Chapter Text
Kai smiles to himself as he pockets his phone. “Come on, puppy. Let’s go home,” he says, tugging the leash to turn around. “It’s too cold.”
Stapler looks up at him with enormous brown eyes, tongue lolling out. His tail wags, even though Kai knows that he would much rather continue the walk. The walks would never end, if it was up to Stapler, but Kai’s face is starting to go numb, and he has a date to prepare for.
It’s a fifteen-minute walk back to his apartment, if he bribes Stapler to take the shortcuts. The curse of taking the same route every day is that Stapler has learned when he’s being deprived of an extra-long walk, but Kai can’t afford any delays today. He needs to take an extra-long shower, dry his hair, choose an outfit—maybe Soobin won’t care that Kai has spent all day in sweatpants, but Kai always wants to make a good impression—and feed Stapler an early dinner. The early dinner will make up for the short walk, but Stapler doesn’t know that yet.
They take the stairs up to Kai’s apartment—Kai is not going to waste time arguing with his dog over whether the elevator is scary. Rather than being grateful that Kai is offering food already, Stapler begins whining next to the closest while he’s halfway through pulling clothes out of his closet.
“Wait a minute! I’ll take care of you in a second,” Kai says. Stapler whines again. Kai wouldn’t be surprised if they received a noise complaint. He shuffles through his closet again, and nothing feels right. Should he go with a sweater—the one Beomgyu bought him for his last birthday? Or something lighter?
He and Soobin are going to dinner, but dinner doesn’t help him narrow down an outfit. Dinner could mean a quick stop at a fast-food restaurant before spending the bulk of the evening somewhere else, or a Michelin Star restaurant with a proposal at the end. Not that they’re anywhere near a proposal—they only began seeing each other a few months ago—but should Kai wear jeans or dress pants?
Jeans are probably fine. Tonight isn’t a special occasion or anything.
He’s seen everything I own. There’s no point in trying to impress him, Kai thinks. He pulls the sweater from his closet and tucks it under his arm.
He stops in the kitchen to fill Stapler’s bowl, smiling as the dog taps impatient paws. “Okay, here you go,” he says. “Don’t get into anything while I’m gone.”
Stapler is too busy crunching at his dinner to care. Kai steps into the shower, turning the water on warm before stepping out of his clothes.
He doesn’t know if Soobin will be spending the night—he’s not going to get his hopes up—but he scrubs every inch of his body anyway, and uses the expensive, pleasant-smelling shampoo that he bought when his hair was bleached. He likes to treat himself before date nights.
He finishes drying his hair while Stapler weaves around his feet, demanding pats and rubbing his fur all over Kai’s pants, surely leaving evidence. Kai sets the hair dryer aside to scratch behind his ears. “You’re getting grimy. I should’ve given you a bath, too.”
Stapler lunges up to lick his nose. Kai yelps.
He combs his hair and dabs perfume on his wrists, anticipation rising in his chest as he checks his messages with Soobin. Fifteen minutes to spare.
- Kai
- Soobin
- STAAAAAAAAAPLER
- I can’t wait to pat him
- Kai
- Hehe you seem more excited to see him than me
- Soobin
- I’m awfully lucky that my favorite dog has a very wonderful dad
- Kai
- GASP
- Soobin
- Or maybe I’m lucky that my favorite person has a very wonderful dog?
- Kai
- 😤
- How far away are you?
- Soobin
- Five minutes!!
Soobin ૮・ᴥ・ა
Today 6:03 PM
- Kai
- Yeonjun
- aw look at that adorable baby
- adorable just like his owner
- Kai
- (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄
- Yeonjun
- i’m sure you’re very handsome today
- Kai
- Hehe wait your turn!!!
- It’ll be worth it
- Yeonjun
- i can’t wait
Yeonjun ≽^•⩊•^≼
Today 6:03 PM
A knock sounds at the door, and both Kai and Stapler shoot to their feet. Kai opens the door, and is met with Soobin’s familiar, smiling face.
“Oh, Kai-yah. It’s been too long!” he says. He pulls Kai against his chest, into a tight hug.
“It’s been a week,” Kai says, but he squeezes Soobin tighter. Soobin nuzzles against the side of his head before letting go.
“And you! How could I forget you,” Soobin says, bending to pat Stapler. Stapler’s tail is a blur. In the few months since they were introduced, Soobin has easily become one of Stapler’s all-time favorite visitors.
That was a huge relief for Kai. He could never date someone his dog didn’t approve of.
“Did you miss me or my dog more?” Kai asks innocently.
“You, of course. You’re the one who’s going on a date tonight,” Soobin says. He leans down to press a kiss to Kai’s lips. “Ready to go?”
“Yep. Just let me—grab my keys—” Kai says. He nearly trips over Stapler on his way back into the apartment, taking his wallet and keys from the table.
As they step into the elevator, Soobin wraps an arm around Kai’s shoulders. “So? How was your day?”
“Oh, you know. You’re the most exciting part,” Kai says. “Nothing special. Boring work day, lots of emails….”
“No emails allowed in my presence,” Soobin says. “I’ve got plenty of ways to keep you away from work. Let me work my magic, okay?”
“Pff. If you insist.”
Walking hand in hand isn’t practical, but it keeps Kai warm as they make their way to the nearby train station. Oftentimes, Kai used to meet Soobin at restaurants for their dates, but Soobin has insisted on picking Kai up more and more often. He’s sweet like that—and more clingy than he lets on. Kai still isn’t sure how he managed to land such a gorgeous, considerate boyfriend as Soobin.
Two considerate boyfriends, actually. But on this date, Kai’s attention will be fully devoted to Soobin. That’s how their arrangement works.
“Where are we going?” Kai asks. They find a seat on the train together, and he leans his head against Soobin’s shoulder.
“Three stops,” Soobin says. He tilts his phone to Kai so that he can see the address. “And there’s a little market nearby. I thought we could stop by after we eat.”
“Oh, that’s so cute. Have you ever been?”
“Nope. But there’s this one vendor with homemade dog treats. They’re probably expensive, but I thought you might be interested….”
Kai pokes Soobin’s cheek. “Hey, my dog isn’t my only personality trait.”
“No, but I’m going to use them to bribe Stapler. Maybe I’ll find an exotic flavor, like duck. Or crocodile….”
“Crocodile?”
“Do you ever watch those gourmet dog feeding TikToks? The ones that make you wish you were a dog so you could eat such fancy food?”
“You don’t have to worry about impressing Stapler. He eats dirt. That’s why I can’t have any houseplants.”
“Damn, I was going to buy you a plant for Christmas,” Soobin says. “There’s a plant stall at the market, too.”
“In winter? How do they keep the plants outside?”
Soobin shrugs. “They must be hardy.”
“What kind of flowers do you like?” Kai asks, rubbing his nose against Soobin’s shoulder. “If I were to get you some?”
“You don’t have to get me any flowers.”
“What if I wanted to?”
Soobin makes a small, amused huff. “Something romantic, I guess. Like roses.”
“Really? I thought you’d have a weird favorite. Like the ones that look like spiders.”
“The… spiders?”
“Yeah, like… these ones,” Kai says. He types spider flower into Naver and releases a breath of relief when spider lily pops up.
Soobin leans in. “Oh, I see it. Are you going to get me a bouquet of those?”
“I don’t think so. This says they symbolize death.”
Soobin shakes his head. “Let’s just stick to the roses. What are your favorite flowers?”
“Peonies, I think. I like dandelions, too.”
“I could find peonies. But dandelions….”
“Aren’t they pretty?” Kai asks. He flashes Soobin his best puppy-dog eyes. “I wish they lasted longer.”
“Isn’t that what they’re famous for? Blowing away?”
“Yeah, but the yellow is so beautiful,” Kai says.
“There are plenty of other yellow flowers,” Soobin says. “Sunflowers. Buttercups.”
“Now you know all their names.”
“Everyone knows those ones.” Soobin taps Kai’s nose. “Right, buttercup?”
Kai’s face heats up. Soobin’s ears are just as red as Kai’s feel, and it makes his heart flutter. Where did Soobin learn how to be so cute? He’s more and more charming every day.
Three stops pass in the blink of an eye. Soobin guides him off the train, and they continue onto the street arm in arm. It’s easy to be openly affectionate with Soobin, who’s been stuck to him like glue since they met.
Soobin is just about the best boyfriend Kai could ask for. He’s openly loving, emotionally aware, and kind. He’s stubborn, but he doesn’t make a fuss when they have disagreements. He’s devastatingly handsome, too, like all the goodness inside him is reflected on the outside. Kai has a lot more hope in him than he had in any of his short-lived, experimental college relationships.
And, best of all, he’s completely accepting of the fact that Kai’s heart always seems to have room for more. If Kai had fallen for Soobin earlier, he may have agreed to monogamy, living a happy life with him, but he had coincidentally fallen for another at nearly the same time.
Soobin didn’t make him choose. “As long as it doesn’t take away from what we have. I don’t want to just be your side piece,” he’d said. From the beginning, Kai was certain that Soobin was someone he desperately wanted to spend a lot of time learning about. “And as long as I don’t have to be too involved. I’d like to know everything about you, and I’m interested in what it’s like, but I’m not sure how I’d feel if I were to try.”
“Just because I’m polyamorous doesn’t mean you have to be,” Kai said. “It works for some people, but not for others. If it’s not something you want to deal with….”
“I want to give it a try,” Soobin said, and Kai doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the way he smiled. “I really, really like you.”
“I really, really like you too,” Kai replied, and that was that. They’ve only grown closer since then, and nights like these remind him exactly why he fell for Soobin in the first place.
The restaurant is sharp and modern, but still cozy. Intimate, and ambiguously romantic. Kai’s heart is as warm as the yellow glow that surrounds them, radiating from the overhead lights. “What are we going to order? Squid? Crab?”
“Both, duh,” Kai says. Soobin matches his grin.
They have the same taste, too, and that makes meals extra fun. But even if they weren’t sharing, the conversation alone would be enough to entertain Kai. Talking with Soobin never gets boring, and Kai is always relaxed with him.
The meal is satisfying—Kai has every intention of making this a regular date site—but as they step outside, he feels nothing but relief that the evening won’t end here. “Shopping time?” Soobin asks. Kai nods, and Soobin wraps an arm around his shoulders, guiding him.
The stores are bustling, despite the late hour and chilly temperature. They visit a dog-themed store first, where Soobin picks up a bag of gourmet treats, as promised. Soobin has to drag Kai away from the pastries after that. Not because he isn’t as enthusiastic about the prospect of a treat, but because neither of them can narrow down their options.
“I need more winter clothes,” Soobin says, eyeing a store full of festive mannequins. “But winter’s almost over. No point in buying something I’m barely going to get to wear.”
“You’ll have it for next year. That means it’s worth it,” Kai says. “Come on, let me pick something out for you.”
“What if my tastes change in a year? What if fashion trends change too much, and it would be embarrassing to wear out in public?” Soobin asks. Kai grabs him by the sleeve and drags him into the store.
“You’ll wear it anyway, because it was a gift from me,” Kai says. He scans the aisles, looking for items that scream Soobin. Or should he make Soobin branch out? His fashion sense is like Kai’s—neither of them are particularly experimental. “Besides, if you were worried about fashion, you wouldn’t be wearing that scarf.”
“Hey, what’s wrong with my scarf?”
“It’s… cute, but….” Kai sorts through a rack of sweaters, but none of them seem to be Soobin’s size. He’s too tall. “I don’t know if it goes with… that….”
Soobin frowns. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Aw, I still think it’s cute. Sometimes being cute is all you need,” Kai says. Someone who looks like Soobin can always get away with it. “That’s why we’re going to go with the scarf, not against it. Let’s find something that matches.”
“I’m not particularly attached to this scarf or anything. I just grabbed it because I was cold.”
Kai thrusts the dog treats into Soobin’s arms. “You hold these. I’m going to find a few options.”
“I feel like I’m your coat rack,” Soobin says, but he follows Kai around the shop even more closely than Stapler would.
“Good. That means my sisters trained me well,” Kai says. “Okay, what are your thoughts on—”
“Kai-yah?”
Kai would know that voice anywhere. He spins on his heel, and is met with the last face he was expecting on a night like this.
Yeonjun.
“H-Hyung. What are you doing here?” Kai asks. “I didn’t know you were….”
“What are you doing here?” Yeonjun asks. He looks Kai up and down, and Kai preens. All the attention is making his fussing worth it—especially since Yeonjun is the picture of beauty. “I thought you were out on—”
He looks over Kai’s shoulder, and his entire body goes stiff. It’s in that moment that Kai remembers that he has an introduction to make. In the months since he met Soobin and Yeonjun, the two of them have never been in the same place at the same time.
We didn’t talk about when that would happen… or if it would happen at all. But I should get it over with, so that things aren’t awkward between us later.
What’s the worst that could happen? They’re both fond of me. What matters is that they’re good people.
Kai turns, looking between each of his boyfriends. Soobin is sizing Yeonjun up, the two of them facing off like a pair of hyenas trying to divide a leftover carcass. Kai had never seen Yeonjun look so stern, or Soobin so… alarmed.
“Um, I should introduce you two,” Kai says, shaking his bad feeling off. I’m imagining it. Of course I want them to like each other. “Yeonjun-hyung, this is my boyfriend, Soobin. And Soobin-hyung, this is also my boyfriend, Yeonjun. The one I… the one I told you about.”
“He’s your boyfriend? Yeonjun?” Soobin asks, his jaw on the floor.
That’s why both of them look so strange. It’s not just surprise on their faces, it’s recognition. “Yes, he is. You know each other…?”
“Very well, actually,” Yeonjun says.
A muscle in Soobin’s jaw ticks. “Our paths have crossed. A few times.”
The tension in the room has only gotten worse. They seem to have completely forgotten Kai, like they’re ready to pounce at each other. “I guess… that makes things easier,” Kai says, tittering nervously. “Soobin and I were just walking around….”
Yeonjun’s eyes narrow. “Did he tell you he was married before? Like me?”
“Of course I told him. I wouldn’t hide that from my boyfriend,” Soobin snaps.
That was the one red flag in Kai’s relationship, according to his sisters. “Unless something seriously bad happened, who gets married and divorced before they’re thirty? Someone really immature. Someone who doesn’t know how to commit,” Lea said. “I’d be careful with that one, Kai. Make sure he’s grown up a bit before you commit to anything.”
Of course, she hadn’t known that Kai had his eyes on two someones who were divorced, but Kai figured that dating two divorcées at the same time wasn’t any worse than dating one. Both of their stories sounded legitimate, but not particularly alarming—childhood sweethearts-turned-childish husbands, differences in opinions and goals that couldn’t be solved as they grew up and out of each other.
Wait.
Kai presses onward, determined to uncover whatever pointless argument made his boyfriends hate each other. They don’t need to get along, he supposes, but he doesn’t want to deal with whatever jealousy might erupt if they really can’t stand each other. “Why is that a problem, hyung? You know what that’s like.”
“Did he tell you who he was married to?” Yeonjun asks.
“Looks like you didn’t tell him, either,” Soobin retorts.
“Is one of you going to tell me what’s going on?” Kai asks, desperate and impatient and steadily growing anxious.
Soobin and Yeonjun both stare at him, finally recognizing their companion. Yeonjun looks at the ground, his shoulders stiff.
“I guess it’s up to me to explain.” Soobin sighs. “Kai, you’re dating my ex-husband.”
In an instant, Kai’s world flips upside-down.
Once he goes home, once he curls up in his bed to wallow in shame, he’ll look back and see all the signs. The way Soobin avoids Yeonjun’s favorite stores like the plague, the fact that Yeonjun wouldn’t even consider volunteering at Soobin’s favorite animal shelter with Kai, how neither of them were concerned about how dating Kai meant that marriage would never be an option.
It’s impossible to miss how their lives overlap in so many simple ways, like sharing a university, and they’re nearly the same age, and gay marriage hasn’t been legal for that many years. Why hadn’t Kai thought more about the fact that he was dating two divorcées? Why had he dismissed the possibility that his relationship could be even more unusual than he thought?
This is going to change everything. This might ruin everything.
Against the odds, Kai found two boyfriends who were okay with him having other relationships, but neither will be okay with Kai dating his ex-husband. Even if they don’t break up with Kai, everything will be awkward. They’ll never be able to be in the same place at the same time. Kai will never be able to talk about the other. There’s always going to be a barrier there, a distance, a place Kai isn’t allowed in their hearts—
“Everything I’ve told you before is true—we split up years ago,” Soobin continues, and Kai’s brain scrambles to keep up. “We used to be friends, but we don’t talk anymore. It doesn’t have anything to do with our relationship, so I hope it won’t be a problem.”
Yeonjun scoffs. “What have you told him, exactly?”
“The truth. We weren’t good for each other, so I’m looking for someone I get along with,” Soobin says. He straightens up to his full height. “What? Are you paranoid about what I’ve told him?”
“I’ve got nothing to hide. He knows everything. What are you implying?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“You’re trying to call me a liar, aren’t you?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Just because some of our friends chose to side with me doesn’t mean I told lies to get them there! Have you considered that—”
“Stop!” Kai says, and both of his boyfriends fall silent, like children who have been scolded for roughhousing on the playground. “Stop this. What’s going on?”
They both have the decency to look cowed. “I’m sorry,” Yeonjun says, not quite making eye contact. “This has nothing to do with you.”
Kai puts his hands on his hips. “It has everything to do with me now. What do you mean, you two were… married….”
Kai has known them for months, but they’ve known each other for years. We dated through college, Yeonjun said. The divorce was years ago. Soobin told him, We were only married for a year. Then we were separated for six months… that’s how long it took us to get everything sorted out.
A short-lived and doomed romance, just like so many youthful affections. Kai was too shy to date until he had nearly graduated, struggling with his sexuality and what he wanted, but he’d watched plenty of his friends flounder in those early relationships. What Yeonjun and Soobin had wasn’t puppy love. They’d liked each other enough to get married. They must’ve shared everything. They must’ve lived together. The routines Kai is making with them now—meeting up for lunch, going out to dinner, watching movies together on the weekends—are nothing compared to the intimacy of spending every day together.
Yeonjun folds his arms. “Yes, married. And now we’re not. Nothing else to it.”
“Just a marriage, no big deal,” Soobin says bitterly.
“Enough of this,” Kai says, apprehension flaring up in his chest like an alarm. “Soobin-hyung, we should go.”
Yeonjun’s eyes widen with panic. “Wait, Kai, don’t—”
Kai’s head is buzzing. He’s had both of his boyfriends in the same room for five minutes, and everything is going wrong. There’s no doubt about it: he needs to separate them to get the full story. But how can he just leave one, abandoning the other until he’s asked all the questions he can think of?
Lea was right. The divorce was a red flag.
“I want to talk to both of you,” Kai says carefully. “And I think it should happen separately, so I can hear what both of you have to say.”
Yeonjun lowers his head. “I get it. I interrupted your date. I shouldn’t have… I….”
Is that a glint of satisfaction in Soobin’s eyes? Kai doesn’t know what’s going on, but he isn’t going to enable either of them. “I’m going to call you right away, I promise. I want to hear everything.”
When Kai was a kid, he and his siblings would argue over each other if they got into trouble, because whichever one of them got to tell their story first was usually the one their parents believed. Even if the first sibling told an unlikely story, the other two would scramble to defend themselves. Siblings fight dirty. There was plenty of lying and exaggeration, until they grew up and stopped getting into such petty disagreements.
This is a lot more serious than petty sibling rivalry, but is that what Yeonjun is worried about now? Losing his chance to explain himself before Soobin paints a disagreeable picture of their marriage? What if Soobin’s version of the tale really does change how Kai sees him?
You can’t let that happen. You won’t. But if they won’t stop arguing, I have to separate them.
“Alright, I’ll see you soon,” Yeonjun says. He doesn’t entirely sound like he believes it, but he gives Kai’s shoulder a squeeze before he slips away, between a rack of clothing. He’s still so tall, though, and Kai holds his breath as he watches Yeonjun’s bleach-dyed hair bob through the crowd, until the bell on the door jingles.
Finally, Kai musters the courage to face Soobin, and finds his boyfriend staring back. “Soobin-hyung, should we….”
Soobin’s eyes flit to the door. “Keep going? Or talk?”
Is continuing an option, with how abruptly their date was interrupted? Kai thinks back to how peaceful they were before, how much fun they were having, but the mood is gone.
“We should talk,” Kai says. Soobin’s face tenses up almost imperceptibly, like he caught a bad smell. “On the way home?”
“Your home, or…?”
“Yeah, my home,” Kai says, clinging to hope.
They’ll have to continue their shopping later. The walk to the train is quiet, but when they find their seats together, Soobin comes out of his shell once more. Kai places a hand on his knee to soothe the bouncing of his leg, and Soobin smiles, his head tilting against Kai’s.
Kai’s head is swirling. He has one text from Yeonjun, Call me whenever you’re ready, but it’s not time yet. Soobin is here with him, which means that Kai has to give him the chance to speak first.
Soobin hesitates for just a second at Kai’s door, but Stapler is all over him, standing on his hind legs to sniff Soobin’s face and all over the bag of treats. “Woah, there. You’re too big,” Soobin complains, though he makes no effort to push the dog off him. “Can he have a treat now?”
“Of course,” Kai says. “But don’t listen to his lies. I already fed him dinner.”
“Aw. Another handful of kibble couldn’t possibly hurt,” Soobin says, tearing the seal of the bag. “I’m sure he’d love a whole porkchop to himself….”
“And then what kind of dog owner would I be? He’s on a diet for a reason,” Kai teases. Soobin snaps a treat in half before giving one of the pieces to Stapler. Stapler won’t know the difference.
Kai sits on the couch, a breath rushing from his chest. Soobin gives the top of Stapler’s head a good, long pat before joining Kai, the two of them only a handful of centimeters apart.
“I owe you an explanation,” Soobin says. He sounds even more tired than Kai feels. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you everything on the way home… or even before that.”
“It wasn’t any of my business.” Not until now, at least. “I really had no idea that you were with each other, though. Neither of you ever mentioned a name, or anything that would’ve helped make the connection,” Kai says. “And you’ve never shown me pictures….”
Soobin rubs his forehead. “Once I met you, I wanted to put everything with Yeonjun in the past. You were the first person I felt connected to. Before then, I didn’t need to explain what happened with Yeonjun to anyone.”
“What about your friends? Your family?” Kai asks softly.
“I don’t talk to my family anymore. My friends watched it happen,” Soobin says. “And half of them stuck with Yeonjun instead. Most of them, actually. They met him first.”
“I’m sorry.”
Soobin shrugs. “Not your fault. It happened gradually, ‘cause Yeonjun and I were still friends for a few years after.”
“Wait, so how did it happen to begin with?”
Stapler tries to fit on the couch between them, but settles for curling up by their feet. Soobin bends down to stroke along his spine, his lips pressing into a thin line. “The story I told you when we met was the short version. There wasn’t a big, dramatic breakup. It just wasn’t working. We rushed into everything—dating, getting married—and paid the price for it.”
Kai listens, rapt. Soobin pauses, but Kai nods for him to continue.
“It wasn’t always bad. I cared for him a lot. We’ll always be… well, he’ll always be my first love,” Soobin says. “We started disagreeing on everything. Where we should live, if one of us should take a certain job, and then all the little things… like how we should organize our apartment, and what we should do on vacation, and even what we should make for dinner.”
“Those things are normal, aren’t they?” Kai asks. “Couples don’t always get along.”
“Sure. But it felt less like we were compromising and more like we were bargaining with each other, and we could never get even,” Soobin says. “And then, the final straw… you’re never going to look at me the same way if I tell you.”
Kai raises his eyebrows. “What do you mean? Is it bad?”
“Not bad. Childish. The whole thing is childish.”
“I’m not going to judge until I hear all of it,” Kai says. He reaches over to squeeze Soobin’s knee, and Soobin’s eyes follow his hands. “From both of you, preferably. I also know it was a long time ago.”
“People don’t change that much in three years,” Soobin says.
“But if the same thing happened to us, would you handle it differently?”
Soobin grimaces. “You and I don’t argue as much as I did with Yeonjun.”
“We might someday. So, what is it?”
“I did promise you the full truth,” Soobin says, sighing. “...There were a lot of things piling up. I was working on a new degree, and he’d just gotten a new job. We didn’t have a big ceremony when we first got married, so we were saving for a party, but it felt like everything was holding us back. Isn’t breaking up while planning a wedding such a pathetic way to end a relationship?”
“I don’t think so,” Kai says, but he doesn’t have the chance to elaborate before Soobin barrels on.
“We didn’t need anything else going on in our lives, but we started talking about what we wanted in the future, and… the one thing both of us really cared about was getting a dog.”
“A… dog?” Stapler doesn’t know many words—the only ones he cares about are treat and dinner— but he lifts his head as if on cue.
“We agreed that we’d get one eventually, but it was the when that we couldn’t handle. Yeonjun wanted to get the dog right then. He always said we could make it work, because we could afford it. He wanted our apartment to feel more like a home, but it was a tiny apartment.”
“I have a tiny apartment,” Kai points out.
“Imagine if I lived here, too, so it’d be twice as cluttered,” Soobin says. “Plus, you work from home a lot. Yeonjun was traveling for work, so it would’ve been mostly my responsibility.”
“...Yeah, that’s true.” Stapler wasn’t an impulsive decision. It was true that Kai had laid eyes on a tripod Golden Retriever during a shelter tour and returned at sunrise the next day, but he’d been considering a puppy for some time. He was freshly graduated and had just moved into his apartment, but he wouldn’t have adopted his dog if he wasn’t sure he could handle it.
“If we tried harder, I’m sure we could have figured it out. But neither of us wanted to try, by that point,” Soobin says. “And we decided that if we couldn’t even agree on adopting a dog, we obviously couldn’t handle marriage. We were barely handling it to begin with.”
A ferocious ache builds in Kai’s chest. He’s no stranger to what happens when people fall out of love, or when something pushes them apart. In fact, he understands the consequences greater than most—he watched it happen to his own parents. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less, especially when the people in question are both so deserving of happiness.
Soobin sighs again, as heavy as though the weight of the whole world has been resting on his shoulders rather than one marriage. “That’s how it happened. We were faithful and we loved each other, but we weren’t compatible.”
“That’s so sad,” Kai says. “I’m sorry.”
“I grieved that relationship a long time ago. I know it was for the best… even if I’m still discovering where I’m meant to be instead,” Soobin says. “But I wouldn’t blame you if you thought less of me after this.”
Kai blinks at him. “Why would I?”
“I know I should’ve done more. I should have tried harder for my husband. But believe me, Kai-yah,” Soobin says gently. “It was better that things ended there than that we kept trying, only to see the same result in a few years.”
“You might have hurt each other more,” Kai says. That’s what his mother always told him. I didn’t want you to be caught between us as you were growing up. We both love you so much, but it was better for us to love you separately. “You had me worried that one of you cheated or something!”
Soobin gives a strangled laugh. “No, definitely not. There would’ve been a lot more yelling if that were the case.”
“I thought you two stayed friendly? Why did he upset you today?” Kai asks, leaning in. “How did you stay friends with him?”
Kai considers himself an optimist, and enjoys soapy love stories as a guilty pleasure. But he knows when to be realistic, and romance is a complicated issue. Exes can be civil, but rarely can they be friends.
And Soobin, of all people? Kai has never met anyone else that holds grudges like him.
“W-Well, that’s….” Soobin squirms in his seat. “We were young. It was easy to talk about breaking up, but it was a lot more difficult to actually separate our lives. Sometimes, it was… comforting. To know that there was someone out there who understood who I was, and what I wanted. Who used to understand, I guess. It took me longer to figure out how to live without that.”
Was it the comfort that you missed, or him? Does it matter which one?
Is that really all it takes? Happy one day, and unable to stand each other the next?
Will that happen to me someday? To us?
“It’s confusing,” Kai admits.
“It was for me, too. But I’m a different person now, and….” Soobin’s eyes soften. “I have you.”
The affection in his voice makes Kai flush, but he’s too curious to pause and bask in it. What’s most important for him to know? Which of his questions should he save for Yeonjun? “When was the last time you talked to him?”
“A few months ago. Maybe six. In the past year, we’ve spoken….” Soobin counts on his fingers. “Three times, I think. A lot less than the year before that, and the year before that. The last time was because I realized he stole one of my DVDs, and I wanted it back.”
Kai nods. Even for his favorite DVDs, he’s not sure he would be able to brave his exes, but that’s exactly the kind of thing that would motivate Soobin.
Soobin hunches over, making himself small. “I shouldn’t have fought with him in front of you. I swear I’m not normally like that, even around him. Seeing him so suddenly was just….”
“I understand,” Kai says. He’s certainly not one to judge how people react in uncomfortable social situations. His preferred solution is to run away as quickly as possible and avoid confrontation, which is far from practical.
“We’ve been seeing each other for months. I can’t believe that we didn’t make the connection,” Soobin says. “He really never mentioned my name?”
Yeonjun had been even more vague about the details of the divorce than Soobin. Kai had feared that he would hurt his feelings if he asked too many questions. “Nope.”
“Hmmm.” Soobin glances away. He tugs his plush lower lip between his teeth, contemplating.
What happens to us now? Kai wonders, panic rising up in his chest. He didn’t make me choose when we began dating, but how will he be able to stand knowing I’m with Yeonjun? What would I say if I were in his position?
“Soobin-hyung, is this… are we okay?” he asks. “Is it okay that I’ve been…?”
Soobin’s gaze meets Kai’s, hesitant. “Can I ask you a few questions?”
Kai nods frantically.
“When did you meet him?”
“A couple weeks before you. Less than a month, for sure,” Kai says. “I was on a walk with Stapler, and Yeonjun stopped me to tell me that he was beautiful. He asked me a bunch of other questions, and then we kept talking, all the way until I got back home. It turned out that we were neighbors, and we’d run into each other at a bunch of places before. The grocery store, the gym….”
Soobin blinks. “You let a stranger walk you back home?”
“I know, I know. But I didn’t give him my number until I bumped into him for the second time,” Kai says. Soobin groans. “Then we kept texting. It was about Stapler at first, then he started telling me about his life. It was nice to listen to him.”
“I can’t imagine you chatting like that with someone you just met,” Soobin says. “You’re usually so quiet.”
“Stapler’s my favorite thing to talk about,” Kai says. “Besides, the same thing happened with us.”
Kai met Soobin while he was doing work at one of the local animal shelters. Soobin was a volunteer, and Kai was around for the day. Wrangling mischievous dogs was a fast way to force people to bond. They continued volunteering at the shelter together, and soon enough, they had become inseparable.
If only Kai had known that dogs were the very thing that had pushed Soobin’s last relationship apart. Soobin had seemed resistant to the idea of adopting a dog, despite how enthusiastic he was to take care of Stapler and bond with him as though he was his own.
“I suppose you’re right,” Soobin says. His eyes squeeze shut. “I don’t know what to make of all this.”
Kai wrings his hands anxiously. “Me neither.”
“I care about you, a lot. I care that you’re happy. But I didn’t think I’d ever have to share something with Yeonjun again,” Soobin says. “When you told me that you were polyamorous, I was serious when I said that I didn’t want to force you to choose. That’s still true, but I….”
Kai braces himself, possibilities running through his head. It’s either him or me. I can’t be with someone who loves my ex. You could have anyone else. I’m not putting myself through this for a relationship that barely started.
“You should just talk to Yeonjun first,” Soobin says, raking his hand through his hair. “What you have with him is… serious, right? Just like me?”
“Yes….”
“Then it would be shitty for me to interfere. I just don’t know how it’s going to work,” Soobin says. “I mean… until today, it hasn’t mattered that you were seeing Yeonjun…. I didn’t know.”
“You can’t forget about it now, though.”
“Out of sight, out of mind. As long as I’m not dating Yeonjun, it shouldn’t matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can give it a try. I won’t know if it’ll be weird until we’ve spent more time together,” Soobin says. “For now, I’m going to put it out of my head.”
Kai stares at him, slack-jawed. “You—you will?”
He must’ve heard Soobin wrong. That sounds like the opposite of a breakup.
“Is it that surprising? I want you to be happy,” Soobin says, taking one of Kai’s hands. “Sure, I don’t really want to be thinking of him when we’re together… but you did choose me. That means something.”
“I’m asking too much of you,” Kai says. He thinks about what any outsider would say, all the reasons why he’s too afraid to tell his friends or family that he’s polyamorous. Accepting Yeonjun means that Soobin’s a pushover. No man would accept cheating.
“You didn’t ask for anything, I’m the one who’s offering. It might be unrealistic, but I’m willing to try.”
Kai looks down at their hands. He’s never thought of himself as particularly special—when both Soobin and Yeonjun admitted that they held affection for him, he was shocked. He had felt like he was clinging to them by a thread, with all of his awkward mannerisms and clumsiness and inexperience holding him back.
But if Soobin wants to be with him, after all this… Kai shouldn’t have doubted his feelings for a second.
He lunges forward to pull Soobin into a hug, taking a deep breath to soothe himself. Soobin makes a soft, confused noise, hm?
“Thank you,” Kai murmurs. “I thought you’d freak out.”
“I am freaking out.” Soobin holds Kai by the shoulders. “But I really care about you, and I’m willing to be civil with him.”
“I just can’t believe it. What are the odds?” Kai says. The combined relief and adrenaline have left him jittery.
“Marrying me meant he had good taste, unfortunately. I just didn’t know we had the same taste.” Soobin’s nose scrunches up. It’s cute. “You need to talk to him, too. I didn’t know he was the type to share.”
They said almost the same thing when Kai began dating them— I’ve never tried anything like this before. I’m interested. I’ll do it for you. He would probably have a good laugh about it later.
“Sharing was fine. But sharing with you….”
“I get it,” Soobin says. “At one point, I knew him better than anyone. There were some things he wasn’t willing to give up, even for me.”
This is starting to creep into awkward territory. “I’m guessing he’s changed just as much as you,” Kai says, leaning back into his own space. “Everything he’s told me about the divorce lines up, so….”
“I shouldn’t have called him a liar. Dramatic is a better word,” Soobin says. “Honestly, I was a little worried about what he might’ve told you. We both did shitty things, but if he only focused on how I hurt him, rather than how we hurt each other, where would we be? I wouldn’t blame you if you ran, but then I’d have another reason to hate him.”
Too much. “Soobin. He is my boyfriend,” Kai says, and it comes out more sharply than intended. “I know you don’t like him, but….”
Soobin startles. “...I’m sorry, Kai-yah. I wanted to give you the full truth, but I’ll try not to talk about him like that.”
Kai nods despite the lump in his throat. A long, silent moment passes, and his doubts begin to creep in all over again. Even if Soobin takes a chance on me, Yeonjun might not feel the same way. Or they’ll agree to it now, and change their minds in a few months. What kind of toll will knowing that my boyfriends hate each other take on me? I can’t tiptoe around the topic forever.
But I’ve started to fall in love, and I’m not going to give that up without a fight.
“I was going to ask if I could stay longer tonight. We’ve got things to do. Shows to catch up on,” Soobin says, and Kai’s smile returns. “...But I should give you over to Yeonjun now. Can I come later this week instead?”
“I was going to ask you to stay, too,” Kai says. It wouldn’t be fair for me to leave Yeonjun hanging goes unspoken. “You can come over any day. Tomorrow. Sunday. Monday.” Not Tuesday.
“Tomorrow it is,” Soobin says. He leans over to kiss Kai, lingering for a second longer than he usually would. “Will you let me know what happens with Yeonjun?”
“I will,” Kai promises. He follows Soobin to the door, passing him his coat. “Hyung, if there’s anything you need….”
“I know,” Soobin says. He bends down to give Kai another kiss. “I don’t want to leave so soon.”
“Just think about tomorrow,” Kai says, his hand tracing the lines of Soobin’s face. “I’ll let you pick what we watch.”
“You spoil me,” Soobin says. He gives Stapler a hug, too.
Kai retreats into his apartment once Soobin disappears into the elevator, closing the door behind him. He collapses against it, sinking to his knees and releasing a trembling breath. What now?
Kai moves to his bedroom to call Yeonjun, Stapler close on his heels. Stapler is blissfully unaware of the storm inside Kai’s head, and curls up on the bed beside him as he opens Yeonjun’s contact.
I wish I was a dog, Kai thinks. Dogs are just happy. They don’t have relationship problems, except when they make enemies at the park. There’s no such thing as dog divorce.
He taps the call icon, and Yeonjun answers before he can even get the phone to his ear. “Kai-yah?” he says, and he sounds more nervous than Kai has ever heard him, the opposite of the smooth and silly side of him that he first fell for. “What’s going on? How are you?”
“I’m alright, hyung.”
“And Soobin? Where did you two go off to? Is he—?”
“Slow down,” Kai says softly, and Yeonjun abruptly stops speaking. “Let me explain everything.”
Yeonjun is full of questions, but he listens as Kai describes the rest of his evening—bringing Soobin back to his apartment, affirming that he didn’t know Yeonjun and Soobin’s relation, and retelling the story Soobin gave him. “—and you were planning the wedding at the same time, but the dog was basically the beginning of the end. And then you’ve been talking less and less ever since, until you stopped altogether.”
Yeonjun sighs the exact same way Soobin did. “That’s the gist of it. Ugh, just thinking about it right now is pissing me off. I know I wasn’t always realistic, but I always felt like he was stifling me. I needed some space to figure out what I wanted and how I might get it.”
“It’s understandable. It sounds like it wasn’t right for either of you,” Kai agrees.
“You’re not putting up with that, are you? He’s not out there crushing your dreams?”
“He’s not like that anymore… or, he’s not like that to me.” If he ever was like that… all I have is their word.
It doesn’t matter. It’s not my place to decide who was right and who was wrong.
“Figures. If he’s learned from his mistakes, I guess that’s the one good thing to come from all this,” Yeonjun says. “Besides, you’re more strong-willed than me. I have no doubts that you’d put him in line.”
From what Kai can tell, Yeonjun has plenty of will. “I haven’t needed to. Seriously, there’s nothing to worry about. You both told the same story, and I trust you.”
“Isn’t it a boring divorce story? I’m sure you were expecting something more dramatic. Something worth getting divorced over,” Yeonjun says. “We were just… it was so stupid….”
“Not stupid,” Kai says. “You shouldn’t have stayed if it was making you unhappy.”
Yeonjun hums. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “I hope you don’t think any less of me. And Soobin… I don’t know what to say. I knew you had another, but this was the last thing I was expecting.”
“I know. Me too,” Kai says, but it feels like a lie. It’s starting to become more and more real, like their paths were destined to cross from the moment Yeonjun and Soobin met.
What was it like when they were first together? When they were happy?
“He’s good to you? He makes you happy, like I do?” Yeonjun asked.
“Yes. Very. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you just as much,” Kai said, his heart racing. “You’re really special to me, hyung. Please don’t forget that.”
“I know. Sweetheart… I like what we have. But I don’t know what this means for us.”
“I don’t want to break up with you.” Please, please, please. “I know it’s selfish for me to ask.”
“And Soobin wants to stay? Even though I’m in the picture?”
“Yes. He said he’d try.”
Yeonjun is quiet again. Kai closes his eyes, swallows, and begs himself to calm down.
“Then I’m willing to try, too. I like you a lot, Huening Kai.” Kai can hear the fondness in Yeonjun’s voice. Please, please. “You make me happy, so I’ll put up with him.”
“But I don’t want you to just ‘put up with him.’ Will you be happy? Is this really okay?” Kai asks.
“My time with him is over—my patience wore out long ago. But why should I give you up? You’re wonderful,” Yeonjun says.
“You’re wonderful, too,” Kai says. He’s starting to feel lightheaded. He had desperately hoped for this outcome, but it doesn’t quite seem real.
“All I’m asking for is some time to wrap my head around this. Soobin and I have kept out of each other’s way so far, but knowing that he’s the one you’re spending your time with….”
“I know. I promise it won’t take away from what we have.”
“That’s what I care about,” Yeonjun says. His voice is unexpectedly thick with emotion. “I don’t need to hear about everything you do with him. I don’t need to be part of it. But as long as we can work this out, I want to be yours.”
“Are you okay, hyung?” Kai asks. He presses the phone tighter against his cheek, as though he can somehow use it to teleport to Yeonjun’s apartment and comfort him in person.
“Kai, I was so worried about what you’d say when you called. I was so worried that you’d choose him over me,” Yeonjun says. “At first, I was upset, honestly. It felt like a betrayal, but I know you didn’t mean any harm. Besides, Soobin is the person I should be mad at. Smooth bastard stole my boyfriend.”
“I don’t know if I’d call him smooth. You’re both clumsy. It’s cute,” Kai says.
“Cute? At least you think so,” Yeonjun grumbles. “I can’t complain about you falling for him, considering I was married to him. And hooking up with him for way longer than I should’ve.”
Kai nearly chokes on air. “Hooking up?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s half of why we were still in contact. It was hard to find anyone else who was a halfway-decent partner, so we’d end up calling each other instead… he didn’t mention that?”
“He said you were friends. I didn’t think he meant that kind of friend.”
Yeonjun makes a sympathetic noise. “I know. Embarrassing of me, right? But it wasn’t as messy as you might think. We were both clear on what we needed, and after a while we didn’t even need that much.”
“When was the last time you—?”
“Hm… about a year ago. He was the one who called that time, by the way. At least he won’t be lonely now that he has you.”
Kai doesn’t know what to make of it. Considering how hostile they were when they saw each other today, he couldn’t have predicted that they were friendly enough to have sex a year ago. I thought hate sex only happened on TV?
“I don’t think he’s lonely,” Kai says weakly. “Are you lonely?”
“Not anymore. How could I be lonely if I have a boyfriend as cute as you?”
This might be the most absurd situation Kai has ever been in, but if Yeonjun and Soobin are this kind to him, everything will be okay. “Are we still on for Tuesday?” Kai asks.
“Of course, darling. And I’d love to see you more often, too. I have a couple late work meetings this week, on Wednesday and Thursday, and then on Friday I should be out early…. Can I just send you my schedule?”
“Please do,” Kai says. “And we can keep talking.”
“Talking, yes. And hanging out. I don’t want to spend all of our time together thinking about my ex.”
Kai wrinkles his nose. In any other context, that sentence would be incomprehensible. “Don’t worry. We have plenty of other things to talk about.”
“Let’s talk about some of those now. I’m all jittery,” Yeonjun says. “Tell me about what you’re doing next week. Actually… you said you needed to update Soobin, too.”
“I do,” Kai says, his chest tightening. “But I could call you back after.”
“Please?” Yeonjun says, and he sounds so sad that Kai doesn’t hesitate before he agrees. He can only hope that Soobin doesn’t want to talk all night, too, or he’ll end up disappointing one of them.
Kai can’t sleep.
On a normal day, he would be asleep by now. Sure, he’s spent many a night playing video games until sunrise, but he mostly aged out of that after he graduated. He’s wide awake right now, like he chugged an energy drink on an empty stomach.
I can’t believe they kept sleeping together after they got divorced. Kai’s fingers itch to text someone, but he can’t imagine telling his friends this with a straight face. It’s too bad that Soobin follows him on Twitter—his next best place to vent. I can’t believe my boyfriends were in love. They used to care about each other the way they care about me.
How were they able to move on after that? I can’t imagine it. Kai can’t even really count some of his college partners as exes. He’s never broken up with someone he cared about that much.
Was Soobin serious when he said he hates Yeonjun? As far as Kai knows, his own parents didn’t hate each other, but strong emotion is a requirement of divorce. There aren’t many emotions that are stronger than hate. Does Yeonjun hate him, too?
I don’t know if I can believe that. It’s hard to picture Yeonjun hating anyone. And what could Yeonjun have done to make Soobin feel that way? If he truly hated Yeonjun, wouldn’t he have warned me to run away from him?
There has to be more to it.
Kai releases a frustrated huff, burying his face in his pillows. He can’t stretch his legs out all the way, and it’s driving him crazy. Why do I let my thirty-kilogram dog sleep in my bed?
Thanks to Stapler, he’ll probably be speculating about Soobin and Yeonjun’s relationship until dawn. After they had time to cool off, they were fine talking about their relationship. That doesn’t sound like hatred.
Kai is no detective, but the evidence isn’t lining up. Neither of them are the kind of people who would sleep with someone they didn’t really like, or at least felt comfortable with. At the very least, they were on good terms last year.
But if they refuse to speak to each other now, what does that mean for us? Will this work long-term? Will they be happy?
It would be helpful if they could at least get along. What’s going to happen when they need to be in the same place at the same time? Will I have to hold two birthday parties? What about if I’m in the hospital, and they start arguing when they visit?
Kai punches one of his pillows until it’s comfortable. I have to make sure they can really tolerate each other again… and who knows what could happen from there. Operation Convince My Boyfriends to Like Each Other Again.
Kai has a type. It’s a pretty broad type—Soobin and Yeonjun fit his ideal in different ways, but they’re both wonderful candidates. Soobin is so silly, under his calm, organized surface, and deeply loving. Yeonjun might be the prettiest boy Kai has ever seen, but he has two left feet when he’s not dancing. They’re unabashed about their quirks, and celebrate Kai for all of his.
But now that Kai has taken a step back to review their history, he can see all the uncanny ways that their habits resemble each other’s. Like the fact that they’re drawn to the same restaurants, and Kai spends his Tuesday date hoping that Yeonjun won’t ask him if he’s ever been to this restaurant before, or who he went with. He wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings by admitting that it was the same restaurant Soobin took him to four days ago.
They choose completely different dishes, though, and Yeonjun is a different person, so Kai enjoys it just as thoroughly. Yeonjun seems more nervous than usual—it’s the first time they’ve seen each other in person since the discovery— and talks up a storm, rambling away as Kai listens, nodding along to his stories about his treacherous modeling gigs.
Kai can only hope that the residual awkwardness fades soon. Soobin seemed to be biting his tongue when they spent Saturday evening together, catching up on all the anime Soobin has been dying to show Kai. “If there’s anything you want to ask me, we can talk,” Kai had said, but Soobin wasn’t interested.
If there had been distance between him and Soobin, Yeonjun is extra clingy, like he thinks Kai is a dandelion about to blow away. Like Soobin, he orders far more food than he needs to, and Kai is uncomfortable and bloated and satisfied by the time they give up and head home. He avoids eye contact with a suspiciously familiar waiter on the way out, and lets Yeonjun keep an arm around his waist as he guides him to the train.
Rush hour is winding down, but the train is packed. Yeonjun practically sits in Kai’s lap, clinging to his hand. It’s a short trip to Kai’s apartment, but Yeonjun doesn’t let go of Kai even as they step into the chilly night air. Kai is grateful for the warmth.
“Oh, I haven’t been here in forever,” Yeonjun says as they step inside. “Did you move something? The couch, maybe?”
“Nope. It hasn’t moved since I put it there,” Kai says.
Stapler pads out of Kai’s bedroom, clearly suspicious, but his tail begins to wag as soon as he lays eyes on Yeonjun. “I’ve missed you, too,” Yeonjun says, leaning down to pat him. “My two babies.”
“You might be his favorite person,” Kai says. Stapler has begun to weave around Yeonjun’s legs, begging for attention. “He never barks at you.”
“Hm. More than Soobin?”
Kai stares at him. Yeonjun lifts his head, grinning crookedly. “I assume Soobin’s met him. It’s hard to deprive him of a dog.”
“But he didn’t want his own dog?” Kai asks, and immediately realizes that he shouldn’t have said anything.
“He’s one stubborn bastard,” Yeonjun says. He sits on Kai’s couch, patting the space next to him so that Stapler joins him. The dog practically crawls into his lap, shoving his head under Yeonjun’s hands. “I’m sure he’d have a dog of his own by now, if you weren’t giving him his fix. Even now, I’m not completely sure about why he wouldn’t agree when we were together. Maybe he didn’t trust me.”
Kai swallows. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“Maybe. Or maybe not. Regardless, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Yeonjun says. He gestures to the other end of the couch, a tiny open spot beside Stapler. “C’mere. I want to talk about you.”
Kai squeezes in alongside Stapler, who huffs and slides down from the couch. “What about me?”
“How an angel ended up here,” Yeonjun says. “I didn’t know they let ones as pretty as you come down to earth.”
“Hyung, what are you talking about?”
Yeonjun caresses his chin. “When we first met, that was all I could think about. You were the prettiest person I’d ever seen. I was even a little jealous. How does a person just walk around looking like that? All day, every day?”
“I’m not that special….”
“You’re stunning. I had to stop to talk to you, to see what kind of person you were… even if you were in those terrible sweatpants.”
Kai gawks at him.
“I’m not exaggerating at all,” Yeonjun says, and he sounds completely triumphant. “You’ve got a face that could launch a thousand ships.”
“I look exactly like my dad. I don’t even have an original face.”
“Nah, your dad’s not nearly as handsome as you,” Yeonjun says. “He has a nice nose, like you. But you must’ve gotten a lot from your mom, too. Or you managed to just pop out like that.”
“Gross,” Kai says, squirming. “That’s so gross, don’t tell me you’re into my dad just because he looks like me.”
Yeonjun shrugs. “I guess I’ve got a thing for old men, too.”
“Ew, ew, ew—that’s my dad!”
“I’m kidding, Kai-yah,” Yeonjun says. The tips of his ears are red.
Kai folds his arms. “Is that all you like me for? My face?”
“Nope,” Yeonjun says, leaning in. Kai’s heart skips a beat. “You’re so talented. And kind to me. Being with you makes me happy, no matter what we’re doing. Does it have to be more complicated than that?”
“Yeah. Otherwise you’d be with my dad.”
Yeonjun throws his hands over his face, making a dramatic, keening noise. He’s a great actor, and Kai is getting a close-up performance of the highest quality. “That would never happen.”
“Good. I don’t think he likes men,” Kai says.
“Have you realized what you’ve done?” Yeonjun whines. “It’s going to be so awkward when you introduce us. All I’m going to be thinking about is the fact that you just accused me of having a crush on him.”
“You’re the one who said you’re into old men,” Kai says.
Yeonjun glares at him. “Wouldn’t that be his second divorce? Not messing around with that, no offense.”
“You’re divorced,” Kai points out.
“And I don’t plan on that happening again,” Yeonjun says. “No thank you. Every time Soobin nags me to give back something he forgot to pack when he moved out, I lose a year of my life.”
“Remind me to never get divorced,” Kai says. “I couldn’t put Stapler through the trauma of split custody. The ‘every other week’ method doesn’t foster a sense of stability.”
“Split custody over DVDs is bad enough,” Yeonjun agrees. “Hey, we should watch a movie. Do you have any DVDs? Wait, are you old enough to have watched DVDs?”
“I’m not that much younger than you,” Kai says. “I probably watched all the same DVDs as you when I was a kid. I have a whole collection.”
“A collection? Why have I never seen it before?”
Kai laughs. “You need to check your contact prescription, hyung. They’re right there.”
He points across the room to the lowest shelf of his bookcase, where his DVD collection lives. It’s not a very impressive collection, mostly childhood favorites that he brought from his mothers’ house when he moved in—like every Pokémon movie until generation five, and every film in the High School Musical series. It’s slightly embarrassing, actually, and not quite date material, but he hasn’t had time to expand his collection for a while.
What would I even add? More musicals?
“Aww, you’re such a cutie,” Yeonjun says. “Can we put one on? Then, next time you come to my place, I’ll show you my collection?”
“One problem.”
“What?”
“I don’t have a DVD player.”
Yeonjun’s jaw drops. “What do you mean, you don’t have a DVD player? Why do you have DVDs if you can’t play them?”
“Never got around to buying one, I guess. I pay for a Netflix subscription,” Kai says. “I can watch most of my movies on there. Or I can pirate them. I got a lot of viruses in high school, but it paid off. I can teach you all my tricks.”
Yeonjun shakes his head fondly. “I know what I’m getting you for your next birthday. A DVD player, and a bunch of my favorites. I’m gonna make you watch them before then, but if you like them, you should have the physical versions.”
“My next birthday? You’re thinking about it already?”
“I like to plan ahead,” Yeonjun says. He leans in to give Kai’s cheek a kiss. “So, what are we watching tonight?”
They set Netflix up on Kai’s TV, and Kai hurries to get drinks before Stapler steals his spot on the couch. They play the first rom-com that his account recommends—Yeonjun is only allowed to make specific choices on special occasions, since the mildest of dramas tend to inspire tears. It’s fluffy and distracting and exactly the kind of simplicity that Kai needs when the rest of his life makes no sense.
If only things between the three of us could be as simple as a movie. Kai has texts from Soobin waiting on his phone, and as much as he wants to reply, he promised himself that Yeonjun would stay in Yeonjun Time, and Soobin would stay in Soobin Time. Who would want to make a movie about a mess like this?
Yeonjun snuggles closer and closer, his hands drawn to Kai’s body as though magnetized. He strokes Kai’s hair, drags his fingertips up and down Kai’s arm, rubs his nose against Kai’s neck. He’s always like that, always casually affectionate and eager to touch, but he must know what he’s doing. By the time the credits roll, Kai is tingly all over, and can’t bear the thought of Yeonjun moving away.
“Should we put on another?” Yeonjun asks. Kai can feel his breath against the side of his head. “Maybe something with more conflict? I was falling asleep by the end of that….”
“Are you sure you haven’t just had too much to drink?” Kai teases.
“I haven’t finished this one glass! Besides, you’re one to talk,” Yeonjun purrs. “I didn’t even know you owned hard alcohol.”
“I don’t, usually. It was a gift. Or… left over, I guess. I needed someone to finish it off with.”
“A gift?”
Oops. “Soobin.”
To Kai’s relief, Yeonjun doesn’t blink. “Ooh, this is the expensive kind.”
“But it doesn’t matter that he bought it?” Kai asks. “Sorry, it was all I had—”
Yeonjun touches his arm, and he pauses. “Baby, it’s just a drink. I’m expecting pieces of him left around here. I don’t care.”
Kai can’t help but turn away, ashamed. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
“I wouldn’t want you to lie about it. This is nothing. It’s not like you’re forcing me to have drinks with him,” Yeonjun says. “That would probably end with both of us in the hospital.”
“Do you hate each other that much?”
“No. We’re both competitive and clumsy. A terrible combination for drinking nights.”
Kai’s laugh gets stuck in his throat. Yeonjun catches on startlingly fast, and takes his hand.
“Don’t think about any of that tonight. Just focus on me,” he says. He leans in for a kiss that ends far too soon. “Might I offer you a distraction?”
“What kind of distraction?” Kai asks, his pulse picking up.
Yeonjun smiles, serene, cat-like. He kisses Kai again, and lets it linger. Touching Yeonjun is like sitting in front of a fire, a warmth that Kai desperately wants more of, that he gravitates to until it swallows him whole.
One of Yeonjun’s hands falls to Kai’s waist, poking around the front of his pants. He pulls back to look at Kai, and Kai nods.
There’s no more talk of Soobin after that.
Kai spent months dating both Soobin and Yeonjun without considering that they might run into each other. Now, it seems to happen every time he leaves the house.
The next incident of note is while he’s on a date with Yeonjun. Kai has a lucky day off, and Yeonjun’s schedule is flexible, so Yeonjun meets Kai at the coffee shop by his apartment.
“I swear, I’ve been trying to cut down on caffeine,” Yeonjun says. He’s the picture of bliss as he sips at his coffee. They’ve found a nice spot in a corner, right by the sunny window, and it’s the best way to start the day. “...But sometimes, you just need a pick-me-up. I love this place.”
“We need to stop enabling each other,” Kai says, but no amount of health consciousness has persuaded him to abandon his treats.
“Oh, please. You bring out enough good in me to make up for it,” Yeonjun says. He takes Kai’s hand, tracing the back of it with his thumb. “We should do this more often. Every day.”
“I’d have to win the lottery first, so I can quit my job….”
“On the weekends, I mean,” Yeonjun says. “I’m not quite at the level of fame where I can afford a sugar baby, but I’ll do my best.”
“You’d have to afford Stapler, too. He only likes the expensive treats, otherwise he won’t come when I call.”
“I know, you’re a package deal. He deserves to be spoiled as much as you.”
Kai ducks his head, flustered. Only the tips of Yeonjun’s ears, reddened with his blush, indicate that he’s affected by their conversation. Kai doesn’t even need to try; Yeonjun walks into his own traps.
“I tried a new flavoring today. Peppermint. Want to try?” Yeonjun asks, sliding his cup over.
“Yes, please. Very seasonal,” Kai says. He barely manages to raise the cup to his lips before he notices the shadow of a very familiar figure stepping into the shop. “Wh—fuck—”
It takes Yeonjun a second to catch on, but when he notices the new customer, his gaze hardens.
“Soobin-hyung,” Kai says. He sets the cup down before he can choke on it. “What’re you doing here?”
“Getting coffee,” Soobin says. His shoulders are rigid, and Kai can tell that he’s trying very, very hard not to look at Yeonjun. “I’m, uh. I’m late for work.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I hope you have a good day,” Kai says, but Soobin still hasn’t joined the line at the counter. It’s like his shoes have been frozen to the ground, and he’s pale like he saw a ghost.
“Don’t mind me,” Yeonjun drawls. “Get your coffee.”
Soobin’s eyebrows knit together. When he speaks, he ignores Yeonjun altogether. “You too, Kai-yah. See you soon.”
He spins on his heel, stubbornly refusing to look in their direction until he leaves with his coffee. Kai watches him leave, his heart tugging. If he were alone, Soobin would have stayed longer to chat, or Kai would have walked with him to work. They’re supposed to go out together tomorrow, but tomorrow suddenly isn’t soon enough.
“What was that about? You’d think I’m a monster he has to defeat before he gets his coffee,” Yeonjun says.
“You’d make a great coffee guardian, since you love it so much,” Kai says, but he doesn’t have a better answer for Yeonjun.
The next incident is when Kai is at work. He’s just about to start his break, which means trudging downstairs and out to one of the local cafés for a snack. A morning of subsiding on vending machine snacks just wasn’t enough for him. I have to start bringing my own lunch, he thinks, dejectedly clicking out of his email. I’m not going to have a proper meal until tonight….
He turns around in his spinning chair—one of work’s few great joys—and comes face to face with an unexpected guest: Soobin.
“Oh—oh!” Kai clutches his chest, his heart skipping a beat. “You scared me!”
“Sorry, sorry,” Soobin says. His cheeks are flushed with the cold. He grins at Kai, holding up a bag that smells delicious. “Brought you lunch. Are you busy?”
“No, not at all,” Kai says. He’s never been so relieved to see Soobin. Work isn’t bad, but it’s been excruciatingly tedious and never-ending today. On top of being boring, it’s lonely. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” Soobin says. He leans down to give Kai a kiss, and sets the food on his desk. “I was hoping I’d get to eat with you, but I got a couple weird looks when I came in. I think your coworkers hate me.”
“They don’t hate you, they’re just—” Kai lowers his voice, hoping the coworkers in question don’t hear him. “—generally unfriendly. Please stay.”
“Are you sure?
“You’re a hard person to hate.”
Soobin laughs. “Yeah, tell that to—”
“Um, Kai?”
Kai must be dreaming, because his afternoons are never this eventful. He looks past Soobin, and lo and behold—his second visiting boyfriend for the day has arrived. Yeonjun is bundled up in a jacket, a bag hanging off his arm….
Lunch. He’s brought lunch.
“And… Soobin,” Yeonjun says. His voice curls around the word like it’s something vile, a taste he can’t get out of his mouth. “You’re here.”
“I am,” Soobin says. “A surprise. For Kai.”
What are the odds? It’s not often we get to visit each other…. How could this happen? They always text first…. They’re usually busy at this time, too….
Yeonjun’s face grows stiffer and stiffer, more worried, as he takes in the scene. “I’m just gonna drop this off. A surprise.”
“Thank you, hyung. You’re too kind,” Kai says. He stands to give Yeonjun a hug, and Yeonjun hides his face against his neck.
This is too weird. Kai gives him an extra squeeze, hoping to reassure him.
“Don’t want to interrupt. I should get going,” Yeonjun says.
“You don’t have to rush. I’m on break,” Kai says.
Yeonjun’s eyes flicker over to Soobin. “I’m reaching the end of my own break, but I’ll see you soon. Let’s talk in a bit?”
“Of course,” Kai says. Yeonjun squeezes his hand before he heads back into the elevator. Kai sinks into his seat, setting Yeonjun’s bag on his desk.
“You’re well-fed today,” Soobin says, resting his chin on Kai’s desk. He gives Kai a mischievous sort of smirk. “This is probably enough food for the whole week.”
“I’m spoiled,” Kai agrees, though he’s more flustered than ever.
The most recent encounter happens at the most mundane location: the grocery store.
Kai knows better than to go shopping on a Sunday afternoon, when the entire city seems to go shopping with him. He usually saves grocery shopping for random week nights, when he’s feeling motivated after work. But he’s been so busy this week, and his refrigerator is completely empty, and he’s exhausted all of his regular takeout options. The situation is dire.
It goes without saying that Kai isn’t in the best mood as he navigates the shelves, begrudgingly checking over his list again and again. The last smudged item on his sticky note is rice cakes, but he swears that the store has been rearranged since the last time he visited.
Has it really been that long? How embarrassing, Kai thinks. Maybe he doesn’t really need the rice cakes. Walking through the noodle aisle for the third time isn’t bringing him any closer to finding them—
“Kai-yah?”
“Hyuka!”
Kai freezes in place. He doesn’t know which direction to turn.
Here? Now?
“What the hell are you doing here?” Yeonjun asks. Kai has been forgotten—Yeonjun is staring at Soobin, who emerged from the opposite end of the aisle. The two of them face each other down, the ultimate prize trapped between them.
“You’re one to talk,” Soobin scoffs. “Are you following me?”
“Nope. I just wanted ramyeon. And to talk to my boyfriend.”
Soobin’s eyes narrow. Kai hurries to interject before one of them can speak again. “Sorry, I’m in the way. I don’t know why I’m here. I actually needed rice cakes.”
“I can show you to—”
“They’re over here, next to—”
Both Yeonjun and Soobin cut themselves off to glare at each other. Kai breaks into a cold sweat. “It’s okay. I can find them.”
“This way,” Yeonjun says, gesturing with a hand.
Kai doesn’t make it two steps in his direction before Soobin interrupts. “Um, aren’t they down here?”
“Does it matter? There’s more than one way to reach the rice cakes.”
“It matters if you want to be efficient.”
This time, they’re interrupted by an older woman pushing her cart through the aisle. Kai can’t help but cringe, wondering how much strangers have already overheard.
“I’m not choosing sides,” Kai announces. “Bye!”
He runs by Soobin as fast as possible, without stopping to speak to either of them. He grabs the rice cakes and practically sprints to the register, hardly taking a breath until the store is out of sight.
How does this keep happening? There’s no explanation for it, other than that the universe is specifically out to spite Kai. It’s like they’re planning it. They probably think I’m the one who planned it. Unless they figure out how to get along, I’m fucked.
Right as he finishes organizing his groceries, he receives two texts.