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A buzzing filled Leo’s mind as he readied himself for another kata. Sensei had been especially harsh during spars today, not hesitating to strike the turtles when they provided the smallest opening, and Leo’s body ached with undeveloped bruises. He ran through the motions of the kata, careful to be precise with every action. Sensei would not forgive sloppiness on account of fatigue. Despite the focus required, Leo couldn’t help but peripherally keep an eye on his brothers practicing around the room. Donny had taken an even greater beating than Leo during their sparring sessions with Sensei, and his actions were restrained and hesitant as a result. As Sensei’s furred head began to twist in Donny’s direction, Leo purposefully slid his left foot further to the left and overextended his right kick. Sensei immediately caught the misstep, and the rat mutant stalked over to Leo.
“Yame,” he said, and the room fell still. “Your form is sloppy, kame. I expect thirty more repetitions of the kata.”
“Hai, Sensei.” Leo replied, bowing slightly. There was nothing else to say.
Sensei looked around the room at the other turtles before letting out a gruff sigh. “The rest of you may cease, I will be sending you on a mission tonight.”
A murmur of Hai Sensei’s filled the room, and the rat left the dojo, the door sliding shut nearly silently. Leo continued to practice his kata, knowing that, somehow, Sensei would notice if he shirked his training. Raph came to his side to spot him, while Donny and Mike began some cool-down stretches in the corner of the room. Raph watched Leo practice with a critical eye.
“How’d you mess up so bad anyway?” Raph narrowed his eyes at Leo, “You’re the best outta all of us.”
Leo just sent him a smirk as he began the kata again at a faster speed, eager to get training over with. “Maybe I’m just better because I get all the extra practice.” Raph scoffed but made his way to Donny and Mike to join them. Donny was shaking a bit as he tried to shift himself into a less painful position, but Mike was at his side guiding him. Leo couldn’t help but worry, even as he struggled to keep his own movements steady.
Once Leo finished his kata, he only had a few minutes to stretch out his aching limbs before Sensei strode back into the room. “Kame,” he called, and Leo and his brothers gathered around. “Today’s mission may be simple, but it is nonetheless paramount that you remain disciplined and precise.” He handed them a list of instructions for the turtles to follow on the surface. “Remember,” Sensei spoke as the turtles began to leave, “Stick to the shadows. No witnesses.” Leo nodded gravely as he pushed past his brothers to lead them out of the sewers. Despite Sensei’s somber tone, spirits were high among the turtles as they made their way up to the surface. Missions were always exciting, as they gave the opportunity to explore the city of New York and breathe its semi-fresh air.
Leo pushed aside the manhole cover and clambered up into the alleyway, his brothers hot on his heels. They were silent as they made their way up to the nearby rooftop, but then they began to relax and poke at each other. Leo looked down at the list in his hand. It was filled with mostly mundane items like food, and stuff needed for maintenance around the lair. On the bottom of the paper was a neat and succinct paragraph that detailed instructions on interfering with a major drug deal happening on the outskirts of the city, and snatching both the money as well as the illicit substance. Leo carefully tore that part of the paper off while his brothers were distracted with the sights of the city, tucking it into his belt pouch.
“Alright,” Leo spoke up, and his brothers quickly clambered over. They were silent as they read over the list, and an odd tension began to fill the air. Donny began to rub his thumbs together, and Mike started to sway back and forth on his feet. Leo smiled knowingly. Heh, big brother powers, he thought, then he spoke up. “I don’t know about you guys, but this doesn’t seem like it needs four people on the job.”
Donny’s eyes lit up with the statement, and any tension quickly dissipated. “Can I please go to the junkyard, Leo? Please? I’ll find something good.” He began to squeeze his hands together and made a pleading face in Leo’s direction.
“Everything you find, you make into something good, Donny,” Leo said fondly, reaching over to rub the top of his head. Donny gave him a smile back, while Mike leaned over into Leo’s view.
“Ummmmm, one of us should probably stick with Don-tron, make sure he doesn’t explode a car engine again, yeah?” Mike had a silly, relaxed smile, but Leo was no novice at reading him. Donny looked ready to fire back a retort, but Leo moved his hand to cover Donny’s face before he could start.
“Yeah, you can keep an eye on him Mike. Just stay safe, okay?” Mike nodded in response before breaking into a softer, more genuine smile. Donny and Mike leapt off the roof and bounded towards the nearest junkyard, chattering excitedly to each other. Donny was obviously going to be looking for tech and metal scraps, and Mike had a growing collection of trinkets that he kept in an unused rooftop storage shed. Leo turned away from their disappearing forms to be face-to-face with Raph. He was looking over Leo’s shoulder, watching his brothers disappear, before he scoffed and gave Leo a light punch on the shoulder.
“You baby them too much.” He muttered. Leo grinned, unrepentant.
“Whole Foods on 6th?”
“Yeah, whatever.”
The supply run was efficient and Leo and Raph were done in under half an hour. They went back to the rooftop to drop off the items so they didn’t have to worry about it for the rest of the night. Raph put down a big bag of rice and groaned, stretching his back as best he could with his rigid shell.
Leo hummed to himself before speaking. “I want to give the boys more time to relax. What do you say we split up and enjoy the night for a bit?”
“The boys.” Raph mocked. “You’re not their mother so don’t act like it… and why would we split up anyway? Shouldn’t we stick together?”
“Sure,” Leo replied easily, knowing that too aggressive of an approach would just make Raph more suspicious. “I’m just planning on going to the outskirts and didn’t think you would want to come with.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t know nothing.” Raph grumbled as he kicked the rice bag into a shadowed corner of the rooftop. Ow. Leo thought faintly. They took off into the night again. This time, Leo was preoccupied with thoughts of the upcoming drug deal. If he wasn’t going to be able to shake Raph before it went down, he would have to cave and tell him about it. Then, Raph would be angry that Leo hid it from them, angry that Sensei sent them on this mission, and just… angry. Leo looked up into the sky as they began to bound further and further into the outskirts. As they left behind the light of the city, the stars overhead became more and more prominent. The turtles had seen stars before, but it was always just a sparse speckling that was hardly of note. Now, there were hundreds of stars above their heads as they left behind the light pollution of the city.
Leo nudged Raph, who slowed down as he looked above him. “Woah,” he said, stunned. Leo remembered the first time they had all seen the sky, so different from the concrete ceiling of the sewers that had made up their whole universe. This was a moment almost as magical. Leo wanted to stand there with his brother, gaze into the beautiful lights that almost seemed to gaze back. When Leo thought of a perfect world, it was just this: his brothers happy and free, under the stars. He forced himself to look back down at the ground.
“Hey,” Leo spoke, keeping his voice pitched low, “You stay here. I’ll go see if there’s a better place to see the stars.”
“Yeah okay…” Raph replied. Leo took a moment to appreciate the calm on his normally strung up brother. There were no lines on his face or pain in his eyes. Leo quickly ran off into the night. He made it there a good fifteen minutes before the deal was scheduled to take place, and perched above the dark and cluttered alleyway, trying to commit every detail of Sensei’s instruction to memory. Of course, the plan was made a little more complicated with the absence of his brothers, but Leo was nothing if not adaptable. Three men entered the alleyway together, two of them had very large frames, and all of them had a dragon tattoo arching around their body. The third man was dressed sharper, and was holding a small briefcase in his hand. They seemed at ease, relaxed. A mistake. Leo thought with a smirk.
The second party arrived and Leo didn’t give them the chance to start anything. He threw down a smoke bomb and quickly made light work of the gang members. Disarm first, then incapacitate, Leo ran through Sensei’s teachings in his mind as he took out the five goons, staying hidden within the smoke and shadows all the while. No witnesses. Leo swept up the two suitcases before running to the mouth of the alleyway. He felt oddly exposed out on the abandoned street, but there was no way to quickly climb to the roof with a bulky item in each hand. If he had Raph… but Leo quickly shook the thought off. Finding a building that was shorter than the rest, he was able to throw the cases up onto the roof from the street. Leo was just about to climb up after them when he heard a gasp come from behind him.
He turned to see a young blonde woman gaping at him. Leo swore that the street was empty just seconds ago. She was looking at him with awe, clasping her hands together excitedly. “Woah! A turtle! Gosharoonies! This is totally crazy!
Leo remembered the words of his sensei: No witnesses. Leo reached for his katana but they seemed to be weighed down with lead, resisting his unsheathing. Leo suddenly remembered a quiet moment, oh so long ago. Once, when the turtles were still too little to go to the surface, Sensei had gone out for a supply run to replenish their resources. Little Leo was less scared, and less scarred, and snuck into Sensei’s room. The room had many books and scrolls scavenged and stolen. One was titled Bushido. Leo didn’t recognize the word, and curiously began to read it.
Although many years had passed, Leo couldn’t stop thinking back to the words in the text, and this moment was no different. It had described a code of honor for ancient samurai, and though Leo was supposed to be a ninja, not a samurai, some part of him was drawn to it. When Sensei taught of obligations and honor, he spoke nothing of the clenching feeling Leo felt when his brothers were in pain. He did not acknowledge the nausea that Leo felt when stealing from innocent humans above. His teachings felt abstract, and unrooted from Leo’s body and soul. Bushido was different. The code of Bushido included seven principles that a samurai must follow, with Righteousness (義 gi) put even above Loyalty (忠義 chūgi).
Leo’s hands were shaking from the thought of killing this innocent, and so he knew that this was a sign that the action was not righteous. He slid the swords back down fully into their sheaths, letting out a long breath. Although he knew Sensei would not approve, he still felt more settled on this path than on the one that Sensei set before him. When his mind, body, and soul were aligned with the principles of Bushido, he felt like he could breathe easier. He looked back at the woman, surprised to see that she was simply looking at him with an indiscernible expression. It had no hint of aggression, though, or even fear. A part of Leo recognized that this was an abnormal reaction, but still… he never thought anyone would see him without running away screaming. She hadn’t even reached for her phone to take a damning photograph. It was surprising... but nice. The woman smiled at him while he slowly backed up into the alleyway and jumped up onto the roof.
He made his way back to the rooftop he left Raph on, trying to shake the strange encounter from his mind. He felt Raph’s glare before he located his figure. Leo landed on the roof with a cheeky smile. Raph’s eyes flicked down to the briefcases before scowling, and he pushed forward into his brother’s space.
“What bullshit didja do without me?”
“Just a minor drug deal,” Leo shrugged him off, trying to project calm.
“Just a-” Raph roughly took one of the briefcases out of Leo’s hand.
“I wouldn’t open that.”
“No shit! You-” Raph was actually shaking with anger. Leo began to feel nervous for the first time that night.
“Let’s go get the boys… yeah?”
Raph seemed to be genuinely at a loss of words. Leo began to run towards the next building when Raph grabbed his wrist, yanking him to a stop. He then put a finger on Leo’s chest. He stared up at Leo, and Leo couldn’t discern the emotions in his eyes. The distance Leo felt from his brother suddenly felt like a punctured hole in his lungs. He stood there, hoping Raph would say something that would perfectly explain the complicated look that Leo just couldn’t understand. But Raph just looked away and muttered,“I’m going to strangle you in your sleep tonight.”
Leo sighed, but started running back into the city. Raph followed at a steady rate behind him. He was hopeful that Raph would lose some of his steam hopping rooftops, but he could feel the intensity of Raph’s glare piercing into his shell even as they approached the rendezvous spot.
Leo heard Mike and Donny before he saw them.
“-orange paint and then it’s as good as gold! Oh I didn’t see if the head fits, but the head should fit right? It’s the same toy company so like… the molds are compatible or something right?”
“Mike.” Leo reprimanded, “I could hear you from across the city.”
“Sorry dude, I’m just hyped because I finally found a head for my orange SRMFF mecha figure, I mean technically it’s a blue head but Donny’s going to figure something out for me. Right, Donny-boy?”
Donny hummed, then looked up from the scrap wire he was fiddling with. “What’s in the briefcase Raph?” Raph had apparently caught up with Leo, and was pointedly less subtle with holding his case than Leo had been.
Raph scoffed, and threw the briefcase on the ground. “Ask Fearless over there.”
Leo flinched. Mike let out a low whistle, “Oh Raphie is mad mad.”
Raph lunged for Mike as Donny made his way over to the discarded briefcase. Leo stuck a hand out to stop him.
“I don’t know what sort of drug is in there, so don’t open it, okay?”
Donny whirled to look directly at Leo, a somewhat rare occurrence. Donny usually looked past the side of Leo’s face, but now Leo found himself making unexpected eye contact.
“I didn’t think twice about the rip at the bottom of Sensei’s instructions. I trusted you.” And then, Donny’s eyes flicked down to his fiddling hands.
Of course Donny had pieced everything together in those few moments. Leo winced and tried to hide how Donny’s words lodged on something inside of him. “Ah c’mon, didn’t you have a fun night?”
Donny leaned forward and bonked his head on Leo’s plastron. “I’m stupid…” He muttered.
“Don’t say that, Donny…” Leo rubbed the top of Donny’s head. “I’m your big brother, of course you… trust me.” Leo’s throat felt tight, and Donny didn’t respond. Mike and Raph finished their scuffle and Leo gestured for them to gather around. “Okay. I don’t care if you’re mad. Here’s the story: The four of us got the supplies, then headed to the outskirts of town to intercept a drug deal. Everyone involved was incapacitated without trouble. No witnesses. Got it?”
Raph looked like he was a second away from beating Leo into the concrete right then and there, but he gave a terse nod. Donny and Mike gave very glum affirmations, and Donny was not looking anywhere near Leo’s face.
Back in the lair, the boys scattered to put away the supplies, while Leo brought the briefcases to Sensei directly. The rat mutant was meditating. Leo carefully slid open the door to his room, before kneeling on the ground and placing the briefcases down.
“Kame, report.”
“Everything went according to plan, Master. We incapacitated the targets and retrieved everything that was to be exchanged in the deal.”
“Any witnesses?”
“No, Master.” There was a pregnant silence.
“Little kame, do you think you are daitan futeki?” Sensei pronounced the syllables with great articulation and emphasis. “Fearless?”
“No, Master.” Leo closed his eyes.
“And yet, you act with such impertinence. To lie to me… you must be fearless.” Sensei rose from his seated position, and began to walk towards Leo’s eerily still form.
“No, Master.” Leo repeated again, only a whisper this time.
Sensei stopped, towering above the boy. “You accuse me of being wrong?”
“No-”
“STAND UP, KAME!” Leo jumped to his feet and flinched when Sensei firmly grasped his shoulder. “We’ll see if you’re truly without fear, stupid turtle!” he spat. Leo was then dragged through the lair. His brothers were still loitering in the area, but they had clearly been set into motion when Sensei began to yell. He saw Mike and Donny dash around a corner, quick to be out of sight, but Raph remained stationary in the corner of the room. As Leo was pulled along, he sent frantic gestures behind Sensei’s back to try and shoo Raph off. Thankfully, Raph slowly stalked away, and Leo was marched out of the lair on his own. Sensei corralled him deeper into the sewers.
They arrived at a great open tunnel, with a deep sewer chamber plummeting hundreds of feet down. Sensei pulled out a length of rope, around three feet long. It was a rough texture, with flecks of dried blood. Leo knew that that blood had been his own. Leo extended his right arm and Sensei tied a rough knot around his wrist. He couldn’t hide his tremors.
Sensei scoffed at the sight. “You are far from fearless … You are foolish.” He tied the other end of the rope around a pipe that curved upward, forming a usable hook. “Look down… kame.”
Leo gasped but obeyed, forcing his eyes to flicker from the ceiling down to the dizzying height below. Instantly, he felt a cold shock to his heart, and his legs turned to jelly beneath him. He became intimately aware of his labored breathing, as the ringing in his ears began to overwhelm any other sound. He tore his gaze away before black spots could become too prominent in his vision, but his sensei growled, so he forced his eyes back down to the sight. Leo couldn’t stop thinking about falling, about weightlessness. He was just on the roofs but this was different. This was sinister, this was dangerous. No footholds or balconies or fire escapes. No stars.
He heard the sound of his sensei in his ear. “Step off, fearless turtle.”
Leo whimpered. “No…” he croaked, he begged.
Sensei scoffed. “Step off,” he repeated, “or I will bring one of your ‘brothers’ to push you.” Leo shuffled closer to the edge, trying to convince himself it would be okay. The rope always caught him, but that anticipation of that lurching feeling of falling and the incessant fear that this time the knot would not hold, stole his breath and kept him from making the leap.
“Very well… I’ll be back.”
“No-” Leo steeled himself, and stepped off the ledge. He dropped. The rope caught him, and he began to cry.
“Look down, kame, or I will bring another turtle here to cut the rope.” Leo continued to whimper and look down, weightless, arm straining and wrist burning. “You are pathetic,” His sensei said from above him. “You remind me of my old brother in arms… Hamato Yoshi. Sometimes I imagine it is him I dangle above this great height. I imagine the fear in your eyes belongs to him. Aren’t you grateful, little turtle, that you can bring this joy to me?”
Leo was just trying to breathe, unfocusing his eyes and mind to feel less like he was truly above the abyss. Trying to leave his body and the weightless feeling that encompassed it. Sensei struck the pipe his rope was tied to, hard, and it creaked ominously. Leo’s mind quickly caught up in a blind panic. “Yes… Master… I’m grateful…” He gasped out, and his mind quickly fuzzed over once Sensei moved on.
“Fortunately for you, I plan to take my anger out on its true target very soon. Yoshi will rue the day he stole the Foot Clan from its rightful heir, Oroku Saki!” Sensei began to grow louder and louder, as he stomped around on the platform above Leo’s trembling arm. And yet his voice began to grow more and more distant, more muffled, as Leo continued to withdraw from his body as much as possible.
Leo was in a haze when he was finally let up. The only sensation that trickled through was the burning in his arm, but even that was not as severe as Leo knew it should be. Sensei retired to his room without another word, and Leo stumbled through the lair. He went to Donny’s room first, and found the turtle missing. He lurched on shaky legs over to Raph’s room, and there he found the missing turtle with his brother. Donny was asleep, passed out on top of Raph, who was sitting up in his bed. Leo looked at Raph and was met with those mystifying eyes. Raph didn’t move, just stared at Leo with intensity. Not wanting to wake Donny, Leo stepped back and gently eased the door closed. He stepped, slowly and shakily, all the way to Michelangelo’s room. He opened the door.
“Leo!” Mike cried, and jumped out of his bed. “Are you okay?”
Leo didn’t want to speak. “I’m okay, Mike.”
“Can you sleep with me tonight? Please?”
Leo didn’t really want to sleep with Mike. His bed was small, and Mike always stole the blanket. Leo wanted privacy, where he could wipe his tears and lick his wounds. “Of course, Mikey…”
Mike pulled him to bed with a gentle tug. Mike rolled on his side and pulled the blanket firmly over Leo. Leo’s eyes flickered shut, and he slowly fell asleep to the sound of Mike’s breathing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.