can tell something’s bothering you,” Misty said, looking worried.

“Oh,” she muttered, followed by a nervous chuckle. “It’s nothing.”

“Jackie,” Misty said, refusing to budge. “I know we only went out once, and I know you don’t owe me anything for that.”

Jackie straightened herself and looked down at her lap, feeling the heat of guilt crawl up her neck.

"But I thought maybe we got close enough for you to talk to me if something’s going on.” Misty continued. “You know I’m here for you, right?”

Jackie let out a heavy sigh, knowing she can’t actually tell Misty what had been bothering her. “Of course, Misty. It’s just…. options that I have to think about.”

“Are you having trouble picking your major?” Misty asked, turning her body fully to Jackie.

Jackie raised her eyebrows. “Yeah yeah…. That’s… that’s exactly it,” she lied, quickly latching onto the escape.

“I know how you feel,” Misty whispered, looking ahead. “I’m still torn whether I’d take pre-med because that’s what my parents want for me but… I really want to try theater arts.”

Jackie turned and stared at Misty, surprised at the other option and she found herself smiling thinking about Misty, acting on stage. For some reason, it seemed oddly fitting.

“Oooh! You know what you should do?” Misty perked up, placing a hand on Jackie’s leg with sudden enthusiasm. “You should make a pros and cons list.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow, suddenly intrigued.

“I used to make spreadsheets at home and make a list of all the babies I babysat and figure out which babies I liked and didn’t by giving each pros and cons. You know, who puked or cried a lot or who was the most adorable,” Misty gushed, giggling but her smile faded and she cleared her throat when she noticed that Jackie was starting to grimace, which Jackie tried hard to restrain but couldn’t. “But anyway,” she said, adjusting her glasses. “I think that would help you consolidate data and weigh out your options.”

Jackie felt awkward about the sudden information she wished she could remove from her head, considering Misty is one of her “options,” even though she does make an interesting one. “Thanks, Misty… I’ll… I’ll think about it,” she managed, giving Misty a warm smile, which earned a satisfied one from her, like helping Jackie was an achievement of itself.

“Scoot,” Shauna’s voice interrupted them and she didn’t even wait for a response before she snapped Misty’s hands off from Jackie’s leg and wedged herself into the tiny space between them, causing Misty to slide away and eventually stood up, flustered and blinking, before walking off like she'd just been dismissed from an audition she didn’t know she was in.

“What did she want?” Shauna asked after a sip from her water cup, her eyes still trained on Misty.

“Nothing,” Jackie mumbled.

Shauna cocked an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Nothing?”

“Just… talking about college stuff,” Jackie said, and that alone was enough to shut Shauna up, and Jackie wasn’t sure why. They hadn’t even talked about Rutgers much and the lie she fed Misty wasn’t exactly some throwaway. It was a real problem for her too. Just not the one currently taking up most of the space in her head.

Still, she was oddly grateful that Shauna didn’t push. There were other things she wished Shauna would talk about. Things that mattered more, or at least felt more urgent but for now, silence was easier while she needed some time to think. Even if it was just another layer in the stack of Shauna’s endless avoidance.

 

During her free period, Jackie was alone in the locker room and she ripped a blank page from her notebook and sat down on the floor, back against the wall. She stared at the paper for a long moment, pen hovering. Then, finally, she started writing:

                               Pros                            Cons

 

Lottie

Misty

Mari

Shauna

She decided to leave Laura Lee off the list. It wasn’t because she didn’t like her. Actually, part of her thought Laura Lee could be the best option, but she hadn’t put herself in the same position as the others. And Lottie had made it pretty clear she wasn’t expecting anything. She just wanted the experience. That alone made things a little easier. Narrowing things down helped, atleast.

Looking at the paper, Jackie felt weird, Gross, even, to put her friends on a list like this because it felt like she would be reducing them. But Misty had a point, even if she had no idea what Jackie was actually sorting through. Maybe it would help to see it all laid out. Even Shauna loved doing this, and it’s entirely different from journaling, but she did tell Jackie writing helped her visualize her thoughts and make sense of things better, and this idea is close enough.

Okay. Next step. What kind of list was this going to be?

Was she writing about who would be the best girlfriend? The most stable? The safest choice?

Or was she also supposed to include sex?

Because sex was obviously part of this. A big part of this. It’s why she even started all of this.

Jackie twirled the pen in her hand.

Relationship potential or sexual chemistry?

Or both?

God, this was so much harder than it needed to be.

Both it is. She decided she was gonna use both as factors.

She started with Lottie. Lottie is surprisingly bold and adventurous. She wasn't ashamed to open up to Jackie. They have similar lives too. Both neglected by parents and they were both the kind that looked fine on the outside but hurt in private. They would both find comfort in each other. She can’t think of any cons at the moment, because Lottie is pretty amazing, except maybe, for all Jackie knew, something could be going on between her and Laura Lee, despite both saying they’ve never been attracted to anyone else, yet they’ve always been inseparable. Their friendship kind of reminds Jackie of her and Shauna in some way.

Misty is caring. Attentive. Smart. She remembered things Jackie said even when Jackie forgot ever saying them. And despite half the team treating her like a joke, Misty was never mean. She liked Jackie openly, without shame. She wanted Jackie to be her first kiss and she was brave enough to say it. The con? Misty could be a lot. Intense. And even though it’d be hypocritical of her considering she’s listing this down right now, she felt like being in a relationship with Misty could potentially lead to Misty ironically listing her flaws or making a spreadsheet about it.

Mari is hot. She is confident, assertive, spontaneous, direct, and didn’t hesitate to make a move. Definitely into Jackie. Definitely open to anything. Knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t shy about saying it. It was kind of thrilling how fast it all happened with her. She had this edge. Flirty, sharp, fun. But Mari could also get a little too comfortable, too fast. Like she already had Jackie. Like she assumed things. And she didn’t seem like the type to take rejection well.

Then there was Shauna.

Where the hell would she even start?

Shauna is confusing. Infuriating. She’d been Jackie’s best friend since they were kids, and still, Jackie had no idea what the hell was going on inside her head anymore. She had been so possessive lately (Jackie has a hard time deciding whether to put this in pros or cons) and why couldn’t Jackie hang out with anyone else? It’s not like they were dating. And if Shauna wanted to date her, then maybe she should just say so. Shauna seemed to want Jackie’s time, Jackie’s attention, Jackie’s everything . But of course she wouldn’t talk about it. Shauna is stubborn as hell. Always holding something back. Always speaking in body languages instead of actual sentences. Jackie trusted her but that didn’t mean she didn’t think Shauna might be hiding something.

Shauna is the smartest person Jackie knew. But lately, it felt like she was acting dumb on purpose.

And yet... she was sweet. Always trying to get close. Always finding a reason to touch her. And Jackie was confused if this was a good thing or a bad thing because it’s been driving her crazy.

Jackie scratched her head and realized she’s been holding her breath as she scribbled down things about Shauna. She let out a frustrated groan and stopped writing. She folded the page, shoved it into the side pocket of her bag.

 

After school, Jackie was putting her books away when Tai and Van suddenly appeared on either side of her and each grabbed an arm.

“Hey, what the hell?” she protested, barely managing to shut her locker before they started dragging her down the hallway.

They didn’t stop until they were behind a tree outside.

“What’s going on?” Jackie asked, tugging her arms back.

Tai let go first. “How are you, Jackie?”

Jackie squinted. “Fine? What is this?”

“Okay,” Tai said, exchanging a glance with Van. “So… Van and I were talking. And we think we could help each other out.”

Jackie folded her arms. “You already helped me, but what kind of help do you need from me?”

“Well…” Van began, clearly fighting a smirk. “I told Tai— as a joke — what if we had a threesome with you.”

Jackie instantly choked, and she started coughing hard.

“Which I actually thought that was a good idea,” Tai continued, completely unbothered as Van patted Jackie’s back like she was burping a baby. “We’ve never been adventurous, and this could add some edge, you know? Spice things up.”

Jackie coughed harder, wheezing through her disbelief, but Tai kept going.

“Plus, from what I’ve heard, none of the girls you’ve hooked up with actually gave you an orgasm. Which is tragic. I mean, Jesus, Jackie. Four girls, and you still haven’t seen God?”

Jackie doubled down now, clutching her stomach as she tried to control her choking while Van continuously kept smacking her on the back.

“I guessed you were a bottom,” Tai went on. “Van said you weren’t, but I’m starting to think she’s wrong. Or maybe you’re a switch. But either way—"

Jackie threw up a hand, begging for Tai to stop as she caught her breath. “You two are insane,” she managed, eyes wide.

“Why?” Van asked. “It’s a win-win. You get off, we get to try something new.”

“Isn’t this gonna be weird?” Jackie asked.

Tai shrugged. “Not really. We’re not attracted to you.”

“Wow,” Jackie muttered, feeling offended. “This whole thing is really doing wonders for my self-esteem.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Jackie,” Tai answered. “This wouldn’t mean anything. Van and I are closed. And if we ever became open— which we won’t,” she added sharply, shooting Van a look.

Van nodded quickly. “Right. Never.”

“But if that ever happened,” Tai said, “you’d be the last girl we’d ask.”

Jackie gave them double thumbs up. “Great. I feel honored.” She turned dramatically to walk away, only for Van to grab her arm and pull her back.

"Come on. It's not like me and Tai have the list ."

 

Jackie felt her heart skip a bit, because why do they know about the list? She swallowed hard, staring at them as she internally panicked.

"“You know,” Van said, “that list couples make. People you're allowed to sleep with if you ever get the chance?”

"This is Jackie, Van," Tai reminded Van, nudging her.

Van gave Jackie a look of realization. "Oh right. I figured you'd know but yeah.."

"I know what the list is, okay? I'm not stupid," Jackie snarled, despite feeling relieved that they were talking about something else.

"Right. All I'm saying is, we don't even have that so... we're pretty secure. You don't have to worry about it being weird between us," Van said convincingly.

“And you wouldn’t even get to touch us ,” Tai added. “We’re not letting you.”

Jackie frowned. “Wait. So are we having sex or are you just proposing to… molest me?”

Tai pinched the bridge of her nose. “Jesus.”

“And for your information,” Jackie lowered her voice, glancing around, “I already bottomed.”

Both Tai and Van froze, scanning her face before Van’s eyes widened.

“Holy shit! I knew it! I was wondering why Lottie got you lunch the other day too!”

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Can you be quiet?”

Tai folded her arms, raising an eyebrow. “So what, she diddled you?”

“She didn’t diddle me!” Jackie protested, her eyes darted sideways. “Okay, maybe she did a little. But—”

“But what?” Van asked curiously, leaning in.

Jackie hesitated, cheeks warming. She lowered her voice further. “She used… a toy.”

Both their mouths hung open in shock.

“Lottie,” Tai said in wonderment.

“Lottie,” Van echoed, eyes distant, like she was floating through space.

“You owe me,” Tai turned to Van, making the other slump her shoulders in defeat.

“Okay, you know what, I trust you both, okay? So you better fucking keep this to yourselves,” she warned, pointing at the both of them.

“You mean from all the girls you already fucked?’ Tai said, squinting at her.

Van smirked. “Come on, Captain. Did we ever let you down?”

“Speaking of down, are you?” Tai asked, her face twisted in irritation.

Jackie observed both of them for a moment.. “You guys are serious. This isn’t, like, some elaborate prank?”

Van shrugged. “Dead serious,” she said while Tai just stared at Jackie with a straight face.

“But… but why?” Jackie asked, still feeling confused.

“For fucks sake, Jackie, I already explained it to you,” Tai said, momentarily slapping her forehead. “It’s not that deep. Sometimes, couples like to experiment. It doesn’t mean me and Van are having relationship troubles or something. We just figured, since you already have this sexual and gay awakening thing going on, we won’t need to look for someone else.”

Van tilted her head. “Besides... you haven’t exactly said no.”

Jackie opened her mouth, then paused. “Because I’m trying to figure out why this is actually happening.”

“Maybe you’re into it,” Van teased.

“I’m not,” Jackie said too quickly.

Tai gave her a suspicious look. “Right. That’s why you’re blushing.”

“I’m not blushing!”

“You are,” Van agreed. “A little.”

Jackie let out a quiet huff, dragging a hand across the back of her neck. She’d been carrying so much tension lately, the kind that settled deep in her shoulders and refused to budge. Between the lies, the guilt, and the slow-burn paranoia creeping into everything, she was already stretched thin. Tai and Van, of all people, weren’t exactly adding to all her stress, but they weren’t usually a source of comfort either.

Still, as weird as their proposition was, Jackie couldn’t deny that something about it lit a spark in her brain. Something intriguing and curious. She always figured they barely tolerated her, that she was just the designated team captain they occasionally put up with. But here they were, practically offering her a detour from everything weighing her down.

And truthfully? The idea, detached from all her usual mess, was kind of hot.

Maybe too hot.

Maybe, for once, she didn’t want to overthink it. Maybe this could be a way to loosen the grip of everything else, just for a little while.

“I’m not saying…” she started, voice lower, almost embarrassed. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ground, feeling her cheeks flush red. “I’m not saying the idea doesn’t sound… great.” She hesitated, then lifted her gaze to meet theirs. “But…” Jackie inhaled, bracing herself. “I don’t like the idea of not being able to touch. If I’m gonna do this… I want to fully participate.”

Tai blinked, her brows lifting slightly.

Van’s smirk returned, slow and sly. “Well, shit, Captain.”

“I… I promise I’ll be thoughtless the entire time. I will just look at you both as sexual encounters, nothing more.”

“Wow,” Van muttered, slightly grimacing. “I never thought I’d be relieved to hear someone treat us as sexual objects.”

Jackie sighed. “I’m not exactly opposed to having sex right now without thinking of the other wanting to date me after.”

Tai snorted. “Believe me, that won’t be a problem with us.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. “Yes, thank you, Tai. You’ve made that pretty clear.”

Van grinned. “So is that a yes?”

Jackie blew out a breath, a puff of air sending her bangs fluttering. “Fine.”

“Here’s the key to the motel room,” Tai said, pulling a silver key from her pocket and handing it over.

Jackie arched a brow as she took it, turning the cold metal over in her hand. “You booked a room before even asking me?”

“You’re welcome,” Van replied, smirking. “It’s tonight, and if you don’t show up, we’ll tell Shauna you’ve slept with three— no, four other girls from the team.”

Jackie’s eyes snapped up, wide. “Are you seriously blackmailing me?”

“I’m giving you options,” Van said with a nonchalant shrug.

Jackie opened her mouth to fire back, but Tai smoothly cut in with a new question. “Anyway, did Lottie get you off?”

Jackie blinked, thrown by the shift. She shot Van a quick glare before facing Tai. “I mean… I think so? It kind of felt like an orgasm the entire time.”

“Jesus,” Van muttered under her breath. “She overstimulated you.”

“Well, never mind that,” Tai said smugly, slipping back into her usual bravado. “We’ll show you what real lesbian sex is like.”

Jackie gave her a wary look. “This isn’t going to be… weird, is it? Like, you’re not bringing out a whip or anything?”

Van chuckled. “Relax. We won’t spook you.”

“Not yet, anyway,” Tai added, exchanging a mischievous glance with Van. The two of them laughed under their breath before Tai turned back to Jackie with a crooked grin. “It’s just gonna be a good old-fashioned lesbian threesome. See you at six.”

And just like that, they walked off, leaving Jackie standing alone with the key still warm in her palm. She shoved it into her pocket and made her way toward Shauna’s car in the lot.

 

After another long, quiet car ride with Shauna, Jackie couldn’t stop glancing at the time. She wouldn’t admit it. Not to the two or maybe not even to herself out loud, but she was kind of excited. The thought of it buzzed under her skin. It wasn’t like she’d never noticed how hot the two of them were together. After all, they were part of the reason she ever started questioning why she’d never tried being with a girl in the first place.

She’d prepared. Shaved her arms, her legs, even cleaned up her bush—not completely bare, but tidy enough. She wanted to look good for them. Presentable. Or maybe… deserving . Even if the way they’d approached it made it seem like she was just the convenient option, Jackie couldn’t help but feel grateful to be a part of it. She’d be helping them out, and she was happy to, considering how much they’d help her out, despite them also having their own fun watching Jackie put herself into trouble.

 

When Jackie stepped into the motel room, the nerves coiled in her stomach began to loosen. Tai and Van were already there, seated cross-legged on the carpet like they’d been waiting. That alone gave her a jolt of confidence because maybe they were just as excited for this as she was.

A small table nearby held a couple of beer cans. Jackie grabbed one, popped it open, and took a long chug. The hiss of carbonation and the quiet glug of liquid sliding down her throat filled the otherwise silent room. When she finished, she crushed the can in her hand and tossed it toward the trash. It bounced off the rim and landed on the floor with a dull clink.

“So,” Jackie said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What now?”

Van shifted a little, her eyes flicking to Tai. “Well… we were thinking,” she started cautiously, getting up to sit on the foot of the bed. Tai followed, perching beside her. “Maybe, you could just watch us.”

“What?” Jackie asked in disappointment, then she scoffed. “Are you guys chickening out?”

“No,” Tai said, emphasis on the “o.” “We just thought that may be easier for you. Maybe, you’re not cut out for—”

“Fuck no,” Jackie interrupted, getting more courageous now before she approached and inserted herself between their seated bodies. Tai and Van instinctively shifted to give her space. “I want each of you to kiss me.”

“We can’t do that,” Tai protested.

“Why not?” Jackie asked, challenging Tai.

Van was the one who answered. “Because it will cross the line of what we’re doing.”

Jackie didn’t flinch. She crossed her arms, matching their guarded energy with one of her own. “So what I’m hearing is... you’re not as secure as you said.”

Tai’s jaw tightened. “We are,” she said, her voice sharper now, defensive.

Jackie shrugged like it didn’t matter either way, though her smirk said otherwise. “Cool. So prove it,” she said, turning to Tai with a glint in her eye. “Kiss me.”

Tai held Jackie’s gaze for a long second before glancing at Van, who looked equally thrown off. Jackie caught it and relished the hesitation. She watched their reactions with hidden satisfaction. There was something delicious about being the one in control over these two.

“I mean,” Van said slowly, lifting her hands in a casual gesture. “It would be pretty boring without foreplay so… I don’t see the harm,” she finished softly.

Jackie turned to Tai, and she could see the crack in her composure, breathing getting uneven, like she was a little nervous. Then she stared at Jackie’s lips, before she started leaning in.

 

Jackie thought it was gonna be awkward, but once their lips met, Tai quickly eased into it until the kiss deepened. Jackie’s eyes opened briefly in surprise when Tai forced her mouth open with the shove of her tongue, involuntarily earning a soft moan from Jackie’s throat. Jackie brought a hand up to Tai’s jaw, fingers curling with defiance as she tilted her head and pressed in harder. Her tongue pushed back with equal intensity, meeting Tai’s in a charged clash. Tai tried to run plays on the field, but Jackie wasn’t going to let her try to run this too. If Tai wanted to dominate the game, Jackie was going to make damn sure she played it just as hard.

Jackie broke the kiss with Tai, her breath catching slightly as she turned to her right— toward Van, who had been watching them with soft eyes, almost like a puppy waiting for her turn. Jackie didn’t want her to feel left out. Without hesitation, she closed the gap and pressed her lips to Van’s.

This kiss was different. Softer. Slower. Jackie rested her hands gently on Van’s shoulders, grounding them both. Van responded quickly, and when their tongues met, Jackie felt the tension shift into something warmer— something molten.

Then she felt Tai’s lips on her neck.

The kiss there was sudden, hungry, and it sent a jolt down Jackie’s spine. Goosebumps erupted across her skin. Now she’s getting it, because this is actually fucking hot.

Overwhelmed, Jackie leaned back slightly, giving herself a moment to breathe. That’s when Tai and Van turned their attention to each other. In front of her, they started kissing. Deep, unrestrained, and intimate in a way Jackie had never seen before. Not like this. Not this up close.

Watching them like that and seeing how natural and intense they were together, it’s doing something good inside her and she couldn’t look away.

 Then, as their kiss broke, Tai turned her gaze toward Jackie, eyes heavy and sure.

“Take off your clothes.”

Jackie blinked, unsure if she’d heard correctly. She looked over at Van, who sat back silently, watching her with a curious, expectant calm.

“Jackie,” Tai said again, voice firmer. “I said, take off your clothes.”

A slow, nervous breath left Jackie’s lungs as she caught the faintest smirk tugging at Van’s lips— one of approval, maybe even pride, like she liked seeing her girlfriend take control.

Jackie stood from the bed while Tai and Van didn’t move. Their eyes stayed fixed on her. Slowly, Jackie peeled off her layers— top, then bra, fingers trembling just slightly. Then she hooked her thumbs in her shorts and panties and pushed them down.

The silence was loud.

Their stares were intense. Too intense. Jackie felt the heat crawl up her neck, and her arms were about to move to cover herself before Tai spoke.

“Wow,” Tai breathed, eyes widening just slightly. “Jackie… you’re actually really hot.”

Jackie furrowed her brows, trying to find humor in the unexpected compliment, but Tai looked too serious for it to be a joke.

“I thought you weren’t attracted to me,” Jackie replied, arching a brow and adding air quotes to the word attracted .

Tai frowned, crossing her arms. “Okay, now you’re making me less attracted to you,” she deadpanned.

Van laughed softly beside her. Jackie folded her arms across her chest, her expression annoyed and Tai rolled her eyes.

“I only said that because I didn’t want you getting a big head about it,” Tai said, her tone exasperated but honest. She gave Jackie a once-over, slower this time. “Obviously you’re hot. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have asked you.”

Van leaned forward slightly, lips pursed in a faint, approving smile. “Yeah. We talked about it. We both think you’re attractive and It’s not a big deal.”

She gave a small shrug.

“We asked you because we have taste,’ Tai added.

They both gave her a smile— one that could’ve been mistaken for something warm, or maybe just plain mischievous. Either way, Jackie felt her own lips twitch upward, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

“Okay,” she said, sauntering past them and toward the bed. “Now you two take off your clothes before I start to feel ridiculous.”

She casually climbed onto the mattress and leaned back against the headboard, one leg crossed over the other, arms folded just under her breasts.

“You’re the captain,” Tai said with a playful shrug, making Jackie giggle inside.

Van reached for the hem of her shirt but Jackie got an idea.

“Wait,” she said, making Van pause. “Tai, take off her clothes,” she ordered, eyes gleaming now.

Tai arched a brow at the request but didn’t argue. She turned to Van and started undressing her, slowly peeling away each layer. The shirt, then the bra, then pants and underwear. 

Once Van was fully undressed, Jackie nodded at her. “Now you,” she said, pointing at Tai.

Van didn't hesitate. She stepped forward and began to return the favor, removing Tai’s clothes piece by piece.

 

By the time they were both bare and without needing another cue, Tai and Van climbed onto the bed and settled in the middle, facing each other. Their mouths met again in a slow kiss, one Jackie couldn’t take her eyes off of. She pushed herself off the headboard, crawling forward on her knees, drawn toward them. She pressed a soft kiss to Van’s cheek first, then Tai’s. They didn’t break from each other, lips still tangled, tongues dancing. Jackie leaned further in, gently pushing her mouth between theirs. For a second, it felt like they resisted, but then Tai shifted slightly, kissing the left corner of Jackie’s mouth, while Van mirrored her on the right.

The kiss turned messy. Hot, wet, and chaotic in the best way. Heads tilting, tongues colliding, lips slipping, and breaths mingling. Jackie lost track of who was kissing who as all their mouths worked against each other. Eventually, she pulled back, breathless, needing to watch. Tai and Van kept their mouths together, their hands now exploring, fingers teasing across breasts, pulling soft gasps from each other. Jackie laid down on her back, her head falling into the pillow as she watched them, eyes wide, chest rising fast. Then they broke apart and shifted, each moving to lie on either side of her. Jackie felt caught in the middle and completely still, unsure who to turn toward. But Tai and Van didn’t even have to speak. One look passed between them and somehow, they just knew what to do. Jackie watched, mildly stunned. Jesus, she thought. Is this lesbian sex telepathy? It was both impressive and deeply unfair. She had barely figured out where to put her hands, and they were already executing silent choreography in bed.

Tai placed a hand on Jackie’s shoulder, coaxing her gently to roll toward her. Jackie complied, turning to face her, her back pressing into Van’s bare chest. The moment her skin met Van’s, she gasped, Van’s arm slipping around her, hand cupping her breast from behind.

Then Tai kissed her again. Slower this time. Jackie moaned into her mouth as Van’s fingers started to move, playing with her nipple, while the heat of her body pushed fully against Jackie’s back. There was no space between any of them now. Only shared breath, skin, and pulsing want. This closeness is making her feel very soak, almost shaking in anticipation.

Van shifted slightly behind Jackie, propping herself up just enough to reach lower. Her hand trailed a slow path down Jackie’s stomach. At the same time, Tai guided Jackie’s hand down between her own thighs. Their movements synced. Jackie’s fingers met the wet heat between Tai’s legs just as Van’s slid into her own folds, drawing a breathy moan from her lips. Her head arched back instinctively, her nape resting against Van’s shoulder, overwhelmed by the dual sensation.

Tai let go of Jackie’s hand once it was where she wanted it, her own reaching behind, possibly to cup Van’s breast. She shifted closer, their bodies seamlessly interlocking.

“Do this to Tai,” Van murmured from behind, her voice a warm breath against Jackie’s ear.

Jackie obeyed. She mirrored Van’s rhythm, letting her fingers glide along Tai’s core, matching the motions Van was making on her. Every move Jackie gave was a reflection of the pleasure she was receiving. Guided, connected, immersed in them both. For the first time, she truly understood what it felt like to give and receive at the same time during sex, and it was overwhelming in the best way.

She felt Tai’s hand moving from Van’s breasts, trailing lower, while Van began to move back slightly behind her, creating just enough space. The sound of wetness between them intensified. Van’s, Tai’s, her own, building a shared cadence. Now Jackie was fucking Tai, while Tai fucked Van, and Van fucked her. A perfect loop of touch and want, all of them tangled together on their sides, feeding off each other's need.

“Oh my god,” Jackie moaned, voice low and breathless, unable to hold back the pleasure rising inside her.

When Van removed her hand from hers, Jackie flushed with disappointment. She hadn’t come yet, and for a second, she thought it was over. But then Tai slowly propped herself up, her eyes fixed on Jackie as she gently withdrew Jackie’s fingers from her folds.

“Jackie, lie on your back,” Tai said firmly.

Jackie obeyed, a little too quickly, her body shifting with almost embarrassing eagerness. Tai moved toward the foot of the bed, while Van climbed on top of her, spreading her legs until she was hovering slightly, her weight balanced above Jackie’s stomach.

“You wanna go down on me, Jackie?” Van asked, her tone serious, her gaze locked.

Jackie nodded, nervous but willing. The thought of doing it wrong, of Van noticing every awkward mistake, made her stomach twist. Still, she pushed herself up, determined to try. But Van gently pushed her shoulder down, pressing her back into the bed.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re staying right there.”

Before Jackie could ask what that meant, she felt Tai’s hands spreading her legs from behind Van. Her heart skipped. Oh my God. Tai’s gonna go down on me.

“Just follow Tai’s moves, okay?” Van said.

Jackie nodded, even though she had no idea how she was supposed to follow anyone’s moves while lying flat. But then Tai’s mouth found her, lips warm against her still aching center. Jackie’s back arched at the contact, her fingers gripping the sheets. She’d never had anyone go down on her before— not even Jeff. And now she’s supposedly going to go down on someone too at the same time. With Tai and Van, it felt like she was being given more firsts than she ever expected to have in one night.

Then Van shifted forward, her abdomen moving over Jackie’s chest, sliding closer and closer, until her thighs framed Jackie’s face and she settled fully above her. Jackie blinked, stunned for a moment, but quickly caught on.

Van gripped the headboard, bracing herself as she lifted her hips just enough to give Jackie full access to the soft tangle of orange hair now hovering over her face. Jackie steadied herself with both hands on Van’s thighs, ready to make use of her mouth. Then she slightly leaned her head up, lips tentative at first, trying to match what Tai was doing to her. Van tasted sweet. Maybe not as sweet as Shauna, but this was so much better than all those times she had to endure giving blow jobs to Jeff.

She opened her mouth wide, letting her lips glide along Van’s inner folds. Van was already soaked, and the way her head tilted back in response made Jackie’s nerves melt into confidence. She might be doing this right. She was affecting her. Encouraged, Jackie began to mirror the movements Tai was making on her own body, dragging her tongue slowly up and down Van’s center, the tip lightly teasing her entrance. Her palms rested on Van’s thighs, feeling the warmth in her skin, before sliding upward, her hands roaming, exploring, until they cupped Van’s breasts. She pressed gently, kneading as her tongue worked. She couldn’t tell if she was steady or ragged, but she started rolling and circling, devoted to drawing more of those breathy reactions from above her.

 

In the middle of it all, Jackie registered just how good this felt. How right sex with girls felt. Maybe she’d never actually had sex with a guy, and maybe that was because the only one she’d ever been with was an asshole who only cared about getting himself off. But that didn’t even matter anymore. She couldn’t imagine wanting to try guys again. Even if things wouldn’t work out with a girl in the future, she still couldn’t see herself going back. Maybe this is just who she is. Maybe she’s like Tai and Van.

 

Tai started moving pretty fucking fast and Jackie could barely keep up. This competitive bitch. Her jaw was already starting to strain, but she refused to let it slow her down. Even with her own arousal building from below, she forced herself to focus. There was no way in hell she was going to end tonight with either of them disappointed in her.

“Fuck,” Van whimpered from above her as she quickened her tongue, and Van started rocking her hips onto Jackie’s face— which just urged Jackie to keep going. Van being turned on for her made her even more turned on with the help of Tai’s tongue on her. She tilted her head slightly, watching Van’s body move in the low light, watching the way her back arched with each push of her tongue. It wasn’t long before Van’s moans increased intensely, and Jackie– the self-proclaimed expert she is now for recognizing girls’ incoming orgasms, she knew Van was close, and since girls getting off for her inevitably pushes her over the edge too, she felt herself releasing more for Tai to lick from her, if she hadn’t already had her fill.

When she felt Van’s orgasm on her tongue, she started bucking her body while her own pleasure builds, eventually causing her to explode on Tai’s mouth. She felt her cheeks get heated and she thought Tai was immediately going to remove herself from her, but she kept her tongue pressed on her, as if slowly licking every bit of her, so she held onto Van’s thighs and did the same while the girl above her started gasping, lost in her own release.

 

Van finally eased herself away, and Jackie exhaled deeply, stretching her legs and wiping the sheen of sweat from her forehead. A minute hadn’t even passed until Tai was already moving, settling herself atop Jackie’s thighs with a commanding tap on her side.

“Sit up,” Tai said softly but firmly.

Jackie blinked, caught off guard, her mouth parting slightly as she glanced at Van, who watched expectantly.

“I–I thought we’re finished?”

Tai snorted. “Really? That’s all you got? Come on, Captain, sit up.”

Jackie blew out another puff of air. So much for addressing her as captain, yet still the one giving her an order. And of course Jackie will follow the dark, tall and pretty girl. Tai immediately took her hand and pushed it between her thighs, and touching Tai again made her let out a grunt, as if she was the one that was just touched. And she was supposed to feel exhausted, but she didn’t even feel sensitive in the slightest, because Jackie loved giving and Jackie loved receiving moans, gasps and the look of pleasure and torment from her prey.

This time, Van stepped in to help Jackie pleasure Tai. Jackie’s fingers slid inside slowly, while Van’s lips found Tai’s from behind, the kiss deepening as Tai’s head tilted back, Van’s hands roaming to cup Tai’s breasts, thumbs flicking across her nipples. Tai’s body gave in, lying back, her head now positioned near the foot of the bed. Jackie instinctively moved, pulling her legs out from under her ass and dropping to her knees, carefully keeping her fingers in, still moving in and out. Van leaned over Tai’s upper body as her hand reached downward to join Jackie’s, her thumb pressing against Tai’s swollen clit while Jackie kept her pace.

A few moments later, Tai was close to coming, and Jackie felt new waves of sensation rising within her again. She was about to get someone off twice in a row— this time for a different girl. Her eyes widened and she could practically feel her pupils dilating as Tai started moaning louder. Jackie quickened her pace, fingers pumping, her knuckles nearly pressing against Tai’s slippery folds.

 

After Tai came, Jackie brought her fingers to her mouth, wanting to taste her too. She was already bracing herself for more, but to her surprise, the two didn’t immediately come back for her. Instead, wanting a brief rest and curious to see what they’d do next, Jackie pushed herself back against the headboard to watch.

 

Van lifted her left thigh over Tai’s right while Tai did the same with her right thigh, positioning themselves so their centers aligned and pressed together. The position looked difficult, yet they moved as if it were so easy. They gripped each other’s hands, bodies slightly tilted on opposite sides, hips rolling and grinding in sync. Jackie didn’t know what the hell they were doing, but her jaw was hung open because the sight of them and the sound of wet flesh and squelching as they rub against each other was mesmerizing. They looked like something out of a Greek painting. Two goddesses lost in pleasure.

 

When the pair climaxed, Jackie felt herself grow wet again just from watching. As if sensing it, they broke away from each other and moved toward her. She laid on her back, breath caught in her throat as Tai’s fingers touched her and Van leaned in to kiss her mouth, hands roaming every inch of her. Jackie clutched their bodies, one hand cupping each of their breasts, feeling surrounded by feminine warmth and desire. She was drowning in it, and loving every second.

 

When she came again, she felt relief as they collapsed beside her on either side. If they’d kept going, she swore she might’ve had a heart attack.

 

Tai stood and grabbed water bottles from the nightstand, tossing one toward Van who caught it easily and another toward Jackie, which hit her chin before bouncing onto the bed. Jackie groaned, and Tai rolled her eyes before laying back down beside her.

 

They drank in silence, the room filled only with the sound of deep breaths and plastic bottles crinkling. So Jackie decided to be the first to break the quiet. “That thing you both did… what was that?”

Van gave her a slow, amused smirk. “It’s called scissoring, Jackie.”

Jackie blinked. “And… was that good?”

“It’s a lot of effort,” Van admitted. “Takes practice to get the friction right.”

“It’s like dry humping, but wet instead. Way more leg and hip work,” Tai added, rubbing Jackie’s shoulder with a grin. “We’ll let you try it out on your next victim.”

Jackie rolled her eyes but smiled. Then she raised a brow playfully. “So… what do you think? Was I good?”

The two girls exchanged skeptical looks. Jackie was already frowning when Tai cracked a smile.

“You were actually pretty fucking awesome.”

Van chuckled. “Yeah. I can’t even deny it.”

They all laughed together, the tension melting into warmth. Jackie looked at them both and she felt her heart swelling.

“I just wanna say… thank you. I think I’m done exploring. I’m like you guys. I like girls. I think I’m fully into them.”

Van’s expression softened as she reached over to rub Jackie’s side. “We’re happy for you, Jackie.”

“Yeah,” Tai agreed. “Although… have you figured out which girl you want yet?”

Jackie froze. She looked down at her wrist like there was a watch there, then cleared her throat. “It’s getting late. We should head home.”

“There she is,” Van remarked in a monotone as Jackie stood up and started gathering her clothes.

“Look at our little gay slut go. I couldn’t beam with more pride,” Tai added in the same mocking voice.

 

When she got home, she found herself smiling. It was a good experience. Even though she’d explored things with girls before, this was something she never imagined herself doing. And maybe for the first time, sex with friends didn’t leave her feeling guilty afterward.

As she got into her room, her smile faded as she saw Shauna, sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting for her and Jackie’s heart skipped a beat. It felt like she’d been caught. Her stomach flipped as Shauna stood up slowly.

“Hey,” Shauna said softly, her eyes clouded with something sad.

Jackie’s throat went dry. Her heartbeat was loud, thudding against her chest.

“Hey,” she managed, her voice a little hoarse before she swallowed hard.

Shauna pressed her lips together, like she was debating whether to say what she really wanted to.

“Can we, um… can we talk?”

 

Notes:

I hope you’ll all forgive Jackie for her Ross Geller moment. She is just confused. It’s so hard when the competition is very tough and all her girls actually have the qualifications to be her girlfriend. :/

Let me know what you think, please! It helps me write faster. :))

Chapter 7: Shauna

Summary:

Shauna does something normal.

Notes:

Enjoy the angst!

 

“Can we, um… can we talk?”

 

Shauna was fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Somehow, she looked softer than she had the past couple of days where she kept her expression locked in a poker face during car rides, or lashed out with a snarl any time Jackie so much as breathed wrong. Tonight, she seemed almost normal. Like the Shauna that crumbles over her, but just somehow harder to discern. She looked vulnerable, which made Jackie even more nervous. Her heart was crawling up her throat as she forced herself to nod. “Yeah, sure. Let me just take a shower, okay?” she asked, not waiting for a response before hurrying up to the bathroom.

 

Suddenly, the exhilaration from earlier soured in her gut. Her skin, still warm from the touch of the two, now felt clammy and contaminated. Shauna wants to talk now. After Jackie just had a threesome. What could she possibly want to say? Did she know? Did she see something? Shauna’s face looked sad, so Jackie could only assume this wasn’t gonna be good. She let the water wash away all her worries. It tried but couldn’t completely help. The water that rolled over her body was too clear— too clean, and it didn’t take much of Jackie’s filth with it down the drain. For a moment, she almost wished the water could drown her instead of cleanse her.

 

Jackie lingered in the bathroom longer than necessary, dragging the brush through her hair in slow strokes, as if buying herself time could somehow prepare her for whatever Shauna was about to say. When she finally stepped out of the bathroom with her neat, damped hair and fresh clothes, Shauna was standing, like this conversation demanded both of them on their feet. Like she had to keep herself grounded to say what she came to say. Jackie, on the other hand, felt like her knees might buckle.

 

“Where have you been?” Shauna asked, and surprisingly the question did not come with its usual angry tone, which was more disarming.

“I was out with Tai and Van,” she said truthfully, hiding a major detail, of course.

Shauna raised a single eyebrow, her mouth pressing into a flat line. “You guys have been close lately.”

It wasn’t a question. She was stating it, but in a tone where she wanted Jackie to confirm either way.

“Yeah. They know I like girls so… they’ve warmed up to me, I guess.”

Shauna gave a faint nod, while her eyes dropped to the floor, and Jackie couldn’t tell whether it was something Shauna was okay with or not. She couldn’t tell much of anything from Shauna these days. She didn’t want Jackie to be closer to the others, and this fact is still in between her pros and cons list.

“So… are we… okay, Shauna?” Jackie asked, voice tentative, hoping to lift the uncertainty and turn this into a good conversation.

“I hope we are,” Shauna said, almost inaudibly.

Jackie’s eyes slightly darted around. “Okay, well, is there a reason why we wouldn’t be?” The words came out louder, and the moment the question left her mouth, it felt as though she needed to brace herself for an impact, so she continued with a softer tone. “I feel like you’ve been distant with me lately.”

The truth was, Jackie knew she had been distant too, and she couldn’t remember whether it was her or Shauna who did it first, but it felt like it didn’t really require much effort on her part. Shauna, lately, stopped asking where she was, or what she was doing, or who she was with, and that made it easy for her to get away with what she had been doing. And somewhere in the back of her mind, Jackie wondered if maybe Shauna already knew. Or suspected. Or didn’t care anymore.

“I don’t really know how to say it,” Shauna murmured, eyes still fixed on the floor like she was scared of what might happen if she looked up.

Jackie’s chest tightened. “Are you mad at me?” she asked, heart beating faster with every passing second.

Shauna shook her head. “No.” She mumbled it, and it made Jackie’s heart ease just enough to exhale.

She stepped closer, reaching out. One hand found Shauna’s, fingers curling gently around hers, while the other lifted to her chin, coaxing her gaze upward.

“We tell each other everything,” Jackie said, her voice catching slightly on the word everything . A crack of guilt slipped through, but she swallowed it down because the focus was on Shauna now. “Whatever’s been bothering you, you can tell me. I want to know.”

Shauna let out a loud breath, her shoulders rising like it took actual effort just to breathe. Then she looked around the room a little and for a moment, Jackie thought she might back out— that whatever Shauna wanted to say was too heavy to speak aloud. But then Shauna’s eyes returned to hers, lips pursed.

“Can you… can you close your eyes while I say this?” she asked quietly, rubbing her elbow, hugging herself without really hugging herself.

Jackie blinked, confused. “What?”

“Just… just do it, please,” her voice cracked and it sounded desperate. “It’ll make it easier for me,” Shauna added.

Jackie’s heart was doing its own thing now. Speeding up, slowing down, then racing again. She tried to breathe, tried to loosen the tension in her arms, but her hands fidgeted, thumbs rubbing against curled fingers.

“Shauna, you’re kind of scaring me.”

“It’ll be fine. I promise, just keep it close ‘til I’m done… please?”

Jackie swallowed nervously, but did as Shauna said anyway. She closed her eyes. She couldn’t hear anything, not even Shauna’s breathing, and maybe it was too silent that she was starting to hear a faint beeping. It also felt like the air in the room got thinner, and she couldn’t feel any movement at all.

 

Five seconds passed. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine…

“Are you still there—”

“I want us to date.”

Shauna said it the exact moment Jackie spoke, and she couldn’t be sure she heard right. Her eyes snapped open. “What?!”

Shauna startled as their eyes met. “Jackie! I told you to keep your eyes closed!” she cried, and Jackie caught her looking flustered.

Jackie slapped her hands over her eyes like she’d witnessed something forbidden. “Right. I’m… I’m sorry,” she stammered, trying to bite back a nervous laugh.

Shauna exhaled sharply,her breath brushing across Jackie’s face and it felt like the only air in the room now. With her eyes kept closed, she slowly dropped her hands from her face and crossed her arms, worried about looking awkward in front of Shauna.

“I know you have this thing going on….”

Jackie swallowed nervously— again, because she’s gonna need Shauna to elaborate what she actually meant by that.

“And I know you already went on a date with Mari. I don't know if you actually like her or you’d want to go out with her again because you told me you’d start dating girls but….. I was thinking….”

Shauna breathed again and Jackie breathed quieter, dying in anticipation.

“Shauna, can you please just say it?” she asked impatiently.

“Well, I was thinking maybe it could be us.”

Jackie froze, but her mind scrambled, racing to catch up with the moment, with what Shauna just said. She was confessing. She was finally making everything clear for Jackie and her stomach twisted in knots from the weight of it. She felt Shauna take a step closer. Close enough that Jackie could feel her presence— warm and terrifying.

“I don’t know when it started,” Shauna said, voice softer now. “But ever since we kissed, everything finally made sense for me. I’ve been distant because I was trying to find a way how I can tell you this.”

Jackie couldn’t speak. Whatever words she had got stuck somewhere between her chest and throat.

“I’ve loved you for a long time,” Shauna went on, her voice trembling. “But I kept trying to push it down, like it was this huge, heavy thing I couldn’t carry or explain. I denied it to myself because it didn’t make sense then. But now it does. Because…” She paused, breathing in. “Jackie, I— I love everything about you.”

Jackie’s eyes fluttered open because she needed to see Shauna’s face. This time, Shauna didn’t tell her to shut them back. Their eyes met and Shauna’s were glassy, brimming with something soft and unguarded. Softer than Jackie had ever seen from her.

“Even the parts I thought I hated,” Shauna said, stepping closer. “I think, deep down, I loved those too. And I just… didn’t know how to accept that.”

Jackie caught the subtle movement in Shauna’s throat, like she was trying to swallow her own fear. Then, slowly, Shauna raised a hand and cupped Jackie’s cheek, and Jackie could feel Shauna’s fingers shaking slightly. Now, they were only an inch apart and there’s barely a breath between them.

“But now I do,” Shauna said, voice cracking on the last word. “Whole-heartedly. I love you, Jax.”

Jackie just stared. She couldn’t even blink. It was like her entire body had locked up. She felt paralyzed, while her heart kept careening between racing and still, like it couldn’t decide whether to sprint or stop altogether. The silence between them thickened, heavy enough to choke on and Jackie watched Shauna’s bravery begin to falter. Her head started to dip down, her posture starting to fold in on itself, like she was already preparing for rejection.

But the moment Shauna’s gaze dropped, Jackie moved. She ducked forward, just enough to catch Shauna’s lips in a sudden kiss. It wasn’t soft and it was urgent, trembling and a little messy. Her hand pressed gently to Shauna’s cheek, thumb brushing just under her eye as she tilted Shauna’s head back up, telling her without words not to look down. Not to hide from her. Jackie kissed her like she’d just remembered how much she missed her. Like she wanted to say everything all at once, but could only manage it this way— through contact, through closeness, through heat and breath and everything in between.

Shauna grabbed Jackie by the waist and pulled her in, their bodies pressing flush together. Then, as if she couldn’t take it any longer, Shauna guided Jackie backward, lips still locked, until the back of Jackie’s legs bumped against the edge of the bed. 

Shauna’s hands slid down Jackie’s back slowly and Jackie felt herself tilting, but Shauna didn’t let her fall. She held her carefully, easing her down onto the mattress as she followed, her body stretching out over Jackie’s. Their mouths never broke apart. There was hunger in the kiss and Jackie could feel how much Shauna was longing for this, her tongue moving desperately inside Jackie’s mouth and Jackie couldn’t help but kiss back just as fiercely.

Now that Shauna was on top, her hands began to roam— palming Jackie’s breasts, brushing along her sides. Jackie’s mind went back to moments from earlier, the memory flashing like a warning.

“Shauna,” Jackie managed to mumble between kisses. But Shauna was relentless, moaning softly, her lips desperate to stay connected.

“Shauna,” Jackie tried again, more urgent this time, only to be met with “Jackie,” in a pleading tone full of lust.

Jackie’s hands pressed gently against Shauna’s shoulders, trying to slow her down, but it wasn’t much of a push because she was getting carried away too. The heat between her legs was rising again. But she couldn’t do this to Shauna. Not tonight. Not without telling her what she’d done.

So she tried again— the push was harder this time, making Shauna open her eyes in alarm, and she looked scared that she did something wrong.

“I want to Shauna, but—”

“But what?” Shauna asked, her voice small, disappointment already blooming in her expression.

“I just… I think we need to take it slow,” Jackie said, catching her breath.

Shauna nodded quickly. “I can do slow,” she whispered, diving back in for another kiss. This time slower, softer, lips brushing lightly against Jackie’s in a way that was somehow even more torturous.

“Shauna, that’s not—” Jackie said, pulling back slightly, struggling to resist. “That’s not what I meant.”

The kiss broke with a soft pop. Shauna looked at her with those soft baby brown eyes, waiting.

“I mean, if we’re gonna do this… we have to be careful,” Jackie said, cupping Shauna’s face, thumbs stroking her cheeks. “We’re risking our friendship here.”

Shauna didn’t answer at first. Her eyes wandered, thinking. Then she gently rolled off, settling beside Jackie, who shifted to make room so they could share a pillow. They lay on their sides, facing each other. Jackie kept her hand on Shauna’s cheek, while her own gaze drifted to Shauna’s lips.

“You haven’t said it back, by the way,” Shauna murmured, as if she needed to.

Jackie smiled softly, lifting her eyes to meet hers. “I love you too. I do. I just don’t think we should jump right into it. We need to take it one step at a time.”

Shauna breathed deeply and nodded. Then she leaned in again for a soft kiss. Then another. And another. Until her mouth trailed to Jackie’s neck, tongue grazing upward until it reached her earlobe, gently sucking it into her mouth. Jackie closed her eyes, breath hitching, fingers curling around the back of Shauna’s neck. Jackie cursed herself because she couldn’t help it any more than Shauna could.

“Shauna… I thought we agreed… one step… at a time,” she said breathlessly.

Shauna groaned, nibbling her earlobe in frustration before pulling back to meet Jackie’s eyes again. “Can we at least sleep naked together?” she asked, pouting.

Jackie laughed softly. Shauna was being transparent now in the sweetest way, and something about her vulnerability and seeing it unveiled like this after that confession made Jackie feel warm all over.

“We can barely keep our hands off each other with clothes on,” she giggled.

Shauna huffed dramatically. “And tell me again why that’s a bad thing?”

 

Because you’ll hate me.

Because I haven’t told you.

Because if we go too fast and you find out after... it’ll ruin everything.

And you’re the best person ever.

I can’t do that to you.

 

Jackie swallowed hard, then smiled gently. “Because I want to do this right,” she whispered, leaning in until their noses touched.

If this happened three weeks back, there’s probably going to be a lot of talk between them. Jackie would be confused. But after everything, despite everything… she was glad she learned a lot about herself. Because now she ended up here without any question in her mind, knowing she wanted this as much.

“I love you, Jax.”

“I love you too, Shipman.”

They fell asleep closer than they’d ever been, as if their bodies already knew how to belong to each other. And of all the experiences Jackie had ever had, every kiss, every touch, this was the most intimate moment of her life. Warmth pressed into the space where vulnerability and safety overlapped.

When Jackie woke up, she realized that she didn’t need to choose. There was no competition, no pros and cons, no one else she needed to weigh Shauna against. The reason Shauna had confused her so much was because it’s always been her.

Everything about them meant something. And Jackie had been too afraid to name it. She waited for Shauna to make the first move, to just say what she wanted. But maybe she could’ve done the same thing she was demanding from her too. She could’ve been the one to push for them to explore whatever they had going on.

But this was it. She had to stop fucking around and finally get this right.

 

Shauna was glowing beside her, more joyful than Jackie had seen her in weeks. When they drove to school, Shauna didn’t let go of her hand the whole ride. One hand on the steering wheel, the other interlocked with Jackie’s, lifting it every so often to press a kiss to the back of it.

It already felt like they were going to school as girlfriends, and even though they didn’t really set that in stone, Jackie was happy enough that they were gonna try. And that’s all that Jackie needed right now. Because even though she wanted this relationship now, she can’t afford it yet.

She had a lot of things to fix before everything went haywire.

 

It was their pre-graduation scrimmage today, and Jackie was nervous. Not about the game, but because she knew she couldn’t delay it any longer. She had to talk to Tai and Van. She needed their advice because if anyone could steer her from making another colossal mistake, it was them.  Of all the mistakes she’d made lately, this one couldn’t be another. Her relationship with Shauna was the one thing she couldn’t afford to lose.

 

An hour before the game, she pulled Tai and Van outside, back behind the same tree where their threesome proposition had gone down. 

 

“Shauna and I… sort of talked it out last night,” Jackie said, chewing on her bottom lip. “We’re gonna start… dating each other.”

Van groaned immediately. “God, finally . ”

“What?” Jackie blinked, thrown by their reaction. She’d expected shock, at least.

Tai snorted. “She’s clearly been in love with you forever.”

“You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jackie cried, smacking both their arms in disbelief.

Tai shrugged, hands on her hips. “Why would we, Jackie? Why would we intervene?”

“I mean, we kinda tried a little at first,” Van added, rubbing her arm. “But you needed to figure it out on your own.”

“And anyway,”  Tai said. “It was all just intuition.”

“And gay radar,” Van added.

Tai lifted a hand. “Who’s to say we were right?”

Jackie grimaced. “But you were!”

Tai grinned. “At least you got to sleep around first.”

“That’s not a good thing!” Jackie groaned, burying her face in her hands and feeling completely stupid.

“It’s all about perspective, Jackie,” Van said casually. “You were single. You deserved to have fun.”

Jackie groaned then rolled her eyes, “Well, it’s real now. We’re finally gonna try it but I wanted to ask you guys if I should... tell her about…. all of it?”

Both of their eyes widened as if they realized just now that she did have to tell Shauna.

Tai sighed like she was already preparing a eulogy for Jackie. “This is gonna be so bad.”

“But they weren’t together,” Van reasoned. “Shauna can’t be mad about that.” 

Jackie nodded aggressively, then she stared at Tai, waiting for her to agree.

Tai gave them both a look. “This is Shauna we’re talking about. Before all of this, she was already possessive of you.”

“And I have to tell the others too.” Jackie groaned again as she pressed her palms on her cheeks, pushing her face in frustration. “How can I talk to them?”

Tai took a breath, finally shifting into problem-solving mode. “Okay. After the game, pull each of them aside. We’ll stall Shauna.”

Jackie’s face twisted in agony. “God, they’re gonna hate me,” she said in a squeal, like she was terrified.

“Oh please,” Tai muttered, looking irritated. “It’s not like they didn’t enjoy the sex. I’m sure they’ll live.”

“Misty will probably understand but Mari and Lottie wanted to be my girlfriend,” Jackie frowned.

“Well, shit,” Van said, shaking her head. She had a faint smirk and Jackie couldn’t tell if she was taking this as seriously as Tai or if she was excited to see Jackie plunge to her death.

“It'll be fine,” Tai tried to reassure her. “Just let them down gently. Tell them you liked them, but you love Shauna. Because that’s the truth, right?”

Jackie nodded, trying to steady her breath.

 

Because yeah— it was the truth.

And she was finally ready to own it.

And her girls will probably understand her, right?

Because it’s not like she promised each of them a ring.

Jackie showered before the game— something no one ever did— because her mind was spinning. She needed to cool off. To breathe. To rehearse what she was going to say to each of them. Just yesterday, she’d been deciding which girl she might want to date. Now she was preparing to turn the rest of them down like they were just garbage.

 

She scratched at her scalp, loathing herself. She’s horrible. She’s a horrible friend. She’s a horrible person. With a low, strangled groan, she leaned forward and lightly kept bumping her forehead against the cool tile, the water from the shower trickling down her spine like needles. By the time she finally pulled herself together, the others had already cleared out. She dried off quickly, then slipped into her soccer uniform, pulling on her shin guards and cleats.

 

As soon as she reached the field, Shauna came jogging up, raising an eyebrow.

“Where’s your necklace, Jax?”

Jackie’s hand flew to her chest. “Oh,” she breathed. “I must’ve left it in the shower.”

“I’ll get it,” Shauna said immediately, already turning back. “It’s our good luck charm.”

Jackie smiled after her, but it quickly faded when she saw Lottie heading her way.

Oh, fuck. What does she want now?

“Hey,” Lottie greeted, offering a warm smile.

“Hey,” Jackie echoed, trying to sound casual, trying to mask her panic.

“So... it’s almost graduation,” Lottie said, voice gentle.

Jackie’s heart dropped. Jackie can’t do it now. She had to do it after the game because it’s gonna throw them off.

“I was thinking... before we make anything official, maybe we go on another date?”

Jackie bit her lip. She inhaled quietly through her nose, forcing composure. “Lottie, I...”

“Guess who just became the newest members of the Alpine Country Club?”

Jackie’s eyes widened, mouth slightly opening in shock. “Lot, you didn’t...”

“I did.” Lottie smiled shyly, lifting her shoulders. Then she leaned in and whispered, “And guess what underwear I’m wearing?”

She tugged the waistband of her shorts, pulling the hem of jersey from being tucked under, just enough to reveal the band of Jackie’s own underwear. Jackie froze, her jaw locking as her eyes landed on the familiar fabric.

Lottie grinned and fixed her shorts. “I’ll see you later,” she said with a wink before walking off.

Jackie barely had time to recover before Shauna returned, pressing the necklace into her palm.

“I found it in your bag,” Shauna said flatly, not meeting her eyes. Then she turned and walked away.

Jackie frowned.

She saw her talking to Lottie. Great.

She could already feel the jealousy radiating off Shauna, and Tai and Van were supposed to stall her later and Jackie had no idea how they were going to pull that off now.

 

She gathered the seniors into a huddle, and she couldn’t help but feel a lump rising in her throat. This was their farewell game. It wasn’t an actual match, but it was the last time they’d play on this field— the one they'd grown up on. Four years of sweat, bruises, wins, losses. All of it ending now.

 

After talking strategy, she cleared her throat.

 

“I just wanna say that I really loved being able to play with you guys all these years,” she said, and looking around, everyone was smiling at her— except Shauna, who’s just staring at the ground like she wasn’t even listening. Jackie tried not to mind it for now and continued. “It’s our last one together on this field, so… let’s just have fun out there.”

Nat snorted. “Screw that. We’re gonna smoke them,” she said, smugly nodding at the juniors, making the girls laugh with her.

“You better keep your eye on me, Nat,” Tai instructed with a serious face, and Nat gave her a playful salute.

Jackie kept glancing over at Shauna, trying to catch her eye with a smile. But Shauna wasn’t looking back. It was clear something was off and despite the fact that Jackie was afraid to ask, she wanted to know what was wrong, if she really was jealous, but before she could even approach, Coach Martinez blew the whistle, signaling the start of the game. She swallowed the urge to chase after Shauna and forced herself to focus.

The game started light. Everyone seemed to be having fun, except for Shauna. She ran like she was on autopilot. Her shoulders were tense, and she didn’t even pretend to hide her disinterest. It was like she was moving just to get through it. At one point, Tai had the ball and spotted Shauna open down the field. But Shauna wasn’t looking. Her eyes were elsewhere, her mind clearly not on the game. Tai hesitated, then redirected— cutting across the grass and sending the ball to Nat instead, who was sprinting along the side. Nat took it without hesitation and juked past Britt, lined up the shot, and sent the ball flying past Robin, who lunged for it too late, letting the ball into the net and earning them a score.

Their team cheered and Jackie clapped, even forced a smile, but her eyes were still on Shauna, whose face didn’t change, expression still detached. Jackie approached her cautiously before the ball was back in play.

“Shauna, can you please play? You could’ve scored that goal.”

Shauna exhaled through her nose and turned to her with a sharp, cutting look. “You want me to play?”

“Well, we’re supposed to—”

“Fine, I’ll play,” she said  dryly, already turning to take her position on the field.

Jackie just stood there for a second, her brows raised as her sight followed Shauna. They were definitely gonna fight about Lottie later, Jackie was sure of it.

The juniors had possession now but Rachel tacked the ball from Melissa and Shauna got a hold of it. She started dribbling down the field, moving fast.

“Now, we’re talking,” Jackie muttered to herself.

Jackie saw Mari waving to Shauna for the ball, signaling for the pass, clearly trying to set up Jackie for a clean shot. But Shauna didn’t even glance at her. Instead, she kept charging forward, driving the ball straight into the opposing half. Maybe Shauna wanted to score this time.

But just as she crossed midfield, Shauna veered left and launched the ball hard, but not toward the goal, not toward any teammate, but toward the dugout, where Misty stood clapping and cheering with her usual overexcitement. The ball rocketed through the air and struck Misty straight in the face.

“Shauna!” Coach Scott gasped from the sideline.

“Shauna!” Jackie yelled too, storming toward her. She grabbed her by the arm and yanked her back.

Shauna didn’t flinch, her eyes vacant. “My foot slipped,” she said flatly, already trying to pull away.

Jackie stared at her in disbelief, then turned to see Misty crouched down, holding her cheek, blinking rapidly.

“Are you okay, Misty?” Jackie asked, her voice softening as she knelt beside her.

Misty gave a small nod, dazed as she faked a smile.

When Jackie turned around, she saw Nat with a smile on her face, shaking her head with her usual amusement of anything that’s happening revolving around Jackie's life. Annoyed, Jackie just rolled her eyes at her.

Since the ball had gone out to the side, JV got the throw-in. The game continued and Akilah hurled the ball in. Melissa batted it down with her forehead, letting it drop to her feet, then she sent it down the field to Allie.

“Lottie!” Jackie shouted, instructing her to tackle.

Lottie darted forward, ready to intercept but just as she moved in, Shauna came kicking in from the side and ended up tackling Lottie.

Lottie tumbled hard, landing on the grass with a sharp grunt. She curled in, holding her knee. “Hey! What the hell?” she groaned, sitting up.

Jackie ran toward them. “What was that?”

The whistle didn’t blow since Shauna didn’t hit Allie. With them distracted now, Allie regained control of the ball, and Van who’s staring straight at the chaos, didn’t see the ball sail clean into the goal until it was too late.

“Great,” Tai muttered, throwing up a hand in exasperation as the JV team erupted in cheers.

All eyes turned to Shauna, waiting for her to explain but she just stood there with her lips tight.

“I didn’t see you,” she mumbled to Lottie, her tone flat, her eyes dark, before turning and running off.

 

The game wore on, but the mood had shifted. It was supposed to be a fun and friendly farewell scrimmage. But Shauna seemed like she was out for blood. And it wasn’t the JV team she was targeting. It seemed like her goal for this game was to terrorize her teammates. She refused to pass to Mari. She undercut Lottie every chance she got, clipping her heels, stealing tackles. Even Misty wasn’t spared, and she wasn’t even playing.

No foul was called. Technically, she wasn’t breaking the rules. But everyone could see what she was doing. And Jackie didn’t understand why . Shauna had never cared this much about a scrimmage before, especially not one that didn’t even count. But now that she does seem to care, it was like she was trying to make sure they lost.

It was 1–1 now and there was only two minutes left while JV had a corner.

The varsity team crowded the box with the juniors, bracing to defend. Gen stepped up to take the kick.

Jackie’s eyes tracked the ball midair, but her attention snapped to the side just in time to see Shauna elbow Mari — hard — right in the jaw.

“What the fuck?!” Tai shouted.

 

Everyone froze, defense collapsed and the ball arced through the air, unchallenged. Akilah jumped, met it with her knee, and when it fell to the ground, kicked it straight into the net, while Van was too late to defend.

The whistle blew three sharp blasts and the JV cheered, piling onto each other in victory.

Meanwhile, Lottie and Laura Lee gathered beside Mari, who was clutching her face, looking annoyed.

 

Then, in an instant, Mari lunged and chaos erupted on the field.

Everyone scrambled at once. Hands flew, voices shouted over one another. Some girls tried to wedge themselves between the two, but it only made the tangle messier. Mari kicked wildly as Akilah wrapped her arms around her from behind, struggling to lift her off the ground. Shauna fought against Tai and Van, her arms thrashing, trying to break free.

Jackie froze, feeling overwhelmed. She didn’t know where to go or what exactly triggered Shauna to cause this explosion, but she kept yelling, “Stop! Stop it, both of you!”—not that anyone could hear her over the shouting.

Coach Martinez’s whistle shrieked across the field, sharp and deafening.

“Enough!” he bellowed, voice cutting through the noise. “Game’s over! And you’re stinking up my field. Take your goddamn drama to the showers.”

He shot Jackie a firm look— one that warned her to fix whatever this was before he shook his head and stalked off.

The field fell into stunned silence.

“What happened?” Akilah asked, still holding Mari back, her face creased with worry.

“She elbowed my fucking jaw,” Mari snapped, wincing, one hand pressed firmly to her face.

“Where’s your sportsmanship, Shauna?” Allie spat, arms crossed. “Can’t handle that we beat you?”

“She did it before we even fucking lost!” Mari yelled angrily.

“What the hell’s going on with you?” Tai demanded, stepping in front of Shauna, blocking her from Mari.

Shauna didn’t meet anyone’s gaze. “I thought she was JV,” she muttered without conviction, brushing off Van’s hand as she turned away, storming off the field with her fists clenched.

Jackie let out a sharp breath, then stepped toward Mari. She knelt beside her, gently brushing her hair back to check the growing bruise on her jaw.

“You okay?” she asked softly.

Mari winced but nodded, her expression still tight with rage. Misty shuffled over and gently pressed an ice pack to Mari’s cheek with care.

 

By the time everyone made it into the locker room, there was a simmering tension. The echo of cleats on tile, the thud of lockers closing too hard, yet no one spoke. Shauna was sitting on the bench with her cleats off, lacing up her scuffed Converse. Tai immediately confronted her while Jackie remained quiet, leaning back into one of the lockers, her eyes fixed on Shauna’s back.

“Shauna, what was that out there? It was our last game, it was supposed to be fun!” Tai’s voice cut through the silence. Every head in the cramped locker room swiveled, fixing on Shauna who remained turned away with unnerving calm as if she didn’t try to fight off half the team, her shoulders hunched as she arranged her belongings in her duffel bag.

“Seriously, Shauna,” Jackie decided to speak, her voice gentler than Tai and more worried than anything. “What’s going on with you? You hurt Mari.”

Shauna froze mid-movement, then slowly turned around. Her blank expression transformed into something jagged. Her eyes, rimmed red and brimming with restrained fury, locked on Jackie.

“You mean your girlfriend?” she asked coldly.

Jackie blinked, recoiling as if struck. The locker room held its breath and without even looking, Jackie could tell everyone was just as taken aback as she was.

“Wh… what?” Jackie stammered, her voice fragile.

Shauna tilted her head, a bitter smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. “Or is she one of them?”

“Shauna–”

“Explain to me what the fuck this is.”

Shauna raised a piece of paper.

 

It was the fucking list.

 

Jackie’s blood ran cold. She’d completely forgotten that stupid list was still carelessly shoved into her bag.

“Shauna, I—” Jackie reached for it instinctively, but Shauna snatched it just out of reach, eyes glinting.

“Jackie, what’s that?” Van asked curiously from behind.

“It’s a fucking pros and cons list,” Shauna announced, her voice rising with each word, vibrating with barely suppressed rage, “About me, Lottie, Mari, and Misty.”

“You didn’t include me?!” Laura Lee’s voice rang out, equal parts offense and disbelief.

Jackie turned slowly towards Laura Lee.

“I mean, I knew I wasn’t chasing after you,” Laura Lee continued, her voice softening. “But I at least thought we did something special for me to be included in something like that.”

Shauna’s glare snapped towards Laura Lee, her nostrils flaring. “You did something what?”

Laura Lee immediately fell silent, shrinking back under Shauna’s intense gaze. Shauna’s jaw tightened, and she visibly reigned in her anger to refocus her attention on Jackie. “You fucked them?”

Jackie lowered her gaze and she couldn't breathe, feeling the weight of their stares on her back— none heavier than the one from the very girl standing in front of her. Even the floor seemed to sway beneath her feet, threatening to open up and swallow her whole.

“Jackie.” Shauna stepped forward, her voice a low growl. “Look at me. Did… you… fuck—”

“Yes,” Jackie blurted out, the word escaping before she could stop it, louder than she intended. She forced herself to meet Shauna’s eyes, bracing herself for the storm. There was no way out and she needed to step off the ledge.

The inferno of fury that had been burning in Shauna’s eyes died, replaced by something far more devastating. She was hurt. Her eyes widened, glistening with unshed tears.

“Jackie, why the hell would you write that list?” Tai asked, her voice quieter now.

“I just wanted to….” she couldn’t finish her sentence. Then her eyes darted toward Misty who was observing them.

“Oh god, that was what it was about. It was about us?” Misty asked, looking hurt too.

Jackie’s guilty gaze moved to Mari, who was still clutching her jaw, her brow furrowed in a mixture of pain and anger. Lottie, usually so composed, was giving her the same wounded expression, her lips pressed into a thin, disapproving line.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Jackie said, giving them each a look of remorse. “I didn’t even finish it. It was just something to help me collect my thoughts because I was confused.”

“You didn’t even write any pros about me here!” Shauna yelled, the sound sharp and grating. She waved the crumpled list in the air, the paper trembling in her shaking hand. “These are all bad things about me!”

“That’s not true!” Jackie denied, her voice rising in protest, because they weren’t really bad. They were just… qualities that had been bothering her about Shauna. And, if she was being honest with herself, most of those things could easily be placed in the 'pro' column. She realized all of this, especially after last night. Jackie liked that Shauna got possessive. That when she was jealous, it wasn’t subtle. It was blazing. She liked how Shauna could be infuriatingly quiet one moment, then suddenly talkative the next, rambling about things Jackie didn’t always understand, and Jackie liked that Shauna only showed her that side of herself. She was proud of Shauna for being smart, but she also adored her when she was acting dumb. Shauna drove Jackie crazy in all the ways that made her want to be near her all the time.

Shauna wasn’t just one name on that list. She was the reason Jackie had written it at all. Every trait she tried to dissect was proof of how deeply Shauna had gotten under her skin.

Shauna had always affected her, more than anyone else.

“I’m infuriating. I’m possessive. I’m jealous. I’m stubborn. I’m dumb—”

“I didn’t say you were ‘dumb’—” Jackie tried, but Shauna steamrolled on.

“I’m confusing?” Her voice cracked. “You’re the one who suddenly decided you liked girls after we hooked up, and then went on a date with Mari like I never even happened.”

“What did you write about me in there? What was so bad about me that you had to think of other options?” Mari yelled.

Jackie paused, breathing hard, and tried to gather her thoughts. She needed to get Shauna alone, even just for five minutes. If they could just talk, maybe she could explain herself. But looking at the broken expression on Shauna’s face, she knew that wasn't going to happen. She only saw Shauna's eyes darken, her head tilting slightly, a subtle shift in her stance, as if bracing herself to strike where it would hurt the most.

 

“I fucked Jeff.”

 

The words were slow, but it landed like a slap across her face. A high-pitched ringing flooded Jackie’s ears. She blinked rapidly, her brain lagging behind the meaning. Two different sets of three words played on a cruel loop in her head, clashing like static. I love you, Jax. I fucked Jeff. I love you, Jax. I fucked Jeff.

The image flashed in her mind. Shauna, betraying her in the most intimate way possible. The lump in her chest grew heavier, pushing the air from her lungs. Her and Jeff had only broken up for more than two weeks. If Shauna wanted Jeff, she could just say so. But instead, she confessed last night that she was in love with Jackie. This could only mean that Shauna meant she slept with Jeff before . That she betrayed her.

"What do you mean, you fucked Jeff?" Jackie managed, her voice strained. She needed to see the look that would tell her this is a bluff, a way to make a jab, anything to dispel what she’s thinking right now.

“You heard me.”

“Shit,” Van muttered under her breath.

Jackie’s mouth was suddenly dry. Her heart pounded in her throat as she stared at Shauna, trying to decipher her expression. The smug satisfaction from earlier was gone. Now there was only pain. Or maybe it was both— twisted together into something unfamiliar, something Jackie had never seen in her before. And that made it infinitely worse, because she was telling the truth.

"Shauna, why would you—" Jackie started, her voice trembling. Why would you do this to us?

“Oh, so now you're the victim?” Shauna challenged, stepping closer, her voice sharp with contempt. “Little perfect princess Jackie that everyone wants and who always gets her way? Don’t fucking act so innocent about all of this!”

Jackie felt herself getting angry now. Her mouth slightly hanging open. “I’m acting innocent? When you’re the one who has been lying to me!”

“Says you?” Shauna let out a sharp, humorless laugh, the sound filled with bitterness and scorn. “Who didn’t tell me she slept around with the entire fucking team?!” Her voice cracked as she screamed the question, her arm sweeping out to encompass the room, the vein in her neck pulsing like it might explode.

“Hey, not with me,” Melissa cut in from across the room. “But… if I asked, would you have?” she added with an awkward smile, hopeful eyes on Jackie.

Every head turned to Melissa, and their looks ranged from judgment to please read the room .

“Sorry,” Melissa mumbled, shrinking into the wall. “Just thought it was worth asking.”

Jackie shook her head and refocused on Shauna. “What was your plan? You were gonna confess your feelings to me, and then what? Hope I'll never find out?”

“I could ask the same thing about you,” Shauna shot back.

“Yeah Jackie,” Mari interrupted, tilting her head in defiance. “What was your plan?”

“She was gonna tell all of you today,” Tai tried to defuse the tension, while Jackie looked around softly at her girls.

“You fucking knew about this and you didn’t tell me?” Shauna snapped at Tai, while Tai just averted her gaze.

Jackie whipped her head back to face Shauna. “What I did was so different, Shauna. I didn’t owe you anything!”

Shauna’s face twisted in disbelief. “You didn’t owe me anything?” she repeated, voice shaking. “Then what the fuck have we even been this whole time?!”

“I don’t know!” Jackie barked, hands thrown up. “Because you never said anything! Not until last night! I never know what’s going on in that head of yours!”

“And you tell me everything?”

“I told you from the beginning what I wanted to do! You couldn’t have just told me you wanted me then?”

There was silence, and it was only as if Shauna needed time to breathe, her chest rising and falling.

“Do you have any idea how I—“ Jackie raked her hand through her hair, then she rubbed her palm across her chin in frustration and sighed. “If you told me how you felt, I wouldn’t have cared about everything else,” she managed, which was barely coherent.

Shauna lips twitched, almost like she was either gonna bite her lip or suppressing a scoff. Instead, her arms hung stiff at her sides. “And I was just supposed to know that?” she whispered. “When I’ve waited years for you.”

“So sleeping with my boyfriend was your solution?” Jackie was pissed now, and fury was curling around every word.

Shauna raised her shoulders, her face contorted. “You didn’t even like him.”

Jackie’s body jerked forward, like she’d been shoved. “That doesn’t fucking matter!” Her hands were balled at her sides now, jaw clenched so hard. “It’s the fact that you stabbed me in the back! I thought we were best friends!”

“Some best friend you are,” Shauna flung a glance to the others watching to make her point. “You treated me like a doormat. Like I was just one of the others . Just another one of these girls you just fuck.”

“Hey, we’re her friends too, Shauna,” Tai interrupted almost instinctively, and Jackie closed her eyes in agony the second the words left Tai’s mouth. It was a slip, and Tai quickly realized it too because her eyes widened in horror after she said that, like she wished she could suck the words back into her mouth.

Shauna froze. Her head slowly turned to Tai. Her voice came out low and stunned. “You….” Then she looked at Jackie again, as if blinking through the sting. “Even Tai? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Look, it was the both of us—”

“Not now, Van,” Jackie stopped her gently, because this was just making things worse.

“I can’t believe you guys,” Laura Lee said, crossing her arms in clear disappointment as she looked at Tai and Van. “I’m honestly just offended that you didn’t even ask me. We were best friends, Van.”

“Me too,” Akilah mumbled from the corner. “You guys always exclude me.”

“Damn, Jackie,” Gen added, brows raised like she was impressed. “If I had known, I would have asked you too.”

“So… are you all gay?” Allie asked, blinking rapidly. “Or is this, like, a team bonding thing exclusive to seniors?”

Everyone seemed to think this was the perfect time to interrupt— except Nat, who was just standing in the corner like a shadow, watching it all unfold— only this time, there was no smart-ass quip, no smirk plastered on her face. She was just observing, quietly watching Jackie with a look Jackie couldn’t care to read right now.

The room fell silent again, for only a moment before Mari broke it again.

“I really thought I was the only one,” she muttered, gently touching her bruised jaw, her eyes not leaving Jackie.

“You were just the first,” Lottie said.

“Shauna was the first,” Tai corrected, voice flat, and that earned her a sharp glance from Mari.

Then, Mari turned fully to Lottie, her eyes narrowing. “What, you think you have a better chance than me?”

Lottie didn’t flinch. A slow smile crept across her lips. “I didn’t say that. You did.”

Mari clenched her jaw, despite the swelling as she snapped her head to Jackie. “I was a virgin before you,” she blurted out. “How could you do this to me?”

Jackie’s heart sank. “I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“I thought we were gonna be together,” Mari answered, her voice lower now, eyes softer but her lips were still twisted in a frown close to anger.

“You were my first kiss,” Misty added, crossing her arms in shame and looking at the ground.

“You were also my first…sexual encounter,” Lottie added in a flat voice, looking around the room. “You were gonna be with Shauna?” she asked, sadness in her voice.

Jackie didn’t know how to address them, so she dragged her palm over her face in frustration. She’s in so much pain right now. Feeling devastated, guilty, ashamed and angry— all at the same time.

Shauna ignored them. “I… I can’t fucking believe you,” she spat at Jackie, voice sharp and trembling. “Who even are you?” she asked, her voice wounded.

Jackie took a breath, then exhaled as if all the exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours were trying to claw out of her throat. Her anger surfacing over all the emotions. “Fine. You know what? I had sex with everybody. Is that what you want to hear?”

“She’s being hyperbolical, Shauna,” Tai said quickly, trying to intercede.

“No,” Jackie snapped, raising a hand to silence her. “Let her think whatever she wants.”

She turned back to Shauna, voice rough and cracking. “Yeah, I slept with other girls from the team. Not anyone you were dating, not anyone you wanted. That was my business. Maybe I was a shitty best friend for keeping it from you, and maybe I should’ve told you last night. But you—” Jackie’s hand pressed against her chest, like she could keep her heart from breaking open. “You think that’s worse than sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back?”

Shauna’s eyes were starting to soften, her anger being replaced by guilt.

“You knew why I even ended up here, right? Why I realized he wasn’t for me?” Jackie went on, voice rising. “He made me feel like shit. You knew how small I— and you still—” She shook her head in disbelief, tears brimming. “And you did that before all of this. While me and him were still together?”

The silence that followed confirmed everything. Shauna didn’t deny it, which means Jackie’s assumption was right. They slept together before her and Jeff even broke up, and Shauna had been lying to her about it. And suddenly, all the quiet, all the avoidance makes so much sense now. Jackie started to wonder if Shauna only said all of those things to her last night because she already hurt her. Maybe it wasn’t fucking real. Maybe it was just out of guilt.

Shauna looked like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin now. Her arms wrapped tight around herself as her voice dropped into something broken. “Because I wanted you, Jax,” she said, barely audible. “You have no idea what it felt like. Watching you… with him.”

Jackie’s shoulders sagged. Her face turning into grief, and when she spoke again, it was through the tears she couldn’t try to hide now.

“I was so scared of how much this would destroy you. I tried so hard to think of ways not to make it worse but it turns out I didn’t have to worry because…” Her voice cracked into something hollow. “Because I was already getting even without even knowing it.” She let out a bitter, broken laugh and bit her lip so hard it almost felt like she’d draw blood. “I thought I already ruined us, but you did first. So I guess at least we’re tied now. If that’ll fucking help you.”

Jackie clenched her jaw, trying to show defiance despite her tears as she walked past Shauna, the air whipping on her face at her quick movement.

“You’re just gonna walk away from me?” Shauna called after her, panic in her voice creeping in as Jackie stormed out. “Let’s talk about this at home, Jax!” She reached out, fingers brushing Jackie’s arm, but Jackie pulled away like it burned.

 

She kept walking and didn’t stop until she heard Shauna say, “I got into Brown.”

Jackie halted mid-step. Slowly, she turned to look at her. Her face was blank, then something icy passed through her expression.

Shauna stood there rubbing her arm, her voice shaking. “I told you what I wanted to tell you last night because…” she swallowed, “I want us to finally be together before I go.”

Shauna got into Brown.

Of course she did.

And she kept that from Jackie too.

Jackie almost laughed. But the sound wouldn’t come out. They had hidden so many things from each other. But it was Shauna who started it. Who withheld first. And right now, it felt intentional. Like she did all of it because she wanted to. Because hurting Jackie was just something she needed to do.

Shauna took a step forward, pleading now. “Let’s just talk about this. We can make it work.”

Tears slid down her cheeks, but Jackie couldn’t feel anything except the dull ache forming in her chest.

“Well,” she said, eyes dead on Shauna’s, “Congratulations. I guess that makes things easier.”

Then she turned.

“Jax, please!” Shauna shouted, her voice cracking behind her. “We can talk about this—”

Somewhere farther back, Misty’s voice was heard far too brightly, “Shauna, may I see the list?”

Then she heard Lottie call her name, but no one was following her.

“Just let her be alone, Shauna,” Tai said quietly.

“I don’t have to listen to you.”

“Pardon me?” Tai’s voice sharpened.

“You fucked my girlfriend!”

“Oh come on, Shauna,” Van groaned. “You two just talked it out last night. And—”

But Jackie stopped hearing it. The voices blurred together— muffled, distant. Static in her ears. Like she was moving through water. She pushed open the exit door, it groaned on its hinges. The cold slammed into her like a wave.

And she ran.

Through the hallway. Into the wind. Across the grass that felt like glass beneath her shoes. She didn’t stop until she was beneath the bleachers. Hidden from them. From her. And finally, she let herself cry it all out.

Jackie thought of the first time she kissed Shauna. The first time they had sex. All along, it had been Shauna for her, she was just too late to realize it.

And she was stupid. So fucking stupid for letting herself believe they made perfect sense, because maybe they don’t at all.

Was she a hypocrite for feeling this way when barely an hour ago she was drowning in guilt over her own shit?

She had been hating herself, and now she just felt pathetic. Because even if she hadn’t done what she did, even if she didn’t sleep around, it wouldn’t have mattered. Shauna had already lied to her. She fucked Jeff. And she let Jeff fuck her.

She wasn’t Shauna’s first. Not even her first kiss. Even without complete clarity, Jackie could see it clearly in her head. The worst of it is, Shauna chose to do this to her. Jeff didn’t know how long he could stick around Jackie without having sex, so Shauna gave it to him, just like that. Because why the fuck not? Who the hell was Jackie to her, anyway?

No matter what Shauna’s reasons were, she and Jackie already ended before they began.

She buried her face in her knees, trying to muffle the sound of her sobs, but they forced their way out. Harsh, choked cries that scraped her throat as tears soaked her skin. Her whole body shook.

Then, she heard the flick of a lighter.

Jackie lifted her head, just enough for her eyes to peek out over her arms.

Nat was leaning against the bricked wall, lighting a joint. She stared at Jackie with that unreadable expression of hers, letting the smoke curl out of her mouth before speaking.

“That was fucking rough, man,” she said, pulling the joint from her lips and lowering it to her side.

Jackie glared at her, wiped her face hard with her palms.

“Why can’t you just fucking leave me alone?” she rasped.

“I just wanted to check on—”

“We’re not friends,” Jackie snapped, cutting her off. “So don’t pretend like you care about me.”

Nat didn’t flinch. She just looked at her for a long beat, then said quietly, “I know we’re not friends, Jackie. But it doesn’t mean I don’t care about any of you.”

Jackie blinked, startled for a moment by the sincerity in her voice.

“We’ve been a team for four years,” Nat continued, looking away as she lightly kicked at the dirt. “Did you ever think that maybe I kept playing because I give a shit… at least a little?”

Her voice had softened. The usual bite wasn’t there. And suddenly, she looked small, too.

“I just thought… you might need some company.”

Company.

Jackie turned the word over in her head like it was foreign. She was going to be alone. Shauna was leaving her. Maybe for good. And now she had no one. Not even her girls. They all hated her. Tai and Van would be stuck in the middle, and eventually, they'd choose Shauna too.

She took a shaky breath, then stood up.

Without looking at Nat, Jackie reached for her hand.

“Come with me,” she murmured, her voice hoarse.

Nat didn’t speak, and Jackie didn’t feel her pull away.

She didn’t resist. She didn’t question.

She just followed.

Notes:

I'd like to thank my friend Misha (@jacquelingaylor on twitter) for spending about two hours with me exchanging voice notes and messages so she could explain to my dumbass how soccer works so I can write that small scene here so, I hope that worked. :))

Also, special thanks to M - @StephanieBiBrown (read her work please, she’s awesome) for giving me insights on what I can improve for this chapter. <3

Sorry, if it’s a bit rough. Probably not my best work. Also, I hope y'all don't mind the lack of smut this chapter.

Blow up finally happened. Yikes! Tell me what you think about the chaos. Also, we only have one quest left. Are y'all excited?

Chapter 8: Nat

Notes:

Hi! I think a lot of you have been waiting for this, so knock yourself out!

Jackie was too emotional. Too livid, for it to fully register that she had been holding Nat’s hand the entire time, dragging her all the way to her house. They walked because Shauna had always been her ride, and Jackie couldn’t stand the thought of taking the bus. She needed to move, to keep walking like maybe the steady rhythm of her steps could outrun the heaviness in her chest and the chaos in her mind.

Nat didn’t speak. She didn’t complain. She just let herself be pulled along, like she didn’t have a choice.

Her hand was cold, despite the sun overhead. Jackie didn’t look back. She kept her arm behind her, leading the way, with Nat trailing behind and their hands remaining interlocked. At one point she loosened her grip just to see if Nat would let go. But she didn’t. Nat held on and kept walking.

Jackie had run off because she thought she wanted to be alone, to put distance between herself and everyone else. And yet, here she was, dragging Nat along with her. Why? Because deep down, she was terrified she had no one left. Because in the mess of her thoughts, Nat— of all people— somehow felt like the safest person to be around. Maybe it was because she didn’t know a lot about everything, so she had no right to judge Jackie. And even if Nat despised her too, she was the only one Jackie hadn’t hurt. And the only one who hadn’t really hurt her.

And Nat still came. Willingly.

Jackie didn’t even know what they were going to do, how they were supposed to spend time together. She just knew that even though she was telling herself that solitude was what she deserved, she didn’t want to be completely alone. She needed to feel that someone was literally on her side— even if Nat wouldn’t really be on her side.

When they reached her house, Jackie tugged Nat toward the side of the lawn and let go of her hand just so she could point up toward her bedroom window.

“Climb up to my room,” she said— almost commanded, trying to sound firm even though her voice wavered slightly. A part of her was terrified Nat would just laugh and walk away.

Nat tilted her head, raising an eyebrow. “Up there?”

Jackie crossed her arms. “What? Are you scared?”

Okay, maybe it was ridiculous to assume Nat would do this just because Jeff had done it a bunch of times. Still, Jackie didn’t want to deal with her mom right now. A conversation with her is another thing Jackie couldn’t survive today.

Nat gave her a smug, mildly exasperated smile. “I’m not scared, Jackie,” she said, drawing out the word scared with pointed sarcasm. “It just looks like it’d be a pain in the ass.”

“Talking to my mom is worse,” Jackie countered. “You guys haven’t met. You wanna get interrogated for an hour?”

Nat rolled her eyes but stepped toward the wall anyway. “Fine. But if I break my neck, good luck talking to my mom instead.”

“I’ll wait here for a bit, then I’ll open the window for you,” Jackie said, watching as Nat slung the strap of her duffel bag over her head, letting it fall across her chest.

Nat didn’t say anything. She just grabbed onto the sills of the living room window before stepping into it like a ninja. Jackie silently thanked God the curtains were closed. Nat climbed confidently and quickly, and Jackie had to admit she was a little impressed. Or maybe Nat was trying to impress because Jackie assumed she was scared. Still, she was surprised Nat was determined because no insult about her strength or fear would have her do this for anyone. Well… except for—

By the time Nat reached the first-floor ledge, gripping the sill just below Jackie’s bedroom window, Jackie was already sprinting inside. She didn’t care or bothered to check if her parents were home. She bolted up the stairs, shut her bedroom door, locked it, and flung her window open.

Nat was right there, elbows hooked over the sill, her smirking face popping into view. “Hi,” she said with that annoyingly cute smile, flashing those annoyingly adorable teeth. “A little help here?”

Jackie rolled her eyes but reached down anyway, grabbing Nat by the waist and lifting her up, guiding her as she pushed herself into the room. Nat tumbled in, crawling a bit before brushing herself off.

“You could’ve just grabbed my arms, you know,” she muttered, flicking dust from her jeans.

Seriously? Jackie stared. Just a few moments ago they were holding hands and now Nat was acting like touching her waist was disturbing. Jackie exhaled sharply and dropped onto the edge of her bed, unsure of what the hell to do next. Nat didn’t say anything right away. Maybe she felt the shift, the weird silence in the air. She turned her back, walking slowly around the room, eyes wandering across the posters, the desk cluttered with cassette tapes, then rolled her eyes at the stack of magazines before letting out a breath and turning to face her.

“Why am I here, Jackie?”

Jackie looked at the floor. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You dragged me all the way from school—”

“Well, you didn’t say no,” Jackie interrupted, frowning as she hugged herself.

Nat paused, licking her lips. “That’s true.”

Jackie’s eyes shoot up, observing Nat’s expression. She admitted she came here willingly and she wasn’t contradicting Jackie about it. “Why?” Jackie asked quietly.

Nat shrugged. “I’ve never seen you that sad before.”

“I don’t need your pity,” Jackie huffed.

“Who said I pity you? I was worried about you but Jackie, you did this to yourself.”

Jackie’s eyes widened, anger coming back. Then she stood up defiantly. “It’s my fault that Shauna fucked Jeff?” she asked, slowly stepping forward.

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Nat said, slightly shaking her head.

Jackie’s eyes softened, knowing Nat wasn’t completely wrong. Then her gaze moved downward, taking a small step back.

“I get it, Jackie. You wanna have fun, God knows we all do, but the team?” Nat asked, her voice pitchy at the last part. “Really?”

She wanted to yell at Nat, think of a sharp retort to defend herself, but she just felt exhausted, so she breathed out. “It’s not like I have a lot of options,” she said in a small voice.

Nat snorted. “You definitely have a lot of options. Those Holmdel girls crash house parties here once in a while and—”

“Well, I’m not like you, okay? Besides, I did decide to try girls but…. they all came to me first. Like freaking magnets, I don’t know.”

Nat smirked. “Are you calling yourself a chick magnet?”

“I’m just saying, it’s not like I pursued them. Mari asked to hang out and… I didn’t know it was gonna be a date. Misty asked to hang out too but she told me she never had a first kiss and she wanted me to be hers and yeah, maybe I did like it too, but I wasn’t trying to lead her on..”

Nat’s smirk faded. Her expression softened, eyes narrowing in thought.

“Laura Lee made it seem like I convinced her but really, she’s the one who asked me to come over and Lottie just bluntly asked me out too,” she said in a rapid sentence, voice getting louder. “So fucking sue me for saying yes to all of them.”

Jackie could hear herself getting defensive, fast and loud. But the truth was still there underneath her noise. She hadn’t really been very clear with any of them. She didn’t say what she wanted because what she really wanted was something she didn’t think she could ask for. She’d been waiting for Shauna. And now all of it had blown up in her face.

Nat’s eyebrows raised, her expression reading “wow” as her eyes widened a little. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well you don’t know a lot about me,” Jackie mumbled.

“Apparently,” Nat shrugged, then she turned her head, gazing at the photos and trinkets on Jackie’s vanity. “But I did hear rumors.”

“What rumors?”

Nat didn’t speak, but she was looking at Jackie’s face through the mirror and it’s as if she was trying to stifle a grin, but Jackie was serious when a topic was about her.

“Nat, what rumors?” Jackie pressed on, tilting her head curiously.

Nat bit her lip, turning around with a teasing look, arms folded and leaning against the desk. “That you’re a sex god.”

Jackie didn’t take this seriously, she just rolled her eyes, slumped her shoulders in frustration and sat back on the foot of her bed.

Nat chuckled. “I’m serious, I did hear it.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jackie snarled, eyes glaring through her window.

Nat sighed, lightly clapping her hands together. “Alright, if I’m gonna be here, I need to drink.” She walked over to her bag, pulled out a bottle wrapped in a crumpled paper bag, and held it up. “And I think you do too.”

Jackie shook her head. “I can’t believe you still carry liquor around school.”

“We’re graduating, Mom. Are you gonna lecture me or drink with me?”

Jackie rolled her eyes, slapped her thighs, and stood up, reaching for the bottle. But Nat yanked it back.

“We’re sharing equally, Jackie. Don’t be greedy.”

 

Nat knew how much Jackie drinks at parties. Her drinking habits were legendary. Every party where she had too much to drink ended with her being too affectionate, too clingy, or too drunk to remember the weird things she said. The team would retell the stories for weeks. Eventually, Shauna started drinking just milk instead of mixing it with alcohol at parties, just so she could be the one to take Jackie home.

They sat cross-legged on the carpet near the wall, quiet for a moment as Jackie slipped off her shoes. Nat followed her lead, and without saying anything, Jackie reached over, took Nat’s combat boots, and tucked them into the shoe cupboard behind her. The whole thing felt strange because Jackie wasn’t used to having just Nat around here. The team had hung out at her house plenty of times, especially when her parents were out. But no one ever came into her room . No one except Shauna.

Her gaze drifted downward and landed on Nat’s socks. They were colored teal with yellow flowers printed on them. Jackie let out a soft scoff before she could help it.

“What?” Nat asked, glancing down, a little bemused.

“Nothing,” Jackie mumbled, quickly looking away.

Nat shrugged it off, lifted the bottle of vodka, and took a long swig before passing it over. Jackie accepted it without hesitation, trying to brace herself for the burn. She wasn’t used to drinking straight liquor without mixers, and the alternative would always just be beer— and even the taste of that, she could barely tolerate. She mostly drank for the buzz feeling anyway, but a good taste always made the descent smoother. When the vodka hit her throat, her eyes squinted and nose wrinkled, unable to keep her face from twisting even as she tried to stay cool.

Nat however did not attempt to hide her amusement, grinning as she plucked the bottle back and took another drink.

“So, do you wanna talk about it or—?” she asked, keeping the bottle in her hand.

Jackie didn’t look up. Her gaze stayed fixed on the carpet, her index finger drawing lazy, invisible loops in the fibers, hoping she doesn’t look too pathetic.

“We don’t have to talk about Shauna,” Nat added, softer this time. “But sharing your thoughts might help.”

Sharing her thoughts. To Nat. Something she never thought would ever happen.

“I don’t know what to think,” Jackie muttered. “I thought Shauna loved me but…”

“Maybe she does.”

Jackie looked up at her, brow knitting. “Really?” she asked rhetorically, nose scrunching in slight irritation.

“Maybe she doesn’t know what to do with all of it,” Nat said with a small shrug.

Jackie scoffed under her breath. “If you’re in love with your best friend, maybe don’t screw her boyfriend. It’s not exactly quantum physics.”

Nat didn’t flinch. “Well, you say you love her but you still hooked up with other girls.”

“That’s different,” Jackie said, sick at the fact that she had to repeat it. And why was she upset when she half expected Nat wouldn’t be on her side anyway?

“Did you at least like the others?” Nat asked, and Jackie wasn’t sure whether Nat was judging her or if she was just curious.

“I liked all of them,” Jackie admitted, shame curling beneath her ribs. “But I was already in love… I just didn’t know it at the time.”

“If you really love her, then you wouldn’t have looked at anyone else.”

“I didn’t know she loved me too,” Jackie said, a little defensive.

“Yeah,” Nat breathed out. “I’m just saying… maybe it was as hard for her as it was for you. Even if she went about it in a way more fucked up than you did.”

Jackie let out a bitter laugh, then reached for the bottle, her fingers brushing Nat’s a little too harshly as she snatched it. She took a long pull, like she could scorch the ache out of her throat.

“Guess we’re both fucked up, then,” she muttered. “So there’s that. Wasn’t meant to be.”

Nat leaned back, palms flat against the carpet, her knees bent casually. “Also… Tai and Van?”

“They asked me,” Jackie replied, trying not to look smug. She passed the bottle back without looking.

“They... asked you ?” Nat echoed, blinking as she slowly threw the words back.

Jackie gave a nonchalant shrug, eyes flicking down to the bottle to say she’s waiting for Nat to reach it. Nat did, slowly, still looking baffled.

“I never would’ve expected that.”

Jackie’s head snapped up. “Why? Because I’m not someone you’d kiss either, so obviously the lesbians wouldn’t want me?” she challenged. “Right. Because the mighty Natalie Scatorccio’s got such high standards.”

Nat’s expression didn’t change, but her voice flattened. “I didn’t say that. I just meant… I didn’t know you were into girls other than Shauna, let alone that you’d hook up with the couple .”

Jackie rolled her eyes. “They wanted to experiment. And who better than the rookie explorer already putting herself out there?”

Nat snorted, then shrugged. “I honestly didn’t think you’d go for the other girls from the team to begin with. I guess I just thought you'd be… more selective.”

Jackie’s brow twitched. “You calling me picky now?”

Nat chuckled. “I try to say one thing, and you twist it like it’s an insult.”

“Maybe you should just be direct, so I can actually tell what the fuck you're saying.”

Something shifted in Nat’s posture. She sat up straighter, the teasing edge slipping off her face like a dropped mask. “You know what, forget it,” she said, voice flatter now. “I was trying to give you a compliment.”

“Well, you suck at it,” Jackie snapped— too fast, like it was reflex.

Nat’s face turned serious and Jackie felt nervous that Nat might stand up. Please don’t leave. Not yet.

But Nat didn’t move. She shrugged it off, taking another drink before she asked another question. She paused for a bit before she spoke, looking a little hesitant.

“So… when did you find out you like girls?”

Jackie exhaled slowly. Nat was the one keeping the conversation alive, even though Jackie had been the one silently hoping she wouldn’t leave.

“After the whole thing with Jeff, I guess I realized, it’s always been in me. I just never let myself entertain the idea because I was afraid of… everything. What it meant, what people would think of me,” she mumbled, avoiding Nat’s gaze.

“I get it,” Nat said casually, as if Jackie didn’t just crack herself open. “So you’re fully into girls only?” she asked. Jackie tried to meet her eyes and saw that they weren’t hard or skeptical. They were soft. Curious. Maybe even kind. And it suddenly dawned on Jackie that she was terrified of it.

“Yeah,” she said with a faint nod, grabbing the bottle and taking a longer drink than the previous ones.

“What about Jeff?”

Jackie felt the sting of the alcohol clawing at her throat and down into her stomach the moment the name was mentioned. She let out a burp, not caring whether Nat found it disgusting, but Nat didn’t notice or didn’t care. She just blinked, waiting expectantly.

“We never did it. I never wanted his… penis inside me. And his fingers? Bleugh,” she said, pulling a gagging expression. “It was like getting aggressively poked by soggy baby carrots.”

Nat scrunched up her nose. “Jesus. Thank you for the image,” she said, furrowing her brows.

Jackie offered a sarcastic smile, feeling a little woozy now. “You’re welcome.”

Nat shook her head in disbelief. “What a fucking loser. And Shauna fucked that because of you?” She let out a breathy chuckle. “Somehow, I find that kind of romantic. In, like, the most twisted, demented way possible. You two really are weird.”

“Well, she fucked my boyfriend, and I fucked girls from the team,” Jackie said, raising the bottle and giving a bitter smile. “We’d make an interesting couple,” she added before chugging again.

Nat shot her a disapproving look when she drank, but Jackie had already taken a long sip. Nat interrupted mid-swallow, carefully nudging the bottle away from Jackie’s mouth and taking it back. Jackie groaned in protest, but Nat locked the bottle between her legs and her crotch, making Jackie’s eyes fall there without meaning to. When she realized she was staring and caught Nat watching her, she quickly looked away. Too late, because she could already feel the flush climbing up her neck. She rubbed the back of it, pretending to crack it as she cleared her throat.

“What about you?” she asked, trying to redirect.

“What about me?” Nat asked, shrugging.

“That girl you were with the night I was out with Mari, do you still see her?” Jackie asked, trying to sound casual, though the image of the girl from that night flashed through her mind, bringing a twinge of irritation. Maybe it was the judgmental look Nat had given her then. Maybe it was something else.

“I see her when she’s out here with her friends,” Nat said with a shrug. “We mess around sometimes when we cross paths. But only when she’s lucky that I’m in the mood for it.” She gave a smug smile.

Jackie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “So do you just… use guys to hide the fact that you like girls?” she asked, aiming for neutral but not sure if she hit the mark. Nat had a reputation with a few guys around school, one of them a senior who’d been repeating for two years. Jackie didn’t normally care about that sort of thing. The only time it really stuck in her mind was when she’d catch herself wondering why someone like Nat would go for guys like that. She was too pretty for them. That mere thought always made Jackie shake it off and try not to think about it again.

“No,” Nat said easily. “I like guys too, even though they piss me off.”

Jackie lifted her eyes, cautious. “How did you know?”

“I do find boys attractive even though I think we’ve all been trained to like the opposite sex by default. But I think I knew I liked girls too before I even had words for it,” Nat began, explaining it easily. “I used to steal my dad’s music magazines and I’d see girls with tattoos, messy eyeliner, half their heads shaved and I’d just stare. Thought they looked badass. Then I found a bunch of nude magazines… and, well, let’s just say all hell broke loose inside me.”

Jackie let out a breath, half amused. “That’s… very specific.”

Nat shrugged. “Yeah, well. So was the fear I felt when I realized it.”

Jackie didn’t laugh this time. She just looked at her. “Did anyone know?”

Nat scoffed. “My mom thought I was possessed by the devil just for cutting my own hair. Imagine telling her I liked girls.”

“And you’re okay with that? With her not knowing?”

“I prefer it,” Nat said, not flinching. “I mean, I get why you might want to tell your parents. Being accepted by everyone sounds great, but right now, we don’t live in that world. And honestly, Jackie?” She paused, gaze holding steady. “Some people don’t really deserve to know.”

 

Jackie sat with Nat’s words. They were said so simply, like the truth didn’t have to be dressed up to matter. And Jackie had been carrying so much lately, tangled in thoughts about who she was, what that meant, and whether anyone would ever really be okay with it. She’d been afraid that she’d have to spend her whole life hiding, that she’d never be able to live openly. Even Tai and Van weren’t out to the whole school, let alone their families. That thought had always made her feel heavy, sad, and a little hopeless. The idea that she was always going to be the girl that shrunk herself down to fit.

But maybe Nat was right. Maybe it didn’t have to be all or nothing. Maybe she didn’t need everyone’s approval. Maybe being honest with the people who truly mattered was enough for now— that being known in small, safe pockets could be its own kind of freedom. Isolated, imperfect, but still something. And that thought didn’t feel as suffocating as it used to.

What surprised her most was how easy it was to talk about this with Nat. Jackie had always imagined that saying it out loud would feel like pulling teeth. That it would come with a kind of shame she couldn’t shake. But here she was, having the kind of conversation she didn’t think she’d ever get to have, and it was giving her room to breathe. To exist as herself for once.

Tai and Van had helped her accept who she was but they’d also been so caught up in Jackie’s other crisis that there hadn’t really been space for this. For Jackie to just talk about who she was. Who she is.

 

And now, sitting across from Nat, buzzed and open, it finally felt like there was space.

“Jackie,” Nat interrupted her thoughts.

“Hm?” Jackie asked, slightly shaking her head through her daze.

Nat exhaled, looking at the carpet before she inhaled as she looked up, her expression serious. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

Jackie blinked. “What?”

Nat swallowed. Suddenly, she looked tense, eyes darting around somewhere like she wanted to look everywhere but Jackie. “After our kiss... you started seeing everyone else. But not me.”

“Nat, again—I didn’t ask them out—”

“But if I asked you,” Nat interrupted, lifting her gaze, “would you have said yes?”

Jackie felt a dizzying whiplash because how did the conversation suddenly turn in a completely different way? Why is Nat asking this now? Jackie observed Nat’s face to see if she was messing with her, but Nat wasn’t smiling. There was something in her eyes that told Jackie this is sincere, which only made her pulse spike.

“I… I…. am I even your type?” It was what Jackie managed to ask because that was the last question that popped up in her head when she was trying to untangle her messy thoughts.

Nat didn’t answer right away. Her thumb traced the neck of the bottle, like she needed something to do with her hands before she could answer.

“You’re… complicated,” she said finally.

Jackie let out a bitter breath. “That’s a no.”

“That’s not a no,” Nat snapped, eyes flicking up again. “It’s just not a yes that’s easy.”

Jackie folded her arms tighter around herself. “Right. Because I’m not cool or edgy enough or whatever the hell you go for.”

“Jesus, Jackie, stop putting words in my mouth.”

“Then say what you want to say.”

“I am,” Nat snapped back. Then she spoke softer, almost like she hated admitting it. “You’re not my type. But you… you intrigue me.”

Jackie blinked. “What?”

“You act like you’ve got it all together. You’re popular and you walk around like nothing can touch you, like no one can hurt you. But then you do shit like… this,” she gestured vaguely between them, “Everytime I see that you’re capable of destroying yourself, you make me dislike you less.”

Jackie blinked, the corners of her mouth twitching despite herself. “So… you like me?”

“I didn’t say that,” Nat replied with a raised brow and faux indignation, the corner of her mouth curling into a half-smirk, showing that gorgeous dimple Jackie rarely got to see.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “God, you’re confusing. And that’s saying something,” she muttered, with Shauna and even herself in mind.

“You haven’t even answered my question yet,” Nat pressed, lifting the bottle and taking another swig, like she needed liquid courage for whatever came next.

Jackie exhaled and dropped her gaze, her thumb absentmindedly tracing a loose thread in the carpet. “I don’t know,” she murmured. “I probably would’ve asked you a hundred questions first.”

“So it’s easy to say yes to everyone else, but it would be hard to say yes to me?”

Jackie’s brows drew together. “No. I just…” She looked up, her voice softer now. “I would’ve wondered why you’d even want to go out with me. I always thought you hated me.”

Nat gave a dry chuckle, shaking her head. “I don’t hate you, Jackie.”

Jackie pushed her hand through her hair, fingers knotting halfway through. “Could’ve fooled me. You always look like you’re two seconds away from telling me to shut the fuck up.”

“I mean… sometimes, yeah,” Nat admitted, her grin coming back. “But that’s just because you know how to get under people’s skin. You always have.”

Jackie sighed. “You’re not exactly a breath of fresh air either,” she managed, contradicting her thoughts.

Nat didn’t disagree. She just passed the bottle back. Jackie took it, feeling Nat’s cold fingers brush against her own for half a second. As she turned the bottle in her hand, she caught herself spiraling into thoughts she hadn’t let in before. What if things had gone differently? What if they had done it?

She’d never really imagined being with Nat, mostly because she assumed the girl had disdain for her, and so she convinced herself it was mutual, even though she never really had a problem with Nat. If anything, she respected how Nat presented herself, but Nat made it clear often enough that she was never fond of Jackie. Now, however, Nat was sitting here saying she never hated her at all. Her stomach twisted— not from the alcohol… or maybe a little from the alcohol but mostly from the clarity that there’s a possibility they could’ve done it if either of them dared to ask.

Feeling brazen, Jackie took a long drink a little clumsily, the liquid caught at the corner of her mouth, trickling down the edge of her jaw before she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

“What would you have done,” she asked, her voice a little rough, “if I did ask you?”

Nat tilted her head like she was deciding whether to answer honestly. “I probably would’ve said yes,” she replied too fast, then glanced down, almost sheepish. “And then told myself it didn’t mean anything.”

Jackie fiddled with the hem of her shirt, twisting the fabric between her fingers. “I think I wouldn’t ask you because I wouldn’t want you to say no.”

Nat looked over. “You thought I’d say no?”

Jackie shrugged, looking down again, avoiding Nat’s gaze. “You’re cool. A little intimidating,” Jackie began, daring to look at Nat’s face. Nat raised her eyebrow at this, giving her a questioning look, so Jackie continued. “It’s true. I hated it but I was a little intimidated by you because you don’t care what anyone thinks and you just do whatever the hell you want. I care too much that I’ve spent my entire life trying to be…. liked. I just figured… if you rejected me, I’d never stop thinking about it.”

Nat was quiet for a moment, then she reached for the bottle and Jackie caught her smirking. “I get it. I’m high stakes, aren’t I?” she teased, making Jackie attempt to suppress a smile by rolling her eyes.

 

—--------------------------------------------------

 

“Don’t move, Jackie.” Nat clicked her tongue, eyes narrowing in focus.

“Just make it quick,” Jackie muttered, a little too impatient.

“I don’t want to mess up, okay?” Nat shot back. “Last thing I need is you running around school saying I suck at this.”

Jackie smirked. “Please. I kiss, but I don’t tell.”

Nat let out a breath through her nose, brushing the tip.

 

The tip of the eyeliner under Jackie’s eye.

Nat’s lips twitched as she steadied Jackie’s face with one hand, her fingers cool and unexpectedly gentle against her cheek, while the other traced the eyeliner beneath Jackie’s eye. The alcohol had Jackie feeling loose, comfortable, and even bold that she couldn’t stop herself from repeatedly telling Nat how much she loved the way she looked. Her style, her hair, her makeup— things Jackie had always admired from a distance, things she secretly wished she had the freedom to try. But she’d never dared because just asking her mom for permission would’ve earned her a lecture, if not worse.

So when Nat casually offered to do her makeup the way she did her own, Jackie was surprised. And maybe a little thrilled. Now here they were. Nat perched on the desk, Jackie seated in the chair between her legs, letting Nat work on her face.

“Done,” Nat said.

Jackie blinked, her eyes dropping as she finally stopped straining to look up. The dizzy buzz from the alcohol hadn’t let up, but now it mingled with an unfamiliar flutter of anticipation. She leaned toward the mirror. Somehow, despite being tipsy, Nat’s work was clean. No smudges, no shaky lines. Jackie had eyeliner now, dark eyeshadow smoked around her lids, and even her lashes looked fuller. Her mother would’ve told her she looked horrible. That thought alone made Jackie love it even more. She smiled at her reflection, feeling satisfied.

“Here,” Nat said, reaching out to ruffle Jackie’s hair, sweeping it to one side. Then she grabbed Jackie’s Polaroid from the desk and pointed it at her.

Jackie tilted her head slightly, her eyes glancing up playfully, one shoulder raised near her neck as she smiled. The flash popped. Nat pulled the photo from the camera and started shaking it gently, both of them watching the blank square begin to fade into an image.

“You look good,” Nat murmured.

The words warmed Jackie’s already flushed skin. To shake off the feeling, she grabbed the Polaroid and pointed it at Nat. But Nat threw her hands up, blocking her face and flipping the camera off right as Jackie clicked the shutter. Jackie rolled her eyes and snatched the photo, setting it aside on the desk. She reached for her drawer to put the camera away, but paused to steal a glance over her shoulder.

Nat had moved off the desk now, leaning on one elbow, focused on the first picture— Jackie’s picture.

Taking the chance, Jackie pointed the camera at her again and quickly snapped a shot. Nat barely looked up in time. Jackie grinned as she pulled the photo from the camera, letting it develop in her hand before finally tucking the Polaroid away in the drawer.

 

Time passed, and eventually Jackie was called down for dinner. She’d had to wipe the makeup off before heading downstairs, though part of her wanted to leave it on just to see what her mom would say. Instead, she scrubbed it off in the bathroom with a sigh and asked Nat to wait in her room.

Downstairs, she told her parents she was exhausted from their final scrimmage and asked if she could eat upstairs. Luckily, the lingering haze from the alcohol gave her just the right amount of sluggishness— her eyes a little heavy, her voice low— and her parents exchanged a look before nodding.

Jackie piled her plate with more food than she normally took—two slices of meatloaf and a mountain of mashed potatoes. She was halfway to grabbing a Coke when her mom narrowed her eyes.

“Jackie, why are you taking more than you can eat?”

Her dad waved it off. “Just let her. She looks like bones already.”

“No, she doesn’t. She looks perfectly normal for a teenage girl,” her mom said briskly, already reaching for the plate. “And it should remain that way if she wants to get into a good sorority house in college.”

Before Jackie could object, her mom scraped off most of the mashed potatoes and replaced it with salad. Then she took the Coke from Jackie’s hand and handed her a glass water bottle instead.

Jackie exhaled heavily but didn’t argue. She climbed the stairs, grateful she’d at least been allowed to eat in her room.

“I’m sorry. I tried to take more but…” she trailed off, placing the plate on the carpet in front of Nat.

“It’s okay,” Nat said with a shrug.

“You can eat it all. I’m not that hungry anyway,” Jackie added, guilt tugging at her chest.

“We can share, Jackie. You don’t want to wake up with a stomach ache tomorrow,” Nat replied gently.

“Okay,” Jackie muttered.

They shared one spoon, passing it back and forth in silence. Jackie tried not to think about how much saliva they’d exchanged by the time the food was gone. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable exactly but Jackie sat back on the bed, fiddling with the hem of her jeans, unsure of what to say next.

Eventually, Nat cleared her throat and stood, awkwardly hitching her bag onto her shoulder.

“So… are you gonna be okay?” she asked.

“What?” Jackie stood abruptly, almost panicking. “You’re leaving?”

Nat glanced toward the window. “I mean… it is getting pretty late.”

“But why can’t you stay over?” Jackie asked softly, stepping closer.

“We have school tomorrow,” Nat reminded her.

“So? We don’t have to go.”

Nat raised a brow. “You want to skip?”

Jackie crossed her arms. “What? The rebellious Natalie Scatorccio doesn’t want to skip school?”

Then she paused, the challenge dropping into something softer, more exposed. 

Or maybe skipping school only makes sense if she’s not doing it for me…

Jackie hated how desperate she must have looked, but she couldn't help it. Nat was here. Nat was with her. And the idea of being alone again now felt unbearable.

Nat narrowed her eyes, observing her. “No. I was thinking of you… but fine.” She slid the strap off her shoulder and dropped her bag to the floor. “You want me here? Your funeral.”

Jackie barely hid her relief. She jumped back on the bed and tapped the space beside her with excitement. Nat walked over and sat on the edge, then casually slid her pants off. She wore striped boxers underneath, and the sight of them made Jackie’s heart stutter like a stereo left on max volume.

“Aren’t you gonna change?” Nat asked, glancing at Jackie’s unchanged clothes.

“Oh yeah. Um… I actually sleep naked. If that’s alright with you,” she said, her face dead serious.

Nat’s eyes widened in horror.

Jackie burst into laughter after barely two seconds, unable to hold it in. “God, I’m kidding, Nat. You should’ve seen your face.”

Nat pressed her tongue into the inside of her cheek, and Jackie spotted a faint blush rising up her neck. Her own face flushed instantly, heat prickling her cheeks. Without saying anything more, Jackie darted into the bathroom to change into her sleepwear— heart thumping, thoughts racing, and a dumb smile lingering on her lips.

When Jackie got back into bed, Nat was already lying flat on her back beneath the comforter, eyes fixed on the ceiling like she was still lost in thought. Jackie climbed in beside her, mirroring the position at first, arms folded across her stomach, staring up at nothing.

But the silence stretched, and eventually Jackie shifted, rolling onto her side. She tucked her hands beneath her cheek, watching Nat in the dim light.

“Goodnight, Nat,” she murmured softly.

Nat exhaled— quiet, but a little shaky. Then she turned too, facing Jackie now in the near-dark.

“Goodnight, Jackie,” she said.

Suddenly, Jackie felt the urge to move closer. She reached over, her hand tentative as it hovered near Nat’s shoulder. Nat didn’t pull away. She just watched her, still and quiet. Jackie leaned in slowly, breath catching, and tucked her face against Nat’s chest. Nat's arm slid around her waist, pulling her in gently.

That was all it took for Jackie to break.

All the pain she’d been holding in, everything she’d buried beneath alcohol and half-laughed confessions began to spill out. Soft sobs escaped her, muffled against Nat’s shirt, and still Nat said nothing. She just held her, her hand moving in slow circles across Jackie’s back.

And eventually, the sobs quieted. Jackie’s breathing slowed, her body relaxing in the warmth of someone she didn’t expect would be the safest person to be near right now.

Just like that, she fell asleep, feeling comforted.

 

—-----------------------------------------------

 

The next morning, Jackie woke early. Nat was still asleep beside her, one arm loosely draped across the blanket. Jackie slipped out of bed quietly.

Downstairs, her dad had already left for work. She found her mom on the couch and told her that she wasn’t feeling well. Her mom barely looked up, simply nodded and called the school to inform them of her absence. Jackie rolled her eyes at her mom for not even checking if she has a fever, or asking her to take some medicine from one of their cabinets.

While her mom was distracted on the call, Jackie fixed herself breakfast, loading a plate with peanut butter and jelly toasts, bacon, and froot loops and milk in a bowl. She hurried back upstairs before her mom could comment on the portions.

Upstairs, the bed was empty, and she heard the shower running. Jackie grabbed some clean clothes from her drawer and knocked lightly on the bathroom door before slipping in.

“I’m leaving you clothes here,” she said quietly.

“Fine,” came Nat’s voice from behind the shower curtain.

Jackie lingered a second longer than necessary, wondering why her shower curtain wasn’t thin enough to see through silhouettes— hell, why it wasn’t transparent altogether. She shook her head and left, cheeks flushing.

Later, when Nat emerged in Jackie’s white t-shirt and her board shorts. Jackie had never seen her look this neat before. She looked angelic in white.

Nat munched on the stacked toast and bacon while Jackie finished her cereal, both girls eating quietly and comfortably. After breakfast, Jackie took her own shower. When she came out clean and brushed, towel wrapped around her shoulders, she found Nat at the open window, smoking a joint.

Normally, Jackie would freak because her parents might smell it, but today, she didn’t care. She crossed the room, took the joint from Nat’s fingers, and took a drag. They passed it silently, smoke trailing between them.

At one point, Nat leaned in and blew a puff of smoke into Jackie’s mouth. Jackie didn’t pull away. She inhaled, gaze lingering on Nat’s lips, trying not to give in to the reckless urge to kiss her.

Then Nat turned to Jackie’s desk, rummaging through a cassette case. She picked one and popped it into the stereo.

Heart of Glass blared through the speakers and Nat started snapping her fingers playfully to the beat. Jackie laughed, watching her climb onto the bed like it was a stage. She played air guitar, whipping her hair like a rockstar.

“Come on, Jackie! This is your song!” Nat urged, extending a hand.

Jackie grabbed it, not hesitating for a second and letting Nat pull her up. Nat started singing the song. "Love is so confusing, there’s no peace of mind—"

But Jackie pressed a finger to her lips, eyes wide in warning. Nat’s eyes lit up with understanding. She immediately started lip-syncing instead, exaggerating the words, nose scrunching, eyes squinted, looking animated and adorable. Jackie giggled, then she joined in. They probably looked like idiots, mouthing wordlessly to the lyrics as they pretended to perform to an invisible audience.

As the song drifted into a softer track, Jackie dropped into an exaggerated bow, one arm outstretched like she was thanking a sold-out stadium. “Thank you, Jersey!” she whispered hoarsely, hand pressed to her heart.

“It’s New York, Jackie,” Nat deadpanned, like it was a matter of grave national importance.

Jackie wrinkled her nose, grinning. “Right.” She placed her hands on her hips, watching Nat with a crooked smile. “I didn’t know you were such a massive dork.”

Nat shrugged, flipping through the cassettes stacked beside the stereo. “Takes one to know one.”

While Nat searched for the next track, Jackie suddenly got an intense desire to go downstairs. She tiptoed, careful not to let the floorboards creak. The bathroom door was shut and water hissed behind it. As expected, her mom’s in the shower, and she’d be leaving to go to the country club, which means Jackie would have Nat alone in her house.

She opened the fridge,and when she got what she needed, she returned upstairs with her arms full, Nat blinked at her once she got inside the room.

“You’ll never guess what I got.”

Nat stared at the bounty like it was gold. “Jesus. Did you go to Willy Wonka’s factory?” Her eyes widened, the corners crinkling. “Why didn’t you take me with you?”

Jackie collapsed at the foot of the bed, letting the chocolate bars scatter across the carpet. “My heart is racing. I thought I was gonna get caught,” she breathed.

Nat raised an eyebrow, taking a snickers bar. “The biggest crime you could do would be stealing candy from your own fridge?”

“Yes, it’s not mine,” Jackie said, stretching out on the carpet. “It’s my mom’s because she’s allowed to have everything. But I’ve done this before, just not this many.”

She watched Nat tear into the wrapper, but before Nat could take a bite, she burst into a sudden laugh. Her eyes squeezed shut, shoulders shaking with a manic kind of joy that only made Jackie grin wider.

“What?” Jackie nudged her, but Nat just kept laughing. “Nat, tell me!”

Nat tried to talk, failed, then finally wheezed out between hiccups of laughter, “I was just—I imagined you getting high at midnight, wearing a burglar mask, creeping downstairs in your nightgown like that’ll prevent your mom from recognizing you.”

Jackie saw herself the way Nat described and the image was too absurd not to laugh at. She joined in, laughter filling up the bedroom and everything felt lighter. Eventually, they lay sprawled out on the carpet, heads side by side, bodies pointing in opposite directions like arrows tethered at the middle. Jackie blinked up at the ceiling, her limbs warm and loose, as well as her mind that’s now spinning.

“Oh my God,” she murmured, her eyes going wide. “The ceiling is getting closer, Nat.”

Nat gave a lazy laugh, the kind that barely curled out of her throat. Jackie turned to scowl, mildly affronted by the lack of appropriate alarm.

“I’m serious,” she insisted, reaching blindly to pinch Nat’s waist. “What if we get squished?”

“Then we’ll be a tragic tale,” Nat slurred playfully. “Two girls, crushed to death by drywall. They'll write songs about us.”

Jackie let out a soft chuckle, feeling tickled. “We’ll make such a good song,” she rambled, then she felt nauseous about Nat’s lack of response or even amusement. “Okay, I’m gonna steady my breath,” she announced, more to herself. “Do it with me.”

She closed her eyes and focused on the inhale, slow, and then the exhale, long and measured. Her chest rose and fell like waves trying to remember the shore. Then she heard Nat’s breath, faint but synced with hers.

Jackie wasn’t new to being high, but this was different. Edges felt soft, thoughts felt sharp. And now, paranoia curled like smoke in the corner of her mind. What if I’m annoying? What if she’s just being nice? Still, the buzz felt good. Little sparks danced across her skin. She lifted her arm and stared at the fine hairs on it, transfixed by how they caught the light, how alive they looked. They lay in silence for a while, fingers rustling through candy wrappers, surrounded by torn foil and half-eaten bars, until Jackie couldn’t take the quiet anymore.

“You ever think about…” Her voice trailed off, the question dissolving into the air.

Nat turned her head, arching a brow without lifting it too high. “Think about what?”

Jackie’s eyes drifted back to the ceiling, to the slowly spinning vortex of what-if. “I don’t know. Life. After this. College. All the… grown-up bullshit.”

Nat let out a soft breath, almost a sigh. “Not really. I mean, I try not to. It’s easier that way.”

Jackie rolled a softened piece of chocolate between her fingers, the smear of it already melting into her palm. “What if we don’t end up where we think we will?”

She turned slightly, enough to catch the gentle smirk forming on Nat’s lips. “What, like you not becoming some sorority queen and me not becoming a burnout?”

Jackie shifted onto her side fully, elbow pressing into the rug, gaze landing softly on Nat’s profile—her mouth, her jaw, the shadow under her cheekbone. “You’re not a burnout, Nat.”

Nat gave a lopsided shrug. “It’s okay. I don’t care.”

“But you’re not,” Jackie said again, more firmly this time, like she needed Nat to believe it even if she wouldn’t. “You’re just… figuring stuff out. So am I.”

Nat didn’t answer. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling, face unreadable.

“I mean…” Jackie’s voice softened, almost like she was confessing. “I used to think my life had to follow this perfect, glossy blueprint. Soccer captain. Prom queen. Land some glamorous job in a city somewhere. Marry a rich guy, someone my mom could brag about.” She paused, her throat tightening as the chocolate on her tongue turned cloying, almost bitter. “But now…” She exhaled slowly. “I think I’d rather screw it all up than let any of it be decided for me. If it’s mine, I think I could live with wherever it takes me.”

Nat didn’t respond right away, and Jackie couldn’t tell if she was even listening. She glanced to the side. Nat’s expression was unchanged, eyes locked on the ceiling like it was saying something only she could hear.

“What about you?” Jackie asked quietly, the words slipping out uncontrollably.

Nat finally moved, lifting her hand above her, fingers unfurling in a lazy bloom as if mimicking an explosion. “It’s either I want to make noise,” she said, then slowly closed her hand into a fist. “Or I want a certain kind of quiet life.”

She turned her head slightly, her gaze meeting Jackie’s. “Nothing dull. Nothing that stays the same.”

Jackie wanted Nat to elaborate. Partly because she felt an irrational need to crack open her skull and decode the strange, beautiful logic inside. But mostly because, in the short time they’d spent together, Jackie had grown quietly addicted to the sound of Nat’s voice, whether it spilled out in philosophical tangents or soft, cryptic nothings. Still, Nat didn’t need to explain because Jackie understood it somehow. They were both stuck in that gray space, in-between lives, in-between selves, drifting through a dullness that begged for disruption— hoping for something greater than nothing. Or a serene life that stood in stark contrast to the ruin they already knew too well.

 

—------------------------------------------------

 

Jackie stirred awake and blinked at the clock. It’s already a little past three in the afternoon. She realized they’d both fallen asleep, and judging by the time, her mom must have already left. Slipping out of bed, Jackie padded to the window and stared at the driveway, seeing that her mom’s car was gone. She tiptoed to the kitchen, grabbed a pack of popcorn, and tossed it into the microwave. It started humming as she drifted back upstairs.

Nat was still on the carpet, out cold, one arm flung above her head. Jackie lowered herself down beside her again, elbows on the ground to prop herself up, mirroring their earlier pose, head-to-head, bodies pointed in different directions, but this time, her back to the ceiling, eyes studying Nat’s face from above. Jackie imagined, just for a second, what it might feel like to kiss her like this—upside down, slow, like in a dream. The thought flared unexpectedly in her chest, then she shook it off. Instead, she reached out and gently poked Nat’s cheek.

Nat stirred, scrunching her face, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Let’s go downstairs,” Jackie whispered out of habit. Then she remembered that no one was home but them. She sat up fully and offered her hand and Nat took it without hesitation.

They went downstairs together, fingers loosely tangled.

 

Nat went through the stack of tapes and eventually popped True Romance into the VHS player. Jackie had never seen it, but Nat said she’d been wanting to see it but just never got a chance to. Okay, Nat didn’t actually say I want you to watch it with me , but Jackie heard it in her head anyway.

They settled on the couch, Nat with the bowl of popcorn in her lap, Jackie cradling a mug of ice cream. Jackie kept her eyes on the film, but every now and then, she scooped a spoonful of ice cream and held it near Nat’s mouth. Nat didn’t even look, just opened her mouth without hesitation, eyes still glued to the screen. Jackie fed her in silence, trying not to smile like an idiot every time Nat absentmindedly took the spoon in her mouth. Jackie bit her bottom lip, her heart fluttering at how weirdly tender it felt.

 

The movie was in the part where the two main characters started connecting.

“When it comes to relationships, I’m one hundred percent monogamous.”

“You stay with one guy?”

“Exactly. If I’m with you, then I’m with you.”

 

The scene seemed to spark some amusement in Nat. She let out a dry snort, turning her head toward Jackie and pressed her lips together, mocking her.

Jackie rolled her eyes and smacked her lightly on the arm. “Shut up,” she said, then sank back into the couch with a dramatic huff, her lips betraying her as it curved into a smile. 

At one point, their bare legs brushed. Jackie froze. And Nat didn’t move hers away.

She told herself not to overthink it, but her brain didn’t listen. In her mind, she was already creating an imaginary conversation with Tai and Van:

“Please, can I?” Jackie begged, pouting like a child.

“Are you serious right now?” Tai’s furious voice boomed in her head. “After that disaster? After you left us with enraged Shauna? You think you deserve sex?” Then suddenly, her head grew horns.

“Just one last time?” Jackie asked, desperate, with a halo on her head.

“No, Jackie,” Van said flatly, arms crossed, her ginger hair glowing like firelight. “Close your freaking legs.”

Jackie shook her head, physically this time, swatting the imaginary evil couple from her thoughts and turning her attention back to the film.

The final scene played out and the last lines stuck or somewhat hit a nerve in Jackie:

I look back and I’m amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: You’re so cool. You’re so cool. You’re so cool.

 

Jackie watched Nat out of the corner of her eye, struck again by how effortlessly cool she was, no matter what she wore, what little movements she made, and the way her words were so direct— like she never had to fake a thing. There was something magnetic in the way Nat existed, like she’d stripped herself down to only the truth and didn’t care who saw it. And maybe in another life, somewhere, they could have been two runaways, not caring what life they led, no rules, no futures mapped out by their parents. It felt ridiculous that the idea of even just hanging out with Nat for more than two minutes would have made Jackie slam her head against a wall not too long ago, but now she kept imagining scenarios of the two of them together. And the strangest part was, thinking about Nat like this made the ache of Shauna fade at least a little.

 

Jackie was about to look for another movie when headlights swept across the driveway. Her breath caught. She immediately turned to Nat and motioned sharply “Go, go,” as she rushed to gather the wrappers and mugs they’d left behind.

Her mom came through the door moments later, holding a plastic bag of takeout. “I brought Chinese,” she said, already sounding worn out.

“I’ll eat upstairs,” Jackie offered quickly, taking the bag before her mom could argue. She didn’t and just nodded, too tired to care, and disappeared into the kitchen.

Upstairs, Jackie pushed open the bedroom door to find Nat lying across her bed, arms folded behind her head. The silence was loud and Jackie suddenly felt like it was going to be awkward, because they’re both sober now, and maybe Nat is getting bored of her. So instead, she pulled a tape without looking, pushed it into the player and played music, anything that would help fill the space.

She placed the food untouched on her desk, and without asking, climbed under the comforter beside Nat, heart beating fast. She wanted to kiss Nat, and she didn’t care if Tai or Van would scold her or mock her for it, especially after she’d made such a dramatic show of pretending the thought of sleeping with Nat was revolting just two weeks ago.

 

“Nat… I need you to hold me,” Jackie whispered, staring at the ceiling.

 

It took a few seconds, which felt too long before Nat scoots over, turning to her side, knees brushing against Jackie’s.

 

"You want me to hold you?"

 

I need you to.

 

Jackie nodded like a child, almost desperate. Nat opened her arms wide without hesitation, and Jackie folded herself into the space immediately, as if the invitation might expire if she didn’t move faster. Her cheek rested against Nat’s chest, and then slowly, cautiously, she lifted one leg and draped it over Nat’s hips.

 

"Are you horny, Jackie?"

 

Jackie’s heartbeat stopped. She blinked, a little startled by Nat’s bluntness.

 

"I can smell you,” Nat whispered in her ear.

 

Heat bloomed up Jackie's neck. She can smell that? She swallowed hard, her breath catching in the back of her throat.

 

Nat kept her eyes locked on her. "Are you horny for me?"

 

Jackie didn't answer, she just slowly leaned back to count the lines over Nat’s soft-looking, reddish lips.

 

Nat slipped her hand down, fingers running firmly over her shorts, over the damp cotton between Jackie’s thighs. Jackie shut her eyes with a broken sound, her hips arching slightly into the contact. She leaned forward until her mouth hovered over Nat’s, not quite kissing— just breathing into her, lips ghosting together, open mouths sharing a single gasp.

 

Jackie felt a tingling radiate outward from where Nat touched her, even through the thin fabric. Feeling increasingly turned on, she dabbed her tongue lightly along Nat’s lower lip, barely a flick, tentative and teasing, but dying to shove it inside her mouth.

 

"You want me to fuck you, Jackie?" Nat whispered, her voice a low rasp that scraped right down Jackie’s spine.

 

With Jackie’s eyes clamped shut, her face crumpled slightly as she kept nodding her head—desperate, unashamed, and aching.

 

“You want me to fuck you good?" Nat’s breath curled against her lips, warm and smooth.

 

 Jackie nodded again, their lips still touching, trembling like a fuse burning down.

 

"Talk to me,” Nat said in an imploring tone.

 

Jackie opened her eyes and saw how sultry Nat’s eyes looked. She wanted this as much as Jackie does. She exhaled sharply, her voice breaking on the way out. "God, I need you."

 

"You need me where?" Nat asked in a teasing but serious tone.

 

"All over me. Please,” Jackie begged, her voice breaking from desperation.

 

Jackie felt Nat’s finger pressing against her clit over her shorts, and there’s too many layers between them that Jackie wanted to just push all her bottoms down. Instead, she leaned in and closed the distance, telling herself it was because Nat was the first girl she ever kissed, and she had forgotten what she tasted like. Even though ever since, the taste of kissing girls reminded her of vodka and scotch blended into a soft, dizzying breath.

 

They kissed hurriedly, ragged and desperate. Jackie let out every moan she could manage into Nat’s mouth, hands reaching for her face, fingers digging into her jaw — pulling, pulling, needing her closer. Nat’s tongue slid into her mouth and Jackie met it eagerly, sucking, pressing forward, their tongues moving against each other, messy and perfect.

 

Then she felt Nat push her away, breaking the kiss.

 

“Jackie… I’m sorry, I— I don’t think we should,” Nat said, breath unsteady.  She shook her head as if she was trying to wake herself up and she looked like she regretted the kiss.

Jackie’s face twisted in confusion, disappointment tugging at her lips. “Why not?”

“Because you and Shauna…”

Jackie shook her head quickly. “I don’t care about that right now. I want this,” she said, leaning in again—but Nat gently pressed her back by the shoulders.

“No, Jackie, I—” Nat hesitated, voice strained. “I don’t want just sex.”

Jackie froze. Her eyes widened slightly as she stared at Nat, whose gaze dropped with shame, her head lowering.

Nat wants her. Nat wants to be with her.

 

Silence settled over them. The only sound came from the stereo in the background:

And I would live my life again

And rearrange it so that I’d be yours from now on

Oh, it’s sad to belong to someone else,

When the right one comes along…

 

Jackie wanted to get up and hurl the stereo out the window. Suddenly, everything felt suffocating. And yet, Nat had just opened herself up, had let something vulnerable slip out.

Jackie reached up and gently cupped Nat’s face, nudging it upward until their noses touched.

“Why do you like me? I’m such a mess.”

“Maybe that’s the reason,” Nat murmured.

Jackie nudged her forehead softly against Nat’s, their noses affectionately brushing slowly. “Is this some kind of hero complex?”

“No,” Nat said, voice quiet. “You’ve always looked perfect to me. And I hated that. I hated how much I noticed. But when I realized you weren’t perfect… you just became more perfect somehow. You scare the shit out of me.”

Jackie didn’t answer. There was nothing left to say, really—so instead, she leaned in and kissed Nat softly, just once. Then she stood, grabbed the takeout box from her desk, and sat back down on the bed. Nat sat up across from her, and together they ate the fried noodles, passing the chopsticks back and forth, while the song finished playing.

 

“Stupid fucking song,” Jackie muttered.

 

“Really fucking awful,” Nat quickly agreed, making Jackie smile sheepishly, and they both laughed together.

—----------------------------------------------------------

When Jackie woke up, she let out a quiet, content hum, keeping her eyes closed as she draped an arm over Nat’s shoulder. Only—something felt off. The hand on her waist was somehow bigger and heavier. Jackie’s eyes blinked open and Shauna was lying in front of her.

Jackie sat up with a jolt, head spinning. She looked around the room and Nat was nowhere.

Shauna stirred, rubbing her eyes. “Jax?” she mumbled, groggy.

“What are you doing here?” Jackie asked, disoriented, her voice sharp.

“I… I came over last night. I wanted to talk, but you were already asleep.”

Jackie threw the comforter off her and stood up quickly. “Where’s Nat?”

Shauna blinked, confused. “She left.”

“Did you ask her to?” Jackie interrogated, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

“She said she was just keeping you company,” Shauna said with a shrug. “I told her she was free to go. Why the fuck does it matter? It’s Nat.”

She ran her hands down her face, exhaling hard. Then she yanked open her drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans.

“Jackie, we need to talk. You can’t just keep avoiding me.”

“I cannot fucking deal with your shit right now, Shauna,” Jackie snapped, panic rising in her chest.

She pulled on her jeans, tied her hair back into a messy ponytail, grabbed her sneakers without bothering to put them on properly, and bolted.

“Where are you going?” Shauna asked, voice small now.

Jackie didn’t look back. “Away from you.”

She sprinted down the stairs and out the front door. For the first time in ages, she grabbed her old bike, looking rusted and stiff from disuse and she hopped on, not even checking if the tires were full. She pedaled hard, faster than she had in years, uncaring how unstable she looked. She remembered where Nat lived, even though she didn’t really go to that side of town often. Jackie knew she had to go back to school at some point, that she had to face everyone, but why can’t she just get a couple more days? And she wanted to spend that with Nat. Just a few more moments.

When she reached the trailer, she quickly ran her hands over her head, trying to tame the strands sticking up. She knocked once. Then twice. A minute passed before the door creaked open.

Nat stood there, eyebrows raised. “Jackie? What are you doing here?”

“Why did you leave?” Jackie asked, her voice low, trying to sound mad, but it only came out soft. Sad.

Nat glanced around, cautious, then stepped outside and sat on the trailer steps with a sigh.

“Shauna came over when you were asleep.”

“Did she push you away—”

“No,” Nat cut in. “She was confused… and I realized, I was too.”

Jackie crossed her arms, suddenly feeling cold. “Can you… can you stay over the weekend?”

Nat hesitated, then shook her head. “No, Jackie.”

“Why the hell not?” Jackie bursted out, unable to prevent herself from sounding upset.

Nat raked her fingers through her hair. “Because you’re using me as a substitute for Shauna.”

Jackie flinched.“What?” she asked, scoffing. “Shauna’s the last person I want in my room right now,” Jackie spat defensively.

“Well, why do you want to keep me there?”

Jackie’s throat tightened. She looked at the ground, at her muddied shoes.

Because I like everything about you.

“Because you’re the only one who doesn’t make me feel like I’m broken,” she almost whispered, which is not far from the truth.

Nat looked at her, her expression softening. Her voice dropped. “I think you need to be alone for a little while, Jackie.”

Jackie bit her lip, looking around and feeling wounded. But she didn’t speak. She slowly hugged herself and stared at Nat as she felt her eyes swell.

“I’ll see you at school on Monday, okay?” Nat said gently, then turned and stepped back inside, closing the door behind her.

 

Notes:

All quests done!

I was supposed to split this chapter into two because it ended up being longer than I meant it to be, but I figured it would be unfair to Jackie’s other girls, so I decided I’ll update one more chapter consisting of moments with all the girls before the next arc begins.

Please comment on this chapter and let me know what you think! :)

Chapter 9: The Aftermath (Interlude)

Notes:

1k kudos??? Holy cow! Who would’ve thought that this fic I only thought of on a whim would get this much attention? Thank you for all your love and support!

I would like to thank Sam and Misha who helped stimulate my brain when I’ve literally nothing to write about for this chapter. And my beloved Theo for beta reading <3

Also, I’m so sorry for the VERY long delay in updating! Life was in shambles, and then life was good… but I got so busy. However, I wanted to finish this chapter for you guys so I can prepare for the next arc. Read the end note after you finish please.

Tai and Van

 

“You fucked my girlfriend!” Shauna shouted, her voice echoed across the hallway.

“Oh come on, Shauna,” Van groaned. “You two just talked it out last night. And it wasn’t even anything like what you’re probably thinking. It didn’t mean anything.”

Tai and Van trailed behind Shauna outside of the locker room when she tried to follow Jackie. Misty hovered nearby, trying to sneak a look at the list. The rest of the team lingered inside, peering through the cracked door, watching as Jackie disappeared down the hall. Van felt something uncomfortable turning in her stomach while watching the fight moments ago. She never thought she’d be the one worrying about Jackie, but lately, between the shared secrets, the weird moments of connection, and everything else, Jackie had stopped feeling like some high school cliché and started feeling like… a friend. She wanted to go after her and ask if she was okay, but instead, Van stayed rooted, figuring that for once, Jackie might need space more than anything. 

“Wait…  girlfriend?” Lottie called out, brows furrowing at Shauna from inside the room. “So you’re actually together now?”

“No, they’re not,” Tai said flatly, trying to be accurate.

Shauna spun around, glaring. “Oh? And how would you know, you fucking traitor?”

“Hey!” Van stepped in, defending her girlfriend. “She told us you were talking about it, not that you two were official.”

“You knew how I felt, Tai. You knew, and you still did this to me?” Shauna's voice cracked.

Tai flinched a little. When Jackie started opening up to them, and Van jokingly floated the idea of a threesome, Tai did hesitate. There was a part of her that wondered if crossing that line would make her a shitty friend. But she’d also watched Shauna deflect every piece of advice she gave her, watched her stay stuck, possessive but paralyzed. Jackie had been sleeping her way through the team, and Shauna had done nothing. So Tai made a call for her and Vanl. A selfish one maybe, but she didn’t think it would blow back like this.

She folded her arms, her jaw tightening. “I kept telling you to make a move from the very beginning, Shauna, and every time, you told me to fuck off,” she began by speaking softly, her voice still a little on edge with guilt. Then she swallowed and made her tone sharper. “Jackie’s been messing around with half the team and it’s not my business to tell you like I didn’t have the right to tell her about your feelings. Besides, I didn’t think you two were ever gonna figure it out.”

“Tai’s right, Shauna,” Allie piped up, swaggering toward the doorway and trying to insert herself in the conversation. “You snooze, you lose.”

Shauna’s eyes went bloodshot. She clenched her jaw and stepped forward, ready to lunge at Allie. 

“Shauna!” Tai caught her mid-step, throwing an arm across her chest to stop her from tearing Allie’s head off.

“That’s really great, Shauna. Add more things to your cons list,” Mari mocked, defiantly watching Shauna from inside the room.

Robin shrieked, pressing her palms against her cheeks. “Can we stop fighting?” she cried out, eyes wide and teary. “Did you see how upset Jackie was?” She looked at Gen, bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

“Yes, Robin, everyone saw,” Gen answered with an annoyed expression.

Tai sighed heavily. “Okay, you know what? Can everyone that’s not involved in Jackie’s affairs leave?”

“Hell no,” Akilah said, standing firm. “I wanna hear all about this.”

Melissa raised a brow, looking blithe. “And what if we want a shot with Jackie too?”

Van pressed her lips together sympathetically and clapped Melissa on the shoulder. “Get in line, champ.”

“I’m serious!” Tai shouted, looking pissed. “All JVs, leave us.”

Akilah rolled her eyes dramatically and stalked off. The rest followed, grumbling. Tai tugged Shauna back into the room, Van and Misty following close behind.

“Think it’s too soon to ask Jackie out?” Melissa whispered to the others as they exited.

Van scrunched her face up. “She’s so bad at reading social cues,” she commented, shaking her head at Melissa.

“Rachel, what are you still doing here?” Tai asked, raising her brow at Rachel who lingered at the corner of the room.

“I’m varsity,” Rachel said with a bratty glare.

“Okaaaay,” Tai said slowly, patience running thin. “Were you involved with Jackie?”

Rachel let out an exasperated sigh and slapped her thighs. “You guys are fucking horndogs.” She stomped out, then Van slammed the door shut.

“Where’s Nat?” Laura Lee asked quietly.

Van shrugged. “Probably didn’t care enough to stay.”

Laura Lee bit her lip. “You don’t think she and Jackie—?”

Van snorted a laugh. “That’ll be the day. They won’t last two minutes alone in a room together without killing each other.”

“Alright, hand it over, Shauna,” Misty almost demanded, arms outstretched, her gaze locked on the crumpled sheet in Shauna’s hand.

Shauna didn’t budge. She shot Misty a glare cold enough to freeze her in place, daring her to try and grab it.

“Look, maybe this isn’t something everyone needs to see,” Tai said, her voice lower now, trying to be calm.

“If our names are on it, we deserve to know what Jackie wrote,” Misty snapped, hurt could be heard in her tone.

“So Shauna’s allowed to look at it?” Mari asked Tai before addressing Shauna directly. “You’re not her girlfriend.”

“She picked me, you fucking moron,” Shauna growled, fingers tightening around the paper until it crinkled under her grip.

“Really?” Lottie asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. “Because you admitted she didn’t write a single good thing about you.”

“And you’ve been acting like you have some claim on her when you guys were never really even together,” Mari added, softly rubbing her jaw.

Shauna gave a bitter chuckle. “Why? You think I’m getting in the way of your zero chance to be with her?”

“Let’s not make this worse, okay?” Van said, trying to mediate. “Jackie was already feeling shitty about all of this. I’m sure whatever she put on that list, it wasn’t meant to hurt anyone.”

Mari scoffed loudly. “Please. You’re only defending her because she let you and Tai crank your little freakshow to the next level.”

“Okay? That was uncalled for,” Van said, more amused than offended. She pressed her lips together, then smirked. “And for the record? The threesome was awesome.”

But when she caught Shauna’s eyes, flaring and locked on her, Van quickly straightened up, wiped the smirk off her face, and cleared her throat. “But Jackie had been telling us about her… struggle, and she genuinely wants to be serious with one girl. The problem is you losers all decided to fall for her at the exact same time.”

“Well, I don’t know about your little trio experiment,” Lottie said coolly, brushing her hair behind her ear before nodding firmly, “but Jackie and I had a real connection. That wasn’t a fling.” She nodded as if she was so sure of herself, despite the ever soft tone of her voice.

“I mean,” Laura Lee cut in hesitantly, eyes darting toward Lottie. “I didn’t intend to actually be with Jackie but we had a real connection too.”

“The point is,” Tai sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Jackie must be feeling pretty upset right now and in the meantime, you all need to relax. Give her some time because she’s gonna wanna talk to all of you. She was going to, before…. all of this.”

“And what?” Mari asked, shooting Shauna a look. “She’s gonna reject me and go be with her best friend who fucked her ex boyfriend behind her back?”

"You want me to match the bruise on the other side of your jaw, Mari?" Shauna seethed, lifting a clenched fist. "Because I’ve got a thing for symmetry. Hold still."

“Jesus, Shauna,” Tai muttered, spinning toward her. “Can you not be violent for one fucking second?”

“I don’t think she’s capable of that,” Misty said bitterly, cradling her cheek, and Van almost snorted, seeing how Misty’s face still bore a bright, soccer ball-sized welt.

Mari raked a hand through her hair, exasperated. “I need to talk to Jackie, okay? She lied to me.” She jabbed a finger toward her own chest.

“Lied how?” Van asked, her eyes narrowing.

“She—” Mari looked around the room, like asking someone to back her up. “She never told me she was hooking up with the other girls!”

Van raised an eyebrow. “Did she tell you she wanted to be exclusive? That she wanted you to be her girlfriend?”

Mari’s jaw clenched, nostrils flaring, but said nothing.

“Exactly,” Tai said, arms crossed. “From what I’ve heard, and from the silence I’m hearing now, Jackie didn’t promise anybody anything.”

“She fucking lied to me,” Shauna muttered, echoing Mari and emphasizing it, like Jackie’s crime toward her holds more weight. She stared blankly into space like her mind was somewhere far away.

Tai turned her head slowly, squinting at her. “Are you really the one to talk about lying right now?”

Shauna snapped her head around. “Are you really the one to piss me off further right now?”

“I get that she didn’t tell you about the others,” Tai said, keeping her voice steady and calm. “But you and Jackie weren’t a thing.” She paused and looked at the others. “This goes the same with all of you.”

The others stayed silent, frowning at Tai before she turned back to Shauna. “And you—” she pointed toward Shauna, “—you were off sneaking around with Jeff while telling me you were in love with her.”

Shauna stiffened. Her jaw unclenched just slightly as the fire in her eyes dimmed into something closer to guilt. Slowly, her gaze dropped to the floor.

“I’m sure you have your reasons. But just… give her space, Shauna,” Tai said. “Don’t make it worse.”

A beat passed in silence before Misty cut through it. “Sooo… can I see the list now?” she asked, cocking her head.

Shauna’s glare returned. Without a word, she crumpled the paper into a ball, then hurled it straight at Misty’s face. Misty flinched, but quickly bent to snatch it off the ground as Shauna spun on her heel and stormed out of the locker room.

The remaining girls slowly huddled around as Misty unfolded the list, eyes scanning over the names.

Lottie glanced at Laura Lee, looking confused.

“I’m not gonna make a whole spreadsheet or anything,” Misty said defensively, holding the page like it was an official document, “but honestly, I think it’s healthy. Relationships are about compatibility and compromise.”

Mari glanced at the list, then leaned back with a shrug. “Whatever. She thinks I’m hot. That’s all I needed to know.”

Tai and Van exchanged a long, unamused look before rolling their eyes at the same time.

“Okay, that’s enough. Hand it over,” Tai said, extending her arm and motioning toward Misty.

“Can I make a copy first? I want to bullet-point why this list doesn’t matter and why Jackie should pick me,” Misty asked, blinking up at her with cheerful determination.

Tai shook her head. “Give it to me, Misty.”

Misty let out a small sigh of disappointment before adjusting her glasses and reluctantly handing it over.

“And you wonder why she wrote what she did,” Van muttered mockingly, looking over at the paper and seeing Misty’s section contained something about the spreadsheet she was babbling about.

The remaining four girls drifted past Tai and Van, heading toward the door in silence.

“If God told us before all of this that Jackie would sleep with all of them in the span of two weeks,” Van murmured, “I would’ve told him he just strengthened my suspicion that he isn’t real.”

They both gazed at the list, and Van immediately shook her head.

“Leaving behind documented evidence is such sloppy work. She could’ve just talked to us about all this,” Van added.

Tai shot her a look. “Oh yeah? And what advice would you have given her?” She raised an eyebrow, then glanced back at the paper. “This reads like it was written by someone more confused than Confucius trying to figure out if he was confused.”

“Clever,” Van deadpanned, then a lightbulb appeared, a mischievous spark lighting up her face. “Wanna make it interesting? Bet who she ends up with. Double or nothing on what I owe you?”

“Are you serious? Jackie’s our friend now, Van.” Tai gave her a disapproving look.

Van’s grin faded. She bit her lip, and they stood in silence for a moment, eyes back on the list.

“I call Lottie,” Tai said suddenly.

“Son of a bitch!” Van shouted, frustrated she didn’t say it first.

“She made Jackie come, and used equipment at that. Plus, she handled that whole disaster earlier like a damn pro. I gotta give her credit,” Tai said, explaining her pick.

“If we weren’t together, who do you think Jackie would pick between us?” Van asked playfully, twisting her lips.

Tai smiled as if ready to boast. “I don’t want to crush your ego, babe, but I munched the hell outta that carpet.”

Van chuckled. “Fine, I’ll let you win in this fantasy,” she said, acknowledging the fact that there’s a better chance Jackie would be more attracted to her girlfriend than herself. She glanced back at the list and glazed over Shauna’s section.

“Shauna made Jackie come too, you know,” she said, lifting her shoulders in a half shrug.

Tai tilted her head. “Yeah, but that was just dry humping.”

“Which is usually the best, babe,” Van said, arching an eyebrow in challenge.

Tai considered this, then smirked. “Okay, I’m changing my bet to Shauna.”

“Good,” Van said, satisfied. “Get ready to lose, Tai. Because that relationship is doomed.”

Tai shrugged. “I wouldn’t be so sure.” She folded the paper, slipped it into her pocket, and started walking.

“Hey, no mingling!” Van called, jogging to catch up.

 

---

 

Misty

 

The flickering light from the TV cast long shadows across the baby’s nursery, making the pastel animals on the wallpaper sway and dance like they were part of some silent, whimsical parade. Misty softly hummed The Music of the Night as she gently rocked the baby in her arms, six months old and always a little damp with drool, as she gurgled contentedly. Jade was easily her favorite because she’s a champion smiler. Even mid-meltdown, a tickle under the chin would draw out a gummy grin so bright it made Misty’s chest ache in the best way. Most importantly, Jade was an excellent sleeper. A few gentle rocks, a quiet lullaby, and her eyelids would flutter like moth wings before settling shut. Misty laid her carefully in the crib and pulled the dinosaur-print blanket up to her tiny chest, brushing a finger across Jade’s soft cheek. Then she tiptoed out, her rubber-soled shoes squeaking faintly against the hardwood.

The house was quiet. The Levines were both lawyers and perpetually chained to their briefcases. Misty was just killing time until they came home and it didn’t feel much different from weekends at her own house, where her parents were rarely around either. The closest thing to a reliable adult in her life was her aunt, Sheila, who, as far as Misty was concerned, ranked as the coolest grown-up on earth. Her routine here was simple. Order anchovy pizza, put on Full House, and make sure the baby didn’t spontaneously combust. Easy gig and easy night, and though she was technically alone, somehow this house, filled with soft lighting and the quiet weight of a sleeping baby felt less lonely than her own.

When Misty got home, it was already past nine. Her parents, as usual, would be late again, and had probably taken longer shifts. She slipped into her room, kicked off her shoes, and turned on her computer. Her spreadsheet lit up the screen and with Jade still at the top of the list, Misty allowed herself a small, satisfied smile. But the glow didn’t last long. The events from the other day crept back in, not that they had ever really left. They were just waiting at the edges of her mind, and Jackie herself, is lingering quietly in the background of everything.

She clicked open a new tab.

Maybe Jackie was right. Maybe Misty would make a spreadsheet about their hypothetical relationship. As if she hadn’t already done the math in her head a hundred times. Compatibility columns, potential intimacy scenarios, and their emotional reciprocity. The thing was, Misty should be upset about what happened like the others were. But she wasn’t, because being an option and being part of Jackie’s internal debate, even for a second, was something Misty had never imagined could be real. She was in Jackie’s mind. Jackie had actually thought about her and argued with herself over the possibility of Misty being a future girlfriend. That thought alone was thrilling for her, and probably the most exciting thing that happened to her in high school.

What did she like about Jackie? She knew people would laugh if she ever said it out loud, but… she saw herself in her. Misty was determined. Focused. And so was Jackie. The difference was Jackie made it look effortless. People respected her and they listened to her. She didn’t have to desperately try to claw her way into the group like Misty did. Yet, Jackie had always been kind to her. Kind enough for her to feel like she mattered, especially that night, when she let herself be Misty’s first kiss. Of everyone on the team, Jackie was the one who made her feel like she existed, like she wasn’t just their water girl weirdo.

Leave Jackie alone? Give her space? Yeah, that didn’t sound like something Misty would do.

She knew Jackie must be feeling betrayed after what happened in the locker room. Even though Jackie had told her that she never really felt anything for Jeff, it had to hurt, especially after deciding to take a chance on dating her best friend. Misty had never experienced that kind of betrayal before, but it had to have left marks, and Misty could see them clear as day on Jackie’s face. She couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. Not when Jackie was hurting, or when there must be something she could do.

Misty wanted to show Jackie that she could be whatever Jackie needed her to be. Yes, she could be intense. People whispered that she was weirdly obsessive or too much, but that was only because she cared. When Misty loved something, she poured herself into it completely. Babysitting. Volunteering. School. Even the babies she didn’t particularly like still got the best treatment, because she didn’t know how to give anything half-heartedly.

She committed fully. But she’d never done that with a person before.

Because she never had a person. She never even had any real friends.

Then there was Jackie, who actually saw her. Gave her the slightest bit of attention, which was all she needed to feel inspired.

It was probably too soon to think about the future, about real love, but Misty couldn’t help it. There was something about Jackie that made her want to keep showing up to soccer, even though she was just basically ignored everyday. Jackie seemed so put-together, so confident in front of everyone else, but to Misty, she looked like the most delicate thing on Earth. Like a piece of porcelain pretending to be steel.

And Misty wanted to be the one to care for her.

To be the one Jackie could lean on when everything else fell apart.

She could help her through college. Through life. Through everything.

All she needed was a chance to prove it.

Misty knew Jackie felt bad about not telling her she had affairs with some of the Yellowjackets, because Misty knew Jackie was never mean, and she would never mean to hurt anyone— most of all, her. Jackie never really promised her anything. She was nice enough to give Misty that moment she never even thought she’d experience in High School. Even if they hadn’t gone “all the way,” or done anything people would strictly define as sex, Misty felt the way Jackie touched her and kissed her, and that it wasn’t just pity. To Misty, it was real. Jackie wanted her, even if she probably didn’t know what to do with that want yet. People might say that to Jackie, it was nothing. That she was just trying to be kind, but Misty couldn’t believe that. It couldn’t just be one-sided. The girls on the team probably underestimate her, but they didn’t see Jackie the way she did. They didn’t care about Jackie as much as she did.

Misty couldn’t wait for school. Not with how tense things had gotten. She knew the others would be circling Jackie like vultures, all of them wanting answers she probably wasn’t ready to give. Jackie would have a hard time dealing with all of them at once. So instead of waiting for Monday, Misty found herself pedaling her bike through the sleepy Sunday streets toward Jackie’s house.

When the door opened, Jackie stood there in an oversized sweatshirt, eyes shadowed with fatigue. Her gaze was puffy and unfocused, and Misty could tell instantly that she’d been crying.

“Misty?” Jackie blinked a couple of times, either still slightly asleep or taken aback.

Misty offered a shy smile. “Hi, Jackie.”

She’d rehearsed this in her head, wondering if maybe she was intruding. Jackie might not want to see anyone, especially not one of the girls who’d been vying for her attention. It was Sunday and she deserved peace. But still, there was a chance Misty could offer that. At least more than the others.

“I know you’re probably mad at me,” Jackie started, rubbing her eyes with one hand. “I was going to talk to you tomorrow, I just—”

“I’m not mad at you,” Misty interrupted gently.

Jackie froze, blinking like she hadn’t expected that at all. “You’re… not?”

“No,” Misty assured her. “You were upset. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Jackie stared for a beat, her mouth slightly open. Then, awkwardly, she nodded. “Okay.”

“Wanna hang out?” Misty asked, shrugging and making it seem like it was no big deal.

Jackie looked over her shoulder, toward the inside of her house, then back at Misty. After a pause of hesitation, she gave a small nod.

They ended up sitting outside on the pavement of Jackie’s front lawn. Misty observes the familiarity of the front of Jackie’s house. She passes this house every morning to go to school, so the sight looks predictable by now. The grass is always neatly trimmed— a clear sign that they have a regular lawn guy who probably never misses a week.

Neither of them said much at first and Misty didn’t mind. She loved talking, but being quiet with Jackie felt equally as nice. She sat beside her, sneaking glances as Jackie stared at the cracks in the ground, shoulders curled inward.

“You probably think I’m a terrible person,” Jackie finally said, her voice soft, like the quiet itself had worn her out.

Misty glanced at her, adjusting her glasses. Jackie’s hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her face that’s still pretty even with sleep and guilt smudged all over it, looking genuinely sad.

“I don’t,” Misty said simply, smiling a little.

Jackie turned her head slowly, one brow arching. “Why not?”

Jackie’s  voice had an edge to it, and it wasn’t for Misty. It was for herself. She was disappointed and it’s like she couldn’t quite believe she deserved kindness.

“I hurt everyone,” Jackie added. “I hurt you.”

Misty exhaled, letting her fingers trace little circles on the sidewalk. “Yeah, it sucks. Feeling like what you and I had wasn’t special to you,” she admitted, watching Jackie closely. “But it still is to me.”

Jackie’s head snapped up. “That’s not true,” she said, almost defensively. “Just because it wasn’t the only one doesn’t mean it wasn’t special. You were one of my—”

“Girls?” Misty asked, a small, proud smile curling at her lips.

“I was gonna say ‘first experience with girls,’” Jackie replied, lips pursing a little, like she was ashamed of her words. “I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just… went with what felt right to me.. I wasn’t thinking about…. feelings that could get involved.”

“Well, I think I get that,” Misty said, nodding slowly. “You just got out of a long-term relationship you were never sure of.”

Jackie gave a faint, grateful nod, eyes dropping to her knees.

“I just wish you’d told me,” Misty added. “It’s not like you promised me anything, I know that. But I thought maybe… it meant something.”

“It did,” Jackie said quickly. “It was meaningful, Misty. I just… I didn’t think any of it meant I was ready to date someone again. Not seriously… and not while I was still figuring myself out. Not until I started that… list.”

Jackie let out a soft sigh, eyes drifting downward with a heaviness that looked like it had been sitting on her chest for days. “I just feel bad,” she muttered. “I know you were hurt by that list, and I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you.”

Misty turned away for a second, thinking. Her face brightened as an idea struck, eyes widening just a little. She pressed her lips together in a quiet smile before turning back to Jackie.

“Maybe you could,” she said carefully. “I know you only wrote one negative thing about me, but I was still kind of sad there was something that would stop you from dating me.”

Jackie’s expression shifted slightly into surprise.

“Maybe I could tell you your pros and cons from my perspective,” Misty continued, her voice gentle.

That got Jackie’s attention. She turned toward her, eyes flickering with curiosity, a faint glow behind them now. She didn’t say anything but Misty could tell she was interested.

“Okay, I’ll start with the pros,” Misty said with a twinkle in her eyes as she was about to say something that’s been on her mind for a long time. 

Jackie remained quiet, but Misty noticed how she sat up a little straighter, her posture a little more relaxed.

“I love that you make people feel seen,” Misty began. “No matter how big or small they are.”

Jackie’s mouth parted slightly like she wanted to interrupt, but no words came out.

“You’re always kind,” Misty continued. “Even when you’re not expected to be. For someone so…. hot, you wouldn’t really expect them to also be friendly.”

“Misty…” Jackie murmured, her voice uncertain. “That’s not really true—”

“I guess the cons,” Misty cut in gently, not allowing Jackie to contradict her. “...It would be how much you care. So much that you always speak your mind because you want to help. But it can sometimes come off like you’re being patronizing, even when you’re not. It’s something I relate to… a lot. Maybe not in the same way, but people aren’t really interested in my opinions either.”

Jackie didn’t say anything again. She just looked at Misty quietly. Misty noticed her swallowing hard, like she’s trying to debate whether she agreed or not. A small smile tugged at Misty’s lips.

The truth was, she didn’t really have any that would be considered cons for what she thinks of Jackie. Jackie had flaws of course, like everyone else, but the things that made people roll their eyes at her or the things they didn’t like about Jackie were things that Misty did. Maybe even because they annoyed other people, and it made Misty connect with Jackie, even if Jackie didn’t know about it. And anyway, one can’t be solely defined by their positive and negative traits. A person’s entire being can’t be contained in a bulleted list. Just like in soccer, no matter how many goals a player scores or penalty accumulated, that doesn’t mean they’re a good or a bad player.

“I know there are probably a lot of flaws you think about,” Misty said gently, tucking some hair behind her ear, “but I never really noticed them. Your pros easily outweigh your cons.”

She let out a small, nervous laugh, cheeks flushed with pink before continuing, “I know I was just one of your options… but you were the only one I really liked.”

Jackie’s face softened. Her brows lifted slightly, looking surprised. Touched, even. Misty’s heart started beating with something close to awe. Jackie had to know how admired she was. By Misty, by half the team, and maybe more. She was attractive and smart and enticing. But right now, by the look on Jackie’s face, Misty couldn’t help but wonder if she didn’t see any of that. It seemed as if she didn’t understand how captivating she really was. Like she had no idea how good she made people feel just by existing in the same room.

“You’re really not mad?” Jackie asked, voice quiet. And in that moment, she proved Misty’s point perfectly.

Misty smiled, warm and certain. “I’m over it. I don’t need you to want to be with me. I’m just happy you saw me. That you gave me attention. That’s… not really a luxury I’ve had the past few years.”

Jackie gave her a small, tentative smile. Maybe there was a trace of pity in it— but Misty didn’t mind. Pity still meant Jackie cared. And it felt like she always had toward Misty.

“One last thing you could do to make it up to me?” Misty said, her tone brightening just a little. “Stay my friend. Promise we’ll keep in touch?”

Finally, Jackie’s smile bloomed into something real. Not forced nor hesitant, just warm and sincere. The kind of smile that answered Misty’s question before Jackie even uttered, “Deal.” And then she leaned forward and gave Misty a soft, genuine hug.

When Misty pedaled her bike home, the breeze felt lighter on her skin. The whole street seemed brighter, the colors sharper, more alive, and her chest was buzzing with relief. No, Jackie didn’t pick her, but she hadn’t thrown her away, either.

She mattered. She got to be something in Jackie’s high school life. Someone Jackie kissed, someone Jackie saw. And who knew? Maybe their friendship would grow into something even deeper.

High school wasn’t the end, after all.

 

---

 

Lottie

 

It was the night before she’d see Jackie at school again, and over the weekend, she was all Lottie thought about.

She couldn’t stop thinking over the list, but more than that, she was worried about Jackie.

Jackie had basically thought Lottie was perfect. Nothing on the list that would actually stop her from dating her, just a note about how Lottie had always been “attached at the hip” with Laura Lee. Which, honestly, wasn’t far from the truth.

Lottie had found Laura Lee attractive before. But she never gave it much weight, and maybe because they were just best friends. Or maybe because she figured Laura Lee would never actually date a girl. At least not publicly. Even if she’d dropped hints here and there.

Lottie had resumed her meds again. Still, she couldn’t stop recounting what happened with Jackie. She started comparing what she felt on the meds versus off. Even though she was “back to normal,” somehow the sexual tension she felt with Jackie felt more like the normal she’d been missing. Like maybe the sex had rewired something in her. Maybe it was so good, it cut through the numbing effects of the medication.

And now, she couldn’t stop thinking that maybe she should stop taking them altogether.

The meds helped with the voices in her head, but they also made her feel muted. Dull. Like she was constantly censoring herself. Holding back someone she was supposed to be. Her real self. The psychiatrist always said things like, “Your illness isn’t the real you. It’s the thing keeping you from becoming who you really are.”

But lately, she wasn’t sure if the silence was helping her or just burying herself deeper. Maybe who she is underneath isn’t someone broken. And she’d been dying to get to know more of her. Not the emotionally regulated one, but the one she was born as. The one without all the fuzz.

She lounged by the pool in the backyard, curled up in the deck chair while Eric wandered nearby, sunglasses still on even though it was late. He always wore them during their gossip nights, like he was playing a spy in a movie. Normally, he’d just spill updates about his current boyfriend or whatever messy fling he was in. But tonight, Lottie was the one who opened up. She told him about Jackie. Everything that happened between them and the other girls.

“Wow,” Eric muttered, eyes wide as he stared at the pool, a little smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I gotta say, Lottie. I didn’t think you’d actually use it.”

“What?”

“When you asked me to buy it, I figured you just wanted to just own a strap,” he shrugged. “Didn’t think you’d actually use it. Not even for yourself. So… good for you. I’m proud.”

Lottie narrowed her eyes at him, unsure whether he’s serious or just teasing her. “Can you please jump into the pool and try to last for like an hour? I wanna watch,” she said ominously, like she wasn’t even joking. Unfortunately, Eric knows how to handle her.

“Nice try. I work for your dad,” Eric smirked, rubbing his finger on his cleft chin.

She rolled her eyes and turned her gaze toward the soft lamp reflections dancing across the surface of the pool. She was quiet for a while, just thinking, until it spilled out of her.

“Do you think I actually had a chance?”

Eric raised an eyebrow. “Considering she’s shagged half the team?”

“It’s not entirely half the team. And anyway… we were different,” Lottie shot back, voice tightening.

“I’m sure the others said the same thing, honey.”

Lottie let out a breath, sharp and wounded. That stung. Even medicated, those words hit like a slap. Hearing it from someone else— that Jackie wouldn’t actually date her— made her stomach twist.

Eric cracked his knuckles casually as if preparing to hit Lottie with his sharp words.

“You know… there’s a lot of gay men that start like Jackie. It’s all forbidden and shameful, so we go wild the first time we break the rules. It’s exciting, so we go crazy. But I think girls are different. Or at least, with women. They’re more emotionally driven. It’s always less about sex and more about the meaning. Connection. All that mushy shit.” Then, with a soft laugh, he added, “But Jackie seems like a different entity. That’s probably why you’re going nuts right now.”

“She turns me on,” Lottie shrugged, swallowing as she remembered their moments in bed.

“I get it. Lots of people are easily drawn to a Jackie. They’re fun. But not the kind you want if you’re looking for something serious.”

“I just wanted the whole high school experience,” Lottie admitted, softer now. “I never… dated anyone.”

“You don’t have to date in high school. You don’t even need to have sex in high school. Don’t put all this pressure on yourself.”

“I know. But… I really like Jackie.”

“Then like her. None of those girls could stop you. You don’t need to fight for her..”

“What if… I’m not the one she wants?”

Eric slightly tilted his head, pursing his lips before he answered. “Normally, I would say it’s not even worth it. But you really like this girl and she challenged you. Made you try something you never thought you’d do. You don’t need to box yourself in. If you can’t be Jackie’s girlfriend, be her best lay. Her best experience. You probably already are,” he said, lowering his shades down to give Lottie a stare down and a smile. “I think that’d be something. Especially for someone with no prior game.”

Lottie went quiet again, his words echoing in her mind. She’d always assumed she’d keep her feelings about Jackie or attraction toward girls shelved until college. But Jackie cracked it open. Made the courage show up.

Monday came, and Lottie couldn't keep her eyes off Jackie during French class. Even though it should’ve been easier to approach her now, especially with Shauna out of the picture, thanks to Jackie giving her the cold shoulder. But Lottie still felt nervous.  She was supposed to feel calm because of the meds, but apparently, they didn’t do shit when it came to her feelings about Jackie.

Still, she knew she should be the one to make a move. Jackie was probably feeling guilty, probably thinking she had no right to talk to anyone. That she’d get the same cold shoulder she was giving Shauna.

But surprisingly, it was Jackie who came up to her after class, asking to talk. Lottie didn’t say anything. She just leaned against her locker and stared at Jackie, curious to what she’d say.

“I know I hurt you like I hurt the others. And I want to personally apologize for—”

“Stop,” Lottie cut her off instantly.  It didn’t feel good hearing her say sorry. They never actually talked about being in a relationship. It was Lottie who pushed it on Jackie, who gave her the ultimatum.

“I never should’ve told you to ask me out,” she said. “I should’ve asked you out, so you could’ve just rejected me, if you didn’t really want me.”

“It’s not that, Lot. I was just—”

“I know, Jackie. Okay? I’m just saying, it wasn’t your fault.”

Jackie sighed, and Lottie couldn’t tell if it was out of relief or lingering frustration at herself.

“Still,” Jackie mumbled, looking away, “I should’ve made myself clearer.”

Lottie reached out, rubbed her hand gently along Jackie’s arm. “I forced you to ask me out on a date. Then I gave you a deadline to make me your girlfriend. I know you couldn’t say no because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I get it, Jackie, okay?” she said, offering a small, understanding smile.

Jackie swallowed, then slowly nodded.

“How about this?” Lottie offered. “We’re still friends, right?”

Jackie furrowed her brows, narrowing her eyes like she was offended at the question. “Of course, Lottie!”

“Well, I did sign us up for that country club. Wanna use it?” she asked, smirking.

 

—-----------------------------------

 

In the end, they agreed to use the membership, though Lottie suspected it would probably only happen once. With college nearing, they’d both be busy, and she’d likely have to cancel eventually. Still, part of her wanted to keep it active, if only to hold onto the hope that they’d stay in touch. Maybe, when everything was calmer and she wasn’t competing with other girls, she’d have a real chance.

That Wednesday after school, they headed to the country club. They’d picked a day their moms wouldn’t be around— the opposite of the plan that had felt exciting when they first came up with it by Lottie’s heated pool. But now, with everything going on, Lottie just didn’t want to add any more stress to Jackie’s life than she already had.

It wasn’t Lottie’s first time because her mom used to bring her when she was younger, before high school, before the arguments at home became more frequent and her mother carved out more time for herself. Even so, Lottie still felt lucky compared to Jackie, who had never been there at all. Jackie’s mother didn’t seem interested in spending time with her only daughter.

It was a sunny afternoon, and right after breakfast, they were out on the court in collared white shirts and shorts, playing tennis. Jackie had never played before, but she was quick to catch on. Every time Jackie scored, her whole face lit up. So Lottie, without making it obvious, started letting herself lose, pretending she couldn’t reach a ball in time, moving just a little slower than she could, sometimes overhitting it so it sailed past the line. Watching that big smile spread across Jackie’s face made Lottie’s heart flutter, even though she knew she could sprint circles around her and wipe the floor with her if she wanted to.

“That was a fun game,” Jackie said, kicking off her rubber shoes as she sat on the bench beside Lottie in the locker room.

Lottie smiled. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I really did,” Jackie nodded, still looking giddy. Then she shot Lottie a challenging eyebrow, that smug little smirk that made her stupidly attractive. “Sorry I kicked your ass, though.”

Lottie smirked back. “I’m quite certain you cheated. No one’s that good at a sport they’ve never played before.”

Jackie snorted. “Just admit I’m more athletic than you.”

This time Lottie couldn’t hide her wide grin. She liked how lit up Jackie was about it. It felt like their thing now. One Jackie didn’t share with anyone else. “Fine. You are the captain, after all.”

Jackie flashed a satisfied smile with a shrug. Then she gazed around the room. “I wish our locker room was as fancy as this.”

Lottie looks around too, staring at the luxurious matte-black colored lockers that still looked brand new.

“Yeah right,” Lottie said bitterly. “Like they would ever spend a dime on a public school for something like this.”

Jackie didn’t respond. She just pulled the locker key from her shorts pocket and stood. Then, she peeled off her shirt, revealing a plain beige bra that made Lottie’s chest tighten and heat crawl low in her stomach. Her eyes lingered shamelessly on Jackie’s toned arms, the smooth line of her spine, the infuriatingly perfect curve of her back.

“I really like your figure,” Lottie said before she could stop herself, her gaze still fixed.

Jackie snorted. “Tell that to my mom. She can’t go a single day without pointing out every tiny flaw she sees in me.”

“Well,” Lottie said, rolling her eyes, “moms.”

“Yeah. And it’s so fucking unfair,” Jackie snapped, spinning to face her. Her cleavage was suddenly full in Lottie’s line of sight, making her throat go dry. “It’s not like she’s perfect herself. She's half-asleep all the time, looking older every day. But I can’t say a word about that. It’s easier for her to pick me apart instead.”

As Jackie unraveled again, raw and exposed in front of her, Lottie couldn’t stop herself. She rose and set a tentative hand against Jackie’s waist. Jackie jolted, twisting halfway away, but Lottie stepped forward, closing the gap, pressing her gently back against the open locker.

“Lottie, what—”

“I miss you,” Lottie whispered, her nose brushing close to Jackie’s, the words trembling. “Just once more. Please. I swear I won’t hold it against you.”

Jackie just stared at her, eyes softening, then dropping quickly to Lottie’s lips. That was all Lottie needed to lick her own and pressed them against Jackie’s. The kiss was hurried and desperate, like they’d both had just been waiting for the chance. Lottie tugged Jackie’s waist forward, sliding one hand under Jackie’s pristine shorts, reckless and intent on ruining it— including her own.

The kiss ended as quickly as it started, with the creak of the locker room door shattering their moment. They jerked apart instantly. Jackie immediately scrambled and snatched her top to cover herself and Lottie spun toward her own locker, missing Jackie’s wetness she had just felt with her own fingers. A pair of moms strolled in mid-gossip, oblivious to what they’d almost walked in on.

Lottie shot Jackie a look, while Jackie answered with the barest smile, which broke into a soft snort. Within seconds, they were both laughing under their breath as they pulled their clothes back on. Apparently, the mom-walk-in fantasy wasn’t nearly as thrilling in practice, though judging by the heat still in her veins, Lottie knew she wasn’t about to forget it.

Lottie really thought, and hoped, that Jackie would be her first girlfriend. Maybe she still will be. Maybe now’s just simply not their time yet.

 

---

 

Mari

 

The week was almost over and Mari had managed to ignore Jackie every time she got within ten feet. Jackie had tried, almost pathetically. It was fun at first, watching their captain scramble after her, calling her name in the halls, chasing her down only for Mari to spin on her heel and walk the other way. She wanted to see how long Jackie could keep at it before she finally gave up.

To her surprise, Jackie hadn’t. She’d made every effort to talk to Mari, regardless of how many times she’d been ignored. Whenever Jackie spotted her in the hallway, she’d dart toward her, and every time, Mari bolted in the opposite direction, even as her chest clenched. Jackie even went as far as cornering Akilah, asking her to “put in a good word.”

“What the hell did you do to Jackie?” Akilah asked, amused, as they strolled down the hall. “Some kinda love potion I don’t know about?”

Mari gave a shrug that she hoped looked casual. “She just wants to be absolved of guilt and I’m not gonna give her that.”

“The girl’s desperate. You should’ve seen her face when she asked me. Doesn’t sound like our captain at all.”

Mari bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling. “That’s what she gets. You only get one chance to have all of this,” she said, gesturing down her body.

Akilah raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you make her suffer enough?”

“Not even close,” Mari wanted to smirk, but instead, she lowered her head. “She really hurt my feelings,” she muttered, sadder than she meant to.

“It was that serious, huh?” She could feel Akilah studying her. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me all about it.”

Mari sighed, forcing her chin up. “Doesn’t matter. She can beg all she wants. She lost me.”

“Speak of the devil,” Akilah muttered, nodding past her shoulder.

Mari turned, and sure enough, Jackie was striding toward them, ready to grovel. The sight made her stomach flip in a way she hated, so she grabbed Akilah’s arm and sped up.

“Mari, wait,” Jackie called. She jogged after them and cut them off, breathless. “Come on. I’ve been trying to talk to you for a week.”

“You’ve had your fun, Jackie. Now leave me alone,” Mari snapped, but Jackie raised her hands like she was surrendering.

“You know I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Jackie said, eyes locked on hers.

Mari crossed her arms, turning her head away like Jackie’s gaze might burn through her.

“Please. Let me make it up to you. I liked hanging out with you. I liked… us getting close,” Jackie said, stepping closer. She caught Mari’s arms and tilted her head like a sad puppy. “Tell me what I need to do.”

Mari’s chest ached, her defenses wobbling. She knew she couldn’t keep this up forever, not if she wanted Jackie in her life after graduation. Not if she wanted Jackie at all, which she still did, no matter how many times she told herself otherwise.

Jackie’s eyes were wide, pleading, and Mari realized she’d seen that sincerity since Monday. She’d just been stretching it, feeding off it, to make herself feel bigger and make Jackie feel smaller.

“Fine,” Mari said at last, tilting her chin up in defiance. “Come over after school.”

Jackie’s mouth opened, but Mari pressed a finger to her lips before she could speak. “If you really care. If you don’t show up, I don’t wanna see your face again. Got it?”

She tugged Akilah along and didn’t look back, though she heard Jackie’s voice behind her, softly saying: “I’ll be there.”

“Guess she hadn’t lost you after all,” Akilah murmured with a sidelong glance.

Mari exhaled sharply, heat crawling up her neck. “Shut up.”

 

—------------------------------

 

The truth was, Mari’s relatives were in town for their family reunion, and there was no way she could sneak out to hang out with Jackie without somebody noticing. Normally, she’d never invite anyone over. She hated how much her mom nagged, how loud her cousins were, how suffocating the house could feel. But since she wanted to see Jackie, and since Jackie was still very much in “make-it-up-to-Mari” mode, she figured she’d use the reunion so she could have her over. Her mom had already said she could invite a friend, and it wasn’t like Mari was extended that privilege often. She was stubborn enough to throw parties when her parents were away and were just lucky enough not to get caught each time.

When Jackie showed up, she looked… good. Wearing a soft floral dress that Mari secretly loved on her, and the pink denim jacket over her shoulders like always. She looked unfairly pretty standing in Mari’s doorway. Mari had to fix her face fast before her observant sister noticed. She barely had time to breathe before her siblings swarmed.

“Eres muy hermosa,” Mateo said at Jackie, flashing his teeth at her.

Jackie blinked, startled. “I’m sorry, I don’t—”

“Deja de molestar,” Mari snapped, glaring at the boys.

“He said you’re really beautiful,” Mabel explained flatly, staring at Jackie with a neutral expression.

Jackie blinked again, then glanced down at Mateo, her lips curling into a shy smile. “Gracias.”

Mari’s eyebrow shot up.

And then Jackie flushed, like she was almost embarrassed. She gave a tiny shrug and looked at Mari. “What?”

Mari rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “They speak English. They just wanted to see if you speak Spanish. Anyway—this is Mabel, Mateo, and Martin.”

Before she could corral them away, Martín grabbed Jackie’s hand. “I get Jackie.”

Mateo latched onto her other hand. “No, I get Jackie.”

Mari groaned. They always did this with her friends, trying to hog the spotlight or play dumb pranks, but this time was different. Jackie had bewitched them just as easily as Jackie had bewitched her. Mari couldn’t help but notice that Jackie’s eyes lingered on Mateo’s face, like she was studying him. Mari wondered what's with him, considering Martin looked identical.

“None of you gets Jackie,” Mari snapped, yanking her hands free. “Get off my… friend… and go play.”

“Mari,” her mom called out. “Go prepare the tamales. Make your friend help.”

This would have annoyed Mari, but she’s in no position to impress Jackie right now. Jackie Taylor was in her house, wearing a dress Mari loved on her, about to make tamales under her supervision. If Jackie wanted forgiveness, she could earn it elbow-deep in masa.

Mari spread the corn husks and shoved the bowl of dough toward her. “You do this part. I hate it.”

Jackie didn’t argue. In fact, she looked almost… pleased, like she was happy just to be doing it. Figures. Of course Jackie would make tamale prep look like an act of sainthood.

“Don’t think I still want to date you,” Mari muttered, eyes on the filling, not on Jackie’s stupid pretty face. “That ship has sailed.”

Jackie smiled like it didn’t sting at all. “I’m just glad I got to hang out with you again. I did mean what I said to you, Mari. Our date was the best I’ve had.”

Mari rolled her eyes, lips twitching in spite of herself. “Looking at your other conquests, that’s a no-brainer.”

“Of course.” Jackie’s grin widened, easy and self-aware.

They were silent for a few minutes. Then Mari sighed and stopped moving her hands, debating whether she should bring up what’s been bothering her mind for the past week now. In the end, her insecurity could not falter.

“Did you mean…. what you wrote in the list?” she asked, her voice dropping.

Jackie’s hands stilled. She looked up at her, eyes soft enough to make Mari’s defenses quake.

“You couldn’t be with me because I was too desperate?”

“That’s not what I wrote,” Jackie said quickly, head tilting, gentle and earnest. Mari’s stomach twisted. She wanted to scowl, to be mad, but the sadness leaked through anyway.

“It’s kind of what you meant,” Mari pressed, “It’s because you were my first and you probably thought I imprinted on you or something.”

Jackie closed the distance fast, resting a hand on Mari’s shoulder, lowering her head until they were almost eye to eye. Mari froze, caught between glaring and looking away.

“I didn’t even know it was a date,” Jackie admitted, swallowing. “I was caught off guard by how fast you wanted it. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I thought you were thinking the same thing I was. That it was just fun.”

Jackie speaking to her and looking at her like this made the butterflies in Mari’s stomach go crazy, and she didn’t know whether it was good or bad.

“I know this makes me sound like a typical asshole,” Jackie went on. “But you guys had sprung this all on me, whether it was what I wanted in the first place or not… it all just happened so fast.”

Mari exhaled, masking her feelings the only way she knew how. “Yeah. Two weeks. That’s some womanizer jock record, Taylor.”

Jackie’s lips curved into a smirk, and Mari’s own mouth betrayed her with the same.

“So… do you forgive me?” Jackie asked, almost pleading.

Mari squinted at her, folding her arms. “Not so fast. You still have to survive lunch with my family.”

—-------------------------------------

 

Mari’s relatives came by and, as usual, their house was crowded again. No one even glanced at Jackie, which worked just fine for Mari as she’d rather have Jackie’s attention to herself anyway.

But of course, the twins wouldn’t let tradition slide. They’d swapped clothes, eager to trip Jackie up, the way they always did with new visitors. Mateo passed the bowl of guac over to her, and everyone at the table went quiet, waiting.

Jackie flashed her easy, charismatic smile. “Thanks, Mateo.”

The silence dropped like silverware against tile. Jackie froze under the sudden weight of everyone’s stares.

“Did I… say something wrong?” she whispered to Mari, but her mom answered instead.

“We’re just surprised. Mari’s friends can never tell them apart,” her mom said, and Mari swore she saw the faintest smile tug at her lips.

After lunch, the noise of the Ibarra house didn’t fade. Everyone talked over everyone until Mari finally tugged Jackie out to the backyard. They sat on opposite swings, the rusty squeak filling the silence between them.

“So…” Mari started, breaking the quiet. “Guess we’ve reached that part of our relationship where I introduce you to my mom.”

Jackie smiled, her eyes drifting toward the back door. “Your family’s nice.”

“Well, you certainly clawed your way into them,” Mari muttered, rolling her eyes. “You always get people to like you. Even my family, and they don’t like anyone.”

Jackie smirked. “What can I say? I’m wired this way.” But then she sighed, gaze slipping aside, and Mari caught the faint edge of bitterness in it.

“How did you know it was Mateo?” Mari asked, half out of curiosity, half to save Jackie from whatever thought she was hiding.

“Oh,” Jackie perked up. “When you told me their names, I noticed Mateo had the same mole just under your lip.”

Mari blinked, then touched her face instinctively. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah. I just thought it was kind of incredible. Same placement.” Jackie’s gaze lingered, soft and a little too long, until Mari’s cheeks warmed. She cleared her throat, desperate to steer them back to safer ground.

“Bet you can’t jump off this swing higher than me.”

Jackie turned, giving her a sly sideways look. “If I can… then truce?”

Mari’s mouth curved. “Deal.”

They pumped their legs in sync, the swings creaking as they rose higher and higher. Mari laughed at first, but as her gaze followed Jackie soaring in front of her, she noticed something different. Jackie wasn’t smiling as wide. She had her captain’s game face on, jaw set, eyes fixed, like this wasn’t just a playful thing but a challenge she had to win.

She wanted Mari to forgive her.

Mari started the countdown. “Three. Two. One.”

But when the moment came, Mari couldn’t jump higher, nor farther. She didn’t want to. She wanted to lose. Because it wasn’t true that Jackie had lost her. The moment Jackie started chasing her around school, Mari had already lost. And as much as she hated to admit it, Jackie still had her.

Their bodies collided midair and Mari landed on her back with a thud, Jackie crashing down on top of her.

“Ouch,” Mari groaned, while Jackie laughed, one hand braced in the grass beside her head, leaning over her.

The two of them dissolved into laughter, Jackie burying her face into Mari’s neck. When she lifted her head, their eyes locked, and the laughter stopped. It was like they were back to that moment Mari knew too well. Close enough to kiss, close enough to risk everything.

And she knew Jackie wouldn’t stop her. Maybe because she wanted it. Maybe because she’d feel guilty if she didn’t. Either way, it couldn’t happen. Not here, not now. Not in her backyard, with her whole family only steps away.

So Mari forced herself to break the moment. She stood, offered Jackie a hand, and pulled her up.

Later, at the front door, Mari lingered as Jackie fidgeted with the button of her jacket. Mari kicked at the ground aimlessly, trying to hide how sad she felt that the day was ending, that her little and second play date with Jackie was about to slip away.

 “Deep down, I know we can’t officially date,” she admitted, fighting to keep the sadness from her voice. “My mom would strike me if she ever found out I like girls.”

“With the chancla?” Jackie teased.

Mari wrinkled her nose. “That got thrown out years ago. Pretty sure this beating would require something… harder.”

Jackie snorted, but Mari didn’t laugh. Instead, she reached up and tucked a strand of Jackie’s hair behind her ear, her eyes softening. “But who knows? She really likes you, so… maybe in the future. Or…” Mari hesitated, her voice dropping. “…maybe we just won’t tell her.”

The words left a bitter taste in her mouth. She almost grimaced at how desperate she sounded. It’s exactly the kind of thing that made Jackie think twice about dating her in the first place.

But when she looked at her face, Jackie was smiling. Then, Mari froze as Jackie leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“We did find out I like to keep secrets after all,” Jackie said, flashing that disarming grin. Then her tone softened. “But… friends for now?” She gave Mari a hopeful look, the kind that was impossible to turn down.

“Friends,” Mari muttered, the word heavier than she expected, but not unpleasant. A smile tugged at her lips, genuine this time, and for once she felt content with her and Jackie being contained in that word. She held Jackie’s gaze a moment longer before watching her walk away.

 

---

 

Shauna

 

Torturous. A week had passed, but it felt like a decade. Hell, even a single day of this would’ve stretched into a year. Shauna couldn’t wrap her head around how long Jackie planned on doing this to her. She’d tried everything to get her best friend to talk, but feisty as ever, Jackie hadn’t given her so much as a glance. Worse, Shauna had to watch in agony as Jackie chased down the other girls, going on an apology tour like her charm alone could scrub away the mess she’d made.

But of course, this was classic Jackie when it comes to them. Always the best at silent treatment, even when Shauna was the one with the grudge. Jackie’s feelings always came first because she was never aware of Shauna’s.

And the timing of it all stung the most. Just when Shauna finally knew what she wanted. Just when years of confusion settled into something certain. Just when it got easy because Jackie kissed her first. Not that simple spin-the-bottle kiss, but a real one—the one that came afterward. Jackie had been the one to lay her feelings out, to make it simple for Shauna, and yet it wasn’t about her at all. It wasn’t about them. It was about Jackie kissing girls. Because minutes later, she was sleeping with half of the team. And now she had the nerve to treat Shauna like this? Like she was the one who betrayed Jackie?

Fine. Maybe she had too. She slept with Jackie’s nothing-for-good-boyfriend who might as well have just been a fuck doll for Shauna, for Shauna to burn all her pent up anger out on. Jackie thought it was only Randy that Shauna could pull so what else is she gonna do? Obviously, show her she can fuck her boyfriend. Jackie didn’t say ‘I love you’ to me. Guess who I will make say it to me.

And of course Shauna’s reaction was justified. Jackie had dethroned the biggest player in school without even trying. It was like kissing Shauna had cracked a dam inside her, and Jackie let the flood spill out on everyone else. As if Shauna was just the stepping stone, and that was the biggest slap in the face.

If only it were as simple as black and white. But no. Shauna and Jackie had always existed in the gray, stuck between lines they couldn’t cross, never knowing if they’d ever walk into something colorful. And despite Jackie’s setbacks (her detours with girls who weren’t Shauna), Shauna still wanted the life she almost touched. She still wanted Jackie. She’d been in love with her since they were practically babies, for fuck’s sake. How could these morons even compete? On the soccer field, they might have been just yards apart, but to Shauna, it was a million miles. She’d waited years, and she wasn’t about to let a bunch of nobodies take the love of her life from her.

 

When Shauna saw Tai at her locker, she froze. They hadn’t spoken since the confrontation, and truthfully, she’d wanted it that way as she could barely stomach looking at her. But Tai was still her friend, and sooner or later she’d eventually talk to her again so she might as well suck it up and get it over with now.

“Do you know if Jackie is going to prom?” She asked abruptly as she approached her.

Tai gave her one unbothered glance, then went back to shoving books into her locker. “Are we on speaking terms again?”

Shauna rolled her eyes, leaning against the locker beside her. She didn’t bother answering, just stared until Tai sighed and gave in.

It took a minute before Tai looked at her again, then she sighed in defeat. “She’s not going. After all the shit that went down, she said she’d rather stay home than watch people gossip about her.”

Shauna’s eyes dropped to the ground. “I was hoping she’d come….”

“Why? You’re not going with Jeff?” Tai asked, her tone filled with sarcasm.

“I’m going stag. To show her I want nothing to do with him.”

“Yeah,” Tai snorted, slamming her locker shut and facing her now. “Because that screams devotion.”

Shauna bristled. “Well, I don’t know what else would work. She’s been freezing me out and she talks to everyone but me.”

Tai pressed her lips together and gave Shauna a look that said you know why. “She hurt the others, and you hurt her so… go figure.”

“She hurt me too!” Shauna snapped, her voice rising. “Why is everyone acting like Jackie should crawl on her knees for everyone but me? I’m one of the girls she slept with!”

Tai exhaled wearily, like she’s tired of it all. “Look, Shauna, keep arguing about this all you want, but you’re not gonna win Jackie back by trying to shift the blame on her. At the end of the day, you slept with her boyfriend first. Jackie didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Shauna swallowed hard. She hated that Tai was right. That was the problem. Loving Jackie had driven her so insane that she’d wanted to hurt her just as badly as she was hurting. And she got what she wanted.

She ran her hand through her hair, then chewed on her lip for a second. “What… what do you think I should do?” she asked quietly.

“You’re asking me for advice now?” Tai leaned back against her locker, folding her arms. “Funny, when you’ve been pissed at me for having sex with her—”

Shauna immediately shut her eyes in disgust. “If you want us to stay friends, don’t ever fucking mention that again. Not just around me. Don’t ever fucking speak it as if it ever existed.”

“Wow, are we still in a mood today,” Van said, overhearing and approaching them.

“Just….” Shauna said, pointing a finger that’s either out of exasperation or warning. “Forget that that even ever happened,” she said, addressing them both now.

“Asking us to do the impossible would be a huge favor, Shauna," Van said, a smirk playing at her lips…. which she seemed to immediately realize was dangerous territory when she caught Shauna’s death stare, shifting into a serious facial expression.

Tai blew a puff of air. “Fine. If you want to win her back, go to her place. I would say give her space, but I think a week’s enough considering that we’re graduating, so…. you don’t really have much time to fix this.”

Van tapped Tai against her arm, then whispered something to her ear.

“I’m being a friend,” Tai muttered back.

Van frowned, then shook her head. “I need to find Lottie,” she said, turning to leave.

“Hey! You’re the meddler, not me,” Tai called, earning only a shrug from Van.

Shauna didn’t know what they were talking about, so she just stared at Tai, waiting impatiently.

“Look,” Tai said finally. “From what I can tell? Jackie doesn’t even want to see you. She’s ready to leave for college and move on.”

“She can’t,” Shauna said flatly, like it wasn’t up for debate.

Tai’s brows rose. For a second she almost smiled, but then she sighed. “Okay, Shauna.” She looked concerned now. “Good luck.”

 

—-----------------------------------------------

 

It was prom night, and instead of heading to school, Shauna was on her way to Jackie’s house in the pink dress Jackie had chosen for her, the one she’d hated in the store—too much satin, too much shine—because it felt less like her and more like Jackie’s brand stamped across her skin. She couldn’t decide if it made her furious or flushed, being claimed like that. Especially when Jackie, in contrast, picked a green dress. Jackie always got to decide and at the time, it felt like the choice was made for the both of them but underneath, it was Jackie trying to control everything. And yet, even when all she wanted was to be her own person, she kept finding herself knotted into Jackie. Like she couldn’t escape her. The ugliest truth was that Shauna liked it. The branding, the belonging, the tether. She hated the idea of being painted as half of a whole, yet she wanted Jackie to be her other half. Maybe Plato was right, maybe people really were just split pieces wandering the earth, restless until they found the one they’d been carved away from. If so, Shauna had already found hers, and she just wasn’t sure if Jackie wanted to be found the same way.

 

When Jackie’s mom opened the door, she didn’t look the least bit surprised to see Shauna. Shauna had expected that. Jackie never told her mom when they fought, and when they made up, Jackie would tell her that it was because she didn’t want her mom thinking badly of Shauna. Sweet, sure, but Shauna always suspected it was also Jackie’s way of making her feel guilty for the fight in the first place. Still, it was a relief because if Mrs. Taylor had known about this particular fight, Shauna would’ve been facing a firing line of questions she had no answers for.

“Oh, honey, you look so pretty,” Jackie’s mom said, eyes sweeping over the pink dress. “But Jackie isn’t going to prom. She’s sick.”

Shauna’s brows lifted, a knot forming in her stomach. For a second, it felt like she really was here to pick Jackie up as her date. “Yeah, I… I just wanted to check on her first. Make sure she’s okay,” she lied. She knew Jackie wasn’t sick. If she didn’t use it as an excuse, Mrs. Taylor would’ve been dragging her out of bed in full makeup by now. Shauna was almost shocked she hadn’t anyway.

Shauna hesitated at Jackie’s bedroom door. They hadn’t spoken since the fight, but she was tired of letting silence become the loudest weapon between them. She never agreed to this contest. She wanted to talk and resolve everything immediately, even after she found out what Jackie had been up to. 

When she pushed the door open, Jackie was still in bed, wearing a T-shirt and shorts, lying on her side facing the door, her eyes closed, hands under the side of her face. Shauna wanted to curse. She missed the sound of Jackie’s breath, and just watching the way her shoulder rose and fell. Jackie always made being near her feel like home, even when everything else inside Shauna was burning.

 

“Hey,” Shauna said softly before she could think.

Jackie’s head snapped up. Her face folded, searching. “What are you doing here?” she asked. The venom seemed gone now. There was only fatigue and a brittle edge remained.

“How did you get out of going to prom?” Shauna ignored the question. She watched Jackie swallow, watched the tremor at the base of her throat.

“I told my mom Jeff isn’t coming too,” Jackie said, her tone becoming more defensive.

Shauna’s stomach knotted. Of course Jackie hadn’t told her mom that her and Jeff were over. It would have been easier that way, lying that nothing had changed. “Aren’t you going to claim your crown?” Shauna asked, trying to ease the tension in the room.

“I don’t care about that,” Jackie snapped. “And you’re not convincing me to go.”

“I’m not trying to—” Shauna began.

“Then I don’t know why the hell you’re here. You should leave.”

Shauna braced for the fight she knew was coming. Because she wasn’t going to let Jackie shove her away again. “We both hurt each other, Jackie,” she said, steady and low.

Jackie gave her that disdainful look, sharp enough to slice. “Really? You wanna play the fucking moral compass right now?”

“You slept with the team,” Shauna said, stomach tightening as the words left her mouth. She knew it would start another fire, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Including Tai and Van.”

“That was before you!” Jackie barked, springing to her feet.

“That wasn’t before me!” Shauna snapped back, the volume of her own voice startling her, but it was too late to rein it in. It wasn’t before her. She was already in the picture, long before anyone could even dip their toes in Jackie’s life.

They stood in the scrape of lamplight across from each other. Jackie paced a slow circle, nostrils flaring. “You fucked Jeff behind my back,” she said.

“You immediately kissed everyone else after you kissed me—”

Jackie cut her off. “You don’t get to talk shit about the timing. You chose him over our friendship!"

“And you chose everyone over me!” Shauna yelled back, and Jackie slapped the side of her forehead, looking frustrated, but Shauna continued. “So fuck your technicality! You’re acting like your ex-boyfriend was such a catch anyway.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow, head bobbing with that smug flair Shauna hated, the one that made her feel like she was ten steps behind. “Is that why you slept with him?”

Shauna rolled her eyes, heat crawling up her neck. Jackie stared at her, shaking her head in disbelief as she continued. “You know what, Shauna? If you had waited to hook up with him until we weren’t together anymore, maybe it would’ve been fine!”

Shauna’s face twisted in revulsion. God, is she serious? “Why the fuck would I do that? Do you know how stupid that sounds?”

Jackie let out a groan, sharp and exasperated. “Which proves exactly my point!”

“And that is…?” Shauna shot back, brows furrowing.

Jackie narrowed her eyes. “Seriously? Your Ivy League brain is really asking me to elaborate?”

“Would you just please get to your point?” Shauna snapped, irritation pulling sharp edges out of her voice.

Jackie swallowed, sighing like the weight of it all might crush her. “You did it because you wanted to hurt me.”

Shauna froze. Her eyes dropped to the floor, unable to control the guilt now pricking at her chest. Her legs suddenly felt weak, buzzing with pins and needles, so she moved past Jackie and sank onto the bed, hands gripping the sheets like that would help her calm down.

The silence stretched until Jackie turned toward her, voice softer now. “Why?”

Shauna’s throat tightened. “Because you were hurting me,” she whispered, staring at her lap.

“That is such a bullshit—”

Shauna cut her off, head snapping up, voice low but urgent. “Can’t you just let me finish?”

Jackie sighed heavily, retreating a few steps until she leaned against her dresser, arms stiff at her sides.

“You never told me you loved me.”

Jackie opened her mouth in defense. “What? That is not—”

“I’m not done,” Shauna said flatly, refusing to flinch. “I told you I loved you the night before Nationals, and you didn’t say it back. And I realized you never have.”

Jackie shook her head, eyes locked, unyielding. “That doesn’t mean I don’t, Shauna. I show you how much I love you in many ways I can.”

“And I fucked Jeff, because yes, I wanted you, and I don’t know, maybe I was thinking that you’d never want me back,” Shauna’s chest felt like it might crack open.

Jackie just shook her again again. “You can’t just make that assumption on your own.”

“Oh please,” Shauna snapped, the bitterness tasting metallic in her mouth. “You think my sex appeal can only go so far as pulling Randy fucking Walsh. How can I not assume that you think of me as less than?”

“That’s not true, Shauna,” Jackie said firmly. “Maybe I was confused why you were upset when I told you he liked you, but I was relieved when you said you wanted nothing to do with him. I just wanted to know what you want.”

Shauna shook her head, unconvinced. “Come on, Jackie. You thought of sleeping with girls and I wasn’t your first choice.”

“You’re my best friend,” Jackie responded, her voice lower, like she was almost ashamed. “I didn’t think it would be appropriate of me to—”

“You slept with Tai and Van,” Shauna cut her off, eyes flashing and sarcasm slipping into her tone. “I think being appropriate completely went way over your head.”

Jackie’s lips pressed together, her face settling into stubborn defiance. “You know what? If your way of apology is blaming everything on me, you shouldn’t have even bothered coming here—”

“Jax, please,” Shauna interrupted softly, stepping forward, her anger faltering. “I’m trying to be truthful.”

She peeled off her pink gloves, fingertips trembling as she reached for Jackie’s hand. The second their skin touched, a shock of warmth and longing flooded her, butterflies fluttering wildly in her stomach. 

Jackie exhaled. “So what? You loved and hated me at the same time?” she asked.

Shauna swallowed hard. “I hate what you present to the world. I love what you are deep inside.”

Jackie didn’t respond. Her eyes remained fixed on Shauna, studying her.

“When you decide to finally be yourself, I hated it even more,” Shauna continued, voice breaking. “Because I wasn’t the first person you decided to show it to. And yeah, maybe I just felt so small whenever I was with you. Mixing that with how much I wanted you…it confused me. It made me angry. So I lashed out and slept with your boyfriend to show you that… I am lovable too.”

Jackie’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Well. You showed me,” she muttered.

“I just wanted you to see me for what I am,” Shauna said, her eyes burning, tears threatening to spill. “I did something stupid and mean because I was hurt. I thought you would never see me the way I wanted you to and… the worst thing that I could do just seemed clearer than the waiting, Than hoping you’d… cross the line first.”

Jackie exhaled slowly, then tugged gently on Shauna’s hand, pulling her down so they both sat at the foot of the bed. Her voice was quiet, almost tender. “You know, we could’ve just talked about all of this, right? Before you slept with him. Before anything. Would’ve saved us a lot of heartbreak.”

 

Shauna let Jackie’s words linger in the air. They were never good communicators, and maybe this was why. She scrubbed at her face and got up, pacing a small, restless circle. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Jackie watching her—not sharp or disdainful this time, but cautious, like she wanted to bridge the distance but couldn’t yet.

 

Finally, she looked Jackie in the eyes, then breathed, “I’m sorry,” the words simple and bare.

Jackie looked at her a long time, as if weighing the shape of that apology. “I’m sorry too,” she answered, the admission slipping out in a rush. 

Shauna didn’t know what Jackie was apologizing for. Part of her had always thought she’d crave the words, need them like air, but now that they were here, they felt almost unnecessary. So she decided not to ask “what for?”

“But Jackie… I… I want you to know that I will give up everything,” Shauna blurted, her voice trembling. “Nothing has changed, I’m still in love with you and we could go to Rutgers like you always wanted—”

“Shauna…” Jackie cut her off gently, reaching for Shauna’s hand. Shauna took it, then Jackie gently pulled her to sit back down next to her. “I would never ask you to give up an opportunity like that. Are you fucking crazy?”

Shauna froze, caught in the steel of her gaze. Jackie wasn’t teasing. She wasn’t brushing it off. She was serious, and the weight of that sincerity left Shauna a little speechless.

“I know you think otherwise, but it wasn’t up to me to dictate you on how you want to live your life.” Jackie tilted her face up with a light touch beneath Shauna’s chin, forcing her eyes to meet hers. “You can always be yourself around me. I don’t know why you ever thought you couldn’t. And I do see you for who you are. I love everything you showed me about you. You deserve this, really.”

Shauna’s breath hitched. Her eyelids fluttered closed as Jackie tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The warmth of Jackie’s fingertips lingered on her cheek, and Shauna leaned into it, greedy for even that small contact, aching with how long she’d gone without it.

“In my mind, you could pull better than anyone in this town,” Jackie went on, voice softer now, almost wistful. “I knew Wiskayok would be behind you one day, and that was scary for me. Because I had this fear that I’m gonna stay here forever, living a boring life and… a life without you.”

You could never be boring. You’re outstanding. For me, you’re incomparable. You’re meant to achieve greatness. You’re already great now.

Shauna let the words echo in her head, vowing to lock them away where they couldn’t slip out of reach later, to remind herself about Jackie.

“So what now?” she asked, her voice gentler now, eyes fixed on Jackie’s.

Jackie only gave a small shrug, her hand lowering behind Shauna, rubbing circles along her back. “I guess we go our separate ways.”

The thought alone was unbearable. Shauna immediately shook her head almost violently, like the very idea was poison. “I don’t want that.”

Jackie tilted her head, her tone steady. “You didn’t want what I wanted, Shauna. You didn’t want to go where I was going. And that’s okay. It hurts that you ever thought I would hold you back.”

Shauna’s throat tightened. The question pressed against her lips, ugly and desperate, but she forced it out anyway. “Are you gonna push me out of your life?”

Jackie gave her a soft, unreadable smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “We’ll keep in touch.”

She said it so simply, so casually, like it was enough. But Shauna’s chest burned with unspoken questions. How? Do I show up at your dorm? Do you come to mine? Do we schedule visits, calls, promises? Or do we just drift and pretend that’s fine?

She bit them all back, swallowing down the ache and choosing for once to trust the universe instead of her panic.

“You look pretty, by the way,” Jackie added, giving her a slow once-over. “I have good taste, don’t I?”

Shauna rolled her eyes, but her lips betrayed her, tugging into a smile. Jackie was being herself again, and God, Shauna had missed that.

“Better get going. Jeff must be waiting for you,” Jackie said, her face deliberately blank, carefully neutral, like she was pretending she didn’t care.

“I wasn’t gonna go,” Shauna said.

Jackie’s brow arched. “Then why are you wearing your dress?”

Shauna’s answer came easily, unflinching. “Because my prom is with you.”

Jackie rolled her eyes again, then the corner of her mouth twitched. “You trying to make me swoon, Shipman?”

Shauna laughed a little… genuinely. “Oh hey,” Shauna said, the spark of mischief creeping back into her voice. “We should do it like the old times. I’ll go steal a bottle of wine from your mom’s liquor cabinet, and you put on the green dress. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Jackie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You’re not gonna make me wear the dress just so you can ask me to take it off, are you?”

Shauna kept her face dead serious, giving a small shrug. “Why would I have to ask when you can just do it willingly?”

Jackie tilted her head, eyebrows lifting, caught between surprise and amusement. For a second, her mouth twitched like she wanted to laugh, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Shauna’s lips cracked into a grin. “I’m kidding! Now go get dressed and we’ll have our own prom.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, but there was a hesitation in it, the tiniest pause before she let the smirk fully settle. Like she wanted to forgive, wanted to believe this could be light again. 

 

“Go steal the wine.”

 

---

 

Nat

 

It was almost Monday, the weekend already gone in a blur. Nat sat in her small shitty bathtub, knees tucked to her chest, smoke curling from the joint between her fingers, a half-empty bottle of whiskey clutched tight. The floor was littered with the empty bottles of liquors that were still in her system.

Last night, after Jackie came over… Nat couldn’t stop crying. She hadn’t broken down like that in years, and how fucking morbid was it that the thing to finally rip her open again after watching her dad blow his head off right in front of her was the girl she’d sworn she couldn’t stand? She lay sprawled on her bed, palms dragging across her face, smearing tears everywhere, whispering, Why? Why? Why? to a god that never gave a shit. Why let her connect with someone she couldn’t have? Why give her a taste of something good that’s soon gonna be gone anyway?

It was pathetic. She was pathetic. Because it was Jackie. The girl she was supposed to despise. And yet here she was, gutted like she’d just been through the biggest heartbreak of her life over someone who was never even hers.

When Shauna showed up at Jackie’s house, it hit Nat like a hard punch. Jackie was heartbroken because she loved Shauna. Nat realized then that she and Jackie were feeling the same stab, the same impossible ache. She didn’t know why it hurt so much. It shouldn’t have. It was Jackie. Fucking Jackie Taylor. How had Nat started seeing her in a different light in just forty-eight hours? Now Nat kept replaying their moments, over and over, like a good song she wanted to turn off but couldn’t. She couldn’t believe she was just another one of those idiots falling for Jackie like a domino knocked over without warning.

But when she thought about it, maybe she’d been circling the edge for a while, watching Jackie closer than she realized and trying to figure out why she’d been acting different lately. At first, Nat chalked it up to graduation looming. Everyone was being so weird and emotional about it and Nat thought that she would miss all of them after all, even Jackie. Not that Nat was ever close with the other girls, but Jackie was their captain, and she was always trying to win people over. With Nat, it had just never worked. They’d just lock horns, mocking each other until one of them stormed off. It was like there was always some magnetic push that made Nat snarl whenever Jackie opened her mouth.

But once Nat caught the flirty edge in Jackie, the way she was tossing it around with the girls, something shifted. Suddenly, it was infuriating that Jackie was flirting with the others and not her. Jackie went from being a nuisance to the most interesting person in school. 

And now that Nat had gotten even the smallest taste of her, gotten close enough to feel her, to know her… she was fucked. She was given just enough of Jackie to haunt her. Before she leaves this town and forget everyone’s faces because that’s just how much the universe loved her.

 

Monday came and as much as Nat hated picking herself up and dragging her ass to school, she refused to seem like she was affected. She watched in the sidelines as Jackie made her way through the girls, asking for forgiveness, and whenever their eyes would meet, Nat immediately snapped her gaze away and turned the other way… not staring long enough to see in Jackie’s eyes whether she wanted to talk to her.

Nat told herself that it was nothing. They were nothing. They had bonded, she consoled Jackie, and that was it. But her rotten brain wouldn’t shut up. Kept replaying  the ache between her legs. Her fingers grazing over Jackie’s soaked panties, Jackie’s smell, Jackie’s tongue barely dabbing against her lips, Jackie whispering please like Nat had her on a leash… which is now ironic.

Why the fuck was it burned into her head? It wasn’t like she hadn’t had girls be pathetic over her before. Did Jackie become her new addiction?

Fortunately, the days blurred by, though they dragged at first. Nat managed to survive her withdrawal—not speaking to Jackie again, dodging her every chance she got. Jackie skipped prom and so did Shauna. Afterwards, Nat spotted them hanging out together again and told herself she couldn’t care less.

During break one day, Nat was camped under the bleachers, cigarette in hand, when Laura Lee’s voice cut through the quiet.

“Hey.”

Nat startled, instinctively tucking the cigarette out of sight, even though everyone knew she smoked here. But this was Laura Lee. With her, hiding it felt… respectful, somehow.

“What are you doing here, Laura Lee?” Nat muttered, feeling wary.

“I just wanted to check on you,” Laura Lee said with a little shrug. “You’ve been distancing yourself from us. I figured maybe you felt out of place since everyone was caught up in the whole… you know, Jackie thing, but you.”

Nat arched a brow at her.

“Don’t worry. You’re better off not getting included. It was a whole mess anyway.”

“Yeah,” Nat said flatly, voice awkward, trying to fix her eyes anywhere but Laura Lee’s.

Great. It wasn’t just in her head that she hadn’t even been Jackie’s choice. It was written across everyone else’s faces too. Like whatever they had wasn’t even real. Just a blip, something no one would ever know or care about.

So Nat accepted defeat. What else was there? She didn’t know what she’d been expecting anyway. Jackie was off to college, already halfway out of Wiskayok, while Nat couldn’t even afford to leave. Even if she could, applications were long past due, and unlike everyone else, she hadn’t been planning for some bright, golden future at the start of senior year. She’d accepted long ago that she was stuck here. Stuck in Wiskayok where she would probably end up waiting tables at some greasy diner or punching a register at Walgreens, or if she got lucky, maybe working at the city center mall outside town. And how could she ever imagine herself in a relationship with Jackie Taylor, of all people? Even if she tried, she’d only drag Jackie down. It was all wishful thinking, and it was getting ridiculous now. They hadn’t even spoken in nearly a month. The fog should’ve lifted by now.

 

At Mari’s grad party, Nat realized the fog was still there. High school, though she’d never admit it out loud, not even to herself, had actually been fun. She had Rich and Kevyn. She’d had soccer. She cared about it, and even let herself imagine about a scholarship once. She cared about the team too, maybe even considered some of them her friends, though it wasn’t blatant. Still, school had been an escape from home, and she’d been kidding herself acting like she was above it all. She’d been waiting for it to end, and now that it had, she didn’t know what she had left.

She sat wedged into the leather couch, a plastic cup in hand, half-listening to Rich and Kevyn crack jokes as they people-watched. She wanted something stronger than the punch, but the bottles were all laid out in the kitchen—where the team clustered around Jackie like she was a shrine. Nat tried not to stare, but she caught herself stealing glances anyway. Jackie’s smile hadn’t left her face all night, and it wasn’t for Nat. She wasn’t even looking in her direction. Maybe she’d given up trying. Not that she’d tried much in the first place. And here Nat was, annoyed at herself for even caring. She was the one who pushed Jackie away. Rationally, it was the right move. Didn’t mean she didn’t hate it. She hated that she hated it.

“I got you another punch, Jackie,” Misty chirped, handing over a red cup. Jackie flashed her the kind of smile that could kill, but Shauna plucked it right out of her hand and set it on the counter.

“Thanks, but Jackie likes cherry coke and vodka,” she said, and Misty’s grin collapsed.

“Jackie, you have to try these mini tostadas,” Mari interrupted, practically shoving one between Jackie’s lips. Jackie covered her mouth with her fingers as she chewed.

“Should’ve gotten her a cheesesteak,” Shauna muttered.

“It’s a Mexican-themed party,” Mari shot back, narrowing her eyes.

“Then where’s the piñata?” Akilah cut in.

“It’s not a children’s party,” Mari groaned.

“Jackie, let’s go play ping pong,” Lottie said, trying to reach for Jackie’s hand.

 “No,” Shauna protested, grabbing Jackie’s other hand. “She’s staying with me.”

Nat’s eyes burned as she turned away, swallowing down the rest of her drink. She wanted to laugh at them, at the pathetic spectacle of everyone still fawning over Jackie like nothing had happened. She should feel grateful she wasn’t one of them. But all she felt was rage.

“I never thought I’d say this to you, but I’m so excited to go to Columbia,” Tai’s voice drifted over from where she stood with Van, staring at the girls.

 “Ugh,” Van groaned, slumping her shoulders. She walked over and grabbed Nat’s hand. “Let’s play beer pong before these vultures use the table for its actual lame purpose.”

“Gladly,” Nat said, shoving her cup into Rich’s hand and letting Van drag her off the couch.

Nat focused on the game to try and ignore everything around her. Minutes later and as usual, she sank the last ball into Van’s last cup filled with beer.

Van groaned, already reaching for it. “You’re never gonna let me win, are you?”

 “Drink up, loser,” Nat shot back with a smug grin.

Van drained it, then raised her voice so the room could hear. “Okay, seriously. Can someone please beat Nat at beer pong? Just once, for me.”

“I can.” Jackie’s voice cut in clear and bright as she pushed her way through, stepping up beside Van.

“There we go.” Van lit up, gesturing like she was presenting a prizefighter. “Looks like our captain’s challenging you, Nat.”

Nat glanced at Jackie, who was smiling playfully. Like talking to Nat was just casual. Her stomach twisted and she immediately tore her gaze away. “I need some air,” she muttered, eyes flicking to Jackie just long enough to see her face fall. Then she turned, cutting through the crowd and heading for the stairs, desperate for a balcony.

 

Stumbling on the broad foyer upstairs, Nat shoved the tall doors dressed like windows open and slid onto the concrete railing of the balcony, dragging a joint from her pocket like it was a lifeline. One more night. She could do this. Ignore Jackie, ride it out, and never see her again. The lighter flared. She pulled hard, swallowing the smoke on purpose, expecting the burn to scrape her throat raw. She felt the itch as the cough clawed its way up, but she tightened her jaw and forced it down, letting her eyes water instead.

After only a few puffs, she finished the joint down to the filter. She had to. Had to be high if she wanted to survive the night failing to keep her eyes off of Jackie. She slid to the floor of the balcony, slouching back against the railing, letting the smoke and the night blur together. Below, she stared at Mari’s front yard, looking at the bodies, laughing and stumbling, red cups flashing in the porch light. She watched from a distance until haze finally crept in, the breeze tickling her skin like tiny fingers she couldn’t swat away. And then her mind betrayed her, taking her back to Jackie’s room, both of them on her carpet, head side by side and staring at the ceiling stains that almost looked like smoke. Nat breathed heavy, realizing that getting high wasn’t an escape anymore. It became a reminder. A reminder that Jackie wouldn’t be there to share it with her.

Alone, the balcony suddenly felt sharp-edged. Dangerous. Like her mind could turn on her. She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there, but it stretched until it felt like hours. Finally, she pushed herself up, wandering to the stairs.

From the landing, she froze. Jackie stood in the living room, cradling a boy in one arm, and then another, standing next to her, clinging to the hem of her shirt. Nat assumed they were Mari’s twin brothers.

“It’s not good for the twins to be here, Mari,” she heard Laura Lee barely whisper through the noise as she glanced around.

“I thought I already put them to bed,” Mari muttered, keeping herself transfixed on Jackie.

“You both should be asleep,” Jackie made a faux-scolding face, wrinkling her nose as she rubbed it against the boy’s, her other hand resting gently on the second kid’s head.

Everyone’s eyes lingered on Jackie, the same way Nat was watching. Her stomach frenzied dangerously. Watching Jackie with those kids made her imagine things she had no business imagining.

The second Jackie’s eyes flicked up, Nat bolted, scrambling away before they could stare at each other longer. She didn’t need this, she told herself that on repeat as she made her way back upstairs, hunting for a bathroom where the bass didn’t rattle the walls and laughter didn’t follow her.

She shut the door behind her and leaned over the sink, staring at her bloodshot eyes in the mirror.

“Fuck,” she muttered. She couldn’t be this much of a loser right now. She’d spent years accidentally building a reputation for not caring. Apathetic, untouchable, and just in it for the fun. She hated hearing people whisper that shit about her. But right now, she’d take it. Better to lean into how other people perceive her than face the uglier truth. That she was falling apart over someone who was perceived as this glossy, superficial, popular girl.

Not a second later, the door creaked open and Jackie slipped inside, shutting it with a firm click before pressing her back against it. In the mirror, her eyes locked onto Nat.

“Are you done ignoring me?” Jackie asked, her voice low, a little rough.

Nat’s chest tightened, but she forced her expression flat. She turned the faucet on, letting the water rush as a cover. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please,” Jackie let out a scoff, folding her arms. “You’ve been acting like I’ve got the fucking plague.”

“Why don’t you just go back to your flock of babes?” Nat muttered, shaking her head before yanking the hand towel off the rack and scrubbing her damp hands dry.

Nat kept her eyes locked on the sink, fingers twitching uselessly against the porcelain. She heard the steady click of Jackie’s heels draw closer. Then nothing. There was only silence.

A shiver ran through Nat when Jackie’s hand brushed her hair aside, her breath grazing warm against the back of her neck. Nat lifted her gaze to the mirror just as Jackie leaned in, tilting her head, lips a whisper from her ear.

“Didn’t you miss me at all?”

Nat’s breath hitched, ragged and shallow. She tried to swallow it down, but it caught in her throat.

“Jackie,” she mumbled. It was supposed to be a warning, but it came out vulnerable.

“Because God,” Jackie murmured back, arms winding around Nat’s waist like she owned her body now. “I fucking missed you.”

Nat spun, clutching Jackie’s hand, her back colliding with the sink. “Your… your girls are outside,” her words tumbled out. Stuttered and pathetic.

Heat tore through her. Fury at herself for cracking so easily. Fury at Jackie for knowing exactly how to play her. She hated how cocky Jackie was. Hated even more how much it turned her on.

“They’re not mine,” Jackie twirled her hands free, caught Nat’s wrists, folding her fingers around them with a grip that was gentle but inescapable.

Nat exhaled, trying to scoff, trying to call bullshit. “I think each of them could make a case for that.”

Jackie moved closer until her breath ghosted over Nat’s lips. “What if I want to be yours?” she asked, quiet and dangerous.

The room shrank to the inch between their mouths. Jackie’s breath reeked of vodka, and Nat’s pulse hammered in her ears. A million reasons to shove Jackie away surged up, thinking of every reason that this was a bad idea, but it fizzled out just as quickly as they came, slipping straight through her. Her thoughts were useless. Instead, her hands tightened reflexively around Jackie’s waist, and like any sane being would in this situation, Nat gave in.

She crashed her mouth against Jackie’s. Violently, like she was starving for it, she couldn’t fight it anymore. Jackie moaned into her, arms snaking its way over Nat’s chest, her hands locking behind Nat’s neck, dragging her closer as their tongues collided in a clash that felt more like a fight than a kiss.

Jackie’s lips were warm, the heat bleeding into Nat’s own and tingling all the way down her body. Their mouths broke apart just enough for Nat to drag in a gasp, but Jackie caught her lower lip between her teeth and tugged, pulling a low grunt out of Nat’s throat.

“Wait five minutes. Meet me in the backyard,” Jackie breathed, then spun on her heel and shoved the door open, leaving Nat dazed, pulsing, and starved with want.

 

Nat turned to the sink, staring at the girl in the mirror who looked like shit. Did she really want this? One last hit before she never saw Jackie again? The thought curled sharp in her head. If she can’t come down from it, then why the hell should she stop now? Nat smoothed down her hair, tugging at stray strands until her reflection looked passable. Five minutes passed after  she’d counted every damn second in her head. After she’d counted every damn second in her head, five minutes finally passed. Then she slipped back into the crowd and saw the girls were tangled in their own little worlds, too distracted to notice her ghosting past. Almost. Shauna’s head turned, scanning the room, searching for Jackie. Their eyes nearly met, and Nat’s pulse spiked. She quickened her pace before Shauna could pin her down, ducking into the hallway off the kitchen and shoving open the door to the backyard.

 

The backyard was swallowed in shadow, the lone porch lamp dead, leaving the space quiet and unused. Which was a waste, Nat thought, because it would’ve been the perfect spot to smoke. Her eyes adjusted, sweeping the dark until she found Jackie, leaning against the side of a small shed, arms folded and waiting just for her.

“Come here,” Jackie whispered, slipping into the narrow space between the shed and the hedge.

Like a magnet and the idiot that she is, Nat followed her. The air felt tighter there. Jackie pressed her back against the hedge and shoved Nat lightly into the siding of the shed, the thud echoing louder than it should have.

“Be careful, someone might hear. Shauna’s already looking for you,” Nat whispered, eyes fixed on Jackie’s lips. She wanted to bite her tongue for how much her words sounded like they were having an illicit affair.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Jackie murmured, her hands gripping Nat’s waist firmly, like she’s afraid Nat might leave.

“What about Shauna?” Nat breathed, bracing for the sting she had to have expected. Jackie was still wrapped up in her best friend and Nat knew this wasn’t a good idea. But for once, she wanted to be selfish. She didn’t want just sex, but deep down, she knew that it was probably all she could get.

“We’re not… Can  we not talk about anyone else?” Jackie’s voice cracked with need. “This is about you and me.” Her hand slid up to cradle Nat’s jaw, while the other fumbled urgently at the buttons of Nat’s shirt. “Please, I need this.”

Her mouth was on Nat’s again before Nat could form a response, kisses rough, insistent, pulling her under. Whatever Jackie meant by "need," Nat couldn’t decipher right now. She was too hot, too far gone, and her high was sharpening instead of dulling.

“Need you,” Jackie mumbled against her lips, her hand cupping Nat’s breast through the fabric of her bra. She could feel her nipples getting hard at the sensation, and she wished Jackie would just take the bra off and take her boob in her mouth.

She groaned, clutching at Jackie’s waist. Her fingers slipped beneath Jackie’s top, finding bare skin. She traced the curve of her stomach, her abdomen, the flare of her hips, and fuck, it was turning her inside out how good Jackie felt.

Jackie didn’t waste a second. She hitched Nat’s leg up around her hips, pinning her harder against the shed. Her hand abandoned Nat’s bra and slid straight down, forcing its way into her jeans without even bothering with the button.

“I can smell you,” Jackie murmured against her lips, throwing Nat’s own words back at her from when  they almost fucked.

Nat’s breath stuttered as she fumbled to help, unbuttoning her denim and yanking her zipper down, helping Jackie’s hand roam freely inside, fingers pressing hot over the thin cotton of her panties. Nat’s head fell back against the wood with a thud when Jackie started circling her clit, slow at first, then faster, coaxing shivers out of her she couldn’t hold in.

“And God,” Jackie whispered, her voice like a spark on gasoline, “...you’re already so fucking wet for me.”

Nat bit down on the inside of her cheek, refusing to give her the satisfaction of a moan, but every nerve in her body betrayed her. Jackie’s brazen words only fueled the ache, and Nat didn’t know how she could survive this version of her. Dirty-talking, in control, and terrifyingly confident Jackie.

Jackie hooked her fingers under the gusset of Nat’s panties, dragging it aside until her skin met Nat’s heat.

“Fuck,” Nat gasped, the sound ripped out of her before she could stop it.

Jackie parted her folds and slid two fingers between, gliding them up and down through her now slick area. “Are you horny for me, Nat?” she breathed, her lips brushing kisses down the side of Nat’s neck.

“Oh…oh god,” Nat gasped, clutching at Jackie’s shoulders, her leg locked tighter around Jackie’s hips like she’d fall apart without the hold.

“You want me to fuck you?” Jackie murmured against her ear, before catching her earlobe between her teeth in a teasing suck.

“Yes. Fuck yes, Jack,” Nat begged, her voice breaking apart.

Without hesitation, Jackie pushed two fingers inside her, and Nat’s moan ripped out raw, louder than she could control.

“Shhh,” Jackie hushed against her mouth, the command edged with a smile.

Nat bit down on her lip, hips rocking as Jackie worked her fingers in and out with a slow rhythm. Nat shoved her pants lower, letting them bunch at her thighs, giving Jackie easier access to fuck her properly.

Jackie moaned softly into the kiss, like she was savoring every twitch of Nat around her fingers. The sound was maddening. Sweet and bold all at once.

“Goddammit, Jack,” Nat gasped, the words tearing out louder than she meant.

Jackie immediately slid her free hand up and clamped it gently over Nat’s mouth. Her eyes gleamed as she leaned in close. “You have to keep quiet, baby,” she whispered, the pet name burning through Nat and making her pulse clench even tighter around Jackie’s fingers.

“Shit, have you always been this fucking tight?” Jackie whispered, her breath hot against Nat’s lips.

Nat couldn’t even answer that because Jackie slid almost all the way out, and when she pushed back in, Nat felt the sudden stretch. Three fingers now, pumping deeper and harder inside her.

Nat’s grunt tore out, muffled instantly as Jackie’s hand pressed tighter over her mouth. Her whole body trembled against the shed. She’d never been touched like this. Never been fucked like this. It was too much, too good. And in the back of her mind, one brutal truth burned through the haze. This was the first and the last time, and Jackie was giving her everything, ruining her in the best way… and Nat was just letting her.

Jackie started fucking her faster, each thrust making Nat’s ass knock against the wood. She knew she wasn’t going to last because Jackie’s fingers found every spot like she already knew exactly where to go. Mix that with Jackie’s voice moaning, “Fuck, Nat, oh fuck, you feel so good,” right into her, and Nat was losing her mind.

She tilted her head, desperate, locking eyes with Jackie, silently begging for a kiss. And Jackie, with those big, beautiful hazel eyes blazing, gladly obliged. Their mouths crashed together just as Nat was on the verge of release.

Nat wanted to scream, “Don’t stop, keep fucking me,” but the kiss stayed unbroken, Jackie moving like she could read her mind. Nat’s eyes squeezed shut so tight she saw bursts of color, fireworks behind her lids as she felt the orgasm coming. Their muffled moans tangled together, mouths fused, hips grinding, sharing one gasp, one ragged breath, as if they were burning alive inside the same body.

When Nat came, she clutched Jackie’s wrist with both hands, urging her to slow down. Jackie obeyed, easing her pace, and softened the moment with tender kisses, sucking first her upper lip, then her lower, before scattering gentle pecks across them both. When Jackie pulled back a little, their breaths tangled in the night air, eyes locked like they could see straight through each other’s soul. Nat tugged at Jackie’s wrist, and as her fingers slid free, she felt her cum spill out. Jackie’s gaze dropped, transfixed, lips parted in a small, breathless gasp at the sight of her cunt.

“Taste me,” Nat whispered, her voice low, desperate to linger on Jackie’s tongue. Desperate to leave her mark.

Jackie only nodded, then slipped her fingers into her mouth. Her eyes fluttered shut as she pressed her forehead against Nat’s, the other hand braced against the shed for balance. A muffled moan rumbled out of her, low and hungry, and Nat’s own sound joined it, while hers was  born from the sheer sight of Jackie tasting her like that, like Jackie needed to ground herself.

 

Afterwards, silence settled over them for a minute. Jackie stepped back, leaning against the hedge while Nat fixed her clothes into place.

“That was, um…” Jackie bit her lip, eyes fixed on Nat.

“Yeah.” Nat swallowed, unable to deny the sentiment.

Jackie frowned, folding her arms. “You can’t just ignore me after we…spent some time together,” she said, a hint of nervousness showing up now.

Nat shrugged. “What’s the point, Jackie? You’re leaving anyway,” she said flatly, almost bitterly.

“Maybe that’s the whole point. We could’ve talked more.” Jackie pouted a little, gaze dropping to the ground.

Nat sighed. She couldn’t rewind time, couldn’t undo or redo any of it. “So… Rutgers, huh? You’re going?” So she changed the topic instead.

Jackie nodded slowly, lifting her eyes again. “Yeah. You?”

Nat blinked. “I’ll be here, I guess.”

Jackie pursed her lips. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Silence again. Nat didn’t want it to end, but they couldn’t stay out here forever. The girls must notice they’ve been gone and would look around for them anytime now.

“Do you still have some weed left?” Jackie cut into her thoughts.

Nat raised her eyebrow in question.

Jackie tilted her head, smirking. “I could taste it all over your mouth.”

Nat rolled her eyes, fishing out her last joint. They wandered over to the swings and sat side by side. Nat placed the joint between Jackie’s teeth and helped her light it. She struck a lighter, holding the flame steady as Jackie leaned in and inhaled.

Jackie blew the smoke with her luscious lips that Nat still can’t stop staring at. “Maybe you could visit me… and I could visit you,” she suggested, like it was too simple.

But Nat caught the sincerity in her eyes, and despite herself, she smiled. She missed that. She missed smiling at Jackie. “Maybe.”

 

Just then, the door to the backyard creaked open, the rest of the team spilling out.

“I know you bozos aren’t smoking without us,” Van said, striding forward with the others following.

Nat exhaled in relief, grateful that they came here just in perfect timing.

Shauna looked at Nat suspiciously, and she ignored it. “Pass it over, Jax,” she said, planting herself next to Jackie’s swing.

“Hey, I’ve got a question,” Laura Lee piped up, drawing everyone’s attention. “In all our years of high school, why has no one ever offered me a smoke?”

 

Notes:

Nat couldn’t be the only one who wouldn’t get the full Jackie Taylor experience, are you kidding me?

I know this probably wasn’t much but I put in every extra time that I had to give you this update and I’m so happy that there are people who are still waiting.

The next parts are where I will establish the endgame and I will need your help, because I did not plan this fic to go this long to be honest. Well, I mean, I don’t really plan everything I write so I guess there’s that. It would be fun to read people’s opinions though. But I have a lot of ideas for what comes next!
If you want to participate on helping me decide what would be the best fit for Jackie’s ending, please answer this form:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeyOGuDJ3_70Kg2ljROYixbDMfYooKTDZo8tIlHK8QfumPaIw/viewform

Just to be clear, your opinions will only help me solidify my decision for this fic.

Also, comments on this chapter will keep it alive, thank you! <3