Victims of love

by Angelgrowingwings

Summary:

"Finally," he whispers, barely audible, but Zoro hears it loud and clear. He says it right above his ear, like a secret only he and Sanji could hear.

"I have you," Sanji murmured, this time leaning his face back slightly, their foreheads pressed together, their lips almost touching. "I have you where I've always wanted you."

Zoro felt like he could die like this.
____
Basically, a bisexual, gender-fluid Sanji who suffers from dissociation due to his inability to understand himself and his hopeless crush on a shitty swordsman. He also develops a bad habit of talking to Zoro about his favorite things in bed, which starts to drive him crazy.

Notes:

English is not my native language, and i did this as a way to de-stress from exams, so yeah

Sanji had been having the same dream for the past few days.

 

Every night, it was the same dream over and over again, but it always scared him enough that, when he woke up, the sweat stain on his sheets was huge.

The dream was always the same: him, trapped in a dark place where he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t even hear anyone or anything near him. All he saw was darkness, except for a mirror in front of him. But in the reflection, there was nothing.

Only when he stood up and got closer to the mirror did he manage to make out a blurry, distorted version of himself. He could see his shape, his silhouette, but he couldn’t recognize himself.

 

He didn’t feel like himself.

 

And then he would see, from a distance, how his friends laughed and enjoyed themselves with that smear of him, how they patted it on the shoulder and called it their silly cook.

They told Sanji to never leave their side again.

But Sanji was behind the mirror; that stain they were talking with wasn’t him.

 

Why did he suddenly feel the urge to tear off his own skin?

 

Sanji knew he lived through that moment, he knew he was there, he held those memories. But when he looked from afar, when he saw himself through the mirror, it was as if he were a different person.

The Sanji others saw, the one his friends loved unconditionally, wasn’t him.

 

...

 

Sanji woke up again, early in the morning as always, not even bothering to check his sheets. He didn’t look down when he took a quick shower, either. And when he was finally dressed, the suit hugging his broad shoulders, the tie resting just below his Adam’s apple, he swallowed as nausea rose in his stomach.

One more day.

 

...

 

They'd barely landed on the island when Luffy decided they could stay longer than necessary to clear their heads. It had been a few stressful days, no doubt, even for someone as energetic as their captain, so no one objected to the idea.

 

It was a small island, with only a tiny market where Sanji managed to salvage the best ingredients to prepare a delicious and well-served dinner for his friends. Huge quantities of meat, enough alcohol to last a year (with his friends, not even one night). He'd even chosen the best rice he could find, sacrificing some extra money for the stupid Marimo.

 

So thoughtful of him.

 

The girls were out shopping; Nami had mentioned something about making sure they got what each of them had asked for (only some of them; the twelve-liter jar of hot sauce Usopp had asked for was denied). And she'd also taken Robin with her, to lend an extra hand (literally).

 

The others were strolling around, Usopp, Luffy, Chopper, and Franky happily exploring, enjoying their impromptu vacation.

 

"I saw a wishing fountain near the park!" Usopp said with a smile as he pulled his captain by the shoulder.

"A wishing fountain? How does it work?" Luffy asked, his eyes shining as he let himself be pulled along.

"I want to go too!" Chopper joined in, quickly running alongside the two.

"Dear friends, a wishing fountain can make any wish come true. Just toss a coin and it's yours!"

Luffy's eyes lit up even more. "Can I wish I could fly?"

Usopp narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "...Of course you can!"

 

And with that, the four of them left. Sanji almost laughed out loud at the memory; they were idiots. It was kind of endearing, just kind of.

As he remembered where each of his friends was supposed to be, calculating how long it would take them to get there in proportion to how long dinner would take...

He remembered something strange.

 

Zoro.

 

Normally, he stayed on the Sunny; there was nothing out there that interested him. One bottle of alcohol would be enough to make him happy; he'd sleep on the ship's deck without a care in the world. But he didn’t, not this time.

 

"Brook," Zoro said, his voice barely audible to the skeleton beside him, but Sanji heard it too. "Do you think you can stay and watch the ship? I'll make it up to you later."

 

Brook didn't hesitate to accept, friendly and helpful as always, without asking any questions or anything. Which was definitely the right thing to do. Zoro wasn't one to ask for favors, at least not very often, not to mention he almost never went out when they were resting on an island, so it seemed to be something important to him.

 

But what could possibly be important to Zoro? Protecting his friends, drinking himself to sleep in the least convenient place, training, becoming the greatest swordsman in the world. None of that seemed to have anything to do with wandering around an island as simple as this one. So far, he hadn't seen him at the market, so he didn't seem to be craving the local food. He also wasn't near the fountain where he'd seen the others, and he doubted he'd gone out for the one special occasion of accompanying Nami shopping.

 

What was he doing? Where was he? Had he gotten lost again? Maybe he needed time alone. No, that didn't sound like him. He'd lock himself in the crow's nest.

A new sword? Ridiculous, he wouldn't find anything on this humble island.

Clothes? He'd have ordered them from Nami; she knew his style.

Alcohol? There was some on the ship.

 

There was no absolute, logical reason why Roronoa Zoro wouldn't stay on the damn ship.

 

Why couldn’t he stay there where Sanji could know what he was doing?

 

That sounded sick, yeah, definitely like a complete psychopath. Disgusting.

 

Sanji scolded himself and squeezed the cigarette between his lips. He definitely shouldn’t be so obsessed with every little detail of the swordsman’s life—it was just curiosity, yeah, curiosity. He didn’t want to end up searching for him for hours just because the idiot decided to go for a walk. Sighing exaggeratedly, Sanji looked down at his shopping bags, feeling for a few seconds as if a small part of him withered away every time he tried to convince himself that he was angry at the idea of the idiot Marimo wasting their time.

 

The truth was, Sanji was completely, obsessively, and maybe not so healthily in love with Zoro.

 

And he hated it. Hated it every minute, like he'd never hated anything before. The butterflies in his stomach, the dinners thoughtlessly prepared with too much love, too much decoration and ingredients—ingredients he knew were Zoro's favorites. Dinners he ended up eating himself because he couldn't deliver them, but he couldn't give them to anyone else either.

 

This was a kind of proof of my love for you, Zoro Roronoa. Since I can't give it to you directly, I'll swallow it myself. I won't give it to anyone else; I'll let it die inside me, until there's no proof of it left.

 

He was just beginning to acknowledge the fact that maybe he wasn't really a man.

Or maybe not one at all.

 

Like, if you asked Sanji whether he would have preferred to be born a boy or a girl, he'd say a boy. A strong, masculine boy who would dedicate his life to loving the most beautiful women and protecting each and every one of them.

 

But secretly, he'd think how nice it would be to be a lady. To be able to wear whatever clothes he wanted without fear of being perceived as too "feminine." If he were a lady, he would adorn his hands with the most precious pearls; his nails would always be a beautiful reddish color.

 

He could love Zoro without feeling like he'd die just thinking about it.

 

But the reality was, Sanji's real answer would be shorter and easier.

 

"I wish I hadn't been born at all."

 

Maybe he was going crazy.

 

"Disgusting," Sanji muttered to himself, deciding to change the subject. Zoro could do whatever he wanted. He'd go back to the ship and make dinner, that's all.

 

That's all.

 

And so, as if it were damn fate trying to laugh at Sanji (as if he hadn't done enough), he recognized a familiar laugh in the distance.

 

A laugh he'd managed to memorize from the few times he'd witnessed it, and which, from the first time, he found absolutely charming. It was a little silly, because it was neither soft nor truly tender; it was a loud, sonorous laugh. The idiot swordsman never held back; he was even the kind who slapped his leg or clapped his hands when he laughed; his cheeks flushed. The wrinkles on his face deepened slightly, as if reminding you that, after all, he was human.

 

That's why Sanji loved it from the moment he heard it. Because it was special, because it was something that probably only he and his friends knew, something he dedicated himself to keeping deep in his heart. He never knew how to react to hearing it, mainly because he couldn't stop his lips from slightly parting in surprise, his hands from clutching at nothing, or even his ears from turning red from how much he felt just hearing it. What he could do was look away, knowing that he had spent too much time staring at him like an idiot. And now he was there, listening to that laugh, recognizing it perfectly from the back of the square, in a bar he hadn't seen before.

 

The place was already packed with bustling people, but damn, Zoro's laughter was also boisterous. He could even guess where he was; it was coming from the back, and when Sanji poked his head slightly through the window, careful not to be seen, he confirmed it.

 

Roronoa Zoro, sitting at the back of the bar, a half-full cup in his hand but his table full of empty cups, slapped the table as he laughed.

 

Sanji couldn't help but smile. He was about to scold himself, acting like a complete weirdo spying on his friend as he left the boat to have a good time, but just the sight of Zoro, enjoying himself and looking like a normal, carefree guy, took his breath away.

 

He was in his own little world, admiring the view, until he thought, What was he laughing so hard about? Was he talking to someone?

 

Sanji's gaze shifted to the rest of the bar for the first time, and not just Zoro. Then he saw him.

A guy, sitting right next to Zoro—damn close to Zoro. How the hell had he missed him before? He was tall. He was blond and looked somewhat thin, but not weak. No, he was wearing a button-down shirt that hugged his arm muscles.

 

He was wearing an expensive-looking watch, and his hand was covered in equally elegant rings. Yeah, his hand. Where was the other one? His left hand was on the table, holding his drink. Why couldn't he see his right hand? Down there? Zoro's thigh. That guy's hand was on Zoro's thigh.

 

And Zoro laughed, a little less loudly this time. He leaned closer, smiling at him and looking him up and down with his one eye, whispering something in his ear—something Sanji wished he hadn't fully understood.

 

"Come with me."

 

And with that, they disappeared through the back door.

 

Oh.

I see, that's it. That's why he came out.

 

Sanji didn't realize his eyes were moist until he saw his own reflection in the window.

He immediately covered his face with his forearm. What the hell was wrong with him? He felt incredibly stupid.

He had always thought Zoro didn't feel that kind of need.

Zoro wasn't doing anything wrong. He was just having fun... he was having a good time, yeah. That's good. Sanji had always thought he wasn't capable of those kinds of feelings, but it seemed he was.

 

Just not for him.

 

Anyway,

 

Although he was a little worried —wasn't Zoro really drunk? What if he was an enemy?— it didn't hurt to take a look. After all, it was just for safety, because Sanji was an amazing friend. An amazing friend who cared about his friend's well-being.

 

So he didn't think much of it as he rounded the bar and headed toward the back with long, purposeful strides, not even when he heard a loud bang against the back wall.

He positioned himself behind that wall, with no direct view, only hearing some aggressive movements and grunts. It almost sounded like a fight, and for a second he feared it was.

 

"Just... Ah, fuck me now, come on."

 

Sanji had never heard Zoro's voice like that. Not even in his deepest fantasies. It sounded desperate, incredible—Zoro was pleading for relief.

 

"Hey, let me play with you some more, baby."

 

Sanji tightened his grip on the shopping bags.

He heard a faint chuckle, and Sanji tilted his head to hear better.

 

"Oh, did you like that? Do you like calling me that, princess? Squeezing my fingers every time I do it."

 

Sanji heard a moan, a sob deep in Zoro's throat.

 

"Do it now, come on."

 

Sanji left after that. Everything seemed fine.

 

...

 

So, Zoro was late returning to the ship. Sanji liked to think it was because he had gotten lost several times before arriving and not because he had been with that stranger the whole time.

 

Anyway, it wasn't any of his business.

 

Dinner was almost ready, so he went outside to let everyone know they could come in and help him serve the food. He stopped at the corner of the hallway when he heard a giggle.

It was Nami.

 

"No way. You really let him do that to you?"

"Shut up, you're laughing too loud," Zoro replied with a slight tone of annoyance, though he also seemed amused, like two teenagers gossiping.

"It's just, God..." Another giggle from Nami. "So what do you give it on a scale from one to ten?"

"Hmm, maybe an eight and a half, I mean, it was okay. It's been a while; my only complaint is that it didn't last long." Zoro shrugged. "Besides, paying for my drink gives him extra points, don't you think?"

"Well, you said that guy was an old man. Don't expect too much." Nami chuckled. "And good luck covering up all those marks."

"I don't think they'll be that noticeable."

"They are."

 

With that, they both walked over to where the others were.

 

Sanji stared at the ground for a few minutes, seriously considering poisoning Zoro's food so he'd have diarrhea for life.

Or maybe he should have given him nails, knives.

 

But it wasn't like he had the right to do that to him. Zoro didn't owe him anything. Damn it, Zoro didn't even know how Sanji felt about him.

How could you get revenge on someone who doesn't know they've done something terrible to you?

 

Maybe Sanji should have eaten a lot of nails.

 

...

 

That night, everyone congratulated Sanji on his cooking. He truly excelled, making a personalized feast for each of his friends.

The only problem was when everyone was stuffed to the gills.

 

Brook was on the floor next to Luffy and Usopp, who were both completely stuffed. They had eaten so much that they even looked like they were about to pass out, which was surprising, especially on Luffy's part. The skeleton couldn’t help but make one of his usual jokes.

 

“I could die from eating so much! Oh wait, I'm already dead—”

“Stop, please,” sobbed Usopp, clutching his stomach as he writhed on the ground.

“...yohohohoho,” muttered Brook.

 

Sanji sighed from his chair in the distance, taking a long swig from his beer bottle. Maybe he should try not to look so obviously dejected, but he couldn’t help it.

It used to be easier, when Sanji thought Zoro had no interest in that sort of thing—in general, not for men or women. But now, now he knew that Marimo could feel that sort of thing. He could feel desire, and for men.

 

Sanji was dying inside, wondering,

what should he do with this information?

He had always forced himself to believe that Zoro would find it so disgusting that it wasn’t even worth trying. He thought, it’s obvious, just look at him—he’s the definition of masculinity. If he even feels anything like attraction, it’s only for women.

 

But now, it was like the world was screaming at him to try, and that was fucking unfair. Horribly unfair. He didn’t want a chance. He wanted to deny himself, to bury himself until enough time had passed so that, when he came out, he’d be reborn as a new person.

 

The new, improved, straight Sanji, that was.

 

“God.” Sanji sighed and took another long drink.

 

After a while, his gaze swept over the place and found Zoro leaning against the wall, his face strangely peaceful. He couldn’t help but let his gaze wander a bit over the swordsman’s body; before he knew it, he was staring at the marks on his chest, barely hidden.

 

“Stupid Marimo,” Sanji muttered to himself, rolling his eyes.

 

For some reason, Zoro opened his one eye immediately at that—a sort of fighting instinct against Sanji that kept him on his toes whenever the blond insulted him.

 

“What the fuck did you say?” Zoro asked in a raspy, gruff voice, perhaps a fusion of the sake and how sleepy he was.

“I said you’re a stupid Marimo.”

“You…”

“At least go outside, will you?” Nami murmured exasperatedly.

 

For some reason, they both ended up obeying. Sanji did simply because Nami told him to, and he would never deny his precious Nami anything. Besides, he really needed a cigarette.

 

Zoro, on the other hand—it didn’t make sense that he was out too.

Sanji decided to ignore the knot forming in his stomach when he felt Zoro take a seat next to him, leaning his back against the wall. The smell of alcohol filled his nostrils—the smell of Zoro.

 

“What’s your problem?” Zoro was curt and blunt, as always.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Spit it out already, you stupid love-cook.”

 

Sanji gritted his teeth and looked sideways at Zoro. You know what? Screw him. Sanji would embarrass him a little—yeah, that was his revenge.

 

“My problem?” Sanji put on a mocking voice. “What’s your problem? Walking around with your whole chest covered in marks? Do you even feel any modesty?”

 

Zoro’s face turned a shade of red Sanji had never seen, and then he realized that his attack was double-edged.

Idiot.

 

He quickly averted his gaze, trying to maintain that self-satisfied, mocking attitude, unaffected at all by the swordsman’s expression of shame.

 

“I—ah.” Zoro awkwardly covered himself with his robe, managing to hide the most visible marks. “I didn’t realize… they were so visible, sorry.”

 

Sanji almost wanted to strangle him. “I don’t think I can, you shameless Marimo,” he said, trying to sound more like he was teasing and not really making fun.

 

When Zoro didn’t respond with an insult, but instead seemed to grow even more nervous, more shy, redder and more uncomfortable, Sanji felt his heart twist.

 

“Hey.” Sanji patted him on the shoulder, using his best acting skills. “I’m kidding, why are you apologizing? I mean, I was just telling you so the others wouldn’t bother you.”

 

(Partly true.)

 

“Oh.” Zoro looked visibly better now, as if the natural color had returned to his face. There was a silence, during which they both drank quietly. “You’re an idiot. And… thank you.”

Sanji nodded, silently fuming. “I didn’t know you were capable of that.”

 

Zoro raised an eyebrow in confusion. Sanji chuckled softly.

 

“Desire, lust. Whatever you want to call it. I thought you reproduced by spores or mitosis.”

 

Zoro punched him in the shoulder, and Sanji laughed even harder.

Ah, how he enjoyed those moments.

 

“Shut up. Just because I’m not a pervert like you doesn’t mean that.”

Sanji laughed softly, looking away. “Yeah, I can see that.”

 

Sanji gripped his cigarette tightly. He didn’t like playing dumb, pretending he didn’t know anything when he actually knew more than he should. It made him feel sick.

 

After a while, Zoro spoke again. “It’s just… I don’t know. I don’t usually give it much thought, but… it’s been a while since I did it.”

Sanji didn’t respond for a while. “How long?”

“Four months.”

Sanji almost swallowed the cigarette. “…Well, a while ago, yeah… Who?”

Zoro shrugged and laughed softly. “I don’t remember the guy’s name.” He took a long drink.

Sanji paused and gritted his teeth before finally speaking. “So, just men?”

 

After a long sip of sake, Zoro glanced at Sanji out of the corner of his eye, as if he’d expected something more, but Sanji let the question hang.

 

“I really don’t care…” Zoro simply replied. “Yeah, I’ve only been with men. But I guess those things don’t matter. If I want to fuck someone, I just do it… I thought you already knew that about me.”

“Not really,” Sanji replied, trying to sound nonchalant, even though inside he was torn between several emotions.

 

On the one hand, Zoro had just come out to him (or something like that), which was good. That showed they trusted each other, right? Well, they always did—but now even more so, not just in combat. Besides, what the hell did “I thought you already knew” mean? Was it supposed to be obvious? Did everyone here know that?

And lastly, ah… Zoro was amazing. He could have said it like it was nothing, as if it were just a fact, a silly thing. Sanji couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

All his life, he’d fought against himself, against what it meant to be a man, against what a man should do.

Even against his own flesh and blood.

 

You’d think that in the middle of the sea, full of adventure and constant danger, Sanji would be too busy fighting and cooking to keep his friends alive to even think about himself and what it meant to be him.

 

It couldn’t be more different.

 

Every island they helped, every person who thanked them for allowing them to achieve their freedom, was genuine torture, really.

 

He wanted to feel that—wanted to feel the euphoria of freeing himself, of not feeling guilt for something he couldn’t control or choose not to feel. If it were truly optional, no one would choose to be part of the minority.

He wouldn’t choose to feel disgust for himself.

In his pit of conflicting feelings, that jealousy soon turned into deep admiration, adding it directly to the list of reasons why he loved this idiot.

 

After a while, Zoro simply sighed. “You’re always so clueless. Now you’re going to say you don’t know Nami’s a lesbian.”

“Nami what?”

Zoro’s laughter echoed in Sanji’s head all night.

 

...

 

The two stayed up late chatting about nonsense. Zoro was terribly drunk, so maybe he was spilling too much, but Sanji couldn't help but enjoy seeing him like that, so exposed and smiling.

 

"And how exactly was it?" Sanji asked without thinking.

"Hmm? Be more specific, idiot cook." The swordsman's voice was filled with that mocking tone he always used when it came to Sanji.

"The guy. You were with someone, right? What was he like?"

 

Zoro looked a little confused; for a few seconds, Sanji thought that maybe that wasn't something Zoro was comfortable with.

After all, they'd never talked about those things. Yes, they'd had somewhat personal conversations, things from the past, goals, dreams.

But as soon as Sanji mentioned some stupid thing he'd done with a girl or something, Zoro would lose all interest or the thread of the conversation. That's why Sanji always thought the swordsman didn't care. Sanji snorted a couple of times, waiting for an answer, almost laughing and saying something like, "Just kidding." But Zoro cleared his throat.

 

"It was good," Zoro replied tersely, with a strange shyness. Sanji couldn't help but think he was a little charming. That huge, menacing boy with that nervous look was almost too perfect.

"I mean, I don't know if you really want to know the details of this," Zoro said with a slight smile; he looked incredibly sexy. Zoro looked at him as if he thought Sanji was a dumb kid who knew nothing about life. Damn show-off, of course Sanji knew a thing or two. In fact, he'd love to know every detail, every single thing Zoro liked or disliked.

 

He wanted to know all of Zoro's weaknesses. What he liked, which parts he should abuse mercilessly.

He wasn't going to say it out loud.

He slapped himself quickly inside his head: "You're disgusting again, Sanji."

 

"Do you think I couldn't stand hearing you talk about gay sex?" Sanji said, laughing. "I don't care. I'm just saying, if you want to talk about it, I'll listen. You always listen."

"So? Why exactly? Are you suddenly interested in good sexual practices between men?"

"Of course not!" (I've been thinking about that for years. Especially with you, how funny, right? Haha.) "It's not about that."

"So?"

"We're friends."

 

It was probably the alcohol. It was always the alcohol that made them a little friendlier.

...But it was true. Whatever it was, they were friends. It was the first time he said it out loud, as if it wasn't obvious, but they were. Sanji was sure of it.

 

He might never have Roronoa's heart in his hands, he might never even confess to him. But Sanji was sure of one thing, and that was that Zoro was one of his best friends.

All of his nakama were, but of all of them, the ones he tended to spend the most time with were Luffy, Nami, Usopp, and Zoro. Especially the latter.

They tended to argue and annoy each other. Still, he could trust Zoro. They both shared that silent responsibility to stay afloat despite everything, no matter what. The others could fall apart, it didn't matter, because they would protect them, make sure no one got hurt while they were weak.

Even their captain could do it; they were his wings, after all.

If one of them was there, the other would know the others would be safe. That's how it worked: each one did their part and knew the other would do the same, because if not, the other would crush their head.

 

"Last time, when we talked about your village and the dojo where you trained as a child, you seemed like a happy idiot," Sanji said wistfully, laughing slightly. "Well, I don't know. I guess I just liked listening to you."

That sounded really cheesy. Sanji was almost mortified, ready to apologize if he sounded too weird or to jump overboard anyway.

 

"You're really drunk," was all Zoro said, a small, smirk playing on his lips.

Sanji felt his heart skip a beat.

"Okay, fine. Don't complain later." Zoro lay down on the ground, crossed his legs, and closed his eyes as he spoke.

Sanji followed; the view was beautiful. (He was definitely talking about the sky, not the swordsman's messy hair that fell perfectly over his forehead, covered in a fine layer of sweat, looking shiny and far too handsome for his own good.)

 

"I can't quite remember his name. I know it was stupidly long, so I decided against it. Besides, he was old. You couldn't tell. I almost didn't believe him when he told me he was 38." Sanji choked on the smoke. "My God, you like older men?"

"I like men who know what they're doing," Zoro said, his smile even more mocking, and Sanji felt his heart stop for a second.

Zoro continued, his expression smug. "A man with experience, who knows exactly where to put his hands, how to treat me the way I like."

Sanji gulped; he couldn't help it. He cleared his throat quickly, trying to sound normal. "And how do you like to be treated?"

 

Zoro paused, his eyes thoughtful, as if searching for the right words, and finally said, "I like to be pampered."

 

"...Huh?"

"Basically, I like men who flatter me." Zoro laughed softly. "A charming, handsome guy, looking you up and down and whispering how perfect and beautiful you are. How he'd love to take you to a dark corner and fuck you right there. It's just what turns me on."

 

Zoro was completely drunk, Sanji thought, taking a drag on his cigarette, but so was he.

 

So he couldn't help it, couldn't help wanting to know more, wanted to know everything.

"So... you like being praised, being treated affectionately? I mean, while you're doing it."

"Mm? The first yes, the second no, it's different."

"Different?"

"I like it sweet before we start, but not during. I have nothing against conventional sex. But I prefer... something more, in the moment."

"Something like that?" Sanji was surprised at how breathless he sounded. Calm down, idiot.

"Pfft, I'm not going to tell you."

"You've already said too much, come on." Sanji pressed his shoulder against Zoro's. Zoro chuckled. Sanji couldn't help but smile back.

 

"Tell me." Sanji leaned closer, unconsciously, maybe too close, he couldn't help it. Zoro blushed deeply and his eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Okay, damn it, you nosy idiot."

 

There was a silence that felt too long for Sanji; he was almost afraid it would all force him to sleep and he'd wake up in his room with sticky pants.

 

"...normally, I... make it clear that they can be as rude as they want."

 

Sanji remained silent, his fists clenched tightly.

 

"The guy at the bar was strong. He picked me up like it was nothing and fucked me against the back wall."

 

Sanji feigned surprise.

"I told him I wanted it fast and raw, that I didn't need time to prepare because... Well, I was open from the moment I got off the boat."

 

Sanji truly thought he was going to die at that rate; he felt his ears growing hotter and hotter, his imagination running wild like never before, a ton of different scenarios playing out in his head.

 

"But he insisted, playing with me for a while. Just touching me until I came on his fingers."

"Did you like it?"

"Of course I did."

"Mm." All Sanji could think about was Zoro opening himself up perfectly for him.

 

He'd do anything to be that man.

 

He'd already punished himself this afternoon for feeling jealous, but the feeling lingered.

 

"Then he flipped me over, pressed my chest against the wall, and started rubbing his cock against my ass. Ah, you have no idea how much I love that shit."

Sanji bit the inside of his cheek. "What exactly?"

"When I feel their cocks against me. Rubbing themselves, using me like a toy." Zoro's voice was low, barely audible to Sanji, only to him. No one else, no one but him.

Zoro leaned in; Sanji could taste the alcohol on his breath.

 

"It's amazing, you know? Feeling out of myself. Like I'm nothing more than that."

 

"...That?"

"A piece of meat, a hole anyone can use." Zoro's voice was very low. Sanji felt a tingle inside him as he noticed how Zoro's gaze seemed to linger on his lips longer than usual.

 

Is there even a normal time to do that?

 

It was impossible. Sanji couldn't. He couldn't continue ignoring the way his cock throbbed against his pants, hating how tight they felt at that moment. His lips parted, trying to say something. But he couldn't get a word out in that moment, not when Zoro looked at him like that, through his perfect, long eyelashes, a perfect blush covering his cheeks.

Did he do it on purpose? Really? No, no. It was impossible. It was just Sanji's head playing tricks on him. Although it would have been easy enough, right? Zoro was probably still open.

He just had to corner him, do what he wanted, and give the damn swordsman exactly what he wanted, show him how much he knew, how skilled he was. How much he could worship him for hours.

He quickly forced himself to look away. No.

Anxiety slowly began to fill his stomach. It wasn't possible for him to do something like that.

 

Zoro was very drunk; he didn't know what he was saying.

 

Besides... No, he couldn't do something like that, even drunk, with another man.

 

With Zoro.

 

Zoro didn't even know what kind of freak Sanji was; he'd probably be disgusted by it.

When Sanji looked back at Zoro, the bastard had already fallen asleep.

.

.

.

 

Sanji will never admit the exact number of times he masturbated that night, locked in the bathroom, biting his wrist so hard it left a purple mark.

 

But not before leaving Zoro in his bed. And everyone else too, throwing a blanket over Franky and Robin, who were sleeping almost on top of each other.

 

Sometimes he couldn't help but feel deeply envious of them both, damn it. He also wished he could dedicate his day to reminding the person he loves how much he loves them, even in front of everyone else, without feeling a shred of shame.

 

Not having to drown himself in alcohol to get something out of Zoro, which he wouldn't even be able to handle afterward due to his own shame.

.

.

.

 

"Sorry about yesterday."

"Huh?"

"You know. I was drunk, I blurted out too much information." Zoro shrugged, looking away.

 

When everyone finished breakfast and only Zoro remained, Sanji said nothing. He also didn't say anything when he stood beside him and washed the dishes with him.

Perhaps that was what made Zoro feel the need to apologize.

 

"No," Sanji said.

"No? Don't you forgive me?"

"No, I mean, you don't have to apologize."

"Really? You're acting really strange. You haven't looked me in the eye all morning. I don't even remember how I went to bed last night. My head hurts, I wake up and you're acting like this, I-"

 

"It's nothing, you shitty swordsman." Sanji chuckled, drying his hands on a dish towel. "I took you to your hammock. You drank too much and talked too much. But it didn't bother me, none of it. It was quite entertaining."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Entertaining?"

"I didn't know you were a complete pervert."

 

Zoro's ears were burning. "I hate you," Zoro said, sounding nonthreatening, but Sanji couldn't help but find it adorable.

"Huh? It's the truth. You're always accusing me. But really, you're the one with the dirty mind."

"I hate you. I won't speak to you again." Zoro turned around; Sanji could see his red ears.

 

Zoro walked to the door and stopped just before leaving.

 

"Are we okay then?"

"Sure. Yeah."

Zoro smiled softly, looking at him. "Good. For your information, I haven't even told you the worst part."

Sanji smiled, big and excited. "Are you planning on doing it?"

"Maybe so."

"I'm really looking forward to it."

 

Zoro probably thought he was joking; Sanji wasn't.

-

So, it basically became routine. Zoro and he would hang out some nights when they had free time, drinking themselves to sleep while talking nonsense, telling stories about their past, or just fighting until one of them fell asleep. And for the first time in several nights, Sanji wasn't having nightmares.

It was as if being closer to Zoro helped him feel healthier.

Happier.

 

They didn't always talk about sex, but it happened.

 

The second time, Zoro told Sanji about the first time he gave a blowjob. How his eyes watered when his face was pressed hard, the ecstasy he felt when he was called a good boy, and how the guy he did it to compared his throat to a tight pussy, which made him discover things about himself.

"A few dirty words is all I need." Zoro said matter-of-factly, looking almost too casual with his cheek resting on the palm of his hand.

 

Sanji did his best to appear unconcerned, or at least not to let on how jealous he was of the stranger in the story.

 

"So, you like being told all sorts of degrading things while you're doing it?" Sanji held his wineglass in his hands as if it kept him grounded in reality. He sipped whenever he felt too nervous to look the swordsman in the eye.

Zoro chuckled, as if Sanji's comment would have amused him.

 

"Yeah. I like it."

 

All of that. While looking straight into Sanji's eyes, Sanji could have sworn he felt that gaze travel over his body more than once,

 

but he was just drunk, imagining things.

 

Then Zoro fell asleep with his head on the table, his face slack. Sanji took the opportunity to quickly escape to the bathroom and take the longest cold shower of his life.

 

A little jerk-off with Zoro on his mind was one thing; he couldn't let it become a habit.

.

.

.

At least not more than twice a week.-

-

-

-

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on between you and Sanji?" Nami said as she applied some lipstick to her lips.

 

Zoro, sitting on a chair in Nami's room, sighed.

 

"Nothing. Literally, nothing."

"What does that mean?"

 

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I think I'm just humiliating myself at this point." Zoro closed his one eye and squeezed the mirror he was holding a little too tightly.

 

"Hey! That mirror cost a lot, be careful."

"Mm."

 

Nami sighed and spoke again, more gently. "Look, start at the beginning, okay? You're confusing me. All I know is that you've been staying after dinner lately. I even heard you laughing with him a few days ago, and I know you're friends, of course. I'm glad you have your time alone, but you've been acting weird lately."

Zoro remained silent, looking at the woman in front of him.

 

"That lipstick is pretty."

"Really?! I know! It took me a while, but I think it looks good on her... Damn it! Don't change the subject!"

Zoro rolled his eyes. "I was serious. Anyway, it's nothing. It's just that Sanji discovered I like men."

"I didn't know that?"

"Apparently not."

"Well, he took it well, didn't he?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, the first time he seemed a little weird. It's like he was dissociating in front of me. But I didn't dislike him, so I guess it's okay."

"The problem is...?" Nami asked, putting a little blush on her cheeks.

 

"The problem is, I feel something weird."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, like between him and me. It's weird, like I get burned every time we look at each other for too long." Zoro's cheeks flushed, and Nami couldn't help but pinch him.

 

"Gay."

 

"You are."

 

Nami chuckled.

"What's new? Are you having gay thoughts with Sanji? That's been going on for years."

"It's different now."

"Why?"

"I feel like... maybe there's a tiny chance he likes me back? I don't know."

"Do you think he's in love with you too?"

"Don't use that word." Zoro looked like a tomato now. The green hair didn't help.

 

Nami laughed.

 

"But you are. You've been in love with him since Alabasta. You loved Mr. Prince."

"I just thought he was cool."

"So when was it? In Skypiea?"

"I want to stop talking about this."

-

-

-

Later that day, Nami herself witnessed those two sitting at the kitchen table, drinking with small smiles on their faces. Just watching the way Zoro looked at Sanji made her feel like she was interrupting something. It was that feeling similar to when he walked past Franky and Robin, but worse? Like, at least they had the ease of kissing, and that was it. These two seemed to be fighting demons.

 

Sanji's bisexual demons, heh

 

Dumb blonde, Nami thought. "Not really something I should get into. I'll just advise Zoro if I see this going on."

__

 

Sanji laughed softly as Zoro looked at him disdainfully, rolling his eyes.

 

"Shut up, it's not that funny."

"Yes, it is! You're really..." Sanji burst out laughing. "You really are an idiot."

"You're the one talking."

It took Sanji at least five minutes to recover.

 

Zoro had just finished telling the story of the first time he went to a gay bar.

Not knowing he was in one.

How funny.

 

Zoro didn't understand why everyone in that place was all over him—he even thought it was some weird trap or something—so he ended up in a huge fight with several men.

In the end, one of them ended up saying something like, "God, I just wanted to suck your dick, man."

And that was hilarious.

 

"Now you."

"Hm?" Sanji's only visible eyebrow rose.

"Tell me something. I've already said a few things."

Sanji cleared his throat, laughing softly and taking a sip of wine.

"I really don't have a story as good as yours."

"Really? How was your first time?"

 

"That's not what we're talking about."

"Oh. That's what we're talking about."

"I hate you, I really do." Sanji sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, it was kind of awkward. Like all first times, that's all."

"Did you cum in your pants? I bet the poor girl hadn't even taken off her shirt."

"You think you're funny?"

"Oh, so that's what happened."

 

"No!" Sanji practically yelled, "I'm a gentleman, I made sure she came too."

 

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Girls can fake it."

Sanji took on an extremely arrogant tone. "The sheets weren't. And believe me, they were fucking wet."

"Liar." Zoro looked away, Sanji couldn't see his expression.

But his tone sounded strange.

As if he were nervous.

 

"I'm not lying."

"You didn't make a girl wet your sheets the first time, you're being insufferably narcissistic."

Sanji chuckled, "Is it that surprising?" Zoro's eye rolled and Sanji smiled wider.

"I'm just too good with my hands, what can I say?"

 

And Sanji could have sworn he saw the exact moment Zoro's ears turned red.

It's the heat.

It's definitely the heat.

...Although we've been in storms for days.

 

"Your hands, huh? So, they're good for more than just cooking?" Zoro replied, trying to sound as smug and mocking as ever.

 

Sanji couldn't help but open his mouth. "You have no idea how much I know how to do."

Zoro blinked, once, twice before opening his mouth only to close it again.

Sanji stared at the man, feeling the itch in his hands become more unbearable than ever.

 

He needed to touch.

But his mind was blank, as if it had been gone for a long time.

 

Zoro spoke after a long silence.

"So you're an experienced man?"

Sanji pressed his legs together; his boxers began to feel tight.

 

Fucking humiliating.

 

"Yeah. I am,"

Zoro chuckled, looking away as if he were imagining things. Things Sanji desperately needs to know.

"Mm, I'm sure you are," Zoro said mockingly, not knowing what that had done to Sanji's head.

_

Sanji couldn't sleep that night. His head was somewhere else.

-

-

-

Sanji was so close to losing his sanity, literally.

 

Everything was hanging by a thread: his life, his identity.

Everything he'd built up throughout his life, the whole mask he'd been proud of, was about to go up in smoke.

 

Zoro was standing right in front of him, talking about how he once ended up getting fucked by a guy he'd gotten into a fight with over a bounty.

 

The guy was strong; according to Zoro, he was on the verge of losing, but managed to save himself at the last moment, breaking his nose and ending up on top of him. He says he doesn't remember how, but at one point, the guy was fucking him hard and furiously against a tree.

He called him an idiot and a whore, made him feel worthless, but Zoro liked it. Otherwise, he could have killed him right there.

 

Sanji had his legs crossed, a pathetic attempt to hide how hard he was, when Zoro stared at him and said, "I didn't even have any lube." He made me spread my legs, spit on me, and that's it.

"I see."

"No one else has ever done that to me."

"Mm."

"No one. I really liked it, though."

Stop looking at me like that, damn it, Sanji almost muttered. There was Zoro, telling him how much fighting turned him on, about things he wanted to try again. Was it a damn sign? Had the alcohol gone to his head again?

 

He didn't want to misinterpret anything, he didn't want to feel stupid, but... if it was true, if Zoro was really looking for something from him... would Sanji be able to give it to him? Seriously? What would he be looking for? Just something physical? Sanji would die. He knew that as soon as he had the chance to touch his lips to Zoro's, he wouldn't be able to stop whispering in Zoro's ear how much he loved him. And that would be the end of their stupid adventure.

 

And Sanji would want to tell him everything, tell him how confused he'd been since that afternoon when he and the others had shown up at his restaurant. How Zoro, in particular, had surprised him by standing up to that damn Dracula Mihawk without hesitation. It was the first time Sanji had ever witnessed something like that, a man capable of sacrificing himself for his dream...

 

No matter how distant or difficult it was.

 

He wanted to feel that, to be as free as that guy his age who had appeared out of nowhere doing whatever he wanted, wandering with a group of dreamy adventurers.

He wanted to be a part of that; now he was, and in large part, thanks to Zoro.

 

And he wanted to be even freer, he wanted to be himself completely, he wanted to confess all his doubts to Zoro. He wanted to know how he could live like this, without worries, like Zoro.

"Do you think I can? Do you think if I weren't completely who you think I am, you'd still want to be my friend?"

"If one day I showed up in an unusual outfit, if I called myself something else, would you still want me to be your friend?"

"Would you feel disgust?"

 

Zoro stared into his eyes, blinking slowly with his one perfect eye, his gaze absolutely sinful. Flushed, sweat running down his face and the skin on his chest, Sanji wants to devour him whole. He seems so nervous, so impossible to believe.

 

"So why haven't you ever tried it again?" Sanji asked, clearing his throat, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"I don't want that with just anyone," Zoro confessed, his gaze fixed on Sanji, boring into him. "I could only do it with someone I truly trust."

"I see."

 

Zoro trusted him.

Zoro's leg brushes against Sanji's.

It's just a coincidence.

He moves up, strokes Sanji's knee.

He forces him to spread his legs.

 

"Cook..."

Zoro's voice made Sanji have the need to see his expression and when he saw it, He recognized his same feelings on Zoro's face.

Zoro was in love with him.

 

Sanji couldn't. He couldn't face it.

 

"What are you doing?"

Sanji's voice was filled with panic. Zoro flinched slightly, immediately pulling his foot away.

"I... I was just..."

"I'm not like that."

Zoro blinked a few times in silence, his eyes meeting Sanji's, and he could see the disgust in his expression.

 

Zoro was dying of embarrassment.

 

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I just misinterpreted everything..."

"I would never be like that. I'm normal."

Zoro gulped, feeling even more confused. It was okay for Sanji to reject him if he didn't want this. But why the hell was he behaving so rudely? He didn't feel like the Sanji he knew.

 

And that hurt.

"What?"

Sanji looked away, Zoro gritted his teeth.

"Say it again," Zoro said; Sanji had never heard that tone before.

It's loud, the sound the chair makes as Sanji stands up and leaves the kitchen without a word.

 

Sanji locked himself in the bathroom, not knowing what to do. Terror flooded him from all sides.

 

He couldn't, he just couldn't. It was as if all these last few days of happiness and fun had hit him like a bucket of cold water.

 

Zoro was a man.

 

Sanji was hopelessly in love with a man.

 

He felt so confused. Of course he knew Zoro was a man. It's one of the things that had always been on his mind since all the confusion about who he really was began. It was one of his biggest problems.

He spent years denying himself. It took him two years before he could even pronounce the word "bisexual" in his head. And when he finally thought he'd made progress, he realized he hadn't. He was terrified, completely terrified.

Because for the first time, it was physical. It wasn't just his imagination. He can't blame his mind, not this time. Because he was about to let himself go completely.

And that made him feel terrified of himself.

 

-

-

-

The cook was ignoring him now.

Well, who cared?

No, Zoro, not him.

He hadn't spent the entire afternoon staring into space.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" sighed Nami, lying next to the swordsman.

"No. It's pathetic."

"Well, just tell me, did he say anything to you? I swear if he..."

"No. Nothing. Not a word. I would have preferred it, you know?"

Nami sighed and patted Zoro's hair.

"He's not a bad person, you know."

"That's the part that confuses me the most."

-

-

-

Sanji was acting strange.

 

He barely spoke, and everyone noticed.

He served dinners and hid the rest of the day.

Zoro didn't speak to her, and neither did Sanji. Which was odd; everyone thought they were even closer than ever in the last few days.

Nami seemed irritable, as if she wanted to snap the cook's neck.

The others were just a bunch of clumsy people who didn't understand anything.

 

Except Robin.

_

-

-

"It's a beautiful view," Robin began softly, her tone as elegant as she was, her gaze fixed on the gorgeous blue sky that had accompanied them for the past couple of days, a reminder of the peaceful days their friends had been enjoying.

"It is," the cook replied with a small but radiant smile at the mere presence of his beloved Robin. "Shall I treat you to a special drink with this beautiful view, Robin-chan?" Little by little, small hearts seemed to form on Sanji's face.

"I'd love to." She smiled, speaking affectionately to her friend and closing her eyes slightly. "But," she interrupted, before letting the cook disappear. There's a hint of doubt in Robin's voice, even in her usually calm expression, which terrifies Sanji a little. "Right now... I wanted to ask you something."

"Well, you can ask me anything you want, my dear Robin." He tried to say it playfully, perhaps to ease the sudden anxiety that seemed to be overcoming him.

"She knows it." A voice whispered from the depths of his head. "That's impossible." Another voice answered, more doubtful than confident.

"It's obvious. Everyone sees it, she was always the smartest, the most intuitive of all, she knows it, she knows..."

"Sanji?"

"Hmm?" Sanji closed his eyes with an awkward expression and a soft smile to avoid meeting her gaze.

 

To keep her from baring his soul, like a false sense of protection,

 

Robin looked at Sanji for a few seconds before simply taking a deep breath, fiddling with the book he was holding, and finally speaking. "I just want to tell you something." A brief pause. She stared at him, but Sanji didn't look at her; his eyes were open, but not fixed.

"You know, I... I mean," Robin coughed a little, clearing his throat before finally speaking. "Before you, before all of you, I wasn't good at maintaining connections, at understanding people." She took a deep breath. "I just took what I needed, focusing solely on surviving, without thinking about others or how they would feel."

A faint smile spread across Robin's face, and Sanji couldn't help but feel a warmth in his heart.

"But now, I'm surrounded by people I love. I love each and every one of you."

 

Sanji nodded, feeling like tears.

 

"And that's why I want you to know something, Sanji."

She took a step toward him, smiling softly.

"Never hold back who you are. Live, don't just stay there. Live your life."

"I'm scared."

 

"It's normal. It means you're human."

-

-

-

Sanji explained the whole situation to Robin. She didn't seem too surprised when he told her how he feels about Zoro. He felt a little embarrassed. Was it always so obvious?

Nah, Robin only noticed because she's smart.

 

...Right?

 

Robin laughed softly. "One lovesick fool meets another."

"You consider yourself a lovesick fool?"

"You have no idea."

 

Sanji had never felt so light. He'd spent the whole week like this, doing nothing but talking and talking, all the time in the library with Robin. He'd never been more honest with himself than he was right now, leaning back in a chair while Robin painted his nails and he talked about how he always thought maybe it would be easier if he were someone else.

 

"I love you the way you are, and so do the others."

"I don't think Zoro loves me right now. He's not even coming to lunch."

"It's because you haven't apologized properly, but it's okay. "First you have to forgive yourself."

"How the hell am I going to do that? I was rude."

"Tell him the truth."

"That I'm scared to death? That I can barely process liking a man after years, and now the thought of being physical with one makes me feel guilty? No, worse, that HE is all I want."

 

Robin couldn't help but laugh softly.

 

"Yeah, you could start with that."

Sanji sighed, looking down at his hands.

"My hands are too masculine for this..."

"Would you like them to be more feminine?"

"Maybe. I don't know, just... I wish I could look however I wanted whenever I wanted, and then go back to the way I was. Does that make sense?"

 

"It does to me." Robin smiled gently. "Here, use this and your hands will be softer."

Sanji rubbed the cream on his hands, feeling how soft they were. The cream smelled good, her nails looked fine, perfectly trimmed, almost like a woman's.

Sanji felt good. He liked it, he liked wearing his usual clothes, but he also liked the softness of her hands, how they seemed so hard to distinguish.

 

A loud knock alerted them immediately; the door swung open violently, and they both expected the worst.

It's just Luffy, dragging Zoro by his arm. Usopp is behind them trying to stop Luffy, Zoro doesn't even seem to want to fight.

 

"What are you doing here?" Robin said.

"Zoro needs to talk to Sanji." Luffy dragged the swordsman roughly. The captain's tone sounded both friendly and frightening.

"I don't need to talk to anyone..." Zoro said, trying to wriggle free.

"Luffy, stop!" Usopp whined, trying to push Luffy away. "You have to give him time—" Oh, what nice nails!"

Everything fell silent. Luffy's gaze flicked down to Robin's hands, all normal. Then, to Sanji, he smiled.

"What a nice color!"

Sanji felt like he was hyperventilating. He wasn't ready for this—no, definitely not. He was just starting out with small things, barely able to let Robin see him like this, and now...

"Hm?" Zoro straightened, looking somewhat confused, and raised an eyebrow at Sanji's hands.

 

"Why would you do that?"

.

.

.

"Why would you do that?"

 

Of course, because Sanji is a man. A man who had made it "clear" he wasn't interested in another man the week before.

A man who couldn't be free.

"Why would you do that?"

Yes, Zoro would find it strange. Abnormal, disgusting. Just because Zoro liked men didn't mean he cared if a man was like Sanji.

With a man like Sanji.

Was Sanji worthy of being called a man?

Sanji quickly stood up and left the room, without looking back.

"Hmm? Where are you going? I told you you had to talk to Zoro..."

Zoro immediately realized something was wrong, especially from the look Robin was giving him.

Zoro broke free from the rubber boy's grasp.

"Stay here, I'll go."

Usopp gulped, grabbing his shoulder.

"Look, I don't know what the hell is going on. I think I understand a little, I'm just assuming, but...

Tell him we love him. No matter what's going on."

Luffy smiled widely. "Yeah! A lot!"

Robin nods, still looking worried. "Watch your words, be nice."

Zoro simply nodded.

-
-
-

Sanji hugged himself in a corner of the kitchen. There was no one else there; after all, it was his area. He should have known better; of course they'd find him there. The one he didn't think would find him was Zoro.

"Cook."

 

Sanji didn't respond, hugging himself even closer.

 

"What's wrong? Tell me."

"You said it. Why would I do this? It's weird, right?"

"What are you talking about?" Zoro sounded close. Sanji trembled a little, not knowing what to do if Zoro touched him.

 

He was still ashamed of everything. Of how he'd behaved when things seemed out of control, of how he'd run away, of how he'd fled from something he'd gotten himself into.

But he couldn't even stand, for his own fear.

A warm hand stroked his arm. Sanji sobbed.

 

"I'm sorry." Sanji sobbed.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For ignoring you. For leaving that time and saying that, I couldn't give you what you wanted."

"Why are you talking about this now? God, you're so cold, come on."

 

Zoro wrapped Sanji snugly in his arms, and the blond didn't resist.

 

"Forget it, forget it, it's okay, it's okay if you don't like me, you don't have to feel guilty about something like that."

Sanji stuttered, tried to say something, but Zoro kept talking.

"You just had to say it, I would have stopped, I didn't want to upset you. No... you don't owe me anything, cook."

Sanji remained silent, sobbing softly.

 

"And this, I didn't mean it. I mean, I don't care if you paint your nails. I didn't mean it, I just thought it would be impractical to cook like this..."

Sanji blinks a few times.

 

"You know, if nail polish contaminates food, that would be bad, right?" Zoro sounded incredibly uncomfortable speaking. "It's just that the color is pretty... if you don't mind me saying so, uh... I don't know much about that stuff." But it looks good..."

"Zoro."

"Hm?"

"Don't I disgust you?"

Zoro blinks in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about? No, of course not. It's just nail polish, why do you overthink so much?"

 

"What if it's more? What if I want to wear makeup?"

"Nami would help you."

"What if I want to wear earrings, jewelry, and dresses?"

"Robin has good taste in those things."

"Sometimes I want to be a girl. I want to be treated like one when I want."

 

There's a pause. Sanji clenched his fists tightly, feeling himself go pale.

 

"I'm sure you'd make a pretty girl."

And the pang Sanji felt wasn't normal at all.

He looked up slowly, meeting Zoro's gaze, which was fixed on his own. A gaze full of sincerity, honesty.

 

Love.

Sanji recognized it perfectly.

Zoro cleared his throat. "Sorry if that sounded weird. I'm just saying, you can be whoever you want, you'll be fine either way..."

"Ivan said it's called gender fluid. One of his friends was like this."

 

"So, you're gender fluid?"

"...Yeah." Sanji feels tears welling up in his eyes again.

 

Zoro grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him a little.

 

"Hey. I'm telling you, there's nothing wrong with that, idiot." "Why are you still crying?"

"It's me. I'm the one who doesn't accept it."

"...Okay, cook. I guess it's different for you. But it doesn't matter, because you just said it out loud, right?"

 

Sanji blinked in confusion. It was true. For the first time, he said it. And it was right in front of Zoro.

"...I did it, yeah."

"And it's all right, you see?"

Sanji sighed, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

 

"Yeah... Ah, I'm really stupid, aren't I? Reacting like that over something stupid. God, I just... I can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong."

"We'll work on it."

Zoro patted him on the back, like a close friend.

 

A friend.

.

.

.

Sanji began to feel better. Little by little, it took him more than two weeks to confess it to his companions, with the constant support of Zoro and Robin.

Sanji knew perfectly well that everyone would take it well. However, his voice cracked a little as he spoke; though he couldn't even allow himself to cry because Luffy threw himself at him, screaming.

"How cool! Are you like both at the same time? How do you always get cooler?"

And that, along with his friends' laughter, was enough to make him feel safe.

.

.

.

Sanji has started dressing the way he likes. His hair is now a little longer, always tied back in a ponytail. Sometimes he wears his suits, sometimes he wears long skirts that make his legs look even longer. Elegant.

 

Zoro thought he looked gorgeous.

 

He couldn't help it; every time the cook appeared with a new shade of lipstick, a blue shadow over those beautiful eyes, Zoro felt like his heart was about to burst.

Although weeks had passed, Zoro still struggled to suppress his unrequited feelings for the cook.

It had been difficult, especially the last few days, when Sanji looked more handsome, happy, and free than ever.

 

But he tried to be a good friend, so it was best to stay away.

.

.

.

"I have no idea what to do." Sanji practically cried into his pillow.

"I think what you should do is pretty simple." Usopp laughed awkwardly as he patted Sanji on the back.

"It's not that easy."

Usopp raised an eyebrow. "If he likes you, why wouldn't it be easy? I still don't understand."

"Because I rejected him! I can't just tell him I feel the same way. He'll think I'm playing him."

"You're overreacting. And you have mascara all over your face."

Sanji sighed. "Give me a tissue."

"It's easy, just ask him out," Robin said with a smile, her head resting on her beloved boyfriend's shoulder.

Franky nodded and gave Sanji a thumbs-up. "Exactly!"

"I really don't want to hear that from you," Sanji said, rolling his eyes.

Usopp laughed awkwardly. "It's a little more complicated than that."

 

A few days ago, Usopp confessed to Sanji that he knew how Zoro felt about him.

Sanji didn't understand why he was saying it at the time, but Usopp quickly added, "And I know you feel the same way."

 

Sanji nearly died of embarrassment.

 

"How the hell do you know?"

"I'm an expert at recognizing lies. You've been better than ever these days, but I know there's something bothering you."

Sanji was impressed. He couldn't help but gasp in surprise.

Usopp remained silent and added.

 

"Also, you look at him a lot... like you could at least fake it a little, you know?"

"Shut up!"

 

Robin and Usopp became his personal therapy for dealing with this.

Franky joined in after Sanji caught him spying on them through the window.

"I'm sorry. Robin just didn't want to tell me anything, and my curiosity got the better of me."

Sanji was mortified with embarrassment, even begging Franky to erase it from his memory.

But Franky just chuckled.

"But I knew you and Zoro liked each other! I actually thought it was something more serious. But I see you're just overthinking things. Come on, Sanji, confessing your feelings is super!"

 

And now here they were. Some sort of weekly meeting to help Sanji stop being so insecure.

While painting their nails, of course.

Sanji sighed as he finished braiding Usopp's hair.

"I feel like he's been avoiding me lately. It's starting to bother me."

 

Robin laughed softly as Franky drew stars on his toenails with blue polish.

"It must be hard for him to live knowing you know how he feels."

Usopp sighed. "I still think you should ask him out for once."

Sanji glared at him. "Sure, another lovesick idiot is going to give me advice."

 

Usopp nearly choked on his own saliva. "I've told you a thousand times that Kaya is just a friend!"

Franky laughed. "I didn't know you dedicated two-page poems to your friends."

"Don't read my letters!"

 

Sanji couldn't help but laugh.

 

Usopp composed himself after a while and spoke again.

"Look, I know this is still new to you. I know you're nervous, but trust me, you're surrounded by people who care about you. You've already confirmed that we don't care how you dress or how you express yourself. Do you think anyone would mind if you were a lovebird with Zoro? We already put up with Robin and Franky..."

Robi quickly flung out a hand and slapped Usopp on the back.

"Enough."

"That's just one example of what I put up with!" Usopp whined.

 

Franky just laughed, a little embarrassed.

 

Sanji remained silent for a long moment, finishing the last braid in Usopp's hair.

 

"...I'll ask him out on a date as soon as we board an island."

 

Usopp smiled widely, Robin gave him a soft smile, and Franky shouted excitedly.

 

"Super!"

-

-

-

"I've never seen you so sad. It would be funny if you hadn't been like that for weeks."

"He's so beautiful."

Nami chuckled. "Yeah, I agree. That idiot has been glowing these past few weeks. Who knew happiness could change you so much?"

Zoro sighed and tossed and turned. "This has never happened to me before. I feel stupid, really. I don't know what to do."

"It's okay, Zoro. I know we'll get to the next island soon. We can have a drink or relax."

"I need to go out and fuck a stranger now."

Nami sighed in disappointment. "I don't think that's the healthiest way to..."

 

"I don't care."

 

"Men are jerks."

"Sanji isn't always a..."

"I'm talking about you."

.

.

.

Sanji started getting closer to Zoro again, trying to get back into his routine of silly, pointless fights.

Sanji left Zoro special snacks while he trained. Sometimes they chatted like they used to after dinner, though now it was very different.

 

Zoro no longer mentioned his sexual escapades or made innuendos of any kind. Sanji couldn't help but miss him a little.

But that was okay, one thing in its own time. For now, everything was going well, just as Sanji had planned.

Until they arrived at the new island.

Sanji's first instinct was to dress his best. He needed to look good, but it couldn't be too much either. Maybe just a new hairstyle or some eyeshadow.

 

"Should I invite him somewhere private?"

"Why am I sweating so much?"

"My God, he's been practicing the same speech all morning."

 

"Hey, Zoro, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? Well, it's just a new recipe I'm trying out, yeah. Could we... get something together, if that's what you want? Don't think it's weird, or that it means something, even though maybe it does. If you want it to be..."

 

"You sound like a psychopath!"

 

Sanji gritted his teeth.

Luffy is the most honest person he knows, which is precisely why he asked him for help.

He should have known this would happen.

"Tell her, Zoro, I think we should kiss a lot. Let's get something to eat as an excuse to be together, and then we can do it!"

"That's not how it works." Sanji squeezed Luffy's cheeks, and Luffy laughed.

"Don't you think it's time you stopped worrying so much about what will happen in the future?"

 

Luffy's radiant smile almost blinded Sanji.

Damn rubber idiot, why does he always know what to say to him?

 

"I'll probably be sad if it goes wrong."

Luffy grinned. "I don't think Zoro will be able to reject you when he sees your new eyeshadow."

Sanji chuckled. "Shut up. You won't get any extra snacks."

-

-

-

Sanji spent the entire afternoon in front of the mirror. In the end, he'd chosen one of his usual outfits, but his hands were decorated with various jewels, several rings, and his short blue nails had hearts on them.

He'd also braided his hair into a small braid that fell over his shoulder. His face was lightly made up, just a bit of eyeshadow and the mascara Luffy had insisted on.

The truth is, he didn't feel like dressing up too much, so he felt fine like this.

 

It was a step forward, considering that before, letting others see him wearing such simple things would have given him a thousand anxiety attacks for at least a week.

But in that moment, he could confidently say that he thought he looked pretty good.

 

"Handsome," Franky called him. "Pretty," Usopp said. Sanji smiled at both compliments.

 

"So the time has come." Robin smiled, sitting cross-legged with a book in her hands. "We've reached an island."

Sanji nodded, trying to hide the sweat running down his forehead.
"Uh, yeah. I'm ready."

Robin raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You don't need to push yourself, you know?"

Sanji nodded, but kept a determined expression. "I'll do it. I need to. I'm not holding back again."
Robin simply responded with a smile. "Good luck."

-

-

-

"Are you leaving already?" Nami asked, somewhat worried. Zoro nodded.

"I'll be back in the morning."

Nami seemed to want to add something, but didn't; she nodded silently.

-

"Don't stop." Sanji repeated over and over inside his head. This time, he wouldn't let his pride get the better of him. He had to be honest, even if the fear of rejection tightened his chest.

He pushed the kitchen door firmly open and walked out.

Then he saw him.

Zoro was walking toward the ship's exit, his swords sheathed and his expression grim, as if he were about to run into any tavern to drown his frustration in cheap sake. Maybe he was planning to spend the night out

 

with someone.

 

Sanji felt a knot in his stomach just thinking about it.

 

All the doubts he'd had had vanished. He didn't want anyone to lay a hand on Zoro again.

Not now that he knew he had to be the only one. The one Zoro wanted.

(He was being selfish, but his legs moved before he could think.)

 

"Marimo!" Sanji called, his voice louder than he'd intended.

Zoro stopped in his tracks, slowly turning toward him. The moonlight cast sharp shadows across his face, but Sanji could see his eye narrowing warily. It seemed as if Zoro was examining every little new detail about Sanji.

The cook couldn't help but feel more nervous.

"What do you want, Curly?" Zoro replied.

Sanji strode forward, his heart pounding as if it were trying to escape. He took a deep breath and let the words fall before doubt could corner him.

 

"I want us to go on a date. A dinner I'd make. Just you and me."

 

For a moment, the silence between them was so thick that Sanji felt like he was sinking into deep water.

Zoro opened his one eye slightly, as if unable to process what he'd just heard.

 

"Huh?" Zoro murmured, his voice softer than ever.

"Just like that," Sanji replied, regaining some of his usual arrogance to hide his nerves, clumsily playing with the rings on his hands. "We're going to a real dinner. Just... you and me. If you want, of course."

Zoro blinked, his shoulders relaxing slightly. For a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, he said nothing. But in his eyes, for the first time in weeks, Sanji saw the same look the swordsman hadn't given him in a long time.

That look from when they shared a drink, from when they spent entire nights chatting.

It made him shudder.

 

"Tsk. You're an idiot," he finally said, though his words lacked their usual harshness. "I swear, if this is a joke, I'll..."

Sanji shook his head several times.

"No! I know it's weird that I'm doing this now. It's just... at the time, I couldn't accept it. I still had a lot of things to work out. But I know what I want, idiot swordsman, give me another chance... I know I like you, a lot, and..."

 

Zoro's face glowed. Bright, red. Pink, various shades rising and falling across his face and visible chest.

Sanji nearly burst into flames.

 

"Stop making that face!" the cook yelled, pointing accusingly at the equally red-faced man in front of him.

Zoro squealed, "Huh?! I'm not making a face! Besides, you're the one saying those things without a second thought!"

Sanji clicked his tongue and replied, "Well, they must be good things if they make you so embarrassed."

Zoro clenched his fists. If Sanji thought the swordsman couldn't look more like a tomato, he was wrong.

It was funny until he, too, turned red with embarrassment. God, just seeing Zoro's expression was getting to him.

 

"Shishishi! You look like a pair of tomatoes!"

"Luffy!" Usopp shouted, trying to cover his captain's mouth, but it was too late.

"You two…!" Sanji and Zoro shouted simultaneously, their faces flushed with embarrassment and rage.

 

"Calm down, calm down!" Nami interrupted, emerging from her hiding place with the others.

Sanji felt like he was going to die of embarrassment as he saw all his friends lined up with awkward smiles, except for Brook and Chopper.

 

"Why do I always get the latest news?" Chopper complained, looking at Robin, who simply shrugged and smiled.

"Brook didn't know either."

Brook seemed lost somewhere, until he said,

 

"This would make a great love song!"

And everyone burst out laughing.

 

Except for Zoro and Sanji, who could only stare at the skeleton with deep anger and shame, all in one.

Nami cleared her throat, took a few steps forward, and spoke right in front of them.

"Listen, curiosity got the better of us all, sorry."

Everyone agreed except for Luffy, who didn't seem sorry at all.

 

Nami continued, "Anyway. Since you're planning on preparing something for your special dinner with Zoro, we'll go out and explore the island."

Sanji quickly chimed in. "You don't need to..."

"Okay. I think it's only fitting that your date be somewhere special, right?" Robin interrupted. Franky nods and adds, "It has to be somewhere super special!"

That's right, Sunny is special to them.

Sanji looked suspiciously over his shoulder at Zoro, still a little embarrassed knowing everyone had witnessed his attempt to ask the swordsman out.

It was all in Zoro's hands.

 

"...I..." Zoro begins. Luffy gasped excitedly, and Usopp pinched him angrily.

Sanji gulped nervously. He knew that whatever Zoro decided, he wouldn't blame him for turning him down. After all, it must be awkward for him; Sanji didn't even...

 

"I accept."

"...Really?"

Zoro nodded shyly, and Sanji couldn't feel more elated.

"If we could meet and hug, my arms would tremble,
If we could meet and I could comfort you, it would be fleeting.
In the space of time I gently wandered, my thoughts dyed the sea red," Brook sang in a syrupy voice, and the others clapped and laughed.

 

Sanji would be embarrassed, but he had a task.

To prepare the best dinner in the world- no, not only that, but also the best date in the world.

-

-

-

Sanji quickly told Zoro a random time, indicating that until then he wouldn't be allowed to enter the kitchen, or even dare to peek.

Zoro nodded without asking too many questions, and Sanji fled to his kitchen.

 

He knew all of Zoro's tastes and thought it would be easy, and it was. Cooking was definitely easy.

Now... to set the table...

Were three candles too many?
Zoro would probably feel uncomfortable if he decorated his food too much-

 

He was sweating so much that he had to touch up his mascara three times.

While Sanji was struggling with himself, someone opened the door. He nearly dislocated Zoro's neck when he realized it was his beloved Nami.

 

"Nami-swan, do you need anything?"

Nami leaned against the wall and looked at Sanji, raising an eyebrow and smiling in amusement. "I never thought this day would come. I guess I'm kind of happy."

Sanji couldn't help but ask, "Did Zoro ever... tell you about that? I mean, how does he feel about me?"

"He'd kill me if I mentioned all the nonsense he's said."

Sanji was deeply intrigued and was about to ask.

Nami quickly shook her head. "We're going to the island. Maybe another day, with some berries involved?"

Sanji chuckled and sighed. "Okay. Thanks for, you know, letting us have the place."

Nami smiled softly. "It's okay. Remember, don't pressure yourself. Just be yourself. If your heart tells you it wants a thousand candles and rose petals everywhere, do it. After all, Zoro knows you and likes that romantic side of you."

"Did he tell you?"

"Goodbye, Sanji."

The cook sighed in resignation.

But at least now he felt much safer.

He didn't need to hide; he'd been doing that for too long.

-

-

-

 

"You're definitely something." Zoro couldn't help but say as he entered the kitchen.

 

There was a delicious aroma; the swordsman couldn't quite place it, but he imagined it had to do with the candles surrounding him.

Sanji's awkward expression was enough for Zoro to add

"I'm not saying it's bad."

Sanji sighed, a little more relaxed. "You haven't even seen the whole thing. Come on, sit down."

 

Zoro did so, crossing his legs as he sat down and immediately recognizing the aroma of the delicious food.

Sani placed several plates in front of him, and as he did so, Zoro could notice how long his eyelashes looked at that moment. The blue shadows matched his eyes so well that it was almost overwhelming; it felt like a dream. He even noticed the slight trembling, the way his hands seemed a little sweaty from nervousness.

Then he realized how close the cook was standing and how much he'd been staring at him.

Zoro blinked and looked away, though he heard a faint chuckle that brought his attention back to Sanji.

 

"Did you shower?"

Zoro nods, feeling his ears turn red. "What's wrong with that?"

Sanji smiled to himself.

Zoro groaned in annoyance. Sanji recognized the sound perfectly and smiled even wider.

 

"What are you smiling about?"
"It's nothing."
"Cook, I'm going to…"
"You smell good. Like you used a different shampoo or something, that's all."

 

Zoro remained silent; Sanji's only visible eye was on him, expectant.

"…It's different, yeah," Zoro muttered. "And it's pretty terrifying that you know my scent so well."
Sanji choked on his own saliva. "Excuse me?!"
"What you heard gave me the creeps." Zoro's mocking tone made Sanji want to strangle him.
"It's normal, of course I have a good nose! I'm a cook!"

 

Sanji's expression was so funny, like a strange combination of embarrassment and anger, along with a bit of... happiness? It was almost as if he were relieved.

Zoro couldn't help but laugh at the cook's expression, and Sanji couldn't help but remember how much he loved that smile.

-

-

-

They were both eating, the tension gradually easing, or rather, there was a different kind of tension now. It wasn't pure awkwardness or nervousness now; there was something in the air that made Sanji unable to stop appreciating the image of the swordsman happily eating his food, made by him and just for Zoro.

 

"How did you realize?" Zoro asked, somewhat hesitantly, as if he didn't know what to ask.

Sanji's bubble burst.

"Hmm? What? That I'm gender fluid?"

"No, well, if you want to tell me, that would be fine too. But I meant... how did you realize you could like boys... or me?"

 

The cook was silent for a moment, thoughtful.

"I... always knew I was different. It's a little silly, but when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but think that I was missing something. That I was being denied something other than myself."

Sanji smiled somewhat wistfully. "It's always been my dream to find the blue. And for a while, I thought it was all I needed, but even though I knew it, I hadn't done anything about it. Until you and the others came to my restaurant."

He paused thoughtfully, unable to look at Zoro as he spoke. "Seeing you... had a lot to do with it. You pursued your dream alone like it was nothing, you faced one of the strongest men at sea, and you didn't even flinch. I wanted that."

He looked up slightly, just to see what expression Zoro was wearing.

But as soon as he did, he was met with a soft expression and a bright gaze, giving Sanji his full attention, looking happy, like a lovesick fool.

 

Then Sanji decided to continue: "As soon as I joined the crew, I thought I was doing enough. But there was still something nagging at me about myself, until we parted ways and I met Ivankov."

"I'd never been surrounded by people like that. So free, doing whatever they wanted, untethered to their way of being. As if it meant nothing. Over time, I started learning a lot of terms I didn't even know, and I realized that what I was feeling had a name. That relieved me... but I was still scared." Sanji looked a little lost as he spoke, feeling awkward, and Zoro noticed how his expression changed. Before Sanji could say anything else, Zoro placed a hand on top of his.

"It's okay if you don't want to keep talking."

Sanji blinked a few times, surprised, and then let out a soft laugh that he tried to hide with the palm of his other hand. Zoro was being so sweet it felt awkward, too much for people who are always fighting like them.

 

Zoro felt himself blush. "What are you laughing at now?"

Sanji laughed harder. "No, it's not a bad thing, just... ah, I really like you."

It was embarrassing to say that, but Zoro's embarrassed expression was worth it.

 

"So you always knew, but you were able to put a name to it thanks to Ivankov," Zoro said quickly, changing the subject.

Sanji nodded. "Yeah, basically."

"And... being bisexual, what was that like?"

"That was... tricky too. I always knew the term existed or that a person could love whoever they wanted, it's just that I never felt it applied to me. I grew up hearing horrible things about people like me, so I kept that to myself, too."

Zoro's fingers gently stroked Sanji's knuckles. The cook can't help but melt a little.

 

"But I always knew that about myself."

"And why me?"

"I've liked you for a long time."
"What?" Zoro looked confused. "But you... isn't that a recent thing?"

"No. I... have felt this way for a long time." Sanji's hand felt warm as Zoro squeezed it tightly.

"How long?"

"You say it first."

"No."

"Come on! I've told you enough about myself!"

Zoro rolled his eye. "Let's just say I liked you for a while too."

"Are you sure it wasn't love at first sight?" Sanji said, letting his fingers caress Zoro's.

"You were about to kick a man to death when I first met you."

"Didn't you think I was incredibly attractive?"

 

Zoro shook his head, and Sanji laughed amusedly.

The date was going much better than Sanji had expected.

-

-

-

They spent the entire night as usual. There were brief moments of awkwardness that resulted in overly long glances, and small blushes when their teasing seemed to go too far, but everything felt magical, almost perfect.

Sanji had never felt more free than he was right now, showing Zoro each of the rings on his hand, Zoro paying full attention to each one, Sanji commenting on how he'd learned several things about makeup over the past few weeks, every detail Sanji would always want to discuss with someone without fear of being judged.

 

"Did you do your own braid?"

Sanji nodded. "Yeah, I just thought it would be nice to try something new today..."

"I think it looks good on you." Zoro takes a sip of his drink. Sanji waits for the punchline.

It never comes.

 

"...Really? You like it?"

Zoro simply nodded. "It looks good on you, makes you look handsome, pretty. Whatever you prefer me to call you." Sanji nearly melted in his chair. Surely, if he woke up right now, it would make perfect sense.

"Anything's fine." Sanji smiled slightly and added, "You look handsome too."

Zoro looked away. "I'm the same as always."

"Exactly."

 

Zoro rolled his eyes, still smiling slightly. "You really know how to make someone feel flattered, don't you?"

"Well, you like that, don't you?" Being pampered and flattered."

Sanji's tongue moved faster than his brain.

Zoro's expression changed, not for the worse. He just... seemed more restless, almost nervous.

 

"So you remember me saying that," Zoro commented, his eye fixed on Sanji's only visible one.

"...I remember everything."

"Pervert."

"You told me."

"And you loved listening, didn't you?"

 

Sanji clicked his tongue. "You're an idiot." His tone didn't sound really angry, just a little embarrassed. He ate a little faster out of nervousness.

Zoro noticed and smiled broadly. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"Do you want me to tell you more?"

Sanji's eyes widened. Damn swordsman, damn provocateur, he hates that stupid, sexy smile he has now...

Well, so be it.

 

"Sure. Tell me about it."

Sanji's sarcastic tone doesn't fool Zoro at all.

So the damn swordsman makes himself comfortable and starts talking, pausing only briefly each time he takes a sip of the sake Sanji made him.

 

Sani interrupts Zoro's story, unable to help but ask:

"Are you always the bottom?"

"I've been on top, but I've always preferred to be the bottom."
"Does that feel good?"

Zoro chuckled and raised an eyebrow. "Gay sex in general, or taking it up the ass?"

Sanji hates this idiot's language.

"I haven't tried either."

"Anal sex? You've never done it?"

"Most girls aren't interested in something like that."

"And you?"

"Huh?"

"Aren't you interested in knowing what it feels like?" Zoro's eye glittered with amusement.

 

Sanji almost felt his heart drain from his body.

 

Zoro smirked, his earrings clicking together as he shifted in his chair, leaning closer to Sanji. "Haven't you wondered?"

Sanji cleared his throat, trying to look impassive.

"Do you mean me putting it inside someone, or someone putting it inside me?"

Zoro gave a low, short laugh, and Sanji felt his face heat up.

"You putting it inside, obviously."

Zoro's grin widened, looking more playful than ever.

"Though I could help you with both."

"...Oh, yeah?"

Zoro gulped. Sanji wasn't running away, not this time. He was prepared for a shy Sanji, one who would look away or change the subject like before.

 

But instead, Sanji kept his only visible eye on him, even leaning a little closer. The two of them had begun to talk in low voices, audible only to the two of them, even though they were completely alone.

"If you want," Zoro whispered.

Sanji laughed softly, noticing the change in Zoro's usually confident expression. "You have no idea what I want to do to you."

 

And the tingling that ran through Zoro's body was almost painful.

"Why don't you tell me?"

"You'd love that, wouldn't you? Someone whispering dirty talk in your ear. It's one of the many things you like."

Zoro squeezed his legs together. Damn it, he knew he was getting hard, but he wasn't going to give up, not so easily. He wanted to provoke the cook even more. He wanted Sanji to make the first move and push him toward him, to make him shut up.

 

"Why are you so quiet now?" Sanji smiled softly, and Zoro gritted his teeth.

Stupid cook, he looked so perfect in the candlelight. When he first walked in, it seemed like too much, but now, seeing how perfect Sanji looked amidst the atmosphere the cook himself had created, Zoro feels like he's walked into a trap.

Because how could he not be nervous right now? It's impossible to get words out when all he's thinking about is how much he loves the way Sanji looks him up and down like he's the main course.

But Zoro refused to admit defeat.

Let alone one against Sanji,

Damn cook. Just because I like you doesn't mean you're going to beat me.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just talking normally," Zoro defended himself, shrugging.

"Liar. You're trying something."

"Trying what?"

"Trying to make me fall first. Well, you'll have to try harder."

Zoro clicked his tongue. Of course, Sanji noticed his imaginary competition, how annoying.

 

"Really? Do you really have that much self-control, cook?"

Sanji laughed, adopting an arrogant tone.

"I'm a gentleman."

Zoro raised an eyebrow, and a mocking smile spread across his face.

"I'm curious. Would a gentleman like you be interested in any of the preferences I told you I have?"

 

Sanji thought for a few seconds, toying with his wineglass.

"I like knowing that with any of them, I could see you falling apart."

Zoro laughed and took a sip of his drink.

 

"It's one thing to know them, Cook. But are you good enough for me? Do you think you can handle me?"

"I know I can."

"I don't know, I don't see any proof."

"Are you trying to provoke me into fucking you right here?" Sanji said playfully.

 

Zoro's expression was enough for Sanji.

A blush ran across Zoro's face, down to his shoulders and neck. It was almost funny, and all Sanji could think was adorable.

He wanted to see more of it.

He wanted to see how far that blush went.

 

"So what if I do?" Zoro muttered.

"Are you that desperate?"

"I am. For you." ...Damn swordsman. Sanji truly hated him, and his stupid, flustered expression, the way he barely seemed able to maintain eye contact with him.

 

Sanji wanted to give him everything.

He wanted to indulge Zoro's every whim, his every whim.

Feed him, tuck him in whenever he falls asleep somewhere on the ship.

And love him, every second of his life.

 

Sanji stuttered a little. "You can't just say that-"

"It's the truth." Zoro's tone grew lower. "I've told you every detail of what I want. I know no one can give it to me like you can."

Sanji gripped his wineglass so tightly he was surprised it hadn't broken.

 

"And... I want you. Not someone else. Because... I love you, or whatever."

"HUH?!" Sanji dropped his glass in surprise.

"Exactly what you heard!"

"That... you're a cheat! It's not fair. I should have said it first!"

Zoro laughed haughtily.

"Too bad. I love you, I win."

...

Only after Zoro repeats it is it like a bucket of cold water has fallen on them.

I love you.

Zoro does it, of course he does, but he didn't think it would come so naturally.

The silence starts to unnerve him, until Sanji opens his mouth again.

"I love you too."

 

And that's it. Neither of them has any idea who moved first or who threw the plates and cutlery on the floor. All they can think about is how they finally let out the breath they'd been unconsciously holding for the three years they'd known each other.

"Zoro." Sanji grips Zoro's hips tightly, pulling him closer, while his other hand moves up the back of the swordsman's neck, stroking his hair and sending shivers through the green-haired man.

"You're a damn tease," the cook whispers against Zoro's lips, who seems unable to utter a single word. "You're a damn bore."

"Kiss me now, you d—"

 

Zoro didn't need to finish his demand; Sanji's lips were already on his.

It started roughly, filled with need. Sanji had never felt so hungry in his life. Not even when he went months without eating, this was different. It was a kind of hunger he knew he couldn't endure for a single day, not now that he'd begun to feel it.

Not now that he knew the taste of Zoro's lips.

At first, Sanji squeezed every part his hands reached, digging his nails into the back of the swordsman's neck, his hair, his waist, every part he'd ever dreamed of touching.

Until he slowed down, barely moving his lips, devoting himself to savoring what was between his hands. Zoro let out a low growl as Sanji's kisses traveled across his cheeks, the scar over his eye, and his forehead.

 

"Cook..."

"Please, let me take care of you."

 

Zoro moaned, burying his face in the cook's neck.

"I need... you know what I need."

The blond laughed softly, stroking the swordsman's back. It was a simple gesture, apparently, but it meant so much more. Sanji soon found his hands under the swordsman's robes. Zoro could only stifle a cry at the skill and speed of the cook's hands. He needed them, immediately, especially on him.

"Come on!" Zoro cursed under his breath. "Just give it to me, dammit."

Sanji laughed softly, and Zoro wanted to respond with another desperate insult, but was quickly pushed back against the table.

Zoro's bare chest, against the wood of Sanji's sacred kitchen table, his hips in the air, felt the air rush from his lungs.

 

"Curly—!"

Zoro was interrupted by the sound of Sanji's belt being unbuckled.

He was so hard it seemed ridiculous, even now; he felt his underwear dampen just hearing Sanji's breathing behind him.

Sanji's chest was soon against Zoro's back. The swordsman bit his lip to hold back a deep moan.

 

"You like this, don't you?" Sanji's hips bucked against Zoro's ass, rubbing his erection against his still-undergarment-covered buttocks.

"God...,You know, fuck, you know I love it, please..."

Sanji laughed softly, with a hellish cruelty, and Zoro loved it. It was too much, almost too much, but he didn't want it to stop.

"Cook, hah, damn it, bastard, ah-, ahh..."

The way Sanji squeezed both sides of Zoro's hips made the swordsman moan.

"Shh, you can take more, can't you?"

"I, mph," Zoro could feel his cock rubbing against the table. He gritted his teeth tightly, and Sanji laughed next to his ear, nibbling on it.

"Come on, talk to me, tell me what you want."

 

The swordsman fought against himself, against the urge to let himself go like this, to beg the cook for what he wanted, but he was lost, his mind growing more and more cloudy with every movement of Sanji's hips.

"I, uh... ah... need you."

"You can do better."

"Damn, just... touch me, take off my underwear," the swordsman murmured between moans.

"Mmm? Aren't you forgetting something?" Sanji's fingers dug hard into Zoro's ass, as if he were punishing him a little.

"Please... please." Zoro panted harder.

"There, that's better."

 

And Sanji did. He grabbed the elastic of Zoro's underwear and pulled it down slowly, as if he were watching the greatest show on earth. Zoro didn't understand what the hell had possessed the cook at that moment, but he loved it.

"Spread your legs, babe."

Zoro mumbled something unintelligible, but obeyed anyway, so Sanji could see it.

Absolutely, the way Zoro's hole pressed against nothing, his penis and balls pressed against the table. He could see the sticky fluid dripping from the tip every time Zoro moved his hips.

But there was something that particularly caught Sanji's attention. His hands cupped Zoro's left buttock and opened it even wider, receiving a pitiful moan in response.

 

"Zoro,"

"Hm?"

"Were you playing with yourself in the shower?" Sanji looked breathless. Zoro gritted his teeth, saying nothing. Sanji squeezed Zoro's buttock once more and ran a finger over his swollen hole.

He leaned over Zoro's ear once more, his chest against the swordsman's perfectly scar-free back.

"You were touching yourself while I was making dinner," he said, brushing his finger against Zoro's asshole, not yet inserting it.

"I... shit, ha..."

 

"I could just fuck like this, huh? Open and ready. I could do whatever I wanted to you." The way Sanji's voice deepened, lost in desire, as if speaking every thought aloud, made Zoro clench his fists tightly, grinding himself against the table once more.

"Curly, I'm begging you, I need... Mm..." Zoro trembled completely when Sanji punched him in the hip, not hard enough, just a warning. "Don't move."

Zoro moaned, his voice cracking. "Please, I need to come, I need it so bad."

Sanji laughed directly into Zoro's ear, his voice low and seductive. "Okay, baby, behave, okay?"

 

The swordsman nodded several times. Sanji kissed the back of Zoro's neck and walked away, leaving him wondering what the hell he was doing. He heard a thud, then another. He felt Sanji's hands on his buttocks once more, parting them.

Zoro was about to ask him what he was planning to do when he felt Sanji's unmistakable breath on his ass.

 

Oh.

 

"Cook!" Zoro squealed, but his head hit the table a second later as he felt a tongue forcing its way inside him.

Zoro's voice broke even further, feeling tears running down his warm, thick cheeks.

 

"Oh my God! Curly, fuck!"

Zoro's hand shot back and grabbed a handful of Sanji's hair, feeling that perfect golden braid. He thrust, wanting more.

Sanji squeezed Zoro's hips, bringing his ass closer as well, moving his tongue, thrusting in and out again and again, as if he'd been waiting for this his whole life.

 

"You're fucking perfect," Sanji murmured as he took a deep breath, only to explode and leave a bite on Zoro's left buttock, who moaned in response.

"I'm going to cum, please, please, Curly, don't stop."

The desperation in Zoro's voice fascinated him. Who was he to say no when he sounded like that?

 

So Sanji quickly returned to the specific spot, burying his tongue as deep as he could while Zoro's hips moved rhythmically against his face.

Temptation got the better of Sanji, and he couldn't help but want to feel Zoro clench around his fingers. Zoro heard several sounds of small metal objects falling, and it didn't take him long to realize what it was.

"Put them—fuck, put them in."

 

And Sanji would never give anything to such a good guy. Zoro was already open, so his two fingers entered easily. Sanji played with him for a long time, losing track of time when all he cared about was Zoro cumming all over his tongue and fingers.

A deep growl, coupled with an especially tight grip on Sanji's hair, made Zoro shudder, groaning one last time before collapsing completely onto the table, like a dead weight.

 

Sanji stood up, his knees a little sore, and leaned down to kiss Zoro's lower back, reaching the nape of his neck.

"Are you okay? Do you want some water?"

Zoro slowly turned around, his back on the table and his face directly in front of Sanji's. Sanji felt something strange in his stomach as he noticed the tears on Zoro's face. The table was so fucking wet.

 

Sanji laughed softly and whispered, "Do you think I'm good at this now?"

"No, not yet."

Sanji blinked in confusion and frowned. "Huh? Why don't you…?"

 

Zoro pushed the cook by the collar, pulling him closer and murmuring against his lips in a raspy, tired voice.

"You haven't fucked me yet."

 

Sanji's throat was dry, and he was about to speak when the swordsman's hand moved down to his groin and touched the wet area. He cursed under his breath and quickly looked away.

"You..." Zoro sounded breathless.
"Shut up."
"You came right after eating me out." The way Zoro whispered that against Sanji's lips almost made him want to run away and throw himself across the deck.

 

"Damn it, shut up."

"Get hard again," Zoro demanded.

Sanji stared at him, feeling a tightness in his chest as the swordsman looked down at him.

"Get hard and fuck me, do you understand?"

 

The cook nodded quickly. He needed to please Zoro with all his being.

Zoro's hands moved up to take the cook's hands, bringing them to his chest. Sanji wasted no time digging his nails into the flesh of the swordsman's perfect chest.

Damn, the moan he received in response was already sending tingles through his groin again.

 

"You love tits, don't you, Curly? They're all yours."

"Fuck." He leaned down, still squeezing Zoro's soft pecs. Sanji had seen them bounce more than once from a distance while they fought, and only he knew how much he'd dreamed of this.

While placing kisses and a couple of bites around them, Zoro made soft sounds that reached Sanji's ear, small curses and compliments that made Sanji's hips jerk with desire.

"All yours, go on, mark them just for you."

And wasn't that a lovely idea? His. His. Zoro was his, no one else could do this, ever again.

 

Sanji pushed Zoro down onto the table once more, slamming the swordsman's back against the wood and leaning over him.

Sanji's braid hung over Zoro's face, and the swordsman took a strand of hair and kissed it. Sanji stifled a moan at the affection in Zoro's gaze.

"You're so good," the swordsman whispered, stroking his hair and tucking a strand behind Sanji's ear. "You have no idea how handsome you look right now."

Sanji nearly whimpered, soon rubbing his erection desperately against Zoro's ass. "Zoro, Zoro."

"Put it in. Come on."

 

Sani trembled with arousal, adjusting the tip of his cock against Zoro's hole. Zoro gasped at the sensation.

"Come on, Sanji. Make love to me."

 

That was so fucking unfair.

Sanji literally felt like a knife was being driven into his heart over and over again. Never before had someone spoken his name with such love. Damn it, Zoro hadn't even called him by his name to begin with. And now, he's begging him to make love to him. Not just fuck him, not just give him what he wants.

Zoro wants Sanji to show him that he loves him.

And fuck, Sanji loves him. So much, it's almost insane.

Sanji slowly sinks inside Zoro, whispering endless words of love into his ear. Zoro moves his hips desperately, trying to sink Sanji's cock inside him as quickly as possible.

 

"Sanji, come on, I'm not going to break."

"Stop moving, damn it, you're going to make me cum."

And Zoro laughed softly, breathlessly. "Oh, do I feel that good?"

"Yes, you do."

 

The way Zoro's blush deepened had to be considered one of the most amazing things Sanji had ever seen.

"You're perfect, Zoro." And Sanji sank a little deeper inside him. Zoro gasped sharply.

"God, you... ah, Sanji."

"Damn it, stop saying my name like that."

 

Zoro didn't seem to hear him, bucking his hips with need and forming a perfect arch with his back. "Sanji, more, hah, fucking more."

And finally, with one last thrust that left them both trembling, Sanji was completely inside Zoro.

 

"Finally," he whispers, barely audible, but Zoro hears it loud and clear. He says it right above his ear, like a secret only he and Sanji could hear.

"I have you," Sanji murmured, this time leaning his face back slightly, their foreheads pressed together, their lips almost touching. "I have you where I've always wanted you."

Zoro felt like he could die like this.

 

Sanji soon began to move, slowly, with the growing fear of cumming too soon. Zoro's grip on him was so perfect it felt like a dream.

"Sanji, fuck, you're huge, so fucking big inside me."

Sanji gasped, squeezing Zoro's thighs tightly, pushing his legs until one hung over his shoulder. The way Zoro didn't even flinch at being so spread wide made him dizzy.

He thrust his hips again at that different angle, earning a few moans he'd record in his head for later.

It was on his fourth attempt, as he slightly lifted Zoro's hips, that he felt the swordsman's body twitch like never before. Sanji quickly began to abuse that spot as if his life depended on it.

"Sanji! Ah, ha..."

 

The way Zoro clenched around his cock made him squirm, but he didn't stop, he wasn't going to stop until Zoro asked him to, not until Zoro was satisfied.

From the way Zoro arched his back and scratched the wood of the table, it seemed like he enjoyed it. But fuck, it wasn't enough. Sanji wanted to hear it, needed it more than anything in the world.

 

"Zoro," Sanji's voice cracked; he could barely get a syllable out, and the way Zoro looked at him, slightly concerned, when two drops fell on his chest made him realize he was crying.

"Sanji, are you-?"

"Tell me I'm doing this right." Sanji's hips jerked weakly. "Zoro, please tell me..."

 

The tears kept falling. It felt so good, every part of him burning. He'd never felt this hot inside someone. He'd never loved someone so much, and it was too much, so much that soon it wasn't just a flood of tears, but blood as well, falling onto Zoro's chest.

"God, you're so good, ah, Sanji, you make love to me so well, God, like that, just like that."

And Sanji buried his face in Zoro's neck, moving his hips to the max, always trying to reach that point that made Zoro see stars.

 

"I'm going to make love to you so good, fuck." Sanji stammered, his voice breaking, making Zoro grip his cock harder.
"I'm going to mold you for me, Zoro. You'll only be able to take my cock, only mine. I'll ruin you for anyone."

"I'm yours, fuck, I love you, Sanji, I love you."

And two more thrusts were enough for Zoro to spill his load all over himself, painting his abdomen and part of Sanji's, who didn't stop moving, not even when Zoro felt himself cumming inside him.

 

The damn cook was like a dog in heat, constantly bucking his hips back and forth, making both of their orgasms as long as they were painful and overstimulating.

He only stopped when his body gave way completely, falling like a dead weight on top of Zoro.

After several seconds of catching his breath, Sanji propped himself up on his elbows, just so Zoro could see his mascara-stained face, tears, and blood dripping from his nose.

 

"...I love you too, you shitty swordsman."

Zoro stroked his hair and smiled at him.

"You're a mess."

The cook pouted slightly. "It's your fault."

"I still think you're beautiful," Zoro said, stroking Sanji's tangled hair.

Sanji hated him so much.

Notes:

And then they found the all blue and made a little house there and had many dogs and cats and got married and and and

I needed a very specific fanfic so I tried to do it myself lol
Sorry if there's a lot of mistakes
The song Brook sang and the reason for the title is Victims of Love by Buck Tick
my twt is @Misty_blueboy, i like one piece and another lot of things

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Service top Sanji being madly in love with Zoro