Chapter Text
Steve steps out of the shower and wipes the steam off the mirror with his towel before wrapping it around his hips. Looking at his reflection is something that Steve does begrudgingly nowadays. It’s an itch that he needs to scratch, even if he’s fully aware that it’s bad for him, like a mosquito bite in his brain. Steve’s body is naturally different from when he was in high school. He is self-aware enough to realize that it’s normal to grow up and change, but knowing doesn’t make it feel much better.
Lost in his reflection, Steve slides his hands across his sides, fingers pressed against the subtle softness that covers him now. His hands reach the small pouch of fat that rests below his belly button, and he pinches with his fingers.
“If you can pinch an inch, it’s time for a diet!” the television rings out through the static buildup on the screen. It’s a cereal ad that likes to play in between episodes of Dallas and M*A*S*H* that Steve’s parents watch. The sales tactic was dumb, really—prey on the insecure stay-at-home moms watching daytime TV to buy your cereal. Of course, it works on Steve’s mother though, and Steve by proxy.
Another pair of hands wraps around Steve’s waist, gently holding his own. Eddie presses a gentle kiss below his ear. “What’re you thinking about, sweetheart?” Eddie asks softly, resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder.
Steve moves his eyes from his body to meet Eddie’s eyes in their reflection. The moment feels too vulnerable, so he leans back into Eddie instead, turning to kiss his cheek in return. “Nothing much,” Steve crosses his arms in front of himself, hoping Eddie doesn’t notice the insecure habit.
“Mhm,” Eddie hums, disbelievingly. Of course he’d notice—it was Eddie. He could read Steve more easily than he read that D&D player's handbook that he pretends he doesn’t carry around with him.
Steve releases his breath and tries to gather his thoughts. “I’m fat,” he sighs dramatically, closing his eyes. He can’t bear to look at Eddie right now.
“Sweetheart…” Eddie pauses, and Steve’s doubt creeps in. “You’re not fat.”
Steve can’t help but argue. By his mother’s standards, he could lose, what, 20 pounds? At least. Steve rolls his eyes. “Then what’s this?” he says, grabbing the fat on his stomach harshly. Eddie quickly pushes his hand away.
“Stop that,” Eddie says, turning Steve’s chin to look him in the eyes. He takes a long moment to caress Steve’s cheek while looking into his eyes. “You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he settles on. Steve goes to turn away on instinct; he can’t accept that Eddie believes that he is still attractive, but Eddie seems to feel his instinct and holds him in place.
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Steve shoots his gaze downward, trying to ignore his body and look solely at the floor. “I’m a lot bigger than I was in high school, Eddie.”
Eddie scoffs. “So what? So am I. You’re not meant to be 16 forever.”
Steve rolls his eyes with a slight smile. “Please, you were a string bean in high school. What did you weigh? Like 120?” Steve asks incredulously.
Eddie gasps, placing his hand over his heart in mock offense. “I’ll have you know I was a healthy 145.”
“Oh my god. That was the weight I had to cut to for wrestling in junior year,” Steve moves into the bedroom to slip into his boxers. He tries his best to ignore how hyperaware he was about how they fit on his thighs and waist.
Eddie trails after him, flopping back onto the bed dramatically. “I'm adding that to the list of messed-up things you've casually mentioned to me. Somewhere between cooking everything since you were 12 and the mall fire.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Steve settles next to Eddie. “I knew how to cut weight at that point.”
Eddie turns to look pointedly at him. “That's also going on the list for sure.”
Steve lays back and stares at the ceiling, his mind going a thousand miles a minute between his mother’s ‘advice’ and Eddie’s seemingly endless patience and love. The first thing that he wanted to do after seeing his reflection was go for a run tomorrow morning and avoid carbs until he felt better about himself. However, the last and only time he’d tried to go on a diet with Eddie around, he’d practically flipped his lid. Steve had said he was trying to “tone up,” and Eddie had refused to let him get by without a full, balanced meal three times a day. Steve suspected that Eddie’s fixation with his loved ones being well-fed came from some childhood neglect, but that was a conversation for another day.
“I can hear you thinking, baby,” Eddie breaks Steve out of his own thoughts.
Steve is silent for a few more moments before quietly questioning, “You really wouldn’t like it more if I lost some weight?”
Steve swears he hears Eddie’s breath hitch before he responds, “Come here.”
Eddie helps Steve shuffle sideways until Steve’s head was buried into his chest, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of his breath.
“Steve, I genuinely didn’t think I could love anyone this much, but here you are, in our bed. There’s nothing I would change about this moment, especially about you.”
Steve has hope that one day, he’d feel the same about himself.